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pugwash news

Issue 9 Wednesday 06.02.08

Portsmouth’s official student newspaper

£262,000 of Portsmouth students’ money "missing"


Pages 7-10

News Fight the Fees, ID Cards, NewsBites.

photo: Tom Worman

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from the controversial top-up fees is not reaching the students for which it was intended but is “lining the pockets of vice chancellors.” Whilst the situation in Portsmouth appears shocking, a national education watchdog shows a wider, more systematic national problem with a total of £19 million pounds currently under-spent and unaccounted for. The Office of Fair Access (Offa) believes that about 20% of students eligible to claim mandatory grants from their institution are failing to do so. Students from England with household incomes of less that £25,000 are automatically entitled to a sum of money from their university. Offa believed that many students that were eligible did not know that they could receive a grant, or the

process to go about claiming it. They stated that "We are aware of no student who was entitled to receive a bursary and who applied through the correct channels who did not receive one". NUS Vice-President Wes Streeting is reported as saying it was “disturbing to see thousands of students missing out.” Whilst the NUS were swift to denounce institutions, the inertia of Universities to deliver this money to students is only half the story. Most of this money has not been delivered to students as they have not applied for the bursaries for which they are entitled or have simply failed to tick the box on their Student Finance application form, giving the Student Loans Company permission to share information



Sports News


Pugwash News

Annie Get Your Gun

Re-Fresher’s Fayre

National Representation

Allergies? What Allergies?

Want to write for us?

The UPDMS (Dramatical and Musical Society) are putting on a show from the 5th - 8th March. "Annie Get Your Gun" will be showing at the New Theatre Royal every night at 7:30 pm. Tickets cost from £7, and are available from the box office, or can be bought at the door. The DMS is made up of musicians and actors from alumni and current students. This year's show tells the tale of cowgirl Annie Oakley, who joins a traveling show in order to get her man to notice her. It soon becomes clear though that you can't get a man with a gun... or can you? - LP

We all remember Fresher's Fayre; free stuff and people pouncing on you to claim your soul for their club or society. Well, in honour of the new semester, we're giving you a chance to go through it all again. From 10am on 13th February the Union will be hosting Re-Fresher's Fayre, offering you the opportunity to join any clubs or societies that you may regret having missed out on before Christmas. Come along to the Union for the unique chance to "try before you buy" most of the University's clubs and societies. We look forward to seeing you at the Pugwash stand! -LP

Representing England Universities for your sport is the highest accolade a sporting student can have. This year the Union has sent a large number of students for trials, with a record number being selected. The Hockey Club led the way by sending nine triallists up to Birmingham to play with the best students in the country; the standard was high as you’d expect, but our guys proved they were not out of their depth, with four being invited into the English University squad. Well done Andrew Pett, Chris

UoP researchers have shown that the amount of children with severe allergies has not increased. However, parents are assuming too quickly that their children have allergies to certain food types. In a survey of over 800 babies, the parents of over a third believed that their child had a severe allergy, however less than 60 of the children proved to actually have allergies. Dr Venter, who led the research said “People have become more aware of food allergies, particularly of peanut allergy. Mums tend to put down every rash, tummy ache, diarrhoea and crying to food allergy or intolerance.”-JL

Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays is the Union’s student newspaper. If you have something to shout about, from burning issues to match reports, comment to features, or you want to photograph, design or help lay up, get in touch!

Jacob Leverett & Ben Norman

The National Union of Students (NUS) has claimed that a grand total of £262,000 of University of Portsmouth students’ money is currently unaccounted for. According to the NUS the funds were destined for a new student bursary scheme but have, as yet, not reached the students. The claim, made at the NUS regional conference (South) held in Oxford Students’ Union is a shocking indictment of how money from top-up fees is failing to reach, let alone benefit, students. During the conference Wes Streeting, the current NUS Vice-President for Education, stated that money gained

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about their household income with their university or college.

£19 million pounds is currently under spent and unaccounted for

Valentine’s Day, Bank Charges, Sabb Corner, Extra Credit. Page 4-6 and 11

The sabbatical officers of the Student’s Union will endeavour to bring this matter to the attention of the University, to ensure that money intended for students is spent on students and will be working to raise awareness of students’ rights to funding.


To find out more:

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Sheryl Crow, Soulja Boy, Linkin Park.

More info:

Pugwash News



Wednesday 6th February 2008


What’s happening at the Union?

Fees stop the poor being students Ben Norman

This week has witnessed a series of defeats for advocates of top-up fees. In the annual report on university applications the University and College Admission Service have reported a 5.8% rise in applicants this year, a statistic initially celebrated by the Department for Innovation, Universities and Skills as a sign of the success of fees. In reality the picture is bleak for the future of higher education as the impact of fees is slowly becoming apparent. The National Union of Students report that there has been a drop of 1.24% from applicants of working class backgrounds, the very socio-economic group that the government claimed would be aided by the introduction of fees. Simultaneously, the government have announced that £100 million will be diverted away from the public spending budget on higher education in September 2008. This is a vast dent in the funding of education and means that those students applying for courses deemed “lower” shall not have access to financial support. This is most likely to effect institutions which have made gains

in widening participation as students working on a second degree, working part time, disabled students and postgraduate students will be the greatest effected. In total it is estimated that 20% of part time students will be left with no support. A report commissioned by Lord Leach has suggested that this will have a disastrous impact on the future of higher education and wider society as a whole. Lord Leach reported that “life long learning is key to a strong knowledge based economy.” Once again this demonstrates that the Government’s agenda for privatisation, higher fees and the diversion of funds from the Higher education system is not reaping the benefits predicated, and guaranteed, by its supporters. Portsmouth Students’ Union officially stands against top-up fees, against spiralling student debt and against the continued privatisation of education. Your Union will continue to campaign for a fairer education system based on the ability to learn, not the ability to pay. To get involved go to Or contact:

National Representation Boyland, Sarah Eastman and Sam Stares. Boxing too has had an excellent year, with Portsmouth being crowned the best boxing University in England. As a result, four of our Pompey fighters have been awarded with England Vests, making them the best student fighters in England! Well done to Sarah, James, Frank and Dan, we wish you the best of luck. Kellie Pearson and Alice Beet were invited to equestrian trials, two of only 13 girls in the country! They are still waiting to hear if they were successful. Finally Annika and Jade will soon to be off to English University basketball trials. the girls have had a

photo: Tom Worman

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great year - clinching the league title, winning every game in the process. Well done to the girls and all the best of luck! All this success shows that sport at Portsmouth is finally moving in the right direction! Long may it continue! - Simon ‘Darby’ Leach

Time Wasting

Pugwash news & Purple Wednesdays

“Small print”

Contacting us

Editorial Team


Mini Sudoku

Produced fortnightly by the University of Portsmouth Students’ Union (UPSU). Printed by Quotemeprint, 0845 130 0667, and now printed on 100% recycled paper. Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays bears no allegiance to any political party and discriminates against no-one, except Marmite, whic we either love or hate... The Pugwash News team would like to extend their thanks to outgoing editors Chris Burden and Tim Edwards for all their hard work.

To get in touch with the Pugwash News & Purple Wednesdays team, please visit, email us at, call us via the Union’s Media & Publications Officer at 023 9284 3657, or visit us at The Student Centre, Portsmouth Students’ Union, Cambridge Road, Portsmouth, Hampshire, PO1 2EF. Errors & omissions: while we take every care to verify our content, we may occasionally make mistakes. Please contact us using the details above to report any inaccuracies or mistakes. Any missing image credits in this issue will be credited next issue!


Thanks for this issue go to: Saheed Atanda, Sarah Beer, Jonny Bell, Ed Butterfield, Harriet Chandler, Tim Dubber, Angel Dutton, Ben Endley, Becky Farmer, Leah Gatheridge, Gemma Gale, Rebecca Gosling, Amanda Greenwood, Joel Growney, Alex Harries, Andrew Laugher, Simon “ Darby” Leach, Tiffany Lee, Jenny Leggot, Ben Norman, Marty McKinlay, Jamie Payner, James Pepper, Elaina Sperring, Petey Strauss, Adam Sunman, Uma Uthayashanker, Andy Watson, Jack Wells and Tom West. Also, anyone we've forgotten!

For the answer, look online at:

Editor: Laura Patricia News Editor: Jacob Leverett Design Editor: Tom Worman Features Editor: Steph Hall Sports Editors: Peppa Barnett, Marisa May Reviews Editor: Tallie Kane Web Editor: Luke Simmonds Sub Editors Design: Andy Donohoe, Kev Wilkins Features: Matt Blackall, Nicholas Prangnell Sports: Penny Wood

Pugwash News

Wednesday 6th February 2008



The Fortnight’s Politics

Pompey students lobby MP

Jacob Leverett News Editor

Thousands of 1 chocolate biscuits are floating around the coast

A h MP fined for employing son a f Derek Conway, the Tory MP for Old y Bexley and Sidcup, has been sust pended from parliament for ten days g for employing his son. His son, a student, received £40,000 of taxt payers’ money to “scrutinize e-mails and stuff envelopes”. Conway claims n “I still believe I have done nothing n wrong.”

of Lancashire after a ship shed its load of McVities goodies A criminal in China 2 has been hiding from authorities for 17 years in a tunnel that he had dug for himself under his house

Chemicals to be added to water?

d Health Secretary Alan Johnson has n called for fluoride to be added to water supplies. Johnson believes that adding fluoride is an effective o and relatively easy way to reduce tooth decay in children. Opponents are concerned that excessive intake of fluoride can damage teeth.

A Texan mayor has 3 resigned after it was exposed that he had been keeping a neighbour’s Shih Tzu secretly

Corruption Charges for Councillor Portsmouth City Councillor Jezz Baker is due in court on charges of bribery. The Councillor was reported for taking money and wine in exchange for supporting planning applications. The 46-year-old stood silently in the dock at Aldershot Magistrates’ Court as a date was fixed for his next court appearance.

MP bugged by police Labour MP Sadiq Khans conversations with a constituent he visited in prison were allegedly recorded by police. The MP for Tooting has since welcomed announcements that an inquiry will be launched, although debate is still raging across Westminster over whether MPs’ conversations with constituents should be immune from police recording operations.

Adam Sunman

Political Correspondent Students from Portsmouth University descended on Bitterne on the 2nd February to lobby the Secretary of State for Innovation, Universities and Skills over student fees. The many cold mornings that you may have seen the Campaign Coalition collecting signatures came to a climax on Saturday morning, when students from Universities as far as Oxford came to show their anger at the state of Higher education, and the direction in which it is going. After a rowdy demonstration, the participants held a meeting to discuss further action on the campaign. Mr Denham spent around an hour in his surgery, answering questions from his constituents, while being hounded from outside

through a megaphone with chants of ‘Spend the money on Education not Occupation’. When he emerged, I managed to catch Mr Denham. who told me that he felt the protestors were impolite, as he had found out about the protest through Google and not been informed personally, therefore would not speak to us. However, we maintain that University of Portsmouth Student Union’s President Elle Gray wrote to the MP asking him to share his views on the matter and that someone from the MP’s office responded. Denham then briskly escaped, ironically stopping at the bank and still refusing to talk to anyone at the protest. The Portsmouth Campaign Coalition is continuing to fight the fees, with a target of stopping further inflation at the imminent discussion of the infamous ‘cap’ and the effects it will have on students. UPSU’s Student Activities and Development Officer, Ben Norman

stated that “we are here to represent millions of students today, who have been consigned to a life of debt by Mr John Denham, who, since coming into power, has seen spiraling student debt, mass privatisatation of the education system. This is a disgrace.’ Norman went on to state that ‘we have seen £55 billion worth of student debt being handed over to private banks... Mr Denham promised us that this would have no effect on the lives of students.. but the interest rate has risen to include £500 million worth of debt for students in their first year, creating a McDonaldisation of our education’ The protest was not simply designed to point the finger at John Denham, but to call upon him in the name of students across the country to create a system of higher education based on the ability to learn, not on the ability to pay.

parents complained that the name “Lolita” is too suggestive A German medical 5 student had some unexpected practice after saving a tiger cub’s life by giving it mouth to mouth

Three out of four 6 groundhogs in America predicted an early spring this year on Febuary 2nd as per tradition.


Student News


Students to be used in Big Brother experiment Leaked government documents have outlined plans to force students to carry I.D. cards. The government’s plans include forcing potential students to pay up to £100 for an ID card in order to apply for a student loan or to open a student bank account. The leaked document states the that government “should issue ID cards to young people to assist them as they open their first bank account, take out a student loan, etc”. Critics of ID cards are concerned that the use of the word “assist” could mean additional levels of bureaucracy to an already complex

Woolworths have 4 been forced to stop selling a bed, after

system of applying for financial support. The document included proposals that could have the system in place by as early as 2010. The NUS Vice President (Welfare) Ama Uzowuru has stated that "It is extremely disappointing that the Government is planning to use students as guinea pigs for this scheme by forcing them to take on ID cards in order to apply for a loan.” The present government has been struggling to find popular support for this policy surrounding compulsory identity documents. One huge area of opposition is from those concerned about the information held

on the cards. Plans have included the use of biometric data, which could include copies of the carrier’s fingerprints and other personal information. Concerns have been raised over the security of this information considering the government’s recent track record in regards to scandals of information going missing. Elle Gray, the UPSU President, voiced concerns that “With the recent Government blunders concerning the loss of people’s personal data, I have real concerns about how much data will be stored about us”. According to a home office web-

site, ID cards would be beneficial as they would “help protect people from identity fraud and theft, disrupt the use of false and multiple identities by criminals and those involved in terrorist activity and enable easier access to public services”. A home office website states that “ a charge of £30 at current prices for a standalone ID card valid for 10 years.” The Home Office have been refusing to comment on the leaked documents. -JL For more information visit

Pugwash News


Wednesday 6th February 2008

Comment and Features

Say it with The end for banks’ love penalty charges?

A Nigerian in the UK

Sarah Beer

Saheed Atanda

It is that time of year again when you cannot walk down the street without being bombarded with pictures of hearts, and restaurants taking bookings for the big day. Although what will you be doing this Valentine’s Day? Will you be sitting in a posh candle-lit restaurant, gazing into the eyes of that special someone? Or will you, like many other students, be out on the pull with other singletons, trying to catch the eye of a potential date? Why is it that we all get gushy and romantic at this time of year? Surely Valentine’s Day is just an excuse for all the loved up people to parade their happiness around in front of those who are single. I am afraid I am one of those people who was on the second Christmas was over, designing my other half a personalised card, just so I have a few weeks to gush over it before giving it away. That website is a recent discovery of mine (well, after a flatmate used it before me). Cards start from £2.99 for a standard size, and £5.99 for a large one. You can also write your own words and upload photos. So if you have a partner who likes you doing something a little bit special, put a photo of the two of you onto a card and it will be with them (or you) the very next morning. Or how about a trip to the Spinnaker Tower for something different to do on the day? With views right out across the sea, it’s the perfect place to make the day special. Make sure your partner is not scared of heights though! That glass floor can make you feel quite dizzy if you are not too keen! If you are single, why not get a group of mates together and get drunk? There’s bound to be tons of young, single people out looking to find someone. Plus, it is a leap year, so for those of you who are truly loved up, you could propose to your boyfriends. After all it is tradition!

The cold weather on this particular Monday morning was not welcome. It had been warm for the past few days and I had expected the same today: bright and sunny for my first exam of the week. Sadly it was not, which disappointed me. Fortunately, my fingers were not frozen by the time I got to the exam hall as I had found my long lost gloves! Coincidentally, also on a Monday, four months ago, I was first introduced to the cold weather. This after so many hours of waiting in a queue that stretched as long as the beaches of Lagos, the coastal city I lived in all my life before I came to the UK. After passing through immigration checks, my journey was hitch free. I had talked to some students who were also all tired at the end of a very long journey. The University of Portsmouth representatives arrived soon after. As I pushed my suitcase onto the coach which was to take us on our two hour journey to Portsmouth, I had my first taste of the bitter cold. Now, four months later, I try to talk less of the cold as I attempt to catch up on revising for

Part one of a three-part article on bank charges, Alex Harries has a bit of a rant: Bank customers like bank charges. No, really: according to Laurence Rabinowitz QC, defence barrister for the Royal Bank of Scotland in the Office of Fair Trading’s high-profile court case accusing bank charges of being unfair, most bank customers “like the present system of [bank] charges”. Well if the banks say it, it must be true... There aren't many things in life that will see me angrily running around shouting random obscenities at passers-by, scaring small children with my mad-man behaviour and generally being an Angry Git, but banks - and their bank charges - are one of the things in my life that are bound to make me Very Very Upset Indeed. A brief sob-story for you: a few months ago, while I was still a poor student, an £11 direct debit was taken out of my account despite being cancelled. I only had £10.47 in my account so, without enough money in my account, my bank which shall remain nameless since they’re all pretty much as bad as each other - charged me £34 for the privilege of refusing to pay the direct debit, then charged me £25 for my

account being overdrawn, even though I was only overdrawn because of their charges. Let’s look at those figures again: I was 53p short. The payment was only £11. My bank took £59 in penalty charges. My last tenner was gone, leaving me without any money for the rest of that month (luckily only a week, and I managed to borrow some money from the parents). And I still had to pay the £11 direct debit, which I had cancelled in the first place. For the vast majority of people incurring bank charges, the very fact they’re incurring a charge means they are already living with little or no money available, and for a person with limited money - and this means almost every student in the UK at some time or other - having no option but to repay in the region of fifty pounds to a bank for being short of money is a penalty which they can ill afford. Let’s be realistic here: mistakes and unexpected costs happen - that’s the nature of life - but the current penalty system is very good at putting those living on the bread-line into a spiral of ever-increasing debt which they can’t get out of. Continued next issue, or read the whole thing online at


Your Views

Failure to Compare

In the comments section we aim to outline some of the debates, arguments and conversations going on among the students population.

Students who have had to retrieve work from SSHLS (School of Social, Historical and Literary Studies) reception may have noticed a distinct lack of organisation in comparison to other schools, such as SCAFM (School of Creative Arts, Film and Media). If you want your work back, then there is no handing over your campus card and having a smiling woman congratulate or commiserate you as they give it back. No, it is up to you to sort through the enormous pile from the cupboard and fervently pray that your work is actually there; otherwise you are stuffed, as they do not even give you a receipt.

In this issue, first year Angel Dutton bemoans the methods that different schools use to return coursework. What’s the system at your reception like? Let us know at:

Or, if something has pissed you off, email us at:

Being a member of both schools, I have to admit that I recently congratulated the smiling woman at SCAFM for her dedication to the students and their work. It is nice to know that the assignments we have slaved over are in safe hands. If they can implement this kind of system then it is hard to understand why other schools or departments can’t. Surely it is not that difficult. It is possible that members of SSHLS have forgotten the fear associated with the thought of losing work and failing a module; well their students are far too aware of it. Come on SSHLS - you’re being easily outdone!

my semester one exams. The month around the Fresher’s Fayre was filled with parties and flyers. Three parties in eight months before I came here is in no league with three in a week. I thought I was going to burn out by the fourth outing, but surprisingly I was not even close to that by the end of induction week! My Fresher’s Fortnight calendar ran for a month, and I wondered how it was humanly possible to party for that long. However, I knew of people who were partying almost every day! The first thing the experienced students introduced me to was the ever so popular drink, Snakebite, possibly even more popular than the President of the Union! The acceptance of the different cultures here, coupled with the fact that Nigerians are everywhere in Portsmouth, has made settling down easy and now I can say I am on my way to having the University experience I have always longed for. In the end, I came to University to have an education and I am having a good one here, firstly academically and secondly socially. I am enjoying every bit of it and I would not want to be anywhere else!

Urban Legends Laura Patricia Editor

Have you ever been told something fantastical that turned out to be just an urban legend? How can you tell the difference between the truth, hearsay, and exaggeration? Now, a website can help you out. contains the truth behind almost every urban legend that's out there, from the very old (no one will ever steal your kidney while you're on holiday) to the fairly recent (Harry Potter never really sparked a Satanic cult following). So, if you've ever wondered at the truth of something you've been told,

log on and prepare to tell the know it all that announced such a blatant lie as fact how full of it they are. But Snopes isn't all about rumour busting. It also highlights which bits of trivia are actually true, which can be handy if, like me, you have a parent who panics over every bank fraud scam and computer virus scare that comes along. It helps you know what to really watch out for, and will stop you from worrying about unreal threats, like kidney thieves! And, it's not just serious stuff on the site, but topics such as popular culture as well. So now, you have no more reason to be sucked into believing that gullible is not in the dictionary.

Pugwash News

Wednesday 6th February 2008



An Englishman Sabb Corner Ben Alex in France Norman Harries

- Tom West s e This is the final column coms ing from France, but fear not. - Future columns will be from n Granada as Tom continues his n year abroad in Spain.

r It is official: three months in the d country and my French has not o improved. I found that out after I did w an exam for a class called ‘Written t Expression’. I completed the exam in - the morning and upon entering o another class that afternoon with , the same teacher, she pulled me - aside and said, “Tom, I want to show you something.” She pulled out my t exam paper and said “Look at this”, t while flicking through the pages of n the answer booklet. I was about to n express my dismay that some fecky less wretch had bled to death over - my exam paper when she exclaimed, “It’s full of errors.” Oh. I turned to o her and exclaimed, “But it’s not hora rible?” She replied, “Eh, no, not hory rible.” I had never seen so much red g pen on anything in my life. t By the time you are reading this, I will have left the land of baguettes and made my way down to the land of sangria. I will be sad of course to leave Toulouse and the wonderful friends I have made, but not the university or my halls. It is not hard to w leave such wonderful establishments t where you feel as though you are an extra in Oz upon walking through r the gates. s We were told that self-discovery n would be an important part of our - year abroad, but the only thing I k have discovered about myself here is e that I could easily develop a dangerw ous psychological dependency on d bakery produce. On the other hand, t I have received multiple insights into the French way of life, my favourite e of which I will share with you. - Not all French people like red wine. This does not mean, however, n that you are allowed to not like red t wine. Admit this at your peril; it will get you labelled as an ignorant for-

eign invader. Quite a few French people derive pleasure from riding along on a bike whilst wearing a blue and white stripy T-shirt, red neckerchief and black beret. They are not, however, stereotypes. God forbid. Problem-solving is not achieved through democratic discourse, but through badly organised protest marches through the town centre, usually accompanied by a hundred riot police, in case the ‘pensioners for better health care’ brigade kicks off. Orderly queuing in supermarkets is actively discouraged. After beating your way to the front using any fruit-based weapon available, you must endure some of the world’s most apathetic cashiers, who grunt at you then accuse you of not understanding them because you are not French.

Media and Publications officer

Activities and Development Officer

Instead of rambling on about what I've been up to, here's some photos from the last few weeks. Want ramblings instead? Go to my blog at - tarrah, chuck! :o) (Pics: Oxford protest, editorial chat, Sabbs do London x2, sleepout for the homeless)

Every now and again I’ll see something which confirms my fears that we have reached the end of all things. Every time I see another generic manufactured pop group belting out a cover it makes me believe that the human race has run out of fresh ideas. We’re running on empty and the end is nigh. It isn’t often that I not only think but hope the apocalypse is pending. Today is one of those days, as today it has been announced that McDonalds are one of three companies, alongside FlyBe and Network Rail, which have won the right to offer recognised academic qualifications. This forms part of the government’s plans to offer alternatives to University education and support industry based learning. In reality we are witnessing corporate spin on NVQs (National Vocational Qualifications). Ladies and Gentlemen we’ve entered the age of the Mc-qualification - surely we are only days away from the Tesco Value diploma and the Matalan MA. Is this the future we want for our education system? Will we soon be offered loyalty points rather than credits? Will our degrees soon be presented to us with a side order of fries with honours and a milkshake available for 99p? How then, have we reached this dark and Disney-fied age of education? How has our education system gone from being the cherished jewel in the crown of our glorious welfare state to being synonymous with a Big Mac? It is because education is now being viewed purely in economic terms; students are now consumers, or worse we are commodities groomed for the conveyor belt of life in the capitalist world. From the moment we first left our parents to dig holes in sandpits and eat PlayDoh at primary school our lives were mapped out. It has been sixteen short years from those first,

the only thing I have discovered about myself here is that I could easily develop a dangerous psychological dependency on bakery produce

Such a charming country. Well, if you will excuse me, I am off to box up the bizarre amount of stuff I have accumulated during my short stay. I went into a shop to ask if I could have some cardboard boxes to do this, and was told that I could not because they had been flattened down and it would be too difficult for me to put them back together myself. Even if I were not obliged to leave, after that I think I would have done anyway; it seems the lunatics are finally taking over the asylum.



The truth about screen savers Luke Simmonds

It is a widely believed that screen savers save electricity when your computer is not being used. The truth is actually the complete opposite. What you may not realise is that screen savers can waste power as some prevent the computer from entering sleep or standby modes. Some complex screen savers actually increase power consumption as the graphics card and processor have to work harder to display the screensaver. The original purpose of screen savers was to stop phosphor burn in. This is when text or an image has left a permanent ghost like image of what was on the screen

joyous, non-toxic dough eating days to being filtered into a token graduate job in the service sector. Whilst big business and economists may view us merely as faceless commodities, to be indoctrinated, trained and farmed out to the service sector, it is equally dangerous for us to view ourselves as consumers rather then students. Even the BBC advice website has adopted this surreal approach to entering higher education. The website on applying for University proudly proclaims: “If students are not fussy about which university they go to, or even which course they might take, then there are opportunities to shop around for cut-price deals” "Shop around" for good deals? Students should be free to find the university that best suits them academically not the one they can best afford; these experts make going to university sound like popping to Asda for a six pack packet of double quilted toilet paper because it happens to be on special offer this week. Next we’ll hear that some universities are introducing loyalty cards to their students. Whilst there are alternatives to University and these should be explored by potential students, it is essential that we reclaim the idea of education for the sake of education, education for the benefit and development of the self and of society. Indeed when it comes to education I propose that there should be two constant truths: •Education is for benefit of education not the benefit of production •Education is about the ability to learn not the ability to pay We are not just consumers and we are not just commodities, so if in some near and dark future someone asks you if you want to supersize your education, you know what to say.

such as a menu bar. This was a problem on CRT monitors and televisions and the best place to see it is an old ATM machine where certain text is visible all the time. Screensavers were designed to help avoid these effects by automatically changing the images on the screen during periods of user inactivity. Modern monitors and LCD screens do not suffer from this problem and therefore screen savers are redundant with these monitors. Yet they are still used, albeit for entertainment and security. So when you next come to change your settings, instead of choosing a fancy screen saver, set your monitor to turn off after a period of inactivity.

Pugwash News


Wednesday 6th February 2008


Extra Credit


Laura Patricia

Laura Patricia Editor

Did you know that you can get points towards your degree for your involvement with UPSU clubs, teams and societies? The University’s Learning from Experience (LiFE) Electives scheme allows you to gain 10 or 20 credits for group involvement, or for paid, unpaid or volunteer work while at university. All you have to do is ask! Applications for a place on the LiFE scheme can be found on the website below, where you can also find details on the other sorts of electives available including music and languages. People from all years can apply for this extra credit (you can earn a total of 30 points from this scheme over the course of your degree), as long as they can prove that their involvement in the club or society is valid - just showing up for the socials does not count! The extracurricular activity in question doesn’t even have to be something to do with your degree, so you can indulge your outside interests. Many people are already highly active with clubs and societies, and are unaware that the hours they put in can be rewarded in this way. If you are a member of any group, this is worth looking into. The fact that the University is offering points for your contribution shows the value of hobbies and interests and makes your effort more worthwhile. Having said that, electives are not a lazy option. You will be required to produce evidence of your contribution, attend tutoring sessions throughout the semester, and produce a write up on what you have learnt over the semester, but this is a small price to pay for peace of mind and recognition of your contribution. While no one wants to fail a unit for their degree, in reality it does happen sometimes, and it’s nice to know you have extra credit to fall back on, and save you repeating a year. Also, involvement with societies and clubs is fun, and can improve your social life, as well as adding that little something extra to your CV. With Re-Fresher’s Fayre coming up, now is the time to get involved, if you’re not already. Link:

Welcome to the first ever 16 page edition of Pugwash News! With elections upon us, we thought some extra space would come in handy. But that's not what I want to talk about today. I'm here to tell you all about Pugwash News; who we are, what we do and why you should join us! With the start of a new semester (and all the de-stressing that implies), there has never been a better time to get involved with UPSU media. Pugwash News is put together fortnightly by a team of dedicated students, including editors, writers, photographers and designers. We have meetings every Tuesday evening, and the core editorial team spend most of their weekends in here laying up the paper. We all have degrees on top of that, and social lives, some of us have jobs or outside interests; we're average stuJacob Leverett News Editor

School of Rock support The Enemy

photos: Tom Worman

School of Rock at Portsmouth University Jonny Bell

The School of Rock society is a relatively new society created four years ago. It aims to get people involved in music, no matter what your standard is and you don’t even have to be able to play! Come and learn behind the scenes and take control of the sound desk. Our jamming sessions are on a Saturday afternoon starting at 12pm in CO2, and on a weekday evening from 5-9 pm which alternates between Mondays and Tuesdays. Our sessions are pretty informal, pick up a guitar, bass or even a pair of drumsticks and just start playing! With so many people interested in so many different genres of music from reggae to funk, metal to indie, there really is so much to choose from. If you want to

learn to play but have no previous experience that’s not a problem either. With over 20 years playing experience between our committee members you can learn a variety of instruments. Groups are normally split between beginners, intermediates and experts so members can get the most out of the society. An event that we have already done this year was the acoustic night in November which was a major success. Also, our society’s band supported The Enemy just before Christmas, playing to over 1,000 people. With many more events planned for the coming months, be sure to get involved with one of the most exciting societies in the Union. For more information visit: schoolofrock


If Societies threw parties... Jenny Leggot

Coming soon to your Union is a very special event. It has never been attempted before and is tipped to be the best night of entertainment to be held so far this year! It is the one and only Societies Takeover, which will take place at the Union on 23rd February! This event is going to be huge with over 20 different societies taking part, showing you just what it is they do. There will be something for everyone, from the best new DJs to live bands home-grown at your very own Uni. Come and check out the talents of City Safari, an

indie/rock band with the mellowest vocals you will ever hear, and School of Rock, with their unbelievable energy and vivacious performance style. There will also be an open-mic session held in Via Lattea where you will be able to escape from the craziness of Lux and C02, and chill out to various acoustic performances whilst you give your taste buds a treat by indulging in our cultural food selection. If this is not enough then there will also be a debate on a variety of topics (both fun and serious), plenty of fun and games (including giant Twister) and a very special game show.

As always it is never too late to get involved. If your society wants to get in on this amazing event then get in touch by emailing We are especially keen to get more cultural and political societies on board. We also hold meetings every Thursday afternoon at 1pm in the Sabb Office – pop along and get involved! Tickets are on sale now and cost £3. You can pick yours up from either the Union reception, or from the Sabb Office. For more information visit:

So, as you can see from this bumper 16 page first in a series edition, elections are upon us. I’m not going to preach to you about why you should get involved, I am going to discuss the role of UPSU media. News, current affairs and anything timely comes under my job description, which means the elections and particularly how the printed and online media cover them becomes my responsibility. This on one hand means that I have news to write on without looking too far, which has its benefits considering the exams, deadlines and whatever else is being demanded of me by my degree. However, a whole new dilemma appears when covering elections. One that has got me slightly stumped and baffled: should we cover elections? How do we cover them fairly and without showing bias or appearing to show bias? The BBC and the mainstream press have a similar dilemma when Tom Worman Design Editor

As normal, the designers are the last in the chain in the newspaper pro-

dents just like you. And don't think you have to be a Journalism student or similar to get involved. We'll accept anyone who's willing to put in the effort, and will help you along the way so you can achieve your full potential. The best way you can get involved is by writing for us. With 16 pages to fill with content, we need your news, features, reviews and sports. Writing for Pugwash is not only good for your CV, it's also great fun. So, for all you aspiring journalists or closet columnists, here's your chance! We will be at Re-Fresher's Fayre in a fortnight with more details, but feel free to get in touch ( in the meantime if you are at all interested. We will consider anything we're sent, whether it's something you've written off your own initiative or if you want to ask us for ideas and guidance first. UPSU Media is growing. There's space for your contribution.

it comes to general elections. When it comes to general elections the BBC have a responsibility to cover the current government and the official opposition along with Liberal Democrats in equal measures. This works fine, however with the UPSU sabbatical elections the number of candidates can be huge, and to mention everyone would involve having a paper four times the size and me having the long overdue heart attack. So where do we go? Do we only report on candidates doing interesting things? But then who defines interesting? We could just ignore the whole process but that would then fail my primary aim, which is to try and educate and stimulate debate amongst you our readers. I’m lost and my brain hurts, am I over reacting? Is this just a huge collection of pig laws or do I have reason to fret? To read more of Jacob’s rambling

duction, so I am left with this massive space! Want to learn more about Jabbering and design techniques, or maybe you want to get your photos in here. Get in touch?


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So what’s all this then? The UPSU Elections run once a year, and are held to find the six students who will undergo a year of on-the-job training and development while they run the Students’ Union charity, making sure the Union’s clubs, societies, volunteering, media and student representation services do the job they’re supposed to be doing making your time at Portsmouth University the best it can possibly be! Over the next four pages you can find out exactly what it’s like to be a Sabb from this year’s Sabb team, find out what’s happening when, and get the lowdown on how to run in this year’s elections. In issues 10 and 11 we will be covering the elections

process, introducing you to the candidates, and telling you more about our elections coverage. First, here’s a few quick answers...

Why be a Sabb? Spending a year as a Sabb - either as a year out of studies or in the year after you graduate, is one of the best ways you can get real-world experience in a field of work which covers a huge range of responsibilities, and virtually everyone who has been a Sabb agree that it has given their career prospects a huge boost.

How do I run? Running for election involves a lot of reading - the more you pick up from our elections website, candidate pack, and even this elections special, the better you’ll understand the positions and what will be required of you.

Need more info? Just go to our elections website for everything you need to know:

Inside... IMPORTANT ELECTION DATES Essential dates for your diaries, whether you’re running or voting. Pages 8 and 9

MEET THE 2007/08 SABBS Our Sabb team explain what it means to be a Sabb. Pages 8 and 9

HOW TO RUN: STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE & MORE Loads more info on the elections process. Page 10

Pugwash News


Wednesday 6th February 2008

Elections Special


S N O I T C ELE When 2008

is everything happening?

Important dates for your diary, whether you’re running or just intend to have your say in the polls.


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FEB 19: SP ECH RECORDINE GS Candidates: bo ok a slot to ha ve your 1 m inute manife sto speech record ed to go onlin e

What is the So what’s actually involved in being a Sabb?

President of The Studentsʼ Union

We asked this year’s officers to tell us a thing or two about their day to day experiences:

You can read their full interviews and find out more about each of these officers on the elections website.

The President's job is so varied - you have to oversee all areas of activity in the Union as well as being the main point of contact meeting with local leaders and representing student concerns to the University. The most enjoyable part of the job is helping students in the amazing range of activities they get up to. My successes in the position include getting the University to employ a dedicated Energy and Environmental manager, and improving the Union's democracy. The most frustrating part of the role is that there is so much to do, and so little time! I would absolutely recommend this role to other students: these jobs are unique in the level of responsibility, the working environment and the real chance to make a difference. The hardest part of the elections last year was running around talking to as many students as possible. It was also the best part! Next year, the Sabb team will need to work the hardest on the Union’s 3-5 year strategy, and the two-year audit process to make sure the Union is working as well as possible. My successor will need a real passion for promoting, defending and extending the rights of students - there is no point in running if you're not going to give 100%.

Pugwash News

Wednesday 6th February 2008



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Candidates’ knowledge an d abilities will be tested live on air and in specia l events

Join us for al l the tears an d joy as the ca ndidates go on stage to find out who will be running the U nion next year ! Results will be an on stage in Lu nounced live x, and online at ctions, just as soon as they ’re available!

job like? The Sabbs tell all

Student Activities & Development Officer

Student Support Officer

Sports Officer


I represent, support and coordinate the 3,100 students involved in societies, and the Volunteering In Portsmouth (VIP) group, which is not only the Union’s award-winning volunteering organisation, but also a crucial link between the student body and the local community. I also manage the Union’s Student Training And New Development (STAND) programme. As a Sabb I also act as a trustee, ensuring the Union fulfils its objects and charitable objectives. The part of my job I enjoy the most is the development aspect: through the activities the Union offers, students can become a society President, manage a volunteer project, or receive and give training. During my time in office I’ve created STAND; the Union now offers training on media, campaign coordination, society and club management, and training the trainer. I’ve achieved all of my manifesto pledges, increasing student representation and ownership, and cutting red tape. Red tape is the most frustrating part of the job! Future candidates will have to be dedicated to and have a complete understanding of the role, and will need to genuinely care about the students whose welfare they are charged to safeguard.

My job includes running campaigns, helping to organise RAG events, overseeing Union Council, and general welfare. The part of my job I enjoy most is helping with RAG. I hope everything I’ve done has been successful but, picking one thing: during the first week of students being back, all 1,000 copies of my “Use It, Keep It, Love It!” campaign booklet went. In my manifesto, I said “I believe I am an approachable, open and honest person and would be a good representative of the student population” - I believe I have helped to increase student/sabbatical relations! The most frustrating part of my position is when people say to me, “What is a Sabb?”, but I would definitely recommend this role to other students. It’s been a great year (and I’ll be really sad to leave!). The hardest part of the 2007 elections was the hours... Up and out for 9am ‘till 2am campaigning it was REALLY fun though so also the best part! The next Sabb team will need to work hard on getting students to know what a Sabbatical officer is and what we do, to try and get as many students as possible involved in UPSU activities. One piece of advice: try not to get frustrated!

The part of my job I enjoy the most is seeing the change my actions, ideas and projects make. Sport is unique because there is always more you can do - constantly improving the Athletic Union is what excites me. I’d like to think I have achieved everything in my manifesto; participation numbers have gone up, the amount of students I represent has increased, club development programmes are underway, links with external agencies have been formed and strengthened - including a strong sports science relationship and, most importantly, the profile of sport has been raised massively. The most frustrating parts of my job are time and politics! Things always seem to take longer than they need to. I would definitely recommend the role to other students, but only if they were serious about improving sport. I’d like to think the days of going for Sabbatical for status have passed; if you really want to enhance sport then it’s the best position you could have. The hardest part about elections was not knowing if you are going to win, and the best part was seeing how much my friends cared and helped. If you want to go for this role, do it because you want to achieve something!

Education & Representation Officer

Media & Publications Officer

(“Ed & Rep”)


I deal with a range of things from Course Reps to disciplinary hearings. Course Reps take up a lot of my time, but are well worth it. I also deal with academic complaints, appeals and ECF forms. I also chair the Union’s disciplinary meetings, and sit on numerous other panels and committees in the University. I really enjoy listening to students’ issues and helping them to take action on a matter. Through training Course Reps this year, I also got to meet a really wide and diverse range of people. The successes I hold closest to my heart are when I have helped a student win an appeal or complaint. I’d like to think I’ve kept all of my manifesto pledges. The most frustrating part of the job is red tape! Being a Sabb, it is unfortunately not as easy to achieve things as people may think, although if you persists you will achieve the things you strive for. I’d recommend the role to other students, but your heart must be in it, you be prepared to fight - and then fight some more - for students’ rights. I truly believe that without determination, you will not enjoy this role to the fullest. Other than that though, it’s a great job! Next year’s team will need to work hard on a good coherent plan to take the Union forward.

As well as being a Trustee (and having to act like a grown up!), I look after the Union’s media & publications, as well has being responsible for making sure the Union’s Sabbs and students have a voice. The part of my role which I enjoy the most is creating new things, and seeing new teams working together. Ben Norman (SADO) has also developed a very good Media training program - in this role, you may be responsible for supporting every other Sabb’s work, but you also rely on them to help you create the media. The hardest part about elections last year was definitely the stress and long hours, but the end result made it all worthwhile. Red tape and long hours are definitely not perks of the job, but if you have drive, determination, can learn quickly and won’t stop until you get the answers to your questions - and you make a good cuppa! - you’ll definitely be able to improve UPSU Media even more! Next year’s team will have to be very, very good at making their own decisions on what is and is not important to the Union to create a bullet-proof strategy. The Union is a wonderful place to work, but you must make sure you stick to your goals and keep a sense of humour.

Pugwash News


Wednesday 6th February 2008

Elections Special

How to run for election

Your rough guide to putting yourself forward for election...

If you are reading this then you have taken the first step to what could be one of the most exciting and fondly remembered stages of your life – choosing to spend at least a year running the Students’ Union on behalf of all students in Portsmouth. This is not a decision to be taken lightly, it can be a demanding role that will stretch and enlighten you to what running a business is really all about, but virtually all successful candidates refer to it as an unmissable experience. This guide should act as your starting point if you intend to run for election. Please make sure you regularly check the elections website at and/or the latest candidate pack to make sure you have the latest election information, and please don't hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Things you must do before the close of nominations (Mon 18th Feb)

Read the rules!

Forewarned is forearmed - make sure you know what you can and cannot do. If you have questions, you can contact us, or use the Candidates' Question and Answer session (6pm, Feb 11th) and the Candidates' Briefing (Thu 21st Feb, 2.30pm) to get the information you need. Select your position Students who decide that they wish to stand in the elections should first decide which of the six positions is most suitable for them, for instance one of the jobs is dedicated to sport while another handles media and publications. Consider what you can bring to the role and how it can help your career to really get the most out of the experience. Become nominated You will need one person to act as your proposer, who is willing to say that they think you will do a good job. You also need 6 seconders, who add their names to the form which you hand in. Then find the nomination form in the candidate pack. Create your manifesto What do think YOU can bring to the role? Think about your experience in that area and how you might change it? What qualities have you got that match the requirements of the role? Outline these in no more than 400

words – this will form the basis of your entry into the candidates profile.

position you're going for...

Create your publicity materials Got a strong message? Make sure the voters get to hear about it by creating striking publicity! Budgets are available for posters and other media, but creativity is the key!

... because Question Time Week is coming between Monday 3rd and Sunday 9th March, and you will need to be ready to prove you've got what it takes! You will receive full details of the planned Question Time Week events closer to the date.

Ask us your questions Come to the Candidates' Question and Answer session and you can ask the current Sabbatical team anything you'd like about their current roles. Monday, February 11th, 6pm, at the Union

Get your nominations pack in by Mon 18th Feb Hand your completed candidate pack in to the UPSU Copy Shop no later than 6pm on Monday 18th February.

Get your manifesto speech recorded Book a slot between Tuesday 19th and Thursday 21st February with Joanna Bower to have your 1-minute candidate's speech video'd so we can publicise you online, and at various elections events.

Attend the COMPULSORY candidates' meeting Thursday 21st February, 2.30pm: you will be briefed on the responsibilities of the role, the conduct expected of candidates during the elections, and will meet the University's Vice Chancellor John Craven.

Practise your speaking voice, and research the

Get ready, and prepare your campaign team... ... because campaign week begins on Monday 10th March at 9am, and from there until 1pm on Friday 14th March, you're going to be campaigning your socks off!

Stay available

You will also be told where and when to arrive for the results ceremony that evening.

Get your scrutineers Your scrutineers will need to report to the Union for their duty overseeing the count process on the afternoon of Friday 14th March. More details will be provided closer to the time.

Turn up for the results! You will be asked to come to the Union to be ready to hear the results of the count. Make sure your friends and campaigners are close by - this can be a bit stressful!

Make sure we can contact you on your mobile phone at all times in case we need to round candidates and their teams up for any emergency briefings.

Once the count is done and dusted, w you will be shepherded around the building while the ceremony is prepared, and finally you will be invited on to stage to find out how well you've done.

Get voting!

And finally...

Don't forget to cast your own votes at the polls; ballot boxes open from 9am on Wednesday 12th March until 1pm on Friday 14th March. Find out where and when ballot boxes can be found on the elections website.

... aaand relax! At 1pm on Friday 14th March, the polls close and there's nothing more anyone can do to change the result, so grab a relaxing drink, grab a comfy seat and some mates, and try not to worry too much about the night ahead :o)

Final briefing A short, final briefing for all candidates will be held on the afternoon of Friday 14th March. You will need to attend the meeting to hand in details of your expenditure and to finalise any details of your candidacy before the results are announced.

Good luck! Don’t forget! STAY TUNED TO THE ELECTIONS WEBSITE FOR THE LATEST NEWS AND INFO Important changes are made to the way things run every year, and this year will probably be no different. Keep an eye on this web address for the latest news:

Pugwash News

Wednesday 6th February 2008



Done too much, too young Tallie Kane Reviews Editor

Everyone knows the conventional format of the 'coming of age' novel; Child finds itself in emotional, financial or physical turmoil, Child overcomes it and anticipates maturity, Child embraces maturity and becomes a well rounded Adult as a product. This is pretty much your basic Bildungsroman, a novel of 'self-cultivation', whereby the protagonist meticulously analyses themselves in context to the situation they've been thrust into, how much money they have, or don't have, or whether they've perhaps lost a limb. This type of novel seems to rely purely on biology, but is this essential in order to correctly represent the onslaught of maturity? Does growing up necessarily have to follow a biological timeline? There are pieces of literature that track the time when maturity doesn't quite happen when you want it to. Many books have shown this grasp of maturity to come prematurely, or happen long after when it should have. It can come from something as simple as a kiss, to a revolution that overturns a country and causes the character in question to snap out of the eternal youth that they have indulged in. It can be for better or for worse, demonstrating the emotional and moral success that adulthood can bring, to the disillusionment that arises from its expectations. The novels that come to mind when 'coming of age' comes into conversation are between the throes of teenage angst to great social commentaries that are often best demonstrated through the progression of a child to the adult. Books

such as Great Expectations and Jane Eyre often spring out of the woodwork when thinking of the most obvious, and often definitively agespecific books that illustrate the journey from youth to maturity. In J.D. Salingers' 'The Catcher in the Rye, the reader explores the reluctance that its protagonist has when forced to embrace his maturity. Holden Caulfield became an iconic symbol for the teenage rebel in all of us, defying the educational and judicial system with pure apathy. By deliberately alienating himself, a form of self-protection ensues, a concept that many followers of the book identified with. Despite the fact that the cult status surrounding the work often overlapped the book itself, The Catcher in the Rye described the painful process of growing up, and also caused critics to rethink Caulfields' position as your typical, run-of the mill Bildungsroman character. Caulfield ultimately rejected Maturity as he saw it and chose to adopt an almost nihilist approach to adulthood, commenting on its phoniness that eventually led to his acceptance of the futility of 'growing up'. The turn of maturity comes as he realises that he had forced an opinion on himself that he did not fully prepare himself for, and accepts a sense of responsibility as a compromise. The book comments on a sense of bewilderment from the expectations of society during that era, and the conformity of youth that surfaced after the age of war had passed. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee holds a different social context within the journey of the protagonist Scout from youth to maturity to that of Salingers' novel, which ultimately shows the change to happen asym-

metrically with a biological timeline. Set in pre-desegregated America, Lee sets the conscience of a nation within the constraints of Maycomb, a town that, at the time, was still very much a 'black-and-white' issue. It can be argued that Scout's acceptance of the wider world, and her feelings of injustice at such a premature age was a due criticism to the stubborn 'old-world' morals that her elders still insisted on enforcing. When considering the timeline that most Bildungsroman follow in terms of the characters' personal development, Scout, essentially, grows up faster than she should, her mental and moral capacity far surpassing her years. It's all fair and good children growing up before their time, but plenty of pieces of literature demonstrate the either pathetic or evolutionary tide of maturity that can happen as an adult. I'm not a big fan of the 'lad-lit' genre, particularly the type that Nick Hornbys' name drags along with it, but one of his more well known books About a Boy is a more modern interpretation of maturity coming along a lot later in life. Hornbys' arrogant youth-of-aman realises the stupidity of his selfenforced immaturity when he is thrust into a situation that he finds, more or less, a pain in the arse. Will, the teenage-minded adult, is forced to accept his position in life, although Hornby misses the emotional and moral progression that he should have desired, rather than filling it with self-indulgent jokes that miss the point. It isn't all downhill though. Sometimes the seemingly pathetic cease to be so. Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood, dramatically different from his other novels, shows a change in more tender and subtle ways. His novel is not primarily set to reveal any sort of social context in the maturing of Toru Watanabe, but uncovers issues that are closer to home, passing directly through the heart. A retrospective text that details a relationship formed in the burdens of early adulthood, Norwegian Wood shows a realistic, yet also mystical version of romance that set a version of maturity that one could understand. Toru's 'true' maturity comes disassociated from the restricted timeline of age, portraying an adult exposed to a world of mental illness, insecurity and uncertainty, weaved in with the pangs of love, and the acceptance of knowing when to let go. Perhaps one of the texts that ultimately changed me the minute I became 'involved' with it. To restrict the definition of a 'coming-of-age' novel to a biological timeline only suggests the existence of flaws in the nature of humanity. Not everyone 'grows up' and accepts maturity at the same time, and literature which illustrates this with a less than age-dependant structure exists purely to demonstrate this fact. Identification with maturity is individual, and not generalised, therefore it is valuable to consider this when defining the genre, perhaps considering the person rather than the number of candles on their figurative birthday cake.

Valentines Hype Words: Tiffany Lee Artwork: Tom Worman

The other day I found myself in one of Portsmouth’s card shops with a couple of my friends. We were looking for a birthday card, yet we had somehow stumbled upon the sickly Valentines aisle. Suddenly my eyesight was awash with characters from Winnie the Pooh expressing love to someone they had never met, but whose top shelf they would remain on for eternity, and that clear cellophane that makes a mediocre present extortionately priced. I could sense that gushing cynicism racing up from within only to be suppressed by my gritted teeth. My friend stood next to me, the old romantic type, inspecting the gifts on display. Considering that my friend and I had not agreed on one single thing since the day we met, except for the fact, as he pointed out, that we both are attracted to men, I tried to keep quiet. It didn’t work. The next thing I know, we were stood in front of the poor cashier who was trying to serve us but whose presence went completely unnoticed in our state of full blown debate. My argument was: why should we feel the need to celebrate our loved ones on one particular day rather than all year round? Especially when it’s a day where no one seems to understand its significance? The day originates from the killing of Christian martyr St. Valentine, who died on the fourteenth of February 269 AD at the hands of the Roman Empire. He had left a letter behind for his friend signed, “From your Valentine”, hence the tradition of sending messages of love on that day. Who said anything about a sad looking Eeyore in a tutu with a sign saying “Be

mine?” Sadly, perhaps what was originally a nice sentiment has been taken over by the big cheeses at the card shop, who rely on our naïve consumerism to pack those cigars into their mouths. In fairness, Christmas is hardly a saintly affair these days with marketing and advertising being as powerful as it is, but Christmas I think I can forgive. The 25th December is a day when everything in the country comes to a halt, when families are united, whether they like it or not, and it is a day that is bursting with religious faith and festive tradition. Whereas Valentine’s Day is generally a day of disappointment, either from singles who are alienated by the entire tradition, or by couples who spend far too much on each other for a day that is effectively pointless. According to my dear sweet friend, if you are in a relationship, you must celebrate Valentine’s Day. Well, this is my second year with my boyfriend, and the second year we have been apart for the ‘big day’. I can safely say that neither my boyfriend, who is the most optimistic and generous person I know, or myself, feel the need to exchange expensive presents and store bought sentiments on this day. Instead we prefer to send little gifts throughout the year, to constantly remind each other how much we love each other. After all, shouldn’t love be 24/7? Why should the death of some random person in sandals, indicate which date we should further our debts and make a special effort in our relationship? Only now, after that admittedly biased rant, is my cynicism retreating back inside to sit in his patchwork armchair in the depths of my stomach and smoke his pipe whilst glaring angrily at all that passes him. See you next year mate.

Pugwash News


Wednesday 6th February 2008

Reviews .. in association with

‘Love is Free’ Sheryl Crow Rating: Tim Dubber

Sheryl Crowe, in her long musical career has made some good songs. However, I can't rate this new single particularly highly. From start to finish it’s irritating. An annoying R'n'B beat combines with highpitched acoustic guitar, so before her voice is even introduced, you're already sick of it. The lyrics weren't impressive either, something about 'love' and 'free', drawn from the seemingly bottomless chasm of clichés currently dominating mainstream music. In her favour though, the song is incredibly catchy. My advice is don't buy it. You'll hear it enough on the radio, especially if Radio 1's daytime schedule has anything to do with it. Right, I'm off to listen to some Metallica or Iron Maiden to make me feel manly again.

‘A-Punk’ Vampire Weekend Rating: Ed Butterfield

Ivy Leaguers Vampire Weekend, despite the hype, certainly make a convincing argument for ‘most annoying band ever’. A group of four wealthy, good-looking college graduates, they might as well have ‘Yuppie’ written across their collective forehead. This song, however, doesn’t so much rub their affluence into your face, but take you into this extravagant lifestyle with them, showing you all the sights and breathing fresh air into an American Indie scene that’s stuck in the suburbs and teenage bedrooms. Dreamy, meandering lyrics with a slippery guitar lick and a high-hat heavy beat drives this song along at an incredibly nimble pace, skipping across the rooftops of the indie suburbs with the listener barely able to keep up. A quirky, revitalising, oddity of a song. Top stuff.

‘Boys! Grab Your Guns ’ My American Heart Rating: Joel Growney

I should have taken it as an omen when my laptop twice refused to accept the CD. And maybe it was just coincidence that I felt a little sick as ‘Boys! Grab Your Guns’ finally began to play. But whatever signs I was being sent to not sit through the 3 minutes and 37 seconds stolen from me by this formulaic excuse for a song, I now have the perfect answer if someone ever asks me what fourth rate flash-in-the-pan pop-rock sounds like. I don’t know what’s more worrying, the fact that bands

‘Crank Dat’

piano arrangement is reminiscent of earlier Simon and Garfunkel, whilst Golden’s whispered vocal style is somewhere between Daniel Johnson and Beck, which combined with the lyrics makes for a pretty creepy single. The forthcoming album, Revenge Songs, looks set to be an underground hit, though if this single is anything to go by, perhaps not the most uplifting record of the year.

Soulja Boy Rating: Zero Joel Growney

‘Crank Dat’ shows just how low hip hop has sunk in recent years, with the wit, wordplay and passion which drove the genre being replaced by mindless droned lyrics slurred over what appears to be a bad ringtone. As for the infamous line ‘Superman that ho’: it’s not funny, it’s not clever. It’s misogynistic, juvenile, and the glee with which it has been adopted by listeners and fans sickens me a little. The fact that it fits in so perfectly with ‘Crank Dat’ as a whole is a clue to how devoid of a reason to exist the song is. If you listen to this, you’re listening to the sound of twenty years of progress within hip hop being erased and replaced with lazy, worthless rubbish. Buying this is like funding a war on good music. So don't.

‘Find the Time’ Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. Rating: Andrew Laugher

‘Find the Time’ is pretty much standard fare for ‘Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly’, starting with the quiet pickings of an acoustic guitar and crooning vocals; it’s only a matter of time before you know a beat will kick in and a cracking trumpet part will emerge from nowhere. Whilst the formula may not exactly be wholly original, and you can see the tempo change coming a mile off, it not only works but goes further to showcase just how talented Duckworth really is, packing his songs full of emotion yet still remaining infectiously catchy. Maybe lacking a little punch compared to his previous work, it more than makes up for it with warming positivity and unavoidable charm.

‘Out Come the Wolves’ Jacob Golden Rating: Jack Wells

Hailing from Los Angeles, Jacob Golden makes minimalist pop songs that are as paranoid and haunting as you would expect from a sensitive indie type living in a land of showbiz and botox. Recorded mainly in Golden’s kitchen, ‘Out Come the wolves’, is a sparse anti-anthem full of references to American pop culture and predatory images that builds up into a despairing crescendo. The jingly acoustic guitar and

Gigs Linkin Park O2 Arena Rating: Amanda Greenwood

Linkin Park and the O2 suit each other: modern, experimental, and both entered the world in the new millennia. After support Julien-K dropped out and a disappointing set from Biffy Clyro (although Machines was beautiful), Linkin Park storm on the stage with ‘What I’ve Done’, and you just know this is going to be a good show. The hits keep coming from all three albums with passionate and amazing delivery, especially during the slower songs and ends with the stomping ‘Bleed It Out’. There is even a small rendition of Rihanna’s ‘Umbrella’! The encore brings a stunning piano version of ‘My December’, followed by the brilliant ‘Breaking the Habit’, the audience and band showing no sign of stopping. The band leaves the stage after huge applause but the lights don’t come back on. After a long, long wait some of the crowd have left (fools) and eventually Linkin Park return with ‘A Place in my Head’ and finally finish with ‘One Step Closer’. With the crowd screaming more than ever, everyone climbing out of their seats; an amazing show from an amazing band.

Meet Me in St Louis/ Blakfish/ Tubelord/ The James Cleaver Quintet Brighton Freebutt Rating: Uma Uthayashanker

The Freebutt (yes I laughed too), a venue the size of a bedroom, is jampacked tonight to the point where even turning your head involves bumping into someone, and I can’t help but feel that something momentous is about to happen. The first band to play is The James Cleaver Quintet, whose replacement of drums with a laptop brings about surprisingly good results. However they don’t quite match the standard of next band Tubelord, who, to put it simply, are mind-blowing. With harmonies and melodies like Scottish great Biffy Clyro, Tubelord are possibly the greatest thing to come out of Kingston since the invention of the Christmas Crocodile, or more recent-

ly, er, Matt Willis from Busted… Next up are Blakfish, who know how to bring fun to the party with banter about ‘QI’ and song titles like ‘Planes, Trains and Obese Women’. They really are a joy to watch and it’s an added bonus that their music, which at times is reminiscent of Fugazi, is pretty darn good. Headliners Meet Me in St Louis’s surprise the audience with an instrumental set after the departure of their lead singer a few weeks earlier. Musically this band are outstanding, riffs and melodies are awkwardly melded into something spectacular and as the entire crowd sing every word of every song for them, it almost doesn’t seem to matter that there’s no singer present tonight.

Movie Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Rating: Petey Strauss

The film adaptation of the Tony award winning musical by the reputable Stephen Sondheim has been a long time coming. The film carries a great sense of expectation, which is heightened further when it becomes apparent that the ever elusive and dark Johnny Depp is playing the role of Sweeney Todd. However, could the story of Sweeney Todd truly be converted to the somewhat inconsistent format of musical film? In a word: Yes. Sweeney Todd is already a front runner for one of the best films of 2008, with nominations for a Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture. Whether it be the surprising authenticity of Depp’s English accent, the dark lighting, the story itself or the musical format, the film is thoroughly enjoyable. The casting of Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are more than apt as both clearly relish in the dark gothic roles of Sweeney Todd and Miss Lovett respectively. Depp’s sixth collaboration with director Tim Burton is truly a joy to behold, as he once again excels himself in a manner only Johnny can truly do.

photo: Tom Worman


making this kind of music can still get signed, or the fact that they might actually be successful. Fans of The Academy Is… and Panic! At The Disco will probably like this, but the majority of people should find ‘Boys! Grab Your Guns’ is a complete misfire.

Pure FM Show of the Week What: 2 Blondes & 1 Brain Who: Caroline Arthur, Michelle Vincent and Hollie Dixon When: Sundays 7-9 pm

Description: An entertaining commercial show full of banter and suprise! Features include ‘blonde versus brunette’ where presenters are ‘challenged’ to compete for status! For Fans Of: Loose Women! Also, Artic Monkeys, Basement Jaxx and Kate Nash.

Every week we’ll be showing a chart of the Top 5 artists that the members of our group have been listening to, if you want your music scrobbled, log in and add the Pugwash chart

Go to

Pugwash Top 5 1

Bloc Party




Hot Chip


LCD Soundsystem


Kings of Leon


Mercredi Pourpre Mercredi 6ème Février 2008

Sports Features

Sublime Ultimate at Mixed Nationals Fresher’s point of view Gemma Gale

The mixed team travelled up to Manchester last weekend to play in Nationals. Our first game was against third seeds Shooting Stars from Dundee; we had a close, hard fought game against them and ended up winning 3-2. The next game was against TNT, who were seeded bottom in our group. Although we didn't play to the best of our ability we won this game 5-2. The third pool game was against Mythago, seeded 6th. Everyone played hard in this game, however we lost 6-3. Next game was against Skunks. Everyone was up for this game and it showed in our performance. We were trading points throughout the whole game, with Skunks 4-3 up with 15 seconds to

go. Sublime had shouted ten as soon as we had got to the line, but there was some confusion at the Skunks end as when we got to zero the disc still hadn't been thrown. The disc was then thrown on the buzzer. If we won our next match, the pool would have a four-way tie at the top, and the seedings would be rearranged by points difference. We played DUF; they managed to get a few points early on. We tried to bring it back but they ended up winning. This meant that in our pool of six, five teams were in ties. However as all our games had been low scoring this meant we ended up as 5th in our pool and 19th Seeds overall, which everyone was very annoyed about because we had won two games and Brunel, who were in another pool, had won one game and were seeded 13th. We had

Strange Blue the next morning, who were seeded 14th. This was our chance to get into the middle eight and have a chance of winning the plate. But after a very unspirited game, Stange Blue managed to win 4-3, leaving us in the bottom eight and fighting for the Spoon. Next was UCL, who we beat 5-3 to keep our 19th seeding. Next up Haze, which was one of the best games of the tournaments everyone seemed to gel in this game, and this showed with the score 8-3 to us. This put us into the Spoon final against Random Fling. This again was a hard fought match where we were trading points. However they managed to come away with it at the end and beat us 5-3. So in the end we came 18th out of 24. Well done to all of you that played at the weekend, especially Rachel who got MVP.

Men’s Lacrosse 8 Vs. 1 UWIC

photos: Tom Worman Ben Endley

wLacrosse Club President s ’ oPompey almost saw the wheels fall off their perfect season on Saturday against UWIC. The Cardiff based side have struggled at times to put a full team out this season; their visit to the south coast was their first game of the New year. Despite all these pressures, for much of the game it was difficult to tell which of the sides had dominated the league all season. There was little doubt from either side that the points would remain in Pompey, however the game held very little rhythm and Pompey were never allowed to

build continuity into their game. It took a goal of genuine class from Ben Endley to open the scoring, firing in from distance with a shot that was too hot for the Welsh side’s keeper to handle. Although Pompey’s performance did improve over the course of the game, it was punctuated by individual errors. This match lacked much of the technical excellence that Pompey have come to expect over the course of their astonishing season. What the match lacked in spectacle, it was made up for in physicality. Two fairly serious injuries to important Pompey players, along with numerous knocks and bruises will attest to the competitiveness

tSeperated at birth s - After trawling through some recent private photos of a certain well-known c cheerleader we happened to come across a photo that had a remarkable e resemblance to comedian Russell Brand and his unique hair style. Brother and Sister? We hope not!

Left: Russell Brand

Right: Marissa May

that both sides showed. As the game neared its close and the scoring tally began to build up, the men in purple’s complacency was exposed and punished by an excellent first league lacrosse goal from James Agger, the Pompey fresher loaned to the Welsh side for the day. It is certainly a positive that Pompey can win despite not playing particularly well, however with important league and cup games in the pipeline, the lads will be looking to bring in more consistency to their performances. In summary; to quote Leicester City manager Ian Holloway, ‘this victory may not have been the best looking lady but at least we took her home at the end of the night.’

Leah Gatheridge Equestrian Club

Rebecca Gosling Cheerleadering Club

This year is actually my second year at University. In my first year I had not joined any clubs, so starting in September I decided to see what was out there. During Fresher’s week I walked around the Fayre trying to look for something exciting to do, whilst holding back from more free pizza! In my first year I looked into the horse riding club and decided against it. This year nothing was stopping me. I met Peppa the Vice President and she signed my friend Pippy who is also a beginner and I up to the “new equestrian club”. I was slightly worried about not fitting in with horsey people, but I joined them on their Halloween social and what a shock I had, down to earth people who especially love to drink and also learned that they loved to get naked! We went of to the Union in our Halloween attire, everyone was so friendly and I met many of the Equestrian club members. My first riding lesson was so much fun, meeting people at the same level as me and some have them have become good friends. From that point on I’ve had many fun nights out, even dressed as Barbie for a joint social with roller hockey and I have been going to competitions to support the B team. I’d recommend anyone to join a club, it’s the best thing I did! The social side is amazing and also coincides with my enjoyment of riding!

So I’m not technically a Fresher, I’m a second year, but a Fresher cheerleader this year, and it’s been amazing. Started out at try outs, God knows how I got in, as I was laughed at on numerous occasions when I couldn’t get the routine, or do the jumps. Despite this, I managed to make competition team and it’s been such a laugh ever since. Being in second year you are slightly more aware of what goes on, so I was prepared for Fresher challenges and general picking on. Some of this including shot-ing dirty pints, eating deserts with just your mouth, seeing drinks away for no apparent reason, and Touchcup rules that I definatly didn’t come across in my first year, all which, of course, lead to many nights of being sick. I have met loads of amazing people and can’t wait for competition, and for all the drunken/social antics to continue. I would also like to add to all those who ever said cheerleading is easy, you try being thrown up in the air, and sometimes not being caught, which means falling fast and hard to the floor- it hurts! Can’t wait until tour!

AU Dinner We are currently booking up Sports clubs for action photos and video with Union photographer Tom Worman. If your club recieves an award at the AU Dinner, these photos will be shown in the background. To book in your sport for photos and video recording please e-mail Tom Worman. We will also be putting together a similar video to last year, therefore we need footage for this too! If you want to submit your own video and photos you are more than welcome, please get in contact to ensure we recieve the content in time. Tom will be available Wednesday afternoons for all home games; please get in contact soon to avoid disappointment. Email:

Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 6th February 2008


Sports features

Sporto Challenge Every fortnight we pit two of our sportos against each other in a fast paced Q&A session to see who’s cooler. Oh, and they have to draw a donkey too... Decide for yourself.

ut a trying o Fancy ootball, sport? F ball, all, Net ton Basketb Badmin d n a y Hocke ural inter-m all have st ents. Ju tournam ine Bird. Cather contact

Th Snowe Ski and b have oard club socia chill out Tues ls every day Regi at the stry

Have y fanci ou ever ed a go at speed datin g? Come a your nd find perfe ct match Febru on 28th ary!

Refre s 13th hers Fay Unio Feb in t re n... he have come an d a loo k!

The UPSAC diving calend er is already lookin g full for 2008 with dives planned to: Oban, Plym outh, Cornwall, Dor set, Scilly Isle s plus many many m ore out of Portsmouth an d Selsey. Our new Ocean Diver trainees have now completed th eir pool trainin g and are eager to brave the (not too chilly) water at some of the U K's top inland dive sites.

are h s u p o t Oc off to ls on a n o i t a n Feb the 23rd

Team o l o P eir Theave thls on h ona 7th natim the th fro to 10 y in r . ruat ol Febr s B i

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ss Lacro

d, recor 100% he t a ve , in en ha eague ds l n a e l h d The m t t Mi s p of e o W SA t U B e ar the the s of ve s of a l h a n d final i n emi F hip a S s in n o , g i p Cu reco hamp nal C so nwide o s i e t Natio c a orman ed n f v r i e e p c re ur for o tion ear y s i h far t

To put your notices here email:

Team of the Fortnight

Player of the Fortnight

Hockey: Men won 5-0 against Brunel, who previously beat them 4-1, now they should be off to play offs. Men’s Seconds won 3-0 against Surrey to steal top spot from them, and more importantly clinch promotion. Men’s Thirds: first win of the season, 3-0 and no one lost a game, making it 100% win rate for the day, 11 wins no losses.

Meeting two hockey old girls on your very first day at uni probably isn’t the best way to stay sober. The unfortunate subject was to be Hannah Jones, Third team Fresher. Hannah is an inspiration to all members of UPHC, not only on but also off the pitch too. Like many of our members, Hannah had not played a lot of hockey before uni, but still she enjoys playing... but more so consuming after the game and on a Wednesday night. Along with five other UPHC members, Hannah attended an umpiring course at Langstone, passing her exam and is actively umpiring various games for both the men and women, showing to all members that you don’t have to be a second or third year to make a difference to your club. Thanks Hannah!

League Table Top 5 Sportos


Marisa May


Peppa Barnett


Andrew Machin


Andy Watson


James Pepper


Andy Watson

James Pepper

Mens Rugby 1st Team / AU Exec


Have you ever .... Drank/spent more than £100 on alcohol for yourself in one day? Yes many a time, frequently in Tiger Tiger... Most memorable though was the Rugby World Cup final in Paris Slept in your own sick? Unfotunately yes... my Fresher pub crawl and initiations! Slept outside? Yes. Prague tour in my Fresher year, in a tram station Attempted “straight-arm” drinking? Yes and soaked every one around me... serves them right for wearing white on a Wenesday night! Played Touchcup? I have been known to on occasion Been naked in public? Yes, far too many times really; in the Hampshire Boulevard one of the best! Been asked to leave the Union? Yes, nearly every Wednesday in my Fresher year! Missed a lecture to play sports/to do soco stuff? Standard every Wednesday Participated in “The Ramp”? Once, whilst visiting a friend before I was actually at Pompey Uni Downed a jug of Snakey B? Yes and was violently sick following it! Gone in the sea after Tantrum/Time? Yes.. not one of my better moments

Have you ever .... Drank /spent more than £100 on alcohol for yourself in one day? Sadly no because I’m a lightweight... Uni Cricket upbringing

Started drinking before noon? Yes... again tour and Rugby World Cup final spring to mind Is Snake Bite your choice of drink at the Union? Indeed How many societies/clubs have you represented at uni? (1 point for each club) Mens Rugby, AU Exec, Horse riding for dodgeball? Now draw us a donkey ....

Score: 17

Slept in your own sick? Yes... and my helmet. AU dinner was a very strange night Slept outside? Who hasn't? Attempted “straight-arm” drinking? Yeah, don't compare arm lengths with Rugby boys Played Touchcup? Hockey! Been naked in public? Silly question, ask the police

Been asked to leave the Union? Many times, look at a bouncer and you’re out Missed a lecture to play sports / to do soco stuff? Umm, missed exams to wakeboard Participated in “The Ramp”? The Ramp...bit old school for me Downed a jug of Snakey B? Nope, I like ash trays Gone in the sea after Tantrum/Time? Yes...who hasn't! Bring back Time and Envy! Started drinking before noon? Best way to do revision! Is Snake Bite your choice of drink at the Union? Sure is, best people to ask is the Surf club! How many societies / clubs have you represented at uni? (1 point for each club) Wakeboard and Surf Club

Now draw us a donkey ....

Score: 16

Purple Wednesdays Wednesday 6th February 2008


Sports news and features

Behind the scenes with the... Cricket Club Squash...

On The Spot


Every week we will be bring you an insight into the people behind your University of Portsmouth sports teams. The committees are the life blood of your sport so we want to give you a bit more information about who they are and what they do. This issue we bring you the AU Executive.

Elaina “Sheila” Sperring AU Chair This blondie is the Sports Sabb Darby’s ‘bitch’. If anyone is going to nag you about the running of your sports club it’ll be her!

Who are you? Becky Farmer (Farmer/Farms) Which Club or Society are you from? Dance Club How old are you? 20 Where are you from? Swindon First Portsmouth Curry? Akash Favourite Movie? Sound of Music...yes I'm a loser What puts a smile on your face? Drunken fun times with my girls What wipes it off? Horrible boys...and too much work! Most embrassing moment? Tour 2007...end of Best chat up line? My house or yours, lol Favourite uni memory? Tour 2007 and last summer spent on the Common! How quickly can you down a pint? Not very, but I’ll get there eventually Favourite dressing-up theme? Ravers What’s your best joke? Your face What three questions would you ask if you went on a blind date? 1. How do I know you again? 2. *Silence* 3. *Probably more silence...* Tip of the week: Beware of the shot bar area... you will definatly end up on the floor!

Andy “Sleazy” Watson RAG Exec This hairy rugby player organises the charity events. He was in charge of getting everyone naked...

Catherine “Caz” Bird Inter Mural Exec Fancy trying a new sport for fun? Come and find Caz! She’ll help you get involved in friendly tournaments.

Gemma Foy Tour Exec If you’re coming on tour this year you’re going to know who she is! She is in charge of organising it.

Marisa May & Peppa Jane Barnett Media Exec These two will bring you what is going on and who is getting it on! Flip to the back pages of Pugwash News for Purple Wednesdays if you want to know more.

Want to see your club committee team here, email:

Harriet Chandler

The University of Portsmouth Women’s Cricket Club was founded in 2005 by some of our current old girls, as well as a couple of recent graduates. This is our first year as an independent club, and as such we are entering BUSA for the first time also, competing in League 2B. Our first game is on 27th April away at Kent, and our first home game will be on 30th April against Essex. We have recently had four training sessions at the Rosebowl, the Hampshire Cricket ground near Southampton. Our coach was Charlie, a Hampshire Cricket Board community coach. He put us through our paces each time, helping us to work to our strengths and learn new drills – and even while making us work hard, he was secretly loved by most of the girls (and not so secretly by some!) Each session was divided into a warm up, drill practice and then time in the nets. It wasn’t until after the first warm up that we realised this was going to be significantly more challenging than our average Sunday training. The second session nearly ended the VP, as without wanting to be melodramatic, she was fairly sure she was having a heart attack halfway through! The drills helped us with existing fielding skills, in particular how to throw with greater power and accuracy (lift the elbow!) We were also shown new batting techniques such as the back foot drive, which will be very useful in expanding our repertoires. Each coaching session ended with some time in the nets, when we could put into practice the new shots and the bowlers were given advice individually. Not an afternoon went by where someone didn’t get injured,either by someone’s over-zealous throwing, not paying attention, or even Roadrunner’s bowling! Despite this, the extra training was invaluable, and will make us much more formidable opponents when we start playing competitively in April. If you would like to come and watch us play, keep an eye on our Facebook group; all match information will be on there.

continued from page 16

an eye, winning 9-1. He then decided to make hard work of it and after winning the second 10-9, lost the third 10-9. After much encouragement from the bench, Marty dug in and pulled off some tight shots to win 3-1. The only player left to complete the whitewash was Arjun, who at first looked like he’d taken the day off. Barely taking a point in the first, Arjun re-styled his fringe to good effect and closely lost the second before performing the squash game we all know he’s capable of. With style he fought back against an aggressive opponent and won 3-2. The Seconds knew that only a win could possibly see them to promotion. With an exam to rush too, Dan took to the court and dominated in only a way he knows how. The strung together Surrey team didn’t know what had hit them and subsequently saw the first match go to Pompey 30. Amit knew he had to carry on the rout and decided to even keep his tracksuit on. The Surrey number two had barely a second to realise where he was before Amit had walked off court and into the showers. Nor did he realise Amit had just annihilated him 3-0. Last up was Olly. With pressure on for the win, Olly delivered again some of the best squash he’s played this season to wrap up another straight win which saw the seconds take top spot. The thirds had only pride to play for and unfortunately the away team failed to show, allowing the thirds to gain their first win of the season. Credit where its due, Alex trained for hours, instead of playing until he realised he could actually be at the pub. Congratulations to all the players who have made this such a great season, and personally I wish them all luck in the play offs and at Warwick. Lastly, the day wouldn’t have been so victorious if it wasn’t for the huge amount of support that turned up to watch everyone win. Thank you to all the club members, friends and girlfriends or SWAGS that turned up and cheered the guys on.


The banterʼs bigger and better! Rugby President had liposuction in the summer The AU Chair has had her credit card taken away due to the amount of adult material she has been purchasing. Ski and Snowboard social sec was caught getting checked out It’s a twenty five hour trip back from tour... Marisa’s going to get bored ;) Netball and dance are desperate to share a hotel with football ... whats wrong with badminton? Sleazy is known for his cross dressing Marisa’s taken up French Luke Thomas Betts has been asked to go on What Not to Wear... Cannon’s 106 is so chavvy no one in Portsmouth wants it! Dance President Gina cried four times whilst watching the Spice Girls Gemma Foy has been having exciting dreams about Marisa "Peppa Wednesdays" coming soon (apparently) Luke Thomas Betts is dying his hair the same colour as Penny’s... so he looks sexy!

Tom ‘the Camera Man’ Worman is changing his religion Which horse rider has been ridden by five beasts? A certain footballer just spent nine days in hospital and still managed to pick a fight, with a dying pensioner resulting in getting removed from the ward! Hockey Freshers have had a horrible week - a stick to the face crashes Fresher Pett's hopes of a modelling contract Marisa May: “you match your eye shadow with your accessories, not your outfit” Penny Wood: “I have got a green dress and green eye shadow to match” Jack Gavin could not rise to the occasion Squash President threw up on Wednesday before eleven; he just can’t see it away! Rowing’s Gareth Nash squeals like a little pig when tickled. Fact. Email your Gotchas to:

Before Luke started using Creatine


Squash make the play-offs



Issue 9 Wednesday 06.02.08

Banter Inside...

Marty McKinlay Club President

Wednesday 31st January was set as one of the most important dates in the squash club’s history. With Brunel Firsts losing to Sussex over Xmas, the Men’s Firsts needed to overcome the odds and beat a strong Brunel team that had beaten them earlier in the season. Nick O’Hara started the whitewash with a convincing win over a strong opponent, using his fitness to his advantage. Although he came close to losing a game, he hung on tight and pushed it to the end, winning 30. I’m sure he’ll give credit to Gemma whose sole voice kept his moral high. Simon stepped up next against the number one who had previously won 3-0 against us. Simon performed with grace and hit the nick so many times I lost count. Gaining composure through out the match, he took the third game 9-1 and showed how beautifully the game can be played. Andre, fresh from his foreign trip, gave our tail end a strong look. With his ever present bandana he out played the Brunel number five all over the court and deservedly won outright. After three years in the club, his improvement shone through. Missing out on the away leg, Marty was fired up to avenge the earlier loss on home turf. His opponent was a similar player, with length and cross courts as his strong point. Marty took the game by the neck and stormed through the first game in the blink of continued on page 15

with Becky Farmer

University of Portsmouth Mens Rugby Team

photos: Tom Worman and Jacob Leverett

Valiant effort by the Rugby Firsts Jamie Poyner

It was a torrid affair with two legendary teams, Portsmouth First and Imperial battling head to head for the league title. The wind was blustering and the stakes were high, both teams knew the league rested on their performance. Steven Williams, the new ten to step up, took kick off and Ian ‘Stigrat’ White did a thunderous tackle (however, it was his only one of the day). The ref called a dubious penalty from Boynes for pushing, resulting in Imperial scoring a lucky three point conversion. However, the lads refused to let that defeat them, they

battled on with hearts of warriors. Before long Barker was running in a try after an amazing turnover by Northy, who poked the opposition with his massive nose! Barker was on the verge of scoring when the sun caught his eyes and he fumbled the ball; an opportunity missed! Hayward was caught crying like a baby on the side because of the small cut under his eyes. The lads came out to the second half with a positive attitude. Stig-rat was calling out orders and the team were responding well. We later found out that Stig-rat had an earpiece and was repeating what Forehead was saying! Portsmouth was rewarded

page 15

with a penalty, so Williams stepped up from the halfway and calmly slotted it over. The score was 3-3 and the game was now really on. What must be mentioned is that the new hooker Tim Bell, replacing an injured Lappin, won many turnovers and scrums against the head to keep the balance in Portsmouth’s favour. With new found possession Portsmouth serged forward and the “Phoenix” rose again. Unluckily imperial managed to score another lucky three points, giving them the lead they needed to win. Overall it was a good effort from Portsmouth and hopefully it’ll turn out better next time.

Personal Health

Fitness first: University of Portsmouth Sports

Write for PWs

Healthy Living Week

5 Week Fitness Courses

PWs needs your club news!

Healthy Living Week is fast approaching and as always we are looking for everyone to get involved, especially those students & staff among us who aren’t so active. Week beginning 10th March you can explore a range of exercise and wellbeing events at St Paul’s and Nuffield Sports centre: 1) Badminton & Squash, are completely free before noon, 2) Healthy living university-wide menu 3) Free early morning yoga 4) Campus Cycle & Campus Walks 5) Gym challenge

Salsa Salsa Salsa February 13th 2008 2 – 3 pm

Tai Chi February 16th 2008 1.45 – 2.45 pm

Loosen your hips and shoulders and glide or shimmy yourself into South American dance nirvana. Nancy Morris will extract and transform your dance DNA with her Chiliean passion and madness for Salsa. This is a progressive class for beginners, starting with basic foundation steps leading in more synchronised work with a partner.

Harness the powerful yet graceful system of Yang style Tai Chi to engage the body and mind. This short style course is excellent for maintaining and improving strength and flexibility for all ages. This will inspire you to explore the many forms of Tai Chi that mimic animals and the natural world.

Book now, 30 places available, check class prices at

Book now, 20 places available, check class prices at

6) Fitness testing to establish your fitness benchmark, include a bleep test to measure your heart and lung fitness levels This year occupational health and Sports Science are lending their expertise to MOT your body. Organise yourself a week of activities. Kick start your day with a beginners class in yoga or a gym workout. If you have never used a gym don’t worry, we will show you how to use the machines. Then join our staff led campus walks or cycle around Ravelin park and the Seafront.

... and features, and photos, and socials, and anything else you want to tell us about your club! It’s easy to get a mention in PWs - just e-mail everything to, visit, or come in to the Sabb Office at the Union and have a chat with us any time!

Pugwash News - Issue 09  
Pugwash News - Issue 09  

£19 million pounds is currently under spent and unaccounted for Issue 9 Wednesday 06.02.08 Fight the Fees, ID Cards, NewsBites...