Forward This is a really important lesson. This is because it will help demonstrate the fact that you are 100% completely responsible for what you make happen. And if you sit around waiting for someone else to "make it happen" you will watch your entire life slip by. As the lessons progress we will get deep into "conversation skills" and attraction building techniques… but this lesson is all about putting yourself in the position to create a lifestyle that lets you meet the people to have conversations with and attract. Next week we've got the beginning of a two part lesson that is extremely important in developing your social skills… all about "getting people to like you." With that, let’s dive headfirst into today’s lesson. Don’t worry the pool is full of water. Introduction: This next lesson is a true story that happened to me recently. You are going to find that I include a lot of stories from my own life to
illustrate points that I intend to cover. I find that seeing principles applied in reality, help you learn better.
Becoming a Leader I dance like a retarded monkey. Yes, I've seriously been told that. By a fat girl, no less. That does wonders for your self esteem. I can tell you it sucked a bunch sitting in the corner watching my buddies grinding their shit into drunken chicks up on the stage during Spring Break. It's like watching your friends making the easy lay ups while you stand at the three point line missing shot after shot. I never learned to dance And probably would have skated by the rest of my life avoiding the dance floor if it weren't for two critical factors: 1.) I talk a lot of shit on TSB about busting through your comfort zone, facing your fears, yada, yada, yada And I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I didn't one day get around to tackling this lifelong thorn in my side. 2.) I'm dating a Colombian girl, and if you've ever seen Shakira dance, then you know what a drag it is to have to sit in the corner and watch every time me and my girl head out to a club. So, I finally got around to doing something about it. Yes, old Bobby drags himself to Salsa lessons twice a week. On Friday nights I take private lessons with my girl. And then on Monday nights I head solo to the group lessons.
This has actually been a rewarding experience on a shit load of countsâ€Ś Above all, I'm actually getting better at dancing (Not saying I'm good yet). The Monday night group lessons have introduced me to a ton of cool people. Plus, dancing with my chick is somewhat of an aphrodisiac and the sex tends to be incredible after our lessons. But for the sake of this mentorship program, These Salsa lessons are giving me endless material to write about. Let's start with the obviousâ€Ś Without me having to even say a word you probably can guess that I'm going to use this as example of finding an obscure little social scene hiding out around the corner from your house that you probably never even knew existed. I sure didn't. I never imagined that there would be this intimate little class that would meet up EVERY Monday night that it would be jam packed with sexy women, cool dudes, and an activity that practically forces KINO upon you. It's fucking great. But today's lesson is NOT a glorified advertisement for Salsa lessons. Today's lesson is about LEADERSHIP. So how does leadership fit in with Salsa lessons? Glad you asked. The structure of the social scene has been like this:
Every Monday there is a group lesson. After the lesson ends its open floor for everyone to mingle and practice. New people come and go every week, but a core group of us are there every Monday. One Saturday a month there is Social. The best way I can describe this is like a high school dance. They open the studio up to the public, throw some disco lights up, and pump Salsa music until late into the night. But NO liquor. Which makes the Saturday night sessions somewhat tame. I can't speak too much from experience for the Social because I've only attended one so far. So let's get back to Monday's. One of the first things I taught you in the Howitzer Method audio is that it is much easier to infiltrate a social scene if you have a couple wingmen on your team. I quickly made friends with a few guys there. One guy is a Rico Suave type Italian guy who is also dating a Spanish chick so we bonded quickly on the fine intricacies of dating a Latina. The other guy, Bill, is the scrappy type, clearly only there for the opportunity to stalk out some tail. My kind of guy! Bill's game isn't tight. On the surface he looks like your average AFC. And talking to him I quickly realized that he is probably clueless to the fact that a book like "The Game" even existed. But this past Monday he nearly knocked my socks off with his ingenuity
Taking the Lead
As fun as these Monday night lessons are every week there is a fundamental problem that you'll have with any social scene similar to the Salsa Lessons I've been taking. The problem: Everyone at the lessons views everyone else at the lesson as their "salsa" friends. What I mean by this is that although we meet up every Monday, a vast majority of the time is spent either dancing or talking about Salsa Which sort of pigeon holes you . Especially for a guy like me â€“ WHO IS NOT AT THE TOP OF HIS GAME ON A DANCE FLOOR Scrappy Bill must have read my mind. No matter what group it is you are attending, whether its Salsa lessons, Toastmaster's meeting, AA, Young Entrepreneur events, wine clubs, or whatever The people who attend these things are there more for the companionship than the actual "class." You put the same group of people in the same room for an extended period of time they start bonding. It's simple. But what isn't simple is taking that "bonding" to the next level. Well, last Monday Scrappy Bill pulled something out of his sleeve that surprised me (and made me proud.) Scrappy Bill sensing the group's budding friendship (and hidden frustration) took it upon himself to organize a Bowling Night for the entire group
The Brilliance of Bowling
What makes a night out bowling brilliant? First, he took on the role of leader. Nobody assigned him the role. HE TOOK IT. We all could have spent the next six months as "salsa buddies" meeting up one night a week in the same exact confines of the studioâ€Ś And everyone (although secretly wanting more) would very well have done nothing about it. But Scrappy Bill stood up and said "I'M GOING TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN" And did. Now, he has instantly become "the leader." And he's isolated the group from the natural habitat of salsa lessons. Bowling also opens up the wonderful world of intoxication. Yes, unlike the Salsa studios where alcohol is forbidden Every Bowling alley in America is packed with a Bar. And we all know how well a little liquor lubricates social interactions Cheers to Bill.
It's Time to Take It The first lesson I want you to learn is that you need to begin thinking like a leader right now. Do not wait for someone else to assign you the role. TAKE IT People are generally bored, frustrated, mindless sheep.
And they are constantly on the lookout for the guy who tells them what to do.
BE THAT GUY Don't be shy about. Don't second guess yourself. And don't hesitate. TAKE IT
Weekly Schedule of Activities The exercise for this week is to get in the habit of making decisions and taking on the role of leader. LEADERSHIP QUALITIES This means: • Be the one who chooses the venue (bar, restaurant, whatever just pick it, and don't back down) • Suggest something out of the ordinary (and sell it hard) • Say things like "We're doing this " (not "what do you want to do") • Begin making a list of "reserve" activities (these are spur of the moment suggestions to bounce to) -more on this in upcoming lesson