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queer(ing) childhood sexual assault

Thanks for picking up my zine! I put a lot of care,intention, and some frantic energy into making this project in the hopes that survivors or folks who have incest and child sexual assault experiences can find resources and healing in some way or another, whether be through finding literature/resources or slightly uncomfortably chuckling along to my rambles, woes, and thoughts. With that being said, please take caution and care when reading throughout this project as the very nature of this zine can bring you a lot of heavy types of feelings. There will be discussions of child sexual abuse, incest, structural violence in its many forms (spiritual, emotional, racial, gender, sexuality, ability, enviornmental, etc.) so please take the time needed to go through the project, whether that means stopping, reading in different parts, or ignoring some parts altogether.I won’t be offended in the least. Almost all of these resources have been sitting in my bookmarks bar for 5 years, at times I’d seek them to try and find some semblance of simlarity, often after the end of a close friendship or when I was sorta losing my mind from overwhelming feelings of helplessness. I also created this zine because I felt that a lot of dominant spaces centered on healing from CSA don’t really accomodate the so called UGLY emotions that come with it. I felt that I had to fragment parts of my whole self in order to heal, and it really doesn’t have to be that way. Healing isn’t ever a singular journey and there’s no proper way to heal, and to me that means valuing ALL of what it takes to begin healing, and not just the kind parts. If you ever want to chat or exchange memes, feel free to contact me at Take care and see ya around this strange place we all inhabit. miss jay

A Letter from the Writer So You’re Traumatized

CSA Resources

-Books -Trauma Science -Zines -Self Help -Web Posts -Video Podcast -Organizations

Parting Image

“Desire is what we know about ourselves, and damage is what is attributed to us by those who wish to contain us. Desire licks its own fingers, bites its own nails, swallows its own fist. Desire makes itself its own ghost, creates itself from its own remnants. Desire, in its making and remaking, bounds into the past as it stretches into the future. It is productive, it makes itself, and in making itself, it makes reality.” -A Glossary of Haunting, Eve Tuck and C. Ree; Entry on Desire “cruel mothers are still mothers. they make us wars. they make us revolution. they teach us the truth. early. mothers are humans. who sometimes give birth to their pain. instead of children. --hate“ -Salt, Nayyirah Waheed. When I think about intergenerational violence and trauma, transnational immigrant narratives, feminism, queer of color critique, anti-black violence being one of the foundations of the formation of this country, lesbian lovesickness, and incest, I can’t help but think about my disabled, non-biologically related, 3rd generation German, whiskey-drinking, plastic-chandelier-housed grandma who passed at 72 years old. And how I am named after her, her namesake. And how she came to be my “grandma.” And how my family histories and structures

of dominance and power shape my incest survivor story involving police intervention and my not-so-state-friendly family of normal looking weirdos. Specifically, I remember‘ Sandy or ’grandma’ holding and shaking my 11 year old self. I was about to leave San Francisco to go on a holiday trip to Shanghai with my parents to visit my biological grandparents and paternal closeted butch lesbian pastry chef aunt. She sobbed into my face, literally screaming "Please remember you have to come back, don't let them take you and you never come home!!!!Your home is here, and don't go there with them and let them take you forever. You don't belong there, you belong here!!!!!" Besides the general strangeness of having a 65 year old woman shake and scream things at your anxiety ridden 11 year old self, this type of proclamation was normal as any time in which I was to go back to China, the same routine paranoia about my parents taking me back to Shanghai for resettlement, leaving my grandma forever. This never happened, but the fear that I would suddenly leave and never return to her was apparent each time. A self-identified “tough cookie”, she was the 2nd generation daughter of German immigrants, who, after dropping out of high school, eventually became the CEO of her own travel company and married her high school sweetheart, ____________, a Spanish gambling boxer. However, after a car accident involving too much drinking on her husband’s part, she miscarried her first child, _____, and would later find out she would no longer be able to have children due to her injuries. She later left him due to growing drinking and gambling problems, and continued to focus on her career as a young and upcoming travel agent. It was soon into the first 5 years of her career that she found Albert at a local SF dive bar, I remember her telling me, “As soon as I saw your grandpa, I looked across right at him and said to one of my girlfriends ‘That man’s gonna be

mine!’, and then I married him, that cute italian baldin’ sweetheart with a boyish grin.” They were married for 45 years together, taking turns traveling to all continents via cruise ships as both trip excursion and tour leaders. She would soon visit Shanghai, China and meet my papa who was her tour guide on her tour. My dad recently graduated from university with an English degree and went straight into work as an English speaking tour guide, as Mao’s death and political change resulted in China’s slightly more lenient policies on foreign visitors and tourism. I remember her telling me that my papa would’ve been the age of David had he still been alive, and that when she looked at my dad, all she could think of was her _____. My papa and her soon began corresponding through mail, sending letters every now and then to one another. Whenever she came back to Shanghai for a guided travel excursion, she would make sure my papa was her tour guide and catch up with him for a bit. From the start of college and ultimately his tour guide career, my dad wanted to immigrate to the U.S. and experience what he saw insurmountable opportunity. Due to some, now estranged, family members, they were able to sponsor him through a study Visa so that he could complete a Masters of Business Arts at Hunter College in Seattle, Washington. They wouldn’t house him though, but my grandma arranged him housing and board at a friend’s home in exchange for past due favors, Secretary to Washington State ____________. He stayed with them while going to school, often times __________ son wouldn’t talk to him because he was too Chinese and weird; instead one of the first friends he made was with their gardener___________. He told me of how he used to share Maruchan ramen noodles mixed with spicy garlic paste, and beer in exchange for friendship, and how he felt miserable because 5 year olds knew this country better than him, like using the weird microwave contraption and

how the people on the TV weren’t IN the TV but broadcasted on it. If I could label myself as punk in any type of capacity, I’d have to acknowledge learning it from my one and only dad; though he supports Chairman Mao's nationalistic hold on China, harbors violently settler colonialist beliefs regarding Tibet, and purports America as the greatest country known to humanity, he hates the fucking establishment to his deep-seated core. He hates following recipe cookbooks because the instructions are too limiting and managerial; he has been promoted three times to a managerial position within United but refuses to take it be because he doesn’t want to be a “pussy ass fuck who gets off on being a little shit with power”; he made me my first mix CD in the fourth grade containing tracks from Nirvana’s Nevermind, Green Day’s Brain Stew, Marilyn Manson’s The Beautiful People, Eminem’s The Slim Shady, 50 Cent, and D4L to name a few. He also bluffed his way through group anger management because it was for a bunch of “fucked up dumbasses who have no real purpose in their life and instead focus it on something as useless as worship.” He completed his degree with all C-’s and realized he wasn’t cut out for whatever he was studying, but he didn’t want to leave just yet and try to stick it out, finding jobs to extend his stay. Grandma said to come down to SF to try and settle things out, and that he had a room to stay at least until things were settled out. She and ______ insisted! When driving down from Seattle to San Francisco, he fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his 1980 brick red Honda Civic, flipping it 360 degrees into an oncoming freeway. He saved the single fish he kept in the passenger seat, cupping it in his hands to ensure the fish wouldn’t squish to death, but unfortunately not the fish’s fish tank.

He then, through the help of ‘Grandma’ and ‘Grandpa’, worked a variety of jobs from pizza delivery boy (he felt bad whenever he delivered pizza with the cheese stuck on the roof of the pizza box and tips from white suburbs were shit), fish tank retail worker (he felt bad about the fish that ended up dying from that car crash and the job generally smelled bad), hotel room service worker (he loved working with the chefs because they’d cook him steaks for dinner in return for smokes and talking shit about the crusty white customers and their loud sexual escapades), stairwell cleaner of SF Sunset apartment complexes (an in-between job from being fired and unemployed- I remember helping with when I was about 3 or 4 years old with dustpans and cobwebs galore), and eventually a ___________________ baggage ramp worker (he’d later break his ankle from another worker crashing their tractor into his foot and recall at great lengths the injuries sustained by fellow coworkers and the shit job management does and the company at large, but he had stayed for the flight benefits in going back and forth to Shanghai, as well as health insurance, but a dwindling retirement.) My mother immigrated at a later time through the help of ‘Grandma’ having made weekly phone calls to a woman at the US consulate in Shanghai in hopes of coaxing favored push through of her paperwork to get to San Francisco. An only child and from a previously rural and then poor , urban upbringing, she viewed immigration to the U.S. as a chance to leave her mother and fatherso she wouldn‘t end up self-commiting into a mental institution. ‘Grandma’ got her a Business class flight from Shanghai to San Francisco, my now freshly shaven father (he shaved his head out of stress because he thought she wouldn’t be able to come over), grinning and crying at the airport. My mom’s father was a creative arts teacher who was later convicted for supporting the opposing political party (Kuomingtang) against Chairman Mao and sent away

as a pig farmer for 5 years’ time as punishment. My mother and her mother were alone together a lot of the time in those years, and my mother would recall trying to be extra careful because of the shame associated with her dad leaving,more so with the small community they lived in because it was important to keep up a general socially acceptable vibe. My mom remembers specifically playing in small lot with other kids from the community, and that at 12 sharp they would all have to face that great red starred flag and sing “the march of the volunteers”; she said she’d be extra careful and recite the words exactly or else someone would be suspicious. My mom’s first jobs after her immigration were dumpling wrapper at a local Chinese grocer (she’d later leave because of the terrible hours and strain on her knees and back), ____ retail worker (she liked the discount and it wasn’t as labor intensive but also still hurt her back), graduate student for ___________ (she studied for her __________ at ______ and would take me to her office hours, give me a pizza and a diet coke, and sit me on the bench outside her professor’s office hours). Then finally a combination of three jobs: 9 am to 12 pm and 4 pm to 8 pm as a ____________ for adults looking to pass their citizenship tests and learn work professional English at an ______________ (she was worried a lot due to the yearly pink slips and decrease of government funding but felt really useful and helpful to her students) and _________ knitting teacher (she’d provide weekly snacks and light meals like fried hotdog noodles and individual packs of shelled watermelon seeds to encourage attendance in keeping her job afloat.)

Throughout my mother’s and father’s marriage, as well as during their relationship as an unmarried couple prior to immigrating to the US, my mother also experienced daily rape at the hands of my father. These continuous rapes once resulted in a pregnancy in her mid-twenties; she had an abortion, to which my dad refused to attend or support her and he still raped her on the day she had her abortion. They both called multiple times every other day my first year, he crying about how didn’t go with her for the abortion, sorry that he was foolish and killed a kid in his foolishness, she sorry that she had to kill that child, and that sometimes when she looks up into the sky she imagines the baby there looking down on me. He would later tell me that all of what he did was not rape because she was submissive to him each time, even in her sleep, and that that was the duty of a doting wife, not a woman as crazy as my mother. Cycles of violence were already present in the individual family settings of both my mom and dad, and their relationship together brought out another cycle of violence within our own family unit. The police were called to our apartment two times to try and intervene in the violence happening; once from my mother because my father had her in a chokehold on the ground after she had stabbed him in the stomach with cooking chopsticks and their fighting knocked me out of a high chair and a second time to try and force a statement out of me to further prosecute my mother for her sexual violence (a statement I refused to give because I didn’t want to further incriminate her while she was homeless living in her car.) In my short term attempts at healing myself, I would often (and still do at times) have cycling thoughts about whether or not my experiences are factual, whether I was the one who instigated and encouraged these incidents, whether or not I should’ve exposed my

mother to the police, whether or not I am at fault for not further penalizing her in terms of police, and more so thoughts about whether or not my ability to recall and for how long in terms of time duration, my experience is actual, or to cut it short, whether or not what happened to me was real. I’ve come to realize that it’s incredibly useless and violent to my health to constantly go back and forth about these contrived ideas of authenticity within a dominant framework that pathologizes what I’ve experienced and who I am and works to wipe out my experience while condoning it in the first place. Incest and childhood sexual assault is framed, in the dominant discourse and most importantly through those late night direct to TV movie specials about child abuse on Lifetime, as father/uncle and daughter based and pedophiliac. Knowledge or anything about mother daughter incest experiences, let alone working class, immigrant, Chinese, rape survivor/instigator, survivor of political violence type forms of intersecting violence and trauma isn’t the easiest to find. As much as I have tried to research through English only texts, I couldn’t really find anything on what it means to have your immigrant, working class, rape survivor, political turmoil survivor, Chinese mom sexually assault her child daughter, other than my actualized legitimate experience and talking with other QTPOC survivors about their experience, but to be fair a lot of this “talking” was not “oh hey Barbara I really want to talk about me being raped as a child by one of my severely mentally ill parents”, for me, it would often come from intoxicated dance floor disclosure, glassy-eyed psychotic and manic disclosure, defensive unaccountable disclosure, violence admittance disclosure. It would come through shared femme circles talking about the ways in which toxic masculinity breaks our communities in half, in warnings about so

and so’s partner who did this one thing they shouldn’t have done without consent, in shared stress blunts, in facilitating programs for queer and trans CSA survivors, in that land of ‘are we dating or is this just all a bunch of passive aggressive sexual tension’, in poetry shared at the QTPOC Queer Culture Show I would later sorta date a queer and non-binary survivor of color who had also survived being raped by their own mom, who smoked me out for the first time, who had also broken the boundaries of sexual consent with another, who taught me about Robert Mapplethorpe, birth charts, Jiz Lee, and the Crashpad Series. Thoughts I had internalized, and that were actualized due to talking to my mom briefly about these things that had happened, always went around either blaming me for wanting it to happen, asking for it to happen, or outright denying it happened in the first place. The same from my dad, after confronting him about it 15 years later, only to be told from himself that he “already knew what was going on but because I am not dead and that this happened so long ago, there’s no point in talking about it anymore” and that him no longer trying to “re-marry my mother” is a testament as to how much he supports me in what happened. He, minutes later, disowned and kicked me out for a weekend, saying that I was an ungrateful daughter and that my life could’ve been ended multiple times, but he alone kept me alive because of his love, a similar sentiment shared by my mom too, the same tones of my body not belong to myself and it being a pure extension of theirs so long as they are alive and largely an extension of years of Taoist/Confucian ideology about filial piety and the family as a unit. He would later just say, as I was collecting my things, that if I ever leave again I would no longer be ever let back in, so I stayed it out for the night until I went back to San Diego the next morning.

He sent me text messages before boarding my flight saying he could always find a way to forgive me for my discretion because I was his daughter, and that’s what it means to be a parent. To be honest, the first couple of thoughts I have when thinking about even disclosing the violence my parents brought me up in, are if people are going to think I hate my parents and want them dead, or that I’m a crazy pants person, or that my queerness is directly casued by this violence, and more seriously, if people think I am a danger to their own selves. Are queers of color who are abused and violated at such a young age going to abuse people more so easily in their adult life, are there direct correlations between queerness and childhood sexual abuse and the ability to violate later on? Are we all just gonna end up sad moving through multiple relationships that lack fulfillment or joy, working multiple non-profit and academic jobs, cycling between momentary points of fulfillment and prosperity interchanged with existential crises about the value of ourselves and the work we do to no end? In living through friendships and relationships and non-communicative forms of intimacy that don’t necessarily have the easiest descriptor to place upon, and in through various confrontations and uncomfortable conversations, in unpacking and waiting in these hamster wheeling type circular thought patterns, I’ve come to the conclusion that demanding answers didn’t garner that much worth or healing for myself. They didn’t help me heal and instead, put a devastating amount of pressure on myself to make everything right or make sensein a place where being alive doesn’t really make sense given all of the violence we all constantly live in.

These questions, reasons, and explanations for things made sense for people like myself and other queer/trans survivors of color, but didn’t make sense within the systems of power that were meant to destroy us. (Audre Lorde) Instead in my current healing journey, what I do see as hopeful and central is the idea that trauma that isn’t transformed will be transmitted. When I saw this quote shared be a qtpoc survivor and activist, I immediately thought of the countless folks who told me their CSA story coupled with not knowing how mold their trauma themselves, of my mom whose own mom punished her for her own survivance, of my grandparents who survived political violence, of my dad who turns to violence as a method of care and love. In telling you where my family lies in their histories and where I map trauma and abuse within their network, I wanted to show you, the reader, why I view childhood sexual assault and incest as not as insidious and individual as you’d more than likely think to be, though the trauma and violence one experiences is complicated and not easy to hold by any means. I truly hope that you do not view the histories and stories I laid out above as sploshses of trauma spills, but that you ultimately view single incidents of violence as always in context with all forms of violence (environmental, sexism, racism, cissexism, heterosexism, political, classism, ableism, global, spiritual) that ensue domination, abuse of power, and ultimately intergenerational trauma. Specifically, I want you to unpack and rethink incest and child sexual abuse, which will hereafter be referred as CSA, within my family structure in relation to where I personally am at in this contemporary moment; instead of your first guttural instinct to label any experience I’ve shared with you as “good” or “bad” and allegations about who my family is or what they stand for. I’m also deeply invested in you not diagnosing me through my writing or

placed projections of how violence shapes my queerness because that serves no utterable use or purpose for me. What I want for you is to view me, my mother, and others as not just a throwaway disposable and pathologized objects who’ve committed violence and/or endured violence, but through multiple analyses of complex personh (Avery Gordon): 1) those who express all forms of desire, and not just the easy, digestible parts, 2) people with much more complicated experiences and understandings of violence than that of the (white/dominant narrative of) incest perpetrator and survivor dichotomy, 3) what as white the term incest itself allows and most importantly, disavows, 4) and what this means in the construction of the ideal incest survivor narrative and the subsequent nation-building projects and institutional implications married to this white survivor narrative. In the end, all I really wanted for this zine to do, was begin helping you ask questions about what is so normal about violence in all of its forms but also what makes certain forms of violence so normal and others so shameful, and how stories of the past will always inform the present in turn forming the future. I am not here to be the end all, be all about incest and CSA, but to hopefully begin asking questions so that more folks can continue to ask more and more questions about the past, present, and future.

Queering Sexual Violence (Jennifer Patterson)

-Removing the Mask: AfroLez(R)femcentric Silence Breaker (Aishah Shahidah Simmons) -Mother-Daughter Sexual ABuse (Pam Mack) -Sweet Release: BDSM and Healing (Sinclair Sexmith) -Welcome Effects: When Sexual Violence Turns Girls Queer (Jen LaBarbera) -Now Is the Time to Speak Out (Nitika Raj) -The Healing Journey as a Site of Resistance (billie rain) -Questions & Answers (Avory Faucette) -Through a Queer Lens: Challenging Our Heteronormative Response to Women’s Intimate Partner Violence (Peri L. Rainbow) -Queering Child Sexual Abuse (Amita Yalgi Swadhin) -Holding the Pattern While Living Our Truth: Ida Hammer Speaking on Violence Against Trans Women, as told to Reina Gossett, Ida Hammer and Reina Gossett -Reflections of a Black Queer Suicide Survivor (Darnell L. Moore) -----------------------------------------------------

Dear Sister: Letters from Survivors of Sexual Violence. (Edited by Lisa Factora-Borchers with Intro by Aishah Shahidah Simmons.)

-Letter 14: Amita’s Fine (Amita Swadhin) -Transformative and Disability Justice (Mia Mingus) -Badass Resilience Black and Brown Femme Survivor Affirmations (Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha and kyisha williams) -&, (Alexis Pauline Gumbs)

-Surviving Abuse As A Choose Your Own Adventure Novel (Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha) -Awakening (adrienne maree brown) -----------------------------------------------------

The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Intimate Violence within Activist Communities. (Ching-In Chen, Jai Dulani, and Leah Lakshmi Piepzana-Samarasinha.)

-It Takes Ass to Whip Ass: Understanding and Confronting Violence Against Sex Workers, a roundtable discussion with Miss Major, Jessica Yee, and Mariko Passion, Introduced and Edited by Juliet November -I Am Because We Are: Believing Survivors and Facing Down the Barrel of the Gun (Alexis Pauline Gumbs, UBUNTU) -Seeking Asylum: on Intimate Partner Violence and Disability (Peggy Munson) -When Your Parents Made You (Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha) -Beautifil, Difficult, Powerful: Ending Sexual Assault Through Transformative Justice (The Chrysalis Collective) -What Does It Feel Like When Change Finally Comes? Male Supremacy, Accountability, and Transformative Justice (Gaurav Jashnani, RJ Maccani & Alan Greig -Movement Building Starts With Healthy Relationships: Transforming Silence Into Action (TSIA) in Asian Pacific Islander LBQT Communities (Orchid Pusey & gita mechrotra) -Community Accountability Within People of Color Progressive Movements, Selections from the 2004 Report (INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence)

-I Am Because We Are: Believing Survivors and Facing Down the Barrel of the Gun (Alexis Pauline Gumbs, UBUNTU) -Seeking Asylum: on Intimate Partner Violence and Disability (Peggy Munson) -When Your Parents Made You (Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha) -Beautifil, Difficult, Powerful: Ending Sexual Assault Through Transformative Justice (The Chrysalis Collective) -What Does It Feel Like When Change Finally Comes? Male Supremacy, Accountability, and Transformative Justice (Gaurav Jashnani, RJ Maccani & Alan Greig -Movement Building Starts With Healthy Relationships: Transforming Silence Into Action (TSIA) in Asian Pacific Islander LBQT Communities (Orchid Pusey & gita mechrotra) -Community Accountability Within People of Color Progressive Movements, Selections from the 2004 Report (INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence) ------------------------------------------------------

INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence, ed. Color of Violence: The INCITE! Anthology. Durham: Duke UP, 2016. Print.

-Rethinking Antiviolence Strategies: Lessons from the Black Women’s Movement in Britain (Julia Sudbury) -Disability in the New World Order (Normala Erevelles) -Feminism, Race, and Adoption Policy (Dorothy Roberts) -The Color of Choice: White Supremacy and Reproductive Justice (Loretta J. Ross) Smith)

-The War Against Black Women, and the Making of NO! (Aishah Simmons) -Gender Violence and the Prison-Industrial Complex: Statement by Criitical Resistance and INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence -poem on trying to love without fear (maiana minahal) -Heteropatriarchy and the Three Pillars of White Supremacy, Rethinking Women of Color Organizing (Andrea Smith) -The War Against Black Women, and the Making of NO! (Aishah Simmons) -Gender Violence and the Prison-Industrial Complex: Statement by Criitical Resistance and INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence -poem on trying to love without fear (maiana minahal) ------------------------------------------------------The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life after Child Sexual Abuse. (Staci Haines) ------------------------------------------------------Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. (Judith Lewis Herman) ------------------------------------------------------Dirty River: A Queer Femme of Color Dreaming Her Way Home (Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha)

-The Science of Suffering (Judith Shulevitz) -Can Understanding Neurobiology Provide a Better Approach to Working With Abuse Survivors? (Victoria Law) s/?utm_content=buffera138c&utm_medium=social&utm_source= -The Roles Neuroplasticity and EMDR Play in healing from Childhood Trauma (Zoe Reyes) -Recovery: How the Brain can ‘Rewire’ Itself (Neuroplasticity) (David Hosier MSc) -Neuroplasticity and Rewiring the Brain -Neuroplasticity: What You Need to Know in PTSD Recovery (Michelle Rosenthal)

-Femme Shark Communique #1: All Our Holes Are Hungry: Hungry for Justice and Fucking: -Learning Good Consent: -Hoax Zine: -Ask First! Resources for supporters, survivors, and perpetrators of sexual assault: -Support: Feminist Relationship Tools to Heal Yourself and End Rape Culture (Cindy Crabb): -Supporting a Survivor of Sexual Assault (Ubuntu!):

-Transgender Sexual Violence Survivors, A Self Help Guide to Healing and Understanding: -From One Survivor to Another: -Let’s Bandage It Up: -More Reasons You Shouldn’t Fuck Kids: -Self Care After Rape Resources: -Trauma Specific Resources: -My Resource Master List (Sexual Assault and PTSD): -Pandora’s Project, Support and Resources for Survivors of Rape and Sexual Abuse:

-81 Awesome Mental Health Resources When You Can’t Afford a Therapist ( ---------------------------------------------------------

Everyday Feminism

-6 Ways to Confront Your Friend Who’s Abusing Their Partner (Kai Cheng Thom): -11 Truths Every Survivor of Intimate Partner Violence Needs to Know (Kai Cheng Thom): -5 Common Ways Our Communities Fail to Address Intimate Partner Violence (Kai Cheng Thom): ---------------------------------------------------------

Black Girl Dangerous:

-Trying Therapy As A Queer Person of Color, Despite All the Reasons Not To (CarmenLeah Ascencio): -6 Steps You Can Take To Start Healing From Trauma Now (CarmenLeah Ascencio): om-trauma-right-now/

-Caring For Each Other After Violence: 4 Things We Can Do To Create Trauma-Informed Communities in Our Schools, Organizations and Activist Groups (CarmenLeah Ascencio): -Loving Each Other Wounded: 5 Essential Questions for Healthy QTPOC Love (CarmenLeah Ascencio): -Going To Therapy As A QTPOC, Without Being Harmed, Erased, Or Baffled (CarmenLeah Ascencio): d/


The Body Is Not An Apology:

-You Are Not Responsible For Your Parents’ Behavior (Toni Bell): -Treating My Friends Like Lovers: The Politics of Desirability (Caleb Luna):


No One is Disposable: Everyday Practices of Prison Abolition:

In a series of four short online videos produced by BCRW, activists Reina Gossett and Dean Spade discuss prison abolition as a political framework, exploring why this is a top issue for those committed to supporting trans and gender-nonconforming people. These videos look at how to build societies where the process of creating justice is as important as the end—communities where no one is exiled. Watch the videos here. Captions are available on YouTube. LINK: -No One is Disposable: Everyday Practices of Prison Abolition: -PART 1: PRISON ABOLITION + PREFIGURING THE WORLD YOU WANT TO LIVE IN: -PART 2: PRACTICING PRISON ABOLITION EVERYDAY: -PART 3: WHAT ABOUT THE DANGEROUS PEOPLE?: -PART 4: GUN CONTROL + PRODUCING DANGEROUSNESS:

Pure Love:

From the creator of The HEAL Project comes a ground-breaking, heartfelt and witty online talk show, Pure Love. Pure Love highlights the voices of Ignacio Rivera, a Black Boricua Taíno, transgender, healer, artist, activist, mother and self-identified magical Unicorn. Along with their daughter, Amanda Rivera, toddler-whisperer, assistant teacher, diva, bruja and self identified mermaid, they keep it real.The duo tackle difficult conversations candidly and with humor— critical issues such as sex and sexuality, transformative parenting, homelessness and poverty, sobriety, mental illness, and polyamory—all from a first-person, survivor-centered, anti-racist, and feminist perspective. This rare portrait offers viewers a glimpse into 26 years (and counting) of queer and sex positive parenting. It offers practical ideas for how to have conversations with your children (and your parents!) about sex(uality). LINK: -Pure Love Episode 1: Intro and how we learned about sex: -Pure Love Episode 2: Navigating Homo/Transphobia: -Pure Love Episode 3: The one about a parent coming out as asurvivor and the sex talk: nd-the-sex-talk

-Just Beginnings Collaborative:

The Just Beginnings Collaborative is a movement building platform designed to initiate, cultivate and fund strategic efforts to end child sexual abuse. Our work is grounded in the practice of leaders, organizations and funders working together to build a vibrant, sustainable movement.Our work focuses on three priority areas: Strengthen the capacity of leaders and organizations working to end child sexual abuse, Create a community of funders committed to the long-term sustainability of this work, Develop social change campaigns specific to this issue. LINK: JBC Fellows:

-Children of Combahee:

Children of Combahee is a newly founded project, funded by the Just Beginnings Collaborative, that mobilizes against child sexual abuse in Black churches using womanist pastoral and theological methods. Named after Harriet Tubman’s 1863 Combahee River Raid, and the 1970s radical black feminist organization of survivoractivists (the Combahee River Collective), this project builds on a longstanding legacy of resistance, healing, and communal reckoning around issues of racial, sexual, and gendered violence in black communities.Award-winning author Toni Morrison writes in her newest book, God Help the Child, “What you do to children matters. And they may never forget it.” Children of Combahee acknowledges the value in children’s lives. We center the abuse that children

face at the forefront of our efforts to end sexual violence. Statistically, most adult survivors of sexual violence experienced these same violations as children or teenagers. LINK: -A Litany for Survivors: A Word to Survivors on behalf of the Black Church: -Book List/Resources:

-Secret Survivors:

Online Resource Guide: The online resource guide provides information, links, definitions and other useful material to expand and support the Secret Survivors Toolkit and efforts to end child sexual abuse. The following resource guides, developed by Secret Survivors creators Amita Swadhin and Sara Zatz, and edited by Victoria Abrash, can be downloaded in PDF form to be printed for use. LINK: -Secret Survivors: Facts about Child Sexual Abuse: -Secret Survivors: Using Theater to Break the Silence: About Child Sexual Abuse: -Indicators of Child Sexual Abuse: -Effects of Abuse on Survivor’s Lives: -Resources on Child Sexual Abuse:

Building community, critical analysis, social media campaign, mobilization and education. The challenge: Our society’s view on sex is important to understanding, preventing and dealing with child sexual abuse. We live in a hyper-sexual society that exposes sexual imagery but does not talk about it. Sex education in public schools has almost been erased. In the midst of this silence, we are left to form our sexuality in secret. This culture of silence and shame around sex and sexuality creates a breeding ground for child sexual abuse. The Solution: Broaden the conversation about sex and sexuality as a critical component to ending child sexual abuse. This project fosters open dialogue in the movement by promoting healthy understanding of sex and sexuality as a focal point of any work to end child sexual abuse. By making visible the hidden tools used to coerce and inflict guilt, shame and violence on children, we can eliminate the shame and secrecy that allows abuse to occur. LINK: -Video Archive (Outting CSA): -The Toolkit ( : The Toolkit (Title TBA) is an initiative ofThe HEAL Project. The toolkit is a community driven manual on how to communicate, educate, and overcome the hurdles of “The Talk” with our children. This Toolkit is a life-hack helping us to communicate with our children about sexuality, and to help prevent and end child sexual abuse. -Preparing To Publically Come Out As A CSA Survivor: -Blog Posts:

-Generation Five :

generationFIVE’s mission is to end the sexual abuse of children within five generations. Through survivor and bystander leadership development, community prevention and intervention, public education and action, and cross-movement building generationFIVE works to interrupt and mend the intergenerational impact of child sexual abuse on individuals, families, and communities. Rather than perpetuate the isolation of this issue, we integrate child sexual abuse prevention into social movements and community organizing targeting family violence, economic and racial oppression, and gender, age-based and cultural discrimination. It is our belief that meaningful community response is the key to effective prevention. LINK:( -Toward Transformative Justice: A Liberatory Approach to Child Sexual Abuse and other forms of Intimate and Community Violence: pdf -Child Abuse Resources: -Digital Stories: -Gen5 Youth Zine: my body, my limits, my pleasure, my choice: a positive sexuality booklet for young people:

-The Heal Project: HEAL2END Child Sexual Abuse

HEAL (Hidden Encounters Altered Lives) is a project that aims to prevent and end CSA by making visible the hidden tools used to guilt, shame, coerce and inflict violence onto children. The primary strategies are:

-Black Women’s Blueprint, Child Sexual Abuse Prevention: BWB’s Child Sexual Abuse program

was established in 2013 to shift attitudes and behaviors that enable sexual violence against minors in African-American and Black immigrant communities in New York City. The program provides a framework for addressing child sexual abuse prevention and intervention at the micro- and macro-level contexts of individual, relational, communal, and societal as sexual abuse occurs at home, at school, at church, the streets and elsewhere in communities. The program and its tools have been designed to counteract the silence and secrecy surrounding sexuality that compounds children’s’ initial vulnerability to predators in their midst.The program and its tools will empower Black caretakers to be proactive in preventing sexual abuse before it starts or to spot the signs of sexual abuse in the event that it begins. Link:( :

-Mirror Memoirs:

Mirror Memoirs is an oral history project centering the narratives, healing and leadership of LGBTQ survivors of color in the movement to end child sexual abuse. Link:

-Living Bridges Project:

The Living Bridges Project is a story-collecting project documenting responses to child sexual abuse. Through anonymous audio stories, the Living Bridges Project hopes to capture the ways that everyday people are working to respond to child sexual abuse in their lives, in all kinds of ways. Link: Audio Stories:

-Ubuntu (UBUNTU is Women of Color and Survivor-led. This means that we emphasize people most

affected by sexual violence as public representatives of the group (i.e., media, mobilizations, public meetings, events, etc.), and in the group’s internal structure and processes (membership/composition, roles, and decision-making). This is our way of reclaiming power. The name UBUNTU reflects a commitment to a traditional sub-Saharan African concept of the same name, which roughly translated means “I am because we are”.) Link:

-Creative Interventions Toolkit:

Creative Interventions is gathering all of the information created during the Community-Based Interventions Project pilot period and stories from the StoryTelling & Organizing Project (STOP) to construct a comprehensive Toolkit for anyone interested in carrying out a community-based intervention to violence. The Toolkit contains a basic model for violence intervention, useful information, worksheets, and stories based upon the experiences of Creative Interventions during its development and pilot stages. Link:

Queering childhood sexual assault  
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