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WEEKENDER, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2013

letter from the editor

If you could vacation anywhere, where would you go?

Rich Howells

Editor • 570.831.7322 rhowells@theweekender.com

“England,

and I wouldn’t even have to learn another language.”

Kieran Inglis

Media Consultant • 570.831.7321 kinglis@theweekender.com

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“Anywhere with a beach and an open bar..”

Sara Pokorny

Staff Writer • 570.829.7132 spokorny@theweekender.com

“Some tiny island in the South Pacific where I get a hut all to myself over the water.”

Amanda Dittmar

Graphic Designer • 570.970.7401 adittmar@theweekender.com

“Backpacking through Europe.”

Tell @wkdr where you would go if you could vacation anywhere.

Contributors Ralphie Aversa,Justin Brown, Kait Burrier, Caeriel Crestin, Pete Croatto, Nick Delorenzo,Tim Hlivia, Melissa Highes, Michael Irwin,Amy Longsdorf, Matt Morgis, Ryan O’Malley, Kacy Muir, Jason Riedmiller, Erin Rovin, Ned Russin, Chuck Shepherd,Jen Stevens,Alan K. Stout, Mike Sullivan, Bill Thomas, Mark Uricheck, Robbie Vanderveken, Noelle Vetrosky, Bobby Walsh, Derek Warren Interns Holly Dastalfo, Bill Rigotti Address 90 E. Market St., Wilkes-Barre, PA 18703 Fax 570.831.7375 E-mail Weekender@theweekender.com Online theweekender.com • facebook.com/theweekender • follow us on Twitter: @wkdr Circulation The Weekender is available at more than 1,000 locations throughout Northeastern Pennsylvania. For distribution problems call 570.829.5000 • To suggest a new location call 570.831.7349 • To place a classified ad call 570.829.7130 Editorial policy The Weekender is published weekly from offices at 90 E. Market St., Wilkes-Barre, PA 18703. The opinions of independent contributors of the Weekender do not necessarily reflect those of the editor or staff. Rating system WWWWW = superb WWWW = excellent WWW = good WW = average W = listenable/watchable * Scarborough Research

When I think of Adult Swim, I, of course, think of the late-night mature animation block on Cartoon Network. Because I’m a nerd, obviously. Montage Mountain, however, sees things a little bit differently, and frankly, it’s brilliant. Why should kids have all the fun? Adults like to swim too, and if you put a few drinks in us, we probably think we can tackle the ocean. Montage Mountain’s Meltdown Water Park now features Adult Swim Nights (more on that on page 19), so with our annual Swimsuit Issue of the horizon, it seemed like a match made in staycation heaven. As always, our photographer and graphic designer Amanda Dittmar knocked it out of the (water) park and gathered a wide variety of models to pose for this year’s 11-page feature, allowing them to show off their bods as well as Montage. I stopped by the shoot and was amazed at how different the Mountain looks this time of year. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I suggest you drop the kids off and bring your swimsuit. Or you can watch Adult Swim at home, but until they attract more beautiful women in bikinis, Meltdown may just have CN beat. -Rich Howells, Weekender Editor

social

Online comment of the week.

Hugh Jackman @RealHughJackman “If the bar ain’t bendin, then you’re just pretendin #xmen #daysoffuturepast.”

The Weekender has 12,403 Facebook fans. Find us now at Facebook.com/theweekender


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Shows keep the spirit of summer alive

…is the West Side Blues Band up to? They’re having a CD release party at the Bakehouse (152 United Penn Plaza, Kingston) on Friday, Aug. 9, from 6-8 p.m. The group will be joined by L.A. guitarist Rick Mayock. There is no cover charge for the show.

…is a question many may be asking come Aug. 14, when a well-known local art venue shuts its doors. New Visions Studio & Gallery (201 Vine St., Scranton) recently made the announcement that it will close after three years. There are two final events planned for the venue: on Aug. 9 at 7:30 p.m., a show with Chet Williams, Eye on Attraction, Family Animals, and In Writing; and on Aug. 10 at 9 p.m., a show with Badtown Rude, The KLAP, Down to Six, and Crock Pot Abduction.

“I am incredibly gratified by the outstanding support I have received over the last 15 years from the community, a strong and committed board of directors and a dedicated and hard working team.” -Marilyn Santarelli

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flavors and grooves, making it all their own. Blind Justice has a new record coming out soon on Back To Back Records. Rounding out the show is the new local band Vice Grip. I wrote about their demo within the last month, but if you haven’t checked them out yet, now is the perfect time. Vice Grip play a very primitive style of hardcore in an extremely belligerent way. Their demo is out now. Then the next week on September 8, there is a split record release at Gallery of Sound on Mundy Street in Wilkes-Barre. The split 7-inch, featuring new songs from California’s Miserable and Pennsylvania’s Grey Zine, is coming out on Run for Cover Records, and both bands will be performing. Miserable is a project done by Kristina, who was the singer of shoegaze outfit Whirr, but while Miserable draws from similar influences, it is completely its own animal. As previously mentioned, their split partners and local natives Grey Zine are also playing. Noise Pet and Myrr Myrr of Washington, D.C., will also be playing the show. Noise Pet, from Wilkes-Barre, are playing our second show, and it’s Myrr Myrr’s first time in Wilkes-Barre. The show is free and starts at 6 p.m. W

…can you catch the third round of Dancing with the NEPA Stars? On Aug. 15 at 5:30 p.m. at the Scranton Cultural Center, American artist Jack Puhl and owner of Studio L.A. Allan Souza will compete. To keep with this year’s theme, “Dancing through the Decades,” Puhl, along with partner Laura Boddorff, and Souza, joined by partner Missy Zeroda, will dance to music of the 90s. Fans and event attendees can vote for their favorite prior to the event by visiting scrantonculturalcenter.org. The cost is $1 per vote, with all proceeds benefiting the SCC. Online voting closes at midnight on Aug. 15. Entry to the competition is $20, and it is a 21 and over event

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Here we are in August. Somehow, summer has passed by quicker than I could possibly have imagined. Back-to-school sales will be starting up soon, offering great deals on No. 2 pencils and loose leaf paper, but don’t fret my friends; unbelievable discounts on school supplies does not mean that the fun of summer is over – just the nice weather, the breaks from school, and the lackadaisical attitudes. However, if there is ever something to replenish excitement and happiness, it’s a good a show, and luckily enough, we have two new ones coming up. First, we have a great hardcore show at West Side Park in Nanticoke on September 2. Headlining the show is Richmond, Va.’s Breakaway. Breakaway made their debut Wilkes-Barre performance at Redwood Art Space, but since then have released two 7-inches titled “The Few That Remain” and “For Life,” released by Solid Bond Records and Mindrot, respectively. They play a style of hardcore that is fast and aggressive, yet filled with lyrics of positive thinking. Upperhand is another band from Richmond, Va., who play a more metalinfluenced style of hardcore. Their latest offering, “Chains of Shame,” brings to mind such crossover bands as post-“Cause for Alarm” Agnostic Front and Leeway. This is their NEPA debut. Blind Justice rounds out the touring package from the shores of New Jersey. You may remember Blind Justice from their set earlier in the summer in Nanticoke, and for those who were able to see them, you will be happy they are coming back. Blind Justice play hardcore that is reminiscent of my favorite bands when I first started going to shows, like Mental, taking cues from the early Revelation Records roster and adding other distinct

…will be leaving the F.M. Kirby Center after 15 years of service? Marilyn Santarelli, who has served as executive director since 1998. She will retire at the end of this year. Santarelli has served as a member of the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts since 2003 and facilitated the Kirby Center’s hosting of the prestigious Governor’s Awards for the Arts in 2006. She oversaw more than $7 million in capital improvements that included the completion of a façade project, installation of an electronic marquis, a remodeled box office, energy efficient lighting, and the complete restoration of the Main Lobbies and Theatre. “I am incredibly gratified by the outstanding support I have received over the last 15 years from the community, a strong and committed board of directors and a dedicated and hard working team,” she said.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2013

LOCAL MUSIC WITH TITLE FIGHT’S Ned Russin | Special to the Weekender


WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013

aug.7-13, 2013

COVER STORY

sWIMsuIt … 28-32, 34-35, 37, 40-42

LISTINGS

the W … 5 sPeaK and see … 21 LIve enteRtaInMent … 22 ConCeRts …24 agenda … 36, 38 theateR … 38

MUSIC

BReaKIng doWn the WaLLs … 5 Kansas … 7 Jay Z/JustIn tIMBeRLaKe … 7 Jane’s addICtIon … 10 Coheed and CaMBRIa … 10 aLBuM RevIeWs … 12 ChaRts … 12

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CARRY ON WAYWARD SON Kansas violinist embraces his instrument

STAGE & SCREEN sPaMaLot … 17 MovIe RevIeW … 24 RaLPhIe RePoRt … 33 What the FoRK … 33 staRstRuCK … 43

ARTS

noveL aPPRoaCh … 21

LIFESTYLE

shoW us soMe sKIn … 43 sIngLe In sCRanton … 47 gIRL taLK … 47 seCuReLy FashIoned … 47 Man oF the WeeK … 53 ModeL oF the WeeK … 54

HUMOR & FUN

Montage aduLt sWIM … 19 RayMond the aMIsh CoMIC … 19 BeeR and BooKs … 25 I’d taP that … 25 PuZZLe … 36 suMMeR deCK seRIes … 39 Pet oF the WeeK … 43 soRRy MoM and dad … 50 neWs oF the WeIRd … 50 sIgn Language … 52

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AMISH PARADISE Raymond the Amish Comic talks TV and technology

GAMES & TECH

get youR gaMe on … 46 MotoRhead … 46

ON THE COVER

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Photo and desIgn By aManda dIttMaR voLuMe 20 Issue 39 WAtCH tHE WEEkENDER SESSION WItH A FIRE WItH FRIENDS


TYLER MILES

By Rich Howells

Weekender Correspondent

Weekender editor

REVIEW

Courtesy Photo

Violinist David Ragsdale was able to join Kansas after being inspired by the group as a teen.

If You go Kansas: aug. 11, 7 p.m., Mt. airy Casino Resort (312 Woodland Rd., Mt. Pocono). $25-$45.

Return,” which are great, commercially viable songs, but when you get deep into the real Kansas fan, there is some amazing composition in some of those songs. Just really stellar… It’s going to sound really arrogant of me to say, but it’s some of the best stuff ever written in rock ‘n’ roll. It really is.” Before celebrating their 40th anniversary with a huge fan appreciation concert in Pittsburgh, Kansas will be stopping at Mt. Airy Casino Resort on Aug. 11 for a night of career-spanning music in one of their favorite states. As for Ragsdale, he’s mulling a solo project as well as creating instructional manuals for those who may share his earlier dreams of playing rock music on the violin. “Everyone knows when it’s time to solo, it’s time to solo, but what do you do the rest of the time? I’ve got some answers for that that might intrigue young minds. Or old minds for that matter!” he said. Will it inspire kids like him who are reluctant to appreciate their instrument at first? “It might,” he affirmed. “There’s a lot you can do with a violin. The violin is by and large probably the most expressive instrument on the planet. You can do a million things with it.” W

Photo by Jason Riedmiller

Justin Timberlake and Jay Z proved they were ‘Legends of Summer’ on Aug. 4 at Hersheypark Stadium.

famous dance moves and singing a verse off the group’s 1969 classic, “I Want You Back,” which is sampled in Jay Z’s “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” off his sixth album, “The Blueprint,” and opening the floor for Jay Z’s verse. For a few songs, such as Jay Z’s “On to the Next One,” Timberlake played the piano, which is featured heavily in the song, while his counterpart rapped to the crowd. Individually though, they both had time to show off their singular talents. Jay Z performed classics such as “Jigga What, Jigga Who,” where Jay Z showed that he “still had it” during the song’s fast and difficult lyrics, and “99 Problems,” which drew a huge response from the crowd for the song’s powerful percussion, heavy grunge guitar, and meaningful lyrics, which display Jay Z’s masterful storytelling. Timberlake really showed that he belongs in the same conversation as his legendary tourmate, as the singer more than held his own on stage. He deftly performed while holding terrific-sounding notes. He truly exercised his vocal range, all while dancing or playing instruments, such as the aforementioned piano, as well as both the acoustic and electric guitar.

The soulful singer dramatically controlled much of the show’s pace and flow, slowing it down for soft, mournful songs such as “Until the End of Time,” and then speeding things up with the summertime banger “Summer Love” and the first single from his upcoming fourth studio album, “The 20/20 Experience: 2 of 2,” “Take Back the Night.” The latter is a fast-paced dance song with a unique disco sound. Aside from the concert’s opening song, “Holy Grail,” Jay Z performed several newer songs from “MCHG,” such as “Tom Ford” and “F— kWithMeYouKnowIGotIt.” An air of confidence, class, and eloquence surrounded Jay Z and Timberlake during their time on stage, exemplified when they donned blazers and nonchalantly performed holding glasses of champagne during the final two songs The duo held nothing back and gave the 30,000 fans in attendance more than their money’s worth during Sunday night’s memorable performance at Hersheypark Stadium, the smallest stop along their epic summer tour. The final show will be on Aug. 16 at the Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, Fla. W

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have even joined up with full orchestras, making special use of Ragsdale’s classical training. “The roles pretty much stay the same, but the dynamics change dramatically because most of that stuff is tough enough to do just with us because you get into one of those intricate sections and you’ve really got to pay attention to what’s going on, and you have to know what everyone else is playing because your part weaves in and out of that. So you’ve really got to be on your toes. Now when you throw a 65-piece orchestra behind you, there’s a whole other enormous element with its own intricacies that you have to deal with,” he explained. “It’s tricky, but it’s a lot of fun.” It’s the power of the music itself, not just the players, however, that he contributes their continued success to. “When you look at all the bands that there were 40 years ago and all of those bands that are left, you realize what an enormous achievement celebrating your 40th anniversary…is, to still be around 40 years later, still doing it at a very high level and still making your living. This isn’t something we go out and do four or five times a year. We average about 80 shows a year, so we’re still doing this at a pretty high level,” he noted. “The strength of the players, of the people involved, is certainly remarkable, but the music is wonderful stuff. Most people when they think of Kansas think of “Carry On Wayward Son,” “Dust in the Wind,” and “Point of Know

Jay Z and Justin Timberlake closed out the “Legends of Summer” tour stop in Hershey Park on Aug. 4 with a surprisingly heartfelt dedication to Trayvon Martin. The duo performed Jay Z’s hit single “Young Forever” from his 2009 album, “The Blueprint 3,” in memory of the fallen teen whose murder in February of last year brought shock and sadness to the nation and rekindled racial tensions in America. The crowd reacted lovingly to the thoughtful display, with many audience members shedding tears over the course of the song. But these were the only moments that the crowd was subdued during the nearly three-hour show. Before that impressive finale, energy of epic proportions surged through the tightly packed stadium. This energy was no more evident than when the duo first took the stage, opening with Jay Z’s first single from this year’s “Magna Carta… Holy Grail” album, “Holy Grail.” They appeared before colossal screens on opposite sides of the platform, saluting each other and the crowd. They then proceeded through the song’s opening, sung by Justin Timberlake, before meeting in the center of the stage, where the heavy beat dropped and Jay Z broke into his verse, sending the crowd into an emphatic roar. The dynamic opening set the tone for the night. There were no opening acts; Timberlake didn’t open for Jay Z, as some fans were previously mentioning. Not at all. The two titans stormed the stage together, two heavyweights in the music industry and kings in their respective genres – Jay Z in hip-hop and Justin Timberlake in R&B. Masterfully, the duo meshed a few of their songs together, sharing the stage for most of the night and embodying great chemistry. This was evident when Timberlake performed a tribute to the Jackson 5 by emulating Michael Jackson’s

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David Ragsdale is enjoying his career as the longtime violinist for Kansas, but as a child, he had to be talked into picking up the instrument by his mother. “She didn’t kind of push me – she made it very apparent that that’s what I was going to do,” he recalled with a laugh. “It wasn’t gentle and it wasn’t voluntary. “I didn’t care for it at all. As soon as I was larger than her, I said, ‘Listen, I’m not going to do this anymore. I want to play the guitar.’ I always wanted to play the guitar. I was really drawn to the guitar. I was never, ever drawn to the violin.” So what changed his mind? Some early influences, including a friend, and a certain progressive rock band he would later join. “About the time I was 16, 17, I started listening to people like Larry Coryell and John McLaughlin, and Steve Morris had just cropped up on the scene and all of a sudden I was realizing that the level of competition that I was going to have to face if I was going to make a profession out of this was pretty severe. I was OK, but these guys were on a completely different plane,” Ragsdale told The Weekender. “And also, I heard a friend of mine who had practiced his instrument. [Laughs] And he had won a competition…and I went and saw it, and all of a sudden, in one fell swoop, I realized how cool an instrument the violin was. About the same time, I heard Kansas on the radio, and I’m almost positive it was either ‘Can I Tell You’ or ‘Bringing It Back’ – it was one of the more rockin’ Kansas songs where Robby (Steinhardt) displayed his wares, and all of a sudden I realized, ‘Man, I could play violin in a rock band.’ It was that foreign a concept back then. No one had ever done it.” Another friend convinced him to send tapes of himself playing along with Kansas’ songs to the group, and after several years, he finally received a call to record with, and later join, the band. Since then, they have toured regularly and

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Learning to love (and rock) the violin JayZ and Timberlake leave Hershey as‘Legends’


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WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Concept albums,death,and rock and roll

By Rich Howells

By Rich Howells

Weekender editor

Weekender editor

The Rockstar Energy Drink Uproar Festival boasts a unique lineup this year, and few bands are more distinctive than progressive rockers Coheed and Cambria. Named after characters central to the ongoing saga told through their music, the New York quartet is eager to share the stage with bands they are friends with or grew up listening to, particularly guitarist Travis Stever, who called The Weekender from a show in Hawaii to discuss their new double album, “The Afterman: Ascension” and “The Afterman: Descension,” and its philosophical inspiration. THE WEEKENDER: As a songwriter, are you hearing (singer) Claudio Sanchez’s story and then kind of writing the soundtrack to it? TRAVIS STEVER: Most of the time, Claudio will come up with the skeleton of the song, and we’ll all write around that… There are those cases where I come up with guitar parts or riffs that he’ll want to build the song around, and that’s not per say making a soundtrack around the concept – it’s the same way that Claudio will write by himself. What we do is whatever’s best for the song first, and the lyrics are telling the concept of the story, but when they kind of combine forces, no matter what, they’re bound to work. There’s nothing fully dictating it. I mean, you could be talking about a war and still be playing a pop song, and somehow it will still work. You’re just painting a different picture on how that war zone or that battle was, or another aspect of it, that person who’s thinking of their loved one. W: What made you guys tackle the ambitious double album this time around? TS: There was material being worked on, but as a band and really as the ball started to roll, it prob-

When the average listener turns up Jane’s Addiction, they may not hear the jazz influences buried within, but Stephen Perkins interprets each beat much differently. To Perkins, the groundbreaking alternative rock group is the very definition of jazz, so when The Weekender caught up with the drummer before his band kicks off the Rockstar Energy Drink Uproar Festival on Aug. 9 at Toyota Pavilion at Montage Mountain in Scranton, he delved into that influence, why the band and its music has lasted through its various public breakups, and the artistic process. THE WEEKENDER: How has jazz played a role in Jane’s Addiction’s sound? STEPHEN PERKINS: Well, it’s pretty serious because Jane’s Addiction, to me, it’s always been four guys that are into four different things. Back when the band started, me and (guitarist Dave) Navarro… were into hotshot metal – we wanted to show off our chops. (Former bassist) Eric (Avery) and (singer) Perry (Farrell) were into Joy Division…less showy, but more drama, let’s say. That was the marriage of the early Jane’s Addiction. Me and Dave were into the metal…and Perry and Eric saying, “Let’s write some songs that really have some depth.” That’s the sound of the first record. If you look at us and you kind of just break it down, Navarro is more into industrial, Nine Inch Nails… I’m more into Allman Brothers and the Grateful Dead where it’s organic and the music breathes and heaves and hoes. Perry is into dance music, four-on-the-floor. We all, even now, are into different things. And in a sense, that is jazz, you know? Bringing these different elements and making music together. In the sense of jazz, in the spirit of improvising, pulling from the moment, being in the moment, “Mountain Song” was written in ’86 when I was 17. Playing “Mountain Song” now at 46, what does it mean? How do I take my day’s experience, my life’s experience,

ably took like a year, only a year. That’s why it became a double record because, first off, we had this material that just kept flowing that we were so excited about, and also conceptually with the story and stuff, it would just be too short to clump it into one thing. And then also Claudio had the idea to split it up, which we were all really excited about, because it kind of left it as a sonic cliffhanger – give everybody the first half of the story and give them a “to be continued” and let it all out in the outcome on the second side, “Descension,” and eventually everyone will know exactly what happens in the story. There were a lot of reasons why we did it. It just worked. W: The latest set of albums talks a lot about the afterlife. Is that a reflection of anything you guys were thinking about at that time? TS: I think it’s consistently on most people’s minds a lot of the time because they don’t really know. And “Afterman” is a good example of if somebody did find out, would they be able to handle what it is? You know what I mean? Can you really handle finding out all the answers? And once you do, how are you going to handle the rest of your life, and how are people going to handle you having the biggest discovery in the world? Jealousy, envy. And in order to discover these things, when a man or woman or whatever goes out in search of the unknown, obviously you’re going to leave a lot of things behind. Really it’s just questioning all the different things that we go through as humans, and the afterlife is one of those ultimate concerns and questions for

everybody who lived. “Afterman” is my favorite part of “The Amory Wars” being that it’s almost like a prequel to the prequel – it’s the origin of what the Amory Wars is. It’s probably my favorite part of it because I can relate to it the most. I’m one of those people that a lot of questioning goes on in my mind about our existence, as it does with a lot of people. W: With an ongoing story and comic book tie-ins with the band’s music, are you as much of a sci-fi fan as Claudio is? TS: No, not really. Honestly, before the show and everything came around, I was very into “The Walking Dead” (comics) and I collected all those. I got into that through him. I got into things throughout the years. As a kid, of course I loved Batman, but it’s not as much my world. Being a comic book writer and a story writer in general, for Claudio, that’s his world. For me personally, I’m more on the side of music, like bands and stuff like that, reading books and rock star’s biographies. I spent my whole upbringing very much a pop culture vulture. W: What is it going to be like for you to share the stage with Jane’s Addiction and Alice In Chains? TS: It’s going to be f— king awesome. We grew up listening to Jane’s and Alice In Chains, and Circa Survive are our really good friends, and there’s other really great bands on the other stages as well. As for our stage alone, Jane’s Addiction was the first concert I took my now-wife to. I think I was 19 or I was turning 19. W

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The jazz of Jane’s Addiction

Rockstar energy drink uproar Festival with alice In Chains, Jane’s addiction, Coheed and Cambria, Circa survive, more: aug. 9, 2 p.m., toyota Pavilion at Montage Mountain (1000 Montage Mountain Rd., scranton). $25-$75.

and make the song relevant at that moment? W: And these songs seem to have real staying power. You still hear them often on radio and TV today. SP: To me, a great song is timeless. The lyrics, the sound, and of course production is going to date us all. That just happens because of the technology, but the melody, what’s behind it, the spirit, the spirit of the song I think can be timeless. The music actually dictates how I live, for better or for worse. You put a fast song on and you find yourself driving fast. So I appreciate the power of music and I also…can respect bands that have done it every year for 30 years – Red Hot Chili Peppers, etc. – but Jane’s could never do that. We did four records in 30 years because if it’s not completely authentic and really real, it doesn’t really make sense to spend your time doing art that’s just for the cash flow. That’s not what art is. I could work at Guitar Center and sell cymbals if I want to just make money – I want to make the art and music. I think that’s the key to Jane’s Addiction, for better or for worse. The work ethic ebbs and flows, but it’s because of the love of art that it does that. W: You’ve played in many other bands and side projects. When you’re working on Jane’s Addiction material, is your creative process different? SP: Absolutely. As a drummer, my bass player list has been just epic. I’m just so honored (to have worked with) Rob Wasserman, Tony Franklin, Les Claypool, Flea, Martyn (LeNoble), Mike

Watt, Chris Chaney, Eric Avery – I’ve just been very fortunate to have these really important musicians that have something to say, not just playing a part, and everybody is a different combination on Navarro and me since we were 13, 14 playing, so I can’t even explain how that feels. That’s just the perfect matchup of a puzzle. That’s the challenge Jane’s Addiction always has to me, to make something great and not just, “OK, next!” I love the hip-hop world because they produce 20 songs a day and maybe one of them is going to change the world, but they don’t care – they just keep rockin’. I dig it, but Jane’s Addiction couldn’t do that… If it feels wrong, then we’re not going to write a song that day. There’s no reason to, especially if we only do three records, four records in 30 years. OK, maybe we wasted $800 on the studio and $500 on the engineer, but was it a waste if we put something out sh—ty? Now that’s a real waste. W: Are you working on anything currently, or are you taking that process one day at a time? SP: I would say both. There’s music that we have that I would love to go back and listen to and then tie the shoelace tight and get it back together, but then again put those asleep and figure out where we are today and everything we’ve been through in the last over six months personally and bring that to the table and write new stuff. I think it can go either way. There’s definitely a lot of music left inside of us. W


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Mock Sun debut a masterpiece Mock Sun is a band that defies easy categorization. The best you could do is call it “experimental music,” but doing that does the WilkesBarre based duo (consisting of vocalist Jami Kali and multiinstrumentalist Mark Wohl) a great disservice. There tends to be a half-true belief among casual listeners that “experimental” often translates to “unlistenable, overly intellectual noise.” Fortunately, on the band’s long-awaited first full-length, “Hungry Mother” (officially out this Friday), Mock Sun always retains a strong sense of soul, melody, and emotional intensity. It’s not dance floor music,

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admittedly, but, as threads of dissonance weave between heady layers of acoustic rawness and electronic ambience, the energies unleashed stay fully focused on slinking into your skin, through your pores, into your blood, to make you move your body. Tracks such as “Cosmic Infinite Departure” and “Dr. Gnostic” transition from jaunty to urgent to melancholy on a dime, all while having a kind of fairground ballyhoo charisma to them. Meanwhile, tracks such as “Wild Eyed Groove” and “While You Were Away” hover in deep-space orbit, emanating sad, funereal menace. Then there are tracks such as “Earth Witness” and “Mind

Moreland and Arbuckle

Rating:

‘7 Cities’

WWWWV

Moreland and Arbuckle take musical journey The Kansas-based duo Moreland and Arbuckle is something of an anomaly in the blues/rock world – a constantly evolving, musically challenging entity that doesn’t rely on the standards of the genre’s storied past in order to survive. On the band’s fifth album, “7 Cities,” they add new drummer Kendall Newby to foster a fresh sense of rock-edged

Hive,” which bring the dirty bounce of grunge and classic blues to the fore. Throughout, Wohl builds a nuanced, jazz-inspired latticework soundscape of shimmery guitar and tribal rhythms, which acts as a trampoline launching Kali’s hallucinogenic lyrics and hypnotic vocals – a mix of Edie Brickell, Shannon Hoon, and Layne Staley – into the stratosphere. The overall sound is a slippery, genre-bending fever dream of folk, twee-pop and psychedelia peppered with spoken word passages and mindaltering production effects. Staunchly defying easy categorization, the best way to describe “Hungry Mother” is simply as a twisting, haunting, sensual masterpiece. -Bill Thomas, Weekender Correspondent

discharge to their harmonica/guitar attack (that’s right, no bass needed) and produce one of the few Delta blues–influenced concept albums in existence. Chronicling the journey of Spanish explorer Coronado’s search for the elusive Seven Cities of Gold – the odyssey passing through Moreland and Arbuckle’s stomping grounds in the Midwest Kansas prairies – the album is as instrumentally volatile as it is thematically ambitious. Opening track “Quivira” gives a first-person account of Coronado’s possible headspace during his trek – vocalist Dustin Arbuckle bleeds sympathy for a dejected human being who never achieved his lofty goals (“There was no gold to speak of, so I hung my head and cried”). Aaron Moreland’s overdriven, open-tuned guitar grime adds a fire of urgency to the deeply personal interpretation of the story. The album’s production, handled by Matt Bayles, who has worked with heavies like Mastodon, is sonically dense and layered in calloused, roots-infused jangle. “The Devil and Me,” a British Invasioninfluenced, three-chord heartland garage rocker, further examines Coronado’s recess of mind, with Arbuckle seeming to fiendishly smirk the lyrics, “My heart’s black, darling, so’s my soul.” The band delves into progressive-leaning country territory with “Broken Sunshine,” a heart-worn track filled with emotive shades of gray, twanging without mercy – until around the three-minute mark, where it’s jam time from there on out.- Mark Uricheck, Weekender Correspondent

Rating:

8. Miley Cyrus: ‘We Can’t Stop’ 7. Austin Mahone: ‘What About Love’ 6. Daft Punk/Pharrell Williams: ‘Get

Page 12

Lucky’ 5. Jason Derulo: ‘The Other Side’

WWWWV

Robin Thicke ‘Amelita’ Illegal‘Blurred Lines’

WWWW

Thicke finally sticks Robin Thicke is having quite a moment. After spending most of his decade-long recording career as one of R&B’s journeymen – a sensuous crooner with the occasional crossover hit – Thicke has exploded into pop’s consciousness with “Blurred Lines:” it’s the undeniable song of the summer and may turn out to be the single of the year. The Marvin Gaye-inflected, sex-filled

Top 8 at 8 with Ralphie Aversa 4. Robin Thicke/Pharrell Williams/T.I.: ‘Blurred Lines’

Mock Sun ‘Hungry Mother’

Rating:

dance groove (and its naughty video counterpart) has become a cultural flashpoint, sparking parodies, commentaries, endless radio replays, and an unknown number of hookups. Thicke has always created cohesive albums that are remarkably underrated; with his sixth album being released as its title track continues on its path to world domination, Thicke may finally get the audience his songs deserve. With 11 tracks, “Blurred Lines” is tightly woven but still manages to bring different flavors, from electronic dance music to R&B anthems to between-the-sheets grooves. Thicke wrote or co-wrote every track, and while he enlists Pharrell for “Blurred Lines” and has names like Dr. Luke and will.i.am as contributors, he remains the star of his own show. Thicke charms throughout, whether he’s using a sexy falsetto, smooth tenor or even a few raps, which he does fairly well on the retro-sounding “Top of the World” (showing he’s learned something from those numerous Lil Wayne pairings). He even succeeds when his lyrics fail, like some cringe-worthy attempted come-ons on the disco-ball whirring electrobeat tune “Give It 2 U” (Kendrick Lamar does a much better job with his verses, thankfully). With “Blurred Lines,” Thicke’s path to music’s top spot should be clear from now on. -Nekesa Mumbi Moody, Associated Press Top 10 Albums at Gallery of Sound

1. Five Finger Death Punch: ‘Wrong Side Of Heaven & Righteous Side Of Hell V.1’

6. Sick Puppies: ‘Connect’ 7. Winery Dogs: ‘Winery Dogs’

3. Bruno Mars: ‘Treasure’

2. Jay Z: ‘Magna Carta Holy Grail’

8. Black Sabbath: ‘13’

2. Imagine Dragons: ‘Radioactive’

3.Buddy Guy: ‘Rhythm & Blues’

9. Imagine Dragons: ‘Night Vision’

1. Maroon 5: ‘Love Somebody’

4. Robin Thicke: ‘Blurred Lines’

10. Kayne West: ‘Yeezus’

5. Avenged Sevenfold: ‘Hail To The King’


Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Page 13


Page 14 WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013


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WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2013

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By Sara Pokorny

the way, he meets up with

Weekender staff Writer God, who sends him on a

Monty Python’s spamalot: aug. 9-25, 8 p.m. Fridays and saturdays; 2 p.m. sundays; Phoenix Performing arts Centre (409 Main st., duryea). $12. For reservations, call 570.457.3589. so much going on during each song, so it wasn’t like you just learned some steps and danced it. Most of my knights even had to learn to tap dance. The choreography is almost exact to what was done in the Broadway production. It was a lot of hard work, but we had a lot of fun doing it. W: Why do you think Spamalot is such a hit with audiences? LL: The show is just so much fun. When I saw it in preview a month before it opened, we laughed through the entire show. It is just hilarious Monty Python humor. It captures you right from the opening straight through to the end, with never a dull moment. The musical numbers will have you tapping your feet in your seat. I knew after seeing it that someday I was going to direct and choreograph this show. It is truly a choreographer’s dream to do this many big dance numbers in one show with a touch of hilarious. I’ve waited three years for their touring to end to get the licensing for this show, and it was well worth the wait. We are so proud to be the first in Northeast Pennsylvania to premier this show. W: What’s your favorite thing about the show? LL: Everything. There is nothing in this show that I don’t love. The whole concept, humor, songs, and dances are my favorite. I can’t pick just one thing. I had a blast with the whole show. These young adults are so amazing; you will not want to miss it. W

Page 17

quest for the Holy Grail to be an example. They run into Frenchies who catapult a cow at them, the Knights Who Say Ni, the Black Knight, and Tim the Enchanter with his Killer Rabbit. W: Does the stage show differ from the film? LL: Of course the big difference is the musical numbers, but it is similar in the plot. W: As a director, were there any challenges for you with this show? LL: This show is very costume, prop, and set heavy, making it very difficult for a small community theatre. The show is very detailed and specific in what it requires to do a professional production. I searched the Internet for authentic props and helmets, our costume directors made the knights’ tunics, and we had our resident artist draw and paint each Knight’s outfit by hand to match exactly to the Broadway production. We also had one of our costumer’s mothers hand crochet the chainmail shirts for the knights. We have gone all out for this production, paying attention to the smallest details. W: How about as a choreographer? LL: The musical numbers were very challenging. We started the choreography before even blocking the show and worked on them for weeks. Each musical number is bigger than the last. It is a very dance heavy show with a lot Courtesy Photo of chaos in Many of the costumes for Phoenix’s “Spamalot” each numwere handmade to match the Broadway produc- ber. There is always tion. It’s not a horse, just two coconuts banging together to make the sound of one. There’s a guy named Tim the Enchanter who touts a Killer Rabbit. People get slapped in the face with fish. Yet, it’s all typical, at least for the stage show of “Monty Python’s Spamalot.” This weekend is the opening for the show at the Phoenix Performing Arts Centre in Duryea. It is “lovingly ripped off” from the 1975 film “Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” a comedy that captured three Tony Awards and 14 nominations. This production will be the first in the area. The Weekender caught up with Lee LaChette, artistic director at the PAC and director and choreographer for the show, about the organized madness that is “Spamalot.” THE WEEKENDER: What is Spamalot all about? LEE LACHETTE: It’s about King Arthur and his sidekick Patsy searching for Knights of the Round Table. As he rides his horse through the land (which is just a pair of dried coconut shells clanking together that Patsy makes sound like a horse), he hooks up with the zaniest knights that becomes his troop. Along

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Phoenix raises first NEPA production of‘Spamalot’


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Amish Comic raises spirits,not barns biLL THOmAS Weekender Correspondent

Courtesy Photo

The Tundra Tornado is just one of the many rides those attending montage mountain’s Adult Swim Night can take advantage of.

Tim HuSTY GYPSum CHOi KRiKi EvA KATHERiNE THE mARuCE PROjECT NO vACANCY STARdOG CHAmPiON

FACEbOOK.COm/

Raymond the Amish Comic isn’t a technophobe, as one might expect, regularly updating his social networks and cracking jokes about cell phones.

Raymond the amish Comic with John Walton and Kevin Lepka: aug. 9, 7 p.m., the gravity Inn (40 gravity Planes Rd., Waymart). $15. 21+. Info: 570.488.6918, gravityamish. brownpapertickets.com.

more direct way. “One of the first big shows I ever did was at the Rajah Theater in Reading, which seats about 2,000 people. The show was sold out for reasons I still haven’t figured out. I’d never been in front of a crowd that big,” Raymond recalled. Nowadays, while Raymond still references newsworthy Amish events (such as the success of TV shows such as “Amish Mafia” and “Breaking Amish”), much of his material focuses more on our increasingly high-tech society. Don’t worry. He’s not playing the part of technophobic preacher, as one might expect. In fact, Raymond is an outspoken Apple addict who maintains a constant presence on Facebook and Twitter, plays “Candy Crush Saga” obsessively, and spends his downtime watching sobad-it’s-good B-movies like “Nude Nuns with Big Guns” on Netflix. W

Page 19

Yes, the rumors are true. “You can absolutely bring a bucket of beer with you right into the lazy river. Just float along and have a drink,” said Sarah Farrell, director of marketing at Montage Mountain, with a laugh. This is just one (though it seems to be the most popular) of the perks of the Adult Swim Nights that Montage Mountain Meltdown Water Park holds. The next one is scheduled for Aug. 8, followed by the final two on Aug. 15 and 22, all from 6-10 p.m. Adult Swim Nights are 21 and over events that allow an older crowd to take advantage of all the park has to offer, from the high-flying zip rider to the thrilling Iceberg Alley Luge. “People are looking for something fun and different to do for a night out in the summer,” Farrell said. “We get parents who bring their kids up during the day and want a night to relax, we get members of local businesses stopping by after work for a happy hour type event. We’ve been able to reach a whole new crowd of people with this.” An admission price of $10 gets attendees in and includes complimentary food, such as pizza and burritos. Drink specials run throughout the night (that everenticing bucket of beer can be bought for $8, containing six eight-ounce cans of Coors Light), and this week both Jumpin’ Jeff Walker from 98.5 KRZ and EJ the DJ will provide music at both ends of the park. At 9 p.m. this Thursday, Montage will be shutting the lights off in the wave pool and handing out glow sticks for a glow stick photo shoot. There are also plenty of games to play to keep you entertained, involving hula hoops, balloons, and even life-sized beer pong. The Aug. 15 edition of Adult Swim Night will be the Peach Festival version, featuring Rusted Root playing right in the park. There is also complimentary admission for all Montage Mountain employees with provided identification. W

WiTH ALAN K. STOuT

If you’re ever having trouble figuring out how to take a picture with a friend’s smartphone, word of advice: Don’t ask the Amish guy. It’s not that he doesn’t know how. He’s just more entertained watching you fumble around helplessly. “If you have your phone, you know how to work it, but as soon as someone hands their friend their phone and says, ‘Quick, take a picture,” you get all trembly. Your shoulders drop down and you go, ‘Ha ha, it must be because of the Amish guy.’ Hell no, don’t blame me because your dumb ass doesn’t know how to work a phone.” So says Raymond the Amish Comic. Admittedly not your average Amish guy, Raymond left that life behind years ago, trading in his farming tools for a 23-year career on the stand-up comedy circuit – including a headlining performance at The Gravity Inn in Waymart this Friday – and a devoted Pennsylvanian fan base. Before he ever made a dime making people laugh, however, humor was an icebreaker, a way for Raymond to connect with a world so unlike the one he was raised in. “It’s not like I was plowing the fields thinking, ‘Hey, I’m a pretty funny farmer. I can get a gig at a nightclub if I just crossed the street,’” Raymond says, explaining how he began slinging quips to alleviate tension while working at a screen printing business following his exodus from Amishland. At his coworkers’ insistence, he began to call in to a local radio show to crack jokes onair. From there, the transition to stand-up was natural. “My career was an accident, but I work harder doing stand-up than I’ve ever worked at anything in my life. And it doesn’t even feel like work.” A self-described “cursing ranter,” Raymond cites Lewis Black and Lenny Bruce as inspirations. Back when he was still finding his footing, though, one icon of comedy influenced Raymond in a

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

All kids out of the pool!


WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013

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Kacy Muir | Weekender Correspondent

Grand Master Willis

‘The Best of Connie Willis: Award-Winning Stories’ Connie Willis Rating: W W W W V

Books released the week of August 12: ‘What Color if your Parachute?’by Richard n. Bolles ‘the trauma of everyday Life’by Mark epstein ‘the Mark of Calth’by Laurie goulding ‘It’s all about smiles’by adrian Fenderson ‘the Last Kiss goodbye’by Karen Robards ‘the Liberty amendments: Restoring the american Republic’by Mark R. Levin tive to frightening and disconcerting. Having only chosen a small amount of stories from a very extensive list, Willis has skillfully given readers a varying degree of themes, characters, environments and conclusions. Some of the best in the compilation include “Death on the Nile,” “The Soul Selects Her Own Society,” “Fire Watch,” and “The Last of the Winnebagos.” Following each of the sto-

ries, Willis then offers an afterword that resonates in circular motion to her introduction — “Telling where you got the idea for each story is usually a terrible letdown and doesn’t really explain anything.” Throughout the collection, readers gain a better understanding of not only Willis’ work, but also her wit, modesty and imagination.

VISUAL B & B Art Gallery (222 Northern Blvd., S. Abington Township) • Third Friday Exhibit featuring Travis Prince: Through September. The Butternut Gallery & Second Story Books (204 Church St, Montrose, 570.278.4011, butternutgallery.com). Gallery hours: Wed.-Sat., 11a.m.-5 p.m., Sun., 12 p.m.-4 p.m. • “Paintings, Potter, Life:

Work of Bob Smith & Cary Joseph:” Opening reception Aug. 10, 6-8 p.m. Runs through Sept. 8. Everhart Museum (1901 Mulberry St., Scranton, PA, 570.346.7186, www.everhart-museum.org) Admission $5 adults; $3 students/seniors; $2 children 6-12; members free. • Sidewalk Surfing: The Art & Culture of Skateboarding: Through Dec. 30. Marquis Art and Frame (515 Center St., Scranton, 570.344.3313) • “Gardening Mind,” work by Jason Kresock: Opening reception Aug. 2, 6-8:30 p.m. Runs through Sept. 2. Schulman Gallery (2nd floor of LCCC Campus Center, 1333 S. Prospect St., Nanticoke, www.luzerne.edu/schulmangallery, 570.740.0727) Gallery hours: Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. • A Vision of Three, featuring the work of Rob Hay, Ryan Ward, and Mark Webber: July 19-Aug. 8 • Phone-tography, featur-

M.P.B. Community Players (531 Garfield St., Hazleton. 570.454.3305, mcgroganj@ gmail.com) • “Wonderful Town:” Sept. 27,-29 The Phoenix Performing Arts Centre (409-411 Main St., Duryea, 570.457.3589, phoenixpac. vpweb.com, phoenixpac08@ aol.com) • Spamalot: Aug. 9-25. Auditions: • Jekyll and Hyde the musical: Aug. 13-14, 6-8:30 p.m. Ages 15 to 19. Will be asked to prepare a song and read from the script. Pines Dinner Theatre (448 North 17th St., Allentown. 610.433.2333. pinesdinnertheatre.com) • “Footloose:” Through Aug. 18, Weds., Thurs. and Sun. 12:30 p.m. dinner, 2 p.m. show; Fri. and Sat., 6:30 p.m. dinner, 8 p.m. show. $48.50. Raymond the Amish Comic with John Walton: • Aug. 9, 8 p.m., The Gravity Inn (40 Gravity Planes Road, Waymart). $15.

Stage Directions Performing Arts Academy • July 28-Aug. 3, 9 a.m.-5 p.m. daily, Ferrwood Music Camp (257 Middle Road, Drums). Co-ed , ages 6-18. Theatre at the Grove (5177 Nuangola Road, Nuangola. nuangolagrove. com, 570.868.8212, grovetickets@frontier.com) Ticket pricing: $18, plays; $20, musicals; $86, summer pass, first five shows; $120, season pass. All shows are BYOB and feature cabaret seating. • “Cats:” Aug. 2, 3, 8-10, 8 p.m.; July 28, Aug. 4, 11, 3 p.m. • “The Mousetrap:” Sept. 13, 14, 19-21, 8 p.m.; Sept. 15, 22, 3 p.m. • “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street:” Oct. 18, 19, 25, 26, Nov. 1, 2, 8 p.m.; Oct. 20, 27, Nov. 3, 3 p.m. Theater Studio: A Confidence Theater (554 Main St., Stroudsburg. 570.817.3453, theaterstudiostbg.webs.com.) • Summer Workshop: Aug.

send your listings to WBWnews@civitasmedia.com, 90 e. Market st., WilkesBarre, Pa., 18703, or fax to 570.831.7375. deadline is Mondays at 2 p.m. Print listings occur up until three weeks from publication date.

ing art captured by cell phone photos: Aug. 16-Sept. 5. • Crayons and Care II, artwork by children of the Litewska Hospital in Warsaw, Poland: Sept. 13-Oct. 7. Widmann Gallery (Located in King’s College’s Sheehy-Farmer Campus Center between North Franklin and North Main Streets, Wilkes-Barre, 570.208.5900, ext. 5328) Gallery hours: Mon. through Fri. 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., Sat. and Sun. as arranged. Free and open to the public. • “A Few of My Favorite Things” photography exhibition: Through Aug. 2. Expanded listings at theweekender.com. W

12-15. Full day: 9 a.m.-4 p.m., $125. Half day: either 9 a.m.noon or 1-4 p.m., $75. Full day participants required to bring a bagged lunch and drink; half day participants should bring a small snack and a drink. Open to children and teenagers entering grades 3-12 in the fall. Payment and pre-registration by Aug. 5. Expanded listings at theweekender.com. W

It’s the last weekend to catch “Cats” at Theatre at the Grove (5177 Nuangola Road, Nuangola). The final performances will be Aug. 8-10, 8 p.m., Aug. 11, 3 p.m. Tickets are pricing $20, musicals.

Page 21

As a young girl I was fascinated by science fiction. Bound to a world of time travel and dystopia with far away lands, magical properties and characters that established belonging and exploration of the world I have come to know, as well as the worlds I have not. Connie Willis, author of recent anthology, “The Best of Connie Willis: AwardWinning Stories,” was one of the first authors to start that love affair. The anthology is comprised of over 40 years of Willis’ works that have captured readers everywhere. In many ways, it would be difficult to consider yourself a science fiction reader without having come across Willis, who has awed the world with such works as “Doomsday Book” and twopart series, “Blackout” and “All Clear”. From the very beginning, Willis has been awarded numerous Hugo and Nebula Awards. In addition, she was inducted by the Science Fiction Hall of Fame and honored with the Grand Master title in 2011. In Willis’ introduction, she discusses her first experience with science fiction after rummaging through titles at her local library: “Stories about robots and time-travelers and aliens, and stories about cold equations of the physical universe and the hidden costs of technological advance, about the endless difficulty of determining what a human is — and how to be one. Science fiction in all her infinite variety, spread out like a feast in front of me.” Similar to many authors Willis considered influential, her work also shares similar commonalities regarding themes of time travel and satire. However, she is most notable for her eccentric characters and absurd situations. Humor aside, not all of the stories are ridiculous; some waver from inquisi-

POETIC The Osterhout Free Library (71 S. Franklin St., WilkesBarre, www.osterhout.info, 570.821.1959) • 5th Annual Raising the Roof Party: Aug. 9, 5-8 p.m., top level of Intermodal Center, Wilkes-Barre. $15, pre-event; $20, door. Must be 21 to attend. Rain or shine. • Jay Smar: Coal Mining Songs of the Northeast: Aug. 8, 6 p.m. • Socrates Café Discussion Group: Aug. 8, 6:30-8 p.m. • Knit and Crochet Group: Aug. 10, 10:30 a.m.-noon.

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Book reviews and literary insight


WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013

r e d n e k e v e i l e W Wednesday: 279 Bar & Grill: StingRay Blues Bart and Urby’s: Musician’s Showcase Hops and Barley’s: Firefly Karaoke w/ DJ Bounce My Lower End: Strawberry Jam River Street Jazz Café: Open Mic Woodlands: Nowhere Slow Duo @ 7pm - Sky Vuu Deck Bar

Thursday: 279 Bar & Grill: Dodge City Duo Bart and Urby’s: Trivia Night Breakers, Mohegan Sun: Party on the Patio w/Back in Black@7:30. Stealing Neil @ 10:30 Chacko’s: Kartune Continental Bar & Grill: Country Night w/ Coal Town Rounders King’s, Mountain Top: Strawberry Jam Duo My Lower End: Tracey Dee/Cee River Street Jazz Café: FMO & Suicaudio - members of Cabinet, Subnotics, Rouge Chimp, George Wesley band & Woody Browns Project starts @ 9PM Woodlands: Club HD inside Evolution Nightclub w/ DJ DATA. Streamside bandstand- DJ KEV - Hosted by 97 BHT

Page 22

Friday: 279 Bar & Grill: DJ Short n’ Poor Beaumont Inn Dallas: Dex 9-11pm Bottle Necks: Jamstyle Trio @ 10pm Breakers, Mohegan Sun: Beat City @9:30 Brews Brothers, Luzerne: DJ Ooh Wee @ 10pm Continental Bar & Grill: Platform 9 Grotto, Harveys Lake: 6 East Grotto, Wyoming Valley Mall: Dymond Cutter Hops & Barley’s: Indoor Summer Deck Party Honky Tonk: Mr. Echo My Lower End: Deck Party River Street Jazz Café: Flux Capacitor & The Mantras – starts @ 10p Woodlands: Evolution Nightclub – 5 Day Happy Hour w/ DJ SlM JMM Top 40 & Club Music w/ Host 98.5 KRZ’s Fishboy & That 90’s Band– Streamside/Exec

Saturday: 279 Bar & Grill: Mark Maros Breakers, Mohegan Sun: Nowhere Slow @ 9:30 Continental Bar & Grill: Latin Dance Night-Live DJ King’s, Mountain Top: Doug & Sean My Lower End: Tyme Band River Street Jazz Café: Jam Stampede ‘an evening of The Grateful Dead’ starts @10p Rox 52: DJ Steve Saive St. Judes Bazaar: Mr. Echo Studio 590 Bar & Grill: Comedy Night @ 8pm Woodlands: Evolution Nightclub - 98.5 KRZ Double Shot Weekend Your Bachelorette Party Headquarters DJ Davey B & DJ Kev the Rev Playing Top 40 & Club Music w/ Host “Fishboy” from 98.5 KRZ & Tony Carfora & Sweetwater Streamside Bandstand & Executive Lounge Sunday: Beaumont Inn: Freeman White 5-8p Getaway: Mr. Echo 6-9 My Lower End: StevO Woodlands: 90 Proof 90’s night w/ DJ Fiyawerx Monday: 279 Bar & Grill: 279 House Band My Lower End: Kamikaze Karaoke Riverstreet Jazz Café: Special Concert – The Egg from the UK opening act FMO – Big Up after part Sands Casino: Mr. Echo Tuesday: Brews Brother’s, Luzerne: Open mic w/ Paul Martin Grotto, Harvey’s Lake: Double Shot Hops & Barleys: Aaron Bruch Jim McCarthy’s: Wanna B’s Karaoke Metro: Karaoke 8-12 My Lower End: Deck Party TommyBoys: Open Mic Woodlands: Mark Maros at SKYY Vū DeckBar @7p

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Wednesday, august 7, 2013

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WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013 Page 24

‘2 Guns’simply not enough REVIEW

Pete Croatto

Weekender Correspondent Rating: W The common defense with movies like “2 Guns,” a buddy-buddy blow ‘em up, is that you have to let your brain go slack and enjoy the spectacle. I can go for that, but not when the plot is constructed with the same kind of effort reserved for grocery lists. Built on the sweat of a dozen better movies, director Baltasar Kormákur turns the knob to 11 and dares us to hate his latest effort. No problem there. Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg star, respectively, as Bobby Trench and Michael Stigman. Trench is a DEA agent; Stigman is a naval intelligence officer. The two men rob a smalltown bank, thinking they’re a step closer to busting a drug lord (Edward James Olmos). Instead, they enter into a world of trouble. Trench and Stigman think the other is the bad guy, a ruse that is lifted when the two face-off post-getaway. Once the misunderstandings are ironed out and proper introductions are made, the reluctant partners discover they’ve actually stolen, and misplaced, $41 million that belongs to the CIA. They need to find the money and figure out who has set them up before they’re killed by one of several angry, well-armed parties. “2 Guns” is a cartoon – Trench and Stigman survive bullets, car wrecks, and repeated blows to the gut with a metal rod – but it’s a joyless

and derivative one. Opening in theaters this week: Hollywood has excelled at high- • Elysium octane, chatty mov- • We’re the Millers ies like “2 Guns” for • I Give it a Year a long time. (Your • Lovelace “Men in Black” is my “Midnight DVDs reRun.”) Kormákur leased Aug. proceeds as if no 6: one has never seen • Mud two bickering partners grow to trust • Oblivion each other or dis- • The Place cover that deceit Beyond the goes all the way Pines to…the…top! Has Shane Black taught us nothing? rable aspect of the characters The plot in “2 Guns” exists is their clothing, whether to get us to the next bro-wor- it’s Patton’s lack thereof, thy explosion, so its twists Washington’s snazzy fedoras and turns are empty gestures from the Spike Lee Collection, – a way to distract us from an or Olmos’ suits, which make endlessly stupid movie that him look like the owner of a consists of gunfights, clas- particularly prosperous New sic cars getting destroyed, Orleans bordello. and Paula Patton in her “2 Guns” is so concerned underpants. There are so with size and flash and noise – many unanswered questions the Mexican standoff involves that this review threatens to a helicopter, for crying out become a philosophical trea- loud – that I’m not sure if tise. How did Stigman and Kormákur views the audience Trench first meet? How could with contempt or is so conthe CIA just dump millions in sumed with appearance that cash into a bank? How could nothing else matters. Either Trench trust somebody who mindset leads to the same ignored his tip regarding the intolerable big budget fare hold-up? The list goes on. with the same unfortunate You hope that star power message: style, no matter how will save the day. It does not. grating, triumphs over subWahlberg is about 10 years stance. too old to play the young -For more of Pete’s cinhotshot, and Washington has ematic musings, please visit portrayed this kind of bitter whatpeteswatching.blogspot. badass so many times that com or follow him on Twitter, here it’s like watching a clock @PeteCroatto. tick: efficient, predictable, and boring. The most memo-

If you think you’ve seen ‘2 Guns’ before, you’re right on the (stolen) money.

BREWS BROTHERS WEST (75 Main St., Luzerne) 570.283.1300, brewsbrothersbar.com/brewsbrotherswest • Great White: Aug. 20, 7 p.m. $20. • Jackyl: Sept. 13, 8 p.m. $15-$17. THE COOPERAGE PROJECT (1030 Main St., Honesdale) 570.253.2020, thecooperageproject.org • Brother Sun: Aug. 10, 8 p.m. $18-$20. • Coffee House: Aug. 17, 8 p.m. • Honeyfingers: Aug. 30, 7:30 p.m. • Jenny Allen: Sept. 14, 7:30 p.m. • Claudia Nygaard: Sept. 21, 8 p.m., $15-$18. • Mudras: Sept. 27, 7:30 p.m. (Donations accepted and appreciated at the door at all events.) F.M. KIRBY CENTER (71 Public Square, WilkesBarre) 570.826.1100, kirbycenter. org • Jason Isbell/Amanda Shires: Aug. 9, 8 p.m. $25; $50, VIP. • Theresa Caputo of Long Island Medium: Aug. 18, 3 p.m. $39.75. MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE (14 W. Broadway, Jim Thorpe) 570.325.0249, mauchchunkoperahouse.com • Joe Louis Walker: Aug. 9, 8:30 p.m. $20. • Forward Motion: Aug. 10, 8 p.m. $15. • Dustbowl Revival: Aug. 15, 8 p.m. $15. • Coryell, Bailey, and White: Aug. 17, 8 p.m. $27. • Billy Burnette Band: Aug. 30, 8:30 p.m. $23. • Deb and Bev’s Blues Night Out: Aug. 31, 8 p.m. $20. MOHEGAN SUN ARENA (255 Highland Park Blvd., Wilkes-Barre) 800.745.3000, mohegansunarenapa.com • Cirque Musica: Sept. 22, 7 p.m. $25-$65. MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT (44 Woodland Rd., Mount Pocono) 877.682.4791, mountairycasino.com • Kansas: Aug. 11, 7 p.m., $25-$45. NEW VISIONS STUDIO

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• We the Kings: Aug. 14, 6:30 p.m., $20-$23. • Mobb Deep: Aug. 24, 8 p.m., $25-28. • Stroudfest: Aug. 31. TOYOTA PAVILION AT MONTAGE MOUNTAIN 1000 Montage Mountain Road, Scranton • Rockstar Energy Drink Uproar Festival: Aug. 9, 8 p.m., $25-$75. • Peach Music Festival: Aug. 15, $35. • Jason Aldean: Aug. 25, $31.50-$61.25. • Honda Civic Tour featuring Maroon 5 and Kelly Clarkson: Sept. 1, $30-$120. PHILADELPHIA ELECTRIC FACTORY (3421 Willow St., Philadelphia) 215.LOVE.222, electricfactory.info • This is Hardcore: GWAR / Kid Dynamite / Modern Life Is War / 7 Seconds: Aug. 8-11. KESWICK THEATRE (291 North Keswick Ave., Glenside) 215.572.7650, keswicktheatre.com • Ten Years After / Canned Heat / Edgar Winter Band / Rick Derringer / Pat Travers: Aug. 14, 8 p.m. • Adam Ant and The Good, The Mad, and The Lovely Posse: Aug. 15, 8 p.m. • Sinbad: Sep. 14, 9 p.m. NORTH STAR BAR 27th & Poplar St, Philadelphia 215.684.0808 • Aug. 7: Good Luck Varsity / Me Equals You • Aug. 9: Slim Cessna’s Auto Club w/ The Sterling Sisters • Aug. 14: XPN Welcomes: Little Comets • Aug. 15: D-Pryde • Aug. 17: Magnets and Ghosts (Members of Collective Soul) w/Revolution, I Love You, Krissy Krissy • Aug. 21: The Bulletproof Tiger w/ North End, Mohican, Aug. 31: Siamese Sundown (Single Release Party) w/ Ballroom Spies, Lion in the Mane, The Mahlors SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER (1 Harbour Blvd., Camden, N.J.) 609.365.1300, livenation. com/venues/14115 • Blake Shelton: Aug. 10, 8 p.m. • Jason Aldean: Aug. 24, 8 p.m. W


Derek Warren

BEER REVIEWS

Derek Warren | Weekender Correspondent

Weekender Correspondent

World’s Greatest Drink” by Randy Mosher: Handsdown one of the best books ever written about the topic of beer. This book breaks all the beers down into a variety of styles, gives short historical overviews, and has selections of great beers to try in each style. Mosher also examines what glassware to use with each beer, suggested food pairings, and goes into great detail on how one truly tastes beer, hence the name. Read this and you will experience beer in a whole new, and amazing, way. “How to Brew: Everything You Need To Know To Brew Beer Right the First Time” by John Palmer: Are you interested in getting into the fantastic hobby of brewing your own beer but don’t know where to start? Then pick up this wonderful book by Palmer. The science of brewing is discussed in a manner that is not going to go over your head if you are new to the hobby, but is indepth enough that you will

Drink up the summer

be able to brew great beer right away. “A Year in Food and Beer: Recipes and Beer Pairings for Every Season” by Emily Baime and Darin Michaels: This little book is great to have around the house for use throughout the year. There are some fantastic pairing suggestions, along with delicious recipes. What makes this book even more interesting is how it is separated into seasons for easy reference points throughout the year. There is also a chapter dedicated to beer and cheese pairings. A very good reference book to have in the kitchen at all times. No matter what book you decide to read make sure you have a beer on hand as any of these selections will quickly make you very thirsty. Just be sure to choose something a little lower in the ABV, otherwise, you won’t be reading for very long. W

Beer: Oberon Ale Brewer: Bell’s Brewery, Inc. Style: American Pale Wheat Ale ABV: 5.80% Description: Bell’s Oberon Ale pours a golden copper color with pure white head that dissipates quickly, but leaves a nice thick lacing on the glass. The aroma is strong in the fruit category; notes of oranges, lemons, pears, and apples dominate and are backed up with a sweet wheat aroma and just a hint of breadiness and spice. The taste follows the nose exactly with strong flavors of citrus, wheat, and hints of bread cascading over the tongue initially, trailed quickly by the spices and even a slight hint of apricot, before finishing up nice and dry, mainly due to the high carbonation of this beer. The body of this beer leans more towards the mid-range with a bit more heft than many wheat beers, but not overbearing. If this was porridge, Goldilocks would have chosen it, but thankfully it’s beer and it’s great. Oberon is a very lively summer beer that refreshes the body and palate after a hot summer day. Food pairing: Seeing as Oberon Ale is a summer ale it should be no surprise that this beer is perfect for your favorite summer dishes. Try Oberon Ale with your favorite salad, especially those topped with fruit; think berries or peaches and topped with a light vinaigrette for a truly inspiring summer afternoon lunch. If you are feeling more like a dinner pairing, think grilled chicken topped with some rosemary, thyme, and a squeeze of lemon with a side of corn on the cob with butter. The sweet-

ness of the corn will be brought forth when paired with the great wheat ale. Other great pairings include: salmon, Camembert cheese, and sushi. Is it worth trying? Yes, Bell’s Brewery is positively a brewery that you can always rely on to create fantastic beers. While this is not my favorite style of beer, Bell’s has unquestionably made a very enjoyable wheat ale that is perfect for the summer. While lately the summer weather is not nearly as oppressive as it has typically been, and actually has been almost fall-like in the evenings, this summer ale is great to have on hand. Drink up and enjoy what is left of the summer,

because before you know it you will be drinking pumpkin beers and then on to winter, and you’ll be looking back longingly on beers like Oberon Ale while dreaming of the warm summer months. Rating: W W W W Where can I get it? Currently available in bottles at: J & H Beer, WilkesBarre; Exit 190 Beer Deli, Dickson City; Goldstein’s Deli, Kingston; Wegmans, Dickson City; and Krugel’s Georgetown Deli, Wilkes Barre. Remember, enjoy responsibly! Cheers! - Derek Warren is a beer expert, avid homebrewer, and beer historian. Follow Derek’s beer blog at idtapthat.org. W

Page 25

I don’t know about you, but I love a good book and I also love a good beer, so what could be better than a combination of the two? During this craft beer renaissance we have had the opportunity to try many new and exciting beers, but we are also fortunate that there are now vast libraries of books related to beer available today. Books ranging from homebrew recipes of favorite commercial beers to beer and food pairings to the history of certain breweries are all at our fingertips – literally, if you’re reading on a tablet device. Here is a nice starter list of great beer related books with brief introductions to each. “The Audacity of Hops” by Tom Acitelli: This is a brand new and fantastic book if you are looking for a great history lesson on the current craft beer market. It has in-depth looks at some of your favorite current breweries and is a fascinating and quick read. It will arm you with a great amount of historical knowledge to drop during your next trip to the bar. The author also discusses the subject matter more from a business perspective than from that of a beer fanatic, giving the book a more authentic feel, making it more enjoyable overall. “The Craft of Stone Brewing Co.: Liquid Lore, Epic Recipes, and Unabashed Arrogance” by Greg Koch: This is the compendium of everything Stone Brewing related and it is fantastic. Not only does this cover the history of how Stone came to be and grew to become the fantastic craft beer company that it is today, but it also includes recipes from its world-renowned café (try the Garlic, Cheddar, and Ruination soup), and if that wasn’t enough, it also includes recipes for nearly all of their fantastic beers. (Arrogant Bastard recipe not included.) “Tasting Beer: An Insider’s Guide to the

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Books and beer


WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013

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SCRANTON • 5:30-7:30PM DALLAS • 5:30-7:30PM PLAINS • 5:30-7:30PM

JULY 19TH WOODLANDS

JULY 26TH MORGANZ PUB & EATERY,

WILKES-BARRE • 5:30-7:30PM

SCRANTON • 5:30-7:30PM

AUGUST 2ND KING’S PIZZA

AUGUST 9TH THIRST T’S BAR & GRILL

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

Weekender

MOUNTAINTOP • 5:30-7:30PM

OLYPHANT • 5:30-7:30PM

AUGUST 16TH ARENA BAR AND GRILL

WILKES-BARRE • 5:30-7:30PM

AUGUST 23RD RODANO’S

AUGUST 30TH KILDARE’S

WILKES-BARRE • 5:30-7:30PM SCRANTON • 5:30-7:30PM

CONCERT TICKET GIVEAWAYS, COORS LIGHT GIVEAWAYS, FUN GAMES, & MORE

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EntErtainmEnt rEport

Ralphie Aversa | Special to the Weekender

By Sara Pokorny

Weekender Staff Writer

Travelin’Train

Train has kept its wheels rolling with various summer tour stops, pausing to reflect on the passing of a friend with Ralphie.

revealed. “We didn’t know if radio stations like that around the United States would embrace a country artist.” So far, so good. The “Hey, Soul Sister,” singer is pleasantly surprised. “It’s our favorite song on the record,” he said. “The fact that people are responding to it the way that they are… it’s a great ending to this album cycle.” With that, Monahan also breaks the news that this fourth single from the LP will likely be the last. Train’s proper tour ends in mid-August. The band will play a handful of fairs and festivals through September 1, and then gear up for the “Sail Across The Sun Cruise” next February. As for Train’s lost friend, a private service was held last Friday for David “Kidd” Kraddick. Plans for a public service have not been announced. On Monday, his morning show continued on 97 BHT with co-hosts Kellie Rasberry, “Big Al” Mack, Jose “J-Si” Chavez, Jenna Page, and Shannon Murphy. Kraddick’s beloved “Kidd’s Kids” charity will also move forward with planned fundraising events. The annual trip that the charity benefits sends chronically and terminally ill children and their families to Walt Disney World in Orlando. Kraddick’s show has asked that in lieu of flowers, to please consider a donation to the charity. - Listen to “The Ralphie Show” weeknights from 7 p.m.-midnight on 97 BHT. W

valuable thing you learned from this whole experience? MB: To remain humble. Katie, James and I can’t walk into any public establishment without being recognized and applauded. It’s very important to myself and #TeamFORK to stay grounded and keep the focus on the food and customer service, which got us to this point. W: What was the most memorable part of the whole experience? MB: The opportunity to have a world-known, unbelievably talented, three Michelin starred restaurateur taste my creation. W: You were awarded $5,000 for the secondplace prize. What are you going to do with that money? MB: Already blew it at Mount Airy Casino! Ha ha, just kidding. Giving all my staff a bonus and applying the rest towards the next truck. W: Anything you would like to say to WTFork fans? To your employees? To anybody? MB: Thank you. Thank you for voting, thank you for supporting, and thank you for helping my team and I have that once-in-alifetime experience – and the 15 minutes of fame. W

Courtesy Photo

What the Fork made it to the Top 2 spot of food trucks in the nation on “LIVE with Kelly and Michael,” receiving a massive amount of new exposure in the process.

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The band Train took its “Mermaids of Alcatraz” tour to Dallas last weekend. Pat Monahan was looking forward to hanging out with two old friends: Columbia Records EVP of Promotion Lee Leipsner and radio host Kidd Kraddick. But the beloved host of “Kidd Kraddick In The Morning” died on July 27 at the age of 53. Monahan, along with his band mates Scott Underwood and Jimmy Stafford, were saddened by the news. “Kidd has been a big supporter of Train for our whole career,” Monahan noted in an interview which aired last week on “The Ralphie Show.” “He’s been in this business a lot longer than we have.” The timing of Kraddick’s passing hurt Monahan even more. “Any loss is sad, but to know you were moments away from seeing an old friend, and now you can’t,” the lead singer said. “Our hearts go out to his family.” Leipsner told All Access that the band would pay tribute to Kraddick at the Gexa Energy Pavilion. Train is currently playing outdoor venues with The Script and Gavin DeGraw in tow. Also sharing the stage with the San Francisco-based artists is country singer/songwriter Ashley Monroe. The songstress is featured on the next single from California 37, “Bruises.” “We asked (Ashley) two years ago to sing ‘Bruises’ with us,” Monahan

Scranton has been put on the map, once again, and this time around, it’s being recognized for something good – and downright delicious. Last week, the What the Fork food truck had a crazy seven days after the announcement that they had made it from the list of Top 10 food trucks in the nation according to “LIVE with Kelly and Michael” to the Top 4. From the Top 4, a round of voting pushed the truck to the Top 2, sending them flying to New York City last minute to tape a cookoff with the other top competitor, Mustache Mobile, an eatery touting its cheesesteaks from New Jersey. On Aug. 1, What the Fork served up its now-famous pulled pork tacos to the judges – celebrity chefs/ restaurateurs Josh Capon, Andrew Carmellini, and Jean-George Vongerichten – as well as producer Michael Gelman and members of the audience. Though What the Fork knew the outcome that morning, they had to stay tightlipped until the next day, when the winner was announced. What the Fork nabbed second

place and $5,000, yet Mario Bevilacqua and crew feel this was a win, on all accounts. We caught up with Bevilacqua after the announcement was made to chat about the experience. THE WEEKENDER: Last week was a whirlwind – you moved up in the competition very quickly and then suddenly found yourselves in New York on Thursday taping. What was that like for you? M A R I O BEVILACQUA: It was great because we had no time to get nervous. We found out, got our truck cleaned head to toe, grabbed some gas, and took off. It all happened so quickly we didn’t really comprehend what an impact it would have. W: Did you find out who won on Thursday as you taped, and was it difficult to keep that under wraps? MB: We found out Thursday morning. It was very hard to keep it from family and friends that had supported us from day one and have voted and shared. It certainly would have been harder if we had a $20,000 check to come home with! W: What’s the most

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

A forkin’good time


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BAZAARS/FESTIVALS 27th annual Pocono State Craft Festival (www.poconocrafts.com or call 570-476-4460.) • Aug. 24-25, Quiet Valley (347 Quiet Valley Road, Stroudsburg). $6, adults; Free, children 12 and under. 33rd Annual Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire: Opens Aug. 3 and runs Saturdays and Sundays through Oct. 27, and Labor Day Monday, Mount Hope Estate and Winery. $29.95, adults; $10.95, children ages 5 to 11. For more info and tickets visit PaRenFaire.com or call the box office at 717.665.7021. Annual Antiques, Arts & Crafts Festival: Aug. 10, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Exaltation of the Holy Cross Church (420 Main Road, Hanover Township). St. John the Baptist Orthodox Church (93 Zerby Ave, Edwardsville) • 15th Annual Ethnic Food Festival: Aug. 24, 11 a.m.-6 p.m. BENEFITS/CHARITY EVENTS 5th Annual Golf Tournament benefiting the 1st Lt. Jeffrey DePrimo Memorial Fund, Luzerne Foundation: Aug. 17, 1:30 p.m., Wilkes-Barre Golf Club. $75.

Register at deprimogolf.com or call 570.709.0916 for more info American Cancer Society • Making Strides Against Breast Cancer of Wyoming Valley walk kickoff breakfast: Aug. 20, 7:30 a.m., Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Railriders stadium, Moosic. American Red Cross of Lackawanna County • Roof-A-Thon: Aug. 7-9, Wendy’s, Davis Street, Scranton. Camp Papillion Pet Adoption and Rescue (570.420.0450, camppapillion. org) • Meet & Greet/Adoption Day: Aug. 17, 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Tractor Supply (Route 209, Brodheadsville) Dog Days of Summer with Tracey’s Hope Hospice Care Program, Rescue for Domestic Animals, Inc., and Ben & Georges Ice Cream: Aug. 10-11, 5:30-10 p.m., Ben & George’s (194 E. Oak St., Pittston). Psychic readings on Saturday, dogs for adoption on Sunday. Doing it for Lola breast cancer fundraiser: Aug. 10, 1-10 p.m., American Legion Post 781, Mountain Top. $15 donation, kids 12 and under free. Bike run/scavenger hunt begins at 12:30 p.m. at Outsiders

in Wilkes-Barre. Family Service Association of NEPA 5th Annual Pauly Friedman Family 5K Walk/Run: Aug. 11, registration 8:30 a.m., race 9:30, Misericordia University, Dallas. $25. For more info or to pre-register call 570.823.5144 or emailfsawv.ruthkemmerer@ verizon.net. Fifth Annual “A Ride to Remember” to benefit the family of Pittston native Michael Garron: Aug. 17, registration 10 a.m., ride begins at noon, Polish American Citizen’s Club (Elm Street, Dupont). $15. For more info call 570.362.0823. Mike Meoni Memorial Scholarship Fund • 1st Annual Mike Meoni Memorial Golf Tournament: Aug. 10, Sleepy Hollow Golf Course, Greenfield Twp. Tournament format is a four person captain and crew team for 19 holes. $65 per person; $260 per foursome. For more information visit MikeMeoni.com. Party on the Patio, fundraiser in memory of Dr. Jennifer Sidari, Aug. 8, 5-9 p.m., Damenti’s Restaurant (Mountain Top). $50

per person Safe Haven Dog Rescue (www.SafeHavenPa.org, SafeHaven@epix.net) • Volunteer Meeting: Aug. 20, 6:30 p.m., Cherry’s Family Restaurant, Route 209 near Route 534, Kresgeville. • Adoption day: Aug. 18, 11 a.m.-3 p.m., Tractor Supply, Rte. 209, Brodheadsville. Tattoo Benefit for Frankie Bonacci Aug. 19, noon, Slingin’ Ink Tattoo & Piercing (1201 Mulberry St., Scranton). All tattoos $50 each. CAR & BIKE EVENTS 570 Riders Bike Nights • Runs every Monday in the summer. 6 p.m., Dairy Queen, Rt. 315 Coal Cracker Cruisers Car Club (570.876.4034) • Cruise Night: Sept. 6, 6-9 p.m., Advance Auto Parts (Route 6, Carbondale). • 15th Annual Car Show: Sept. 15, 9 a.m. For more info contact JoAnn Spalnick, 570.876.4034. Fall Festival Car Cruise (Eagle Rock Resort, 1 Country Club Dr., Hazleton) Oct. 12, 10 a.m.-midnight. Rain date Oct. 13. Optional donation of $12 day of show, $9 preregistration. Pre-register by

mailing 1 Country Club Drive, Hazle Township, PA 18202. Go Pink at Pocono 2: Hosted by Bill Martel Racing, Aug. 3, following the Camping World Truck Series Pocono Mountains 125. More info at billmartelracing. com. McDonald’s (Route 590 Hamlin, Pa) • Car Cruise: Every second Friday of August, September, 6 P.M. Montage Mountain Classics (Thurs., 6-9 p.m., Fri., 6-10 p.m., Sat., 5-9 p.m.) Car Cruises: • Aug. 17, Sept. 21, 5-9 p.m., Johnny Rockets, Montage Mountain. • St Joe’s Car Show: Aug. 18, 9 a.m.-3 p.m., Pittston Bypass. Rain date Aug. 25. • Sept. 6, 5-9 p.m., Pittston Cruise, Tomato Festival parking lot. • Cruise to Benefit Ronald McDonald House: Sept. 22, 2-6 p.m. Rain date Sept. 29. New Life Community Church • Filipino Cultural Day: Aug. 10, 301 Delaney St., Hanover Township. Dinner 4:30 p.m., reservation required. $8, adult; $4, children; free, 4 and younger. 6 p.m., cultural dances and children’s games; 7:30 p.m.,

ACROSS 1 Airport schedule data (Abbr.) 5 Mop the deck 9 Kimono closer 12 Anger 13 Sit for a photo 14 Pal of Wynken and Blynken 15 Ancient Mariner’s burden 17 Right angle 18 Theatrical 19 American emblem 21 Performing 22 Mythical lecher 24 Geek 27 - capita 28 Billions of years 31 Away from WSW 32 Raw rock 33 Potential syrup 34 Probability 36 Eggs 37 Wan 38 Hidden supply 40 - usual 41 One of The Donald’s exes 43 Snare 47 Venusian vessel? 48 Colonial sewer 51 “- Doubtfire” 52 Island neckwear 53 Arctic diving birds 54 “Mayday!” 55 Ticklish Muppet 56 For fear that

Eddie Mesa concert. EVENTS Back Mountain Martial Arts (114o Memorial Highway, Dallas. 570.675.9535, info@ufa-a.com, www.ufa-a.com.) • Free anti-bully seminar: Aug. 24, 9:30-11:30 a.m. THE COOPERAGE PROJECT (1030 Main St., Honesdale) 570.253.2020, thecooperageproject.org • Coffeehouse: Aug. 17, 8-11 p.m. Dietrich Theater (60 E. Tioga Street, Tunkhannock, 570.996.1500, www. dietrichtheater.com). •Hickory Project Live: Aug. 25, 3 p.m. • Gathering of Singers & Songwriters 12: Aug. 21, 7:30 p.m. Including Tom Flannery, Eddie Appnel, Hannah Bingman and Lorne Clarke. • Open Mic Night: Aug. 23, 7 p.m., Breaking Groud Poets at 8:15. Adult Classes: • Gathering of Singers & Songwriters 12: Aug. 21, 7:30 p.m. Admission by donation. • Open Mic Night: Aug. 23, 7 p.m., sign-ups 6:30. F.M. Kirby Center (71 Public Square, Wilkes-Barre.

SEE AGENDA, PAGE 38 DOWN 1 Historic periods 2 Pinball no-no 3 Actress Jessica 4 Neptune or Poseidon 5 Nimble 6 Court 7 Fool 8 Surround 9 144 units 10 Weevil’s morsel 11 Not busy 16 Coffee break hour 20 Favorable vote 22 Wait on 23 Vicinity 24 Ultramodernist 25 Conclusion 26 Relief provider 27 Milne bruin 29 “Unh-unh” 30 Agent 35 Actor Mineo 37 Star-related 39 Larry the - Guy 40 Whatever number 41 “- the word” 42 Roundish hairstyle 43 Old U.S. gas brand 44 Libertine 45 Requests 46 “Hey, you!” 49 Conger, for one 50 Quarterback Tebow


Wednesday, august 7, 2013

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Agenda From page 36 570.826.1100.) W. Curtis Montz summer Film series: ($4, matinees; $6, evening shows) • The Sessions: Aug. 7, 1 and 7:30 p.m. • Raiders of the Lost Ark: Aug. 14, 1 and 7:30 p.m. • Hyde Park on Hudson: Aug. 21, 1 and 7:30 p.m. • Hitchcock: Aug. 28, 1 and 7:30 p.m. • Psycho: Sept. 4, 1 and 7:30 p.m. Irem Clubhouse (64 Ridgeway Drive, Dallas) Beer Glass Bash and Grill night: aug. 17, 5-8 p.m Ladies Night Out: Aug. 14, 6 – 9 p.m. Birds and Brews Night: Aug. 10, 5-8 p.m. Concerts, 7 p.m. each night: • Aug. 11: Wyoming Valley Barbershop Harmony Chorus • Aug. 18: Orpheus Choral Society • Aug. 25: Irem String Band Jessup Art Walk: Second Saturday of every month. For more info visit jessupartwalk.info or email info@jessupartwalk.info. Jewish Community Alliance • Happy Hour on the “Skyy Vu Deckbar” at the Woodlands: Aug. 8, 6-8 p.m. For info contact Barbara sugarman at 570.824.4646. Justus Volunteer Fire Co. (159 Fieldstone Dr., Scott twp., 570.587.4545) • Night Out at the Station: aug. 10, 7-10:30 p.m. Lackawanna College (501 Vine St., Scranton, 1.877.346.3552, lackawanna. edu) Environmental Institute (10 Moffat dr., Covington twp.) • Earth Connections Day Camp: aug. 12-16, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. ages 11 to 13. $95 per camper. • Wilderness Skills: Sept. 17, 5:30-7:30p.m. Ages 7 and

up. $5 per person. Preregistration required. • Art Opening: Works from “The Studio”: Sept. 20, 5-7 p.m. through nov. 1. • Natural Wonders: Fall Harvest: Sept. 26, 1-2:30 p.m., and every Thursday through Dec. 5. Ages 3 to 5. $40, six classes. Pre-registration required. Registration limited. Lackawanna Valley Chapter of Trout Unlimited Fundraising BBQ Feast: Aug. 18, noon-6 p.m., Bernard Seminski Park (Elm St., Dickson City). $25; $12.50, children 12 and under. For tickets, contact Frank Kaczmarek at 570.489.1831 or A&G Outfitters at 570.489.1650. Ladies Night of Comedy and Wine with Jeannine M Luby: Aug. 8, 7:30 p.m., Mountain View Vineyard and Winery, Stroudsburg. $20, includes first glass of wine. For more info and tickets visit JeannineLuby.com. Misericordia University • Open house for adult learners: aug. 13, 4-7 p.m. • Open house for high school students and parents: Aug. 17, registration at 9 a.m., 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Mountain Grange No. 567 • First Annual Rummage sale: aug. 10, 9 a.m.-2 p.m. • Family Picnic: Aug. 17, noon, Knoebal’s. 76 University Drive , Hazleton, 570.450.3000, www.hn.psu.edu) Penn State Wilkes-Barre (Rte. 115, Lehman, 570.675.2171, wb.psu.edu) • “Five Great Films, Five Great Genres:”Thursday evenings beginning sept. 26 through Oct. 24, RC Theaters Wilkes-Barre. Pre-film lecture notes and post-film discussion will accompany each screening.

Films include “Airplane!”,“On Golden Pond”,“Raiders of the Lost Ark”,“The Day the Earth Stood Still”, and “High Noon”. Self Discovery Wellness Arts Center (200 Lake Ave., Montrose, 570.278.9256 or e-mail wellness@epix.net, wellnessarts.com) Unity of NEPA: A Spiritual Center (140 S. Grant St., WilkesBarre. 570.824.7722.) • Facing the Giants: Aug. 10, 6:30 p.m. $5 suggested love offering. • “Your Owner’s Manual” with Rev. Diane Sickler: Aug. 11, 10 a.m. • Great Communicators Can Move Mountains with Corey Hansen: Aug. 14, 6:30-8:30 p.m. • Creative Ministry Service: aug. 18, 10 a.m. •1st Annual Tacos for Tulips fundraiser: Aug. 18, 1 p.m. at Harmony Hall (140 S. Grant St., Wilkes-Barre), parking behind church on Bethel St., $5 a plate, all proceeds benefit Unity of NEPA, purchase spring bulbs to beautify our spiritual home. • “The Hip Sip” Unity Coffeehouse with Jeff Raught: aug. 24, 6 p.m. in Harmony Hall. • Special Guest Speaker, David Beverly: Aug. 25, 10 a.m. Waverly Community House (1115 N. Abington Rd., Waverly, waverlycomm.org) • Comm Classic Car Show: aug. 11, 4 p.m. • Cocktails for the Courts: aug. 9, 5:30-7:30 p.m. • Music on the Lawn: Aug. 22, 6:30 p.m. Wyoming Area Kiwanis Club • Movie Nights in the Park: Aug. 30, 7 p.m., Dailey Park (West Wyoming). Crafts and kids activities at 7 p.m., movie begins at 8:15.

2012 MODEL OF THE YEAR

DOMINIQUE KOZUCH

THINK YOU’RE ATTRACTIVE? ASPIRING TO BE A MODEL?

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MODEL SUBMIT TWO RECENT PHOTOS TO MODEL@THEWEEKENDER.COM INCLUDE YOUR AGE, FULL NAME, HOMETOWN AND PHONE NUMBER. (MUST BE 18+)

Popcorn and drinks provided; please bring blankets and chairs. LOCAL HISTORY Eckley Miners’ Village (located nine miles east of Hazleton, just off Route 940; 570.636.2070; www. eckleyminers.org) • Volunteer Meeting: Aug. 10 • Living History and Civil War Weekend: Aug. 17-18, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Old Jail Museum (128 W. Broadway, Jim thorpe. 570.325.5259. www. TheOldJailMuseum.com.) TOURS: Through Labor Day, daily (closed Wednesday), noon to 4:30 p.m. $6, adult; $5, senior over 65 and high school; $4, children ages 6-12; free, children under 5. LEARNING Dietrich Theater (Tunkhannock) Classes for Adults • Jewelry Making: MultiStrand Bracelet: Aug. 22, 7-9 p.m. Ages 16 and up. $30. • Recycled Glass Artwork: series 5: august 5, 12, 19, 26, 7-8:30 p.m. Ages 18 and up. $65, four classes. Students must supply own safety glasses. • Writers’ Group: Thursdays from 7-8:30 p.m. Ages 18 and up. • Introduction to Yoga: Aug. 14, 28, 10 a.m. Pocono Arts Council (18 n. seventh st., Stroudsburg. 570.476.4460. www.poconoarts.org) • Oil Painting: Aug. 8, 15, 22, 29, 6:30-8:30 p.m. $72, member; $80, non-member; $60, senior member; $65, senior non-member. • Basic Drawing: Aug. 7, 14, 21, 28, 6:30-8:30 p.m. $72, member; $80, non-member; $60, senior member; $65, senior non-member. • Jewelry Making Workshop: aug. 6, 13, 1-4 p.m. $50, member; $60, non-member;

Send your listings to WBWnews@civitasmedia.com, 90 E. Market St., Wilkes-Barre, Pa., 18703, or fax to 570.831.7375. Deadline is Mondays at 2 p.m. Print listings occur up until three weeks from publication date. $40, senior member; $45, senior non-member. $10 materials fee. Sil-Lum Kung-Fu & TaiAcademy (509 Pittston Avenue, (3rd floor). Private classes are available. For more info contact: Master Mark Seidel, 570.341.8089.) • Adult classes: Tuesday & Thursday, 7-8 p.m; Saturday & Sunday, 10-11 a.m. • Children’s classes (ages 9 & up): Saturday, 11 a.m.-noon • Yang Style Tai-Chi Chuan Adult classes: Saturday & Sunday, 11 a.m.-noon Wudang Swordsmen Academy (269 s Washington Street, Wilkes-Barre, 570.630.0088, www. WudangSwordsmen.com, info@WudangSwordsmen. com) • Wudang Taijiquan (traditional tai chi): Mon., Wed., 6:10-7:30 p.m. • Wudang Gongfu (internal kung fu): Tue., Thu., 6:107:30 p.m. • Youth Kung Fu (ages 10-13): Mon., Wed., 5:00-6:00 p.m. • Baguazhang (Eight Trigram Palm): sun., 10:50 a.m.12:50 p.m. • Cardio Kung Fu: Mon., Wed., 10:00-11:00 a.m. • Tai Chi for Health: Tue., thu.,10:00-11:00 a.m. • Daoist Sitting Meditation: sun., 4:30-5:30 p.m. • Morning Seated Qigong (meditation & breathwork): tue., thu., 9:00-9:50 p.m. • Pushing Hands Circle (open to all tai chi players in the area): sun., 3:00-4:00 p.m.

• Open Wudang Training Hall: sun., 1:00-3:00 p.m. OUTSIDE Friends of Salt Springs Park • Perseids Meteor Shower: aug. 11, 8:30 p.m. Meet at Wheaton House. Free. • Cliff Trail Hike: Aug. 17, 11 a.m. Meet at Buckley Road parking lot. Fee. • Full Moon Bike ‘n Bonfire: Aug. 21, 6 p.m. Adults only. Free. • Mushrooms and Mycilia: aug. 25, 1 p.m. Free. • Upper Fall Brook Trail Hike: aug. 31. Fee. • Salt Springs Celebration: aug. 31, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Lackawanna Historical Society (The Catlin House, 232 Monroe Avenue, Scranton, 570.344.3841.) Guided downtown walking tours: • 11 a.m.: Aug. 10, 24. Tours are free, but reservations are required by the Thursday prior to the tour date. Nescopeck State Park (1137 Honey Hole Rd., drums, 570.403.2006) • Y Walk Wednesday: Nature in Your Neighborhood: Aug. 21, 6 p.m. • Guided Hike: Austin T. Blakeslee Natural Area: Aug. 23, 9 a.m. • Just for Kids: Art in the Park with Jan Lokuta: Aug. 31, 1 p.m. •A Night out with the Stars: Aug. 31, 8 p.m. Ages 6 and up. Limited space. Must register in advance. Expanded listings at theweekender.com. W

www.theweekender.com www.theweekender.com


L I V E R A C I N G • O F F T R A C K WA G E R I N G • D I N I N G • N I G H T L I F E

Weekender Deck Series @ King’s Pizza • 08.02.13

Photos by Jordon Weiss • For more photos, go to www.theweekender.com

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2013

LOOK WHAT YOU MISSED

SUPER HORSES. SUPER DRIVERS.

SUPER STAKES SATURDAY AUGUST 17 | POST TIME 6:30 PM

RACE NIGHT IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE. Don’t miss the country’s top horses and drivers competing for over $2 million! Plus, grab your FREE sweatshirt while supplies last. LIVE RACING TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY and SATURDAY. Post time 6:30 p.m. TIME TO SHINE.

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Gambling Problem? Call 1.800.GAMBLER. 1280 Highway 315 • Wilkes-Barre,PA 18702


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WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2013

WEEKENDERW DERWEEKENDER EKENDERWEEKENDER EEKENDER ERWEEKENDER facebook.com/ WEEKENDER the weekender W DERWEEKENDER EKENDERWEEKENDER

Jonathan Kray of Luzerne County with Dale Earnhardt Sr. at Dover International Speedway, Dover, De., in the summer of 1995.

Had an encounter with someone famous? If so, the Weekender wants your picture for our Starstruck. It doesn’t matter if it happened five months ago or five years ago. Send us your photo, your name, hometown, the celebrity you met, and when and where you met them, and we’ll run one photo here each week. E-mail high resolutin JPEGs to weekender@theweekender.com or send your photos to Starstruck, c/o The Weekender, 1 N. Main St., Wilkes-Barre, PA, 18703.

PEBBLES AND PATCHES Owner: Jada Exter Dupont

Infinite Improbability:

Enter your pet for Weekender’s PET OF THE WEEK by sending photo, pet’s name, breed if applicable, owner’s name and hometown to: weekender@theweekender.com subject line: Pet of the Week

w w

E-mail a photo of your tattoo (at least 200 dpi) with your full name, address and phone number to weekender@theweekender.com to enter our weekly contest. Each month, Weekender readers vote for their favorite, and the winner receives a $75 gift certificate to Marc’s Tattooing. Must be 18 to participate

sponsored by

LeSean McCoy Philadelphia Eagles Running Back

Autograph Signing

Friday, August 30th 6-8pm

SPoRtS FEvER inside the Steamtown Mall

300 Lackawanna Ave. Scranton For ticket information call 570-343-7148

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A column focusing on geek culture, discussing, analyzing, and debating the impact of comics, movies, music, and anything that has a dedicated following.


Drivers & Delivery

Maintenance / Supervisory

WANTED!

FRONT OFFICE ASSISTANT

SCHOOL BUS DRIVER

CARPET + TILE CLEANERS

ALL JUNK CARS & TRUCKS! CA$H PAID 570-301-3602 ADOPT: Loving couple longs to adopt newborn. Safe, secure forever love. Rachel & Elliot 1-866-936-1105. Expenses Paid Yard Sale

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SOCIAL SECURITY DISABILITY Free Consultation. Contact Atty. Sherry Dalessandro 570-823-9006 Money To Lend “We can erase your bad credit 100% GUARANTEED.” Attorneys for the Federal Trade Commission say theyʼve never seen a legitimate credit repair operation. No one can legally remove accurate and timely information from your credit report. Itʼs a process that starts with you and involves time and a conscious effort to pay your debts. Learn about managing credit and debt at ftc. gov/credit. A message from The Times Leader and the FTC.

Dental office seeking front office assistant. Must have 2 yrs experience with insurance verification, submitting claims, & scheduling appts. Send resume to: Anthony D Kuprionas, DDS 24 North Main Street Wilkes-Barre, PA 18701

G. Davis Inc. has openings in Dallas, PA. Our professional training staff can assist you with all training certifications clearance necessary to become a valid school bus driver. Email resume to: godavisbus@gmail.com or call 570-685-2287

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OFFICE ASSISTANT

HOUSEKEEPER

We are looking for an Office assistant to join our team! If you have experience working in a clerical/general office capacity, preferably within an automotive dealership, we want to hear from you. Responsibilities will include assisting in daily office operations, processing and posting deals, organizing and filing office documents, and other duties as assigned. Applicant must possess excellent written and verbal communication skills, be comfortable working in a fast paced office environment, be computer proficient (especially with Microsoft Office), and be able to work on a deadline. A valid PA driverʼs license and clear driving record required. Applicant must be willing to submit to a pre-employment background check and drug screen. Send your resume and salary requirements to: officeassist560@gmail.com or BOX 4475 c/o Times Leader 15 N. Main St. Wilkes-Barre, PA 18711 Drivers & Delivery

DRIVER

Experienced Limousines/Sedans. Part-time. Days/ Nights/Weekends. Knowledge of major airports and NYC recommended. 570-288-5466

Weekend/Weekdays. Apply in person. Knights Inn 310 Route 315 Pittston, PA 18640 570-654-6020

RECEPTIONIST

Experienced receptionist needed for busy office. Myst be pleasant, professional, proficiency in Microsoft office. Must be able to multi-task.

Stanley Steemer is hiring. Drivers license required; must work Saturdays, 7 am - done; 100% commissions paid. Call Brian Phillips 570-542-5330 at Harvis HR Servics to request employment application or leave message. EOE. Mechanics

WINGFOOT

is currently hiring for: SERVICE TECHS Must have clean driver's license. Must be able to work nights and weekends. RETREAD TECHS REFURBISHING TECHS

Mechanics

Houses For Sale

We offer 401K-Blue Cross/Clue Shield, Delta Dental, eye care and prescription plan. Paid vacation, paid holidays. Good starting salary.

WILKES-BARRE Completely Renovated Quiet area, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, large eat in kitchen, dining & living rooms, walk in closet, huge bonus room. Recent roof, new boiler, upgraded plumbing & electric. New carpeting & vinyl, huge backyard, driveway, front & rear porch, patio, new windows. Appraised at $86,900, for sale at $49,900. 610-389-8226

Applicants need to apply at: wingfootct.com/careers Commercial PITTSTON 8 unit apartment building. $145,000. Call for details, 570-655-1606

GET ALL THE ADVERTISING INSERTS WITH THE LATEST SALES. Call 829-5000 to start your home delivery.

Apartments /Townhouses PLYMOUTH APARTMENT FOR RENT ALL UTILITIES INCLUDED! PLEASE CALL 570-881-0636

TRAVEL AGENT

Experience required 2 years or more for busy office. Must be pleasant and professional. Send resume to: The Times Leader Box 4470 15 N. Main Street Wilkes-Barre, PA 18711 Installation / Maintenace / Repair

MAINTENANCE

For housing complex Freeland, PA. Duties: work orders & turn-overs, electric, plumbing, and janitorial experience. $10 per hour. Fax resume to 845-694-5216 or email: steven@ thecapitalrealty.com Logistics/Transportation

Drivers: Hazleton, PA. Local and Regional Runs Available CDL-A, 1yr Exp. Req. Estenson Logistics. Apply: www.goelc.com 1-866-213-1065

timesleader.com Get news when it happens.

NOW HIRING

FULL-TIME AND PART-TIME THERAPEUTIC STAFF SUPPORT WORKERS Bachelor's Degree/Associate Degree in Human Services, Criminal Justice or Education needed. Experience working with children helpful!

Flexible hours for parents!

Classified Advertising Salesperson Part-time temporary position Must have excellent customer service, communication, sales and spelling skills, and ability to speak well on the telephone. Eagerness to sell will be rewarded with commission opportunity in addition to base pay. Temporary position for 12 weeks (or different length of time). Send cover letter and resume to hiring@timesleader.com or to: Human Resources, The Times Leader, 15 N. Main Street, WilkesBarre PA 18711.

Schedules available during school hours! Please send, fax or e-mail your resume to:

Children's Behavioral Health Services

timesleader.com

Attn: Chuck Kemzura 104 Woodward Hill Road, Edwardsville, PA 18704

Get news when it happens.

Email: ckemzura@cbhsinc.com Fax: 714-7231 EOE

80007369

WEEKENDER, WEDNESDAY, AUGST 7, 2013

Administrative / Professional

80015282

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Special Notices


Commercial

Auto Services

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Wilkes-Barre near General Hospital. Freshly painted 3 room apartment. Spacious eatin kitchen includes stove and refrigerator. Bedroom features 2 full size closets. Large 13ʼ x 21ʼ living room. Water and sewer included. Electricity by tenant. Washer and dryer available in laundry area. Off street parking in private lot. No pets. Security, application, lease required. $485.00 per month. Call 814-9574.

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Route 315 1,200 Sq. Ft. Up to 10,000 sq. ft. Will build to suite Call 570-829-1206 Half Doubles

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SPRAGUE AVE. 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1st floor duplex. New carpeting & hardwood floors. Convenient to Wyoming Ave. Basement storage. Washer/dryer hookup. $525 month + utilities, security, lease. NO PETS. EAST BENNET ST. Charming 3 bedroom, hardwood floors, new carpeting in bedrooms, laundry room off spacious kitchen, stained glass windows, off street parking, convenient to Cross Valley. $650. + utilities, security, lease. NO PETS. 570-793-6294 KINGSTON Newly renovated, Modern Kitchen, 2 bed, 1 bath, off street parking, all appliances, hardwood, lots of closet space. $700+security. Tenant pays electric and water. Available Now. 570-417-9540 Garden & Produce

PICK YOUR OWN BLUEBERRIES! 8 am to 8 pm Closed Sundays

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570-333-5286 NO PETS IN THE FIELD!! Autos For Sale

1 & 2 bedroom apartments Starting at $440 and up. References required. Section 8 OK. 570-357-0712

CADILLAC '97 SEDAN DEVILLE Nice car in good condition, all power options, runs well. 105,000 miles. Call 570-362-0309 for info.

Commercial

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PLAZA 315 ROUTE 315 - PLAINS

1,750 SQ. FT. & 2,400 SQ.FT OFFICE/RETAIL, 2,000 FT. With Cubicles. 570-829-1206

Two tone white, leather interior,one owner, garage kept, 139K highway miles,CD and security system. New tires and current inspections. $8000 570-239-8110

Experienced Caregivers Needed

Visiting Angels is looking for experienced, compassionate and reliable caregivers to work in the homes of the elderly. We have all shifts immediately available. We offer flexibility, competitive wages, friendly and supportive staff. Why a career with Visiting Angels? Because, we care for our caregivers. Must have a valid driverʼs license and reliable vehicle. Get Started Now! CALL TODAY 570-270-6704

Shedlarski Construction

Property & Estate Cleanups, Attics, Cellars, Yards, Garages, Construction Sites, Flood Damage & More. Cheaper Than a Dumpster!! Same Day Service Free Estimates 570-301-3754 Painting & Wallpaper

Danielʼs Paint and Wall Covering Lic. PA100671 & Ins. 20 YEARS EXP.

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Pressure Washing

Home Improvement Specialist Licensed, insured & PA registered. Kitchens, baths, vinyl siding & railings,replacement windows & doors, additions, garages, all phases of home renovations. Free Estimates 570-287-4067

PJʼs Window Cleaning & Janitorial Services Windows, Gutters, Carpets, Power washing and more. INSURED/BONDED. pjswindowcleaning.com 570-283-9840

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY Would you like to deliver newspapers as an Independent Contractor under an agreement with

THE TIMES LEADER?

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CallCall Jim Terry McCabe to make appointment to make an an appointment at 570-829-7138 570-970-7450

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Apartments /Townhouses

SALES PROFESSIONAL For Selling Buses Area of Responsibility

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PAGE 45

bussalesjob13@gmail.com


WEEKENDER, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2013

VIDEO GAME REVIEWS

Robbie Vanderveken | Special to the Weekender

You’ll fall for‘TowerFall’ ‘TOWERFALL’ System: Ouya Genre: Action Developer: Matt Thorson Publisher: Matt Thorson A few weeks ago, I reviewed the new Ouya game system. Now there may be a good reason to pick up the console with “TowerFall.” “TowerFall” was created by a one-man studio (Matt Thorson) for release on the Ouya, and it has become an overnight sensation. At its core, “TowerFall” is an archery combat game supporting one to four players. A fourplayer match feels very similar to “Super Smash Bros.,” the combat in the game is very fast and furious, and the gameplay is very simple and accessible. Players have three abilities: shoot, move, and jump, but with the small game boards and quick deaths, you have to really think quickly to stay alive and win matches. Each game board is a static screen, and the characters can jump around avoiding obstacles and trying to shoot the other competitors with arrows. Each arrow can be a very precious commodity because not only do they kill your enemy with one hit, but you only get four arrows to start with. It is possible to ration them, however, because you can

PAGE 46

NEW AND UPCOMING GAME RELEASES Aug. 6: Dragon’s Crown Aug. 13: DuckTales: Remastered Aug 20: Saints Row IV Aug. 27: Madden NFL 25

pull them out of the walls and out of corpses that litter the battlefield. Along with the regular arrows, there are treasure chests that appear periodically with all sorts of different kinds of arrows to try out. All of the powers and arrow types you can find really add a lot of depth and strategy to the game. Some of the powers include shields, wings, exploding arrows, and many others. There are also several tricks that can be found on the game boards themselves, such as warping tunnels and hiding spots you can use to your advantage. Each trick and power-up make the game more interesting and frantic; because of the one-hit kills, you really have to make good use of each power-up you find and decide whether it is worth it. Making a run to get the power-up might get you killed. The single player mode in “TowerFall” is very similar to a puzzle game; you have to smash targets within a certain amount of time. This can be very tough in some of the levels. One thing this accomplishes is it gives you a lot of practice at moving around the game board quickly and hitting targets while moving; this can be very handy when playing multiplayer. Right now, there are about 21 single player puzzle missions, but there are reports that there are more to come. The way this game really shines is in the multiplayer. Not only can you play the standard matches with up to four players, but there are about 20 ways you can change the rules of each of the game maps, such as exploding corpses, starting with one arrow instead of three, etc. There are also 70

RIDE OF THE WEEK

Michael Golubiewski | Special to the Weekender

1978

MERCURY BOBCAT

Owner: Billy O’Hara ‘TowerFall’ may look simplistic, but multiplayer adds many fun elements to this Ouya game.

games maps to choose from, with many different types of themes and obstacles. You and your friends can play for a very long time and never see the same game board twice. Another really interesting feature is the instant replay system; you can really rub a victory in your friend’s face by showing them the instant replay, if you are into that sort of thing. Just like the rest of the Ouya games, you can try a demo of the game for free or buy the full version for $14.99. If you have some friends to play with, I definitely suggest downloading the full version of the game because it is one of most fun multiplayer games I have played in a while. “TowerFall” has no story, and the graphics look like a NES game

straight out of 1984, but if you can get past those limitations, you will find a true hidden gem of a game. Just playing the demo single player, I enjoyed this game a great deal, but I was really sold when I played the multiplayer. If you are looking for a good reason to buy an Ouya, this may be it. If not, there will be a PC release of this game later on this year. If you are looking for a fun, old school action platforming game, then you should at least try the demo. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. -Robbie Vanderveken is the digital operations specialist at The Times Leader. E-mail him at r v a n d e r v e k e n@ t i m e s leader.com. W

Binghamton, N.Y.

“I read The Weekender online every week to keep up with happenings in NEPA and finally decided to send in my Mercury Bobcat,” O’Hara said.“People who know me know that I like to collect rare or odd things. I think the Mercury Bobcat was an odd idea – an upscale Pinto? Why would anyone have wanted to buy this? “It clearly was one of the Ford Motor Company’s worst ideas, which is why I love it.” W

To submit your vehicle, email: mgolubiewski@theweekender.com


Kenny Luck | Special to the Weekender

Are hookups and booty calls the new dating?

have been changing for decades, with fewer people courting each other for long-term commitments like marriage. Widespread and dominate, hookups are, I submit, a way of testing a potential partner, seeing if they can be, indeed, relationship material. To the regret of some, the traditional date is in many ways on the path to extinction. To be clear, hookups and booty calls, though increasing in popularity, are still not practiced among the majority. Also, arguably, nothing good or bad can be said about this phenomenon. It’s simply a description of what is – an observation of how people behave. I don’t necessarily endorse hookups and booty calls, nor do I mean to suggest that I am some promiscuous jerk by bringing light to this subject. Though, in some ways, I do like the traditional date. With the right person, traditional dates are a lot of fun. They offer people an opportunity to relax and have fun while getting to know each other in the process. But I do recognize, however, that the emotional and relational winds have been shifting for quite some time, and it’s better to get on the wagon than be left behind. Finally, to ask the question – “Are hookups and booty calls better than the traditional date?” – is to dive into a one of the major dilemmas of modern dating, a question that does not readily yield an answer. But, then again, you might be able to ask Katy Perry. W

Melissa Hughes | Weekender Correspondent

yeS, no, and where to go

Erin Rovin | Weekender Correspondent

Stop and smell The ins and outs of outlets the what?! Last Saturday, I was sitting on a bench in Public Square taking in a few glorious hours of people watching. I was casually sipping on my Dunkin iced coffee when a very heated couple standing a few yards away started screaming at each other. Being the nosy, other-people’s-dramaloving person that I am, I decided to take a listen. The girl was yelling at her boyfriend, accusing him of cheating. He went out Friday night and didn’t answer his phone. I have heard this argument a hundred times, but then the unthinkable happened. She asked to smell his d—k. To me, this is a perplexingly odd request. If I was so certain that a guy was being unfaithful that I’d be willing to sniff him like a hunting dog, I’d just count my losses and leave. As someone who needs to stay on the forefront of dating and relationship trends, I started doing some research. To my shock and amazement, I discovered this is not an uncommon request. I recently went with a friend to the set of Maury for an interview. While watching a few tapings, I couldn’t help but notice that this became a recurring request from the women yelling at their cheating baby daddies. Does it make for good TV or is this common practice? It rolled off their tongues as nonchalantly as asking to bum a cigarette. Upon further investigation, I also discovered there is a YouTube video addressing this very subject. It is a music video for a song called “Smell Your D—k.” This masterpiece about a scorned woman and unfaithful lover surely

must have been an inspiration to many; it ended up being featured on Tosh.0. Would you really want your 15 minutes of fame to be a song about this? I started asking around. Have I been out of the committed relationship loop so long that this is now the new norm and accepted practice? Do we no longer crazily go through men’s phones or stalk their Facebook, instead skipping right to seeking the scent of another woman? We no longer live in the land where the cheating spouse comes home with the telltale lipstick on his collar. Instead, it seems we have been forcedto turn ourselves into CSI agents or Basset Hounds. Call me old fashioned. Maybe I am unhip to today’s methods of discovery, but I have no desire to smell it. Other woman or not, it’s not a particularly pleasant smelling organ to begin with. If I think you’re cheating, you don’t deserve me. Women of the world, find your confidence. Stand tall and secure in your relationship. And finally, if you’re going to request a whiff, see if it is the relationship that stinks, not the d—k. W

Nothing gets my blood pumping like seeing a billboard for an outlet mall. Especially when I’m on an impromptu road trip with the hubby. That’s right ladies, I caught a man who likes to shop. Let’s start with a little history, shall we? At first, outlet or factory stores were usually attached to the company’s warehouse, just like the Lord & Taylor outlet in Wilkes-Barre. Half of the shopping space is retail shopping at ridiculously low prices for designer clothing, while the other gated-off half houses visible conveyer belts and boxedup product. Outlet shopping was born in the 1930s when factories would offer less than perfect goods at a discount price to their employees. In 1974, Vanity Fair opened up the first outlet shopping center in the country in Reading, Pa. The public was now in on all the great factory deals, and the product sold wasn’t just factory excess or oopsies – they offered a wide variety of items for a fraction of the original cost. The not-so-bright side of outlet shopping is that the products are usually last season’s looks (which isn’t the end of the world, especially if you aren’t buying trendy), and some products are made specifically for the outlet so that slashed price tag you see may be a phony starting price to make you feel like you are getting a better deal. But if the price is right, who cares? Most outlets are located in a rural area, not in a big city or in close proximity to the original store. This is probably a strategic move. If you travel an hour to the outlets, you will most likely stay for the day, which leads to more purchases. Also, the rent is cheaper

Whatever you do… • Check out Lord & Taylor Outlet and Clearance Center in Wilkes-Barre. • Visit some local outlets online to see what kind of steals and deals are offered in our area right now. • Take a short ride to the Crossings Premium Outlets in Tannersville or visit premiumoutlets.com See you at the outlets! for the mega store location. Most stores in an outlet mall are legit outlet shops, but there are also regular stores within the outlet mall. These stores will have the same prices and items as your local mall – don’t assume the prices will be lower. If you have small children to buy for, most children’s outlet shops have amazing deals. Gymboree, Carters, and GAP are running some great promotions this week at the Crossings Premium Outlets in Tannersville. You can also check a specific outlet website for weekly sales and deals. Now is the best time for outlet shopping since we are heading into fall and back-to-school deals are everywhere you look. W

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In Katy Perry’s 2011 song “Last Friday Night,” the pop songstress sings about waking up with a stranger: she’s hung over from the night before, trying to make sense of what happened and how she arrived in her situation. She implies that she and her mystery man had sex, and that their interaction will end there. Among my generation, “Millennials” (born between the early 1980s and early 2000s), “hookups” are the norm, and Perry, who is herself a Millennial, embodies the hookup ethos better than anyone through her song lyrics. That sexual intercourse can take place in an array of contexts – including marriage, committed relationships, friends with benefits scenarios, and one-night stands – is well known. According to a study published last year by the American Psychological Association, 20 percent of sexual intercourse cases involve people who know each other but were not in a relationship, and another 15 percent involved people having sex who did not know each other previously. So, what are hookups, and how do they differ from other forms of intimacy? Defined as “a brief sexual encounter among individuals who are not romantic partners or dating each other,” hookups’ defining qualities are brevity and non-commitment. Others call this form of interaction “booty call relationships.” In this way, hookups and booty calls are both lowinvestment sexual activities, the ultimate free ride, allowing two people (or many, if you’re into that sort of thing) to have sex without sticking around. Traditional forms of relationships and courting

Same Sex, different city

Wednesday, august 7, 2013

male muSingS on love, romance, and dating


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WeeKendeR, Wednesday, august 7, 2013

A 20-Something’S wild AdventureS

By ChuCk Shepherd

JUSTIN BROWN | Weekender Correspondent

Weekender Wire Services

Dying at Denny’s

BREW NATION Pro-nationalism english defence League activists seemed to be itching for a street brawl to break up a scheduled anti-nationalist demonstration in downtown Birmingham, england, on July 18, causing the city to mobilize more than 1,000 police — when officials arrived at a solution. Police shepherded “hundreds” of rowdy edL operatives into the popular Bar Risa pub at 11 a.m., confining them for three hours, until the anti-edL rally had dissipated. (given British habits, many edLers decided to enjoy their confinement with a brew.) as a result, police reported only sporadic street scuffling. (Bar Risa, perturbed by police pressure to host alleged “fascists,” donated its profits to the Midlands air ambulance service.)

Page 50

At least Justin was kind enough to leave a note.

Dear Mom & Dad, I honestly thought that last Saturday night I was going to stay out of trouble. I was hosting a fundraiser at the bar I manage to send a child with muscular dystrophy to a special needs camp for a week and planned on going straight home for a good night’s rest before a Sunday Funday at the concert of the summer: Jay Z and Justin Timberlake’s “Legends of the Summer” tour. However, I was absurdly reminded that when it comes to my life, it is nearly impossible to behave for an entire night. It all started when my buddy stopped by to visit me at the bar with his girlfriend and her gay roommate. As usual, it only took 10 minutes for my friend and his girlfriend to fight back and forth until the gay roommate walked away saying, “This is even too caddy for me!” Before you knew it, my buddy left, and his girlfriend Samantha was at the bar with me by herself. “I was even going to dye my hair black for him!” she vented when it was just the two of us. “I have the hair dye in my car, but I have

nobody to do it for me.” “I’ll do it,” I offered. “Tonight?” she asked. “Well, I was planning on getting food after because I didn’t really eat all day,” I told her. “Then let’s go to Denny’s,” she suggested. “I’m starving! We can dye my hair at my apartment after.” Since I had the concert the next day, I explained that I didn’t want to be out all night. “I’ll dye your hair at Denny’s,” I told her. “That way, we can overcome our hunger and you can get your hair done.” “At Denny’s?” she screamed. “Yes! Then when people ask where you got your hair done, you can say Denny’s!” “You’re nuts, Justin Brown! How are we going to pull that off?” “Let’s go to your house and get a towel and shampoo,” I instructed. “Leave the rest to me!” After stuffing our faces, I told Samantha to take the hair dye out of her purse and follow me into the men’s room. “What if our waitress thinks we left without pay-

ing,” asked Samantha. That’s when I wrote a note on a napkin that read: “Dying our hair in the bathroom, be right back.” Considering it was 4 a.m. on a Saturday at Denny’s, I was assuming it wouldn’t be the craziest thing the waitress has seen on her shift. I was wrong. “I didn’t even believe it when I was told what was going on in here,” addressed the manager as he entered the men’s room 10 minutes later. “You mean this never happened?” I asked, as I was rubbing chemicals into Samantha’s hair next to a urinal. Although he didn’t answer yes or no, I’m assuming it was a no, as we were kicked out and had to finish dying her hair in the parking lot, with waitresses staring out the window. Sorry, Mom and Dad, for getting kicked out of Denny’s at 4 a.m. for dying a girl’s hair in the men’s room. I guess multi-tasking is frowned upon in public restrooms.

Love, Justin

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CULTURAL DIVERSITY — For “beach season” in Qingdao, China, recently, middle-aged ladies returned to the shore of the yellow sea sporting their relatively revealing (though ageappropriate) bathing suits — but wearing distinctive cloth hoods with tiny holes only for the eyes, nose and mouth. to many in China, dark skin still signals laborers and fair skin the indoor “leisure” class, according to a July report on the business website Quartz. — In shenzhen, China, one of the country’s richest cities, services are being openly advertised by “wet nurses” to supply adults with breast milk, either directly from the source or after pumping (and purchased by either the infirm or just rich people overconcerned with nourishment). these milk “suppliers” can earn at least four times the average personal income, with healthy, attractive women earning even more, of course, according to a July agence France-Presse dispatch. Comments on China’s social media ranged from “It’s just a business” to “People become perverts when they are too rich and tire of other forms of entertainment.” — Because Zimbabwe is reputedly among the world’s most corrupt countries, bribery is normal and makes the news only when innovators go above and beyond. the anti-poverty organization transparency International reported in July that one hospital in Harare had recently been imposing

THE REDNECK CHRONICLES (1.) Police in york, Pa., arrested both Karen Harrelson, 48, and gregory stambaugh, 57, in May because they could not figure out which one started the couple’s knife fight — over which contestant (Candice or Kree) deserved to win this year’s “american Idol.” they had apparently stabbed each other with the same knife. (2.) dewayne eddy, 54, was charged in yuba County, Calif., in May with beating his adult daughter with folding lawn chairs and a can of beans after discovering that a bolt was missing in the chicken coop in his yard. a $5 charge on mothers each time they screamed during childbirth (in addition to the $50 delivery fee). Furthermore, it has long been rumored that hospitals in Zimbabwe (and other countries) may detain mothers and their children at the hospital if they cannot pay the fees. (transparency International reported several days later, after finally obtaining a meeting with a government official, that the per-scream charge will be lifted.) LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES — satan was thrust into the recent texas legislature debate with pro-choicers shouting, “Hail, satan!” at the right-tolife faction. However, whom satan had endorsed was not clear. a British organization called uK Church of satan appeared to criticize the pro-choicers (according to twitter comments) while the new york-based Church of satan (founded in 1966 by anton LaVey) insists on a woman’s right to choose, said its High Priest Peter gilmore — although he acknowledged that shouting “Hail, satan” to anti-abortion activists was “ludicrous and meaningless.” — Megachurch bishop Ira V. Hilliard told his sugarland, texas, congregation (new Light Christian Center) in June that one of his two private aircraft — a helicopter valued at about $1 million — needs new blades, but rather than pay it himself, he asked parishioners to each find it in their hearts to send him $52 “favor seeds” for the blades. (His ministry also owns a $2 million Hawker jet and a $3 million hangar.) to sweeten the deal, he virtually promised that a donor’s gift would be met by a “breakthrough favor” from god in the form of a car repair or their very own “dream” car either 52 days or 52 weeks later (according to a church letter described by the Christian Post).

NEWS THAT SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE — In May (before edward snowden began releasing his previously classified document cache), the american Civil Liberties union released its own attempts to learn some of the same information from the FBI under the Freedom of Information act. two of the documents, totaling 69 pages, were completely “redacted” — solid black boxes covering the entirety of every page except for page numbers and document title. — a June performanceart street demonstration in glastonbury, england, got out of hand when a spectator took offense at one of the characters, who was dressed as a giant penis to promote a show by the troupe nomadic academy of Fools. the bystander grabbed the penis’ costume, but the penis’ colleague, Joanne tremarco, who was dressed as a giant vagina, went to his defense, trying to calm the bystander until police arrived. THE WEIRDO AMERICAN COMMUNITY Ronald Rock, 31, was arrested in Malone, n.y., in May after surveillance video convinced police that he was the man at a sears store who told a female stranger that he loved her shoes and wanted to buy a pair for his mother — and asked if she would take one off to show him. Rock then appeared to stuff the shoe down his pants and masturbate vigorously. (Malone is within 25 miles of the small town of Massena, which was the site of the man caught on video stuffing the Hannaford’s pepperoni down his pants for the same purpose — reported in news of the Weird seven weeks ago.)

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By Caeriel Crestin

Weekender Correspondent LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) On the African plain, lions and lionesses play dramatically dissimilar roles. The formidable lions, with their impressive manes and roars, make such a show that no one ever messes with them; they rarely have to demonstrate just how redoubtable they are. Lionesses, on the other hand, prove their mettle daily, hunting, without making such a stink about it. Still, there’s something to be said for each style—you’d do well to switch it up. Lionesses: strut more and consequently wrangle less—bare your fangs more so you can use them less. Lions: stop telling everyone how badass you are and just show them, once in a while. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) The keystone is the wedge-shaped piece of rock at an archway’s apex. It’s placed last and locks all the other stones into position, creating an elegant and stable design, capable of bearing great weight. You’ve been carefully stacking stones for a new emotional support structure.. So far your construction has been propped up with the equivalent of wooden scaffolding while you searched for the perfect piece to hold it all together. Don’t become impatient and force the wrong piece into place (not when the right one is this close!), because it’ll just crack under the pressure, or fall out. Be patient, please, or your hard work will crumble to rubble. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Talking about, unfortunately, often substitutes for actually doing. It’s much easier to discuss writing a novel, effecting political changes, or planting a field than actually doing it—and the more you talk about it, the more you rob energy and inertia from trying to get it done. I’m concerned because I’d rather see you accomplish your admirable goals than continue to blab about them. You usually ascribe to the philosophy that actions speak louder than words, which is why it’s surprising to see you babbling so much, instead of getting things done. In other words: this week, shut up and work. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You may lack the ability to make the things you despise disappear. But you have surprisingly profound powers of transmutation of late. Make your life’s villains less objectionable. For instance, in my slightly more ideal world, I’d transform a serial killer on the loose into The SUV-Slasher. Instead of destroying people’s lives, he’d shred the tires of those greedy, city-dwelling assholes who insist on driving the things.

concerns. But retreating from everyone until you’ve arrived at a lighter mental DUSTIN HOFFMAN place is the wrong move; it’s too easily (pictured) interpreted as a rejection, instead of Aug. 8, 1937 an admirable bid to shield those you Sidney Crosby adore. We don’t need protection from Aug. 7, 1987 you. It doesn’t matter if we understand your troubles. It just matters that Anna Kendrick you’re willing to let us try. Aug. 9, 1985 TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Angie Harmon Tauruses are the least likely sign to Aug. 10, 1972 see Jesus in a tortilla, be anally probed Hulk Hogan by alien abductors, or get splashed by Aug. 11, 1953 the Loch Ness monster. Still, you might Casey Affleck become more superstitious after this week. When “coincidences” stack so Aug. 12, 1975 precisely, you may wonder if there’s Lacey Brown more than just random chance at work. Aug. 13, 1985 No one’s asking you to become an avid leprechaun hunter or poltergeist Yes, your might may fall a little short but miserably inept when it comes to investigator. But once you accept that of rearranging reality to this extent, helping yourself. Such is the case this your fate might be nudged occasionally but then again—why not try? I predict week. It’s not incompetence, simply the by forces outside your awareness or you’ll be happy with the results, either virtual impossibility of seeing things understanding, you’ll be much happier way. from an outside perspective. Don’t than when you insisted on pinpointing SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) compound your suffering by dwelling a rational explanation for everything. Tag-team wrestling sucks when your on your cluelessness. Have the humilGEMINI (May 21-June 20) partner is already out for the count, ity to ask someone, anyone for help. A Divine inspiration is pretty ranwhile your pair of opponents are still baby, sitting in the right place, could dom. You can’t just tell the universe, in tiptop shape and raring to go. Don’t point your way out of this mess. One “Okay, give me definitive proof that be bitter. The past couple weeks you last note—don’t kick yourself for not God exists.” I tried that, opening were blessed with generous amounts seeing the obvious until someone in mental conduits to the rushing torof backup support and inspiration. diapers pointed it out to you. It wasn’t rent of information that I imagine the This is the universe’s way of making obvious—and won’t be—until exactly cosmic unconscious to be. Instead, I sure you can still kick ass on your own. that moment. was rewarded with precise insight on Don’t worry; you can—without even PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) how to read and understand baseball resorting to playing dirty. Your many Astrophysicists get excited about statistics. So… I’ll work with that. You partnerships have taught you some sur- events that happen over billions of do pretty well tuning out the outside prising and effective moves. Use them, years, because the more we learn about world and generating an impressive and don’t dwell on your apparent aban- them, the closer we come to underoeuvre out of your own inner workings. donment. Once both your adversaries standing the basic structure of reality But you’d do even better synthesizing are pinned to the mat, your friends will itself. But why should we care about that precise control with the chaos the confess their preparations to jump to the collision course of two incredibly world throws at you. Open up, Gemini, your defense, and their pride that you colossal black holes an incomprehensi- and you’ll hit more homers this season never really needed them to. bly vast distance away? Unfortunately, than you ever have before. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) your inner workings, although as arguCANCER (June 21-July 22) Capricorns aren’t packrats; you’re ably important as intergalactic dynamHermit mode continues unabated stockpilers. You absolutely love being ics, are similarly hard to relate to, for this week. You lapsed into your shell prepared. If you have a fireplace or other people. They don’t necessarily recently, and it might be good to wood-burning stove, you’ll gleefully understand what’s going on, or—more continue that precedent, so you can stack cords and cords of firewood to importantly—how it affects them. This be properly recharged for the forced burn all winter. You also love having week, clue people in, even if it means socialization of the upcoming holiday money in the bank, plenty of food in simplifying things. Don’t describe the season. It really is okay to be introthe pantry and freezer, and even a few ongoing nuclear fission reaction susverted and antisocial for a couple admirers tucked away on hold, in case taining our sun and your soul, just say, weeks at a time, so don’t feel pressured of an emergency. That’s why it’s confus- “Fire…hot,” and leave it at that. to be a social butterfly because of some ing that you should choose to suffer ARIES (March 21-April 19) arbitrary rule you’ve set for yourself. instead of dipping into those reserves. Stay. Don’t go. Complaints have Besides, come next week, anything Reward yourself for your diligence and been coming in about your lack of con- people-oriented goes. And I mean anyforesight. Use them when you have to, sistency. When you’re present, you’re thing. You’ll be so popular you could like this week. warm, loving, and all-around wonderget famous playing the accordion. Why AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) ful. But your recent absences—physinot try? “Physician, heal thyself,” isn’t exactly cal and mental—are distressing to all a fair concept. For instance, you can concerned. Everyone who loves you -To contact Caeriel, send mail to be an accomplished helper of others— is aware of your unfathomable depth, sign.language.astrology@gmail.com. thanks to the benefit of perspective— your dark feelings and unknowable W CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS


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The Weekender 08-07-2013