PARKLIFE EXPERIENCE THE SHENANIGANS WRITTEN BY TOM MUNDEY
Parklife is less than a month away and if you happen to be like me, 6’2, a bit awkward and most definitely unable to move in an appealing and overly coordinated fashion then attending a ‘dance’ festival might seem like a daunting prospect. Considering my weekends consist of shuffling around to Love Will Tear Us Apart at Rics, I could be beyond help, but there is still time for you guys. If you’re needing some inspiration then check out some of the bands playing at Parklife that are most likely to cure your malfunctioning dancing shoes. Alternatively, if you have moves better than Footloose era Kevin Bacon than have a read anyway and buy yourself a ticket, because it’s well worth parting with your hard earned moneys for. SOULWAX This is more of a warning to those who may think it’s a good idea to take anything offered to you by that mean looking skinhead who has managed to clear the dance floor with his own version of the windmill. Inadvertently falling into a K hole will surely and swiftly bring the curtains down on what should have been the day of your life. Soulwax has also taught us in their video clip for ‘E-Talking’ that the drug Tetracycline will ensure using the bathroom will become a rather painful experience. Considering that relieving yourself will most likely already be challenging enough when the floor of the portaloo is covered in the usual and unavoidable brown festival slop (Pray this is actually mud) any extra pain could make things even messier, so party responsibly ya hear. GRUM The saying ‘strength in numbers’ certainly applies to dance floor etiquette. If you don’t have a number of friends nearby, then your moves, especially if these moves are occurring near an attractive member of the opposite sex, may seem
either creepy or ridiculous and neither of these are good things. The clip by Scottish Dj ‘Grum’ for the track ‘Through The Night’ highlights the importance of having close friends. Those who have seen the clip will know what I mean when I say how close you want to be is completely up to you, just make sure you’re throwing high fives when you pull off your tandem moves. DARWIN DEEZ Mr. Deez would make the list on the strength of his tunes, but when you have a moustache as disgustingly great as Darwin’s you’ll be automatically winning at life in a big way. If you want to dance like Darwin Deez you’d best have a decent warm-up because attempting any of his leg flailing, arm twirling dance styling’s unprepared could result in you dislocating a kneecap or an innocent bystander losing an arm. DANDY WARHOLS The Dandy Warhols are everybody’s favourite bunch of bohemian rockers and I’ve also been reliably informed that they put on one hell of a live show, but how does one dance to their music? Look no further than their film clip for ‘Not If You Were the Last Junkie on Earth’. You can take inspiration from either the band or the brightly coloured back up dancers. If you were to take the backup dancer option than ensure you dress in your most brightly coloured festival attire and work on those group dance moves. If that’s not really your thing just plaster a Courtney Taylor-Taylor pout on your dial and attempt to look cooler than anyone that may be in your vicinity. Don’t think you can pull this off? Fake it, grab a tambourine (Keep faking it) and pretend like its 1997. There you have it, a bunch of excellent reasons to get yourself down to the Gold Coast to join in on all the Parklife shenanigans. Just remember to tread carefully when using the bathroom facilities and good luck getting that tambourine past the guards. Parklife is on at the Gold Coast Parklands on the 25th of September. Tickets are on sale now.