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Issue No.2 - January 4, 2012 THE WEEKLY

EXPOSER! AASHLEYSEG & NORBERT’S ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!

MINRAED’S MAKEUP MALFUNCTION!

EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!

PRINCESS KIARA WAS SEEN HAVING A COZY DATE WITH TWILIGHT STAR TAYLOR LAUTNER ON TUESDAY. A WITNESS DESCRIBED THE COUPLE AS A PAIR OF “GIGGLY GERTY’S”.

FA PRODUCTIONS’ NEW MOVIE NEON SET TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES, CATKETTY’S BRUSH WITH THE LAW AFTER DANGEROUS CHRISTMAS PARTY ON PUBLIC BEACH

EXTRA SIFF BUZZ! CHECK OUT WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING!

CHARISMATIC’S “FALL” FROM GRACE ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE!

CHECK OUT THE LATEST COSMETIC SURGERY SCANDALS!


AASHLEYSEG'S EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR WITH ROMANIAN NATURALIST It seems that AashleySEG's world is crumbling around her. Just hours after she was fired from her role in JN's new movie Ayla the Dryad, these saucy snaps of her canoodling with Romanian nudist Midnight445 emerged on the internet. In an exclusive interview, Midnight (also known as Norbert) revealed that he hid the camera himself, with the intention of releasing the photos to boost his presence within the celebrity community: "I 'ave been avay for so long, and I needed to tell the vorld that I am back, and more naked than ever!". Mrs SEG expressed her anger via twitter: "@Bzanna He had over 500 bars of #Woohooium in his bedroom, how could I resist?" Ashley's husband, Bridgeport celebrity chef Barry Tenderlove, was said to be coping by gorging himself on Cheezdoodles and chocolate milk. He declined to comment.

FA PRODUCTION’S NEON MOVIE TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES ENCOURAGING VIEWERS TO EAT GRASS JELLO FA Production’s Gus is in the media firing line after being accused of brainwashing his audience. In what is reported to be a multimillion dollar deal between the production company and Landgraab Enterprises, Gus has agreed to intertwine secret messages throughout the scenes of his new movie NEON. The product, Grass Jello, is currently not very popular on account of it tasting like feet, however Landgraab have mass-produced the product and needs to off-load it somehow. They decided that getting movie-goers to purchase the ghastly canned dessert would be an excellent idea, and FA Productions appeared to agree. Shame on you FA, shame on you.


CHARISMATIC? NOT SO MUCH… Everything Flows director Charismatic789 has been kicked out of his synchronized ballet club “Twinkletoes”. Sources close to the group reveal that Charismatic has been “burning the candle at both ends”. Being a masterpiece movie maker by day, and a graceful swan by night has taken its toll on Charismatic’s wellbeing, and the group needed to think of the high standard they set themselves.

ALEX AND SYLENT PARTY HARD IN SEASIDE WITH SNOOKI SSProductions and Sylentwhysper traded in their gaunt blue skin for fake tan as they danced the night away in New Jersey last week. The pair were thrilled to meet Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and her new boyfriend Pugsley McKaynine on the dance floor of her favourite nightclub. When asked about meeting Snooki, Sylent revealed: "I was surprised at how short she is". Alex stated: "It was the best night of my life!". The pair were disappointed to have to fly back home the next day to their heavy work schedules.

BEFORE

AFTER

MINRAED ARZHEL ASKED TO LEAVE AFTER MUSICAL PERFORMANCE AT CHARITY DINNER Minraed has been accused of discrimination following a musical performance for a charity evening in Quebec last week. The high-profile director of Lucinda offered to play her Bass at a benefit for the charity “CARC” (Canadians Against Ridiculing Clowns), but angered guests when she took to the stage with silly clown make-up, and made silly clown-faces during the performance. The Exposer spoke to CARC president Gus Hart: “We have worked hard to improve the quality-of-life for misunderstood Canadian clowns, and Ms Arzhel has turned us back into a laughing stock!”. Minraed insists that it was an innocent mistake: “We had a power-cut at home, so I had no choice but to apply my make-up in the dark”. Mr Hart said CARC received no formal apology from Ms Arzhel.


BUZZ! CHECK OUT WHAT YOU’RE UP AGAINST SO FAR:

Nebunedzar

AAshleySEG

POSTER SUBMISSIONS DUE JANUARY 15, SO GET CRACKING!

Submissions for SIFF March 2012 are now being accepted. Before entering, please check out the SIFF Rules and Guidelines (above)

MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!

SylentWhysper


HALL OF OR Shame . . . e m a F The picture of this monstrous woman was taken by Oakhaven Productions. Check out his gallery if you’re interested, there’s also one of her making out Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again! But I jest!

with a hairy ginger on

This great photo of Pinocchio as he is swept away by a fierce

tornado

is

an

excellent

example

her bed.

of

photojournalism…the poor wooden lad was found a few miles south of his departure point, in several pieces. Fortunately all the kings horses and all the kings men, COULD put Pinocchio together again! This photo was shamelessly taken from Ausagi’s gallery.

No Norbert, naked is not

If only this guy was as good at

the new black. While the

interviewing as he was with a

exposer commends you

camera. Don

After

peeping

Lot hario

tom

braz enly

snapped this flattering picture of Mercy director Nanami, he started

firing

off

questions

regarding her actors. With a swift Kung-Pao

Karate chop

from Nanami, the Don knew

on your lack of pants, the

notion

completely

of

being

nude

is

absurd! The least you could do is put on a hat!

not to mess with a director on a deadline!

CATKETTY21 FINED $10K AFTER DAMAGE TO PUBLIC PROPERTY CatKetty has got herself into trouble with the law recently after a rip-roaring Christmas Party on the Sunset Valley beach. The director and her production company, KDK21 Productions, lit up the sky with unsanctioned fireworks and seizure-inducing strobe lights. One firework broke a neighbor’s window, another started a fire in a city-owned garden. Local elderly woman, Bessie Clavell appeared to be enjoying herself, until a rogue firecracker accidently set fire to her skirt. She escaped injury, but had to walk home in her bloomers. It’s understood that the production company received a $10,000 fine, and Ms Ketty has been banned from the beach for one year. Instead of remorse or concern, witnesses claim that Cat was amused by all of the mayhem occurring around her. Police have advised locals to think twice before attending one of her functions in the future.


PLASTIC SURGERY SPECIAL! Stars today never seem to be happy with the way they look. Many celebrities today are trading in their tired old bodies in for a more youthful version of themselves. Today we showcase three different stars who have dipped their toes in the waters of cosmetic surgery.

Bzanna Before

It appears that Bzanna, accomplished director, actor and singer, decided her chest should be the same size as her list of completed projects. We caught the star sneaking into the infamous Dr Crumplebottom’s Patch’N’Dispatch Breast Augmentation and Rhinoplasty Clinic in the Bronx. Her procedure lasted less than two hours, and going by the pics, she got some decent results!

After

Felix Ferret Felix Ferret, featured actor in SSProduction's films and Emperor of Evil series, was spotted visiting an exclusive cosmetic surgery clinic on the outskirts of LA. An insider revealed this week that Mr Ferret has an unhealthy desire to increase the size of his butt-cheeks. Previous attempts, including specialized gym workouts and protein shakes, have only lead to increased flatulence. It now seems that Felix has abandoned natural methods for cosmetic surgery. These shocking photos reveal Mr Ferret checking out his booty on the experimental Bum-a-tron 2000. The procedure is expected to set him back $3,500, not including on-going therapeutic buttock massages.

Jinja Ninja Film director JN was not so lucky with his cosmetic surgery procedure. The star went to the same clinic as abovementioned Felix Ferret. It’s believed that Mr Ninja requested a facelift, but as the clinic specializes only in cosmetic buttock surgery, they applied their trademark procedure to his face. Our source (and photo) suggests that JN is thrilled with his new look.

Before

After

The Exposer - Issue 2  

Revealing all your dirty little secrets!