The Sentinella Axarquia August 2021 Edition

Page 43

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Wise Words

Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my CD collection with the exception of “There is Nothing Left to Lose” by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Beat that.

Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us.

What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming “Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say “No thanks, I'm diabetic.” I wish they'd get their story straight.

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If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Glasgow received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics?

These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.

I heard recently that, on average, Boris Johnson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one?

I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

Why is it that pubs won't serve me if I'm drunk, but McDonalds continue serving fat people? Its hardly fair.

Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius

The person who coined the phrase “as different as chalk and cheese” obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar.

They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local.

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