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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT Concert listings from many places

10 CLUB & PUBS

THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 ISSUE • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 ISSUE6170. DECEMBER 18 - 24, 2013

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 17 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review STORY 21 ANOTHER Elle Spaulding scopes out the last independent bookstore in Allentown BACON MANIA 26 Camille Capriglione reports on this artery clogging favorite

32 ZODIAC

Your astrology for the week

12 HOT SHOTS 47 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper! Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper. Distributed at more than 600 locations across the Lehigh Valley, Reading, Upper Bucks County & the Poconos Contact Information: Fax: 484-229-0506 thevalleybeat@gmail.com • valerie@thevalleybeat.com clubinfo@thevalleybeat.com • distribution@thevalleybeat.com classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania. Any Material submitted becomes the property of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. The Valley Beat reserves the right to refuse advertising or content. The Valley Beat is not liable for any errors discovered, or any changes after an ad has been printed.

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Cover Design: Don Junz Album Review: Scotty Brilliant Weekly Top 10: Gina Crash Hot Shots: Just Ordinary Photography

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VISIONBARPA.COM valleybeat VB-dec 18.indd 1

12/13/13 3:25 PM


by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY - YELLOW AND BROWN VALUES

NOT MY FAULT

A Swedish TV show, “Biss och Kajs,” found itself in the spotlight in November -in Russia, where government-run television apparently used it to send a political message to Ukraine by highlighting the program’s theme of teaching children about bodily functions. The episode Russia chose featured three bulkily-costumed actors sitting around talking -- with one dressed in yellow, one in brown, and the other unmistakably as a large, nude human posterior. (“Biss och Kajs” is highly regarded in Sweden; “biss” and “kajs” refer, respectively to the yellow and brown functions.) Ukraine (against Russia’s wishes) is considering a trade agreement with the European Union, and, the Russian station director said, pointedly, “There you have European values in all their glory.”

-- Conscience-Cleansing: Greg Gulbransen of Oyster Bay, N.Y., announced in September that he was about to sue the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration for dragging its feet in implementing the Gulbransen-inspired 2007 federal legislation that he said would save lives, especially those of toddlers. The unimplemented law would force car manufacturers to install rear-facing cameras as standard equipment, a cause Gulbransen embraced after accidentally, fatally, backing over his own toddler in the family’s BMW SUV.

KARMA -- (1) Larry Poulos was stopped on an Arlington, Tex., street in September, bleeding from a head wound and complaining that he had just been robbed by two men. A friend of Poulos later corroborated that, but police also learned that the money Poulos had been carrying was the proceeds of his having robbed a credit union earlier that evening. He was treated for his wounds and then arrested. (2) At least 44 health workers were struck with a suspected norovirus in September at a Creative Health Care Management convention in Huron, Ohio. (Noroviruses are sometimes called the “Norwalk” virus, named after one notable outbreak in 1968 in Norwalk, Ohio, about 12 miles from Huron.) -- “Masculine” Values: Breakaway former officials of the Boy Scouts of America met in Nashville, Tenn., in September to establish a Scoutstype organization that can freely discourage homosexuality, with one leader promising Fox News that the result would be “a more masculine” program. Another prominent attendee, also quoted in the Fox News dispatch, described his sorrow at the BSA’s embrace of gay boys. Since this issue broke, he said, “I’ve cried a river.” -- In November, Sweden’s National Housing Board, in charge of building codes, ordered the country’s famous Ice Hotel in Jukkasjarvi (built anew annually out of fresh ice blocks) to install fire alarms. “We were a little surprised when we found out,” said a spokeswoman (who acknowledged that the hotel’s mattresses and pillows could catch fire).

IRONIES - The Seattle City Council voted in October to seize a waterfront parking lot by eminent domain from the 103-year-old owner after negotiations to buy the property on the open market broke down. The state is funding a six-year tunnel-digging project in the area, and the city has decided it needs the property for not-yet-specified uses --except that in one part of the property, the city said it plans to operate a parking lot.

SLICK TALKERS

-- (1) A young woman, accosted by a robber on Washington, D.C.’s Capitol Hill in October, told the man she was a low-paid intern -- but an intern for the National Security Agency, and that within minutes of robbing her, the man would be tracked down by ubiquitous NSA surveillance. She said, later (reported the Washington Examiner), the man just “looked at me and ran away (empty-handed).” (2) A 29-yearold cafeteria worker at Sullivan East High School in Blountville, Tenn., swore to police on the scene in October that she was not the one who took money from a co-worker’s purse, and she voluntarily stripped to near-nakedness to demonstrate her innocence. “See? I don’t have it,” she said. Moments later, an officer found the missing $27 stuffed in the woman’s shoe. -- Katarzyna Dryden-Chouen and her husband Clive, busted in a London police raid last year with a marijuana grow operation that had netted an estimated (equivalent) of $450,000, insisted to a jury in October that their massive haul was not for sale but for “personal” use -- in that they worship the Hindu god Shiva, and truly believed that the world would end soon and that they needed a sizable offering to burn. (Actually, the jury bought it. “Distribution” charges were dismissed, but the couple still faces jail for their cultivation activity.)

UNDIGNIFIED DEATHS -- (1) Douglas Yim, 33, was convicted in September of murdering a 25-year-old man in Oakland, Calif., in 2011 after an evening of teasing by the man, who mocked Yim’s certainty about the existence of God. (2) A 27-year-old yoga fanatic in St. Austell, England, drowned in a pit in May during a well-publicized attempt to create an “out-of-body experience” to get as close to death as possible but without going over the line.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS -- Recurring Themes: (1) Lawrence Briggs, 18, was arrested in Marshalltown, Iowa, in November after he walked out of a Sports Page store with $153 worth of merchandise he did not pay for. Moments earlier, he had filled out an application to work at Sports Page, and when surveillance cameras exposed him, managers called him in for an “interview,” and police made the arrest. (2) Troy Mitchell, 47, was arrested after allegedly robbing the Valley First Credit Union in Modesto, Calif., on May 14th. While he was standing at the teller’s window, another employee of Valley First saluted him (“Hi, Troy”) because he remembered Mitchell from April 3rd, when he had applied for a car loan.

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.) COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

NEWS OF THE WEIRD


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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

PAGE 7


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

CONCERT BEAT CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 The Districts, Dec 21 Shrimp Boat Momma Tried, Dec 21 Jimmie’s Chicken Shack, Dec 26 Kings Foil, Dec 27

TICKETS 610-434-4600

TICKETS 570-325-0249 Albert Cummings Band, Dec 19 Craig Thatcher Band, Dec 22 The Tartan Terrors, Dec 31

MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600

Charlie Daniels Band / Bret Michaels, May 30

MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Rob Base, Dec 28 Burlesque Show, Dec 29 The B Street Band, Jan 10

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TICKETS 570-420-280 Men of the Strip, Dec 19 Christian Porter, Dec 20 Clutch, Dec 28

TICKETS 877-686-5366

TICKETS 212-777-6800 The English Beat, Dec 20 GWAR, Dec 27 Stone Sour / Pop Evil Jan 18 Amon Amarth, Feb 4 The BlackBerry Smoke, Feb 15

MAIN GATE, Allentown PA TICKETS 610-898-7200

Huey Lewis & The News Mar 21 Billy Currington, Mar 27 Robert Cray Band & Mavis Staples, Mar 28 Jim Gaffigan & The White Bread Tour, Mar 29 Lewis Black, Apr 14 Franki Avalon, Fabian, Bobby Rydell, May 15 Reba McEntire, May 18

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-826-1100 Bryan Adams, Dec 10

SANTANDER ARENA, Reading, PA TICKETS 610-898-7469 Tony Bennet, Dec 21 Jeff Dunham, Dec 29 Hair, Jan 31

Yellow Card, Feb 4

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA

THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA

TICKETS (215) 922-5483

TICKETS (215) 627-1332 Zedd, Dec 28 Dark Star Orchestra, Dec 29 Lotus-Risky Disko, Dec 30 MGMT, Jan 3 Pixies, Jan 24

Mantis Music Showcase, Dec 28 Voletta, Jan 4 Alustrium, Jan 5 The Precious Few, Jan 10 David Koechner, Jan 11 Rupal’s Drag Race, Jan 16 In this Moment, Jan 17 Brotherly Breakdown Fest, Jan 18 Mantis Music Showcase, Jan 31

1409 N. 9th St

TICKETS 215-336-3600

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ

TICKETS 800-745-3000

REVERB - Reading, PA

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA

Rob Stoneback Big Band, Dec 19 Sarah Ayers & Friends, Dec 20 Southside Johnny & The Asbury -

World Championship Boxing, Dec 18 Kenny G Holiday Show, Dec 19 Smokey Robinson, Dec 27 Larry The Cable Guy, Dec 28 The Jersey Shore’s DJ Pauly D, New Years Eve, Dec 31 (Vision Bar) Joy Behar, Jan 10 Pink Floyd Dark Side, Jan 11 3 Doors Down, Feb 12 Lisa Lampanelli, Feb 15 NBC’s Sing Off, Feb 27

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA

TICKETS 610-332-1300

TICKETS 212-307-7171

Demi Lovato, Mar 1 Robin Thicke, Mar 6

Abk, Dec 18 I The Breather, Dec 21 For Today, February 15

MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA

Phish, Dec 28-31

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA

Drake, Dec 18 Nitro Circus Live, Jan 9

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY

Jay Z, Jan 29

Jukes, Dec 21 Jimmy And The Parrots, Dec 27 Start Making Sense New Years Eve Party, Dec 31 Craig Thatcher Band, Jan 4

(610) 743-3069 Battery, Dec 20 Bam Margera, Dec 21 H2O, Dec 28 Abigal Williams, Jan 18 Bonz, Jan 23

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA TICKETS 215-572-7650

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Dec 19 Leon Russell & Hot Tuna, Jan 10 Elvis Birthday Bash, Jan 24 Transatlantic, Feb 8

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371 Twelve Twenty Four, Dec 29 Over The Years, Jan 10 Galactic, Feb 9 Rebelution, Feb 12

Phil Vassar, Jan 11 KIX, Jan 31 Fran Cosmo, February 1 Changes in Latitudes, Feb 8

BAM MARGERA PERFORMS THIS SATURDAY AT CLUB REVERB IN READING


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

BLAST FURNACE ROOM AT ARTSQUEST MAINGATE NIGHTCLUB (610) 776-7711

101 Founders Way, Bethlehem, PA (610) 332-1300 448 N. 17th Street, Allentown, PA

The Valley’s Hottest New Nightclub

ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK

NEW YEAR’S EVE Unlimited Premium Bar until midnight

Champagne Toast DJ Xtina Purchase Tickets in Advance for VIP Admission at 9:30 standard admission at 10:00

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CHAMELEON CLUB 223 NORTH WATER STREET, LANCASTER, PA

WWW.CHAMELEONCLUB.NET

ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster Locations & at each venue’s box office

for more details

Located atop Cosmopolitan Restaurant

WaveNightclub.com 22 N. 6th Street | Allentown, PA

PAGE 9

VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET

wavenightclub.com


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18,2013

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100 Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 12/20 Midnight Shift 12/27 Traige 12/28 Ultra Kings Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 12/20 Red 12/21 Rich & Johnny 12/27 Right Hand Red 12/28 Keep out of Touch Wave Night Club 22 N. 6th St 610-821-9283 Resident DJ Xtina 12/31 NYE Party Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music

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BATH Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 12/20 X-MAS Party 12/31 NYE Bash

BETHLEHEM

Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama

MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 12/18 Will Kiss You 12/19 Koor 12/20 Trouble City 12/21 Gypsy Tribe 12/22 DJ Discreet 12/23 Open Mic 12/24 Modern Romantz

Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Strange Brew Tavern Monday: Trivia 1996 S. Fifth St Friday DJ June 610-841-3610 Saturday DJ Cisco Monday: Pong night Fri & Sat: Dance club/ 12/20 Common Bond Karaoke 12/21 Endzone Bethlehem Brew Roosevelt’s 21st Works 1328 W. Tilghman St 569 Main St (610) 770-1444 610-882-1300 Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Vision Bar @ Sands Live Entertainment Event Center Tim Harakal / Billy 77 Sands Boulevard Patrick / Strange 610-297-7410 Coincidence & More 12/20 UUU 12/31 NYE BASH! 12/21 Ugly Sweater Party w/ Cap Cee Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Lou’s 50 Yard Line Allentown, Pa 2626 Easton Ave 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am 610-882-9190 Thursdays: Open Mic DJ Jimmy K Tuesday’s - Trivia Fridays: Saturday’-Karoke w/ Mike Mitman Jason

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 12/18 ABK Aftershow w/ DJ Tom Taylor 12/19 Go Go Gadjet 12/20 Shorty Long 12/21 Emily’s Toybox 12/22 Philly Funk 12/23 Gas Station Disco 12/24 Tower Suite Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee 12/21 Christian Loubitin Shoe Giveaway

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 12/19 Charter Arts Choir 12/20 Dave Fry’s Annual Carol Sing The Broadway Social 217 Broadway 610-868-2555 12/21 White Christmas 12/31 NYE Bash

w/ DJ Tom Taylor ABK Aftershow w/ Tom Taylor 12/18 Molten Lounge Bethlehem, PA

12/21 Ugly Sweater Party w/ DJ Cap Cee Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

White Christmas Party 12/21 Broadway Social Bethlehem, PA

CATASAQUA

Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

EMMAUS

Volpe’s Sports Bar 501 Main St 610-965-0311 12/20 Sydnie Kedington 12/21 DJ Antbody

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke Fri - DJ Baby B 12/18 G & Steve Exp 12/21 Rehab X

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 12/21 DJ KayJay Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 12/18 Open Mic X-Mas Party 12/19 Yan Carlos Sanchez 12/20 Mudd Butt 12/21 Slug & Frisco

DJ Kay Jay 12/21 Drinky’s Easton, PA

MORE ON PAGE 32

Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke

The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours


THE MUSICAL BOX

THE 2013 THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT DECEMBER OCTOBER 9,18,2013

by: Mitch

“Supper’s Ready” at Santander Performing Arts Center, Reading, PA and their early shows and had high praise for them. The Musical Box are Denis Gagné (“Peter Gabriel”) - lead vocals, flute, occasional percussion, François Gagnon (“Steve Hackett”) 6-string electric and acoustic guitars, 12-string guitar, Sébastien Lamothe (“Mike Rutherford”) - bass, bass pedals, 12-string guitar, vocals, Guillaume Rivard (“Tony Banks”) - keyboards, 12-string guitar, occasional vocals and Marc Laflamme (“Phil Collins”) - drums, percussion. Gagné, who’s been with the band since 1995, has mastered the sound and look of Peter Gabriel circa 1973 with numerous costume changes accomplished with great aplomb. For “Watcher of the Skies”, Gagné sported a full black cape with bat wings and added fluorescent face paint around the eyes to create the glow effect through the use of ultra-violet light. A dramatic costume called for a dramatic performance by the band and Rivard’s Mellotron keyboards were hauntingly good. François Gagnon, seated stage left just like Steve Hackett would have been in 1973, played the guitar parts with deft precision and was keenly focused on the task at hand. Then Gagné, decked out in Britannia and Union Jack regalia, began to sing “Dancing with the Moonlit Knight”, a song that starts slowly and then builds into a fast-paced back and forth between guitars and keyboards. Gagnon and Lamothe have developed a great rapport and communicate using non-verbal cues playing these complicated songs. “The Cinema Show” allowed the two guitarists to show their acoustic chops as the played their sweet-sounding twelve string guitars. Within the extended solos of these songs, the band showed why they are considered the standard by which other tributes are measured. “Firth of Fifth” captured the essence of Genesis

with the Tony Banks-inspired piano introduction superbly played by Rivard. Sébastien Lamothe played double bass and bass pedals and the subsonic rumbling was felt through the entire theater. “The Musical Box” was the next selection and one where Gagné shined with a highly entertaining theatrical performance as he donned his old geezer mask and shimmied around the stage with herky-jerky old man-like movements and speech. After the song, there was a silent pause in the theater at which point, a fan yelled out at the top of his lungs, “You guys f**kin’ rock!” Gagné sheepishly smiled and Gagnon nodded his affirmation of the unsolicited comment. It was the funniest moment of the night. François Gagnon was at his Steve Hackett best for the acoustic solo classic, “Horizons.” It only lasted 1:48 but it had the near-capacity crowd riveted to their seats. “The Battle of Epping Forest” served as the appetizer for the 24 minute long “Supper’s Ready” which ended with Gagné, dressed in white, holding his black light aloft, as the dramatic music faded out. The crowd gave a generous standing ovation and that would be good enough to get them to come out for one more. The show ended with “The Knife”, from 1970’s “Trespass” album. The Musical Box show is a memorable show and there are a couple more opportunities to see them perform before they return to Quebec. They will be recreating Genesis’ “Foxtrot” show at The Newton Theatre, 234 Spring St, Newton, New Jersey on January 17 and “Selling England by the Pound” the following night, January 18, at The Grand Opera House, 818 N. Market St, Wilmington, DE. They are online at www. themusicalbox.net and recently joined Facebook.

PANTONE 485 CVU

PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years! Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more! Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please email him at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGE 11 11 PAGE

Mother Nature dumped snow and ice on the area on Saturday and although it was only about 6”, it was enough to scuttle area performances of Bands That Rock. My plan was to review the triple-bill show scheduled for Saturday night at Mixx in Allentown featuring The Secret System, Distorted Voices and Beyond Eden. But like Chip Kelly and the Philadelphia Eagles the week before, I had to adjust to the adverse weather conditions and change my original game plan. It just so happens that on the eve of the whiteout at Lincoln Financial Field, Montréalbased, Peter Gabriel-era Genesis rockers, The Musical Box, played Reading, PA at the Santander Performing Arts Center as they continue to tour recreating early Genesis shows. On this night, they recreated the 1973 “Selling England by the Pound” show celebrating not only forty years since that album’s release but also celebrating 20 years as the preeminent Genesis tribute band in North America. It was my good fortune to be able to attend both The Musical Box show and the whiteout game at The Linc. This group of French-Canadians has earned the admiration and respect of Genesis fans everywhere. They have also garnered high praise and the personal endorsements from some of the original members of Genesis themselves. Phil Collins, who recently announced he is un-retiring from writing music, once said of The Musical Box, “They’re not a tribute band. They have taken a period and are faithfully reproducing it in the same way that someone would do a theatrical production.” In 2005, Collins sat in on drums with The Musical Box when they played Geneva, Switzerland, where he resides. Appropriately, he played the namesake song of the band, “The Musical Box”, with the band, which dates back to 1971’s “Nursery Cryme” album, as the encore. Peter Gabriel said, “I saw them in Bristol with my children so they could see what their father did back then.” Even Gabriel, who bolted from Genesis in 1975 to begin his solo career, recognized the value of being able to see the band that would carry on the legacy of Genesis


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013 Page 12

HOTSHOTS! HOTSHOTS!

If you are a bar or club that would like to featured in Hot Shots send us an email: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

LAST FRIDAY’S BLACKOUT PARTY WAS GLOWING HOT W/ DJ BIZ SPINNING YOUR FAVORITES AT DRINKY’S IN EASTON


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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FEATURES Hammerhead Lounge Starters Pub

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Leons

Wednesday $3 Pitchers 10-12am

Revolutions

$3 Drafts Happy Hour 5-7pm

Keystone Pub Bethlehem

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$1.50 Coors Light Drafts Friday $2.00 Drafts

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

PAGE 15


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

By: Scotty Scotty Brilliant Brilliant By: someone to come and rescue her from her mundane life. “Battleships” is a departure from Daughtry’s more aggressive rock catalog, with acoustic guitars layered over programmed beats. The chorus has Daughtry chanting, “Boom, ba, boom, boom and the canon goes…” When I heard this I couldn’t help but think of “What Did the Fox Say,” which is probably a comparison that Daughtry didn’t intend to be made when he wrote it. The nostalgiadriven “Wild Heart” takes us on a journey back to simpler times. In the reminiscing style that Daughtry is known for, he sings the chorus “Take me back / to those

barefoot summer nights / take me back / running down those highway lights.” With John Mellencamp lyrics and a country twang, Daughtry admits his preference for “Van Halen over Van Hagar” in the singa-long rock anthem, “Long Live Rock & Roll.” The band takes on another trip down memory lane with “The World We Knew.” The pace picks on the album’s heaviest, and funkiest track, “Traitor.” You’ll even get to hear a few screams in this one. The record ends on a nostalgic note with “18 Years.”

THE VALLEY BEAT NOVEMBER 6, 2013

ALBUM ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW

Crank It Wild Heart Long Live Rock & Roll High Above Ground

Okay, I’ll be honest, I watched the Kelly Clarkson Christmas special that was on TV the other night. And say that I didn’t just watch it because there was nothing else on, I actually chose to watch it. Hell, even my wife even told me to turn it off. I tell you this because I used to have a crush on that little chubby brunette with the golden voice. The only American Idol season I watched was the first one, when she won. As I was torturing my wife with this, I asked her to name two other American Idol winners besides Clarkson. She named Carrie Underwood and that was it. The reason for this long, rambling introduction is that most American Idol winners have faded into oblivion. However, there are a few that didn’t even win that carved a pretty significant name for themselves in the music industry. One of those losers that eventually became a winner is Chris Daughtry. Daughtry placed fourth on the fifth season of American Idol. The winner that season was a dude named Taylor Hicks, who obviously didn’t do much with his career. Despite losing, RCA offered him a record deal. He formed his band, aptly titled Daughtry, and they released their self-titled debut album in 2006. With the release of this album came quick success for the band. Their music was used at many different events from the 2007 WWE Tribute to the Troops to the English League Cup Final in 2008. Daughtry’s sophomore album Leave This Town was released in 2009. After hearing a few of the songs from this album, I went out and bought it. Some songs were duds but most of them were really catchy and had very heartfelt lyrics; which is something I really like about Daughtry. Whether or not Chris Daughtry writes his own lyrics really doesn’t matter, because whoever is writing them has a personal message that they want to deliver. What I really like is their ability to bring you back to a point in time when life was more innocent and carefree; their hit song “September” is a good example of this. After releasing a third album in 2011, Daughtry is back at it again with their latest effort, Baptized. The record kicks off with the very catchy title track and keeps the upbeat momentum going with the first single release, “Waiting for Superman.” Again the lyrics are really what make the difference in this song. It tells the tale of a down and out woman who is hopelessly waiting for

While this album isn’t their best work, it’s still a solid effort from the North Carolina-based band. There are a few highlights and a few really lowlights, but it does have a few songs that most every listener can relate to. I think Daughtry is one of the best at painting a picture of the days gone by. I admitted earlier that I like Kelly Clarkson- and I’ll even admit that I like Daughtry too.

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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Skip It Battleships Broken Arrows Witness


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PLOT: Irving Rosenfield (Christian Bale) is a small-time con artist, scamming a few thousand here and there from gullible marks. When he’s busted- along with his beautiful accomplice and lover (Amy Adams) by FBI agent Richie DiMaso (Bradley Cooper) the two are forced into helping bust a crooked politician (Jeremy Renner) whose deeds soon lead them into a sting operation that could bust members of congress and the mob. REVIEW: A movie like AMERICAN HUSTLE has the potential to be a breakout hit along the lines of ARGO. It’s smart and sophisticated adult fare that’s good enough to jockey for major awards consideration, but is also entertaining and fun enough that it could (and should) be embraced by the same mainstream audiences that made that movie a $100 million dollar hit. It’s a strong follow-up to THE FIGHTER and SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK for director David O. Russell, even if it’s a thoroughly different kind of movie.

LOLA MONTEZ

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Christian Bale’s Irv Rosenfield is our “hero” here, being a sleazy con somewhat redeemed by his love for Adams - his alluring cohort, and his adopted son, mothered by Jennifer Lawrence in a scene-stealing turn. Sporting an elaborate comb over- the process of its construction lovingly detailed in the first scene- and a big gut, Bale’s Irv is outrageous but always likable. However, while Bale looks like a clown, he’s actually playing the character with the biggest heart, and when the film takes a serious turn, it’s Bale whose performance is truly affecting. Meanwhile, Bradley Cooper’s performance is along the same lines as his manic character from SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, only given a more narcissistic and dangerous edge. Perhaps trying to outdo Bale’s comb over, Cooper sports a perm that makes him look like a chia pet, and seems to be having the time of his life as the zonked-out Richie. Cooper’s hilarious as Richie gets wilder and wilder as the film goes on, and some of the best scenes in the movie deal with his interactions with his out-witted, nice-guy superior (played by Louis C.K). Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence are also both excellent here. Adams has certainly never looked better as the alluring Sydney aka Lady Edith, who adopts a haughty English accent and various cleavage revealing dresses to pull in her marks. This is really one of Adams’ best performances ever, and if anyone deserves an Academy Award nomination, it’s her. Meanwhile, Lawrence chews the scenery as Bale’s insane trophy wife, and steals every scene she’s in. She’s both terrifying and sexy throughout. Like the best period movies, the music of AMERICAN HUSTLE plays a big part in setting the film’s mood, and there are terrific set-pieces score with both period hits like Elton John’s ‘Goodbye Yellow-Brick Road’ and Donna Summer’s ‘I Feel Love’, while other, deeper cuts prove O. Russell’s not just digging out all the old well-worn tunes. Truly, AMERICAN HUSTLE is a blast from start-to-finish and a major accomplishment for all involved. While it will no doubt get a bunch of Oscar nominations. It’s one of those movies that everyone- from critics to people simply looking for a good time- will enjoy.

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By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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AS

nother tory

By Elle Spaulding

PAGE 21 21 PAGE

There is one independently owned bookstore left in Allentown. Another Story opened in Allentown in 1984, moved to its new location in Allentown’s west-end theater district in 2006 and for nearly 30 years has been serving book-lovers in the Lehigh Valley, but as of late Another Story has experienced serious risk of closing entirely. Of course the decline of the American bookstore is nothing unusual by now. Much ink has already been spilt about the rise of online retailers such as Amazon and the creeping tentacles of big-box retailers such as Wal-Mart and Target into the book publishing and selling market. Even large corporate book giants such as Borders and Barnes and Noble have been severely affected with Borders closing its doors for good in 2011 and Barnes and Noble’s recent financial troubles have also been widely discussed. Smaller independent bookstores are finding themselves less and less able to compete. Many people have made it clear that price and convenience are what matters and I’ll be honest, I can totally understand why people are flocking away from independent bookstores. In today’s convenience and price driven world, there are a lot of valid reasons to not shop at an independent bookstore. Why bother adding yet another destination in a long day of running errands to pick up a good book when there are racks of them at the supermarket? And often at a discounted price? Additionally, Internet retailers have made the purchasing of books astoundingly easy. In the same place that I do research and file reports for work, read the news, watch movies, and buy glow in the dark belt buckles for Christmas, I am also a few clicks away from a plethora of books. Amazon. com in particular has been at the forefront of this Internet and e-book revolution with the introduction of their Kindle (again convenience) and more recently the advent of Amazon self-publishing (price). Aspiring authors can now offer their books for sale on Amazon’s Kindle for slightly less than $2, cutting out publishers and editors entirely such that profits go directly to the author (after Amazon’s handsome cut of course). All of this makes perfect sense if I wanted to consider only time and money, but here’s the thing, I said that I want to pick up a good book, emphasis on good. Putting aside all of the purely nostalgia driven reasons to keep independent bookstores in business there are also economic reasons. Independent bookstores occupy a niche in the bookstore market. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is right that Amazon has made many more books available, given customers more freedom of choice. Conversely retailers like Wal-Mart, while certainly convenient only carry an extremely selective array of books. Independent bookstores offer a middle ground. Bookstores are run by people who love books. Everyone already knows that it’s a dying industry, but the bookstores that are still open are run in no small part by passion. These people know books, quality books. Take Another Story for example, which houses tens of thousands of books in over 40 categories. It’s not the millions that Bezos promises, and it’s not just Twilight and the Hunger Games at Wal-Mart, but people know that when they walk into an independent bookstore that each book on the shelf was chosen by someone who knew what he/she was doing. Another Story’s owner, John Furphy for example has been called, “a hairy chain-smoking hippie” but a man with “an encyclopedic knowledge of literature… on Taoist philosophy to Dr. Seuss books.” Allentown needs a bookstore and more importantly Allentown needs people like Furphy who know books. The market for it does exist. Despite the vast number of books that get published every year, what makes anyone who sells books profitable, be they Jeff Bezos or Wal-Mart, are the books that get read. I still buy books because I can remember a book that made my heart race, pull at my emotions, or excite me intellectually. I buy books to read them, but the only books that I really want to read are the good ones.


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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013


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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

The Strange Tale of Glen Joseph

Page 24

By Elle Spaulding You know that saying, if you can’t tell who the craziest person in the room is, it’s probably you? I wonder if Glen Joseph ever took a second to ponder that for himself. Admittedly this week’s cast of characters includes: Mr. Joseph of Allentown, a Pennsylvania state trooper, the FBI, the US government, and the governments of both Russia and Pakistan. So answering that question may not be so easy. It all started sometime at least six years ago. Joseph and the state trooper had been family friends for several decades. The friendship soured however after the Joseph started sending “negative text messages” alleged the trooper in Lehigh County District court last week during Joseph’s criminal trial for terrorist threats. Joseph for his part does not deny these claims, but makes several of his own stating that for years he had been hearing voices in his head. According to Joseph, the voices told him that the FBI had been spying on him and using microwave technology to brainwash citizens. The fact that Joseph believed these messages led him to act on them. Joseph began to record the messages in handwritten notes and posts on social media sites like the Bethlehem Police Department’s own Facebook page. Joseph’s obsession with the FBI spiraled around one particular murder trial in the Lehigh Valley as well as events overseas including the embassy attack in Benghazi, Libya. Joseph also felt personally vulnerable to the FBI, when at one point Joseph became convinced that his apartment had been wiretapped by the FBI and that he was being watched. Joseph responded by skulking around his apartment with a gun looking for clandestine agents. The existence of other erratic behavior is not yet publically known, but it is known that Joseph’s obsession with the FBI is still visible online. While in the whirlpool of his obsessions, Joseph’s deep distrust of the US government led him to contact several international officials, including the governments of Russia and Pakistan, warning them about what he knew about US spying. Joseph’s behavior continued like this for years until the pivotal event in this saga occurred almost exactly a year ago on November 28th 2012 when Mr. Joseph telephoned the Bethlehem police station. While speaking with the dispatcher, Joseph expressed his intention to leave a message for the aforementioned state trooper. The message, “Tell him I’m going to (expletive) kill him” as well as a detailed message of where he was at the time of the phone call resulted in his arrest not long afterwards and imprisonment ever since. So that is the story of what happened almost a year ago today. And where are we now? News stories seemingly come out every few weeks if not every few days detailing the extent of government spying with the US and abroad. It’s gotten so bad that even our most staunch allies abroad have been hard-pressed to justify the level of spying that has been occurring. Meanwhile in some insane twist of fate whistleblower Edward Snowden found sanctuary in first China then ultimately Russia where he felt safer than in the United States. As for Glen Joseph, he was found guilty by a county judge for threatening the state trooper. At the time of this writing, Joseph will be sentenced at a later date. Despite everything, the strange thing is that Joseph does not think that he is crazy. Instead he claims that everything that has happened, including his own incarceration and trial, has been via his own construction. According to Joseph, he planned his arrest, detainment and imprisonment because he knew that it would spark media attention and hopefully lead to an investigation on what the FBI is really doing. Joseph stated in court, “I know you guys are laughing at me, but this is what you have to do in the year 2013 to get anything done about it.” Only time will tell if Glen Joseph was right or wrong, but for now we do know that although he’s no Edward Snowden, at least one person somewhere in the world found some value, if only comedic, in what Glen Joseph had to say. After receiving a message from Joseph, officials in Pakistan responded to Glen Joseph by sending him a smiley face.


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT JULY 31, 2013

By Camille Capriglione

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Bacon Mania!

Sizzle, sizzle, fry and frizzle! The passion for bacon is here! Culinary bacon dishes, garnishes, cocktails, and even desserts have an immense following. Americans spend over $2 billion a year in bacon. Bacon-related events, clubs and gatherings are the current trend in the U.S. While there is no specific explanation, the craze for the tasty pork product may have started in the ‘90s when high-protein foods became a staple in diets such Atkins and South Beach. Arun Gupta of The Indypendent stated that bacon possesses six of the basic savory tastes, which elicit an addictive neurochemical response. Bacon has a high flavor profile that creates a “one-of-a-kind product that has no substitute.” The National Restaurant Association’s “What’s Hot in 2012” survey identified specialty bacon as a trend, with 65 percent of the nearly 1,800 chefs agreeing. The very smell of bacon cooking can trigger an intense and delightful craving. And this writer is not immune - a weekly trip to our butcher always includes a slab of bacon (Regular or doubled-smoked? asks the clerk politely.) There has always been standard bacon fare: such as BLTs, Cobb salads and Club sandwiches. What has now emerged is a veritable medley of delectable bacon-infused options. There now exists: maple bacon donuts, chicken-fried bacon, chocolate-drizzled bacon, bacon Bloody Marys, bacon vodka, bacon salt, bacon mayo, baconwrapped hot dogs, and bacon-covered turkey, just to name a few. There are hundreds of bacon novelties for consumers: bubble gum, wrapping paper, wallets, soap, bandages, air fresheners, even an alarm clock that can wake you with the smell of bacon. In 2009 the term “obsessive and adoring Bacon Nation” was published by the Baltimore Sun. There are bacon-of-themonth clubs, blogs, recipe contests, and camps. The first-ever bacon camp was described as an event that “demonstrated just how much of a high bacon is currently on in terms of notoriety and how far people are able to stretch one culinary theme.” Even vegetarians stake a claim in it, with meatless versions of bacon. Restaurants and bars across the nation have joined in the culinary craze. ‘Bacon Happy Hours’ offer drinks garnished with a strip of bacon instead of a swizzle stick, or a bowl of crispy bacon for patrons instead of pretzels. Burger King and Jack in the Box both launched bacon sundaes on their menus. Books have been written about bacon, with titles that seem to extoll a near-sensual love affair with the tasty meat: “Seduced by Bacon” and “Bacon: A Love Story.” Despite warnings that it is unhealthy, the love of bacon is here to stay, at least for now. This crispy delight isn’t just for breakfast anymore! PAG


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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS FOR YOUR HOME

Page 30

(StatePoint) Running a home can be a full- Annual maintenance should include checktime job. Unfortunately, many of us don’t ing your washer’s hoses for leaks, cleaning the lint from your dryer ductwork, caulkhave that kind of time. This new year, resolve to check off all the items on your ing leaks around windows and doors, and to-do list without working harder. You can having your heating and cooling systems accomplish this by finding smarter solu- professionally serviced. Look into home warranty plans with a tions to maintain your home efficiently. broad network of professional service Pest Control When it comes to pest control, a false sense contractors and the ability to place service of security during the cooler months can requests 24/7. A home warranty provides get you in trouble, as all homes are suscep- coverage for breakdowns of home system components, such as HVAC and plumbing, tible to pest invasion year-round. and also major appliances. The experts at Terminix say the best way to prevent rodents from entering your home is by sealing holes and cracks Deep Clean Keeping your rooms clean can make a outside your home. Install a good, thick house a livable, comfortable home. Preweatherstrip on the bottom of all doors. vent clutter with organizational tools like Be sure the door from the garage is sealed baskets, shoe racks and coat hangers. extra tight. To avoid extra mopping, consider askIf you’re using firewood indoors, never ing guests to remove their shoes before bring more inside than you need at one walking through your home. Such meatime. Firewood can harbor insects like sures may save you from spot cleaning, beetles, spiders, ladybugs, ants, cockroach- but nothing can save you from the task es and centipedes. of home cleaning in the long term. For a It’s important to have a professional peri- thorough, deep clean and to ensure small odically inspect for signs of pests and take details aren’t overlooked, consider using a preventative control measures. professional cleaning service. System Maintenance Tough Jobs Creating monthly and annual maintenance No other item in your home can affect the schedules for your home’s major systems appearance of your home like carpeting. and appliances can save you time and Schedule a carpet cleaning for a fresh start money later, according to the experts at to the year, and have the carpets cleaned American Home Shield. every six to twelve months. Likewise, a Start by adding these tasks to your month- trained technician can ensure proper care ly calendar: clean the dishwasher drains of surfaces like hardwood floors, tile and to prevent clogs and breakdowns, flush the grout and also upholstered furniture. garbage disposal with water and baking Without adding too much work to your already busy schedule, you can resolve to soda to prevent odor and grime, and change the filters for your air conditioner give your home the care it deserves. For and heating system to improve air quality. more information on professional brands that can help, visit www.servicemaster. com.


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19)

This is a weird week for you, and Monday and Tuesday are atypical. Nevertheless, they have some typical Monday and Tuesday traits: slow, quiet, unclear. Nothing really happens until Wednesday, which is a whirling fireball of activity and light. Thursday is the same. Expect lots of people, lots of noise, small adventures, sudden discoveries and the like. Friday and Saturday are more staid -- you’re focused on money and how much of it you have or don’t have. Sunday, however, is marked by flirting and ease.

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) Take the opportunity, on Monday and Tuesday, to consider your goals. If at all possible, the consideration of your goals is a conversation you should have with someone else who is also re-assessing their priorities. Wednesday and Thursday, you’re plagued by indecision and a weird desire to shop (which is the last thing you should do), but Friday and Saturday find you feeling better than you have in a while. Sunday is crazy in a great way.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)

As much as the world at large wants you to focus on material wealth, the start of the week is a great time to focus on anything not nearly as concrete. The color of the sky, the sound of birds calling, a random -- and rare -- splash of sun. It’s a beautiful thing! Then, turn your attention from the natural world to humanity and focus on people in the middle of the week. Everything else will take care of itself. Friday and Saturday, indulgence is in the stars, but watch out. You run the risk of going overboard, and regretting it on Sunday.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)

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It’s no wonder that your mind is a loose collection of images and feelings at the start of the week -- the dreamy quality of the season does that. You have a hard time separating real life and fantasy at this time, which isn’t a bad thing. It could become bad, however, in the middle of the week, when you have some serious things to get done. Going for a jog might wake you up a bit to physical reality. Toward the end of the week (Friday and Saturday especially), you will likely go GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) head-to-head with someone over something you don’t You spend the first part of the week feeling thrown off consider a big deal. It’s possible that circumstances -- or maybe just in an abstract state of mind. Whatever the beyond your control are stressing other people out. source, it’s a great time for thinking about your future and SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) making personal decisions you might not share right away You’ve been hitting your wallet pretty hard lately and with others; some alone time is probably in the stars. Nev- it may mean you haven’t a penny in your pocket at ertheless, Wednesday and Thursday your friends would the start of the week. It happens to the best of us, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. Plus, you’re love to know what you’re thinking, and talking about it might feel very good. Friday and Saturday you get a flurry in a serious looking-back-on-your-life mode, which also happens to everyone. By the middle of the week, of correspondence from loved ones. Or you send some. you are fully focused on the future: You’re having fun Communication is a major theme on Sunday, too. thinking about all the stuff you want to get done in the CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) coming weeks. Romance enlivens Thursday, but Friday You have no head for details on Monday and Tuesday. and Saturday are almost entirely filled with tasks -In fact, it kind of feels like your brain has turned into things you need to get done so you can have a great something resembling scrambled egg. Chances are high week next week. Expect a philosophical Sunday. that you’ll say something very pedestrian and someone CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) will wildly misunderstand it. Wednesday and Thursday Giving a card to someone at the start of the week may are challenging in the communication department as well. mean a lot more to them than giving a bouquet of flowWhat’s up? It’s weird! Stick to the facts, speak carefully ers would. You have a talent for expressing yourself in and avoid the easily misunderstood issue of emotions at writing, and someone’s in the mood to be the subject all costs. Do this at least until Friday or Saturday. A party of that expression. Wednesday and Thursday, you find yourself oddly worried and you’re clinging to the presappears at the end of the week, and it will be entirely ent with all of your might. Change is going to happen, pleasant, or even inspiring. so let it. Friday and Saturday are good, happy days. If LEO (7/23 - 8/22) you can spend the weekend in nature somewhere, that Spirits -- and tensions -- are high on Monday, and somewould be fantastic for you. one might say something in another room that sounds to AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) you like something else. That could cause you to respond Well, you’re out of money. That’s your first thought as badly. You might even fly off the handle. It’s in the stars. you begin thinking about the rest of the week. That’s Forewarned is forearmed. Tuesday is the same way. You okay. Everyone else is out of money, too. (Well, not aren’t yourself until Wednesday and Thursday, when, true everyone. If you need to borrow some, don’t feel bad to form, you’re able to see everyone for their personal about asking.) Wednesday and Thursday are brilliant strengths, and you can have a good time anywhere. Friday illustrations of all that life has to offer that isn’t related and Saturday, your plans for an upcoming celebration are to money whatsoever. You feel freer than you have taking shape and you’re starting to feel a bit glamorous. A in a while. Paradoxically, you feel more connected to others. Friday and Saturday find you bogged down for tea party figures in on Sunday. various reasons, but on Sunday you have someone to VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) kiss -- and kiss you will. The best thing you can give people on Monday and Tuesday isn’t gifts or money or anything material, but total respect. Provide them with all the space they need and all the sympathy you’d want. The urge to be critical comes from a good place, but it inevitably comes out sounding sour and dark. The same holds true Wednesday and Thursday, when you literally won’t have anything to give people except your respect (resources will be tight). Friday and Saturday see a loosening of the cosmic purse strings. On Sunday, in a social situation, put your energy toward communicating well.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade 12/21 X-Mas Party 12/28 Decoy Clones

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

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The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke 12/20 Jay Lapp 12/31 Social Call Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Tuesdays: Billy Patrick Thursdays: Comedy Night 12/20 Tap Takeover Yards The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 12/21 Kill the Broadcast

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 12/21 Romeo Vegas 12/22 Bryant Brothers

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 12/20 Rich Cox

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 1st Wed of Month - Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 12/19 The Price is Rice 12/20 Baby Cave 12/21 Hamell On Trial & Johnny Rydell 12/22 Pocono Duo 12/26 Video DJ Dave

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20)

The beginning of the week kicks off well. If you’re not being pampered by those in your life, take the time to do so yourself. Really get into it -- or get your engines going on a new creative project. On Tuesday, you have energy to burn. Wednesday and Thursday are all over the place and confusion is imbuing your outlook with crazy shades of grey. Friday and Saturday, sending cards to friends and family gives order to your thoughts. On Sunday, if you don’t feel like leaving the house, by all means, don’t.

Check Out The Price is Rice Thursday Night At The Sarah Street Grill in Stroudsburg, PA


THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

PAGE 33


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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013 Page 38

single in the CiTY Sexual Selection

In the mid 19th century, the British naturalist Charles Darwin hit upon an interesting idea: sexual selection. According to Darwin, organisms compete Kenny Luck with one another to obtain a mating partner and reproduce. This idea applies to humans, too. Put simply, favored traits get passed to later generations and survive. Traits that are not favored are not passed on and don’t survive. Modern researchers have pinpointed a number of ways in which we, humans, do this. In fact, according to one study, of the scientific papers published from 1997 to 2007 in two leading scientific journals, 75 percent focus on mate choice. This means that the scientists are paying attention to this, too. Men, typically, as a for instance, use strategies such as aggression and strength to attract available females. Adolescent boys, for example, engaging in more play-fighting than girls and are all around display more aggressive behavior than girls. Females, in turn, use bodily attractiveness and other sexual signals to attract males. In fact, “. . . female features and body fat deposition on the breasts and hips appear to have been shaped by male mate choice.” The sexual selection process that Darwin described is more or less the same framework that is used by researchers today. That said, however, the mate selection process (i.e. dating) is messy, complicated and confused. Writes David Puts, an anthropologist from Pennsylvania State University: “Human mating is complicated . . . and is even more complicated than it appears in contemporary industrial societies, where men and women choose their mates largely beyond the authority of kin, women do not rely economically on men, and men are prohibited by the state from using force against mates and sexual competitors.” Puts goes on to say that beauty, fashion and fitness are so important in places like the United States that they have become multi-billion dollar industries—all because the aforementioned things are indicative of mate choice! Generally speaking, according to Puts, more men are available for mating than women. This is primarily because women tend to invest more in their offspring, providing more paternal care across all societies. Moreover, men mature later and die sooner, which enables a “polygynous” (having more than one mate) dating framework for men. This is true of other mammals, too, where non-human great apes show intense male competition for female attention. To conclude, sexual selection shapes mate choice in a number of complicated ways. Both men and women use sexual strategies to attract a mate, and these strategies lead to successful traits that are passed down succeeding generations through intercourse. Finally, who you date and who you mate has profound consequences for yourself and later generations. Source: “Beauty and the beast: mechanisms of sexual selection in humans,” David A Puts, 2010

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013


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Holiday Feasting Tips 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food free. Lots of it ! Hello? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

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10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention.

Are you a prostitute or a consultant? You work very odd hours. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy. \You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price. You are not proud of what you do. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded. It’s difficult to have a family. You have no job satisfaction. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living. People ask you, “What do you do?” and you can’t explain it. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.) Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you’re left hanging with only other “professionals.” Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it’s not your problem.

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013 Page 46

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THE VALLEY BEAT DECEMBER 18, 2013

MODEL BEAT

Age: 19 Wilkes Barre, PA What do you do to make $$? Bartender, Model, Print, TV & Film Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married? Dating. How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? Facebook, or Contact My Agent: Donatelli Modeling Agency 610-921-0777. Where was your best vacation destination? Eastern Caribbean. What do you do to relax? Taking a Bubble Bath. What sports do you watch the most? Football. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? H20. What happens to be your worst vice? My Mouth Has No Filter. What is your best feature? My Eyes. What TV show do you never miss each week? The Voice. What movie would you recommend to our readers? Love & Basketball. What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” To Go Skydiving. Are you a Spender or a Saver? Spender. What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Taking my Modeling, TV & Film to a Serious Level with Donatelli Model & Casting Agency. What do you sleep in? Birthday Suit. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you? I lost my phone number, so can I have yours. What do you want guys to know about sex/relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Always Be a Gentleman.

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