13th Nov— 1st Edition
EDITORIAL by Hermes When God was creating Earth, he felt compelled to create a distinct race of human beings – the EYPer. After working His mind for building a
Η ( όχι τόσο ) χαμένους πολιτισμούς by Pandora Όταν κατάλαβα ότι αυτή η σύνοδος θα περιερχόταν σε Ιερ
perfectly shaped, wonderfully looking, stun-
ά Νερά - Μάγια, έχω στιγμιαία αίσθηση ότι δεν άλλες σύν
ningly intelligent human form, he turned to his
οδος θα μπορούσε ποτέ να ανταγωνιστεί με αυτή την ιστο
brand new creation and said: You are to be a EY-
ρική σχέση μεταξύ του παρελθόντος και του παρόντος. Χ
Per, and being an EYPer is not to be an easy job.
ρόνος μπορεί να είναι ένα ανατριχιαστικό τύπος, αλλά θα
“True indeed” are your thoughts. As a matter of
μετατρέψει σίγουρα αυτή τη σύνοδο σε κάτι αξιοσημείωτο!
fact it requires time, strength, mood, avail-
ΕΚΝ έχει προσβάλει όλους τους συνέδρους σε ένα υπέρο
ability, yin and yang.
χο ταξίδι προς τον Ελληνικό Πολιτισμό. Οι πιο τυχεροί θα
Very much like a religion, really.
φτάσει το βουνό του Ολύμπου, αλλά όλοι τους είναι ( επ
“Come again?” Yes, a religion, where you guide yourself by rules written on the book, you always believe
αν ) οικοδόμησης των μεγάλων και εκπληκτική Μάγια, θέ λω να πω, Πολιτισμός Μάίια! Από Κεντρική Αμερική στη Βόρεια Πορτογαλία, πρέσβεις
that someone higher than you will help you on
Χρόνος, γνωστός και ως απόφοιτοι της ΕΚΝ, στάλθηκαν
moments of trouble, you celebrate it on week-
να μοιραστούν τις γνώσεις τους σχετικά με τον κύκλο ζω
ends, you put yourself through celibacy and
ής του EYPer του. Φιλοσοφικά, οι Μάγιας πίστευαν ότι η
STILL you thank for being part of it.
γνώση του παρελθόντος σήμαινε γνωρίζοντας την επίδρα
For all these reasons and for the much appreci-
ση της παγκόσμιας συγκυρίας που δημιουργούν το παρό
ated awkward situations, worthy of recalling in
ν, και γνωρίζοντας τις επιρροές του παρόντος μπορεί καν
the future, we deliver you this excellence jour-
είς να δει την επίδραση της παγκόσμιας συγκυρίας του μέ
nal, made for you, for remembering yourself continuously you were once part of a cult. And just like a well-behaved religion follower, this journal is not to be in any way satirical, insulting or discourteous. Not at all.
λλοντος. Λοιπόν, αυτό είναι, μόλις ξέρετε το θρυλικό πνεύ μα EKN θα αποφανθεί ολόκληρη καθημερινή σας ρουτίν α ... και η βαθύτερη αλήθεια κάτω από αυτή την θεϊκή πα ρουσία ... αυτό είναι ότι η ΕΚΝ το πνεύμα θα είναι για πάν τα στη ζωή σας. Αυτό είναι πολύ χρήσιμο - θα μπορέσου
“Injoi iourselves!” -
με τελικά να απαντήσει στην ερώτηση. Τι θέλετε να είναι σ το μέλλον; Μια EYPer! Ευρωπαϊκό Κοινοβούλιο Νέων (Holy Waters Express translator available on the next edition—DON´T MISS IT!)
OUR STARS! “Lazy butts were heavier than the power of union” - EMPL by Dionysus Behind the lovely chair Mariana Catarino, there’s a peculiar delegation. From the heart of Alentejo, the irreverent delegates from the Committee on Employment and Social Affairs are here to show the world the power of sunny plains of the beautiful Portuguese countryside. Everyone knows jokes about these people, as they’re known by their laziness, being one of the only inheriting the practice of “Siesta time” from our brothers, the Spanish. Actually, during Teambuilding, they had slight difficulties on some games, especially «Caterpillar» and «Stand Up» when, on the first one, they sang Big Fat Pony for like 30 times before they could get the pace right and, on the second one, lazy butts were heavier than the power of union. However, the irreverent and rebellious spirit of this glorious delegation can lead them to great achievements, as they demonstrate the necessary will to conquer the world… and perhaps the Assembly.
“The Committee on Youth is rather feminine” JEUNE by Afrodite How to describe them? God... You can’t even imagine how this is difficult. After serious and sensible reflection I came up with a possible adjective: feminine. No, this is not an editorial mistake, fellow readers. In fact, Simão’s testosterone isn’t enough to take this label from them as even their Chair was caught by Express wearing a pink robe!! What about the dress code, huh? I’m not particularly into gossip, but who doesn’t like some occasional embarrassing information about others? This delegation is quite special on the matter... A delegate who’s afraid of dwarfs, one that has already dived naked in the sea and another who has already eaten grass. What’s left to comment?! The Express was also told that they loved the EYP experience (huh... It looks like we’re having a nice set of new officials soon!) and when confronted with the subject of their motion they defended the moderated consumption of alcohol, although some of the delegates confessed having had their personal occasional excesses. Honesty above everything, right? The important thing is... Well, it’s their role to tell us, let’s hear what they’ve got for us in the GA...
“My greatest passion is democracy. Right now I’m having a democratic orgasm.” - DROI by Afrodite The committee on Human Rights is everything but boring. From human rights to raw politic,
niques, these guys know it all. It was impossible not to notice their capacity to analyze and prioritize, keeping, however, their acute and refined sense of humor. But the question remains… Isn’t a photograph of the chair essential for your survival in a desert?! Will the sun’s orientation and Bear Grills’ advices (reported by Eduardo) be enough? Or do you think that Paulo’s red&black socks will distract all the predators? Rsrsrsrsrs On serious matters they showed themselves extremely analytical, practical and conscious of what surrounds them. They described themselves as reserved and pointed out their ability to conciliate their points of view. Fortunately, they do not turn a blind eye to differences of opinion. What a worthy capacity in the GA, I believe. The Ambassador, Eduardo, told the Express “My greatest passion is democracy. Right now I’m having a democratic orgasm.” In my opinion, this says it all... Let’s wait to see them in action.
“… eventually he died of hypothermia.” - ENVI by Poseidon This session`s committee on Environment is in one word: Diversity. The delegates have such different personalities and each one of them has his own way of working or being focused. What is impressive in this delegation is that even thought they are so different their teamwork and motivation makes this feature only something that unites them even more. During their Teambuilding the first game they played was “Stand Up” which proved to be a bit of a challenge at first but they managed to accomplish it with practice. They
found out that Alexandre
has trespassed an abandoned mansion and has cried listening to “avante”, Maria has eaten cow “poop” and Bernardo left his hamster in the balcony and eventually he died of hypothermia. But the secrets weren`t only of the delegates because their chair, João Moreira told them he has taken the eyes off a fish with his mouth, of course they were all a bit surprised, perhaps disgusted by this fact but he said it had been in college so it’s all good. They were very autonomous and were well informed about theirs and others delegations subjects themes and when discussing a measure in a motion they presented different points of view so they wouldn`t miss anything. The delegation is very united and really knows how to work with one another.
“Snow White and the 8 dwarfs” - ANIMAL by Dionysus Famalicão’s muscle and brains are well represented by this stunning delegation,
marked by its ancient and historical tradition. But, independently of
delegates from the Committee on Animal Rights are prepared for the challenges of today’s world. With a little help
from their awesome
chair João Leal, they’re provided with the tools to be the best delegation ever seen. So, other delegates, be careful with this one: the group of the guys and THE girl will smash your motion in seconds, as they show the proper team-working skills and the guts to participate the maximum they can.
“… you just grab it…” - HUMAN by Poseidon The Humanitarian and Civil Protection committee is what you would call a team. They support each other and have a really good and consistent relationship amongst themselves. They had their most memorable moments during Team Building. While the team was playing “Spider Web” they showed teamwork and trust amongst themselves when being passed through each others’ hands through the web holes and trusting fellow delegates directions on how to get to the other side. Their chair, Flávio, (whom was considered by the majority of his delegation the hottest chair in the session) also had to go through the web and when trying to pass through one of the corners he motivated himself by saying he had to do it “like a stripper, you just grab it (the pole) and …” but as you can imagine he wasn`t able to do it the “stripper way” and had to try another passage. The last delegate, who had to somehow go through the hole in the middle, tried jumping and brought the entire web construction to the ground. Quite amusing, huh? Referring to serious matter now, in their committee work we were able to see how they worked and we considered them a well-rounded team. They did their homework and they had strategies not only for other delegations but for themselves. They know which are each others’ most valuable features and they’re using this to their advantage, listening and completing one another’s, which leads to thoughtful attacks and to good criticism.
THE THREE STOOGES by Hermes HWE: Good afternoon. Joana, first of all, I would like to say that I’m completely thrilled about this interview, since you’re our double president: President of the Session and President of the EYP Portugal. Honestly, how do you juggle your intense life activities and still being available to work on the weekends? What have made you stay? JOANA: Essentially the fact that I believe. I believe in this project, in these people. In no circumstance I would feel comfortable to leave it, once I made myself part of it. And I certainly couldn’t leave behind all of the people that work with me. What makes me stay? Well, they say that if you run for own will, you never get tired and that’s precisely why doing this type of work doesn’t harm at all – in fact it actually makes me drive my mind away from my daily problems. ANA: You know you’re a EYPer when all your friends know you’re referring to the actual European Youth Parliament and not PES, the video game. Dou you think it is worth spending your time this way? JOANA: Certainly, yes! Even though very few sessions take place each year, we always manage to find ourselves dependent on this way of living and we feel the necessity of gathering the organization every few months for some extra-session good time. It’s always worthy – even when things don’t run smoothly. This is one of the toughest and wisest boards that EYP has ever had. The gossip corridors of Committee Work whisper that you will do everything you can to dazzle the delegates. Do you confirm? JOANA: Ohhh, most certainly we will. Leave a message to the fearless delegates, the ones who consider themselves immune to the Board recommendations. ANA: Wait and see, wait and see… Ana Isabel, how will you react if any delegate disobeys your orders in the GA? ANA: As I once did, I’ll very calmly ask the person to sit down and be quiet – and hope they come and plead for forgiveness. What you will do if any delegate say such a thing like “Dear members of the Table”, “Mr. President”, “Eismo”, “Members aboard” etc.? JOANA: We’ll ask the attendants to be very tolerant with us, since we might not be able to control ourselves in those situations. What are your typical reactions to these hilarious moments? JOANA: I try to dissimulate by pretending to be writing something down, or by looking away. Define your ideal delegate. JOANA: Assertive, confident and humble at the same time – which is something particularly difficult to achieve. ANA: Someone that knows when is the best time to end up their speech and sit down. Do you think that Katyzinha would be a great delegate? ANA: Well, she’d certainly be comic, probably talking about the utter importance of loaf bread. JOANA: I’d die to see her outfit… Last but CERTAINLY not least, what is your opinion about this press team? JOANA: Well, you were the only ones who were available, actually. The fact alone that you accepted, that is already relieving. Thank you! You’re far too kind.
DON’T WALK AT THE SPIDERS, GET TO KNOW THE FURNITURE...
Name: JOÃO SURICATA MOREIRA Age: 18 years From: Matosinhos Address: Matosinhos Occupation: Law Student Football club: FCP Favourite Place in the world: New Zealand Best chairing quality: Dynamic Person he hates the most: G. Bush Happiest EYP moment: International Session, in Austria Favourite place to cut his toe nails: Bidé A dream: travel to New Zealand A fear: to die Águas Santas is crossed by
What he thinks about his CC: Useless
Leça River and known by its agricultural legacy. In fact, back in the days, Águas Santas was able to supply Oporto with its production. Quite impressive, huh?
Name: TIAGO IGUAL AO OUTRO PEREIRA Age: 19 years From: Porto Address: Porto Occupation: Industrial & Management Engineering Football club: SLB Favourite Place in the world: Lyon Best chairing quality: Objectivity Person he hates the most: Thermodynamics teacher Happiest EYP moment: moment right after his first Euroconcert Favourite place to cut his toe nails: Bidé A dream: Get to know Katyzinha and to drive an SLS A fear: my brother What he thinks about his CC: SEXEY LADEY!
Name: JOÃO NENUCO LEAL Age: 18 years From: Matosinhos Address: Matosinhos Occupation: Informatics Engineering Student Football club: FCP Favourite Place in the world: Himalayas Best chairing quality: Always present Person he hates the most: A. Hitler Happiest EYP moment: International Forum Favourite place to cut his toe nails: Bedroom A dream: to be happy A fear: to die early
Águas Santas’ Monastery was consid-
What he thinks about his CC: Cra-azy
ered National Patrimony in June, 1910. It is known by its Romanic architectural style and has been rebuilt more than once. It is warmly called amongst local people by Nossa Senhora do Ó Church.
Name: MARIANA TEACUP PIG VIEIRA Age: 22 years From: Madeira Island Address: London Occupation: Genetics PhD Student Football club: CS Marítimo Favourite place in the world: Madeira Island Best chairing quality: being able to have a close relationship with the delegates and yet be respected. Person she hates the most: Bin Laden Happiest EYP moment: her session as a delegate Favourite place to cut her toe nails: WC One dream: To win a Nobel prize in Medicine A fear: mice What she thinks about her CC: Shameless, totally sicko, best friend, ex-libris
Name: MARIANA REGIONAL CATARINO Age: 20 years From: Portimão Address: Lisbon Occupation: Law Student Football club: SLB Favourite place in the world: Meia Praia Best chairing quality: Joyful Person she hates the most: No one, really no one. Happiest EYP moment: when one of her delegations won the National Session Favourite place to cut her toe nails: WC One dream: To be a brilliant professional A fear: to fail What she thinks about her CC: LOVES HIM!
Name: FLÁVIO IGUAL AO OUTRO PEREIRA Age: 19 years From: Porto Address: Porto Occupation: Industrial & Management Engineering Football club: SLB Favourite Place in the world: Casablanca and Brussels Best chairing quality: Stiffness Person he hates the most: Business & Management Teacher Happiest EYP moment: When he was chair for the first time Favourite place to cut his toe nails: Terrace A dream: Get to know “imperativo” guy A fear: that my brother decides to take the same Masters as me What he thinks about his CC: Da mén ófe mai drimes
“A Big welcome by little “holy” stars” by Poseidon After weeks of anxious and stressful waiting we got to the school where this XXIII would be taking place, Águas Santas Secondary School. Even before all the delegates had arrived and we could start the session, we were welcomed by a group of 6th grade students who would be welcoming us to the school performing in a Flute Orchestra accompanied by their music teacher. The performance was both smoothing and exciting, and this was only enhanced by the joyful and enthusiastic kids who were standing in front of us, giving us a show, with only 3 weeks of training. Their number caused various reactions, from having people dancing and cheering for the students to having the Animal Rights chair, João Leal, admitting he was about to cry just when they finished their performance. The Express talked to some of the future musicians and maybe even EYPer`s. They weren`t sure what was going on but they said “they heard something about a parliament” and the “twentieth something”. Even thought they didn`t know who you, and we, were they confided us that they really enjoyed performing. We couldn`t let them go without asking if the teacher was too harsh or strict with them but they immediately replied “NO NO! She is really cool, sometimes she even goofs around with us” So you can thank Sonia, Filipe, Carolina, Marta, Inês and Yevgeniy (only a small number of stars) for the fantastic welcome EYP had in Águas Santas.
PORTUGUESE VILLAGE: CALDO VERDE... AGAIN?! By Hermes If it was not for our dearest teachers, we would only eat cabage and chorizo... Thanks a lot ladies (and gentleman?) for relieving our stomach out of soups and bread. I noticed something missing though… Where was the shrimp?!
What’s happening up there, Zeus? By Kraken
Teacher. You can look up the meaning in a dictionary and you’ll certainly find a definition similar to: Person who teaches or instructs, instructor. Characters: Smart E., Sweet M., Sympathetic S.; Crazy D.; Beautiful L.; Kindly B.; Patty P.; Crazy D.; An Angel. Scenario: Bus tour to Mount Olympus. Half of the lights are off, half lit. Little traffic on the heavenly road that links the “mortals’ floor” with the deity of the Heavens. The reader can hear a creepy laughter by the characters whom are talking among themselves, in a whisper, quite high. The driver is winning the curves and bends of the angelical and infinite road. It is not a good day for Zeus. There is a serious and dangerous storm out there. Main action: Opens up the curtain. The 6:02 pm Tertúlia begins. The characters strongly argue about the meaning and existence of "The Perfect Man". Smart E. starts the discussing drawing attention to the fact that the topic of conversation makes no sense because it is very “Utopian” - The Perfect Man! – she said, convinced of the inexistence of such a “creature”. Than the show starts: Smart E. (Ready for a speech that would make her be proud of herself ): For me he has to be sympathetic and handy (“no verdadeiro sentido da palavra”), and charming, with great humor. Could it possibly be brunet, depending on the entire “set”.
(LAUGHTER) (Patty P. is preparing herself to control the situation with her speech and to present her experience of decades on the subject) Patty P. - Ah! But if men were perfect, they wouldn’t be able to deal with our problems (…) We're so smart that we convince them that they’re the “bosses”, but the truth is: they don’t decide anything about the family’s life. We do!
(You can see a female smile of superiority in the character’s face) Must be a tidy man, but I don’t like extremes, so I don’t like that guys extremely clean... How do we call them? … Oh, the metro! They’re too much for me! But it is obvious that I don’t want a man who smells like a horse! (…) Above all it should be a person with a huge ability to fit (...) Smart E.: Well, it is important for him to fit! Patty P.: And they should give us ... You know ... That thing that bites you inside? Smart E.: Yes, yes ... FIGHT! Patty P.: Yeah! They’ve got to give us a hard Fight! Not just “beauty and more beauty”. He has to be an interesting “goal”. You know, I hate “empty” beauty. For that purpose I would put him in a crystal ball and expose it. Smart E.: Well, and to expose we have pictures! Beautiful L.: (Although it would be expected to be a romantic speech, the character acquires a very rigid posture) How! For me it would be perfect if I came across a guy in a corner… I would fall... And he would lift me up! ... And a dinner in a Jacuzzi, "outside"… It would be extraordinary!
(LAUGHTER, while Kindly B. dreams with her amazing dinner with Champagne and strawberries) Sympathetic S.: I ......... Mad D.: He should be a man that is able to hold all this hyperactivity I have inside (...) and with good hands. And a nice bottom… Uh Yeah, the most important things are the bottom and the hands!
(Each one of the friends plunged into the fantasy world, starting to imagine their Charming Princes. There are some extra figures on the bus, also hypnotized in their conversations. It can be seen just one more character sitting. It seems to be an Angel, the Angel who keeps the tourists safe. She shines... Wow Zeus… She’s most certainly an Angel! Who is She? (stop) The curtains close. The audience applauds.) Το τέλος Yours truly.
How Not to Fall Asleep at G.A.? by Dionysus During this sleepless weekend, General Assembly is the main part of the Session, where everyone is expected to give the maximum of their rhetoric potential. However, (some) delegates see this issue at a different angle, as the lack of sleeping becomes the main opponent before any other Committee. OK, now you’re saying “C’mon, we LOVE G.A., we would never fall asleep at a decisive moment like that!!”. Are you sure? Check out the procedure: First resolution, Operative Clauses, Friendly Amendments, Unfriendly Amendments, Defense Speech, Attack Speech, Reaction to the Attack Speech, Points of Information, Open Debate, Sum-up, Collection of votes, Second resolution...already fast asleep? No way!! If you want to avoid this uncomfortable situation, here are some tips: 1. Tell yourself: “Don’t sleep! Check out that hot girl/boy”; 2. Imagine you’re alone with your Chair in a desert island; 3. Drink a whole bucket of coffee before G.A. starts; 4. Count how many English mistakes you hear in 5 minutes time; 5. Eat a lemon; 6. Read the (damn) wallpaper; 7. Stare at one person in the board; 8. Dance in a way no one can see it; 9. Spell “Sternocleidomastoidooccipitalis” backwards; 10. Sing “Big Fat Pony” in your mind; 11. Flirt with the boy/girl sitting next to you (careful with the Conduct Code); 12. Ask the person next to you to hit you in the face every 30 seconds; 13. “What is the meaning of life?”; 14. Separate a bag of M&Ms by colors;
Born in the 80s – the EYP geriatric syndrome by Pandora Have you ever imagined that being born in the final 80s would make you feel the eldest of the EYP clan? Neither do I. But things can change when you notice how trilled your President can be while skyping. Our dear President, Joana Vieira da Silva, was extraordinarily excited with the skype meetings between some experts and the committees. Skype, a web communication tool – live chat by text, audio and video - a powerful and revolutionary tool that had changed our boring lives forever. Yes, we know – we have already experimented Netmeeting, IRC, ICQ, MSN Messenger, Humortadela chat etc. But Skype has won the EYP award for best web communication tool EVER! This enthusiasm is barely shared with the younger officials who stares at the older ones and politely ask themselves: What are They Feeling? Well, frustration, you bet! What a shame not knowing how to sing along Vengaboys or Five’ singles and not being delighted recalling the ancient Sesame’ Street! Believing or not… if you were born before the fall of the Berlin Wall you are on the highway to oldness.
Dia Logos â€“ Journos in the streets
What is the schnuli-luli? Suckers A type of dance
Blue sauced Pasta
Flying pigsâ€™ eaters from an Indian Tribe in
Frying pan in Aramaic Cave man in Japonese
Northern Antarctica Teethless chicken Eastern dish Cloudy Bunnies
SAY WHAAAT?!!! “O mundo quer saber: eu não gosto de uvas.” - Pedro Lisboa (Não, o mundo não quer) “Cu pa dentro”- Delegação Humanitarian and Civil Protection (O que é que fica de fora?) “Não dá por aqui, tenho o rabo gigante”- Flávio (Não percam a próxima edição deste jornal… pro-
mete!!!) “Opá, enfia-te” – Milu (Desta não tavas à espera…) “And I say Shika and I say Shaka, anda I say Shika Shika Shika ShikAUAUAUAUAU!” – Delegação Humanitarian and Civil Protection (Deve ter doído…) “Tá a doer, Flávio” – Delegação Humanitarian and Civil Protection (ESTUDASSES!) “Eram duas gémeas, andavam sempre de fato de treino preto, pareciam seguranças do Pro Segur” – Delegação Humanitarian and Civil Protection (Já dizia a Katyzinha… fato de treino preto é p’ra
BIMBAS!) “Faz-me companhia, estou muito sozinho”- João Gregório (O que tu queres sei eu!) “Eu já nadei nu no mar e é a melhor sensação que podes ter” – Miguel Paiva (Não tens muitas ale-
grias na tua vida!) “Tu tens um ar de confidente, elas abrem-se contigo de uma maneira…” – Bruno Moreira para João Santana (schnulli luli) “Eu sinto a abertura que vai dar ao orifício” – Sílvia Vermelho (Então fecha a boca!) “Ai queres com força” – Delegação Humanitarian and Civil Protection (Ai o código de conduta!) “Ó Mariana o que é que eu faço à noite?” – João Santana (Precisas de instruções?) “Ela estava a dizer aquilo tão na desportiva. Ela é do Alentejo” – João Santana (Ganda xenófobo…) “Eu não quero que trabalhes, quero que brilhes” – Miguel Paiva para delegado (sempre altruísta) “Ainda não te tive” – Sílvia Vermelho (Aceitam-se propostas!) “Olha onde é que metes a mão” – Delegação Animal Rights (Eu sei que é bom mas não é para ti) “Olha eu já tirei duas peças de roupa, e mesmo assim…” – Delegação Animal Rights (…mesmo assim
não ficas tão excitado como o cabelo do Leal) “O que é isso? Uma pena? Continua, sabe bem” – Desconhecido (Na verdade, era um dedo…) “Eu não quero chouriço, prefiro salpicão é mais grosso” – Ana Isabel Gonçalves (Já que é para
comer, come-se decentemente!) “Adoro o processo de florescer para a badalhoquice” – Sílvia Vermelho (Então o PEJ é a Prima-
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Brought to you by: Hermes, Pandora, Poseidon, Dionysus, Afrodite & Kraken. 14
Published on Jun 4, 2013