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Issue No 10

Friday May 9 2008

The Independent Trinity Newspaper since 2007

Overheard in Trinity 3






‘... This Ominous Bird of Yore’

Another academic year gone by; and another set of debates from Magpie and Stump - some good, some bad, and some downright ugly. To mark the end of Magpie and Stump for this year, your new Magpiety, Joshua Erde, offers some personal reflections on the recent goings-on inside the Old Combination Room. I don’t like deadlines at the best of times. And, right now, at 2 o’clock in the morning, staring into the soulless eyes of a stuffed bird that I could have sworn just moved of its own volition, it’s starting to get to me. My only regret is that, unlike Tim Dey, I’ve not managed to delegate the responsibility further. I’m supposed to be writing a history of sorts of Magpie and Stump, a 150 year old Society of which I have been a member for less than two. The only tools at my disposal seem to be a tatty ledger containing 30 years of expenses for the Society; one mounted magpie; and the internet. Which would be sufficient for the task were it not for the facts that the ledger seems only to contain large invoices for port and snuff; that the aforementioned bird appears to be made of pure evil; and that my attention span is roughly the time it takes to read to the next blue link in a wikipedia article. This means that in the past twenty minutes, all I’ve learnt are some pretty enlightening facts about the Ashtabula river railroad disaster,

which may or may not be of any relevance to the article at hand. At this point, I’m prepared to take a pretty liberally holistic view of the situation: best to get this all finished and myself off to bed before I start to hear the bird talking to me. It’s been an interesting year for Magpie and Stump - I’ve been assured so by the Editor of Travisty. Tim has worked tirelessly to ensure only the highest standard of speakers at events. The race for quality is never over, and, in that sense, it’s very much like a death march. I think at one point this year, someone actually touched upon a point relevant to the motion at hand; although I could be wrong - it could just have been a penis joke. I wonder if I can swear in this article... Personally, I’ve spent much of the last year at Magpie trying to work out if Oli Stratford is suffering from the late stages of arthritis or just throwing gang signs at me. Apart from Oli, we’ve had seven other stumping debutantes, an impressive number given that their first impression of the Society involved my personal choice for ‘most inventive use of a wine bottle’ this year. But all this will seem meaningless to people who don’t attend the debates - so if you haven’t, get involved next year. As they say, the proof is in the pudding. Many philosophers believe this to be the tastiest form of proof. To end the year in style I’ve been informed that there will be a garden party. Unfortunately, I’ve not been informed of the date. So, just be sure, to keep the whole of May Week an oddly named period of time that is neither a week nor in May - free.

So there we have it. 2 hours; 500 words; one article; and I’m off to bed. Kindly sponsored by

2 IN BRief

Friday May 9 2008

Editor’s Letter

Much as we may try to ignore them and remain in denial, there comes a point when we can no longer avoid the issue of exams. This issue of Travisty is a testament to that - I’m afraid that we’ve devoted a fair share of column inches to the subject. However, we hope that the articles by Joanna Heath, on the opposite page, and Tom Attenborough - TCSU’s Welfare Officer - on page 7, will offer some respite in a term of fevered revision and nervous tempers.

But, of course, it’s not a term without any pleasure at all. Creeping up behind the exam period, and giving hope for many, is the thought of May Week. Garden parties, May Balls and lazing on the Backs will prove a just reward for the stresses and anxieties of the previous weeks; although, for some, perhaps the thought of choosing that perfect dress or making a decision between black tie or white tie for the May Ball is just as difficult as knuckling down for exams. Jase Taylor and Victoria Kleiner are on hand on page 5 to help you through the trials of May Ball attire etiquette. Until then though, we at Travisty also need to do some work; and, as such, this will be our last issue for the year. From all of us on the Committee, both past and present, good luck in your exams, and see you next year!

It seems that after a year of indulgence and leniency, Trinny’s attempted coup has pushed the College authorities beyond their limit. Following a stern dressing-down, Trinny feels she has no choice but to run away; and her actions in doing so lead to a discharge of the most dishonourable nature from Trinity.

Going... going....


Lots including: a genuine porter’s hat; earrings from Trinity St. Jewellers; and a lavish meal from the maestro himself, Sam Mindel! Trinity Bar, 8pm, Saturday 10th May Auctioneer: Tim Dey

Friday May 9 2008

The Great Escape

In Brief 3

The start of Easter Term means that we should probably face the music and do as best we can to deal with the cold hard fact that exam term is upon us. As the countdown begins to the start of the exam period, it becomes all too easy to lock yourself away in the Library or to barricade yourself in your room - neither of which are particularly appealing options. Joanna Heath tells us which cafes are best to escape to for a few quiet hours alone, away from the nervous tapping of keyboards and the anxious scratching of pens. CAFFÉ NERO in HEFFERS Apart from the fact that it all feels very ‘scholarly’ in Heffers (far superior to Borders with its deplorable lack of textbooks and DVDs with ‘le’ in the title); and that Nero’s is tucked away at the back of the shop, making it nice and quiet and one of the only coffee shops not guaranteed to be packed on a weekend, the manageress simply loves Trinitarians and will tell you so while passing you a free muffin (or three if you’re there close to closing time). GRAD CAFÉ in the UNIVERSITY CENTRE One of the University’s best kept secrets – on the very top floor of the University Centre (a bit of a walk, but what other form of exercise do you get in exam term?) overlooking Mill Pond. Although the coffee leaves a lot to be desired, there are lots of comfy sofas with a great view and lots of natural sunlight, together with international newspapers and magazines and computers with internet access for when you get bored. STARBUCKS in BORDERS Provided that you can manage to fight your way through screaming babies and GCSE students to the back of the room after procuring your way over-priced coffee (although perhaps a more correct term would be coffee-inspired drink, considering

the weakness of their coffees and the variety of sugar-cream-basedfrozen alternatives they have), the long tables near the window are good to spread your work out on and have power outlets for your laptop. It’s also open until 9pm Monday-Saturday. CAMBRIDGE BLUE CAFÉ in the GRADUATE UNION Much much cheaper than your average chain and with coffee, baguettes and pastries that are just as good. You’d never guess it was there (it’s in the Politics building, behind Cambridge University Press just off Mill Lane) and it’s always quiet – lots of comfy sofas and chairs, the day’s newspapers, and a TV with BBC News. You’ll never get evil looks for staying too long, and you’ll get an automatic boost in academic ego by pretending you’re a grad. INDIGO’S Not really ideal on a weekend (it gets very busy) or if you have claustrophobia (it’s very very small) but, if you get there early and grab a table upstairs, you can easily while away the hours without the Norah Jones/Stevie Wonder/Will Young playlists favoured by the chains interfering with your thought process. They also have the best hot chocolate IN THE WORLD and it’s all very relaxed and friendly – three qualities in which Trinity College Library is distinctly lacking.

Overheard in Trinity...

Happy exam term Trinitarians! Despite the mountainous work, Trinity is by no means short on gossip...

>> ‘I really empathise with women. Well, at least if I keep telling myself that, it may drown out the little voices always telling me: “I’M GAY! I’M GAY!” ’ - one inebriated Engineer-come-Land Economist was heard to cry. Always known for his effeminate manner - as displayed on more than one occasion by sharing a kiss with a certain ex-President of TCSU - the phrase ‘in vino veritas’ may just have proven its worth >> One of the biggest characters in Trinity is being praised for his daring: apparently, he’s brave enough to go down Trinity’s back alley - even at night >> A certain Rugby League stud went a bit overboard one night in the heat of passion and, unluckily for him, his chosen playmate took uppance enough to direct his later ecstasy into his chevy-chase

4 features

What’s Hot >> Giraffe Not only are they the animals with the largest hearts and longest necks, they also lend their name to an ubercool restaurant (although I just discovered that this faux off-beat healthy diner is yet ANOTHER chain, so that issue almost took this over to the other page). Nevertheless, this place is funky, tasty and very affordable with 5-7pm being 2.4.1 on cocktails which are yummier and cheaper than those at the The Vaults and, before 7pm, a fantastic menu for under £7! Without deals, this place is a great laugh with a fun, communal feel, so grab some friends and get down there – no matter how much revision, everyone’s gotta eat! It’s opposite Links on the way to the Grafton, so that little extra wander will do you good too! >> THE PLACE Despite its innocuous entrance below the Waterstones sign, ‘The Place’ has seriously stepped up its game. Not only do I believe that this name change will actually stick - for ironic comedy value if nothing else - but I at least look forward to wasting every Sunday evening there: the chains on the walls, the white plastic sofas, and the black glittery floor appeal to the skank in everyone; it is a shame that the music does not quite match up, as cheese like you have not heard since your Year 6 disco (and even then you cringed) is the order of the day. At least when they do play a good song, the ceiling is high enough for you to bounce around like you just don’t care! >> Ribena Estelle takes emergency supplies with her to the States and Kanye has rapped about it. Let’s face it: it is the best comforting drink around, reminding of us of a simpler, youthful time where exams were far-away daydreams. I advise it in this nightmarish period. Yo, yo, yo Ribena; there ain’t nuffin meaner; wish yo made me leaner!

Miss Advise...

Friday May 9 2008

Travisty’s resident agony aunt

Dear Miss Advise,

I have been with my current boyfriend for a couple of months now , but I am worried that we operate on purely a physical level. While the exilaration and adrenaline of being so hot and heavy was addictive at first, I find myself now yearning for something more. Something emotional. Our conversations are limited or even non-existent. Indeed, I am unsure as to whether we share any common interests - this makes holding down a lengthy conversation extremely difficult. I always thought that any boyfriend of mine would also be my best friend, someone whom I could talk to about anything - sadly, this is not the case here. This seems to be a pattern with my last few boyfriends. I worry that I don’t have very good communication skills as I have very few friends who are not originally those of my boyfriend. I really want this relationship to work, but I think it needs more! Help! Yours Worried in Whewell’s Dear Worried in Whewell’s, Miss Advise has no problem with ‘enjoying’ the company of men - but sometimes you need other interests in your life. I get the impression that your boyfriend makes up most of your social circle. You may need some balance in your life - such as getting a life of your own! I wonder if your lack of personal skills has caused you to become a hermit; has it escaped your notice that there are many societies to join in Cambridge? Expand your horizons! This will help develop your obviously weak inter-personal skills and may help you meet like-minded people. Try talking to these people before moving onto anything else, and you may just find that intellectual stimulation can be just as fruitful! As for your boyfriend, I fear that you have already settled into the routine of a purely physical relationship. Going back from here will be difficult – I imagine that just talking will not satisfy him now! If you were happy with this arrangement, my advice would be to enjoy; but it appears that you have let yourself get into a situation with which you are far from content. My counsel would be to start anew – perhaps with someone you meet at a society. By getting to know them first, they may treat you in the way you wish to be treated, and not in the way your current boyfriend does. With best wishes, Miss Advise


Friday May 9 2008

Dress To Impress May Balls, and especially that of Trinity, form the highlight of the May Week calendar. Jase Taylor and Victoria Kleiner share their pearls of wisdom on how to dress to fit the part. Most guys are just about sorted with black tie by now. But, with the May Ball approaching, bringing the chance to up the ante and indulge in a bit of white tie action, we thought it was time for a brief rundown of what’s what in white: Jacket: proper long tailcoat, with sleeves that show plenty of cuff at the end. And don’t try and fasten it: it’s not going to happen. Trousers: the ones you wear for black tie are fine (the kind with shiny trim down the legs), but if you’re going whole hog, ensure to budget for some braces since belts on proper high-rise trousers are a no-go. Shirt: it’s all about wing

collars. And try to avoid wearing those vertical pleated ones you get with black tie: you need a full chequered ‘marcella’-fronted one here. Bow Tie: white (obviously), and matching the material on your shirt front. Formal dress snobs (sadly, myself included) will often tell you that self-tied is the only way forward, but in truth the world won’t end if you don a pre-tied one. Just do your best to hide the elastic and clip. Waistcoat: same material as shirt front and bow tie. Lowcut and angled to echo the shape of the tailcoat wings. Shoes: black, and as shiny as humanly possible. Your standard Formal shoes might do (though do try to polish

them if you can); but if you you’re feeling a bit more traditional, get some crazyshiny ‘patent-leather’ ones (the kind you can see your face in - for better or worse). Extras: white handkerchief folded in the top pocket (try to avoid using it though, unless you’re offering it to a young lady in distress - keep a second in your trouser pocket for personal use), and I’ve always been a fan of a pocket watch to complete the look. A top hat is a fun extra; while a white shawl and gloves can come in handy while waiting for the Survivors’ Photo. Theoretically, canes are fair game too, especially the cool ones with booze or a sword inside.

Yes, that blissful time is upon us once more (well, almost): the season of endless garden parties, Pimms, strawberries, punting – and, of course, May Balls. Many congratulations to those who have already successfully found your dress. For those who haven’t, don’t worry – there is still plenty of time post-exams. And, if you’re still debating the wisdom of long versus short, here’s a little advice. A short, cocktail dress, (defined as knee length or above), is certainly far more practical – you won’t need to fear an irreparably muddied hem the next morning, or, even worse, dread that appalling tearing sound which signals that half the dress in question has been left on the ground behind you. Not only will you be able to take part in any type of dancing you wish with ease, from Scottish to ballroom, but you will also be able to step gracefully into one of Trinity’s midnight punts (an essential part of the evening). And, for those of you who are especially fond of a fabulous pair of heels, a short dress allows them to be appreciated in their full glory. Yet, there is something indefinably romantic about the idea of wearing a floaty, full-length ball gown, with hair up and long gloves. After all, how often nowdays do you have the opportunity to attempt true white tie? And occasions will be sadly even fewer once we emerge into the real world outside Trinity. Full-length suggests sophistication and glamour at the highest level. Can you imagine Cinderella gliding towards Prince Charming in a knee-length cocktail dress, instead of a shimmering, full-skirted ball gown? Of course, everyone is entitled to their own style. But I, for one, will be aiming for the Cinderella look this season…

What’s Not >> SUMMER TERM LECTURE-WEAR Maybe it is just the English massif, but as soon as a glimmer of sunshine is detected, out come arms and legs for ultimate tanning opportunities; and, this summer, the fashions are no more sophisticated - it’s tiny skirts and questionable tops all round. Thank god for the ridiculously heavy downpours... I never want to miss Sidgewick harangued by fleeing girls wishing to save their straightened hair and their dignity >> Pay-per-view Funerals Log on and pay your respects for £75 a go... Unbelievable. >> APPRENTICE CANDIDATES I must clarify, before people begin to question my visual capacity, that, indeed, Alex is fit, and I wouldn’t kick Lee out of bed either; but the absolute irritation caused by the incredible stupidity of ‘some of the finest business people in England’ makes me want to cry! APOSTROPHES ARE NOT HARD!!! >> RIDICULOUS LABELLING I hope that I am not the only one who feels a little too much pressure in the ‘Sainsbury’s Diet Wheel.’ At this time of hard work, good food is needed for brainpower and the like, so I think it a little much that every time I want to pick up a chocolate cake, or that incredible Gu souffle, I am guilted into putting it down by that big red wheel just staring at me! I understand that listing ingredients is good and often necessary for health reasons and allergies; I just think that selling something by its calories is manipulative and EVIL, especially when the wheel tricks you: the number of calories is 112, but that is for 1/4 of a packet!! Who eats half a scotch egg, then wraps it up and puts it back in the fridge?!? On that note, I thought that I would let you into a little secret to help in May Week: brandy, port, red wine, rum and whisky contain the most toxins - so you can stock up!



Friday May 9 2008

Access Aspirations Sarah Leiper Access Officer

It’s the time of year when students in their penultimate year at secondary school begin to contemplate which universities they want to apply to or, in fact, if they want to apply to university at all. Some of us had the benefit of being well-educated about applying to university; but many less fortunate people haven’t had the opportunity to find out what ‘pooling’ means or don’t have anyone to perform a critical analysis of their personal statement or, indeed, still believe in myths such as Cambridge having higher fees. In my role as Access Officer, one of my tasks is to educate those who may not have had the ‘equal opportunity’ to obtain the right information. I also aim to encourage secondary school students to apply to Trinity, and to raise the aspirations of students who may not believe that they have the capability to apply to somewhere like Cambridge or, indeed, to university in general. This is why I have recently taken to bombarding your Hermes accounts with e-mails concerning Open Days, ‘Access Buses’ and tours of Trinity or, that when I appear in Hall, I tend to be herding large groups of nervous teenagers past the catering staff in an attempt to give them a taste of Trinity College life. Thankfully, I’ve had an amazing response from Trinity students wanting to volunteer for access initiatives, and this help is invaluable in a College which has occasionally been criticised for not doing enough in the Access area. E-mail if you are interested in volunteering for the Access Bus (19th-20th June); or the upcoming Open Days (3rd and 4th July); or if you have any ideas for Access initiatives.

TCSU Take Action Adam Blacklay TCSU Treasurer

Through some recent investment, the Upper JCR has been furnished with some brand new technology! TCSU has funded the installation of a fabulous new 46” Sony LCD screen; a new surround sound system; and a Playstation 3 - so go get entertained! The Travisty Committee Editor .........................Fan Yang Deputy Editor .......Georgia Hart Photo Editor...........Jase Taylor

This Issue’s Contributors Tom Attenborough Adam Blacklay James Burrows Natalie Dixon Andrea Dower Joshua Erde

Joanna Heath Victoria Kleiner Sarah Leiper Fiona Mackenzie Zoya Street

Two upcoming Welfare events Sunday 11th May, JCR, 7pm: TCSU celebrates the new enormous TV in the JCR with the return of Gladiators. Come and revel in Lightning’s thighs or Saracen’s guns, chomping and slurping away on food and drink that we’ll supply because we’re so happy to be re-living our childhood! Tuesday 20th and Wednesday 21st May, Junior Parlour, 7pm: Yoga classes! These are the perfect way to de-stress and get the blood flowing properly to aid concentration. I’ve arranged for a professional teacher to come; we’ll provide your mats: you just need to turn up! All abilities encouraged, especially those who haven’t ever done it before (that will include me!). Please e-mail me - to book your place, because space is limited.


Friday May 9 2008


Top Ten Tips For Getting Through Exams Term With A Smile! Tom Attenborough Welfare Officer

This term is not fun, is it? There is nobody (well, this is Cambridge, so maybe nearly nobody) who enjoys doing exams. My job, however, is to make the process a little bit easier for you: >>Early nights, early mornings This really is the key one. Working until 3am and then getting up at 10am will not help your concentration at all. Your best work will be done between 9am and 1pm. Getting up for College breakfast is a really good incentive – get some grub in you and you’re ready to start work at 9. >>Allow yourself proper rest periods Nobody can work for eleven hours straight. Work until you feel tired and then take a break. In the evening, completely clock off. Have a glass of wine if you fancy it (but try to avoid the entire bottle). >>Eat well, drink well Keep drinking lots of water: it helps you concentrate. Avoid caffeine. And eat as much fruit and veg as you can. If you start living off a Gardies diet, you will feel sleepy and sluggish. Bananas are best. >>Vary your space Go for walks; work in different libraries: just make sure you don’t keep yourself cooped up in the same room for hours on end, day after day. Pop down to Kettle’s Yard if you’re that way inclined and use their arts and crafts facilities. It can be great fun splashing paint around for an hour and not having to clear it up afterwards! >>Get exercise When you feel like you’re flagging after lunch and just want to fall asleep, get half an hour of exercise. Go for a jog; get on your bike; or head down to the university gym, called Fenners. It costs just £35 a year. Type ‘Fenners Gym’ into Google and it’s the first result. >>Know what’s in your exams It may sound obvious, but it often happens that people discover something they never knew they needed to know the night before the exam. Visit your Faculty website and read the blurb - make sure you’re clued up. >>Make yourself feel good about something Set goals, feel pleased when you meet them. If you feel like rewarding yourself, go and exploit a student discount somewhere. Topshop and Hobbs Sports do 10% student discounts for a start. >>If you have revision troubles, talk to people You’re never the only person doing your exam, so vocalise your ideas with people. If you’re really stuck with a topic, don’t brew on it: talk to your DoS. It’s always good to put your ideas into words because, often, they can just sound wrong! >>Use your resources CUSU have a website - - which will answer most questions you may have. Otherwise you can always talk to friends, your tutor, or, of course, me! I’m always ready to help if you have a problem. >>Do yourself justice! It would be a real pain to look back and think you let yourself down. Don’t go overboard and burn yourself out; do the best you know you can do. If you do that, you will have succeeded.

Good luck!

8 Sports and Societies

Friday May 9 2008

Cricket Report James Burrows Blonde Bombshell

For many, the dawning of our half-hearted summer means hitting the books and despairingly holding onto the distant promise of May Week. Even those more sportingly inclined amongst our illustrious number have tucked away boots and are limited to the occasional foray onto Trinity’s geese-infested backs. However, from Fortress Old Fields drifts the sound of leather on willow, polite applause and above average banter as the summer of cricket gets underway. After being decorated last year as Cuppers’ champions and coming through an (almost) unblemished season, confidence was surging through the team. Under the leadership of Mikey ‘Paris’ Hilton, whose floppy public schoolboy hair and pristinely turned out whites have turned the heads of males and females alike and has gone some way to bringing the crowds back to cricket, the Trinity First XI harbours serious ambitions of repeated success. The first day of the season finally arrived, coinciding nicely with the Alumni Sports’ Day and barbecue. Our side was bolstered in the field by a chirpy fresher behind the stumps - Rupert ‘the Prof ’ Wilson. There have even been whisperings across the square that Rupert is good enough for the Crusaders (Cambridge 2nd XI), but these are yet to be confirmed by the man himself… Following a winter programme of nets and greeted with a gloriously sunny day, we rubbed our hands in gleeful anticipation. The Gents of Essex were our opponents and achieved a decent enough total in their first innings. Our response was clinical in the face of some tidy spin bowling – Ashwin Reddy, in his fourteenth year in Trinity colours, hitting an unbeaten half-century to see us home with plenty of time to enjoy the barbecue. So we turned our attention last Saturday to the big one: the defence of our Cuppers’ title. This started with the first of two group stage matches and a repeat of last year’s final versus Wolfson College, who were no doubt filled with thoughts of revenge. The event itself proved to be a real wake-up call. An uncharacteristically stuttering performance by our boys consigned us to a painful defeat by a better side on the day. Positives need to be taken on board and the disappointment of a first loss in Cuppers for over a year needs to be forgotten as the second match in the group, against Christ’s, now becomes a must-win game on Wednesday 14th. Going out this early in the competition would be an absolute disaster for arguably Trinity’s most successful College team. Fixtures most weekends and ‘Cricket Week’ from Monday 9th June means plenty of opportunities to get down to Old Fields, soak up the sun, sip Pimms and show your support for the lads.

Trinity College Tea Society Zoya Street PG Tips

‘There's two stories about the origin of tea,’ our speaker, Sophie Ibbotson, enthusiastically informed us. ‘Both probably equally likely to be true.’ ‘In the first story, tea is discovered by the second Emperor of China, Shenneng. His name meant “divine healer,” and it is said that he had a transparent stomach. He used to try every herb and look at the effect it had on his body. So, one day, he came across the tea plant and found that it had a very beneficial effect on his body indeed.’ ‘The second story is a bit more gruesome. It tells of a Buddhist teacher called Bodhidharma, who is credited with taking Buddhism to China. He was meditating under a tree and he fell asleep - and, obviously, you're not meant to fall asleep while meditating - so, in repentance, he cut off his eyelids and threw them to the ground, and on the place where his eyelids fell a tea plant grew. Because, of course, tea contains theine and caffeine, which are good for keeping you awake and alert in meditation.’ The audience listened intently while sipping on the latest tea being discussed. The event was a tea tasting, a rather special event for Trinity College Tea Society (est. Michaelmas 2007). Ordinarily, our events are informal little parties with three or four different kinds of specialist tea, which people drink while chatting amongst themselves and eating plenty of delicious home-made cake. Our next event will be a May Week garden party in the Master's Garden. We look forward to splashing out on some excellent quality Bodum teapots and presenting the best teas that Cambridge has to offer, brewed in the best possible way. Weather permitting, we'll be drinking these refreshing brews in the glorious summer sun - and we invite you to join us. We'll start at 1pm on Friday 20th June.


which may or may not be of any relevance to the article at hand. So there we have it. 2 hours; 500 words; one article; and I’m off to bed. t...

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