ELECTION 2010 AUSSIE POLITICAL HEROES WRITTEN BY TOM MUNDEY
If politics just aren’t your thing and you’re finding it difficult to decide whether you’re all for Gillard and her lack of ear lobe, or Macho Man Tony Abbott, then maybe you should just ditch Labor, Liberal and even the Greens and instead vote gnarly. Being able to vote purely based on the novelty factor alone is what makes democracy so great but unfortunately all 2010 has to offer are two prospective leaders who both happen to have the entertainment value of a brown paper bag. So as the non-excitement of Election Day draws near let’s revisit the glory days of our wildest former PM’s. 1) Kevin Rudd Kevin 07, K Rudd, Ruddmaster Rudd. The man may be gone but I for one won’t be forgetting my little buddy Kev any time soon. This is the politician who instead of taking all my hard earned, thought that by giving me enough dosh to buy a brand spanking new flat screen he could save the economy. WIN. Sure he doesn’t exactly fit into the hard-living category, but hey, I got a TV, and that aint bad. Next time I sit down to watch an episode of the Mighty Boosh in high definition glory, I’ll spare a thought for the man who’s time with us was cut short way too soon. Don’t be sad Kev, everything’s going to be A OK, and if you fall, I’ll pick you up…I’ll pick you up. 2) Malcolm Fraser Former Liberal leader Malcolm Fraser served as Australia’s prime minister from 1975-1983. Having reached the highest echelon of Australia’s political ranks, one would be right to think that your hard partying days are effectively over. This certainly wasn’t the case for our most ambitious PM in the partying stakes. I think I speak for most when I say that we’ve all been there. What was intended to be a quiet night out with a few drinks and only the best of intentions almost always
turns into a hazy night of epic proportions in which all memories seemingly disappear into a bottomless black hole. Well, old Malc went to this extreme level of drunkenness and beyond in Memphis, Tennessee, where after a hard night out on the turps awoke in a seedy motel notorious for drug dealers and prostitutes sans pants and sans memory. What a guy. 3) Bob Hawke Every now and again there comes a leader that inspires a nation and shows us all that if you put your mind to something, anything is possible. Bob Hawke, who after years and years of gruelling training, stood up, drank up and put our nation on the map whilst cementing himself as an undisputed Australian drinking hero. Whilst completing his university honors, Mr Hawke took a break from the books to set the Guinness world speed record for drinking a yard glass of beer (3 pints, 1.7L) in 11 seconds. Needless to say, Bob rules. The next time you’re feeling like the world is against you and all your goals seem out of reach, just remember Bob and don’t stop believing. So If you’re like me and you find yourself standing at the ballot box this Saturday with a frown that can’t be turned upside down, wondering where all the political rock stars have gone, just remember these 3 bad boys of Australian politics and VOTE GNARLY.