25 April 2012
Hi. I’m Kelly. When Todd first told me I had to write this article I thought “Run. You can make it to your car and speed away and completely avoid this.” Or like a call to jury duty I could pretend to be insane and quote The Fellowship of The Ring from start to finish. “The world is changed” since I began my journey here at W&M, or the WW, but as there’s no way to summarize the past four years of my life meaningfully in 300 words or less, I let jesus take the wheel and asked others to do it for me. When asked to describe “The Kelly” in a single phrase, my eternal roommate said “she's a sweet ginger cookie.” This is true because I am a ginger and technically edible. My boyfriend woos me by letting me know that I am “the weirdest person” he’s ever met. A frat boy I sat next to on a plane told me I was “not too bad, I guess.” My high school softball coach always told me I had “a lot of spirit.” A little girl in CW said I was “really friendly.” A woman in her 30s told me to “get the hell away from my daughter.” But the best and I hope most accurate description of me came from a high school friend who said I am "a redhead who likes weird music but is actually really funny.” I aspire to be exactly those things. I am grateful to the people who have molded me into The Kelly I have become, ready (?) to step, blinking, into the sun of the “real world” with the lessons I have learned, adversities I have overcome, and mild anxiety I have developed, all thanks to this indescribable school. If I leave you with any advice it is to remember what Paul Atreides said when told to put his hand in the box: “I must not fear.” And you will fucking kill it.
Kelly. Arthi appearing to use a banana phone during our meeting. Summoning Satan but getting the fire department instead. Biz Markie is an avid Barbie collector. Ruined. Rihanna running out of fucks to give. Obsessing over Sussex Rob.
Sussex Rob. Carey Mulligan getting married. Carey Mulligan getting married to Mumford. Coldburg. The band Girls being mad because HBO’s Girls “stole their name.” NPR on spooning. Kelly graduating. Kelly not failing all her classes. Chris Brown.
Flaming Lips La Sera Beach House Bloom The Flaming Lips and Heady Fwends Sees the Light
TOP SHELF To Do
For Your Griffin
Blow bubbles Blow glass Blow dandelion seeds Blow pops Blow over Blow Hall Blow up a Steve Jobs sex doll
Horoscope Taurus: Look out for talking heads and unrooted treeveleys not born of woman.
Pun Fact After the Greek housing article The Flat Hat will now be called The Frat Hat.
$ Turquoise Socks $$ Sussex Rob’s brass knuckles in the shape of New Jersey $$$ Marrakesh Honey Jade Wall Paper
Sports Sports Sports Team Blitz! is running up hills instead of running up bills. Stay thrifty Team Blitz!!
Birthday of the Week Tyson Ritter turned 28 on April 24th.
Overheard at UVa “What’s a treeveley?”
Events \/\/Blowwout\/\/ Friday 4/27 \/\/Invisible Hand at The Crust\/\/ Friday 4/27 - 7 pm \/\/May Day\/\/ Tuesday 5/1 - 9 am