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May 28-June 3 2012 Issue 1500 tntmagazine.com

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A £1100 HOP-ON HOP -OFF BUSABOUT PA SS FOR TWO

! E N O T S E L I M T N T

rris gend Rolf Ha le ie s s u A h wit ries • A chat o m e m T N T Queen • Your Best of The

INSIDE: 32-PAGE DESTINATIONS NEW PULLOUT

EURO 2012 GUIDE + WHERE TO WATCH THE GAMES BIG 5 ON A BUDGET INTERVIEW: FATBOY SLIM LOWDOWN ON EUROPE’S TOP SURF SPOTS TNT 1500 Cover.indd 1

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For the best prices on airfares, tours and holidays call us today on

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CAROL DRIVER EDITOR carol.driver@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER Just like the Queen, TNT is this week marking a milestone – our 1500th issue. Your favourite magazine launched in 1983 as the bible for Australians and Kiwis living in London. To mark it, we’ve put together a special, eight-page guide (P67), of the best covers since 1983, our top Queens, and your TNT stories. We’re also marking the occasion with one of our renowned parties (P76). Hope you can make it! And enjoy the 1500 issue – we couldn’t have got here without the support of our advertisers and, you, our loyal readers.

THIS WEEK LONDONDIARY

4-5

LONDONNEWS

6

COMPETITIONS

14-15

MY LONDON

16

DRINK & EATS

18-19

@TNT

20

SPOTTED

23

LONDON SOUND

24-25

LISTINGS CLUB & GIGS

26+29

COMPETITION

34

CHATROOM FATBOY SLIM

35

LONDON SCENE

36-37

SPARE TIME

38

LIFESTYLE

41-51

SHOPPING

41

HEALTH & BEAUTY

42-43

CAREERS

44-45

LIVING

50-51

NEWS & SPORT

52-65

1500 CELEBRATIONS

67-77

TRAVEL

79-104

FEATURES IT’S COMING HOME!

8 + 62

Our guide on where to watch the Euros in London, and the lowdown on the games.

OUR AUSSIE HERO

TNT meets Rolf Harris for a chat, a sing-song and posing for photographs.

TNT TOWERS

44

80

NEWS

81

LATE DEALS

84

ANNIVERSARY ISSUE

87

We take a look at our best covers, the Queen over the years, and your stories.

TOP FIVE

88-89

TIPS & STUFF

90+93

SHORTBREAK

94-96

48 HOURS IN...

98-99

CLASSIFIEDS

106-137

DESPERATELY SEEKING

138

100

30

DIARY

HOTSHOTS

Photos: Getty; Thinkstock

8

We track down ex-employess to nd out where in the world they are now.

SURF’S UP!

67

94

A roundup of the best spots for novices and experts to ride the waves in Europe.

CYCLING VIETNAM

100

Cockghting, fried rat and lazy locals as we pedal through the Mekong Delta.

30 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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EDITORIAL Editor Carol Driver Sub editor Jahn Vannisselroy Content editors: Acting Travel Laura Chubb Entertainment Alasdair Morton News & sport Tom Sturrock Web Oliver Jones Staff writer Clare Vooght Staff writer/editorial assistant Rebecca Kent

LONDONDIARY

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DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke Acting picture researcher Ruth Board DIGITAL & IT Head of digital marketing and development Syed Ahmad Social Media Coordinator Dan Thorne SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Classified Ad Manager Matt Syder Sales executives Tyler Harrison | Eddie Clinton | Donovan Smith | Michael Fair | Marie Smith Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events assistant Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com SALES ENQUIRIES

PHONE 020 7989 0567 EMAIL sales@tntmagazine.com WHERE TO GET TNT

COVER PRICE: £1 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

Alfred and his birds

Shhh... SECRET LONDON THE GENIUS OF HITCHCOCK BFI SOUTHBANK

Alfred Hitchcock, the greatest British film director of all time, is the focus of this season at the BFI, which kicks off this week. There are screenings of his nine newly restored silent movies, including Blackmail, The Lodger and The Pleasure Garden. There are also gala screenings of his flicks, a complete retrospective, including classics such as Psycho, The Birds and Strangers On A Train, as well as an introductory guide The Genius Of Hitchcock... In 39 Steps for those keen to embelish their Hitch trivia. VARIOUS

June 1-October. Times vary BFI Southbank, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XT

00 4

bfi.org.uk/hitchcock

PANIC – A HOMAGE HIJACKED III / AUSTRALIA TO THE SMITHS

WATCH THIS SPACE

This ‘live homage to The Smiths’ will feature a couple of bands doing covers of The Smiths’ classics, and former Smiths drummer Mike Joyce as special guest DJ, all of which serves as the launch for Kevin Cummins’ new exhibition of photos of the iconic band.

This exhibition brings together artists from Australia and the UK to collectively challenge the status quo of what is expected from contemporary photography. The photos here explore the best and the worst of society, such as Katrin Koenning’s intimate family portraits and Toni Greaves’ study of monastic life.

Promising a ‘British combo of tea, pensioners, jive and foxtrot’ this eclectic festie brings the best in outdoor performance. There’s rapping OAP Ida Barr’s Jubilee Mash Up; Polar, a tango danced in flames; and Project 3Sixty, which boasts gravity-defying free running tricks and stunts to live up to its no-holdsbarred title.

June 1-July 20.11am-5pm Photofusion, SW9 8LA Brixton photofusion.org

June 1-Sept 9. Times vary SE1 9PX nationaltheatre.org.uk Waterloo

£10

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

Waterloo

Thurs, May 31. 8pm-1am. Exhibition runs until July 15 Proud Camden, NW1 8AH Camden Town proudcamden.com

FREE

VARIOUS

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In which year did Philip first make a tit of himself?

RIGHT ROYAL PUB QUIZ The Cadogan Arms

As Queen Lizzie celebrates her Jubilee bash, and as everyone else enjoys the benefits of a four-day weekend – when, with a bit of luck, the sun will be shining – put your regal knowledge to the test in this royal pub quiz. The questions will cover royal history from 1952 onwards, so expect one or two on Phillip’s gaffes, the Queen Mum, Prince Harry’s Nazi moment, and perhaps something about last summer’s wedding. The winner gets a £100 bar tab, too. £2

Mon, June 4. From 7.30pm SW3 5UG thecadoganarmschelsea.com

Sloane Square

CYCLE IN CINEMA

MARMITE AFTERNOON TEA

The second screening in this cycle-licious cinema project is Stephen Chow’s martial arts comedy, Kung Fu Hustle. While the film is ace, full of highkicking gags and mayhem, it’s the project itself that’s the draw. The screen is pedalpowered, so bring your bike and work off your popcorn as you watch.

Marmite, it’s heavenly and divine to some, a black, sludge-like abomination to others. You love it or hate it, as they say. Those for whom it’s the former have teamed up with west London restaurant The Botanist to offer a Marmite menu – so that’s finger sandwiches and Ma’amite scones. Delish.

May 28-July 16. 7pm Hackney City Farm, E2 8QA Hoxton magnificentrevolution.org

May 28-June 10. 3.30pm-6pm The Botanist, SW1W 8EE Sloane Square thebotanistonsloanesquare.com

FREE

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LONDONNEWS

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@tntmagazine

CAMERON SORRY FOR ‘MUTTERING IDIOT’ David Cameron was forced to apologise last week after he branded Labour MP Ed Balls a “muttering idiot” during Prime Ministers Questions. Cameron hit out at the shadow chancellor, saying he wanted to find “innovative ways of using our hard-won credibility, which we wouldn’t have if we listened to the muttering idiot opposite.” The PM was forced by the Speaker to withdraw the unparliamentary term “idiot” and he replaced it with “the man who left us this enormous deficit and financial crisis”. Not as catchy, at all.

Steve said to me, ‘Always imagine you’re second and you’re trying to beat the No 1’ London 2012 BMX Gold hopeful Shanaze Reade reveals the secret tips former Olympics champ Steven Redgrave gave her to avoid the pitfals of complacency

LEICESTER SQUARE’S REVAMP REVEALED After months of barriers and building works, Leicester Square reopened last week to flaunt its £15.3m new look. “This fantastic makeover is an integral part of the legacy that London 2012 will bring, creating a must-see destination for the thousands of people that visit each day,“ mayor Boris Johnson said. The revamp features 12,000ft of granite paving, steel railings and a water fountain.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES

WATERLOO AND CITY: Closed Sunday and public holidays.

OVERGROUND: No service between South Tottenham and Barking, and Richmond and Willesden Junction on Sunday.

Stuck in a tunnel for £40

Hundreds of passengers on broken tube train get compensation As the rain disappeared and the sun came out last week, the last place you’d want to be stuck is on the Underground. Especially so if it breaks down and leaves you stranded beneath the city for hours – yet that’s what happened to hundreds of Jubilee line passengers. More than 770 people were trapped when a train stopped working on Wednesday night, stranding commuters between Baker Street and St John’s Wood. They were forced to walk three quarters of a mile to safety along the tunnel in sweltering heat. For their trouble, each passenger has been handed £40 in compensation but the incident has cast fresh doubt over the public transport system’s ability to

cope, especially with the influx of visitors expected for the Games. “The Olympic opening ceremony is less than nine weeks away and still commuters are being hit by delays caused by faulty track, faulty trains and faulty signals,” London Assembly member Val Shawcross said. “The Mayor needs to get a grip or London could end up as an international laughing stock.” London Transport Commissioner Peter Hardy responded, saying: “Realistically it will never be perfect. We’re driving the performance up and the failures down.” Perfection is not necessary, though, most Londoners would happily settle for a Tube system that’s reliable and not plagued by delays, faults and endless confusion. Just saying.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON... In case you hadn’t noticed (maybe you had your head under a rather large rock for the last forever) this coming weekend is the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, so that means a right royal knees up, more bunting than you thought there was in existence, and, best of all, a four-day weekend. Result! There’s a service of Thanksgiving at St Paul’s on Saturday, followed by the Diamond Jubilee Parade in which the Queen, with family in tow, will leave for Buckingham Palace. Sunday sees the Queen’s Thames Jubilee Pageant, with up to 1000 boats taking to the river. Best of all though are the thousands of events, parties, fairs and general celebrations going on all over town. It’s history in the making .

A right royal knees up!

Photos: Getty

6

GB’s Volleyball team took part in a ‘Stop Traffic’ stunt last week to remind us the roads will be busy during the Games

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Win or lose - on the booze

If

Football focus This summer’s ‘other’ sporting championship kicks off next week. Here’s the lowdown on bars screening Euro 2012 WORDS ALASDAIR MORTON In a bumper year for sport, the latest instalment in this summer of competition is the European Championships. If you can’t afford a ticket to Poland and the Ukraine, who are co-hosting (and, if reports of overly inflated hotel prices are to be believed, who can?), there’s no better place than London to watch the games and no shortage of pubs in which to cheer on your adopted nation. The local English boozer is a national institution, football is the national pastime, throw them together with a nation’s hopes resting on new England manager Roy Hodgson, and you’ve got a recipe for sporting spectacle to rival this season’s epic conclusions to the Premier and Champions leagues. East Village in London’s hip East End is showing all the big games on their array of screens. The club’s bosses also have something special up their sleeves, with Sky TV’s Soccer AM presenter Max Rushden on hand, hosting all Ingerland’s exploits. “We’ve always shown the major football tournaments at East Village as we’re all big football followers,” the club’s events programmer Stuart 8

Patterson said. “And we have always tried to give plenty more than just a big screen and cold beer. “We approached Max and the crew from Soccer AM to bring their special blend of football and laughs to East Village, and allow them to host all the England games over both floors for the best in football entertainment.” Mix beers, football, laughs and sunshine (fingers crossed), and you’ve got one powerful combination – one that’ll be taking taking over the capital from June 8. Packed pubs and sun-drenched beer gardens will come alive with the scent of BBQ food, as footie fans sit back and watch the matches unfold in hi-tech cinema screen lavishness. However, if you prefer to watch the matches not surrounded by a huge crowd, so that you can’t even make it to the bar, there’s places for that, too. Roxy Bar & Screen manager Glynn O’Shea reasons the south London venue is one of the best in the capital for watching big sports events. “Apart from the fact that we’ve got probably the biggest pub screen in London,” the Irish supporter

says, “We’ve got a lot of seating, so it doesn’t get too crowded in here, and we always attract a multicultural, friendly crowd as well which guarantees a great atmosphere.” Cargo in east London is planning a unique footy experience, too, with DJ-battles between Euro nationalities. “We’re doing the whole experience: the BBQ and day party, and the football and after party,” events manager Whitney Bonrud says. “We’ve paired up the music to go with the games so live DJs will be battling it out for their country’s title. “There’s events every night, brand new flat screens and two 12ft projectors. We’re going all out!” With a third of Brits expected to buy a 3D TV before the summer’s out, you can understand the landlord’s desire to impress. So get a beer, get behind the boys, and enjoy. MORE EURO BARS ❯❯ Euro 2012 runs from June 8 to July 1. East Village’s Football Fanzone 89 Great Eastern Street, EC2A 3HX. 4pm-11pm June 11, 15, 18 & 19. £10 Old Street eastvillageclub.co.uk

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DIAMOND

JUBILEE PARTY

If you looked like an elf, you’d be destraught, too

OM EEKEND FRAY JUNE 4TH DJS ALL WTO D N O M T E 1S FRIDAY JUN

PARTY ON MASSIVE STREET TE RRACE M LU THE GIGA PIMMS ON RS SPECIAL OFFE UD OF! ILL BE PRO W N E E U Q E A PARTY TH

FREE ENTR Y

We’re singing for England!

Witih a new manager in charge, England’s expectation is huge

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FAMOUS THREE KINGS FULHAM This football mad pub has got three big screens, ten plasmas, and is famous for its sportsday boozing – multiple screens, multiple matches, multiple opportunities for some good-natured banter with the opposition fans. No matter how packed it is, you’ll be able to see the action here, and soak up the awesome atmosphere, too.

THE CORONET ELEPHANT & CASTLE Catering for the Polish community in town, the Coronet theatre will be showing all of the national team’s group games – that’s against Greece, Russia, Czech Republic, and then any further matches, should the Poles progress beyond the group stages this year. (They’re in the easiest of groups, and have home advantage so highly likely.) There’s free entry to the club nights afterwards, to either celebrate or commiserate. £6

FREE

June 8-July 1 171 North End Road, W14 9NL West Kensington facebook.com/Famous.3.kings

ROXY BAR AND SCREEN BOROUGH The 2010 winner of the Best Entertainment pub in the UK makes for a pretty good place to catch the action at this summer’s Euros. Add to that the fact that it has one of the biggest screens in all of London - 4m wide, no less - and you’d be hard pressed to find a better place to kick back, enjoy a beer and watch England underwhelm. FREE

June 8, 12 & 16 28 New Kent Road, SE1 6TJ Elephant & Castle coronettheatre.co.uk

June 8-July 1 128-132 Borough High Street, SE1 1LB Borough roxybarandscreen.com

NELSON’S RETREAT SHOREDITCH

THE ALEXANDRA CLAPHAM

This footy pub is a top location, with ample screens and a wide choice of ales and lagers. It’s also Arsenal throughand-through, though, so ace if you’re a gunner seeking like-minded opinions of Oxlade-Chamberlain, or a downer if you’re less enamoured with partisan philosophising. Features shirts, memorabilia, with red and white predominating.

With two floors of big-screened madness, you can catch every kick, goal and disputed foul and red card at this south London venue. There’s a projector upstairs in the newly refurbished bar, and there are smaller plasmas dotted around all over the place – so there’s no chance of missing a thing. Check out the pub’s impressive range of beers and ales – and there’s also decent, great value pub grub on offer to soak up the pints. If that’s not enough to tempt you, why not head across the road on to Clapham Common at half time for a kick-about with the lads, to see who’s the sharpest football skills. A winner all round.

FREE

BAR KICK SHOREDITCH If you want to watch the Euros, there’s a load of screens here to catch the games and cheer on your adopted team for the championships. There’s also a 3D screen in the basement, which can be hired out – as can any of a number of downstairs and upstairs booths. This trendy east London haunt is also famous for its table football, so you can play, watch and drink at the same time. A sport you can play in the pub with a beer in your hand, now you’re talking. FREE

June 8-July 1 126-127 Shoreditch High Street, E1 6JE Old Street cafekick.com

10

June 8-July 1 235 Old Street, EC1V 9HE Old Street facebook.com/pages/thenelsons-retreat

THE RITZY BRIXTON A big screen and beers from the cinema’s bar, a hi-def way to catch England’s campaign. FREE

June 11, 15 & 19 Brixton SE22 9EY picturehouses.co.uk

FREE

June 8-July 1 14 Clapham Common South Side, SW4 7AA Clapham Common capitalpubcompany.com

ELK BAR FULHAM What could be better than watching the games in Poland and the Ukraine? Watching them in glorious hi-tech 3D, with a chilled bevvie in your hand, ‘The Big Smoke’ BBQ and all manner of burgers and chicken to kick your hunger pangs into the back of the net. That’s what. All the games are on, and there’s cocktail deals, too, to keep you in the mood. FREE

June 8-July 1 587 Fulham Road, SW6 5UA Fulham Broadway elkbar.com

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R U O H Y P P Y A A H D Y G R N I E AMARZS FROM 2 EV BEE

EK THE WE T U O H UG S THRO L A E D RINKS PLUS D

ALL THE GAMES, LIVE ON BIG SCREENS OUTDOOR VIEWING SPACE, BAR AND BBQS

THE QUEENS JUBILEE

The pageant, passing by the bridge and on our big screens, More bbq action and lashings of pimms‌

ALL DAY + NIGHT

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Watch the 2012 Euro’s Al Fresco on the Thames

We have 3 screens

+ 1 projector inner deck 1 screen on upper deck Public bar open from midday

FREE pri

ople

um of 70 pe

r a minim vate hire fo

For group bookings info@barandcompany.com

or 02081336405 3am club license. 12

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTS CAFE HAYMARKET

THE LARRIK FULHAM

Four bars, two floors and more than 100 screens (92 HD screens, two projectors, eight booth TVs) – that’s what makes this one of the best places in all of London to catch the Euros. Whichever team you’re supporting, they’ll have your game on at least one of the screens. The place is going to be rammed (and a little partisan, too, given all those intermingling fans), and when it’s all done, there are pool tables and a nightclub until late.

There are two huge, wall-filling screens in the pub, smaller HDs, and even a screen outside in the beer garden for those wanting to soak up the sunshine. Best of all, though, is the Shack, a 3D cinema room, with a beer fridge, for watching the games as hi-tech as possible. Nice.

FREE

June 8-July 1 80 Haymarket, SW1Y 4TE Charing Cross thesportscafe.com

FREE

June 8-July 1 425 New King’s Road, SW6 4RN Putney Bridge thelarrikinnfulham.com

JETLAG SPORTS BAR WEST END Smashing the stereotype that sports bars have plastic seating, weak beers, and too much sweat lingering around, this stylish venue has a cinema screen for viewing the games. It also has a wide signature of drinks – imported lagers, sizzling cocktails – and, best of all, table service during the game, so you don’t miss a kick. FREE

June 8-July 1 125 Cleveland Street, Fitrozia, W1T 6QB Great Portland Street jetlagbar.com

BAVARIAN BEERHOUSE OLD STREET Firstly, Germans like their beer, secondly their beer’s good – two reasons to watch the Euros at this east London fave (right). Throw in large Stein glasses, Oompah-tainment, and the odd foxy waitress in lederhosen, and you’ve got the recipe for a fab footy-fest. They’re likely to favour the Germans, though, England fans be warned! £10

BEAUFORT HOUSE CHELSEA CHELSEA If hoards of screaming fans packed tightly into a sweaty, beer-soaked pit of a pub is not your ideal way to enjoy the Euros, check out the Beaufort (above), as it offers something a little different. You can catch a game at the cocktail bar, complete with a who’s-who of drinks tailored to your palette. Or, if you’re feeling flush, hire the private restaurant for some extra special glamour. Footy with style, and maybe the odd terrace chant, too.

Photos: Darren Chung; Francisco Leong; Alex Grimm; Mario

FREE

June 8-July 1 354 King’s Road, SW3 5UZ Fulham Broadway beauforthousechelsea.com

June 8-July 1 190 City Road, EC1V 2QH Old Street bavarian-beerhouse.co.uk

THE REGENT BALHAM A stone’s throw from Balham Tube, this amenable local boozer has big screens and plasmas to watch the footy, a superb range of lagers, ales and wines, and top grub on the menu as well. FREE

June 8-July 1 21 Chestnut Grove, SW12 8JB Balham theregentbalham.co.uk

CARGO OLD STREET

This traditional boozer has loads of screens, a projector and a top atmosphere.

With a host of new plasmas TVs brought in especially for the Euros, a 12ft projector, top beer deals (four for £10), DJ duels, and a terrace bar, this east London club-bar is pulling out the stops this year. Free, but entrance fees for England games.

June 8-July 1 84 Upper Tooting Rd, SW17 7PB T’ting Bec taylor-walker.co.uk

June 8-July 1 83 Rivington Street, EC2A 3AY Old street cargo-london.com

KING’S ARMS TOOTING FREE

FREE

WAXY O’CONNOR’S WEST END An Irish bar, and they’ve got a team in this year’s championships, so no better place to catch the games, sink a Guinness, and shout at the ref. FREE

June 8-July 1 14-16 Rupert Street, W1D 6DD Leicester Square waxyoconnors.co.uk

BISON AND BIRD CLAPHAM Clapham’s self-styled party bar has a large screen and plasmas. Showing all the games and key matches on the projector, you can reserve a table to make sure you get the best view. FREE

June 8-July 1 182 Clapham High Street, SW4 7UG Clapham Common bisonandbird.com

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MYLONDON

www.topdeck.travel/egypt/tnt

EGYPT & MIDDLE EAST 8 DAY

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ESSENTIAL EGYPT Dep. 17 June 2012

WAS £410

What baffles me about London is people’s intolerance, and that everyone’s in a rush. No one takes the time to appreciate what’s going on around them. London’s best-kept secret is me! When I want to chill out I go to Green Lanes’ Lahmacun restaurant. I love Turkish food, and like to eat well when I’m back in London.

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The most interesting person I’ve met is Linda Ormonde Jayne. The world’s greatest perfumer and one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. She happens to be a Camden Town neighbour.

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My favourite place for a drink is our local, the Crown & Goose in Camden, I love to have a pint there with friends. We know everyone in there, sometimes it feels more like a youth club! It’s really nice to have a good local where you know everyone, and they do a great roast dinner on a Sunday. For when you’re hungover in London, my house for a super-juice. Though I do love a good breakfast on a hangover. Try the Camden Bar & Kitchen, they do lovely food, and they also have a great pizza chef in the corner. A little tip would be to go on a Monday after 5pm for 2-for-1 pizzas. Cannot beat it!

UK Golden Backpack

NER WIN vourite Fa M iddle East Operator As voted by you!

What gets me up in the morning? Tickling my balls, and a cup of rosie lee. I love a good cup of builders’ tea in the morning. Can’t get started without it! My perfect weekend is beers on Hampstead Heath in the sun. I just love to be around friends. It’s always nice to get out of London for a weekend, but I never really manage it unless it’s for a show. There are always a healthy amount of parties going on in north London of a weekend, but really, I just like to relax and stay healthy.

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The last naughty thing you did was steal a traffic warden’s hat. I hate traffic wardens. I know it’s not their fault, but sadly their salary is commissionbased which turns them into evil people! Five words that sum up London ... Orwellian. Ugly. Unique. Historic. And creative. iamcaan.com Dingwalls, May 31, NW1 8AF. Single Into The Night out June 11 16

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LONDONDRINKS

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A Brazilian beach bar in Shoreditch

BAR THE SCENE A slice of sunshine in scrappy Shoreditch, Floripa’s bright yellow and green walls, parrot paintings, tumbling plants and flower-garland chandeliers transport the punter to a Brazilian beach bar. Infusing this heady atmosphere are Latin American beats, strong liquor and, as the night wears on, muchos dancing on tables. There are events every night, from live music to band-backed karaoke. THE GRUB The menu boasts that it blends English pop with Brazilian bossa, but we’re happy to report a more authentic flavour to the small plates, salads and meat-centric mains than you might expect from fusion cuisine. The beef ribs cooked in Brazilian black beer are a sweet and smoky standout. BEHIND THE BAR Forget caipirinhas – the Brazilian blends here are far more inventive. The sizeable cocktail menu takes South American staples (the likes of cachaça, lime, mango) and twists them into drinks fit for the trendiest London bar (think cucumber and absinthe foam accents). We loved the Jumping Devil – Horny Salto Cachaça, ginger ale, cassis – for being refreshingly fruity and zingily gingery all at the same time. Similarly, the Batida de Salto brought a new flavour with each sip. BILL PLEASE Cocktails from £7.50; glasses of wine from £5; starters and salads from £4; mains from £6.50 (without sides); sides from £3. VERDICT Pack your Havaianas – it’s a tropical party paradise. LAURA CHUBB

91-93 Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ

3 OF THE BEST BEER TASTING

18

floripalondon.com

Old Street/ Shoreditch High Street

THE NEW BREWERY

BEER ACADEMY

THE WINE CELLARS

Where better to hone your beer-loving tastebuds than at London’s newest, biggest brewery – Meantime in Greenwich? Match beer |with a three-course meal or canapes for £30 – a steal.

This is the ultimate beer school, and on June 12 at the White Horse, Parson’s Green, it hosts a Euro 2012-themed, 90-minute tasting of brews from great footballing nations, for £27.50.

Drop in for the evening on June 15 for a condensed history of Britain’s favourite tipple, including the brewing and traditions, and most importantly, drink some of the best ales around. £25.

meantimebrewing.com

beeracademy.co.uk

westlondonwineschool.com

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BITE SIZE

A taste of Brazil in London

OUR LADY’S BURGERS Love the queen as much as you love a good hearty, dripping, succulent beefburger? Express what Liz means to you with possibly the poshest one of your life – a generous 8oz of beef from The Royal Farms in Windsor, served in a toasted brioche bun with tasty English mustard mayonnaise. The creation is called The Windsor, and will be available for the Diamond Jubilee and the Olympics at Gourmet Burger Kitchens throughout London, for a tidy £11.95. gbk.co.uk

INDULGENT ICE CREAM Ben & Jerry’s ice cream fans will salivate over its new Core range, which combines two flavours in one tub, with a rich, gooey sauce running through the centre. The provocatively named Karamel Sutra is chocolate and caramel ice cream wrapped around a caramel core, and Berry White is a calorific sweet feast including a soft chocolate truffle core packed into vanilla and raspberry ice creams with white cholate chunks and raspberry pieces. Tubs cost £4.99, and are worth every single penny. benjerry.co.uk

CAFE’S A CLASS ACT Hang out with a cuppa or glass of wine with a difference at the National Theatre. Propstore, part of the venue’s Inside Out project, is a pop-up riverfront cafe-bar created from stage sets and props. It dishes up street food and Jammy Dodgers daily, and lays on DJs on Fridays and Saturdays until 2am. Great times.

GUANABARA BRAZILIAN

A massive cauldron of fun and flavour, Guanabara has ample space for seating those wanting to indulge in the delicious food and cocktails, and more than enough room for the party animals looking to groove the night away on the dancefloor. With friendly, helpful staff, a great sound system and a comfortable, warm atmosphere, your only worry will be what to do when the place closes. THE GRUB A range of super-tasty food, spread across a variety of menus, including the pre-theatre, (for which you must book) and a delicious set menu. We select from the main menu. For starters, we plump for the choriçho na caçha (flamegrilled sausage in cachaca served with caramelised onions) and as one of group is hit with food envy, immediately order a second serving. Also brought to the table are the lambari frito (a succulent dish of crispy whitebait in breadcrumbs) and the torresmo com limâo (golden crispy pork scratchings) which are hungrily set upon until gone. With starters of such fine quality, there is huge anticipation for the mains. Guanabara does not disappoint. One of our party has just returned from three years living in Brazil and explains that the feijoda (pork and black bean stew with rice and spring beans) is the country’s national dish and the version in front of us is as good as anything he tasted while in South America. ‘Ooohs’ and ‘aahs’ are being emitted from the other side of the table as another guest digs into the moquca de camarâo (creamy prawn stew with rice and farofa). And my rib eye steak is equally impressive, cooked to absolute tender perfection. It’s quality all round. THE SCENE

Good range of beer and wine, but go for the cocktails. Try the caipirinha, Brazil’s national drink. That’ll send you on your way. BILL PLEASE Starters from £3; mains from £10.50; wine from £3 a glass; beer from £4; cocktails from £6.50. VERDICT A brilliant evening of food, alcohol and great times. If everything in Brazil is this excellent, I want to go and live there. JAHN VANNISSELROY BEHIND THE BAR

nationaltheatre.org.uk Parker Street, London WC2B 5PW

guanabara.co.uk

Holborn

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Text TNT and your message to

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Re: ‘Reclaiming The Streets’ (TNT 1499): I was pleased to see that your wonderful magazine supports this initiative to help get homeless people on their feet. I definitely want to give the wonderful Unseen Tours a try before leaving London! Thank you again, TNT Magazine.

I asked Mark Zuckerberg for advice on how to become a millionaire. He told me to invest a billion in Facebook.

Warren When Life Gives yoU Lemons, Take Them – Free Stuff Is Cool.

Bethany Just saw a poster with my face on a wall. Apparently I’m wanted for questioning. Since when has that been a crime?

Suzie What’s the difference between eggs and me? Eggs get laid.

Ryan I love Smirnoff Vodka but I’m shit scared to buy a bottle of it. What if I actually do win tickets to a Madonna concert?

Claire My cat’s been diagnosed with schizophrenia. He’s got 45 lives now.

Garfield I saw a leaflet that said: ‘Smoke free in 30 days.’ That sounds like a good deal, I’m sick of paying for them.

Alphonso My wife left me because she thinks I’m addicted to the A-Team. Crazy fool.

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PARTY TIME!

Re: ‘Diamond, geezer’ (TNT 1499): I’m so looking

forward to celebrating the Queen’s Jubilee – thanks for all the ideas. I’m going to a local street party, then a bunch of us are heading to watch the flotilla on the Thames. Thanks Queenie for the extra days off! Jenny R, via Facebook

BANG TO RIGHTS

RE: ‘There’s worse to worry about than expletives and breasts’ (TNT 1499): there’s writing an article that concludes that Lloyds wankers/ bankers ‘are the real fuck-ups’ and then illustrating it with a picture of ‘Lloyds HQ’, which is clearly the iconic Lloyds Insurance Market. TNT’s a fun magazine, full of feisty articles and I’m sure that the selection of an incorrect image was unintentional, but, to quote the article, this is ‘the real fuck-up’. Adrian Hill, via email TNT 1500 /67 SURFING /94

Marie wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com Want to submit a letter to TNT Magazine and be in with a chance of winning this top prize? Simply email your thoughts to letters@tntmagazine. Easy!

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Axl promises to leave the cycling shorts at home

festival

WYCHWOOD

watch

GUNS N’ ROSES The O2, Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX MAY 31- JUNE 1 | DOORS AT 9PM | £45+

This one’s for the discerning festivalgoer who wants something different and a little chilled-out, but still with a smorgasbord of top bands, acts and entertainment. Headliners come in the shape of Britpop survivors James, Bellowhead and The Saw Doctors. There’s also a poetry arena, live comedy, healing gardens, and a host of events featuring everything from dance workshops to Howard Marks (left) to learning how to make a pinhole camera. A range of culture for the mind, body and soul. June 8-10. Cheltenham Racecourse, GL50 4SH. £115

Cheltenham Spa

The name might be Guns N’ Roses, but this is not the Guns N’ Roses you used to know. First up, there’s no Slash, no Duff, no Izzy Stradlin or Steven Adler, even. There is, though, W Axl Rose, his ginger braids and Paradise City, Sweet Child O’ Mine and Welcome To The Jungle, which is enough for us. This latest incarnation of Guns N’ Roses stopped resembling the worldconquering band of the late Eighties and Nineties a long time ago. Everyone else jumped ship and left Axl – who owns the name – to soldier on regardless (keyboardist Dizzy Reed, an alumni of the worldwide Illusions tours, is still on hand but he’s hardly the man people go to see). Sporadic performances, and predictably ‘eccentric’ behaviour – usually involving keeping audiences waiting – ensued. Time has not mellowed the fiery one, though, and he recently spurned the chance to bury the hatchet for the group’s induction last month into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Rather than turn up with his old bandmates and delight Gunners fans worldwide, Axl instead refused to attend and penned a longwinded letter explaining how the induction in some way slammed him and his art. But no one goes to see Guns N’ Roses these days expecting the band they first fell in love with. Rather, people go along to hear the tunes – the classic ones rather than the overblown and, predictably underwhelming, Chinese Democracy ones – and to see whatever batshit-crazy state Axl is in these days. One thing you can guarantee is that you’ll hear some of the best rock songs ever written.

wychwoodfestival.com North Greenwich

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24/5/12 11:28:23


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COLDPLAY + MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

NEW BAND

GIG JUNE 1- 2. 5PM £50+

Chris Martin and co bring their melancholic rock to the masses. There will be singalongs aplenty, probably a much enthused ‘thank you for coming to see us’ from the ever-humble Martin, and lighters-in-the-air moments as the band cranks Yellow and The Scientist. It’s easy to mock them, but they excel at these shows.

Photos: Jason Merritt

Emirates Stadium Drayton Park, N5 1BU Arsenal arsenal.com/emirates-stadium

GAWD SAVE THE QUEEN

FUTURE DISCO BOAT PARTY

CLUB

CLUB

SAT, JUNE 2. 10.30PM-3.30AM £6.50+

FRI, JUNE 1. 7.45PM £15+

With everyone else going nuts for the Queen, this tongue-in-cheek indie-pop bash decides, reliably, to mock the whole monarchy, and rightly so. You can expect a confetti canon 12-gun salute, more bunting than The Wicker Man, and loads of good-natured ‘sod the Queen’ banter. Betcha Harry would love it.

This year’s Garden Festival in Croatia gets a warm-up party in the capital, with producer and DJ Legend Greg Wilson on hand to kick things off with a bang, and support coming from Dom Chung and Sean Brosnan. The boat sets sail at 8pm sharp, so latecomers will miss out on this night of top tunes on the Thames.

Islington Academy 16 Parkfield Street, N1 0PS Angel clubdefromage.com

Tower Bridge docks E1W 1LA London Bridge futuredisco.net

FIELD DAY

DAVID GUETTA

GARY NUMAN

GIG

CLUB

GIG

SAT, JUNE 1. 12PM £39.50

FRI, JUNE 1. TIME TBC £36.50

FRI, JUNE 1. 7PM £28

The weather last week signalled the start of summer (we hope) and now the season’s first festivals kick things off in the capital. The Vaccines, Franz Ferdinand, Sleigh Bells and Metronomy star at this willfully leftfield-andproud-of-it city-centre bash. Top fun. Just cross your fingers and pray for more sun.

The one with the silky hair headlines his largest shows in the capital with these two gigs at Ally Pally. After slaying dancefloors and charts across the world with his smooth, dance-pop, Guetta will be bringing a stage show to match, so be prepared for some serious, pop-tastic offerings from the French DJ.

Numan invented the whole electro-synth-genre, many of his tracks finding their way as samples, or cheekily lifted wholesale, on to a number of today’s chart successes, without whom the current electro-pop trend would not exist. He’s back on the road in support of his Machine Music tour and Dead Son Rising record.

Victoria Park Victoria Park Road, E9 7BT Mile End fielddayfestivals.com

Alexandra Palace Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY Wood Green alexandrapalace.com

The Forum 9-17 Highate Road, NW5 1JY. Kentish Town kentishtownforum.com

BELLERUCHE THE BUZZ SO FAR Kathrin deBoer’s sultry vocals swoon and flirt over the top of this electro-structured soul. This highly original London trio’s fourth album Rollerchain marks a move away from the material of their three earlier long players, adding distinctive synths to the soul of before. Like Portishead’s Dummy with the horn, it’s the amalgamation of a hundred disparate influences – jazz, soul, rock, electronica – into one defining sound. The critics love it, and so will you. Could well wind up on end of year best-of polls. THE CRITICS SAY “It’s a dark album with beams of sunlight hidden beneath its wonderfully rich exterior.” bbmlive.com THE PLUG The Scala. May 31. £14 275-277 Pentonville Road, N1 9NL King’s Cross belleruche.com

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CLUBLISTINGS

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Vibe DJs on rotation including Anas, Spider, Prezedent, Ice, Commander B, Pioneer and DJ L spin hip-hop, R‘n’B, funky house, garage, bashment and reggae. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3am. £7, w/flyer £5 before midnight, ladies £5, free before 11.30pm.

MONDAY 28 Cuban Hideaway DJ Rich plays Latin, house, funk and R‘n’B. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). 9.40pm-late. £7.

BOOK NOW!

Hard Core Salsa DJ Mario plays mambo and salsa, plus dance lessons. Salsa!, Charing Cross Rd, WC2H 0JG (020 7379 3277). 7pm-late. £4, free before 9pm.

Xxtra Terry-James Lynch hosts a night of house, electro and pop, plus fashion. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, free before 11pm.

I Love Mondays DJ Victor spins commercial dance, disco, pop, garage, R‘n’B and funky house. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/cc 020 7287 3727). 10pm-3.30am. £5, w/flyer £3, NUS £1.50. The Jump Off DJ Manny Norte plays hip-hop, garage and R‘n’B, with hosts Rap 6 and Charlie Sloth. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/cc 0844 477 1000). 8pm-2am. £12, £10 before 9pm, adv £8. Monday Madness DJs Bruno and Jimmy Jam spin pop and carnival classics. Walkabout, Temple, Temple Place, WC2R 2PH (020 7054 8033). 8pm-midnight. £5, free before 8pm. Popcorn Jonesey, Harvey Adam, Jamie Hammond and Terry T-Rex provide dance, electro, R‘n’B, pop and hip-hop. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). 11pm-5.30am. £8. Rehab DJ Haley, Zoe Demonette, Dan Udy and Malarky supply indie, electro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, mems £1 before 10.30pm. Service Industry Night Colin Russell and Donald Sweeneey provide R‘n’B, hip-hop and chart. Rumba, Shaftesbury Ave, W1D 7EP (020 7287 2715). 9pm3am. £7, £5 before midnight, w/payslip free before midnight.

TUESDAY 29 Balearic Deep, vocal and Balearic house courtesy of Amir Groove and Nick Tcherniak. The Shadow Lounge, Brewer St, W1F 0RF (020 7287 7988). 10pm-3am. £5, guestlist free. Detourjam Presents Holy Other, Lapalux and The Haxan Cloak (DJ set) spin electronica and hiphop. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). 8pm-late. £10. Panic Max Panic, Gaz Panic and That Perfect Fumble spin indie, electro, retro and pop. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/ w/flyer £3, w/flyer free before 10.30pm. Queerly Out Shots DJ Julio Bravo spins pop, disco, old school R‘n’B, Motown, hip-hop and 1980s hits. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-late. Free. The Tuesday Night Project DJ Julio Bravo spins chart, party, dance and R‘n’B. Escape Bar, Brewer St, W1F 0SU (020 7734 3040). 9pm-3am. Free. White Heat DJs Matty, Olly and Marcus provide electro, techno and indie. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10.30pm-3am. £5, concs/w/flyer £4.

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FRIDAY 1 BLOC FESTIVAL London Pleasure Gardens. July 6 & 7. £99+ Gary Numan, Orbital, Squarepusher, A.T.O.L., Hudson Mohawke, just a few of the names at this electronic music two-day event. E16 2BS

Pontoon Dock

WEDNESDAY 30 Cheapskates Old school hip-hop, electro and disco courtesy of DJ Downfall. Moonlighting, Greek St, W1D 4DR (020 7437 5782/ cc 020 7287 3727). 9pm-3.30am. £6.50, NUS £5.50, w/flyer £4.50. Clubbing London & Max Parties Resident DJs spin house and electro. The Den & Centro, West Central St, WC1A 1JJ (020 7240 1083). Midnight-6am. £10. Dance Nights Princess Karina and DJ Gary Baldi spin dance hits. EC3 Live, Crosswall, EC3N 2JY (020 7488 1766). 11.30pm-3am. £10. The Doctor’s Orders Ninth Wonder feat Rapsody (live PA), Spin Doctor and Chris P Cuts supply reggae and dub at the UK premiere screening of documentary, The Wonder Year. Plan B, Brixton Rd, SW9 7AY (020 7737 7372). 11pm-4am. £12, adv £8.

blocweekend.com Work Lee Harris, Niyi Maximus Crown and Big John Freevman spin house, pop, electro, R‘n’B, funk and dancehall. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 11pm-5am. £5, £4 before 1am.

THURSDAY 31 Cheezy Thursdays DJs Watty Jnr, Real People, Jazzy G, Doctor B and Sir Lloyd spin pop, retro, rock ‘n’ roll and dance hits. Porky’s Wine Bar, Sternhold Ave, SW2 4PA (020 8671 3424). 9pm-2am. £5, free before midnight. Dead Beat Society Battle: Heat 3 Tricky Strutt, Christopher Crooks, Johnny North, Frames, Dyson, P Pull, Enjay and Ebu Blackitude garage, hip-hop, house and reggae. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). 8pm-late. £7.

Floor Rippers: Lovebox Eliminations DJs Hooch and Renegade spin soul, drum ‘n’ bass, hip-hop and house, with hosts Ri-Qi-Tek and Little T. Floripa, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ (020 7613 4228). 6.30pm-1am. £5.

Drumm Mickey Spider, Hearts & Bones, Dead Air Music, Capita! Plus Ishihara and The A3 Gallery spin house, drum ‘n’ bass and electro, plus Bwani Junction and I Ching perform live. The Queen Of Hoxton, Curtain Rd, EC2A 3JX (020 7422 0958). 8pm-2am. £5, NUS/concs £3, free before 8pm.

N*A*S*I*N SoniX, Brahim and Punk Gareth play punk, rock, metal and ska. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). 11pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £4, NUS £3, mems £2.

Gravity DJs Alan K and Fat Tony spin electro, house and disco, with hosts Mauricio and Danny Boyce. Fire, South Lambeth Rd, SW8 1UQ (020 7582 9890). 2pm-late. £10, concs £5.

Swerve DJs Chris Intaface, DJ Storm and Fabio spin dubstep, garage, dub and drum ‘n’ bass. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10.30pm3.30am. £7, NUS £5, £5 before 11pm, NUS £3 before 11pm.

Noir Nights Dolores Delight presents a dark, nostalgic cabaret inspired by the Weimar era. Proud Cabaret, Mark Ln, EC3R 7AH (020 7482 3867). 8.30pm-late. £49 inc meal.

Trannyshack Miss Dusty O, Tasty Tim and Lady Lloyd spin commercial dance and pop. Madame Jojo’s, Brewer St, W1F 0SE (020 7734 3040). 10pm-3am. £5, w/flyer £3, free before midnight. Variete Nouveau Compere Coco Dubois introduces a night of variety, circus, magic, comedy, vaudeville, cabaret and burlesque. Proud Cabaret, Mark Ln, EC3R 7AH (020 7482 3867). 8.30pm-late. £49 inc meal.

The Orgasmatron DJs Gringo Da Parada and Ross Clarke spin funk, pop, rock and jazz, with live performances from The Real Tuesday Weld, The Guy Chambers’ Experience, Go Sees, Big Deal and Ekaterina Savva. Floripa, Great Eastern St, EC2A 3HZ (020 7613 4228). 7.30pm-1am. £5. Radio The Radio DJs play 1980s pop, indie and disco. The Roxy, Rathbone Place, W1T 1HJ (020 7255 1098). 10pm-3am. £5, NUS/w/flyer £3, free before 10pm.

Calentito Pop, R‘n’B, and soul. Salvador And Amanda, Great Newport St, WC2H 7JA (020 7240 1551). 9pm-3am. £10, guestlist £5, free before 9pm. Fabriclive Jack Beats (DJ set), Bart B More, Martelo, Goldie, Breakage, dBridge, Jubei, Icicle, Lenzman, Mikal, SP:MC, Justyce, LX One, J-Wow Buraka Som Sistema, Seiji, Mele and Monki spin house, electro, techno and dubstep, plus Foreign Beggars perform live. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-6am. £17, adv £16, adv £21 inc CD, £7 after 3am, NUS £10 before midnight, mems £12. David Guetta, Nervo, Nicky Romero The renowned Parisian DJ and producer spins live house, mixed with upfront electronic dance, R‘n’B, hip-hop and electro-pop. Alexandra Palace, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY (020 8365 2121). 9pm-late. £36.50. Hustlers Vs Divas DJs Lady T and Matteo spin club anthems, commercial and minimal house. Club Colosseum, Nine Elms Ln, SW8 5NQ (020 7720 3609). 11pm-6am. £10, £8 before 1am.

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SATURDAY 2 Fabric Craig Richards, Dan Ghenacia, Dyed Soundorom, Shonky, Terry Francis, Ben Klock, DVS1 and Tale Of Us spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-8am. £20, adv £19, adv £24 inc CD, £12 after 4am, NUS £13. Halcyon Present Astrix, Nick Sentience, Liquid Ross, Libra 9, Beatnik, Matt Lorriane, Andi Leppard, Spunky Lobster, Craig Gunn, ThallOm, Neutrino and Peter spin psychedelic trance across two rooms, plus a live performance from Deejavoo. Electric Brixton, Town Hall Parade, Brixton Hill, SW2 1RJ (020 7274 2290). 10pm-6am. £10. Innovation Sigma, Hazard, Grooverider, Phantasy and guests supply dub, jungle and house across four rooms. The LightBox, South Lambeth Place, SW8 1SP (020 7434 1113). 10pm-6am. £22.50. Queen’s Jubilee Party DJ Russ Van Rascal spin electro and house. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free. Shake Disco and pop from DJ John Osbourne and Paul C in the main room, while DJ Milo plays party anthems in room two. Electric Ballroom, Camden High St, NW1 8QP (020 7485 9006). 10pm-3am. £10, NUS/mems £8 before 11.30pm. Wfs Presents DJs Klute, Nymfo, Calibre, Marcus Intalex, Dom & Roland, Vicious Circle and Presha spin electro, dubstep and drum ‘n’ bass, with MCs Lowqui, Ryme Tyme and Justyce. Cable, Bermondsey St, SE1 2EG (020 7403 7730). 10pm-6am. £13, adv £9 & £11.

SUNDAY 3

I Love Pacha, I Love Fashion Kinkyfunk, Dan Stoneman, Mas, Cal Flynn, Jay W & Ryan P and Move The House spin electro and house in the main room, while Techfunkers, John Warren, Conner Gilchrist, Lewis McClellan, Dayne Bulled and Funkin L play techno and garage in the Global room. Pacha, Terminus Place, SW1V 1JR (0845 371 4489). 11pm-6am. £15, adv £10.

Breakin Science: Royal Rumble DJs Majistrate, Logan D, Hazard, Kane, Brockie, Sly, Pleasure, Sub Zero, Serial Killaz, Logan Sama, Network and Inter mix drum ‘n’ bass and jungle, plus MCs Eksman, Evil B, Herbzie, Foxy, Skibadee, Harry Shotta, Dreps Shabba, Stormin, Swifta, Det and Ragga Twins. The Coronet, New Kent Rd, SE1 6TJ (020 7701 1500). 10pm-7am. £14 & £22.

Kizomba UK: Batuke! DJs Marito and Djahman spin Latin, funk and soul, plus dance competition. Club Colosseum, Nine Elms Ln, SW8 5NQ (020 7720 3609). 10pm3.30am. £10, £8 before 11pm.

Gigalum Sunday Sessions Jubilee Special The Real Tony Montana plays house, electro and hip-hop. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 3pm-late. Free.

One Kiss DJs Krisis and Melody Kane play chart, R‘n’B, house, electro and hip-hop. Sound, Leicester Sq, WC2H 7NA (0333 240 1010). 10pm-3am. £10, £5 before 11pm. Queen’s Jubilee Party Resident DJs spin house, electro and funk. Gigalum, Cavendish Parade, Clapham Common South Side, SW4 9DW (020 8772 0303). 7pm-late. Free.

The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee: A Right Royal Carry On After a seven-hour stint aboard the Good Times bus at the Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant, Norman Jay MBE decamps to Clapham Grand for eight hours of house, funk, jazz and soul in the company of a special guest. The Clapham Grand, St John’s Hill, SW11 1TT (020 7223 6523). 8pm-3am. £15, adv £10, tickets from www.normanjay.com/tickets.

Roller Disco Old school roller disco with resident DJs playing disco, funk, soulful house, electro and breakbeat. Renaissance Rooms, opposite Arch 8, Arches, Miles St, SW8 1RZ (0844 736 5375). 8pm-2am. £12.50.

WetYourSelf! Trentemoller, Cormac, Jacob Husley, Peter Pixzel and Tief spin house and techno. Fabric, Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ (020 7336 8898). 11pm-8am. £19, adv £18, £8 after 4am, NUS/mems £13.

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Jack Savoretti Folk-pop by the London-based singer-songwriter. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £12.

MONDAY 28 Awolnation, Arcane Roots, Invaders American musician Aaron Bruno leads his electronic rock outfit. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £10.

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Parov Stelar Electro swing from songwriter Marcus Fureder and his band. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £19-£25.

Big Star The American rock and power-pop band reforms to perform its third album Sister Lovers, with special guests including Mike Mills, Alexis Taylor and Brendan Benson. Barbican Centre, Silk St, EC2Y 8DS (020 7638 8891). £15-£25. Girls The San Francisco-based band plays lo-fi indie-rock. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £15. Masta Ace, Stricklin, Marco Polo Hip-hop from the Brooklyn-based rapper and lyricist. The Jazz Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7PG (020 7485 6834/ cc 0870 060 3777). £14.50. Saint Etienne The Londonbased trio performs alt dancepop from the album Words And Music By Saint Etienne. London Palladium, Argyll St, W1F 7TF (0844 412 2704). £22.50-£28.50. Smoke Fairies The duo plays blues and folk from the album Blood Speaks. The Tabernacle, Powis Sq, off Portobello Rd, W11 2AY (020 7221 9700). £12. Dionne Warwick Classic soul by the long-established American singer. Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP (0845 401 5045). £20-£125.

TUESDAY 29 Sondre Lerche, Chris Peck & The Family Tree Indie-pop by the Norwegian singersongwriter. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £12. Limp Bizkit Rap metal from the Jacksonville-based combo. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £29.50. Mull Historical Society Singer-songwriter and multiinstrumentalist Colin MacIntyre plays indie. Dingwalls, Camden Lock, Chalk Farm Rd, NW1 8AB (020 7428 0010/cc 020 7428 5929). £14. The Pond Contemporary folk by Kathryn Williams and fellow band members. Union Chapel, Compton Terrace, N1 2UN (020 7226 1686). £19.50. Pure Love Former Gallows frontman Frank Carter leads his alternative outfit. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £13.50. Chris Stamey, Ken Stringfellow, Django Haskins Indie-rock singersongwriter from North Carolina. The Slaughtered Lamb, Great Sutton St, EC1V 0DX (020 7253 1516). £15. James Yorkston And The Athletes The Fife-based singersongwriter and band play reflective contemporary folk. Cecil Sharp House, Regents Park Rd, NW1 7AY (020 7485 2206). £14.50.

FRIDAY 1 Jamie Coe, Ben Madeley Indie singer-songwriter from London. The Albany, Douglas Way, SE8 4AG (020 8692 4446). £10, concs £4.

SOMERSET HOUSE SUMMER SERIES Somerset House. July 7-19. £25+ M83, The Temper Trap (above), Tindersticks and Tim Minchin are amongst the acts performing at this outdoor summer season of gigs in the capital. WC2R 1LA

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WEDNESDAY 30 Aliases, Deadly Circus Fire, When Our Time Comes, Oblivionized Prog metal by the Manchesterbased band. O2 Academy Islington, Parkfield St, N1 0PS (020 7288 4400/ cc 0844 477 2000). £8.50. Alan Barnes, John Pearce, Andrew Cleyndert & Paul Clavis The saxophonist and his band interpret the music of Duke Ellington. London Jewish Cultural Centre, Ivy House, North End Rd, NW11 7SX (020 8457 5000). £15, NUS £7.50. Camber, Rosary, Lora Wilbekingsoon, Kirsty Folan Folkrock duo from Philadelphia and London. Dublin Castle, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 8806 2668). £6, concs £4.50. The Daydream Club, Grass And Carrots, Tom Morley The Leicesterbased duo plays acoustic folk. Monto Water Rats, Gray’s Inn Rd, WC1X 8BZ (020 3589 5983). £6. Fixers, Mozart Parties The Oxford-based five-piece plays lively, dance-driven psychedelic pop. XOYO, Cowper St, EC2A 4AP (020 7729 5959). £8.50. Islet The Cardiff-based band plays experimental rock. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £8. Jettblack The band performs rock and metal. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/cc 0871 231 0842). £8. Kassidy, Brother & Bones, Anderson, McGinty, Ward And Fisher Funky acoustic rock from the quartet. 100 Club, Oxford St, W1D 1LL (020 7636 0933). £9.50. Reptile Youth, Paper Crows The Copenhagen-based band plays post-punk, synth pop and soul. Bull And Gate, Kentish Town Rd, NW5 2TJ (020 7704 0187). £6, w/flyer £5. SCREW Rock from the Japanese five-piece. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £30. Alejandro Toledo & The Magic Tombolinos Lively, uplifting world roots music from the London-based outfit. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £12.

somersethouse.org.uk Diego Torres Pop-rock singer from Latin America. Koko, Camden High St, NW1 7JE (0870 432 5527). £25.

THURSDAY 31 Belleruche The London-based outfit plays trip hop, alt pop and soul. The Scala, Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL (020 7833 2022/ cc 0844 477 1000). £14. La Excelencia The New York City-based band plays salsa dura. 229 The Venue, Great Portland St, W1W 5PW (020 7323 7229). £18. Funkshone, Louise Golbey The outfit plays funk. Floridita, Wardour St, W1F 0TN (020 7314 4042). £10-£30. Guns N’ Roses, Thin Lizzy Axl Rose leads the raw, attitude pumped, hard rock proceedings. The O2 Arena, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0844 856 0202). £45 & £50. Wilko Johnson Pub-rock and R‘n’B by the veteran Londonbased guitarist and ex-Dr Feelgood member. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £15. King Charles Alt pop singersongwriter from London. Heaven, Charing Cross Arches, Villiers St, WC2N 6NG (020 7930 2020). £12. Lawson The London-based four-piece plays pop-rock. King’s College London Students’ Union, Macadam Building, Surrey St, WC2R 2NS (020 7848 1588). £11. Miike Snow, Niki And The Dove, Alex Metric The Swedish trio plays indie-pop from its album Happy To You. O2 Academy Brixton, Stockwell Rd, SW9 9SL (0844 477 2000). £16. Never The Bride London-based poprock band. Bull’s Head, Lonsdale Rd, Barnes, SW13 9PY (020 8876 5241). £12. Oliver/Dawson Saxon Classic metal outfit featuring former members of Saxon. The Underworld, Camden High St, NW1 0NE (020 7482 1932). £12. Raie The outfit plays soulful acoustic blues and country. MAP Studio Cafe, Grafton Rd, NW5 3DU (020 7916 0545). £12.

Coldplay Chris Martin’s worldconquering outfit performs pop-rock and indie in support of the album Mylo Xyloto. Emirates Stadium, Drayton Park, N5 1BU (020 7704 4504). £55-£75. Dilanga Rumba Cuban folk by the London-based outfit. The Green Note Cafe, Parkway, NW1 7AN (020 7485 9899). £10.

SATURDAY 2 Neal Casal Americana and folk by the California-based singer-songwriter. The Borderline, Orange Yard, Manette St, W1D 4JB (0870 060 3777/ cc 0871 231 0842). £16.50. Cursive The American band plays indie-rock from its album I Am Gemini. Cargo, Rivington St, EC2A 3AY (020 7739 3440). £12.50. Crash Festival Featuring Fearless Vampire Killers, FortLine, New Riot, White Powder Gold, Faith N Fury, Roughshooter, Her Majesty, The Filthy Nights, Brides Of Kong, Only The Good, Box The Sky and No Remorse No Surrender. Nambucca, Holloway Rd, N7 6LB (020 7281 8877). £15, adv £12. Dylan Louise, Russ Tolley, Ruthie, Toulouse Wolfe Indie singersongwriter from London. The Albany, Douglas Way, SE8 4AG (020 8692 4446). £10, concs £4. Duncan Mighty Hip-hop artist from Port Harcourt, Liberia. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £20-£65.

French Montana Rap by the New York-based singer. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £25-£35. Bob Geldof The singer-musician and activist performs pop-rock in support of his album How To Compose Popular Songs That Will Sell. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £25 & £35. Chas Hodges & His Band One half of boisterous rock ‘n’ roll duo Chas & Dave plays cult cockney songs. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £14. Julia Holter Experimental pop from the Los Angeles-based singer-songwriter. Cafe Oto, Ashwin St, E8 3DL (020 7923 1231). £10.50. Gerard Kenny The New York-born Ivor Novello Award-winning songwriter and pianist plays easy listening and showtunes. The Pheasantry, Kings Rd, SW3 4UT (020 7351 5031). £25. Gary Numan The electronica pioneer performs his hits and promotes his album Dead Son Rising. HMV Forum, Highgate Rd, NW5 1JY (020 7344 0044). £28. Priceless London Wonderground: Camille O’Sullivan: Chameleon The singer and actress reinterprets less familiar songs by artists including Jacques Brel, Nick Cave, Tom Waits, David Bowie and Bob Dylan. The London Wonderground Spiegeltent, Jubilee Gardens, off Belvedere Rd, SE1 8XX (0844 545 8282). £19.50, concs £17.50. The Soothsayers The collective plays Afrobeat, roots, reggae and funk. The Hideaway, Stanthorpe Rd, SW16 2ED (020 8835 7070). £12.

Nubla Ambient pop from the Spanish singer-songwriter. Rich Mix, Bethnal Green Rd, E1 6LA (020 7613 7498). £10, NUS/concs £8. Sokol & Marysia Starosta, Hades Hip-hop outfit from Poland. The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Rd, E1 1EW (020 7375 3774). £20, adv £17. Lee Thompson Ska Orchestra Ska by the saxophonist from Madness and his band. Islington Town Hall, Upper St, N1 2UD (020 7527 2000). £19.50. Geno Washington & YoYo Blues The veteran singer leads his blues and soul outfit. Half Moon, Putney, Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU (020 8780 9383). £12.

SUNDAY 3 Guitar Wolf Japanese punk and noise-rock three-piece. The Garage, Highbury Corner, N5 1RD (0870 060 3777/ cc 0844 847 1678). £12.50. Lynyrd Skynyrd The Southern American group plays its country-rock hits. HMV Apollo, Queen Caroline St, W6 9QH (0843 221 0100). £40. Manilla Rd The American outfit plays heavy metal. Boston Arms, Junction Rd, N19 5QQ (020 7272 8153). £15. Mazzy Star The American outfit plays psychedelic alternative rock and dream pop. O2 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, Shepherd’s Bush Green, W12 8TT (020 8354 3300/ cc 0844 477 2000). £22.50.

Vintage Trouble The Los Angelesbased four-piece plays soul and R‘n’B. Bush Hall, Uxbridge Rd, W12 7LJ (020 8222 6955). £17.

Eric Roberson, Chico DeBarge, Glenn Lewis R‘n’B and soul by the singer from New Jersey. IndigO2, Peninsula Sq, SE10 0DX (0871 220 0260). £25-£32.50.

We Aeronauts Pop-folk by the Oxford-based group. Kings Place, York Way, N1 9AG (020 7520 1490). £12.50, adv £9.50.

The Story So Far The band fuses ska, rock, punk and reggae. Ronnie Scott’s, Frith St, W1D 4HT (020 7439 0747). £25-£40.

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Rolf Harris: a colourful life 30

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To celebrate our 1500th issue, we speak to an Aussie legend who, after 60 years in the spotlight, is still going strong WORDS REBECCA KENT It’s not every day you get to meet your childhood hero. But, as it’s TNT’s 1500th issue, I wanted to celebrate it accordingly, by speaking to an Aussie legend. And who better than Rolf Harris? I grew up enthralled by his dynamic cartoon sketches, his deft broad-brushstroke paintings, the way he talked to animals, the way he cried for them. Now, here I am, standing next the man. Like a starry-eyed teenager, I nervously ask to have my photo taken with him, and the 82-year-old makes a sprightly leap to his feet, straightens up his jacket, and asks me to fasten his top button. Disarmed by his casualness, I fumble nervously with the most stubborn buttonhole in the history of shirt-making, praying not to be known as the girl that choked Rolf. We both smile as the camera flashes. His grin stays as he tells me he’s just heard that, after 60 years in British TV, he will be awarded the Bafta Fellowship at this year’s awards. I wrongly assume it’s just another feather in his cap. After all, the letters CBE and AM trail his name; he’s got two honorary doctorates; he is an honorary member of the Royal Society of British Artists; he is officially Glastonbury’s most popular entertainer; he’s the ’king’ of South Australia festival Moomba; and he painted the Queen. Still, he’s chuffed. Showing a warm humility, but gleaming with pride, he recalls blazing a trail on the small screen as the only artist working for the BBC, and on commercial radio station Rediffusion, from 1953. “It’s a thrill to be recognised. One commercial, I had a thing about a little octopus I used to draw on my hand called Oliver Polip the Octopus.“ Harris pauses to make an octopus shape with his hands, and then talks to it. “Oop! You alright? Yeah, there’s a bit of banana skin there ...“ Clearly, he’s still very fond of Oliver, the adventures of whom became the mainstay of Harris’s children’s shows, even when he returned to Australia in 1959 to help usher in the advent of television. Harris was born in Bassendean, Perth, arriving in London in 1952 with dreams of being a famous painter like his grandfather. However, not only could he paint, play the piano and sing, it is little known that he was a junior backstroke champion over 100m in 1946 – swimming it in 80 seconds flat. However his passions were art and performing, and a year later, he began his phenomenal TV career, including award-

winning Animal Hospital, Rolf On Art, which garnered the highest ratings ever for an arts programme (only Harris could popularise watching paint dry) and Rolf’s Cartoon Club, which he cites as a career highlight. “That was amazing because we were lucky enough to get the first piece of equipment, which enabled you to do animation actually on the computer screen,” he explains. “We used that technology before anyone else, and we taught kids about animation. It was just great.“ Not bad at all for a boy from Western Australia, whose flair for entertaining was nurtured in front of homesick Aussies at the Down Under Club in Fulham. Convinced by a mate to head down for some musical lark, he would take his accordion and everyone would join in a sing-along. It was the precursor of performing every Thursday night for five years, and inspired Harris’s most enduring song, Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport. “I was booed off stage the first time because everybody was embarrassed by it, and I would never have sang it again,” he admits. “Funny, isn’t it? I had so little selfconfidence in those days. Except there was a bloke, John Latimer – he used to do all the dental work for the Aussies – he said ’sing us that mad kangaroo song’, and I said, 'nobody liked it', and he said, ’I did, sing the bloody song!’. ❯❯

The Queen pulled Rolf's leg about his art skills TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Harris: wobbling way before dubstep and (right) with the writer

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word of every song and they all join in. I’ll definitely do another one,” he says. From rubbing shoulders with rock royalty, Harris mingled with actual aristocracy in 2006, when he painted the Queen for her 80th birthday. By the time the second sitting came around, she was at the tail-end of a bad cold. “She looked like death warmed up,“ Harris recalls. “She was grey and didn’t look good at all, so I thought I’d concentrate on the jewellery. Then she said to me, ’You never

I was booed off stage the first time I sang it

did any work on my face, I might just as well have sent my costume on a coat hanger’.“ Harris buries his head in hands as he tells the story, but then explains how relieved he was to be told Her Maj is a bit of a joker, and her comment was actually a throwaway gag. A copy of this painting will be showcased at Liverpool’s Walker Art Gallery until August 12 in a major retrospective entitled Rolf Harris: Can You Tell What It Is Yet?. Family tradition may have dictated Harris success as an artist, but he says he owes his achievements as a performer to Sixties cabaret artist Hermoine Gingold, who advised him to focus on the audience, and not a spot on the wall. “It’s the same with a TV camera, you’ve got to look down that barrel and believe it’s a person.“ Harris draws in close to me. “Don’t stare at them like this forever, though, because it’s like you’re a snake about to devour them, and it gets scary.“ Harris went to New York two years ago to find Gingold and thank her for the advice, only to find she had died two years earlier. He slaps his knee and urges: “You’ve just gotta do these things when you think to, or it’s too late.“ If it is Gingold to whom Harris owes a debt for polishing him into the consummate performer – musician, composer, singer/songwriter, artist, national treasure – then indeed, we do too, for he is an entertainer, a star, an Aussie legend who just keeps on giving, and despite his years, is truly on the button – even if I can’t do it up. ❚

Photos: Richard Ansett / BBC; Getty

So, on orders, I sang it and everyone joined in. I kept singing it every week, adding verses, and others would suggest verses.“ Harris breaks into a nostalgic smile and segues into song: “Brush me bunyip’s back teeth, Keith, brush me bunyip’s back teeth/ If you don’t we’ll call the police, Keith, so brush me bunyip’s back teeth.“ He’s on a roll: “Let me grey dingo go, Ding, let me grey dingo go/ Can’t stand all that snow, Ding, oh the poor ol’ coot’s gone delirious, that’s not snow, that’s his dandruff’.“ By the time Harris returned to Australia to record with EMI, his lament had crystallised into six verses. “I had these back-up singers who were singing in this silly American accent, and I said ’What are you doing?’. They replied, ’You gotta do an American accent, otherwise you’re dead in the water, you know, it’ll never sell’. “And I said, ’look, it’s my bloody song, just sing the way you talk – you’re Australians’.“ With bad grace, the men sang with the distinctive Aussie drawl that the song is remembered for, earning £7 each for their contribution. They refused an offer of 10 per cent of royalties, banking on it being a failure. Within four weeks, the track had shot to number one in the Australian charts. “It changed my whole life that song,“ Harris says. “It proved I could be myself and a hit without having to pretend to be American or English.“ Harris failed to achieve the same commercial success with his iconic wobble board. He discovered the instrumental qualities of a piece of hardwood when preparing a portrait in 1959 and it hasn’t left his side since. However, he’s genuinely baffled about its failure to take off. Eager to demonstrate how easy it is to play, he bounces out of his chair and plays it to the whistling tune of Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport. It’s my own private Rolf show. “Nobody could play it,” he says. “They would try to hold it with their thumbs and use their fingers and they’ve got no idea of rhythm. We tried to sell the wobble boards and only one in a hundred people could play the bloody things! It amazed me cos I thought it was obvious.“ But who’s going to hold anything against Harris for a badly judged enterprise? He is too loved. His popularity spans generations, and continues to, not least because of his shows at Glastonbury, where he vows to return until he physically can’t anymore. “I love the fact that everyone knows every TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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25/5/12 13:57:26


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Fatboy Slim

The Superstar DJ on the next big acts, cockney rhyming slang and raving in a football stadium INTERVIEW CLARE VOOGHT

What’s the greatest gig you’ve done so far, in the entire world? The four Big Beach Bootiques we’ve done on Brighton Beach. I’ve played all over the globe, but nothing beats playing in front of your mates – playing to 250,000 of your close friends and feeling that warmth coming from the audience. I’ve always had a very healthy relationship with Brighton – I’m very proud of living here and they’re very proud of me. It’s a celebration of my relationship with Brighton, so there’s that extra warmth in the crowd. And that we get to play on Brighton Beach. No one else has ever done a rave there. What can we expect from this year’s Big Beach Bootique? Anyone who went to any of the previous ones will know the kind of atmosphere we get there – the idea was to take the best bits from the beach parties but add the excitement of the new football stadium, which is like a mini Wembley. I can’t think of a rave that’s ever been done in a football stadium. I’ve played everywhere and I’m always looking for new exciting places to play. Like the Great Wall of China... Any plans to do more studio work? I’m always planning it, but we’ve got so many exciting gigs I never get round to it. I’ll probably do some more stuff with Rizzle Kicks, I’m enjoying that. One day, when I get time. I haven’t been much of a studio animal recently. What’s your all-time favourite track? Born Slippy, Underworld. It still gets the hairs on the back of my neck going. What two songs would be completely impossible to mash up? I got asked to remix Born Slippy and I said don’t mess with it. There are certain tunes that I think are sacred, but for a live mash-up I think anything goes. You’ve been pretty big for years. How have you kept it up? I’ve found this formula, which is a little bit dirty and naughty, but that’s actually quite accessible. It’s a way of being commercial without actually being commercial. Probably just my enthusiasm

Having it: Norman Cook

for it. The day I stop enjoying it is probably when everyone else will. Do you still get offers from groupies? Not overtly these days. I think I’m fairly famously married [to Zoe Ball]. I get a few offers from Brazil, where they don’t know my wife. But don’t tell her that, obviously. You’re going to be 50 next year. Any plans to calm it down? My wife always says that. Can’t we say I’m going to be 49 this year? I’m looking at being 49 first. I calmed down a few years ago. I’ve calmed it down to a level where I think I’ve got a few more years in me yet. I’ve quit drinking and started looking after my health. There will be a cut-off point – when I stop enjoying it and when the crowd stops enjoying it. No one knows – with the era of the superstar DJ: Carl Cox, Oakenfold, Pete Tong – none of us knows what the retirement age is, because there’s never been this generation before. And speaking of superstar DJs, who do you think is going to become the next big thing? I think Annie Mac is going to go up to the premier league soon. If you look at the line-up of Big Beach Bootique, these are my mates who I predict will be big. You’ve got The 2 Bears,

Maya Jane Coles, Luciano’s already quite big, but I think will be even bigger. I really rate. Jaguar Skills. Do you think the name ‘Fatboy Slim’ should be incorporated into cockney rhyming slang, like Pete Tong? It’s a lovely idea, but what would it mean? I think Pete Tong is definitely completely honoured about becoming part of the English language. But if we could find something decent to rhyme with Slim, then I’d be more than happy. Do you still see the guys from The Housemartins, your original band? We keep in touch. We all got together for the 25th anniversary of London 0 Hull 4 and had a big lunch and a chinwag. And we all renewed our pact never to reform. We’ll leave that to The Stone Roses, or The Smiths. The Smiths reforming is pretty much as likely as The Housemartins. We did make a pact when we split up that we’d never get back together – we’ve all been more successful doing what we do now and we’re all a lot happier. There’s no reason for it, apart from nostalgia or money. And neither of us is short of either of them. Fatboy Slim’s Big Beach Bootique is on June 1-2. Day tickets £35 Brighton & Hove Albion Brighton Football Club fatboyslim.net

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24/5/12 10:00:09


LONDONSCENE

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‘How do you like them apples?’

SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN FILM review by Ruth Board STARRING: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron | 12A | 127mins

PROMETHEUS FILM STARRING: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender | 18 | 123mins

Ridley Scott returns to sci-fi for the first time since Blade Runner, with a prequel – of sorts – to his genre-defining 1979 shocker Alien. Anticipation, and expectation, couldn’t be any more fervent. Noomi Rapace stars as one of a team of science bods investigating the origins of mankind on a far-off planet, which will probably end in some (all?) of them getting munched. On general release from June 1

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The producer of Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland, Joe Roth, brings a visual feast in this dark reimagining of the classic fairy tale. Memories of Disney’s sacharine version are banished, though, as rich visuals and violent death scenes unfold. Kristen Stewart is Snow White, re-envisaged as a feisty warrior woman in debut director Rupert Sanders’ action-packed fantasy, in which she faces off against Charlize Theron’s evil Queen Ravenna. Stewart, the subject of criticism for her Twilight thesping, holds her own, although the two only appear together at the end in a David and Goliath style bitchfight. A bit of adult humour is brought by the filthy-mouthed dwarves – which include Ray Winstone and Ian McShane (Warwick Davis is not to be seen) – and Chris Hemsworth as the huntsman despatched to kill Snow, his part far more substantial than the character’s traditional role. There are numerous references to previous fantasy stories and films that presumably stuck in Sanders’ mind – a white horse calls to mind The Neverending Story; the fairies recall Lord Of The Rings’ Gollum; the white stag in the forest echoes Aslan’s sage omnipresence – which may frustrate those keen to see this strike out on its own. But it’s still one to catch, the action and energy engaging, the visuals stunning and the story offering a new spin on the fairy tale tradition. GOOD FOR: Date movies where she wants more action and less rom-com

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24/5/12 11:52:29


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GIVE US A

MONKEY BUSINESS CHALK FARM

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

Comedy circuit legend Martin Besserman MC’s this regular night, often filled with some of the biggest names in the business. This evening sees none other than master of the absurd – and fan of unbearably large collared white shirts – Harry Hill, who’s road testing some new material. So get your tickets quick.

Ha ha!

Sir Richard Steele NW3 4RL. May 30. £15 Chalk Farm monkeybusinesscomedyclub.co.uk

BURTYNSKY: OIL

WHAT THE BUTLER SAW

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

The oil companies are the money-hungry evil ones ruining the earth to find as much black gold as possible, some say. Yet so much of our lives are dependent on it, and not just our cars for fuel. Canadian photographer Edward Burtynsky’s collection looks at this, as well as the refinement and transportation of oil.

Joe Orton’s final play (he was bludgeoned to death by his lover in 1967), an antiestablishment satire about the various goings on in a psychiatrist consulting room, has all the ingredients of a successful farce. But Sean Foley’s misjudged revival starts out manic and has nowhere much to go from there.

Photographer’s Gallery 16-18 Ramillies Street, W1F 7LW. Free. Until Jul 1 Oxford Circus photonet.org.uk

Vaudeville WC2R 0NH. Until Aug 25. £25+ Charing Cross whatthebutlersawtheplay.com

ANDY SALTZMAN What topics have caught your eye recently? The world provides a depressing amount of material for political comedy, from the squawking contest of the US presidential election campaign to the British battle over the cuts, a partisan squabble over how hard to the smash the public in the crotch.

Photos: Kerry Brown; Johan Persson

Is there anything funnier than David Cameron trying to convince us he likes pasties? He managed to combine almost every possible strand of comedy in that outlandish claim. It was surreal, conjuring an almost Pythonesque image of a man who has clearly never had to eat from the budget end of life’s great buffet chomping nervously into the grey mulch of a pasty while thinking: “Have I proved myself a man of the people yet?”

LOL

THE SUNSHINE BOYS

FILM

THEATRE

Myley Cyrus stars in this coming-of-age drama about the gap between young girls today and their parents. Demi Moore is the mum struggling to connect with her social-media-savvy offspring, who gets a shock when she reads Cyrus’ journal. The zeitgeist-attempting social media hook is a tad late to connect and will probably be as hip for kids these days as Moore’s befuddled mother.

US playwright Neil Simon doesn’t always transfer well across the Atlantic, but with its wisecracking tinged with recrimination, this 40year-old-comedy – about a vaudeville double act bickering over the end of their career – proves a decent showcase for Danny DeVito’s West End debut as he and Richard Griffiths carry the show.

On general release on June 1

Savoy The Strand, WC2R 0ET. Until Jul 28. £25+ Charing Cross sunshineboystheplay.com

Predictions for the Olympics? Excitement will beat complaints. Usain Bolt will run fast, and Britain will be left with a passion for equestrian dressage. Political Animal Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE. May 28 (and fortnightly thereafter) Oxford Circus

sohotheatre.com

Saltzman is currently touring the UK with Armchair Revolutionary

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25/5/12 13:33:54


SPARETIME

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Dirt Showdown X360

Get your adrenaline kicks speeding, tricking and smashing past your rivals. £34.87 asda.com

Album

The second installment from the popstarette. £11.99 play.com

Regina Spektor: What We Saw From The Cheap Seats

Iron Front: Liberation 1944 PC

Free Poland from the Soviets, with authentic weapons. £14.99 game.co.uk

Album

The Russian-American singer’s sixth recorded studio gem of an album. £8.95 zavvi.com

This Could Hurt iPhone

Leo McKinstry: Jack Hobbs, England’s Greatest Cricketer

Dice with the “path of pain” to become a mighty Oakguard. £0.69 itunes.apple.com

Book

About the man who scored more first-class runs than any other player. £14.64 base.com

Styloko iPhone

Take pics and create a virtual scrapbook for fashion inspiration on the go. Free itunes.apple.com

The Icecreamists: Vice Creams, Ice Cream Recipes & Other Guilty Pleasures Book

Badge It!

The quirky ice cream legends put their work in print. £8.83 amazon.co.uk

Gadget

Accessorise – or make pub crawl team markers – with this badge-making kit. £19.99 bandai.co.uk

Iron Sky DVD

Space Nazis invade Earth. Yeah, seriously. £9.95 thehut.com

Pocket lipstick toy Gadget

A vibrator that’s disguised as a stick of lippy. £25.00 sh-womenstore.com

Chronicle DVD

What happens when teens get superpowers? £9.99 play.com

App of the Week The Thames: London’s Crown Jewel iPhone

The official multimedia app to help you follow the Queen as she sails down the Thames on her Diamond Jubilee Pageant. £1.99 itunes.apple.com

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25/5/12 15:05:11


THE GREATEST RACE MEETING IN THE WORLD Tickets from £20 per person Fine dining options available

To book, call 0844 346 3000 or visit ascot.co.uk Save up to £9 when you quote TNT (excludes 21st June) Photography: Simon Procter

03800272 RA PA TNT 283x200mm No Offer indd 1 TNT_1500_edit.indd 39

Millinery: Stephen Jones

Attire: Antonio Berardi

25/05/2012 15:50 25/5/12 16:41:00


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TNT_1500_edit.indd 40

25/5/12 12:37:27


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LIFESTYLESHOPPING

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Vintage-style 1980s Mary Quant blue lace bodysuit Wear with a massive rah-rah skirt and a side ponytail for a proper Eighties look.

Puma teal tracksuit jacket Tracksuit it up in this bad boy – perfect for when 80s party time rolls on around.

1980s Levi’s Guys, take heed, because ultra-stonewashed is key. beyondretro.com

itsvintagedarling.com

rokit.co.uk

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MARKETWATCH

Photos: prshots.com; vestryonline.com; itsvintagedarling.com

CARNABY 20 PER CENTSHOPPING PARTY Expert blaggers across London will love Carnaby Street’s biggest ever discount party, with more than 100 shops, bars and restaurants offering 20 per cent discount. Stores like Monki, Lomography, Office and Lee Jeans will be taking part, plus Cheap Monday will have a pop-up photobooth, and Illamasqua, Benefit, Pixi and Make Up store will be on hand to give shoppers makeovers. If live music is more your cuppa, venture into Fourth & Main for a live set from The Scoundrels or El Ganso for a beatboxing set from Hyperpotamus. Then, when the excitement gets too much, get inside Kingly Court for a cold cider from the free Magners bar. Register on the website for a free ticket – you’ll be entered into a prize draw for a styling session and £500 of shopping vouchers. Look out for the exclusive gift bags worth £70 being given out. OPEN Thursday May 31, 5-9pm COST Tickets are free carnaby.co.uk Carnaby Street, W1 Oxford Circus

That 80s thing

Floral playsuit Yes, it might take twice the usual amount of time to wee when you’re wearing one, but playsuits still rock.

.00

£16

Tropical print shorts You need these in your life, and on your bum.

beyondretro.com

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matalan.co.uk

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Fluoro wet-look leggings Because 80s fancy dress is the only time you can do it. vestryonline.com

Dr Martens style boots All of the dockers style, less of the price tag. soyoushoes.co.uk

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Tortoiseshell glasses Eighties dad specs never looked so cool.

Office men’s espadrille Make Club Tropicana very, very proud. office.co.uk

truffleshuffle.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

BOXIT 2 THE BEAT There’s nothing like entering a buzzing disco-lit room – replete with a live DJ spinning loud nightclub anthems – and thrashing it out on the boxing pads to get your fat burning superfast. That’s exactly what you get with this new class, where you can burn up to 1000 calories in just an hour-long session. Make no mistake, the class is a killer. You’ll pair up with a fellow masochist and, as banging tunes pipe from the speakers, you’ll be getting down to do boxing, plus body weight, cardio and abs exercises – think press-ups, squats, lunges, sit-ups and sprints. Ouch! When you’re dripping and breathless 60 fat-busting minutes later, the DJ pulls back, and you do a course of cool-down stretches. Instructors are all trained to make you work hard, so don’t expect an easy ride, however they’ll suggest how you can make positive lifestyle changes and help you to achieve whatever health and fitness goals you may have. And hey, the organisers promise you’ll walk out the door wanting more. They can’t be completely deluded! Classes are held every Wednesday, 7.158.15pm. £10 per class or £5 for Boxit members.

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Mate match Feeling lonely? We check out the websites offering the chance to find new friends in London WORDS REBECCA KENT

Whether you’re a seasoned local or a firsttimer in London, you can never have enough friends. For the former, you might find your social life revolves around work, making it difficult to meet new people. If you’ve just touched down in the capital, chances are you’ll be looking for a group of buddies to share in your experiences. Handily enough, there are ways to make new friends in London without heading out like a Nigelno-mates, trying to strike up conversation at a bar. Here, TNT suggests a few.

Meetup.com WHAT IS IT? A huge international online social networking portal that helps people with shared interests organise meetings. If you’re open to something new, you can check out which meetings are trending. Groups range from obscure shamanic trans-generational healers to writers, travel enthusiasts and people learning a language. WHO WILL I MEET? An eclectic selection of all ages, with an incredibly diverse range of interests, no matter how niche. Forthcoming events reveal everything from craft workshops and Kirtan chanting to the

Soho Coffee Posses and Spiritually Curious. WHERE: Pubs, cafes, studios, various venues. COST: Varies, depending on the group. meetup.com

Eat With A Local WHAT IS IT? A worldwide dining club. Locals offer to make travellers meals when they’re visiting their area. A great way to meet people with an insider knowledge of the place you’re exploring. WHO WILL I MEET? People with a passion for food and making new friends. There’s also the option to dine in a local restaurants if you’re concerned about safety. WHERE: Everywhere from India to Ireland and in between. COST: Mutually agreed, but usually a lot cheaper than a restaurant. eatwithalocal.socialgo.com

Liquid Book Club WHAT IS IT? Combine your two favourite things (that is, if your two favourite things are books and cocktails), and meet likeminded people at this book club, which is centred around literature about alcohol.

Club 414, 414 Coldharbour Lane, SW9 8LF Brixton boxitbootcamp.com

Get involved in different ways of dining with Eat With A Local 42

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WHAT’S NEW

Truth or Dare by Madonna Smell Like A Virgin? £24.50 thefragranceshop.

Everyone was delighted they had all managed to wear a different coloured top Of course, there’s an emphasis on drinking it, with plenty of opportunities. WHO WILL I MEET? Funky bookworms. WHERE: Public House, Islington, N1 1PX. WHEN: Every month. COST: £30, which includes four cocktails. throughthedoorpromotions.com

One Netball: Single & Mingle WHAT IS IT? Open to men and women, players are placed in mixed or ladies’ netball teams with other singles. Over the course of the match, you are left to bond on court, then after the game at the pub. WHO WILL I MEET? Fit young guys and girls either getting back into the game, or having a go for the first time. WHERE: There are competitions in Waterloo, Pimlico and Camden.

WHEN: Mondays and Thursdays, at 6.30pm. COST: £6 a game. onenetball.com

Proactiv Soution Banish breakouts £39.99 boots.co.uk

London River Party WHAT IS IT? This is a new mid-week party cruise on the Thames for people who can’t wait for the weekend. WHO WILL I MEET? Young professionals and tourists. You’ll all be confined to a boat, so you’ll have to mingle – or jump overboard. WHERE: Departs Westminster Pier at 7.30pm, returns to Blackfriars Pier at 11.30pm. WHEN: Every Monday and Tuesday. NEXT WEEK COST: £15. Cheerleading thelondon with the Broncos riverparty.co.uk

Lotil Lip Care The sheen makes teeth appear white £8.69 lotil.co.uk

Photos: Thinkstock

TOP TREATMENT: NAILYMPICS MANICURE With the impending Olympics, it’s perfectly acceptable to wear garish colours in a show of your patriotism. But, if to you, sport is the only winner, then decorate yourself in hues that say so. Leticia Haute Coiffure has the answer with a spiffy painting of your nails in the colours of the Games: blue, yellow, black, green and red. You get a soak, cuticle push back, moisturising and shape and polish for £20.12. See, everyone’s a winner.

Nailing it

59-61 Chiltern St, W1U 6NG

leticiahautecoiffure.com

Baker Street

Parissa men’s brow groomer Eradicate the unibrow £8.69 amazon.co.uk TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Inside the old TNT Towers: the editorial team in 2006

Where are they now? To celebrate our 1500th issue, we track down some former TNT workers and take them on a trip down memory lane WORDS REBECCA KENT In 1983, TNT Magazine opened its doors in Earl’s Court. It was the bible for Australian, Kiwi and South Africa travellers in London. The office itself was hub for backpackers, who would often pop in, wanting to place their messages in the publication or share their stories. Many of these ended up working for the mag. Here, we chat to some former employees.

The editor Graeme Johnstone packed his bags and, family in tow, helmed the team at Australasian Express, TNT’s predecessor, in 1980, at TNT Towers. He recalls a strapping young lad, in his early 30s, by the name of Bryan Brown, who would visit the office on a daily basis to discuss the film Breaker Morant. “There were 44

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

plenty of young women in the building who coincidentally, at that very moment, happened to have a message that needed to be delivered personally to my desk,” Johnstone, 64, recalls. Of course, Brown went on to become one of Australia’s best-known movie stars. Johnstone became TNT’s Australian correspondent, until he returned to Melbourne in 1986 to work at The Sun, and now pours his creative juices into writing books, poems and musicals, including Normie, soon heading for London. In pre-internet days, TNT served not only as a vital service for news, jobs, accommodation, travel and entertainment, but an anchor for intrepid Antipodeans. “People would spot the sign in Earl’s

Court Road, amid the many Kangaroo Valley travel agencies, and simply come in to have a chat, soak up the atmosphere and feel like they were temporarily back ‘home’ again.”

The journalist Aaron Langmaid, who worked at TNT between 2002 and 2005, says it was as irreverent inside TNT Towers as everyone imagined. “I remember almost laughing ourselves to death during weekly beanbag meetings to discuss story placement and headlines, pulling crazy faces for TNT road tests and getting letters of invitation for sex romps in Hackney. I never did go,” he says. Some days, it was serious, adds Langmaid, 33, who now works on

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LIFESTYLECAREERS ON THE JOB KATY BELL CAREER Creative Director, Lost Property of London AGE 27 LIVES Islington FROM Kent

How did you get into your line of work? I studied textile design at Central Saint Martins and went straight into a design studio after university. A year or so of creating someone else’s designs was the perfect incentive to get my own ‘out there’.

Graeme Johnstone

Photos: Grame Johnstone; TNT

e

Darryn Lee outside TNT

the sports desk for BACK IN THE DAY ... fundamental principle the Herald Sun in Graeme Johnstone remembers of modesty, Lee and Melbourne. “One week TNT in the 1980s his gang of salespeople I’d be interviewing “Until the fax changed our called themselves the Tony Blair’s spin doctor, world in 1980, our Down Under ‘Dream Team’, despite Alastair Campbell, but correspondent, Steve ‘Rowdy’ Anker not always hitting then the next I’d be used to have to clip the results targets. But when eating whale on a press out of the daily newspapers, put you’re selling beer to trip to Iceland.” Of them in a packet and send them an Australian ... course, the hard work off by airmail! If we got them by “We managed to was always rewarded. Wednesday, we were delirious with keep the ship afloat “We always had joy. Any later and a search party during the early a beer on the desk was sent out for the pigeon. recession and kept every Friday,” he smiles. I wrote the majority of my up the true TNT spirit. Langmaid adds: Australian columns for the Express I also got to sell and “TNT helped heal and TNT on my prized PC – a Tandy work on the TNT Travel homesickness and Radio Shack TRS-80. It was a Model Show which was an made us proud to be III, I’ll have you know.” incredible experience expatriates living it that ended off with an large ... it also stopped epic after party.” my bedroom door from banging on Lee’s visa only enabled him to work windy nights.” for a year in the UK, but he says it was one of the best of his life – enhanced The salesman by travels on the cheap thanks to It was not long after packing his uni connections made through TNT. books and following the well-worn “I look back and think how lucky path to London in 2008, that South I was to find that job,” he says. African Darryn Lee was thumbing “I basically went travelling to land through TNT and spotted an ad for an a job that focused on advertising sales executive. a large travelling The rest was, well, a valuable lesson community in NEXT WEEK in the equivalent of “how to sell ice one of the most to an eskimo, or beer to an Australian interesting cities Working in Johannesburg – and we all know how difficult that in the world. is,” Lee, 27, says. In keeping with TNT’s Priceless.”

What do you do day-to-day? We make totes, travel bags and clutches from upcycled material, and right now I am starting to design next season while chasing up orders from Paris Fashion Week. What’s the best part of your job? The travel, plus, I really enjoy surprising people when they learn where I source my materials from. People are surprised at the really cool accessories I can make. And the most challenging part? Dealing with the huge stigma attached to eco chic – that it does not exist, and, switching off. lostpropertyoflondon.com

HOW TO...

INTERVIEW WELL Take our advice on what not to say to a prospective employer

• “What’s your annual leave and

sickness policy?” You haven’t even got the job yet, don’t start planning absences.

• “Bloody hell.” Even if your

interviewer swears like a trucker, refrain. Don’t let them set the tone for your meeting.

• “Sorry I’m late.” If you’re going to be late to the interivew, what’s not to say you’ll bowl into the office late every day? Don’t be late. Simples.

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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tntjobs.co.uk SILVERBACK EVENTS T: 0844 5617939 07595 021939 www.silverbackuk.com Silverback is a provider of premium support crew to production and AV companies within the event sector.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Crew Member Location: London Salary: £8.00 -15.00 per hour Silverback is looking for fit, intelligent, good communicators who can take direction from senior crewmen and clients. You need good social skills and impeccable punctuality and be prepared to work long & sometimes unsocial hours. Typical Duties: Loading / Unloading of vehicles, Rigging of AV equipment, Setting up and dismantling stage and set, Ensuring health & safety requirements are met, Liaising with clients in a professional manner. jason@silverbackuk.com | 07712 829348

EMBAH SAFARI TOURS & TRAVEL T: 0020 100 260 1312 0020 69 3641 690 www.embah.com Embah Safari Tours & Travel is a dynamic tour operator based in Egypt specializing in Sustainable Travel throughout Egypt.

RPM LIMITED T: 020 3110 0500 www.rpmltd.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Tour Sales Location: DAHAB, SOUTH SINAI, EGYPT Salary: €650-€1000 pm tbc Tour Sales requires that you have a min of 2 years in the field and preferably in Adventure Travel. Candidates should be driven to create sales and able to communicate with various type of international customers & agents by telephone and online. Ema Louis | 0020 100 260 1312 | ema@embah.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Event Crew, 7.5ton Drivers and HGV Drivers Location: London based Salary: Rates start at £10p/h

RPM Promotional People, the UK’s leading event staffing company, provide fantastic staff to work across a varied spectrum of roadshows/campaigns.

We are recruiting hardworking, flexible, reliable Event Crew to assist us building, de-rigging and driving for campaigns in 2012! Events experience a bonus however, if you are a physically strong, conscientious team player, please apply.

SUPPLY GROUP www.supplyemploymentgroup.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Waiters and Chefs required for new hotel Location: London Salary: £6.50 - £10 ph

Recruitment Agency

Recruiting for experienced waiting staff & bar staff and all chef types for immediate same day start for our new hotel in the city.

T: 020 8090 4654

rachel.helliwell@rpmltd.com

Email CV to tnt@supplyemploymentgroup.co.uk Or turn up - 27 City Business Centre, Lower Road, SE16 2XB

GALLOWGLASS T: 0845 300 2468 www.gallowglass.co.uk Gallowglass is UKs leading crewing company to the sporting and events industry, working for TV, theatre, film and outdoor production companies.

ALATURKA TURKEY T: +90 252 612 5423 www.alaturkacruises.com Alaturka has been operating blue cruises along the turquoise coast & bus tours to all corners of Turkey since 2004.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Location: London Salary: £8 - £11 per hour + skills payments Gallowglass is involved in many aspects of the 2012 Games as well as our on-going work, and has vacancies for friendly, enthusiastic and outgoing people to join our crew. You will need to be physically fit, have excellent spoken English, be adaptable, happy to work anti-social hours and have a can-do attitude. CV to hr@gallowglass.co.uk or fill in our on line form at www.gallowglass.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Graphic Designer Location: Fethiye, Turkey Salary: Negotiable You will be responsible for: The development of advertising campaigns, both traditional and digital - Producing marketing material to be used at trade events - Liaising with publishing houses - Working closely with our webmaster to produce effective online advertising. Andrew | +90 252 612 5423 | andrew@alaturkaturkey.com

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

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EKIWI Group Ltd COMPANY Ekiwi Europe ADDRESS 11 Lambeth Court, Lambeth Road, Benfleet, Essex, SS7 4FB WEBSITE ekiwi-europe.com TELEPHONE +44845 4755571 (standard local UK call rate) or +44 7765 505512 EMAIL geoff@ekiwi-europe.com CONTACT Geoff Bond

LIFESTYLE CAREERS Q+A WITH TNT MAGAZINE GEOFFREY BOND AGE 52 WORKS Essex FROM England

Tell us about your company Ekiwi Europe is an agency that offers all their registered candidates a direct channel to many major employers within New Zealand and Australia. What’s its role? Ekiwi Europe supports suitable candidates from across Europe, by collecting, collating and forwarding their details in the correct manner to their colleagues based in Auckland, New Zealand, who will then present directly to the people who say yes! How did you get into this work? I was asked by Ekiwi Group Ltd in New

Zealand to set up an agency for the European market. This came about after becoming involved with a major initiative within New Zealand. What type of candidates are you looking for? Both general, experienced and graduate candidates in all trades and industries. What qualifications should they have? As many as possible to their preferred trade that they wish to work within. What attributes should they have? Motivated, committed, disciplined, genuine, honest and trustworthy. What’s the most exciting part? Working and living in such a beautiful country as New Zealand, which has outstanding quality of life. Is there a fee to register? There’s a small registration fee payable to ensure our candidates’ details are correctly presented, thus offering maximum potential of employment.

A Once In A Lifetime Opportunity The TWO earthquakes (September 2010 - February 2011) in Christchurch, New Zealand have destroyed the inner city and caused catastrophic damage in surrounding suburbs.

The COST of rebuilding is difficult to estimate but could be more than: $ 30 - $40 billion. The “clean up” and “rebuilding” will create many 100’s or 1,000’s of new jobs.

These tasks will generate new jobs and new opportunities. Many christchurch residents / families / workers have left Christchurch for Australia, Auckland and other parts of New Zealand - but their skills are needed in Christchurch

The new zealand government regards the “clean up” and “rebuild” as matters of urgency.

There will be a very high demand for both new skilled workers and Graduates.

What does this mean for you?? (National & International citizens)

Jobs will be guaranteed - written job offer BEFORE you leave your home country Immigration New Zealand (INZ) “Fast Track” of Visa Applications with employer application Contribution to travel expenses for “high value” skilled workers (may be negotiable) Accommodation & travel expenses - where appropriate for both New Zealand Based / International Clients Priority given to specific skills and qualifications that are in demand Requirements will cover a wide range but initially: Construction Workers - Carpenters - Builders Electricians -Welders - Fitters - Welders / Fabricators - IT - Telecommunications - Surveyors Estimators - Engineers - Heavy Transport Drivers - Support Staff (Admin.) - Healthcare and many more. Long Term opportunities as reconstruction is anticipated to take at least 10 to 15 years Opportunity for international clients to seek permanent residence and / or citizenship in New Zealand Great Opportunities for Graduates

A genuine opportunity of a lifetime awaits, New Zealand needs you!

www.ekiwi-europe.com will be going live very soon, in the interim, please do not hesitate to contact us at: EKIWI EKIWI Email: admin@ekiwi-europe.com Group Ltd To have your details registered with Ekiwi Group Ltd. small registration fee payable to ensure that our candidates details are correctly presented, thus offering maximum potential of employment

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tntjobs.co.uk ANDERS PLUS T: 020 7793 7825 www.andersplus.com Andersplus is a specialist recruiter for the landscape industry.

JOB OF THE WEEK: Landscapers Location: Central and Greater London Salary: On application Seeking energetic, physically fit individuals for London clients as landscape labourers/ gardeners and work towards becoming experienced landscapers. Work is based all over Central and Greater London. Sarah Ronan | 020 7793 7825 | sarah@andersplus.com

SOPHIES STEAK HOUSE T: 020 7352 0088

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bartender / Waiter Location: Fulham Road, Chelsea Salary: Excellent Rates of pay

We offer our customers amazing quality steak’s, cocktails & wine with enthusiastic staff who have lots of personality in a restaurant with a great vibe.

We are looking for experienced & energetic candidates for a full time role of bartender/ waiter in an environment where the customers experience is the sole focus.

VIBE TEACHER RECRUITMENT

JOB OF THE WEEK: Financial Controller Location: Hammersmith, London Salary: (from) £25k - £35k + bonus + benefit

www.vibeteaching.co.uk Vibe is a well respected London-based teaching agency with a reputation for excellent knowledge, skills, service and standards.

SYHA HOSTELLING SCOTLAND

Otis Panayi | 020 73520088 | jobs@sophiessteakhouse.com

Responsibility for: Payroll, Invoicing, Credit Control, Bookkeeping, Accounting and must have certified experience in Sage Line 50 and Sage Payroll Software. Organised, driven and friendly please. Send CV and introduce yourself! Craig | craig@vibeteaching.co.uk

T: 01786 891400 www.hostellingscotland.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Seasonal Chef Location: Loch Lomond Salary: circa £14,000 per annum

We provide low cost youth hostelling accommodation for the education, health and wellbeing of people in Scotland and beyond.

You will produce fresh ‘homemade’ and healthy meals for our guests. You will have good catering experience with confidence, good knowledge and experience of food and hygiene practices including relevant certificate and understanding of H&S at work. Human Resources | 01786 891400 | recruitment@syha.org.uk

BERRY MARQUEES T: 01784 471 410 www.berrymarquees.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Marquee Foreman, Riggers, Warehouse Crew, HGV & Forklift Location: London Salary: £8 - £10ph + daily bonuses

Suppliers of stunning temporary structures to the event industry. From world famous sporting and music events to fashion shows, lavish private parties and royal weddings.

Berry are looking to immediately recruit hard working, motivated team members to join our existing crews installing temporary structures throughout the UK this summer. The work is physically demanding but long hours and bonuses provide great earning potential. Located 30 minutes on train from Clapham Junction. info@berrymarquees.com | 01784 471 410

IPG

JOB OF THE WEEK: Best Backpackers Jobs ever Location: UK, Ireland, Australia, South Africa, NZ, Canada Salary: Average £600 pw. Make £10,000 by end of Summer

T: 07716 376 408 www.ipgvip.com IPG is an international promotions company with over a decade of experience marketing leisure events. We have established our credentials as the world’s largest Paintball promotions agency by opening over 20 offices worldwide.

We’re looking for fun, bubbly, confident, self-motivated people. You can work as part of a team at outdoor shows/indoor shopping centres across the country. See the sights, and have fun along the way. IPG’s promo teams comprise of 150+ Aussies, Kiwis, Canadians, and more. Enjoy trips away to Vegas, Ibiza, Pamplona and free drinks every Friday night. 07716 376 408

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

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CASH-SAVING TIPS CUT ROAMING CHARGES Xxxxxxxxx Don’t waste cash buying a local SIM card in every XXXXXXXXX country you visit, pick up Xxxxxxxxxxx one at Toggle Mobile. The SIM card for travellers XXXXXXXXX gives you free incoming Xxxxxxxxxxx calls in up to 100 countries and up to 90 per cent XXXXXXXXX off roaming costs by Xxxxxxxxxxx allocating you a new local number wherever you go. XXXXXXXXX Costs £15, including £10 Xxxxxxxxxxx credit. togglemobile.co.uk SAVE MONEY, BE ECO-FRIENDLY Get yourself an Ecoegg instead of forking out on pricey washing powder. This mineral pellet-filled ball, £19.99, lasts three years and works out at a mere 3p per wash – compared to 25p for your average washing powder. ecoeggonline.com

HOW YOU SPEND IT! in advance. Never go somewhere without knowing what you are going to spend money on, like supermarkets. Think of everything you need and write a list. Try to avoid temptation and buying things on instinct.

PEDRO MOURA, 32 JOB Sales manager FROM Brazil LIVES Leytonstone

How do you budget? What I do is separate. First I think about the fixed

Photos: Getty

TH

costs like accommodation, electricity and water. Then I think about how much I want to spend on extra things like entertainment. Any money-saving tips? Try to calculate costs

Last big blow-out? A MacBook that was £900. I wanted one for a while and I thought it was a good opportunity. I had been using PCs for a while, but they never last too long. What non-essential items do you spend money on? Books, CDs and clothes.

HOW THEY SPEND IT! Coveted instruments Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton (left) has parted with £61,890 to get hold of Prince’s famous gold Fender Stratocaster – he’s not the only one with musical tastes

❚ Twilight actress Kristen Stewart bought Robert Pattinson a £50,000 piano – reportedly for their third anniversary.

GET INTO FASHION SALES Fashion sale website LoveFashionSales.com now lets you search for items with 75 per cent discount or more in your particular size and by your favourite brand. That means more bargains at your fingertips, with less effort. TNT 1500 /67 VIETNAM /100

LIFESTYLEMONEY

‘If only I could be jamming right now...’

❚ In 2007, Britney Spears reportedly bought her sons Sean, two, and Jayden, one, miniature pianos from Harrods for Christmas, which retailed for about £216 each – starting ‘em early, eh Brit?

❚ A five-piece Premier drum kit used by The Who’s Keith Moon between 1968 and 1970 was sold for £139,650 to a private US bidder at a 2004 Christie’s auction in London. ❚ A collector spent £294,000 on a guitar played by The Beatles’ George Harrison on Revolver and John Lennon on White Album sessions at another 2004 Christie’s auction in New York.

F ront of House Waiti ng Sta ff Westfield, Stratford City £8.60 ph - £10.45 ph Absolute Taste provides the finest hospitality for the VIP guests of the Vodafone McLaren Mercedes Formula 1 team and has a reputation for excellent food, exciting party design and professional staff. We recently won an exciting contract to be the official caterer of Westfield Stratford during the Olympic games. We are currently recruiting highly experienced staff to work with us on this exciting project this summer. The pay will be £8.60 during the off peak period and £10.45 during the peak period.

If you have fantastic customer service skills and are immaculately presented then send your CV and picture to staffing@absolutetaste.com

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LIFESTYLELIVING

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HOME

STYLE 99

£9.

Tweet Mug With a hashtag handle for big Twitter addicts iwantoneofthose.com

50

£3.

Aussie Town We see how London’s original Antipodean home has changed since TNT began WORDS CLARE VOOGHT

Swift ice cream scoop With a built-in sprinkle dispenser cookcraft.co.uk

Shepherd’s Bush, or She Bu, has long been a backpacker’s mecca and home to many an Antipodean. Big houses are always cheap to rent and its sociable bars provide a home away from home. With bit more development (ahem, Westfield) it’s become pricier, but it remains a super-friendly haven.

Why Shepherd’s Bush?

00

£1.

Inflatable gold crown Rule your Diamond Jubilee party poundland.co.uk

50

£6.

Street party teapot vase Liz would definitely approve pasttimes.com

50

Back in 1983, when TNT started (before the internet), She Bu was the place to go to hook up with people from home for a job, a place to live and to find some mates. And even though that stuff’s much easier now, it’s still a backpacker’s first port of call. Luke Simpson, who co-owns Aston Rowe estate agents in neighbouring Acton, moved to She Bu from Auckland, New Zealand, in 2006. “All the way from the other side of the world, Shepherd’s Bush, Acton and more recently the likes of Clapham and Fulham, were names you heard about,” he says. “I’d see people in the Walkabout who I went to school with, that I hadn’t seen in 10-15 years. It’s somewhere you can call home on the other side of the world.” And Chris Kerr, sales director of Kerr & Co estates, says it’s still reasonably priced for its location: “It’s almost central London living, at the most reasonably priced central London location you can get. Fantastic transport, amazing facilities, great local foodie pubs.”

Don’t move here if... You want to leave your comfort zone – She Bu invented the phrase “Aussie Bubble”.

Ain’t no party like a She Bu party and (below) Westfield The people Aside from Aussies, Kiwis and Saffas, there are quite a few Brits and Eastern Europeans.The area attracts a young crowd – most people are under 35 – but recently Shepherd’s Bush has had many more professionals move in.

Where to hang out Back in the day, the big hangout was the Bush Ranger on Goldhawk Road. That’s long gone now, and the drinking holes of choice are places like The Walkabout on Shepherd’s Bush Green, Ginglik and Belushi’s. Jaqui Constable, 21, who lives in She Bu and works as assistant manager at Belushi’s loves her area. “The people are friendly, it’s a bit like home and there are cheap drinks,” she says. “Belushi’s is always filled with Aussies, because it’s also a hostel.

“If we’re looking for a change, my friends and I tend to go to Defectors Weld. It’s really funky and advertises a lot of local bands. There are a lot of Aussies, but it’s not an Aussie-themed bar.”

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MY AREA KIRSTY

CALLEIA Receptionist, Newcastle, 25

“It’s very easy to make friends in the area through your flatmates and workmates – and yes, most of them end up being Aussie and Kiwi. The nightlife here is also fun.”

ALISTAIR

BRADSHAW Marketing executive, Perth, 29

The connections The area is a paradise for transport – you’re on the Central, Hammersmith & City, Circle and Overground at Shepherd’s Bush and Shepherd’s Bush Market stations. Plus, it’s got buses and night buses galore going to west and central London.

What can you rent Historically, Shepherd’s Bush had a large number of sharehouses. “When everyone came to the UK on their working holiday visas during the last 10-20 years, they were here for a limited amount of time,” Simpson

says. “You’d try and put as many people in a house as possible because it was the most affordable way of living and being able to travel at the same time. Now it’s been developed a bit more, you’re more likely to find one- to three-bedroom flats, too.” Those are pricey, but rental bargains can still be found in the spacious flats above the shops on the main roads, NEXT WEEK such as Uxbridge and Goldhawke Being a property guardian roads – even ones close to the Tube.

“On any given Sunday you can find the masses of Aussies in fancy dress at the Walkabout. It’s a good place to start meeting people from home, if you didnt know many already.”

MICHELLE MURPHY Executive assistant, Adelaide, 24

“I’ve lived here for five years and I wouldn’t live anywhere else in London – everything I need is in She Bu! Especially now Westfield is here.”

W12 INFO BOROUGH

Hammersmith & Fulham COUNCIL TAX

£1,127 per year TRAVEL TIME TO LONDON

Photos: TNT; Getty

15 mins FLATSHARE £760pcm

ONE-BEDROOM FLAT £1,300pcm

TWO-BEDROOM FLAT £1,521pcm

A room in a three-double-bedroom maisonette on Collingbourne Road, with a private roof terrace, bright rooms and a modern kitchen. Ten minutes walk to She Bu Green.

A raised ground floor flat in a converted period building with a big double bedroom, living room and a modern kitchen and bathroom.

A two-double-bedroom, modern flat with a modern fitted kitchen and bathroom. On Stanlake Road close to transport links and Shepherd’s Bush Green.

kerrandco.com

astonrowe.co.uk

kerrandco.com

TUBE

Zone 2; Central, H’Smith & City, Circle, Overground AVERAGE ROOM SHARE 1 BED

£730pcm AVERAGE RENTAL 1 BED

£1,200pcm AVERAGE FLAT 1 BED

£220,000

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WORLDVIEW

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Fishing for pigs!

FISHERMAN CATCHES A WILD PIG NEW ZEALAND A New Zealand fisherman caught more than he bargained for when he pulled in a 80lb pig – 200m out in the middle of a lake. Bob Moneith was fishing in Lake Taupo with a friend when they heard a dog barking in the distance. They set off to investigate and found a pig swimming across the water, with the mutt chasing it. They manoeuvred their boat in between the two, hauled the pig on board, and then made the catch their own, finishing off the fleeing porker. TWEETS OF THE WEEK @Jaygoodall4L Has Tim Westwood still not accepted the fact he’s white? @christina_owen I gave my cat some coffee and lasagna and now he is very, very ill! @Queen_UK No gary barlow, you cannot have a knighthood. those who ask do not get.

Sod the Games: The Euros, the Olympics, and, er, this domestic skills competition in Beijing, with maids showing off their well-honed baby-bathing technique as part of the government’s drive to curb its now slowing economic growth.

“A couple of 60-year-olds trying to pull this pig in was quite hard case,” Bob said emphatically. “It gave us the hunting trophy for the weekend!” Bob’s son Lachie was called who met the two at the lake and took the pig to the butchers.

Cooperation and Development’s Better Life poll found Australia came out on top when it surveyed its 34 member nations on 11 topics including income, community, education, health, life satisfaction and work-life balance. “Australia’s economic fundamentals remain strong with our economy expected to grow more strongly than every single major advanced economy over the next two years,” acting PM Wayne Swann said.

AUSTRALIA IS THE HAPPIEST COUNTRY

WORLD’S CHEAPEST PINT IS JUST 29P

AUSTRALIA Ever wondered why Aussies are always smiling? It’s because they live in the happiest country on the planet. The Organisation for Economic 52

TAJIKSTAN If you fancy sinking a few cold ones, head to the Soviet Republic of Tajikistan, which serves the cheapest pints of frothy stuff in the world.

The catch though is that you’ll have to travel no fewer than 3000 miles from the UK to find these bargain beers, which, at 29p, are ten times cheaper than a beer in a pub over here, but a lot less convenient than a night down the local. Panama and Bhutan were close behind in the cheap stakes, with pints priced at 31p and 36p respectively, with North Korea clocking in not far behind at just 38p per pint. Greenland is home to the world’s most expensive pint at a walletdestroying £7.35.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 4

Price in pounds of budget supermarket Aldi’s Toro Loco Tempranillo, voted one of the world’s best wines in a blind taste test

Marvel come to four-year-old’s aid

NAKED SURFER IS RIDING HIGH AUSTRALIA

Marama Kake has been causing a stir by stripping off and taking to the waves in her birthday suit on beaches on the east coast of Australia. “I’ve been surfing for almost 50 years and have never seen anything like it,” Ian Borland said. “There must have been 100 guys out there and she paddled out bold as brass.” Kake – who has the words ‘get naked, get sustainable’ written on her surf board – is, surprisingly, not sheepish about her escapades. “I’m not out there trying to get everyone to look at me,” she says. “I just love the sensation and the simplicity of surfing in my ‘sustainability suit’”.

PARACHUTES ARE FOR WIMPS ONLY

Photos: YouTube;

UK

Gary Connery hit the headlines last week after becoming the first man to complete a skydive without using a parachute. The ‘Birdman of Henley’, a stuntman who has completed 880 skydives and 450 base jumps, leapt from 2400ft, soared across the Oxfordshire skies at up to 80mph, and then landed in a pile of 18,000 cardboard boxes. “I have been training and planning this record attempt for many years and am so proud to have achieved a world first,” Connery said after his record-breaking plummet. “I was absolutely fine afterwards, I was completely buzzing.” Connery, who has worked on films such as Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of

1500 World News.indd 53

Billions of dollars wiped off Facebook’s value after it floated on the stock market, shares tumbling from $38 to $31.78

18.5 Don’t do this at home, really – don’t! The Crystal Skull, Batman Begins and Die Another Day, said he didn’t think his jump was dangerous, and described it more as a “controlled crash” than a landing. Mental!

MARVEL UNVEIL A DEAF SUPERHERO UNITED STATES

Marvel has created a deaf superhero after a four-year-old boy refused to wear his hearing aid because none of his comic heroes wear them. Anthony Smith, of New Hampshire, has limited hearing in his left ear and is deaf in his right. But he refused to wear his aid. His mother contacted Marvel and asked if there were any comic book heroes that needed help with their hearing (Hawkeye, played by Jeremy Renner in Avengers Assemble, top, is hearing impaired), and the comics giant responded with a special present to the family. They sent them a comic by the name of The Blue Ear, the nickname Anthony and his mother have for his hearing aid. The comic’s cover shows The Blue Ear on a city rooftop, a hearing aid to his ear, saying: “Thanks to my listening device I can hear someone in trouble.”

3.59

Million of dollars paid out last week to injured Transformers – Dark Of The Moon extra Gabriella Cedillo

Number of rows of hurdles the 100m event was short of in the Great City Games in Manchester last week. Couting fail!

1

QUOTE OF THE WEEK He tried to kiss me on the mouth! He’s lucky I didn’t sucker punch him! Will Smith overreacts on the red carpet after a Ukrainian reporter with a penchant for playing pranks tried to go in for a quick smooch. Smith, promoting Men In Black 3, responded by slapping the young man

25/5/12 16:52:33


tntjobs.co.uk PULSE ALLIED HEALTH PROFESSIONALS T: 01992 305 659 www.pulsejobs.com PULSE recruits health care professionals for the UK, Middle East, Australia and New Zealand and manages incoming recruitment to the UK from around the world.

PULSE NURSING & CARE T: 020 7959 1032 www.pulsejobs.com PULSE recruits health care professionals for the UK, Middle East, Australia and New Zealand and manages incoming recruitment to the UK from around the world.

THE WOOLSHED BAA & GRILL T: 00353 214 273000 www.woolshedbaa.com/cork/ We are very busy international sports bar with a flavour of the Southern Hemisphere (without the weather!!)

RECTORY FARM SHOP & THE MILTON MAIZE MAZE T: 01223 860374 / 07778 574 002 www.themiltonmaizemaze.co.uk www.rectoryfarmshop.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Various locum posts for Healthcare professionals Location: Nationwide Salary: Competitive Are you a healthcare professional living in the uk looking for temporary work opportunities? Nationwide posts for allied health, health science and psychological therapies professionals available now! Contact PULSE today to find out more information. 01992 305 659 | www.pulsejobs.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Various temporary positions for Registered Nurses and Healthcare assistants Location: Nationwide Salary: Competitive With over 15 years experience, PULSE have established themselves at the forefront of nursing in London. If you are a general, theatre, critical care nurse, midwife or healthcare assistant looking for an new career opportunity contact our dedicated team today. 020 7959 1032 | www.pulsejobs.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Manager Location: Cork City, Ireland Salary: €25,000 - €30,000 depending on experience We are looking for an Aussie Manager to front line our business with experience in managing a team, a track record in food and beverage with a flare for customer care. Please email our CV with photo to billy@mardyke.com. Billy Kirwan | 00353 863 910369 | billy@mardyke.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Maze Marshals, Tractor Drivers and Café Assistant Location: Milton, Cambridge CB24 6DA Salary: DOE We have vacancies; to meet and greet visitors, drive them on tractors around the farm and to serve in the café. Includes weekend work on rota basis.

We are a farm based visitor attraction, The Milton Maize Maze, 1 hour North of London.

Rob & Marilyn Chapman | 01223 860374 / 07778 574 002 | Upload CV to: www.rectoryfarmshop.co.uk/jobs.html or mail@rectoryfarmshop.co.uk

BRAVO INVESTMENT HOUSE

JOB OF THE WEEK: Personal Assistant Location: Mayfair Salary: £25,000 per annum

T: 020 7629 1112 Property investment/management company The Bravo Group is looking for an experienced PA. An exciting opportunity to join an expanding company.

Suitable for dynamic/professional individual with high levels of organisational and client liaison skills. Will be working directly under Company Director. Must be well-presented, speak English as a first language, and able to take dictation.

MAPS OF LONDON T: 020 8342 8525 www.maps-of-london.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Sales people with can - do attitude Location: London wide Salary: Commission only Potential £2000 p/m upwards

The Olympics in London is not business-as-usual and as a result this we are producing street maps with adverts in Covent Garden and Soho

We are looking for punchy hard working individuals that have no problem earning good money in a short period of time. It is door to door and requires good closers to start ASAP.

Susanna Larsson | susanna@bravo-investment.com

adrienne010101@gmail.com | 020 8342 8525

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Matt Syder | 020 7989 0491 | matt.syder@tntmagazine.com

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TNT puts the world to rights

OURVIEW

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Her Majesty: she deserves a party

One is a royally good sport

BRITNEY THE DIVA: BRING IT ON GIRL!

Photos: Getty

Queen Elizabeth II has spent 60 years pandering to the public

I think the Queen is cool. There, I’ve said it. An 86-year-old with a penchant for matching every outfit to a pair of white gloves might seem a strange choice for an idol, but I for one am going to celebrate the Diamond Jubilee with genuine fervour. Indeed, on the 60th anniversary of her reign, the least we can do is crack a smile and have ourselves a nice time. Lilibet (as Philip calls her) never asked for the job, remember, and it must be a deathly dull one at that. Could you stand another moment presiding over the opening of a hospital or making small talk with some grinning random after more than half a century of doing precisely just that, and all the time with a smile? When I’m approaching 90, I’ll consider it my right to get blind drunk on gin and insult people – far preferable to standing around in full royal regalia for hours and shaking a never-ending line of sweaty hands. To the people who say the royal family are no longer relevant and out of touch – this argument is as flawed as Dean Gaffney’s face. Queenie has met every political figurehead to take office around the world between when she was a mere slip of a lass and today, which means she knows a lot more about how the world works than we do, and must have assembled quite the catalogue of dirt. Legend has it she’s a wicked impressionist, too – what I’d give to see her ‘do’ David Cameron. Oh, I’ve heard all the anti-royal arguments, watched the enemies of the establishment frothing at the mouth over the cost to the taxpayer. Jeez, cheer up! Given a choice between joining the collective good mood for the royal wedding or brooding over the ills of the class system, I plumped for the party. And why not in these doom-laden days? When 11-year-olds are stabbing each other in playgrounds and people pour petrol through their neighbours’ letterboxes, an excuse for a country-wide knees-up is damn near essential. Plus, compare the damage Lilibet’s doing to our quality of life to that of banks and private equity firms – and the republican governments whose pockets they line – and it’s as though the old dame is getting stiffed on her pension (could she retire). » Agree or disagree? Will you be celebrating the Diamond Jubilee? letters@tntmagazine.com

On another royal subject close to my heart, the news that princess of pop Britney Spears is already laying on the diva demands ahead of her new gig on US X Factor is music to my ears. Britters has reportedly amused programme chiefs with stipulations including that she always have a spiritual adviser and a psychologist on hand, and that “no random people” should be allowed to approach her. I love Britney. And my undying devotion is thanks in no small part to her enduring capacity to entertain. How boring would it be if she turned up on set and was really

Why shouldn’t she make her own fun?

lovely to everyone and handed out cakes? Plus, while Britney remains under the conservatorship of the controlling men in her life (dad Jamie and agent/ fiancé Jason Trawick), why shouldn’t she make some of her own fun? Our Britney might as well make the best of being set up for a critical mauling to boost Simon Cowell’s business. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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The big hitters As TNT celebrates its 1500th issue, we take a look at the biggest Aussie since 1983 WORDS TOM STURROCK

It’s been nearly 30 years since TNT started bringing you news and sport from back home and around the world, and plenty has changed since then; big dominoes have fallen. Back then, Bob Hawke, a union man with a legendary beerswilling capacity was running the show – it’s hard to imagine him getting a look in these days, with Australian politics now the domain of policy wonks with a tabloid touch. Equally, much of Australian sport was barely professional, yet, nearly 30 years later, millionaire athletes are the country’s biggest celebrities. In Australia, sport and news have always sat alongside one another in the national agenda. It might seem folly to try to amalgamate a top 10 for almost three decades, but here goes anyway.

Rise and fall of the Aussie cricket team There were some dark days for the Australian cricket team – following the retirements of Dennis Lillee, Greg Chappell and Rod Marsh, the Australians were a rabble and, at a time when the sport was racked by change, the country’s place in a new pecking order was uncertain. But by the early Nineties, the Australians were on the upswing, on course to replace the West Indies as the dominant power. It was a reign that lasted 12 years, through four captains, from the defeat of the West Indies in the Caribbean in 1995, all the way through to Australia’s final hurrahs in the middle of the last decade.

Expansion of AFL Back in the Eighties, expanding the VFL was not much more than an administrator’s bright idea – now it has become a billion-dollar operation that has made the indigenous code the country’s most lucrative and most widely followed. South Melbourne had only just been relocated to Sydney – a Swan down the mineshaft, if you like. Now, nearly 30 years later, a further five expansion sides have followed, including a second in NSW, making Australian rules a truly national 56

sport. With that increased exposure has, perhaps lamentably, come added focus on players, turning the exploits of Wayne Carey and Ben Cousins into national news story.

Sydney Olympics The Sydney Olympics in 2000 were eulogised at the time as the best Games ever run and, even if to some degree it was Australians drumming themselves up on the world stage, it certainly added to Australia’s reputation for staging impressive sporting events. The Games passed without any notable disasters and were blessed with the iconic, souvenir moment of Cathy Freeman surging home to win gold in the 400m, triumphing despite being under more pressure than any other Aussie athlete in the modern era.

America’s cup It might seem strange this was such a big deal at the time – after all, yachting does not exactly occupy the hearts and minds of Australia’s sports fans. But when Australia II mounted the first ever successful challenge to the Americans in 1983, they broke the longest winning streak in sport, one which had lasted an incredible 132 years. It was also one of Bob Hawke’s finest hours, the then prime minister declaring a de facto national holiday when, after the win, he insisted that “any boss who sacks his worker for not turning up tomorrow is a bum”. It was also a high point for businessman Alan Bond, who bankrolled Australia’s challenge, before a spectacular fall from grace.

Wallabies highs and lows There were some great times for the Australian rugby union side during this period – highlighted by the twin World Cup victories of 1991 and 1999. In the first victory, the side was led by Nick Farr-Jones and had David Campese as its star player, knocking over England in the final at Twickenham.

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Clockwise: Victoria bushfires; Port Arthur: Kevin Rudd and prominent Aboriginal Lowitja O’Donoghue

And eight years later, this time led by John Eales, Australia did it again, belting Franc in the final in Cardiff. But of all the Wallabies results over journey, it is probably the loss, to England, in the 2003 World Cup final that lingers most in the memory, Johnny Wilkinson’s unforgettable drop-goal propelling the old enemy to a famous win.

Reconciliation The story of indigenous rights in Australia has rarely been a happy one – indeed, it remains one of the most intractable, vexing issues facing the country today. But if any progress has been made, then much of it can be traced back to the landmark case of Mabo vs Queensland in 1992, when the High Court rejected the doctrine of terra nullius and recognised native title as common law. Although not as significant in any practical sense, Kevin Rudd’s decision to offer an apology, to say ‘sorry’ in 2008, was also a major stepping stone in mainstreaming the Reconciliation agenda.

Howard years

Photos: Getty

It may be a few more years yet before John Howard’s political legacy becomes clear. After 11 years in office, he was thrown out of power in 2007, his ambitious, Thatcherite attempt to run unions out of Australian life persuading voters it was time for a change. It was an inauspicious end for a leader who, while criticised for overseeing a meaner, more grasping Australia, laid the foundations for economic prosperity. And, given the ridiculous dog-and-pony show that plagued the Labor Party since, Howard, in hindsight, might well argue that, at the very least, his ability to govern and manage the economy was under-appreciated.

Victoria bushfires The Black Saturday bushfires that tore through the outer suburbs of Melbourne in the summer of 2009 claimed 173

lives and were a stark reminder of the almost unavoidable dangers of living in a hostile part of the world, with such a harsh climate. There were recriminations, naturally, and every aspect of the government’s response was examined. But such was the severity of the firestorm, following years of drought and unusually hot summer months, that it is perhaps unfair to look for scapegoats. It was, of course, a tragedy and the images of fires raging across whole swathes of Melbourne’s suburbs will not soon be forgotten.

Beaconsfield Mine In 2006, a mine collapsed in Beaconsfield, Tasmania, and although most of the men underground at the time managed to escape, two, Brant Webb and Todd Russell were trapped for 14 nights. The rescue mission became a global news story – journalists flocked to the tiny town to cover the effort, and for two weeks there was round-the-clock saturation coverage. Luckily, the fairytale ending was finally delivered when Webb and Russell were eventually pulled to safety. Oprah Winfrey wanted a piece of them and the Foo Fighters even wrote a song about them, entitled The Ballad Of The Beaconsfield Miners.

Port Arthur The Tasmanian colonial site of Port Arthur was once no more than a picturesque tourist attraction. But, after Martin Bryant murdered 35 people there on April 28, 1996, it became a byword for one of the darkest chapters of Australia’s recent past. Bryant was undoubtedly a disturbed individual – after his arrest, testing showed that he had an IQ of 66, the mental age of an 11-year-old, and most probably suffered from autism. In the aftermath, Australia demanded to know how such an individual could get hold of semi-automatic rifles and, fittingly, Port Arthur became the catalyst for sweeping changes to Australian gun laws. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTNEWS

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KOOKABURRAS NEED A SLEEP-IN HOCKEY Australian hockey bosses – backed by the national Olympic Committee – have appealed to the sport’s international governing body for a correction of the nation’s Games draw later this year. The Olympic schedule has the men’s team playing three of its six matches at 8.30am. As a result, the Kookaburras will need to get up at 5am three times to compete during a 13-day event that ends with an evening gold medal final. Great Britain, in comparison, will play three matches starting at 7pm and two at 4pm. “It’s crazy,” Kookaburras coach Ric Charlesworth said. “And it’s not like we’re the 12th-ranked team in the tournament.

JENNINGS COPS A ONE-WEEK BAN RUGBY LEAGUE NSW centre Michael Jennings sat on the sidelines on the weekend after accepting a one-week suspension for his punch in the State of Origin rugby league opener against Queensland in Melbourne. Jennings was sin-binned for his role in last Wednesday night’s brawl, when he entered the fracas late and struck Brent Tate with a jumping haymaker. He will still be available for selection in the second State of Origin match in Sydney on June 13.

HUNT WANTS SUNS TO SHINE BRIGHTER AFL Karmichael Hunt says Gold Coast need to arrest their second-half fadeouts if they are to enjoy any success this season. Before Saturday’s match against Port Adelaide, the Suns had not won a game this season. The young team’s shallow bank of fitness and experience has cost them dearly as they’ve regularly wasted strong positions. League convert Hunt said the Suns were trying to iron out their kinks, but admitted supporters would be going to matches thinking: “What are we going to see today?”

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Dive in: Synchro’s so hot right now. Along with beach volleyball, it’s one of the few occasions you can sit and watch hot girls under the guise of ‘sport’. The Olympics aren’t far away now, so Linda Cerrum of Italy was warming up last week at the 2012 European Synchronised Swimming Championships in the Netherlands. Good form

THE OLYMPIC DECISION Heading out of town after the Olmpics?

www.pssremovals.com

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK

The Highlanders, propelled by Aaron Smith, have been in superb form

What is it? The arm or the leg, mate? How the hell is that a try? Mate, this is out of control. This is ridiculous NSW captain Paul Gallen can’t believe Queensland centre Greg Inglis was awarded a decisive try in Origin I, despite having the ball dislodged by Robbie Farah

PREVIEW Southern hemsiphere showdowns SUPER 15 RUGBY

TIMES VARY. FRI, SAT, SUN SKY SPORTS This week brings the final round of Super 15 before the competition takes a break for the June international Test window. As such, every team will be wanting to go out on a high. 2012 been one of the most interesting Super seasons for years. While punters would have been rugbyed-out at the corresponding point in 2011, the close nature of many matches has meant only a rich man or a fool would put big money

down. Who would have predicted the Highlanders’ rise, the Blues’ collapse or that the Brumbies would be in the mix? Keep an eye out for the Highlanders v Crusaders (Fri, 7.35pm. Sky Sports 1), a local derby sure to see sparks fly. The Crusaders are settling with the return of McCaw and Carter, but the Highlanders are playing great rugby and will be in fighting form. The other must-watch is the Bulls v top-of-the-table Stormers (Sun, 5.10am. Sky Sports 1). The Bulls are nipping at their compatriots’ heels in the battle for the SA conference and blood is sure to be spilt.

THE CHAT | The extension ladder

Even if they tell me to come and cut the grass, I will do it Didier Drogba says he would have no problems returning to Chelsea after he hangs up his boots

It’s imperative for him to keep winning and beating up puddings en route to retirement, as that sets him up nicely for a career in politics. David Haye reckons Vitali Klitschko keeps dodging a fight with him

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

CRICKET of controversy in the Australasian netball Q Bit competition, then? What’s it all about? Northern Vixens had the netball world abuzz when A The defender Anna Harrison was twice lifted by teammates to block the shots of Melbourne Vixens shooter Anna Harrison last week. Harrrison said she didn’t mind, and as there is no law against the move now also known as ‘the chairlift’, it would be foolish for other teams not to adopt the same tactic. There’s been a few mutterings from the Kiwi side of the Tasman, but that’s probably cos they didn’t think of it first. Evolution is crucial to any sport – think switch-hitting in cricket and golden point in NRL – and the extension ladder adds another element to a game that, quite frankly, isn’t always very exciting.

England v West Indies Second Test, day four action Monday, 10.30am. Sky Sports 1

IRONMAN Australian Championships Gruelling competition from Perth Tuesday, 5pm. Sky Sports 4

BMX ‘Get up there’

Supercross World Cup Insane riding from California Wednesday, 6pm. Sky Sports 4 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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SPORTVIEW

TNT puts the world to rights

COMMENT: OLI JONES

oliver.jones@tntmagazine.com

London Welsh captain, Jonathan Mills [left] Gavin Cattle, Pirates captain [right]

London Welsh latest victim of RFU’s limitless idiocy

The likely Championship winners deserve their spot at the top table

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This summer’s entrée saga, Liverpool’s search for a new manager, has continued deliciously this week. King Kenny has been rightly and bravely dethroned by Liverpool’s American owners, who capitalised on fans’ discontent to oust him without too much uproar. First, Brendon Rogers, the slightly worthy Swansea manager, who talks rather too earnestly about ‘his work’ in much the same way as an art foundation student, didn’t fancy the role of Kenny’s usurper. Most recently, Wigan’s Roberto Martinez cut short his holiday to fly for talks with Fenway Group; news that brought a

Trade past glories for a brave new future

smug smile to many-a-mancunian’s face. Whilst not being the most glamorous appointment, Martinez is the perfect manager for Liverpool. Dalgish’s time at Liverpool’s helm was a regressive step. It’s time Liverpool traded in past glories for a brave future. The kind of future a manager like Martinez could bring.

Photos: Getty

Fathoming the actions of RFU has long been something of a dark art. The public criticism faced by English rugby’s governing body, as it blightly blunders from one PR disaster to the next, is probably only surpassed by the ire levelled at FIFA. But last week, the RFU managed to beat its own, subterranean standards, announcing neither London Welsh, nor the Cornish Pirates would be eligible for promotion to the Premiership. It came mere hours before the first leg of their Championship final match, which the Exiles went on to win in a scintillating display at Mennaye field, 37-12. “If we win, I suspect there is more to follow, and rightly so,” London Welsh chairman, Bleddyn Phillips said. “For the announcement to come out only a few hours before the final kicked off was a little insensitive.” The problems cited by the RFU preventing Welsh’s promotion are, in keeping with their apparent policy regarding governance decisions, predictably pitiful and arbitrary. There seems to be a growing snobbishness about the Premiership. It’s as if the RFU doesn’t want to acknowledge the reality of the sport’s lower divisions. They all want to be photographed among the throngs at Wembley and Twickenham, and ignore the sharp incline to places like Mennaye field and Welsh’s proposed new home, the Kassum Stadium. As a wet-eared journalist, I spent most weekends traipsing around Championship and National League grounds, reporting from places as exotic as Sedgley Park, Fylde and Rotherham. The commitment and love for those clubs from their local communities was palpable, but every fan I met talked constantly in terms of promotion and relegation. What’s the point in any of us bothering if at the end of a season, some jumped up clipboard of a man, says, “Sorry, you haven’t got the right kind of grass”? Promotion and relegation are fundamental to high-profile league competitions; they are the heartbreak and adulation we dread and dream of. And that has to take precedent over some suit’s commerically-stilted notion of ‘what’s good for the game’. » Agree or disagree? Should the teams have been promoted? letters@tntmagazine.com

MARTINEZ MATCH RIGHT FOR REDS

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Kings of the continent The 2012 Euros are the hardest to predict for a long time WORDS TOM STURROCK

Just as we’re getting over the twin footballing excitements of the Premier League and the Champions League, along comes the UEFA European Championship. Featuring a rollcall of some of the world’s finest athletes, the month-long tournament, contested every four years, will this year be held in Poland and the Ukraine. Once where the tribes of Europe would travel far to fight each other, they now make the trip to watch their nations do battle on football foreign fields in sizzling displays of speed and skill. This year’s instalment is set be the most closely fought for years. Will the brilliant Spanish defend their title? Can the Netherlands avenge their 2010 World Cup final loss? Have the sneaky Italians got what it takes to steal away with the cup? And what of perennial underperformers the English? Read on to find out our take on the 2012 Euros.

GROUP A

paid dividends. The 29-year-old was one of the top scorers in the Russian league last season, firing Zenit to the title.

Czech Republic Overall: Six years ago, the Czech Republic were forged to a historic high of second in Fifa’s rankings. But performances have dropped off since then, and the Czechs, while a decent chance of progressing from a weak group, have failed to capitalise on the foundations laid during that golden era. Key player: Petr Cech – fresh from Chelsea’s remarkable Champions League-winning campaign, the towering, longlimbed keeper will be crucial to success. And, given that a scoreless draw against Russia could be enough to ensure qualification, expect defence to be a priority.

Poland

June 8: Poland v Greece, Russia v Czech Republic June 12: Greece v Czech Republic, Poland v Russia June 16: Czech Republic v Poland, Greece v Russia Prediction: It’s the softest of the groups and it’s hard to imagine any of the teams getting past the quarter-finals. Russia start favourites to qualify and then it’s open, Poland perhaps a sneaky chance at home.

Overall: Poland qualified automatically as hosts and they’ll need to start with a win over Greece and then hope they can outdo the Czech Republic in the remaining matches. They’ll be hoping Arsenal’s Wojciech Szczesny stands up in goal and a few lesser lights in midfield play above themselves. Key player: Robert Lewandowski – the 23-year-old striker had a breakout season in the Bundesliga, where he was the top goal-scorer for eventual champions Borussia Dortmund.

Russia

Greece

Overall: Russia are a slightly unknown quantity but they sprung the major surprise of the 2008 tournament by going all the way to the semis. Their roster is loaded with threats – Roman Pavlyuchenko and Andrei Arshavin will be familiar to Londoners after stints with Spurs and Arsenal respectively. And Pavel Pogrebnyak has already established himself as a cult figure at Fulham with five goals in his first three games. Key player: Aleksandr Kerzhakov – the striker’s return to Zenit St Petersburg after stints with Sevilla and Moscow has

Overall: Remarkably, they won the Euros in 2004, so maybe it’s unwise to write off Greece completely. Like many of the smaller football nations, they have a few players running around in the top leagues who then reap the rewards of combos that play together week-in, week-out. It would be a huge surprise if Greece made it past the group stage. Key player: Avraam Papadopoulos – the central defender for Olympiacos, who have won seven of the last eight Greek titles. He was voted the Greek footballer of the year in 2011.

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GROUP B June 9: Netherlands v Denmark, Germany v Portugal June 13: Denmark v Portugal, Netherlands v Germany June 17: Portugal v Netherlands, Denmark v Germany Prediction: It’s the group of death, even if Denmark shouldn’t cause too many problems for the other teams. Portugal have plenty of talent but often disappoint in tournaments, while Germany and the Netherlands are possible winners.

Germany Overall: Better than anyone, the Germans seem to understand how to peak for big tournaments. This, though, is not the kind of typical German side – the ruthlessly efficient machines that nervelessly dispatched sides and, as England know too well, never feared penalty shoot-outs. Rather, under manager Joachim Low, this side plays a more freeflowing, attractive brand of football that relies on a couple of stars up front but a spread of contributors through the middle. If the Germans dropped off slightly a cycle or two ago, they are definitely back, in style at that. Key player: Mario Gomez – it will be fascinating to see how Low structures his attack, which will boast some combination of Miroslav Klose and Cacau playing second-fiddle to Gomez, who scored 41 goals from 52 appearances for Bayern Munich in the past season and was second only to Lionel Messi for goals during the Champions League. If Germany’s starstudded midfield – including Lukas Podolski, Mesut Ozil, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Thomas Muller and Mario Gotze – gets going, Gomez will get plenty of chances, making him a sound bet to finish as the tournament’s top scorer.

The Netherlands Overall: Their group-stage clash with Germany will be the pick of the early exchanges, the Netherlands boasting their own battery of superstars through the engine room – Wesley

Sneijder, Rafael van der Vaart, Mark van Bommel and Arjen Robben are a genuinely elite group. The Dutchmen should go through here and could end up going all the way. Key player: Robin van Persie – after singlehandedly keeping Arsenal’s head above water during last season at the north London club, Van Persie will enjoy a bit more support from the likes of Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Dirk Kuyt. Still, if it gets tight and Netherlands find themselves searching for a goal, Van Persie is the man to deliver.

Denmark Overall: For the relative minnow of the group, their victory in this tournament in 1992 is a distant memory. Denmark, though, remain a positive, well-organised outfit who must be considered at least an outside chance of upsetting a more fancied opponent this time round. The question mark, though, is over the quality of their attacking options. Key player: Daniel Agger – the national captain, who runs around for Liverpool, is one of Denmark’s few players with big-league experience and, given he lines up at centre-back, will be doubly important if Denmark are to keep their heads and system against sides who will otherwise open them up.

Portugal Overall: Despite producing some of the world’s top footballers, Portugal have never been able to truly deliver at the big tournaments – they made the final of the Euros in 2004 but suffered a shock loss to Greece. Their best are absolute top-liners but they don’t have the depth of the other powerhouses – whereas Germany or Spain have whole rotations, Portugal fall away. Key player: Cristiano Ronaldo – Ronaldo will need to carry the torch and probably kick the majority of their goals. He was incredible when playing for Manchester United and has arguably got even better since leaving to join Real Madrid. ❯❯

Robin van Persie; Mario Gomez; Christiano Ronaldo

Photos: GEtty

[Caption]

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Andres Iniesta and (right) Luka Modric

GROUP C June 10: Spain v Italy, Republic of Ireland v Croatia June 14: Italy v Croatia, Spain v Republic of Ireland June 18: Croatia v Spain, Italy v Republic of Ireland Prediction: Spain should go through without too many problems but the race for second is intriguing. Should Italy hang on for a draw in the opening fixture, before Spain have hit their straps, it could prove crucial.

Spain Overall: The reigning champions will take some beating and should be certainties for a semi-final berth at least. Simply put, no other side can match Spain for quality all over the park and the bonus is that so many of their stars are used to playing with each other at Barcelona or Real Madrid. There was a time when Spain were one of the great underachievers, blessed with all the talent but unable to pull it all together when it mattered most. That ship has long ago sailed, though, and Spain now occupy rarefied territory, playing spectacular, irresistible football and it would be an historic boilover if Spain somehow went under in the group stage. Key player: Andres Iniesta – you could pick any one of half a dozen players, such is the star quality of the Spanish side. Just look at the midfield, already blessed with the gifts of Cesc Fabregas, Xavi Hernandez and Juan Mata. But Iniesta is the stand-out, not for his flamboyance or even necessarily for his creativity, but for sheer industry. If everything clicks, Spain are unstoppable, but in matches where graft is needed, Iniesta is the man. When the going gets tough or momentum is elusive, Iniesta is the player most likely to dig Spain out of a hole.

Italy Overall: The Azzuri have fallen over their perch in recent years – they won a World Cup in 2006 and were the world’s top-ranked football nation, but the production line of world64

beaters talent has dried up, exemplified by the slide to as low as 16th. Still, they remain a dark horse and could easily make it through to the last four. Key player: Mario Balotelli – his time at Manchester City has cemented his status as one of the most eccentric and brilliant young players – what are the odds of Balotelli going to the next level while Europe is watching? Probably about the same as him having a shocker and sulking about it for the next month.

Republic of Ireland Overall: Back in the Euros for the first time since 1988, Ireland are enjoying a renaissance under Italian coach Giovanni Trapattoni – they were memorably robbed of a spot in the last World Cup by a Thierry Henry handball. They’ve been consistently competitive, but will struggle to progress beyond their group here. Key player: Shay Given – part of Ireland’s resurgence has been their ability to restrict opponents scoring. There have been few blow-outs in recent years and that owes in no small measure to the presence of Aston Villa’s Shay Given, one of the finest keepers in the Premier League, in goal.

Croatia Overall: It’s tricky to get a read on Croatia – they’ve been up and down internationally in recent times, and disastrously failed to qualify for the last World Cup. They’ve got a stack of players in the top leagues, though, but progress through the group stage will depend on whether they gel well enough to roll Italy. Key player: Luka Modric – a midfielder with a nose for goals, he’s been a wonderful player for Tottenham Hotspur during the past few years, although Spurs fans probably don’t appreciate his repeated attempts to leave the club. Modric is the player most likely to bob up for the crucial goal that could put his country through to the final stage.

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Group D June 11: France v England, Ukraine v Sweden June 15: Ukraine v France, Sweden v England, June 19: England v Ukraine, Sweden v France, Prediction: England and France are the obvious stand-outs and should be able to edge clear of Sweden and Ukraine. Of course, it only takes one upset to turn that on its head and both England and France are capable of meltdowns.

may fancy themselves against Sweden but could be on the receiving end of a hiding against England and France. Key player: Yevhen Konoplyanka – the Ukrainian side is loaded with experienced campaigners such as Andriy Shevchenko and Anatoliy Tymoshchuk, but the sun is setting on those players. Konoplyanka is a 22-year-old midfielder who has drawn comparisons to Lionel Messi for his nimble, fleet-footed style. One to watch.

England

Sweden

Overall: They’ll be without Wayne Rooney for the first two matches and English supporters will be hoping desperately that his absence doesn’t open the door for Sweden to give them a nasty surprise. England have enough good players with top-line experience to make the semi-finals but that’s the best-case scenario. Still, England are at the start of a new cycle – the Golden Generation is almost through, having not delivered, and must soon make way for younger players. England won’t win the Euros, but there will be cause for encouragement if Ashley Young, Phil Jones, Theo Walcott and Danny Welbeck show something. These are, along with the absent Jack Wilshere, the future of the English side. Key player: Steven Gerrard – he’s never been at his best at international level, often finding himself playing a compromised role in order to squeeze Frank Lampard into the same midfield. Gerrard needs to become the same talisman for England he has been for Liverpool. And, most immediately, they need his goals from the midfield. He’s also coming off a dirty season for Liverpool, in which the Merseyside team attracted controversy and under-performed. He’ll probably be happy to be out of Anfield for a while.

Overall: There aren’t too many big names in the Swedish squad, but nor will they be cowed by facing England or France. The Swedish style is, of course, to play no-nonsense, efficient football, which, if they take their chances, could be enough to give their more-fancied opponents some uncomfortable moments. Key player: Zlatan Ibrahimovic – he’s the captain and the big dog in the Swedish attack, having played for Internazionale, Barcelona and AC Milan over the years. If Sweden are to cause an upset, it will likely require Ibrahimovic getting on the end of a couple of balls into the box.

Ukraine Overall: It’s their first appearance at the Euros, having qualified automatically as hosts and it would be a surprise if they came away with much more than a single point. They

France Overall: This tournament will reveal whether France has pieced itself back together after its dramatic implosion at the 2010 World Cup and whether they once again deserve to be deemed contenders after the years in the wilderness following Zinedine Zidane’s retirement. There’s plenty of talent – do they finally have the gameplan and commitment to the cause? Key player: Franck Ribéry – the Bayern Munich midfielder will be the one who gets France going and his ability to beat opponents one-on-one will inevitably create chances. If he is able to effectively combine with midfield partner Samir Nasri and striker Karim Benzema, France could once again be dangerous. ❚

Photos: Getty

Clockwise: Steven Gerrard; Frank Ribéry; Zlatan Ibrahimovic

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PAGE 68

Making a splash: Our covers since 1983

PAGE 70

Thanks for the memories! Your TNT stories

PAGE 74

Royal tribute: The best of The Queen

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Where it all began: The first issue of TNT Magazine hits the streets of London in 1983

Lest we forget: Asking whether Anzac Day means as much to the new generation

Exclusive: Discovery that France tested nuclear weapons on NZ’s North Island

Slamming: Interview with Pat Cash ahead of 1988’s Wimbledon tournament

Budding career: How Shane Warne, 22, is expected to go on to great things

Arty facts: Why Aboriginal art is a force to be reckoned with in the modern world

She’s the one that we want: Interview with Greece star Olivia Newton John

Lucky, lucky, lucky: Chatting to Kylie Minogue as her career starts to take off

The inside story: Russell Crowe earns an Oscar nomination for his role in The Insider

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Rite of passage: TNT jumps on board for the great Trans-Siberian adventure

A load of bulls: Running for our lives at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, Spain

In mourning: The Australian flag flies at half mast in tribute after the Bali bombings

Another milestone! TNT celebrates its 1000th issue with a covers’ cover in 2002

Aussie Day celebrations: A BBQ challenge and a card for free calls back to Aus

Walk like an Egyptian: TNT takes a bumpy camel ride across North Africa

Life cut short: Tribute to Aussie actor Heath Ledger, who died aged 29

New-look TNT: Checking out weird and wonderful food served in the capital

National pride: A guide to celebrating Australia Day in London this year

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YOUR TNT MEMORIES Keep in touch Kevin Murphy, Melbourne, Australia Back when I arrived in London in Jan 1986, I was told by a friend to pick up TNT along the way to the flat I was to share with seven others. The mag offered Aussies and NZ travellers a place to live, work to afford a drink and news from home. The price of a call to my folks was about $2 a min on a pay phone in our stairwell, so this was a cheap way to keep up to date. We regularly collected TNT. It was also from the mag that I got my first (Pontifract Castle Pub) and then second job (Brown’s Commercial Cleaning) in London. It was also the year of the

Shifty bosses Stephen Cross, Central Victoria, Australia As an Aussie abroad, TNT saved my bacon in late 1985 after returning from a few weeks in Europe with just a tenner to my name. I knew no one in London and had not previously worked in the UK. I picked up TNT at Victoria Station and saw an ad for a jobs agency specialising in bar staff. I called and was invited in for an immediate interview. By the time we had completed the formalities, I was offered a full-time, live-in position at the Piccadilly Arms in Piccadilly Circus. I didn’t stay there for long, as the landlord turned out to be shifty and was constantly underpaying me. However, the job did allow me to get on my feet financially again. I also got to pour a G&T for Shirley Bassey who popped in for a pre-show drink one Sunday afternoon. Thanks to TNT for making it all possible!

Beer goggles Briar Norton-Taylor, Auckland, New Zealand I’m writing this after reminiscing about my time in London with a girlfriend – we’re both over 40 and surrounded by children! Maybe when we’re 60, we will go back to London and drink at every pub we went to;

Commonwealth Games. After four months in London, then two in Edinburgh, my brother picked me up in an old Bedford van called Robert and we were off to the continent. We left strict instructions for a friend to collect every edition of TNT for us to review when we arrived back in 1986. But to my disappontment, he had left for Australia. Keep up the great work and I hope I can pick you up when I visit again.

get on the Tube; eat a kebab; try to find a flat get a job; buy a backpack – all through the good old TNT! Sad old hags, we would’ve been lost without TNT, and our mate wouldn’t have met a South African guy from one of the beerfests, only to discover afterwards, she must have had her beer googles on! Thanks for the memories!

The Church Carmel Hancock, New Zealand TNT played a huge part of my life while I lived in London between 1993 and 2007, but especially in the early years. I loved reading about the news back in NZ, and seeing photos from the various Kiwi/ Oz/SA activities in London. TNT helped me in finding some great flats,

“ I met my husband Matt at one memorable TNT/ Topdeck party “ especially one in Narbonne Ave, Clapham South. Within a day of viewing, I was told I was in! I had wonderful flatmates – a mix of Kiwis, English and a Saffa. Although we are all grown up now, we still keep in touch – and we still talk about the BBQs we had.

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I went to the first Anzac Ball in 1995, and TNT also introduced me and my friends to The Church, which was held in King’s Cross. TNT was a huge part of my life. Thank you!

Gourmet Chef and 48 Flavours. We are taking our daughter to England for the first time for a five-week visit in May – she’s excited to meet her cousins!

Going hard!

Extended stay

Tanya Lamprell, Victoria, Australia

Gabrielle Martell-Turner, New Zealand

I arrived in London in 1993 looking for work, and was introduced to TNT through the hostel I was staying in. It was a fantastic publication because back then access to the internet is not like it is today. It enabled us to catch up with what was happening at home. There were adverts for both accommodation and employment and even sporting results for AFL! My first job was found through TNT. I worked for a couple of weeks in a hotel and then decided to go on a Topdeck tour to Austria for my 21st birthday. On returningto London, I decided to get a job in the country and so applied for a hotel job in Devon advertised in TNT. I arrived in Barnstable and was greeted by the chef, David. My planned year of work turned into a seven-year stay in England, after marrying David at Trentham Estate Winery in Mildura in 1996. We moved back to Australia in 2000 and settled down in my hometown of Mildura. We are co-owners of two business, The

Wow! 1500 issues. How time has flown. I joined the sales staff at TNT in 1993. It was the beginning of an awesome couple of years full of partying, friendships and fierce competition within the department! I remember the many mornings the team would troop into the café next door where the staff kept a special jar of Vegemite for our ‘morning after’ bagel run. I remember the awesome Christmas parties; the rush up to Holland Park for snowballs fights when the snow arrived; weekends starting on Thursday nights at the King’s Head; and the conversations with the readers booking classifieds, looking for life, love and a place to stay. I met my English husband, Matt, during one memorable TNT/Topdeck party at the Redback Tavern and a few years, and a few kids later, I shipped the whole shebang back to New Zealand. I still wear my TNT T-shirt with pride. In the immortal words of the sales team way back then – glad to see you all still ‘going hard’.

Thanks for the memories! Andrew Gruber, Canberra, Australia G’day TNT! I was on a working holiday in England in 2008-09, moving to London after living in Manchester for a year. I packed up my stuff, left on a Tuesday, moved into a 15-bunk room on a Thursday and started my new job on Friday. I was looking forward to a relaxing weekend when I saw in TNT there was a festival to

celebrate Sweden taking over the EU presidency on Hampstead Heath that Saturday. The major impetus for me going was to see Benny Andersson live. As one quarter of ABBA and a great composer/musician, he is responsible for a major chunk of my music collection. His band were absolutely brilliant and he played three ABBA songs – the crowd went mad. Afterward he and the band left the stage, the crowd sang The Way Old Friends Do, the final number from one of ABBA’s concert DVDs. It was a special moment for such a dedicated fan such as myself, and I have TNT to thank for the memory!

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A community Olivia McGowen, South Australia TNT marks the beginning of my journey here to London seven months ago. I arrived with my boyfriend, without a single friend or family member within 16973.41km. My TNT experience started at a tentative meeting with a friend of a friend. It went like so: “Here is a TNT, it’s all you need to know ... wanna grab a drink?” And that’s where my love affair began. We do whatever TNT tells us to: Australia Day drinks? Done. TNT Travel Show? There. Cheap trips? Booked. Anzac Day? Attending. Ascot races? Hell yes! Now every Monday, my boyfriend makes sure

he leaves on time to make sure he can grab a copy on his way to work before they’re gone. Every Monday night I look forward to hopping into bed early, so I can have a read. It’s not just a mag to us; it’s an idea when you feel bored; a comfort on the claustrophobic Tube; but most of all, it’s a small connection to home. The stories and events make me feel part of a culture here. I know that if I meet another Aussie, there is a chance they have there TNT tucked in their handbag as well. Happy 1500th issue!

It was pants!

Eager reader

Alana Smythe, Australia

Bruce Barber, Australia

My best memory of TNT was winning a trip to Northern Ireland for writing a story about bad flatmates. I wrote that I had confronted a guy I lived with about pissing on the bathroom floor, but he considered it normal. But what really got my goat was when he microwaved his undies! God, did I want to cut out that story and stick it on his door when it was printed in

During the Australian football season in 1982, I would eagerly await the arrival of TNT to read the scores and match reviews from the previous week. Some weeks I would be at the news stand in central London before the magazine. Those were the days before internet and mobiles and as I was too tight to phone home regularly, TNT was an important link to what was happening back in Australia. Congratulations on the 1500th issue, if I was in London now I would still be reading it.

“ Ad said, ‘call Thirsk’, so I called and asked to speak to Thirsk ” TNT. My friends and other flatmates had a great chuckle and I got a holiday, yay!

Snappy news Roger Borthwick, Australia I worked for Topdeck as a driver for five years in 1986. I remember picking up TNT one week and reading a news story – it was about a man who had his arm bitten off by his pet crocodile. It turned out to be my mother’s cousin, Alf Casey!

Sleepless nights Tina Luton, Australia I lived in London for a few years from 1989, and would pick up every issue and read it cover to cover. I even got a job out of it – as a nanny in Thirsk, Yorkshire. The ad said, “call Thirsk” so I called and asked to speak to Thirsk. Mild confusion on both ends. Got the job. Didn’t last long. The house was a huge, 750 years old and built right next to a church and a graveyard. I never slept a wink. The children were five and three, yet I was the one with a night light. Embarrassing really.

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Further acts to be announced and may be subject to change. For more information and to buy tickets visit www.homelanz.co.uk info@homelanz.co.uk

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BEST OF THE QUEEN

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Back to The Cinque Terre – Cheers the restored villages After the disastrous floods of last autumn Cinque Terre have a new birth. Stunning coastal path with beautiful Mediterranean flora, crystalline water and hided small beaches are waiting for you!

Trip Highlights:

Experience the Blue Cruise with Alaturka

Fethiye - Olympos cruises, onboard a traditional Turkish Gulet along the stunning turquoise coast

ises day cru 7 d n a 4 st from ju

£135

Kick back, relax, and take in the sights of ancient civilisations whilst enjoying delicious Turkish food and great hospitality

Ph: +90 252 612 5423

* The illustrious five villages of Monterosso, Vernazza, Corniglia, Manarola and Riomaggiore * Breathtaking views of the emerald blue Mediterranean Sea * Steep terraced hills of olive groves, vineyards and lemon trees * Outstandingly delicious sea food and the famous Trofie al Pesto * Fabulous beaches for swimming Duration: 5 days Price from: £ 274 Tripcode: ITSW015 Challenge: These walks, though not very long, are moderate to demanding because of the steep hills. Several walks can be shortened. Lodging: In both Monterosso and Bonassola we use comfortable 3 star hotels with a friendly family run atmosphere. All the rooms have private bathrooms, TV mini-bar and hair drier. A good continental breakfast is served each morning. Dinner is only included on the first night in Bonassola (drinks excluded). All the hotels are near to all amenities.

info@alaturkacruises.com

To receive your 10% discount,

please quote ‘TNT 2012’ when making your booking, prior to 30th June

www.alaturkacruises.com 78

T 0845 8687068 W www.s-cape.eu

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TRAVEL LATE DEALS | HOTSHOTS | TRAVEL TIPS | TOP FIVE | TOURS | BIG TRIP IMAGE OF THE WEEK

SHARP EYES Sufi Muslims mark the Urs Festival in Ajmer, north India, with self-flagellation. Thousands of pilgrims converge to commemorate Muhammad Moinuddin Chisti, a 12thcentury Sufi saint who is buried in the city.

Photos: Getty, Thinkstock, Julie Crawford/ Whipsnade Zoo

INSIDE

ANIMAL MAGIC /78

RIP IT UP /88

LOVE IT, LONG TIME /94

Too strapped for cash to check out the Serengeti? Get close to lions and rhinos on an overnight safari trip just outside London.

Whether you’re a novice or straight-up shredder, there are great waves in Europe just waiting to be caught. Here’s our pick.

Cockfighting, fried rat and lazy locals – explore exotic southern Vietnam as you cycle through the Mekong Delta. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVELDIARY Laura Chubb

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Theatre with an Asian flavour in Singapore

ACTING TRAVEL EDITOR

FAULTY TOWERS Trying to attract tourism is a little like playground boasting between countries, if you think about it. The point is to show off.

SINGAPORE ARTS FESTIVAL Singapore Doubting notoriously sterile Singapore’s culture? We won’t blame you. But for two weeks every year, the city state invests a lot of time and 2 resources into proving that it can be a hub for the arts. Edgy theatre, experimental film and copious dance and music recitals – not to mention a generous injection of cash – make the Lion City the place to be this week. UNTIL JUNE

WHY: The festival started back in 1977, mainly to showcase the local art of the diverse communities that reside in the city. Fast forward 35 years, and the event has become the pinnacle of the cultural calendar in Southeast Asia, known for its bold, contemporary takes on art and performance.

DO IT BECAUSE: This is your best opportunity to catch experimental theatre with an Asian flavour. Examples of this year’s highlights include a stage adaptation of Haruki Murakami’s surreal novel, The WindUp Bird Chronicle.

HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN

EL COLACHO (BABYJUMPING FESTIVAL)

Given the musing nature of music, it’s surprising that 31 until now, no one had thought to combine philosophy with song. This festival brings together lectures and debates by political types and musos, including Brian Eno and Diane Abbott, with live performances from the likes of Emmy the Great. So odd, it might be good.

Note: this is not an event for spry infants. Rather, the 7 babies are laid out in a line and men dressed in bright yellow devil costumes do a long jump over them. The ritual is about purging the newborns of evil. The idea is that trussed-up leapers will attract worldly badness with their costumes, and in this way stop it from landing on the little ‘uns.

Hay-on-Wye, England MAY

howthelightgetsin.org

MUTEK

Montreal, Canada For fans of electronica, this could well be the event of 30 the year – a non-profit event dedicated to the digital arts. MAY

mutek.org/festival/2012

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singaporeartsfest.com

Borgos, Spain JUNE

turismoburgos.org

SACRED MUSIC FEST Fes, Morocco

The lineup is spirituality’s greatest hits. Think Sufi 8 chants, gospel and Gypsy dance music. Oh, and Bjork. JUNE

fesfestival.com

Photos: Getty

A nation will trill that it has the prettiest beaches, while another insists the cut of its contours are unsurpassed. Dubai is arguably the flashiest git in the school yard, which is probably why it gets so much grief from everyone else. World’s tallest building, a manmade island in the shape of a palm tree, the world’s first Armani hotel – Dubai’s daddy gets him the best presents, leaving all the other destinations gazing dolefully at their shit no-brand trainers. But at what juncture does this tourist-attraction-off lose meaning? Perhaps an example is the announcement that Tokyo has just inaugurated the world’s tallest freestanding tower. At 2080ft tall, the Skytree is the highest construction of its kind, but falls 640ft short of being the planet’s gangliest building. That title still goes to Dubai, as the Burj Khalifa is more than a mere tower. So why go to the bother, Tokyo? Couldn’t you have saved time and money by making your tower that bit stumpier? There’s some back story about beaming better TV signals, but I’d guess the Skytree is more a case of ‘my tower is bigger than your tower’, like all of those world’s tallest hotels, et al, that have gone before it. All-natural wealth usually wins out, but that’s not to say that I don’t love a good gimmick. I’m just putting the emphasis on ‘good’. Even the Burj Khalifa itself is a bit pointless – why build such a lofty creation when all there is to see from the top is sand? I reckon we need a bit more imagination to capture ours.

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SHARK ATTACK The Brits are officially a bunch of wusses, according to new research from Expedia. Well, that’s not exactly what the study concludes, but it can be extrapolated from the fact that almost half of all British holidaymakers choose where to go for a beach holiday based on whether there might be sharks in the water. According to the Expedia Beach Report, 40 per cent of respondents said the risk of sharks was a major influence over where they went to catch some rays. They’re a penny-pinching lot, too – the most important factor when deciding on a beach destination was cost, not sunshine!

Photos: White Shark Diving Company

NAKED GERMANS More news from the Expedia Beach Report … Germans are the most likely to go nude to top up their tan. After questioning travellers across 21 countries, the survey found that 15 per cent of Germans were happy to let it all hang out at the beach. Meanwhile, the Brits lived up to their reserved reputation, with just 2 per cent admitting to stripping off at the seaside. Further findings include that almost one third of Brits cited the incredibly cultural ‘doing nothing’ as their favourite activity abroad.

GREECE AIN’T THE WORD Tourists making their way to Greece this summer run the risk of food and fuel shortages if the country exits the eurozone, a senior economist has warned. Dr Brian Clark of Barclays bank said that the prospect for tourists was “quite frightening”. He asked: “Will tourists be able to change money, will there be enough fuel for their flight home?” However, the Association of Greek Tourism Enterprises reassured travellers that “there has never been a better time to come to our country”.

REMOVING STAINES Staines, the unfortunately named town made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen’s character Ali G, is hoping to improve its reputation with a rebrand. The small suburban sprawl just outside of London is now officially called Staines-uponThames, presumably an attempt to encourage images of boating on the river and enjoying picnics at the water’s edge, as opposed to the packs of chavs conjured by Ali G. Not sure adding ‘upon-Thames’ makes ‘Staines’ sound more appealing, however.

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Bear with us: you can feed the fuzzies at Whipsnade

Whipsnade Zoo

ENGLAND

BEDFORDSHIRE WHIPSNADE LONDON

GETTING THERE Whipsnade Zoo is just 20 minutes from the M25 (junction 21). Trains from London St Pancras to Luton cost from £5 one-way with First Capital Connect. You can then buy a zoo ticket at the railway station that includes bus travel to the zoo. firstcapitalconnect.co.uk

It’s amazing what you find in the wilds of Bedfordshire, eh?

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Animal magic

UKTRIP

Too strapped for cash to check out the Serengeti? Try an overnight safari trip just outside London

Photos: Rebecca Seales, Justin Sutcliffe

WORDS REBECCA SEALES

I’ve been on safari for exactly two minutes when – out of nowhere – I’m ambushed. “Come and join us!” a beaming zookeeper urges. “We’re just looking at poo!” It’s not your average welcome, but then, this isn’t your average weekend. I’ve travelled to the barren wastes of, um, Bedfordshire to sample Whipsnade Zoo’s new Lookout Lodge experience – a glamping-style sleepover featuring a sunset safari, a nocturnal ramble around the zoo and the chance to feed the animals before the morning crowds arrive. Covering 600 acres above the Dunstable Downs, Whipsnade is home to an impressive 2500 species. As of this year, it also hosts the eight private cabins which make up Lookout Lodge, where we will spend the night. My lodge, ‘Penguin’, is enchantingly Hobbity, with curved wooden walls and a miniature veranda. Inside, plump twin beds, a sofa, a kettle, and a heater provide creature comforts to satisfy even the most unwilling camper. It’s a damp evening, but the rain does nothing to subdue Sam, Nick, and Rosie, the keepers who’ll be sharing the secrets of their animal kingdom. At 6pm, 14 eager adventurers and our guides mount an open-sided khaki truck and set out for Safari Stage One: Africa, starting with the rhino house. Inhaling the farmyard-sweet smell, we’re greeted with a deep, reverberating snuffle. The rhinos are snoring. Smiling fondly, Nick explains that despite their thick-skinned reputation, rhinos have such sensitive hide that they can feel the touch of a feather. My vegetarian heart is melting, and to make matters worse, here are the zoo’s bongos – toffee-tinged antelope with striking white stripes, one of which has a tiny, Bambilike baby. Tearing ourselves away, we move to the meerkat enclosure, where a group of three chirrup and bob on a concrete termite mound. Keeper Sam describes them as “a public favourite” – thanks no doubt to a certain car insurance-flogging furball. Dusk is falling as we reach the home of Africa’s most regal natives. Just centimetres away, seven lions recline in a velvety heap. A hush descends, the zingy, electric quiet of humans in the presence of predators. As I gaze into a lioness’s amber eyes, I’m convinced she could take my head off in one swipe.

After dinner, we gear up for the torch-lit walk back to our cabins. Plodding down muddy paths, we run our lights over a lake full of whooper swans. Suddenly, a blaze of neon pink streaks the darkness. Flamingos! Perfectly spot-lit, one attention-seeker executes a stylish moonwalk across the water. The bird’s name? Michael, naturally. We’re due a return visit to the lions, which supposedly spring to life after sunset. Tonight, though, the lords of the

The lion could take my head off with a swipe

jungle remain comatose until 5am, when their guttural roars make a hair-raising alarm clock. Feeding time at the zoo demands a 7am wake-up, but as an added incentive we’re served a mammoth cooked breakfast before venturing out. The bears seem pleased to see us, but the littlest chimp, Elvis, goes hilariously rogue and starts chucking apple chunks back at us. Thankfully the mischievous tyke has a lousy throwing arm. The wolverines are another revelation. I’d always pictured them as the Mach III of wolves (thanks, Hugh Jackman), but they look more like ferocious weasels. With our fun-filled, educational tour at an end, we’re free to spend the rest of the day squealing at seals. It may be far from from the Serengeti, but for unique animal antics on a budget, Lookout Lodge is hard to beat. ❚ Whipsnade Zoo is in Dunstable, Bedfordshire. Lookout Lodge is open Wednesday to Sunday nights until October 2012. From £145pp, including private cabin, drinks on arrival, sunset tour, barbecue, torchlit walk, breakfast and the morning feeding tour, plus full-day entry zsl.org to the zoo.

NEXT WEEK Seaside survival: Coping as a castaway in, um, Devon

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LATEDEALS

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Oktoberfest: take a beer tour for £169pp with Travel Talk

DEAL OF THE WEEK

£239

SUNNY SPAIN Three nights in the Spanish capital of Madrid is £239pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk) Includes four-star, B&B accommodation, and return flights from London Luton. Departs June 13.

< £250

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GERMANY A three-night tour of the Rhineland is £279pp with Anderson Tours (0207 4369304; andersontours.co.uk). Includes return Eurostar crossing, half-board accommodation, River Rhine boat cruise, wine tasting, excursions to the Moselle Valley and more. Departs June 2. SAIL GREECE An eight-day Bodrum to Mykonos tour is £279pp (save 60 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes seven nights on a private boat, tour leader and crew. Excludes flights, port tax and local payment. Book by May 31; departs July 8. MOROCCO Four nights in Marrakech is £385pp with Flight Centre (0844 8008624; flightcentre.co.uk), quoting reference 1241471. Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and return flights. Book by June 15; valid for travel on July 26-September 6.

> £500 BORNEO Seven nights is £1349pp (save £250) with Flight Centre (flightcentre.co.uk; 0844 8008624), quoting ref 2271267. Includes accommodation, return flights from London Heathrow, some meals, mountain climbing entrance fees and mountain guide. Book by June 15; valid for travel August 15-September 30. TURKEY A 16-day Ultimate Turkey by Gulet tour is £674pp (save 25 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 0998852; traveltalktours.com). Includes hotels, most meals, and guide. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by May 31; departs July 28. SINGAPORE & BORNEO Three nights in Singapore followed by seven nights in Borneo is £899pp with Travelbag (0871 7034240; travelbag.co.uk). Includes three-star B&B accomodation and return flights from London Heathrow. Book by June 18; valid for travel until June 30.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS GO TO tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

MONEY TRANSFERS Need to send money between Australia, New Zealand and the UK? You don’t need a bank to do it. We also do money transfers to South Africa.

TRANSFER FEES FROM £1 For live transfer rates, visit tntforex.com or call 0870 898 8996

EXCHANGE RATES* Australian dollar 1.61 New Zealand dollar 2.10 South African rand 13.20 Polish złoty 5.42 Euro 1.24 US dollar 1.57 Canadian dollar 1.61 Hong Kong dollar 12.22 Swedish krona 11.27 Swiss franc 1.49 Singapore dollar 2.00 WHY USE TNTFOREX?

! Great rates ! No hidden bank fees ! Faster transactions ! Easy-to-use online systems ! Safe, secure and fully compliant

! Unrivalled customer service * Transfer rates are as of May 23 2012. Please note that these are mid market rates in relation to GBP

Photos: Thinkstock, Getty

OKTOBERFEST A four-day Oktoberfest tour is £169pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (0208 09988520; traveltalktours.com). Includes accommodation, breakfasts, tour leader and a commemorative T-shirt. Excludes flights. Book by May 31; departs September 28. BUDAPEST Two nights in Budapest is £139pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, roomonly accommodation and return flights from London Stansted. Departs June 19. MAJORCA Seven nights is £219pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, selfcatering accommodation and return flights from London Stansted. Departs on June 19. LANZAROTE Seven nights in Lanzarote is £238pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 111 6271). Includes four-star, half-board accommodation and return flights from London Luton. Departs June 28. MALTA Seven nights is £208pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes four-star, B&B accommodation and return flights from London Stansted. Departs June 27. BERLIN Three nights is £215pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes five-star, B&B accommodation and return flights from London Stansted. Departs July 17.

£250 – £500

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EXCLUSIVE OFFER ÂŁ20 off any tour * One week only. Call & quote TNT20.

For the best prices on airfares, tours and holidays call us today on

0844 335 0635

www.flightcentre.co.uk

W Flight Centre confirms availability by searching based on the exact itinerary, cabin class & conditions as per the competitors quote. For full terms & conditions & the distinction between cabin class (first & economy) & booking class, see www.flightcentre.co.uk. Offer is subject to change at any time. Travel restrictions & conditions apply. Please ask us for further details. Prices & taxes are correct as of 16 May 12 & are subject to change without notice. Prices are return per person & are subject to limited availability. All flights depart London & include prepaid taxes & fuel charges. Seasonal surcharges may apply depending on date of travel. Airline Failure Protection & booking fees apply. *Tour minimum spend over ÂŁ99 per person. Must book by 28 May 12.

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Enjoy European Football Games 2012 with us in Krakow

www.care4you.com.pl inquiry@care4you.com.pl Special offer for TNT readers* 6 days 2 adults + 2 children (Packages included)

ÂŁ 1699 *

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RUTH ROXANNE BOARD

HOTSHOTS WINNER

Talks travel photography

DOWN UNDER ON TOP Matt Trewin, Brisbane, Australia

WHY IT WORKS On the huge expanse of a grey-green planet, Australia sits as the sole occupier. The coastline has been cut out of the surface, so the usually red-andgreen continent is represented as a deep black hole. Is this Brighton statue commenting on Australia’s isolated location or is it just a simple reverse of the phrase ‘Down Under’?

RUNNER-UP GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE! Kiera Sargeant, London, UK

WHY IT WORKS The hot air balloons creep over the cliff in the early morning of Cappadocia, Turkey. The sun is peering out from just behind the mountain covering the lower balloon in an intense burst of light. It’s as if the orb doesn’t want to miss out as it rises into the air along with the balloons. The uniform patterns on the balloons is the antithesis of the rugged landscape.

RUNNER-UP

WINNER HOT TIPS: The bigger picture In order to get great images, it is important to take into account a few fundamental steps. If possible, walk around your subject to view all angles, even if it’s familiar to you. There may be something interesting that you have missed before. If your subject moves, have some patience. You will need to be comfortable with its routine to get that quick snap. Consider the light of where you are

shooting. Generally light is best first thing in the morning and just before dusk. Invest in a sturdy tripod for shake-free, sharper images. Not only will you look like a professional, but it will also give you the freedom to be meticulous about your composition and shoot longer exposures. Finally, keep your images simple. You want your subject to be the main focus above all else in the frame.

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TOP FIVE

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ROCK STAR SHRINES

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JIM MORRISON, PARIS

Probably the most touristy rock star shrine on the planet (he must be turning over on repeat in there), The Doors frontman Jim Morrison’s final resting place is in the Pere Lachaise Cemetery, Paris. Due to his enduring popularity, the grave is one of the city’s most visited sights, and has been subject to a chequered history as long as the list of people it has pissed off. Morrison died in mysterious circumstances in Paris in 1971, aged just 27. His longtime partner Pamela Courson claims to have found him dead in the bathtub of their Paris apartment, and suggested he had overdosed on heroin. However, no official autopsy was ever performed, giving rise to a hail of wild conspiracy theories (including one that J Edgar Hoover had him bumped off in an effort to halt the hippy movement). Since Morrison’s burial, the grave site has endured a tumultuous time. A protective shield placed over the grave by French officials was stolen in 1973. Then, in 1981, a Croatian sculptor 88 00

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commemorated the 10th anniversary of Morrison’s death with a bust of the singer and a new gravestone. Visitors proceeded to mercilessly deface the bust until 1988, when it, too, was nicked. More recently, the French authorities sought to exhume Morrison’s body and move his grave to another site, such was the nuisance caused by his devotees. Fans often crowd around the shrine, smoking weed, singing and vandalising surrounding tombstones (which, naturally, upsets many relatives of the other residents of the cemetary). Others break into the cemetery at night to party with Jim until the wee hours. Eventually, instead of digging up The Doors legend, a security patrol was established to protect the other graves in the Pere Lachaise Cemetery. So, luckily, you’re still able to visit the main man, and at no cost. Other famous graves here to investigate if you have time include those of writers Oscar Wilde and Marcel Proust, musician Frederic Chopin, and singer Edith Piaf. pere-lachaise.com

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ROCK STAR SHRINES

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KURT COBAIN, SEATTLE

From a distance, the moss-speckled benches in Seattle’s Viretta Park might not look much. But peer closer and you’ll see a mass of graffiti and etchings that commemorate indie/ punk rocker Kurt Cobain, of Nirvana. The park is next to the house on Lake Washington where Cobain met his end (in the garage, pictured). A visit will likely have you meet fellow fans, who come to lay flowers at the site, and even hold candlelit vigils. visitseattle.org

Photos: Getty, chukkacaribbean.com

4

BOB MARLEY, JAMAICA

The Zion Bus Line in Jamaica is something of a travelling shrine to Bob Marley, blasting his tunes as it takes you on a tour of the life and times of the country’s most famous son. The five-hour adventure ends at the village of Nine Mile, where the King of Reggae was born and finally laid to rest. Not only do you get to pay your respects at the grave of the great man, but the tour price (about £53) includes an onboard supply of rum punch and Jamaican patties. Love it. chukkacaribbean.com

3

JOHN LENNON, NEW YORK

Saucy

The Beatle has an area of New York’s Central Park devoted to him, aptly named Strawberry Fields. The 2.5-acre area between west 71st and 74th streets marks where Lennon was walking when he was shot dead in 1980. Strawberry Fields’ focal point is a black-and-white mosaic that spells out ‘Imagine’, after Lennon’s hit song. Fans lay flowers here and take a moment in this self-styled ‘Garden of Peace’ to reflect on their favourite star. centralpark.com

5

ELVIS PRESLEY, ISRAEL

Sure, there’s no shortage of Elvis shrines around the world, but our absolute favourite is the Elvis Cafe & Restaurant in Israel, just for its sheer incongruousness. In the tiny town of Abu Gosh, on the road from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv, this American-style diner is a living tribute to all things Presley. Pictures of the King plaster the walls, you can eat your burger beside a life-size gold Elvis statue, and you can even knock back Elvis wine. A-mazing.

ANDAZ, SAN DIEGO This party hotel couldn’t be better located. In the middle of San Diego’s Gaslamp Quarter – the epicentre of the city’s nightlife – the Andaz is within walking distance of every bar at which you’d want to see and be seen at, and has its own basement club and rooftop bar by the pool. WOW FACTOR This is not a hotel to frequent with a friend. Taking a shower here is akin to scrubbing away in a shop window, as it is set within a big, glass box by the bed. Minibar offerings include a ‘pleasure kit’ and a vibrator. There are also bottles of booze from Johnnie Walker to Bombay Sapphire lining the shelves, while the minibar menu helpfully includes cocktail recipes. Ladies, note the dress code for this place is strictly tight dress/ stilettos (or risk feeling like a frump). ROOMS Spacious and seriously saucy (see above). BILL PLEASE From £158pn. OVERVIEW

600 F Street, San Diego, California, 92101 sandiego.andaz.hyatt.com Fly direct from London Heathrow to San Diego with British Airways, starting at £651.49 return (ba.com)

gojerusalem.com

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Athens is a must-do, but keep an eye on the Greek economic crisis, as it might affect your transport

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READERS’ TIPS

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

planning to spend about 10-14 days Q I’m travelling through Turkey, Greece and Croatia in August, before heading to Aus. Can you suggest the best use of my limited time? I’d like to visit Istanbul, Santorini, and Dubrovnik if possible, but what’s the best route/ way to get around? Shezza, via email have to say that this seems like a crazy A Iroute, given your time frame! My advice

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Italian Riveria? John, via email are a number of ways to visit Cinque A There Terre. You can reach it from the UK by flying into Genoa or Pisa. You can fly to Genoa from London with Ryanair (Stansted) and British Airways (Gatwick) and to Pisa with Ryanair (Stansted) and easyJet (Gatwick and Luton). The most convenient ways to reach this stretch of coast from the airport are by boat or train. Cars are only allowed as far as the village entrances, meaning drivers must pay to park in a designated car park nearby. Hopping on the train is a much more relaxing and direct method as it runs between Genoa and La Spezia, stopping at each of Cinque Terre’s villages. You can purchase a Cinque Terre card, which includes unlimited second-class train travel between the five towns, as well as unlimited use of the walking paths and electric village buses. You can purchase the card in the Cinque Terre park offices for £7 (one day) and £12 (two days). A summer alternative is to climb aboard the boat service that runs from Genoa. A return will cost about £27 (golfoparadiso.it). When you arrive, you can continue to travel by boat, as a daily shuttle runs between all of the Cinque Terre villages except Corniglia (navigazionegolfodeipoeti.it), costing about £15 one-way including all stops, £19 return on weekdays and about £20 on weekends. I’d also advise you book accommodation well in advance.

PLANNED ENGINEERING When in New York, download a subway app so you can check service announcements. There are no rules on the weekends – there are always changes due to engineering works (kinda like in London). Mia Radysh, via Facebook

A LONELY PLANET GUIDE

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Photos: Getty

would be to focus your two weeks on a specific area, spending less time on trains and buses and more time experiencing the destinations. Istanbul is an incredible city and deserves at least four days exploration if you want to really get to the heart of the city. Similarly, if you travel to Greece to visit Santorini, you should also take some time to explore other parts of the country, as it is incredibly diverse. Greece has more than 2000 islands – it would be a shame to only visit one! I would, however, advise that you keep an eye on the economic crisis in Greece as many services could be affected, including transport. Perhaps focus your trip along the coast of Croatia to combine culture, history and island hopping. Jadrolinija is one of Croatia’s main ferry companies and has a large number of routes starting in Split, including to the islands of Vis and Korcula. A great option from Split is to visit Hvar, Croatia’s flashiest island packed with mega-yachts. Alternatively, you could combine exploration of parts of Greece and Turkey together, spending time in Istanbul, Athens and taking in a few of the Greek islands.

is the best/ cheapest way to get Q What to Cinque Terre, the five villages on the

CITY SLICKER TIP If you are flying from or to OF THE London City Airport, leave WEEK the check-in until a few hours before your flight. If the flight isn’t full, you are guaranteed a row to yourself. Just pick a seat at the back of the plane a few hours before departure (not in the very last rows, though, as these are popular spots) and chances are you’ll be sitting by yourself. Works every time for me! Barbs, via email

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BEST I went to an island right off of Cancun, Mexico. It was only a 10-minute ferry ride away, but there were no tourists. It was so nice that my wife and I decided to get married there!

Scariest travel experience? I was in India and my breast implant began to leak. I went to the hospital to get it operated on, but when I woke up both implants were gone. The doctors took them out and were trying to sell them back to me! Ideal travel companion? Don’t bring your boyfriend, but do always bring family. They will love you no matter what happens. I always pack ... A miniature towel and Mace.

WORST While travelling in the Dominican Republic, there was a massive hurricane and we had to take shelter in a casino. I think the scariest part was how much money I lost. » Tell us your best/worst trips, email laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT

SPLASHING OUT

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My rst ever big trip was in an RV around western US. I think I’d watched a few too many American road trip films, and ended up trawling along various coastlines and deserts. My most challenging travel experience was going on a mountain bike tour of southern Turkey. We were mobbed in villages as our modern bikes were objects of curiosity. It was hard, but a lot of fun, too. My favourite place in the world is the UK. Since launching the Holiday Lodge Group, I’ve been making regular trips to our lodges all over the country – Devon, Cornwall, Wales and the Lake District. I never truly appreciated what Great Britain had to offer as a destination until now. The next trip on my travel wishlist is sailing the Caribbean. My guilty travel pleasure is margaritas. As much as I love a cold beer, an icy cocktail is a must after a day of adventure – or even during a day spent by the pool. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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[Caption] Spain: catching a wave at the legendary surf beach in Mundaka

Best surf EUROPE

Brr: brave the chill in Iceland. Below left and bottom: surf camp at Fuerteventura

Green room at Hossegor

France: Hossegor boasts what some call Europeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very best beach break [Caption] 94

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Rip it up Whether you’re a novice or straight-up shredder, there are great waves in Europe just waiting to be caught. Here’s our pick WORDS LAURA CHUBB

The sun’s out across Europe – so surf’s up! It might not be Malibu or Hawaii, but there are some great breaks across the continent just begging for a road trip, or a couple of hours on an orange/ blue-and-yellow plane.

Portugal WHY The southwestern coast of the Algarve is arguably Europe’s foremost surfing mecca, thanks to the long Atlantic rollers that sweep its shores. Lagos and Sagres are the epicentres of the surf scene, with the former offering a frenetic party atmosphere, while the latter languishes in a chilled-out hippy haze. Winter swells are considered the best in this region, as strong winds over summer make better conditions for kite surfing. But it’s still a pretty good bet for a summer surfing trip, and with more than 150km of coastline to choose from, there’s every chance you’ll find a swell secret spot all of your own. FACT Local surfers often take to the River Tejo in Lisbon to ride waves caused by catamarans. The flat waters can enjoy 2ft swells in the right conditions.

FACT Biarritz is a pretty luxurious seaside town, with prices to match and a popular beachfront casino. Don’t come here if you’re on a shoestring budget.

Bundoran WHY In northwest Ireland, Bundoran has formerly hosted both the European Surfing Championships and the Quiksilver World Masters, as the jade waves of the Atlantic crash on to the Emerald Isle’s headlands and flat rock reefs. Perhaps best known is Tullan Strand, which can produce fast hollow waves, as well as mellow peaks. For the lowdown on where to surf, plus lessons and lodges, check out Bundoran Surf Company (bundoransurfco.com). FACT The Peak in Bundoran is considered the cream of breaks in Ireland, in terms of both consistency and quality. This is for experienced surfers only.

Fuerteventura WHY The Canary Islands are a great place to catch a wave, thanks to warm waters and year-round sun. The islands ❯❯

Mundaka WHY This legendary surf spot on the Bay of Biscay in northern Spain neighbours Bilbao and San Sebastian, making it a great choice for those who fancy a side of holiday with their surf. Once a site on the World Championship Tour of Surfing, its deep barrels have hosted the likes of Kelly Slater and Andy Irons. Thanks to its renown, it can get dangerous out on the waves if the winds are strong and the crowds are out in full force. However, the sleepy fishing village itself is surprisingly unspoilt. FACT The Bay of Biscay can be treacherous as huge Atlantic swells batter the rocky coastline, so watch out for the rip.

Biarritz WHY The surf here at the southern tip of France doesn’t pack too much of a punch, which means it’s an ideal destination for beginners and intermediates. The Cote de Basque beach is great for newbies, with small swells and enough fellow foamie-riders to banish any self-consciousness. Grand Plage around the corner is suited to the more experienced, but is temperamental – the area of Anglet further north is more consistent and enjoys some huge swells.

Biarritz: a luxury surf spot in France TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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MUSEUM OF BRITISH SURFING A NEW (AND AWESOME) ATTRACTION The earliest known image of a surfer in Britain, from 1929

Bundoran: big waves in northwest Ireland lay off the coast of Africa and – even more confusingly – are often hailed as Europe’s answer to Hawaii. Fuerteventura in particular has a huge surf scene, with the largest Atlantic swells hitting the island’s north. Head to Et Cotillo beaches for paradise-pristine sands, mellow waves up front for beginners and big surf at the back for show-offs. FACT If you fancy changing things up, the strong winds at Flag Beach are top notch for kite surfing.

Iceland WHY The Reykjavik surf scene comprises about 20 people, so there’s probably no better place to work the waves in peace. Icelandic surf school Arctic Surfers promises everything from gentle rolling point breaks for beginners to gnarly tubes. Plus, its ‘surf and snow’ trips mean you can snowboard from mountain to sea on the Trolls Peninsula, then hit the waves. Awe. Some. (arcticsurfers.is) FACT If you want a really refreshing dip, try paddling the Jökulsárlón glacial lagoon.

Norway

You’ll also learn about the British surf scene’s bizarrely posh beginnings. For example, the earliest recorded instance of surfing in Britain seems to have been courtesy of two Hawaiian princes in Bridlington, east Yorkshire, in 1890, while Europe’s first pro surfer appears to have been Viscount Ted Deerhurst, the 11th Earl of Coventry. There are even photos of Edward Windsor, the Prince of Wales, surfing in Hawaii in 1920. Edward went on to take the throne as King Edward VIII but abdicated to marry divorcee Wallis Simpson (as seen in The King’s Speech). Seems this Eddie was never going to be the type to toe the royal line. Perhaps even more unexpectedly, the museum reveals how revered crime writer Agatha Christie was fond of riding a gnarly wave in the Twenties. Christie learned to stand-up surf in Durban, South Africa. She said of the sport: “You are either vigorously cursing or else you are idiotically pleased with yourself.” Right on, Aggie. museumofbritishsurfing.org.uk

Hossegor WHY Hossegor has a rep as the best beach break in Europe for serious surfers, thanks to its consistent tubes. Its big shorebreak barrels pull in the Rip Curl Pro World Championships and Quiksilver Pro France, but be warned that Hossegor is prone to Atlantic flat spells, so you’ll need patience. Beginners can get involved from May to September, when the Atlantic is most active and produces decent waves. FACT A deep underwater chasm focuses the swell on Hossegor’s few miles of sand, which is why it’s so great for green rooms. ❚ 96

Enough! Now we’re all surfed out

Photos: Otro Modo Surf School, Thinkstock, Getty, Biarritz Tourisme, Grant Ellis

WHY Norway is described by magicseaweed.com as “a rare surfing frontier”. If you’re serious about surfing and looking for an offbeat challenge, the cold Arctic swells here can be extreme. Jaeren is widely held to be the best surf spot, with long, sandy beaches and granite and boulder reefs. Pretty city Stavanger is an hour’s drive away and has a hedonistic waterfront on summer nights for a post-surf scene. FACT The best swells come in winter, when it’s mostly dark. But the long periods of light throughout summer make up for it, enabling round-the-clock action.

The newly opened Museum of British Surfing in Braunton, on the north Devon coast, has an incredible collection of vintage surfboards that chart 100 years of surfing history in Blighty. Check out some crazy decks from across the ages, such as the huge wooden boards that originated in Hawaii around the 1700s (some of which measured as long as 20ft and weighed up to 68kg), and a brilliant tiki board from 1968 decorated with pyjama cloth.

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TRAVELWEEKENDER

For Pete’s sake ... This is St Petersburg in 48 hours WORDS SHEA ROLL

DAY 1: 09:00 Far from the Russian stereotype, St Petersburg is a city full of vibrant colours. Start the day adjusting your eyes at Kuznechny Market (3 Kuznechny Pereulok), where you’ll find fresh fruit and warm pastries to enjoy while soaking up the busy ambience. 10:00 Wander on to Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s House (Kuznechnyy Pereulok 512). Here, the Russian novelist wrote The Brothers Karamazov. The house has been restored and is now a museum displaying his original manuscripts. 11:00 The Palace Square is just a short walk away. It’s hard to miss the red granite Alexander Column that marks the square, which is a vast monument to the Russian victory over Napoleon. The yellow-and-white Winter Palace, former home to tzars, is also here and holds the Hermitage Art Gallery (hermitagemuseum.org). Don’t miss the Gold Rooms and the Diamond Rooms, which display the development of the jeweller’s craft from as early as the third millennium BC. 13:00 For a wild lunch, go across the street to Okhota (Dvortsoviy pr 65A). This rustic restaurant has stuffed animals from around the world displayed above patrons, seemingly ready to pounce. 14:00 Now it’s time to soak up some sun in Senatskaia Ploschad, a park by the Neva River. At the centre, The Bronze Horseman is an impressive monument to the founder of St Petersburg, Peter The Great. The statue was built by German-born empress Catherine The Great as a tribute to her famous predecessor. 15:30 Explore inside the gilded dome of the largest 98

cathedral in Russia, St Isaac’s Cathedral (Isaakievskaya Ploschad 1). Built in 1818, the cathedral’s breathtaking façades are decorated with sculptures. 17:00 Next, tour the Cabin of Peter The Great (6, Petrovskaia Naberezhnaia), the first house built in St Petersburg. At only 60sqm, the small space combines the architecture of a traditional Russian house and a Dutch home. It’s still filled with Peter’s original belongings. 18:00 After all that history, kick off your evening with music ranging from jazz to rock to indefinable in live venue Experimental Sound Gallery (Pushkinskaya 10). 20:00 Immerse yourself in the Russian way of life by sampling a variety of vodkas at N.E.P (Naberezhnaya Reki Moiki, 37). The experience includes waiters clad in Soviet fatigues and a menu that makes fun of proletariat fare. As the night goes on, the place transforms into a dance hall. DAY 2: 10:00 Blow away the hangover with a stroll through Peter The Great’s Summer Palace and Gardens (Muzey Letny Dvorets Petra 1). Peter fondly called it the ‘Venice of the North’, due to its marble statues and fountains amid wandering canals. The yellow-and-pink palace boasts seven bedrooms containing artefacts owned by the man himself. 11:30 Cruise across the Neva River on a short ferry ride to the Peter and Paul Fortress (Zayachii Ostrov). Originally built to protect the area from possible attack by the Swedish army and navy, in the 1700s it served as a high-security political jail. Among the first inmates were Peter’s rebellious son Alexei, and later Trotsky, Dostoyevsky and Lenin’s older brother, Alexander.

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Photos: Getty, Thinkstock

13:30 Grab lunch at the Stray Dog’s Café (5/4 Square of the Arts), the former hideout for early 20th-century writers including Anna Akhmatova, Vladimir Mayakovsky and Oscar Meyerhold. Sample some sturgeon while listening to performances by local poets. 14:30 Walk it off down the embankment of the Neva to Kresty Prison Museum (Arsenalnaya Naberezhnaya, 7), St Petersburg’s main jail. Originally Europe’s largest solitary confinement facility, it has held the likes of Trotsky and, in October 1917, the entire provisional government. Due to overcrowding, prisoners were moved to a larger facility, and it has transformed into a museum educating tourists about the significance of Russian criminal tattoos. 16:30 Spend the late afternoon exploring the bizarre at Kunstkamera Anthropology Museum (Universitetskaya Naberezhnaya, 3). Among the exotic reptiles, insects and animals are human skeletons. Peter The Great issued decrees to bring living and dead humans to Kunstkamera after he attended a lecture in the Netherlands about human anatomy. The collection holds Siamese twin skeletons, human brains and fetuses. 19:00 End your weekend sniffing the aromas from open grills lining the dining room in Karavan (Voznesensky pr 46). The grilled meats and vegetables are guaranteed to make your mouth water, while the vodka and wine list offers some unusual (and rather strong) complements. Return flights from London City Airport to St Petersburg Pulkovo, via Frankfurt, start at about £157 with Lufthansa lufthansa.com

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Cockfighting, fried rat and lazy locals – explore the exotic world of southern Vietnam as you cycle through the Mekong Delta WORDS DUNCAN FORGAN

WHEN TO GO: The best time My head is pounding, my legs are weak and to visit southern Vietnam (and A little further down the road we finally my face is a lurid shade of red. It’s not the especially to cycle) is December strike liquid gold. The lady manning the first time I’ve been in a sorry state while through February when the weather café doesn’t look chuffed to be budged, exploring the backwoods of the Mekong is dry and not too hot. but she manages to rouse herself sufficiently Delta. Usually, however, the malady only CURRENCY: £1 = VND33560 to present us with a round of drip-filtered occurs when equally intoxicated Vietnamese (Vietnamese dong). ice coffees and chilled water. Her job done, gentlemen accompany me and there’s a she sidles back to one of the café’s many ACCOMMODATION: clutch of discarded rice wine bottles lying hammocks. All of the other hanging beds Reliability counts for a lot and beneath a Lilliputian plastic table. are also occupied. Saigon Mini Hotel 5 has won itself It isn’t the demon booze that ails me “Mekong people are so lazy,” laughs a hard-earned reputation for service this time, though. It’s the fact that I’ve just and guest satisfaction. Rooms from Chinh as he drains his coffee, sparks up the pedalled 46km and the locals manning the latest in a long line of Craven A cigarettes £19pn. saigonminihotel.com rest stops in this, the most densely populated and settles himself in his own suspended Rooms are smart at Nguyen Kang area of Vietnam, appear to have downed snoozing sling. “They’ve got so much here Hotel and come with breakfast and tools for the afternoon. already they don’t have to work that hard.” wi-fi. Rooms from £11pn. I don’t blame them. The temperature is As a Delta native himself, Chinh’s nguyenkhanghotel.com pushing 40˚C and the only other cyclists on comment is founded not in scorn but pride. SEE: vietnamtourismboard.org the road are occasional groups of young A lush landscape of emerald green fields, children pottering leisurely home from school, the boys shady woods and sleepy villages, criss-crossed by canals and in spotless white shirts and the girls in traditional ao dai. rivulets fed by the mighty river, the Delta is Vietnam’s land of plenty. Formed by sediment deposited by the Mekong, the Wobbly looking foreigners on long-distance bike rides are area is one of the most fertile and productive in the world. a bewildering and amusing anomaly here at the best of Fruit, fish and fresh produce are abundant, while three rice times, and especially so in the searing pre-monsoon heat. crops per year yield enough grain to feed the entire country I exhausted the last tepid drops from my water bottle with a sizeable surplus. Contrast that with the two (and about an hour ago, however, and I am in desperate need often only one) crops yielded from the Red River Delta near of refreshment. Hanoi – Vietnam’s other major rice-producing area – and you About 15 minutes ago, I thought I’d hit upon salvation get an inkling of why northerners especially often view the when a stand selling nuoc mia (freshly pressed sugarcane people of the Delta as feckless. juice) hovered into view through the heat haze. The owner, Yet while many Hanoians get envious at all this easy however, was absent. living, most visitors love the languid pace. That’s why I’m Liquid gold lying here in this hammock thanking the guardian angel of chunky cyclists for guiding me to this ice-cold bottle of water. According to my guide Chinh, there are only another few kilometres to go before we pick up the sampan that will Freewheeling ferry us down the Mekong to the town of Vinh Long. There, Careless brushes with dehydration aside, the Delta offers a minibus will be waiting to usher us into air-conditioned fantastic scope for exploration by bicycle. It is pancake flat, relief and transport us to the city of Can Tho, where we will making it easy to negotiate, while its backcountry network spend the night. The remaining few kilometres would be of waterways, quiet lanes and traditional villages are a formality for most, but to this parched and gym-hesitant a world away from the nation’s more frazzling attractions. Scotsman, the task ahead is as appealing as an evening spent This is the second time I’ve biked it around the region. ❯❯ pressed against the speakers in a Vietnamese nightclub. TNTMAGAZINE.COM 101

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Clockwise from top: the folk of the Delta enjoy relaxing; fresh produce at the markets; fishing, Delta style; you’ll pedal rural backroads; cockfighting: part of village life Last time around I was here with my mother who was visiting me in Vietnam for a three-week holiday. It was an eventful trip. Over the course of three days, our group covered about 150km between My Tho and Can Tho, two of the Delta’s main cities. The route stuck almost exclusively to back-roads and narrow tracks barely wide enough to let two bikes pass in comfort. Emancipated from the scourge of the Vietnamese highway – the fume-belching, horn-honking truck – we were able to ease into the rhythm of rural life. The cycling was special enough, but it was the little events along the way that really made the experience. Stand-out memories include stumbling upon a cockfight in a dusty backyard and an impromptu karaoke session in a bar by the Mekong. I’ll also struggle to forget a complementary treatment in a hotel in Can Tho where the micro-skirted masseuse offered me a happy ending in the flimsy-walled booth next to my mother. Luckily I didn’t know what she meant. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it). This time I’m on my own, so there’s less scope for rowdy group sing-alongs and familial shame.

The Delta proper starts when you encounter the first branch of the Mekong at My Tho. We unpack the bikes and wave a wistful goodbye to the driver just outside the city. I’ve opted for a two-day tour this time, so we’ll be cycling 50km each way on the roads between My Tho and Can Tho. The first day starts, as it tends to, with a certain degree of misguided enthusiasm. While Chinh, cigarette already affixed to his mouth, sticks to a tempo in keeping with his Buddhalike physique and obvious relish for a smoke, I race ahead

Another country First, though, I need to get out of Ho Chi Minh City. Vietnam’s southern hub can be a charmer, but not when you are trying to escape it by road. The urban sprawl drags on for miles. The road is packed with stoic-faced motorcyclists and those devil trucks I mentioned earlier, and the highway is lined with auto-parts shops and grimy-looking eateries serving delicacies such as thit cay (dog) and chao long (rice porridge with innards). Eventually, the ugliness subsides and swaying coconut palms and sparkling waterways signify the arrival of gentler territory.

Life on the river: take a trip down the Mekong

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greeting the frequent cries of salutation from passing kids in kind. Luckily, I calm down a little by the time we hit the 20km mark when the minor climbs up to bridges play havoc with my calves. Lazy days The flow of Delta life is best appreciated at a languid pace anyhow. Indications of the region’s natural prosperity are everywhere. Giant propaganda posters hanging next to fields depict rosy-cheeked workers carting wheelbarrows piled high with spring onions. Drivers veer all over the road as their weathered Hondas struggle to carry the weight of the durian and jackfruit they are carrying. In fact, I begin to lose track as Chinh recounts the array of crops and fruit being grown and fish being farmed on the passing landscapes. Searing heat and exhaustion aside, it’s a great ride. The

Swaying coconut palms signify gentler territory

most scenic stretch of the journey comes on the first day after a lunch of DIY rice-paper rolls with elephant ear fish, claypot pork and fresh fruit at a historic garden house near Cai Be. We leave the paved tarmac behind to plot a course over rickety bridges, through leafy forest glades and alongside waterways. Here, local fishermen and merchants can be seen mending their nets and loading their boats with produce to sell at the many floating markets in the region. After narrowly missing out on decapitation descending from a bridge and overestimating the height of a rusting corrugated roof, I’m glad to make it to the sampan that will glide me down the Mekong to Vinh Long. With the cycling over for the day I can finally kick back. As Chinh tries to make sense of my new Lumix camera, I drain a cold can of 333 beer and drift off to sleep while the boat eases down the river. By the time we get to Can Tho it’s just about time to eat again. Tour companies in Vietnam are single-minded in getting their guests to allotted tourist restaurants that ❯❯

Nick Ross

The Insider's guide Nick Ross is chief editor of The Word magazine, a monthly English-language lifestyle publication with separate editions for Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City. What’s Vietnam’s best-kept secret? It was the street food, but there’s been so much interest in Vietnamese cuisine over the last two or three years that the secretive aspect of the food here is starting to disappear. These days, the best-kept secret has to be the Ho Chi Minh Trail. It was hidden pretty well from the Americans during the war and, having been converted into a road that scales the mountainous interior of Vietnam from north to south, it’s become well-hidden from tourists, too. The spots of natural beauty, historical sites and ethnic minority villages along this route are quite phenomenal. Where’s good for an adventure? If you’re happy driving a motorbike, like scrambling over rocks and through jungle, and are into deserted island beaches, scuba diving and snorkelling, then it has to be Con Dao islands. Even the old, French-built penitentiary there is a bit of an eye-opener. Where do you go to party? I would love to talk about certain bars or nightclubs, but it doesn’t quite seem to work out like that in Vietnam. It’s more about where the party’s actually happening on a particular night. If you’ve got your finger on the pulse and are checking out what’s going on around town, then you’ll know where to go. Where do you go to chill? Chill? In Vietnam? You’ve got to be kidding, right? Vietnam has to be the noisiest country in the world. If I want to chill, I either stay at home or leave Vietnam. Where are the best beaches? Central Vietnam from Nha Trang north to Quy Nhon.

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have paid commission. As a solo traveller and a resident of Vietnam, I can’t think of anything worse than chowing down on sanitised local cuisine with busloads of tourists on my own. To his credit, Chinh heeds my entreaties and invites me to dine with the guides at a backstreet restaurant away from the river. Barbecued field rat and deep fried eellike fish with a tamarind dipping sauce make a surprisingly palatable banquet. For the guides it is time to unwind and they do so in timehonoured Delta style with the help of the local rice wine. Thimble-like glasses are charged, recharged then charged again and the Can Tho night is punctured with loud cries of mot, hai, ba, yo (“one, two, three, cheers!”). My second Delta stupor of the day is turning out to be much more enjoyable than the first. ❚ Duncan Forgan travelled with Buffalo Tours. Rates depend on group size. Two days/ one night starts at about £250pp for two people, including three-star hotel. buffalotours.com

BEST OF THE REST ESSENTIAL STOPS IN VIETNAM

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HANOI Vietnam’s capital remains one of Asia’s most enchanting cities. With more than 1000 years of history to call upon, the city doesn’t lack in heritage attractions and fuses history with modernity to stirring effect. Its bars and cafes have a bohemian edge that the ones in Ho Chi Minh City lack, while the street food is more than worthy of its vaunted reputation. HA GIANG Sapa gets most of the press and most of the tourist traffic, but for spectacular mountain scenery and close encounters with Vietnam’s minority peoples, the northern province of Ha Giang is hard to beat. The area’s tapestry of rugged limestone peaks and rushing rivers offers a visual feast and is best experienced on motorbikes.

Photos: Duncan Forgan, Getty, Thinkstock

PHU QUOC This island getaway in the Gulf of Thailand is undoubtedly Vietnam’s most mellow beach retreat. There are big plans to develop (ruin) the island with huge resorts, an international airport and casinos, but for the moment, Phu Quoc remains as idyllic as any paradise island in the region. The main beach boasts accommodation that runs the gamut from backpacker basic to top-end opulence. Rent a motorbike and pilot it into the lush interior or kick back by the turquoise water on a deserted stretch of sand.

Busy busy: Ho Chi Minh City

NEXT WEEK Peru: Surfing and shamans in undiscovered territory Tasty

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9 nights accommodation, all breakfasts, 2 lunches & 4 local dinners, £100 of entrance fees - Egyptian Museum, DEPARTS SPLIT Valley of the Kings and Hatshepsut Temple, Pyramids of Giza, Sphinx, Luxor and Karnak 8 DAYS (May-Sep) FROM £500 Temples, Kom Ombo and Aswan High Dam INCLUSIONS: 7 nights accommodation, breakfasts and lunches, fuel supplement, Also Available island orientation walks, orientations of Split and Dubrovnik, English speaking 7 DAYS (Apr-Dec) FROM £349 Busabout Guide and expert local crew. NOW FROM £297 INCLUSIONS:

* Valid on all 2012 departures. Book by 10 June. Enter promocode ‘egypt’

* 2 for 1 - selected JUN departures. Call to get the deal † 15% OFF - 24 AUG and SEP departures. Enter promocode ‘sail’ Book by 10 June.

New for 2012 Greek

STUDENTS FROM £519

7 nights accommodation and breakfasts, all ferry tickets and transfers, guided orientations of local attractions on each island, organised nights out in every island, discount Ibiza club tickets INCLUSIONS:

15% † OFF

Closing Week 11 July 6 DAYS £299 CAMPING PAMPLONA

Mid Festival 8 July & Final Week 12 July 5 DAYS £219

HOSTEL SAN SEBASTIAN

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£114

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plus site & museum entrance fees / local guide in Kalambaka, plus entrance fees for two monasteries

08450 267 514

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SAVE UP TO

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TNT_1500_travel.indd 117

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www.busabout.com

Plus More of Europe’s Top Festivals TOMATINA & OKTOBERFEST TNTMAGAZINE.COM 117

info@busabout.com

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europe

2011 TRIPLE AWARD WINNERS BEST EUROPEAN TOUR OPERATOR AS VOTED BY YOU

Eastern Europe Treks 10% * OFF

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£59

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INCLUSIONS:

SPLIT TO BLED

ON SELECTED JUNE, JULY & AUGUST DEPARTURES

SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM /SUMMER-SAVINGS BOOK BY 10 JUNE

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* Valid on 2012 bookings. Book by 10 June. Enter promocode ‘getaway’

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GIANT’S ROCKER 5 DAYS (Wed) WAS £215 NOW £175 (Students Now £165)

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Includes FREE entry to: Cliffs of Moher, Giant’s Causeway & Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge

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Includes FREE entry to: Blarney Castle, Cliffs of Moher, Giant’s Causeway & Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge

CELTIC ROCKER 5 DAYS (Mon & Sat)

WAS £125 NOW £95 (Students Now £89)

BLARNEY CASTLE, CLIFFS OF MOHER, GALWAY & DINGLE Includes FREE entry to: Blarney Castle & Cliffs of Moher

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TEL: 08450 267 507 INFO@SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM TNT_1500_travel.indd 118

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SAVE £60 £40 £30

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SAVE UP TO

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WWW.SHAMROCKERADVENTURES.COM 25/5/12 09:45:10


pl ENG us L & WA AND LES

6

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Stonehenge, Newquay, Bath & Lands End FREE surf lesson on Newquay beach worth £30

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(STUDENTS NOW

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£149)

Explore Scotland’s wilderness by bike, hike, canoe and kayak. INCLUDES: All equipment, support vehicle to carry gear, qualified instructors and max group size of 8.

THE GREAT GLEN ADVENTURE 4 DAYS £395 (JUL - SEP)

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WEST HIGHLAND WAY ADVENTURE 6 DAYS £559 (JUL - SEP) Glasgow, Loch Lomond, Glencoe & Fort William

3 PEAKS CHALLENGE 6 DAYS £459 (DEPARTS EDINBURGH 18 JUN)

Climb the highest mountains of Scotland, England and Wales with loads of time to explore the truly wild parts of the British Isles

WATCH THE CLIP www.youtube.com/HAGGiStelly TNTMAGAZINE.COM 119

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www.topdeck.travel/oktoberfest/tnt

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21 - 25 Sep, 28 Sep - 2 Oct, 4 - 8 Oct

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TNT_1500_travel.indd 121

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TRAVEL

1G5C?=55EB?@5 explore europe 2012 DG9>1>44?E2<58?D5<C1<<D85G1I M O R F +(%&5C31@5 12 DAYS

9 4 6 £ 9 9 £7 9 9 £ 10 9 9 £ 10

7 COUNTRIES:

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DEPARTS! LONDON

* Excludes compulsory food fund of £99

M O R F

EUROPE EXPLORER 17 DAYS DEPARTS! AMSTERDAM

* Doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t include compulsory food fund of £119

M O R F

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FRANCE, SWITZERLAND, ITALY, VATICAN CITY, GREECE, SLOVENIA, AUSTRIA, SLOVAKIA, CZECH REPUBLIC, GERMANY, BELGIUM, HUNGARY & THE NETHERLANDS

M O R F

£

9 COUNTRIES:

FRANCE, MONACO, ITALY, VATICAN CITY, SWITZERLAND, NETHERLANDS, GERMANY, BELGIUM & SPAIN.

* Excludes compulsory food of £169

DEPARTS! LONDON

ULTIMATE EUROPE 26 DAYS 16 COUNTRIES:

FRANCE, SWITZERLAND, ITALY, VATICAN CITY, SLOVENIA, AUSTRIA, SLOVAKIA, CZECH REPUBLIC, NETHERLANDS, LIECHTENSTEIN, LUXEMBOURG, SPAIN, MONACO, BELGIUM, HUNGARY & GERMANY

* Excludes compulsory food of £199

DEPARTS! LONDON

Only 10% deposit required to secure your place!

122 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TNT_1500_travel.indd 122

£

Book early to get the cheapest prices and guarantee your dates!

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£ DEP LO

P C <


TRAVEL

5CE==5B451<C budget tours for 18-38's >?31=@9>7?BC<55@9>7217C>55454?>D85C5D?EBC 12C?<ED5+(%& 24 DAYS

M FRO

9 9 £7 9 9 £5 9 9 £3

11 COUNTRIES: FRANCE, SWITZERLAND, GERMANY,

NETHERLANDS, VATICAN CITY, ITALY, AUSTRIA, LIECHTENSTEIN, CZECH REPUBLIC, BELGIUM AND BUDAPEST

DEPARTS! LONDON

* Excludes compulsory food fund of £129

M FRO

12C?<ED551CD5B>

8 COUNTRIES: ITALY, SWITZERLAND, GERMANY,

16 DAYS

AUSTRIA, HUNGARY, SLOVAKIA, CZECH REPUBLIC, NETHERLANDS & BELGIUM.

DEPARTS ROME!

* Excludes compulsory food fund of £79

M FRO

12C?<ED5G5CD5B>

12 DAYS

4 COUNTRIES: FRANCE, SPAIN,

DEPARTS! LONDON

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* Excludes compulsory food fund of £69

ALL NG DEPARTIN LONDO !

C8?BDD?EBC41IDB9@C

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TNTMAGAZINE.COM 123

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TRAVEL

Next Stop? CHEAPEST VACCINATIONS ONLINE VACCINATION SEARCH NO CONSULTATION FEE! Swapping the concrete jungle for the real thing? 1st Contact Travel Clinic can take care of all your travel health needs â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with free advice plus vaccinations, tablets and accessories. Low prices, online vaccination search, same day appointments & free consultation.

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TRAVEL

PAMPLONA 2012

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ROYAL ASCOT

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info@pptravel.com 020 7930 9999

pptravel.com

FREE PRIZES AND TRIP GIVE-AWAYS ON PP TOURS Celebrate with PP in 2012 as we offer all passengers the chance to win on all upcoming tours and packages.

(1991-2012): 21 years of great party tours!! TNTMAGAZINE.COM 125

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TRAVEL 126 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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TRAVEL

WEEKEND BREAKS AND DAY TOURS DIAMOND JUBILEE BANK HOLIDAY Sat 2nd - Tues 5th Jun

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THJIHJRWHJRLYZJVT

£249

Return Eurotunnel Channel crossings, 3 nights B&B accom, dinners and free bar, sightseeing, visit to a cheese and clog farm, a half day in Brugge and Tour Manager.

PARIS BY EUROSTAR

from

Return travel by Eurostar, 3 nights B&B accom, Tour Manager and plenty of free time to explore!

£270

Tours

Hostels Adventures

GERMANY RHINELAND only £229 Return coach travel & Eurotunnel Channel crossings, 3 nights half board accom, Rhine River boat cruise, wine tasting, visit to Ghent, Belgium.

THE genuine 3 day tour of Skye!*

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Departs Edinburgh Mondays and Fridays

Return Eurotunnel Channel crossings 3 night B&B hotel accom, visit to Cologne, Amsterdam, Brugge.

WEEKEND BREAKS PARIS BY EUROSTAR from



£225

;OLZ[\Ɉ[OH[SLNLUKZHYLTHKLVM

15th, 22nd & 29th June 6th, 13th & 20th July. Return travel by Eurostar, 2 nights B&B accom, Tour Manager and plenty of free time to explore!

EDINBURGH BY RAIL from

Departs Edinburgh Saturdays

£170

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T FESTIVAL ISLE OF WIGH SPORT, HOTEL, BREAKFAST &

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The Ultimate Scottish Experience!

Departs Edinburgh Mondays

promo code: TNTIOW

DAY TRIPS

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The Highlands, and then some...

Departs Edinburgh Wednesdays

macbackpackers.com 0131 558 9900 MacBackpackersTours

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* MacBackpackers runs the only genuine 3 day tour of the Isle of Skye for backpackers. Unlike other backpacker companies we actually stay overnight on the island - spending up to 36 hours there, compared to as little as 6 hours with other operators.

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clan.macbackpackers.com

Royal Ascot Grand Finale Day Saturday 23rd June

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(0131) 225 9666 www.castlerockedinburgh.com

Voted HostelWorld's Number 1 Hostel in Scotland 2008, 2009 and 2010! We were also named in the Top 10 Best Hostels in the World for 2010!

for details of our great hostels visit scotlandstophostels.com TOUR PACKAGE INCLUDES: Return luxury coach transport from central London Light refreshments (including bubbles!!) | Silver Ring enclosure ticket for Royal Ascot

BOOK ON ANDERSONTOURS.CO.UK OR CALL 0207 436 9304

Visit the world-famous Loch Ness and get a taste of the Scottish Highlands

Departs Edinburgh 4 days a week

TNTMAGAZINE.COM 127

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TRAVEL

African Safari Masters Experience the Blue Cruise with Alaturka

Fethiye - Olympos cruises, onboard a traditional Turkish Gulet along the stunning turquoise coast

day 4 and 7just from

cruises

£135

Kick back, relax, and take in the sights of ancient civilisations whilst enjoying delicious Turkish food and great hospitality

Ph: +90 252 612 5423 info@alaturkacruises.com

To receive your 10% discount,

please quote ‘TNT 2012’ when making your booking, prior to 30th June

www.alaturkacruises.com

Go Gorilla Trekking With Us. We also offer cultural tours, city tours and other wildlife safaris in both Uganda and Rwanda. Tel: +256-414-680010 Mob: +256-774-077518 +256-772-512612 Email: info@ugandasafarimasters.com Website: www.ugandasafarimasters.com

128 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Miss ya Tina: Alright Slut Guts, I am so gonna miss ya when you slink off to Hawaii – what beach in the world could be better than lovely ol’ London?! I’m coming to visit as soon as I can get a ticket for sunny party times. Love ya babes, Pen x x Sydney Jez: Mum, if you’re reading this, send money. And condoms. Love Jez. OH MY GOD: I thought you were so hot, then as we were about to get jiggy you uttered the words “let battle commence”. When I laughed and congratulated you for your

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Creamy goodness: Gina, your homemade ice cream is to die for. It wasn’t until you started whipping it up that I noticed just how attractive you are. I know they call me Fat Rob (and I should be on a diet) but I want to be your special flavour. Scoop me up. Fat Rob. Model behaviour: Mouldy, seeing you ride your neighbour’s great dane around their lawn the other night was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. It tops the time you karate kicked that policeman and he let you off because you gave him a beer. How you do it, I’ll never know. Come back to London soon. I miss your antics already. Pete. Put ‘em away you sickos: The sun’s come out but please, lovely people of London – if you’ve got grotty yellow toenails and feet that make Hobbits look positively sexy, please, please, PLEASE refrain from sandals or thongs. Finding it hard to keep my breakfast down on the Tube. Marko. Rocking the boat: Pete and Adam. Whatever this dude says in Bosnian, it definitely does not mean “flip the boat!” Super sexy sausage funtimes: Come and act like idiots with us at Homelanz, we’ll be hanging out next to the braai comparing our giant sausages – sexy love from the Alexandra Road crew. That’s some stinky breath, mate: To the gorgeous bloke with the stinky bad breath in the Clapham Grand last Friday – Listerine is your friend, better luck next time. Tooting Becky.

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TNT Magazine / Issue 1500 : Travel / Things to Do in London  

TNT Magazine 28/05/2012 edition - TNT Milestone, Best of the Queen, Your TNT Memories, A chat with Aussie Legend Rolf Harris, INSIDE: 32-pag...

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