THE TIMES LEADER www.timesleader.com
MONDAY, MAY 28, 2012
Father’s dying wish for burial becomes a financial burden on family Dear Abby: How important are a dying person’s last wishes? My dad died recently and said that he wanted to be buried with his first wife in a state far from where we live. If his estate — or his current wife — can’t afford to comply with his request, would it be horrible to do something else? In today’s economy most seniors don’t have any extra income. To follow Dad’s final wishes would take a sizable chunk of his estate. His wife feels it’s not important to follow his last wishes because of the cost, but it really bothers me. Dad was in the Navy during WWII. If his wife isn’t willing to spend the
DEAR ABBY ADVICE money, would I still be a good guy by scattering his ashes in the ocean? I know he’d rather be in the deep than sitting on a shelf in the work shed. Please help. — Disturbed Son in Nevada Dear Disturbed Son: Your letter illustrates why it is important for people to have their wishes in writing. In this case, your father’s wife would have the right to his ashes, unless it was stated otherwise in black and white. As far as granting a personal last wish, you need to use your best judg-
ment, particularly if doing so would cause financial hardship. In this case, cremation would be a creative way to make everyone happy. Your father’s ashes could be divided into thirds, with one portion placed with his first wife, another with his second wife, and the rest scattered at sea. Dear Abby: My spouse, “Jack,” and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven’t spoken to or seen my son for three years. Not having my child in my life has made me become depressed, but I keep it bottled up inside. Jack has three children — all adults. We rarely see them. I brought two children into our marriage, ages
7 and 14. Jack says he doesn’t want to be a father or grandfather. (We have three grandchildren.) Am I a terrible mother/grandmother? Does this mean he doesn’t really love me since my children are a part of me? I want to be a grandmother and enjoy my grandchildren. He knew I had kids when we were dating, but both of them lived with relatives at the time because of custody issues. — Sad Grandma in Arizona Dear Sad Grandma: It isn’t that Jack doesn’t love you. He appears to be so preoccupied with his own needs, desires and controlling you that he probably doesn’t think about much else. That you are “scared” to question him speaks volumes about your relationship.
If you want to be a part of your children’s and grandchildren’s lives, you will have to do so without his blessing or participation. Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.) To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable — and most frequently requested — poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby’s “Keepers,” P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
HOROSCOPE BY HOLIDAY MATHIS
GOREN BRIDGE WITH OMAR SHARIF & TANNAH HIRSCH PREVIOUS DAY’S SOLUTION
ARIES (March 21-April 19). You can’t take back what you say once it slips through your lips, but it has a chance of being soon forgotten. On the other hand, the written word can be forever saved, so show restraint before pushing “send.” TAURUS (April 20-May 20). A small act of courage is all that’s necessary today, but it really does mean something. When you deliver on a minor level, it proves to all and especially yourself that you are indeed courageous. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You are not in a make-or-break situation, so you can relax. It may feel as though this is your big chance, but this is just one of many. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Emotions can be the banana peel on the sidewalk that sends you toppling or a jetpack strapped to your back that sends you to the stars. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Others may encourage you, but if they are not authorities on the matter, you aren’t likely to listen. You want to learn from only the most qualified and will start to attract such individuals. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll balance more than you think you can manage. What seems uncontrollable is actually well within your influence. Get working, and your doubts will melt away. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There is some good, and also a lot of unnecessary pain, that can happen in the name of “keeping it real.” So before you decide to speak up, consider whether it’s really in everyone’s best interest
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MINUTE MAZE JUMBLE BY MICHEAL ARGIRION & JEFF KNUREK
HOW TO CONTACT: Dear Abby: PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069
to do so. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Your imagination is ablaze now, so put it to good use. Imagine yourself in a beautiful future, and keep fleshing out the vision with sparkling details. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). There’s a treat coming your way, and it may surprise you despite the fact that you set it up long ago. It seems like a lifetime ago now, doesn’t it? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You’ll be like an excellent chess player, able to see six moves ahead. You’ll consider the consequences of your potential actions and adjust accordingly. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’re empathic and helpful, but you’re no pushover. Some people seem only to be able to understand this by pushing you beyond your limits and triggering your firm response. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’ve made a point, and it’s taken a while for another person to form and deliver a response. Go about your business. Don’t continue to wait for others. They’ll catch up to you at the perfect time. TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (May 28). Your adventurous mindset prevents you from becoming preoccupied with the mundane this year. You’ll cash in your ticket and take a wild ride in June. July brings friends, laughter and the advancement of one particularly meaningful relationship. September is your chance to make a sale. Cancer and Scorpio people adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 50, 2, 44, 11 and 18.
The Wilkes-Barre Times Leader 05-28