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LESSON 1: SENSORY DETAILS

Revising

NEirne

the student Model

Revisel Replacing Plain Words One thing the writer might have done better was to use sensory details instead

of ordinary words. Sensory details make writing more vivid, descriptive, and enjoyable to read. Here is an example of how a sentence from the Student Model could be improved.

!@|

She was wet

U,fa,tpt"

a,,n

Ar

and cold.

drr,t{Alri'

r{4a'n r rLrr"

fa4,,r/fntu[

an, a,Ap' nAri,u'etzptr' a/n"d'

^tL(tN]odr

rLrt"

r{4r" UlAn/m*h-

A. Revise these sentences. Replace the plain words with vivid sensory details.

1.

Melissa was wide-eyed with excitement.

.,

r'&"',

,,,

Wofd

,r,34il&

cur'ly, ,, .,, ,focused,,,,.r.,

gla '." ''

2. "N-n-n-no," she said.

rgnsre' ,

' '

.intensely'

shiver: soaked ,, :,

sputter

3. The kidsquieted and looked at

4.

B,

She

r

her.

didn't seem to care.

Revise the character description you wrote

on page 10. Replace plain words with

vivid sensory details. Use another sheet of paper.

Writer's Companion'. UNIT 1 Lesson 1 Sensory Details


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