46 western tidewater living
winter forecast T
here being such a group of people that foretell what might come, permit me to venture into such territory and make a few predictions as “Ole’ Man Winter” makes his entrance. A woman will snuggle against a man’s side to get warm. And two hearts will heat up. A man standing in front of a camera in Norfolk with a map at his back will mention the word “snow.” At that point, 10,000 people will invade the grocery stores and confiscate all the milk, bread and water. Two weeks later, cartons of unopened milk will be found at the area landfill with expired dates. The first cold night, someone will turn up the thermostat and nothing will happen. Then someone will ask someone else why they had not checked it out before now. An extra blanket will be put on the bed. Then another. Somewhere around Dec. 25, 84,632 people will gain an extra 6.3 pounds for a total weight
gain of 266 tons, which will cause southeast Virginia to settle 2/10 of an inch and the ocean level will creep up as a result. Exactly seven days later, half those people will resolve to lose those 6.3 pounds. But the ground does not rise to its original level. A bird, sitting in a barren oak tree, will rejoice as it sees a human step into a yard and fill a bird feeder. After a snow, across the bottom of the television screen will scroll “Schools closed in Southampton and Isle of Wight counties,” and a chorus of delightful screams will reverberate across the land as young imaginations soar toward the next day’s adventures. An old man will put another log on the fire.
column and photo by Rex Alphin
A middle-aged man will fall asleep Sunday afternoon watching football. A child will bust the ice on a mud puddle with his boots. Someone’s suntan will fade away. An older woman will sing off key in the Christmas cantata, but no one will mention it. This will be the first Christmas a family will have an empty chair where the father always sat and someone will weep. A 6-year-old boy will hear reindeer hooves on the roof. A grandmother will see her grandson and tell him how much he has grown. About the end of next February, all of us, tired of shivering and long cold nights and gusty northern winds, will look longingly toward the coming spring and all that it will bring. But not without first looking over our shoulder at the previous three months and saying, “It was a good winter.” ←