mouthing off
Virginia trioli \ getting her bloomers in a knot
T
he Boston ivy is winning. The grass is losing. of a vermin infestation: fight all you like, it will win in The Virginia creeper is beyond control; the Little the end. Gem magnolia is struggling. The Vietnamese I think it takes a particular skill to end up with all mint is a goddamn weed; the poor old sage can’t cope. the wrong things in forceful bloom in one’s garden, so In the strict hierarchy that should be the well-ordered thanks for that. I just don’t know how I’ve managed to garden, my little plot has lost the plot. get it so wrong. Everything that should be thriving is being I feed the camellias religiously (at the beginning overtaken by anything else defined as a weed or and at the end of the football season, my I’ve a pest or simply too difficult to control. mother told me); I am particularly careful uncorked I always liked to think I had a green thumb with the gardenia the kids gave Russell for his – but now I realise it’s the wrong one. I’m birthday (Epsom salts whenever I can, and a a green good at growing the stuff that everyone else tough prune). genie … ruthlessly cuts out. I lay into that Vietnamese mint pitilessly, It seemed like a good idea at the time – the but none of it seems to make a difference. quick satisfaction of a wall of consoling green While my back is turned for just a few days, the provided by a creeping vine, and the riot of autumn vines and creepers and nuisances take over, creeping colours that comes with it. into and starting to strangle the trees themselves. The The first year it’s fine; the second year it’s splendid, interior of the house darkens behind the thicket, and and complete strangers pause on the street to take even though my patch is small, it seems all too much to photos of the display. take on. But the third year, well – it’s the horticultural version I suspect this is a failure of impulse control on my
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part, and the importance of understanding delayed gratification. I went for the quick fix and am now reaping the wind. And the weeds. The long-term investments were made in substantial trees – one glorious crepe myrtle in particular – and excellent plants, but I just couldn’t wait for them to do their slow, steady green thing. I wanted leafy abundance and I wanted it now. Nothing like a hot north-facing wall to show you just what a creeping ivy is capable of in one season. So, I had all the leaves I could possibly want– but I also have a big problem. I suppose I could take the “one person’s weed …” approach, but I’m fundamentally a garden conservative – I believe in the hierarchy and the idea of all things contained and in their rightful place. There is a sublime sense of satisfaction knowing that one’s garden is growing with pretty maids all in a row, as it were. Instead, I’ve uncorked a green genie … and I can’t stuff it back in the planter box it came in. \
Virginia Trioli is on leave from presenting ABC News Breakfast.
Follow Virginia on Twitter @latrioli
november 29, 2012 \ The weekly review 13