LOVELIFE What effect did the kids have on the development of the relationship and how was getting to know each other’s tackled? How much thought and planning went into getting it right and not upsetting anyone, and what did you most fear in this scenario, for yourself, for Daniel and for the individual children?
Our situation was the reverse. Daniel and I got to know each other thanks to the kids. Michela and Theadora, his middle one, have always been best friends. In fact, she jokes that she should be my favourite stepdaughter as I met her father thanks to her. The fact that we all knew each other before made life easier. Moving in with someone is already a big step and a sign of commitment. Let alone marriage… It’s even bigger when two families are joining up. How did you know that the time was right and ensure that these transitions would be smooth?
involving decisions about where to live, who to uproot and actual changes to the house. What did your big move entail? Tell us about the hassles… and the fun.
Before Daniel moved in, I asked Michela if she was OK with it and she said she wanted “two days to think about it”. She also resisted the marriage at first, pointing out that it would “no longer be about the two of us”. Neither was she exactly over the moon when I told her I was having a baby because she was not going to be the only child anymore. But she adores Max now, and Daniel and his kids. They all get on; they really look out for each other. I don’t think she would have accepted this situation as easily had she not known them before. Yes, we could have just lived together. But I felt he was the right one, and I am also a bit old school. The main reason for getting married is that I was convinced he was the one – otherwise, we would have lived separately and I would have kept the relationship between us – but I also did it to set an example for my daughter. The wedding was held at home, with around 230 guests. Daniel was never married and I had an annulment, so we could get married in the Church.
I can’t say there was a defining moment, given our circumstances. In the year that Daniel and I became friends, I got to know the kids well. When we broke the news that we were a couple, they were very happy.
Moving in, when it involves two families and not just two people, could also be a logistical headache,
In the case of blended families, do you feel that a lot energy is spent on the bigger picture, making sure everyone
18 ∫ Pink February 2017
At home, the space was there and I had extra rooms, but since Max’s arrival, I have shifted things around to create a room for him and another for my stepdaughters, who used to sleep in Michela’s before. I had a large room – the largest in the house – which I used for storage, and in the last weeks of my pregnancy, weighing 20kg, I brought in the workmen to turn it into a bedroom. I also transformed the washroom into a chill-out space for when the kids bring over friends. When was the first time you were all together at home? Or was it just a natural progression and you can’t remember that defining moment?
is comfortable with the new arrangements, and less on quality time between the couples? What and who are your priorities and how do you manage to strike a balance and keep everyone – husband, his kids, yours, and the one in common – content?
The focus is definitely on sorting out the big picture and you have to fight to get some time alone. Yes, in that respect, it becomes more complicated. Our time together is definitely limited. What about custody? Does it mean that, in reality, you are rarely ever all together and may find it complicated to be?
In our case, Daniel’s children come over at the weekend and for a few hours twice a week. The legal side of custody is not easy in any instance, but we adapt according to his access. Given all the above, describing your family situation as complicated could be an understatement. But you wouldn’t have it any other way…
It’s quite a farce! When our kids are asked to tell the class something about their family, their teachers almost don’t believe them! Daniel’s daughters also have two half-brothers, apart from Max, but these have