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The Vent Magazine is a division of The Vent. The Vent is an organization devoted to the enrichment of Corpus Christi through Comedy. Send all comments and letters to: ventnation@yahoo.com The Vent Magazine 361-549-6213 Publisher/Creative Director: William Henneberger Contributing Writers: William Henneberger Kat McCloud Kyle Hoelscher Zombie Bowling graphic by Gerald Flores Zombie Art by Russell Tippit The Vent Disclaimer: The Vent is a satirical publication and is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. The Vent uses invented names in all of its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Any statements made expressed or implied in the Vent are solely those of columnist and do not represent the position of our advertisers, who do not accept responsibility for such statements. All characters, products, and photos published are trademark and copyright of their respective owners.

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Wake Up & Get Motivated And now, the story of a writer who lost his motivation and the magazine he had no choice but to keep together. This is… the Wake Up Column. Will Vent was sitting at his desk at 3am on the morning his magazine would be published. He was trying to crank out a few hundred words to put one last page to bed, so that he could go get the sleep he so desperately needed. He had already re-ran one article on page 14, but he felt it was relevant. He was regretting the hours he spent the previous night watching bad TV on hulu… I mean, hours of great TV on Netflix. Anxious for the feel of

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his cool pillow, he began to contemplate just how far up he could scale the font in this column before anyone would be the wiser. 13? Maeby… 14? Never. Just as he reached the midway point of his piece, he realized that any rest he would get would be short-lived, because as soon as the sun was shinning, it would be time to start distributing The Vent. With this thought, he hung his head and paced

by William Henneberger

around the room, while the sad Charlie Brown piano played. Alas, he realized he could size up the logo graphic to compensate for a lack of text! On the next, Wake Up Column… Wake up and Wait and See. V

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Letters to the Ed (real ones this time)

Hi, Will

I am reaching out on behalf of Whataburger regarding the following article about a downgrade from Fancy Ketchup. While we recognize that the piece is satirical in nature, we’ve had quite a few customers asking if Fancy Ketchup really is going away. Because it’s become a bit of an issue for operations, we were hoping you would be willing to remove the piece from your site. Especially in Corpus Christi, where Whataburger was founded in 1950, we want our customers to know that we’re still committed to the same level of quality today as we were when Harmon Dobson opened the first Whataburger. Please let me know if this is a request you can accommodate. Thanks in advance for your help – we really appreciate it! Cheers, Patti Fore Hahn, Texas for Whataburger HahnTexas.com Patti, I don’t think you are gonna like this issue very much. -Will Dear vent, Upon reading your “wake up and own it” I am thoroughly displeased. I found it to be insulting and inappropriate. When I pick up a local zine I do not plan on wanting to vomit after only reading the first page of type. Why do you care what other zines around town are doing? Why not embrace the fact that Corpus Christi actually has more than one outlet for creativity, whatever it may be. As a local artist I find it astounding that you would criticize some other zine for highlighting local artists and their work. I, for one, would be proud to have my work shown in a publication and have it be seen by a wider audience. Also, as an artist I believe copying another zine’s front cover is plagiarism. If I were you I would be embarrassed and ashamed of such a blatant rip off. Needless to say, I will not be picking up any more Vents. Good luck and try to be interesting instead of juvenile. Amanda Calhoun Thanks for the feedback Amanda, it was very cute. The cover was done as a parody, in case you didn’t understand. In regards to your Vent boycott, i will quote someone you know. “Why not embrace the fact that Corpus Christi actually has more than one outlet for creativity, whatever it may be.” As an artist, i would think you might feel the same way if someone was flooding the market with “dogs playing

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poker” and bringing the overall level of artistic integrity of your city down a notch or two. S**** is a poorly put together publication and i gave them a year before I said word one. Thanks only to people like Erik and local artists it has stayed afloat, but take them out of the equation and it sinks rapidly. If you read the article with any sense of subjectivity, you would see that i recognized showcasing artists as noble, but I hope they realize that they are being used by people who are not artists... and if you/they are ok with that- so be it. You should submit some art to our terrible magazine, maybe you can be our first featured artist. Here is another bee you can put in your bonnet, it wasn’t even our 100th issue only our 99th. Love, The Vent ugh this is why i should not have emailed vent. note to self: do not get involved in other peoples business. i got too heated when i read vent and made a rash decision to send you feedback. after time away i realize that in all honesty i do not care at all. i take back everything i said. you are right and you are just voicing your opinion and it is a free country. i should not have let my first impressions send me to writing cute feedback. please disregard my email and accept my apologies for writing it and offending you. i do not want to be part of a debate or anything whatsoever. A. Mandy,

Can I call you mandy? You should not regret your email. It’s ok to care. I only hope you see my side of things. I have a family and 2 kids to support. I have dealt with R**** in as nice a manner as I know how since the first month, when their magazines kept ending up on my stands covering the Vent and keeping them from moving. I have been pretty poor all my life, and sometimes still struggle to get by, so The Vent is my livelihood, not a retirement project. I think we do an okay job at the Vent, and we have put down a solid foundation for other such monthlies. So I feel it is an abuse of that foundation to put out a substandard product, content wise, because businesses won’t scrutinize it if they think... “it’s like the Vent”. Anyway, we love to hear from everyone who has an opinion. Sorry for the previous condescension. [Just a heads up, this will all probably all appear in the next issue] -Will Vent

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What-A-Burger Launches New Dress Code For Customers by William Henneberger

After recent local events resulting in at least one death, the Whatburger Corporation, is taking a swift and strict approach to increasing security on their more than 30 local sites. During a live interview on KIII News Tom Dobson, CEO of What-A-Burger said. “Because Corpus Christi has shown so much consistency in holding tight to its, for lack of a better word, ghetto roots, and because those roots have proven over and over to put good citizens in danger… this decision has been a long time coming… and as of June 1st, 2013 all What-A-Burger Restaurants in Corpus Christi will put a dress code into effect.” The burger chain has already taken a hit after they downgraded from Fancy to Regular Ketchup, and many experts suspect that such an alienating decree will be the end of the company altogether. Most of the public opinion against the dress code has been broken and inarticulate, while those in support of the new rules are reluctant to leave their homes without the okay from their physician. “This is total bull***t man,” said Anthony Juarez, “Just because, you know, they want to be judgmentally against me based on what is my choice of apparel.. you know. That ain’t right, to be all like, ‘we is better than you cause we got on our church clothes and you punk b*tches can all just go to a Jack in the crack.” While the Dress code has not yet been officially released, we were able to obtain a copy from a member of the What-A-Burger Board of Directors. It states, “All men entering a What-A-Burger or on What-A-Burger property at anytime, will wear slacks and long-

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sleeved shirts tucked in with an accompanying jacket or blazer. All jackets must have either a cross or American Flag pin on the lapel. Women WILL have their Collar Bones, elbows, legs and knees covered. If a woman is of the age to release her ‘not-so-fancy Ketchup’, her hair will be covered too by a scarf or a hat. And for god’s sake, on Sundays and federal holidays, men will wear hats, because that’s how it should be!” In the midst of this What-A-Burger catastrophe, Dairy Queen’s public Relations Department has been operating at full force to assure the people of Corpus Christi that all citizens, no matter how dirty, barefoot or shirtless they are, they will always have a place in their restaurant. We had the opportunity to interview one What-A-Burger employee to find out what she thought of the new policy. How is the dress code affecting business? “THERE’S NO DRESSING ON THE BISCUITS, IT’S GRAVY. No, I said, what changes have you seen since the new rules have been in place? WE HAVE AMERICAN OR SHREDDED CHEDDAR. Do you feel safer as an employee? YES MAAM, MUSTARD ON A DOUBLE MEAT. I’m not a maam! I’m a sir… Do you have any comment on the murder? YEAH THAT S*** WAS MESSED UP YO. PLEASE DRIVE TO THE WINDOW MAAM.

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Bowling For Brains... by Kat McCloud

It’s official, Zombie fever has now gone from an epidemic to a full-blown crisis. People can’t seem to get enough of the little dead guys! Let’s face it, they’ve always had a bit of a cult following, typically reserved for dorm rooms and Goth teens.... but as of late, even my own mom is obsessed with Zombies. Zombies... and canning her own veggies. It’s strange, but the more people we talk to at The Vent, the more we notice how on board everyone seems to be with the brainmunching phenomenon. Hell, in Florida, there are even REAL zombies! Yes, they are bathsaltinduced blackouts that tend to end in a quite unsavory way for the victims, but Zombies have become a real thing nonetheless. When did Cannibalism become so mainstream? Maybe it was Zombieland, or perhaps a well timed premiere of a certain show we all love, The Walking Dead, but the saturation of the Zombie

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culture has permeated some interesting movements. Here in Corpus Christi, for instance, we have the annual “Zombie Walk” for charity, which has picked up so much steam that the demand must be met with.... yes.... MORE ZOMBIES!!!! The pioneers over at the Zombie Walk decided that walking for brains was fun, but BOWLING for brains would be something to have a go at. With that said, they began Corpus’ (and possibly the nations) first “Zombie Bowling League”. What is Zombie Bowling? Well, you dress up like Zombies, and go bowling! League rules loosely followed, (mark it eight dude!), bloody brain enthusiasts lurking about, and a snack bar? What more could a kid (or adult), ask for? We sat down with one of the brains behind the situation to see how Zombie Bowling got started, and what it’s all about! (cont. page 10)

Dean- CCZW & Texas Toyz with Clay – GM, Saratoga Lanes

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‘Corpus Famous’

Calendar

(Glimpse what your favorite local celeb has scheduled this month)

June: Local Designer

er p s i R y e r o C

Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Josh Abbott Band, Kyle Park, Aaron Watson, Bart Crow BandConcrete St. Laces Out Is Back! Sneaker/Street Wear Expo 3Pm -Amer. Bank Cntr. Now & Zen Bday Bash 7:30 PM FREE-House Of Rock Tatujes -Revolution You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor Playhouse Corpus Christi Fury Vs. Sarasota Thunder 3:05pm-Amer. Bank Cntr.

Crush Girls WorkshopHouse Of Rock Deejay Bobby StumpFlanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

My name is Risper, Corey Risper. If you don’t already know me I feel sorry for you. I am a designer, but I am so much more than that. I used to be a regular guy and then one day while working as an air traffic controller in the Navy, I spilled coffee all over my shirt and while I was drying it out, I used a flight chart to cover my perfect chest and thus an idea was born. After I started wearing flight charts everyday, a friend told me I should put the design on a shirt instead... and since then I’ve been Corpus Christi’s top designer. I don’t just put a design someone created on a marked up shirt... I provide a shirt wearing experience that can’t be equaled by clever slogans or creativity. -Risper

Ballabajoomba Poetry Slam 7PM FREE-House Of Rock Deejay Bobby StumpFlanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 2PM -Harbor Playhouse Deejay Bobby StumpFlanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s The Crucible 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s

Put the Risper hype machine on its own circuit breaker Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s

New Slogan: Corey Risper: The Right Brother of this generation! Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s

Design a shirt with 9/11 flight plan. Black Taxi, The Stallwalls, Microphonic, Modern Explorations 7PM $8-House Of Rock Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s

Try to get soul Make a add back from devil sandwich, chef to resume Ballabajoomba Poetry Slam 7PM FREE-House Of Rock Deejay Bobby StumpFlanagan’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School 3:30 PM $10-House Of Rock The Crucible 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Common Enemy (PA.),Bombs Away Ink-Zeros Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s

New Idea: Shirt with floor plan of my apartment

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Blue Man Group Selena Auditorium 7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Open Mic w/ Rev Matt Martinez 7 PM-House Of Rock

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Open Mic w/ Matt Martinez Sign up 7PM-House Of Rock

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Open Mic w/ Matt Martinez Sign up 7PM-House Of Rock

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Open Mic w/ Matt Martinez Sign up 7PM-House Of Rock

“Brutal Alliance Tour”Abolishmentof Flesh(Dallas),Fields Of Elysyum (S.F. New Mexico),Despise The Sun(Denver Colo.),Astringency(Plainview Tex)-Zeros Beer Pong & DJ -REVO Alice Clarissa Serna -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’s Open Mic w/ Matt Martinez Sign up 7PM-House Of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s Hobo’s Hot Dog Hootenanny PM FREE -House Of Rock Blue Man Group Selena Auditorium 7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby

Stump- Flanagan’s Tatujes -REVO Alice

Comedy Open Mic -Jamison’s Dj ET & DJ Arod -Revolution Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s Karaoke -Jamison’s Karaoke -REVO Alice Mark Linskey, Ty Dietz 10PM FREE-House Of Rock Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s

Comedy Open Mic -Jamison’s Dj ET & DJ Arod -Revolution Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s Gravy (Pink Floyd tribute), Poetry & Pose (Primus tribute), The Temp Subs (Iron Maiden/ Rush tribute) 10PM FREE-House Of Rock Karaoke -Jamison’s Karaoke -REVO Alice Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s

Beer School 9PM FREEHouse Of Rock Comedy Open Mic -Jamison Dj ET & DJ Arod -Revolution Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s Karaoke -Jamison’s Karaoke -REVO Alice Music by Flatbroke 10PMHouse Of Rock Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s

CC7D Mixer 5:30 PMHouse Of Rock Comedy Open Mic -Jamison’s Danny Barnes, Billy Bright 9PM $8-House Of Rock Dj ET & DJ Arod -Revolution Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’s Karaoke -Jamison’s Karaoke -REVO Alice Randy Rogers & Wade Bowe Brewster St. Ste’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s


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n’s

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Geeks Who Drink Trivia With Cupids Victim -Exec. Surf Club Local Licks Lineup 9 PM $3/ $5 minors-House Of Rock Lyle Lovett & Robert Earl Keen 8pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. Latin Night -Revolution Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Fayuca, Cassette Tape 8PM $10/ $13 minorsHouse Of Rock Geeks Who Drink trivia with Live DJ-Exec. Surf Club John Eric Band - FREE SHOW!-Brewster St. Karaoke -Jamison’s Open Mic (instruments provided)-Jamison’s Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Geeks Who Drink trivia with Resz-Exec. Surf Club Karaoke -Jamison’s Latin Night -Revolution Open Mic (instruments provided)-Jamison’s Pop Pistol, The Shakedown 9PM $5-House Of Rock Stoney LaRue w/ William Clark Green-Brewster St. Cavegirl 9PM-House Of Rock Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Geeks Who Drink trivia with Live DJ-Exec. Surf Club Karaoke -Jamison’s Latin Night -Revolution Open Mic (instruments provided)-Jamison’s

Find out what Adobe is.

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice s Geeks Who Drink trivia with Flatbroke-Exec. Surf Club Granger Smith w/ Green River Ordinance & Earl Dibbles Jr.-Brewster St. Karaoke -Jamison’s en- Latin Night -Revolution Local Licks 9PM-House Of Rock Open Mic (instruments provided)-Jamison’s

Flashback -Exec. Surf Club DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s Legacy Fighting Championships 20 7pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. 3 Years Hollow – Theo’s 3 year Anniv. Party FREE-Theo’s ArtWalk-House Of Rock Beyond The Blood ( Members M.O.D., Rotting Corpse), Kllamora Black Lung Conspiricy,A Day Of Bloodshed, Switchblade Jesus, Defiled Creation, Demented-Zeros DJ ET - Flanagan’s Five Card Draw -Brewster St.-Brewster St. You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhse Another Level-Brewster St. DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’s Karaoke -Jamison’s La Conquista -REVO Alice Numb to the Blow, The Booked, This Dying Dream, Switchblade Jesus 9PM $5-House Of Rock The Green Party and Friends-Exec. Surf Club Trust No One (Fl.), Anger (FL.), Dirigiri (Tex),Haze Warden, Sight Beyond Belief, Revisions, Renounce The Traito -Zeros7 You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s Avenue Rockers, Spanish Reds, Dead Passenger, The Obliterates-Zeros DJ ET - Flanagan’s Friends and Lovers Art Show9PM-House Of Rock Karaoke -Jamison’s Scarecrow People-Exec. Surf Club The Crucible 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse The Spazmatics - Block Party!-Brewster St.

Kick that Vent guys ASS!! Bushbullit-Exec. Surf Club DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’s Jason Suthern Band-Brewster St. Karaoke -Jamison’s Now & Zen-Theo’s Sinbad
7:30pm-Amer. Bank Cntr. The Crucible 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse Tim Mcgraw “2 Lanes Of Freedom Tour”-Amer. Bank Cntr. Volton, Through Plutonian Shore (S.A.), Ruines Of The Evening(Dallas),Xapheron, Legions Of Hoar Frost ( Louisiana),Funeral Ash, Antient Malus (S.A.)-Zeros DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s DJ ET - Flanagan’s Five Card Draw-Brewster St. Karaoke -Jamison’s Memories in Broken Glass 8PM-House Of Rock Mud River, Switchblade Jesus, Anthem For The Sun.-Zeros Straightline Stitch, FreeState, Shattered Sun-Theo’s The Crucible 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse The Groove-Exec. Surf Club

See the end.

DJ Dragon Z-95 -Revolution DJ Dragon Z-95-REVO Alice Dj Dragon-Macaw’s Mariam, and the Hero Prevails, Memories in Broken Glass, At My Signal, Our Legacy 6PM $10-House Of Rock The Chinpz-Theo’s You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse The Bigsbys -Exec. Surf Club

Add more lines ans numbers to design, not confusing enough DJ Arod Z-95 -Revolution DJ Dragon Z-95-REVO Alice Alejandro Escovedo with Vallejo and Hudson Falcons opening-Exec. Surf Club Dj Dragon-Macaw’s Insurgence (Austin),D.S.G.N.S. (Austin), Lay The Body In White, Hanging A Horse Theif, Give Me The Creeps(Formerly Sella Turcia)-Zeros Karaoke -Jamison’s Mr. & Mrs. CC of USA 9PM-House Of Rock Nutrol, Cupid Victim, DeadBeats-Theo’s Second Saturday Sing-Along Piano Show-Brewster St. You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse Dj Dragon-Macaw’s Karaoke -Jamison’s “Tribute To Jeff Hanneman” No Remorse S.A.(Slayer Tribute) Beyond The Blood (Members Of Rotting Corpse, Devestation M.O.D.)Killamora, Defiled Ceation, Demented-Zeros DJ Arod Z-95 -Revolution Gabriel Iglesias Presents Stand-Up Revolution
7:30pmAmer. Bank Cntr. DJ Dragon Z-95-REVO Alice Metal Shop - Block Party!-Brewster St. Reely Rotnz-Exec. Surf Club Stache Dash 5K 8AM-House Of Rock The Crucible 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse Victory by Birthright 9PM-House Of Rock DJ Arod Z-95 -Revolution DJ Dragon Z-95-REVO Alice Dj Dragon-Macaw’s “Pete’s 50th B-Day Bash” Aggressor, Virgin Force-Zeros Audiodrive-Exec. Surf Club Critical Assembly, Fall, Running with Wolves, Shattered Sun-Theo’s Karaoke -Jamison’s Mike Pinto, Three Legged Fox, Natural Vibrations 8PM $15-House Of Rock The Crucible 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

DJ Dragon Z-95-REVO Alice Dj Dragon-Macaw’s “Livin the Dream” by Jon Steele Art and photo show 8PM $5-House Of Rock 90 Proof-Exec. Surf Club Dead Fish Handshake, Message to Venus-Theo’s Deejay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’s DJ Arod Z-95 -Revolution Karaoke -Jamison’s Metalachi-Brewster St. The Crucible 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse Vesperian Sorrow (Austin), Doom Desire (Harlingen), Fall, Votan, Deraingment, Angst-Zeros


Bowling For Brains Continued

VENT: How did this idea come to be?

This idea came about last fall as a fundraiser for our zombie walk 2012. After promoting at the Resident Evil movie premiere, Dean Fritsch (the founder of CC Zombie Walk) was at Saratoga Lanes in a zombie mask promoting the CCZW... and so the idea came about. It was too soon to even act on it... the zombie walk last year was a very short project, only 6 weeks. VENT: What has been your response since beginning the League? Is it true that AMF has expressed interest in sponsoring or incorporating your idea in other areas of the US? Earlier this year, Dean was

at Saratoga lanes having a zombie birthday party for his kids. He got to talking with Clay, the GM over there about his idea. Clay contacted AMF corporate about it. He got their approval, so we started this ASAP. Once AMF saw the huge turnout & participation (more than double attendance at any other bowling league), they put it out on their site to encourage all AMF centers WORLDWIDE to create a zombie bowling league. We were the 1st ever official zombie bowling league. Right here in Corpus! Since then, Houston has started one… Arizona, San Antonio and OKC, are next.. its going viral. We even own the domain zombiebowlingleague. com which should be up soon. T Think about this, most of the people aren’t professional bowlers. They just come out for the ca-

maraderie, costume contests and FUN! VENT: Any future plans for any other Zombie themed events? What exactly will be happening at these leagues? Every week, prizes are given away from sponsors, both for costumes & random drawings throughout the evening. After all, zombies really can’t bowl. The 1st league ends June 9th. The 2nd 10week Zombie Bowling League will begin June 23rd, alongside the release of World War Z that weekend. We will be at Starplex promoting Zombie Bowling & the next Annual Zombie Walk. Sponsors that

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have helped with this event every week by donating prizes are TexasToyz, Sparrow’s Landing, Starplex Cinemas, The Vintage Easel, Signs & Service of CC, AMF, Papa Murphy’s Pizza on Waldron Rd. & of course, CASA volunteers out there every week helping us out. VENT: Tell us some details on the charitable aspect of the organization. All the proceeds from this years Zombie Walk will be going to CASA. Aside from the Zombie Walk on Oct 19, we do have 3 other Zombie Events in the works, One of which could be pretty big... V

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THREEO’S - Theo’s Billiards 3rd Re-Birthday

A few years ago, everyone’s favorite billiards hall, Theo’s, had sort of a reinvention, a la “new ownership”. They closed down for a bit, and when they reopened like a fresh flower in the sun, how glorious it was. Although the changes might seem subtle to some, there was a noticeable difference in the vibe, atmosphere, and most importantly, the entertainment. Like an episode of Bar Rescue, the new owners Doug and Richard wasted no time in catering to the masses. They also took over another bar you may have heard of...Jamison’s. Celebrating its first year anniversary under the same management, which leads us to believe these guys are doing something very right. With the installment of a new sound system and a big ass stage in Theo’s, they were off

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to a good start. “People don’t realize how important it is to have a good sound system and set up in a venue...it’s what brings you the good bands,” says Andres Castillo, a concert-going mad man who spends his free time mixing and recording local Texas talent. “The number one problem with most places is that they either have shitty systems or crap acoustics, so it really limits the ability to record live shows or just perform in general.” When asked about Theo’s new set up, he agrees, “The changes are great, and setting up the performers for success is always a good thing. I’m glad Corpus has another option for live music that’s worth a damn.” The new owners have also seen fit to be more hands on in their approach to customer service. Don’t worry about having to wait forever to get your drink, because that won’t happen here. Oh, and did we mention, there are a SHITLOAD of giant flat screen TV’s and pool tables everywhere? Don’t worry about that either. Your game (or your fight) will be on, or they will make sure it is. Let’s be real here, it’s not just the flashy new digs and staff that have helped Theo’s make it to their three year anniversary, it’s also their stellar entertainment line-ups. The incorporation of more alternative entertainment choices like burlesque shows, liveviewing parties, and various bar game tournaments

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by Kat McCloud

(flip cup anyone?!?), in addition to the live music, have created an environment conducive to tons of positive word of mouth. This all culminated into a recent threeyear-anniversary bash, with bands like “The Chimpz”, featured on the show “Sons of Anarchy”, performing to a big ass crowd of spirited youth and adults alike. Yes, 18 and up are welcome at Theo’s as well. So what’s coming up for Theo’s in June? The 15th brings a live pay-per-view UFC fight. The 21st will be a live concert featuring NOW & ZEN playing classic hits. In the following weeks look for Critical Assembly, Fall, Running with Wolves, Shattered Sun, Straightline Stitch, FreeState, Dead Fish Handshake and Message to Venus, just to name a bunch. Check their ad for all the details. Sister club “Jamison’s”, on Wednesday nights welcomes Open Mic Stand Up Comedy to the scene. Musician Open Mic happens every Thursday night and get this, all instruments are provided. Just do smash their ax after your guitar solo. Least we forget… Karaoke runs every Thursday thru Saturday night. Check it out, or you’ll always ask yourself “What if?” V

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What-A-Burger Downgrades From ‘Fancy’ To Regular Ketchup by William Henneberger

In an effort to cut cost, the San Antonio based Fast Food Company hasdecided to discontinue distribution of ‘Fancy Ketchup’ in all 700 of their restaurants. A press release sent from the company on Monday stated that ‘by switching to ‘regular’ ketchup the Whataburger Corporation will save over $48.00 per year, and with the economy in its current state Whataburger is looking at several more ways to cut back spending and increase revenue.’ Already some costumers are showing concern over the drastic change. In Whataburger restaurants all over Corpus Christi, patrons are stocking up and even hording the last of the ‘fancy’ ketchup packets. “This is a terrible commentary on the condition of things”, says Joann Summers, Professor of Economics at Del Mar College, and Assistant Manager a Whataburger store #334. “I knew things were bad when I had to get a second job, but now I’m really scared.”

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Countless customers have complained to managers, wondering why they have been paying extra for cheese all these years, if it only leads to cutbacks.

home tuckered out from a long day at school, and the good ole sheriff is at your house, and tells ya, ‘Son, your daddy done killed your mama this time’, nobody wants to be that kid. Instead, head on over to the nearest Whataburger, and drown your worries away in an ice-cold fountain drink. If that doesn’t work, then order up a pair of fresh, hot apple pies, and stuff em down your good ole fashion g*ddamn fat face. Cause if Whataburger can’t afford to provide us with that fancy ketchup, well then, I say it’s just about time for me to have a good ole fashioned helping of buckshot, served fresh from the barrel of my Remington 12-gauge. Whataburger, just like you [gun shot]”

Long-time voice-over actor and Whataburger spokesman described the changes saying, “When you think about it, it’s sorta like when your eight years young, and you come

A new spokesman for the company says that the Famous Mustard will also be substituted with a lesser known mustard, and that more cut backs are sure to come. V

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The vent june 2013  
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