January 21-27 2013 Issue 1534 tntmagazine.com
VIP TICKETS TO CLUB DE FROMAGE + £100 WORTH OF FANCY DRESS!
JULIA GILLARD GETS GRILLED We put the tough questions to the PM
THE TRAVEL HIT LIST The must-do spots a short hop from London
TNT MEETS HUGH JACKMAN The star talks singing and slicing up bad guys
! R E W O P E I AUSS
s a Day partie li a r t s u A t s e db ’s biggest an y it c e th to l guide Your essentia + AUSTRALIAN DIAMONDS WHO IS FLUME? A QUICK QUIZ ABOUT OZ BOOZY BELGRADE
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LAURA CHUBB EDITOR email@example.com
EDITOR’S LETTER Unless you’ve been sleeping in an isolation tank hidden away in an underground cave – with headphones on – you’ll be aware that it’s Australia Day this weekend. I’ll be honest: we’ve gone and got a bit overexcited. The result is a turbo-Aussie issue packed with icons including Hugh Jackman (P28) and Julia Gillard (P42), plus patriotic tomfoolery in the form of a brain-busting quiz (P32) and an interview with the Australian Diamonds (P46). Enjoy!
LONDONDIARY DRINK & EATS
LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS
OZ DAY QUIZ
NEWS & SPORT
FEATURES BIG DAY OUT
Prepare for a huuuge weekend with our guide to the best Oz Day ever in London
MEET HUGH JACKMAN
Australia’s hottest export is the toast of Tinseltown, and a bloody good bloke
Four folks from Down Under argue for and against living in London’s Oz ghettos
LET’S GET QUIZZICAL
TNT has devised a dastardly quiz to test where an Aussie in London’s loyalties lie
CLASSIFIEDS DESPERATELY SEEKING
We sit down with the Aussie PM and talk elections, Abbott and that speech
TRAVEL HIT LIST
The ultimate to-do list for travelling types. Don’t leave this hemisphere without it
Editorial Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne
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Love tales: sexy stories before bed
Design and production Head of design and production Jon Cooke Sales Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale marketing & events Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh tnt MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst Publisher TNT Multimedia Limited Distribution Emblem Direct Ltd Printed by Wyndeham Peterborough Limited News AAP SAPA NZPA Pictures Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email firstname.lastname@example.org sales enquiries
Phone 020 7989 0567 Email email@example.com Where to get TNT
cover price: £1.95 where sold See tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online Subscriptions and Distribution Caroline Penn 01603 559004
Shhh... SECRET LONDON bedtime stories stepney green
Sitting around in your PJs, sipping a cocktail, listening to a story – Bedtime Stories is an unusual prospect but it’s captured the capital’s imagination. The new season launches this week with Casanova biographer Beau Brummell’s Sex In The Eighteenth Century. In February, Tales Of Love, Lust And Longing makes sure Valentine’s Day is as sexual – sorry, romantic – as can be. Devil Girls changes tack come March with two nights of supernatural tales, and April has both Indian Tales and Sherlock Holmes: The Last Act to entertain you. £30
All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.
From January 24. 7pm 40 Winks, E1 4JU Stepney Green
A Scouser and Marxist, Mr Sayle had an interesting take on alternative comedy back in the Eighties, the decade of power suits, “greed is good” and Wham! Back with his first solo show in 16 years, it’s a chance to see where stand-up as we now know it all began. No exaggeration.
An odd proposition given London’s propensity for cold, rainy winter weather, but no less stunning. Every night Canary Wharf Middle Dock has a flotilla of miniature paper boats by Aether and Hemera crossing it. Best of all, you can influence their shape, form and luminescence with your mobile.
TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.
Jan 21-Feb 9 (not Jan 27, 28, Feb 3 & 4), 7.30pm Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com
Daily, until Feb 15, dusk-2am Canary Wharf, E14 4HJ Canary Wharf canarywharf.com
future cinema: shawshank The immersive moviegoing experience’s latest focus is prison classic The Shawshank Redemption and shows what it was like for Tom Robbins’ Andy Dufresne. New dates have been added due to popular demand for this event at Cardinal Pole School. With actors, scene recreations and the film itself, it’s as if you’re there. £33.50+
Until Feb 24, 6pm E9 6LG Homerton futurecinema.co.uk
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Australia Day 2013
Catch the stand-up stars of tomorrow
Bush Fire Appeal Saturday 26th January Midday to 3am Wessex House Clapham Junction
NATYS COMEDY SHOWCASE & AWARDS Euston
An orgy of new act comedy carnage to make you piss yourself laughing, this evening is the grand final of the 30th annual New Act Of The Year (NATYs) competition. Sixteen competitors, including comedy blues band Jonny & the Baptists and sketch group Four Screws (above), will do their best five minutes for the judges and you to decide who is this year’s winner, set to take the stand-up stage by storm. £12.50
January 27, 7.30pm Bloomsbury Theatre, WC1H 0AH
FESTIVAL OF THE SPOKEN NERD
Photojournalist Jeremy Hunter headlines this exhibition with photos of North Korean propaganda that capture the majesty, artistry and dedication behind DPRK‘s Arirang Games, the annual demonstration in which thousands of dancers perform with pure precision. Communism has its uses ...
The nerds’ new show, Life, Oh Life, is a combination of stand-up, science experiment and audience interaction. Laugh and learn with brainiacs Steve Mould (experiments), Helen Arney (songs) and Aussie maths master Matt Parker as they investigate where we come from and where we’re headed.
Jan 16-Feb 16, Mon-Fri, 10am6pm; Sat, 11am-5pm Atlas Gallery, W1U 7NF Baker Street atlasgallery.com
January 21 & 22, 7.30pm Bloomsbury Theatre, WC1H 0AH Euston Square thebloomsbury.com
Photos: Helen Cathcart
A huge day of live music, entertainment & fun! In support of the Bush Fire Appeal
Home, even away London is the dog’s bollocks, but Australia Day reminds Aussies of what we miss at home. No worries, get a taste of Oz anytime Words Michael gadd
An Aussie who says they never have a longing for home – whether it’s for sun, schooners or a day not getting asked “Why are you here when it’s summer there?” – is bullshitting. But that doesn’t make us love London with its plentiful awesomeness any less. And being a great friend to Oz, it’s easy to get a taste of Australia in the Big Smoke without straying out of sight of the Thames. Here’s how to spend a turbo Aussie-style day ... 09:00 The full English is great (cheap and huge), yet Aussies are a bit snooty about brunch. The reason is places like Soho’s Down Under-run Flat White (flatwhitecafe.com), where a proper rich and strong flat white with creamy scrambled eggs on toast (£4) with your choice of trimmings (bacon, smoked salmon, sausages or creamed mushrooms, £2, tomato and avocado for £1 more) are done right. 10:30 Now duck around the corner and fill your swag (or backpack) with a stack of goodies from the Australia Shop (see P11 for details). This place has been around for 35 years and has all the faves from home. Plus, when 6
we turn up, there are a stack of Kiwis browsing, so it feels just like Sydney. 11:30 The Aussie yob stereotype exists, but unless there’s a bottle of Bundy involved it’s a bit of a wind-up, right? Let’s prove it with a trip to the Tate Modern – see Sir Sidney Nolan’s 1950 masterpiece Inland Australia on level 2. If art’s not you, go for some religious worship at the MCC Museum at Lord’s (lords.org/history/mcc-museum) – it’s packed with Aussie gear, such as kits used by Donald Bradman and Shane Warne and the real Ashes trophy. 13:30 Peckish? Head to Borough Market (boroughmarket.org.uk) and grab a roo burger from Gamston Wood Farm’s stall (Fridays and Saturdays). Or, any day, see one of the excellent fishmongers for a kilo of prawns and beer geniuses The Rake Bar for a few Coopers or Little Creatures (and grab a few extras for later). Perfect. 15:00 The Australian War Memorial at Hyde Park Corner is a short but well worthy stop. It pays tribute to 102,000 Aussies who gave their lives for the motherland in WW1 and WW2. It’s made of granite from Jerramungup in WA, so this is literally a slice of home.
16:00 Now you’re in one of the coolest parks around, reach into that backpack of yours and pull out the Sherrin or a Frisbee – it may be ball-shrivellingly cold, but it wouldn’t be an Aussie day out without them. Here is where those extra brews you bought will come in handy. Put on the beer jacket. 18:30 Don’t work up too much of a sweat, you’ve got a slap-up dinner to attend at The Commonwealth Kitchen (searcys.co.uk) in Wandsworth. The Brit restaurant’s menu is inspired by their far off lands, and in Jan head chef Oliver Tobias looks to the Australian summer’s seafood and barbies for inspiration. 20:30+ Now you have a choice, keep moving southwest for a snakebitefuelled crawl of the most Aussie-loving pubs (turn over for examples) in London or to Mayfair for a Down Under-themed karaoke sesh. The new Karaoke Box (karaokebox.co.uk) has stacks of Oz rock (the Mentals, the Oils and AC/DC), pop (Kylie and Peter Andre) and others (Nikki Webster? We shit you not!). Don’t leave without a chorus of Slim Dusty’s Pub With No Beer. THE BEST AUSTRALIA DAY PARTIES ››
Stocked up: all major food groups covered
Oasis: just as well, ‘cos it’s fucking cold!
Tuckered out: snooze worthy of a postcard
AUSTRALIA DAY AT THE CHURCH CLAPHAM
GIGALUM’S AUSTRALIA DAY WEEKENDER CLAPHAM
This Aussie institution will be putting on its most raucous Sunday service of the year, so there’s no room for wimpy post-Oz Day hangovers. As well as the customary cases of booze and exotic dancers, MacBackpackers and Stoke Travel will be giving away prizes throughout. £12
January 27, 11.45am-4.30pm 21-25 St Johns Hill, SW11 1TT Clapham Junction thechurchlondon.com
Why only party for one day when you can keep going for three? Gigalum (below) is doing it up right with a weekend of Aussie shenanigans, starting on Friday 25 and pushing on through to Sunday 27. There’ll be Aussie DJs playing sets from 3pm until 11pm each day, discounts on grog from Down Under and a live feed to the motherland. Steel yourself. FREE
TNT AUSTRALIA DAY PARTY clapham Who better to celebrate Australia Day with than your faithful old buddies TNT? We’re putting on a stonking 12 hours of power at Infernos in Clapham, with a free VB for everyone who pre-registers on our website, kangaroo boxing, and a best-dressed competition that could see you win £1300 of prizes from Busabout. Sweet. FREE
January 25-27, from 3pm 7-8 Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common Southside, SW4 9DW Clapham South Clapham Junction gigalum.com
January 26, 9am-9pm Infernos, 146 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UH Clapham Common tntmagazine.com/australiaday
elk bar fulham
DRAFT HOUSE ACROSS LONDON
Get an early start (the party begins at 9am) and enjoy £2.95 mojitos all day, a free sausage sizzle, and DJs spinning tunes to get you on the floor (though you may end up hitting the deck without their help thanks to the cheap drinks).
London’s Draft House collective of pubs has gone mad for Aussie craft beers in the run up to the big day, serving the likes of Fremantle’s Little Creatures (from £3.75), plus a special Ute Burger with pickled beets and Kylie’s Meat Pie (both £9.75).
WINE TASTING AT VINOPOLIS LONDON BRIDGE If you’re looking to do something with a more sophisticated edge on Australia Day, this special masterclass in Aussie wine might just do the trick. The experience starts with an expert introducing you to six wines, representing a range of styles from Down Under. You’ll then be invited to explore Vinopolis’s impressive collection of vinos and spirits, so you can make good use of the seven drink tokens included in the £50 price tag. Allow an hour for the masterclass and up to two hours for the tasting. £50
January 26, 2.30pm No.1 Bank End, SE1 9BU London Bridge vinopolis.co.uk
January 26, from 9am 587 Fulham Road, SW6 5UA Fulham Broadway elkbar.com
WALKABOUT SHEPHERD’S BUSH Start with brekkie from 8am at this She Bu staple and stick around for live music and DJs throughout the day, including party band the Bondi Beach Bums. FREE
January 26, 8am-2am Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8QE Shepherd’s Bush walkabout.eu.com
JETLAG BAR fitzrovia
An Australia Day party at an Irish bar? Why not? Waxy’s is planning a day of Aussie tunes, food and drink, plus bring along your Australian passport for special discounts and offers.
This sports bar’s Australia Day spectacular starts with a movie marathon from 1pm, showing The Castle, Strictly Ballroom, Muriel’s Wedding and The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert back-to-back. Then there’s live music from 10pm courtesy of The Punching Preachers (think modern and classic rock covers) and an all-day Aussie menu offering up the likes of kangaroo steak and pavlova. Entry is free until 9pm and £7 after, or £5 if booked in advance.
January 26, 12pm-12am 14-16 Rupert Street, W1D 6DD Piccadilly Circus waxyoconnors.co.uk
January 26, 1pm-3am 125 Cleveland Street, W1T 6QB Great Portland Street jetlagbar.com
Until January 26, times vary, check the website for details Various drafthouse.co.uk
WAXY O’CONNOR’S piccadilly FREE
AFL THIS SUMMER CELEBRATE
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St Patrick’s Day £249 March 15-18 Return coach from London, city centre hostel accommodation, breakfast, pub crawl, city walking tour, Guinness storehouse tour, St Patricks Day parade, gift bag.
£139 July 5-8
Camping accommodation, pickup upon arrival in Pamplona, regular shuttles to centre of Pamplona, bull run, gift bag.
AustrAliA DAy sAle 10% OF
Enter discount code ‘TNT’ when booking Valid until 31st Jan
La Tomatina From
£119 Aug 27-29 Go Gombo in 2013
4* hotel accommodation, breakfast, city walking tour, bus transfers to festival, tomato fight, gift bag
ER W O P F O S 12 HOUR ALIA
AUSTR DAY Y FREE ENTR ERNOS
VENUE: INF H ST, SW4 7UH 146 CLAPHAM HIG 3 , JANUARY 26, 201 DATE: SATURDAY COMMON TUBE: CLAPHAM TIME: 9AM – 9PM
E TICKETS ARE FRE GISTER WHEN YOU PRE-RE
WIN OVER £1,300 IN PRIZES Hop-off Flexible Hop-on passes of Europe Pamplona trips
ORE 12 S EXTRA DRY BEF(WHEN YOU PRE-REGISTER) A FREE TOOHEY’ DAY ALL KE CO £2.95 BUNDY & SIC FROM ENT AND LIVE MU DJ ENTERTAINM RE... MO + MS BU CH THE BONDI BEA COMP G - BEST DRESSED KANGAROO BOXIN RT TO FINISH STA M FRO 100 TRIPLE J HOT
THE Larrik inn fulham
jumbuck’s pies shePHERD’S buSH
Dust off your thongs, unleash your mullet and get down to The Larrik Inn (below) for some Down Under fun. On Jan 26, feast on BBQ grub and Aussie snacks, enjoy drinks promos, and dance until late to music from bands and a DJ. And be sure to make an effort – there’s a prize for the best-dressed. As the poster says: “You’d be a flamin’ galah to go anywhere else!”
Straya Day just wouldn’t be the same without chowing down on some good ole Aussie tucker. And if it’s a bursting-to-the-brim pie you’re after, Jumbuck’s is the place to go. Head to their cafe and choose from Aussie Rules (steak, bacon, cheese), Footie (beef, Guinness), Godfather (chicken carbonara) or Popeye (spinach, mushroom, feta). Or bag yourself an Australia Day pack (see southerncrossdeli.co.uk) filled with snacks and treats. £2.10+
January 26, 11am-1am 32 Crawford Place, W1H 5NN Putney Bridge thelarrikinnfulham.com
COMEDY CARNIVAL clapham Laugh until you’re sick at this comedy onslaught with a line-up bursting with top Aussie names. The Comedy Carnival will kick off with Big Colin Cole taking to the stage, followed by Benny Boot throwing in some hilarious one-liners, while Pete Jonas is third on the bill. MC for the night is Andrew Roper. Booking recommended. £14
Mon-Tues until 9pm; Wed-Thurs, 10pm; Fri 1am; Sat 1am; Sun 12am 24 Shepherd’s Bush Green, West 12 Centre, W12 8PH Shepherd’s Bush jumbucks.com
January 26, 8pm 21-25 St Johns Hill, SW11 1TT Clapham Junction comedycarnival.co.uk
Kaffeine Oxford circus
bison and bird Clapham common
Enjoying Oz Day at home? Pre-order your lamingtons from Kaffeine, which also does proper coffee and supermoist blondies.
Kick off the party early with a 9am start at this boozer. Scoff Aussie burgers and pies, down pints of snakebite or Bundy and cokes for £2.95, then dance the night away to music provided by DJs.
Photos: Benjamin Connolly; Thinkstock
Australia shop covent garden £various Caramello Koalas, Violet Crumbles, Tim Tams and Cherry Ripes ... is your mouth watering yet? If you’re hosting your own Oz Day-themed party, make sure you stock up on authentic goodies and impress your guests. At The Australia Shop, you’ll find everything from Twisties and Shapes to Fantales and Vegemite. Don’t forget to grab a bottle (or three) of Bundaberg Rum to really get the party started. Mon-Fri, 10.30am-6.30pm; Sat, 11am-6.30pm; Sun, 11am-5.30pm 27 Maiden Lane, WC2E 7JS Leicester Square australiashop.co.uk
Mon-Fri, 7.30am-6pm; Sat, 8.30am-6pm; Sun, 9.30am-5pm 66 Great Titchfield St, W1W 7QJ Oxford Circus kaffeine.co.uk
australia day bushfire appeal battersea
January 26, 9am-8pm 182-184 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UG Clapham Common bisonandbird.com
lunch at entrÉe BATTERSEA
An Aussie-themed games room, pie-eating comp and karaoke are just a few highlights at this mega all-dayer, with all proceeds going to the Australian Red Cross to help those affected by the bushfires. Expect Bondi Beer and Little Creatures, too.
Enjoy a special Aussie menu for one day only at this Aussieowned eatery, offering up tastes of home including kangaroo salad and lamingtons. Two courses for £24 or three for £27.50.
January 26, 12pm-3am Wessex House, 1A St Johns Hill Clapham Junction australiadaylondon.com
January 26, 12pm-3.30pm 2 Battersea Rise, SW11 1ED Clapham Junction entreebattersea.co.uk
geronimo inns across london Geronimo Inns are going all-out this Australia Day. Chomp on a special Aussie burger at the Chiswick & Harrison’s in Balham; munch on special Aussie grub and dance to top music from Down Under at The Phoenix in Chelsea; or pull on your best party gear for a fancy dress BBQ at the Coat & Badge in Putney. Fancy something a little more upmarket? Head to The Duke Of Clarence, on Old Brompton Road, for a special on Yalumba. Sorted! FREE
Times and dates vary, check the website for details Various geronimo-inns.co.uk
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THE WHITE LION
Community: a south London pub is at the lionheart of it
From the outside, it’s just a quiet unassuming boozer halfway along Streatham High Road. This appearance is deceiving. The pub within is a local watering hole, a gig and comedy venue and home for the last three years to charity Music4Children, run by resident Aussie and pub owner Oz Bayldon. He regularly runs fundraising events (the world’s highest gig record has been held twice by Oz and co, with shows in Nepal in 2005 and 2012, the proceeds of which funded building an orphanage), as well as community-supporting activities held in its myriad rooms, from zumba to music production. It has the spacious and unpretenious vibes you’d associate with acoustic guitars and Marshall speakerboasting venues (the likes of Alabama 3 and Willy Mason have dropped in before), but it is the character of the venue and the friends-and-family vibe of those who run it that makes it a welcoming and always hospitable place for a chat and a pint, and catching an awesome band. THE GRUB None to speak of, but the choice of thinly cut potato snacks is sublime. THE SCENE
A range of beers and ales, the odd wine, and spirits and mixers. Pints, wine (by the glass) and spirits and mixers all from £3.50. VERDICT With music, open mic nights and comedy six days a week, and a host of friendly faces behind the bar, this is a local to more than just the locals. AM BEHIND THE BAR BILL PLEASE
234 Streatham High Road, SW16 1BB
3 OF THE BEST MEAT PIES
EAT MY PIES
Missing the great Aussie meat pie? Here are some Brit versions to warm you in winter. On Holloway Road, Piebury Corner’s awardwinning wares start at £1.50, plus there are ales and ciders to pair with your pastry.
Andy Bates created Eat My Pies to restore pie-making back to Great British glory. Visit one of his three stalls, at King’s Boulevard, White Cross Street Market and Broadway Market, for a wild rabbit and bacon pie at £5.
M. Manze has been around since 1902, and is still adored for its pie and mash. Enjoy yours the proper Cockney way with Manze’s homemade liquor, a sort of dyed-green gravy. Visit stores in Tower Bridge, Peckham and Sutton.
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The Grill: affordable opulence
FREE MARGARITAS They say every cloud has a silver lining, and this week BBQ and crabshack joint Big Easy on King’s Road is looking to sew a little sterling into the gloom hanging over anyone who received an HMV gift voucher for Christmas. Take your worthless currency from the now defunct record shop, which went into adminstration last week, to the eatery and you’ll get a complimentary frozen margarita. Go turn that frown upside down! One drink per person only. bigeasy.co.uk
The Grill NOT SO BLUE MONDAY And the freebies just keep on coming to cheer you up in the winter chill this week. You’ll have to be quick to catch this one, though – the most depressing day of the year, known as ‘Blue Monday’, is January 21, and Yo! Sushi is giving away food for this day only to bring a smile to your glum little chops. To claim a free blue plate at any Yo! Sushi restaurant, just say “cheery nigiri” to your server and you’ll receive the tucker totally free. One free plate is allowed per customer. yosushi.com
BEER COCKTAILS CLASS If you fancy a boozy but educational afternoon before an evening of Australia Day revelry, check out the beer cocktails masterclass at 69 Colebrooke Row in Islington on January 26. The £40 fee includes tastings of tipples blended with beers and stouts, including Guinness, weiss beers from Germany, pale ales from around the UK and brews from London’s Meantime. From 2pm-4pm; email email@example.com.
MODERN EUROPEAN THE SCENE The head chef at this restaurant in the bowels of Mayfair’s Flemings Hotel is Sydneysider Braden Charlesworth, a young up-and-comer who was crowned Visionary Chef of the Year in 2012 thanks to a dish now appearing on The Grill’s menu (blood orange, buttermilk and carrot – read on for our verdict). Charlesworth puts his success down to a uniquely Aussie attitude, telling TNT: “I’m just a very laidback chef, and I’m not concerned about working within the confines of any kind of tradition.” The latter extends to the venue, too, which looks as opulent as you’d imagine in this neighbourhood, but in practice lacks pretension and packs a surprisingly affordable price tag (the most expensive dish costs £21.50). The grub My dining companion and I choose completely opposing notes on which to start: my boneless chicken wings with chanterelles, leek, tarragon and crisp pork skin is unrepentantly rich, a creamy blend of leeks thickening the deep mushroom and crispy chicken skin flavours, while she plumps for a fresher-feeling grilled mackerel with broccoli, radish, honey and elderflower, which is at once light and sweet. For the mains, my braised veal cheeks are melt-in-the-mouth tender; an almost cloying accompanying celeriac cream is cleverly offset by the acidic touch of pickled walnuts. My date’s Cornish sea bass with cauliflower cheese and black truffle butter lacks complexity but works as full-bodied comfort food. For dessert, baked ginger parkin and salted caramel ice cream is an irresistible assault on the sweet tooth. The awardwinning blood orange won’t quite match up for those seeking sheer indulgence, but its airier sweetness is an achievement, and the carrot sorbet refreshing.
Wine from £6.50/ £22.50 per glass/ bottle. Cocktails £8-14. Starters from £8.50; mains from £15.50; dessert from £7.50. Get a free champagne cocktail and canapés per person by quoting ‘TNT’ when you book via phone (020 7499 2964) or email (firstname.lastname@example.org). Valid January 21-28. verdict A treat that you can actually afford in cash-strapped January. LAURA CHUBB Behind the bar Bill please
69colebrookerow.com 7-12 Half Moon Street, Mayfair, W1J 7BH
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SHIT, THINK THAT I MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE WITH THE MAFIA. Woke up this morning TO FIND a Tesco burger on my pillow
Went to the fridge to check my burgers, aaanndd they’re off!
I HEAR Lincoln will be in theatres soon. HONESTLY, You’d think he’d have learned his lesson the last time
the New releases this week at Blockbuster video - The staff
”Shocking steroid admission Tonight on Oprah.” I KNEW it. Nobody gets that fat without some kind of help
Q: ‘WANT anything on your burger?” A: “A fiver each way, PLEASE”
can’t believe how thick the snow is out there. I just asked a snowman ‘what’s 2+2?’ and he just stared at me
SO LANCE ARMSTRONG CONFESSED. DIDN’T THINK HE HAD THE BALLS
Just to make doubly sure I WILL now only BE eating Ve..ie Burgers. THAT’S BURGERS With the ‘GG’ taken out
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Re: Tesco horseburgers (tntmagazine.com): It wouldn’t bother me as I’d already feel low enough for buying Tesco brand burger patties. If anything, it makes the meat in them more exotic for the person buying them. After all, horse meat is a delicacy in some countries! Clint Heine, via Facebook
LOST: TNT BINS
Hey, where can I pick up a TNT mag this week near SW6? There haven’t been any in Hammersmith Tube stations lately. Hayley Callahan, via Facebook Note from the Ed: Don’t despair, Hayley! You can still find TNT in Hammersmith: at Beadon Road by Hammersmith Tube, and outside Belushi’s on Hammersmith Broadway, plus there are copies at Capital Education on Hammersmith Broadway. Just let us know if you have any more problems.
Re: ‘Resolutions? Nah!’ (TNT 1533): Dear TNT, you are total bastards. I am supposed to be on a diet in January, eating six handful-sized meals a day. Yes, meals you can fit in the palm of one hand. Now, thanks to your feature, all I can think about is having a go at one of those massive pizzas at Ray’s in Russell Square, and also a burger topped with six slices of cheese and 200g of pulled pork in Hoxton. Those sex parties don’t sound too bad, either. Randy Al, via email
LETTER OF THE WEEK Re: Tesco horseburgers (tntmagazine.com): The only thing worrying about this is that they don’t know where it came from! Otherwise, horse is a lovely meat. I come from Hungary and we eat it there. We did feed it to a friend without her knowledge once who had said she would never eat any. And to this day, she still eats it. Rabbit is nicer, though, if we are talking about eating petlike animals. Peter Selmeczy, via Facebook Peter wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com
Tweet us @tntmagazine @FillWerrell I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song. @AnnaKendrick47 NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theatre again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is considered “inappropriate” @DerekMullings Anagram of hamburgers: shergars bum
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Re: ‘Giving up booze – bad for you and annoying as piss’ (TNT 1533): But how annoying is piss? I quite like taking one now and then, you know. Sam, via email HUGH JACKMAN /28 TRUE BLUE OZ DAY QUIZ /32
David Brady: Re: horseburgers: Did customers get the trots? I hope the situation is now stable. Mike Johnston: Re: Lance Armstrong confesses to Oprah: But just think how many people he has helped overcome cancer. There must be a few brownie points for him, surely. Annie Pearse: Just make your own burgers with mince, onion and herbs and an egg to bind, then chill – fabbo!
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Slash-approved: Aussie songstress Dallas Frasca set to storm London
ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD Last week we mourned the passing of a music industry institution, HMV, forced into administration by creditors. It poses the query: does the fall of a once retail giant hammer another nail in the coffin of the physical album or is it just another step in music consumption evolution? Many have reminisced about the happy days perusing HMV shelves. “Going to the shops to buy an album is over,” gabbed Paloma Faith. Sure, the indie record store has seen better days (some live on) and the big boys have taken the fight as far as possible. Their struggle is down to the ever increasing proportion of the market being absorbed by downloads (illegal and legal) and the fact you can buy a hard copy online for a fraction of the price you get on the high street. The music business is changing – it is inevitable and healthy, get used to it. With crowd sourcing, too, there is more music than ever, which should be celebrated. Sorry, HMV.
DALLAS FRASCA 12 Bar Club and more JAN 24-29 | DOORS AT TBC | £6+
Recommendations don’t come much more esteemed than that which Dallas Frasca earned after she performed with Guns ‘n’ Roses’ Slash last year at the launch for Bob Irwin’s new wildlife foundation, where the iconic six-stringer was impressed with her “great vocals, riffs and groove”. And he should know. Hitting these shores for a string of dates across the capital around Australia Day, the girl who’s stormed to success Down Under is getting ready to slay us with six shows in six days, kicking off at the 12 Bar Club on Jan 24. Frasca first found fame winning Triple J’s 2006 Light Your Fuse competition for new acts, and she has followed this up with the 2010 Artist of the Year accolade at the Musicoz Awards. Her fusing of a soulful, distinctive voice with hulking riffs and blues grooves grabs you, but it is her unmistakable attitude that sucks you in. Last year’s sophomore album Sound Painter earned her the best reviews of her career to date and that was despite the album being beset by problems throughout, such as the money to finish the record being nicked at Melbourne Airport. She needn’t have worried – the Frasca fans pulled together AU$4500 to make sure the album could be realised. She’s also playing Camden Rock (camdenrock.co.uk) on Jan 25; Shepherd’s Bush Walkabout (walkabout.eu.com) and Streatham’s The White Lion (whitelion.org.uk) on Jan 26; Brixton’s Windmill (windmillbrixton.co.uk) on Jan 28; and 12 Bar Club (12barclub.com) again on Jan 29. For more details visit dallasfrasca.com. 12 Denmark Street, WC2H 8NN
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flume GIG Thur, Jan 24. 8pm-12am £5
With his self-titled debut hitting the top of the Australian iTunes chart and riding high in the ARIAs, this talented 21-year-old is making all the right moves with his bass-heavy beats. The Sydney lad began producing at 13 and has caught the eye of Four Tet and Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs. The man of the hour!
Photos: Daniel Shipp 2011; 2012 Urban Angles
XOYO 32-37 Cowper Street, EC2A 4AP Old Street xoyo.co.uk
it’s a fine line
fri, jan 25. 10pm-6am £10+
fri, Jan 25. 10pm-6am £10+
The French duo Ivan Smagghe and Tim Paris bring their distinctively unique house tunes to the Loft, throwing Kraut-rock, psychedelic rock and anything else they care to into the mix. Joining them this evening is Canada’s Fairmont with a live performance that promises to mix indie and dance.
Liverpool-based house-master Yousef, whose second album A Product Of Your Environment was a critical hit last year, heads up this first Circus party of the new year. He’ll be joined by the likes of Jesse Rose, DJ W!ld in room one, with Thanksmate, Roberto Amo, White Jail Lab and more next door.
Loft Studios 83-87 Scrubs Lane, NW10 6QU Kensal Green residentadvisor.net
Egg 200 York Way, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net
pukka up @ pacha london
Thur, jan 24. 7pm £22.50
fri, jan 26. 11pm-6am £15
mon, jan 28. 7.30pm £25
The former Interpol frontman makes a solo sojourn over here in support of his second solo record, Banks. Newly sobered up, he’s previously ventured out on his own – under the pseudonym Julian Plenti – but now it’s all Paul. For fans of moody, atmospheric post-punk, which is not a million miles away from his former band.
Pukka Up is celebrating eight years at London’s Pacha with this full-on party. Ibiza residents Mark Robinson, Rockwell Noise and DJ F.A.B will be spinning house, with Pukka Up resident Chris Wright (above), and Essex’s sexiest night out, GlamourBall, taking over the Global Room. The Ibizan vibes have come to town.
Latest and eighth album Charmer dropped last year, full of Mann’s trademark melody and witty observation – the Nineties singer-songwriter even squeezes in a duet with Shins frontman James Mercer. Since her last record she’s played for President Obama and portrayed herself on hipster-skewering show Portlandia. Busy gal.
Koko 1a Camden High Street, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com
Pacha London Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR Victoria pukkaup.com
Royal Festival Hall Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX Waterloo southbankcentre.co.uk
snakadaktal The buzz so far The infuriatingly youthful Triple J fave five-piece snagged the Unearthed High award in 2011, released their first self-titled EP back in 2009 and will drop their first UK material in the shape of double A-side Air/Dance Bear. A pair of lovingly crafted dream-pop tunes, it shows their way with subtle and textured instrumentation, haunting vocals and a catchy melody. It’s a mixture that has won them tour slots with the likes of goth-popsters The Jezabels, and they’re playing Laneways Fest this week with the likes of Alt-J, Bat For Lashes and Yeasayer. Good work, guys. The Critics say “Dance Bear has quite the bite” Earmilk.com the plug Air/Dance Bear out Feb 4 through Young and Lost Club facebook.com/snakadaktal
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Mixmag Live Presents Boys Noize, D.I.M. and Scntst spin electro and techno. Village Underground, Holywell Ln, EC2A 3PQ (020 7422 7505). 10pm-4am. £20, adv £16.
Monday 21 Anthem Resident DJs play punk, rock, indie, emo and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, w/ flyer £3, guestlist £2, £1 before 11pm.
Outlook Festival Launch Party DJs Calyx, Teebee, DJ EZ, Pinch, Phaeleh, Channel One Sound System, Alix Perez, Lenzman, Author, Break, Logan Sama and Rattus Rattus play drum ‘n’ bass, dub and bass music. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. Queue jump £22, adv £12, mems/early bird £8.
Bite Resident DJs Lydia, Ian and Marcus spin indie, electro, disco and punk. Miabella, Greek St, W1D 4DL (020 7025 7844). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3. B-Side Bass, house, hip-hop, soul and electronic music courtesy of Matt Smooth, Tomski, Richy Pitch, Lyley and MC Tukka, plus a live set from Kid Kanevil. Notting Hill Arts Club, Notting Hill Gate, W11 3JQ (020 7460 4459). 7pm-2am. £8, £6 before 11pm, free before 8pm. Monday Resident DJs play pop, dance and R‘n’B. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977). 5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm. Jaded DJ Raymundo Rodriguez and guests spin house and techno. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 5am-1pm. £12, concs £8.
Tuesday 22 Latin Sound The resident DJs spin salsa, plus live bands. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). 7.30pm-late. Phone for prices. Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, guestlist w/flyer free before 10.30pm. Rockin’ Rio DJ Moishe spins Latin beats, rock and indie. Guanabara, Parker St, WC2B 5PW (020 7242 8600). 5pm-late. Free. Stupid Tuesday Resident DJs play funky house, disco and pop. Thirst, Greek St, W1D 3DR (020 7437 1977). 5pm-3am. £3, free before 10pm. This Must Be Pop Resident DJs spin pop, with live performances from Tich, Bebe Black and Rixton. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 7.30pm-10.30pm. Adv £2. Tuesday Night Inn Resident DJs spin folk and soul music, plus ping pong, table football and computer games. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 5pm-midnight. Free.
Wednesday 23 Back To My Roots Paul Trouble Anderson spins 1970s to 1990s jazz, funk, hip-hop, disco and R‘n’B. Zen Sai, Inverness St, NW1 7HJ (020 7424 9527). 9pm-2am. Free. Beach Bum DJ Larry Sun plays a mash-up of dance, hip-hop, electro and party. Ladybird Bar, Upper St, N1 0NY (020 7359 1710). 9pm-2am. Free. Choke Resident DJs play hip-hop, drum ‘n’ bass, electro, indie and grime. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, guestlist £3, NUS/w/flyer £4.
need2soul: ron trent Venue TBC. Feb 9. £20+ The Prescription Records founder and Chicago house legend comes to London for this epic, seven-hour set with the Need2Soul party crew. TBC
Disco Paradise Jo Public plays rare groove, disco, soul and rock ‘n’ roll. Joiners Arms, Hackney Rd, E2 7QL (020 7739 9397). 11pm-2am. Free. Factory Afterparty Resident DJs play house, nu-disco, electro and techno. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). 1am8am. £6, w/flyer/mems £4. Tropa Macaca, Helm The experimental, Portuguese duo performs ambient-indie and electro-infused Latin-funk. The Sebright Arms, Coate St, E2 9AG (020 7729 0937). 8pm. £6. Up Loud Top Banana Crew DJs Donna Sasa and Vaitea spin hip-hop and rap. Bar Vinyl, Inverness St, NW1 7HJ (020 7291 5380). 8pm-midnight. Free.
Thursday 24 Cheapskates Resident DJs and guests supply indie, electro and old-school vibes. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. W/flyer £5. Globetronica Resident DJs and guests supply house, dub, broken beat, nu-jazz and world beats. The Player, Broadwick St, W1F 8HN (020 7494 9125). 8pm-2am. £5 after 9pm. Gravity DJs Fat Tony, Verity Mayes and The Oli spin house and electro. Covert, Albert Embankment, SE1 7TP (020 7820 6757). Midnight-8am. W/flyer £5, free before 1am. Live Expressions DJ Blairy plays rock and pop, plus live performances. Paradise By Way Of Kensal Green, Kilburn Ln, W10 4AE (020 8969 0098). 7pm-1am. £7, guestlist £5. Secret Thursdays DJs Radlett, Hitman and Jay Shaw play bashment, club classics, hip-hop, house, R‘n’B and Afrobeat. Orleans, Seven Sisters Rd, N4 2HZ (020 7281 8482). Phone for times. £5, free before 11pm. Your Mum’s House Resident DJs spin pop and disco. The Nest, Stoke Newington Rd, N16 7XJ (020 7354 9993). 9pm-3am. £7, £5 before midnight, free before 10.30pm.
Friday 25 Audio Sushi Grandmaster Flash, Arthur Baker, Jeffrey Disastronaut, Bella Taylor, Get Low DJs, Noise DJs, Out and Down DJs spin hip-hop across three floors. The Dogstar, Coldharbour Ln, SW9 8LQ (020 7733 7515). 7pm-4am. £15, adv £10. Australia Day House and dance records courtesy of Australian DJs. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free. Circus LDN Yousef, DJ W!ld and White Jail Lab spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-7am. £20, adv/mems £15, NUS £13. ELM: Big Opening 2013 Christian Burkhardt, Damian Schwartz, Andrea Giudice and Mathieu Mirande spin house and techno. Crucifix, Crucifix Ln, SE1 3JW, see www.residentadvisor.net for details. 11pm-9am. Adv £10-£18, NUS £15. The Gallery House, dance and electro courtesy of DJs Arty, Jerome Isma-Ae, Jeremy Olander, D.O.N.S, Gavyn Mytchel, Steve Richards, City Soul Project, Maison and Plastic Fondu. The Ministry Of Sound, Gaunt St, SE1 6DP (0870 060 0010). 10.30pm-6am. £16. Hospitality Danny Byrd, David Rodigan, Roni Size, London Elektricity, Nu:Logic, S.P.Y, Fred V, Grafix, Metrik, Delta Heavy, Swindle, Broke ‘n’ English, Om Unit, Other Echoes and rackNruin spin drum ‘n’ bass, house and garage. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). 6.30pm-6am. £22.50.
Return To The Future 1st Birthday Party Mathias Tanzmann, Davide Squillace, Francesca Lombardo, Seb Zito and Death On The Balcony spin house and techno. Secret Location, E1, see www.residentadvisor.net. 10pm-6am. Adv £15-£25. Trouble Vision Pt. 1 Martyn, Loefah, Huxley, Dark Sky, Happa, DJ Caspa, Mr Solid Gold, Oli Dab and Robin spin underground house, dance and garage. Corsica Studios, Elephant Rd, SE17 1LB (020 7703 4760). 10pm-6am. Adv £15.
Seventy Times Seven Jen Long (Radio 1) and Fredric Fernandez spin pop and punk with live performances from Arrows of Love and Honey. The Old Blue Last, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3ES (020 7739 7033). 8pm-2am. Free. Three Kings Of House DJs Louie Vega, David Morales, Tony Humphries, Sy Sez and Neil Pierce play house music. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). 10pm-6am. Adv £28.
Sunday 27 Australia Day II House and dance records courtesy of Australian DJs. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). Phone for times. Free. Free Your Soul Resident DJs spin old skool, disco, jazz, soul, house and Latin. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-2.30am. £5, £3 before 11pm. Horse Meat Disco Resident DJs spin dance, house and disco. Eagle, Kennington Ln, SE11 5QY (020 7793 0903). 8pm-3am. £6.
A Night With...Trevor Jackson DJ Trevor Jackson spins electronica, indie, rock and house music. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 10pm-6am. £10-£15.
Jamais Vu DJs Bailey, Randall, Tendai, Reclamation Kru and Fly Marshall spin drum ‘n’ bass records. Horse And Groom, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3NZ (020 7503 9421). 8pm-2am. £5, free before 10pm.
Australia Day I House and dance records courtesy of Australian DJs. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-11pm. Free.
Kubicle DJs Russ Yallop, Stephane Ghenacia and Mikolai play house music. The Basing House, Kingsland Rd, E2 8AA (020 7688 0339). 9pm-3am. Adv £12, early bird £10.
Connected DJs Alex Arnout, New Jack City, James Silk, Kolo And Dyze, Jesse James And Jonny Bloomfield, Will Taylor And Connor Benson, Habit To Others, Matt Rich, Ricky Torres, Figure Of Two, Danny Lawson and Kyle Michael play house music across two rooms. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. Queue jump £25, adv £15.
Later D’Johnny, Paul Martin, The Oli, The Sharp Boys and Jamie Head spin house music. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 11.30am-8pm. £6.
Fact LDN 2013 Opening Umek, Uto Karem and Filterheadz spin house and techno. Egg, York Way, N7 9AX (020 7871 7111). 10pm-11am. Mems £15-£20, adv £15, NUS £13. Louche & Red Bull Music Academy Detroit-based DJ Omar S spins house and techno in room one alongside Kyle Hall, Hunee, Nick Anthony Simoncino and Mr Beatnick, while room two welcomes Josh T, Brinsley Kazak, Russell Smith and John Montoya. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). 10pm-7am. £17, adv £15, early bird £10-£12.
It’s A Fine Line Ivan Smagghe and Tim Paris spin house, techno, electro and disco with a live performance from Fairmont. Loft Studios, Scrubs Ln, NW10 6QW, see vwww.clubtickets.com for details. 10pm-6am. £10-£15.
Pishter Presents Hip-hop and dance courtesy of PSH, Vladimir 518, Mike Trafik, DJ Orion, Ego, Pjoni, DJ Slnko a Dvojite G and Prago Union. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). 7.30pm-3am. £20, concs £15.
Launch Party Actor and DJ Idris Elba spins hip-hop and soul records as his alter ego Driis. Love & Liquor, Kilburn High Rd, NW6 5UA, see www. loveandliquor.co.uk for details. 8pm3am. £15, guestlist £10, free before 9pm.
Pukka Up: 8th Anniversary DJs Mark Robinson, Rockwell Noise and DJ F.A.B play funky house and dance. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 10pm-6am. £20, adv £15.
Orange The Oli, Paul Martin and The Sharp Boys spin house in room one, while Gonzola Rivas, David Jiminez and Hi Fi Sean provide minimal techno and tech-house in room two. Fire, Arch, 39-43 Parry St, corner South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1RT (020 3242 0040). 10pm-late. £12, £10, w/flyer £5 before 1am. Pause Resident DJs spin house, disco, hip-hop, chart, funk and Latin. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). 10pm-6am. £10. Star Life!! Resident DJs spin chart, R‘n’B and hip-hop. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 10pm-3am. Gents guestlist £7, ladies guestlist £5, gents £5 before 10.30pm, free for ladies before 10.30pm. The Village Jazz, funk, Afro and soul courtesy of resident DJs Phil Levene and Ginger Tony. East Village, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HX (020 7739 5173). 4pm-midnight. Free. Wet Yourself! DJs Krankbrothers, Cormac, Peter Pixzel and Jacob Husley spin house and techno records. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £10, NUS £7, adv £5.
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The Crooked Empire, Adam Clarke The Midlands-based quartet performs indie and pop-rock. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £10, adv £8.
Monday 21 Big Cakes, K9 & Frenglish Connexion, Floíetic Lara, Kc Da Rookee Hip-hop from the London-based rapper. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £6, w/flyer £5.
Danny & Ben Classic rock by two members of Thunder, singer Danny Bowes and guitarist and keyboard player Ben Matthews. The Shaw Theatre, Euston Rd, NW1 2AJ (0870 033 2600). Adv £19.50.
Dog Headed Spirits, The Dirty Words Pop-rock with elements of psychedelia by the London-based twosome of Kira White and Kheri Sherpa. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £6, adv/concs £4.50. Rosabella Gregory The Londonbased singer-songwriter and musician plays piano-led pop from the album Dangerous Games. 606 Club, Lots Rd, SW10 0QD (020 7352 5953). £10. Morgan Guberman, Gail Brand, John Edwards, Mark Sanders, Maggie Nichols, Alexander Hawkins Improvised instrumental and electronic solo and chamber music by the musician and composer. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £8, adv £7. Amy Helm The singer performs a tribute to her late father Levon Helm, who achieved fame as the drummer and frequent lead and backing vocalist for The Band. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £20. Schneeweiss Und Rosenrot, Strobes The experimental quartet, which features singer Lucia Cadotsch, keyboardist Johanna Borchert, bass-player Petter Eldh and drummer Marc Lohr, performs electro-hip-hop and jazz-pop. The Vortex Jazz Club, Dalston Culture House, Gillett St, N16 8AZ (020 7254 4097). £11.
Tuesday 22 Clutch The four-piece from Germantown, Maryland, led by singer Neil Fallon, plays a mixture of hard rock, stoner rock and blues-rock to promote the album Earth Rocker. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £15. Cult Of Luna The Swedish band plays post-metal and progressive metal, with elements of art rock and post-rock, in support of its album Vertikal. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £15. Hamell On Trial Punk-folk with a political edge by the New York-based singersongwriter. Leicester Square Theatre, Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX (0844 873 3433). Adv £16. Conor Maynard, Gabrielle Aplin, Little Nikki The MTV award-winning, Brighton-born singer-songwriter and dancer performs urban-pop, R‘n’B and soul from the album, Contrast. The Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7428 4099). Adv £13.50. Brian McKnight The Grammy award-nominated multiinstrumentalist performs soulful R‘n’B and smooth jazz. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). Also Wed. £30.
Anita Harris The actress, singer and entertainer performs various pop songs. The Hippodrome Casino, Cranbourn St, WC2H 7AJ (0844 248 5144). Also Sat. £25-£35.
biffy clyro The O2. Apr 3. £29.50 The Glaswegian emo-rockers return with their sixth record, the double-album Opposites, and celebrate with their biggest London headline show yet. SE10 0DX
Wednesday 23 Alex Mendham & His Orchestra, Trio Manouche The Londonbased ensemble performs period dance music from the 1920s and 1930s. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10. Jose Manuel Leon And Alicia Carrasco The duo performs soulful Latin funk. Le QuecumBar, Battersea High St, SW11 3HX (020 7787 2227). £12. Streifenjunko, Memorize The Sky The Norwegian duo, featuring tenor saxophonist Espen Reinertsen and trumpet-player Eivind Lonning, performs experimental noise and art-pop. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £10, adv £8. Vocalarity The group of four harmonious singers takes well-known songs and changes the lyrics to make them funny, topical and relevant. St James Theatre, Palace St, SW1E 5JA (0844 264 2140). £18 & £20. The Vodka Martinis Soulful rock ‘n’ roll outfit, who have worked with Shirley Bassey, Charlotte Church, Human League, Alison Moyet and West Life. Dover St Restaurant And Bar, Dover St, W1S 4LQ (020 7629 9813). £12, free before 10pm.
THURSday 24 Paul Banks The English-American singer-songwriter, guitarist and frontman of post-punk revival band Interpol, plays alternative rock and indie-rock to promote his second solo album, Banks. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £20. The Blow Monkeys Singersongwriter Dr. Robert leads his veteran band as it plays its new wave, pop-rock and alternative rock hits. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £15 & £20. Flume Dance and bass-based music from the New Zealand based DJ and producer. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). Adv £5.
theo2.co.uk Dallas Frasca, Jay Fraser Catchy alternative rock from the Australian singer-songwriter and guitarist as she plays songs from the album Sound Painter. 12 Bar Club, Denmark Place, WC2H 8NL (020 7240 2622). £6. Lost Angels, The Scams, Wildside Riot, Kinkade Heavy metal and hard rock supergroup featuring one-time Motley Crue singer John Corabi, guitarist Eric Dover, Cinderella bassist Eric Brittingham and drummer Troy Patrick-Farrell. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £15.
Friday 25 Andres Alcover, Caroline St, Idol Bones, Lite Feed Frenzy Indie-pop with a twist of Latin from the Spanish singer-songwriter. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £7, adv/concs £5. Apollo Junction, Show It Off, Crashing Flowers Indie and electro-pop by the Leeds-based band. The Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £6. David Bazan Indie-rock by the singer-songwriter from Seattle, Washington. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £9. Bell X1 Indie-rock by the Dublinbased band. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £18.50. The Blackout, Sonic Boom Six, Proxies The Merthyr Tydfil-formed six-piece plays post-hardcore and alternative rock to promote the album Start The Party. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). £15. Cairokee Contemporary rock by the five-piece band from Cairo, Egypt. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £20. Cowboy Junkies The Torontoformed four-piece plays a lively medley of alt-country, psychedelic rock and Americana-folk from the album Nomad Series Vol 4: The Wilderness. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891/ cc 020 7638 8891). £20-£30.
Zeeteah Singer Zeeteah Massiah from Barbados, now based in London, performs a mixture of dance, R‘n’B and house with her backing band. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £15.
Saturday 26 Animals And Friends & Steve Cropper Classic pop-rock by the Newcastle-formed band with the American guitarist. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £25. Cats On The Beach, Straw Bear, Caroline St New wave pop from the London-based band. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 1773). £7, adv/concs £5. Steve Cradock Indie-rock by the Birmingham singer-songwriter and guitarist, who has been a member of Ocean Colour Scene and Paul Weller’s backing band. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). Adv £10. Dog Gone, The Revox, The Dead Shamans, The Spin Pop-rock with elements of folk from the London-based group. Hope And Anchor, Upper St, N1 1RL (020 7354 1312). £6, concs £5. Drenge, Temples, Luls, This Many Boyfriends, Balaclava Kid & Dad Sheffield-based brothers Eoin and Rory Loveless play blues-rock. The Barfly, Camden, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AN (0844 847 2424). £15. Drive Through Therapy Catchy and upbeat pop-rock and indie from the Colchester-based four-piece. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). Phone for prices. Fudge & The Frequency Laid back and melodic soul and funk from the London-based singer and his backing band. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £10, adv £8. Jed Grimes Folk from the North East-based singersongwriter. Cellar Upstairs Folk Club at The Exmouth Arms, Starcross St, NW1 1HR (020 7281 7700). £7, mems £6, unwaged £5.50. Ronan Keating: Fires Tour The chart-topping and multiplatinum selling Irish singer and Boyzone member performs pop songs from the album Fires and his hits including When You Say Nothing At All and Life Is A Rollercoaster. The O2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £35.
Caissie Levy With Gavin Creel And Oliver Tompsett The singer and star of Ghost & Hair plays showtunes and Broadway songs, with guest performers, from her album With You. The Hippodrome Casino, Cranbourn St, WC2H 7AJ (0844 248 5144). Also Sun. £15-£35. Professor Green, Chip, Misha B, Krept & Konan, Maxsta, Connor Harris Hip-hop, rap and grime artist Stephen Manderson from Hackney, who reached number one with the single Read All About It, performs songs from the album At Your Inconvenience. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £15-£40. Ray Carless, Yolanda Brown, Noel McKoy, Joy Mack, Colin Salmon The Jamaican saxophonist performs ska, funk and reggae. The Flyover, Thorpe Close, W10 5XL (07956 406913). £10. Richard Youngs, Damon Krukowski, Damon & Naomi, Seaming The singer, guitarist and multi-instrumentalist from Cambridge performs experimental folktronica and progressive artrock. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £10, adv £8.50.
Sunday 27 Cliff Bennett, Mike Berry, Beryl Marsden, Vince Eager & Memphis Tones Classic rock ‘n’ roll and R’n’B by the veteran singer. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £22. Devilman, Gum Takes Tooth, Kouhei Matsuda Noise and experimental electronica by the Japanese outfit. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £6, adv £5. Clinton Fearon Reggae from the Jamaican-born singersongwriter and musician. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £10. King Candy & The Sugar Push Vintage dance music, Lindy Hop and blues by the Londonbased, nine-piece band. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £10. Chrisette Michele R‘n’B and soul by the American singer, Chrisette Michele Payne. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £25. John Power Indie-rock from the Liverpudlian singer-songwriter and member of Cast and The Las. Jamm, Brixton Rd, SW9 6LH (020 7346 8920/ cc 020 7274 5537). £15. John Rossall, Alan Merrill & The Arrows Pop and rock by the saxophone player from the original Glitter Band and accompanying musicians. The Lexington, Pentonville Rd, N1 9JB (020 7837 5371). Adv £10. Toni Warne Powerful and soulful pop renditions from the former The Voice contestant. Pizza Express Jazz Club, Dean St, W1D 3RW (020 7437 9595/ cc 0845 602 7017). £17.50.
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TOUR OF IRELAND
TOUR OF SCOTLAND
PREVIOUS WINNERS TNT 1528: MILK BESPOKE PHOTO BOOK COMPETITION: Matt Benning
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The Sydney-based beatmaker on cereal inspiration, sleep deprivation and experiencing snow for the first time INTERVIEW alasdair morton
How’s the European tour going? It’s been great, and really surprising to get this kind of response without the album, Flume, even being released over here yet. I’m really enjoying it and can’t wait to see where it goes. How do you try to make each of your live shows different? I do play the bigger songs and play to the crowd, but I like to be able to vary it, too, like sometimes going with a more chilled-out, beats-y route instead of the party vibe. How do you feel about the London show being upgraded and selling out ... It’s great, and it’s a big thing for me. I played Dublin [on Jan 16], which is one-fifth the size of Sydney, yet there were 750 people in this room to see the show. It was mind-blowing. How do you find mixing festival shows with intimate club performances? It can be quite odd. I don’t have a huge back catalogue to pull from, like an act like Radiohead do, so I mostly go for more of a party thing at the clubs. In Australia I have done a huge amount of shows in a short period of time and I am enjoying the festival thing right now.
Photos: Justin Vaguye
How is it that you started making music so early, from the age of 13? It started when I went shopping with my dad at the supermarket. This cereal, Nutri-Grain, had a music programme advertisement, so we ended up getting that, taking it home and installing it. The idea of having drums on one track and building it up through different layers kind of blew my mind. Since then I have been writing music – I have updated programmes, though! Which artists were a big influence on you back then? I listen to a lot of genres, but the big three for me were probably early trance music, from the Noughties, the whole electro movement, and then more recently the likes of J Dilla, Flying Lotus, and experimental weird, hip-hop stuff. Why did you choose a pseudonym rather than using your own name? I like to keep my name out of it, in order to be
Child prodigy: superstar DJ Flume a bit more private, but it doesn’t work – people keep referring to me as Flume, aka Harley Streten. It hasn’t worked at all! For me, though, when I see a name, like Flume, that’s just one word, it is much more appealing. It keeps the mystery. A name isn’t immediately identified with a genre, it becomes synonymous with the music ... Exactly, and if I do it under my own name I’d feel more pushed to put my face on album covers and things like that. What’s been the most memorable moment on tour so far? The whole experience of going and playing in Holland was particularly memorable – it was the coldest country I’ve ever been to in my entire life. When I was packing my clothes it was 43ºC in Australia, crazy hot, and then we get to Holland and it’s -10ºC! I haven’t been in the snow at all before so, for me, that was way colder than anything before. And for an Australian to get the opportunity to play this big warehouse there was great fun. When did you realise things were taking off? When I played the Splendour In The Grass festival last August. I didn’t have any expectations. I was playing super early, at
2pm, and the tent was nearly full when I started – and it was a 7000-person tent. It was like, holy fuck! Playing to that many people was when I realised, ‘OK, this is getting serious.’ What are your plans for the year? I am heading back home for a bit but I don’t have a weekend off for the next five months. I also have another project called What So Not (duo with Emoh Instead), which is a kind of club thing we’re touring around Australia, too. And I’ll be back here in the summer as well. You’re a busy man ... ? The amount of sleep I’ve got on this tour is fucked. This is the second time in four days I’ve played a club show at 2am and had a flight at 6am or 7am for the next show. So we stay at the club, then go straight to the airport, but when we try and check in at the hotel it’s too early. I’m getting like two hours’ sleep! What are you doing for Australia Day? I’ll probably be in transit somewhere. I don’t even think I’ll see it as we are flying back on the 25th, and you lose that day, so I literally won’t even have an Australia Day this year! Flume plays XOYO. Jan 24. £5 EC2A 4AP xoyo.co.uk Old Street
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Shady character: Jessica Chastain on the hunt for Osama bin Laden
Zero Dark Thirty FILM review by Alasdair Morton Starring: Jessica Chastain, Jason Clarke, Joel Edgerton | 15 | 160mins | Out January 25
the last stand FILM Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville | 15 | 107mins
Arnie returns in his first lead since 2003’s Terminator 3 as Ray Owens, the sheriff of a Mexican border town tasked with stopping a fleeing convict from getting away. It sees the former Austrian Oak embracing his age – “How do you feel?” he’s asked at one point. “Old,” is his reply – amidst the usual volume of guns, explosions and ass-kicking action. Welcome back. On general release January 25
Oscar-winning filmmaker Katherine Bigelow’s The Hurt Locker follow-up is a three-hour spy thriller about the hunt for Osama bin Laden. Despite being a story we already know the outcome of, this is never anything short of gripping. Bigelow guides us through the myriad leads and dead ends that marked the biggest manhunt in history, as Jessica Chastain’s Maya (a fictionalised take on a CIA operative known as ‘Jen’) refuses to give up on tracking down her man. Unfolding across 10 years, it touches upon the 2005 London bombings, interrogation techniques as part of the CIA’s detainee programme, Obama’s election, and the changing political winds that ended waterboarding-gained results (debate has raged about the film’s pro-or-not torture stance). It’s all en route to a climactic near realtime staging of the 2011 assault on a Pakistan compound that saw bin Laden killed. A CIA procedural punctuated by moments of violence and heart-pounding tension, Bigelow’s film uses many of the skills and techniques from Locker to outstanding effect. In Maya, whose obsession kept the hunt going while many at the CIA believed ‘UBL’ to be dead, she has a fascinating character – a woman characterised by strength, vulnerability and isolation, whose life is marked by one cause to the exclusion of seemingly all else. While Aussie Jason Clarke (Lawless) is fiercely intimidating as a CIA interrogator (“I am not your friend...”) and Chastain is deserving of her Golden Globe glory, it is Bigelow’s film and her finest, most ambitious to date. Her exclusion from this year’s best director Oscar list is baffling. Good for: Seeing that a Hollywood spy thriller does not have to mean Tom Cruise’s MI series
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nish kumar: who is nish kumar?
After scoring rave reviews at last year’s Fringe, Nish brings his debut work to town and shows, among other things, the delights of language, that he’s both very funny and an idiot, and that he’s proud of his British-Asian roots. An hour of stories laced with humour, insight and heartwarming charm. Impossible to dislike. Soho Theatre 21 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Jan 24-26. £10+ Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com
british wildlife photography Awards
This exhibition of award-winning pics shows nature and the outdoors in all its majestic, sumptuous glory. Taken by both the pros and aspiring amateurs, it covers the wealth of wildlife found on and around the British Isles, and has a special focus on ecological concerns. The small island’s critters impress.
Writer Richard Vergette’s play is set in a southern US state penitentiary as a prisoner is saved from death row by a Democrat congressman pushing an education policy. There’s more than one twist in this starkly staged, provocative production, which suggests education can prove a treble-edged sword. LK
Horniman Museum 100 London Road, SE23 3PQ. FREE. Until Feb Forest Hill horniman.ac.uk 24
Arts Theatre West End WC2H 7J. Until Feb 9. £17.50+ Leicester Square artstheatrewestend.co.uk
alfie brown What’s the strangest show you’ve ever done? I once did a gig in Melbourne where I was heckled by a stripper who was completely naked apart from a thong and a giant panda head. She was running around everyone screaming, “We need to shag before I become extinct! You are a man, I am a Panda, we’ll make a Manda!” That didn’t happen, I made it up.
Photos: John Zimmerman; Idil Sukan
Who inspired you to pick up a mic? If I told you that, you’d know who I was ripping off.
kooza: cirque du soleil
Here’s what you need to know about Steven Spielberg’s latest: it’s about the titular US pres; it has oh-so serious and humble thesp Daniel Day-Lewis going for Oscar glory, again, as Abe; it scored a shitload of golden baldie noms and is the bookies’ fave to win lots, too; and it will probably make you go, “That was impressive, but I’d rather have watched ET again.”
After 15 minutes of tedious clowning around, Canadian company Cirque du Soleil finally gets into its stride with the high calibre, lavishly costumed acts – a trio of contortionists weave themselves into impossible shapes, a trapeze artist flies in the air and much more – which have won a worldwide following. LK
On general release January 25
Royal Albert Hall SW7 2AP. Until Feb 14. £20+ South Kensington royalalberthall.com
You’ve said the ‘exploitation of art for profit’ is to blame for comedy’s current state ... The deregulation of the stock exchange and capitalism spiralling out of control means people realised that their wealth and greed was limitless. Which comedian is most true to the spirit of stand-up? I’m not the moral authority on comedy, I just know what’s wrong. By the same token you don’t have to be the authority on frying pans to know it’s wrong to hit kids with them. Soul For Sale Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE. Jan 24-26. £10 Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com
Mr Nice Guy: this man is perfect, apart from pilfering chicken-flavoured snacks 28
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Good as green and gold?
Hugh Jackman is Australia’s hottest export right now, and seems set to clean up this awards season. But does he have a dark side? Words PIERRE DE VILLIERS
Handsome, funny, a great family man and so talented he now has a Golden Globe award and an Oscar nomination, Hugh Jackman is almost too good to be true. Tell the Australian he doesn’t appear to have many flaws, though, and he is happy to set the record straight. “Russell Crowe recently reminded me I’m very bad at saying no,” the Sydney-born star points out, trying to find a skeleton in a squeaky-clean closet. “I am indecisive, I am a terrible handyman and I can be incredibly vague. Oh, and I stole a pack of Chickadees when I was about eight.” Jackman could go on Oprah and admit to being involved in a doping scheme or reveal he’s been adding horsemeat to supermarket burgers, and you get the feeling the public would forgive him for it. Few actors have ever seemed to be such thoroughly decent, stand-up guys as the 44-year-old, his effortless charm and wholehearted approach to acting, whether singing or slicing up bad guys, striking a chord with just about every demographic out there. Perhaps most notable is how remarkably centred Jackman has remained throughout his career, something he puts down to regular meditation sessions. “Meditation changed my life,” he says. “Twice a day, it allows me to come back to my centre and who I really am, and drop all the labels – actor, father, husband, all the roles we play, and just to experience myself. It’s a simple thing, it’s not a religious thing. It’s just that I find the practice of doing that reminds me of who I really am.” But who is Jackman, really? Undoubtedly a man who likes to try new things and take risks. In addition to being a Tony award-winning stage actor, he has managed to veer between film genres. While the movies have sometimes been dodgy, the actor has always been captivating, whether doing a sweeping epic (Australia), sci-fi (Real Steel), action (Swordfish), superhero movies (X-Men) or providing his voice for animated features (Happy Feet). This month he adds gross-out comedy to his CV with Movie 43, a slice of lunacy from Peter Farrelly (of Farrelly Brothers fame) in which a huge ensemble cast – including Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts and Halle Berry – make fun of getting your period and pubes. However, the Jackman performance everyone will be talking about over the next few weeks as we head towards the Oscars will be his startling, Golden Globe-winning turn as Jean Valjean in screen musical Les Misérables.
“Valjean, I think for any actor, is right up there with Hamlet,” he enthuses. “It’s one that demands everything in the musical sense. It’s not just emotional and physical, but it’s also vocal and so, in every way, it was demanding more than I had ever been asked to play before and often all at once.” So challenging a prospect was the making of the film – director Tom Hooper insisted cast members sing live on set –
When I was a kid, I stole Chickadees
that Jackman almost pulled out at the rehearsal stage. During his Golden Globe acceptance speech he recalled how his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, talked him out of quitting, calling her “the greatest woman in the world”. It was an emotional moment that underlined the important role Furness has ››
Jackman with his Golden Globe for a career-peaking turn in Les Misérables tntMagazine.com
Clockwise: with wife Deborra-Lee Furness; as Wolverine; and suffering in Les Mis played in keeping the star grounded and on the right track as far as his profession is concerned. The couple, who met on the set of Australian TV show Correlli, have two adopted children – Oscar, 12 and Ava, 7 – and Jackman stresses the importance of explaining the trappings of fame to his kids. “Nothing passes quicker than fame,” he says. “I am constantly having to talk to my kids about it because weirdly they are thrust into a world of fame where they don’t want it. Or actually, more worryingly, my daughter does want it. She’s like, ‘the paparazzi are this way, let’s go this way.’ That worries me more than anything, but I have to protect them. It’s a complicated beast and it’s not without its challenges, but ultimately, I try and always just see it for what it is.” Watching the media swarm around the star, it’s hard to imagine that, at one time, Jackman was so unsure about making it as an actor that he kept his career options open, eyeing up – funnily enough – a career in journalism. “I was always one of those people who didn’t know what I wanted to do, and when I studied acting, that’s the first
time I felt I loved it,” he recalls. “But I wasn’t a kid, either. When it happened I was a realist and knew that 98 per cent of actors don’t do this. I just didn’t want to be the last guy at the party and I didn’t want to be, like, 45 years old and still like, ‘Hey, do you know anyone who can give me…?’ So I thought if it didn’t work out, I would just go and do something else.” Jackman’s big break arrived, of course, in 2000 when he was cast as hairy hero Wolverine in X-Men. He landed the role after Russell Crowe turned it down and put in a good word for his fellow Australian with director Bryan Singer. The two actors, who star together in Les Misérables, have remained close friends.
I owe a lot to Russell Crowe, he’s a friend
Smooth moves: Jackman shakes his bon-bon with Beyoncé at the 2009 Oscars ceremony 30
Photos: Getty; 2012 Twentieth Century Fox Film
“I owe a lot to Russell in many ways, one of which was him turning down Wolverine and him mentioning me to the director, that was a big one,” Jackman says. “But I have asked his advice on several occasions and he’s always been generous to me and a good friend.” By stepping aside, Crowe not only gave Jackman a movie, but a franchise. Later this year the actor will play Wolverine for the sixth time in The Wolverine, which sees rough and tough mutant Logan claw his way through Japan. “I am very, very excited about it, “ he says. “I think it’s the best one we’ve done, so I am very happy. There’s a lot of singing in it. After Les Mis, everything is going to be sung! No, I would be spat at on the street by Wolverine fans. That’s one character that I can tell you will never sing.” So, no Wolverine: The Musical just yet, but if there is one man who could get geeks to accept a singing superhero, then surely that man is Hugh Jackman. ❚ Movie 43 is released in UK cinemas on January 25. The Wolverine is due for release in July. Catch Les Misérables in cinemas now
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21/11/2012 12:01 17/01/2013 17:19:53
AUSTRALIA DAY QUIZ True Blue test for Aussies in London
So you’ve made it to the other side of the world and are lovin’ it, but since it’s Australia Day, let’s see how much you remember about the homeland and how well you’ve got to know the Big Smoke …
01. What event does Australia Day commemorate on January 26? ........................................ 02. The only winner of Australian of the Year and Young Australian of the Year is ............. 03. Which two of these were one of the 11 ships in the First Fleet? (2 pts) a. Lady Penrhyn [ ] b. Golden Valley [ ] c. Black Pearl [ ] d. Friendship [ ] 04. When the First Fleet arrived in 1788 (hint to Q1), what was Australia called? .................. 05. What time does Australia Day start in London? a. Fri 1pm [ ] b. Fri 2pm [ ] c. Fri 4pm [ ] d. A, B & C 06. The quote “Such is life” was a Ben Cousins doco, but it was also ... a. An early Oz motto [ ] b. Derryn Hinch’s sign-off [ ] c. Ned Kelly’s last words [ ] 07. In what year did Advance Australia Fair become the official national anthem? And what long-standing song did it replace? (2 pts)................../................................................. 08. How many Australian cricket captains have won Australian of the Year?
09. London has previously been called ... ? a. Londinium [ ] b. Lundenwic [ ] c. Lundenburg [ ] d. A, B & C [ ] 10. What is Big Ben? a. A burger [ ] b. A building [ ] c. A bell [ ] d. A flowerpot [ ] 11. What was on the site of Buckingham Palace before it was built in 1702? ....................... 12. What percentage more will you spend on transport without an Oyster card? .............. 13. T or F: French used to be the official language in London 14. How many languages are spoken in London? a. 100 [ ] b. 200 [ ] c. 300 [ ] 15. Which one of these is not a World Heritage Site in London? a. Tower of London b. Westminster Abbey c. Royal Botanic Gardens in Kew d. The Thames 16. What percentage of people in London today were born in another country? a. 10 per cent [ ] b. 25 per cent [ ] c. 45 per cent [ ] 17. 80,000 of what object are lost on average each year on the Tube? ............................ 18. Which soap is based in London? a. Coronation St [ ] b. EastEnders [ ] c. Hollyoaks [ ]
19. What pub chain offers cheap booze but doesn’t play Sky Sports? ..................................... 20. What’s in a ‘snakebite’ and when’s the best time to consume them? (2 pts) ........ / ......... 21. How many Australian pots/middies (depending which state) fit into a British pint? a. 1.6 [ ] b. 1.8 [ ] c. 2 [ ] d. 2.2 [ ] 22. What are the legal blood alcohol limits in UK and Oz? (2 pts) ................. / ....................... 23. Behind water, what is Australia’s favourite beverage? ....................................................... 24. What are the number one and two selling lagers in the UK? (2 pts) .............. / ................ 25. How many seconds did it take for Aussie PM Bob Hawke to skull a yard of ale? .............
OZ vs UK
26. A derogatory four-letter term sometimes used to describe an Aussie in London? Also a delicious lolly (sweet for the Brits) used as a missile in cinemas ..................................... 27. Which of these isn’t a term for a British person? a. Limey [ ] b. Pom [ ] c. Britto [ ] d. Tommy [ ] 28. Which of these terms won’t make an English person think you’re a lunatic? a. thongs [ ] b. flip flops [ ] c. jandals [ ] 29. What is the word for macadamia nut cracker and a British word for shag? ..................... 30. What are the highest-grossing movies of all time from Australia and the UK? (2 pts) .................................................................. / ................................................................................... 31. In what year was England’s most recent official drought? ................................................ 32. T or F: Australia’s first police force was made up of the 12 best behaved convicts? [ ] 33. Parliament House security guards were once banned from calling politicians “mate” – but how long did it last? a. 24 hours [ ] b. A week [ ] c. Until Bob Hawke became PM [ ] 34. What is the famous nickname for the London Metropolitan Police? a. Freddies [ ] b. Eddies [ ] c. Bobbies [ ]
39. 40. 41. 42.
WHO INVENTED IT? 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60.
black box flight recorder jet engine electric drill seat belt notepad wine cask pre-paid postage postage stamp bionic ear wi-fi the World Wide Web lasagne disposable syringe bungee jumping plastic money fire extinguisher the tank dual-flush toilet
Yes or no, can you drink alcohol in the stands of a Premier League game? ...................... T or F: Full-strength beer is available at most sporting grounds? ....................................... Which two London teams remain in rugby’s Heineken Cup? (2 pts) .............. / ................. Which Ashes captain has scored one more Test hundred than the other – England’s Alastair Cook or Australia’s Michael Clarke? ........................................................................ How many Australian players are in the current London Broncos Super League squad? a. 6 [ ] b. 8 [ ] c. 10 [ ] Who kicked a drop goal to win the 2003 Rugby World Cup final? .................................... How many more Rugby Union World Cups have Australia, South Africa and New Zealand won than England? ................................................................................. Which two London venues will host Ashes Tests this summer? (2 pts) .............../..............
UK or Oz? [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ] [ ] or [ ]
HOW DID YOU DO? 10 – 30 There’s no way you’re from Oz or living in London. Thanks for reading. 30 – 40 Spend a bit more time on the interwebs mate, it’s full of information. 40 – 50 Now we’re talking – struggled, but a dozen Bundy and cokes do that. 50 – 60 You read stuff on the walls of the pub, love sport and have plenty of time on your hands. Nice one, champ. 60 – 68 You’re more Aussie than “Oi, oi, oi” and more integrated than a chat about the weather. This is your place! ANSWERS: (one point per question unless shown otherwise): 1. First Fleet arrival 2. Cathy Freeman 3. A & D 4. New Holland 5. D 6. C 7. 1984/God Save The Queen 8. 3 9. D 10. C 11. A brothel 12. 200% 13. T 14. C 15. D 16. B 17. Umbrellas 18. B 19. Wetherspoon’s 20. Cider & beer; never or always is acceptable 21. C 22. 0.08/0.05 23. Coffee 24. Carling/ Foster’s 25. 11 26. JAFA (Just another fucking Aussie) 27. C 28. B 29. Bonk 30. Crocodile Dundee/Skyfall 31. 2012 32. T 33. A 34. C 35. No 36. Yes 37. Harlequins/Saracens 38. Cook 39. 10 40. Jonny Wilkinson 41. 1, they have 2 each (England has 1) 42. The Oval/Lord’s 43-60 – UK: 44, 46, 50, 53, 54, 56, 58 Oz: 43, 45, 47, 48, 49, 51, 52, 55, 57, 59, 60
35. 36. 37. 38.
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JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In/Out Care Assistants Location: London Salary: Above average rates depending on experience & qualifications
Recruiting carers within London that have experience and the right attitude towards delivering a high level of service.
You must have: Experience, flexibility. A clear record for CRB check. Responsibilities: Provide care to the elderly in their own home. Work within the guidelines of the company policies
CARE24SEVEN T: 020 8912 2310
Please forward a cv to: Max@care24seven.com
NEW ZEALAND HIGH COMMISSION www.nzembassy.com/uk
JOB OF THE WEEK: Policy Adviser (Economic) Location: London If you are skilled in undertaking policy research projects and are looking for interesting employment, see www.nzembassy.com/uk for a position description and application form. Applicants must be able to obtain a New Zealand Government security clearance and have the right to live and work in the UK. A CV and covering letter can be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org Applications close at 5pm Monday 21 January. Only shortlisted applicants will be contacted.
THE DORCHESTER AND 45 PARK LANE T: 020 7319 7101 www.thedorchester.com/careers The ultimate hotel management company, Dorchester Collection continues to attract, develop and inspire the most talented people in the business. Care to join us?
JOB OF THE WEEK: Chefs at all levels + Restaurant & Bar Waiters Location: Park Lane, London W1K 1QA Salary: Competitive We are seeking outstanding and talented individuals to join our team. Our exceptional opportunities include Chefs at all levels, Restaurant Waiters and Bar Waiters. Fantastic benefits and career progression await you. Interviews for Food & Beverage and trials for Kitchen will be held Monday 28th January. Email Christina (email@example.com) with your CV to book your place. For more information visit www.dorchestercollection.com/careers
Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY 34
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how you spend it!
CHEAP LINGERIE You can now get your xxxxxxxxx mitts on seriously sexy Xxxxxxxxxxx knickers and bras from La Senza from just £5 each xxxxxxxxx thanks to the lingerie Xxxxxxxxxxx specialists’ mega-sale, which is peddling 70 per xxxxxxxxx cent off online orders – Xxxxxxxxxxx just visit lasenza.co.uk. But hurry, as the offer xxxxxxxxx is only valid while stocks Xxxxxxxxxxx (or jocks) last.
FREE BEANS Did you give up caffeine for new year? Unlucky, ‘cos fairtrade artisan coffee company Grey Sky is giving away free samples of its newest roast, Indonesian Sumatra Toba, to UK residents. Bag a 4oz (around 113g) packet simply by supplying a delivery address at greyskycoffee.com/int/uk/ sumatratobasample, and they’ll send you a coupon for 15 per cent off any subsequent orders, too. BARGAIN BUYS Sort out your outdoorsy wardrobe on the cheap with 75 per cent off items in Regatta’s clearance sale (regattaoutlet.co.uk/buy/ final-clearance). Includes trousers from just £10 and T-shirts from £3.
London in the process. Plus, in summer it’s a much cooler option than taking the sweaty Tube. Your last big blow-out? I can tell you about the next one – I’ve got two upcoming ski trips to France which are sure to be a couple of big weeks in the Alps.
Ryan Torrie, 32
Job General manager, The Betjeman Arms From Brisbane, Australia Lives Chelsea How do you budget? I prioritise my monthly living and travelling
expenses first, then I put some funds in the savings account. And then I live the dream, haha! Do you have any tips for saving money in London? Cycling. It’s so much quicker and you see a lot more of
What non-essential items do you spend money on? There is so much going on in this city that there are too many to tell you about! Fulham FC season ticket, concert tickets, a Kendrick Lamar gig this week, and Spanish lessons.
how THEY spend it! They’ll see you in court Lindsay Lohan reportedly owes her recently fired lawyer Shawn Holley £186,000 in unpaid legal fees. We look back at some of the heftier legal bills racked up by rogue celebs
All smiles: but was Mel this happy when he got his legal bill?
❚ Aussie bad boy Mel Gibson found true love doesn’t come cheap when he dumped his wife of 31 years, Robyn, for Russian pianist Oksana Grigorieva. The divorce is said to have cost him £264m.
❚ In 2004, late prince of pop Michael Jackson settled out of court with a minor who accused him of indecent acts. He paid out £15.5m, but insisted the settlement was not an admission of guilt.
❚ Tiger Woods also counted
❚ Hollywood’s creepiest man, Tom Cruise, appears to have got away with a ‘cheapie’ divorce after shelling out an estimated £3m to Katie Holmes.
the cost of playing away after swinging his club a little too freely, stumping up £68m for a divorce and apparently losing £155m in sponsorship.
1534 FINAL Lifestyle Money.indd 35
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Purple rainbow cafetiere Funk up your coffee in the morning lacafetiere.com
Turf wars What’s with all the Aussies living in southwest London? Are they missing a trick? Words laura chubb
Hanging globe Plan your travel and decorate dunelm-mill.com
She Bu. Fulham. Acton. Clapham. ‘Aussie ghettos’ might be putting it a mite strongly, but guys and gals of the green ‘n’ gold persuasion do tend to congregate around the southwest of London. But is there something to be said for breaking the mould and heading north or east? Here, four Aussies fight to the death (sort of) over why their north, south, east and west is best.
Go west, life is... .50
Polka dot tea towels Make washing up much prettier brandalley.co.uk
Teacup lamp Dainty lighting. What’s not to love? dunelm-mill.com
Anne Elliot, 23, arrived in London from Sydney 18 months ago and made a beeline for Fulham. After a few months in a hostel on the High Street, she moved into a flat a whole 150 metres down the road. “There’s a real sense of community between Aussie and Kiwi expats in the southwest,” Elliot, a paralegal at BSkyB, tells us. “When you’ve moved from the other side of the world, it’s comforting. You meet people who went to the same school as you or lived just down the road.” Elliott admits to TNT that she does enjoy hanging out at the likes of the Walkabout (walkabout.eu.com) and The Larrik Inn (thelarrikinnfulham.com). “OK, with the Walkabout, there’s a cringe factor. It’s like a mutated version of Oz,” she concedes. “But I love it anyway.” For Elliott, Fulham is the perfect place for an Aussie in London to start out, balancing new experiences and home comforts. “It’s London without the mania of central, it’s different from Oz but not too different. When you’re having a drink by the river in summer, it’s got that same chilled feel as back home.”
Clapham [Caption]Common is a favourite Aussie hangout
The beautiful south Christy Fowler, 32, from Cessnock, has been in London for nine months. “I avoid places like the Walkabout,” she says. “They optimise the stereotype that Aussies are loud-mouthed, ‘flip-flop’-wearing yobbos who do nothing but drink beer. Too many Aussies are scared to experience London for what it is and go to the safeness and boringness of the southwest.” While Fowler has made her home in the south, she hasn’t opted for Aussie mainstays
Catch cool bands in Camden such as Putney or Clapham. Instead, she prefers Peckham, which has gentrified rapidly in recent years, with cute cafes and artists’ studios cropping up alongside its more shabby corners and council estates. The area is home to a diverse range of communities, from hipsters packing out super-cool bar Frank’s on the 10th floor of a multi-storey car park (frankscafe.org.uk), to folks from countries as far-ranging as Bangladesh, Turkey and Vietnam.
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YOUR VIEW ASHLEIGH CHEAH-LORD
ACCOUNT MANAGER 28
“West is best! It rhymes so it must be true. Accessible, relaxed vibe and Sunday-stroll-friendly! Beautiful parks, with varied cafes, pubs and shops dotted around.”
WEBSITE DEVELOPER 31
”I live in East Dulwich. I love the range of independent shops, bars and restaurants. The market on North Cross Road is great on a Saturday morning for street food.”
“Why move to the other side of the world and walk down the high street every day hearing nothing but Aussie accents?” Fowler asks. “You need to get out and mingle.” Consider yourselves told.
Not last, not least ... east When Kelly Griffin, 27, arrived in London from Melbourne 18 months ago, the only way was east. “Hackney house parties are legendary in Melbourne, so I immediately wanted to be in the middle of all that,” Griffin, a freelance journalist, says. While it might sound like moving from one hipster hub to another, the Melbournite puts it like this: “East London is world class, as opposed to just being the best in Australia!” Griffin first settled in Brick Lane, but soon found it too much: “There were prostitutes and drunk people singing outside your house all the time,” she reckons. She has since moved to London Fields, which she loves. But while Griffin lives right next to a big green space and a calming canal, she admits Hackney is only relaxed in comparison to Brick Lane. “To me Hackney is chilled, in that there are only a few murders a week!” she laughs. Living east is an escape from Aussie enclaves, but that’s not to say you won’t meet anyone from Down Under. Griffin says that when she wants a good coffee, she heads to Kiwi-owned Long White Cloud (longwhitecloudhoxton.com) on Hackney Road. “It’s nice to hear the odd Aussie accent there,” she admits.
Long White Cloud in Hackney Stars of the north Rachel Street, 30, from Brisbane, has lived in London for seven years. Her first two were spent in Clapham, but she’s whiled away the last five in Cricklewood, and is well and truly converted. “Living north is a lot better than south,” Street tells us. “There are better transport links – you’re not just stuck on the Northern line – it’s better value for money, and it’s a lot funkier. Clapham is a bit pretentious now.” Street explains this part of London is becoming better known for cool muso types and bars, without yet feeling too trendy (a la the east). “I love the ‘whatever goes’ feel,” she says, name checking The Hawley Arms (thehawleyarms.co.uk) and The Blues Kitchen (theblueskitchen.com), both in Camden, as favourite spots. Still, Street admits she did live the clichés when she first arrived, including partying at The Church. “I remember getting tokens that you’d swap for beer in a plastic bag that you then tied to your belt,” she laughs. “You have to go and do those things at least once. But don’t get stuck in the hub.”
“My favourite part of London is Broadway Market. In winter you can spend a lazy afternoon in a cosy pub playing Scrabble, or in summer go drinking beer in London Fields.”
DAN Xxxx MORGAN Xxxxxx SALES [Occ. Age] MANAGER 32
“East London ranks fourth in the liveability stakes in London. No longer is it happy-go-lucky, honestguv Cockney. Instead, in 2013 East London is a smug hipster.”
WEB EDITOR 27
“I hate to sound middle-aged, but the main reason I love living in northwest London is that it’s leafy and blissfully quiet, but it’s still super-quick to get into central.” tntMagazine.com
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Sydney scorcher: Matt Shultz of Cage The Elephant crowd surfs at Big Day Out 2012 at the Sydney Showground on January 26. Temperatures reached 45.8°C degrees last week, breaking the previous record of 45.3°C
Tactics: seller (on left) with dress
ON REFLECTION, GOOD MARKETING UNITED STATES
A dress listed on eBay has reached more than £150,000 after the seller appeared without pants in the photo. The mystery seller – with the username sugartit_2 – put the yellow Asos dress up for sale with an image she had taken on a smartphone. In the photo, the dress can be seen alongside a mirror, in which the seller’s reflection can be seen. She helpfully describes the dress as “A MUST HAVE! Never worn naked.” A nice little earner indeed. Was it accidental? Or perhaps a way of getting a few more cheeky bids ... TWEETS OF THE WEEK @MrGazs Sarah Jessica Parker has been announced as the new face of Tesco beef burgers @Queen_UK Camilla on the phone. Says she’s “hoping for six inches” today. Didn’t say of what. @UKTesco It’s sleepy time so we’re off to hit the hay!
NEWBIE GOLD HUNTER FINDS £200K NUGGET AUSTRALIA
A lucky amateur prospector has hit the jackpot after unearthing a gold nugget worth £200,000 with a metal detector. The discovery, near Ballarat in western Victoria, weighed in at an impressive 5.5kg. Cordell Kent, owner of The Mining Exchange Gold Shop in Ballarat, said it was one of the most significant finds in his 20 years in the business. “We have 800 prospectors on our books and only a couple of those have ever found a nugget [weighing] more than 100 38
ounces,” he said. “So there’s only been one or two big pieces and they were found a long time ago.” Kent is seeking a buyer for the nugget on behalf of the lucky digger, who wishes to remain anonymous. “We are 162 years into the gold rush and it’s never totally waned, it’s just changed,” he added, but wouldn’t reveal exactly where it was found.
NEIGH JOKE: HORSE MEAT IN BURGERS UNITED KINGDOM
Burger-eaters in the UK may have been unwittingly munching on horsemeat for years. It was revealed last week some frozen patties stocked by supermarket chains
contained as much as 29 per cent Black Beauty. However, the Food Standards Agency confessed it had never before tested beef burgers for horsemeat. Tesco, one of the retailers found to have stocked the offending burgers, has already placed full-page apologies in national papers. And the supermarket, in addition to six other chains, has cleared a total of 10 million frozen beef burgers from their shelves. Tim Lang, a professor of food policy at City University, London, noted that the situation “could have been going on for years, but we wouldn’t know about it because we never conducted tests”.
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IN NUMBERS 60
Weight, in kilograms, of Mike the labrador in Leicestershire. The three-year-old dog has been placed on a diet
Time, in years, Karen Bell, from Scotland, has spent collecting Smurf memorabilia, which has cost her £20,000
Foot-long furore: the offending sandwich
SUB-STANDARD: HOW SIZE DOES MATTER
Pounds in compensation easyJet and passengers gave to four people to leave an overweight plane in Liverpool
A Subway fan has taken to Facebook to complain about a foot-long sub that was only 11 inches long. Matt Corby photographed the offending sandwich with a tape-measure and then posted it on Subway Australia’s Facebook page, receiving more than 100,000 likes and comments. The Australian’s complaint has made it all the way to the US, with a Subway spokesperson issuing Corby an apology. It just goes to show that one inch either way can make the difference between complete satisfaction and utter disappointment... A sobering thought.
SLIPPERY SLOPE OUT OF DEPRESSION
Photos: Getty; AAP
If there’s one thing that helps combat depression, apparently, it’s waterslides. With that in mind, two Kiwis are building the world’s largest. Funded in part by the Live More Awesome charity, construction has begun on the world’s biggest waterslide on a hillside west of Auckland, as part of a festival to help combat depression in February. The 650-metre-long waterslide is the brainchild of Auckland men Jimi Hunt and Dan Drupsteen. “We’re a couple of Kiwi guys who, like so many others, have really suffered at the
Number of homes in Britain without power on Friday as the first snowflake-related chaos of the year struck
Happy place: world-record slide hands of depression,” said Drupsteen. The men say the festival aims to encourage people to “live more awesome” so they don’t get affected by depression.
NICE WORK, IF YOU CAN OUTSOURCE IT UNITED STATES
A US software developer outsourced his work to China and spent his days surfing the web. The man in his 40s paid a fifth of his six-figure salary to a Shenyang firm to do his work for him. A Verizon spokesman revealed they uncovered the lazy man’s cunning ploy when asked by a US firm to investigate a suspected security breach. Andrew Valentine, of Verizon, was quoted on a web security site saying the man’s company got stung after letting its employees increasingly work from home. There is even reports that the man, described as inoffensive and quiet, “worked” for several companies.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK Peeing? No, not shy ... I just don’t find urination shocking. I think I peed in the beginning of Eyes Wide Shut, too ... I don’t find a lot of things shocking! Violence is a lot more shocking than sex; sex is primal Nicole Kidman had no problem urinating in front of Zac Efron in The Paperboy
Geek Party and the
n io it t e p m o c d e s s e r d t s Be Tour for Win a St Patricks Day
Two with Topdeck
* before 11pm
Sat Feb 16, 7.30 PM till late Free Shot on arrival* 2 4 1 on Sol vodka mixers all night Full Moon Party buckets £9.95 Book online: tntmagazine.com/geek Belushi’s in London Bridge: 161-165 Borough High Street, Southwark, London SE1 1HR
TNT puts the world to rights
COMMENT: OLI JONES
National pride: honouring the freedom to be silly
We don’t need Australia Day debate, we need tolerance We must celebrate Australia’s diversity, including her nutters
» Agree or disagree? Is Australia Day a time for celebration? firstname.lastname@example.org
In his first speech of 2013 Labour leader Ed Miliband made what might well be the first substantial utterance of his tenure in charge of Labour. He pledged to tackle the problem of rogue landlords in the UK. The Tories promptly bit back that any further regulation would increase rents still further, but that sounds to me a lot like obfuscation. Rogue landlords aren’t just an issue for Londoners, they’re a plague, a black rot festering throughout the housing market, if you follow my slightly clunky metaphor. From the exorbitant prices to the appalling
London really needs effective rent control
standard of housing, the rental market in London needs overhauling urgently. For too long politicians have been happy to treat housing like a commodity as opposed to a fundamental element of a functional society. But Miliband needs to go further: London also needs effective rent control. TNTMAGAZINE.COM
About this time every year newspaper editors Down Under begin that most feted of yearly traditions: dusting off the old Australia Day editorial. It’s an age-old ritual, one shrouded in shadow and mystery: tradition dictates that the left-leaning Sydney Morning Herald offers up to the newspaper elders 1000 words or so suggesting Australia Day, the anniversary of the landing of the First Fleet on Australian shores, is not a day for celebration, rather it should be a day for reflection, an annual reminder of the importance of respecting each other’s cultures. In turn, the right-wing Telegraph refreshes its annual 400 words about the futility of lingering on past indiscretions, and gives away a free bucket hat to every reader. These contrasting sentiments have become so automatic and steadfastly unchanging that to suggest there exists a true Australia Day debate would seem to most people disingenuous. The sides are bunkered down in their perspective because there is no need for compromise. Both papers’ readers nod through the same editorial they read every year. Both sides have points: Australia Day shouldn’t be an excuse for belligerent nationalism, but nor should people feel guilty about celebrating their country because it was a result of another nation’s colonial policies, even when the fallout of that policy is still keenly felt by Australia’s indigenous population. Logically speaking, if anyone should feel guilty about Australia Day, it’s the British, and I can assure you, they don’t. Like most developed nations, Australia’s biggest challenge is its ability to embrace and celebrate diversity, and that variety of society must include diversity of political opinion. Don’t celebrate right-wing nutbags’ opinions necessarily, but celebrate the fact that you live in a society that tolerates their stupid opinions. Australia Day is the day Australia began, but more than that, it is an incredible opportunity for people to come together and celebrate the country Australia is now, and the even more tolerant country it must become.
MILIBAND’S ROGUE LANDLORD PROMISE
Woman on top TNT talks about the big issues in an exclusive interview with Aussie PM Julia Gillard WORDS CAROL DRIVER
Julia Gillard’s tenure so far has seen tumultuous highs and all-time lows, literally: from her internationally acclaimed misogyny speech, to her penchant for stumbling in highheels. And everything in between. But losing this year’s federal election isn’t even on the 51-year-old’s radar. Gillard, Australia’s 16th longest-serving prime minister, “doesn’t spend any time considering it”. Positive mental attitude? “Absolutely,” she tells me. Gillard is taking time out of her manic schedule to speak to TNT – to remind the thousands of Aussie travellers and expats in London that, even though they’re overseas, their vote counts. “A lot of people around the world fight and die for the right to vote, so it should never be taken for granted,” Gillard drawls down the phone in that unmistakable Aussie accent that she once apologised for. But why should they care when they’re out of the country, with no plans to return for a few years? “One day they may come back home, they’ll have an interest in what kind of country they want to come back home to, and this election will be about this future nation.” Monday marks the 943rd day Gillard has spent in power after her Labor party won a second term against the Liberal/ National Coalition led by Opposition Leader Tony Abbott – but only after she formed a minority government with the support of three independents and one Green MP in 2010. Since then, it’s been a bumpy ride for Australia’s first woman PM. Gillard has seen her poll rating hit near record lows after announcing the unpopular carbon tax – which hits the biggest polluting businesses and came into force this year. And, in 2011, a poll revealed only 27 per cent of Australians would vote for her – the worst for any major federal political party in almost four years. However, last week a study showed Gillard’s personal rating as prime minister had shot up to 45 per cent, compared to Abbott’s 33 per cent. So what does she count 42
as her biggest achievements so far that have changed public opinion? At number one is managing the economy: “We are unlike the rest of the world and can offer people jobs and opportunities even at a time when America, Europe and the UK are struggling to get their economies to growth.” Despite being controversial, also on her list of triumphs are carbon pricing and rolling out the national broadband network (NBN). She also includes improvements in education; reforming health and age care; and meeting environmental challenges – focusing on protecting Australia’s oceans. “We’ve got a lot of governing to do,” she says. “It’s an
You won’t build a future by saying no
election year, but for me, it’s another year as prime minister, making changes that make a difference to people today as well as build up to the future.” And, of course, her fiery, well-delivered misogyny speech to Abbott in October last year saw her poll rating jump. Gillard tells TNT she “stands by every word” of it, adding: “It was an important contribution as people make decisions in their nation for the future about who’s best to lead it. “Abbott is seeking to become prime minister of this country, people are entitled to judge him on the attitude he has expressed in public life – an attitude to women, their role and capacity.” Gillard’s going into 2013 fighting. In terms of issues affecting Australia and what’s on her master plan, she says it’s all about “stewardship” of the economy. “We’ve come through the global financial crisis strong, and we’re focused
Photos: Getty; AAP
In charge: Gillard loses her shoe (again); holding Western Bulldogs’ team jumper; Tony Abbott; Gillard on the phone to TNT
on continuing to add jobs and diversifying our economy.” On the topic of same-sex marriage, Gillard says it’s a matter of individual “conscience” rather than being up to the government, after last year’s vote didn’t secure a majority. Gillard adds she’s committed to a “strong relationship” with the European Union; to working together with the UK for “peace around the world”, including in Afghanistan. And the unmarried PM says although she doesn’t blame the recent wave of bushfires on climate change, she acknowledges “we are going to see more frequent, more extreme weather events” due to environmental changes. “This election will be my view about this future nation and whether it’s a strong one, a prosperous one and one full of opportunity, and one in which we’re taking care of each other in new ways,” she says. “And it will be a year in which I’m continuing to say the nation we live in is in the growing region of the world; the Asian region. We’re only going to be strong and prosperous in this region in this century if we’re ready for it.” Although Gillard wants to win, she’s not prepared to fight dirty in this year’s election. In fact, she won’t even be drawn on the topic. “I’m focused on what I need to do ... whatever view you’ve got of the past, whether you romanticise it or not, we’ve got to be ready for the future. “The other side of politics, they can speak for themselves. My general view is that they’ve been a very negative opposition, and they’ve been unable to do anything except say no to things – you won’t build a future by saying no.” Gillard’s message to TNT readers is to see the globe. “We live in a globalised world ... and the more experience you’ve had, the better that is for you, even for your understanding of the world we live in today.” But is she prepared for more lows? “I’m getting around in more wedges than high-heels,” she laughs. “They’re the safer option, possibly for London pavements as well.”
is it still relevant? pm on australia day January 26 marks the day the First Fleet arrived in Sydney Cove in 1788. But while this anniversary is celebrated by many, other quarters refer to it as Invasion Day. Juila Gillard says marking this occasion is still relevant. “It gets stronger and stronger,” the PM says. “When I grew up Australia Day was really the long weekender, whereas now there is something in every community around the nation to mark the day. “It’s also the day for migrants – I’m one myself; I’m a 10-pound pom who turned up in Oz as a four-yearold – in Australia, including from the UK, who take their citizenship vows and become a citizen of our nation. “I think Australia Day has become more meaningful. People are more willing to get out there and celebrate our national day and sense of togetherness.”
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In demand: Ellyse Perry
PERRY TOUGH CHOICE FOR DUAL AUSSIE REP FOOTBALL/CRICKET
Australian football and cricket rep Ellyse Perry chose a W-League soccer semi over a T20 final at the weekend, but her focus will be back on cricket for the World Cup in India next month. A scheduling change to the interstate cricket semi-final meant one of the first clashes of Perry’s remarkable career, in which she’s juggled playing for the Matildas and the Southern Stars senior teams since she was 16 years old. Also last week, the NSW Breakers and Sydney FC player said she’d be keen to match it with the men in cricket again: ‘’The physical boundaries between men and women is something that you can’t change, but it’s hard to speculate how much of an impact that has … it’s not like rugby league where there is actual contact between players.” Australia’s first match in the World Cup will be against Pakistan in Mumbai on January 31 – their pool also includes New Zealand and South Africa.
rhino ‘hulk’ to call it quits after 2013 rugby league
NZ and Leeds prop Kylie Leuluai has confirmed 2013 will be his last season as he works to overcome a knee injury in time for the Super League’s season opener against Hull on February 1. The 35-year-old Kiwi giant dubbed ‘Hulk’ put off retirement last year when he signed a new 12-month deal with the defending premier Rhinos midway through last season. “This will definitely be my last year,” he told Yorkshire Evening Post. “I could play on for another two years otherwise, but you have got to stop some time.” 44
Teen freestyle jet ski superstar Jack Moule shows aerial freakery and that handlebars are overrated at the 2013 London Boat Show at the eXcel Centre last week. Moule, 18, won his first British championship at 14, 18 months after he was allowed to ride a ski
Leuluai played for the Eels, Roosters, Tigers and Sea Eagles in the NRL, before he joined Leeds, where he’s played 189 games since 2007, including five grand final wins.
beale has sights set on league in future RUGBY UNION
Another week, another code-swap comment – this time from Wallabies back Kurtley Beale, who admits he’d like to give league a crack one day. Beale, 24, played league as a junior, and still loves the sport. “It’s always lingering in the back of my mind,” he said after a joint training session between his Melbourne Rebels side and league’s Storm. “Hopefully in the years to come, I will be able to put my hand up and have a crack at it.”
BIG WEEK FOR ... Aussie Brett Holman wouldn’t have thought when signing for Aston Villa that a week in which his Premier League side was facing two sides out of the top league would be considered ‘big’, but it is. Villa are in a relegation battle, but remain in both cups, so fans may have something to cheer for at season’s end. On Tuesday they have to overcome a two goal deficit over League Two Bradford in the Capital One Cup, before taking on Millwall in the FA Cup on Friday.
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QUOTES OF THE WEEK Kudos Lance Armstrong for finally having the ball to come clean A US billboard having a dig which went viral and captured the feelings of many
It was the kick up the arse I needed
Bee sharp: Brentford’s Barry Corr has a tough task against Chelsea
Star South Sydney hooker Isaac Luke on getting dumped last season
PREVIEW CAN THE BEES FOLLOW THE BULLS? FA CUP: BRENTFORD V CHELSEA SUN, 12PM, ESPN
Brentford: it sounds a little bit like Bradford, but surely another team of nobodies won’t topple a bunch of millionaires again this week? If honest, League One’s Bees are stoked for the fourth round pay day when they get to host their fancy west London neighbours at Griffin Park, after beating Southend 2-1. They are on fire, though, having not lost in their past 19 matches in all competitions and are four points off the automatic
Championship promotion places in third. Chelsea and Brentford last played in 1950 and it’s been reported the game is worth up to £300,000 for the club. Sounds like a lot, but it wouldn’t cover a fortnight for underperforming striker Fernando Torres, who’s on £200k-a-week. They’ve said the profits will go to a good cause – the team. In explaining why they’ll bump up ticket prices to maximise profits from the match, they said extras will go to manager Uwe Rosler and the side’s promotion bid. After this match, Championship side Leeds will be keen to topple Spurs at 2pm.
THE CHAT | Warne out his welcome
Correct there is no contact made, but it’s still a poor challenge from the defender Nigel Adkins re-writes the rule book after Jay Rodriguez won a match-winning penalty that wasn’t against Aston Villa
He needs to understand where his money’s coming from. Without TV George is flipping burgers at McDonald’s A Channel 9 exec to cricketer George Bailey who said they were talking down ODIs
ATHLETICS the world’s best ever spin bowler Shane Q Has Warne damaged his legacy in the Big Bash? of. His record stands alone, as does the period of A Sort domination by the Australian team he played during and contributed to. But his performances with the ball and, more significantly in this case, with his mouth have been absurd. His stoush with Marlon Samuels was totally uncalled for and deserved a fine and ban. Before this he’d gone on about how he could play for Australia in the Ashes, knowing full well the reaction that would get. Great publicity for domestic T20, rubbish for Nathan Lyon. Then in this week’s semi loss, despite being captain he didn’t name himself thus to avoid a suspension for slow over rates. It was likely his last game ever, and just as well.
UK International Match Teams from GB, US, Russia & more Sat, 1.30pm, BBC 1
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TENNIS Warne: gone for good
Australian Open finals Men’s and women’s singles deciders Sat & Sun, 8.25am & 8.15am, BBC 2 TNTMAGAZINE.COM
Rough Diamonds Australia’s netball Diamonds expect a tough showdown with a “physical” England side in London this week WORDS MICHAEL GADD
“Tough”, “physical”, “big hits” – not terms most people would expect from a netballer, in this case the Australian Diamonds’ quietly spoken captain Natalie Von Bertouch. The Adelaide centre is speaking ahead of the world number ones’ Wednesday clash against England in London, the second in a three-match series. Despite their long-held place at the pinnacle of world netball, alongside New Zealand – all of the sport’s major championships have been won by one of the two sides – Von Bertouch insists her team isn’t taking England lightly. And for good reason. This is the first time in three years the Diamonds have come to the UK, and that time, while losing the series, England recorded their first victory over the Australians. It’s not something the Aussies will forget in a hurry and as such England is facing a full-strength Diamonds side. “We’re a team where losing is never acceptable,” says Von Bertouch. “We definitely play these games to win them. We never go out on court to underperform, so we do everything we can to win the game.” The Diamonds will be weakened by a policy to leave anyone who’s had surgery in the off-season at home, which she says is an indication of the injury risk of the sport, not an underestimation of their opponents. “It’s tough on court, and if you go in unfit you’ll get caught out and risk even worse injury,” says Von Bertouch, adding, “especially against England”. Why, “especially England”? Simple: “They’re a very physical side,” she explains. “We played them in October and had some very bruising encounters – I know for one I got a bruised coccyx (tailbone).” Von Bertouch, 30, references the Quad Series played Down Under late last year between the Diamonds, NZ’s Silver Ferns, South Africa and England. While the series was predictably dominated by the Australasian sides, England put in a spirited showing with convincing wins against the Proteas and pushing Oz and NZ all the way. 46
“We know they’ll be hard, they’re getting better all the time, and they’re always out to challenge us, so we’ve got to be prepared for the physicality,” she says. “They’re really strong girls which makes them hard to play against.” While the speed and agility in netball has never been disputed, Von Bertouch – one of the speediest and most agile players going around and probably the world’s best centre – says the physical side of the sport has gone up a gear in recent years and certainly during her nine-year international
In our team, losing is never acceptable
career. “It’s very different – how fit you have to be nowadays is so much more intense than when I started out,” she says. “We work a lot harder on strength and power than we ever did before. You definitely hit the players harder now and the play is becoming a lot harder and more exciting to watch, because people are faster and stronger and have those bigger and harder hits.” Wait, the hits are harder? Hits, in netball, where an umpire blows the whistle for any form of contact? Where the umpires actually say “contact” and single out the offender as though they’d passed a note in class? Where skirts remain the obligatory uniform even if the pleats and scungies are no more? Isn’t netball a ‘non-contact sport’? Not surprisingly, considering she just said “hit” and “hard” several times in the previous sentence, Von Bertouch laughs. “It’s definitely not non-contact,” she confirms for anyone who hasn’t seen the speed and movement in tight quarters of elite netball that can only lead to collisions. “The best thing
Dominant: Australian captain Natalie Von Bertouch leads the world number ones against England this week
for people to do is come and watch a game. When people see a live game they really get an understanding of how fast and intense it is, and how much contact goes on off the ball.” England fans didn’t need to be asked twice to catch the world champions take on their team in Bath on Sunday, where the first of three matches was sold out, certainly a rarity for the sport outside clashes between Australia and New Zealand. Tickets are also selling well for their matches at Wembley Arena and Birmingham’s National Indoor Arena on Saturday. It’s impressive for a series which means little more than pride in the big scheme of things. In reality, it’s a valuable hit-out for two sides preparing for the next major meeting of netball’s best – the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow starting July 2014. While the Aussies have it over New Zealand in world championships, with 10 wins to the Kiwis’ four since the first in 1963, they are two-a-piece in the four Commonwealth Games. With netball not being an Olympic sport, this is the big one. “July seems like a long time away but our preparations are well underway,” Von Bertouch says. “That’s one of the great things about this tour. It gives us a chance to take a trip over this side of the world, and it’s especially good experience for the younger players to play top opposition. That depth of experience is so important in big tournaments.” An Australia v New Zealand final will again be expected, but Von Bertouch’s memory doesn’t allow her to get cocky. “I remember well the 2010 Commonwealth Games when we played England in the semis to get into the final,” she recounts. “And into the last quarter we were down. We’ve lost in the last couple of years, too. We don’t take them lightly at all, and everyone’s improving. We’ve got to be on the ball.” International Netball: England v Australia, Wednesday, January 23. Tickets £27.25 Wembley Arena, HA9 0AA ticketmaster.co.uk Wembley Park Wembley Stadium
netball fever growing uk ready for next step Aussie netball captain Natalie Von Bertouch says the standard of English netball has improved since more Brits have moved to play Down Under. But top England player Eboni Beckford-Chambers, 24, says they need to be paid to play in the UK if they’ve any chance to match the top teams. Beckford-Chambers plays for West Coast Fever in the ANZ Championship, where most players are paid. Her alternative is UK netball’s pinnacle Superleague, which has eight teams of unpaid talent in England and Wales. “Some of the legends of the game in Australia are professional and rightly so,” the defender told the BBC, who will be covering the three-match series on Radio 5. “Players like me aspire to be like that.” Participation in netball has increased 30 per cent in the three years since Australia last visited the UK and has received a boost in funding from Sport England.
TNT puts the world to rights
COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD email@example.com
Excitement machine: fans pay to see the likes of David Warner
Quit getting in a spin over rotation policy – it’s reality Demands of modern cricket mean the best can’t always play
» Agree or disagree? Does rotating players demean the game? firstname.lastname@example.org 48
So Lance Armstrong admits to taking performance enhancing drugs – woopdi-freaking-doo! Thanks Captain Obvious for saying out loud what your silence and lies made perfectly clear. It may have been something sports fans needed to hear, but it was a bit like the girl you’re into but know she doesn’t reciprocate telling you as much – you can move on then, sure, but it still feels shit. Armstrong admitted to Oprah, hardly the insightful journo who could have really got to the crux of the matter, that he used drugs to win Tour de Frances and golds. He also acknowledged he abused his position of great power in the sport. Fair play. But
Cheat, liar and bully who ruined lives
saying drugs were required for a level playing field and crediting his cancer battle for his “win at all costs” mentality are cop outs. Such justifications maintain his status as a lying, cheating bully with a god complex who ruined lives. He should now be charged with perjury and have to give all the money he ever made back.
Buy a ticket to see the Australian cricket team and you expect to see these bangs for your buck: a wrong-handed six over mid-wicket from excitement machine David Warner; the dismantling of an attack in the middle overs by Michael Clarke; probably a hat-trick; and an Aussie win. It’s not too much to ask, right? Wrong. Fans and commentators are in a tizz over the current Australian squad’s “rotation policy”. An army of ex-players argue that resting players who are among the nation’s best 11 devalues the Baggy Green. But coach Mickey Arthur says – and I’m starting to agree with him – it’s “common sense”. The fact is that modern cricketers play too much across three forms of the game and need a break. If anything’s being devalued it’s the prestige of international cricket – other than playing in India, the Ashes and against world number ones South Africa, there are very few special match-ups to look forward to. Clarke argues that his players now simply aren’t good enough to field if they’re at anything less than 100 per cent, arguing that if Warne, McGrath or Hayden back in the day were tired or had a niggle, they’d still be the best. This is true, except in the case of Clarke himself, who’s been playing half fit with a dodgy back and carrying his team. The best example of a player getting a controversial break was Mitchell Starc in the Boxing Day Test after he dominated in Hobart. Here was a young bowler doing well and being denied a chance on one of sport’s iconic stages. It’s now been revealed that he had painful spurs on his foot. Five (or three) days of cricket with those? No chance. And Australia won the match in a doddle anyway. Still, there’s no guarantee that a rest does the side any good. Clarke and Warner came back from a break on Friday and Oz got bowled out for 74 by Sri Lanka. That’s not rotation failing, that’s cricket. And with cliché machine Alastair Cook saying of England, “rest and rotation is going to be an important part of the side moving forward”, it’s the new reality.
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SPLASHING OUT Nagu Sadhus run into the Ganges on the auspicious bathing day of Makar Sankranti, a massive religious fest in Allahabad, India.
Photos: Getty; Simon Eldon
THE DARK ARTS /54
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With wintry potions, Wicca and a real live witch willing to teach spells, Eastbourne is a supernatural blast in southern England.
Derelict buildings, bars on barges and pelvic thrusting – Serbia’s capital is ready to reveal the wildest party scene in Europe.
From food fight festivals to bull-chasing and camel-riding, tick off as many of these mustdo adventures as you can this year. TNTMAGAZINE.COM
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Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR
HITCHHIKING: IT’S BACK It’s official, hitchhiking is back with a vengeance. Years of dire parental warnings, horror flicks such as Wolf Creek (I’ll admit I haven’t actually seen this – way too scared – but I’m told it’s bloody horrible) and, of course, some real-life tales of evil drivers did a good job of killing off the trend. But now the tide is turning.
Charity hitchhiking trips to iconic locations are all the rage. There are popular blogs such as hitchhikershandbook.com, written by a Polish-English couple who provide practical info for those looking for free rides. And rather inspiringly, last year a chap called Nenad Stojanovic completed a five-month, 25,000km hitchhiking odyssey across Asia, from his home in Serbia to China. So why is hitchhiking making a comeback now? I’m pretty sure it’s all down to crazes such as couchsurfing and holiday flatswapping – you have to make the same kind of leap of faith staying on someone’s sofa as you do getting into their front seat, right? For better or worse, travellers are getting back into the habit of trusting strangers. Of course, the other explanation could be that everyone’s so skint now that we’re willing to risk being skinned alive and worn as a suit, just to save a few quid on bus fare. So is hitchhiking really as dangerous as we’ve always been led to believe? You don’t hear much about successful hitchhikers who saved money, met interesting people along the way and did their bit for the environment by sharing a vehicle. But then “Person accepts lift, arrives safely” isn’t exactly the hottest headline.
VENICE CARNIVAL Italy Anyone with a taste for the theatrical should be booking their trips to the Venice Carnival right now. For two weeks the eerie, sinking city 1-14 will be transformed into what looks like a huge medieval stage, filled with people dressed in fantastically luxe gowns and capes, topped off with those iconic Venetian masks. FEB
WHY: The Carnival was first held in the 11th century and lasted for two whole months. Back then, people would dress up, gamble and hold balls in St Mark’s Square. The tradition fizzled out in the 18th century, but was revived in 1979. Now the focus is on live music and, naturally, those costumes.
WINTER CARNIVAL Canada
Carnaval de Quebec offers everything from dogsled 1-17 races to snow sculptures and decorated floats. Each year the festival’s mascot makes an appearance – his name is Carnaval Bonhomme, a giant snow figure who looks like a cross between Santa and the Michelin Man. FEB
ART ON ICE
Zurich’s Art On Ice fest is a chilly blast of figure skating 31-3 culture. It’s special because the skaters dance to full-on concert music, meaning a big stage, singers, an orchestra and dancers. Leona Lewis is the headline musical act this year. JAN-FEB
SITKA JAZZ FESTIVAL
Alaska might be the last place you’d expect to find a 31-2 thriving jazz scene, but the Sitka festival is huge, drawing in musicians from across the globe. There are also performances from the All-Alaska Jazz Band, made up of students from around the state. JAN-FEB
Fiesta de la Candelaria is centered around the scenic 1-14 Lake Titicaca. Expect plenty of music and folk dancing. A newer, more surreal tradition is for vehicles to be blessed with beer. Sounds like a bad idea, right? FEB
DO IT BECAUSE: When else will you get to wear a sinisterly beautiful porcelain mask, adorned with feathers, paint and gemstones, and not look, well, a bit out of place? If you don’t want to dress up, the spectacle of all the outfits is reason enough to go.
Would you hitchhike? Write to us at
Off their face: eerie Venice hosts a colourful carnival
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wikivoyage Is this the final death knell for the humble guidebook? Wikivoyage.org, the latest offering from the San Francisco-based Wikimedia Foundation, was launched last week. Advert-free and written by users, the content is categorised into destinations, itineraries, phrasebooks and travel topics, so everything from restaurant recommendations to local scams are included. Much of the content has been pulled from Wikitravel.org, but one of the new highlights of Wikivoyage is the ‘Book Creator’ option that lets users select pages to add to their personal guidebook, which can then be downloaded to print or saved to an e-reader.
Gathering: ‘scam’ Irish actor Gabriel Byrne has got his claws out, slamming Ireland’s tourism drive, Gathering 2013. He said the campaign, which encourages people with Irish links to visit the country, is seen as a “scam” by many Irish-Americans, and an attempt to “shake them down for a few quid”. Byrne said people felt they had been “forced to emigrate” because of the Irish economy and were sick of being asked for help. He added he’d spoken to an Irish-American plumber who said: “I can’t afford to get on a plane and bring my family back to see a game of hurling in Belmullet, or wherever it is.”
On the road: Wikivoyage is updated by travellers
Disaster tourISm Residents of New Orleans’ Lower Ninth Ward, one of the districts hardest hit by 2005’s Hurricane Katrina, have complained about the unexpected tourism industry that has sprung up. Operators have been guiding curious visitors around the area, much of which is still in a dilapidated state. “We’re fed up and tired of them coming through the neighbourhood like we’re some sideshow,” resident Vanessa Gueringer said. “After all the suffering we have been through, we deserve more respect than this.” The city’s council is now stopping and fining operators, following numerous complaints.
Get zippy with it A mile-long zip wire is slated to open in North Wales in mid-March and will be the longest of its kind in the northern hemisphere. Zip World Snowdonia will be situated at Penrhyn Quarry, on the edge of Snowdonia National Park. It features a zip wire that will carry thrillseekers from 213m above ground for 1750m at speeds up to 80mph. And for anyone who needs a warm up, or is a little daunted by the big kids’ ride (we won’t tell anyone), a 450m-long “little zipper” will also be available. Other attractions at the adventure park will include a guided tour of the quarry in a former military vehicle.
Eerie: Eastbourne’s sea cliffs
Eat, drink, SLEEP
england LONDON Eastbourne
For a decent Thai meal, head to Thai Marina, at The Waterfront at Sovereign Harbour. All the staples are on the menu here, from green curry to tom yum soup. Mains from £8. thaimarina.co.uk
GETTING THERE Take the train from London Victoria to Eastbourne from £30 return with Southern Railway. southernrailway.com
Splash out on dinner in a very grand, formal setting at The Mirabelle Restaurant, where you’ll get a slap-up, threecourse set menu of gourmet British and European dishes for £40 per head. grandeastbourne.com Swanky(ish) cocktail bar The Loft gets busy at weekends. Try their signature drink, the Loft Raspberry Revolution, for £6.95. loftlounge.co.uk Bucaneer is a traditional pub serving British cask ales in a relaxed atmosphere. Swig pints priced at about £3.50. dodropinns.co.uk
Toil and trouble: Lucya casts a spell
In addition to the Supernatural Stay (see article, right) you can also book Cosy B&B through Wimdu. Housed in a Victorian terrace, a double room costs from £154pn. wimdu.co.uk
Spooky Eastbourne. Right, top to bottom: bubbling potions and tarot cards 54
There’s a very good value branch of backpacker fave YHA here, which is only one mile away from the seafront. Dorm beds start from £13pn. yha.org.uk
Dark arts With winter potions, Wicca and witchcraft, it turns out Eastbourne is a supernatural blast
Photos: Simon Eldon, Thinkstock
WORDS HELEN ELFER
“Welcome to the east,” intones Lucya Starza, candlelight illuminating her flowing red hair, as she gazes out of the window towards the sea, arms spread wide to the spirits. We’re standing in the living room of a new-build Eastbourne apartment (no, really). Lucya is moving in a circle, asking the spirits of the four quarters to protect us from evil as we cast spells. Sure, I might be shuffling awkwardly behind her in my socks, but depite the less-than-mystical location, it’s honestly bloody spooky. The room is dark but for the candles, and in the corner sits a cauldron, spellbooks, a broomstick and a huge pair of cast iron owls who are watching the proceedings with wide, gaping eyes. This, I think, has got to be as supernatural as you can get in a town better known for retirement holidays. Lucya is a practising Wiccan, and has opened up her seaside home to wannabe witches through holiday rental site wimdu.co.uk so she can show them the rudiments of spellcasting, read their tarot cards and share some of her magical abilities. I don’t know what I was expecting – warts and a mouthful of children’s bones a la Hans Christian Andersen, or baldness and square feet like Roald Dahl’s The Witches – but it turns out Lucya is neither. Instead she rocks a modern kitsch-witch look, with long, burgundy hair and a funky dress covered in an owl print. “Most of my spells are for healing,” she tells me earlier over tea and thick chocolate biscuits. “I wouldn’t say curses never happen, but I don’t do that myself. Bad magic can rebound on you. Anyway, cursing is really rather anti-social behaviour.” Wicca, a pagan religion, is thought to be the only faith of English origin. Established in the 1950s, it is steeped in older history – believers say the practice is based on ancient arts. As for black magic, Lucya says: “Cursing is from the Middle Ages when there was no real justice system, so going to a wisewoman and asking to curse someone was perhaps the only way people could feel that justice was being done.” Now she and I are casting a spell for making dreams come true. In the flickering darkness, we carve wishes onto the base of floating candles and place them, lit, in a bowl of water as Lucya chants. My candle blows out straight away. “Does that mean something bad?” I ask anxiously. “No,” she says soothingly. “Don’t worry, candles just go out sometimes.” Ah yes, so they do. I wonder if I’m losing it.
Next we make a winter solstice potion. Lucya is a fan of kitchen witchcraft, which means she uses everyday ingredients for potions – cinnamon for love, for example, or nutmeg for health. Over the kitchen stove, she mixes these ingredients with orange zest into a bottle of Merlot and stirs it in a clockwise motion. Sound remarkably similar to mulled wine? Absolutely right – this is exactly my kind of witchcraft. As we sip our magical tipple from stone goblets, she tells me that contrary to perceptions, Sussex is a very supernatural place. Druids meet near the Long Man of Wilmington, a mysterious chalk figure carved in Windover
Cursing is rather anti-social behaviour
Hill and Eastbourne hosts the annual pagan Lammas Festival (lammasfest.org) in July. The fest has a witch in residence too: Lucya herself. She’s part of a coven who meet regularly for rituals to celebrate season changes or honour gods and goddesses and it seems she has magic in her blood. “My grandmother used to say she could see astral travellers. In school everyone used to say we were like the Addams family!” Emboldened by the potion, I get up the nerve to ask her the ultimate question: “Do your spells actually work?” “Years ago I devised a Christmas spell,” she says. “I wrapped a coin in layers of gift paper, to represent a present to myself. Then I put it on a windowsill where the moon shone on it by night and the sun by day. I bought a lottery ticket…” “Oh my god!” I shout. “You won?“ “Well, I won a tenner… “ She bursts into laughter, a real witch’s cackle. “So it must have City of culture: Why worked a bit!”
A Supernatural Stay is available through wimdu.co.uk for £69pppn
there’s such a fuss about Londonderry
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Venice: A five-day trip costs £680pp with G Adventures
DEAL OF THE WEEK Prague Getaway
A two-night easyJet Holidays trip (0843 104 1000; easyjet.com/holidays). Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at 987 Prague Hotel. Departs London Stansted on January 30.
RUSSIA A six-day tour costs £429pp (plus free Egypt tour or save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes four-star accommodation, some meals and visits to St Petersburg, Moscow, Red Square and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by January 31. Departs St Petersburg on May 18. French alps A seven-night Valentine’s Day break costs £277pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays). Includes flights and three-star, selfcatering accommodation. Departs London Gatwick on February 9. Sharm el Sheikh A seven-night stay in Egypt is £297pp with easyJet Holidays (easyjet.com/holidays; 0843 1041000). Includes flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Tiran Island Hotel. Departs London Gatwick on January 28.
> £500 Greece A 10-day sailing tour costs £675pp (plus free Egypt tour or save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes hotel and ‘A’ category gulet accommodation, some meals and visits to Athens, Santorini, Ios and more. Excludes flights and local payment. Departs Athens on April 12 and 26. Book by January 31. Florida A seven-night stay costs £520pp with cheapflights.co.uk. Includes return flights, three-star, roomonly accommodation at the Clarion Inn Lake Buena Vista hotel. Departs London Heathrow on January 24. Venice A five-day trip costs £680pp (save 15 per cent) with G Adventures (0844 2722060; gadventures.co.uk) quoting promo code G13CARNIVAL15. Includes hotel B&B accommodation and city guide to St Mark’s Basilica and more. Excludes flights. Departs February 2.
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Anzac day A two-day Anzac Day tour costs £92pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Includes fourand three-star, B&B accommodation and visits to Istanbul, Gallipoli, Dawn Service, Australian and New Zealand ceremonies. Excludes flights. Departs Istanbul April 24. Book by January 31. Venice A three-night break costs £152pp with STA Travel (0800 988 0390; statravel.co.uk). Includes return flights and one-star, B&B accommodation at the family-run Hotel Caneva. Valid for travel February 3-7 and February 22-28. Amsterdam A two-night stay costs £96pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyJet.com). Includes return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation. Departs London Southend on February 5. Lisbon Three nights in Lisbon costs £239pp with The Travel Department (0207 0999665; thetraveldepartment.co.uk). Includes return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at Hotel Roma. Departs London Gatwick on March 5. Austria A four-night ski trip costs £175pp (save £80) with Alpen Rider (alpenrider.com; 00 43 6642 842551). The trip includes B&B hostel accommodation in Kitzbuhel, dinners and airport transfers. Excludes flights. Departs January 27.
£250 – £500
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Talks travel photography
A THREE-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND AND A PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).
WINNER CUBAN LADY Ilana Sallick, Sydney
WHY IT WORKS The character of this Cuban lady hits us instantly. Made fun and quirky by her pose and textured clothing and accessories, it’s her nonchalant stare into the camera, challenging us with a cigar in her puckered mouth, and central position that makes this image most endearing. By using just this one character as the picture’s focal point, Ilana has captured the perfect way to sum up Cuban lifestyle.
RUNNER-UP JAMA MASJID Ash Kapoor, London
WHERE IN THE WORLD?
WHY IT WORKS The fine face lines and coarse texture of the beard are picked up beautifully in this photo, and there’s something about his gaze and finger pointing that draws us in. Details in this man’s shirt and the out of focus fellow in the background all give us subtle clues to this being taken in India. Ash manages to capture the culture and character of the country perfectly.
A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE
Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb. Good luck!
Kamilla de Oliveira, from Brazil TNTMAGAZINE.COM
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Land of luxury
ynyshir hall overview A gorgeous stately home in the surrounds of the Welsh Cambrian mountains, Ynyshir Hall’s website boasts it is a place “so quiet birdsong is almost an intrusion,” and they’re not wrong. (Actually, an RSPB bird sanctuary sits five minutes walk away, ideal if you fancy a spot of amateur ornithology, too). An indulgent place to escape the hustle and bustle of everyday city life, Ynyshir Hall was once owned by Queen Victoria and has maintained an aura of the regal since her era. Eddie Izzard has stayed there, as has Richard Gere, and it is easy to see how it’s developed this A-lister clientele: there’s no place finer to enjoy some pampering. Relax in the giant tubs with a glass of champagne and watch as the sun sets over the mountains opposite. You’ll forgot the Tube in a second! wow factor The 12-course tasting menu at the multi award-winning restaurant is simply stunning, as it takes in a cornucopia of tastes, textures and combinations that will leave you awestruck. Our favourite dish was the pea soup jelly that explodes in your mouth. Heston, eat your heart out! rooms Beautifully decorated and very elegant, with plenty of attention paid to detail. bill please Doubles from £220pn.
Eglwysfach, Powys, Wales, SY20 8TA ynyshirhall.co.uk Dovey Junction
Sometimes the ghoulish lights look as though an alien spaceship might be about to land, while at other times the swirling colours seem more like there’s a slow-paced, astral disco going on. But whether the northern lights appear as flickering curtains of electric green, swirling mists of pink and purple or bands of brilliant blues streaked recklessly across the sky, you can’t deny there’s something wonderfully surreal about them. As everyone knows, 2013 is supposed to be a bumper year for aurora borealis sightings, as the lights are in the liveliest phase of their 11-year cycle. The science behind the auroras is that lights appear when highly charged electrons interact with either oxygen or nitrogen in the earth’s atmosphere, anywhere between 20 and 200 miles above the earth’s surface. The colour and shape of the lights depends on the altitude, and which elements they come into contact with. Part of the thrill of catching a glimpse of this natural phenomenon is that it’s so unpredictable. No matter
what corner of the earth you choose to go light-seeking in, there is never any guarantee the lights will appear at all, or what form they’ll take. The downside of going on a quest in search of the aurora borealis at the moment is, of course, that everyone else is ticking it off their bucket list this year too, so crowds are often dense and costs are usually high. You could save a few quid by heading to Iceland to catch them, as the country’s post credit crunch prices will work in your favour, and a handful of budget airlines such as WOW air and easyJet have direct routes from London. There are a number of places from which to catch a sighting, including Snaefellsnes Peninsula, a narrow and isolated strip of land that stretches out from Iceland’s west coast. The location makes it a great vantage point from which to see the northern lights and during the day there’s plenty more to feast your eyes on – a volcano, lava fields, glaciers, waterfalls and a rugged coast dotted with fishing villages. visiticeland.com
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Just how badly do you want to see the nothern lights this year? Badly enough to brave a bone-rattlingly freezing Siberian winter? If you can handle the cold, head to Murmansk in the Kola Peninsula, which is a key viewing area. Most tourists stay here but drive out to the Lovozero settlement in the hope of seeing the aurora borealis, as it’s a good distance from any potentially interfering light sources from the city. englishrussia.com
Photos: Thinkstock; TNT
In British Columbia’s Provincial Park, it’s possible to capture the stunning lights set off beautifully by star trails, such as in the photograph above. While what you see with the naked eye clearly won’t look exactly like this (star trails, or the motion of stars, are photographed with long-exposure times of up to 15 minutes), the colours here have been particularly rich over the past few months, with the variety of shades including red, yellow, green, blue and violet. us.canada.travel
Most aurorae occur within an area called the ‘auroral zone’, a ring-shaped region around the North Pole with a high rate of occurrences and activity. At Fairbanks in Alaska, squarely inside this zone, is one of the best chances of seeing the lights. The further you get from the city, the brighter they’ll look. Use the University of Alaska’s northern lights forecast site to plan your visit. gi.alaska.edu/auroraforecast
The northern town of Tromsø is another popular place within the ‘zone’ and is known for the swirling green lights which often light up the night skies here. The earth’s rotation means that Tromsø moves into the northern lights zone around 6pm and leaves it between midnight and 2am, so there’s just a short window in which to catch them. But the good news is at least you don’t feel obliged to stay up all night in the cold.
NEXT WEEK War tours: The history of brutal battles past
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Serene Tibet: definitely worth the entry hassle
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YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET
you give me some advice on Q Could what the best tour company is to visit Nepal/Tibet (including Mount Kailash) with? Would appreciate any help/advice. Are they issuing visas for Tibet now? Tracy, via email Tibet does not come without A Entering complications, as political issues make
Moda Lisboa, and need to find a nice budget hotel – any recommendations? Also, are there any good day trips from the city? Amy, via email you are looking for great budget A Ifaccommodation, Lisbon has plenty of options. Oasis Lisboa (oasislisboa.com) is a funky hostel, close to the lively Bairro Alto nightlife quarter, which offers double rooms from £47pn or a dorm bed for as little as £15. They throw in a movie library, free breakfast, wifi, laundry service and much more. Alternatively, Brown’s Apartments (brownsapartments.com) offer an affordable self-catering option (around £71pn) in the heart of Baixa. For a great day trip, try the nearby historical town of Sintra. A Unesco World Heritage site, just 17 miles northwest of Lisbon, it can be reached by train from central Lisbon’s Rossio station in 40 minutes. Sintra’s appeal is in its unusual historical buildings. In the centre of the town is the Palácio National de Sintra, one of the best preserved medieval palaces in Portugal – its twin chimneys hark back to Moorish days and the bird-themed interior is equally impressive. Also visit the park and palace of Pena just south of Sintra, where tropical plants and lakes surround a Prussian fantasy-style palace. Don’t visit Sintra on a Wednesday as the palace and a number of shops and restaurants are closed. Other week days will be quieter than at the weekend.
LOST IN LAPA When in Rio, DO NOT take your camera to the street parties in Lapa. I can pretty much guarantee that you won’t come back with it! Phil Tucker, via email
A LONELY PLANET GUIDE
Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to firstname.lastname@example.org. If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice. This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.
both entry into and travel within Tibet far from straightforward. To get your entry permit from the Tibetan Tourism Bureau you can apply via specialised travel agents. You must travel as part of an organised tour during your trip. At this stage, I must point out that the situation is constantly changing and there are varying reports about the ease of receiving entry permits. You should also note that the Chinese authorities can restrict access to Tibet at any time, so you need to be prepared for your plans to change at the last minute. My advice would be to use a tour company for both the Nepal and Tibet elements of your trip combined. G Adventures, Intrepid and World Expeditions all offer tours which include both Nepal and Tibet. Including Mount Kailash in your trip will make it more expensive, as it is not on the traditional tourist route between Lhasa and Kathmandu. But if you don’t mind missing out, a cheaper option would be to opt for G Adventures’ 14-day ‘High Road to Tibet’ tour, which doesn’t include Mount Kailash, but does take you from Lhasa to Kathmandu via Everest Base Camp and Tibetan cities Gyantse and Shigatse.
visiting Lisbon for seven days Q IinamMarch for the city’s fashion week,
SAMBA SCHOOL IN RIO I travelled to Rio Carnival three years ago. My top tip would be to secure a place with one of the samba schools who allow tourists to partake in the official Carnival parade in the Sambadrome. It’s not cheap (around £130 when I did it), but you get a crazy costume and will learn your school’s ‘song’, an amazing experience with an audience of hundreds of thousands and broadcast to millions around the world – and a great travel story to tell for many years to come! Tour groups can often arrange it for you. Angela Muddle, via email
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[Caption]stuck in to Belgrade’s nightlife Getting
GETTING THERE Fly from London City Airport to Belgrade via Frankfurt from £172 return with Lufthansa. lufthansa.com
Clockwise: Belgrade’s red rooftops; a pour of rakia; the city’s oldest building, Belgrade Fortress; and the Republic Square’s statue 62
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Boozy in Belgrade Derelict buildings, bars on barges and pelvic thrusting – Serbia’s capital is ready to reveal the wildest party scene in Europe Words Daisy Carrington
I’m standing in a building that, in any other city, would be shut down for health and safety reasons. The lights are out, the stairs are crumbling, the walls are covered in graffiti, and the lift looks like a set from a slasher film. But this seemingly abandoned tower (nicknamed “The Bigs”) is, I’m told, a seriously hot nightlife spot. I’m dubious at first. I head up the stairs with my tour group, convinced we’re about to startle an unsuspecting granny. Instead, there’s a busy bar, a balcony where a bevy of twentysomethings sip on local beer Jelen, and a view over the Danube River that can’t be beat. Clearly, this isn’t just any other city. This is Belgrade. A rep from Serbia’s tourism board tells me that many of Belgrade’s bars were hidden by necessity. One such place is the World Travellers Club, a bohemian basement bar with no identifying signage outside. It’s been around for 13 years, and is decorated with a hodgepodge of donated furnishings. It started out as a secret meeting place for dissenters of expresident Slobodan Milosevic. Milosevic doesn’t get much love from the locals these days, either; he did a horrible PR job on the country, which under his rule during the Balkan wars became practically synonymous with ethnic cleansing. There are those who, with a hint of bitterness, lament the collapse of Yugoslavia – an event they pin on the former leader. “We had such a beautiful country. It used to span the mountain lakes in Montenegro and the vineyards in Slovenia. Now, I can’t help but feel I’ve lost my country a little bit,” reflects my guide, Srdjan Ristic, as we drink our beers. No doubt Milosevic made a poor heir to Josip Broz Tito, the former president who kept Yugoslavia unified for four decades. The Tito Memorial Complex makes for a beautiful ode to the man who was venerated both at home and abroad. Stacked throughout the place are the many gifts Tito received during his life, both from enamoured Yugoslavs and foreign dignitaries. Some items – like a 14th-century tanto sword – are invaluable. The complex includes the leader’s mausoleum, known as the House of Flowers, so named for the wealth of blooming flora that engulfs his tomb. The city’s history of course pre-dates Tito, spanning 7000 years. Nothing is a greater testament to this than its oldest building, the Belgrade Fortress. Its mishmash of architectural styles underscores the country’s legacy of perpetual conflict. Belgrade has been conquered by the Romans, Huns, Goths,
Ottomans and Hungarians, as well as enjoying a few periods of independence. If the fortress represents Belgrade’s battles, the Cathedral of Saint Sava is a landmark to peacetime. Though the exterior of the world’s largest Orthodox church was only completed in 2009, the building was over a century in the making. The church was first conceived in 1895, but progress was hampered by a series of wars (“every 30 years or so we go to
Apricot rakia tastes like a fruity kiss
war,” jokes Ristic, “so I guess we’re about due another.”). Its completion is a great source of pride among locals. Currently, Belgrade seems very much a metropolis on the up. Cafes, bars and shops line Knez Mihailova Street, a ››
Up all night: partygoers carry on late tntMagazine.com
cobbled, pedestrian thoroughfare that is constantly buzzing. One of my favourite spots is the Rakia Bar. Rakia can best be described as the local brandy, and though plum is the most common, this stuff comes in a range of flavours. I’m particularly smitten with the apricot, which feels like Frenchkissing the fruit. I down a honey and herb variant with equal enthusiasm. I’m so in love with the drink that I polish off five glasses. But it’s easy to overdo it in Belgrade. This is especially true during the warmer months, when the nightlife centres around a host of summer clubs that dot the River Sava. One of the most frequented is Freestlyer, a heaving nightclub built on a barge just off the bank. When I enter, the place is sardine-packed. High above, women gyrate on an elevated scaffolding. This is a far cry from the secret venues I stumbled across at the start of my trip, but then, this is a newer club, and represents a newer Belgrade. At peace, and on its way up, the city, it seems, is done hiding. If the pelvic thrusters on high are anything to go by, Belgrade is well and truly ready to be seen. ❚ Regent Holidays runs three-day breaks from £340pp; Travel The Unknown offers four-day Belgrade city tours from £445pp. traveltheunknown.com, regent-holidays.co.uk
Quiet night: Cathedral of Saint Sava
next week Dreamy Dubrovnik: Explore the Croatian coast by boat
Burek, or cheese-filled pastries, are a fast-food mainstay in Serbia. Grab some of the city’s best at Toma, an excellent Serbian bakery chain. They cost around £1 each. pekaratoma.com
? (yes, it’s called ?) is the oldest tavern in Belgrade. It was renamed in 1892, when, after a dispute over the name, the owner stuck a question mark on it. Today, it’s a charming spot at which to grab traditional Serbian grub. Think dripping meat grills and fresh salads. Mains start at £6. (6 Kralja Petra, tel. 00 381 11 635421)
Several floating eateries line the banks of the Danube, each specialising in seafood. Šaran is one of the most popular, and has a 100year history. Fish stews are a hearty specialty. Mains from approx £11. (Kej Oslobodjenja 53, tel. 00 381 11 618-235)
World Travellers Club (left), also known as the Federation of Globetrotters, is a homely bohemian enclave. The soundtrack is mostly jazz, and the vibe is decidedly laid back. Drinks cost from £1.60. usp-aur.rs
Hanging lights are fashioned from brass stills, and rakia factoids are scrawled throughout the venue at Rakia Bar, which is classy and relaxed. Furthermore, a visit here will convince anyone dubious of the value of the local spirit. Shots cost from £2. rakiabar.com
Freestyler is the full hedonist’s package. Join the scantily clad (and cosmetically altered) women on the dance floor and settle in for the long haul. Beers from £3. splavfree.co.rs
Manga Hostel (above) is clean, accommodating and affordable. The friendly staff give great tips for navigating the city. Beware the Turkish coffee; the stuff is the real deal, and strong. Rooms from £8pn. mangahostel.com
Centrally located, with views overlooking the Cathedral of Saint Sava, Garni Crystal Hotel’s comfy digs (left) are a great spot from which to navigate the city. Rooms from £58pn. crystalhotel-belgrade.rs
Arty types crash at Hotel Townhouse 27 (above), a cute, boutique hotel on the edge of the historic district. The interiors are tastefully designed by local sculptor Gabriel Glid. Rooms from £150pn. townhouse27.com
Photos: Tourist Organisation of Belgrade, Thinkstock, Getty
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Splat! Tomato-tastic at La Tomatina
Holiday hits Around the world
The bucket list From food fight festivals to a town on fire and camel riding, tick off as many of these must-do adventures as you can this year Words Helen Elfer
If you’ve just touched down in London (welcome!) we’ll bet one of the things you’re most looking forward to this year is hitting up all those juicy destinations that are now right on your brand-new doorstep. All of Europe’s wildest festivals are just a short hop over the Channel, while within a few hours of London you can reach sizzling Egyptian desert, snowy Alpine slopes, and sparkling Adriatic seas. And best of all, you won’t have to remortgage your house to afford to get to any of them. So we’ve done all the legwork for you, with this handy list of unmissable trips. Now, how you fit them all in is your problem ... Unmissable festivals A two- or three-day bender at one of Europe’s maddest and baddest festivals is the ultimate opportunity to let your freak flags fly. Here’s where to watch charging bulls, throw tomatoes at each other and get doused in buckets of wine. Las Fallas
MORE: La Tomatina is held on the last Wednesday of August, which this year falls on the 28th (spain.info/en). GO: Fly from London Stansted to Valencia from £55 return with Ryanair (bookryanair.com). La Batalla Del Vino Let’s face it, most festivals are a thinly veiled excuse to get rat-arsed, and no one knows that better than the villagers of Haro, Spain. These guys don’t just like to drink Rioja, they love it so much that they host an annual wine battle, where they lob buckets of the stuff all over one another, glug it from huge aluminium wine bags and splash it all over the streets. Join them this year for the Wine Battle and a night out in London will look positively tame for evermore. MORE: La Betalla Del Vino is on June 29 (spain.info/en). GO: Fly from London Stansted to Santander from £55 return with Ryanair (bookryanair.com). Pamplona
Head to sunny Valencia in Spain for a fiesta that’s every bit as hot as its name suggests. Las Fallas, meaning ‘the fires’, is a pyromaniac’s dream come true, featuring fireworks displays, and ‘ninots’ – huge effigies that are displayed in the streets and then set on fire at midnight on the final day of the event. In addition to these beautiful flaming pyres, live bands, street performances and parades are all part of the festivities, held in honour of St Joseph. MORE: Las Fallas runs March 15-19 (fallasfromvalencia.com). GO: Fly from London Stansted to Valencia from £55 return with Ryanair (bookryanair.com).
Known as the Running of the Bulls, this event is an incredible sight. At 8am, rockets are launched, and brave locals wearing the traditional garb of white clothes and red neckerchiefs speed off ahead of a group of bulls, who charge after them. It’s an old-fashioned way of getting the bulls from the city centre to bullrings and a run usually lasts between three and four minutes. If watching that doesn’t get your adrenaline going, nothing will. MORE: The Running of The Bulls takes place every day between July 6-14 (bullrunpamplona.com). GO: Fly from London City Airport to Pamplona via Madrid from £326 return with Iberia Airlines (iberia.com).
The humble tomato becomes a weapon of war in this epic mess-fest. La Tomatina in Bunõl, Spain is essentially one giant tomato fight, where tens of thousands of combatants fling around 150,000 mushed fruits at each other, skidding around in the swamps of juice that cover Bunõl’s streets, and ending up covered head to toe in red goo. Must be a good reason? Nope – there are a few contested explanations, but there doesn’t seem to be any religious or historical significance.
This mega beerfest is one of the most shamelessly indulgent festivals Europe has to offer – steins brimming with frothy amber nectar, all the hearty German grub you can stuff down, plus leather trews for the chaps and bosomy blouses for the ladies. You can get stuck into Oktoberfest celebrations all over the world, but the best parties are in Munich. MORE: Munich’s Oktoberfest runs from September 21›› October 6 (oktoberfest.de/en). tntMagazine.com
AT I N G 4 0 Y E
4, 5, 6 & 7 Day Trips, Oktoberfest, Munich, Germany
£109 per person
19 Sept - 7 Oct 2013 With a reputation as one of the best social and cultural events in the world, a seemingly endless supply of beer-filled steins and the chance to meet like-minded travellers, this annual party in the Bavarian capital is the biggest knees-up on the planet.
La Tomatina 4 Day Trips, La Tomatina Valencia, Spain
£159 per person
26 - 29 Aug 2013 The town of Buñol in Spain is a quiet and quaint village, except for one day in August when it transforms to the world’s biggest food fight! Today it attracts 40,000 worldwide visitors who come to experience a one hour, 40 tonne tomato fight!
Spanish Sun and Fiestas N EW
Pamplona 4, 5, 6, 7 & 8 Day Trips, Pamplona, Spain
12 Day Trip Spanish Sun & Fiestas Spain
£649 per person
27 June - 8 July 2013 Experience the San Fermin opening ceremony, run with the bulls, take part in our NEW Wine Battle and hit the beaches of San Sebastian.
£179 per person
4 - 15 July 2013
The San Fermin Festival is about much more than the runs themselves – with fireworks each evening and huge celebrations for the opening and closing ceremonies, it’s the ultimate Spanish Fiesta!
L8291 / Y2992
CALL 0845 257 5210
Queens Day 4 Day Trip, Queens Day Amsterdam, Netherlands
Europe + North America + Egypt Middle East + Morocco + Africa + Australia New Zealand + Festivals £199 per person
28 April - 1 May 2013
Queen’s Day in Amsterdam is one of the fastest growing festivals in Europe. It seems that fun-seeking travellers have finally got wise to what the Dutch have known for years – that Queen’s Day is the biggest party of the year!
£279 per person
Edinburgh Tattoo 4 Day Trip, Edinburgh Fringe & Tattoo, Scotland 23-26 Aug 2013
There’s no better time to visit the wonderful Scottish city of Edinburgh than when it’s hosting both the Fringe Festival and the Royal Military Tattoo. Hit the streets to see theatre, comedy and dance performers.
Ascot 1 Day Trips Ascot, England
21 & 22 June 2013 There is no better reason to get dressed up and drink bubbly than to watch some of the world’s best horses race each other at Royal Ascot!
4 Day Amsterdam Easter Netherlands 29 March - 1 April 2013 Cycle the streets and canals of Amsterdam by day, and sample some of Europe’s best nightlife by night. World class museums, great shopping and entertainment galore.
4 Day Brugge Easter Belgium 29 March - 1 April 2013 Soak up the architecture and ambience, and be sure to sample delicious Belgian beers, chocolates and waffles!
Easter Trips from
£249 per person
4 Day Paris & Champagne France
29 March - 1 April 2013 Explore unforgettable attractions and head for an included tour and tasting at a champagne house.
£299 per person
Anzac Day in Gallipoli. Below, left to right: an Egyptian adventure and St Patrick’s Day
GO: Fly from London Luton to Munich with Monarch Airlines from £76.50 return (bookflights.monarch.co.uk). St Patrick’s Day Part-time Paddies, join the grand old tradition of pretending to be Irish once a year and head to Dublin for a weekend of facepaint, leprechaun hats and all the Guinness you can get your hands on. If you can bear to put your drink down, don’t miss the People’s Parade through the city, either. MORE: March 17 is St Patrick’s Day, but festivities in Dublin run from March 14-18 (stpatricksfestival.ie). GO: Fly fom London Gatwick to Dublin from £71 return with Aer Lingus (aerlingus.com).
Photos: TNT, Getty, Thinkstock
Dive in: at Oktoberfest and, above, splash landing off Croatia’s coast Ski trips by rail Take a sleeper train to the European resorts and save yourself the cost of a night’s accommodation. You can get to Les Arcs (en.lesarcs.com) in France in under eight hours, where you’ll find a great range of slopes in the Paradiski area. MORE: The resorts of Montgenevre, Soll and Sauze d’Oulx are also convenient to reach by rail (snowcarbon.co.uk). GO: Rail-inclusive seven-day packages from St Pancras to Les Arcs 1950 from £599pp with Inghams (inghams.co.uk).
Anzac Day Be a part of the annual Anzac Day memorial services at Gallipoli this year, commemorating the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps who fought at Gallipoli in the Ottoman Empire during World War I. Most visitors choose to see the battlefields, camp out and attend the Dawn Service while they’re here, and there are loads of guided tours available that take in other Turkish hotspots, too. MORE: Anzac Day is April 25 (anzacsite.gov.au). GO: Fly from London Heathrow to Istanbul from £160 return with British Airways (ba.com). Amazing activities Like sports, sunshine, sights and sea? Then when you’re craving some action, book one of these adrenaline-pumped jaunts abroad. There’s no end of affordable adventures to be had in this hemisphere. 70
Feeling bullish? Seeing red in Pamplona
Daredevil watersports Whether you want to sail, surf, scuba dive, bodyboard or waterski, Gran Canaria’s climate is perfect for getting wet and wild. The sporty isle’s warm temperatures and breezes make it a perfect destination for windsurfing in particular. MORE: Club Mistral offers reasonable rates for windsurfing beginners in the Bahia Feliz bay, starting from £40 for a twohour lesson (club-mistral.com). GO: easyJet flies from London to Gran Canaria from £306 return (easyjet.com). Cycling mountain trails Scotland’s breathtaking scenery is just begging to be explored by bike, so hop on two wheels and cycle along the Caledonian Canal into the wilderness, passing pretty lochs, warm Scottish pubs, sparkling lochs and deep green valleys. MORE: Feeling energetic? Haggis Adventures runs a four-day, dauntingly active package that takes you cycling along this very route, and then kayaking through Loch Ness and hiking in the Great Glen for 399pp (haggisadventures.com). GO: Fly from London Gatwick to Edinburgh from £56 return with easyJet (easyjet.com). Desert exploring Check out the sweeping sands of the Egyptian desert on the back of a camel or rev up the engine of a quad bike for speedier thrills on a desert safari. MORE: Topdeck runs a nine-day Sinai Horizons package which includes the aforementioned desert shenanigans and other highlights of the country for £245pp (topdeck.travel). GO: Fly from London Heathrow to Cairo from £396 return with British Airways (ba.com). Plain sailing The best way to explore Croatia’s hidden islands, flawless beaches and beautiful waters is with an island-hopping cruise. MORE: On The Go’s Sailing Split tour offers an eight-day cruise that includes stops in Dubrovnik and the surrounding islands for £329pp (onthegotours.com). GO: Fly from London Gatwick to Split from £112 return with easyJet (easyjet.com). ❚
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VALENCIA 17TH - 20TH MARCH
P O SI
S C O U NT
ST PATRICKâ€™s Day DUBLIN 15TH - 18TH MARCH
Watch Dublin turn in to a sea of Green as we join with the locals to celebrate Irish Style! And a trip to Dublin wouldnt be complete with out a trip to the Guinness Brewery! Choose our coach tour or meet us in Dublin
AMSTERDAM 28TH APRIL - 1ST MAY
P O SI
S C O U NT
Be prepared to be â€œorangedâ€? as the Dutch go crazy celebrating their Queens Birthday. Street Parades and Parties, huge outdoor concerts, outdoor flea markets and much more. We have coach tours or accommodation only.
IBIZA - Pamps Crack On IBIZA 8TH - 12TH JULY
With over ÂŁ150 of club entry, a booze cruise, and accommodation, this is too good to miss! Some say the island is a great place to recover from the madness of San Fermin, and some want to kick start the summer.
Spains biggest festival is a week of fireworks, street parties, parades and off course the gastronomic delights of Valencia. Join us for a four day experience like no other
**Certain conditions apply to our January Sale ÂŁ20 deposit.These will be emailed to you once we have received your booking form and deposit . TNT_1534_081 81
03/01/201317/01/2013 17:00:08 15:14:16
FAVOURITE EAST EUROPE & FESTIVAL TOUR OPERATOR 2012
EASTER IN PARIS
4 DAYS £319 DEPARTS LONDON 29 MARCH
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* Valid on all 2013 departures. Book by 3 FEB. Pay in full by 31 MAR. Enter promocode ‘earlybird2013’
SAVE up to £163
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LAS FALLAS, PAMPLONA, OKTOBERFEST & QUEEN’S DAY
* Valid on all 2013 departures. Book by 3 FEB. Pay in full by 31 MAR. Enter promocode ‘earlybird2013’
* Valid on all 2013 departures. Book by 3 FEB. Pay in full by 31 MAR. Enter promocode ‘earlybird2013’
FOR ALL EARLYBIRD DEALS VISIT: www.busabout.com/earlybird
NEWS & VIEWS
NEW FOR 2013 - ONE-WAY SAIL DEPARTING SPLIT OR ZADAR Includes the party haven of Zcre Beach - one of the most happening places in Dalmatia, attracting top DJs from around the world. Enjoy the mix of natural wonders, local food, wine and historic towns. With cheap flights in and out of Zadar this is a great option for those on a budget.
Croatia One-Way Sail Highlights & Inclusions LINK UPe an
to mak both One-Ways sailing days 14 ble ta et rg fo un ubrovnik t-D pli r-S Zada
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08450 267 514 TNT_1534_082 82
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• Captain the Pirate • • • • • • •
Cruiser as it sails along the Dalmatian coast Orientation walks Boat Captain & local Crew English speaking Busabout Guide 7 nights accommodation on board (bedding included) 7 breakfasts and lunches Secluded swim stops Sunbathing on the deck
20% * OFF£163
UP TO G SAVlE except JUL & AUer. de pp 2013 partures * Valid on al ub One-Way and Island Ho departure Split/DFEB. Pay in full by 31 MAR. Book by 3 ode ‘earlybird2013’ Enter promoc
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plus ENGLA N & WALE D S
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FAVOURITE SCOTLAND & IRELAND TOUR OPERATOR 2012
DEPARTS EDINBURGH 8.30AM, 29 & 30 MAR ISLE OF SKYE, LOCH NESS & GLENCOE INCLUDES: Your legendary local Guide / FREE Lonely Planet guidebook of Europe
EASTER IN WALES 3 DAYS £185 DEPARTS LONDON 7.30AM, 30 MAR CARDIFF & BRECON BEACONS INCLUDES: Two nights twin share hotel accommodation with buffet breakfasts / FREE Entry into Big Pit / FREE Lonely Planet guidebook of Europe
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FAVOURITE IRELAND TOUR OPERATOR 2012
Our legendary St. Patrick’s packages have been designed to give you an amazing time discovering our stunning country plus the chance to party with us Irish!
SAVE UP TO £49
CELTIC ROCKER 5 DAYS (Mondays) £225 NOW £191 * (STUDENTS NOW £183 *)
BLARNEY CASTLE, CLIFFS OF MOHER, KILLARNEY, INIS MÓR/CONNEMARA Includes FREE entry to: Blarney Castle & Cliffs of Moher
CELTIC COMBO 9 DAYS £539
Departs Dublin 15 March
SOUTHERN ROCKER ALL IRELAND ROCKER 3 DAYS (Fridays) 7 DAYS (APR - OCT) £129 NOW £110 * (STUDENTS NOW £106 *)
BLARNEY CASTLE, CLIFFS OF MOHER, GALWAY & DINGLE Includes FREE entry to: Blarney Castle & Cliffs of Moher
£329 NOW £280 (STUDENTS NOW £270) †
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ST PATS PARTY 4 DAYS £199
Departs Dublin 15 March
ST PATS PARTY 4 DAYS £269
Departs London 15 March
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£225 NOW £191 (STUDENTS NOW £183)†
* Valid on JAN, FEB, MAR & APR departures. Book by 3 FEB. † Book by 3 FEB. Pay in full by 31 MAR. Enter promocode ‘earlybird2013’
LONELY PLANET GUIDE TNT_1534_083 83
TEL: 08450 267 507 INFO@SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM TNTMAGAZINE.COM WWW.SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM
AT I N G 4 0 Y E
19 DAY Ultimate Egypt Dep. 5 Feb 2013
Includes US$345 food fund
Includes US$280 food fund
Includes US$190 food fund
Festivals in Europe 4 DAY Las Fallas Valencia, Spain NOW
17-20 Mar 2013
ANZAC Trips now on sale!
L8291 / Y2992
The people of Valencia celebrate their patron saint’s day and the passing of winter with a fiery party of ferocious proportions. Over 400 spectacular effigies are constructed for one reason – to be burnt to a cinder to welcome in the new Spring.
Dep. 26 Jan 2013
Includes US$135 food fund
4 DAY St Patrick’s Day Dublin, Ireland 15-18 Mar 2013 NOW
Dep. 26 Jan 2013
9 DAY Egypt Express
No one throws a party like the Irish – and there is no better time to experience this than on St Patrick’s Day! The streets of Dublin are filled with music, street theatre, comedy and more, “Cead mile failte” (A thousand welcomes).
4 DAY Venice Carnival Venice, Italy 8-11 Feb 2013 NOW
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Pyramids & Beaches
Be enchanted by the mystery of Venice as the locals don elaborate masks while celebrating the festivities of Carnival. The famous canals come alive with street parties, costumes and celebrations during this unique festival.
CALL 0845 257 5210
*Term price = £0 whe new Ame one The right
Europe 20% in Winter UP TO
Favourite Big Tour Operator Favourite Ski/Winter Operator Favourite Tour Operator in Western Europe
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Celebrate Australia Day
with Topdeck at the Walkabout
Best Dressed Competition Win a 4 day Topdeck ANZAC Trip Date: Saturday 26th Jan Venues: Shepherds Bush Walkabout 11.30am – 4pm Temple Walkabout 4.30 – 7.30pm
e l a S a c i r e m North A ! Save 10% on all trips
Book & pay in full by 31st January *Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Offer subject to availability. The 10% book and pay in full by 31st January offer for North America trips is valid for new confirmed bookings made from 1 January 2013 and paid in full by 31 January 2013. This 10% discount applies exclusively to all North America trips listed in Topdeck’s 2013 North America brochure. This discount can be combined up to a maximum of 20% using one standard brochure discount with the exception of the ‘Early Payment Option’. Please contact our friendly team for further details. The discount does not apply to Food Fund or pre/post accommodation. Normal cancellation conditions apply. Topdeck reserves the right to withdraw this offer at any time. See online for full terms and conditions.
’S EARLY BOOKING SALE NOW ON
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T CAM JOIN PP AT PAMP’S CLOSESACTIO N! JUST A FEW KMS AWAY FROM ALL THE
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March ✔ Pamplona’s CLOSEST camp – Ezcaba • St Patrick’s Day. 17 • Anzac Day. 25 April ✔ Music, dancing, sangria, top facilities at our party camp dies Day). • Royal Ascot (inc, La ions excurs & parties ive exclus s, t-shirt asts, breakf s, ✔ Shuttle June 20-22 ✔ 5, 6 or 7 day tours from just £249 • Pamplona. 6 July F THE O G IN N N U R T August E BES 22 YEARS! • La Tomatina. 28 R FO ✔ Accom packages from only £129 BTH S R U TO ULLS – 6 Oct • Oktoberfest. 21 Sept ✔ Flying and transfer options
ALL TOURS DISCOUNTED!
ANZAC DAY 2013
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2 Day Tour Was £109 Now £ 99! 4 Day Tour Was £209 Now £ 189! 5 Day Tour Was £269 Now £ 249!
PLACE YOUR TRUS
T IN THE MOST PR
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PAT’S DAY BEING ON A WEEKEND, ST GE IN DUBLIN IS GOING TO HU 79 NOW £259 ✔ Coach tours was £2 NOW £189 ✔ Accom only was £209
SUNDAY 17TH MARCH
SIONAL TOURS TO Land based tours GALLIPOLI all start and finish at PP’s superb Ista nbul hotels
firstname.lastname@example.org • 020 7930 9999
(1991-2012): 22 year’s of great party tours!! 86
PADDY’S DAY THE PERFECT DUBLIN WEEKEND!
4 Days Hostel 15-18 MAR £189 3 Days Hotel 16-18 MAR £189 ✔ Central Dublin Accom ✔ Paddy’s Day Parade
BOOK NOW FOR BEST PRICES!
CATEGORY A & A+ BOATS AT UNBEATABLE PRICES! 7 NIGHTS JUN-SEP fr£379
JOIN OUR HIGHLY ACCLAIMED ANZAC TOURS
3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199 4 Day Tour 23-26 APR fr£239 5 Day Tour 22-26 APR fr£279 8 Day Tours 20-27 APR or 22-29 APR 15/16 Day Tours 11-26 APR or 22 APR-6 MAY
AS FEATURED ON CHANNEL NINE!
WESTERN FRONT TOUR
CIAO ITALIA CHECK OUT THE BEST ITALY HAS TO OFFER!
7 Days JUN-AUG £299 ✔ Rome ✔ Florence ✔ Cinque Terre ✔ Pisa ✔ Venice ✔ Milan
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PAMPLONA THE INCREDIBLE RUNNING OF THE BULLS! 3 Days Pamps/San Seb Camping 4-15 JUL Italy-Barcelona-Pamps 26 JUN-8 JUL Barcelona + Pamplona Fiesta 2-8 JUL Pamplona + Ibiza Combo 5-11 JUL San Sebastian + Pamps 3-8 or 5-10 JUL Coach Tours Depart 3 or 4 JUL fr£279 4 Day San Sebastian Hostel 5-8 JUL £269 4 Day Pamplona Hotel 5-8 JUL £339
WWI French & Belgian Battlefields + Anzac Day Services Eurostar Tour 23-25 APR £299 Make Own Way 23-25 APR £279
THE WORLD’S BIGGEST FOOD FIGHT! 4 Days Beach Camping 26-29 AUG 4 Days Hostel/3 Days Hotel 26/27-29 AUG Ibiza + La Tom Combos 24-29 AUG or 26 AUG-1 SEP Barcelona & Italy Combo tours also available!
WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac CAT A+: JUN fr£389 JUL fr£469 AUG fr£449 SEP fr£399 CAT A: JUL fr£379 AUG fr£399 SEP fr£379
WED 30 JAN 8PM £43 SAT 23 FEB 1 PM £33
£149 £749 £349 £399 £229
GREEK ISLAND PARTY HOPPER 9 Days JUL-AUG £399 Tours start in Athens every Saturday ✔ Mykonos ✔ Ios ✔ Santorini ✔ Athens ✔ High speed ferries ✔ Breakfasts ✔ Fanatics Tour Rep ✔ Parties
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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email email@example.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* two inch girl with size 12 feet. And look, Susie, feet are my thing, the bigger the better. I need you and your massive trotters in my life. Just give me a chance. Frankie LOVE’S BREWIN’: 26-yearold Aussie barista seeks happygo-lucky (busty), friendly (hot), intelligent (doesn’t have to be that intelligent), girl (erm, yeah, girl) for parenthesis humour and mounds of cuddles (penetrative sexual intercourse). Cheers, Randy
winters, you have schooled this naive Aussie lad. Now I’ve got to work out how to put one on without looking like an alien. Mick NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH: To the half-Asian hottie (it’s not too un-PC to call you a hottie, right?) who lives on my street in Bermondsey: please find a reason to say hi. I’m very friendly and a decent enough chap most of the time, but unless you’re flashing one of those rare smiles I get, you look
Things the Queen should do before she dies
#513 Get her royal chompers stuck into a big, fat and juicy horse meat burger
BIKE, TAKEN: Whoever nicked my bike from outside the Dissenting Academy in Islington, you should know I have a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. I will find you and then I’m really going to report you to the proper authorities, and all things going well, get my bike back. Fernando (walking) PAIN ON THE NECK: I never thought I would have to wear a scarf in my life. They look dumb and pretentious and make you too hot on the Tube. Then it got cold and I see what they’re for. British
like you’re about to punch a puppy, or me. Aussie Eric FOOTY FASHION: My first winter in London – still can’t get my head around wearing a scarf and it not being to a footy match. That’s how bloody cold it is. Of course, it’s a footy scarf – carn the Swannies! BJ LES LONELY: Unremarkably normal guy seeking a female companion to go to see the new Les Miserables with me. I saw the musical and thought it was awesome – surprised myself – but everyone looks at me funny when
I say that. Same with me wanting to see this movie. Poor man’s Javert DRY THROAT: Roll on January 31st – this not drinking, not smoking, not having any fun sucks a big fat hairy one. It has been funny watching what everyone else looks like when they’re wasted, but that’s hardly any consolation. Thirsty Al HANDS OFF: To that creepy co-worker of mine who is always offering back rubs: If I “seem stressed”, as you’re always so eager to point out, it’s only because I live in perpetual fear of you molesting me. A piece of advice ... your massages are limped, your hands are clammy and your vibe utterly unnerving. Your personality isn’t going to win you over with the ladies. Want a chance? Get rich, quick. Juniper FREAK ON: To the crazy girl dancing insanely to Missy Elliott in the club last weekend: I like your moves. I mean, sure, you looked a bit like a chicken whose feed’s been laced with amphetamines, but you were so unreserved and ... well, nuts looking, that I know you’ve got to be awesome in bed. I’d like to get to know you. Marcel LOVE HURTS: To the chick with two hats – yes, you know who you are – I have a truly devastating crush on you. Can we please just give in? You know who RED HEADS: Lots of people slag off gingers, but I think tangerine candyfloss is hot. You don’t even have to look like Prince Harry – I reckon Mick Hucknall is unfairly mocked. Get in touch. Mandy
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ACTiON Netball Umpires required Competitive rates apply 98
WE GET THE COLD: It’s great having winter over here ‘cos it’s totally unlike anything on the Sunshine Coast, but one thing I would absolutely change is every single bloody Brit I talk to asking me whether I think it’s cold or not. Enough already! Winter is meant to be cold, I get it, it’s a good thing! Rugged-up Rhonda THREE-COURSE HORSE: Am I the only person in London not to be disgusted about the supermarket horseburgers scandal? Where I’m from we love a bit of horse meat. I think they should start serving it up at McDonald’s. And with the Grand National on the way, what could be better than serving up the fallen horses to the rich folks in the VIP seats. Waste not, want not. Will GOOD MORNING: To the Big Issue bloke near Liverpool St station wishing everyone “good morning, good morning, good morning”: keep up the good work mate, you’re a London gem. I think we should get Mayor Boris to get off his arse in the freezing cold to greet all the passengers arriving at King’s Cross. Work for your pay, BoJo. Bob Cratchet JUNGLE DREGS: To the predators surrounding the dance floor at Strawberry Moons nightclub on Saturday nights: I know your tactics you mangy old Brut splashing dogs – waiting for the drunkest girl like jackals eyeing up weakened gazelles! Find a new hunting ground you grubs. Laura L LET’S PLAY FOOTSIES: It’s not everyday you meet a five foot,
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