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November 21-27 2011 Issue 1473 tntmagazine.com

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GOING TO THE DOGS Husky sledding on the slopes of France

MOVING ON UP James Horwill: Wallabies can be world’s best

DECODING DA VINCI Our take on London’s hottest new exhibition

R E L L I K O H PSYC ll on tapping a h s n e H l ie n Da

Snowtown r fo r e r e d r u d of a mass m in m e th to in


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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER If you’re not an art buff, knowing which exhibitions to attend in London is impossible – there are so many to choose from. We’ve hunted around, and, on P8 showcase the best in town – including a spotlight on Leonardo da Vinci at the National Gallery. Feeling festive? Check out P58 for our round-up of the UK’s cosiest towns. Or flick to P34 for our beginner’s guide to ice skating – and a list of the rinks open in the capital. Enjoy!

THIS WEEK LondonDiary

4

LondonNews

6

My London

12

DRINK & EATS

14-5

@TNT

16

COMPETITION

18

SPOTTED

19

LONDON SOUND

20-21

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

22-23

CHATROOM Alex Zane LONDON SCENE

25 26-27

66

Film Focus 30 sparetime

32

Lifestyle 33-41 SHOPPING 33 HEALTH & BEAUTY 34-35 CAREERS 36-37

Photos: Getty

Money 39

Features The da vinci ode

8

Our take on the astounding works of one of the world’s most renowned painters

horror of snowtown

LIVING

40-41

NEWS & SPORT

42-53

TRAVEL

55-76

be an ice queen 34

DIARY

56

NEWS

57

How to skate around like a pro – and our guide to London’s best festive rinks

LATE DEALS

60

lights, camera ... 36

HOTSHOTS

61

Find out how TNT’s Clare Vooght got on auditioning for a role on the telly

TOP FIVE

63

TIPS & STUFF

64-65

SHORTBREAK

66

48 HOURS IN... LVIV

70

CLASSIFIEDS

109-113

DESPERATELY SEEKING

114

34

28

Daniel Henshall on playing John Bunting – Australia’s worst serial killer

mush mush!

66

Brave a chilly dog-sledding ride on the slopes of Haute Maurienne, France

sri lanka spirit

72

We turn up the heat and head off the beaten track in Kandy and Ella

58 tntMagazine.com




EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Frankie Mullin Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

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Just like patting your tummy and rubbing your head at the same time

Shhh... SECRET LONDON LA SOIREE

THE ROUNDHOUSE The sequel to the spectacular La Clique, which was an absolute smash while playing on the South Bank, settles in for a winter run at Camden’s much-loved Roundhouse Theatre – make sure you see something there if you haven’t already. La Soiree promises to serve up a real mixed bag of entertainment, with opera diva Le Gateau Chocolat roped in alongside German acrobats and variety legends The Skating Willers. Tickets would make perfect stocking-fillers. £15

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THANKSGIVING AT BIG EASY

SOUTH BANK XMAS MARKET

MO GOOD

Head down to Big Easy, a famed crabshack on the King’s Road, for your fix of pumpkin pie and turkey with cranberry sauce. You don’t have to be an American away from home to get involved in one of their favourite traditions. After all, why should the Yanks hog all the extra holidays? In return, they can observe the Queen’s Birthday.

A traditional German market, complete with dinky little chalets, runs between the Southbank Centre and the London Eye. It’s great for hand-crafted toys and knick-knacks, particularly jewellery, candles and ceramics. And, after building up an appetite, get stuck into the bratwurst and wash it down with a mug of gluwhein.

All November, men have been growing moustaches in support of the good cause of men’s health issues – and now they’re only a few weeks away from being able to get rid of those ridiculous little lip-rats. So, whether you’ve moed up this month or not, get along to the Star of Bethnal Green to offer your mo-ral support.

November 24 332-334 King’s Road, SW3 5UR bigeasy.co.uk South Kensington

Until December 24 Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX xmas-markets.com Waterloo

Movember 26 Star Of Bethnal Green, Bethnal Green Rd, E2 6LG starofbethnal green.com Bethnal Green

£15

FREE

£3


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DUAL CITIZENSHIP? “WHEN THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY!”

Chariots of tyre: Clarkson will ride anything

Dual citizenship, a possible achievement to many! Opportunities can be evaluated at a reasonable price.

Give us a call at 020 8782 1101. Or, send us an email showing your interest - contact@erbschaft-null.com

TOP GEAR LIVE ExCel London

It’s like all your favourite bits from the TV show, spread across four days, with Jeremy Clarkson and his silly mates demonstrating some alternative Olympic sports, including moped chariot racing and car curling. A bunch of celebs will also be on hand to take part in a spot of drag-racing and, for the real petrolheads, there are some snazzy motors on display. £49

November 24-27 1 Western Gateway, Royal Victoria Dock, E16 1XL topgearlive.co.uk Custom House

100 YEARS OF TATE BOOKS

BARBARIANS V AUSTRALIA

It’s like one big bookshop brimming with titles from the most influential designers and artists to have filled the Tate’s halls during the past century. Celebrating 100 years of Tate publishing, the very first publication appears alongside more recent, award-winning titles. A great chance to do some Christmas shopping.

The Barbarians are known for playing attractive rugby and will have some big names turning out against the Wallabies, who will be keen to chalk up a win after the disappointment of the World Cup. It’s a short tour this year, so this could be your only chance to get your rugby fix. A great excuse to go and watch a match at Twickers.

Until January 5 Tate Britain, Millbank, SW1P 4RG tate.org.uk Pimlico

November 26 Twickenham Rugby Stadium, Rugby Rd, TW1 1DZ rfu.com Twickenham Rail

FREE

Reach your most pleasant forever leisure aspirations by living in Brazil, where you’ll find warm people, warm climate, incredible landscapes, an emerging economy, which has tax exemptions for new investors, and much more.

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LONDONNEWS EBAY TO HIT THE HIGH STREET In a five-day experiment, eBay is to open its first physical shop in Britain. The online auction site is leasing the space in Dean Street, just off Oxford Street, from December 1. Inside, it will feature displays of 200 predicted best-sellers – including a ride-on Dalek. However, customers will not be able to buy on the spot. Instead, there will be a computer zone where shoppers can visit the eBay website and purchase online. The company is promising savings of up to 70 per cent compared with other high street stores over the festive period.

It’s an extremely intricate design Andrew Stellitano, who created the world’s most expensive mince pie – worth £3000. Made with a platinum leaf and holy water from Lourdes to bind it together, the cake is on display at The Exchange in Ilford

OCCUPY PROTESTERS INVADE EMPTY BANK An empty UBS office block was taken over by Occupy London Stock Exchange campaigners on Friday. Protesters ignored the Corporation of London’s demand for them to leave St Paul’s Cathedral or face court action and instead extended their action to the building in Hackney, east London. Occupy London said the space would be reopened on Saturday as the Bank of Ideas, with a programme of talks and comedy.

ON THE TUBE

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Waste not: Londoners feed on misshapen vegetables

Feeding The 5000 success Free meal highlights 263 tonnes of food waste every lunchtime Londoners throw away enough food to fill 12,000 double-decker buses or the Royal Albert Hall 15 times every year – equating to 263 tonnes each lunchtime. To highlight the rising levels of waste, which cost households on average £50 a month, 5000 people were given a free meal in Trafalgar Square on Friday. They feasted on knobbly carrots, misshapen potatoes and tonnes of other food rejected by supermarkets. Mayor Boris Johnson opened the Feeding The 5000 event by serving the first vegetable curry. He called on businesses to be more careful about wasting food at a time when families were struggling with finances. “Throwing away mountains of perfectly edible food is crazy at a time when all

Londoners are feeling the pinch,” he said. “I want to do all I can to help people to cut waste, save cash by doing so and improve our great city.” Waitrose, the New Covent Garden Market and Innocent Drinks have signed up to the Feeding The 5000 project, which includes groups such as FareShare, Love Food Hate Waste and Friends Of The Earth. Organiser Tristram Stuart said: “The Feeding The 5000 public pledge is an opportunity for everyone to call on businesses, governments and citizens to help end the global food waste scandal. “Around 80 per cent of people want to see businesses cut food waste, and firms are now responding by signing up to the pledge. This is a problem with simple solutions we can all help to bring about.”

THIS WEEK IN LONDON...

THIS WEEK’S CLOSURES

CIRCLE: Closed all weekend. DISTRICT: Suspended between High

JUBILEE: No service between Green Park and London Bridge until 11am Saturday.

METROPOLITAN: No service between Baker Street and Aldgate.

NORTHER: No service between Camden Town and Charing Cross.

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Photos: Getty; Friends Of The Earth – Twitter

Street Kensington and Edgware Road. After 8.30pm on Saturday and after 1pm on Sunday, also suspended between Wimbledon and Putney Bridge. Rail replacement buses operate.

Noel Fielding is to create a giant artwork in one of the capital’s busiest locations. The comedian, artist and actor will paint a 20ftx8ft board in Soho Square as part of The Scribblings Of A Madcap Shambleton campaign. Fielding (pictured) will begin work at 1pm from about two hours on Saturday with help from the book’s art director Dave Brown – ‘Bollo’ in The Mighty Boosh. The stunt is the fourth in a series of ‘live art’ demonstrations by Fielding. At previous events, fans have camped overnight to secure a prime position. On a ‘first come, first served’ basis, members of the public will be encouraged to contribute their own work, with all drawings uploaded to an online gallery at NoelHeartsArt.com.


Otherworldly: The Lady With An Ermine is one of da Vinci’s most beautiful paintings

The Da Vinci ode The hottest ticket in town is an art exhibition that will defy even the feelings of the indifferent. Don’t miss it WORDS REBECCA KENT Even if you aren’t an art buff, it’s hard to ignore the National Gallery’s latest exhibition, Leonardo da Vinci, Painter At The Court Of Milan. Featuring nine of only 15 surviving paintings and more than 50 meticulous sketches by the Italian Renaissance master, the biggest ever assemblage of his work is heralded as ‘the greatest exhibition on Earth’. Curator Luke Syson explains the fuss. “What we see here is an extraordinary journey, one that takes Leonardo from an artist who believed that his responsibility was to record nature as precisely as possible, to an artist who believed his creative skills were akin to god himself,” he says. “We see all these paintings together with their preparatory drawings. We can see the way he thought and as a result this is an extraordinary moment.” It took Syson five years to convince museums in Italy, France, the US, Russia and Poland to lend the masterpieces da Vinci had painted while at the court of Milan under the patronage of Duke Lodovico Sforza in the late 15th century – but it was worth it. Among the paintings are those only recently authenticated, including 8

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Christ As Salvator Mundi, revealed after cleaning as a long-lost da Vinci. The artist is said to be imitating the divine face, as seen in the Turin Shroud. Another, The Lady With An Ermine, is one of his most celebrated works. It depicts Cecilia Gallerani, the Duke’s 15-year-old mistress, and was stolen from Poland by the Nazis before being returned and displayed in Krakow. At 500 years old, it is considered the world’s first modern portrait. Such is the calibre of Syson’s curation that the exhibition continues to garner rave reviews from outside the art world. “London’s latest blockbuster art show confirms Leonardo da Vinci as a Renaissance rock star,” Jill Lawless gushed in the Huffington Post. “Forget the Olympics; seeing the exhibition is London’s golden ticket,” the Daily Mail declared. That hype has become so great that organisers have warned visitors to swot up on da Vinci before visiting, to avoid large crowds jostling to read descriptions under the famous works. As a result, the showcase is well on its way to breaking all attendance records in London: advance tickets have sold

out right up to the final day in, and Londoners turn up in their droves to get their hands on the daily allocation of 500 tickets. Visitors are given time slots to avoid a crush, and gallery staff are putting in long hours at the weekends to accommodate the surge. Deborah Taubman, 62, from the Isle of Mann, queued for two hours for a ticket last week. She said it was worth it. “The sketchbook made it for me,” she said of the tiny book that shows da Vinci’s scrawls about The Last Supper, a masterpiece he painted in the monastery of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Milan, Italy. Taubman certainly won’t be the only person to further their knowledge of one of the history’s most complex people expanded at Leonardo da Vinci, Painter At The Court Of Milan. So, if there’s only one spot of culture you indulge in this year, make sure this is it. It is, after all, the hottest ticket in town. MORE EXCELLENT EXHIBITIONS ›› Leonardo da Vinci, Painter At Yhe Court Of Milan, ends February 12, 2012. £16 National Gallery, Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN nationalgallery.org.uk Charing Cross


Leonardo da Vinci: a painter, an architect, a genius

Calm before the storm: the gallery is taking record numbers of visitors

The Virgin and Child: a recently authenticated masterpiece


ROTHKO IN BRITAIN WHITECHAPEL GALLERY

INFINITAS GRACIAS: MEXICAN MIRACLE PAINTINGS WELLCOME

Take a step back in time to the gallery’s landmark 1961 show that displayed the block-colour works of Mark Rothko in Britain for the first time. His Light Red Over Black (1957) was the first work to be bought by a British public collection. Great stuff. FREE

Until Feb 26 77-82 Whitechapel High Street, City of London, E1 7QX whitechapelgallery.org Aldgate East

This is a remarkable exhibition of more than 100 miniature paintings borrowed from collections in Mexico City and the Bajío region. Mexican votives are usually on tin roof tiles or small plaques, through which a believer asks a saint for help and deliverance from disaster and death. The paintings are exhibited alongside images, news reports, photographs, devotional artefacts, film and interviews to encapsulate the tradition. FREE

TAYLOR WESSING PHOTO PORTRAIT PRIZE NATIONAL PORTRAIT A shortlist of striking portraits have been whittled down from more than 6000 entries in this prestigious prize, including Jooney Woodward’s winner, Harriet And Gentleman Jack, depicting a flame-haired girl cradling a guinea pig (pictured). You’ll also see Keira Knightley’s pouty mug, and a sunkissed Peter Crouch. FREE

Until Feb 26 183 Euston Road, NW1 2BE wellcomecollection.org Euston

Untii Feb 12 Saint Martin’s Place, WC2H 0HE npg.org.uk Leicester Square

POSTMODERNISM STYLE & SUBVERSION 1970-1990 V&A Know what post modernism is? Well head here to see works infused with the complexity and contradiction typical of art from that era. Spread over three rooms, this blockbuster exhibition documents wall-sized quotes, photos of architectural flim-flam – such as the James Wines showroom for BEST products in Houston, Texas – hideous pieces of furniture, plus Grace Jones’s maternity dress, and David Byrne’s square-cut baggy suit, all displayed in a pseudoindustrial nightclub with the strains of Laurie Anderson’s O Superman played overhead.

HEART OF THE GREAT ALONE: SCOTT, SHACKLETON & ANTARCTIC P’GRAPHY THE QUEEN’S

As OMA opens its first building in the capital – Rothschild Bank HQ in the City – this exhibition looks at the unconventional, inventive and daring ideas of the architectural firm.

This is a major retrospective of one of the world’s greatest and most enduring artists, spanning five decades. Best known for his diversity, Gerhard Richter painted in styles at opposite ends of the spectrum, from photorealism (seen in the famous portrait of his daughter, Betty) to abstract Yellow-Green, a monster painting dashed with huge brush strokes). Art buffs will spot references to Titian, Vermeer and Caspar David Friedrich, plus, 20th-century art movements such as minimalism, Op Art and Pop. Richter also often paints in response to historical moments, including Nazism in Germany, and 9/11.

See the eclectic collection of art crafted by the Brazilian founder of the Neo-Concrete movement, which largely mixed art and everyday life. Many of Lygia Pape’s works were her response to the political repression growing in her homeland in the late Sixties and reflected the artist’s strongly critical views on Brazil’s elite.

Until Feb 19 Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS barbican.org.uk Barbican

Until Jan 8 Sumner St, Bankside, SE1 9TG tate.org.uk/modern London Bridge

Dec 7-Feb 19 Kensington Gardens, W2 3XA serpentinegallery.org Lancaster Gate

£11

Until Jan 15 Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL vam.ac.uk South Kensington

10

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GERHARD RICHTER: PANORAMA TATE MODERN

Evocative images by George Herbert Ponting and Frank Hurley, marking 100 years since Captain Scott’s ill-fated journey to the South Pole. £7.50

Until April 15 Buckingham Palace, SW1A 1AA royalcollection.org.uk St James’s Park

OMA BARBICAN CENTRE £8

£12.70

LYGIA PAPE – MAGNETIZED SPACE SERPENTINE FREE


NOUR FESTIVAL LEIGHTON HOUSE MUSEUM

GEORGE CONDO: MENTAL STATES HAYWARD GALLERY

Modern warfare belies a rich culture of art, film, music and fashion in the Middle East and North Africa. That subculture is given a stage at this small event, which, unsurprisingly, mostly documents conflict and political struggle.

The American artist is known for his outlandish and outrageous paintings, particularly his ghoulishly playful portraits depicting varied mental states, including that of the Queen. See the New Yorker’s provocative body of work in his very first retrospective.

Until Nov 30 12 Holland Park Rd, W14 8LZ rbkc.gov.uk High Street Kensington

Until Jan 8 Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX southbankcentre.co.uk Waterloo

FREE

£10

GRAYSON PERRY: THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN CRAFTSMAN BRITISH MUSEUM One of the UK’s greatest eccentrics shows off his new work, inspired by the afterlife of his imaginary world. There are vases covered in witty captions, elaborate tapestries, and the centrepiece, a richly decorated cast-iron coffin-ship. They are displayed alongside the genuine articles from civilisations past. It’s high craftsmanship. £10

Until Feb 19 Great Russell Street, WC1B 3DG britishmuseum.org Tottenham Court Road

DON MCCULLIN TATE BRITAIN

MAURO PERUCCHETTI HALCYON GALLERY Mauro Perucchetti uses Swarovski crystals, polished steel, glass and gold leaf to fashion eyecatching sculptures that serve to comment on our modern excesses. FREE

The great war photographer rests his frame not on scenes of direct warfare, but on the ones that give it context. Here, there are more than 50 black and white deeply emotive photographs, all processed in a darkroom. They include people looking confused on a Berlin street as the wall is erected in 1961. Also, the disquieting filthy bearded face of a homeless Irishman in east London, plus the urban landscapes of northern England, dated from the 1960s onwards, reflect the harsh reality of life in postwar Britain. Don McCullin quotes on an info board: “Photography isn’t looking, it’s feeling.”

Photos: Dan Kitwood; Jooney Woodward; George Condo – Luhring Augustine

FREE

Until March 4 Millbank, SW1P 4RG tate.org.uk/britain Westminster

DEGAS AND THE BALLET: PICTURING MOVEMENT ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS

Check out the jigsaw of painstakingly detailed pencil drawings of the imaginary metropolis of Nobson Newtown. It’s utterly monumental.

This exhibition sheds light on Edgar Degas’s fascination with the moving figure, particularly in the 1870s, when art and photography were closely bound, and the Impressionists, of which Degas was a leading figure, became the first to use photographs as models. Here, you see the artist’s more ambitious snapshots of movement (Ballet Scene from Meyerbeer’s Opera, Robert le Diable –1876), plus the most innovative sculpture of the 19th century, Little Dancer, Aged Fourteen (1880-81) – a wax figure in a fabric tutu, with real hair and ballet slippers.

Until Dec 17 6-24 Britannia St, WC1X 9JD gagosian.com King’s Cross St Pancras

Until Dec 11 Burlington House, Piccadilly, W1J 0BD royalacademy.org.uk Piccadilly Circus

Until Dec 24 2nd Floor, Harrods, 87-135 Brompton Road, SW1X 7XL halcyongallery.com Knightsbridge

PAUL NOBLE: WELCOME TO NOBSON GAGOSIAN GALLERY FREE

£14

JEFF WALL WHITECUBE Where in the Seventies, Jeff Wall, a Canadian, once railed against the orthodox with his unique use of coloured transparencies set within lightboxes, here he exhibits more traditional prints (they sell for millions). But his method has remained unchanged – Walls likes to experience a moment before even introducing a camera, then carefully composes his photographs, sometimes involving sets and actors. FREE

Nov 23-Jan 7 25–26 Mason’s Yard, SW1Y 6BU whitecube.com Green Park

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MYLONDON

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SARVI SINGER/ SONGWRITER What baffles me about London is that it’s so multi-cultural, vibrant and peaceful, yet the media always reports otherwise. London’s best-kept secret is The Globe off Portobello Road. It’s great for drinking rum punch while listening to great reggae music. Also, it’s quite cool because you have to knock three times for somebody to let you in. When I want to chill out, I head to Soho or Portobello for some nice food and a wander. Soho’s Bubbleology is a great place to have amazing ice teas. The most interesting person I’ve met is my best friend, Tony. He is a man inside a woman’s body and has the best insight into both sexes. He always manages to score a cheeky snog at the end of the night and on one particular occasion snogged three sisters at one party.

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My favourite place for a drink is the May Fair Hotel – the Kick Shot Martini is one of the best cocktails I’ve ever had. When you’re hungover in London drink a Bloody Mary from Electric in Portobello, you can’t beat it. What gets me up in the morning? My manager knocking on my door early in the morning – although he always brings me a Starbucks coffee. My perfect weekend would start by hitting the Cuckoo Club on a Friday night after having dinner at Pizza East in Shoreditch. On Saturday I’d go salsa at Floridita near Covent Garden with my mum, and then we’d go to Bar Italia in Soho for a late-night latte. On Sunday, I’d spend the day catching up on TV.

r Cheapee than th banks*

XXXXXXX /00 XXXXXXXXXXX /00

The last faux pas I made was at my friend’s second wedding. In the speech I made to the bride and groom, I asked everybody to raise their glasses and drink to him and his first wife by accident. I’m never making a speech again. The last naughty thing I did was telling my sister I was mugged after I lost her bag last week. She’s going to kill me when she reads this. Five words that sum up London ... Multi-cultural, trendy, beautiful, grey, romantic.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com *Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

Single Amore out now. See sarvimusic.com 12

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LONDONDRINKS

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Comfy and classy in the heart of theatreland

BAR THE SCENE Tucked away on a side street, just around the corner from the bustling heartland of London’s theatre district, Archer Street remains a well-kept, stylish secret. But probably not for long. Upstairs, you can pull up a pew by the window or stare out at Soho from one of the comfy sofas. Downstairs is more secluded, with plenty of dark corners and elbow-room if you prefer to sit at the bar. THE GRUB There’s no a la carte menu but there are complimentary cheese and charcuterie platters between 6pm and 7.30pm. And they’re fantastic. BEHIND THE BAR It’s all about the cocktails. The Hyun’s Martini packs a punch, while the Raspberry & Rhubarb Sling caters to less robust tastebuds. If you’re feeling a bit more experimental, try the Chilli & Passionfruit Martini. A lot of cocktail bars rely heavily on white spirits and fruity combinations, but you can get a Bulleit In The Afternoon if you want to taste the damage on the way down. BILL PLEASE Most of the cocktails are about £10, while spirits are £8. You can get a beer for £5.50 and wine starts at £25 per bottle. VERDICT It’s a slick but welcoming watering hole in one of London’s most vibrant drinking neighbourhoods. Certainly, it’s a place you’ll come back to and, if you’re lucky, the waitresses, who all have performing arts background, might even turn off the sound system and serenade you with a song of their own.

3-4 Archer St, W1D 7AP

archerstreet.co.uk

3 OF THE BEST THEME BARS

Piccadilly Circus

NORDIC BAR

TRAILER HAPPINESS AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT...

Vodkas, Scandinavian beers and ciders (on tap) complement this Soho venue’s top-notch Nordic food – the hot dogs are the best thing from Sweden since Ikea.

A retro 1960s California bachelor pad has landed on Portobello Road, full of outdated trailer park glamour. Expect Tiki drink cocktails and kitschy bar snacks such as spicy prawns.

nordicbar.com

trailerhappiness.com

Swig on Jack Daniel’s and coke and listen to some awesome live blues music straight from the banks of the Mississippi. Cosy up in the harmonica-infused environment at this Soho bar. aintnothinbut.co.uk

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BITE SIZE

Putting the meaning back into ‘gastropub’

TEA FOR SWEET TOOTHS Lovers of fine chocolate will drool over William Curley’s Couture Chocolate Afternoon tea, just launched at the Halkin hotel. Curley, the multiple winner of Britain’s Best Chocolatier, has given the Belgravia venue’s classic teatime spread a delectable edge. There are treats such as a chocolate cake centred with mango compote and topped with passionfruit curd, and a black forest dome of dark-andwhite chocolate mousse with kirschsoaked sponge and cherry compote. Yum! The afternoon tea is served between 3pm-6pm daily, for £37.50pp. halkin.como.bz

£10 SPAG BOL DEAL Make hump day something worth celebrating by rewarding yourself with a monster meal at Spaghetti House. The restaurant chain’s Spaghetti Wednesday offers pasta to share for a tenner, from a menu full of delicious Italian fare that changes monthly. That’s a bargain bowl of carbs! Download a voucher from the website. spaghettihouse.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock

KEEP COOL IN THE CITY Frozen yoghurt bars are the next foodie fad spreading throughout capital. Jumping on the bandwagon is Tutti Frutti, which has more than 40 different flavours, including papaya, pink lemonade, mint, coffee and coconut. The multi-national chain is set to open its UK flagship in Covent Garden in December. It might be winter, but it will never be too cold for these treats. tfyoghurt.com

THE ROSENDALE BRITISH

The Rosendale’s imposing size and structure seems at odds with the quiet, suburban street on which it resides. But, through the door, the air of intimidation gives way to more a welcoming vibe. Having recently made the transition from old man’s boozer to gastropub – just as the word “gastropub” has lost all meaning, according to Zagat’s restaurant guide – the spacious and beautifully decorated establishment attracts a grown-up crowd of well-heeled locals. THE GRUB The avocado and prawn cocktail starter served in a Martini glass doesn’t even try to hide its 1970s influence but is no less enticing for it. We also try the ham hock and chicken croquettes served with piccalilli, which lack inspiration but are tasty enough. For mains, we order the steak and Guinness pie served with mash and gravy. It is hearty and warming, like all good pies should be. The guinea fowl breast and confit leg is well-cooked and satisfyingly rich but a little less meat and more of the creamy leeks and peas, and fondant potatoes wouldn’t go astray. From the desserts, we try decadent banoffee pie, sporting the thickest layer of cream I’ve ever seen on a sweet. That, along with the large portion of the deliciously cocoa chocolate and amaretti mousse, sends our cholesterol levels to the moon. THE SCENE

The wine list has been put together by someone with a sense of adventure and features a selection from the old world and the new. We plump for a Nieto Reserve Malbec 2010, which perfectly complements the pie. BILL PLEASE A 12.5 per cent service charge is levied, but the menu makes clear that this is distributed among staff, as it damned well should be. VERDICT The Rosendale is very good indeed, and goes some way to making the term “gastropub” meaningful again. With a few tweaks it could be sensational – the kind of destination you would cross town for. ALISON GRINTER BEHIND THE BAR

65 Rosendale Rd, SE21 8EZ

therosendale.co.uk

West Dulwich

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Two guys got on the Tube today acting disgracefully – drinking, whistling loudly, talking about porn and swearing. They laughingly made references anout being ‘Australian bastards’ when they were actually Kiwis. Although I‘m Australian, I’d have been disgusted if it was two Aussies acting the same way. We all have a responsibility to represent our nations positively and also respect the people who live here. Unimpressed, via email

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To all the OLSX protesters: stay strong. Those trapped too deeply the capitalist system to join in admire you. Everyone else: become financially literate as soon as possible. They don’t teach you that in school. Bodie Chapman, via email

Good on David Beckham for criticising that idiot Sepp Blatter. How, in this day and age, can anyone, let alone the head of a huge international sporting body, condone racism of any form. Blatter should hang his head in shame and retire. Perhaps then the game can move forward once and for all. Eldon Loxley, via email

LOVE NO MOORE Demi Moore’s decision to divorce Ashton Kutcher is probably wise. If he promised to be faithful and then cheated, how can she believe anything he says? However, it was inevitable; she was always going to become too old for him. And it does beg the question of whether the church-based concept of partners for life really is part of human nature. If people felt they could be honest about and had the freedom to act on their natural desires, maybe couplings like Moore’s and Kutcher’s would be happier. Jasmine Prince, via email

A ROYAL MESS Mike Tindall getting the boot from the England rugby team was a little over the top. Maybe the Queen made the call and told him to stick in line or else he won’t be shagging royalty for much longer. What would you choose: playing for a sinking England team or shagging a fit horserider who happens to be part of the Windsor family? Christian Belucky, via Facebook WORK IN TV /36 SRI LANKA /72

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YOUR TWEETS Tweet us @tntmagazine @willyferrell: If someone says “I love you” and you don’t feel the same way, just say “I love YouTube” really fast. @ simonpegg: I wish there was a place where atheists could all get together and sing songs about physics. I love being a rationalist but it’s lonely. @menshumour: if your friends ain’t making fun of you, they’re not really your friends

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Simon Bradbury: Ryanair is a nightmare budget airline, full stop. You’ll always have some problem if you fly with them - they make easyJet look like British Airways madeit.com.au: Reading this edition (TNT1472) brings back memories of when we lived in London! Dan Thorne: Re the Christmas number one for 2011: I’d get the Womble’s single, but only if they agreed to come and clean up my garden.


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BRUNO MARS AFTERPARTY Shaka Zulu, Camden Thursday, November 10 Photos by: Nicola Bellinfantie/ TNT Images

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JAHN VANNISSELROY FOR THE RECORD You gotta love the Roots. Apart from consistently creating some of the world’s most original hip hop, the group’s social conscience is sharp as ever. When band leader ?uestlove noticed the police mobilising more than an hour before they moved on the Occupy Wall Street protest site in NYC, he immediately tweeted a warning to those down there, helping the protestors prepare for the onslaught. And how lucky for the rest of us that The Roots chose to accept the houseband slot on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon in 2009. The gig provided an unprecedented amount of downtime for the band to get creative, resulting in the undun, their third LP in only 18 months. Early listens put it somewhere between Sly and the Family Stone’s There’s A Riot Going On and Kid A, by Radiohead. A dose of funky paranoia, perhaps? undun’s out Dec 6 – here’s hoping The Roots come here and play it live and that Occupy London is still going when they do.

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CHROMEO The Forum, 9-17 Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY FRI, NOV 25 | DOORS AT 7PM | £18.50

They refer to themselves as ‘the only successful Arab/ Israeli partnership since the dawn of human culture’ but that’s not where the humour ends for Chromeo. Sneered at in some quarters as an electronic dance-rock Flight Of The Conchords and loved in others for exactly the same reason, they produce a great line in self parody. However, it would be a terrible mistake to say that’s all the suave Dave 1 and brawny P-Thugg are capable of. The Montreal duo clearly understand funk’s ability to get people moving – at both feet and booty – but it’s the varied elements they add that separate them from others in the genre. Lush string arrangements, talkboxes, perfectly placed falsettos, uplifting synths, ‘emotional gangsta’ lyrics and a vibe oozing sex appeal have attracted a solid base of international fans that understand a band need not fit into one category all the time. Add a well-honed pop/ rock sensibility, with heavy leanings towards the Eighties, and you’re on the way to feeling Chromeo. After releasing their third album, Business Casual, last year, the boys are entering that special area of a musician’s journey where talent, experience, confidence and ambition are aligned and, as such, should blow the roof right off the Forum. Expect a high-energy party where seductive vibrations will have you grooving from start to finish. What you do after the show is your business, but be aware that after hearing Chromeo, it’s likely babies could be made. ticketmaster.co.uk

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NEW BAND

FRIENDLY FIRES GIG THU, NOV 24. 7PM £17.50

The fiercely driven Friendly Fires want to sit atop the dance throne occupied by The Chemical Brothers, and they’ll state their case tonight in the first of three London gigs. Outside will be freezing but inside you’ll be forgiven for thinking you’re part of the year’s best summer evening, such is the uplifting vibe of the FFs. Brixton Academy 211 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL 02academybrixton.co.uk Brixton

WET YOURSELF

SKATE AT SOMERSET HOUSE WITH MOS

CLUB

CLUB

SUN, NOV 30. 11PM £10

FRI, NOV 25. FROM 8PM £17

Each Sunday, DJs and producers Peter Pixzel, Jacob Husley and Cormac give everything they’ve got to a throbbing dancefloor at Fabric. Here, DJs and crowd create an environment of mutual musical excitement, propelled by one of the capital’s finest soundsystems. Get along – this is dance-music hedonism at its best.

Slide around at this great winter idea from the Ministry of Sound’s Gallery crowd. Resident DJ Gavyn Mytchel and Anil Chawla will send progressive house, trance and electro tunes across the ice, providing the perfect party soundtrack for you to glide to. Get your dancing skates on.

Fabric 77a Charterhouse St, EC1M 3HN fabriclondon.com Farringdon

Somerset House The Strand, London, WC2R 1LA somersethouse.org.uk Temple

THE PRINCE’S TRUST ROCK GALA 2011

CHASE AND STATUS

DAVE DOBBYN

GIG

CLUB

GIG

WED, NOV 23. 7.30PM £30

FRI, NOV 25. 9PM £30

SAT, NOV 26. 7PM £15

Pete Townshend, Boy George and Tim Minchin are among the big names at the trust’s charity fundraiser, the 10th of its kind. The Royal Albert Hall is a breathtaking venue, and this is the perfect excuse to sit in its opulent surrounds, listening to a line-up that also includes Julian Lennon and English soft rockers The Feeling.

Let London’s Saul Milton and Will Kennard kick you upside the head with their potent brand of loud, wild dance beats. They’ve had an exceptional 2011, touring the world and playing at festivals across Europe, so by now have an intimate understanding of how to make the people move. Good times.

Kiwi singer/ songwriter Dave Dobbyn is akin to a national treasure in his homeland. It’s no wonder when his catalogue of catchy songs includes hits like Slice Of Heaven, Whaling and Loyal. Dobbyn’s shows are top-notch – he always sings his heart out and never shies from a bit of banter with his audience.

Royal Albert Hall Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP royalalberthall.com South Kensington

Alexandra Palace Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY Alexandra Palace alexandrapalace.com

Shepherd’s Bush Empire Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk She Bu

UNKNOWN MORTAL ORHESTRA THE BUZZ SO FAR This Oregon, USbased ensemble produce seriously catchy tunes, marrying a funky, lo-fi sound with break-beats and pop harmonies. They describe themselves as ‘Captain Beefheart, Sly Stone and RZA jamming on a kids’ TV theme too dark to ever be broadcast’ and have had their intoxicating creations raved about on Twitter by the likes of El-P, Das Racist and ?uestlove. THE CRITICS SAY “A unique immersive and psychedelic quality without relying on the usual array of bong-ripping effects.” Pitchfork THE PLUG Mon, Nov 28 XOYO, 3237 Cowper St, EC2A 4AP, xoyo.co.uk Old Street. £9. Self-titled debut album out now through Fat Possum

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CLUBLISTINGS MONDAY 21 Beachclub Charlotte Thorstvedt, Hinnerskov, Naits and Mr T spin house, electro and techno, plus live art from Frode & Marcus. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £5, free before 8pm.

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Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

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YoYo Seb Chew and Leo Greenslade spin hip-hop, dubstep, garage and grime, plus live music. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7.30pm-2am. £7, £5 before 11pm.

Mojo Mondays Resident DJs spin indie and electro, plus live bands. Boisdale Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). 9pm-late. £5-£20. Popcorn Jonesey, Jamie Hammond, Harvey Adam and Terry T-Rex spin dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8. Rehab DJs Val, Satoko, Zoe Demonettes, Joe, Saral and Hale supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/ w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm. Salsa Cellar Resident DJs play Latin funk, salsa and reggae. Downstairs At The King’s Head, Crouch End Hill, N8 8AA (020 8340 1028). 9pm-late. £7, concs £4. Streets Of Beige Resident DJs spin hip-hop, house and bass, plus live performances from Shigeto, Lapalux and Greenwood Sharps. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). 8pm-2am. £7, adv £5.

TUESDAY 22 Bootcamp Rob C and Scewpulous play techno and house. Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903). 9pm2am. £3, mems £2 before 10pm. Dirty Fuxx DJ Will Manning spins house, techno, electro, hip-hop, R‘n’B, dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass. The Hoxton Pony, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3AH (020 7613 2844). 9pm-1am. £5, NUS £4, NUS free before 10.30pm. OMFG! DJs Lady Lloyd, Joshyou Are and Niyi Maximus Crown play pop, disco and electro, with host Queen B Munroe Bergdorf. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm. Once Is Never Enough Resident DJs spin dance anthems, R‘n’B, commercial hits and funky house. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £11, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm. Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS £3. Paradise Reecha, Red Eye Crew DJs, Getdownordie and DJ Wheela provide reggae, bashment, soul and world music. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7.30pm-2am. £3. White Heat DJs spin indie, electronica, new wave, post-punk and rock, plus live music from The Babies. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 8pm-3am. £7.

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FRIDAY 25 Bedrock DJs Little Chris and George spin indie, electro, rock, retro and pop. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-4am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight.

GOOD TIMES NYE Battersea Arts Centre. December 31. £25 Three rooms of partying to see in the New Year, the highlight being DJ Norman Jay’s (above) four hours of funk, disco, soul and house classics.

SW11 5TN

bac.org.uk

WEDNESDAY 23 Bubble Club DJs spin dance, pop and retro hits for people with learning disabilities. 93 Feet East, Brick Ln, E1 6RU (020 7770 6006). 7.30pm-11pm. £5. Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50. Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10. Everything Taboo DJ Andrew Elmore plays retro electro-pop and acid disco. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before midnight. Filthy Habits Student Night DJs play chart hits from the 1980s, 1990s and now. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 8.30pm-3am. £5, NUS £3. N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2. Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £6, w/flyer £3, free before midnight. Work DJs on rotation including Niyi Maximus Crown, Tuomo Fox and Kingsley Jordan Wells spin pop and R‘n’B in the Show Room, while Marlon Goodaz and Big John Freeman play funky house, bashment and hip-hop in the Runaway Room. Area, Albert Embankment, SE1 7HD (020 7091 0080). 10.30pm5am. £6, w/flyer £5, £3 before 12.30am, free before 11pm. XXL Mid Week House and pop courtesy of resident DJs Joe Egg and Alex Logan. Arcadia, Southwark St, SE1 1RU (020 7403 9643). 10pm-3am. £3, mems free.

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THURSDAY 24 The After Work Jam TC Fords, Invasion Crew, Jag 1 Sound and Patrick J supply R‘n’B, dancehall, soca and funk. Euphoriom, High St, W3 6NG (020 8993 2915). 8pm-late. £5, free before 11pm. C’est La Vie DJ Colin Francis plays house and commercial dance classics. Embassy, Old Burlington St, W1S 3AP (020 7851 0956). 10pm3am. £20, ladies free before 11.30pm. Clubbing London Resident DJ F-Sound spins dance anthems, house, mash-ups, commercial electro and R‘n’B. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £11, £5 before 11pm, ladies free before 11.30pm. Deepo Ivaylo, Olanski, Patrick Turner, Asad Rizvi and Fresh Tee supply house and deep bass. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £15, concs £10. Forbidden London Thursday James WJ Wilson and residents provide R‘n’B and funky house. Funky Buddha, Berkeley St, W1J 8NL (020 7495 2596). 10pm-3am. £20, guestlist/ladies free before 11pm. Itchy Feet Resident DJs spin swing, soul, funk, rock ‘n’ roll, R‘n’B and ska. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-3am. £10, £8 before midnight, adv £7. The Mink Revue Resident DJs play blues, R‘n’B, funk, swing and soul, plus live burlesque and cabaret performances. RS Lounge, Woodford New Rd, E17 3PR (020 8509 6450). 8.30pm-late. £8. Temptation Pop, R‘n’B, dance and cheese with resident DJs. Zoo Bar, Bear St, WC2H 7AQ (020 7839 4188). 10pm-3am. £15, £8 before 10pm, free before 8pm, guestlist £10. Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm, mems free.

Club Classics Fridays Resident DJs spin house and dance classics. The Clapham Grand, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT (020 7223 6523). 10pm-3am. £10, free before 11pm. Favela Blocparty Tropical dance and Brazilian beats from DJ Fred Salgueiro and DJ Limao, plus live music from Tribo. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600). 5pm-late. £10, free before 9pm. Friday DJ AK Steppa spins electronica, house and garage. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 8pm-midnight. Free. Lost In London Cesar Ruiz, Rachel Harvey, I Am Santiago, Masa and Niroshan play house and techno. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-late. £15, adv £10. Over The Moon Commander B, Jolly Roger, Ice, Spider, PnP and Prezident spin hip-hop and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-5am. £12, w/flyer £5, w/flyer free before 12.30am. Rapturs DJs spin pop, chart party and dance hits, plus karaoke. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). 10pm-4am. £7, adv £6. Simmer 3rd B’day KiNK & Neville Watson, Richard Adam and Silicone Soul play acid house and techno. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 10pm-4am. £12, adv £5-£10. Spangulation Marco La Rosa, Dave Bennett, Marc Antoine, Danny Covington and Dean G play trance and techno. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 11pm-7am. £12, £8 before midnight. Tales Of The Unexpected DJs spin indie, electro, new wave, hip-hop and funk, with live music, plus alternative cabaret from Vivid Angel, Marnie Scarlet and Domino Bulesk. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10. Tropics Of London DJs Friday, Shakit, Lyrical Louix and Jerome spin dancehall, soca, hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house and reggae, plus a live performance from Jah Mirikle. Raduno, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7490 5790). 10pm-5am. £12, £10 before midnight, adv £8.

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SATURDAY 26 AWOL London Fabio, Serial KIllaz, Micky Finn, Randall, Kenny Ken, DR S Gachet, Moose, Fearless, Ragga Twins, Funky Flirt and Jay Info supply drum ‘n’ bass, old skool, dubstep and house. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 11pm-6am. £15. Connected DJs Jordan Peak, Huxley, Miguel Campbell, Russ Yallop, Jesse James and No Artificial Colours spin house and electro. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. £15. Defected In The House Chocolate Puma, 2000 And One, Franky Rizardo, Rae, Sam Divine, Gina Turner, 2 Good Souls, Nick Christoforou, Wade Kadir and DJ Merlin spin house, techno and electro. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 11pm7am. £20, concs £15, £10 after 4am. Fabric Craig Richards, Lee Burridge, Ame, Will Saul, Joy Orbison, Vakula, George Fitzgerald, Terry Francis and Scott Grooves play techno, house and electro. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, NUS £10, £9 after 4am, adv £23 inc CD. Ride Filthy Few and Jay Karim spin electro, indie, disco and hiphop, plus live burlesque acts. Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AH (020 7482 3867). 7.30pm-2.30am. £10. Saturday Marlonueneaq, Alvin S and Craig D spin Latin, house and electro. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. Soul Heaven Kenny Dope, DJ Spen, Neil Pierce, Sy Sez, Phil Asher, Craig Smith, Atjazz, Andy Ward, DJ Rocco and Darren Davies Junior supply soul, funk and disco, with a live PA from Taliwa. Pulse, Invicta Plaza, SE1 9UF (020 7403 9643). 10pm-6am. £25, adv £17. Throwbaak DJ 279, Dave VJ, Jnr Mac and Rochelle De Lori play 1970s and 1980s soul, funk and disco. Babalou Bugbar, St Matthew’s Church, SW2 1JF (020 7738 7875). 10pm-5am. £7 & £10.

SUNDAY 27 La Dolce Vita Resident DJs spin dance and pop. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. In The Box DJs Enzo Gomes, Manjit, Clubholic, Kid K and Beppe Gallo play dance and electro. Club 414, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LF (020 7924 9322). 7pm-1am. £10, £5 before 9pm, ladies free before 9pm. Showtime DJ F-Sound spins house, electro, R‘n’B and dance anthems. One, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (020 7437 0453). 10pm-3am. £10, adv £5, ladies free before 11.30pm. WetYourSelf Camea, Cormac, Jacob Husley and Peter Pixzel play house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £10, adv £8, NUS £5.


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MONDAY 21 Martin Alvarado The Buenos Aires-based singer and guitarist performs Argentinian tango music with accompaniment from Finnish bandoneon player and pianist Mikko Helenius. The Forge Venue And Caponata Restaurant, Delancey St, NW1 7NL (020 7383 7808). £14, adv £12.

Wild Beasts Melodramatic indie-rockers from Kendal, distinguished by the falsetto of lead singer Hayden Thorpe. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

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Yuck Indie-rock from the London and New Jersey-based combo. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £12.50.

Battles Challenging alt rock by the New York-based combo. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £16. The Blockheads Punk pub-rock favourites featuring Chas Jankel, Norman Watt-Roy and Johnny Turnbull. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £20-£40. Bush Contemporary rock by the established band. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £35. Bob Dylan The world-famous folk, country, blues and protest singer-songwriter from Hibbing, performs a selection of material from his enormous catalogue. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £65 & £75. Jackie Marks The stage actress and vocalist performs songs from musical shows. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £25. Other Lives The Oklahoma-based outfit plays folk-rock. St-Giles-InThe-Fields, St Giles High St, WC2H 8LG (020 7240 2532/cc 020 7403 3331). £12.

TUESDAY 22 Buraka Som Sistema Electrodance with African beats by the Portuguese outfit. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £15. Lacuna Coil Melodic, leftfield, heavy rock and metal by the Italian band. University Of London Union, Malet St, WC1E 7HY (0870 060 3777). £17.50. Pete Murray Australian alt rock singer-songwriter. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £16. Nizlopi Alt rock from the Leamington Spa-based combo. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £25. Okkervil River The American outfit plays energised indie and folk-rock. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £17.50. Rumer The soulful vocalist performs soft rock. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £19-£40. Martin Simpson Folk and blues from the singer-songwriter guitarist. The Old Queen’s Head, Essex Rd, N1 8LN (020 7354 9993). £17. KT Tunstall The Edinburghborn singer-songwriter performs acoustic pop, plus appearances from Al Murray, Jay Griffiths and Supi Seshan, in aid of Gurukula Botanical Sanctuary. The Tabernacle, Powis Sq, off Portobello Rd, W11 2AY (020 7221 9700). £27.50.

FRIDAY 25 Alternative TV, Gertrude Mark Perry’s reforms his punk-rock outfit to play their old songs. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12.50.

RODRIGO Y GABRIELA 02 Brixton Academy. February 24, 2012 £28.50 Each time these two Mexican guitar virtuosos return to London, the venues get bigger and bigger. This will be a night of pure musical joy. Don’t miss out. 211 Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL

WEDNESDAY 23 Dimmu Borgir The Oslo-based outfit plays symphonic black metal. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £17. J Cole The American rapperproducer signed to Jay Z’s record label Roc Nation performs hip-hop from his debut album, Cole World: The Sideline Story. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £18.50. Gang Gang Dance Electronica and dance-pop from the New York-based outfit. University Of London Union, Malet St, WC1E 7HY (0870 060 3777). £14, adv £12.50. Loney Dear Indie-pop from the Swedish singer-songwriter. St Pancras Old Church, Euston Rd, NW1 2BA (020 7388 1461). £11.50. Iarla O’Lionaird Contemporary Irish music by the Cork-born singer. St-Giles-In-The-Fields, St Giles High St, WC2H 8LG (020 7240 2532/ cc 020 7403 3331). £12. Alphonso Stewart Londonbased R‘n’B vocalist. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10, adv £8. Pete Townshend Classic rock from The Who’s guitarist and songwriter. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £30-£80. Urge Overkill The American outfit plays alternative rock with punk influences, in support of its album Rock&Roll Submarine. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50. Gillian Welch The New Yorkborn singer-songwriter plays Americana and bluegrass with guitarist-producer David Rawlings, promoting her album The Harrow & The Harvest. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £27.50 & £30. Wire The veteran three-piece and post-punk pioneers play their hits. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £17.50.

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Brixton

Zola Jesus Electronica and alt pop from the Arizonaborn singer-songwriter. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £12.

THURSDAY 24 Tina Barrett Pop-soul from the London-based singer-songwriter and ex-S Club 7 member. Mass, St Matthews Church, Brixton Hill, SW2 1JF (07879 630674). £15.

Bone Hip-hop by the Grammy Award-winning Ohio-based outfit. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). £19. Chromeo The outfit plays electronic funk. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £18.89. The Darkness The Lowestoft-based band’s original line-up reforms to play flamboyant classic rock. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £27.50. The Devils Blood Gothrock and metal outfit. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £11. Dublin City Workingman’s Band Irish rhythms from the four-piece. Irish Cultural Centre, Blacks Rd, W6 9DT (020 8563 8232). £12, concs £10.

Junior Marvin The Jamaican singer-songwriter and guitarist plays reggae and rock. Under The Bridge, Fulham Rd, SW6 1HS (0207 957 8261). £20, adv £15.

The Emotions Soul and funk by the vocal group from Chicago. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £32.50-£50.

Shantel & Bucovina Club Orkestar The DJ and producer performs Balkan beats and dance-orientated Gypsy tunes with a full live band. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £16. Earl Thomas And Paddy Milner, The Big Sounds The Tennesseeborn singer-songwriter unites with the composer and pianist to perform contemporary blues-rock. Boisdale’s Of Canary Wharf, Cabot Hall, E14 4QT (020 7715 5818). £25. Amon Tobin Experimental electronica show from the Brazilian musician, producer and DJ, with audio-visual accompaniment. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £27.50. Walter Trout, Popa Chubby Blues and blues-rock by the experienced American guitarist and ex-member of John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/cc 0844 477 2000). £22.

Peter Doherty Romantic indierock from the Libertine and Babyshambles frontman. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £22.50. Adrian Edmondson And The Bad Shepherds The comedian and his band performs folk versions of punk songs. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £20, adv £17.50. Game Hip-hop from the American rapper and Dr Dre collaborator. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £29.50 & £50. Tony Kofi Bop and bebop from the London-based saxophonist and combo. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £12.

The Fall Mark E Smith’s Manchester-based band plays its brand of acerbic post-punk. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £17.50-£37.50.

Little Noise Sessions: Chris Martin And Jonny Buckland The two members of Coldplay perform their chart-topping pop-rock hits. St John At Hackney Church, Lower Clapton Rd, E5 0PD (020 7696 5541). £50.

SATURDAY 26 Dave Dobbyn Pop and pop-rock by the New Zealand-based singersongwriter. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/cc 0844 477 2000). £15.

Liz Green Folk-pop singersongwriter. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, £9.50 saver seat. Lior Indie-folk by the Melbournebased singer-songwriter. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.50. Little Noise Sessions: Goldfrapp Majestic pop and operatic electronica from the duo. St John At Hackney Church, Lower Clapton Rd, E5 0PD (020 7696 5541). £30. Monster Magnet Stoner and psych-rock by Dave Wyndorf and his New Jersey-based colleagues. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £20. Mouse On Mars Electronica from the German twosome. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £15-£25. Alexi Murdoch The singersongwriter performs acoustic folk in support of his album Towards The Sun. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £15. Kate Walsh The Brightonbased singer-songwriter performs acoustic folk. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £15, concs £7.50.

Little Noise Sessions: Example Electronic hip-hop and grime from the London-based rapper. St John At Hackney Church, Lower Clapton Rd, E5 0PD (020 7696 5541). £30. Lori Meyers Commercial pop by the Spanish group. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £20. Josh T Pearson The New York-based singer-songwriter performs alt country. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £12.50 & £17.50. Reckless Love Classic hard rock with a glam twist by the band from Finland. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £12. Secret Affair, The Lambrettas Mod revival pop-rock from the veteran outfit. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £20. Gordon Webber’s Rd Runners The nine-piece big band plays soul and Motown. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £15, diners free before 10pm.

SUNDAY 27 Bajm The Polish outfit plays pop-rock. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £25. Little Noise Sessions: Sinead O’Connor The controversial singer-songwriter performs folk-influenced pop-rock. St John At Hackney Church, Lower Clapton Rd, E5 0PD (020 7696 5541). £30. London Community Gospel Choir Gospel music inspired by other genres such as swing-beat, R‘n’B and soul. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £20-£40. Joe McElderry The 2009 X Factor winner performs pop and classical crossover. Southbank Centre, Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (020 7960 4200/ cc 0844 875 0073). £28.50-£33.50. Frank Turner & The Sleeping Souls The singer-songwriter from Winchester plays folk-punk with his band. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £17.50.

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425 New Kings Road SW6 4RN Tube: Putney Bridge (District Line)


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Alex Zane

The TV presenter and DJ on being tricked into watching porn, starring in a Jaws panto and saying ‘I love you’ to builders INTERVIEW CLARE VOOGHT

So now you’ve released The Best Of Rude Tube, do you plan on doing any more or have you got other grand plans for the future? I love the idea of having grand plans. It makes me sound like I might assemble all the DVDs into some kind of throne and sit upon it in the foyer of HMV. But I think it might be a bit presumptuous that people would go “oh, there he is, King Rude Tube”. No, it never ends, I love it. We’re putting together a Christmas special, full of Christmas-style injuries, failures, animals, anything that’s got Christmas involved.

Photos: Rich Hardcastle

What’s the best kind of YouTube video? One of the shows we did this year was an episode called ‘mashed and mixed’. People were doing mash ups where they cut up existing footage and turned it into something new. There’s a duo called Cassetteboy who do it very well. They did one for The One Show, they did one for The Apprentice. It’s like an art form in itself. It’s quite nice that it has sprung up due to the popularity of YouTube and people are seeing it a platform to be creative as well as just to injure their balls. But there’s time in everyone’s day – if you set aside 30 seconds – to watch a man intentionally ram his testicles against a metal pole while strapped to the bonnet of a car. You can’t argue with that guy’s commitment and that in itself should be applauded. What have been the best and worst moments in your career? When I was working for MTV in 2005, we were in LA and I got to interview Burt Reynolds. It was simultaneously the best and worst time in my career. I grew up watching Smokey And The Bandit and I wanted to be him. At the end of the interview he was like: “I loved that man, that was a great interview, what’s your name?” I said: “Oh it’s Alex Zane.” The following day I ran into him in a bar with a friend and he was sitting down. I said to my friend: “That’s Burt Reynolds over there, he knows who I am.” He said: “No he doesn’t, shut up, don’t be a dick. Burt Reynolds does not know who you are.” I went, “If I go over I’ll bet you he knows my name,” so I went over and said hi, and he went “Oh that’s right, Alan, Alan Zone.” But it’s OK. I’ll be Alan Zone for Burt Reynolds.

Alan Zone in action You once sung in a band called Batmaus. What were the best lyrics you wrote? I can’t remember. All I can remember is we used to cover the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Suck My Kiss. Every time we performed it live, I forgot the lyrics and all I could remember was the bit where he goes “suck my kiss”. I used to go “da da da da... SUCK MY KISS.” It was terrible.

If you could be in any panto, what would it be? Have they done a panto version of Jaws? I’m waiting for that. I’d be the shark’s teeth. I’d somehow disguise myself using bits of enamel that I’d found on a dentist’s floor. I imagine the shark would be constructed of papier-mache by children at a primary school, and I’d sit inside.

You had a run in with Tom Clarke from The Enemy and he called you a “talentless, soulless prick”. Are you friends again now? Yeah we are. We worked together recently in Manchester. We had a bit of what you’d describe as a man hug. At a distance it would have resembled two skinny blokes re-enacting a Gillette advert where they do the big hug. That’s all water under the bridge, thankfully.

When was the last time you said something you wish you hadn’t? I was letting a builder out of my flat the other day and I was like “see ya!” then I went: “I love you!” I have no idea why. It just popped in there. We’d had a nice chat, we’d got on. I’d made him a cup of tea. We talked about football. Well, he talked about football, I listened and pretended I knew what he was talking about with suitable comments like: “Oh he didn’t do that did he ... gah, what a .... referee.” I think I’d bonded in some way to the point where as he was leaving I said “I love you”. He didn’t say anything, just looked back at me. Unfortunately he’s coming back tomorrow. I hope he doesn’t bring a bunch of flowers having got the wrong idea.

Have you ever been scared by something a fan has done? I once got some fanmail written in purple crayon. It said: “Hello Alex, I like you, would you like to look at my website.” I’d assumed it was a young girl, a tweenager. I clicked on the website – out of curiosity, you see – and I found out it was one of the ladies that presents Babestation in various states of undress on motorbikes. The contrast between the purple handwriting and the explicit photograph was surprising to say the least.

The Best Of Rude Tube is available on DVD now through Acorn Media. Alex also hosts Sky’s weekly film show 35mm, Fridays at 7.30pm on Sky Movies Showcase HD.

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To get in, gang members had to ride their bikes down the steepest hill in the neighbourhood

SNOWTOWN FILM review by Tom Sturrock STARRING: Lucas Pittaway, Daniel Henshall | 18 | 119mins

MONEYBALL FILM STARRING: Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill | 12A | 133mins

Sport films can suck balls, so let’s hope Mr Jolie knows what he’s doing with this baseball epic, which tells the underdog tale of the Oakland Athletics, who, despite having very little cash, punch above their weight by adopting unorthodox new recruiting strategies. It’s been well-reviewed, so hopefully it’s more Any Given Sunday than Rollerball – the insipid remake with Chris Klein and Rebecca Romijn, that is. On general release from November 25

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Snowtown one of the most harrowing films you’re likely to see, scenes of prolonged torture, rape and animal cruelty, making it hard to watch. It is also one of the most impressive, skillfully crafted Australian films ever made and represents a new high-water mark for hyper-realistic studies of serial killers. Jamie (Lucas Pittaway) is a vulnerable 16-year-old living in a squalid estate in Adelaide’s northern suburbs and John Bunting (Daniel Henshall – read our interview on P28) is the self-styled community leader and vigilante who becomes a father figure to Jamie, presenting as the most likeable bloke in an irredeemably fucked-up part of the world. Bunting is also, of course, Australia’s most prolific serial killer, a man convicted of 11 murders – the notorious ‘the bodies in barrels’ case. In tracing the relationship between Jamie and Bunting, Snowtown charts the loss of innocence as the teenager becomes increasingly complicit in the killings. There are powerfully authentic performances from the entire cast – many are first-time actors recruited from the area – but the film’s great triumph is in evoking the blighted, outer suburban milieu that incubated Bunting. It is a world of ugly, misshapen individuals and utter hopelessness. Accordingly, when the killing begins, it feels inevitable, chillingly matter-of-fact. Throughout, director Justin Kurtzel builds an atmosphere of slow-burning dread, before raising the ante in a beautifully shot, near-wordless finale which unspools like a nightmare with the sound turned down. A remarkable, savagely uncompromising film. GOOD FOR: Those who don’t like happy endings


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GIVE US A

UP CLOSE: STEPHEN K AMOS

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

This series of stand-up gigs gives audiences the chance to see famous comics in small theatres, which is guaranteed to magnify the funny tenfold. Amos does a good line in chatty, observational banter, a trait that has made him a staple of TV panel shows and even afforded him the chance to front his own BBC show.

Ha ha!

Charing Cross Theatre 3 The Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG. November 25. £15 Charing Cross charingcrosstheatre.co.uk

50/50

THREE DAYS IN MAY

FILM

THEATRE

A comedy about cancer – well, why not? Seth Rogen, the chubby stoner from Knocked Up, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, the kid with the girly hair from 3rd Rock From The Sun, star as Kyle and Adam, best friends whose relationship is tested when Kyle is diagnosed with the disease. Together, they laugh, love and hopefully learn a little something about themselves along the way. Feelgood movie of the year. Yay.

Ben Brown’s play goes behind the scenes at Downing St where, in 1940, the coalition War Cabinet, led by Winston Churchill, debates involving Mussolini in brokering a peace deal with Germany. France is on the verge of surrender, British troops are stranded at Dunkirk and Churchill’s fellow Tories are in favour of appeasing Hitler.

On general release

Trafalgar Studios SW1A 2DY. Until March 3, 2012. £22.50+ trafalgar-studios.co.uk Charing Cross

MATTHEW GIFFEN What’s your stand-up routine about? It’s a little insight into what it means to be a Colombian-IrishEnglishman. I don’t have a name for it yet, I think I’ll call it Mongrel. I have a lot of fun getting annoyed about the little things in life like forgetting to take your iPhone with you when you go to the toilet. What’s so funny about it? Have you ever fed a hyperactive chimpanzee cocaine? Well it’s kind of like that but a little more dangerous. What’s the best heckle you’ve had? I’m very hyper and quick-fire on stage, so you’d be brave to heckle me ... go on ... I dare you! How do you deal with hecklers? ... still waiting.

ART OF THE ALBUM COVER

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EXHIBITION

THEATRE

This pop-up exhibition celebrates the most influential, cutting-edge album artwork. It’s curated by Hypergallery which, with support from Peter Gabriel – no stranger to pushing the boundaries when it comes to the non-musical side of music – seeks to honour the “evocative and intriguing” nature of full-size LP artwork.

Set in a dystopian London, where Geraldine James’ tough Tory PM is deciding whether to go to war with Iran. Mike Bartlett’s play questions the alternative power of social networking as Trystan Gravelle’s scruffy John, missing presumed dead, returns Christ-like to unite thousands of demonstrators in the belief of belief itself.

A&D Gallery 51 Chiltern Street, WIU 6LY. November 23-25 hypergallery.com Baker Street

Olivier at the National South Bank, SE1 9PX. Until January 8, 2012. From £12 nationaltheatreorg.uk Waterloo

Describe your face. It’s like if a bonobo monkey decided to shave around his eyes. Tell us your best joke. Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo. Performing at Laugh Laughy Face Face, 232 Streatham High Road, SW16 1BB whitelion.org.uk

Streatham Rail St

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Henshall as Bunting: the deviant silhouetted by the banal 28

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An Australian nightmare In Snowtown, Daniel Henshall produces a career-making turn as John Bunting, the country’s worst serial killer WORDS TOM STURROCK One of the most disturbing scenes in Snowtown shows a teenage boy being pinned down and raped by a male relative. The assault takes place in the carpeted hallway of their Adelaide council house while the cricket plays on TV in the background, the drone of the commentary the only soundtrack. This contrast – the horrific overlaid by the everyday, the deviant silhouetted by the banal – echoes throughout the film. It exists vividly in the depiction of John Bunting, the ringleader of the ‘bodies in barrels’ killers, as a likeable, knockabout Aussie bloke who just happens to be a vicious psychotic. Daniel Henshall, the 29-year-old Sydneysider who portrays Bunting, agrees the veneer of ordinariness, and the brutality with which it is torn apart, underpins the film’s power. “When the murders are taking place, you’ve got kids riding past on their bikes. It translates that it’s every-day,” Henshall says. “The terrifying thing about the film is the domesticity of it. They sit down and have a cup of tea during a murder. These normal activities are corrupted. These acts and then the violence – it’s so polarising.” Bunting and his mates killed 11 people, at least, before they were caught – their victims were tortured in ghastly ways before being strangled, their corpses melted down in barrels of acid. Prior to shooting, Henshall and first-time director Justin Kurtzel lived for several months in the area where the murders began and recruited much of the film’s cast from the local population. This unorthodox approach, though, was rewarded; the unknowns deliver blistering performances and lend the film a bottomless authenticity. Lucas Pittaway, picked out at a shopping centre and cast alongside Henshall as the second lead, gives a searing performance as the teenager caught in Bunting’s web. “The boy wonder,” Henshall says of his young co-star. “Who knew? Who knew? There were glimpses of it in the auditions. But who knew that he was going to blow it out of the water the way he did? It was a complete risk. “And to know how well the film was going to be received, none of us could gauge that. We were up against it. There were groups in Adelaide who didn’t want the film to be made – the housing commission didn’t want us to shoot in the area. We could have lost locations at any time if a housing commission car had driven past and told us to fuck off, and they had the right to. This intensity created an

environment – ‘Right we have to do this. Let’s fucking go for it, hold hands and jump off that cliff’.” Immersing himself in the community also allowed Henshall to form an understanding of where Bunting came from and how he dragged others in his murderous wake.

He was really normal. Isn’t that unnerving?

“Being there for three months, I got to know it pretty well,” he says. “I didn’t talk about John Bunting but I understood how a man with charisma could suck them in. “He was only 5’4, he comes into a community he’s not part of and wins them over. How does he do that? He must have an amazing ability with people. From all accounts, from people who had six degrees of separation, he was really normal – he fixed your car, he made you dinner, he looked after your kids. Isn’t it unnerving?” ››

First-time actors from the area were cast in several lead roles TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Clockwise: Bunting becomes a father-figure to three boys; dragging Jamie (Lucas Pittaway) in his wake; after his true nature is revealed

By way of demonstration, Henshall, softly spoken and slightly tousled, slips back into Bunting-mode, still affable, but shot through with menace. Damn right it’s unnerving. “‘Hey mate – how are you? You good? You want something to eat or drink? Sit down. Wanna check out what I did out back?’ And then it flips on a heartbeat, you know?” Henshall’s performance is nuanced enough and confronting enough in its own right, but there is a rhyme with other ocker-villain roles – John Jarratt in Wolf Creek and, more patently, Eric Bana’s turn in Chopper. Henshall acknowledges the reference but keeps it at arm’s length. “He’s conversational, you kind of want to be on his side,” he says. “I guess there’s a similarity there. But we tried to steer clear of that – Eric Bana is brilliant in Chopper and the film is heightened, but we made a very different film. “ Indeed, Wolf Creek invokes familiar B-grade thrills – with distinction, admittedly – and Chopper is leavened by beats of absurdity and black humour. But Snowtown is, by any standards, unremittingly bleak, a trait Australian films have been criticised for in the past. There is a long list of indie films, some boasting big-name Aussie stars – Heath Ledger in Candy, Cate Blanchett in Little Fish – that, while not necessarily bad films, fail to catch fire. They are too earnest, too self-conscious. Above all, some Australian films lack mongrel. Snowtown, though, does not. It is a junkyard dog that sinks its teeth in and doesn’t let go. “It’s interesting – I’ve got friends who go, ‘Fuck, I’m so 30

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sick of seeing depressing Australian films. That’s not this country’,” Henshall says. “And it’s not this country, but they’re definitely parts of this country. And it seems that the cinema that we have – we have our own aesthetic and we do that really well. There’s a real raw, dirty nature to it – we do it like nobody else.“ Bunting justifies his actions as being part of “an Australian tradition”. And, in Australian film, Snowtown belongs to the burgeoning tradition of crime flicks with indie licks, thriving, perhaps, because the criminal element fosters a sense of urgency – the sense that something is at stake – sometimes otherwise absent. Snowtown shares a cinematographer with last year’s Animal Kingdom – a crime film elevated by performances from well-known stars – making comparisons inevitable. But Snowtown, with its no-name cast, cuts that film off at the knees. Henshall, though reluctant to cede the entire Australian industry to stories about armed robbers and killers, agrees that stories about crime compel. “Beyond the success of Animal Kingdom and Chopper ten years ago, I don’t think we should pigeon hole Australian cinema because we don’t just shoot crime films,” he says. “But crime fascinates. When things go on in your society – that you’re part of – that you couldn’t believe would happen, you want to know why. Cinema attempts to explain that and I think that’s exciting.” ❚ Snowtown is out now at selected cinemas


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App of the Week London Music Mapp iPhone

Tune into London’s music heritage through a veritable cornucopia of facts, maps and images, including where artists once lived. Free itunes.apple.com


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Hi-Tec St Moritz boots Good grip and warm feet are essential when you’re walking on snow, so these toasty boots are a must. hi-tec.com

Animal sidewinder jacket Water resistant and hella warm – just what you need for a week on the white stuff.

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SHOPWATCH TATTY DEVINE & MIMI BERRY

Tatty Devine Jewellery Boutique is hosting a 10th Birthday Party for the label Mimi Berry, and celebrating in Christmas style with a holiday pop-up shop. Stunning men’s and women’s leather bags, plus handmade London jewellery and accessories will be on sale at discounted prices at the festive and cheery holiday boutique in Brick Lane. Expect sleek weekend bags, sturdy satchels, gorgeous clutches and stylish purses in fabulous colours and designs. Tatty Devine has made a special edition brooch for the occasion – a leather cutout of the designer and Tatty’s personal friend Mimi, walking her rescued dog Dora, just as she does in real life every morning through east London’s Victoria Park. The French-chic brooch, which costs £42, is pinned to a birthday card designed by artist Rob Ryan, and is a perfect gift or keepsake for the fashion forward. OPEN Nov 10-Dec 31 tattydevine.com 236 Brick Lane, E2 7EB Shoreditch High Street

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

AQUA ZUMBA

We’ve all heard of Zumba – the Latin-inspired dance workout craze that had everyone back in fluoro sweats and grooving to high-energy beats to shed the lbs, endorsed by celebrities like Ricky Martin and CSI Miami’s Eva LaRue. Well now The Reebok Club has created Aqua Zumba, or Zumba in a swimming pool. Splash around (water resistance makes it harder) to a Zumba soundtrack for full-body toning, weight loss and some much-needed pre-Christmas cardio. The 45-minute-long classes combine Zumba principles with traditional aqua aerobic exercises and it’s especially good for working your core muscles and burning fat. It’s dancing for the less-coordinated and it’s a class for the exercise-shy – because it’s underwater, no one can see if you mess up the steps. It’s fun, lighthearted and much like working out at a pool party – definitely one of the better ways to get svelte for party season. The next classes are on November 23 at 12.15pm and December 3 at 6.40pm. Membership at The Reebok Club costs from £63.50 per month. Get on it and bust out your underwater moves. Fluorescent swimwear is optional.

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Ice ice baby Rinks are opening across London. Want to have a go without being a laughing stock? We can help WORDS REBECCA KENT

Are you a fair-weather ice skater? The kind who gets swept up in the Christmas fever, enthusiastically taking to one of London’s ubiquitous temporary ice rinks, only to spend your time slot clinging desperately to the wall for fear of falling? Maybe it’s time to learn how to skate like a pro. We’ve enlisted Doreen Hoppe, a senior dance coaches at Lee Valley, and technical specialist, to offer a few pointers. With any luck, you’ll never be the clumsy lump on the ice ever again.

Getting started Make sure your blades are sharp enough to cut into the ice. You are basically balancing on a knife-edge, so get a feel for what it’s like by having a tentative skate around, but be prepared to fall over. Take small steps with your toes, one foot in front of the other. Your body should be loose and

upright, but your knees always bent and your body weight poured over the front of you, from the balls of your feet up.

Motion perfect Point your feet forward and start gliding by pushing one forward at a time, your free leg extended behind you to make a nice straight line. Essentially, you are standing on one foot with that knee bent. Keep your arms out like a tightrope walker for balance, and concentrate on making a rising and falling motion with your body. You’ll pick up speed by bending your knee more deeply and increasing the intensity of your push.

Stopping and falling The best way to stop is by doing a snow plough, like in skiing. From a gliding motion, bring your blades in parallel to each other, then turn your toes in slightly and kick out

16-19 Canada Square, E14 5ER reebokclub.co.uk Canary Wharf

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His Heaven All In One With coconut to soften facial hair £26.20 heavenskincare.com

Bend your knees: novices give it a burl

your heels out so the blade is across the ice. Maintain bent knees and an upright body. If you fall, just go with the flow and don’t try to break it with your arms. Clench your fists when getting up with your hands, else you’ll lose your fingers with other skaters around.

Going left, going right. Pick one foot up after the other and turn your outside shoulder forwards, towards the direction you want to turn. Think of your body as on an axis, so if you’re going anticlockwise, your right shoulder turns forward, and your left shoulder pushes forward if you’re going clockwise.

The benefits You’ll burn close to 600 calories per hour. Your core muscles and your thigh muscles are constantly working, so you’ll get stronger, and it’s great aerobic fitness.

The cons Injuries are common so expect to bruise your knees or twist your ankles. But remember to have fun! See doreenhoppe.com

NEXT WEEK Hangovers: The Survial Guide

ITCHING TO GET ON THE ICE? Take to these ice rinks with your newfound skills: CANARY WHARF Skate in the shadows of Canary Wharf’s famous towers. Until Feb 19. £12 Canada Square canarywharficerink.com ALEXANDRA PALACE Open all year round amid the palace’s striking Victorian architecture. It hosts fun sessions and courses. £7.50 Wood Green alexandrapalace.com

SPA therapuetic gel bath Bathe in beads not bubbles £7.95 flashwear.com

SOMERSET HOUSE An annual institution and a glamorous setting. Try a beginner’s or skating in pairs course. Until Jan 22. £7.50 Charing Cross Somersethouseicerink.org.uk LONDON EYE Skate for the first time ever by this global icon. Until Jan 5. £9.45 Waterloo londoneye.com WESTFIELD STRATFORD Shop and skate – easy! Until Jan 8. £9.50 Stratford Regional uk.westfield.com STREATHAM ICE ARENA A year-round fixture for everyone’s ice skating needs. Try out the disco sessions. £8.00 streathamicearena.co.uk Streatham

Madara ecocosmetics set Full of natural stuff £19.90 madara.co.uk

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TOP TREATMENT: SPICE & SHINE SCRUB Thai Square Spa could barely be more authentic if it were situated on the sands of Koh Pha Ngan. Greeted with a sing-song “sawadika”, it soon becomes clear that all of the therapists here are actually Thai. To get your skin glowing for all those Christmas parties ahead, benefit from their local knowledge and try this 45-minute stimulating body scrub with ginger. Based on ancient Thai rituals, it refreshes the skin and restores suppleness. £60pp

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Like being in the spotlight? TV personalities get all the attention

Getting on telly Our writer swaps her pen for chat and auditions for a role in TV WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

“Be big, because TV tends to dilute your personality,” says presenter Julian Ballantyne as he bounces across the set to get into position. I’m about to have an audition to be a TV presenter on shopping channel QVC, and by now I should be an expert on the Acer computer tablet I need to sell. As I’m being mic’d up, it really hits home that this isn’t going to be like a normal job interview. And, as a writer by trade, it’s an understatement to say I’m nervous to have a camera shoved in my face. Trying to speak with authority and not let my personality be “diluted”, I muddle through my patchy explanation of the tablet. My blagging skills are falling short and under the pressure I get confused, calling icons “things”. Being able to think on your 36

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feet is essential for any TV presenter. But while you need personality, you need to back it up by knowing what you’re talking about. Gemma Cairney, who presents on Radio 1 Extra and has worked on shows for MTV and Channel 4, says ideas are crucial. “You can’t expect someone to tell you what to do,” she says. “I think that’s really boring. It’s not about fame or celebrity. I want to create things and do my own projects and that means having loads of ideas.” His career has taken Ballantyne, 47, around the world – namely with travel show Wish You Were Here. It may be a cliché, he says, but at auditions you have to be yourself. “If you’re quite balanced and come across with some enthusiasm, it makes you interesting.”

Rickie Haywood-Williams, 31 – half of TV and radio duo Rickie and Melivn who are the faces of Kiss 100 breakfast shows and MTV Digs – agrees that TV bosses want you to be natural. “They don’t want you to be a presenter,” he says. “The times I’ve done well and progressed are when I’ve been mucking about or been completely natural. No one can do you better than yourself.” If you find talking in front of lots of people terrifying, TV presenting probably isn’t the ideal career for you. Auditions usually start with a hopeful warming up in front of the camera, talking about who they are and what makes them tick. Then you move on to reading from an autocue or from a script you’ve been given days


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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB MAGDALENA KWIATKOWSKA CAREER Beauty therapist at the Cavendish Clinic AGE 29 LIVES Battersea FROM Poland How did you get into your work? I’ve always held a passion for beauty. I went to Windsor Beauty College, qualified in 2004 and I’ve worked in the beauty aesthetics industry ever since. I’ve worked at Beyond MediSpa in Harvey Nichols where I really mastered my unique techniques.

Gemma Cairney

Rickie Haywood-Williams

or minutes before. SALARY TV presenting roles vary you have to work hard. But, despite being wildly in terms of pay. It starts low, You can’t stay when underprepared, it’s at around £14,000 but if you make a party’s really about to fun. I never forget the it big you can earn £100,000+. kick off and P-Diddy’s cameras are rolling and about to walk in the TRAINING Qualifications aren’t there’s someone in my door – you know you’ve set, but acting school, a degree in ear telling me what’s got to be up at 6am for communications or TV presenter working, but once a 12-hour shoot.” training are all helpful I loosen up and get He has a point. I LOCATION Most TV jobs are going, my audition couldn’t imagine trying based in London but since the BBC isn’t so bad. relocated earlier this year, some can to be this on-the-ball Cairney, 26, who lives be found in Manchester too. after rolling in at 5am, in Stoke Newington, P-Diddy or no P-Diddy. PROMOTION Prime-time shows says her break came But once I get to are a presenter’s mecca. from having no the end, I’m told I did HOURS Hours vary depending on inhibitions. When she what show you’re working on. A lot OK. Despite calling did her first series of of presenters work freelance, which an icon a “thing” and Frock Me, a fashion mentioning competitor can mean irregular shifts. show on T4 with Alexa Apple’s iPad about Chung and Henry 10 times in the first Holland, she said the fun was non-stop. minute. Although I’m definitely no pro, “It’s a bit of a risk to act like a complete I can see how fun it could be. fool on telly,” she says. ”People might “I’ve seen so many brilliant things,” hate it, but I just really wanted to have Cairney says. “Doing a link whilst on fun and not to be dry. People really a giant trampoline at Glastonbury, responded to it.” live onto BBC3 in a high-vis dress. But is working in TV as glamorous as It’s ridiculous but the most fun in the it seems? Haywood-Williams says it is, whole world.” and it isn’t. Despite the cool parties you get to attend as a showbiz TV presenter QVC is on Freeview you still have to put the hours in. channel 16. To NEXT WEEK “You get to meet your heroes and watch Clare’s you party with them sometimes, so audition in Working behind it can be really glamorous, but if you full, log on to Xmas windows want to be really good at what you do, tntmagazine.com

What do you do day-to-day? It’s almost all hands-on work. I can be performing massages and facials one minute, then using the latest technology to banish a client’s cellulite the next! The best part of your job The end result and a happy client. Being able to help women whose issues – like acne, facial hair or scarring – are actually causing them distress is so rewarding. What’s the most challenging? We live in a world where people expect results fast so I have to be careful not to promise them overnight results.

HOW TO...

GET PROMOTED • You need a plan – figure out what you want your next position to be. • Talk to your boss about it. He or she may be able to give you an outline of what they’re looking for.

• Think about your strengths

and weeknesses. Use what has earned you brownie points in the past and try to improve on what you’re not great at.

• Plan how you’re going to get

what you want, week by week.

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tntjobs.co.uk PANACEA I.T. T: 01737 244 500 www.panaceait.com We are an established provider of I.T. and AV products & solutions to the Education sector at large.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Sales-Business Development Manager Location: Reigate, Surrey Salary: OTE £50k Role is primarily office based and entails developing/maintaining accounts in a pro-active manner. Working knowledge in I.T. / audio visual is preferable. Must be Self motivated with excellent telephone manner. Position offers competitive basic salary with an uncapped commission structure and team bonus after trial period. Email CV to Richard@panaceait.com

LONDON VISION CLINIC T: 020 7224 1005 www.londonvisionclinic.com We’re a prestigious private clinic on Harley Street that specialises in laser eye surgery with a worldwide reputation for excellence.

MEININGER LIMITED T: +49 30 66636130 www.meininger-hotels.com MEININGER runs low-budget hotels and stands for a central location, a pleasant atmosphere and friendly service at a favourable price.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Nurse (full time) Location: Harley St, London, W1G 7LA Salary: £29,000 Duties include working in surgery, preparing patients for surgery and conducting diagnostic testing both pre-op and post-op. Required: enthusiasm, excellent work ethic, strong IT skills and excellent communication to work in a fast paced environment. Dani Barrett, Assistant Clinic Manager dani@londonvisionclinic.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Front of House Manager Location: London Salary: Live Out: 1500 GBP + profit-related bonus - Live-In: 900 GBP + profit-related bonus We are searching for a committed and determined executive employee supporting the GM in London in leading the employees and managing the hotel. You will be responsible for the reception, the rooms through to F&B. Saskia Rindisbacher | 0049 30 66636130 | jobs@meininger-hotels.com

PRIVATE RESIDENCE

JOB OF THE WEEK: Girl/Man Friday REQUIRED for general help & assistance Location: Glorious Scotland/Perthshire Salary: TBC

Large private happy household/estate who require an extra pair of hands to help make their festive season run smoothly

General help & assistance for large active family & guests over the festive season (14th Dec - 2nd Jan). Reliable, energetic, proactive with a can do attitude. Must like dogs, children, chaos & fun. References & full clean UK Driving Licence compulsary. Email CV and current photograph in first instance. hildredhouse@hotmail.co.uk

THE ESPRIT GROUP T: 020 7384 4150 www.esprit-group.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Waiter/Waitress Location: London (varies within zones 1-4) Salary: Starting from £6.25 gross p/h

We supply waiters and waitresses to top events across London including Christmas Parties, Awards Ceremonies, Sporting Events and Celebrity Bashes.

We need outgoing and bubbly people to work in the buzzing London events industry. A great way to earn money whilst also seeing lots of London as well as being totally flexible part-time work. Experience not essential. Must be over 18 and London based. Role involves the service of alcohol. Apply through www.esprit-group.com.

L LYNCH PLANT HIRE

JOB OF THE WEEK: Plant engineers required for NW London plant hire company Location: North West London Salary: TBC

T: 07834 658585 www.l-lynch.com

Experienced/qualified, min 3-5 years Must have knowledge of hydraulics, electrics, mechanics and able to carry out basic welding tasks. Good rates of pay for best candiates, working hours negotiable Call Gary on 07834 658585

SHERPA www.eventsherpa.co.uk SHERPA is the leading supplier of intelligent, articulate and professional porters, drivers and crew to the UK event industry. We work at some of the UK’s biggest events; from F1 at Silverstone and new product launches, to bigbudget private and corporate events.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Events Crew Location: London Salary: £6.50 - £10 per hour We are looking for reliable, hard working, well-presented team players with excellent spoken English who are not afraid of manual labour. SHERPA work is ideal for but not limited to Antipodeans in London on their working holiday visa as it is a great way to see London, meet new people and the hours are flexible. Send a CV and recent photo to: john@eventsherpa.co.uk


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CASH SAVING TIPS

LIFESTYLEMONEY

HOW YOU SPEND IT!

Scrambling for some Xxxxxxxxx extra cash this week? Read up on our moneyXXXXXXXXX saving advice: Xxxxxxxxxxx FIND CHEAP DRINKS XXXXXXXXX The Drink Specials iPhone Xxxxxxxxxxx app lets you find happy hours and drink specials XXXXXXXXX in more than 200 cities Xxxxxxxxxxx (including London). You’ll make a return on the XXXXXXXXX cost – £1.24 – by locating Xxxxxxxxxxx budget beers or supercheap margaritas. BARGAIN RENT Make huge savings on your rent by becoming a ‘property guardian’, where you can live in various properties as a security option for owners worried about squatters and vandalism. The payoff for staying short term is living centrally. See uk.cameloteurope.com

days later, and then I’ll have less money than I thought. Getting caught out sucks. Last big blow-out? A camera lens. It was a £500 gift to myself. I had to tighten my belt a little afterwards.

MICHAEL CUMMO, 20 JOB Fresh Media Group intern FROM New Jersey LIVES Kensington How do you budget? I don’t mind spending money on big trips, so

Photos: Getty

Any money-saving tips for living in London? Always check your account and what’s pending. A lot of times, things will go through

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Outrageous underwear Lady Gaga has reportedly spent nearly £7000 on lingerie, insisting only on wearing knickers made of pure silk. Pricey couture is certainly not limited to outerwear.

❚ Queen Victoria’s 1860 knickers sold for £9375 this month. The knee-length silk garment was embroidered with the initials ‘VR’ for Victoria Reginato.

DINE OUT FOR £5 Eat at any All Bar One restaurant for just £5 by printing off a voucher from the chain’s website (allbarone.co.uk).You have to pick from a list of seven dishes, but at five quid, who cares? The offer ends November 30. WORK IN TV /36 SRI LANKA /72

I do, and just keep track of everything else.

What non-essential items do you spend money on? Alcohol and eating out. I really don’t like to cook, so I’m always trying to hunt out cheap restaurants. I also spend on awesome tourist experiences, like the London Eye – I like to get as much out of a city as possible.

Gaga traded leather for silk

❚ Victoria Secret’s Red Hot Fantasy bra and panties will set you back £9.4m. The redsatin set is covered in 1300 gemstones, including 300 carats of rubies. Let's hope he's worth it.

❚ One of Madonna’s legendary corsets (with nipple tassels intact) sold for £45,000 in October. The bustier, made 24 years ago, was worn during the star’s 1987 Who’s That Girl tour. ❚ Miranda Kerr returned to the catwalk this month to model a £1.6m bra adorned with 142 carats of gold sparklers at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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5 £7.

Rent on the cheap

Mix sticks Make cooking music to your ears oliverbonas.com

.0 £15

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With rising living costs, where in London isn’t pricey these days?

Good value: Camberwell; below, Walthamstow

WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Takeaway coffee cup Be ecofriendly and perk up on the go mad4gifts.co.uk

.00 £35

I wood chalk board Something for the tecchies urbanoutfitters.co.uk

Rents in London have reached a record high – and they’re increasing faster than you can say “find me a place to live”. But before you up sticks and move to a farm in the country, check out these areas that have something to offer for a bit less. Camberwell, SE5 An arty hub in south London, with plenty of rooms in converted Edwardian and Victorian buildings on offer. Camberwell is a big hit with students thanks to its young, creative vibe, independent pubs and community feel. BEST HANGOUT: At the South London Gallery (southlondongallery.org), you’ll find modern art created by both British and international names. The cafe also sells some deliciously hearty soups. RAIL: Denmark Hill overground; Zone 2 TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON: 30 minutes AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £500pcm

nightlife, you’re here because it’s cheap. BEST HANGOUT: The Charlie Chaplin pub in New Kent Road, with its outdoor patio, where they screen all major sporting events. TUBE: Elephant & Castle, Northern and Bakerloo lines; Zone 1 TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON: 10 minutes AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £570pcm

Walthamstow, E17 The top end of the Victoria line seems like a long way away, but it’s actually pretty easy to get to central London. With a strong town-centre feel and Europe’s longest outdoor street market, you won’t need to

Elephant & Castle, SE1, SE11, SE17 00 £7.

Gingerbreadman cake mould Make some tasty Christmas treats amazon.co.uk

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OK, so there isn’t that much to do in the immediate area (it’s mainly residential) but Elephant & Castle rents are dirt cheap for Zone 1. Compared to surrounding areas such as Kennington and Oval, costs are about £50 a week less for the same quality of flat. Once here, you’re only a 15-minute walk away from attractions including the Imperial War Museum and the Old Vic Theatre. There’s also a shopping centre and a few eateries dotted around, but you’re not here for the

venture to Zone 1 on the weekends if you don’t want to, because everything is here. BEST HANGOUT: Named in homage to the postcode, Eat 17 bar and restaurant serves ethically sourced British food and tasty ales. TUBE: Walthamstow Central overground,


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LIFESTYLELIVING UP YOUR CHANCES

Judy Niner, who founded rental website MondaytoFriday.com proves there are still bargains to be found, with her top tips for scouting out rental bargains. ✓ You can usually save money by renting directly from the landlord rather than going through an agent. Victoria line; Zone 3 TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON: 25 minutes AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £400pcm

Photos: TNT; Getty

Earlsfield, SW17, SW18

WHERE TO PAY LESS TAX Council tax can be a huge drain on your budget, so think about that when you pick an area. The cheapest average rates* per year are:

satisfy cravings for jerk chicken as there are plenty of top-notch Caribbean eateries. BEST HANGOUT: Meateasy in New Cross Road, a hip burger joint that opened up earlier this year. RAIL: New Cross; Zone 2 TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON: 30 minutes AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £430pcm

An often forgotten southwest London suburb surrounded by Tooting, Battersea, Balham and 1. Wandsworth, £663 Clapham. Chains are scarce 2. Westminster, £776 – you’ll find boutiques and 3. Newham, £959 independent restaurants. Poplar, E14 4. City of London, £961 The many Victorian terraced 5. Southwark, £991 houses make good quality Close to east London’s 6. Barking, £1,011 rental properties. bars and markets but far 7. Hackney, £1,015 BEST HANGOUT: The hottest enough away to be out new addition to the area is of the city, Poplar may be *FROM GOVERNMENT FIGURES RELEASED IN MARCH 2011 steak and wine joint, Fyre less fashionable than some (fyresteak.co.uk). suburbs, but it’s certainly RAIL: Earlsfield; Zone 3 cheaper. It’s a quiet, TIME TO CENTRAL LONDON: 30 minutes residential area right near the Thames. AVERAGE FLATSHARE: £550pcm BEST HANGOUT: Dishing up a not-so-filthy version of the Great British pie, The Counter Cafe (thecountercafe.co.uk) uses top quality New Cross, SE14 ingredients to create their handmade offerings. Well worth a visit. Thanks to its reputation as a dive, plus its RAIL: Poplar, DLR; Zone 2 lack of a Tube, New Cross is super-cheap. TIME TO CENTRAL But if you don’t mind a bit of scuzz, it’s LONDON: 25 actually got plenty going on thanks to NEXT WEEK minutes its student population – the area is home AVERAGE to Goldsmiths University, where Britpop Spotlight on: FLATSHARE: legends Blur formed. Your money will go Living in Clapham £500pcm much further in the arty bars and you’ll also

✓ If you are renting a smaller room in a flatshare, make sure you negotiate a lower rate. ✓ If your property has a garden and the landlord pays a gardener, offer to do it yourself to reduce rent. ✓ Remember, lots of people who rent have a limited knowledge of London and tend to opt for wellknown areas – think East Sheen rather than Richmond for lower rents but all the benefits of living on the edge of the park. ✓ The best way to find special pockets of housing in unfashionable areas is to take to the streets and walk – you will discover nuggets of property with good facilities and lovely surroundings. ✓ Often places are cheaper due to a lack of Tube station but usually compensated for with good main line links. ✓ You may need to be in London during the week but could live somewhere cheaper at weekends. Rent outside London and let your room in the week while you lodge in the city from Monday to Friday.

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WORLDVIEW

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Like high-stakes Jenga: Salvage crews work to remove shipping containers from the Rena container ship, which ran aground on the Astrolabe Reef of the coast of New Zealand last month, causing the country’s worst ever oil spill. Let’s just hope the guy working the crane hasn’t been pounding the Red Bulls before getting into the chair

Paper beats rock; cow beats koala

KOALAS AND COWS NOT GETTING ALONG AUSTRALIA Killer cows are being blamed for the deaths of koalas in Victoria, with wildlife experts claiming the bovine aggression is common knowledge among farmers. When the koalas go to ground to change trees, territorial cows with calves at heel apparently circle and trample them. “I’ve had a joey [baby koala] come in after being found sitting on the back of a cow,” said Colleen Wood, who runs the Southern Ash Wildlife Shelter. “Its mother has been killed and the joey has climbed up the closest thing to her body, which happened to be one of the killer cows. One cow will see a koala and call the others over and they all trample and butt it.” TWEETS OF THE WEEK @zachbraff Let me get this straight; the vampire impregnates the girl who always looks pissed and then the werewolf wants her baby? I miss John Hughes. @jimmycarr: There will be a lot of security around the Olympic torch. Mainly to prevent people in tracksuits taking it to Cash Converters. @GrandadJFreeman: Worst Passwords of 2011: “kimswedding” ... Too short & not strong enough.

BLUE LOBSTERS SAVED FROM THE POT UNITED KINGDOM A bright blue lobster faced the same fiery death as his mates, but was rescued at the last minute and sent to the London Aquarium instead. “It’s the most striking blue lobster I have seen in my 30 years in the business 42

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and was too nice to put in a pot and boil,’ said seafood trader Rex Goldsmith, who spotted the lobster at Billingsgate market. “I had a word with the seller and we both agreed on how nice it looked. He sold it to me for £10, which is the normal price for a lobster that size.” Researchers believe some lobsters are born blue because of a rare genetic alteration.

BERLUSCONI BACK AT WORK ITALY Days after stepping down as the Italian prime minister, Silvio Berlusconi has helped release an album of love songs, for which he wrote the lyrics.

His singer friend and former parking attendant Mariano Apicella performs the sensual Neapolitan songs, which tells of tormented love, featuring lyrics such as “another day of wind and rain, another night without you”. The mystery is why Berlusconi did not sing the songs himself, given he has often boasted of keeping large groups of women entertained for hours with his charm and silky voice. The new album will surely get an extended play at the next bunga bunga party.


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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 1.14

Pounds of rice used by a group in Japan who went all out to set the record for the world’s largest rice cracker

Ease up – this is a family magazine

REVEALING BURQAS DEEMED ‘TOO SEXY’ SAUDI ARABIA Saudi women with attractive eyes may be forced to cover them up, the news website Bikya Masr reported, in a move that could mark the latest repressive measure taken against females by the Islamic state. A spokesman for Saudi Arabia’s Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, Sheikh Motlab al Nabet, said the committee had the right to stop women revealing “tempting” eyes in public. Women in Saudi Arabia already have to cover their hair, and, in some regions, their faces while in public. If they do not, they face punishments including fines and public floggings.

SHE’S NOT MADE OF STONE, YOU KNOW?

Photos: Getty

INDIA The discovery that seven-year-old Kura Nitya cries stones from her eyes has left Indian physicians reeling. Kura has been excreting pebbles from her right tear duct for the past three weeks but doctors are not sure what is causing the phenomenon. She weeps between 12 to 25 tiny rocks a day and although Kura said she doesn’t feel any pain, her right eye swells before the stones drop out. Her grandfather, Gopal Reddy, said he first noticed the strange occurrence in October. “Initially, we thought it was some divine power and prayed to God for this phenomenon to stop,” he said. The girl’s parents have seen several different specialists but none have had an answer.

Price tag, in millions of pounds, on a new Zeno supercar which can hit speeds of 233 mph. Better start saving now

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Fine, in pounds, that will be handed out by Swiss courts to discourage people from hiking through the Alps naked

Shuttlecocks and racquets supplied to Russian armed forces, in the belief playing badminton improves snipers’ accuracy

Diners were unimpressed by the choice of sides at the seafood smorgasbord

ROTTING WHALE MEAT KEEPS THIEVES AWAY NEW ZEALAND Thieves normally descend upon a beached whale to steal its teeth and jawbones, but a whale washed up in Northland smells so bad that they’ve so far kept away. The 10-metre-long creature, which marooned on Baylys beach on the west coast, probably died out at sea three or four years ago, according to Department of Conservation area manager for the Kauri Coast, Meirene Hardy-Birch. ‘’We checked out its condition and took samples for the scientists and worked with local iwi as to its cultural use,” she said. Thieves usually strip teeth and jaw bones from dead whales, but Hardy-Birch believes no one went anywhere near this dead mammal, “because it stunk so bad”. She said iwi from Te Roroa decided the creature’s jawbone and teeth would be removed, in accordance with protocol.

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10,000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK It’s really cool that a guy who doesn’t look like a model can have this title. Sometimes I can look great, and other times I look horrifying Actor Bradley Cooper takes being named sexiest man alive in his stride


See yourself as a bit of a calendar pin-up? Now’s the chance to demonstrate your poser credential. We’re looking Ms. January, Mr. December and all the months between.

! R A D N E L A C THE TNT

ed beer bottles is al n so er p in w d n A ers Calendar! Star in the TNT Read

TNT READERS CALENDAR For the first time ever, we will be producing a TNT Readers Calendar featuring 12 of our most plucky readers.

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ALSO ON TNTMAGAZINE.COM THIS WEEK… Twilight star Robert Pattinson tells us about the long-awaited sex scene in Breaking Dawn.

Chat travel, Christmas or randomly muse with other readers. Get on the Blogs.

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If we pick you to be one of our TNT Readers Calendar pin-ups, you’ll also win a pack of personalised beer. Vedett Extra Blond is a premium pilsner brewed using natural ingredients Translating to ‘star’ in Flemish, every Vedett drinker can star on the back labels. vedett.be.

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR BEER LOVERS.

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: JAHN VANNISSELROY jahn.vannisselroy@tntmagazine.com

Soundbites: the New Zealand National party meets the broadcast media

Online reading suggests Kiwis politically flighty

Photos: Getty

And overseas, less than 10 per cent interested in election

Amid the extended collective hangover brought on by a group of young men hoisting aloft a gold trophy as a symbol of sporting supremacy, an election is due to take place this weekend in New Zealand. Simply put, the people will choose who among them will be responsible for disseminating their taxes, ideally for the betterment of the society as a whole. Disturbing, then, that in the lead-up to this selection on November 26, the most popularly digested stories on the nation’s leading news website last week had to do with one of the aforementioned victorious athletes riding inebriated through a tiny Polynesian island on a moped, pausing only to run naked into a bar and assault two innocent men. When coverage of the race for tax-spending privileges did gain popular attention, it was most vociferously argued about (and covered by the media) in regards to the secret taping of the incumbent prime minister, John Key, while he had a cup of tea. From some angles, New Zealand now appears to have a politically apathetic (perhaps ignorant) strain running through it; a country whose citizens are simply fed their daily dose of politics through three-minute soundbites on the evening TV news in order to decide which of the leaders they ‘like best’. It seems to be as bad overseas: of the 650,000-strong Kiwi diaspora, lured away through a sense of adventure and a frustration at limited career opportunities in their homeland, only 45,000 have registered to vote this week. Major issues in 2011 New Zealand include a 19.4 per cent youth unemployment rate, the selling of national assets, the burden of an ageing population and the encroachment of business on the environment. Those expat Kiwis who have a big-picture view through experience and education may find it prudent to consider which interests control their homeland in this time of economic uncertainty and change. After all, many people at home seem more interested in what a rugby player did on his holidays. » Are NZers the world over as politically aware as they should be? letters@tntmagazine.com

NO DOPES IN POWER, EITHER New Zealand’s National party last week pledged to cut the unemployment benefits of those who fail a drug test preventing them gaining employment. National’s rationale is that if someone receives money from the taxpayer, it must be ensured they are 100 per cent dedicated to doing their job – even if that ‘job’ is looking for an actual one. But, in the interests of equality, shouldn’t all those earning their living off society’s financial contribution be held accountable in this way? Surely this would include police, emergency services workers, teachers and, crucially, politicians.

They must be 100 per cent dedicated

It would be refreshing to hear of all National party candidates granted a path to parliament providing a urine sample, in order to reassure the people that taxes are not being spent on someone whose focus may be somewhat blurred. It’s only fair, is it not? TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The pharaoh’s curse A new book sheds light on one of London’s most famous whodunnits WORDS TOM STURROCK

When the tomb of Tutankhamun was opened in 1923, by an expedition led by British archaeologist Howard Carter, it was the holy grail of Egyptology. Initially, it was remarkable for the wealth of treasure it contained but, in time, a separate mythology sprung up around Tutankhamun’s Luxor tomb – specifically, that it was cursed. Sure enough, members of Carter’s party met with untimely ends and, eventually, the curse stretched its tendrils all the way to London, where, in 1930, three men associated with the expedition died, within months of each other, all in London’s West End. A new book, though, London’s Curse: Murder, Black Magic And Tutankhamun in the 1920s, by Mark Beynon, advocates an explosive new theory about the deaths. Beynon contends that a well-known occultist named Aleister Crowley, a man obsessed with Egyptian mysticism and Jack The Ripper, carried out the murders as part of a bizarre ritual he believed would make him invisible. “I read a book about the curse of Tutankhamun and about those deaths in the West End, those deaths that all occurred in close proximity to each other,” Beynon explains. “And I started to do some of my own investigating and found that Crowley’s name continued to pop up. With further research, I found that the coincidences became ever more apparent.” It is impossible to exaggerate the public interest in the Tutankhamun excavation during the 1920s. There was a boom in Egypt-themed fashion and style – it was the most exotic, exciting story of the era. And then, when people started dying, the newspapers gleefully fanned the sense of panic. It was, in many ways, the genesis of ‘yellow journalism’ – the publication of dubious, but titillating stories. “It was a tabloid sensation – they gobbled up everything to do with Tutankhamun’s curse,” Beynon says. “And there was widespread fear – people were giving away Egyptian artefacts, handing them over to the British Museum.” The first manifestation of the pharaoh’s curse appeared 46

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in London in 1923, when a young Egyptian prince was shot dead by his wife at the Savoy hotel. But it was not until late in 1929 that the deaths escalated. Captain Richard Bethell, one of Carter’s closest advisers, died in mysterious circumstances in Mayfair; Bethell’s father, Lord Westbury, a keen Egyptologist, apparently committed suicide by jumping from his St James’s Court apartment; and Edgar Steele, a signwriter in charge of the British Museum’s Egyptian artefacts, died in hospital with symptoms consistent with blood poisoning.

Crowley was obsessed with being invisible

“Those two deaths, Bethell and Lord Westbury, were later re-investigated,” Beynon says. “And it was found that they could very well have been murder.” Crowley, the man Beynon charges for these killings, among others connected to Tutankhamun, was an extreme character. Francis King, a writer of the day, described him as, “an insatiable sexual athlete, a pimp who lived on the immoral earnings of his girlfriend and a junkie who daily took enough heroin to kill a roomful of people”. Broadly, Crowley’s prescribed religion was a brand of pagan sex-magick – he would sacrifice a goat during sex and expressed a desire to father a ‘monster baby’, to which end he created medicinal tablets made from his own semen. Word of his depravity spread and he was described by the pamphlet press as ‘the wickedest man in the world’. In occult circles, he was known simply as the Beast. Unsurprisingly, Crowley had some unusual beliefs – for starters, he thought


Clockwise: Aleister Crowley; Tutankhamun’s tomb; the mysterious figure seen near the Ripper murders

Photos: Getty

that he was a descendant of Tutankhamun and was being spoken to directly by a god-like entity called Aiwass. “He was certainly an eccentric, certainly out there. At the time, he was absolutely vilified – his beliefs were totally abhorrent to a lot of people,” Beynon says. “A lot of his theology was entrenched in ancient Egyptian mysticism. His religion drew so heavily on Egyptian myths, that he could well have seen the excavation of Tutankhamun’s tomb as desecration, as sacrilegious.” Beynon argues that, aside from avenging the insult to the pharaohs, Crowley killed Bethell, Lord Westbury and Steele, within months of each other, in the belief that he would become invisible. “He was a pretty shady character and there’s already plenty of evidence that he had a hand in some deaths – he had a propensity to murder and that’s the key,” Beynon says. “And he was obsessed with making himself invisible – he believed the third murder achieved that. If you look at the way they were plotted out on a map, they begin to form an almost perfect pentagram.” Crowley was also fascinated by Jack The Ripper, the serial killer who terrorised Whitechapel in 1888. Although Crowley was a teenager when those murders took place, Beynon argues the killings stirred his interest in the occult. Privately, Crowley wrote in forensic detail about the Ripper murders, cataloguing their occult overtones. He was convinced the Ripper was enacting an invisibility ritual, an obsession which, Beynon argues, Crowley would subsequently pursue himself. “He was in London at a time when everyone was interested in Jack The Ripper and it may have triggered that interest in him,” Beynon says. “It’s not case closed, but certainly some of the evidence is pretty compelling.” London’s Curse: Murder, Black Magic And Tutankhamun In The 1920s is published by The History Press and retails for £17.99

STRANGE DAYS IN LUXOR THE ORIGIN OF THE CURSE Some fantastically tall tales were told after Howard Carter opened Tutankhamun’s tomb – if even half of them are true, it would be remarkable. It is said that, at the precise moment the tomb was opened, all the lights went out in Cairo and, simultaneously, on the estate of Lord Carnarvon, the expedition’s benefactor’s dog howled and died on the spot. Carnarvon himself died a matter of weeks after the tomb was opened, after a mosquito bite became infected and he contracted septicemia. Another “casualty” was the pet canary of the tomb’s discoverer, Carter (pictured). The bird was swallowed by a cobra on the day the tomb was opened. This was dramatically interpreted as retribution for violation of the tomb, particularly as a cobra was depicted on the brow of the pharaoh from where it would spit fire at the king’s enemies.

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SPORTNEWS

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Undecided: Digby Ioane

IOANE CONSIDERING OFFER FROM JAPAN RUGBY UNION Crowd-pleasing Wallabies and Queensland Reds winger Digby Ioane will make a decision on whether he stays in Australia or signs with Japanese rugby after the Wallabies’ upcoming two-game UK tour. The 26-year-old is weighing up a lucrative offer from Japanese club Kubota, reportedly worth £640,000 a season. “It’s up in the air at the moment ... it’s not all sorted yet and I’m going to leave it until I play these last two games in the UK and then I’ll put pen to paper when I come back,” Ioane said last week. Ioane’s decision to play for the Wallabies on the UK tour, despite the Japanese league having started, has been interpreted by some as a sign he will stay in Australia.

AUSSIE GOVERNMENTS TACKLE CORRUPTION CRICKET Match-fixing is set to become a specific criminal offence in Australia, carrying penalties of up to 10 years in prison after the states and territories struck a deal to crack down on corruption. Under the proposal, match-fixers will spend up to 10 years behind bars regardless of where the crime occurs in Australia, with similar penalties for anyone engaged in “match-fixing conduct” or those who encourage others to do so. Federal Sports Minister Mark Arbib said the changes send a strong message to would-be offenders. “In the past, there have not been specific match-fixing offences and penalties,” he said. “These changes make it clear where the law will stand. Anyone who becomes involved in match-fixing risks serious penalties.” 48

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Sweet air: Bunyalo Jumruang of Thailand competes in the Men’s Wakeboard event at the 2011 Southeast Asian Games in Sumatra, Indonesia. Maybe south-east Asian wakeboarding could be the next big-ticket sporting phenomenon. After all, it looks like much more fun than sitting through another Australian batting collapse

POLLOCK SURPRISED ARTHUR IS IN THE MIX

BIG WEEK FOR ...

CRICKET

Does Roger Federer have any more shots left in his locker? We’ll find out this week, as the 16-time Grand Slam winner competes against the other top players in London’s ATP Tour finals. Federer has won the title five times, a record he shares with Pete Sampras and Ivan Lendl. He’s slipped to fourth in the rankings but hopefully there’s life in the old dog yet.

Former South African captain Shaun Pollock says he’s surprised to hear countryman Mickey Arthur is favourite for the Australian coaching position. Cricket Australia conducted interviews on last week and the field has reportedly been culled to just six names, with Arthur, who nows coaches Western Australia, reportedly the front-runner. “I’d be surprised. I always thought the Australians would have kept it in-house,” Pollock said. “With Western Australia, he would now have a better understanding for the Australian way and the way they go about their business so he’ll be better prepared to take over.”


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QUOTES OF THE WEEK If you had a confrontation during the match, you shake hands, and when the game is over, it is over Fifa boss Sepp Blatter makes his bizarre claim that racism in football is not such a big deal. Baffling. Time for him to go

Yaya Toure and Mario Balotelli (right) have starred for Manchester City

PREVIEW Crunch-time in the Champions League MANCHESTER UNITED V BENEFICA TUESDAY 7PM, SKY SPORTS 2

NAPOLI V MANCHESTER CITY TUESDAY 7.30PM, SKY SPORTS 1

ARSENAL V BORUSSIA DORTMUND WEDNESDAY, 7.30 PM SKY SPORTS 2 All four English clubs can wrap up a spot in the knock-out round of the Champions League this week, with Manchester City’s clash with Napoli looming as the most critical. United, Arsenal and Chelsea are

currently top of their groups – victories this week would formalise their qualification and losses would not be disastrous – but City sit second behind Bayern Munich, with Napoli, their opponents this week, breathing down their necks. City, for all their impressive performances in the Premier League, have yet to produce their best performances in the Champions League. They were caned 3-0 by also-rans Valencia and managed only a 1-1 draw in their home leg against Napoli. In what could be a triumphant season domestically, City need to win on Tuesday or risk an embarassingly early exit.

THE CHAT | England search for a new coach

I’ll tell you this, I will go feral. I will make it my life’s ambition to destroy them and run them into the ground Collingwood president Eddie McGuire warns the new AFL’s club, Greater Western Sydney, not to try poaching his players

Rocky never faced Ali or Holmes or Foreman. Rocky never tasted his own blood. Champions are made in the ring, not in the movies Reverend Jesse Jackson pays tribute to former heavyweight boxing champion Joe Frazier, who died earlier this month

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

TENNIS Martin Johnson last week fell on Q After his sword and stood down as coach of the England rugby side, there’s a vacancy to fill. But is it a poisoned chalice? failure at the World Cup was the players’ failure, A England’s not Johnson’s, but the former skipper resigned anyway. The problem for those seeking a replacement – Northampton coach Jim Mallinder is the hot tip – is that Johnson’s resignation betrays an instability at the RFU headquarters. And the England manager is burdened with unrealistic expectations. Johnson, for example, won the Six Nations last season and his side’s winning percentage has improved each year. But it wasn’t enough to keep him in the top job.

ATP Tour finals Who will lift the year’s final trophy? Every day noon, Sky Sports 1

RUGBY UNION Barbarians v Australia Should be a cracking spectacle Saturday 2.30pm, Sky Sports 1

FOOTBALL Liverpool v Manchester City Hot tip: Jim Mallinder

Every chance of an upset at Anfield 3.30pm, Sky Sports 1 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: TOM STURROCK tom.sturrock@tntmagazine.com

Liverpool’s Luis Suarez has been charged with racially villifying United’s Patrice Evra

Tell us, Sepp – is racism a problem in football or not?

Fifa boss should have his nose rubbed in his ridiculous double-talk

» On a scale of 1 to 10, is your contempt for Blatter 9.95 or 10? letters@tntmagazine.com 50

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

The apparent suicide of cricket writer Peter Roebuck has prompted a flurry of uncritical tributes for a man of highly questionable character. In 2001, Roebuck was charged with indecent assault – pled down to common assault – for caning three young cricketers under his supervision and then demanding to “inspect the damage”. Then, earlier this month, while being questioned by South African police about an allegation of sexual assault, Roebuck apparently jumped to his death from his hotel window.

Allegedly, Roebuck was a sex offender

It is inadequate then, that so many have felt it sufficient to write sanitised obituaries, airbrushing Roebuck’s predatory behaviour and the fact he was, allegedly, a sex offender. Sorry, but if you take advantage of others for your own weird gratification and then jump out a window to avoid allegations of sexual assault, you forfeit the right to have people ignore your crimes and remember you exclusively for your work.

Photos: Getty

Quick, someone get Sepp Blatter – the 1970s called and they want their village idiot back. The comments made last week by Fifa’s big cheese, to the effect that racism in football is no big deal, proved that while Blatter’s snout is stuck in the trough of kickbacks, perks and ‘corporate gifts’, his brain is mired in the past. In case you missed it, Blatter made an abject, shambling fool of himself when he claimed that, firstly, racism is not a problem in football and, secondly, that if one player vilifies another, they should shake hands at the end of the match and forget about it. “There is no racism, but maybe there is a word or gesture which is not the correct one,” Blatter said. “The one affected by this should say this is a game and shake hands.” So, on Wednesday, Blatter felt that racism wasn’t a problem, and was a trivial offence anyway, but by Friday, following universal condemnation, he had seen the light, changed his mind and transformed from an apologist into an anti-racism crusader. He said: “I am committed to the fight against racism, have no doubt about that. And I want to make it very clear: I will not stop until we have stamped racism out of football.” That was quick. Surely, it’s one thing to misspeak or slip up with a factual inaccuracy when put on the spot, but when you’ve fluffed your lines as completely as Blatter did, this kind of reverse ferret doesn’t cut it. Later, in an interview with the BBC, Blatter continued his masterclass in gaffe mismanagement. “It hurts and I am still hurting because I couldn’t envisage such a reaction,” he said, admitting he used “unfortunate words”. So not only is Blatter the injured party here – it hurts, remember – but he’s invented a new version of the classic “out of context” defence. See, it’s not Blatter’s fault – the problem was not his endorsement of a vile, throwback sentiment. No, indeed, it was the words’ fault. Damn those unfortunate words. Enough already. It’s time for this senile old dog to be taken out back and buried in the little gravelly patch behind the shed.

TRIBUTES BETRAY MORAL COWARDICE


RELIVE THE RIVALRIES

ROYAL ALBERT HALL 30 November to 4 December 2011

McENROE IS BACK! PLAYERS CONFIRMED FOR 2011 INCLUDE

LENDL • HENMAN • IVANISEVIC • RAFTER • CASH • BAHRAMI• LECONTE

AEGONMastersTennis.com


Back in the ruck Wallabies skipper James Horwill has finished licking his wounds WORDS TOM STURROCK

In the slipstream of a momentous World Cup, there is a muted air about Australia’s end-of-year tour. These tours are used as central planks to develop winning sides but, this year, the Wallabies arrive for post-operative therapy after a tepid showing in New Zealand. In other years, Australia would likely face England at Twickenham, with bragging rights at stake, and the Irish in their Dublin fortress. In 2011, though, Australia have a truncated assignment, playing just two Tests, against the Barbarians on Saturday and then Wales in Cardiff next weekend. But Wallabies skipper James Horwill insists his side’s determination will be undiminished by the fact rugby’s main event has come and gone and that he and his teammates find themselves at the beginning of a new cycle. “I don’t think the motivation has flagged – it’s been a big year with the World Cup but we’re already looking forward,” Horwill says. “This is a bit of a different tour, with only two matches but it means we’ll put all our efforts into those two weeks and hopefully come away with two wins.” Often, major refurbishments follow a World Cup, with hard calls sometimes made on older players who won’t last another four years. But, if there is a silver lining in the Wallabies’ mixed results at the World Cup, it is that they have a young side and will lose few players. In the 26-man squad named for the two-match tour, only Nathan Sharpe, Radike Samo and Matt Hodgson are in their 30s. It means the Wallabies need not break stride and can instead focus on the new goal of dislodging New Zealand as the world’s top team. “That’s what we’d like to happen, but four years is a long time in rugby,” Horwill says. “The good news is that we’ve got a really young side, so we’ve got more time to build together. We’re just worrying about this tour and then next year, when our aim is to get to the top of the world rankings, to become the number one side.” On recent evidence, it will require more than a little 52

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tinkering at the margins for Australia to leapfrog the mighty All Blacks. Horwill, to his credit, admits Australia underperformed in the World Cup but insists the side’s foundations are strong enough to justify optimism. “We didn’t do what we wanted to do. We went over there to win it and we fell short,” he says. “We did some good things but we also did some not-so-good things – it wasn’t up to standard. Our consistency needs to be better but there were parts of the tournament when we played some good rugby, so we don’t feel like we’re too far away.

The Baa-Baas will have an All Black tinge

“There are always areas to improve – the breakdown, particularly, is a big part of rugby these days. It’s become so crucial and that’s one area where our inconsistency hurt us. When we did well, we had quick ball and looked good but, like any team, if you’re getting beaten at the breakdown, it makes it hard.” Sadly, flyhalf Quade Cooper became a symbol of Australia’s campaign – brimming with promise and natural ability but, after misplacing their best rugby, struck down when it mattered most. On Cooper, Horwill’s pragmatic approach, and his unwillingness to dwell on past disappointments, is again impressive. “Quade will bounce back – I’ve seen him at the Reds and everything is going well there,” Horwill says. “Quade was maybe treated a little unfairly by the public, but we have no control over that. People forget how good he is – he’s one of the most talented footballers I’ve ever played with.”


Horwill trudges off after losing to New Zealand sand (right) soars against Ireland

replacing Rocky Elsom before the World Cup, has mellowed him – now, rather than being sin-binned, Horwill is the man responsible for sweet-talking the referees. It has been quite a turnaround for the towering lock. “I guess that comes with maturity as well – I came in as a young player and did a few silly things on the field. But I saw that I needed to consciously work on that,” he says. “Referees who can have a huge impact on the game so you need to be able to manage them, and you learn that.” It is a new beginning for Horwill, and for the Wallabies. One cycle ends and another begins. Maybe, in four years’ time, Horwill will be toasted as skipper of a World Cupwinning Australian side. It will be a long road but the first steps will be taken this weekend at Twickenham. Going to the game? Keep your eye on the hoardings at Twickenham for a chance to win £5000 worth of travel with tntmagazine.com. See London Diary on P5 for match details

Photos: Getty

And so the Wallabies, intent on improvement, turn to the Barbarians, which can be an awkward fixture for touring sides. The Barbarians’ remit is to play a rapid, exciting brand of rugby – is it incumbent upon their opponents to follow suit or go for the win at all costs? “When you play the Barbarians, it’s very exciting – there’s the history behind it and they play an attractive style of rugby, very free-flowing, and they’ll come in with an attacking mindset, which normally makes for a good spectacle,” Horwill says. “They’ll have a good side, probably with a bit of an All Black tinge to it. “And the Welsh, the way they played at the World Cup, were probably the most entertaining and attractive side, and probably felt a little bit hard done by with the way it ended. So it’s a big game for us.” Early in his career, Horwill earned a reputation as one of Australia’s fieriest players. But taking on the captaincy,

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

FANCY DRESS Dressed as the Hindu god Lord Hanuman, Indian artist Nookaji poses at Shilparamam, the arts, crafts and cultural village hosting Hyderabad’s 17th International Children’s Film Festival.

Photos: Ian Southerin/Visit Chester, Getty, Thinkstock

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The best wintry weekend breaks in England for whisking someone away and keeping each other warm.

If you’re looking for snowy adventures, discover an alternative to skiing in one of France’s most affordable resorts.

It might sound like we’ve gone to Sri Lanka to pick up a couple of strippers, but Kandy and Ella offer more spiritual experiences. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

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The monkey buffet serves up Coca-Cola

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

FORAGING FUNNIES I’m pleased to report that last weekend was a contender for the most surreal few days of my life. When I agreed to join a tour mushroom foraging in the New Forest, I suspected it would be more akin to an eccentric’s convention.

MONKEY BUFFET FESTIVAL Lopburi, Thailand In essence a monkey’s tea party. The 3000-odd simians that hang around the town of Lopburi – around 90km north of Bangkok – are 27 treated to a sumptuous feast by the locals. Set among the overgrown Khmer ruins where the monkeys most like to swing by, long tables adorned with red cloths offer up all manner of fruit, desserts, vegetarian dishes and Coca-Cola. NOV

WHY: The masses of monkeys in Lopburi have long been a tourist attraction, so in 1988 a local hotelier started the festival as a way to say thank you. Apparently, Thais also believe that treating the animals with kindness brings good luck. Or, at least, lots of tourists taking pictures.

ENGELBERG BEARDCUTTING COMPETITION

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THANKSGIVING New York, US

Engelberg, Switzerland

The Yanks just might love Thanksgiving even more 24 than Christmas. Despite the dubiousness of Americans thanking the aboriginal people who helped them settle in – seeing as those indigenous communities were then unceremoniously trampled to make way for whitey – it’s a time of national pride. The biggest patriotic parade takes place in Manhattan, attracting more than two million spectators. NOV

Tradition in this monastery town has it that the men 26 sport voluminous beards around this time of year, after a hard summer working the Alps leaves them with little time to shave. The solution? Forty volunteers offer up their chins for defuzzing at this annual festival. Onlookers can enjoy music and food along with the spectacle; the newly unbearded are rewarded with presents that include little calves. NOV

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FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS Ontario, Canada

Budapest, Hungary

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DO IT BECAUSE: To be fair, the pictures you’ll get at the festival will be pretty spectacular. As well as the cheeky chimps throwing food and fizzy drinks at each other, the ancient ruins in the background will make your shots all the more unique.

The Hungarian capital celebrates modern art. visitbudapest.travel

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See 125 animated lighting displays set against the awe-inspiring Niagara Falls.

Photos: AFP/Getty Images

But actually, my fellow foragers did not prove to be the oddest element of this trip. (Even though one of them was always mysteriously referred to as “the doctor”, and another – who had eagerly invited me to stay at his house over summer – rather brazenly admitted to making all his money in porn.) No, it was actually the mushroom foraging master leading the group who proved the most unusual. Mrs Tee is a formidable German who was once a glam PanAm stewardess. Together with selling her mushrooms to the likes of Michel Roux and The Dorchester, Mrs Tee claims that her pet black horse found fame as the Lloyd’s TSB horse (y’know, the one from the adverts). Mrs Tee also says she was once charged with the theft of mushrooms worth £27.50 by the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs. Her late husband was Jimi Hendrix’s manager. She recently appeared on TV show Four In A Bed, and is openly angling for a place on next year’s I’m A Celebrity. Travelling always brings you into contact with a cast of eclectic characters. I still remember Peter, who seemed normal when I first met him in Argentina, but went on to dress up in my (female) friend’s clothes and then threw a cat at her, before retiring to the cupboard for the evening. My point? Simply that travelling unfailingly guarantees some wonderfully weird experiences, whether you’re in South America or the wilds of Hampshire.


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JOINT DECISION It’s a tragedy to have to break to you what is perhaps the worst travel news of the year, but here goes: foreign visitors are to be banned from visiting cannabis-selling coffee shops in the southern Netherlands as of January 1. The decision by the Dutch justice ministry has been made to combat anti-social behaviour among tourists. Licensed coffee shops will now only admit Dutch residents who can present what has been branded a ‘dope card’. The new rules are expected to come into force throughout the rest of the country in January 2013 – and that includes Amsterdam. Some Dutch MPs have branded the move “tourism suicide”.

Photos: Thinkstock

SILK ROAD SOJOURN Tour operator Oasis Overland has announced a one-off expedition along the Silk Road. The trip will traverse Turkey, Iran, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and China. The 15-week odyssey starts in Istanbul on June 6, 2012, and ends in Beijing on September 18. The hefty price tag of £3350 plus a local payment equivalent to about £1200 includes transport, accommodation, some meals and activities and a DVD of footage from the trip. The price does not include flights, visas or optional excursions. Fancy it? Call 01963 363400 or see oasisoverland.co.uk.

NOW YOU SEA IT ... SeaFrance has suspended all services between Dover and Calais as the stricken company struggles to stay afloat. Passengers with tickets are being transferred to DFDS Seaways ferries between Dover and Dunkirk. A SeaFrance operator said: “We have tried to get space on other ferries from Calais but we haven’t managed it so far.” Rivals are currently bidding for the business. SeaFrance has been in administration since June 2010 and a decision on whether it will be sold or shut down was being made as TNT went to press.

BUSINESS IN BENGHAZI We admire the guts of some companies in these tough economic and political times – Qatar Airways has launched scheduled flights to the Libyan port city of Benghazi. Flying four times a week from Qatar’s capital of Doha, the ambitious airline billed Benghazi as “a leading economic centre, ideally located on the Mediterranean”. The airline also said the city would benefit from Qatar Airways’ “connecting points across the Middle East, Africa and the Asia Pacific”. It added that it hoped to resume services to Tripoli in due course.

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Clockwise from top: handsome Chester; The Sun Inn period pub in Beverley; the Christmas market at Oxford Castle; penny farthings in Portsmouth

Cosy Towns ENGLAND

The “quintessentially Cotswolds” Frogmill Hotel – a proper bargain

Historic Chester 58

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Cosy up The best wintry weekend breaks for whisking someone away and keeping each other warm WORDS LAURA CHUBB

Winter is upon us, bringing with it the cold, damp and dark. But we’re not complaining. Is there any better feeling than curling up safe and warm inside as the wind howls and rain lashes at the window? In answer, we present our pick of England’s best cosy towns – perfect for snuggling up by a crackling log fire, or even braving the outdoors for a worth-the-effort Christmas market. Chester, Cheshire

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Chester is the classy, brunette beauty to its brasher, WAG-glam/ bottle-blonde neighbour, Liverpool. It’s a quietly impressive city that has been blessed with enough pulling power to render any ancillary enhancements inessential. Within its red sandstone Roman walls (the most complete city walls in Britain left over from the occupation 2000 years ago), a maze of cobbled streets and tightly packed black-and-white Tudor-style buildings transport the visitor to times way back yonder. Indeed, the two-tier, 700-year-old shopping galleries that congregate around The Cross area of town can’t help but muster period-dramainspired imaginings of horses and carts, soot-smeared peasants and gentlewomen wrapped in frilly bonnets. Cosy credentials: True to its historical form, Chester has created a ‘Victorian Christmas’ in the centre of town. Fairy lights, frosted trees and the streets’ distinctly period looks promise festivities with a Dickensian feel. There’s an embarrassment of snuggle-friendly B&Bs in Chester to choose from, or you could make a weekend extra cosy with a stay at the Doubletree by Hilton – the spa offers couples treatments that include access to a private suite with sauna and Jacuzzi. Now that’s cosy. (doubletree1.hilton.com). Get there: London Euston to Chester with Virgin Trains. (virgintrains.co.uk).

Photos: Ian Southerin; DR Mvicchrist, Visit Chester & Cheshire/NWDA, Thinkstock

PICK

Beverley, East Riding of Yorkshire In spite of its proximity to Hull, the vaguely depressing port city by the River Humber, Beverley is one of the most handsome towns in England, a tangle of Georgian and Victorian architecture. The market town will no doubt be a-buzz at Christmas, and its selection of ancient pubs – including the Sun Inn, which dates back to 1530 and keeps it old-style with worn stone floors and coal fires, and The

White Horse Inn with its Victorian-era gas lighting – are perfect for a cosy ale or three. Get there: London King’s Cross to Beverley with East Coast (eastcoast.co.uk) and Northern Rail (northernrail.org). Oxford, Oxfordshire Oxford’s Norman-era castle hosts a Christmas market from December 2. Choirs and brass bands provide the carols; elbow snotty children out of the way and grab a ride on the carousel. There’s a YHA if you’re on a budget, but if you’ve got romance in mind, try the 17th-century Old Parsonage Hotel. Log fires, creaky floorboards and old leather armchairs complete the cosy picture. (oldparsonage-hotel.co.uk). Get there: London Paddington to Oxford with First Great Western (firstgreatwestern.co.uk) and Cross Country (crosscountrytrains.co.uk). Portsmouth, Hampshire This harbour city has hopped aboard the Victorian Christmas bandwagon and is putting on a three-day Victorian Festival of Christmas at its historic dockyard from November 25. The largest Crimbo market on the south coast will offer up 140 stalls, a Victorian Magic Lantern show, the chance to pet baby reindeer (all together now: awwww), and snowy white streets filled with folk riding penny farthings. Get there: London Waterloo to Portsmouth Harbour with South West Trains (southwesttrains.co.uk). Cheltenham, Gloucestershire Mere mention of the Cotswolds conjures a slideshow of cosy images: bracing country walks braved in fluffy jumpers, succeeded by retirement to a rustic-chic retreat. Cheltenham is the upmarket and handsomely historic town at the centre of this region, but six miles outside of it is the Frogmill Hotel, set in a sprawling country house. A two-night stay with breakfasts, threecourse meal, mulled wine and mince pies is £95pp until December 23. NEXT WEEK (hotelshopuk.com). Get there: London Paddington The best UK pub crawls to Cheltenham with First Great Western (firstgreatwestern.co.uk). ❚ TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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£250 – £500


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HOTSHOTS

LAILA PACHECO

Talks travel photography

WINNER

HOT TIPS: Selective colour Selective colour is a technique that you can apply to an image after it’s been taken. To make it simple, use a hue which has been desaturated, with some elements or parts still left in colour. When using this, don’t go overboard – less is more. Choose to have just one object in colour or only use one shade, as this will have

an immediate effect on the visual impact. This effect has been used on the big screen with films such as Pleasantville, showing the links between still and moving images. This postproduction process is relatively new and has become a technical trick rather than using paint to add colour, which is how they used to do it years ago.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER THE COLOUR OF NEW YORK Kieran Stone, Australia

WHY IT WORKS The use of a selective colour method in this image brings an injection of vibrancy into a grey city shot – it makes the scene jump out of the page. Choosing to show just the yellows in the image works because we relate the colour to the taxis in New York City. The blur of the taxi in the front of the image brings an element of movement and life.

RUNNER-UP THE OLD BARN Ali Brown, Australia

WHY IT WORKS I am drawn to the vibrant blue sky in this shot – it’s almost like it’s been painted on to the image. The colours are the most prominent aspect of the shot, contrasted by the white wispiness of the clouds. The other contrast is between the colours in the top and the bottom of the image, which clash impressively. The poorly kept barn adds yet another layer. A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

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TOP FIVE

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INCA TRAIL, PERU

Old-school cool

HOTEL DU VIN OVERVIEW Hotel Du Vin is one of Piers Morgan’s favourite hotel chains, but don’t let that put you off. Superclassy without being stuck up, the branch in Poole is a quintessentially English affair, set in a Georgian townhouse overrun by Virginia creepers. From the old-school keys – here, flash swipe cards are swapped for proper keys with huge wooden fobs – to the leather sofa/ roaring fire ‘snug’ (a hidden-away area for pre-dinner cocktails), it’s a welcome hark back to good, oldfashioned English hospitality. WOW FACTOR Our room had a massive roll-top bath standing in the middle of it, which felt like an audaciously luxurious touch. If you book a suite, you get two roll-top baths standing side by side. Rooms contain all the right ingredients for romance – think champagne in the mini-bar, a bottle of red wine waiting on the table, Egyptian-cotton sheets and fluffy robes. The bistro is also a stand-out, sporting an excellent South African sommelier with the right wine list to work with (ie, it’s long), and specialty cheese boards for all tastes (stinky and mouldy or not). BILL PLEASE Double rooms start about £99pn, but there are often bargainous special weekend promotions. Keep an eye out!

Thames Street, The Quay, Poole, BH15 1JN hotelduvin.com

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It might seem obvious, but this ain’t a Top Five for nothing. Plus, while the Inca Trail is perched in pride of place atop every self-respecting traveller’s bucket list, it’s amazing how many people think they know all about it and sign on without giving a thought to the fact that this hike is tough. We’d still thoroughly recommend the four-day trail through breathtaking Andes mountainscapes and ancient Inca ruins. But be prepared for pain. This isn’t so much an Inca Trail as an Inca Staircase, and we’re not talking about a neat, even staircase, either. Most of the 26 miles are spent heaving yourself up an endless collection of jumbled steps comprising all shapes and sizes – and we’re sorry to tell you that descending them provides little relief. Just imagine navigating thousands of these 13th-century stairs downwards – a picnic for the knees it is not. The upside? Your sweatiness and annihilated body are well rewarded with an unforgettable, truly once-ina-lifetime experience. Pitching your tent in front of a vista of the green

peaks of the Andes, with the snowcapped Mount Veronica making a teasing appearance beyond, takes some beating. And when you finally reach Machu Picchu on day four, at silly o’clock in the morning to beat the tourists who arrive on the train, you’ll get that perfect uninterrupted shot. A top tip to see you through: Gatorade is key. The ubiquitous US energy drink is best glugged after lunch on day two, following a punishing morning of uphill slogging to reach the beginning of Dead Woman’s Pass. Named more for the shape of the mountain ahead as you climb (it resembles the profile of a woman lying on her back) than its effects, it is nevertheless the trek’s toughest section. But down the Gatorade and you’ll be bounding up it with all the spring of a young fawn. (Well, that’s what knocking back a nuclear-green bottle of it did for us, anyway.) Make sure you’re fit and prepared, and this’ll be the most memorable four days of your life. No pain, no gain. incatrailperu.com


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TIGER LEAPING GORGE, CHINA

China’s Yunnan province in the southwest is one of the country’s most rewarding regions for adventurers, and hiking Tiger Leaping Gorge should be the don’t-miss event of your visit. Teetering at the edge of the gorge as you trek the trail’s narrow, dishevelled paths is all part of the fun – especially the moment where you have to walk through a waterfall with a sheer drop to your right. Don’t look down ... tigerleapinggorge.com

Photos: Thinkstock; Hotel du Vin & Bistro

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THE COLORADO TRAIL, US

This 486-mile long trail was built by the Colorado Trail Foundation especially for hikers, horse riders and mountain bikers to enjoy the eight mountain ranges (including the Rockies) and six national forests it passes through. Mountain-biking is not available on all areas of the trail, but the foundation does offer supported hikes of four-to-five days. Staff carry your heavy backpacks and cook up gourmet food to enjoy at camp, too. coloradotrail.org

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TOP FIVE

ANNAPURNA, NEPAL

Any trek along the Annapurna trail in the Himalayas of north-central Nepal is going to take your breath away – and not just because you’re knackered. If snowy peaks are what you go in for, this is the place for you. There are treks of varying lengths along this route, but you should expect to be panting and sweating for two weeks at least. Tours usually start and end in Kathmandu. gadventures.com

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KILIMANJARO, TANZANIA

Probably the one to tick off in Africa on every traveller’s to-do list, this trek takes at least seven days, as climbers need time to adjust to the altitude. Tours tend to start gently in the steamy forest and ascend slowly past glaciers and into snow. The trek usually ends with an elaborate tipping ritual in honour of the hard-working porters. Climbing Kilimanjaro (‘the roof of Africa’), the highest mountain in Africa, guarantees boasting rights for an unlimited period.

NEXT WEEK Royal retreats: The world’s most opulent palaces

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A day trip from Sharm el Sheikh to Petra is a tall order

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READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

planning on going skiing with Q I’m a group of friends in January. It will

travelling to Sharm el Sheikh for Q I‘m Christmas/ New Year on my own and I’d

be my first time, but some of my mates are more experienced, so I want to go somewhere that will cater for a mixture of abilities. Can you recommend an affordable resort in Europe? Josie, via email

like to do some day trips. I’ve been told it’s best to wait and book when I get there, but I’m nervous that at that time of everything will get booked up. Can you recommend a few legit companies to book with prior to arrival if you think that’s best? I’d like to visit Cairo and Petra at least, but a lot of the tours seem the same. Ngaire, via email

off by checking out budget flight A Start carriers and coaches to resorts (such as

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to the distance, you would be hard A Due pushed to see Petra in a day trip. You need a day to explore Jordan’s stunning ancient city and the journey to get there is long and not straightforward. Day trips do exist but they are incredibly long days (typically from 2.30am to 1.30am). For an example, see Sharm Excursions (sharmexcursions.com). Cairo is a similar situation; it is possible in a day trip but you should expect an incredibly long day. Thomson’s Cairo one-day trip begins at 4am and returns at 9pm. In order to fit the whole trip into a day, the excursion is by plane so you will also need to stump up around £165. They also offer an overland version at £79 (1am-11pm). You might prefer to take on one of the shorter day trips from Sharm el Sheikh, such as a camel ride to a Bedouin camp. For a list of recommended operators check out Lonely Planet’s Egypt guide. These are sights of a lifetime so it is probably worth booking to avoid any disappointment.

BOAT FROM BATTAMBANG I can highly recommend taking the speedboat trip from Battambang to Siem Reap in Cambodia. The floating villages and communities you see along the way are absolutely amazing. I even saw a floating pig pen! When you arrive at the dock near Siem Reap, stop off for a beer in a hammock bar. Jason, via text

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com. If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice. This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

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snowcoach.co.uk), as booking accommodation and transport separately can save money. January is one of the peak months, which means better snow forecasts but higher costs. To save money, opt for a resort with budget accommodation. Hostelling International (hihostels.com) is a great place to start. Another money-saving tip is to pre-book your ski hire. Companies including Skimium (skimium. co.uk) can save you between 20 and 50 per cent. As for resorts, you can’t go far wrong with Cervinia or Zermatt on the Italian-Swiss border. Your friends will find some challenging runs, whilst you should be content with the beginner and intermediate slopes. You’ll find Cervinia the cheaper of the two resorts, but Zermatt is home to a reasonably priced hostel (matterhornhostel. com). Another good resort is Les Deux Alpes, which has an incredibly well-located youth hostel, a variety of slopes and great nightlife. Alternatively, look into a package deal so that you are aware of all of the costs up front. Try Action Outdoors (action-outdoors.co.uk).

MAKE IT MADEIRA TIP Madeira is my top tip for OF THE either an “active” or WEEK a “relax and recharge” holiday. Hotels, spas, walks, treks, swimming with dolphins, diving, canyoning, mountain biking, kayaking, deep sea fishing, UNESCO-protected areas – it has it all! And the local drink “poncha” will keep anyone fuelled at the nightclubs until 8am. Andrew, via email


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A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA Lee Wollaston from London, UK

BEST / WORST TRIP

THE TRAVELLER

CELIA DOMNICK, 28

PHILIP WROE, 25

Stuttgart, Germany

London, UK

BEST Three weeks in Cuba with a friend. We met so many nice people and enjoyed some really great parties. I also loved living like the locals with copious amounts of salsa and rum! WORST I guess it wasn’t really a trip in the end, but I was supposed to be flying to Cambodia when I got to the airport and realised I’d left my passport at home. I didn’t have enough money for another flight so I had to cancel my trip.

Scariest travel experience? I flew out to Venezuela to meet a friend, but there was flooding throughout the country and I couldn’t contact him for days. Eventually I hitched a 30-hour cross-country lift with a nice Venezuelan family. Ideal travel partner? Anybody who speaks a few words of the local language. Essential travel item? I reckon you can get most things that you really need in whichever country you go to.

» Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@ tntmagazine.com

Photos: TNT, Al Maha Desert Resort & Spa

SPLASHING OUT

THE INSIDER

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RALPH FOULDS, Director, Encounters Travel

My first ever big trip was driving from London to Kathmandu with 20 friends from uni in a bright yellow converted old Bedford army truck. My most challenging travel experience was being stoned by drunk locals while trying to get through a road block in Nepal in the middle of the night. My favourite place in the world is sitting on the balcony of our eco lodge in Bardia National Park in Nepal with a beer and a pair of binoculars watching the local monkey troop playing on the banks of the river. My guilty travel pleasure is taking too many internal flights instead of long bus or train trips. My top travel tip is slow down a little and try to have a couple of nights in most places you visit during your trip. Remember you’re going on holiday and should come home refreshed, not knackered. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Dog-sledding injects an adrenaline rush, as does rifle-shooting (below)

Haute Maurienne FRANCE

Our writer demonstrates the ’snow plough’ move

PARIS

FRANCE Lyon Haute Maurienne

GETTING GETTING THERE THERE Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Direct return flights from London Stansted to Lyon start at £61 with easyJet (easyjet.com)

[Caption] Rural: the picture-postcard pretty village of Bessans 66

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The white stuff, baby If you’re looking for snowy adventures, discover an alternative to skiing in one of France’s most affordable resorts WORDS JANINE KELSO

Trudging through the thick snow, my view obscured by a swirling mist, I find my way by following the din of dogs barking. I’m off to try husky sledding in the French ski resort of Val Cenis Vanoise, located in the Haute Maurienne Valley, a two-hour drive from Lyon. Panting, howling and straining at the ropes of their tethered sleds, the over-excited canines are clearly keen to get a move on. As I’m assigned my sled with three playful and super-fluffy dogs, I feel like Santa Claus – giving the reindeers a day off – setting off on a festive adventure. I’m taught how to keep my balance and how to slow down and stop, and finally, to the huskies’ relief, we’re off. Travelling in single file, everyone in my group manages their own sled pulled by three to four canines. I’m surprised at how severely the cold air stings my face as the animals surge forward and begin weaving their way across the mountains. Although we’re just moments away from the busy ski lift, the dogs have taken us off the beaten track and I find myself plunged into a magical and gloriously unspoiled, sparkly snowscape, where we appear to be the only people. Adrenaline rushes through me as the huskies hurtle down the steep slopes and negotiate hairpin bends while I grip tightly. Near the run’s end, the dogs go bonkers in anticipation of their waiting dinner. They rush onwards and I go flying as we take a bend, but I have a soft landing in a pile of powder. The canines don’t wait for me to get up, however, racing off towards their meaty tea. Val Cenis is a haven for skiers and boarders, boasting 125km of slopes, between 1200m and 2800m high, which offer good snow conditions from December until April. And unlike most pricey French ski resorts, there’s a raft of affordable accommodation here – with self catering apartments costing as little as €135 (£116) for three nights. There’s a surfeit of easy slopes for beginners and some challenging rides for more experienced skiers, including some gorgeous tree-skiing through larch and pine forests. The next day, we head to the village of Bessans’ international biathlon stadium to have a go at being biathletes for the afternoon – an Olympic sport that combines cross-country skiing and rifle shooting. I’m told the biathlon originated in Finland where the Finns had a passion for cross-country skiing and shooting Russians. Another (and

not quite as amusing) version is that it originated in Norway in the 1860s, as an alternative method of military training to provide national defence at a local level. Haute Maurienne Vanoise is a hub for cross-country aficionados thanks to its high plateaus, filmic scenery and first-class snow coverage. A keen downhiller, I’m surprised to discover that the cross-country variety is an entirely different kettle of fish – the skis are lighter and, in spite of the poles, it’s a challenge to stay upright and balanced. This is going to

I go flying and land in a soft pile of powder

take some getting used to. We lap the course, discovering how to walk uphill by placing our skis in a V-shape, and glide downhill with control by adopting the snow plough ››

Gruelling: a cross-country ski run TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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position. At the shooting range, I lie on my stomach and start aiming at the targets, while catching my breath. It’s a real buzz but after our two-hour session, I can see how combining the two sports is a gruelling test of endurance and skill. That evening, we wait for darkness to fall in picture-book rural Bessans, before strapping on a pair of snowshoes, soaking up knockout views of the surrounding peaks under the light of the moon. We’re far away from the crowds and the crunch of the snow under our shoes provides a soothing soundtrack. Tramping through luxuriant banks of snow is hungry work, so the perfect way to end the night is with a meal at titchy wooden restaurant La Grange du Traverol, where we feast on a Bessans polenta dish, sausage stew and local cheese, washed down with Savoie wine in a festive atmosphere. And the best thing about it? The snow-shoeing and dinner is a snip at €32 (£27). The resort is so reasonably priced that I have to remind myself that I’m in France. ❚ For more information, see valcenisvanoise.fr and haute-maurienne-vanoise.com

Bessans: suprisingly affordable for France

NEXT WEEK We keep with the snowy theme and take a trip to Lapland

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

EAT

Located in the centre of Lanslebourg, Chez Tata’tine offers traditional Savoyard dishes such as fondue, tartiflette (potatoes, cheese, cream, lardons) and raclette. They also offer a takeaway service. (35, rue du Mont Cenis 73480 Lanslebourg Mont Cenis)

For delicious cheese and beef fondue cooked in white wine, swing by the characterful L’Estanco in Termignon, a traditional mountain restaurant with a friendly atmosphere. Traditional Savoyard accordion players regularly entertain guests at the Estanco. (estanco-termignon.com)

Next to the Tourist Office in Lanslebourg, La Vieille Poste is a traditional French restaurant with a gastro menu including frog legs and snails, and a Savoyard menu with tartiflette, fondue, etc. (lavieilleposte.com)

SLEEP

Le Relais de la Diligence in Bramans, Haute Maurienne Vanoise is an eco-gite set in a house built in 1813, alongside the transalpine road traced by Napoleon in 1805. The ski areas of Val Cenis Vanoise, Bonneval sur Arc and Bessans are easily accessible from Bramans. From €35pp (about £30) with breakfast. (chambres-hotes-maurienne.info)

Le Moulin de Marie is a simple but comfortable three-star hotel, with a restaurant that serves modern cuisine based on local ingredients. From €94pn (about £80) for a double room. (hotel-lacledeschamps.com/en/ le-moulin-de-marie)

Opening this winter, the four-star Les Chalets de Flambeau offers apartments and chalets at the foot of the slopes of Val Cenis Vanoise. Guests will have access to an indoor swimming pool, Jacuzzi, steam room, sauna, treatment rooms and a fitness area. From €791 (about £675) for a week for an apartment for two-tofour people. (cgh-partenaires.com)

At the top of the Vieux Moulin gondola, La Fema is also available for non-skiers. It is a self-service restaurant with good mountain food at a very reasonable price – around €10 (about £8.50) for a main.

Located at the top of the Arcelle chairlift, La Ranova is a cosy mountain restaurant. It is famous for its entrecote (premium beef), and many other meat and cheese dishes.

For a bit of apres ski fun, head to club La Cle des Champs in Lanslevillard which stays open until 2am nightly. Val Cenis isn’t known for its nightlife; evening activities tend to include less alcohol-focused pursuits such as snowshoe hikes and skiing by torchlight.

SLOPE-SIDE

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Photos: La Grange du Traverol, Getty, Thinkstock

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

I’m Lvivin’ it This is Lviv in 48 hours WORDS AZZAM ALKADHI

DAY 1: 08:00 Lviv’s prominent cafe culture is a remnant of its time as part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. Viennesestyle cakes and pastries form an important part of the culinary landscape, so start your day by indulging your sweet tooth at Veronika (21 Shevchenka Street). It’s more upmarket than some of the other cafes in the city, but the delicious pastries are well worth it. 09:00 Take some time to experience the true beauty of the city. Unlike many other places in Ukraine, Lviv has managed to avoid any strong Soviet influences and retains a fabulous and unique mix of cultures and styles, owing to its occupation by various powers. It is perhaps for this reason that the city’s Old Town is a UNESCO-listed World Heritage Site. You can spend hours wandering the meandering streets and alleys and admiring the amazing architectural diversity. Baroque churches stand alongside Renaissance buildings, Gothic cathedrals and neo-classical residences. 11:30 If you haven’t already stumbled on it, make a beeline for Ploshcha Rynok, a 16th-century market square with fountains depicting Greek gods, a Renaissance tower and a town hall that was rebuilt after a fire in 1825. 12:30 Relax and enjoy a no-frills lunch at Bar Mleczny (Kopernika 9), an authentic Ukrainian restaurant serving traditional, simple food in an unpretentious setting. Be sure to try the dumplings. 14:00 A few doors down you’ll find Potocki Palace (Kopernika 15), a grand residence that once belonged to one of the most powerful families in Europe, who spared no expense when building this extravagant dwelling. 70

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15:00 Make your way up Zamkova Hora (Castle Hill) to take in some fantastic views of the city and the numerous domes and steeples that dominate its skyline. From up here, it’s easy to see why Lviv is sometimes referred to as the Florence of the East. 19:00 Armenian immigrants have played a crucial role in the economic and social development of the city over the years and their influence can be seen in the handily named Armenian Street. Initially built in the 14th century, the Armenian Cathedral has been extended and amended over the centuries and as such has attained a distinctive style. With so many churches in Lviv, it can be hard to pick which ones to visit, but this unique and understated cathedral is as good a choice as any. Continuing with the Armenian theme, grab a bite to eat at Kilikia (Virmenska 13/3), tucked down a small alley, with a cosy interior and some hearty dishes. 21:00 The nearby Dzyga Bar (Virmenska 35) is an artsy watering hole where you can sample the city’s renowned Lvivski beer or some Nemiroff vodka, flavoured with chilli and honey. If you want to hit the dancefloor, your best bet is Lialka (Havryshkevycha Sq 1), where they play an eclectic mix of tunes and, perhaps most importantly, bring out lard in chocolate at the end of the night. It might sound horrible, but trust us, it does the trick. DAY 2: 09:00 The perfect place to shake off your hangover is Cukiernia (cukiernia.com.ua/en). The breakfasts and pastries here come from a mix of traditional cuisines – including Polish, Jewish, Italian, Hungarian and Middle Eastern – and provide the ideal antidote to the night before.


Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

Try a traditional Ukrainian restaurant – order the dumplings

11:00 No trip to Lviv would be complete without a visit to the Lychakivske Cemetery, one of the most impressive anywhere in Europe. More than 400,000 people are buried here, including some of Ukraine and Poland’s most famous poets, artists, noblemen, rulers and soldiers. Gaze in awe at the elaborate tombstones, temples and mausoleums, some of which were designed by notable architects. Soviet hammer-and-sickle emblems adorn tombs which lie next to Christian crosses, extravagant marble monuments and Jewish symbols, yet another nod to Lviv’s multi-ethnic past. 15:00 Head to the Pharmacy Museum (Drukarska 2). The main room still functions as a chemist, but take some time to explore the rest of this beautiful house, including the eerie basement. You’ll half expect to bump into a mad alchemist mixing some medicines in the corner. Entrance costs about 10p, so there’s no excuse to miss it. 17:00 Spare a few moments to pay your respects at the Holocaust memorial (pr Chornovola), a monument to the 420,000 Jews who perished here between 1941-1943. 20:00 End your trip with a couple of cheeky vodka shots at Titanic (Teatralna 4-6). Aside from staving off the cold with some warming booze, there’s also a surprise. From the outside it’s an unassuming townhouse, but inside you’re met by an outrageously kitsch, boat-themed interior.

Fly from London Gatwick to Lviv with Ukraine International and Aerosvit Airlines, with a stop-off in Kiev, from £217 return. flyuia.com aerosvit.com

Wander Lviv’s meandering streets and its Old Town by night

Check out Lviv’s main square to admire stunning architecture TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Kandy and Ella SRI LANKA

GETTING THERE Sri Lankan Airlines fly from London Heathrow to Colombo daily. Return flights cost from £478. (srilankan.lk)

INDIA SRI LANKA Kandy Ella COLOMBO

Expect verdant tea plantations and rolling peaks in Sri Lanka’s Hill Country 72

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BIGTRIP

Caffeine high It sounds like we’ve gone to Sri Lanka to pick up a couple of strippers, but Kandy and Ella are more spiritual experiences WORDS JENNIFER CARR

WHEN TO GO: December to March is best for the Hill Country, As far as assaults go, it’s intense. A slim film towards Kandy – Sri Lanka’s cultural capital. when the weather is drier. However, Predominantly Buddhist (70 per cent of the of sweat gathers across my brow as I return these are also the months that to face my tormenter. I’m learning my lesson country are practising Buddhists), the city the hard way: never accept a Sri Lankan curry are most popular with tourists, emanates a calmer feel than other frenetic so accommodation can be tight. with extra heat. But then I am eating with Asian metropolises I’ve encountered. After a local guide, in a local cafe, in the Sri Lankan CURRENCY: £1 = 175LKR one of several spicy finger feasts, Ranjith holy city of Kandy – a situation that calls and I stroll beneath an indigo sky towards (Sri Lankan rupee). for authenticity, no matter how painful. I’ve the Holy Temple of the Tooth, or Sri Dalada ACCOMMODATION: The even foregone cutlery for the native method; Mountain Heavens Hotel in Ella Maligawa as it’s known to Kandyans. balling up the curry with rice in your fingers, costs from £30pn. (reddottours. Comparable to the Vatican in terms of then scooping it as elegantly as you can into com). In Kandy, try the Hill Way Tour religious significance to the global Buddhist your mouth. Consequently, I’m in desperate Inn, a small budget guesthouse community, the ‘sacred tooth relic’ is said to need of a bib. from £7pn. (hostelworld.com) be the tooth of the Lord Buddha, retrieved Besides setting my tastebuds alight, I’ve from his funeral pyre. We’re lured towards SEE: srilankatourism.org come to Sri Lanka to explore a country the temple by a persistent drumbeat and for tourist board-listed hotels, that, despite recent conflicts, continues to whispers of hibiscus incense, perfuming the operators, activities, and more. earn itself a reputation as one of the most night air with a scent that’s unmistakably, exciting, unsung destinations to walk the hypnotically Asian. less-trodden road. Small and perfectly formed (you could nail With bare feet and high hopes of seeing the famed tooth it in three weeks, though a more leisurely pace is obviously (once upon a time, the Sri Lankans believed whoever was in preferable), the island’s pearl-shaped mass is flanked by possession of the tooth had the divine right to rule the land, India to the west and the Maldives in the south, making triggering wars fought to take possession of it), we enter it a suitably tropical escape that’s also carving a reputation numerous maze-like candlelit walkways and head towards as a credible eco destination. the source of worship: a gilded, bulletproof wall behind Like India, the legacy of tea production flourishes here, which the legendary artifact has remained for hundreds a result of opportunistic British colonialists visiting in the of years. Every inch of the 14th-century palace’s stone floors early 1800s and planting the crop some 1500 metres above and gilded mosaic walkways echo with peace; young and sea level. But it’s more than a canvas for fragrant green, old alike can be found serenely cocooned in their own black and golden tea buds; the country’s highlands serve up unshakable faith. I’m not one for religious beliefs, but it feels a rich and largely unspoiled portfolio of high-altitude hiking like something stirs within these walls. opportunities. The pay-off for all the tourist-free trails, Breathtaking moments come thick and fast in Sri Lanka, however, is the definite need (especially if you’re female but spirituality lies not only in the magnificent architecture and travelling solo) for a decent, trustworthy guide. and gilded artifacts – it’s clearly present in nature too. The I find mine in a quick-witted Sri Lankan named Ranjith, next day, after breakfasting on a juicy banquet of fresh whose wealth of local knowledge is put to good use working papaya, king coconut and red bananas (Sri Lanka’s natural for Red Dot, one of the few tour companies I’ve encountered Viagra, a blushing Ranjith informs me), I depart Kandy in who give you free rein to tailor your experience and don’t true colonial style onboard the country’s ancient hillside charge a bomb for it. Greeting me with a firm handshake railway train. Introduced in the late 1800s by the British, and a twinkle in his eye, Ranjith and I make the winding, it’s an efficient, not to mention enchanting, way to navigate two-hour car journey away from Colombo airport upwards the island’s dramatic topography. Even Ranjith concedes, and inwards past rice paddies and rubber plantations “Madam, the British bring good things to this country; ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Hill Country’s lush tea fields Adam’s Peak, a holy mountain

Take the train for the views

Eat killer curries like a local you gave [us] this.” Minutes into the ride, I’ve got to admit Ranjit’s right about this particular ‘good thing’. The journey, especially if you can pre-book a seat in the observation deck (£5), really does take some beating. A fully glass-fronted coach offers views straight from a Kipling novel; lush, emeraldhued fauna hugs the swirling contours of the hills as female tea workers go about their daily pluck mere metres from the train, deftly de-heading the bushes of their bounty as we slink deeper into old Ceylon (the English version of the name given to Sri Lanka by Portuguese invaders in the 1500s). During the seven-hour journey, we stop at countless stations to watch weary workers lug three or more sacks home after their daily grind. I’d never realised so much effort went into something the Brits chug back on a daily basis. My impromptu train companion – a Canadian teacher living in China – hops off after four hours at Hatton, the closest station to perhaps the most revered hiking trail in Sri Lanka: Adam’s Peak. Conical shaped and 7350ft high, Adam’s Peak holds a sacred footprint (or Sri Pada) at its summit that is believed by Sri Lankans to be the footprint of Buddha. I remain train-bound, heading higher into the hills towards Ella, a place promising scenic waterfall hikes and Ayurveda, a form of ancient Asian healing that uses indigenous plants, herbs and spices to harmonise the body and balance the mind. From nowhere, a thunderous rain cloud blankets the hills and turns the sky a sulky shade of grey. Simultaneously, the landscape becomes saturated in high-definition emeralds and blood-red soil – a dazzling, dizzying contrast to the sky above. Hitting Ella at nightfall, weariness kicks in as we head for the enticingly named Mountain Heavens Hotel, accessible only via a steep dirt road. The lodge twinkles and teeters 74

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precariously close to the mountain edge; even in the dark, I’m guessing some seriously good views will be delivered come dawn. After a throat-warming arak (the local 40 per cent rum) and simple mung dahl and red rice, I slumber hard and wake up to a pleasing justification of the hotel’s name – the view is preposterous. The valley tumbles down in successive, impenetrable waves, a panoramic succession of thickly forested gorges, valleys and waterfalls. To my

Kandy’s Holy Temple of the Tooth


right, Ella Rock taunts me and my unfit thighs into action as I guiltily remember the Canadian hitting Adam’s Peak. An hour later and we’re in the thick of it, literally. Following the train tracks out of the town, then traversing woods with little or no signage, Ranjith once again proves it’s better to be with someone that (a) knows where they’re going, and (b) also speaks Sinhalese. Talking me through the flora, fauna and his personal passion – rare birdlife – he cheerfully warns me to “stay away from trees, leeches fall from them, madam”. I avoid making a scene and douse myself in a whiffy Ayurvedic repellent instead, propelled onwards by the prospect of a tree-free view at the top. Two hours and one false leech alarm later, we reach the lookout, which provides us with a jaw-on-the-floor panorama that we relish without another soul in sight. Two hours later back in Ella town, we reward ourselves with a creamy avocado lassi (sounds weird, tastes dynamite) that’s blended from fruit plucked only seconds before. It’s then off to the local Ayurvedic doctor, another trusted recommendation from Ranjith and one I’m assured is “most authentic experience madam, I take you to the real heart of

The temple holds the tooth of Lord Buddha

The Insider's guide

Sri Lanka”. Unremarkable from the outside, I enter a humble local abode and am promptly greeted by a woman whose shimmering black braid and sparkling eyes hint of mystical knowledge. I go with it. After an in-depth introduction into the complex principles of Ayurveda (for you, I’ll keep it simple and say it’s about balancing the body through food, herbs and yoga), I’m led into a dark, simply decorated room with a couch on one side, and what looks like a giant treasure chest with a hole for a human head and neck cut out of the top, and a bed of dried herbs and spices strewn at the base. Lying down, with only a batik shawl for modesty, ›› a warm river of sesame oil is slugged all over my body

Where’s good for an adventure in Sri Lanka? After exploring the Hill Country, see what the southern lowlands have to offer on a scenic road trip down through Ella Valley towards Udawalawe National Park. The road slices through thick jungle and offers plenty of chances to stop off for a ripe orange king coconut – a regional delicacy. Ask the seller to carve it open after you’ve drunk the nutritious water and scoop out the jelly, using the husk for a spoon. After two hours of shifting landscape, marshland and low-lying rice fields signal the entrance into the park, where elephants, crocodiles and herds of wild buffalo can be seen from the comfort of your car.

Ranjith Alwis is a guide with Red Dot Tours (reddottours.com)

Where’s good to chill? After Udawalawe, keep driving for about an hour until you reach the coast. Make a beeline for Mirissa, a quiet, coastal surf town that remains a low-key favourite for those wanting sizeable waves and the chance, between November and April, to catch blue whales migrating. Drawn into the region because of abundant supplies of krill, blue whales, orca, dolphins and sperm whales can all be enjoyed on a day trip. Go with a reputable firm that exercises safety and eco-awareness; Raja and the Whales is one of the best. (rajaandthewhales.com) Where’s best to indulge yourself? If it’s self-indulgence you’re after, Sri Lankan Ayurveda doesn’t get better than at the award-winning Barberyn Beach Resort, 10 minutes up the road from Mirissa in Weligama. Featuring a range of short and long stays, yoga, an organic on-site herb garden and delicious Ayurvedic food, it’s a healthy and eco-conscious destination to put back what stressful Western lifestyles take out. (barberynresorts.com)

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using firm, rhythmic movements. I smell like my local Thai restaurant, but I’m assured sesame is an Ayurvedic cure-all for mental and physical imbalances, as well as calming the central nervous system. Sounds great, but it’s making me hungry. After the oil is administered over achy limbs and massaged into my hair, I switch locations to the treasure chest, where the doctor applies a grainy herbal mask on my face and pushes a herbal tonic into my scalp as the chest lid is lowered. Now I get it: this is in fact a rather masterfully efficient sauna-for-one. In minutes, the herbs hit my blood stream, mingle with the sesame oil and send me on a full-body herbal high. I’m sweating, but it’s far from uncomfortable. My body feels light; I can hear chanting. If this is what the Sri Lankans do to get healthy, I’ll take it over my local GP any day of the week. In fact, I’ll take most things on offer in Sri Lanka, but you can hold the extra heat; it’s pretty special just the way it is. ❚ Jennifer travelled with Red Dot Tours

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What it says on the tin: Mountain Heavens Hotel

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Photos: Thinkstock, Getty, Sri Lanka Tourism, Mountain Heavens Hotel

Deeply committed to the care, protection and treatment of Sri Lankan elephants since 1999, the Millennium Elephant Foundation (MEF) is located in Kegalle, about an hour from Kandy. Welcoming volunteers from around the world to care for and treat elephants injured and endangered as a result of extensive deforestation, the MEF is a proud pioneer of eco farming and endorse a belief that “life revolves around nature”. For long-term volunteers looking to reside in Sri Lanka for a month or more, there’s the chance to help out on the foundation’s working eco farm, as well as teach English to children in the nearby village. Day visitors are encouraged to get up close and personal to the elephants and interact with them and their mahout (elephant rider). You’ll be given the chance to wash and exfoliate the creatures in the river using coconut husks, and even assist with feeding the younger elephants or providing medicine to sick elephants as part of a voluntary veterinary programme. SEE: millenniumelephantfoundation.com


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Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.635, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Discount taken from the trip price and doesn’t include local payments.


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RUGBY UNION DON’T MISS THIS YEAR’S ONLY LONDON INTERNATIONAL NAUS v BARBARIANS Twickenham SAT 26 NOV ✔ Confirmed for the Barbarians: Stirling Mortlock, Sonny Bill Williams, Victor Matfield & Piri Weepu!

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30 DEC-2 JAN £209/279 30 DEC-2 JAN £279

N 4 Day Coach/Hostel Tour

FOOTBALL ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE WED 14 DEC £11 NFulham FC vs Odense BK NFulham FC vs Bolton Wanderers SAT 17 DEC £33 NFulham FC vs Newcastle SAT 21 JAN £38 NFulham FC vs Man Utd SAT 24 MAR Coach Trip £99 NFulham FC vs Man Utd 1 NIGHT Coach Trip £139 NFulham FC vs Liverpool SAT 14 APR Coach Trip £99 N Deposits from £50 - balance due 45 days before

PADDY’S DAY CELEBRATE PADDY’S DAY IN DUBLIN! N3 Nights Dublin 15-18 MAR £159 ✔ Three nights hostel ✔ Guinness tour ✔ Paddy’s Day Parade

ANZAC DAY JOIN OUR HIGHLY ACCLAIMED ANZAC TOURS

GALLIPOLI TOURS N3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199 N 4 Day Tour 23-26 APR £239 N5 Day Tour 22-26 APR £279 N 8/9 Day Tours 18-26 APR or 22-29 APR £399 N15/16 Day Tours 11-26 APR or 22 APR-6 MAY £599 WESTERN FRONT TOUR WWI French & Belgian Battlefields + Anzac Day Services NEurostar Tour 23-25 APR £299 NMake Own Way 23-25 APR £259 ✔ Somme ✔ Villers-Bretonneaux ✔ Ypres ✔ Fromelles

✔ Accom ideally located in the absolute heart of town ✔ Edinburgh street party pass ✔ Superb pubs, bars & clubs ✔ Funky tour t-shirt ✔ Experienced Fanatics tour reps

SANTA PUB CRAWL ANNUAL XMAS PUB CRAWL

IEB:E

SUN 11 DEC £25

✔ Private red double-decker party bus ✔ Discount drinks ✔ Multiple pub stops ✔ Santa suit & hat included ✔ Group Santa photos at London’s most famous sites

KJ

FEB SKI WEEK HALF-TERM SKI WEEK IN THE FRNCH ALPS! 11-18 FEB N Coach Tour Risoul, France

£649

Price Includes : ✔ Return coach from London to the Alps ✔ 6 Day lift pass ✔ Ski / Snowboard hire ✔ Optional breakfast & dinner daily ✔ Optional lessons ✔ Apartments with balcony, kitchen & ensuite bathroom

PAMPLONA AMAZING RANGE OF TOP QUALITY TOURS! N Camping Pamplona or San Sebastian

4 Days

4-15 JUL £159

N Barcelona + Pamplona Fiesta 2-8 JUL N Ibiza + Pamplona Combo 5-11 JUL N San Sebastian + Pamplona 3-8 or 5-10 JUL N Coach Tours 6,7 or 8 Days Depart 3 or 4 JUL

£349 £389 fr £239 fr £279

BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st 94

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon - Fri 9am - 6pm


TRAVEL

tuhal 9 nn

A

EST! THE B D N A GEST E BIG H T , L IGINA HE OR T . . . T S s SKIFE christma

0m 18000m - 35 igh H de! u Altit

1 1 0 2 S A M X the ultimate white NE W YEAR’S NYE higher than Kosciusko!

@ Skifest Xmas Day

XMAS & NYE COMBOS

NYE – COACH TOUR

NSKIFEST XMAS + PARIS NYE

RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS

(all-inclusive) 23 DEC-2 JAN ✔ 7 Nights Risoul ✔ 2 Nights Paris ✔ Coach London-Risoul-Paris-London

N9DAYTOUR 30 DEC-7 JAN (all-inclusive) ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ 6 days skiing

£769

NSKIFEST XMAS & HOGMANAY NYE

£689

23-29 DEC & 30 DEC-2 JAN ✔ 4 Nights Risoul ✔ 3 Nights Edinburgh ✔ 4 Days skiing & Hogmanay’s NYE celebrations!

£599

NYE – FLIGHT TOUR N8DAYTOUR 30 DEC-6 JAN ✔ 6 days skiing ✔ Book early!

£719

l! ies! rtou ais t PR esin SkNifYE

(all-inclusive)

NYE – MAKE YOUR OWN WAY

£499

XMAS – FLIGHT TOUR RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS N8DAYTOUR 23-30 DEC

£719 (all-inclusive)

N8DAYTOUR 31 DEC-7 JAN ✔ Self-drive or train/bus to Risoul

SKIFEST PRICE INCLUDES XMAS – COACH TOURS RISOUL, FRENCH ALPS

£529

(all-inclusive) N7DAYTOUR 23-29 DEC ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ Gets back Thurs 29 ✔ 4 days skiing

£599

(all-inclusive) N9DAYTOUR 23-31 DEC ✔ Depart London Friday evening ✔ Gets back Sat 31 ✔ 6 days skiing

UNBEATABLE GROUP ATMOSPHERE! ! TOP QUALITY SNOW

✔ Return transport from London ✔ Optional b’fast & dinner daily in resort £80 ✔ Ski lift pass ✔ Ski/Snowboard hire ✔ Skifest merchandise ✔ Legendary Skifest parties & theme nights ✔ Amazing Xmas & NYE celebrations

Unbeatable skiing

OUR SKI RESORT & ACCOM ✔ Self-contained apartments (sleeps 4-6) ✔ Balcony, kitchen, ensuite bathroom & WC ✔ High altitude resorts 1,850m-3,500m ✔ Top quality snow & over 300km of piste ✔ Ski runs literally at our door step ✔ Funky resort bars, shops & restaurants

Our apartments

Know before you go..... ✔ All Fanatics tours stay in self contained apartments ✔ We DO NOT use complexes designed for schools and youth groups ✔ We only use high altitude resorts with outstanding snow records

BOOK ONLINE NOW!

www.thefanatics.com

www.skifest.co.uk or call 0207 240 3223

COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

Floor, 15 New Row, Covent Garden, WC2N 4LD Mon-Fri 9am-6pm TNTMAGAZINE.COM

95


2012 FESTIVAL & EVENT LINE UP LAUNCHED Dont miss being a part of the world’s biggest festivals F -0#!&-'!#Q!+.',%A&-12#*9&-2#*!!-++-"2'-,-.2'-,1@ F 0#)$12"'*7@ F  0#%3*0!-!&20,1$#012$#12'4*1@ F 6.#0'#,!#"9.0-$#11'-,*-,2')',Q0-"9,Q1'2#2#+1@ F -3!&--1#Q0#230,!-!&20,1.-022--,"-,-0+##2312&#0#@ F  -,2')'$#12'4*%#0*')#2Q1&'021A&--"'#19+-0#@

St Patrick’s Day 4 Days March 15 - 18 From £229 SAVE £40 contiki.com/dublin

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Contiki Winter 24 Winter tours to choose from! F ,212'!&-2#*!!-++-"2'-,#4#07,'%&2@ F lsSnp`1-,*7;)#$0'#,"1$0-+**-4#02&#5-0*"; F &#',"3120'#1$0'#,"*'#129 #1220',#"!0#5@ F 3*2'Q!-3,20720'.1@ 0-+tQmo"71 F ,Q"#.2&0#%'-,*2-301$0-+pSlo"71',!*3"',%  2*7A.',A %7.29 12#0, 30-.#@

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Ski Austria Ski Europe’s Top Resort the Austrian Welt Region

XMAS & NYE Departures SELLING FAST! Ski Only

Ski Plus

(meet us there) (return coach from London) 7 Nights Dec 24 – Dec 31 8 Nights Dec 23 – Dec 31

£735 (all inclusive)

£775 (all inclusive)

Includes: F Accommodation in Contiki’s traditional Gasthof guesthouse. F Hot buffet breakfast daily. F Free pick up available from Innsbruck or Worgi Station. F Free Salzburg day trip. F Access to Contiki’s legendary bar & themed parties. F Awesome Xmas & NYE celebrations. F 6 Day Ski pass & Equipment hire F 3 Day 4hr Ski Lessons

Departures starting 09-Dec to 25-Feb 2012 Book at contiki.com/ski

contiki.com | 0845 026 8900

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(30TH EDINBURGH 2011/2012 - EUROPES BIGGEST NEW YEARS EVE PARTY ✔ Hostel Accommodation Only FROM £249 ✔ Hotel Accommodation Only FROM £269 ✔ Coach Tours FROM £309 ✔ Hi Speed Trains Tours FROM £359 WOW - LOOK WHAT’S INCLUDED

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Fri 25 Nov - Sun 27 Nov. Two night’s B&B hotel, city sightseeing tour and plenty of free time to explore Paris.

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DAY TRIPS ¸ Sat 26 Nov. York. From

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BICESTER OUTLET VILLAGE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING 18 Dec Only £23

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LOW BUDGET ALL INCLUSIVE SKIING IN THE FRENCH ALPS

NEW YEAR Party & Ski in TIGNES 30th Dec 2011 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 7th Jan 2012

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From

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NANNIES | CARE | CHEFS/BAR/CATERING | TRADES | GENERAL JOBS | TAX | VISAS CARE WORK

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CLASSIFIEDS

CARE WORK

CHEFS/BAR/CATERING

PROFESSIONAL CHEF DE PARTIES & ABOVE REQUIRED

IMMEDIATE work for able and available NURSES AND CARERS

Casual/ Freelance and Permanent Chef De Parties Needed for Event Caterers/4-5 Star Hotels/Restaurants. £9 - £15 per hour ¸Ltd Company and Self Employed Welcome ¸Weekly Pay ¸Varied Hours ¸Ongoing Work CV, Level 2 Hyg Cert. Legality to Work Ess. Phone 0203 142 7117 Email: oliver@heatlondon.com

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020 7794 9323 FLEXIBLE AND VARIED HOURS TO SUIT YOUR IMMDIATE NEEDS – 1HOUR TO 24 HOURS DAILY DAILY, NIGHTLY, WEEKENDS TO SUIT We specialise in caring for the elderly, the disabled and the infirm in their own homes. We have over 33 years experience in placing nurses and carers in homecare 95 Heath St Hampstead, NW3 6SS (on Northern line - tube)

www.colvin-nursing.co.uk We are an equal opportunities company.

Professional Chef de Parties required for Event Catering companies within Central London. £9.00-£12.50 p/h. Weekly pay, flexible hours, 7 days p/w. CV, Qual, Passport, Hyg Cert ess. Tel: 0208 946 6342 or 0208 944 1609 Email: claire@claireschefs.com (Agy)

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TRADES & LABOUR

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GENERAL EMPLOYMENT

• Plus FREE accommodation • Plus FREE meals and transport • Plus have a FANTASTIC time!

We are Best Parties Ever Ltd and we run spectacular Christmas Parties from the end of November and throughout December in 17 venues across the UK.We promise you a fun environment in which to work, good rates of pay, free accommodation and free meals

Work starts late November and finishes before Christmas Day. To apply, meet up with us between 11.30am – 4pm for an informal interview on one of the following days, bringing with you a valid work visa and passport. If you are unable to bring these items with you, we will not be able to interview you.

For more info visit www.bestpartiesever.com

Wednesday 23rd November At :The Walkabout Inn, 11 Henrietta Street, Covent Garden London WC2E 8PS

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* See ya later, KB: After threeand-a-half years you’ve made it. Now you can fuck off to your heaps good Adelaide! Kidding. You’ll be back because it’s too hard to give up a trashy night at the Walkie, a dirty chicken run and the butt load of cock you find on your way home to V Road. Of course, no judgement. Love you. Gemma Bowe Farewell Old Man and his Mexican: I can’t believe you upstaged me by leaving first and so suddenly! Between concerts, rugby, tennis, the chav suit, picnics and much-extended hikes, you’ve certainly made my five years here memorable. All the best for Hong Kong. Bags not helping you move from there! Ash, take care of Malcolm. Seano, I will never forgive you for the Rotherhithe incident! By the way, what’s your new postcode??? ;-) Cath Ferguson A tune for Kate: Ding dong merrily on high in heaven the bells are ringing/Ding dong merrily on high my fucking balls are swinging. Tra la la la la la la la lal la lalla la Lal lalla lal la la ... Happy Thanksgiving, Giggy: Hey you big fat chino latte americano. We’ll put on a feast for you at the house. All you need to bring is the food – we wanted to make it easy for you. Having you in the house has been an, hmm ... eye-opener. The St Luke’s Crew Sticky situation: Where’s the git who was eating the chewing gum in Clapham last week? When they put Stuck On You on the jukebox, there was no need to stick the gum in my hair, you twat!

I hope your teeth drop out. The Saffa at Brogans in Fulham on Friday, November 11: You grabbed me as I was going to the loo and pulled me on to the dancefloor for a quick twirl. I don’t know why you were dancing alone, as you were totally fit. My nose was buried in your neck briefly and I got a sniff of a very tasty cologne – then I really had to go to the toilet. You disappeared when I came back though. I was gutted,

you said I looked like the Cookie Monster (I hope you were joking). You took me to your place and then you found out I was really Animal. Next time you want to play my drums say the word. Me want more! Fond farewell: Andy (aka Paul Ross) and Amy, it was great having you round for a few days. We certainly put our stamp on Earlsfield the first night you arrived, though the memory’s hazy and the

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#000 #454 Xxxxxxx Take over as Tiger Woods’s caddie. Nothing racist about the monarchy

thought we had something. Say hello here so we can get on our twinkle toes once more. Suze. Rumble in the jungle: Jez, I heard the howl of a wildebeest from your room last Wednesday night. Is that when you pulled out your anaconda from Africa? Time you got a job and spared your housemates the sounds of your safari sessions, don’t you think? Your suffering mates at Churston Street Chickadee: Hey yellow bird, where are you now? I met you in Sesame Street (no joke) and

head’s been in seriously poor shape since. Have a great time tearing up Europe. Big Ben can have his limelight back now, since the biggest thing in London has left the building. Bon Voyage. Cuz The old boy with the dirty ‘tache at Lost Society: There was not enough alcohol in the bar to drink away the memory burned into my brain of you eyeballing me on Thursday, November 17. Who let you out? Going, going gone: See ya, Belinda. England’s loss is Australia’s gain, or perhaps America’s or

Canada’s – who knows! Wherever you end up, we will miss you. You have been a cool housemate. Hairy Felice will cry for a week. Good luck for the future and keep in touch, Miss GoGo Yubari. Thanks for the tea! Your flatties at 35a To the Farmer’s wife: Shay, do me a favour: when my speckled hen goes cock-a-doodledo in the mornings, gimme a peck. There’s poverty in the farmyard, if you know what I mean. Farmer Swings Low Boo hoo: I’m so sad to see you go, Miss Leah. I’ll have to find someone else to get mullered with on Mondays, and find a wingwoman for catastrophic Sundays at the Church. I heard they were going to put up a plaque for you, their most loyal patron. Good luck back home. I hear the US troops are training in Darwin next year. I ought to take a holiday to come see you. Love, Sars Saucy exchange: You pointed out that I had ketchup on my top in the chippie on Fulham Road. Thanks for that. Hope you got a good look at my rack, which will mean you wish you’d asked for my phone number. Get in touch with something more charming than “You’ve got sauce dribbling down your face” and you can have it (my phone number). Chrissy To Gaz the stinker: You’re a crusty, and it’d be nice if you had a shower once in a while. But I am sorry for ruffling your shitstained feathers the other night. Will you ever let me sleep in your festy trough again?

*Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ bill payers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

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TNT Magazine / Issue 1473