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Issue 2 2010 / 2011

Baring it All: A day in the life of a stripper

Fungadelic:

The do’s and don’ts of using ‘shrooms

Naughty Noughties:

Fashion of the millennium Live-in Nightmare?? Find the perfect flatmate now!

2010 Soccer Sorcery:

Voodoo you support?

Vanfokkingtasties - Bellville Boytjies Rock!!!


Shedding light on the Illuminati

Features

Getting a flatmate PAGE 9-10

The avatar theory

PAGE 11-14

what’s the blog idea? Rocking the daisies Solid Waste

Black wednesday on the heath PAGE 25-26

PAGE 15-18 ban the burqa PAGE 27-28

PAGE 19-20

The Untamed bolivia PAGE 29-32

PAGE 21-22

Can students afford to eat their greens? PAGE 23-24

strippers stripped (Obs)erving change PAGE 53-54

Sugar Daddies

The Starving comics page 57-60

2010 world cup dream team page 103-106

Nifty nosh

page 89-90

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake Baker’s man page 91-92

The rise of fc barcelona page 107-108 Analysing Liverpool’s Dismal 2009/2010 Campaign page 109-110

PAGE 39-40

Run fat-boy, run! page 93-96 diabetes - the effects, causes and treatment page 97-98

voofoo: football voodoo page 111-112

Slice of Life

fashion and accessories

jewellEry stories

The power of one

making your own muti page 76

page 71-72

is it love of infatuation? page 73 money, the true measure of wealth? breakfast politics

page 74

page 75

vanfokkingtasties page 127

The great shark hunt page 137

page 69

skomline 101: a love letter to langa page 70

Opinion pieces

What kind of leader are you? page 33-34

quizzes

Metrorail: an epic journey... PAGE 49-52

music with a new meaning page 77 ‘Shrooms, back and popular! page 78

Breaking the habit

page 138

Haiku Poems

page 143-144

page 145-146

white man’s fire page 147-148

check your friendship strength page 113-114 lyrical royalty page 149-150

The black keys page 129-130 the doors: the movie page 131-132

page 140

The gift of love

Coming Back to reality... page 65-66

Cipher Sessions page 128

the other boleyn girl page 139 Sula

page 117-118

page 119-120

Unusual Sub-cultures page 121-122

PAGE 47-48

What is your culture?

get a life

Fashion of the noughties: The naked truth

Tayane “dancefweak” Arends PAGE 43-46 Life in the loxion

get the chiti vibe page 61-64

The independent man’s guide to the kitchen page 85-88

PAGE 37-38

Relationship During first year? PAGE 41-42

caressing the cursor PAGE 55-56

Social life of a jobless student page 99-100

page 81-84

inception review page 133-134 The vampire diaries page 135

alice in wonderland: the movie page 136

Reviews, Fiction and poetry


E

ED TEAM

D TEAM

Kevin Mercuur: Chief Sub When Kevin is not out playing hardcore rock music with his band Saintfearless and punching emos in the face, he is writing damn good reviews on South African rock bands and serenading women with his sweet haikus.

Rob Cockcroft: Editor

Ashleigh-Jane Denton: Cover Model

“I am a part-time herb grower-and-seller, and once in a while when I am feeling a bit suicidal I brave the shark-infested waters of Cape Town for a surf. Oh yes, and I plan to become rich off trading words I write about my observations of our compelling South African culture.”

“My favourite colour is green. I like cats and daisy fields. I believe everything that happens happens for a reason, all for the greater good. I am a great shopping partner, the worst at packing for long trips away, and I have a soft spot for music with meaning.”

Rob Ewart: Deputy Editor

Stephanie Danieli: Assistant Designer

"I am immortal. I have inside me blood of kings. I have no rival. No man can be my equal. Send me to the future of your world" - Highlander. There can be only one.

“I’m outgoing and love the outdoors. I strive for adventure and love a challenge. I am a professional photographer and I want to travel the world and host my very own travel TV show.” Thanks to you, Steph, for being a brilliant creative schlepper during the final stages of Toast Production.

Fran Siebrits: Features Editor

Kristin Mento: Editor-at-large

Fran treks through foreign lands, writing about her experiences under the light of the stars. Think: a female version of Che Guevara’s Motorcycle Diaries. Aside from being one of the top journalism students at Varsity College, she is already a practicing freelance magazine writer.

“I’m a somewhat off-beat, artsy, 20-nothing with a slight OCD problem when it comes to hand hygiene (although, I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty... so I’m kinda contradictory like that). Anyway, my favourite cartoon is Chowder and I enjoy eating breakfast for supper... and breakfast for breakfast... and if breakfast is sushi, then consider my day made!”

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LETTER FROM THE ED

W

elcome to this year’s edition of Toast Magazine, an annual publication by Varsity College in Rondebosch, bringing you the collective ideas and work of the first-year journalism students. The idea of Toast is to create an open platform for students to voice opinions on issues relating to students. In this issue we’re all about life lessons - cool lessons - like how to survive when you’re broke (Nifty Nosh, turn to page 89), and, more importantly, how to drink when you’re broke (Social Life of a Jobless Student, see page 99). Then also, we have lessons on what strippers do in their off-time (Strippers Stripped, page 37), the pros and cons of chowing ‘shrooms (‘Shrooms... Back and Popular, page 78), and what messages pop music is sending to the youth (page 77). This magazine is also filled with fiction, fashion insight, existential philosophies, stoner rhetoric and many other things that won’t help you along the way to a PhD but will make you a lot wiser nonetheless. We hope you enjoy!

Rob Cockcroft (editor)

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Behind the Scenes Model: Ashleigh-Jane Denton Photographer: Stephanie Danieli Photographer’s Assistants: Lexi Dewing & Jess Burke This issue’s awesome TOAST photoshoot

teenage boys and a freakishly shaggy man

was taken at Glen Beach, which is down

who was supposedly walking his dog, the

the road from Camps Bay. The theme was

shoot was a great success.

The Toast Bikini with an edge. Okay, the

The water may have been freezing, the

idea of The Toast Bikini, let’s admit, is a

sun scorching and the wind howling, but

bit out there, but we had to think outside

by the end of the afternoon we achieved

the box for this one. So we decided to go

a great cover image. It was a lot of fun

NUDE!! And even though it was risqué, with

and, hey, not a bad day’s work: We got to

occasional wandering eyes from excited

spend the day at the beach!

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features


FEATURES

Shedding some light on the Illuminati

Who are the Illuminati? If I had to babble on about the history, you’d probably shrug your shoulders and walk away. So, let’s get straight to the nitty-gritty; something I’m sure most of you can relate to. I’ll start with the prime symbol of the Illuminati: The All-Seeing Eye.

BY JESSICA BURKE “I’m not going to say all pop stars form part of the Illuminati, but many of them could be seen as puppets for the secret society”

T

o clarify, have you ever seen a picture of a pyramid that contains one eye? The symbol that most people look at and go “ooh, that’s quite cool”. That’s the eye of Horus and it’s not meant to be cool. The eye is supposedly a representation of the eye of Lucifer. The devil, dummy. This is the most recognizable Illuminati symbol in the world. The sign was adopted from the Sistine Chapel in Rome. You might recall hearing facts like these in Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons (even though this book is about the Illuminati, don’t believe everything you see - most of the facts given in this movie have been exaggerated, or just made up all together.) Mind control is the main objective of the Illuminati. In order to push forward the New World Order (which is pretty much a plan for one government to control the world), people need to be on the same page. How do you get people on the same

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page? How about sending subtle hints through popular movies or music? How about getting the media to control the opinions you have about people in the public eye? You must remember that the media controls everything you see, hear or think about, so your opinion is not necessarily based on what you know, rather what you’ve been told to think. It is planted there for a reason. It seems rather far-fetched, I know, but try looking out for those subtle hints. How many people do you know change the way they look or act to be more like the singer or actor they admire the most? I’d say a large number of people. I’m not going to say all pop stars form part of the Illuminati, but many of them could be seen as puppets for the secret society. Lady Gaga, for example. What exactly do we know about this persona, besides the fact that she’s one of the most famous singers and a complete loon? Lady Gaga incorporates the All-Seeing Eye in the

majority of her music videos or pictures. She is generally covering her left eye or forming a circle around her right, suggesting the shape of a pyramid, thus suggesting an image of the All-Seeing Eye. Ring any bells? If not, go take a look and prove me wrong. For those of you who listen to Jay-Z and watch his music videos, you’ll know that he loves forming the shape of a triangle around his left eye. You will also know that his record label is called Rockefeller. Coincidental? I’m not too sure anymore. Is he aware about the signs he is making or is he completely oblivious to the subject? The same question can be asked of Lady Gaga. Is it all an act or not? Not convinced yet? Well, for those of you who enjoy the fairytale lifestyle of an average Disney movie, you might find this to be a blow to your system. Snow White: we all watched it as kids, but let’s view it in a different light, shall we? Snow White

was poisoned by the Queen, and when watching the movie I noticed that the Queen’s spell book had small illustrations of the All-Seeing Eye in it. The fact of the matter is this: everything you own, owns you. All the products and latest items that you thought you’ve chosen for yourself have been picked out especially for you by people you have no idea exist. The idea of the Illuminati existing or not can be debated and will be debated for a long time. What was once a secret society based on hidden beliefs has turned into a commercially known way to ‘rebel’. And the proof? Public figures such as Lady Gaga and Jay-Z. Is it possible that their blatant use of the Illuminati symbols has become widely known and has somewhat exposed the conspiracy theory? Whether you should believe this as a fact of modern society? - it’s a debatable topic. Use it, lose it. There it is.

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FEATURES

FEATURES

The Avatar Theory Stand aside Star Wars nerds, there are new aliens in town. These blue men are not only a fantasy but a philosophical reality as well. By Stephanie Danieli

E

ver wondered what it would be like to walk in the steps of another? What would you do if you could escape from reality and venture into the unknown without suffering the consequences of your actions... Imagine running through a mystical forest, charging into battle and standing on top of a strange world while watching an alien sunrise all before your afternoon tea... So could it really be that bad?

It’s an alternative life that can be altered and manipulated to your desire. The internet provides us with that opportunity; with over thousands of virtual reality worlds circulating the web everyday. Thanks mainly to the younger generation of today, we are able to explore this new and constantly developing service. An Avatar is the gateway for human beings to develop themselves in their ultimate alter-egos and step into a world that reflects their desired way of life. From being the Queen Bee on ‘Miss Popularity’ to battling it out as a warrior in a mystical desert on World of War Craft, the opportunity is yours.

Well, by now I’m sure you have seen the movie, Avatar. Yes? Okay, unless you have been living under a rock for the past few months, Avatar is a film that has been launched into the film industry with a bang! It is directed by James Cameron and has performances from well-known actors like Sigourney Weaver and Sam Worthington... Say it with me ladies, gorgeous! Anyhoo, it’s about unworldly creatures and blue aliens.... Ring a bell? Sigh, okay, for those who have no idea what I am talking about, please get out of your cave and google the movie. Because. for now, we have much more to tell you. So read on. Avatar is much more than a movie. Before James Cameron created the film, it all began, long ago, with a philosophical theory. According to Edward Castronova, a European philosopher, the Avatar Theory is a concept that describes the lives of individuals in a virtual-reality world. The Avatar is a second (abstract) identity, which allows you the freedom to experience the world from a different point of view, in ways that you wouldn’t dare to risk in reality.

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Well, that sounds amazing, doesn’t it? A second life... Fantasy instead of Reality... There are many virtual-reality sites to visit that will send you on an endless journey of makebelieve eg. ‘Second-life’, ‘Hotel Babylon’ and ‘Active World’. Brendon Foster, who is an academic advisor doing research on how to keep young adults interested in their studies via digital and social media, says that, “People feel safe in their virtual realities that they create for themselves. They are in control of their lives where they are in charge of everything and everyone.”

The most popular virtual sites for the young generation?

“People feel safe in their virtual realities that they create for themselves. They are in control of their lives where they are in-charge of everything and everyone.”

Try dreaming up some of the most outrageous sites imaginable and you’ll find they are guaranteed to be on the Internet already. And because we don’t want you to stop reading this story now to go off surfing the net, we’re going to list some right here ....

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FEATURES Remember Barbie? ‘BarbieGirl.com’ has become a popular chatting site for teenage girls where they can chat online with each other disguised in their own avatars. They are able to have conversations without getting into any physical altercations. Now seriously, whatever happened to the good old days where a back-hand to the face was the only solution? Instead they use encrypted online messages that look more like Morse Code on steroids. Social gatherings for girls through decades were when tea parties were an everyday routine and making sure that Barbie and Ken would live happily ever after, right? Anyone? Okay, I guess I’m alone on that one... (embarrassing). Wait, I found another person who used to play with Barbies when he was younger, and yes that’s it girls... It’s a guy! The same Brendon Foster, yes... the academic student advisor, right here at our very own Varsity College. He said, “I have female cousins, so when I was younger I used to play with their dolls, but I had a few dolls... (cough)... I mean action figures of my own.”

“I have female cousins, so when I was younger I used to play with their dolls, but I had a few dolls... (cough)... I mean action figures of my own.”

“I had G.I. Joe as well as Ninja Turtle figurines, but my ultimate amusement was playing with pots and pans in the kitchen. My mother got me a set of toy drums as a toddler, but I always wanted the real thing.” Okay! Thanks Brendon. We are now going to exit the toy store and return to the reality of this fantasy state of mind we are all in nowadays. Yes, face it, we’re hooked. So just what is it about technology that draws us in?

Would you choose fantasy over reality? “I am the queen of FANTASY. (Laughs) But no evil or sad stuff... All happy and lovey-dovey... You just have to remember what is important, even in the fantasy world, i.e. family, friends and health. Not to get carried away... Maybe a bit of fantasy every now and then, but then you would have to think whether you could ever make it back into the real world...”

“In short... No... It is the unpredictable nature of life that makes it worth living.” Liam Fraser (21) Student at University of Cape Town

Kirsten Packer (21) Student at University of Cape Town

The World of Technology

These virtual-reality worlds are clever manipulations of the human psyche, controlling a portion of the public’s mind. It could be technology that is taking over the free-will of society and humans, yet humans are simply guiding the way. Antonio, a 49-year-old Capetonian father of three who specialises in engineering believes that, “Fantasy in turn will become a reality and society will welcome all of its changes.” We seem to be headed for a case of adapt or die.

The real Barbie

Earlier in 2010, an article in The Cape Times highlighted the potential threats of virtual reality. A young Korean couple in Cape Town was charged with child neglect after neglecting their child for 6 months while living in their virtual world and caring for their artificial baby. Their biological child suffered from acute starvation and had to be hospitalised. How did things get to this point? Well, movies today show audiences how technology and the development of technology can change their perspectives on life. The influence from the film industry is over-powering. Charis, a vibrant 25-year-old broker from Cape Town says, “In movies like Surrogates and Avatar, the soul and the mind are transported to an awaiting vessel. However, the characters get lost in their new worlds and forget that their lives beyond this imaginary world are still active.”

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The most hits?

Facebook is without a doubt the biggest online global interaction service, visited by millions of individuals every day. I conducted a small survey recently, and got an idea of just how many students could be visiting Facebook daily. One out of five students in the Rondebocsh area visit Facebook at least twice a day. The survey may not be formal, but it’s kinda a given that all students are on it (that’s why they ban it on campus), and just think about how many students are not only in Rondebocsh but in the world. Is technology really ruling our lives? Do we think that life is a game?

“Avatar is an oasis for gamers. Even life is a game that needs to be explored.” It seems like virtual reality appeals to the gamers and the ‘computerbuffs’ out there, allowing them to explore their fantasies and make it a reality. Juan-Claude Oosthyse, a 20-year-old IT student at CTI Varsity in Claremont believes that, “Avatar is an oasis for gamers. Even life is a game that needs to be explored.” Which begs the question, does our Avatar give us more courage or less courage for life’s real game?

“Happiness is only happiness because we have experienced sadness... I would want to live in a world where I am aware of what is happening to me... Where I am not exposed to any absolutes.”

“I think I’d choose fantasy, because there would be no sadness or disappointment and everyone would live in their own world.” Ashleigh-Jane Denton (20) Student at Varsity College

David Edwards (21) Student at University of Cape Town

We all need an escape from the real world; ask yourself: how important is it for you to avoid getting lost in the unknown... ?

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FEATURES

WHAT’S THE BLOG IDEA? By Lexi Dewing

WHICH, IN YOUR OPINION, IS BEST? I did a quick mini survey over Facebook to find out which sites people prefer using. I got replies from a varied group of people (so yes, I think it shows an interesting outcome) and it only took a few days to put the answers together. Although Facebook is still obviously the leading site, blogs seem to be making a move!

BLOG (noun): an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; also called Weblog, Web log. Shortened form of ‘weblog’. Usage: blog, blogged, blogging (verb), blogger (noun)

I

t seems as if Facebook’s reign is slowly coming to an end, and the age of The Blog is upon us. More and more people are going online in search of new sites to read and wanting to create their own. Whether it’s about normal day-to-day life, information on how to deactivate (or perhaps make) a bomb or even just a collection of someone’s favourite poems, new blogs are popping up daily and mostly being read. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that Facebook is unpopular and people have stopped liking it - I highly doubt that will ever happen - but I’ve noticed that more people want to read a ‘story’ about somebody else and find people from across the world that they relate to, or something to laugh about. So I thought I would ask around and find out a bit more…

WHY DO YOU READ BLOGS? Dylan: “I don’t like blogs that are like diaries ‘cause those are

boring. I prefer ones that are on a certain topic, because they’re more interesting. I mainly follow film-making blogs, but my sister tends to follow journalism blogs.”

Myspace Twitter Facebook Blogs

is updated regularly.”

Ash: “I read blogs to find out what people are interested in, like current trends and topics… and because it gives a more diverse and objective opinion.”

Carey: “I don’t really read any blogs, but I do have my own one - my mum was having to spend hundreds of rands letting people know how my chemo treatment was going so our minister suggested this. It’s a lot easier and way more cost effective.”

Jess: “Facebook is better!!” Tammy: “I don’t specifically look for blogs, but if I’m browsing

the ‘net for info, or because I’m bored, I will go onto pages that look interesting/ funny/ might help with whatever I’m looking for. Motivational blogs are good too. I won’t read a blog if it is badly written though!”

“I don’t really read any blogs, but I do have my own one.”

Grant: “I like to read gossip blogs (like PerezHilton.com) as they are funny, plus music and entertainment blogs (like jonalisblog. com) to keep myself updated. I also read some law stuff (constitutionallyspeaking.co.za), but that’s only because of what I’m studying.”

15% said Twitter 10% said Myspace 45% said Facebook 30% said Blogs (informal survey done in May 2010, with 20 people)

HOW TO SET UP A BLOG: There are plenty of local and international sites to visit if you want to start a blog; you just have to browse through a few to see which style suits you. There are free sites and pay sites, so make sure you check which is on offer before you sign up. A few of the most popular sites seem to be: blogger.com (formally called blogspot. com); wordpress.com; posterous.com. In most cases the set up is fairly easy and claims to take less than 5 minutes. So I’m going to test that out! I’m using ‘blogger.com’ since they claim their process only takes 1 minute.

Kristen: “I read blogs because I am very involved in writing and

Step 1: Set up your account. It asks for email, birthday, password and display name, i.e. the bare basics.

“I don’t like blogs that are like diaries ‘cause those are boring. I prefer ones that are on a certain topic.”

Step 2: Set up your name. Decide what your blog is called and the url you want. Make it something, quirky, fun and me-meme (eg. www.honeygirl.blogspot.com). FYI: To look more professional you can lose the blogsite name (eg. blogspot) and link it to a domain name. ... But more about that later!

enjoy reading about people’s lives all around the world. I keep a blog and so reading others gives me ideas and tips on how to keep mine good.”

Liz: “There are a few specific blogs I will follow because I relate to them and because they’re written well. After a long and stressful day there is nothing better than sitting down, reading a page or two, and laughing my head off. I prefer when I know that the blog

Carey: has her own blog

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Step 3: Choose your template. Basically just the background of your blog. This can be changed later on and you can even design your own. Step 4: ... Nope, all done! Now all you do is write your posts and play around making your blog special. You can add more info about yourself and even a ‘profile pic’. It will make your blog look more interesting and show people you’re making an effort.

All in all that took 2 and a half minutes! Oh, and that’s because I had a blog name in my head already when I started. And about names: You want a name that hooks a casual browser and keeps your regulars coming back, but which also sums up what your blog will be about.

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FEATURES

TIPS ON HOW TO BE A TOP BLOGGER: 1. BE ORIGINAL - people don’t want to read the same thing over and over again, they want new and interesting details… keep them wanting more.

2. HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR - people want to laugh! Always remember that. If someone reads your blog and has

a stomach ache afterwards from laughing so hard, they’re going to remember your site and want to keep following it (this obviously applies to diary blogs… unless you have a way of explaining computer codes in a way that is comical... and, if so, I’m sure that’ll be a key factor in making your blog stand out!). But remember that people can be cruel and may leave rude comments - laughing these off is the only way to deal with it.

3. UPDATE, UPDATE, UPDATE - if you’re serious about your blog, the best thing to do is update it regularly (not

necessarily daily, unless you know it will entertain). You don’t want people getting bored and not following you because your last post was from 3 weeks ago.

4. SAFETY - don’t give out information (especially details of others) as there are people who could use it to harm you.

Writers often use nicknames (eg. ‘Rooster’ instead of her daughter’s real name - that’s on othejoys.blogspot.com) or only initials (‘B, S or Little J’ from Gossip Girl).

5. KNOW YOUR TOPIC - don’t babble or write rubbish! If people can tell you don’t know what you’re talking about, or that you are lying about things, then they won’t visit your page.

6. WRITE PROPERLY - have correct punctuation, grammar and style. (Unless you’re deliberately trying something different - like the “creative” spelling used on the lolcats website). Know the audience you want to write for and stick to how they will want to read. 7. CONNECT - the blogging world is one big community, and a good way to get a good readership is by following others and posting links on other pages. Send links in emails or post them on Facebook. Join networks!

DID YOU KNOW: You can use your blog to make cash! (Remember Step 2 on the previous page? ...) To go big and make cash you buy a domain name (do this at sites like africaregistry.com; webafrica.co.za; imaginet.co.za). You sign up, they send you instructions - and once you’ve completed that ads will start to appear on your profile. Depending on the size of your readership the return can be small change or large amounts - all the more reason to be connected and have readers!

SOME BLOG LINGO:

(taken from http://escrapbooking.com/blogging/lingo.htm)

Dylan: he likes film blogs Toast 17

Grant: he digs general entertainment blogs

Liz: she reads blogs for me-time

Barking moonbat Bleg

- someone on the extreme edge of whatever their -ism happens to be. - to use one’s blog to beg for assistance such as money. It’s known humorously as blegging. Bloiversary - the birthday of the establishment of a blog. Blogger ecosystem - a chart or list showing the links between blogs. Blogroach - someone who infests the comments section of a blog with obnoxious postings. Similar to trolls who disrupt discussions by tricking others into reacting. Blogroll - a collection of links on the sidebar of a blog linking to other blogs. Blogosphere - the totality of the blogging community. Also known as Blogistan or the blogiverse. Blogstorm - when a large amount of information, commentary, or activity erupts in the blogosphere. Blurker - a person who reads many blogs but leaves no evidence of themselves behind; a silent observer. Comment spam - an unsolicited commercial message automatically posted in a blog’s comments area. Edublog - an education-oriented blog. Flame - to make a hostile remark; usually of a personal nature. Podcasting - recording audio and and posting it to your blog. A podcaster uses an MP3 player to listen to the uploaded audio on the blog. Thread - a side discussion taking place within the comments section of a blog. The term is taken for the forum discussion environment. Vlogging - video blogging. Xenoblogging - the work you do that helps other people’s blogs. Dooced - (that’s pronouned deuced) losing your job for something you wrote in an online blog.

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FEATURES

So what's this all about?

To reduce the band's carbon emissions, Hot Water travel to RTD in one vehicle. “We drive slowly and put out a good vibe at the festival. We are also heading towards the organic side,” adds Donovan.

“The idea developed over a few beers and a braai,” says organiser Brian Little from Complete Events. “There was a gap in the market up the West Coast for a music festival. The spring daisies are unique to the area, so it wasn't difficult to come up with a name.”

“It is a fantastic festival, a spectacular environment and the crowd is awesome,” says David. “As a musician any performance is a thrilling experience, but it is great that there is a subtext [at RTD] ... greening! We were one of the original bands, and feel maternal towards the festival. It's awesome!”

The original RTD in 2006 was on a farm closer to the ocean, but it’s since been on Cloof Wine Estate outside Darling. Held in an environmentally and social responsible way, this music festival began in 2006. “It was a humble beginning,” Brian says of the first RTD at which only 1 300 people rocked around one stage. “This year we are expecting over 12 000 people and will have four stages,” he says, speaking of their 2010 plans. From 2010, the enthusiastic crowds can now enjoy performances from the Main Stage, Electronic Stage, World Music Stage as well as the Comedy and Performance Stage. “The aim of the RTD festival is to create huge [eco] awareness and set an example,” Brian says, “and we therefore choose partners with the same ethos,” he continues. “In this way it is possible to sustain an ecofriendly festival.” Brian then explains that suppliers are chosen because of their green credentials. “The sponsors have all come on board and taken the philosophy [of the festival] to heart.”

And the venue … ? Cloof Wine Estate is part of the Biodiversity and Wine Initiative (www. bwi.co.za) according to which land is set aside for conservation and the impact of farming practices on the environment is closely monitored. “We are very conscious of the impact on the land and Cloof is a leading farm in that respect,” elaborates Brian. More money is invested in RTD to make it green than if it were just another festival. Additionally, Full Environmental

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e te Chang a m li C A S the won the 2010 in in Fact: It d r a w ip A ium Leadersh and Med ll a m S f o category Sector Business

Away from the cameras and bright lights, Donovan, Greg and David are concerned with doing their bit for the environment as individuals. “I totally recycle and am into the green vibe,” says Donovan. Greg humbly admits to just having started recycling and David has a few wise words to share: “There are many areas in my life for improvement, but we all have to start somewhere and become more conscious.”

And the fans … ? Impact Assessments and audits are carried out on the farm. “We are really putting our money where our mouth is,” Brian clearly shows his pride. Willem Wentzel from Cloof Wine Estate respects the way the festival is run and that it is an eco-friendly event. “There are certain criteria that we have to adhere to,” says Willem. “No glass is allowed into the venue; only cans and plastic are used.” This facilitates no breakage and easy waste removal of refuse, disposed of in an eco-wise way.

And the bands … ? One would think that the bands - with their rocking, jet-setting lifestyles would be the most uninformed about carbon footprints. How wrong that assumption can be. “I love RDT! It resonates with what we are about,”

was the first comment from Hot Water's Donovan Copely. The festival is one of his favourites and he feels it has the right angle. “A festival can be quite hectic and excessive, so it's nice focusing on a cleaner vibe and raising awareness. I don't drink, if that helps,” laughs Donovan at his indirect eco attempt. “RTD brings awareness, which takes a long time to get into people’s heads, says Greg Carlin from Zebra and Giraffe. “Hopefully people take it home with them.” David Moffat from the Dirty Skirts admits to a career of high carbon emission in some aspects. “We do travel so it's difficult to lower our carbon footprint, but we are conscious as individuals and do our own bit in our own way.”

Two of the most successful initiatives of last year's festival were Walking the Daisies and Cycle to Daisies. “The energy was incredible,” said Luca Vincenzo, a first time daisy-rocker from Stellenbosch who took “being a fan” a few steps

Above: The Springbok Nude Girls are one of the many bands that have rocked out at RTD

further. He walked from Bloubergstrand to Darling in two days to be a low-carbon fan. Luca was impressed by the noteworthy effort put into the festival. “It’s nice to see greenawareness in our music industry. I think it can influence a much younger crowd.”

So, the conclusion … ? RTD has included all practical measures possible to ensure rocking an eco-friendly event. The festival aims to

raise awareness about the environment and how to be eco-friendly. Among other methods to maintain a green festival, all waste that is generated is sorted on-site. With a motto of “Work Hard, Tread Lightly” one can expect an all-round green feeling. So does it really matter if a few people are unaware that it is a green festival? Well, all the more reason to attend the festival in 2011 – to find out for yourself!

Rocking The Daisies: Is it just another green-wash?

Fran Siebrits digs a little deeper to give you the low down on RTD and what it’s really about

20 Toast


FEATURES

Solid Waste: The Facts By Petru Saal

By now we all are sick to death with people telling us what to do and when to do it. But quick question: Has waste management (that’s just recycling for short) managed to sink into your mind yet? You need not live in a penthouse overlooking the Atlantic seaboard to care. Ordinary working class people too can help reduce household garbage.

In my interview with Ivan Haremse - a senior superintendent of a collection depot in the Tierberg Area (areas include: Goodwood, Bellville, Athlone, Bonteheuwel and Durbanville) - he said that “people can help by separating their waste into recyclables; some things can actually be recycled”. Ivan pointed out that during the month of February 2010 some areas had a significantly high waste removal tonnage. Goodwood produced 2 492 tons of waste, Parow boasted with 3178 tons and Bellville and Durbanville had 3 392 tons of waste collectively.

“the Western Cape has five years of landfill space left”

On 5 March 2010 in an article in the Cape Argus, “Province drowning in rubbish says MEC”, the provincial Department of Environmental Affairs and Development Planning estimated that the Western Cape has five years of landfill space left and that waste generation grows annually by 7% in Cape Town. At a waste minimisation summit in March this year, MEC Anton Bredell said people generate waste according to their economic status. As outlined by Anton, the daily waste for rich people is 2kg, middle income residents 1kg-1,5kg and poor residents producing 7g of waste a day. Director of waste management for the department, Gottlieb Arendse, confirmed at the summit that of the 125 landfill sites

Toast 21

in the province 83 are illegal. Hence, the City providing R295,5 million of its R1,6 billion budget for Utility Services for the development of landfill sites and waste transfer stations. But still, what is the big fuss surrounding solid waste? Some students know... In a blogged-about presentation by Funmilayo Akinbode, a Walden University student, he discusses the potential impact solid waste can have on our health and the environment. Here’s what Funmilayo concluded: The impact solid waste can have on • • • • • • • •

our health: Chemical poisoning Low birth weight Cancer Congenital malfunctions Neurological disease Nausea and vomiting Hospitalisation of diabetic sufferers living near dumpsites Mercury toxicity from eating fish with high mercury levels

The impact solid waste can have on the environment: • Waste breaks down to methane at dumpsites - which becomes a potent greenhouse gas • Climate change and ozone destruction • Leaching - a process by which waste enters soil and ground water and contaminates it So, waste is not a disgusting matter that should be pushed to the side but a real issue of great concern. Paint a sad picture in your mind: young kids innocently playing in dumpsites, not aware of the hazardous danger they are exposing themselves to. In times like these we need not look to others to make a change. It’s time to activate our own awareness and bring about fresh, clean air.

Start by recycling paper and especially plastic. Try lowering your household waste: less plastic in will mean less out. This may be easier said than done, but “household waste is the number one dumpsite filler,” Haremse adds. Lastly: stay educated. Knowing more about this topic will give you a head start; Mother Nature can’t break down waste on her own. FYI: Plastic takes five years or more to break down; imagine all the damage it has done by then. You’ll also find that mindsets can take long to break down... Nica Rooi, a housewife from Atlantis, says that recycling has never been of great concern to her. Everything goes straight to the bin after use. To her, recycling is done by the rich only and is seen as a posh thing. Would we rather inform ourselves on trivial things? For example, if you are given the choice to buy a magazine, would you go for Cosmo, People, FHM ... or Simply Green? Flippant example, but true. Would the documentary 11th Hour have received the same publicity if Leo Di Cap had not produced it? In the end it’s really not the government’s problem but individual effort. Imagine the surface of our planet covered in nothing but waste. Living a “green life” does not suggest buying environmentally friendly products. Just start with reduce, reuse and recycle.

www.environmentalhealthtoday.files.wordpress.com/.../app7akinbodef-pp2.ppt

R

educe, reuse and recycle are words far too familiar to us, right? But why is it still that for the 4,6 million residents in Cape Town, 4 600 tons of waste are produced each day? And according to the same article published in City News newspaper issue 26, all of this waste is transported to an area covering 2 487 km² only. Are we just not educated enough? Or do we simply not care? I decided to ask someone in the know.

22 Toast


FEATURES More about Rob Small

Can students afford to eat their greens?

Rob started going green when he was our age, early 20s. Soon he found himself raising funds for other wannabe farmers. Abalimi started formally in 1982, and Rob arrived in 1983, having been asked to improve its impact. He’s a man of 55 now, is married, and has five children. And he enjoys farming for food every day. Seems effortless? Well, he does spend a lot of time thinking about all the issues at stake: poverty alleviation, food security, good farming, job creation, environmental renewal, nature conservation, HIV-Aids alleviation and climate-change mitigation. Jeez, Rob, we’re glad that as students we only have to worry about studying. Luckily, Rob has help from people like Christina Kaba, cotrustee of the Farm and Garden Trust, and many others. Rob says that modern agriculture is only concerned with making money, not with feeding those who can’t afford food. “Also, industrial farmers are in a vicious cycle of using chemicals on veg so they can score enough to survive,” says Rob, “But there doesn’t have to be hunger,” adds Rob. “We just have to convince you that homegrown is a good idea.” As Rob shows us around gardens, all flourishing at different growth stages, we have to agree: these gardens are where it’s at. If you would like to visit or become a volunteer, why not check out their website: www.farmgardentrust.org.za or call 021 801 9677.

By: Nontokozo Mbanjwa Additional text: Stephanie Danieli & Elsibe Loubser Okay the answer to that question is, “YES WE CAN”. Students of today live a life of stress and countless nights of excessive partying. Yes, we all love to party, but keeping our bodies and minds healthy should be our main priority (or at least ‘til we hit the weekend).

S

o, you’re the average student, right?… which means you’d rather grab a juicy hamburger and chips from a local Steers than eat a steaming hot bowl of scrumptious broccoli... Not only does fast food have its own pallet appeal, but we somehow convince ourselves that it’s cheaper. Cooking = time. And time = money, right? Yeah, maybe for your mom or dad. For a student, time = living! So, the option to eat healthy (i.e. buy veg) is not top of the list in a student’s budget. But do costs and attitudes perhaps need to change? And what about the rest of Cape Town? Are we the only ones who struggle to do veg? Well, we started by reminding ourselves about where these “green goodies” come from... Soil steaming, sun baking, seeds bursting... the earth rumbles... Water trickles through every crack and groove eroding from the rich nutritional floor. The first sight of green brings relief to a poor farmer’s broken back. The first bite... crunch... Sweet, succulent juices flood your

Some of the women in the Siyazama Garden in Khayelitsha, which is one of the community gardens on the Cape Flats.

Rob Small

mouth and explode each tastebud with flavour. The flavour of success, achievement, victory... Well, this is what we discovered. You see, I went with another journalism student, Petru Saal, on a quest to find affordable veggies and the ultimate veggie haven. The hunt for easy-on-the-pocket, home-grown nutritional vegetables was no easy task until we met Rob Small. Rob is the founder of The Farm and Garden (F&G) Trust, and through its national model, Abalimi Bezekhaya (this means ‘the planters of the home’ in Xhosa) he provides financial and moral support to about 2 500 home gardens and 100 community gardens. In fact, F&G has helped over 3 000 micro-farmers per year over the last decade. That’s pretty wow! And guess what, in the last seven years The Department of Agriculture and the City of Cape Town have also begun to throw in their support for community gardening, with Cape Town being the first in Africa to have a formally approved urban agricultural policy. In simple terms? Well, Rob and his colleagues help township women to grow their own vegetables. Yes, these women are gardening in Cape Town’s informal settlements, where over a million people stay. Imagine small gardens near homes, and farmers sowing seeds of hope for many, because it’s nutrition, income, and a sustainable life. In fact, anyone can be a micro-farmer. All you need is a patch of land big enough to park your Golf GTI on. Don’t have the land nor the GTI? Well, then you can get away with a few pots of soil for your organic spinach. (You see, homegrown = cheap, and organic = good.) But what’s even better than good is what we saw in Nyanga. In the process of farming, the sand-dunes of the Cape Flats are slowly turning into sustainable, water-wise urban environments, landscapes in which

Toast 23

people have hope. “The garden is strengthening us; it’s why we are here every day. I enjoy this garden. I’ll carry on until I die,” says Philipina Ndamane (75), a grower in Nyanga, Cape Town. Sweet. Veg grown with love. So, can a student buy veg from them? “Yes,” says Rob. “Email us a request, then just send in contact details and deposit the money. You then collect your Harvest of Hope box of veg from UCT Law faculty in the Kramer Building or UCT Health Department, whichever you prefer.” Rob explains that buying directly from the micro-farmers out of their community gardens is street price, while the Harvest of Hope veg box is about the same price as Woolies per kg. “But our veg is always fresher than any supermarket,” says Rob. “That’s because we harvest and sell the same day.” He says that one box feeds four people plenty of veg for a week, for only R24 per person per week. That’s not a lot, right? “Methinks that students, like most people in the ‘free’ consumer modern world, are hooked on junk carbs and protein. So they just don’t develop cooking skills and don’t make time to cook.”

Veg for dinner OK, so you don’t care for growing your own veg yet, and you haven’t trekked up the Rondies hill to UCT to buy some. But why not start to get a taste for veg? (... like, how hard is it to visit your local Food Lover’s Market!?) Then make a digs dinner of stir-fry broccoli, green peppers and baby marrows. We reckon it’s under R20 per person if you have some of the other stuff like onion, garlic, cooking oil and soya sauce lurking in your digs pantry.

GOING GREEN: Veggie prices at your local store During October and November of 2010, we spent some time in some of the more affluent Cape Town suburbs to suss out the (sometimes very high) prices of veg: Vegetables (per kg)

Woolworths

Pick n Pay

Spar

Checkers

Broccoli

R 30 (or R60 imported)

R 14,95

R15,99

R12,99

Baby Marrows

R 25

R 16,99

R18,99

R17,99

Green Peppers

R 15

R 15,99

R20

R39,99

Christina Kaba, co-trustee of Farm and Garden Trust

24 Toast


FEATURES

Black Wednesday on the Heath It would have been a normal day of going to school, but it turned into a devastating event in Cape Town. And it has become a day that not many will be able to forget.

T

he 25th of August 2010 remains a black Wednesday for the families of Jason Pedro (14), Cody Erasmus (15), Jody Phillips (13), Nolan February (13), Reece Smit (7), Jean-Pierre Willeman (13), Michaelen de Koker (11), Liezel “Little Rock” August (11), Nadine Marthinisen (16) and Kyle Warner (15). Instead of going to school that morning, ten learners reached the end of their lives when a taxi jumped the boom at the Blackheath railway crossing and was hit by an oncoming train.

Credits: www.iol.co.za; The Daily Voice, 25, 26, 27 August 2010

Lucan September, an Eerste Rivier resident, was on his way to work when tragedy struck right in front of his eyes at the railway crossing between Blackheath and Melton Rose stations. “I was like WTF... I thought I was dreaming or something,” said Lucan. The people all around him looked as if they had seen ghosts; nobody could believe what had just happened. The 11-year-old Liezel August, better known to her community as “Little Rock”, was among those who died on the scene. Little Rock was a child-rape survivor who had been raped, beaten unconscious with a brick and then set alight and left for dead. She miraculously found the strength to crawl back home. The community gave her the nickname because of her strength and what she went through. She had survived so much suffering in her young life, only to die a tragic death. Nadine Marthinisen’s body was unrecognisable because it was crushed on impact. However, her mother knew it was her by the clothes she was wearing. Nadine’s brother, Emilio Marthinisen, was one of the lucky four survivors who escaped death. Emilio jumped out of the minibus taxi seconds before it collided with the train. He was rushed to hospital and, unlike his sister, came short with only a broken arm. Jody Phillips and Cody Erasmus were aspiring sporting stars and attended Bellville Technical School. A friend of Cody says he was respectful, grounded and friendly. “The worst thing about this is that Jody was recovering from an injury. They were both good athletes and this is a huge loss to the school,” said the Deputy Principal of Bellville Technical School. All the families of the deceased children are struggling with their grief. “I don’t understand why [the taxi driver] would do something like this. He used to work at Spoornet so he knows all the regulations,” said Frank

Toast 25

By Tayane Lee Arends

Fabing, ex-colleague of the driver, Jacob Humphrey, and a close family friend of Nolan February who died. After the crash, parents from all over Cape Town felt as if they needed to make sure that their children arrived safely at school. Karin Arends (36), mother of two, has been setting an example for a while now. She jumped into action immediately and changed her son’s driver when he told her that his driver had been speeding. “I did that a year before the crash in Blackheath, and I’m so glad I paid attention to my son and my gut feeling,” she says with relief. Many parents in the community felt outraged about the driver’s reckless actions. However, this is just one example of someone skipping the queue, jumping the level crossing and getting caught. Residents in the area say it’s a common occurrence. This time, though, the driver wasn’t as lucky. There are drivers that take the gap in the morning between 06h30–07h30 because they are in a rush to get to work on time. Hopefully, this accident has really given them a wake-up call and made them realise that jumping the crossing isn’t worth their life and those of their passengers. At the time of writing Jacob Humphrey had been charged with ten cases of culpable homicide and had received bail of R20 000. Many felt that he shouldn’t have been granted bail, but that was the judge’s final verdict. “This was truly something we won’t ever forget. I’m deeply hurt that the kids in our area had to go through this in their young lives. They are a huge loss to our community,” said a concerned community member. What is your verdict? And how’s your own driving nowadays?

Metrorail of course had the job of a full investigation. At the time of writing, Metrorail confirmed that the accident wasn’t their fault and released a report stating what took place at the Blackheath level crossing. In the report it was stated that no train commuters were injured and the train crew were treated for shock.

26 Toast


FEATURES

N

icolas Sarkozy, president of France, decided in 2010 to pass a law banning women from wearing the traditional Muslim covering - the burqa - which covers everything but the eyes. This comes after the 2004 law that banned religious symbols, such as the headscarf, in French public schools. France is the second country after Belgium to ban the burqa, with other European countries like the Netherlands and Spain wanting to follow this alarming trend. In April 2010 Belgium passed the burqa ban, and if a woman does not comply with it, she could face a fine and a seven-day jail sentence, according to an article in the Telegraph of 29 April 2010.

a role, “I know however that it was also expected that I would wear a scarf.” Much of the western world has this perception of Muslim women being oppressed and inferior to men in their religion; but then why aren’t Muslim women fleeing this so-called “oppressive system”? The facts tell us a different story. Muslims make up 25% of the world’s population, and the majority of people who are converting are actually women, about “100 000 people per year in America alone are converting to Islam. For every 1 male convert to Islam, 4 females convert to Islam.”

“For me it’s a decision to reflect what is on the inside rather than what is on the outside” - Rageemah Jumat

“Ban the burqa!” But why?

By Paula Rabeling

What enters your mind when you walk past a completely clothed woman with only her eyes showing? Do you think that this veiled woman is a victim? A product of male oppression waiting for liberation? Some European governments seem to think so.

Even though this ban on Muslim religious wear is seen as a matter of oppressing religious freedom, Sarkozy disagrees with this, saying that it is an issue of women’s rights. “I am in favour of supporting women’s right to dignity,” he said in an IOL article on 2 May 2010, titled France expects criticism over the burqa ban.

These figures are according to the site themodernreligion.com, which gives a good idea of just how many women are converting to Islam. And perhaps for reasons that are not immediately obvious. “I feel liberated in a sense, because there is no one telling me that I have to ‘show some skin’ to feel accepted in the world,” says Rageemah.

Nadia Parak, a financial employee of Engen, is a Muslim woman who has chosen to wear the headscarf. She poses an interesting question in opposition to the burqa ban: “What harm does the headscarf and veil do? Why is it that nuns are allowed to be fully covered and are actually respected for this, and Muslim women are not?”

No one can disagree with the fact that women are often subjected to the idea that they should wear certain things, or as Rageemah said, show some skin in order to get people to notice you, or to be accepted. In the western world, the female body is often exploited and used for marketing purposes, which is what Islam disagrees with entirely. As the saying goes, “sex sells”, but Nadia reminds us that, “Women should be protected and not treated as chattels and exploited by those who are more powerful than them.”

In Islam, both men and women are expected to dress modestly in loose, nontransparent clothing. Women, because they are seen as the more attractive of the sexes, cover their hair too. They do this so that people can be drawn to their personal qualities instead of just their looks. In the Islam religion, it is the woman’s choice to wear the headscarf and burqa or not. Rageemah Jumat is a student at Varsity College who wears her headscarf every day. “For me, she says, “it’s a decision to reflect what is on the inside rather than what is on the outside.” Nadia, although she agrees with this, also recognises that her family did play

Toast 27

The ironic thing is that some Muslim women actually feel sorry for western women as they feel that it is the western women that are victimised in their culture. Nadia is one of the Muslim women who feels this way, “Yes, western women are sexually exploited and, due to propaganda that depicts ‘the perfect female body’ they are made to feel inferior and a sense of self-worth disappears.” Which just goes to show that what one person (or president) thinks is a good idea might not be a universal truth.

28 Toast


FEATURES

THE UNTAMED Words and Photos by Fran Siebrits

“By travelling, we discover not only this beautiful, awe-inspiring earth; we also discover our humanity, and that of others.” - Dana Snyman, On the Back Roads

A

t some point during the trip I sat overlooking a white mineral lake in remote south-western Bolivia. The space was immense, the temperature uncomfortably cold, and the sun harsh. This environment does not tolerate the weak. I only saw one wild animal species during the four-day overland tour, an antelope named vikuñas. Fortunately, they have enough hair to keep them warm. They are a close relative to the alpaca and llama, and sadly are now endangered. The domesticated sheep and llamas roaming the countryside do so with frost-bitten hooves. It is a harsh place to live, but unforgivably beautiful.

Two 4x4s, filled with excited gringos (tourists), left the small town of Tupiza early on the first morning. After some warm local mate (sweet tea made from coca leaves) and tamales (crushed corn boiled in its sheath), we bade farewell to civilization. As the Land Cruisers climb continuously up mountains of craggy pinnacles, pangs of danger pinched us all. But the eagleeye views increased in magnificence. That night we stayed with a local Quechua family in a small village. These rural Bolivian people have hardened to the harsh environment, over the centuries. As for us gringos, though, it was the coldest we had ever been. The water in the toilet froze, so it’s not hard to imagine what the streams outside looked like. Waking up at four in the morning to negative fifteen degrees celcius is no joke, but we all piled into the vehicles and watched the stars float past our windows as the driver took us further into the semi-desert expanse. We stopped at a view-point just after sunrise at 4 855 metres above sea level (msl). It was high, it was cold, and we were out of breath! For the duration of the trip, our fingertips and toes were constantly numb ... even inside the vehicle.

Geysers give off nasty smells as the sulphur boils to the surface. The signs around the holes in the ground read “Danger, volcanic area”.

Toast 29

"By travelling, we discover not only this beautiful, awe-inspiring earth; we also discover our humanity, and that of others." As for us gringos, though, it was the coldest I have ever been. The water in the toilet froze, so it’s not hard to imagine what the streams outside looked like. Waking up at four in the morning to negative fifteen degrees celcius is no joke, but we all piled into the vehicles and watched the stars float past our windows as the driver took us further into the semi-desert suspense. We stopped at a view-point just after sunrise at 4855 metres above sea level (msl). It was high, it was cold, and we were out of breath! For the duration of the trip, our fingertips and toes were constantly numb ... even inside the vehicle. The turquoise lake is emphasised by the desert mountain backdrop. Along with the emerald and red lakes, it is one of the few unique water bodies in the area.

But excitement and amazement made the biting cold bearable as we later walked amongst steaming and boiling geysers. The warm ground and sulphuric air made the landscape even more foreign. At one point, on the third day, we sat on gorgeous forms of lava rock looking at a smoking volcano. Lunch was prepared by our driver’s wife while we played amongst the curious shapes of the larva field. “Amigos,” we were called to eat. The sun, complimented by the comforting local rice dish, thawed us out a bit after an unbearably cold start to the morning. This time, the water in the basin had frozen overnight. It made the teeth-brushing episode quite challenging as we were forced to brace the air outside, expecting to return with our toothbrushes frozen to our gums.

By now we were used to speaking to each other through mouthfuls of coca leaves. By slowly masticating, you release chemicals from these leaves that dilate the blood vessels, allowing oxygen to be pumped through your body faster. This helps with the high altitude and relatively low levels of oxygen, which cause altitude sickness. So by day we abused the leaves, and by night sipped endless cups of mate tea. Sorted. As the day aged, we drove into a Salvador Dali painting where huge rocks were strewn on sand-dune foothills. We continued past lakes, all frozen. The caramel desert and blue skies emphasised the white borax minerals on the water’s edge. The famous green and red lakes were breath-taking. As the sun set, an after-glow from the day’s cold and windy sun gave rise to the most intense pinks and blues on the far-off horizon.

An active volcano smokes its days away. We perched in a field of old lava formations from previous erruptions, admiring the sight.

30 Toast


FEATURES

On the final night we stayed in a house made entirely of salt on the edge of the world’s largest salt pan, the Salar de Uyuni. It encompasses approximately 10 000 square kilometres at an altitude of 3 656 miles above sea level in this desolate and beautiful environment. That night we fell asleep in a white dreamscape. Driving from the quaint salty setting in the early hours of the following morning, sleepy heads nodded to the light of the full moon through the vehicle’s frosted windows. We huddled close together for the drive over the salt flats, arriving at our breakfast spot for sunrise. It looked as though we were driving through a vast isolated

landscape of snow, the road never changing ... and never ending. The altitude, ridiculously cold temperatures and eventual stench after four days without a shower was insignificant compared to the serene beauty. The crisp contrasts of the landscape amazed me, despite its challenging temperatures. Four days spent in dramatic desert scenery is enough to haunt a yearning soul for a lifetime. As the moon gradually sank into the western horizon on that final morning, I smiled to myself, knowing I have experienced the untamed Bolivia.

“It looked as though we were driving through a vast isolated landscape of snow, the road never changing ... and never ending.” Sunrise on the largest salt pan in the in the world, the full moon sinks below the far horizon. Right: No, it’s no trick photography, really! People and vehicles tend to shrink in these harsh environments.

The scenery en route to the Salar de Uyuni is extremely mountainous, with peaks extending way beyond 5000 metres above sea level in places.

Toast 31

The last traces of a setting sun create epic colours and shapes on the Salar de Uyuni.

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QUIZZES

ANSWERS:

1. How did you spend your youth?

a. Herding goats b. Participating in community projects c. Learning ‘The State Guide to Proper Etiquette’

10-15 POINTS: ROYAL RULER

2. What is your favourite food?

You believe in traditional values, good manners and a stiff upper lip. Most political situations could be resolved through civilised conversation… failing that, a Prime Minister is always handy. Being a deeply private person you will always find the public profile that goes with leadership a little uncomfortable.

a. Tea and scones b. A smiley and sweet potatoes c. Texan ribs and chips

3. What do you look for in a partner? a. Muscular arms b. A blue blood line c. Someone who’s willing to share

4. What is your parenting style? a. Hands off b. Hands on c. I try to keep count

16-24 POINTS: DIPLOMATIC DEMOCRAT You believe that each person’s destiny is in his or her own hands and that we can all make a difference. Social ills of the world would be solved if more people got involved with helping the less fortunate. Building a strong family unit helps to balance the possibility of your potential abuse of excessive power.

5. What is your favourite kind of dog? a. Corgi b. Portuguese Water Dog c. I don’t like dogs

6. Your preferred mode of transport is: a. Horseback b. Learjet c. Motor cavalcade

7. If you had the state coffers at your disposal what would you do with the money? a. Lobola b. Bailing out banks c. Buying a small island

8. What’s your idea of a good time?

a. A good game of bridge, a glass of sherry and light opera b. A party with the young leadership, followed by liberation song karaoke c. Running around the White House in my Superman outfit

9. How would you handle being involved in a scandal? a. Tie up your accusers in endless legal battles b. Respond in Latin c. I would never be involved in scandal

10. What would you choose as a bumper sticker?

a. “My other car’s a Rolls Royce” b. “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups” c. “I’m the boss… my wife gave me permission to say so”

What kind of leader are you? By Lexi Dewing

Ever felt your job is not worth it and

you’re wasting your mind’s potential? Well, take this quiz to see if you have what it takes to work the top job…

Toast 33

25-30 POINTS: PEOPLE’S PATRIARCH You believe it’s each man for himself. You’re in the role because you ARE the best person for the job and the country’s problems would be solved if everyone would just shut up and follow. The best way to deal with competition is to fight dirty. As a leader, you feel it is your obligation to always stay on top. (Yes, think Jacob Zuma.) SCORES: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

a. 3 points a. 1 point a. 2 points a. 1 point a. 1 point a. 1 point a. 3 points a. 1 point a. 3 points a. 1 point

b. 2 points b. 3 points b. 1 point b. 2 points b. 2 points b. 2 points b. 2 points b. 3 points b. 1 point b. 3 points

c. 1 point c. 2 points c. 3 points c. 3 points c. 3 points c. 3 points c. 1 point c. 2 points c. 2 points c. 2 points

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slice of life


SLICE OF LIFE

Strippers Stripped By Sisi Lwandle No matter which side of the pole you choose to stand on, there is something so very mesmerising, mysterious and powerful about strippers. Who are they? What are they about? And probably the most frequently asked: Why? Why? and Why? Well, recently I had the opportunity to shadow Tatiana*, a friend of mine, who works as a stripper at a local upper class gentlemen’s club. And, especially for Toast, I decided to record this experience as a journal. *Name changed

13h00: Wake up! Get the day started. And no, I made no mistake with the time. This female really does wake up every day at 1pm (it will make a lot more sense later on). We proceed to follow a normal morning routine: shower, breakfast, then a 30-minute gym session. 15h00: We spend this time lounging around the apartment, catching up on episodes of Vampire Diaries and How I Met Your Mother. We idly snack on food around the house - peanuts and raisins, Lays Lightly Salted chips and microwave popcorn. We chat about everything from Rihanna’s latest hairstyle to Julius Malema’s current attack on President Jacob Zuma. 16h00: Time flies when you are doing absolutely nothing... “It’s 4 o’clock already?!” she exclaims as she jumps up from the couch.” Yes, it is, I think to myself. So what? Sun’s still out, so the strippers should stay indoors, right? WRONG! Very, very wrong. Apparently they warm up, while “the sun’s still out”, and perfect their specific routines. “So what time’s... er... rehearsal?” is all I can manage to ask. 17h30 (give or take a few minutes): She is frantically packing her clothes and make-up. I silently watch her grab a few too many clothes than I feel is necessary. “Um... why do you have two sets of heels in there?” “Is for you... you are my shadow, no?” 18h30: It took a good hour to convince her that I’m the kind of shadow that sometimes disappears, and that I am neither physically nor emotionally ready to... ride anything, let alone a pole.

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19h00: We are running very late, and eventually manage to get to the club. My first perception of the club is that it is very posh. Lavish would be the best word: dark in certain areas, yet vividly illuminated in the more appropriate areas. I am in awe. I wave excitedly at the bouncer (trying my luck for an interview). He doesn’t even flinch. Lavish! 19h05: Tatiana and I join the other girls in an area I would describe as backstage. They are frantically getting dressed, engaging in friendly and social chatter. I sit in silence, in an attempt to eavesdrop at least a little of their conversations: “I might just be getting fat, guys...” “I met his mom last week... I think she likes me…” “I got so wasted at Mercury [pub/live music venue] on Monday…” “Where’s my nail file?” Ok... so nothing interesting, but I have to admit, I was tempted, for your reading pleasure, to put in something like: “This is my third abortion this week!” 19h30: The music begins to get louder in the club. Tatiana looks slightly nervous. “How long have you been doing this, Tat?” I ask to distract her from her nerves. “It’s been about 8 months now.” “Why do you look nervous then?” “Whether it is two days, two months or years, stripping is still taking clothes off for many people. Many people you don’t know.” “So why do you do it?” “It’s something I am good at. I didn’t say I disliked it. A surgery doctor must be nervous every time before he cuts open a

human being, no?” I nod, not understanding at all. 20h00: Tatiana has left to go through her routine. I decide to walk around the club and chat to the patrons. Expectedly, nobody is eager to be interviewed, let alone speak to me. Discouraged, I return backstage. A young lady approaches me, smiling. “They aren’t talking to you, are they?” she asks, kindly. “Not for shit.” “Babe, you need to remember you are in a strip club. People want to see skin.You might want to show a little bit; you’ll see the immediate change in response.” I gape at her as she winks and walks away. 20h30: I walk back out into the club. (It would be great if you don’t ask, nor wonder, what it is I was wearing ... or rather not wearing). I sit next to a group of middle-aged gentlemen. “Fellas...” “Who are you tonight, baby?” “They call me Night Sizzle.” (Ok, so I’m not good at this, clearly.) “What can you do for me, Miss Sizzle?” “Plenty, as soon as you tell me why you are here.” The guys look a little taken aback, before a little smile slithers across the face of the ‘ringleader’. “Oooh, she likes dirty talk, doesn’t she...” No. No. No. She doesn’t! 22h00: Tatiana is on stage now, dancing to her favourite song, RudeBoy by Rihanna. I am mesmerised as I watch her: ever so

poised, ever so professional. Hell, ever so sexy! I frantically wave at her. “Tatiana!” She doesn’t even blink. Ever so professional. 23h00: Tatiana and I walk around the club while she chats up gentlemen who keep summoning her. I hang back as a middleaged businessman leads her towards the “private rooms”. I idly walk towards the bar. “You look like you could do with a stiff one.” I turn to see a young-looking man offering a drink to me. “Nah... I can’t drink, I’m working.” “Oh, wow! I haven’t seen you around before.You must be new. Finally! New strippers! I’m gonna go tell the boys.” I shake my head as I watch him scramble past me. 00h00: That drink would have been great. Tatiana is still missing. Boredom takes over as I walk backstage and shut my eyes for what I hope will be a quick power nap... 04h00: Tatiana shakes me awake. “C’mon, let’s go home.” She is now fully dressed and freshly showered but looking very tired. “Where’s everybody else?” “Home. It’s home time.” “What time is it?” “4 o’clock. Now put your clothes on and let’s go home.”

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SLICE OF LIFE

M

elissa*, a 17-year-old girl who attends school in Mitchells Plain was the most popular member of her crowd. She was dating a taxi-driver twice her age. She didn’t know that he was a married man and had two daughters the same age as her. She thought he was the one she would spend the rest of her life with. He treated her like a queen. He gave her everything she wanted. Their relationship was amazing - he bought her jewellery worth R5 000 for her birthday. “She was in heaven,” says best friend Claire*. “Melissa could phone him anytime and he would come pick us up and take us anywhere we wanted to go… I couldn’t understand why she was with him, but we were young and needed to have fun.” Everything was going well in the relationship until another girl from school came up to Melissa and started calling her a “taxiqueen”. Melissa was very upset about it and felt the onset of an anxiety attack. The school secretary contacted her parents. They asked Melissa why a fellow pupil would call her that, but she was too afraid to tell them about her “boyfriend”. Later that evening Melissa’s parents contacted Claire wanting to know what was happening, because their daughter wasn’t eating at all. They couldn’t get any information out of Claire. Weeks went by and finally Melissa contacted her “boyfriend” to ask him if he would take her away and marry her. According to another source, he was reluctant, but promised they would go away the very next day. He just needed to know from her whether she was serious about it. And she was.

SUGAR DADDIES By Chaney Erispe

A girl whose heart is broken by her Sugar Daddy… It could be your daughter. Parents - don’t think that you know what your daughter is doing when she’s not at home. Toast 39

He fetched her from school that afternoon and they drove off to their “special” place to connect with each other. They kissed and it led to other things - she felt amazing again. He made her all sorts of promises. She believed him.

happening. She refused to do it, because she knew her parents would never trust her again and her freedom would be taken away. The caring and mother-like wife took a devastated Melissa back to her home and made sure she contacted her parents. They both arrived within 20 minutes. Her parents couldn’t look at her, but her mother burst into tears and sat next to her. Melissa opened up to them about everything that had happened and how she felt about it all. She admitted that it would take some time, but that she would be able to get over it. The “boyfriend” didn’t want to admit that he had had any involvement. He thought that things would go back to normal at his house, but he was wrong. His wife filed for divorce. She now wants nothing to do with him. As for Melissa and her family, they are all working on how to overcome this obstacle as a united family unit. Melissa met the taxi-driver’s daughters and they have become very good friends. The four girls are now working with the ex-wife and helping other teen girls not to fall into the same trap as Melissa did. (* Names changed.)

Would you have a Sugar Daddy? These twenty-somethings from Cape Town say no.

Kristen Erispe: “No, I would never date a guy like that. I am disgusted by it.”

He asked if she was ready to give all of herself to him. She affirmed with a smile. He moved her to the back of his taxi where they had more space and immediately undressed her. She didn’t stop him, because she was under the impression that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. They did the deed and Melissa was no longer a virgin. Melissa was happy with this taxi-driver. She thought they were finally united forever and nothing would come between them, not now and not ever.

Malieka Pretorious: “Hell no! Sorry, but that’s so not right! My parents would totally flip out.”

They drove off into the sunset; he dropped her at the bus terminus in Mitchells Plain and she hurried home to her family. She immediately phoned Claire to tell her the news, but Claire wasn’t happy to hear what had happened.

Alexandra Blanchard: “Oh no!... That’s all I’m going to say to that question!”

Claire had found out via her older brother Matthew* that this taxi-driver was in actual fact a married man with two daughters. She did not tell her best friend about what she had heard that afternoon. She knew it would cause Melissa to go insane. Melissa ended the call with Claire and went to bed; she was extremely excited for what was about to happen the very next day, but little did she know that her life was about to change… At 7:56am on Wednesday, 13 April, the “boyfriend” called and told her to be ready and to wait for him at the place where he dropped her off every evening. She waited for approximately three hours and there was still no sign of this “amazing” guy. At exactly 11:35am an unfamiliar woman approached her. That is when Melissa realised that this woman was his wife. Melissa was devastated and burst into tears. The wife had told Melissa that she had overheard what the “boyfriend” was telling Melissa and that she knew he wouldn’t turn up, because this was the third time that this had happened.

Rasheeda Scott: “What? Me! Never ever! I was raised better than that.” Sarah Blanchard: “I’m too young for that and I wouldn’t want to disappoint my parents.”

Parents, to avoid this from happening in your home: ‹‹ Make sure you have an open and honest relationship with your children. ‹‹ Always ask questions about where they are and with whom they are. ‹‹ Never believe that they are perfect angels. That may not be the case. ‹‹ When they are looking sad always be ready to talk. ‹‹ If they attend schools or colleges that are far away, make sure that they have a reliable lift there and back again. Same counts for going out at night. ‹‹ Be involved in the lives of your children.

The wife told Melissa that she should contact her parents because this was something serious and they needed to know what was

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SLICE OF LIFE

RELATIONSHIP DURING FIRST YEAR?

“Entering first year, it is almost customary to be single”

zwa

rad a y n a T By o Daring

Is it wise to get serious when you’ve just started college?

I

give you six months, and you will be single. Those were the words that welcomed me to Varsity College, during our O [Orientation] week back in February 2010. This person was not the first to express such sentiments to me. Every casual conversation brought looks of disappointment. I just had to beam and blurt out that I was in a serious relationship when approached by guys during that first week.

So why is it that people don’t believe that young love can last? And how does one balance studies and a love life so that you end up with a lifetime career plus a relationship? Well, for me, it’s interesting how those words of disbelief are the same words that have made my relationship stronger than ever. Jason Love, expert and writer of Young Men’s Dating Advice has this to say on the matter, “if you are a guy in your early 20s who is dating a 17- or 18-year-old girl, thinking it’ll last due to the love you two share, think again. The fact is, it might last, but many times it won’t.” So do young adults take the advice of those who have studied for a number of years and have a piece of paper to prove their theories? Or do we continue to follow that gut-feeling that puts us in these situations in the first place? I was determined to prove that young love does exist and that it has staying power; that, despite the contrary views, it has the power to last for... what’s that word again?... oh yes, eternity!

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have counted the zeros of his bank balance. But what if you actually do find that person regardless of what you’ve been advised? What if you

Balancing studies and love...

do find that one person who holds the bucket of tar you need to build your road? Entering first year it is almost customary to be single. “Test the waters”, they advise us, “enjoy it because these are going to be the best years of your life”. In my case, however, I met my boyfriend in my matric year. Back then it was far from “love at first sight”. Mutual friendship made us more than acquaintances but less than boyfriend and girlfriend. But there had always been something about him that I secretly described to myself as sweet; he was always the “undercover lover” in my eyes, although, consciously, I had never even considered him anything more than a good friend.

Of course, eternity doesn’t mean that your views don’t change along the way. As young girls we all dream of finding that one person who will “give us the world”, make us feel like the little princess, that one person who will “sweep us off our feet” and do all the other cliché things we dream about.

Who would have thought that a year later this would be the same person whom I see my future with, the same person I run to when I have a crisis on my hands, or the same person who is willing to wipe away every tear that runs down my cheeks.

Funny how all those dreams change and become more practical as we grow up; how our Prince Charming only becomes a prince once we

But what happens when this “love of your life” appears too early in life? A few years too early, to be honest.

I made the choice to take the plunge anyway - and it was not the easiest of choices, I must admit. Thing is, sometimes it’s best to give up a few things because you realise that what you have is precious. As I continued my quest to bust this “stereotype” of having to be single in first year, I interviewed Varsity College Academic Development Coordinator, Brendon Foster to hear his opinion on juggling a love life with an academic career. “How do I know the boundaries?” was the main question on my mind and “how do I know when I have failed to juggle these very demanding aspects of my life?”

Want to know how to love?

In a relationship yet don’t feel loved?

Check out the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman

Ready to write a sweet love letter?

Then get advice at www. wikihow.com/write-a-loveletter and enjoy some oldschool loving

Brendon says, “It’s all about your timing; with college you have to attend classes, do homework, pre– plan, and so it is with a relationship. From an academic point of view, I would advise being in a relationship with someone who is also a student, because in that way you are able to support one another in everything.” Brendon added, encouragingly, “Having a well-balanced relationship is a good thing!” Some of us believe, especially when all else fails, that there is the possibility of manifesting your own future. That means using forces of attraction to gain a desired outcome. But is that possible when it comes to love, especially real love? In an article written by Adriane Green titled Manifesting your Destiny, the writer says, “Although there are some strong voices clearly against the notion that a predetermined destiny exists, a destiny is inscribed in the heart and eternal soul of man.” Green continues to

Visit www.wikihow. com/Love to get easyto-follow tips

say, “Soul mates have a mutual destiny, and it is your divine destiny to unite with your soul mate and fulfill your lives through a bond of love and friendship.” So, it would seem that some think we can attract what it is that we as humans long for: success and, most importantly, love. Of course, it’s up to you how early you start - and if you were wondering, yes, it has already been longer than six months for my partner and me. And, yes, we’re counting!

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SLICE OF LIFE

Tayane “dancefweak” Arends,

dance artist and a Toast journo, gives us the low down on her passion

“It all started when I was 7 years old. My parents decided to enrol me in ballet classes at school. The style was very innocent; girly and happy, which was working for me at the time. But after a year I had to quit because I was transferred to another school. In my final year of primary school I started to dance again with three of my friends. The style changed from ballet to a more hip hop style with a softer side, feminine, reflecting the start of my change as a girl. When I began high school my passion for dance faded due to academics being placed first. The beginning of 2010 saw dance surface again, and since then I’ve applied more discipline to the art of hip hop. Dancing takes pain away. It motivates me to become a better person. It’s a way I express my inner feelings and release my emotions. It’s not just dance but more of a lifestyle. All I want for myself is to become a great dancer and be able to specialise in all styles.”

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SLICE OF LIFE

Dancing takes pain away. It motivates me to become a better person.

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Photos by Karl Lilje (www.karllilje.com)

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SLICE OF LIFE

“Everyone is smiling and laughing; it then becomes clear to me that the people here are poor but happy.” Michael von Aichberger

Life in the Loxion: a visit to Khayelitsha

I

t’s 8am on a crisp Saturday morning. I sit in the passenger seat of my parents’ Honda as we venture into a land that is foreign to what I have known all my life. They call it Khayelitsha - “our new home” - which is exactly what it will become to me over the next 24 hours or so.

By Jade Lotriet

to discover. I enter Lillian’s house and I sit down as she pours herself some tea into a chipped stainless steel mug. She sits down next to me with her granddaughter in one arm and begins to tell me stories about life in the loxion.

We go on to discuss problems that the people of the local townships face such as poor housing I look to my left and right as we drift deeper and sanitation, drugs, Aids, and the lack of and deeper into the squatter camp, and my fists medical care. “If I involuntarily want to go to the clench with clinic I must wake nervousness, fear, I stare blankly as the car takes the up at 4 and the apprehension, corner, because I know that my clinic only opens at and excitement. I safety and my comfort has now 8. I’ve seen people feel curious eyes die while waiting glaring at me as left. It’s just me and this township, for a doctor and we drive past. We this big foreign world I have yet we only have one eventually reach to discover. clinic open on the house of weekends. Tell me Lillian Ndgedi, a how the whole of domestic worker Khayelitsha can depend on one clinic,” Lillian and single mother of two. I get out of the car says to me with a tinge of anger in her voice. and feel the cold fresh air. I see children running I stop and I think to myself how it all went so around happily. I hear dogs howling and, even though it’s only 8:22am, I hear the unique sounds wrong. How did it get to be this way? Where lies the fairness in the fact that I can seek medical of kwaito music filling the air at full blast. attention whenever I like, yet not too far from my I wave goodbye to my father as I watch the own suburb people are dying while waiting on car drive away, and at that exact moment I something that we have equal rights to? become blind to my surroundings and deaf to “Teenagers are a problem too, we are worried all noise around me. I stare blankly as the car about them, I see 13-year-olds who are pregnant takes the corner, because I know that my safety and Aids is a problem too.” We are all aware of and my comfort has now left. It’s just me and the issues that teens in South Africa face, but this township, this big foreign world I have yet

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what makes it worse in poverty-stricken areas like these is the lack of education, especially amongst the youth. Lillian and I then take a stroll down to the local spaza shop. The sun beams down on my face as she tells me stories of crime and poverty. “We have crime here, but there is crime everywhere not just here.” I find myself nodding in agreement. As she speaks I feel humbled, but I also feel a sense of guilt boiling inside me. I find myself hating the fact that there is a hierarchy and that I am more privileged than others in my country, not because I worked for it, but because I was simply born into it. We get to the spaza shop and Lillian buys a loaf of bread for her family and two Chappies bubble gums for me. On the way back home we meet up with Lillian’s daughter Sweetness, who is going to be my guide. She takes me to the corner where we wait for a taxi. I am beyond excited, because I have never taken a taxi before. The taxi pulls up with a loud hoot and we climb in. I feel slightly awkward as I sit down, but I notice that everyone is really friendly and greets us.

Sweetness then takes me on a personalised tour of this lively township that is bursting with character, and I find myself constantly smiling at how accepted I feel amongst the people of the loxion. As we get out of the taxi the air is filled with life. There is vibrant African music and the smell of braaied chicken coming from every pavement. We then roam the dusty streets of Site C as mamas of the land and Township Beauties pass me by. Everyone is smiling and laughing; it then becomes clear to me that the people here are poor but happy. Sweetness smiles at me and says, “can you see that we are happy with the way we are, we are there for each other and we greet each other and everybody is welcome, even to our weddings. We say thanks god and all we want is a better life and work.” At that moment it dawns on me that, contrary to popular opinion, beneath all the dust and between all the shacks lies a jewel indigenous to our land, a place of hope, happiness, life and endless possibilities.

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SLICE OF LIFE

Metrorail: An Epic Journey Through the Southern Suburbs Word and Photos by Jack De Jong

Above and left: Glencairn

“25 needles for five rand? 25 needles for your five rand...” Who knew one could buy sewing supplies at a train station? Why not purchase some nail clippers to trim your toes, or how about some superglue? What’s going on? There is no context here, don’t fool yourself into thinking that reasons are available. Some of the craziest things I’ve ever seen in my life have happened here. Theatre for the public the beauty of train stations in Cape Town. Join me on a trip through the Southern Suburbs aboard the Metrorail - the scourge and saviour of the Cape commuters... Cape Town Station

Thing to do: try catching a train to Cape Town without a ticket; see if you can ‘James Bond’ your way past the ticket-checkers. It’s the end and the start; be-all and end-all. It’s close to the city, where there’s always lots of stuff going on. Here you can find bars, restaurants, local craft-markets and plenty of places to scoop that sweet deal on your next pair of sunnies. If you’re planning an adventure, you could catch a taxi to Camps Bay... that is, if you wanna go to the beach. The V&A Waterfront (also reachable by taxi) has a beach too, but no lifeguards... more of a retail experience than anything else. May I suggest you wander up Long Street for an hour or two, if you haven’t already?

Woodstock Station

Thing to do: Grab a gatsby and finish a whole one by yourself. Just try. This suburb is a hub of crafters and traders, old-school shops where you’re still allowed to smoke inside and knock down the price of that fabric your gran likes so much. But this place is not for the faint of heart - take some muscle if you’d like your

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cell phone to be in your pocket when you get home. Woodstock has the best bargains if you’re after a table, some chairs, or a samoosa. So much goes on here that words fail to describe this awesome place. Why can’t there be more areas like this nowadays? A vibrant community thanks to the local atmosphere of multicoloured murals and mixed dialect.

Salt River Station Nothing happens here. Ever. Move on.

Right: “Rondies”

OBSERVATORY STATION

Thing to do: Ever been to Gandalfs? Forget everything you’ve heard and be prepared for a new take on claustrophobia club. There aren’t many places like Obs left in Cape Town. Bergies roam the streets with freaks, weirdos and the mentally insane. The emphasis here is on community, sharing and caring – what’s mine is yours and all that. Also a good place to get ridiculously drunk and cause a ruckus after some Obs dogs (boerewors rolls). Your wallet will like you almost as much as your stomach. And be prepared to make some new friends, scars and cigarette burns things can get a little crazy.

Left: Rushing through Mowbray

Mowbray Station

I think, for safety’s sake, let’s not get off here, hey?

Rosebank Station

Rosebank is great. I can’t tell you why, because there are no reasons, but take my word for it. The Baxter Theatre is up the road, so you could go watch a play if that’s your thing. Otherwise you could walk to Rhodes Memorial from here, which would take you maybe 45 minutes if you go through UCT. Totally worth it though; Rhodes ‘Mem’ has sweet views of the city and some colonial history tied to it as well (not so sweet). There’s a restaurant just behind the memorial, a good place to grab a glass of orange juice before we head off to...

50 Toast


SLICE OF LIFE Rondebosch Station

Thing to do: Now would be a great time to strike up a chat with a security guard - you know, get to know the locals and stuff. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; don’t be afraid to wag some chin with these jokers... Woohoo! Four stations into this journey and we’re at Rondebosch station - home to VC and the surrounding Hare Krishnas. What’s a Hare Krishna? Good question. Why not pop into the local Krishna sanctuary around the corner? No? Well then we’re off to Starlight Diner - home to 24 hours of beer and burgers! Other hangouts include Cybar; they recently installed Black Label on tap (!!!) and The Pig and Swizzle (drinking den for local drunkards). But you go to college here, you know this place? So without further ado, it’s off to...

By now that Crackling we enjoyed earlier has begun to wear off, and we find ourselves struggling towards St James station. What?! How did we get here so quickly?! We’ve left behind Muizenberg! And Retreat. And don’t forget Steenberg, Heathfield, Diep River? Whatever! Only relevant to those who live there, I suppose. I used to live in Plumstead. Anyways, as I was saying we are now shuffling up to St James. And wow hey, the scenery here is amazing, just beautiful. There’s lush mountain-side on the right, and a deep blue sea on the left. The train rumbles along

“I think, for safety’s sake, let’s not get off here...”

Newlands Station

Thing to do: Springboks! Get wasted and pick up drunk chicks, or dance to whatever RnB is doing the rounds at the moment. Alternatively, you can watch the Bokke or Proteas when they’re in town at Newlands Rugby or Cricket stadiums. Newlands is a quiet station, a sleepy hollow of shade and beer production when the local sports grounds aren’t in use. Not much happens at this station, nobody uses it other than sports fans and school children. Personally, the smell of that damn brewery across the road gives me bad juju and I try to keep away.

Claremont Station

Thing to do: If retail therapy is your thing, chances are that Claremont has got what you’re after. There are more shops and stores than you can shake a stick at, with plenty of eateries and watering holes to get clobbered at too. Claremont station underwent a major revamp quite a few months back and now has an integrated bus station - allowing you to reach more of Cape Town than you just might like. With a strong MXIT following and the reputation of mugging central, Claremont is probably best reached by car.

Harfield Station

Thing to do: Absolutely nothing. If there ever was a station with less of a point, I’d like to know about it, ‘cause I don’t have a clue why they even built this place. Smack bang in the middle of suburbia, this place is useless. Ok, ok, it’s not that bad, but unless you live here this place is about as useful as a car-guard.

Kenilworth Station

Thing to do: Take some time off from the hustle and bustle of the train, and enjoy some of the Cape’s finest offerings from the local vineyards; hand-picked during autumn’s harvest - yip, bergies love sharing Crackling almost as much as they love Crackling in general! Why not take a walk down to the Kenilworth Race Course, watch some horse racing and gamble your mom’s hard-earned cash on some phillies! No? Well, in that case let’s continue on to...

Wynberg Station

Thing to do: ...uhm, I’ll get back to you on that one... “Mow-bray! Caep Towen! Wynbeeerg!!!” Ah, the call of gaatjies fills the air as we step off onto the Wynberg platform. “Can I see your tickets please?” No, you can’t see my “tickets” ma’am, and besides, I don’t have any. “Well! You’ll have to pay a forty rand fine then, or we can take you’se to the police.” Obvious choice. I watch in horror as my forty rand fine is held up to the sun - the watermark checked for fraudulence, before being pocketed by a scummy ticket checker. Screw you, Wynberg!

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the water’s edge; with waves having been known to wash up onto the tracks during the rough winter months.

St James Station

Thing to do: Smile a while. This is easily the best station on the Southern Suburbs line. It has the friendliest little station shoppe, and the bathrooms are quite clean, at least by Cape Town standards. They hardly ever check for tickets, and the station guards are so chilled that they don’t care if you didn’t buy one anyway. There are two beaches, St James beach (duh) and Danger Beach, both have their own pros and cons but both are sweet beaches. You can climb up to Boyes Drive, there’s a set of stairs close by. Boyes Drive offers spectacular views of the False Bay coast - especially in the morning, well worth getting up early for. St James has a couple of coffee shops close by, but the real deal lies up ahead at...

Kalk Bay Station

Thing to do: Shoh, so much hey. There are plenty of awesome restaurants and little nooks and crannies to explore. Favourites include Ice Station for ice cream, Brass Bell for beers and Olympia Cafe for croissants. Personally, I’d recommend Kalky’s, a restaurant situated near Kalk Bay Harbour. Cheap, good quality fish and chips; you can buy (limited) alcohol and chill outside in the harbour– it’s lekker! There are plenty of shops and shit to get lost in here, but it’s not what it used to be. An undercurrent of pseudo-hippie-chic seems to be culminating around the corners. One only has to look at the unbelievable prices being asked - for junk. The rent in Kalk Bay is also unbelievable. But besides that, it’s quite cool. Best in small doses that you allow yourself to indulge in - like during a weekday, for example.

Fish Hoek Station

Thing to do: If you ever wanted to see the most effed up thing evar, you have to see the “Fish Hoek hillbillies”. I’m serious. Ask anyone you know from Fish Hoek if they know them. Fish Hoek is basically, and I’m sorry if you’re from Fish Hoek, a retirement home for the demented. It’s got its moments from time to time, sure. I myself have spent many a hazy evening, trapped in the valley. But it’s a bizarre place. No bottle stores thanks to an old promise kept on behalf of a church, long before there ever was a train stopping here. If you’re still reading this, I suggest you keep going. I’m going to Simon’s Town. That’s where you wanna go. Glencairn is basically sand, salt and rocks. Tourists fly from as far as Japan to see the wonder that is Simon’s Town; who can blame them? It’s got penguins and ice cream. You’ll like it.

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SLICE OF LIFE

g in

The small Cape Town suburb of Observatory, with its dependable nooks and eateries, is surreptitiously undergoing big change – and there’s possibly no better vantage point to explore it than a backpackers’ lodge.

v r e ) s b e O g ( n a h C

K

im Whitaker has an air of casualness that seems to rub off on anyone who spends even a brief moment in her presence. Her bohemian fashion sense and blonde hair could deceive an observer into assuming that a fifteen-hour work day would not be the norm for such an individual. The truth, however, is the exact opposite. As the driving force behind two of Cape Town’s bestorganised and well-known backpacking institutions, Kim knows all too well the personal sacrifices that are required to keep a steady ship afloat at all times, and that those fifteen-hour work days are simply more common than one might expect. At 26 years of age, Kim is one of an increasing number of young entrepreneurs forging ahead in markets that offer much potential but are seldom capitalised on.

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Cra

el e P ig

As a recent addition to the culturally diverse meltingpot suburb of Observatory, Kim, like many other university graduates, travelled overseas for some time, and it was during a six-month excursion to Argentina that the seeds of opening her own backpackers in South Africa were sown. Upon arriving home, Kim set the wheels in

motion and after many months of tireless work and preparation, her first backpackers, 33 Degrees South, opened its doors and became fully operational on 7 December 2007. According to Kim, the first 3 to 4 weeks were very quiet, but then suddenly there was a great influx of

of England, Holland and Germany. However, the successful staging of the recent Fifa World Cup has ensured that many other foreign markets are now acquainted with her thriving enterprise. The World Cup saw her backpackers run at almost full capacity for the duration of the

“Suddenly there was a great influx of bookings, and by the end of the first month things really began to pick up” bookings, and by the end of the first month “things really began to pick up”. Kim’s venture has the rare attribute of providing the services required for the establishment’s financial prosperity as well as playing a meaningful role in the cultural development of the local community and its landscape. Apart from providing employment, Kim has also managed to find the time to establish a community-marketing website that aims to add meaningful contribution not only to the community but also to the overall positive and exciting aura that Observatory is currently exuding. The majority of Kim’s patrons are foreigners from the European nations

tournament, and the lasting impression has almost certainly ensured that things will continue to flourish at this newly established hotspot. When asked about the amazing success of her backpackers, Kim is reluctant to indulge in self-promotion and instead prefers to emphasise that “hard work, thorough planning and an urge to succeed” are the characteristics that made her dream become a reality. Evidence of the success of her business plan can be seen amidst the ever-increasing number of foreigners that frequent the bustling Main Road in Observatory and in how the once quiet Trill Road, just off Main, has been transformed into a trendy and energised

pedestrian scene where the festive vibes are palpable and vivid. In June this year, her second venture got underway as Kim opened the doors to The Loft, a backpackers in the near vicinity. Early signs are that the business is already looking positive. It really is satisfying to witness ambitions becoming reality and with South Africa’s youth currently being a little sceptical of their future in South Africa, Kim’s story can be seen as a shining example for anyone who has aspirations of starting a business. As I drive down Lower Main Road in Observatory, the sight in my rear-view mirror of jovial, contented youngsters walking along the sidewalks to the many pubs, bars and clubs leaves me in no doubt that something very special is unfolding in this quaint little neighbourhood and that a certain Kim Whitaker has contributed immensely. Her hopes for Observatory are “that it will continue to grow and flourish”. With Kim helping it along there is no question that it will.

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SLICE OF LIFE

Caressing the cursor

By Stuart Buchanan

“Two young South African are taking the world by storm as they make their entry into the working world through the online industry. Student jobs are not restricted to becoming a waiter, bartender or going into the demeaning world of promotions.”

M

ark Pettey (22) and Andrew Pettey (20) are paving the way forward for South African students, once and for all showing that you don’t have to be qualified to make money and move into the ranks of the international circuit. They have been ranked as the 227 811th (of an estimated 24 million registered) most viewed website in the world. Although their number on the chart doesn’t seem high, they are actually up there. Just take into account that 70% of internet trafficking is taken up by pornography (according to Douglas Schweitzer, SearchSecurity.com), and that the website has only been running since 11 June 2010. They have achieved quite a feat, and it is only just the beginning. Even though Buybernie.com might not be the number 1 most visited website, it is a new revolutionary way in which the public can advertise goods and enjoy an adventurous shopping experience which is quick, easy and simple. It is part of the online market designated as the online classifieds section, but it isn’t anything like the classified section of your newspaper in which you can find the contact details of local South African prostitutes in your region. Buybernie caters for everything from household items to a possible vacation destination or even a possible date, but with the focus being secondhand goods/ lifestyle items or even a roof over your head. From bull calves in KwaZulu-Natal to a yacht in Cape Town, Buybernie. com has it all. And is online classifieds a growing market? It seems so.

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The market for secondhand items, services, and the hospitality industry has taken advantage of the advances in internet capabilities and the advantages it holds for the future. Prospects are considered huge, and therefore this has become one heavily competitive  market. It was not all that easy starting up; the difficulty for a project like theirs has been gaining revenue for advertising, says Andrew, yet Buybernie. com mainly relies “heavily on word of mouth for the moment,” he adds. “However, using a unique SEO (Search Engine Optimizer) helps us in moving up the Google and yahoo ranks,” Andrew proudly states. With future plans of T-shirt giveaways and posters on billboards, there is a bright future to look forward to in this family venture. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, as the expression goes, and it is through websites such as Buybernie.com, Ebay. com, Olx.com and Gumtree. co.za that our lives can become uncluttered as we constantly move closer to the future with the IT generation. The wondrous joys of shopping being only at the click of a button are so convenient it’s almost frightening. Which evokes the question: how safe is shopping online? Through these “classifieds” sections there is no payment to the middle man, no credit details needed. The middle man gets the buyer and the seller together and from there onwards it is the buyer and the seller’s issue; there is no responsibility taken by the website besides for removing its sellers if they are advertising their product falsely.

The convenience of buying anything you need at a decent price is enticing, but which website would you choose? Andrew, with a very cheeky, telling smile, says, “In my personal opinion I wouldn’t settle for only one… display your ads on as many websites as possible, just in case the buyers prefer other websites. Online shopping is currently a big trade in overseas countries because of the availability of the internet to more people. Without people being able to go online there is a massive decrease in sales of goods, and advertising therefore becomes useless. It’s the old story of supply and demand. Without the target market for advertising there are only a limited number of people who will get to enjoy the benefits of online shopping. One of the greatest difficulties for online website owners is the choice - that means competition. There is so much. If you’ve been a google.com user forever, you’ll probably never use yahoo. But we, the users, have to watch out for the health of the industry. The answer is to spread our purchaces online, hense allowing for competition.

FACT FILE

Andrew Pettey (20), admin of Buybernie. com. Busy with a B.Sc Computer science, majoring in Computer Science, Applied Mathematics, and Pure Mathematics. Mark Pettey (22), the idea creator and advertiser. Doing a B. Business Science Chartered Accounting.

Take the time and venture out into the world of the internet. As Mark and Andrew Pettey have shown, there is opportunity out there to create or invade an internet industry and create a name for yourself, no matter where you are. Whether you’re creating or just trying to gain a little bit of knowledge on online business, there is just so much more to explore. Go ahead. Increase your internet cap and broaden your browser history. You could even make some money.

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SLICE OF LIFE

s c i m o C g in

v r a t S e h T By Jade Lotriet

comedy being on the rise, I recently decided to catch up with two of Cape Town’s finest up-and-coming Withcomedians, the witty one–line deliverer Rustum August and the hilarious Gino Fernandez. Both blessed with quirky wit and imaginations that know no boundaries, these two are sure to leave you in stitches.

Gino Fernandez Q) When did you first realise that you were funny? A) When people started laughing... see I’m funny; you’re laughing. Q) How did you go from being casually funny to wanting to make a living out of it? A) I just enjoyed it... I think it started with the Muppets. Q) The Muppets? A) Yes, they always had a funny celebrity on the show and I always wanted to join them. Q) Having grown up in Grassy Park, how do you think this may have affected your style or work as a comedian? A) Being around a lot of coloured people, haha. All coloured people want to do is laugh and make fun of the next one at that person’s expense, so that element always comes into play. Q) What do you think of the South African comedy industry in comparison to the international field? A) It’s definitely picking up and taking off. There are comedy festivals everywhere nowadays. Q) Favourite comedian? A) Internationally I would say George Carlin, Seinfeld and Bill Hicks. Locally it would be Riaad Moosa, Nik Rabinowitz and Loyiso Gola. Q) Earlier this year you did the opening act for Loyiso Gola. What was that like? A) That was great. I entered a competition with a few other comedians on heart 104.9fm, and we all had to compete for the spot as Loyiso’s opening act - and I won. Q) Living in South Africa must leave you with quite a bit of material to work with? A) Yes, local comedy will always be the best, because you are part of it and living in it. Q) So, you’re a co-founder of The Starving Comics. Tell me about it? A) Uhmmm, I co-found it... Next question please. Q) Did you have many foreign audience members during the World Cup? A) Yes, lots. Q) Do you think that the World Cup contributed to nation building? A) Definitely, part of it was all the vuvuzelas and all the TB being blown into the air bringing everyone together... just great. Q) Do you think comedy contributes to nation building? A) Yes, definitely, because comedy is like the middle man. When government is messing up and things are going wrong there will always be some comic who will lighten the subject.

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SLICE OF LIFE Q) Best part of your job? A) Getting paid and getting to perform all over the place like at Rocking the Daisies. Oh, and the free booze.

Q) Do you think comedy contributes to nation building? A) Yes, it does. But fuck nation building. “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”

Q) Worst part of your job? A) The thought or feeling of dying on stage, as Mel Miller the Godfather of SA comedy says, “When you have a good gig it goes to your head, when you have a bad gig it goes to your heart.”

Q) Best and worst part of being a comedian? A) The best part is the worst... once you get addicted, there is no getting out of it.

Q) Currently in a relationship? A) No

Q) In five years time you will be... ? A) As I am now but smarter, healthier, funnier, and way more cynical, pessimistic - and possibly out of sperm. Q) Pessimistic... haha why? A) It keeps me, unattached to the bullshit.

Q) What do you look for in a girl? A) Me

Q) In a relationship? A) Nope, don’t do relationships.

Q) First thing you did this morning? A) Wake up

Q) What do you look for in a girl? A) ... in a girl? Nothing really, I like all kinds of chicks. The ones I get on with usually have a peculiar sense of self or lack thereof.

Q) Last thing you did last night? A) Fall asleep

Q) One day I will .... A) … regret that I never had any regrets in my life.

Q) Any hidden talents? A) I don’t know... they’re hidden.

Q) Where can we catch you and the rest of the Starving Comics? A) Sundays - Obz cafe Mondays - Zula Bar Tuesdays - Purple Turtle Wednesdays - Jokes comedy club, Athlone

Q) One day I... A) … will finish this sentence. Q) I wish... A) … this was over, haha, only kidding.

Thursdays on SA’s Got Talent on SABC 2

DOING HIS THING: Gino Fernandez performing at the Jokes Comedy Club in Athlone.

Did You Know •

Gino studied Graphic Design at

In fact, that’s where he got noticed.

He took part in the Vodacom Festival in 2008 and he won the title of funniest student on his campus.

Q) How did you go from being the average funny guy to realising that you wanted to make a living out of it? A) I still don’t think I’m that funny. I like writing, especially jokes and that allows me to explore weird shit in my head. Performing is a different thing though. I have convinced myself to do it every time.

He’s a skaterboy, footballer and a “MXIT kop”.

Q) Having grown up in Cape Town; do you think it has affected your work or style as a comedian? A) Of course it has but it doesn’t originate from local-isms. I’d like to think it’s broader and more language specific.

Rustum August

Source: www.comedia.co.za

Q) When did you first realise that you were funny? A) Not applicable. Next question. (It’s like asking the Pope, when did you realise you were interested in young boys?)

Q) What do you think of the local comedy industry in comparison to the international field? A) Local scene is good, competitive but not yet at the standard of international acts, suffice to say some local acts are better than some international acts I’ve seen. In terms of local acts holding their own on local stages, many of them do, sometimes do better than international acts.

CPUT in Cape Town.

The 21-year-old one-liner Rustum also grew up in Cape Town. (Seems like the Kaap has it all.) He reached the Top 100 twice in David Kau’s reality TV show, So You Think You’re Funny.

Q) Favourite comedians? A) Dead: George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Mitch Hedburg, Redd Foxx, Rodney Dangerfield. Living: Jimmy Carr, Doug Benson, me, old Jerry Seinfeld, lots. Local: Mainly the new guys / my friends. John Vlismas, Riaad Moosa, Roni Modimola.

QUIRKY: Rustum August

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Source: www.bigsmilescomedy.co.za

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SLICE OF LIFE

Get the Chiti Vibe By Julien Speyer Chiti is a 26-year-old urban Reggae musician who has lately been throwing his sound out on Long Street. He comes from Zambia, and plays regularly at Zula Bar on a Friday night. Besides his music, his life story could also hold a note of truth for every student.

W

hat comes to mind when you think of Jamaica? Beaches, palm trees, relaxed vibe? Well, if you think about it, Cape Town is not so different … plus more. Cape Town is an amazing city for many reasons. Table Mountain sits right in the middle of the peninsula, there are two oceans flanking it on either side. The city bowl is a hub of activity, Camps Bay tries to pull off its own Miami Beach scene, Obs takes a turn to the weird, and then there is the trusty Claremont one can always

count on for commercialism. The suburb of Newlands and the beach front at Green Point both have stadiums so the fun is spread evenly across the city. Then Kirstenbosch reminds us to relax. A Capetonian is never lost while the mountain is in sight. Many students flock here after school from across South Africa to live the life of Riley by the sea. Relaxed afternoons on the beach, pool parties overlooking Camps Bay, drinks at sunset followed by a night crusade in whatever name you choose to celebrate.

We arrive hoping that we’ll find the stairway to heaven but sometimes get a bit lost in the process. Students are an expensive lot, and thankfully we have parents footing the bill and acting as safety nets. For Chiti, a newly arrived foreign musician, Cape Town first put forth its darker side to receive him. When Chiti arrived in Cape Town he was immediately betrayed by those he had trusted his belongings to. He had arranged for his belongings to be kept safely in storage in Philippi

just outside of the city. He was tricked and before he could report what had happened the culprits had disappeared into the underworld. He found himself stranded in a new city, in a new country with no one to turn to. His arrival in Cape Town was quite dramatic: “Imagine being in a helicopter and being dropped in the middle of nowhere with nothing at all,” says Chiti as he uses an analogy to reflect on his experience. “Life was all about survival, it was a difficult experience. But it was time for initiative.” His love of music comes from his childhood. While growing up in Zambia, Chiti played percussion in church. In Grade 8 he wrote a song called Praise the King, which was aired on Zambian TV on a show unearthing young talent. Chiti arrived in South Africa in 2001 and took on the competitive Johannesburg music scene with the band he was part of at the time, which is called B sharp. His move to Cape Town in 2003 was his chance to go solo, but unfortunately, fate threw a spanner in the works.  

Above: Chiti rocking out his reggae beats live

Chiti was set back musically when his stuff had been nicked. It took him a long time to bounce back, but he managed to do it. Musicians need an environment to call their own; within that space they call home they create the sounds that will forever be known. Sitting around crying was not going to get him back his belongings or further his talent. He fell back onto basic survival, physically and mentally. He planned his path back onto the road of musical productivity very carefully. First he would need to eat and look after

himself before he could pick up the guitar. Chiti managed to get a job in garden landscaping to sustain his daily need for money. He sold his own art to people from overseas: hence he saved enough money to buy his first guitar. In Joburg he had been a singer and an MC. In order to release his own sound he would have to pick up the guitar and follow Jimmy Hendrix’s lead. He played at work when no one was around, and after work he went out into the fields surrounding Cape Town and

Left: Chiti jamming with Jack Mantis, a fellow musician who recognised Chiti’s talent

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SLICE OF LIFE played under a tree. Eventually he saved up enough money to buy a motorbike to get around on. When he lost everything he learnt how to focus, hence was able to hold down a job and learn how to play. It was in late 2005 that Jack Mantis, a fellow musician and graffiti artist from Cape Town, spotted Chiti’s talent. In 2007 Mantis included Chiti and his Reggae vibes in the Jack Mantis Band. It was the necessary stepping stone to bigger things. The year 2010 brought a year of wild creativity. Chiti lived like a bit of a hermit through winter 2010, getting his skills up to speed on guitar. During the 2010 World Cup, Chiti played at the International Convention Centre to tourists celebrating the football fiesta. He is currently bringing together a funky fusion of urban, Indie Rock-Reggae. It only really makes sense on a Friday night at Zula: the students love it, and one is sure to be in for a good time when Chiti is behind the mic. He is putting together a new band called the Rays. But there is a deeper side to this legend of Long Street. He is a man of the people. When students come to Cape Town, many of them get carried away by love or other student weaknesses. During my time interviewing him I had the opportunity to see his interactions: how he can sort a young person’s headspace and reinforce people’s lives with a few words. For a man of small stature, his smile suggests his big heart. He is a very calm character and is one of the rare people who actually listens to what one is saying. Behind that calm Chiti is juggling a hundred and one things at once, but Toast 63

he will never actually tell you about it. To quote a mate: “Chiti spreads himself thin”. But only through careful observation can one actually see how he ticks. The man is a watering can nourishing flowers of personality reaching up for the light. So, for all of us who come to Cape Town on a whim, and then find out it can be a rough ride, when looking at Chiti it seems like if you stay focused and stay cool, it could be your own  private Jamaica.

‘‘

When he lost everything he learnt how to focus

Chiti getting into the zone while playing a gig at Zula

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QUIZZES

COMING BACK TO REALITY…

6.

If you could be anyone in the world, who would it be?

A) Paris Hilton. B) Barack Obama. C) Oprah.

By Rageemah Jumat

7.

Are you of the consumer generation or are you an active member in our global society? Find out now!

D 1.

a new club has opened around the corner from where you live?

A) You gather up all your friends and you all raid the new club to scout new talent and free drinks. B) You think “why on earth would anyone want to open a new club when everyone already has their favourite club? I mean, it’s not like somebody is going to pay an expensive fee at the door just to get disappointed.” C) Cool… a new club… yawn... and I care why?

What’s the first thing you think of on a Monday morning?

4.

C) Me-time.

B) World peace. C) To eradicate poverty.

A) Doodling and daydreaming of better things. B) Writing notes hastily and asking questions to make sure you understand what the lecturer is talking about. C) Staring blankly ahead and making as if you know what’s going on.

5.

What’s the first concept that comes to mind when you think of the word “party”?

A) Booze. C) Dancing and having fun.

that you have an assignment due on Monday. What are you going to do?

If you could have one wish what would it be?

classes most?

B) Monday! Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day.

It’s a Friday night and you just realised

8.

What do you find yourself doing in

B) The opposite sex.

3.

B) Family.

A) To be rich and famous.

A) Gosh! I can’t wait for the weekend to start.

C) How can I make this day extra special?

How did you score? MOSTLY A’s

Party Baby!

At the moment life is all about the glitz and glamour, but sadly you find yourself being stuck in the middle of four walls and a classroom board. You want the money and it’s all about living in the moment; you’re cool and confident, but you must remember that every action has a reaction. You should be paying attention to your studies, which are of the utmost importance; it would be a shame to have wasted all the money and get nowhere in life.

MOSTLY B’s

You’re a realist.

You try your best and think about the future; you are a person that always wants to be ahead of the pack and find yourself in the smart section of the group. You want to be on top of things and you are determined to work your way up in life. Remember that you are allowed to stop to smell the flowers, because it’s not all about what you do but how you do it.

A) Agh… It’s due for Monday, so I’ll worry about it on Sunday; besides I can’t do it tomorrow because Saturday is my day off.

MOSTLY C’s

B) I have to set my alarm for 8am at the latest. The earlier I’m done, the better.

You are so cool and chilled.

C) I wonder if this assignment is even for marks…?

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A) Friends.

o you feel that life is just one big party bus? Wherever you go, you’re always seeking the biggest jol? Or are you a realist focusing on the bigger picture, making your mark on the world and becoming a pioneer. Take this test and find out what kind of person you are...

What’s your first reaction after hearing

2.

What’s the best thing in life?

You believe in the Bob Marley theory: ”Don’t worry about a thing, because every little thing is going to be all right” Right? No! Life is about give and take. Being chilled is good and well, but even if you feel you’ve arrived (on a cloud), it’s worth checking your dreams against other’s expectations: you get out what you put in.

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opinion pieces


OPINION PIECES

Skomline 101

What is your culture?

A love letter to Langa

By Rob Cockcroft

By Nosi Dilima

R

ecently I was shooting the breeze with a friend, Tebs, when all at once, he surprised me. It was the first time I noticed he frequently used the words, “In my culture....”. Maybe I picked it up because I had recently seen comedian - I mean ANC Youth League president - Julius Malema on 3rd Degree refuting the existence of intersexed people because in his Pedi culture “there’s no such word”.

Above: A spaza shop (left) where you can get fruit and veg, with an internet cafe next door (orange facade to the right).

Afterwards though, with some introspection, I think what really got me going was, “my culture”? Do I have a culture? What is that? It's a promiscuous word, always clutching onto a new partner: pop culture, consumer culture, winning culture, surf culture, street culture, and Xhosa culture. The Oxford Dictionary says that culture can refer to “customs and beliefs, art, way of life and social organisation of a particular country or group”. Tebs has been a friend for a while and we share many of these various aspects of culture. We both have the same lack of religious views; music and movies satisfy our need for art appreciation; we have a laid-back approach to our way of life and our social organisation is cracking a cold quart of brew on a Friday and occasionally burning some meat. So what did Tebs mean... “in my culture”?

“It’s a promiscuous word, always clutching onto a new partner...” I decided I would have to get cracking on finding out about this strong sense of heritage that has always eluded me. The thing is (perhaps it's the culture of our generation), we don't waste time when trying to obtain information. So a reflective path to self-discovery was not for me. I Googled it. Being as culturally unschooled as I am, I assumed that because I have Irish ancestry I must get the low down on what that culture is all about and there we go. Sorted. Search results produced

E

veryone is entitled to their own opinion, right? So I am guessing everyone has their own opinion about the townships...

thousands of links to pages showing Ireland's cultural traits: Guinness, bars with stained glass windows, rolling emerald hills and St. Patrick. But I realised I did not identify the same sense of heritage I imagine Tebs to feel. I was knocked even more off course. That's not me, I'm a Capetonian. Things came to mind such as braais, Black Label quarts, surfing, hip hop, the mountain, two oceans, Long Street. These, then, have to be the aspects that constitute my culture. Tebs has a place he calls “back home”. It's in the Free State, where his parents own a small-holding, have cattle and grow all their own herbs and veggies. He even herds sheep when he's back there. A way of life I can't even begin to imagine. So how do we relate? By a little mechanism our generation has pioneered in this country: acculturation, that's how. ‘Acculturation’ means to successfully live in other cultures. Think about it. We are an avant-garde generation. After the 1994 elections, it was announced that we live in a “rainbow nation”. Most of us were children during the mid-80s and we may only have some vague memories of apartheid,

or none at all. We attended the first multi-racial schools after the end of it. We were thrown into the melting pot, boiled for a bit, then we simmered down and we learned to chill together. We may have different customs and traditions but we find common ground through the various cultures we create. Skinheads and dreads, punk rockers and hip hoppers, everyone belongs to some kind of clique. Whether you spit rhymes in a cipher or jam with your mates at band practice in your parents' garage. Whether Nikes-and-spikes is your thing or having your arms decorated in skulls, roses and swallow tats is the look you're going for; whether you regularly eat bangers and mash or pap and vleis with chakalaka, or smaak a lekker braai or chisa nyama; whether you tune into Mhlobo Wenene FM or Lotus FM.

I am Nosizwe Dilima and I was born and bred in a beautiful place, beneath Table Mountain, called Langa. The word translates to “sun”, but the name is apparently also derived from the name Langalibalele, a Hlubi rebel imprisoned in Cape Town after rebelling against the Natal government of the time (source: www.capetown.at).

“Yes, it is a township. I love my township, I don’t care who says what!” But enough about that... I don’t even know where to begin, hey. Langa, Langa, Langa... it is an under-developed suburb where black people live. Yes, it is a township. I love my township, I don’t care who says what! Almost every weekend tourists come to view it and are interested in our history. They get shown around the area and take photographs. We have tourist attractions such as Guga Sthebe (tourist and craft centre), Tsoga Environmental centre (community venue with a garden), Bhunga Avenue (where the strikers

walked in apartheid times), Johnson Ngwevela Hall (community hall used for concerts), Eziko-catering food centre (for nosh), Maragana Park (to chill outside) and the Show Flats (which spells hope, since it’s an upgrade from a shack), and many more. In Langa, we have our own clothing line: Skomline Wear 7455 (that’s our postal code) and we have our own recording company: 021 records. Langa is a very beautiful township; it is one of a kind. Weekend comes... everyone is sure going to have a ball. People from the suburbs come to visit to enjoy our weekend vibe and we know we’ll definitely see them again. What I like about the weekends is that everyone from different townships joins together for fun; we get people from Gugulethu, Khayelitsha, Nyanga and many other townships. We come together to enjoy the weekend vibe; tshisa nyama (braai), enjoy refreshments and the comfort of your camping chair. Now that is a very chilled vibe, nothing could go wrong because everyone is “buzzing on the same tune”. To enjoy your weekend, you have to have money, a car and the ladies or gents! A weekend never goes by without meeting new people or making new friends. Living in Langa has become a part of me. If I move, it will never grow out of my heart. I love it and I am so proud of it! And that’s my opinion.

Many choices you make on a day-to-day basis - be it consciously or sub-consciously - are influenced by your culture. This metaphysical mind-spew is to highlight the cultural nuances of people we deal with on a daily basis and to show that “culture-shock” is not as startling as it sounds. Above: Our one and only taxi rank.

Toast 69

Above: Gugu Sthebe, a tourist and craft centre with an internet cafe. It’s used as a community venue too.

Above: A spaza shop that serves as mini supermarket.

70 Toast


OPINION PIECES

The Power of one

Parents often question why their children bottle up,

By Tanyaradzwa Daringo

like to speak about everything! My thoughts? Well,

but they fail to realise how much their children would communication is often difficult for children raised by both parents compared to those raised by a single parent. “I cannot speak to my mother about anything, that is why I speak to my siblings about my day and my problems, instead,” said Katy* (20) who lives with both parents.

“I cannot speak to my mother about anything, that is why I speak to

Have you been part of the rebellion?

Being a parent is difficult, especially if you’re going it alone! But have you ever thought that being a single parent isn’t such a bad thing - it might be just the ticket for an exciting ride towards a beautiful future with your child.

I

t is 7pm sharp! The invitation to the meeting

children raised without both parents are still considered a reason

stressed. As mom and I rush out the door dead on

for concern. Do we think it’s not wholesome? That they’re likely

time she can’t help but glow, admiring the good

to develop “serious problems”? (Ever seen a health insurance

job she has done raising me - 7pm sharp and we make

ad without both mom and dad in frame?) But are children

it. “Do we wait for your father before proceeding?” my

really happier with both parents or is it the love that is given to

English teacher asks. “No Ma’am, we may proceed,” I

the child that determines happiness? And what are the views in

reply with a smile. Who needs the best of both worlds

SA? “Raised by my mother and Gran, I would not change my

when my world is already perfect, I think to myself.

life in any way. There is no better feeling than waking up to my mother’s voice as an alarm-clock,” says Nomakhosi, a 19-year-

According to the annotated version of the Couples and

old Cape Town college student who was raised without a father.

Marriage Research Policy (CMRP) brief, research done in

Single-parent families are more common today than 40 or 50

America and published in May 2003, children do best when

years ago. The CMRP research indicates that in 1960, 22%

raised by two married biological parents who have a low-

of children were living with single parents. By 2001 the figure

conflict relationship. Even though thinking in America has

had shot up to 53%. The increase is across all race and income

shifted since then (do you watch Modern Family on MNet?),

groups but high amongst African Americans and Hispanics.

Toast 71

Credit: http://www.google.com/gwt/x?client=ms-samsung&wsc=eb&wsi53c84371ea3874d2&source=m&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf&ei=8ZujTLfcFdjB1QbexISUCA&ct=np&whp=3187

But have attitudes changed? We have a tendency to judge those being raised by single parents without actually looking at the reasons parents might have. We categorise and immediately assume that this “modern family” is living in poverty or that the child will have a traumatic life.

my siblings about my day and my problems, instead.” It is important for parents and children to maintain

As a very proud African, I am ashamed to admit that our minds have

the relationship, regardless of the relationship status

been poisoned to believe single parenting is bad. “Why put your child

of the two parents. As children we need a figure

through that?” Africans will argue. Because of the way society has

to look up to and to confide in - and who is better

manipulated us to believe that single is wrong, a parent will quickly try

than the person who brought you into this world.

to replace a lost partner in order to fit in to the normal household portrait.

Who knows… you might just make a new BFF!

Filling a void? Thing is, this then often becomes the cause of a bigger

* Name changed

problem. With a step-parent on the scene, children can close up and feel it is necessary to rebel, just so that they can feel something… anything!

“Why put your child through that?” Perhaps Mary Parke, a researcher for the CMRP, sums it up best: “family situations often change, which makes understanding the effects of family structure on children complicated. Many children live in more than one type of family… For instance, the majority of children in step-families have also lived in a single-parent family at some point”. It is hard for kids to keep ahead of all the changes; it even confuses the research! Furthermore, kids are sensitive and complex. Times change and ways of life and our ways of thinking must too.

72 Toast


OPINION PIECES

Is it love or infatuation?

By Shannon Bailey

What is this thing I’m feeling?

I couldn’t bear to live without them…

Love happens naturally. It can develop and grow over time. You even get different kinds of love. The love you would have for a family member should be different to the love you would have for a life partner. An infatuation is generally a substitute for love - the next best thing. If you think about it, there is no real proof to back either of the above emotions, one can merely look at one’s partner and judge by both’s behavior. It’s never easy to analyse yourself but if you know what you’re looking for you might just find some tell-tale signs. Everybody needs love. Some people even fall in love with being in love instead of their partner and, unhealthy as this may sound, this is infatuation. Infatuation is a real emotion that disguises itself from you, making you believe you are in love (if being in love were the ultimate goal in life, infatuation could be classified as an obstacle or hurdle). Infatuation is selfish, whereas love is selfless. Do you consider your partner first before you do anything (sleep, eat and sometimes even breath) and do they consider you? Never tell a girl you love her unless you are willing to marry her and in the same sense, don’t ever agree to a marriage just for the sake of having a wedding. Infatuation poses as the bad guy in all love stories. It takes a mere two-three months to mangle a relationship. It tests how much of yourself you are willing to give your partner and if the answer is “everything” or just about, you can pretty much use your own logic to judge where you stand.

Infatuation is weakened by time and separation, whereas love grows stronger. Feeling pain is not the key factor in defining the extent of emotion towards the one in your life. Infatuation can hurt just as much as love, what defines the two is the time it takes one to get over the hurt stage. The old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” may be cliché, but can be key in defining your emotion toward your partner. Missing someone is often better than missing no one at all. The willpower to wait for that one person, however long they are gone, can prove your relationship’s worth as opposed to moving on as soon as you get the chance, using the excuse that “it was just too painful” .

Could he be my “forever” or is it just another meaningless fairytale ?

By Nicholas Owen

Does he make you cry or does he make you livid? The difference between being angry and being upset falls directly insync with the difference between love and infatuation. The one you are infatuated with is more likely to make you angry than the one you are in love with. Even though anger is often driven by passion, both love and infatuation can be passionate. A relationship that is based on love or infatuation rather than a healthy balance of both is a common mistake inmany beliefs. Heightened senses aren’t always signs of true love. It is often the case that if you’re feeling more jealous than normal, abnormally lusty, and stupidly excited at just the thought of their face with thoughts like, “you are my life; I simply cannot live without you” cross your mind on more than one occasion; you’re probably infatuated.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Toast 73

MONEY, THE TRUE MEASURE OF WEALTH?

I

was always taught that employment brings enjoyment, work equals fun, that my life would be more fulfilling if I had the inclination to follow a simple set of rules: first study, then work, then select a mate to be joined with in a symbiotic relationship until death. These rules would unlock the numerous gates to success. Being part of a cultured society is the goal, and conforming is the means to get there. As you grow older you gain a certain understanding of the world; it no longer seems possible to carry out our outrageous childhood dreams. High school ends and a choice has to be made … aptitude tests are taken and you are cast your role in the world. From that point on the choice is no longer yours; a verbal contract is made and money is invested. Life now has “direction” and your “goals” become more apparent. During this time you are reminded that it is imperative to meet every expectation that has been announced to you. You are lead to believe that a mainstream lifestyle is the only option. Your sense of adventure is abruptly quelled in an attempt to reduce the likelihood of facing an alternative existence. You are taught that money makes you wealthy. In a world that is focused on greed and is short on kindness, the “fat cat” businessman is king.

People make the mistake of assuming that everybody measures wealth on the same scale. Or that good financial plans always bring riches. But riches present themselves in exceptional ways. Given, riches can be admired. That was before small groups of people learnt to control the ambition of the rest of the world; they learned how to impose their will and cultivate their newly appointed wealth. In my eyes there are two walks, two types of people on earth. My brother’s life, for example, would be a straight road (at times a highway). Willingly content with practising the traditional formula to success, he meets his goals with enthusiasm. His tunnel vision will earn him a lucrative future. To him, and many like him, this is an inherited happiness and I have no doubt that it is heartfelt. For me, on the other hand, life is a different story, I placidly stroll along my path in a mindset that leads me astray. To me it’s the side roads that are alluring. They beckon me with all the experience to be gained. I can’t help but travel up them. I seek out a vantage point and, once I have seen the view, I move on. This route may not have allowed me to buy the new BMW M3 but the knowledge gained will add to a lifetime’s collection of side roads. Who knows, I may even stumble upon wealth on the way.

I guess my point is that life is what you make of it. Everybody seems to know what is better for you in some or other way. They meticulously plan a lifestyle to save you from dangers that you cannot see and do not understand, instead of letting life take its course. The result? It seems as if arbitrary journeys and the sincere exploration of life are now the objects of make-believe. People no longer simply go with the flow. True, with nothing to believe in, a person is lost. And then there is no direction or meaning in life. But where your belief lies does not determine your success; it is what you gain from that belief (spiritual or materialistic) that amounts to your true wealth.

Toast 7476 Toast


OPINION PIECES

s c i t i l o akfast P

Bre

By Nicholas Owen

By Julien Speyer

On Thursday 23rd September 2010 Patricia de Lille spoke at a breakfast held in the vineyards of Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs. The Democratic Alliance’s Federal Executive Chairperson, James Selfe, gave a speech of thanks to De Lille once she had explained how she planned to take on her new role as the DA’s social development MEC.

P

atricia de Lille’s message was one of hope and firm promise to service delivery. South Africans, on the whole, are no strangers to promises by politicians. So it was on a slightly skeptical stomach that the voters of the district gathered for breakfast. De Lille started her talk by welcoming the elderly and then dived into present-day South African politics. She explained how corruption, at the end of the day, affects our poorest and also touched on the issue of a declining number of taxpayers. She sympathised with the audience; Zuma is appearing to be an “indecisive” president.

Not all people have a heart, even fewer people become politicians - so it is reasonable to assume that not all politicians have a heart. We live in a world full of shiny, glittery things that go beep and we humans love it: soul candy for your social life. As a voter in the modern world, how does one make decisions through the bombardment of the media: how does one find a heart through the chaos? Heart is to project emotion, to show compassion and understanding, to actually care in the moment that someone might have a problem.

“What makes us the same is the fact that we all suffer pain and happiness, love and loss: emotion is what brings us together.”

The South African presidential system we have in government today is a hybrid of two styles of governance. Our constitution is built on rock, but really that is no real claim to fame: it just would have to be - especially after apartheid. So, having a constitution in a shiny new book with “first edition 1994” on the inside cover is a good thing to have. But to the man on the street: really, paper has better uses. Where then is the problem at the moment? For us here in the Western Cape it is that we are a bit over the smell of the ink in the constitution. We want to see some action. Every day we have to fight as a community for things to get done, so that the name of the country is upheld in our own minds. How should it rather be? The time has come for government to get a heart.

In a country as diverse as South Africa it is impossible to relate to each other from one point of view. Every day we walk and talk with so many different kinds of people that we often forget what makes us the same. It is not the clothes one wears or how many shiny, glittery beepy things one has. What makes us the same is the fact that we all suffer pain and happiness, love and loss: emotion is what brings us together. This is the heart. But then you have politicians who live on the role of the taxpayer and who also probably have an entire entourage who have a particularly strong liking to hear glittery, shiny things go beep. De Lille proved that she had a heart, and no time for beeping things as she frowned gently at an embarrassed voter who interrupted the address by not switching her phone to silent.

Fact Box 1. Over the next seven years the DA and ID are going to contest local elections together in order to build a strong brand in mutual opposition. 2. De Lille mentioned that both parties would have to fight hard to keep the ANC out of the Western Cape. 3. She highlighted the fact that she and her colleagues are in it for the democracy rather than for better pay and higher positions. 4. She discussed the “dependency culture” that we face with the poor relying on the government. 5. There will be a strong focus on service delivery in the Western Cape. 6. She aims to help build “one of the best provincial governments in the world”. 7. De Lille also stated that she had handed her files on the arms deal to a young parliamentary DA figure; they are going to work together on it.

Toast 75

Making your own muti In bygone days, witches might have had red hair, but nowadays they come in many disguises. And before you judge, it’s best to ponder your own gullibility.

Y

ou are walking down the street, happily zoning out by focusing on the pavement ahead of you. A hand flashes into sight, offering a flyer.You are forced to make a decision: accept the leaflet to humour the weary individual, or simply ignore the oke. You are in a fairly decent mood, so you dish out a fraudulent smile as you receive the (soon-to-be) garbage. Noticing the gratitude on the poor soul’s face, you look down to eye over the propaganda that has made its way into your hands. Armed with the supernatural powers of his target market’s ignorance, Dr Tanzania, the semi-effective alias, will use his healing powers to cure about anything, you read. This includes ailments such as Aids, the curse of not winning the lotto as frequently as desired, or owning a penis that is not of a satisfactory size. He will even guarantee you a promotion at work. Witchcraft, voodoo, muti - call it what you will - each is as bizarre or as sickeningly extreme as the next. Especially for the harvested. If you have albinism and live in Tanzania, life is pretty shoddy. You are worth around $75 000 as a complete package. This includes all four limbs, genitalia, ears, nose, eyelids, tongue and skin. The reality is that if you do not live in some sort of safe house, you may be divided into pieces, manufactured into a powder or charm and carted around in someone’s pocket - forever bringing luck and prosperity to the adequately gullible consumer. Criminal gangs, in a bloody path of unsanctioned surgery, are hounding Mozambique, Tanzania and other African countries, only to be put to death for their lack of kindness if caught. South Africa, however, is not as amped on the whole capital punishment vibe and simply jails the odd “flesh kleptomaniac”. Victims are not always put to death. It is said that the potency of the muti will increase if the victim is left alive while his or her

various body parts are removed. The more the screaming, the more the potency. In 1998, one of these gangs harvested the genitalia of Jeffrey Mkhonto, when Jeffrey was merely 12. He is one who lived to tell the tale. Conned by a neighbour offering him a meal, he was led into the kitchen where his surgery was performed with a butcher’s knife. “They took me home and left me in front of my father’s house. As they left I heard them say they are going to sell my parts so that they can get money,” Jeff was reported saying in a BBC article in 2002. Offenders went missing in action. Would you come forward? The fear of experiencing a similar nightmare grips any likely witness.

But is it not perhaps nothing more than a series of illusions and the sleight of hand that compliments a hidden science. With technology, you are led to look one way while happenings occur in the other direction. Magic is only magic until the trick is revealed. This is the key to its power. And so it is with technology: because it can’t be explained immediately, people fear or even revere it. Equipped with this new information that has forced itself into your brain, you eject yourself from your chair at the speed of a whipped dog.

“Magic is only magic until the trick is revealed.” “Yoh.” is what you may think out loud, as you realise how many gruesome thoughts have crossed your mind since you relieved the person of their little piece of paper. Reality beckons as a person to your left drops to the floor, writhing in pain; you smell the air as your eyes dart around in a distrustful manner. With a narrow stare and a nod of the head you confirm that witchcraft is the culprit.You walk away, pondering the nature of the hex that is at hand. Discontented with your knowledge of witchcraft you seek out understanding from the leading authority on tricks, spells and curses: Google. Bursting into the nearest internet cafe, you seize a workstation and begin clicking frantically and hammering at the keyboard. Facebook will have to wait, danger is on the horizon. But while you sit there, a slow realisation creeps up like an offender and suddenly stings you with its wrath: an epiphany. It unravels itself to spell out that any form of magic is much like technology in disguise, seasoned with a bit of folklore. People throughout history have mistaken advances in technology as magic.

Tekkies screech when you come to the end of a grinding halt as you arrive at the side of the bewitched man.You inform him that you too are a witch, the difference of course being that you are dedicated to the good of man. This lie has just given you enough power to fabricate a spell that will lift his curse. You twist his finger and spit in his face, all the while uttering gibberish and strongly hoping that this placebo effect will override the previous one. It’s all about belief. He stands up, thanks his ancestors and mouths off the bastard witch who entered his consciousness at the request of a vengeful partner. Life is full of mystery and people are so intrigued with the supernatural that they will believe pretty much anything. Belief is what makes it real. The power of the mind can perform unimaginable mania - let’s call it phantom pregnancies - just with a little everyday hypnosis and the art of deception. This is the power of autosuggestion.

76 Toast


OPINION PIECES

Music with a new meaning

The media is stalking our children with their hunger - or should we say greed - for making that million. Chaney Erispe sums up her views on the trend.

P

arents today are rightfully concerned about what their children are seeing on television, if one considers a recent article that was published in the YOU magazine (written by Kim van Reizig, 25 March 2010). Music videos today are enough to upset any parent, especially when you consider the already swift rise of sexting (sharing of nude photos, videos and chat via cell phone or online) among teens. Are young children following what they see? Is the next generation exposed solely to sexual imagery and ideas? These unanswered questions force parents to be strict with young teens. My recent interview with Mr Khalied Latief from Cape Town suggests that desperate measures in parenting are being enforced because of what viewers see every day. Nowhere is this problem more prevalent than on daily television. Kylie Minogue’s producer Mike Stock has called the newest music “pop-chart porn”. Katy Perry released her new album with a nude cover. This may be a publicity stunt, but it still understandably upsets parents with young teenagers.

Are young children following what they see? Is the next generation getting more involved in sexual activities because of what they see on television? Khalied is sitting in his lounge with his daughter at his side. “Young minds are easily influenced by what they see on television,” he says, keen to comment on the article in YOU. “Amy Winehouse is another singer who has gone down the drain. I might seem like a mentally disturbed parent, but if you read the papers you will see the number of rapes, murders and abductions have increased and it’s not a laughing matter. All my kids, not only my daughter, are being monitored, meaning that they have a curfew and need to tell my wife or me well in advance where they will be going and with whom.”

And it’s not only the lyrics - it’s the clothing too. In a recent issue of men’s magazine GQ, Rihanna poses half-naked. It is a far cry from the image portrayed in her hit ‘Pon de Replay’. The outfits worn by stars today have become so skimpy that it’s actually sickening for parents. And the lack of role models goes beyond music videos. Let’s take Tiger Woods as an example or even Eric Benét. These are public figures - celebrities – with many fans and admirers. But look how these “good fellows” went off the track. What happened to the times when parents could allow their children some freedom? So much has changed. We can’t blame the celebrities alone for this change. It’s also up to the media companies to ponder whether we want our children to see Lady Gaga naked? Paradoxically, the more we ask these questions, the more pornographic the videos become. Are we heading down a slippery slope? “My daughter used to be crazy about Tiger Woods because she liked the game he played,” says Khalied, “but when the news broke about his affair, she said ‘that’s fine, he is a man’. What is society teaching my child? That when she is married it’s okay for her husband to cheat?” And what do the people in the music industry think? Gina Vivinetto, a music critic, said in YOU that it doesn’t matter how serious the singer takes herself or how good her voice is, she has to be trashy. “We as parents should equip our child with the proper way of living life,” Khalied concludes. And think about it: Why should life be about selling sex when the children of today should be the main priority. Perhaps it’s time for the media to allow consumers to see the good of a song, not the “sex” of it.

And what other trends might be contributing to this? US researchers believe that women aged between 27 and 45 have a higher sex drive because their fertility is dwindling. That is the common age span of the female music stars who are making it big today. Young children often want to live the life of their favourite celebrities – and it’s because that lifestyle seems so exciting. “Have you ever gone to a school concert and seen the way the young girls do certain performances?” Khalied asks. According to teachers at some schools, the children portray inappropriate behaviour when performing - especially when it comes to tunes like Britney Spears’ ‘Hit me baby one more time’.

Toast 77

By Nicholas Owen

Just because they’re from nature, are they safe? We speak to a user about the pros and cons of using magic mushrooms.

M

agic mushrooms broke the surface of international media when a 17-year-old girl from The Netherlands committed suicide by jumping off a bridge. Shortly after that a national ban on the drug was instated in her country. But the fact of the matter is that people all over the world still use the hallucinogenic for recreational and spiritual experiences. Some benefit, others not. The 17-year-old is not the only victim. Across the globe, mushroom deaths are becoming more frequent. The spectrum ranges from a 31-year-old man smashing through a glass window of a building in Manchester to a woman confusing poisonous mushrooms for magic mushrooms at a rest stop in America. And of course there are cases in South Africa too. In Pinetown in November 2010, a man was arrested for allegedly growing ‘shrooms (www. news24.com). Magic mushrooms are in our backyard (well, literally, more like growing under your mate’s bed) and, in order to understand what we are facing, we need to separate Hollywood from reality and delve into the life of a ‘shroom user. “We were surrounded by green and the sun was drenching our souls. My wife turned into a mystical creature with tiny red and black striped horns on her head. She had intricate patterns in different colours and intensity, running wild in different directions all over her face. She also had a massive aura pulsating out of her. Everywhere I looked the unanimated became animated.” This is the recollection of such a user.

from R40 to R180 a gram, depending on where you buy it. It is no secret that a hefty chunk of society will cross paths with magic mushrooms at one point or another. Enthusiasts try to create awareness about ‘shrooms by explaining how to have a good trip and not a bad one. Magicmushrooms.net holds advice that may save lives. They say that you should start with a small dose and never take more than 1 gram of dry magic mushrooms. Wait for 90 minutes. If you feel OK and want to intensify the experience you could take some more. Joseph advises that it is safer to trip in nature, be it a forest or a beach. The environment is more relaxed. An important factor is that it should be away from people (mainly authority figures and crowds) and trip with people you know, like and trust. If you panic remember that you’re just on ‘shrooms. Oh yes, and “don’t go swimming,” stresses Joseph. Joseph’s feeling toward SA’s prohibition of hallucinogenic mushrooms is resentful, “I think the government has a tendency to ban whatever they cannot control and anything that opens and enlightens the human mind.” The law is meant to prevent repeats of the bridge suicide or the American lady’s fatal mistake. Magic mushroom advocates argue that prohibition is too extreme as the mushrooms have many benefits. They say that, with precautions, mushrooms are safe.

“Magic mushrooms are in our backyard and, in order to understand what we are facing, we need to separate Hollywood from reality and delve into the life of a ‘shroom user.” Joseph* first began experimenting with mushrooms on his 17th birthday, almost a decade ago. Joseph describes the drug as “an introspective journey into one’s unconscious.” His view is that the user grows spiritually. He is, however, very aware of the dangers of ‘shrooms, admitting that he has had his share of bad trips.

With tears in his eyes an anxious Khalied says, “My son came home one night with this woman he met at a club. They didn’t know one another. It was the first time they had met. I asked her to leave and took her home. I protect my kids. I’m not blaming her parents, but I do blame the media for selling sex and not helping the next generation.” Many parents think that the lyrics to songs have become more sexual, putting children under the influence of this so-called “porn for teens”. Parents now have to put parental control on their television channels, especially DSTV – which fortunately provides parents with these lock codes.

‘SHROOMS, back and popular!

‘Shrooms are illegal but are by no means difficult to get hold of. Joseph reveals that all you need to do is take a visit to your local hippie; finding drugs is never a problem. The price ranges anywhere

Lady Gaga knows how to “just dance” as she bears all and bends down indecently.

PS: Hey, just in case you’re all curious now, take note: TOAST does not condone the use of recreational drugs. This article conveys the personal stance of the writer and not of TOAST or any body associated with TOAST. And, oh yes, Joseph* is not his real name.

78 Toast


get a life


GET A LIFE

Get a flatmate you don’t want to kill...

“Dude you finished all the cheese, again. Go get more; I’m hungry, you bastard.”

I

t’s a giant leap from being a narrow-minded school leaver to an open-minded varsity student. There are thousands of changes you’ll encounter that are more important than the amount of tequila one person can consume. College or varsity years present you with a chance to grow up, find your own identity and, all-in-all, the experience will mould you into the person you will become. Some inevitable choices and surprises await you, like whether you are independent enough to take on the challenge of staying in digs ‘cause you’ve side-stepped being evicted within the first month of your new-found freedom! And undoubtedly your parents will find out every move (surprise, they signed the lease) and so thousands of parties with your digs mates need to be tamed and limited - or else it’s back to the drawing board. Along with the choices, there is of course the issue of finding a flatmate who suits you and your lifestyle. Here are a few likely scenarios. Choose the right one for you, and you might also just find yourself that person who will replace the ‘borrowed’ contents of your fridge. Yes, say cheese.

Scenario 1

Scenario 2

One-man syndrome

The random lurker

It’s always horrible finding yourself at the end of the year and at a loss for a plan, alone and isolated, thinking that a one-person digs is a good idea.

You’re disorganised again? Not to worry, there is another option. Searching at lib for a flatmate: advertisements on gumtree.co.za, buybernie.com and plastering a wall full of flyers giving out your personal details.

Being in a one-person digs requires discipline, the absence of the need for company and the ability to have many tricks and trinkets to keep you occupied. Yes, those idle hands are undoubtedly the devil’s playground. The one-man digs may seem convenient and a good idea. However, isolating yourself leads to disaster, as cooking for one, cleaning and bad habits such as smoking indoors can become a major issue. Your flat ends up looking like a crack-den and your self-pride will also take a dive when bringing home an unexpected visitor. So keep your options open, keep a lookout for which people are moving where, and remember the most unexpected people could end up having the most amazing skill-set for vibey communal living.

Hot tip: Be prepared.

This might work well. However, it is a quick fix. When the person comes to meet you it is basically like an acting audition to see if they are suitable, of course. So, welcome the well-presented lurker into your house with a parent or some form of guardian. Just be warned that this is a façade and as time passes the well-presented part of the lurker will slowly fade away. In this scenario, major problems can occur, such as letting a complete stranger into your house and into your life. As scary as strangers seem, it can be a lot worse when you actually find out more about the individual. Like every fantastic con-artist, the lurker has a few tricks up their sleeve. But you sit back and watch the disappearing act happen in front of your eyes without a way to approach it because you are afraid of being alone. It is a constant struggle as you try to not become the maid with clean-up-after, while at the same time avoiding the constant party. Because, hey, you are trying to balance everything: your academic work, a job (for some) and socialising too, when you find the time. Be prepared! ... and avoid the random lurker. If, however, this can’t be helped, then set up some boundaries. These may include a contract that binds your sub-tenant to pull his weight. It should have as few loop-holes as possible so, in the case of the con-artist, there is legal reasoning to remove the tenant if required.

Hot tip: Be picky.

By Stuart Buchanan Toast 81

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GET A LIFE So once again back 3 to Scenario

Scenario 4

Scenario 5

Scenario 6

Scenario 7

Scenario 8

Decisions, Decisions:

All work no play

Break it or buy it

Room for one more?

Chaos Theory

Same-sex situation

Battle of the sexes

An interesting combination occurs between the older worker bee and a vibrant young student. These types of unions are generally put together by a parent or through a connection of some kind. Think predetermined.

There are always complications when a love relationship is thrown into the mix. However, the beginning honeymoon period, like all good things, never lasts. Having a relationship with your flatmate complicates the cycle of life even more. Gradually, you find there is little time for your own social life and you begin to lose all perspective of balance.

In any circle of friends there are little cliques within the group. The same happens when living in a flat. In a space where there are more than two people, cliques form more naturally, but now it’s just more obvious.

Although students believe it would be great to live with six or seven of their best friends, there are major problems that occur. When it comes to money issues, food costs, balancing the cleaning and the constant parties, it eventually leads to some type of disaster.

This situation could be considered as the be-all-andend-all of the argument, but in life there is no ultimate solution and, therefore, no correct answers. As many people will know, if there is too much of the same sex clustered into a room, there is either an overflow of testosterone or oestrogen. This creates issues...

There is something that mostly males can’t get out of their minds: ‘women belong in the kitchen or the bedroom’. It is hard to reconstruct gender roles because of the ideals that have been seared into our brains. It may seem fun to joke about the opposite sex, but it is still hurtful, especially when aimed at your flatmate who has fallen helplessly into the gender trap.

There’s never going to be an ideal flatmate situation, because having issues in relationships is something that everyone has to deal with and get over. Nobody is perfect; to make mistakes is to be human. So choose your environment, know the boundaries and limits, figure out your own path - and become a distinctive you.

Parents will interfere; it’s their job. This scenario provides a constant baby-sitter, or spy, for your parents. In some cases this could be a good thing as there is more of a control factor. Usually, though, this will only dim down one’s social life. Terrible, indeed! To avoid this problem, try maintaining a level of trust between you and your guardian. The relationship between you and the non-student can actually become a friendship. Then you can tell them to get off the couch, put on a suitable outfit and join in the party . Your friends will love the stories that the older generation are professionals at telling, and this older flatmate will naturally love telling them.

Hot tip: Get used to having two sets of parents (the ’Fun’ ones and the ‘Controlling’ ones).

The final straw, though, is finding out how messy he or she actually is. On top of all that, emotions get in the way and lead to kinda poor judgement. It is impossible to avoid the arguments. Moments of passion, love and lust can fall away quickly because of the fear of breaking up. Soon, the house is turned a new hit TV show for your friends as they watch the competition of one-night stands, which happen party after party. So if you and your partner are in love and consider moving in together, avoid the awkwardness and make sure that the relationship is built to last before taking the leap. The pain that can be caused by the flatmate vs love-mate relationship is neverending, not only for you but for all your friends as well, with the division of friendships that a break-up can cause.

Hot tip: Shift into a different gear.

This often leads to one isolated flatmate who feels he or she doesn’t belong. The nomad of the group. No matter what the rent is, there is a general social obligation to this outsider that is considered a necessity; it brings more of a literal meaning to the term ‘rent a friend’. As much as moving in with your two best friends may be the greatest idea in the world, consider this option very carefully. It’s not just like losing your phone and getting a new one instantly. It’s more than that ... it’s losing a friend. To avoid this, come to the realisation that being with your friends for a few hours or even days can be fun, but being on top of each other can become a bit of an annoyance. Trying to sort out issues can become extremely difficult as well. Your lives are exactly that, your (plural) lives!

Hot tip: Live your own life and don’t become dependent on your flat for friends.

Simple organisation is the key to moving past these issues; however, it is nearly impossible for students to achieve. Finding a system that works for all the flatmates and keeping track of who has done what appears to be a huge obstacle. The reality is that to live in a big house requires a lot of maintenance. Everybody has to do their fair share to make sure that all concerned walk out of the room - or the scenario - in one piece, since the big-digs aftermath has been known to be seriously messy.

Hot tip: Respect each other and keep your end of the deal.

All Girls: The overload of oestrogen can come in miniature packages of dynamite, such as a Paris Hilton pet, as the ground is laid for the battle of clothes, hairdryers, tampons and even boyfriends; depending on the types of circles you move in. All Guys: An overload of testosterone is shown through competition, a battle of egos. This is done through drinking, excessive partying and, for the typical MCP (Male Chauvinist Pig), women ... considering themselves to know just what women want. As far as males go there is a different, more vocal/physical approach to settling the battle. This is considered by women to be the Neanderthal approach. Confrontation can, however, be a good thing. Even in a case of denial (emotions that are bottled up and hidden so deep) an extremely drunken state will unleash these feelings, resulting once again in a punch-up. From then on, everything is sorted.

Hot tip: Rise above arguments with respect and realise some people hide behind a mask of insecurity; so help them to move past it by being there in a responsive manner and not an aggressive one.

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“Chill, man, I was on my way out to get some more cheese and bread, we’re running low. Cheers.”

But slipping out of the gender roles can be equally complicated, especially since parts of our country are still quite ‘macho’. It is therefore important to keep in mind that each flatmate needs to pull his or her own weight. Although it can be scary for women to live with guys because of the apparent mess that men make, women need to keep in mind that they themselves create a mess as well. To avoid an issue with creating a mess, keep it in your own space. Remember to keep the living area exactly that: liveable. In friendships between the sexes there is a definite sexual undercurrent. This is shown in many ways: conversation, mild flirting or something that is unique between the two in question. However, do not pursue anything more than a friendship as disaster will be waiting (see scenario 4).

Hot tip: Keep a mutual respect for each other and have respect for your living environment.

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THE INDEPENDENT MAN’S GUIDE TO THE KITCHEN By ROB EWART Toast 85

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GET A LIFE There comes a time in every independent man’s life when he must face a harsh truth: one cannot survive on a diet of beer and cigarettes alone. Don’t panic! You don’t have to move back in with your parents just yet. It’s time to acquaint yourself with the kitchen and the dangers of cooking. The kitchen is an alien and hostile environment for a man, but starvation is the mother of necessity. There are certain trade secrets that are crucial to your survival in this new realm. Here they are.

Equipment Glomail and Verimark would have you believe that your kitchen needs to be outfitted with a wide range of cooking utensils and dozens of contraptions. Do not believe their lies. All you need is a sturdy pot, a frying pan, a really sharp knife, and some paper plates. Don’t bother with cups or glasses; drinking everything out of the bottle is so much more satisfying.

First contact Take some time to get your bearings. Calm down. Open the drawers and cupboards and take note of where everything (if anything) is. Close your eyes and explore with your hands. You’ll probably come away with at least a few injuries, but this will better prepare you for what’s ahead. Stop crying and go to bed. You’ve done enough for one day.

One essential piece of equipment every independent man needs in the kitchen is a cell phone. Remember, mom is only a missed call away.

Basic Ingredients

Machines The standard kitchen is filled with modern conveniences. Chances are, yours isn’t. If you’re lucky, you’ll have the three basics: the beer cooler, the left-over re-heater, and the stove/ oven thingy. The beer cooler is also known as a fridge. Its natural state is empty, unless you’ve been shopping with mom, in which case it’s soon-to-be-empty. The left-over re-heater, or “microwave”, looks a bit like a television, and like a television it can make your brain explode if you watch it too much. The microwave has a bunch of different settings, but one and a half minutes on full is enough for all your purposes.

The stove/oven thingy is 50% useful and 50% Armageddon. If that poor old woman from Hansel and Gretel taught us anything, it’s that you will fall into your oven and die. An independent man has no need for an oven anyway.

“A real independent man uses the stove to fry and boil. If it can’t be fried or boiled, it is not of this earth.”

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An oven is a nuclear reactor minus the possibility of you developing superpowers, unless you consider being in agony a superpower. Only mothers truly understand this diabolical machine. A real independent man uses the stove to fry and boil. If it can’t be fried or boiled, it is not of this earth.

Greek myths speak of Ambrosia, the food of the gods. These myths were an obvious reference to garlic. Garlic makes everything taste better. Logically: more garlic = more taste. There’s no such thing as too much garlic. Not everyone likes garlic, because not everyone was born with a soul. Garlic is also a food group that includes onion and chilli. When these three powers combine, a portal opens to an alternate dimension of the pure awesome. Few survive. The health benefits of this Holy Trinity are monumental. Not only will they swiftly exterminate death, they’ll also protect you from evil bloodsuckers; for some reason, women hate garlic breath. You also can’t go wrong with potatoes. Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew; the possibilities are limited only by your imagination. And physics.

Meals Forget Sunday roasts and mom’s specialty dishes. Your new diet will consist of steak, pasta, chicken with rice, or some bizarre combination of the three. Never use recipes. Recipes are like the instructions on shampoo bottles: they’re for people whose greatest accomplishment in life is having a pulse. You will learn what works for you through trial and error and violent food poisoning.

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GET A LIFE

Nifty Nosh

Not everyone has the time to make sure they lead a healthy and balanced diet, and this is where fruit and veg play an important role. Vegetables make great side dishes, but are also nice just by themselves. One example is cucumber and celery, great on their own cut into slices, but even better when dipped into a bit of humus. If you’re not into veggies at all, fear not: fruit is nutritious, delicious and easy to eat. Why not make a smoothie? Everyone loves a smoothie!

by Jack de Jong

I

n the world that we live in, eating well and, well, eating in general is not what it used to be. Food has become pretty damn expensive. Especially, if you’re like me – an unemployed student who can eat a horse on most days he’s hungry. Take-aways aren’t even an option anymore – Steers don’t have any full-on burger-and-chips meals going for anything less than R40, and KFC are charging 30 bucks for a simple burger, coke and small chips. But fear not, for if you know how, you can eat like a king and still have food to spare. Friends, healthy eating and being a cheapskate can go hand-in-hand... First, let me introduce you to some friends of mine. Guys, meet vegetables. Vegetables are readily

available from all supermarkets and even not-sosuper markets, and are packed with all the nutrition you need. Not only this, but they are pretty damn cheap. Your new friends, Mrs Onion and Mr Tomato, can be as little as 2 or 3 rand each, and both go well together. Another friend of mine is Mr Pasta. He can be bought for only R9.95 at the local Pick ‘n Pay, and is good for 5-6 meals - if you’re extremely hungry. Combining pasta and vegetables is probably the smartest thing you can do if you’re poor, hungry and desperate for nourishment. This most definitely applies for the end of the month. Here’s a recipe to help you conquer starvation in no time:

You will need: • Your mom’s blender • Fruit! Strawberries, raspberries, black berries, any kind of berry generally works. Bananas, oranges, kiwis, any and all fruit that you like will taste nice in a smoothie • Some yoghurt or tofu to add a little thickness • Honey for sweetness • Muesli to add a bit of crunchiness 1) Begin by washing and chopping your fruit into small chunks – this makes them easier to blend. 2) Next, add yoghurt, muesli and honey – blend well. 3) Depending on your preference, chunky or smooth are different only in texture, both taste great! 4) You can easily store your smoothie mix in the fridge; make one the night before as they’re awesome in the morning!

Sandwiches are great because they inspire creative thinking. Yes, they do! Colour, variation and style all go into the creation of a simple sandwich. Think about what ingredients will gel, which sauces will work best and how seasoning the filling will reach optimal taste-domination. When I think back to my high school years, mom’s sarmies are right there in the memory banks... roast beef and mustard... bacon lettuce and tomato... PB&J! But the king of all fillings has to be the one, the only, the Chicken Mayo! Chicken Mayo Sandwich

You will need: • 2 x Tomato • 1 x Onion • Garlic • Pasta • Packet of “cook-in-sauce”

1) Start by frying the onion in a pan with some butter and garlic (notice how great this smells). 2) Next, add the tomato (one sliced, one chopped). 3) Now add the “cook-in-sauce” and combine. 4) In a pot, pour about 4 litres of water, a pinch of salt and bring to the boil. 5) Drop 500g of pasta into boiling water, stirring to separate the pieces. Cover the pot with a lid until the water begins to boil again. 6) Cook in “fast-boiling” water, for 5-8 minutes or until the pasta is al denté (firm but tender). 7) Drain the pasta in a colander, and add to the sauce you made in steps 1-3.

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You will need: • Chicken • Assorted condiments: mayo, hot sauce, Jimmy’s Sauce, whatever you think will work • Crushed garlic • Your favourite bread • Salt and pepper • Peppeadews, onion, gherkins, tomato, lettuce – all diced into tiny little cubes works well • Grated cheese

1) Cut your chicken into little strips, chuck into a mixing bowl with some garlic. 2) Mix the diced vegetables and cheese in 3) Season to taste, add just enough condiment (sauce) to cover everything, but you don’t want to be swimming in the stuff. 4) Once your chicken mayo filling is done, it’s time to put it on some of your favourite bread, and toast it on a frying pan with a little bit of butter (but not too much). Keep flipping until both sides are golden brown. 5) Serve with juice and or crisps, you’re the boss! 90 Toast


GET A LIFE

Why a cake in a cup?

T

here are two theories about where the name ‘cupcake’ comes from. One is that the recipe for cupcakes states that they are made with one cup of each of the ingredients, so they are cakes made by cups. The other says that before muffin or cake tins were available, the mixture was placed in ramekins or small tea cups and cooked in these. So, they are cakes made in cups. There is, unfortunately, not much known about who created cupcakes, or where they come from, although America seems to take the credit for this stroke of genius. There is even a shop dedicated solely to creating cupcakes in the US called Sprinkles, which boasts over 25 different flavours of these sweet treats.

Ready to bake? Cupcakes are ridiculously easy to make. (I wouldn’t make them as often as I do if they weren’t easy and quick.) The only kitchenware you really need are paper cases or a muffin tin (or two!), a mixing bowl and an electric mixer (or a whisk – depending on your upper body strength). Most cupcakes are best eaten fresh, but they do keep quite well, as long as you keep them in an airtight container and they’re kept in their paper cases. There are countless recipes available for cupcakes and, as an avid baker, I have tried several. This one below, however, seems to hit the spot! It’s super easy, so quick, and the satisfaction once they’re finished is boundless!

Pat-acake, Pat-acake, By Megan Maccallum Baker’s man. . . you see the colours of the sprinkles, then the thick, smooth icing. You peel away the little paper cup and notice the moist sponge. You take a bite and all the elements come together to create a joy like no other. It’s cupcakes that give this joy, and even though they’re seen as children’s party fodder and not something special, there is a lot more to these little moments of heaven than you’d think.

First

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Make your own cupcakes... Ingredients : ››

110g/4oz butter or margarine, softened at room temperature

››

110g/4oz castor sugar

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2 free-range eggs, lightly beaten

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1 tsp vanilla extract

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110g/4oz self-raising flour

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1- 2 Tbsp milk

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For the butter-cream icing:

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140g/5oz butter, softened

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280g/10oz icing sugar

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1- 2 Tbsp milk

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a few drops food colouring

“there is a lot more to these little moments of heaven than you’d think.”

Method : ››

Preheat the oven to 180ºC/350ºF/Gas 4 and line a 12-hole muffin tin with paper cases.

››

Cream the butter and sugar together in a bowl until pale.

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Beat in the eggs a little at a time and stir in the vanilla extract.

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Fold in the flour using a large metal spoon, adding a little milk until the mixture is of a dropping consistency.

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Spoon the mixture into the paper cases until they are half full.

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Bake in the oven for 10 – 15 minutes, or until golden-brown on top and so that a skewer inserted into one of the cakes comes out clean.

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Set aside to cool for 10 minutes, then remove from the tin and cool on a wire rack.

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For the butter-cream icing, beat the butter in a large bowl until soft. Add half the icing sugar and beat until smooth.

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Add the remaining icing sugar with one tablespoon of the milk, adding more milk if necessary, until the mixture is smooth and creamy.

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Add the food colouring and mix until well combined.

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Spoon the icing into a piping bag with a star nozzle and pipe the icing using a spiralling motion onto the cupcakes in a large swirl.

For more scrumptious recipes like the one mentioned above go to www.bbc.co.uk/food 92 Toast


GET A LIFE

Run Fat-Boy, Run! By Stephanie Danieli 63% of South Africans are overweight and the numbers continue to soar. Obesity is the number one cause of chronic heart disease, some cancers and diabetes – all life-threatening diseases – and yet doctors still overlook this epidemic.

The sun shines through the bedroom’s window like my own natural alarm-clock. I get up, get dressed, avoid the mirror like the plague, and head downstairs to the kitchen. The sweet, tempting aroma of cocoa fills my nostrils. Mom’s making her famous hot chocolate. My backpack is tightly secured and I grab the flask of mom’s ‘loco-hot-cocoa’ and clutch it tightly. I open the front door and walk towards the bus parked across the street. The doors open. I step up onto the platform and the doors close behind me - no going back now. As I make my way down the aisle, I feel the eyes of the other passengers staring me. No one says a word. The disgust on their faces says it all. I felt like an insect, trapped in a glass jar with no way out. The ugly duckling amongst the swans. I finally make it to the back of the bus and sit near the window with the cracked frame. I take out my iPod and hit play. The bus driver

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is looking at me now, staring at me in his rear-view mirror and I know exactly what he is thinking. I know what ALL of them are thinking. FATTY FAT FATSO! FAT BASTARD!

Obesity in South Africa has become a real epidemic, especially when it comes to children and adolescents. America is no longer the only fat country in the world. More than 50% of the population in South Africa is obese; the majority are women and children. This statement was made in 2004 by Professor Philip James, Chairman of the International Obesity Task Force in America. Obesity has become a dire medical problem for society and is one of the highest causes of morbidity, disability and premature death.

Could the public have been misinformed when it comes to obesity? Are we unaware of the dangers that it brings?

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Why am I fat?

Treatment of Obesity:

This is one question that most of us want answered, but society has been indoctrinated with the same story – “You’re fat because you eat too much. Stop being lazy, go do some exercise. It’s your fault that you are overweight.” Tania Rix, a sister at Dr Deetlefs Wellness Practice in Tableview, says, “People have become indifferent to the fact that obesity is a medical disorder that needs treatment and not an excuse for compulsive overeating”.

You’ve probably tried all the weight-loss products on the market. From numerous diet and exercise programmes, protein shakes, pill-popping and maybe even, in the most extreme cases, starvation. Nothing has worked. Even the most popular products on the market, which are supposed to make you slim in “just seven days” (yeah right!), do nothing but stress you out and leave you feeling weak.

We all want to “attack” the fat and “feel the burn”, but in our desperate attempts we easily fall for all the gimmicks out there. Sometimes it seems like these products are making you gain more weight, which causes your health, not to mention your self-esteem, to deteriorate. Ladies and gents, this is not the answer, and it is not the lifestyle that you or your family should be living.

“People have become indifferent to the fact that obesity is a medical disorder that needs treatment and not an excuse for compulsive over-eating.”

Dr Deetlefs and her team of medical experts have found a solution to this problem. However, it is not the cure for obesity. “There is no single cure for obesity, but there are methods that will help with obesity and weight-loss.”

“There is no single cure for obesity but there are methods that will help with obesity and weight-loss.”

People have become so obsessed with their physical appearances, especially their weight.

Scary fact: According to the IASO (International Association for the Study of Obesity), three out of five women in South Africa will suffer from Diabetes in the year 2025 due to obesity.

In order to diagnose a person with obesity, doctors have to measure the person’s Body Mass Index (BMI). The BMI calculates the percentage of body fat a person has around their waist according to the person’s height and weight. According to Dr. Anni Deetlefs, a physician who owns a wellness practice in Tableview, Cape Town, waist circumference is the better indicator for metabolic risk in a person. “Waist circumference is more directly proportional to the total body fat and the amount of metabolically active visceral fat, with a better prediction of disease risk.” In other words, waist circumference (which refers to the fat around your tummy) is a more accurate way of assessing the amount of excess fat and understanding a person’s weight problems.

Okay, so you now have a better understanding of what obesity is, right? But the most important question that you should be asking yourself is, “how did I let it get this far?”

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HCG Breakdown:

A small amount (125 – 150 units) of the HCG hormone is injected into the body, which then targets your bad fat cells. Once it gets into the bad fat cell, it breaks them down and pushes them out into your bloodstream in the form of calories. You are then mobilising your energy on your own bad fat and that is why there is such a rapid result in weight-loss. “There are two ways in which it works – one is to get the weight off your body quickly and the other is to restore your metabolism. There is no point in losing the weight if your metabolism is still causing a problem,” says Tania. A healthy meal plan is prescribed by Dr Deetlefs, indicating the types of foods you should eat while on the injection and off the injection. “The key to fast results is to drink a lot of water. It is important to keep yourself hydrated throughout the day.” Her programme is a process that not only makes use of the HCG but also needs the full participation and determination of the patient and the doctor. This injection is not a life-long requirement; it is simply a solution to kick-start your metabolism and guide you towards a healthier future. Sean Rall (38), a local businessman in Cape Town whose lifestyle used to consist of late night chocolate orgies and daily on-therun-hamburgers has been on the programme for three weeks and says he feels like a new man. “I think the best thing about this programme is that it teaches you the right ways to eat and it definitely makes a big change in your life.”

What is Obesity?

Obesity occurs when the body mass (fat) of a person is too high and therefore the body struggles to break down all the excess fat that it carries. There are two types of fat in the body – good fat, which are your essential fats, and bad fat (visceral fat in medical terms), which is your excess.

Okay, now those are some big words. I’m sure you’re still confused – how does this make you lose weight?

So you think you might give this programme a try?

In order for us to treat obesity, we need to understand what obesity really is about.

Obesity has become one of the most important public health problems facing the world today and even though there are hundreds of weight-loss programmes out there, no one fully understands how this persistent disease works.

physical activity as well as medical and psychological components in order to fight this disease. Unfortunately, people are unaware of this treatment because of the lack of available knowledge on obesity. HCG stands for Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, which is also known as the pregnancy hormone. It is a natural hormone that is released in large quantities during a woman’s pregnancy which feeds the body off its own excess fat.

Obesity has sparked an interest in the Medicines Control Council, which is an organisation that approves drug and food products in South Africa. Researchers have done a number of clinical trials on obesity and have monitored its progress consistently. The results of these trials can be viewed on the South African National Clinical Trial Register website.

The Causes of Obesity: Who of you think that if you eat too much, you are going to expand like a balloon? The more bad things you eat, the more weight you are going to gain? Did any of you stop to think that it isn’t your fault at all and that this is a disease that needs to be treated medically? The question is not only directed at women, but men have also stereotyped obesity as being a result of laziness and over-eating. Yes, we all need to do regular exercise and eat healthy food to maintain a healthy lifestyle, but 90% of the time that isn’t the true cause of weight-gain.

Dr Deetlefs stipulates that weight-gain and obesity are no different from any other chronic disease. It is a medical condition that starts with a genetic predisposition in the body. According to Tania, the main causes of obesity are metabolic disorders, which is when the metabolism of a person isn’t functioning properly. A great number of metabolic disorders are caused by an unhealthy lifestyle during a person’s childhood, which leads to complications later in life. “We are treating a little boy at the moment whose thyroid is under-active and he is insulin resistant. He is only eight years old and it all started with eating unhealthy foods.” So what do you do? What is the next step to treating obesity?

Choices, choices... The HCG Protocol is the first medical treatment in South Africa that targets and breaks down excess fat in the body with a combination of effective interventions that tackle both diet and

After losing five kilograms and 14 centimetres in total, Sean is definitely on the right track to a happier and healthier life.

“Obesity is an ever-changing field of medicine with new research and information regularly becoming available to physicians. It is important for doctors to remain up-to-date with treatments as well as understand and be aware of what they are doing with their patients,” says Dr Deetlefs.

For more information on Obesity and the HCG Protocol contact Dr. Anni Deetlefs, Tel: (021) 556 2045 or email her at – info@drdeetlefs.co.za. 96 Toast


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DIABETES - THE EFFECTS, CAUSES AND TREATMENT

Experts predict that it may be due to a virus or bacteria, or possibly exposure to some toxins that stop the insulin secretion. Because of the lack of insulin, the glucose level of blood rises and causes this type of diabetes.

Do you think it’s only obese or sugar-crazy people who have diabetes? Maybe... but maybe not. Diabetes can affect anyone at any age, and more people die of diabetes complications worldwide than of HIV/Aids.

Type II diabetes is a disease that results when

the body's cells become resistant to insulin. In Type II diabetes, unlike in Type I, insulin is still produced by the body - it just isn't used correctly. The absence of insulin reception reduces the glucose absorption. The glucose level in the body triggers more and more production of insulin and the pancreas becomes exhausted. The excessive insulin becomes abnormal and the glucose level in the blood keeps increasing. Some people believe that Type II diabetes is not as serious as Type I perhaps, because Type II may not require taking insulin. For this reason, they may treat it lightly, ignore dietary suggestions, or believe that their illness is not serious. This isn't true. Type II diabetes must be taken seriously. Obese people carry a higher risk of Type II diabetes than thinner people. Also, the risk for Type II diabetes for both sexes increases with age. As the body ages, its ability to efficiently use insulin begins to deteriorate. So, yes, older people who are overweight and who live a sedentary lifestyle are especially prone to diabetes, and they are more likely than younger Type II diabetics to require medication.

By Rageemah Jumat

What is Diabetes?

Diabetes (or sugar sickness) is a condition that afflicts the body when it can’t use sugar correctly to provide energy for living and growing. Diabetes develops when your body doesn’t produce enough insulin. Without insulin your body cannot get the energy it needs from your food. Normally, the pancreas produces insulin that carries the sugar in the blood to the cells. With diabetes, the pancreas fails to supply enough insulin, or the insulin doesn't work properly. It can strike young people too.

Type I diabetes,

usually diagnosed in childhood, is a disease whereby the body's own immune system attacks and kills the cells in the pancreas, leaving a person's body without insulin and unable to regulate its blood sugar levels. The medical community is not very clear about what causes the failure of these cells.

“It is not a life sentence nor is it something other people should discriminate against.” Toast 97

Credits: www.righthealth.com; www.diabetessa.co.za

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iabetes is a disease in which the body doesn't produce or properly use insulin. It is not a life sentence nor is it something other people should discriminate against. The general public needs information on the causes and treatment of diabetes. But students could do with awareness too. Many South Africans have diabetes, but a large number remain undiagnosed. World Diabetes Awareness Day, the 14th November, was created as an effort to educate the public about this disease and inform those with diabetes of the resources available to them. Our body cells need fuel to provide energy for living, breathing, seeing, and even thinking, just as a car needs fuel to drive. Our fuel comes from the food we eat, which is digested in the stomach and flows into the blood stream as glucose, a form of sugar. To get into the body cells, this glucose needs the assistance of a hormone called insulin.

But how do you adjust your lifestyle if you’re young? “Diabetes isn’t a life sentence,” says Malik Davids (23), a diagnosed diabetic patient who is on medication. “For me diabetes isn’t something major - it is just a sickness I have been diagnosed with. Nobody knows unless I tell them. It just means that I have to watch what I eat; other than that, my life is pretty normal. I am able to do sports and other activities.” Malik might have his life under control, but the statistics on diabetes paint a bleak picture. There is an explosion of diabetes worldwide and developing countries like South Africa are the worst hit. According to the International Diabetes Federation (IDF) the estimated number of people with diabetes in South Africa is around 840 000. The World Health Organisation (WHO) and IDF predict that in South Africa the numbers will increase to more than 1.3 million over the next 25 years. That’s a massive section of the local population. Currently, there are more than 240 million people worldwide. This is really a large number of people who have a problem with diabetes. By some estimates, in 2030 diabetes will have an incredible 400 million sufferers.

So how do you not become a statistic? Well, with a healthy diet, plenty of exercise, and correct medication (insulin, tablets, or both) when prescribed. Go for a test. It’s worth putting your mind at ease. The abnormally high blood sugar levels (hyperglycaemia) can cause kidney, eye, heart, blood vessel, and other diseases. Without proper management it can lead to the amputation of limbs. The good news is that having diabetes does not mean the end of a normal, healthy life. You need to accept that you have the condition and learn how to manage it.

How can you tell?

Here are some of the commonly experienced diabetes effects that are initially noticed by diabetics before being diagnosed: • Always thirsty • Always tired • Frequent urination • Unexplained weight loss • Itching • Changes of vision (blurry) • Slow healing cuts and bruises • Numbness in hands and feet • Restricted blood flow Diabetes must be treated to avoid bodily harm. For more info, visit www.diabetessa.co.za

“... the estimated number of people with diabetes in South Africa is around 840 000.”

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GET A LIFE

THE SOCIAL LIFE OF A JOBLESS STUDENT By Jessica Burke

It isn’t easy living the high life on a student’s salary of sweet nothing. Maintaining your social cred requires a combination of ingenuity, charitable friends, and a willingness to compromise your self-respect and dignity...

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The bar at Gandalf’s

t all starts with a simple question: “Please can I have a cigarette?” and being the good friend that you are, you oblige and hand over one of your last smokes. Bummer. The second question is an even bigger blow to the system: “Dude I left my cash at home. Can I have a sip of your beverage?” (Beverage because of the student drinking game in which you can’t say the four D words, those being drink, drank, drunk or down. Surprisingly, this rule is the easiest to remember. I know, I don’t have a clue either.) This question makes you hesitate for a while because you know what is in store for you this evening. Spending a lot of money but not necessarily spending it on yourself. So the question is: why do students who seem to be jobless still have the need to go out? And how does it affect the people around them? I tested this theory with a week of non-stop partying and no cash. Personally, it wasn’t that difficult to get cigarettes or alcohol. Being a girl makes the situation a whole lot easier. So scratch that idea. I decided to observe those students in their natural habitat – clubs and bars in and around the Mother City. There seems to be a routine and it applies to the majority of broke students.

Step 1: Getting to the club/destination Most students don’t really want to drive when going out, because they’re undoubtedly going to get smashed at some point in the evening so a taxi is the next best option, or a Rikki for you rich bitches who are willing to pay over 100 bucks for a trip down the road. They all pile in and split the fare equally. Except for the sad dude with no cash. He makes sure his part is covered by his best friend. It’s alright though, because his share was only 5 bucks.

Step 2: Waiting in the line to get into the club. Unfortunately in today’s sad world, most clubs seem to have an entrance fee. The Claremont bunnies, aka jocks and Barbies pay a slightly higher fee to get into their choice of club. (Average jock club entry fee: R50). The goths and emos, being the cheap people that they are, prefer to pay a lower price: R10, sometimes R20, but that’s pushing it. This is all it will cost to gain entry into the dungeon-themed club known as Gandalf’s. All of the guys pull out their wallets. Well, obviously not the jobless guy. His wallet is just used for decoration or maybe a safe place to keep his Medical Aid Card - Lord knows he’ll need it one day in the near future. Once again, a friend feels obliged to pay for his entry fee. This is still not too bad - I mean, they’re all at Gandalf’s, remember?

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Waiting to get into Gandalf’s

Step 3: The bar

“Being broke doesn’t seem to stop students from enjoying the pleasures of a social life...”

The bar is probably the worst part about going clubbing. Everyone is on a good level and slowly getting tipsy but need another beverage, so they guide themselves through the sweating crowd and arrive at the bar. But by the time they reach the front, they’re completely sober again and, of course, the diligent bum is standing right next to his best mate. His friend orders himself a bevy (beverage) but can see the bum’s puppy dog face: a solid stare out the corner of an eye. So once again, being the great friend that he is, he gives his broke friend what he wants. So it costs R5 for a beer. It’s the thought that counts, not the price tag. This happens for the duration of the evening until you’ve spent about R150 at Gandies, which doesn’t seem like much for those of you who party at Tiger or Bang Bang, but if you actually go to Gandalf’s, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Eventually, when everyone’s wasted enough and about four guys are standing in a line on the pavement showing everyone what they’ve had to eat that day in a synchronized manner, it’s time to go home.

Step 4: Getting home even though, by this stage, you’re not too sure where home is. Someone calls a taxi and everyone waits for it to arrive, but for some reason boys can’t just sit and wait, they have to occupy their time by either trying their best to pick up some girls with cheesy pick-up lines or tackling each other on the pavement in a drunken stupor. The taxi arrives, but now everyone only has enough money to cover their portion of the fee and the now very drunk jobless student has convinced his best friend to spend his share of the fee on cheese samoosas. The poor fellow then goes on a mission to ask everyone for R1s and R2s to cover his portion of the fee. It amazes me how he does it, but he does! And off they go. With any luck, the smashed students find their way home and are now perched in front of the TV playing Xbox. Being broke doesn’t seem to stop students from enjoying the pleasures of a social life - and why should they deny themselves a chance to act like students, anyway? You’re only a student once, so take full advantage of the situation... even if that means partying with no cash.

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GET A LIFE

2010 World Cup Dream Team

By Sean Bloom

The goals, the atmosphere, the crowds, the unity, the gees. But who remembers the winning team? Whether you managed to get to a game or not, the 2010 Soccer World Cup affected and meant something to every South African. Cricket has the World XI team, Rugby has the World XV. Football is far too popular to have one Football World Team: people would just argue too much. The FIFA World Cup 2010 gave us the perfect showcase of modern talent. Here is the team that we would hypothetically support.

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Goalkeeper: Iker Casillas

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icknamed “Saint Iker” for his continually divine performances, Iker Casillas once again proved himself to be the best goalkeeper in the world as he guided his Spanish side to World Cup glory. The hugely experienced 28-year-old was on top form throughout the competition, keeping his focus and responsibly marshalling the impeccable defenders in front of him. The Real Madrid shot stopper conceded a miserly three goals during the seven games that Spain played en route to making history and winning their first ever Soccer World Cup title.

Right Midfield: Thomas Mueller

HIGHLY RATED: Iker Casillas anticipates a shot at goal

Right Back: Sergio Ramos The famous Brazilian mythology dictates that attack is the best form of defence. While not Brazilian by nationality, the Spaniard Sergio Ramos has certainly adopted this style of defending. His form during the World Cup was nothing short of spectacular and when he wasn’t bombing forward to help out in attack, he went about his defensive responsibilities both calmly and efficiently. The Real Madrid full-back is not only a threat with the ball at his feet as opposition defences will testify to as they try prevent him from latching onto set- pieces. The World Cup seemed to bring out the best in Ramos as he played every minute for the trophy-winning Spanish side.

Centre Back: Carlos Puyol EXPLOSIVE: Sergio Ramos in action

Centre Back: Per Mertesacker Relatively unknown to many prior to the World Cup, this commanding central defender proved to be a hero for his German side during their impressive run. His ability to deal with anything thrown at him by his opponents, whether on the ground or in the air, was done so with a consummate ease. The Werder Bremen giant was at the heart of the German defence and formed an inspirational partnership there with Arne Friedrich. The Germans will long be remembered for their four goal scoring exploits over Argentina and England respectively, but it would be an injustice to forget the fine job Metzelder and co did at the back of the field.

Often critiqued for his Neanderthal-like appearance, this central defensive kingpin was at the heart of the Spanish side’s march towards the World Cup crown. His ability to constantly be in the right place at the right time proved to be pivotal to a side that is more commonly known for its attacking exploits. Many experts agree that a reliable defense is the foundation upon which great teams are built, and this Spanish defense, led by Puyol’s example, stood firm throughout. The Barcelona skipper further enhanced his credentials when he grabbed the winning goal in the semi-final against Germany to propel his country into their debut World Cup final appearance.

Mistakenly labelled a “ball-boy” by former Argentinian coach Diego Maradona just a few months prior to the World Cup, Thomas Mueller announced his arrival to Maradona, and the world, as his youthful exuberance helped inspire the Germans to a third place finish. Mueller, at just the tender age of 20, scored five goals for his country as well as earning himself the honour of being voted the best young player at the tournament. His skillful and committed antics on the right hand side of the German midfield made it seem as if he had been performing on the international stage for many years prior to the tournament.

GENIUS: Sneijder making the Oranje tick in attack

Left Midfield: Wesley Sneijder Having been part of Inter Milan’s European club winning side two months prior to the World Cup, Wesley Sneijder was a man in form and ready to take the world by storm. It was Sneijder’s chance to shine and he grabbed it with both hands. Each time he took the field he was the most creative and threatening influence in the Dutch sidemanaging to score crucial goals for his country. His craft and guile were crucial factors in helping the Netherlands reach the final.

Centre Midfield: Sebastian Schweinsteiger In a tournament where many big name superstar players failed to fulfil pre-tournament expectations, players such as Schweinsteiger had an opportunity to impress the world. His pace and ability to execute defence-splitting passes played a major role in helping Germany to third place. His man of the match performance during the German’s 4-0 hammering of Argentina in the quarter finals was a prime example of his remarkable ability.

Striker: David Villa

Centre Midfield: Andres Iniesta The man that will long be remembered for scoring the winning goal for Spain in the World Cup final is Andreas Iniesta. His almost telepathic understanding with central midfield partner Xavi was crucial in helping Spain to win the trophy. The craftsman’s vision, distribution and general skill was present throughout the World Cup and helped tremendously in the process of unlocking oppositions defences. The little magician only enhanced his already phenomenal reputation during the tournament

BEASTLY: Carlos Puyol rampaging forward

Striker: Diego Forlan

Left Back: Gio Van Bronkhorst

DEADLY: David Villa banged in the goals for Spain

This diminutive left-sided defender led his Holland side to their third ever World Cup final appearance in a calm, yet assertive, style. The 35-year-old’s experience helped motivate and inspire his charges as their goal of the entire tournament was thought by many to be a just reward for his consistently solid performances. The Dutch could have won the tournament, if it was not for the fact that they were playing Spain in the final, but under Gio’s leadership, you knew that they would give 100% in search for their first ever elusive World Cup crown.

Having just completed a record multi-million pound transfer to Barcelona prior to the beginning of the World Cup, David Villa was a man under pressure to perform and justify his hefty price-tag. He did not disappoint! His ability to score the most important goals during the tournament helped propel Spain to World Cup glory. Five goals in seven games, including some of the best goals of the tournament, proved his undoubted talent to the world while other of the so-called world superstars fell to the wayside.

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Deemed to be past his best and no longer a force on the international scene, Diego Forlan defied critics and led his Uruguayan side to a fourth place finish in the tournament. He scored five goals along the way. The Uruguay side may long be remembered for the infamous Luiz Suarez hand-ball incident against Ghana but this would only be detracting from the solid and disciplined performances Forlan led them to during the World Cup. His accuracy and leadership skills, combined with his knack for getting important goals, has made him a household name once more – a deserved accolade for a tremendously talented footballer.

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GET A LIFE

The Rise of

FC Barcelona By Franklin Peters So, it’s winter 2010 and Spain wins the World Cup in South Africa. They made it seem like an easy victory, perhaps. But few know of the long journey of the Spanish team, FC Barcelona.

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arcelona is a striking city in the beautiful country of Spain. It is nicknamed the city of counts and has an area of 101,4 km2, with a population of 1.5 million. Its historic background and medieval looking buildings make it picturesque, with the warm Mediterranean Sea next to it. But what makes this city really special is that it is home to arguably the best football team in the world, FC Barcelona. There are two teams in Barcelona that play in the Spanish Premier League, or “La Liga”, Espanyol and FC Barcelona. These two teams are known for their notoriously hard and passionately played derby matches, with Barcelona having the better record of winning over 70% of the derby games. But how did Barcelona become so good? Where did this meteoric rise come from and how long will it last? Is Lionel Messi the greatest player ever? Let’s investigate and find out... FC Barcelona was founded on November 29th 1899 by a certain Joan Gamper. Almost immediately after forming it it became the leading football team in Spain, winning the Copa Macaya in 1902 and reaching the final of the Copa del Rey(Spanish Cup). They built their stadium called Carrer Industria on March 14th 1909. In 1917 Gamper appointed Jack Greenwall as manager of FC Barcelona and under his leadership won 11 Campionat de Catalunya, six Copa del Reys and four Coupe de Pyrenees. He also recruited Paulino Alcantara who, up to this day, is the top scorer for Barcelona with 356 goals in his career at the club. During a time of political hardship in Spain from

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1925 to 1939, which included a civil war, FC Barcelona suffered a lot. They went through financial and social problems, and their membership dropped significantly. Also, Barcelona’s president during the time, Josep Sunol i Garriga, was killed by soldiers. Amazingly, during this time, Barcelona were still able to win the Campionat de Catalunya six times and the league once.

in, along with goalkeeper Andoni Zubizarreta. In 1988 Johan Cruiyff became team manager, and assembled a team of superstars. Some great names of that era are Hristo Stoichkov, Ronald Koeman and Michael Laudrup. He became the most successful manager, winning eight trophies in his time. He went on and took Barcelona to UEFA Cup glory, European Super Cup glory and the Spanish League. However, in his final two seasons he did not win anything and was ultimately fired from his position. A year later he was replaced by Bobby Robson, and a year later Louis van Gaal was appointed manager. Under van Gaal’s reign, superstars such as Luis Figo, Giovanni Silva de Oliveira, Luis Enrique Martinez and Rivaldo were brought in. The team won the Copa del Rey and La Liga double in 1998. Despite their success on the domestic level, the team still couldn’t achieve European success, failing to win the UEFA Champions League. This led to the departure of Van Gaal and club president Nunez. Luis Figo went on to join arch rivals Real Madrid, and was heavily criticised and harassed by Barcelona faithfuls.

But all that changed from the mid 40s to the 60s when the team became successful again. In 1945, 1948 and 1949 they won the Spanish Premier League for the first time since 1929. They were under the leadership of Josep Samitier at that time. Their success continued into the 50s when they won five different trophies. Due to all this success, the club decided to build a new stadium in order to accommodate growing numbers of fans. And so the legendary Camp Nou was built. Today, it has a capacity of 98 000, making it the third largest stadium in the world.

In 2003, Joan Laporta was appointed club president and up till today is still in charge. Frank Rijkaard was appointed manager and under his leadership, with the help of his stars which included Ronaldinho and Samuel Eto’o, helped the club win La Liga in the 2004/2005 season. The following year they won the La Liga and the UEFA Champions League with a 2-1 victory over Arsenal in the final. However, two years without a trophy led to Rijkaard being fired and he was replaced by Barcelona faithful Pep Guardiola in 2008.

During the 60s the club once again fell into financial problems, and could not purchase any top players. However, this did not stop them from going on and winning the league in 1960 and the Spanish Cup in 1963 and 1968. Two superstars from that era that are still remembered to this day are Josep Fuste and Carles Rexach.

Pep Guardiola is currently still the manager of Barcelona and under his leadership took them from ending up in fourth place in the league and winning nothing in the 2007/2008 season to winning every competition they played in the 2008/2009 season, with a total of six trophies being won, including the Club World Cup in 2009, cementing their place as the best club in the world. The players most influential during their successful season were Lionel Messi, Thierry Henry, Xavi Hernandez, Andres Iniesta, Victor Valdes, Carles Puyol and Samuel Eto’o. Eto’o was sold shortly after the season ended to make way for another superstar, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, in a swap deal.

The 70s marked a change in FC Barcelona with their name changing from CF Barcelona to Futbol Club Barcelona. And a certain Johan Cruyff, who is still widely regarded as one of the top three greatest ever soccer players today, was brought into the team. He became an instant superstar, getting the European Footballer of the Year award during his first season. During the 80s the club continued its success and brought in arguably the greatest soccer player ever, Diego Armando Maradona in 1982. He helped Barcelona defeat arch rivals Real Madrid in the 1983 Copa del Rey final. Unfortunately though, Maradona left after one season, and was replaced by another great, Bernd Schuster. Nunez, president of FC Barcelona at the time, continued to bring in top players, adding to an already talented squad. Gary Lineker, England’s top scorer, was brought

To date, FC Barcelona have won 19 Spanish League titles, 25 Spanish Cups, seven Spanish Super Cups, two Copa de la Liga’s, 22 Championat de Catalunyas’s, 32 Joan Gamper trophy’s, one Ciutat de Barcelona trophy, three UEFA Champions League trophy’s, four UEFA Cups, three European Super Cups, two Copa Latina’s and three Inter-Cities Fairs Cups. Also, they are sponsored by Nike, Coca-Cola, TV3, Audi, Telefonica, Estrella Damm, La Caixa, Bwin and MediaPro. So, the burning question on everyone’s lips: what about Lionel Messi? Alright, we all know that he is good. But exactly how good is he? And can he really be considered the greatest ever? Well let’s look at what he has achieved.

he broke the La Liga record for the youngest footballer to play a league game, and also the youngest to score a league goal. He won the La Liga in his debut season, and won a double of the league and Champions League in 2006. In that 2006/2007 season he became a regular, finishing with 14 goals in 26 league games. His most successful season is   the 2008/2009 season, in   which he scored 38 goals overall, playing an integral part in the sixtrophy winning season. He was the top scorer of the 2005 FIFA World Youth Championship, and in 2006 became the youngest ever Argentinian to play in the FIFA World Cup. Also in that year, he won a runner’s up medal in the Copa America tournament. In 2008, he won his first

international honour, winning the gold medal with the Argentinian national team at the Olympics. And at the time of writing, scored 44 goals overall in the 2009/2010 season, surpassing Cristiano Ronaldo’s much spoken about 42 goals in one season at Manchester United. But with all this, there is one thing missing from his already great CV. One thing that is separating him from maybe being proclaimed the greatest ever: A World Cup winner’s medal. Maybe; only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure: it will be hard to knock FC Barcelona and Lionel Messi of their respective thrones. The world’s best team, the world’s best player. What more could you ask for?

He plays in the right wing and striker positions. He has received several Ballon d’Or awards and was nominated for FIFA World Player of the Year by the age of 21. He then won them both at the age of 22. His playing style is compared to that of the great Diego Maradona, who declared Messi his “successor”. In the 2004/2005 season

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GET A LIFE have been great this year for us but he wanted regular first team football and LFC don’t stand in a player’s way when they want to move,” says Brodie “Peter Crouch is another good example. He wanted to leave to get a more regular game. I know for a fact that Rafa did not want Crouch to leave. If we still had Peter Crouch we would have an excellent forward line,” he adds. Above and beyond the on field issues that plagued Liverpool throughout the season, problems in the boardroom and within the management structures constantly made front-page news. The American owners, Tom Hicks and George Gillete, have been largely blamed for the disruptions caused within the football club and large factions of supporters continue to call for their resignations.

Their unwillingness to make significant funds available to Benitez in order to recruit world-class talent is further mentioned as a reason behind Liverpool’s current slump. “This year many things have transpired against him starting with the lack of funds available to him last summer. Benetiz had to sell before he could buy and actually made money for Hicks/Gillete last summer. I think Rafa’s biggest regrets were having to splash out so much cash on a right back (Glen Johnson) and an injured midfielder (Alberto Aqualani),” suggests Brodie.“Of course, the main reason why all of this occurred is because our owners are not fit to own LFC. Never mind their lack of investment in the club, the constant shenanigans have dragged our club through the mud,” he adds.

In addition to Liverpool’s lowest league place finish during Benitez’s tenure in charge, the 2009/2010 campaign did not see the Merseyside- based outfit come close to winning a Cup trophy of any significance. A semifinal appearance in Europe’s second- tier Europa League competition was the furthest they made it in pursuit of that first piece of silverware in five years. Like all major sport teams, the manager has to have the respect and belief of the players under his control.They have to have confidence in his decisions and believe that he is mixing together all the right ingredients to produce a formidable outfit. During the course of the recently completed season, bewildering substitutions and tactical

options often left club captain, Steven Gerrard, bemused. Brodie forms part of the section of “believers” in the ability of manager Rafael and is adamant that he is still the man to take Liverpool forward and reestablish his beloved ‘Reds’ as a world-beating force once more. “Benetiz has not become a bad manager in 12 months. The man who took us from hoping to get in the Champions League to having six consecutive years in the event has turned us into a force of European football again,” says Brodie “Rafa has done a fantastic job with our club and I can’t think of any other manager that I would want in charge!” Brodie concludes the matter for us.

Analysing Liverpool’s dismal 2009/2010 campaign

By Sean Bloom

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rior to the most recently completed campaign, it seemed as if Liverpool Football Club (LFC) were on course to re-establishing themselves amongst the English and European elite. Coming second behind Manchester United by four points at the end of the 2008/2009 season was Liverpool’s closest effort in their attempts to regain their first English Premier League title since 1990, and bode well for the future. This, however, did not materialise and their failure to not even finish in the top four, in turn not gaining qualification into the European Champions League., has highlighted the problems in the running and management of the club. Another trophyless campaign, the fifth in a row, is completely unacceptable for a club laden in so much history and tradition.

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The tactically-orientated Spanish manager, Rafael Benitez, has now failed to establish Liverpool as a domestic threat during his six year tenure – a priority for the club who has claimed the joint-most English top division titles throughout the history of the game. The pre-season sales of Spanish midfielder Xabi Alonso and defender Alvaro Arbeloa, to Real Madrid, bemused many as they were two of the outstanding performers in helping Liverpool achieve their second place finish the season before. Benitez opted to rid his squad of experience and replace it with the unconvincing talents of a Brazilian youngster Lucas Leiva and a right back, who is a better attacking player than a defender, in Glen Johnson. Above and beyond these two regrettable pieces of business,

Benitez decided to splash out the majority of the funds made available to him when he bought an injury-plagued Italian midfielder, Alberto Aqualani, for £20 million. Kevin Brodie, life-long Liverpool fan and head Liverpool correspondent for ESPN Soccernet.com, further highlights these two crucial pieces of business as a potential reason for the unacceptable season ‘The Reds’ have just endured. “I think if Rafa looks back at the last six years his “manmanagement” of this player (Alonso) might go down as his single biggest mistake,” Brodie was reported saying. “Two years ago Alonso did not have a great season for us and it was clear that Rafa (Benitez) would have sold him. This decision by Rafa is probably one

of the main reasons why Xabi was so good for us last year as he had a point to prove to Rafa,” he adds. By doing this however Xabi had made his mind up to leave and when Madrid came calling our “quarterback” decided to call it a day,” he says Along with the departures of Alonso and Arbeloa, the pre-season further saw two established and solid professionals in Peter Crouch and Sami Hyypia, leave the club. Players of their experience and temperament are tough to come by and it came as a shock to many when they were allowed to leave the club due to a lack of first-team football and reportedly strained relations with the manager. “Rafa has also suffered from players not wanting to accept a bit role at LFC. Hyypia would

Anfield: Will the famous home of the Reds be restored to its former glory?

Liverpool have found themselves in the situation of having just experienced a season in which absolutely everything went wrong for them. Bad dealings in the transfer market prior to the beginning of the campaign, injuries to key personal throughout the course of the season and constant boardroom shenanigans all contributed to the disaster. It will now take a huge rebuilding job to resurrect, arguably, the most famous English football club in history and build them back into the force they once were. 110 Toast


GET A LIFE

VOOFOO

Football Voodoo By Stephanie Jessen

Ridiculous phenomena? Or is there something behind this age-old question of whether witchdoctors and talismans play a part in the most popular sport on the planet?

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oes superstition exist in today’s sport environment? Well, just think about Paul the Octopus, the little sea creature who fascinated millions with his accurate predictions about the scoring outcomes of soccer matches in the 2010 World Cup. This is not the only story that made headlines during the World Cup. Witchdoctors also made news by trying to predict the outcomes of games. As most of us South Africans know, voodoo is part of the everyday lifestyle of many people and superstition plays a major role. A lot of research has been conducted on witchdoctors playing an essential part in preparing their team for battle on the soccer field. One of the chilling stories is of an African traditional healer who agreed to take a European author, Oliver Becker, to a morgue for a firsthand account. In the morgue, the healer washes the corpses and splashes the used water in front of the opposing team’s locker room. The bizarre reason behind this is to weaken the opposing team and to make them play like the dead. Becker relays such realities in his documentary cinematography. Rituals with witchdoctors are often performed before an important game. According to Becker, a witchdoctor may call over every single player individually before the game and touch their football shoes with a Zebra hoof - this is supposed to give the player more strength when kicking the ball and when running. Another ritual is that the doctor rubs the bottom part of the goalkeeper’s kit with lion fat and the player’s gloves are treated

with a cut-off monkey hand. Oliver Becker says that these rituals spread from minor leagues to national teams. Under strict enforcements of the continental football union CAF, witchdoctors are not allowed to sit next to the coach on the bench anymore, since 2004. On the other hand, who will know if the third masseur of the Nigerian football squad is not a spiritual healer and, in the end, who will care? Of course, Africa is not the only voofoo child. In European countries, superstition in soccer has also been recorded for decades. English soccer is especially famous for its abnormalities, including insane hooligans and bizarre superstitions regarding gypsies. Expert Sean O’Conor writes online about Tottenham Hotspur, a famous English football team that blames its losses on the fact that once upon a time the training ground they play on today was occupied by gypsies and, yes, these specific gypsies uttered curses at the people who shunned them. “Overseas, the football fruitcakes are in full cry: Fenerbahce players in Turkey have sheep’s blood smeared on their cleats when they debut while fans of Romania’s Arges Pitesti staged a cat’s funeral and roasted a chicken on the field for good fortune,’’ writes O’Conor. Even the Romanians make themselves look like utter pansies when one learns that they wear their underwear inside out, put herbs in their shoes, and, last but not least, (no, not suck blood) refrain from reverse-driving the team bus for the sake of good luck.

Deadly accurate: Paul the Octopus, correctly predicted the winners during the recent FIFA Soccer World Cup here in South Africa. RIP, Paul!

At this stage you may ask yourself, what in heaven’s name are they thinking? O’Conor continues to say that “in football it is just too convenient to blame a five-goal thrashing on some odd-looking tea-leaves or birds in the sky instead of what happens with the ball on the grass’’, and he might just have a point. At this stage it is important to return to the history of voodoo, especially in South Africa. A very contraversial story was that of Seipei “Stompie” Moeketsi, a 14-year-old boy who was gruesomely murdered by Jerry Richardson, chief bodyguard of Winnie Madikizela Mandela, who is the much-in-the-media ex-wife of Nelson Mandela. Stompie was an activist who was kidnapped and tortured to death, alledgedly under the command of Winnie, because he was thought to be a police informant. He was also a member of her Mandela United Football Club. Winnie was jointly accused with Jerry Richardson, former ‘“chief coach’’ of the football club, but in the end Jerry was put away for life and Winnie’s six-year sentence was reduced to a heavy fine and a two-year suspended sentence.

Jerry Richardson was known to carry a football around and did this because he believed it would protect him, like muti. Winnie’s football club would - almost cult-like dress up in football clothes, their shirts the colours of the ANC: gold, green and black. Formed in 1985, first and foremost to get homeless youths off the streets, the club’s 30 or so youngsters rarely set foot on the soccer field and spent most of their time acting as Winnie’s bodyguards. They excelled at terrorising black neighbourhoods - the members of the club were accused of rape and torturing anyone who might be informants or traitors of the revolution. They also administered street justice to anyone who opposed them. It is not surprising that the club was feared and despised by many residents of Soweto, and Winnie was accused of being at fault for the club’s actions. Fortunately that is long ago and, with the 2010 success, football has moved into a better gear. Who knows, maybe it’s because of all the voodoo that happens behind the scenes.

Strange phenomena: Wood carved voodoos are extremely popular in many African countries.

“In football it is just too convenient to blame a five-goal thrashing on some odd-looking tea-leaves or birds in the sky instead of what happens with the ball on the grass.’’

“Another ritual is that the doctor rubs the bottom part of the goalkeeper’s kit with lion fat and the player’s gloves are treated with a cut-off monkey hand.” Toast 111

112 Toast


QUIZZES

C

heck your friendship strength

Most of us girls think we are assets to our friends. But sometimes it is just ego telling us that - when the opposite is actually true.

a. start dating him. b. leave him alone because, as much as you like him, your friendship is more valuable. c. date him, but no one knows. 7. You find out your friend has been lying to you. You … a. break up the friendship because lying is unforgivable no matter what. b. listen to what she has to say and work on the friendship with her. c. understand why she lies and accept it. 8. Your friend enters a singing competition, but you know she doesn’t sing very well. You …

Do you think you are a good friend? Would you do anything to maintain a friendship? Take the quiz and find out just how good a friend you are. 1. Your friend phones you at 3am, sobbing, telling you she and her boyfriend of three years just broke up. You … a. get up immediately and drive over to her while comforting her on the phone. b. tell her that her boyfriend is a jerk, that he doesn’t deserve her and that she must go back to sleep. c. don’t even pick up the phone; whatever she wants can wait ‘til tomorrow – you’re tired. 2. You’ve just bought this new hot dress and you were planning to wear it to a party. However, you get sick and your friend asks if she can borrow it. You … a. tell her that of course she can borrow the dress, the two of you share everything anyway. b. tell her she can borrow the dress, but ask why she’d even consider going without you! c. tell her that the dress tore and your mother is returning it to the shop (i.e. you lie). 3. You invited your friend to the movies but just as you were about to leave she calls and cancels, leaving no explanation and hanging up abruptly. You …

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a. get really angry because you don’t understand why she cancelled. b. get disappointed but are sure there is a valid reason for her cancelling and go see the movie with your sister instead. c. drive over to your friend’s place and find out what is really wrong. 4. Your friend is acting weird at school and you hear a rumour that her father lost his job. You … a. approach her about it to find out if the rumour is true for yourself. b. just ignore it; you’re pretty sure she’s just tired, and rumours are not always true anyway. c. beat the girls up that started the rumour. 5. Your friend fails the year. You … a. remain her friend. b. don’t hang out with her anymore, there is just no point to it. c. remain friends, but you don’t hang out with her at college anymore. 6. Your friend and her boyfriend just broke up and you have had a crush on him for a while. You …

a. tell her what you think; you don’t want her to make a fool of herself. b. don’t say anything. c. get your mother to tell her; you don’t want to be the one to hurt her feelings. 9. Your friend has asked you to keep a secret, but if you kept your promise there is a chance she could get hurt. You … a. keep the secret and don’t tell anyone. b. tell your mother and ask her what you must do about the situation. c. tell her parents even though she is going to be angry; you don’t want her to get hurt. 10. After lending you’re friend your favourite pair of earrings you find out she broke one. You … a. lose control and get really angry, because they were special. b. realise it must have been an accident and you forgive her. c. are sad but tell her she must replace them. 11. Do you know your friends favourite colour? a. No. b. I think I do, vaguely. c. Yes.

12. Do you want a new best friend? a. No, I love my friend to bits. b. Yes, but nobody else wants to be my friend. c. I don’t know.

Check your score below: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12)

a) 3 a) 3 a) 1 a) 1 a) 3 a) 1 a) 1 a) 3 a) 3 a) 1 a) 3 a) 1

b) 2 b) 1 b) 2 b) 2 b) 1 b) 3 b) 2 b) 1 b) 1 b) 3 b) 1 b) 2

c) 1 c) 2 c) 3 c) 3 c) 2 c) 2 c) 3 c) 2 c) 2 c) 2 c) 2 c) 3

12-19: Selfish back-stabber It will be no surprise if your friend decides to ditch you. The only thing that matters to you is status, even if it means hurting other people. Quit being selfish - or you’ll live a sad and lonely life. 20-29: Part-time friend When you have nothing to do then you get hold of your friend, but when you are busy and life is going smooth then your friend’s the last thing on your mind. With a little effort you could be a good friend. 30-36: Queen of the BFFs You are caring, loving and your friend means the world to you. You help her deal and you share everything. You are forgiving, have an ear to lend and don’t judge. You go out of your way for her, and it’s appreciated!

114 Toast


fashion and accessories


FASHION & ACCESSORIES

Fashion of the Noughties: The Naked Truth By Sisi Lwandle

Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Rihanna, Mariah Carey - what do all these ladies have in common? Well, all of them are influential figures on the fashion red carpet and, more importantly, they are particularly renowned for their fantastic clothes - or rather, the lack thereof.

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he days of leaving things to the imagination have made an exit swifter than brightly coloured skinny jeans (yes, they are gone). The entrance of the “noughties” has brought about a whole new fashion trend - wearing absolutely “nought”.

the micro shorts - which are pretty much briefs disguised as the common pair of shorts. Indeed, they stay true to their name - S.h.o.r.t. And longer-length shirts have now somehow been upgraded to the status of dress. Yes, dress.

Once upon a time, an outfit revealing ankles was as risqué as flashing the privates. Clothing, in particular women’s clothing, was characterised by vast amounts of material, ensuring the full coverage of every part of the body. Today, the privates are about the only area of the body that are still contained within the strategically located shreds of clothing that remain.

Young girls scurrying up and down in shirts has become quite a common sight.

Fashion designers have become enmeshed in this new trend and have since been producing outfits that leave little or nothing at all to the imagination.

“Forty-year-old titty - that’s your man’s titty! Twenty-year-old titty - community titty. That’s for the whole world to see.” Chris Rock “We have to embrace what society is embracing. That’s the best aspect about fashion - it’s dynamic”, says Durban fashion designer, Lindiwe Khumalo. And society has embraced this trend, indeed. It is no longer the mini skirt. Now designers have introduced the micro mini: a shorter, skimpier version that makes bending a task only the most skilled can manoeuvre. Closely following its micro sister are

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Surprisingly enough men too have become easy prey to this trend. Skinny jeans are becoming skinnier, revealing everything from the size to the value of the family jewels. The wife-beater vest is making an aggressive come-back, forcing the less muscularly endowed gentleman to seek some form of assistance. Men’s shorts are becoming shorter, particularly for our more liberal brothers. As with most of today’s trends, this trend of wearing the bare minimum has not failed to attract the strong criticism of our parents. Many mothers have been heard sharing a comment or two about the latest robes donned by the hottest trend-setting fashionistas living in the same house. “Fashion today has overstepped the boundary of public decency,” my mother insists, as she warily eyes my shorts that immodestly expose three quarters of my leg.

When approached with a similar question, fashion designer Lindiwe Khumalo was highly amused as she exclaimed, “I definitely would not let my mom walk around in half the stuff I design!” And in her defence I don’t think any of us would fancy our mothers, or any of our elders for that matter, prancing around in Lady Gaga get-ups. So it would be fair to say that not everyone is following this trend. There are those who have warded off the pressure of society; the rebels of society, if I may call them that. So what do these “rebels” think of this trend of exposing all? “It’s actually unattractive now. We want to actually have something to look forward to when we take a girl’s clothes off,” says a 21-year-old guy who wishes to remain anonymous. Most girls I questioned responded with generally the same answer, which basically insinuated that this trend makes a girl seem promiscuous and “cheap”.

It seems that society is forcing us or at least aggressively pushing us to embrace this trend. From media influence, to the clothing items available in clothing stores, we do not have much of a choice in this matter. My friend, however, also added that even as we are headed towards the generation of nakedness, we will or can never be fully naked. According to her, society, and women in particular, are still very conscious of their bodies. Self-image issues are at their zenith and so restrict people from prancing around in leotards and lingerie. In addition, for as long as the older generation is still present with their critical and judgemental eye, the youth cannot fully express themselves without completely disrespecting the elder folks. Yes, there is still respect (no matter how little) that exists for our elders. I cannot imagine that die-hard feminists would appreciate women parading their bodies on a daily basis either.

Many strongly heterosexual men are quick to declare that skinny jeans and any other garments that may expose anything unnecessary are “gay”.

So there seem to be a few reasons that do prevent us from stripping it all off. But in the land where Lady Gaga and Beyoncé roam, will these issues really be concrete enough to prevent a world-wide strip down? Think about it.

Discussing fashion openly is a slippy territory as it raises many issues, right from culture and race to sexual orientation and individual style.

And oh, PS, there is also, of course, a law against being completely naked... I’m just saying.

“I don’t think Black women should wear exposing clothes, as our bodies are not going to pull off these things. We have ass,” was a comment I heard not too long ago from a girlfriend. So comments such as these raise a whole new argument, in which I’m forced to ask if fashion trends are aimed at specific denominations within the greater society. This “naked” trend is then only for whom? Skinny, Caucasian women or maybe muscular, gay men?

“I don’t think Black women should wear exposing clothes, as our bodies are not going to pull off these things. We have ass.” “Our designs are for the youth. For the individual who isn’t afraid to be bold and expressive, regardless of their racial, cultural or gender classification,” answers Sarah Bee, a designer at a South African clothing emporium. “But of course you should know what suits your body,” adds her assistant, Teboho Mase. The sad thing is, we may know what suits our bodies, but these suitable clothes are either relegated to the darkest corners of the shops or are in fact non-existent because the shop has updated their stock to current fashion trends.

But exactly where is this boundary? In fact, WHAT is this boundary? Is it okay for a forty-year-old to walk around scantily clad, for example? Well, it seems like it is generally accepted (no matter how begrudgingly) for the youth to wear these revealing clothes, but society has drawn a faint stop line at a certain age group. Forty-something? Fifty? It’s worth trying to spot it.

A friend of mine made a very valid point when she noted that most clothing outlets we shop at are indeed catering to this current trend, and it’s becoming extremely hard to find anything below the knee. Even when winter approaches, one will walk into a clothing store and be confronted with the usual items: micro skirts, shorts and the shortest, teensiest woollen mini dress ever created (“because you deserve to be fashionably warm this winter”).

As famous comedian Chris Rock blatantly pointed out: “Fortyyear-old titty - that’s your man’s titty! Twenty-year-old titty community titty. That’s for the whole world to see.”

Then, somewhere behind the racks on the darker side of the shop is the drabbest, dullest ankle-length woollen dress, limply hanging on the rack. Not exactly spoilt for choice...

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FASHION & ACCESSORIES

Jewellery stories By: Nontokozo Mbanjwa

Additional text: Fran Siebrits and Elsibe Loubser

End of year means exams! But in a city like Cape Town it’s also time to find cool loot at exhibitions. So, with “sale” as bait, Nonzoh Mbanjwa set out on a November afternoon to visit the jewellery studio of Firepetals in Upper Woodstock. Lucky her! Because she found pretty talking-point pieces and even saw the crafters at work. Quite a tour! Adi Cloete and Adeline Joubert (aka Jubi) are the Firepetal designers of handcrafted jewels who tempted us to their sale and showroom. It felt like a scavenger hunt at first. Their studio is as good as camouflaged by the homely appearance of the building. But small things give it all away: the trees outside decorated with shining stars and ribbons – an inviting sight from the entrance gate. Inside, amidst fairy-lights and mirrors, glass cabinets elegantly house the jewellery displays, an extensive collaboration between the Firepetals duo and like-minded jewellers all eager to sell on the day. And talk about variety! The designs included bracelets, brooches, cufflinks, earrings, necklaces, rings and custom-made pieces. From urban to mystical, beading to profile cutting. Who is their target market? “Gosh, we don’t really have one,” says Adi with a laugh. But as indulgent as that statement might sound, they do seem to attract the design set, people who enjoy lovingly fussed-over craft. For Adi and Jubi, jewellery design is a delightful art, one they wish to make others aware of through their evening classes. And, as students know, education is the key to success. Some use their classes as creative me-time, others become more serious. “One of our students is now a practicing jeweller and uses a room at our studio,” says Adi, who adds that jewellery making combines expression, technical skill, three-dimensional insight, plus knowledge of the material. “I love creating beauty and celebration, expressions and individuality. Jewellery is worn close to the body. It holds the energy of the wearer and the creator,” says Adi, who was a Stellenbosch University student and started working for herself in 1997 after a few years of apprenticeship.

Media-friendly jewellery? Pin a tiny TV on your chest.

A tiara for your finger: “I’m wearing a ring from the sale (it was only R40 – yay!). It’s a ray of beaded fun,” says Nonzoh. Nonzoh’s style advice

Don’t be afraid to mix up many statement pieces, like watches and rings and other jewellery. They’re all competing for attention, and you’re the one who’ll come out in the spotlight! (If Paris Hilton can style it, we all can.)

Jubi says: “My work’s quirky and humourous. It usually has a narrative theme; I love telling stories. I watch people look at my jewellery and smile… you can almost see their minds work! It’s subconscious communication. And visual puns! But it’s still functional and wearable; art on your body: take-away art!” We asked her about the dinosaur’s speech bubble on her Green Peas piece (but I’m vegetarian) and the sign (Vienna, Hamburg). “Yes, that neckpiece is an example of a visual pun. I started making miniature picture frames a few years ago and the idea for “green peas” sparked when I found the dinosaur charm and decided to combine it with that string of very pea-like green pearls. It’s also a pun on Green Peace. On a deeper level it’s about the fast food industry as the driving force for blind consumerism and destruction of the planet. Most people who eat hamburgers and viennas don’t know that they were named after European cities and that the biggest dinosaur that ever lived was a vegetarian. You’ve gotta laugh!” says Jubi.

Jubi studied fine art in Pretoria and later did jewellery design at the Cape Peninsula University of Technology. Jubi and Adi started sharing a workshop in 2000, and the destined Firepetals opened in 2005. Since then, they have had exhibits all over the globe. “I like creating jewellery with a humorous twist or a visual pun,” says Jubi. “Jewellery should be wearable works of art with a special significance for the wearer.”

Adi, left, and Jubi, right, in their display room

Jubi and Adi aren’t only artists; they also run a successful business. But it takes discipline. “I find it frustrating to sit on the phone or on the computer, because my craft has to wait till after 5pm – and that means I go home late, after 11pm; … yes, I have no life,” jests Adi. Basically, the studio is their life, resulting in the success they reap today. At the time of the interview, they had a demanding brief: a customer wanted an array of very different-looking heirloom stones to be combined in an all-in-one bracelet. So it seems like the crowning jewel is that they clearly put your individuality first.

Holy Cow! Adi made this cow ring. Green Peas. Jubi made this neckpiece. Adi says: “I love making rings! Bold rings with interesting side profiles and lots of detail, or sometimes hidden detail that is only known to the person wearing it, which adds an element of magic. Strong basic shapes with detail. I like creating pattern detail by piercing or engraving.”

The process: Wholesale raw silver comes in miniscule nuggets, looking like intriguing tit-bits you might find in muesli … except you’d break your teeth on these! The jeweller melts it down with a blow torch and pours it into an iron trough, to create a small bar of silver. Adi shows us how she has to work fast; the silver becomes solid almost instantly once poured, away from that blinding heat. (Remember making fudge – when you pour it in the tray? From liquid to solid in a flash! Same idea.) Once it’s a bar it can be manipulated more easily. How? Adi then shows us into a room that looks like someone’s garage: rows of heavy-duty tools. In there, these wenches wield some mighty wrenches. Once they’ve formed the basics shape, they use finer tools that come in handy for tinkering (for hours!) at the jeweller’s workbench. (Yes, it’s more difficult than making fudge...) See more of their work at www.firepetals.com

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“This cow ring? Well, I spent six months in India and was fascinated that for a country with over a billion people, cattle are seen as sacred and have the right of way. If a cow decides to lie in the middle of a busy road, the traffic just has to compensate and drive around her. This ring is a shrine to the Holy Cows of India and to all animals in general. Being a vegetarian, I feel people don’t have enough respect for animals and the planet. But it is also supposed to be fun and make the wearer smile,” says Adi.

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FASHION & ACCESSORIES

Unusual sub-cultures By Namie Mos & Sheilan Clarke

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hat is it that sets you apart? Is it the clothes you wear, excessive make-up, or your outlook on life?

IMAGE COURTESY OF Kian VEgas

GOTH THE lOOK: Black, leather, SPANDEX, CLEAR CLEAN FACE

in the way that they choose to express themselves. This is just the way they look and doesn’t necessarily reflect badness or meanness. Sometimes it’s tricky to tell Goths and Emos apart, but Goths have more of a hardcore look, which can be scary at times. They wear tight latex, combat boots, chains and often have unusual piercings opposed to the Emos who wear anything that’s black. Emos also love eyeliner and straight, flowy hair. Emos are considered cute as they are said to be very emotional (which is what the word Emo actually stands for) and full of sensitivity. Punks are seen as more streetwise and rowdy and are more expressive - especially their physical appearance. Music is also defining, eg. Goths like Marilyn Manson (see side-boxes for more music info). People say being different is good. But the weird thing is that it’s also difficult to stand out and get stared at. Jessica, a student who digs subcultures, often feels shunned herself because of her lifestyle and dress sense. According to her, “This is something that we have to deal with every day, the fact that it is visible and that we are not the same as you or everyone else. Sub-cultures are showing that it is okay not to get tied down by the lock-stock of society’s mainstream expectations of what normal is”.

IMAGE COURTESY OF Laura stevens

PUNK THE LOOK: leather jackets, studs, doc’ martins, REALLY EXPRESSIVE HAIR, TATTOOS THE Vibe: rebel, anarchistic, extraverted THE Music: Restarts, Crass

THE Vibe: DARK YET VERY OPEN and accepting THE Music: Skeleton Witch, Lamb of God Within any community there are different cultures and sub-cultures. There will always be individuals who wear and practice things that we are not used to. The most well-known sub-cultures amongst students are probably groups like the Goths, Emos and Punks; they have a different outlook on life, and this is evident in the way they convey themselves. It is not just tattoos and piercings that makes them stick out, it is the way that they think and live their lives as well. Then again, their choices could be just for the unusual accessories: to avoid the mono global look. It’s hard to define the undefined, but for the sake of informing, let’s try: Goths - having their culture stem for the medieval times - are seen as very dark and are sometimes considered to be somewhat satanic

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IMAGE COURTESY OF EMILY APITHY

EMO THE LOOK: long STRAIGHT fringes (GUYS AND GIRLS), tight pants, EYELINER (GUYS AND GIRLS) THE Vibe: emotional, sensitive, poetic, contemplative THE Music: Dashboard Confessional, My Chemical Romance, BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE

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reviews, fiction and poetry


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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

Cipher Sessions Deur Kevin Mercuur

anfokkingtasties (VFKT) het begin toe Van Coke Kartel (VCK), Fokofpolisiekar (FPK), aKING en Die Heuwels Fantasties (DHF) besluit het om kragte saam te span en een onkeerbare beweging te begin. Die VFKT fenomeen het Vrydag 23 Julie 2010 die Van Der Stel sportgronde in Stellenbosch omgekeer. DHF, VCK, aKING en FPK het almal briljante performances gelewer en het die hype vir hierdie vier Bellville bands regverdig.

nooit teleur nie en gee altyd 2 triljoen persent. Die emosie waarmee Francois van Coke, Hunter Kennedy, Wynand Myburgh en Snake Venter die tunes speel word perfek afgerond deur Johnny “ the silent killer” de Ridder. FPK se Kyk Noord was definitief die stand out performance van die aand.

So... was hierdie show Stellenbosch se laaste VFKT experience ooit? Ek hoop so, maar op dieselfde manier as wat Lark se 2009 RAMfest performance die “laaste ooit” was.

Die aanvraag na kaartjies vir hierdie sogenoemde “laaste VFKT show ooit in Stellenbosch” was so groot dat die “powers that be” besluit het om nog ‘n optrede vir die volgende aand te reël. So much vir die “laaste ooit”. DHF het die aand soos ‘n Frans Steyn drop goal afgeskop. Hulle songs is so aansteeklik soos ‘n gaap en die tiener meisies het gesing en geskree soos ‘n 55-jarige tannie vir die nuutse Mills and Boon boek. Laudo Liebenberg (aKING se voorsanger) het hulle gejoin vir Hygduiwel en alhoewel sy vocals goed was, het hy, sonder sy kitaar, so gemaklik gelyk soos ‘n vis in ‘n blender. Die blou gesigte van die vier VCK manne was volgende op die verhoog en het dinge behoorlik aan die gang gekry. Jedd op lead guitar en Jason op die dromme bring ‘n heel nuwe dimensie aan VCK. Hierdie twee ouens is meesters op hul instrumente. Jedd se vingers dominate sy kitaar so vinnig dat hulle sekerlik meisies tot ekstase gebring het. Jason het op sy beurt die dromme geslaan asof hy ‘n dominee was wat bose siele uit hulle wou verdryf.

Francois van Coke speel sy kitaar terwyl hy crowd surf gedurende Van Coke Kartel se optrede.

Foto: Kevin Mercuur

aKING se performance het bietjie anders gelyk as in die onlangse verlede met Hunter Kennedy wat vervang was deur Andrew Davenport van Thieve. Davenport het nie te min soos ‘n gesoute aKING lid gelyk en noot vir noot met die ander band-lede saamgespeel. Liebenberg se solo weergawe van Shine your light was die hoogtepunt van aKING se set. FPK is die Bugatti Veyron in Bellville Rock City se garage. Hierdie band stel

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Wynand Myburgh (links) en Francois van Coke tydens Fokofpolisiekar se performance. Hierdie spoeg-en-mic-swing-combo is ikonies by FPK-gigs.

Foto: Kevin Mercuur

By Rob Cockcroft

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A HAS a hip hop scene that is teeming with styles for all kinds of fans. From the boom-bap nineties flavour to modern crunk; from spaza rap to our Kaapse kombuis-taal style and zef rap - our artists possess talent that is second to none. SA rappers and producers cover all bases of the hip hop sub-genres and some, like Jack Parow, even pioneer their own. Some of their careers are taking off; the big names right now include HHP, Pro Kid, Die Antwoord, Jozi, Locnville and the like, but many artists often go under the radar. In order to get your name out there you'll need to be able to record an album (or at least some tracks) and usually have to use your own cunning to organise gigs and marketing. Not many people can afford this opportunity. Which means, sadly, some of the best local MC will remain unheard of or be restricted to displaying their skills at park jams and maybe hustling some stage-time at a nightclub. A man who is creating a platform for this burgeoning underground scene is turntabilist and radio show host, Ready D. He has his own time slot, The Ready D Show (Mondays to Thursdays from 7pm till 10pm) on Goodhope FM. When I first stumbled upon the show I was especially surprised to find a commercial radio station taking charge of local music. I was randomly skipping through radio stations while driving when I heard a barrage of freestyles as rappers from different pockets of the peninsula took over the mics at Goodhope FM. Since then, it's kept me and loads more hip hop heads locked on the show. This slot is dubbed The Cipher Sessions and is on every Wednesday at 8pm. The hosts scoop talent; people who could live around the corner from you and yet sound better than most of the charttopping bullshit you hear on the radio every day. They have names like Sammy Sparks, Ill Skills, Suburban Menace, Garlic Brown (Brasse Vannie Kaap), siStar Cipher. Even MCs looking to make a name for themselves outside of their cities flock to the The Cipher Sessions.

If they had to keep their ears any closer to the street, they would have skid marks on the sides of their faces. The idea for Cipher Sessions came about when local MCs were invited to perform live-in-studio for a show called the Ultimate Element Show in October 2009. It immediately received positive feedback and so they stuck with the concept. Ready D has also turned the figurative platform into a literal one when Cipher Sessions took to the stage at the opening of the SA Hip Hop Museum in Cape Town in March 2010. He backed young guns like Bliksemstraal, Anay Swift, Suburban Menace and Grand Alliance. Regardless of all the exposure Ready D gives to local music, he is still reluctant to take credit for it, insisting that collaborating with young artists is more about the culture of hip hop. He adds, “It's not like we're an events company or a promotion company... If you really want to make it in this industry you have to put in work. This [show] is not the end of the line for MCs. In reality, talent only plays a small part in getting you somewhere, business skills are a huge percentage.”

I was told: be yourself, address the community, touch on the lifestyle of the listeners. Appeal to their aspirations and inspirations.

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Die aanvraag na kaartjies vir hierdie sogenoemde “laaste VFKT show ooit in Stellenbosch” was so groot dat die “powers that be” besluit het om nog ‘n optrede vir die volgende aand te reël.

When I arrived at the studios, which resemble an oversized fishbowl in the foyer of the SABC building in Sea Point, I was met by Proqnotic (I know, what’s up with underground rappers’ aliases?) who came all the way from Johannesburg to promote his crew. He was trying to hustle me into buying a CD and boasting, “I’ve sold 100 copies in two weeks, my man!”. The Ready D Show has also become known for its strictly South African mixes (local is lekker). It's definitely innovative. How does Ready D get to do it? “Management told me they wanted to overhaul the content (of the station),” says Ready D. “The listeners wanted more kwaito, more hip hop. I was told: be yourself, address the community, touch on the lifestyle of the listeners. Appeal to their aspirations and inspirations”. This was no small task for him and his co-host, Celeste Mitchell.

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

This is a review of

The Black Keys and their album

Brothers. By Ashleigh-Jane Denton

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he Black Keys are a blues-based rock duo. Dan Auerbach (vocals, lead guitar) and Patrick Carney (drums), have perfected what one could call “garage minimalism”. And with the release of their sixth studio album Brothers earlier this year, they showed that they didn’t need much more. The album was to be much anticipated as the follow-up to their claim to fame, Attack & Release (2008). It’s great when something like this happens. With The Black Keys also completing solo side-projects during the same time as they were preparing for Brothers (Dan's solo album, Keep It Hid; Pat's side group, Drummer; and together a hip-hop project called BlakRoc), it’s safe to admit that the boys have been busy, but none of their attention drifted or favoured one project over the other. Brothers received four and a half stars (out of five) from U.S Rolling Stone Magazine.

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I received the album as a gift from a friend late in June and was told “you have to listen to it as soon as possible”. Knowing how successful Attack & Release was, I was eager to find out what The Keys were about to offer me! The first time I played the disk was in my car only hours after receiving it. The first track, “Everlasting Light”, streamed through the speakers. Firm drumming and a clean tune, its up-beat and feelgood. It’s also something different to what BK fans are used to - it has a loose pop-blues feel. Dan’s highpitched vocals are what makes this track stand out and it’s clear to see why they decided to make it the first track on the disk. It draws you in and makes you yearn for more. “Next Girl” follows. Seductive and almost empowering lyrics attached to a deep fixed melody. Then “Tighten Up”. The song has a sweet whistle tune in the intro that’s really catchy. The songs that follow are a mixture of funk, sex and tears. The smooth style of the duo’s blues penetrates your ears and teaches you to sway.

Ending the album on “These days”, I thought, was perfect. It’s a lengthy, sad and slow-paced song that leaves the listener lingering on the last note of the chorus: “it’s all I see these days…”. The guitar notes pang and stroll down your skin as you realise the album is coming to an end. It will make you want to bob and dip your head low. If you’re a new Black Keys fan and Brothers is the first album you’ll be listening to. You’ll love “Everlasting Light”, “Howlin’ For You” and “Tighten Up” – which is the first single released off the album. The music video is pretty hilarious as well, and shows how comical and light-hearted these guys really are. And for an act as accomplished as The Black Keys, with that kind of focus and vision as well as the quirkiness of Pat’s thick-framed glasses and Dan’s hobo-like beard, I would not be at all surprised if Brothers becomes known as one of the best albums of 2010.

What makes this album slip past very good to really great is Dan’s striking falsetto voice, heard on a few of the tracks. The man has polished his bottom-barrel voice for a long time now, so it’s pure pleasure to hear him try another vocal style and do it so well. Including “Everlasting Love”, the high-piched sounds can be heard on tracks including “The Only One” and “Never Give You Up”, which is my favorite song so far. It’s a cover of a song by R&B singer Isaac Hayes, which was recorded in 1971 (Jerry Butler also did a cover of it in ’76). But BK have put a whole new spin on it, licking it with the silkysoft touch of the sounds we love them for. Plus it fits in delightfully with the rest of the album, which runs just under an hour with 15 tracks in total. When I listen to this album I think of edgy boys with a lot of feeling swinging to the rhythm of their pretty girls’ hips. “Too Afraid To Love You” has a ghostly fun-fair feel to it, with megaphone-like vocals. Each song has its strengths, whether it’s the guitar or the drums separately or both simultaneously. Each instrument is due credit. It has hard-hitting intros that melt into soulful guitar solos, but leaves room to take a breath and roll around in the raunchy acoustics; perfectly matched to the songwriting. Lyrically, the songs tell a tale of a vengeaful woman and a lingering heart-ache she is eager to forget. Think of “Ten Cent Pistol” and “Unknown Brother”. Though the words may seem gloomy and dark, one doesn’t feel depressed when listening to the songs. Meaningful lyrics tied together with a great sound makes for good music and The Black Keys have channeled their ability to add feeling and vision to each of their songs on this album so well.

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

The

Movie Review By Dane Curry

It begins with a blank screen. And a smooth, mellow voice. “The movie will begin in five minutes,” the voice announces almost mindlessly. The beginning definitely intrigues the viewer to carry on watching it. The voice, brushed with a slight sarcastic tone, is beautiful and menacing at the same time.

It is a biographical tale of the rock band The Doors and its front man, Jim Morrison, who reached popularity in the 60s. Directed by Oliver Stone, the film does a superb job at initiating the first-time listener into the music of The Doors. It has managed to weave both cinematography and musical soundtrack to form a tapestry of highest quality. The band’s music is used to set the tone of the scene it accompanies. The scenes also do well to add an almost music video style to the music, which tends to make you forget you are watching a movie. The movie depicts an era in music and society during which drugs, sex and rock ‘n roll were the trends of the time. Furthermore, it sets the context for the story of the rise and fall of Jim Morrison, the Lizard-King, with scenes ranging from the desert, to a live concert with a huge bonfire, to the crowd in a dancing frenzy at a Wiccan wedding ritual. Val Kilmer (Jim Morrison) and Meg Ryan (Pamela Courson) play the estranged couple in the movie. Their scenes are well-staged, portraying the drama of their lives. Val Kilmer, especially, plays an outstanding role

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as Morrison and manages to recreate most of Morrison’s nuances and quirks. The rest of the band members are acted by Kyle MacLachlan (Ray Manzarek), Frank Whaley (Robby Krieger) and Kevin Dillon (John Densmore). They play the keyboard, guitar and drums respectively. They all perform their roles immaculately, and it is obvious that they have studied there living counterparts to fully give the audience The Doors experience. You see, the cast even perform the songs of The Doors themselves, adding to its realism. The movie constantly uses the imagery and music of the Native American Indian, which was an obsession of Morrison’s, who also thought he was possessed by the spirit of a Shaman. This imagery is used as the character evolves, highlighting important events in Morrison’s life. The script is well-written and explores Morrison’s crude and poetic utterings, with beautiful quotes such as: “I hope you go out smiling like a child into the cool remnant of a dream.” The film is very entertaining and sometimes, like its subject-matter, suitably chaotic. I love this movie for its portrayal of the music and lifestyle of the 60s. The music of The Doors is bluesy and the poetry of the late Jim Morrison is haunting. I could not help but be sucked into an era where you were YOU, and nothing else.

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

An honest and humble review by an honest and humble man

“What’s the most resilient parasite? An idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules…”

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By Rob Ewart

ollywood has a proud history of creative failure in the arena of big-budget blockbusters. Movies cost many millions, money often wasted on screenwriters who understand “originality” or “character development”. Yuck. Movies are about visual effects. Luckily, directors don’t bore audiences with nonsense like “plot” or “themes”. Yawn. Unfortunately, writer-director Christopher Nolan keeps breaking the rules. Bastard.

(I just wanted to see that damn boat sink!), but he has redeemed himself. As he did in Shutter Island (objectively the second best movie of 2010), DiCaprio shows he is capable of providing a film with its emotional centre as a man suffering from inner demons. Come to think of it, he’s essentially the same character in both movies… and it’s awesome.

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nception is layers within layers, literally and figuratively. Like an onion. It’s the kind of film that inspires Internettype people to have all sorts of wonderful

your mind is the scene of the crime

Unfortunately, writer-director Christopher Nolan keeps breaking the rules. Bastard.

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Inception is Nolan’s seventh feature film (the other six were just warm ups). This film is neither an adaptation nor is it related to an existing franchise; it’s Nolan’s baby through and through, so it’s got good genes - basically, the Aryan race of 21st century cinema. I don’t mean to gush, but seriously, Nolan is to film as Tabasco is to pizza – a match made in heaven. The core premise is this: specialists known as Extractors enter the dreams of others to steal secrets. Simple enough. Think The Matrix meets Ocean’s Eleven, only exponentially better by a factor of seven. Dom Cobb (played by Leonardo he’s-come -a-long-way-since-Titanic DiCaprio) is the protagonist, an Extractor on the run from his past who is hired to perform an inception: the supposedly impossible implantation of an original idea in another’s subconscious. His team consists of a few familiar faces in unfamiliar territory - Joseph Gordon-Levitt not being a wimp, Cillian Murphy being Australian (apparently), and Ellen Page looking a little less knocked up. Despite the ensemble cast, this is Dom Cobb’s story. DiCaprio ruined my childhood

discussions and debates on symbolism, metaphysics, etc. This usually ends in tears. Sometimes death. Inception will leave you with at least a few things to ponder. If it doesn’t, I hope you enjoy the new season of Gossip Girl. I’m sure you’ll find it absolutely thoughtprovoking. I’m calling it now. Inception: Best Actor, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Movie, Best Everything. Any other outcome would be a violation of the natural order, but in Hollywood, doing it wrong is a billion dollar industry. Only Shutter Island can compete, though only just.

Think The Matrix meets Ocean’s Eleven, only exponentially better by a factor of seven If you enjoyed films like James Cameron’s Avatar or Michael Bay’s Transformers, then you a) probably haven’t read all the words on this page, and b) shouldn’t watch Inception - drink bleach instead.

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

By: Stephanie Danieli

Our TV fave, 2010 Review By Nametso (Namie) Mosimaneotsile

Genre: Drama, Action, Fantasy & Romance

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Directors: Julie Plec & Kevin Williamson Starring: Nina Dobrev, Paul Wesley, Ian Somerhalder, Katerina Graham

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he Red Queen is back in Tim Burton’s fab movie of 2010, Alice in Wonderland. Alice returns to Wonderland only to discover that it’s not a wonderous place anymore... It is now Underland... A place devoid of dreams and no longer the fantasy world it once was...

Plot:

Based on a series of books written by L.J. Smith, THE VAMPIRE DIARIES is a story of two brothers obsessed with a beautiful, mortal girl, Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev). Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder) return to their home town of Mystic Falls, Virginia. Stefan doesn’t prey on humans - unlike his older brother, Damon.

Alice in Wonderland is a movie that can be described as quirky, whimsical and unpredictable. It keeps the viewer guessing, since our standard heroine of the film, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) tries to make sense of the world she has stumbled upon. Flash-backs, memory loss and déjà vu are recurring themes throughout the movie. There is an overall brilliance about the movie. It isn’t for kids, as one would assume. Tim Burton’s work is always entertaining and this is no exception. He has sucessfully taken the original story of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass and made it his own visual feast of 109 minutes.

Stefan has an unbarring desire to know Elena, who bears a striking resemblance to Katherine Pierce, the beautiful but ruthless vampire the Salvatore brothers loved in 1864. Damon wants to release Katherine from the tomb where she has been trapped by a witch’s spell. Elena becomes conflicted between the two brothers and her best friend Bonnie Bennet(Katerina Graham). The love triangle between the brothers and Elena builds up and hits a pinnacle point in the season one’s finale.

Alice’s journey through the magical world of Underland keeps the viewers on the edge of their seats with bizarre creatures lurking behind every corner... She soon finds herself drinking tea with the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) and a Were-Rabbit. The whole party is absolutely NUTS!

WHAT’S RIGHT WITH IT?

Dreamy Damon Salvatore, of course. Need I say more... But don’t worry guys, this isn’t some boring chick flick with the usual romantic, lovey-dovey fluff... It also has action-packed fighting scenes and gory vampire suck-fests. Oh, and guys, don’t forget the lovely Nina Dobrev... She will give you a toothache!

The Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter), the villain, wants dominion over all living and decides that it is better to be feared than to be loved. The White Queen (Anne Hathaway) is her sister and is her complete opposite. Alice soon realises that it is her role to settle the dispute between the two sisters so that the rightful queen can take her throne; and then there’s also the quest with killing the evil ‘Jabberwocky’, a grotesque fire-breathing dragon look-a-like...

WHAT’S WRONG WITH IT?

Personally, I think this series ROCKS! It’s got action, drama, romance, fantasy, VAMPIRES! How could you not love it? True, it’s a little bit of a spin-off from Twilight, but it has risen to a new level in the popularity polls and is totally kick-ass.

WHAT’S THE VERDICT?

An epic tale of tormented vampires and lustful teenagers. THE VAMPIRE DIARIES is definitely a series not to be missed. There are a lot of surprises with a number of twists and turns along the way that will keep you on the edge of your seat after every nail-biting episode. Leaving you with a hunger for more...

Although the film is based upon the novel byLewis Caroll,the film’splotissostrongthatthemoviestandsonitsown,uniquely seen through Tim Burton’s imagination. It is a captivating adventure that viewers will gladly watch over and over again.

VIDEO LINK: www.cwtv.com/cw-video/the-vampire-diaries/

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

The Great Shark Hunt By Hunter S. Thompson Book review by Craig Peel

Book review by Petru Saal

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“Banishing Bad Habits Forever” takes a look at how you not only can improve your way of living but also change your inner-self, one bad habit at a time. Vera Peiffer, a qualified analytical hypnotherapist and health kinesiologist, takes you way beyond your problem habit. Like most self-help books, you’re going to go on a journey deep down to your inner being.

he Great Shark Hunt is a highly entertaining, hilariously funny and yet deadly serious journey through the turbulent political and social landscape of 1960’s and 1970’s America. Focusing on the era’s defining moments, Thompson weaves a web that begins with the Richard Nixon campaign trail in 1968 and culminates in the aftermath of the Watergate Scandal. As a freelance correspondent and top reporter for many of America’s most prestigious and iconic news institutions, Hunter S. Thompson was able to gain access not only to the events themselves but also to the prominent men and women within the political hierarchy in the United States.

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must warn you that actually taking this reading cruise with Vera is so much better than reading my review. Buy it and prove me right. Now, let me help you read it: the book is divided into two parts. Part one helps you to understand your habit and part two is where you kick the habit.

With the summer of love and the counter culture in San Francisco as the backdrop to the hostile protests that rocked America during the Vietnam War, the memoirs and notes that Thompson recorded along the way paint an incredibly vivid and undeniably exciting picture of the surreal environment that transpired during these times and everything that unfolded internationally as a result.

As a reader you will be inclined to delve straight into part two and tackle the habit head-on. But this will only be a waste of time; you’ll definitely regret buying the book afterwards. So take a step back and remind yourself why you bought the

From his football talks with Nixon to his coverage of an ageing Mohammed Ali and all the way to the McGovern Campaign Trail in ‘72 and his time with Jimmy Carter, Thompson sheds an uncompromising light on the ills and tribulations of a society that he has since, affectionately, termed the generation of swine. Thompson’s often morbid, brutally honest sense of humour is what sets his work apart from any other and The Great Shark Hunt is no different with side-splitting gems being present on almost every other page. No other literary figure manages to uplift, inspire, provoke, insult and indulge the reader to the degree that the legendary “Dr Gonzo” does, managing to keep the attention and admiration of conservatives and anarchists alike. This book is an absolute must-have on the bookshelf of anybody seeking to experience the highs and lows of this iconic period, through the bloodshot eyes and whiskey-soaked breath of a man who could engage profoundly in the halls of Washington with Richard Nixon one day and consume hallucinogens with Ken Kesey, Sonny Barger and his army of Hells Angels on a wooded ranch in the mid west the next day. This book will ensure that you wince, laugh till your belly heaves, and come away feeling educated, repulsed and inspired, with a well-bred contempt for some and compassion for others. It leaves us wanting more and more from “the good doctor”. As Nelson Algren said, “no other reporter reveals how much we have to fear and loathe, yet does it so hilariously”.

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Breaking The Habit...

book in the first place. Your problem habit may have become unbearable not only to you. Family, friends or colleagues are also suffering. (Show some empathy.) So start at the beginning. Part one slowly dissects your habit, chapter by chapter. You will find this very soothing, and you will see where and how things went horribly wrong. You will learn to adjust to helpful and positive thinking. Along the way you will find visualisations, affirmations and exercises so that you can interpret your habit in a mindful way to really give you the

holistic picture. You are introduced to an array of problem habits - all linked to a respective good habit! The book ends with further reading and research material. A personal favourite chapter is “Preventing a Relapse”, and just because the chapter is there does not mean you have to relapse! It is there for “just in case”. This book definitely is a mustread and must-have. Why? Well, picking this book is the first step to banishing your bad habit forever. It is time for you to reclaim your life. Yes, life! And for that there is no better time than now.

The Great Hunter Reviewing global cult classics by renowned authors is often a futile task, given both the already extensive review coverage that these works receive and, moreover, the wide-ranging opinions that are forged by all those who read these classic examples of literature. Hunter S. Thompson’s literature falls into this category. Its almost-by-design divisive and provocatively addictive content is perhaps among the countless reasons why the allure of his writing remains as powerful today as it was over four decades ago when he first started penning the iconic intro for Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Thompson, bringing his highly acclaimed literary catalogue, is no stranger to brutal nullification by critics the world over. It has been his penchant to merely cast all his detractors aside as nothing more than empty hollow-point bullets being misfired by paid artists of pessimism that has endeared him to millions. He was, is, and forever will be remembered as a writer completely unapologetic in his views of the world and a once-in-a-lifetime social and political commentator who could make even those standing in the gallows laugh like there was no tomorrow.

“We are all creatures of habit. And not all habits are good. Whether it’s staying in to watch every soap opera, maxing out credit cards for the love of shopping or checking e-mails so often that it’s impossible to focus on anything else, your unconscious patterns of behaviour can start to dictate how you lead your life.” Mike Sherratt

Credit: http://themikesherratt.com/2010/11/09/banish-bad-habits-forever-effective-ways-to-take-control-of-your-life/

ay

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

The Other Boleyn Girl Book reviewed by shannon Bailey

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illed with drama, sex, scandal and politics, The Other Boleyn Girl is a partly fictionalised version of the history of England while under the rule of the infamous King Henry VIII. This novel is set in a time when a king’s reputation is determined by his ability to make babies - sons in particular - with the intent of keeping the throne under his name, in this case the Tudor name.

By Toni Morrison A book review by Liliane Bilogho

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ula, the winner of the 1993 Nobel Prize in Literature, is the story of two women, Sula and Nel. Raised in a small black community called The Bottom in Ohio during segregation, the two have been friends since their childhood despite their differences – Sula is impetuous, audacious and self-sufficient while Nel, in contrast, is submissive and does what her people expect from her. Nel comes from a very conventional family while Sula’s family is portrayed as being eccentric. Still the two friends care for and love each other very much.

Noble families present their most beautiful daughters to serve the Queen, daughters who then attempt to catch the eye of the notorious and powerful King Henry and reap the rewards of the adulterous relationship. But when the novelty fades, King Henry moves on to the next pretty lass who catches his eye. Like a child with a new toy, this most desirable of kings gets bored quickly, leaving his victims with broken hearts, bastard children and badly tainted reputations. One of the more powerful families during this era is the Boleyn family. The story focuses on the characters of Mary and Anne Boleyn. The fate of the two sisters hangs in the balance as their souls are sold off to better their family’s wealth and status. They become rivals. Each tries to win the king’s affection, with Anne being more malicious and cleverer than her innocent, loyal younger sister, Mary. George, their faithful, homosexual brother helps them where he can and puts his life in jeopardy as one of the king’s most trustworty courtiers. Initially, Anne is intended to be the sister to perform sexual favours for the lustful king in hopes of conceiving a child; a son to be used as a pawn in a wicked game of chess. But even though Mary is already married, King Henry finds her fresh, blueeyed, youthful outlook on life more attractive than Anne’s forthward, flirtatious approach. During Mary’s affair, Anne is exiled to serve in the French courts for a

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Sula Nevertheless, their friendship changes when Sula accidentally slaughters a little boy and both grow up bearing that secret in mind. The two friends dream of escaping from what their community expects from them: a conventional lifestyle with a husband and children. However, Sula is the only one to be brave enough to leave The Bottom and go to college to explore what other choices life has to offer; she travels from city-to-city for ten years and discovers the world, while Nel chooses a more conformist way of living by getting married and having kids.The main focus of the book is the conflict between Sula and the other women of the community.

couple of years due to promiscuous behavior and the shaming of her family. Here Anne learns that the true art of being a woman is to have total control over a man by using wit and not just physical presence. After the king loses interest in Mary, leaving her with two bastard children and a husband she’d abandoned during her affair, it is now Anne’s turn. After five years of scheming, plotting and excessive flirting, Anne conquers the king and claims the ultimate title Queen of England. Once crowned, however, Anne slowly begins to crumble under the pressure of trying to hold the king’s sexual interest, which is slowly fading. She realises that it is a lot more difficult to conceive a son with a man who isn’t really interested in having sex with her anymore. Soon King Henry tires of the temper tantrums and demands of this

‘drama queen’ and moves on to the next helpless female, while Anne finds herself accused of treason, adultery, incest and witchcraft. Her ultimate fate awaits her. But it’s not only the plot that will hook you, it’s the writing. It’s beautiful. Don’t let having to sit with your trusty dictionary by your side as you read scare you off. Philippa Gregory will capture you with juicy schemes, plots and subplots. During your read, you will despise some characters and learn to love others and even get emotionally involved as you find yourself imagining that you served in a royal English court: ladies in gowns and guys in breeches. It’s a classic version of an oldfashioned Days of Our Lives.

Sula’s return to The Bottom affects the entire community – in a bad way and unpredictably in a good way too – as they see her as evil personified. She is perceived as a threat to their marriages as she destabilised their lives; she is everything they’re not: educated, independent, strong, self-confident, gorgeous, and above all free. Sula, likewise, despises them and everything they represent: conventions. Before Sula’s reappearance, people lived their lives without realising how lucky they are, but they start to fear Sula because she wasn’t anything conventional. Being beautiful and single, she takes on her womanhood by sleeping with men, white or black, married or not, and cares less about what people think. And, miraculously, the lives of the people in The Bottom improve. Sula belongs to the African American genre; the author’s focal point is the experience of black Americans. Toni Morrison brilliantly narrates the feelings and the concerns of the black community and their search for cultural identity. Toni Morrison’s writing is clear and straightforward yet mysterious and moving. Characters are memorable, deep, touching, humorous, well, some of them, and this despite all the tragedy that takes place in the novel. The author gives the points of views of the different protagonists, a complex representation of the black community and the role of women within it. Perhaps she’s deft at this because she, Toni Morrison, born Chloe Anthony Wofford, was born in Ohio in a black working-class family and has three siblings. She studied humanities at Howard and Cornell Universities and made her debut in literature in 1970 with her very first novel The Bluest Eyes followed by Sula in 1973. She is the first African American woman to receive a Nobel Prize in Literature.

And, oh yes, try to read the book before you watch the movie.

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

The Gift of Love By Liliane Bilogho Ndong Nang

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awoke to the pleasant smell of coffee and warm butter croissants. The usual routine but something was different; I had a creepy sensation. It was as if I hadn’t been here for a while. It was one of those freezing mornings in Chicago. I’ve been living here for years with my wife and our two kids, Jason and Amber. Somehow I was under the impression that it was colder than we were used to. It was 7.30 am, still quiet and dark outside. Though I could clearly distinguish two voices quarrelling, I guessed it was Mr and Mrs Whitehouse, since they would always argue about anything and shared it with the whole neighbourhood. I often wondered how those two managed to stay together for years. I decided to get out of bed and have my breakfast. While I was going down the stairs, I suddenly realised how silent the house was. I found a written note in the kitchen; I recognised my wife’s handwriting.

Morning love, the kids woke up early this Morningso love, the kids up early morning, I decided towoke take them withthis me morning, so I We’ll decided to take with to to the mall. be back in them an hour or me two. the mall. We’ll be back in an hour or two. I wasn’t really hungry, so I just sat in the kitchen, delighted by the peacefulness of the house. Studying the room, I noticed changes; the portrait of my wife and I had been replaced by a painting, a large portrait of me was hanging above the fireplace in the living room and I couldn’t remember whether or not Lisa told me about these modifications. Later on I decided to go for a walk. Lisa and I have been married for ten years now. We met at college. We were only friends, however, since she was dating the hottest guy at college, the kind of man you would see in soaps like Sunset Beach - tall, handsome, wellbuilt, and a complete lackwit, at least according to me. The kind of man all women would dream of dating, or worse, would fancy marrying. I’m relieved I rescued her from him. She was way too bright and attractive to end up with Brandon.

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I ran into her three years after we graduated. We hadn’t seen each other since we left college. She was prettier than before. We sat in a quaint restaurant for coffee. We talked for hours. Two years later, we married. I was back home, Lisa and the kids as well. I had the feeling that something was bothering her. She looked thoughtful and even ignored me. I left her in the kitchen, went to the livingroom and greeted the kids, but they didn’t pay attention to me; they were busy playing with their new toys and their friends. Two wonderful little boys, twins, fair hair and three years old. Lisa sent them to play in their rooms, told them she needed some time alone and if they were good kids, she’d take them out for ice-creams later. I then turned to my wife; she was staring at me although I couldn’t actually say with certainty that it was me she was staring at. She went back to the kitchen and took a seat. Intuitively, I followed her and I sat down too; I was now facing her. She was gazing out of the window, lost in her thoughts, playing with a ring I was sure I didn’t give her. So what happened to the one I gave her on the day we got married? “Lisa, is there anything you want to tell me about?”, I asked gently. But she wouldn’t reply. “Darling, I’m begging you, please talk to me. I won’t get upset. Just please tell me what’s on your mind.” No answer. Suddenly she burst into tears. Obviously something was worrying her, but she wouldn’t say anything. I wanted to hold her tight and tell her everything was going to be okay as long as she would tell me what preoccupied her. Before I made a move, she stood up and ran upstairs. I could still hear her crying from the bedroom. I stayed downstairs for a moment, trying to understand why she would behave in such a mysterious way. I joined her later in the bedroom; she was asleep. I covered her up with blankets. It felt as if I hadn’t seen her for ages. Her face was different, she looked older, and tired of having to carry a heavy burden. If only she would get it off her chest and share it with me. I’d be happy to ease her pain.

Instead I just stood there. As I was walking out the room, my eyes fixed upon a letter delicately resting on the dresser. I picked it up and read it.

Dear Ron, Dear From Ron, that day I reconnected with you From day I came across you twelve years twelvethat years ago, I knew I wouldn’t let you ago, I knew I wouldn’t let you leave me again. leave me again. I knew we’d spent the rest Iofknew we’dtogether. spent theI rest of we’d our lives togethour lives knew get old er. I knew we’d get old together. I knew together. I knew you’d make me happy. you’d make me happy. You have always been there for me during You have always been for me during the the good times and the there bad times. There good and the bad times. There were were ups and downs but we always ups did and downs but weto always didthings what work we had to, to what we had to make out make things work out for our family. Those for our family. Those years with you were years with you, were the best days of my life… the best days of my life… Ron, I miss you so muchh Andthe thetwins, twins, Ron, I miss you so much. And Jessie and Jeffrey, they’re doing great. Jessie and Jeffrey, they’re doing great. They are three and aand halfayears old now They are three half years oldand nowthey so look like you. I wish you could spend some and they look so much like you. I wish you time them and getwith to know I’m couldwith spend some time themthem; and get sure you’d haveI’m gotsure along very wellgot with to know them. you’d have them. along very well with them. Ron, Ron, II really really wish wish you you were were here here to to tell tell me me what to do; I need you. I need your blessing. what to do. I need you. I need your blessAm doing the right thing? ThatThat manman has ing. IAm I doing the right thing? been there for me since you... I can’t even has been there for me since you... I can’t say it, even after. He after. is a good He even sayyears it, even years He man. is a good takes good .ae of me and your kids. man. He takes good care of me and your Jason kids. and Amber were devastated when I told them comedevastated back, ever.when And the Jason you andwouldn’t Amber were twins, you left before they were born. They I told them you wouldn’t come back, ever. are yours and you won’t ever get the chance And the twins, you left before they were to know them. never know who their born. They areThey’ll yours and you won’t ever biological father is. get the chance to know them. They’ll never But it who is time forbiological me to move on with know their father is. my life. I’ll always love you, but I need to do what But it is time for me to move on with my is best for me and the children. They are still life. I’ll always love you, but I need to do young and they need a father and I need what is best for me and the children. They someone to helpand me they out. need a father and are still young It’s been three and a half I need someone to help meyears out. since you passed away and I… It’s been three and a half years since you passed away and I…

I couldn’t go any further; I was overwhelmed by what I had just read. “Passed away, three years ago, a good man…” What was all this about? I kept on reading.

It’s been three and half years since you passed away and I need move withon my life, passed away and to I need toon move with for my sake. I can’t on like my life, own for my own sake.go I can’t gothis. on I’ve beenthis. crying every night. know like I’veover beenyou crying over you Ievery you’ll understand me, you always did. Think night. I know you’ll understand me, you about our I need mechildren; to be strong always did.children; Think about our I need tpull Iforthem. need to be strong formyself them. together I need and be a good mum for your children. to pull myself together and be aNow goodI have the opportunity to give them family mum for your children. Now Ia have thewith two parents.to Hegive loves them as if they were his opportunity them a family with ownparents. kids, he promised me heaswill always. two He loves them if they Now his I want need youme to tell me were ownyou, kids,no, he Ipromised he will that I’m doing the right thing for all of us. always. You’llI always be on Now want you - nomy - I mind. need you to tell Always… me that I’m doing the right thing for all of us. You’ll always be on my mind. Always…

“Ron, I really wish you were here to tell me what to do; I need you, I need your blessing. Am I doing the right thing?” I was puzzled at first, but then everything made sense. The uncanny feeling this morning, the chilliness, the changes in the house I wasn’t informed of, the portrait in the living room, and why they were all ignoring me. I was dead, and therefore they couldn’t see me. I had been given this moment to see. I leaned over and whispered in her ear that I love her too, I will always love her and that I know she’ll do the right thing because she’s always done the right thing and that she has my blessing. She smiled at those last words. I kissed her goodbye. The door opened and a man came in; his face was familiar. It was Brandon. And it was then that I knew I had to make peace with the words that she would one day say: “I’ll marry you, Brandon.”

The End

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

HAIKUS By Kevin Mario Mercuur Experts say that the trick with writing is to get one’s point across concisely. In a world before Twitter there was the Haiku. It is a form of poetry that was founded in Japan in the time of sailing ships. Here are some un-Japanese Haikus for a modern world... with aeroplanes. 1

10 First class seats Ring finger wears ring Phone is off

He doesn’t drink But she is pretty Ice cubes fall

2 Trays upright Tears are barely dry Death is sad

11 Ding ding ding Seatbelt light is on Homebound smiles

12 Dry cracked lips Heavy breaths crave tar Patch me please

F Y I...

13 Fat lipped seed Learning comes too late Ice cream cures

HAIKUS REVEALED 3

14 Baby smiles Dentures, mothball smell Far, so what?

Eyes blood red Paper bag stomach Flowers, rain 4 Smiles all round White knuckles prevail Teeth fade away

1. A guy who doesn’t drink buys a drink from a very attractive hostess and finishes it. 15 Preconceived Religion builds wars Please fly straight

2. Somebody is about to fly to a loved one’s funeral. 3. Somebody afraid of flying is about to puke and tries to prevent it by thinking of nice things, i.e. flowers and rain. 4. A person afraid of flying loses his excitement about the trip. 5. A mother holds a sleeping baby while sitting next to her husband, but he doesn’t know that he is not the father.

16 In the loo He grabs the warm seat Wet wipes work

5 Safe arms keep Secrets we don’t share Lies sleep now

6 She should pay Weight limits apply Hand luggage

7. A passenger asks for extra pillows to drown out another passenger’s snores. 8. A hostess is tired and servers a passenger while faking a smile. 9. A cheating spouse removes a wedding ring...

17 Brakend naar Mense het arms Blom het grond

7 Chainsaw nose Extra pillows please Ear plugs drown

10. A couple on their honeymoon travels without the possibility of being bothered by business. 11. An ex-pat is on his way home. 12. A smoker craves a cigarette during a flight. 12. A child gets scolded by a parent for being naughty, and the parent says sorry by buying ice-cream.

8 Very long day Smiles like plastic tree Of course sir

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6. A passenger gets upset when he has to pay the same ticket price as an overweight woman.

13. A baby travels with his grandparents. 14. A paranoid passenger freaks out after seeing a sketchy person on the plane. 9

15. A passenger who is scared of flying thinks it’s unnatural for people to fly.

Empty seat Ring finger vacant Daylight broke

16. A couple have a quicky in the bathroom. 17. ‘n Passesier begin bid terwyl die vliegtuig val.

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REVIEWS, FICTION & POETRY

WHITE MAN’S FIRE • By Fran Siebrits • The white man’s conversation: Work mostly Eyes glance at the flames, replacing thoughtful gazes Meat spits at the grid; ignored Listening to the kettle calling for attention Unnoticed the flames glow green, the wind changes direction and the smell of dry grass arrives Conversation is far too in-depth for this evening The stars dance, but nobody looks up A watchful owl in a nearby tree blinks disapprovingly at another wasted night

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QUIZZES

Lyrical Royalty Do you know the lyrics to every song released in 2010?Think you deserve an award for it?Then take this quiz and see if you really are KING or QUEEN of lyrics by matching lyrics to songs. BY TAYANE LEE ARENDS

1. a. b. c.

2. a. b. c.

3. a. b. c.

4. a. b. c.

5. a. b. c.

6. a. b. c.

7. a. b. c.

8. a. b. c.

9. a. b. c.

PICTURE PERFECT MEMORIES SCATTERED ALL AROUND THE FLOOR, REACHING FOR THE PHONE ‘CAUSE I CAN’T FIGHT IT ANYMORE Need You Now Our Kind Of Love Run To You

10. SO WE STRUGGLING, FIGHTING TO EAT, WE WONDERING WHEN WE’LL BE FREE, SO a. b. c.

WE PATIENTLY WAIT FOR THAT FATEFUL DAY Waving Flag I Believe Cold Shoulder

I JUST WANNA GET YOUR ATTENTION, I REALLY WANNA BE ALL UP IN YOUR HEAD Hey Daddy Billionaire Solo SUN-KISSED SKIN SO HOT WILL MELT YOUR POPSICLE Teenage Dream California Girls I Like It JUST GONNA STAND THERE AND WATCH ME BURN OMG Take a Bow Love The Way You Lie BIG CITY, BRIGHT LIGHTS, SLEEP ALL DAY, UP ALL NIGHT Rockstar Break Your Heart Soldier Of Love GO AHEAD AND SAY GOODBYE I’LL BE ALRIGHT My Hands I Got You Brave TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, SOMETHING THAT WILL LIGHT THOSE EARS Secrets Sober Use Somebody I’M ALL STRUNG OUT, MY HEART IS FRIED, I JUST CAN’T GET YOU OFF MY MIND Love Story Your Love Is My Drug Nothing On You A FOXTROT ABOVE MY HEAD, A SOCK HOP BENEATH MY BED, A DISCO BALL IS JUST HANGING BY A THREAD In My Head Waking Up In Vegas Fireflies

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SCOREBOARD: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

a. 3 a. 0 a. 0 a. 3 a. 1

b. 0 b. 3 b. 1 b. 0 b. 3

c. 1 c. 1 c. 3 c. 1 c. 0

6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

a. 3 a. 0 a. 0 a. 3 a. 3

b. 1 b. 3 b. 1 b. 0 b. 0

c. 0 c. 1 c. 3 c. 1 c.1

25 AND OVER: WOW!! You are Lyric Royalty. You definitely know your music. Knowing the lyrics to the latest song is your daily meal. You are the one to look out for at a concert, because you’ll be screaming all the lyrics. VERY GOOD – you deserve a TROPHY. 18-24: WELL DONE! You know most of the top songs in 2010. This is quite an achievement. You deserve a medal. But practise this art so that you can be known as the king or queen of lyrics. 11-17: NOT BAD HEY! You need to start listening to the radio to hear all the latest tracks. Google could also help you to know the correct lyrics. You can get a star for good effort. UNDER 10: THIS IS BAD! Where have you been? Clearly in a coma or in a cave. Seriously, you need to start listening to the latest tracks that are available. You are most probably still stuck in 2009.

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THANK YOU

T

he TOAST team would like to thank:

Varsity College for providing us with the platform and freedom to share our ideas and opinions.

The Toast editorial team - that’s Rob Ewart (deputy editor), Fran Siebrits (features editor), Kevin Mercuur (chief sub). The creative team - Ashleigh-Jane Denton, Stephanie Danieli, Lexi Dewing and Kristin Mento - for blowing the top off with their creativity (geddit?... Well, Ash will). All the Journalism first-year and Journalism second-year students (you know who you are) for all your hard work in helping us achieve this goal, our first published works!

An extra-special thanks goes to: Elsibe Loubser for inspiring the words and always being willing to lend a helping hand. Linka Maritz for the dedication and patience in creating the overall look of the magazine. shutterstock.com for supplying us with many of the beautiful imagery you’ve seen throughout the mag.

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DESIGNERS

ESIGNERS D

Kashief Achmat Melissa Bell

Zara Bosman Chanelle Carelse Ice Carstens (design and research)

Sheilan Clarke (design and sub-editing)

Stephanie Danieli

Nicole Ferreira Tammy Joy Fisher Wendy Foster Germarie Hannekom

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Leyden Irwin

Rhys John

‘What Kind of Learder Are You?’ quiz Diabetes

Stephanie Knapp

‘Check Your Friendship Strength’ quiz (original design concept)

Jess Lovemore

Independent Man’s Guide to the Kitchen 2010 World Cup Dream Team Is it Love or infatuation? (design additions by Stephanie Danieli) Jewellery Story The Avatar Theory Run Fat-boy, Run! Skomline 101 Music with a New Meaning What’s the Blog Idea? ‘Shrooms: Back and Popular!

Brett Martindale

Kristin Mento

Inception Review Fashion of the Noughties Sugar Daddies Vanfokkingtasties The Other Boleyn Girl White Man’s Fire poem Unusual Sub-cultures Rocking The Daisies (original design concept) The Starving Comics Breakfast Politics Behind The Scenes The Vampire Diaries review Alice in Wonderland review Power of One Life in the Loxion Strippers Stripped ‘Coming Back to Reality’ quiz Solid Waste: The Facts Social Life of a Jobless Student Money, the True Measure of Wealth

The Rise of FC Barcelona The Black Keys review Black Wednesday on the Heath

Herman Mostert

The Gift of Love (design additions by Kristin Mento) Analysing Liverpool’s 2010/2011 Campaign Breaking the Habit Caressing the Cursor Get a Flatmate You Don’t Want to Kill (Obs)erving Change Relationship During First Year? Shedding Some Light on the Illuminati Toast cover & contents page All regular pages (i.e. section dividers, etc.) Get the Chiti Vibe Rocking The Daisies The Doors review Can Students Afford to Eat Their Greens? ‘Check Your Friendship Strength’ quiz Cipher Sessions Voofoo: Football Voodoo What is Your Culture? (design addittions by Kristin Mento)

Viwe Ndongeni

Cipher Sessions (original design concept)

Chavonne Sadi

Sula book review (design additions by Kristin Mento)

Jodi Seale Bonita Solomon Johnathan van der Merwe Shaun van Wyk (design and sub-editing) Grant Wood

Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake Baker’s Man Making Your Own Muti (original design concept) Ban the Burqa! The Vampire Diaries (original design concept) The Great Shark Hunt Nifty Nosh Metrorail: An Epic Journey... The Untamed Bolivia (design additions by Kristin Mento) Haiku Poems 154 Toast



TOAST Issue 2