A Letter From The Ed Dear CC,
If you ask the average Corpus Christi citizen, if they’re ignorant or just apathetic, their answer would be, “I don’t know and I don’t care”. Now, I don’t have a lot of friends…and I don’t want a lot of friends, but I do try to surround myself, ﬁrst of all, with people who are smarter than me (which isn’t hard), and secondly, those whose mentality opposes that of the average Corpus Christi citizen. As editor of this publication, I have great ambitions for The Vent and a vision that falls in line with the potential growth of our city. We have a beautiful piece of land beneath us, but its time we stop depending on our geographical location and start focusing on our cultural inadequacies and how we want to present ourselves as a city. There is not much The Vent can do about these things at this point, but as we continue to grow and our bank account remains more and more in the black, we will. It is not hard to run this magazine, practically speaking… mentally, it can take its toll, but at the end of the day it’s not like we’re digging ditches. For the most part, we have fun doing what we do. I may not be traveling about the world bringing peace to war torn countries, or even serving soup to hungry vagabonds, but I feel I have it in me to facilitate some sort of revolution before giving up the ghost. Corpus Christi you are the starting point for the uprising that is The Vent. Don’t take it for granted.
xxxxxxxx Letters to The Ed xxxxxxxx Dear Ed, Oh my gawd! I hate you. Like, seriously!! I’m, like, way prettier than you, my mom sed so. Stay away from my man... okay, so like he isn’t my man, but I saw him ﬁrst! GAWSH! I, lyk totally rock. I meen I can tattoo and pierce and i model for obscure sites that nobody has ever heard of. That makes me fukkin aweum. All u can do is wright and stuff. How gay! eeew!!! Nobody likes smert people. I’ve seen the way you visit people just to drop off your magaseen. U think ur better than me. I no it. its not ur position to assum anthing that u hv any consept bout. Sea? I can be smert like u to. I used the
werd consept. Eeeew! U just need to stay away. Aaaagh! Missus O. Verdrum-Attic
You pRiNtEd ThE LeTTer ThAT I SEnt LaST TiME BUt YoU NeVER CALLEd Me. I Kn0wW ThAT Y0u L0V3 mE JuST As MuCH aS I L0vE yo0o0u. PLeAse CaLL mE. I AM crYiNg. YoU WiLL Call Me or Else... I MEan It. L0Ve, YoUr StaLKeR
P.S- YoUr UnDeRWeaR WoRK GreAT FoR WiPiNG TEaRs
Who in the hell is Claire Cavazos and why is her name in the list of writers if i have never read anything by her? She sounds freakin’ retarded... either that or she must be one of those ATM whores. If going ATM means that I can get my name in your magazine then heres my number. ;) 361-555-7885. Ask for Juan. you won’t be disappointed. Juanito ;)
CC7D Part 3: I have this friend, we’ll call him Bob. Bob is a terribly depraved scoundrel who, on most occasions, should be drug out to the wood line and put down like a rabid dog. He’ll fuck your sister before he’ll steal your wallet but that doesn’t mean he’s not a thief. The one thing that you can depend on is his absolute inability to be reliable in any given situation. I’m sure that most of you have friends like this. Everyone knows a Bob. If you are one of the few blessed/ cursed people who do not know a Bob then you are probably asking yourself “Why would anyone want a friend like that?” The answer to this is simple. Firstly, knowing someone like this is inﬁnitely entertaining, especially when women and alcohol are involved, which they always are. The second and more important fact is that every great once in a while, without provocation and with no expectation of reward, this person will do something that is selﬂess and naturally good and it will surprise you so much that you will momentarily forget about the time you caught him in the parking lot of Vernon’s giving your girlfriend the shocker. This city reminds me Bob. It has no self respect and no desire to change even if every single resident believes that it would be a change for the best. Corpus just sits on the coast like a syphilitic Pasha drinking up the hot gulf and brazenly excreting noxious poison into the faces of its inhabitants, who’s only reply seems to be “Thank you sir, may I have another?” If you don’t believe me then just drive over Oso
And Now For Our Feature
Bay, if you can’t smell the aftermath then you’ve already given up on change and you should be taken out to the dunes and fed to a pack of ravenous coyotes. They eat the entrails ﬁrst, ensuring a slow death ﬁlled with burning images of what you’ve been eating for the past two days. However every o n c e
and a great while, just like that sweet old fuckwit Bob, this two-lane bus stop of a town will slip a ﬁnger around your back and give you a little surprise, hence the Corpus Christi 7 Day Film Project. What a breath of fresh air. All bullshit aside, this event demands to be placed on the short list of things worth talking about in our city, the other two being unwed teen pregnancy and which terrible reggae cover band not to see. The Corpus Christi Film Society did a
tremendous job steering the ship. At least on the cover, everything ran smoothly. The kickoff party was a success, replete with pretty young girls hoping to ﬁnd someone to pay attention to them and fresh minds willing to expose themselves to the often critical voyeuristic eyes
of the public. This was my ﬁrst time being exposed to both the world of amateur ﬁlm and the fact that there even was a ﬁlm society in this town. I enjoyed the entire process immensely. The production phase not so much. The night of the screening was a strange and interesting event. The Harbor Playhouse was pleasantly full and the patrons seemed if not personally invested, at least attentive and positive. The production value of the competing ﬁlms was fair and the storylines were entertaining for the most part.
by Mike Skinner
email@example.com In an event like this, you will always have to suffer the public access duds but that’s part of the deal and everyone seemed to be aware and alright with this idea. Everyone that is, except for the soccer moms sitting behind me. Holy shit people, it’s not Def Comedy Jam. These things were made on equipment form Best Buy. Shut the fuck up already. Don’t laugh during the dramatic pauses, they’re dramatic. Don’t shout out the name of someone you recognize in a ﬁlm every single time you see them throughout the ﬁlm. In fact, take your friend and go out into the lobby and drink a dressed Corona and talk about Kitchen remodeling and liposuction, or better yet go the fuck home, or to Brewster Street and hit on the lead singer for whatever shitty “Texas Country” band is playing there while your kids get tetanus on the playground. Other than that, it was a great night. Some of us lost and some of us won and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. There was one speciﬁc family that made an interesting and funny piece that had a live accompaniment that was actually pretty fun. My hat is off to everyone involved in the process, from Joe Hilliard and everyone at the Corpus Christi Film Society to all of the ﬁlmmakers, actors and production personnel. I feel lucky to have been given the opportunity to be involved ﬁrst-hand in the entire process and I look forward to contributing even more next year, if Eric Von Wade hasn’t succeeded in destroying our empire by then, that is.
Corpus Christi Entertainment Calendar Fri 8/29 Johnny Hootrock, Matt Hole&The Hot Rod Gang, Pineapple Protein -House Of Rock Dj King G (Inside) & Justin Estes (Patio) -Revolution Big Sexy -The Havana Club Novista -Compound Trisum -Clicks Billiards
Sat 8/30 Threads 4 The Undead Fashion Show & Suspension Show -House Of Rock Sun Salutation W/ The Sons Of Sancho -Revolution Big Sexy -The Havana Club Five Doza , Prestigious,Thrilla Mob , Reckalot Crew -Compound Cruise Control -Clicks Billiards Grey Bliss -Texan Remix -Brewster Street
Sun 8/31 Aileen Leal’s Photo Show “Momen-
tum Of Life” -House Of Rock Electric Valentine , Ultraviolet Sound, A House Cursed -Compound
-Compound Latin Talk -Executive Surf Club Stonewired -Texan Scarecrow People -Brewster Street
Rose Funeral, Years Spent Cold, Sat 9/6 Red I Flight -Compound
Wed 9/3 The Beards Comedy Sketch -House Of Rock Dj King G -Revolution
Thurs 9/4 Mr.Lamb And The Jilted Ones & China Bull -House Of Rock Bastard Sons Of Johnny Cash -Executive Surf Club Stoney Larue W/ Band Of Heathens -Brewster Street
Fri 9/5 Lions, Chartreuse, And The Golden Meanies -House Of Rock Big Sexy -The Havana Club Bleed The Sky, The Destro, Gigan
Nrumba -The Havana Club Deadsky -Executive Surf Club Blind Sullivan -Texan Oso Texas -Brewster Street
Sun 9/7 Sunday Sock Hop 80s Dance Party -House Of Rock Slaughterbox -Compound Mongo’s Stereo - Revolution
Mon 9/8 Suffokate, Bloodstands Still, Ambush, Woodhaven -Compound
Wed 9/10 Dj King G -Revolution
Thurs 9/11 M.O.D. -Compound
Phil Pritchett -Executive Surf Club Jackson Taylor -Brewster Street
Fri 9/12 Sounds Under Radio, The Labeling Theory -House Of Rock Ritmo Caribe -The Havana Club Wrench In The Works -Compound Flashback -Executive Surf Club David & The Black Panda/ The Bystanders -Texan The Groove -Brewster Street
Sat 9/13 Funk School 4 -House Of Rock Ritmo Caribe -The Havana Club Roger Creager -Executive Surf Club Rattletree Marimba –Texan Indianola Railroad -Brewster Street
Sun 9/14 Mongo’s Stereo - Revolution
Send Concert listings to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Social Distortion: Love Quiz
There’s this thing that’s been stuck in my craw lately. It’s a question that came to me in that space that lies between awake and asleep, that underwater universe of semiconsciousness where so many dreams become ideas. I’m having trouble ﬁguring out how to appropriately convey my point though. I’ve asked about a dozen people so far and I’ve been confronted with the same problem every time. I present the scenario and get one answer and then, after I apply a series of different verbs, I get the other. Now I pose this question to you ﬁne readers, in hopes that you will be able to further enlighten me on the delicacies of human existence. Which act is more intimate, the purchasing of a secondary toothbrush to be placed permanently in the bathroom of a lover or anal sex? Initially everyone says anal sex. I believe that this is mostly due to the shock value accrued by placing it at the conclusion of the question. This is done with a speciﬁc purpose. If I were to say “anal sex” at the beginning of the inquiry, then the participant would more than likely be reduced to two positions, stimulation or revulsion. However, inserting it at the end of the question also inadvertently leads people to choose it as their answer. I have found that this
holds true in a myriad of situations. When given the opportunity to decide between two different options, my two-year-old son will choose the latter at least 95% of the time. It’s just human nature to place more import on the last thing that you heard. It is the thing that is clearest in your mind and it makes sense to pay the most attention to the last thing that you heard. I mean, I’ll make a money bet that you’ve already forgotten the ﬁrst paragraph of this piece but you could probably recite the last sentence with a fair amount of accuracy. The other main problem I seem to be having is with the use of the word “intimate”. I don’t mean physically intimate but physicality is the ﬁrst thing people generally tend to think of when confronted with the issue of anal sex. I am then forced to reword the question and inevitably I use this to build my case. I ﬁsh around until I ﬁnd the right word to use in order to better persuade the party being questioned to agree with me. I don’t necessarily do this on purpose. It’s just the way that I speak to people in general. Due to the fact that I was raised by the self-proclaimed World’s Smartest Man, I am now incapable of being wrong about anything ever, so every conversation I have with any person at any time, at least subcon-
by Mike Skinner
sciously is an attempt to force them to agree with me. This includes everyone except my father of course. He’s still never wrong about anything. Ultimately the answer is always in the wording of the question anyway. If I use the word “intimate” or “personal” then people will give me the anal sex answer, but if I ask which is a bigger step in a relationship then people will almost always use the toothbrush answer, citing that two people are not only capable of but most assuredly do have anal sex on the ﬁrst date. The argument for the intimacy of the gift of oral hygiene can now be made with more certainty. However, the same can be said about a toothbrush. I’m an adult and I really enjoy keeping my teeth clean so why can’t I keep a toothbrush in the bathroom of a woman that I regularly sleep with? I don’t want to breed with the girl. I’m just not partial to walking around with half of a dead cat in my mouth after a long night of whiskey and fucking. Does that make me insensitive? I don’t believe that it does. I just like having clean teeth. The taboo of anal sex has long since been demystiﬁed via the infestation of home computers and the wildly inappropriate access to hardcore pornography that has come with the birth of the internet. I look at a whole
lot of porn. I’ve been aware of it for all of my life. My father was never discrete about his own proclivities and I have had access to the image of naked humans in compromising positions for as long as I have had memories. I don’t think that this has created a negative image of the female form for me at all. On the contrary, I have tremendous respect for women that often approaches worship. I believe that this is partly due to the fact that I’ve seen so many of them portrayed in the altar pose. You know the one, spread out over countless backdrops with their backs arched, face upward and mouth slightly open in gentle faux ecstasy. Perhaps the tip of the tongue is protruding into the frame, perhaps not. A goddess in alabaster or bronze, glistening in expectant adulation. So perhaps we are all a little jaded. The only thing that I’ve been able to ﬁnd an answer for in the posing of this question is that people don’t really know anything about themselves or the opposite sex or the complexities of the relationship between the two. This is actually more of a relief than in is a disappointment. By posing a nonsensical question with no real deﬁnitive answer, I have essentially discovered that I am not as alone as I thought.
The stuff you need to know this month, and the shit you don’t want to know, but we love you so much we just have to tell you.
Aries Your super nova days are the 21st to the 24th, when Mars falls in trine with dreamy Neptune. This means you will be especially helpful and patient with those around you. At work, a newcomer may be feeling overwhelmed, and at home some family member could be dealing with a delicate problem. You will be the light at the end of their tunnels as only you can be. Just don’t forget to be good to you, too. Taurus The Pisces full moon falls into your house of dreams on the 15th, triggering some heavy daydreaming that could spill over into reality, and not in a good way. You could be prone to over-idealism, over-indulgence, and general slacking off. Venus and Mercury quincunxes also throw a wrench into your usual level-headedness. Try to keep your head on straight, and don’t go for any impulsive decisions. Gemini Bold Mars squares off with exhilarating Jupiter on the 7th, stirring up your desires in good and bad ways. You may be inspired to tackle a new project at work or at home, and you’ll have the emotional and physical energy to see it to completion. You could also engage in some risky behavior, your inherent invincible attitude pushed into overdrive this month. Be careful and don’t jump into anything without looking to the possible consequences.
Cancer Super nova days 15 to 19 highlight a Pisces full moon in your house of ideas, along with a conjunction with bummer planet Uranus. After a while of optimism and positive thinking, you may suddenly feel like the bottom had dropped out of your conﬁdence. Look at the facts and your past accomplishments, and try not to let the planets put a negative spin on your current endeavors. By the end of the month your self-esteem will rise again.
Leo Mars in square with Jupiter in Libra on the 7th triggers you to be more outspoken than usual, if that’s possible. Motormouthed Mercury falls in on the 8th and sets off a ﬂood of positive communication vibes. This will lead to a clearing of the air in your personal relationships, along with the conﬁdence to assert yourself at work. Virgo Your super nova days (12-15) bring an opposing square between the sun and Uranus. This unleashes a sudden sense of personal freedom, be it from external constraints or your own personal hang-ups. You suddenly feel at ease and able to express your needs and desires. Relish this, but keep in mind how your actions will affect others if you plan on doing something truly radical. Libra Your super nova days fall toward the end of the month, from the 20th to the 23rd. This is when a mega-intense squaring of Pluto and the sun could
bring about some major power struggles, at home and work. Your mate may be throwing his weight around and acting like he’s the boss, and your boss may be acting like your lout of a husband. Your best bet for getting through this trying time is to withhold sex from your hubby, and tell your boss you won’t sleep with him again either unless he shapes up. Scorpio Keeping a happy balance between your duty to others and meeting your own personal needs will be difﬁcult at the beginning of the month. Generous Jupiter in trine with Saturn (the planet that gets things done) on the 8th will push you to raise your hand anytime someone asks for help, possibly leading you to overextend yourself. Don’t leave yourself out of the picture, as several months of hard work are deserving of some r & r now. Tell your partner you require some body worship, or, if single, engage in some heavy self petting. Sagittarius Jupiter, your ruling planet, hits three squares at the start of the month, ﬁrst with ﬁery Mars on the 7th. This leads to some over-conﬁdence on your part, perhaps leading you to take on more than you can handle at work, or spending too much money. Thankfully, subsequent squares with verbose Mercury and social Venus pull the braggadociousness in different directions. Once that happens, you’ll just behave obnoxiously in social situations, a folly to be sure, but not as bad as maxing out your credit cards.
Capricorn Mars and Jupiter squaring off on the 7th leads to many in the astrological mix pitching in a little too much. Capricorn is not spared this overzealous altruistic tendency this month. You are quite the volunteer, and many count on you to get things done. But this month, you will ﬁnd yourself spread thin. It’s okay to say no to a few committees. They’ll be back next month anyway.
Aquarius Jupiter and Saturn in trine on the 8th will create a wonderfully harmonious situation of positive outlook with realistic vision. You are coming out of a 7 month cycle of change, both in your internal and public life, and are emerging gloriously. Many questions you have posed yourself are being answered, and you see your life in a fantastic new light. Finally, you are appreciating the favorable things and putting away bad thoughts. Hurrah for you!! Pisces A funny union between the sun and Uranus brings some strange behavior in those around you. Once reliable co-workers may ﬂake out, family members may behave as if they’re on acid, and even you may exhibit some behavior that you can’t explain. Of course, it may not be as bad as all that, but remember that this conjunction will at the very least lead to a nasty sunburn.