Back To Basics: The Best Day of My Life By T.J. Williams
The New Way Productions
BACK TO BASICS TITLE VERSPER (superior) Yes. Pussy Getting. The act of acquiring pussy and then making it your bitch. INT. APARTMENT. DAY KENNEDY So all I have to wear is this shirt? Versper, wearing a plaid shirt, holds up another plaid flannel in front of Kennedy. KENNEDY (giggly) Oh, I don’t believe you. VERSPER Okay, so there was this one time... Versper looks off into the distance and a flashback of him and Frank at a party appears. INT. APARTMENT. NIGHT Versper and Frank are wearing plaid shirts playing beer bong. VERSPER Next! FRANK Man we are smoking these guys tonight! Two extremely drunk men walk up to the table. DRUNK MAN 1 Hey, team plaid let’s go! DRUNK MAN 2 That’s so much plaid i think i could puke? The entire party begins to laugh and they become very self conscious about their shirts and become paranoid.
INT. APARTMENT. DAY VERSPER And then we banged every single girl. KENNEDY I need to get me some of these PG’s. Pussy getters i love it! Frank runs into the apartment with a giant smile on his face. FRANK AH!, yes i’ve been looking forward to this all day. Frank pulls out his leftover food. VERSPER Hey, coyote ugly whatcha so excited about? FRANK Have you ever just had a day you’ve been looking forward to all week and once it’s here it’s just amazing? Like the best day of my life. VERSPER Like that bright eyes song. Best day of my life. FRANK What? No. It’s first day of my life. VERSPER Haha, what? No. Begins singing the song to himself. FRANK Whatever, that doesn’t matter because i had pita pit for lunch, and now i’m going to the pens game tonight. VERSPER Wow, pita pit is gay as shit.
3. KENNEDY I disagree. Although it attracts the hipster crowd it serves a healthy, yet filling meal. FRANK That’s not even the best part, remember that hot girl Bianca? KENNEDY The one with the lumpy butt? VERSPER Yeah, that’s her alright. FRANK What? No. She’s really pretty and not lumpy. But she said yes to coming to the game with me tonight! VERSPER You had an extra ticket... and didn’t ask me. You whore. FRANK Versp, you know how much i’ve wanted to take her to the game, plus you said you were busy. VERSPER That’s a lie and a half. Have fun with lumpy butt, me and kennedy are gonna have a bitchin’ time right here! KENNEDY (eating Frank’s leftovers) Yeah, bitching.
INT. APARTMENT. DAY Frank lies in his bed and wakes up quickly to the sound of his alarm. It says 6:45. FRANK SHIT! Frank runs around his room trying to get dressed. VERSPER Hey, bud you’re gonna be late for the game it starts in 15 minutes.
4. FRANK Yeah i know and i have to pick up Bianca. VERSPER (montone) Wow... How terrible. I hope everything works out for you. FRANK What? Shut up I gotta go. VERSPER You see that Kennedy. Let the games begin.
EXT. CAR. SUNSET Frank runs into his car with a mustache drawn on his face. He fixes his mirror and sees the marker on his face. He quickly takes a perfectly placed napkin and wipes his face trying to get the marker off. The napkin has chloroform on it and he passes out with his face on the steering wheel. He wakes up about 3 hours later with oil all over his face from the steering wheel. his shoes are also glued to the bottom of the car. He walks back into the apartment barefoot. Versper and Kennedy sit on the couch in their pens gear cheering. Frank walks in. VERSPER Oh man! what a game! we scored 8 goals, countâ€™em 8! How was it Frank? FRANK Shut your mouth you butthole fingering douchebag. VERSPER Harsh words from a guy without shoes. FRANK What did you do to me? VERSPER Chloroform. Boom. FRANK Why do you have chloroform? What on earth could you need chloroform for?
VERSPER I...I...I... donâ€™t think you need to worry about tht. FRANK Bianca is probably pissed now. Thanks guys. You guys are more protective over me than my parents. What does a guy have to do to get laid around here. Versper hands him a bottle of chloroform and shrugs his shoulders. Cut To Black. The First Day of My Life plays over the credits.