BLACK SCREEN WITH TITLE "Back To Basics" Clicking noises of a computer mouse. FRANK V.O. You creepin’? VERSPER V.O. Yeahhhhhhh FRANK V.O. You’re going from profile to profile pretty quickly. INT. FRANK AND VERSPER’S APARTMENT. DAY VERSPER is sitting at his computer staring at the screen and Frank walks up and looks over his shoulder. VERSPER Ya know I’ve kinda just become numb to all pictures besides ones at the beach. FRANK Numb? Numb to what? VERSPER Nooooooooothing....... FRANK (shakes his head in the negative fashion) So what are you trying to say? You look at these pictures for special reasons? VERSPER What? haha, NO! Jeez Frank you think everything is so dirty and wrong. I assure you i only look at peoples pictures to see what they look like then i’m done. FRANK Right. Well from now on when you are looking at people that you’ve known for years, and know exactly what they look like. do it in your room, k bud? (CONTINUED)
FRANK is in the kitchen making a bowl of cereal VERSPER Hey man, so you given anymore thought to a third roommate? FRANK Versp, we have an interview in ten minutes. Do you not remember this conversation we had last night? Versper squints and tries to remember the conversation. INT. FRANK AND VERSPER’S APARTMENT. NIGHT FRANK Hey, we have those interviews tomorrow remember. FRANK is sitting on the couch with his headphones in singing a song from the 80’s. FRANK VERSP! VERSPER WHAT!? FRANK Did you hear me? VERSPER Yeah, geez... VERSPER puts his headphones back on VERSPER Always nagging. nuh nuh nag. INT. FRANK AND VERSPER’S APARTMENT. DAY VERSPER Yeahhhh. Yeah I remember. That’s why i’m going to go put pants on... FRANK Right. Good work V. FRANK and VERSPER sit across from a potential roommate.
3. FRANK So, what is your type of income? Will you be able to pay a steady amount of $120 a month? INTERVIEWEE #1 Oh, absolutely. I work almost 6 days a week. VERSPER What kind of job do you have? INTERVIEWEE #1 I’m a male prostitute. FRANK Will you be able to pay rent monthly? INTERVIEWEE #2 Oh yeah man it’s not a big deal. I do porn.
Blank stares ensue. FRANK So, will you be able to pay a monthly rent? INTERVIEWEE #3 Yeah, as long as I have my own room. VERSPER You don’t wanna bunk with me? FRANK Of course you will. INTERVIEWEE #3 Good because honestly you won’t want me and my girlfriend "bunking" with you. If you catch my drift. Frank stares blankly and Versper chuckles. FRANK Okay, so I think we need to keep looking. VERSPER You think that last guy seemed to be pretty laid back, that’s just what we need around here. (CONTINUED)
BARRY THE LANDLORD knocks on the door. BARRY THE LANDLORD Hey guys, saw your door was open so I thought i’d just pop on in. How’s it going, the whole roommate search? FRANK Not good Barry. Can’t find anyone fitting for us. BARRY THE LANDLORD Oh, well you know I told you i’d cut your rent in half i you let me be your new roommate. VERSPER Yeah Barry about that. BARRY THE LANDLORD Oh come on. It could be fun. Plus i just rented the new Jude Law movie. FRANK As exciting as that sounds i don’t think i can sit through Alfie again. INT. FRANK AND VERSPER’S APARTMENT. NIGHT Barry is sitting between Frank and Versper holding a bowl of popcorn. Versper is passed out sleeping and Frank is squished as Barry smiles and can’t take his eyes off the screen. INT. FRANK AND VERSPER’S APARTMENT. DAY BARRY THE LANDLORD Oh don’t worry this one is called The Holiday! KENNEDY rushes in and stands in the doorway. KENNEDY I’m so sorry i’m late. Are you guys still interviewing? VERSPER No.
FRANK What? Yes, of course we are. Hi i’m Frank. KENNEDY Steve Kennedy. Everyone calls me Kennedy though. FRANK Right on. Well tell us about yourself. Looks over at Barry and Versper watching The Hoiday FRANK Or just tell me. KENNEDY Well, I’m a journalism major. I’m single. Straight. I work at Chipotle as a cashier and/ FRANK /I’ve heard enough. When can you move in? VERSPER Haha, I frickin love Jude Law. INT. FRANK AND VERSPER’S APARTMENT. NIGHT Frank walks in to the apartment it is completely quiet and there is one light on. Frank looks over at Verspers door and hears a faint noise. Frank walks over to the door puts his ear against the door. FRANK Hey, Versper Frank opens the door and sees Versper masturbating VERSPER Whoa, oh god! FRANK That’s my sister! That’s our family picture at the beach what the! Cut To Black