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KEVIN O’BRIEN Editor-in-Chief


Managing Editor


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KATY PARKER Literature Editor


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Entertainment Editor & PR


ISSUE 67.06



his past weekend our university hosted a high school speech and debate competition, and the Student Union was clogged with the acne-crusted, hair-gel-smeared and overly energetic teenager participants, and also my memories. I spent three of my formative high school years in speech and debate. Instead of sitting on the bench at football practice or embarrassing myself at school dances, my free time was frittered away behind a lectern, attempting to perfect the dramatic pause. In any high school speech and debate program you will find a few distinct types of people. There are the Ivy League hopefuls; they usually stick to the speech competitions for which they rigorously prepare themselves. They walk with purpose, matching each other’s stride perfectly in pantsuits and matching blouses. They are polite and discreet, and will most likely have to abandon their dreams of an elite private education and settle for a state school. Years later they will find themselves toiling away in a UC research lab with a dual bachelor’s de-

gree in Biology and Psychology and no reason to live whatsoever. Then there are the debate kids, their heads full of Law and Order reruns and West Wing DVDs. They tend to be overfed and curly-headed and always completely unaware that their confidence level far outpaces their physical appearance. Over the next few years this disparity will be made clear to them by girls, and upon realizing just how poorly they fit society’s mold, they will either retreat into themselves and toward a lifetime of obesity, or cut their hair, join a sport, lose the weight and begin to form a tolerable personality. Least tolerable, when I still participated in speech and debate, were the drama students. The only events open to them are the poetry reading competitions or short performances of sections of plays, and they are always poorly chosen and overacted. Their energy level was sickening. Their need for endless self-expression was unwarranted. They danced and skipped and air kicked their way from speech event to speech event and I would watch them and pray that they would

trip over a planter or a trashcan and destroy the bone structure of their faces on the concrete and be forced by their new deformity from the performing arts to spend the rest of their lives staring over their computer and into a cubical wall at a postcard of the Lion King musical, waiting for the day when they can retire to a life spent on the lower level of a Barnes and Noble. Also I can guarantee you that each of these kids thinks they look great in a suit, and the sad truth is that they don’t and won’t until they’re old enough to no longer enjoy wearing suits. Another factor binding these kids together is that they are kids; they’re all minors and as such, have no access to live music in Long Beach. This is the focus of our feature this week. It’s an interview conducted by our Culture Editor, Michael Mermerlstein, and our Managing Editor, Andy Kneis, with a few people who have a radical solution to the lack of underage venues in Long Beach. It’s informative, inspirational, and it might bring back some high school memories for you too; hopefully memories accompanied by less bile than mine.

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The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.

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CAPRICORN Debbie Downer alert! Wittle babywhiner Capricorn is going to babywhine everyone to death this month. This is only a preview of what’s to come. What did you THINK was going to happen in 2012? AQUARIUS Figuring out your plans for Halloween may be a struggle this month, Aquarius, seeing as you’re juggling six different boyfriends, none of which knows about the others. The decision may prove too difficult to make and a night spent alone with your cats, petting those kitties a little too aggressively while Hoovering down some Smartees and fun size Kit Kats, is in the stars for the 31st. PISCES Money issues got you worried, Pisces? Good luck! ARIES The stars are telling you to stop being such a skeeze this month, Aries, but your natural Aries instincts and the anticipation of drunk skanks dressed in

their sexy nurse or sexy witch or sexy Xena (oxymoron?) costumes is telling you otherwise. TAURUS The stars have aligned as far as your social world goes. ~* DaNcE on dA tAbLe oN tHeSe NiGhtZ u WiLL NeVr ReMemBeR WiT fReNz yOuLL nEvr 4get *~ GEMINI You’re radiating beauty this month, Gemini! You’re on top of the world with all your endeavors. Nothing will go wrong for you this month. You’re basically shitting glitter. CANCER Your naturally superstitious nature allows for only one possible Halloween costume: Sylvia Browne! Best be gettin’ your research done with Accepting the Psychic Torch, by Sylvia herself. Maybe the Halloween cupid will even succeed in finding you your very own Montel. LEO Unfortunately, there is no horoscope for Leo. Everyone under this sign mysteriously died in the September heatwave from hell.

VIRGO Venus is in your 2nd House this month, Virgo, and you know what that means: too much candy and big fat ass. LIBRA You’ve been listening to entirely too much R. Kelly this month, Libra. SCORPIO You’ve got a lot on your mind this month, Scorpio, and you seek to share it with everyone on Facebook. However, the world really doesn’t have time for an hour-by-hour breakdown of your day, so shut the fuck up and read a book. SAGITARIUS Now is the time to take that trip. Call your dealer and make it happen. Ask Away!

Finished the paper but still have questions or comments, send them to the editor at!


4 OCTOBER 2010





’ve just decided that planes are a great way to travel. If I could fly to school, I would. Some people complain about the difficulty and hassle of security checks at airports, but besides some mildly grouchy TSA people, I had no problems on my last flight. My bags went into the x-ray machine on one side, came out on the other, and then I grabbed my luggage, put my shoes on and was gone. Easy! The airport is also a great place for celebrity spotting. I’ve seen Lakers legends Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Jordan Farmar at LAX! If my flight gets delayed, I don’t mind because it just means spending more time in the airport where I might get the chance to see guys like Jerry West and


Sasha Vujacic. NBA point guards! Once you’ve gotten through security and boarded the plane, you can try doing my favorite thing when flying: tell a kid on the plane, as you prepare for liftoff, “I can’t wait for the plane to shrink.” And then the kid will usually reply, “Shrink?!” “Yeah, you’ve seen planes in the sky, right? They’re tiny!” This trick will usually work if the kid has seen The Magic School Bus cartoons or has no idea how a sense of perspective works. Dumb kid! Afraid of turbulence? Turbulence is just rough patches of air. Don’t be afraid of air! Would you be scared if I just grabbed you, blew air in your face, and shook you around bit? Maybe? Don’t be!

And then there’s the in-flight movie. If not for in-flight movies I would never have gotten to enjoy Blue Crush, a film about surfing maids who live in Hawaii and fight crime or something. I’m not totally sure because I fell asleep about 20 minutes in. Yawn! Which brings us to taking naps on a plane. Sleeping so high in the sky isn’t just for birds and angels napping on clouds anymore. Sure, the cramped conditions and uncomfortable seats might lead to a stiff neck, but a stiff neck leads to an excellent excuse for a neckrub. Nice! And flying can be economically sound, too. My last flight to Mexico was less

expensive than riding a bus to the same location. True! And finally, probably the best thing about flying is that after you land, the pilot steps out of the cockpit to wish you farewell as you get off the plane. This is the perfect opportunity to high five a pilot. Yeah! So, if you’ve been thinking about getting away to some distant place, but have hesitated because you dislike flying, I hope I have helped you build a greater appreciation for air travel. So book a flight to someplace new, and enjoy the possibilities and adventure your trip can offer you.


I’m having trouble figuring out which random solicitors around campus are legitimately trying to be of help or just doing some business, and which ones are totally insane and I should stay away from. The other day, just after leaving my last class, I was waiting for a shuttle to take me to the RLC. I saw some friends from that class a little ways away, talking to some lady and writing on a clipboard. I walked over to say hello and the lady, probably around age 60 or so, let out a creepy, skincrawling, “Wanna register to vote?” My first notion was, “Oh, shit, I forgot I need to do that, this is pretty convenient.” After listening to her little spiel about how shitty healthcare is and other well-known facts obviously unimportant to most college students, I started filling in the form to “register.”



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Here’s the problem: personally, I just didn’t feel comfortable giving my full legal name, address, and the last four digits of my social security number to some crooked-toothed, polka-dot-scrubwearing Jezebel who had no proof of any kind that she was legit. Nor had she given me reason to believe she was worthy of wearing those ridiculous scrubs (medical affiliates and sitcom characters only, please). While I was “registering to vote,” I felt this grinding feeling in my stomach, wondering if I was just being paranoid or if I should trust my gut. I could hear the phone call from my bank informing me of identity theft, as well as the voices of my astonished parents, shocked that their “big college boy” would sign away some of

the most personal information he had to a total stranger. This lady may have been being honest and really would have eventually gotten my form to wherever it needed to go, but my inner feelings told me I shouldn’t risk it, just to be safe. She could have been telling the truth and indeed was creating a convenience for students in alternative to waiting for hours at the DMV. Well, I wouldn’t mind waiting for hours at the DMV, because as far as I know those toothy fuckers don’t have the intrinsic motivation to scam me, nor wear foolish looking scrubs, since they aren’t getting paid enough anyway. I’m sorry, lady, but I had to do it. As I walked away with those red lights flashing

in my cerebral gray matter, I decided to swiftly turn around and walk back to that frumpy pink spot in the distance. When I approached, I gave her one of those really awkward, “Hey, me again, so...” as I asked if I could see my sheet. “The petition?” “No, no, not the petition, my form, my registration form.” “What?” “Look, please, just let me, hey, do you mind if I look through?” I seriously put my hands up in order to sift through her clipboard myself. She kind of winced at my abruptness and flipped through her papers. I saw my scribbled signature, snatched it off the board, and proceeded to rip my voter registration sheet up in her face. “I’m sorry, it’s not you,” I said, “it’s just, I don’t know.” I lied. It was you.



This week’s column is dedicated to the straight guy. Cheers to you. Cheers to you and all of your flaws and disingenuous behaviors. I know you pretty well and think that you have a lot more to offer than you give yourself credit for. Let’s start with your signals and how great and messed up they can be. When it comes to romance, sex, dating… you are an utter clusterfuck of signals. Let’s say you like a girl. You can call, say the right things, pay for dinner. Great. Kudos to you. Let’s say you don’t like a girl. You can call, say the right things, pay for dinner. Hmm. Now let’s pretend the girl likes you. YES. Game on. Now the ball is in your court. It is inevitable that the girl is going to do exactly what she expects of you. Call you, text. Talk to all of her friends about what is so great about you, why this time it is different, plan your wedding. All the while you get to sit back, scratch your balls, and drink a beer. She is gonna like you either way and that, to you, equals success. When you decide it is time to call/see her, whether you want to or not, you’re still in control. Here is where you get it right. When all is said and done and you have gotten what you want/need, you say goodnight, go to sleep, or say the always powerful “take care.” Now, if you do decide to enter in to a committed relationship… it is only a matter of time until the girl expects you to mess up. Whether or not you do mess up, you have an easy way out. Shoot, it’s expected. When that day comes you are filled with great reasons why. She is too good for you, you need to work on yourself, yadda yadda. These traits are not exclusive to you and your kind. Gays use them all the time and girls occasionally do too. What’s the difference? You don’t waste time overanalyzing or being upset about it. You don’t call up your best buds to drink a bottle of merlot while watching a Jennifer Aniston movie. You go back out and start the process all over again. Counterpoint: Please learn how to dance. If you are in fact straight, please don’t dress or act like you aren’t, it just confuses us. We know you are low-maintenance but even the crappiest car needs a tune-up sometimes. It’s okay to manscape occasionally… don’t be gay about it but caveman is not a good look. Also, please don’t use the words ‘I love you’ lightly… it’s kinda mean if you don’t mean it. Yes, the fact that you are an island is intriguing. The way you toy with our emotions keeps us coming back for more. You rule, ball scratching and all. I’ll put it this way straight guys: at the end of the day, you have something good going for you. Don’t fuck it up. To everyone else, don’t judge me. I’m drinking a beer and watching a Jennifer Aniston movie. I’m clearly confused. (Oh, and don’t worry girls, Jennifer ends up happily ever after in this one.) Yours truly, Union Weekly’s semi-straight gay guy Write me at



I’m a weird person to walk in front of, next to, opposite to, or behind, and really I’m sorry. I don’t do well around large crowds of people. I feel like everyone’s eyes are probing me, caressing the base of my spine with their tongues, or maybe I just need to be around people more instead of talking to myself while watching stuff on the Netflix. My mom says that I do that, but I don’t think I do. She also says I scream in my sleep sometimes, but she’s a liar and I’ll probably put her in a medically induced coma when she’s older so that I don’t have to deal with her because she’s always on my case about ironing my clothes. I don’t see the point in looking nicely pressed everyday when most everyone wears sandals. When I’m walking in between people I get really sweaty and self-conscious about whether or not I smell or that maybe I sat on something weird and people will think I sat on semen or I


was masturbating in the restroom to a picture of my dead goldfish and my semen did some JFK magic bullet stuff before landing on my back or I stepped on some dog shit and everyone thinks I bathe in dog shit and eat it in a bowl with milk—I’ve seen a guy masturbate in class before, so that’s why I would think other people could come to that conclusion when seeing a person with a weird white stain on their shoes or pants. (It was middle school and someone bet this guy five dollars to masturbate in science class to a black and white Victoria’s Secret ad in the LA Times and rub his semen inside the textbook before the teacher came back from the bathroom. Everyone thought it was hilarious. That same masturbating guy was suspended in high school for rubbing one out in the pool.)—but I still feel bad for people wearing sandals. I can see why people would wear them to the beach or around the pool,

but why would it be a good idea to wear them to school? Your feet get dirty and disgusting! I’ve never asked anyone about why they wear sandals to school because I know that they’ll probably say that they make your feet feel fresh, but that’s bullshit. Your feet are fresh after a shower. You know what’s in the dirt? With all the fucking squirrels running around campus and all the old people walking their dogs, 90% of all the dirt on campus is shit. Another thing I’ve noticed that I’m creating a made up percentage for about the people wearing sandals is that 99.9% of their feet are peeling. They make a cream for that. I know because I’ve used it. CVS and Target sell it. Carry some wipes or soap to wash your gross feet. I really hope that in the future someone invents a machine that makes it so that no one ever has to use their feet again, and feet become a vestigial limb. I hope you get cancer.



The city of Long Beach is no wonderland for the 20-and-under college student. Last year I didn’t venture out much. Sure, I attempted to go to a club or two, but it never worked out. By the end of the year I decided to blame it on that fact that I was a freshman and the city was un-ventured territory. Being back for my sophomore year, this time I was ready. My roommate and I made a pact that this year was going to be a year of festivities that would blow our minds. To start things off, I started looking for bands to go check out for a night of fun and music. While on campus I picked up a flyer for a lounge here in Long Beach that had Thursday night performances. I decided to sample some of the bands the lounge booked. After a half-hour of listening, we figured this could be a possible adventure. That’s when I finally took a look at the bottom

of the flyer, where I saw what would quickly crush our hopes. Written in tiny print was “21 and over 9pm until 2am.” You had to be kidding me! I mean the band probably wouldn’t even get there until 9:30 and by that time we would be in a cab on our way home. Full of optimism, I decided to Google the few clubs in Long Beach I knew offered 18-and-over nights. I came to find out one was closed and the other had “coming soon” written under the section for 18 under nights. Now the only places in Long Beach that provide “nightlife” for my age group are restaurants and place that offer yogurt by the ounces. I thought to myself, “Why am I being deprived of cool bands and club scenes just because I’m not of legal drinking age? I just want to have a little fun, dance, and blog the pictures the next day. Is that really too much to ask?”

Sure, Long Beach has the Pike, 2nd Street, and Seal Beach, but these places start to grow old when the store owners know you by name and your “usual.” And with no main source of transportation, we haven’t got time to take spontaneous trips to the strip in Hollywood for a little fun like our mobilized college peers do. In the few weeks since school started, I’ve realized that there is a slim chance that anything mind-blowing will happen in my social life this year. And because I have no desire to hunt down some shady-looking college guy held up in a dark room for a fake I.D., I must face the fact that there is no nightlife out there me that does not involve a fraternity or the library. I guess my roommate and I will just have to settle for YouTube and junk food to fill up our Friday nights for now. UNION WEEKLY

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he conference opener for the Long Beach State women’s soccer team ended in a 1-1 stalemate with Big West rival Cal Poly at the George Allen Field this past Friday. Excuse me if you find my lack of enthusiasm towards this result insulting. It’s difficult to get excited after a tie, even one that included coming back from a seemingly insurmountable 1-0 deficit. I mean, it’s a TIE. Sure, it went to overtime. Sure, it even went to double overtime. But a tie seems so discourteous to the fans and players. They deserve better. It goes against everything that America stands for. Then again, soccer in general goes against everything America stands for. Be that as it may, every game has its right to be reported on, regardless of the outcome. The first ten minutes of action featured, quite plainly, sloppy play. Passes went array and the ball made very little progress in either direction. The 49ers (7-3-2, 0-0-1) eventually broke the funk to get some quality looks at putting the ball in the net. Alas, none of these attempts proved fruitful. Not even Chantel Hubbard’s series of handspring throw-ins could put the 49ers on the board. After her acrobatic display, the circus circuit seems like a reliable fall back career. Not the weird circus, though. The good one. The one where they do flips and shit.



The remainder of the half featured both sides getting upset at the officials, a mindset that transcends all sports, ethnicities, languages and genders. In the closing seconds of the first half, CSULB goalkeeper Emily Kingsborough made a diving save to preserve the scoreless game. The second half saw the 49ers come out strong against Cal Poly (5-5-1, 0-0-1), berating the Mustangs with four solid scoring chances within the first five minutes. They even got a couple shots on the goalie, giving her a bloody nose. Nadia Link led the charge with an elusiveness reminiscent of John Dillinger, evading the defense to create open shots for her teammates. It was Cal Poly that drew first blood in this battle, however. With 20 minutes left, Kacey Held fired a rocket that found the back of the net. After a late surge and a scramble, LBSU forward Nikki Myers found herself with the ball in the box. Myers promptly buried the equalizing goal into the net with three and a half minutes to play in regulation. The 49ers had their chances in the extra time, including a free kick off the leg of Karina Camacho that went off the post in the second OT. The two 10 minute overtime periods came and went, ultimately ending in the unfortunate, a draw.



In May 2010, HB 2281 was passed, outlawing Arizona public schooling institutions to provide any ethnic studies classes or courses that will “advocate ethnic solidarity instead of the treatment of pupils as individuals.” This seed planted in The Grand Canyon State grew into a national, week-long conference, prepared to counteract the prohibitions set forth by that bill’s sentiments. This week is Ethnic Studies Week, and Cal State Long Beach is part of the action, thanks to the Department of Chicano and Latino Studies. The goals of this conference are to reverse the common stereotypes and misconceptions that have bred throughout today’s politics and societies, further implementing a negative feel toward our “differences.” It’s about communication and intellect that exceeds the limits of ethnicity and creates an environment unbound from past cultural norms of separation. In today’s world, especially in our southwestern area of the UNION WEEKLY

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country, Ethnic Studies Week couldn’t be anymore relevant. Immigration has been an issue for presidential candidates to flip-flop on in the last few elections, there’s been high school marching bands pursuing their own form of civil disobedience, and there still seems to be a need for a wider education of what’s really going on, not just what you’re favorite liberal/conservative shock-jock spits through Sirius Radio. Ethnic Studies Week is not exclusive to Chicano/Latino content, it encompasses a majority of contrasting ethnicities, but this event wouldn’t be hosted by our school if it weren’t for Dr. Victor M. Rodriguez, a professor in the department who has been putting his all into the organization of this week’s happenings. This is truly Dr. Rodriguez’s labor of love. He took on the bulk of this conference’s planning with nothing but a bottom of the barrel budget, some support from other campus departments, and a de-

sire to live in an age where “Ethnic Studies” don’t exist. According to him, if the different professions, political organizations and communities embrace the overflowing “cultural capitol” that our races have to offer, ethnic studies will be lost to history. The events start on Monday, October 4th, and continue until Thursday, October 7th. If you’re on the fence about going to any of the events, some of the highlights will be a panel discussing the objective “what’s what” with today’s immigration issues (Monday in CBA-139A), a showing of the documentary Harvest of Loneliness (all about the migration and abuse of the Braceros), on Tuesday at the Anatol Conference Center and Patio from 2pm to 4pm, and talk with Patricia Isasa, a native Argentinean who will be speaking about her kidnapping and the torture she endured from her government, on Thursday, October 7th, from 4pm to 6pm, also in the Anatol Conference Center.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 4 Immigration Forum CBA-139A @ 4pm


Harvest of Loneliness Documentary Includes panel talk with filmmakers Anatol Conference Center @ 2-4pm


Lecture “The Bracero Program in Global Migration History” LA4-104 @ 2-3:15pm Speaker on immigration reform in Arizona Alamitos Bay Room, USU @ 4-6pm


-Speaker Patricia Isasa and Film Anatol Conference Center @4-6pm



Hey jerkbags, it’s rideshare week. That means you need to stop driving your car because all parking spots except carpool are closed! Just kidding.


It sucks not having a car. The convenience of being able to jump in and drive to your destination creates a satisfaction of liberation and independence that can’t be matched. So for those of you without one, listen up! Zimride is a program offered by CSULB that allows students and faculty members to share rides. There are 92 ride origins out of Long Beach to destinations such as Los Angeles, Riverside, Venture, Escondido and San Diego. Participants in the program can be drivers, passengers or both. And it’s so simple an idiot can do it. Just simply go online to csulb and sign up by entering information like starting location, ending location, commute route or one time visit. After you post this information, matches are found and you are notified about your ride accommodations. Zipcar is another program offered by CSULB where students and faculty members can sign up to drive around a car offered by the school. To drive a zipcar, you must be 18 or older, have had your driver’s license for at least one year, and have a clean driving record. There is an annual fee of $35 for the year, and on top of that hourly and daily prices to rent the car. To sign up visit So there you go CSULB students, enjoy your damn freedom!

No one’s doing anything that drastic to promote ridesharing, or anything it at all really. So it’s our job to keep you plebs on the up-and-up about getting your crummy bums onto campus without driving like the dumb freshman you really are.


Besides an excellent education and a whole bunch of other great services on campus, as a student you also get a free ride on the U-PASS bus system yearround. With a swipe of your student ID card, you can be dropped off on multiple stops all throughout campus. The Passport D and 90s buses make stops all along the western side of campus, the 81 bus stops along 7th street and Palo Verde, and the 173 bus can drop you off all along Atherton. While getting a free ride to school is nice, you don’t want to be a nerd and spend all your time here do you? Fortunately, the U-PASS system also spans the best parts of Long Beach, from the shores of 2nd street all the way to the Norwalk Metro station. You can view the map yourself or plan any trip online at Not only will you get free passage to roam the great city of Long Beach, you’ll also be saving money and the environment by simply taking advantage of being a student at CSULB. Not to mention you will probably accumulate your share of strange bus stories, which I guarantee will happen no matter how quietly you sit and listen to your iPod. Like that time the old lady started singing and then she pulled out a dead cat that she was hiding in her shopping bag and then pooped herself.

If you’re still reading this, and you more than likely are not, you might be interested in checking out some pretty cool local bicycle related art, events, and all around cool shit. You might have caught their tags on your bike handles, but check out www.long-


Biking to school can be a really great way to run into people on the sidewalks and crosswalks, or to get hit by students driving their cars. Even though CSULB has a distinct lack of bike lanes, they make up for it in spirit or something. Is your bike as fucked up as your secret internet sex fetish? Well, no worries, every second Wednesday Jax Bicycles offers tune-ups in the Quad from 11am-1pm. Get that rust off your bike, and keep your furry shit behind closed doors, we don’t want to know about that. If you’re not feeling confident in your biking abilities to get to school, every third Wednesday CSULB offers a bike safety class. The class consists of a presentation on Wednesday night, and a Saturday road skills test to get students up to snuff and feeling good about riding their bikes in traffic. Worried about your bike being stolen while you’re busy dicking around on campus? Well, for a limited time the University Police is offering students free bike licensing stickers (which are actually mandated by law) for bicyclists. With these licenses they can help recover your bike if it’s stolen. Hey, it’s free, it’s the law, and there’s no reason not to. Even though students won’t get paid the $1 a day that faculty do for riding their bikes, they will get the satisfaction of looking super cool that only wearing a helmet can truly provide. for most notably Spoke Out, a cool mixed media, alternative transportation themed art exhibit in downtown Long Beach. If you like biking to class, don’t forget to bring your U-Lock, because that’s the best way to keep it from getting jacked.


I understand that up until now, hang gliding hasn’t been a practical means of transportation for most students, but Long Beach has made great strides as a community to encourage the eco-friendly practice of GlideCommuting. The Glide community has been pushing a pro-glide agenda for years as a way to gain acceptance into society (gliders are notoriously creepy). Now that CSULB has cleared the George Allen soccer practice fields for landing and is offering a hang glider storage for a minimal fee of less the $20 a week, you can expect to see more winged assholes polluting our skies as the semester goes on. After making Long Beach more bike friendly, City Government has been considering proposals to open up the air lanes to hang glide enthusiasts. Of course, the 800-pound gorilla in the room is the Long Beach Airport, which contends that hang gliding, parasailing and any other novelty aircraft poses serious safety concerns to planes and humans alike. When asked about how unfamiliar students would take to Glide-Commuting, senior hang glide enthusiast Chad Sprankle had this to say, “A lot of noobs get really freaked about safety before they give the ol’ wings a whirl, but when I’m in my Willis Wing droppin’ off is tha’ last thing I’m spooked over.”


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As the managing editor, it has become my job to oversee the writing that goes into the Union, making sure it is up to snuff. I’m bad at my job, but whenever I’m working on a piece of writing, the first thing I look for is if it convinces me to care. We’ve learned quite well this year that a writer can’t hope to please everyone, but I believe deep down, in the gaping black hole that used to be my heart, that if a writer can portray his passion for a subject, then any open-minded reader can be entertained. I cannot tell a lie, you may not have any reason to care about this feature or what we talked about when we sat down and discussed Long Beach venues for over an hour. I can’t tell you that this issue has a cure for your genital warts or it can teach you how to juggle to be a hit at parties, but I think if you give them a chance, these enthusiastic guys might give you a reason to care. Okay, enough disclaimer, here’s the god damn deal. We sat down with two prominent Long Beach musicians: Danny Nogueiras, front man of local band Brown and Blue and co-owner of the up and coming record label Mountain Man Records; and Chris Lynch, aka DJ Oldboy, and promoter for local venue Que Sera. Sam Farzin of UC Irvine’s Acrobatics Everyday also joined us to be an example of what might be able to be accomplished. Sam noticed the lack of suitable venues in Irvine and did something about it, creating his own music night at the university where bands play in classrooms and nothing is as it seems. The topic we came in to discuss was originally the lack of an all-ages venue in Long Beach, but the discussion covered just about any aspect of Long Beach music you could imagine. Everything except fabled Long Beach Midget Town and perhaps the existence of a little person band? Tiny instruments? Big licks? No one knows for sure. After that terrible intro, I hope you still decide to read this, because even if you have no reason to care about venues, you might still learn a thing or two about what people can accomplish with good old-fashioned passion and excitement. The world could use more people like Danny, Chris, and Sam, people who are willing to make sacrifices for what they believe in. Whatever it is that you care about, don’t hold back. Long Beach and the world could use more people who are excited about what they do. Enough talk, just read and enjoy, you asshole.



04 OCTOBER 2010







Sam Farzin: Because they’re a business, their number one goal is to make money. Chris Lynch: It depends what kind of business, too. There are some that are more lenient and so hard-up on getting cash and bar sales. But I know at The Prospector my cover ranges from like three to five dollars. I try and make it three, but they always say, “Make it five dollars, then you’ll get more money.” But you gotta think about the people coming in they don’t have on a Tuesday night, they say, “I’m just worried about the bands and getting them money.” Danny Nogueiras: I think it has a lot to do with what you were saying about what kind of business it is, ’cause I feel like I don’t get so hurt that it’s a business, but it’s a business that focuses on the sale of alcohol. That’s priority number one. I can understand, a lot of those business like bars aren’t in it for a huge amount profit, not in the sense where they are constantly searching for growth. They are just trying to make a comfortable living in their space by selling alcohol, sometimes food, and sometimes having bands bring people through the door, which is weird because music just becomes a tool for getting people to do the other things they need them to do. CL: I don’t think its necessarily because they don’t care about the music, they’re; an establishment and they gotta survive. They have to think about both sides. At the same time it can be a hindrance because you have people in there eating and drinking, and they’re not really focusing solely on the band that’s playing, whereas if you just had a venue and you’re there to see the band, that’s it. SF: And they’re not all-ages. DN: That’s right, there is like a built-in automatic. Well, the first problem is that no one can come because they’re not old enough to drink.

DN: I think it needs to be a responsible person, and it needs to be somebody who is ready to stay in Long Beach, ready to care about Long Beach. It needs to be somebody who is ready to give themselves to this. And I do absolutely think it’s possible to make money off of this, and it’s really hard. But what business that you’re starting isn’t hard? You are never going to be able to start a business and make a living off of it right away. Like, ever. I feel this is the same: it has the same possibilities and disadvantages as a lot of businesses. A motivated person could do really well, and get an apartment or even a small house, like if they really kicked ass and worked and did a good job. It just needs to be somebody responsible and dedicated, and ready to provide this to the community. CL: You are getting me all pumped up! I think it is quite possible to “follow your bliss,” to quote Joseph Camble. I totally believe in that. You just got to stick to it and do it. If someone started a venue and really sat down and figured it out and got partners that were reliable and compatible, it could happen. How cool would it be if there was a legitimate venue in Irvine, and a legitimate venue in Long Beach, and they were working together, thus creating the larger community?

CL: Jedi Mind Trick them—“You will give us a venue, this music is important.” You just have to make a convincing argument. SF: To who? DN: The city is number one. You could literally walk into City Hall and be like “This is what I want.” They might be like, “Not my problem, go up there,” and the next person might be like, “Not my problem, go down there.” But sooner or later, you will be with someone who has no choice but to listen to you. And the very least, you can open someone’s ear and put it in the city’s collective consciousness where it’s like, “Oh shit, there are these kids trying to do this.” Whether they are like, “Oh shit, let’s stop them,” or, “Oh let’s work with them…” UW: “Holy shit, get them to shut up they’re annoying the hell out of me.” CL: They’re gonna have reservations no matter what; it’s kids, art, music. DN: “These things all sound wrong.” CL: “These hooligans, you know, with their hippity hop and rock and roll.” If you just sit them down and convince them, this is a positive thing. DN: There is a responsible element, its not just beer and rock and roll. CL: Take chances, stop opening up restaurants, and open a venue.

DN: Education is a big part of it. A lot of the same kids who would go out to a show, myself included when I was in high school, would go to a venue, drink a tall can in the parking lot and vomit on the floor. If you sat down and talked to them and just said, “We’re young, we’re running something, and the better you do, the better we do. If you fuck up we’re right there with you. We talk to the cops when they’re done talking to you, and we’ll get in trouble and you will just get sent home to your parents.” It might sound naive, but I feel like people tend to respect small business. SF: I have a ton of examples that counter that. I have seen blatant disrespect, blatant DGAF, it doesn’t usually happen, but at bigger shows; “Thee Oh Sees” was a prime example of douche bags out in full force. DN: I guess if we ran a show we would be responsible for security. CL: How do you do crowd control? DN: Have some big friends, hire some of your hardcore friends. UW: Promise them hardcore shows. CL: It would be nice if everyone had respect for these different establishments, but a lot of people don’t have respect for anything. SF: And unfortunately, a lot of the people who are most into this stuff are those people. It’s a sad cross section. DN: The rebelliousness is cool, but it’s like, don’t rebel against us. I think that helps with a venue…there is a certain amount of reality where people will pay to go to the Glass House. There is a psychological change when people want to get into the door of this place, and this place will always be here. CL: Experience is definitely a must. It’s hard to have four fresh faces together. It’s possible, but it will make it even harder…we have to get a fellowship together. DN: It’s a business, its hard. But you don’t start a restaurant without ever working at a restaurant.

Union Weekly: What if we just booked 18 year olds to play shows just to make it difficult? CL: That’s why I’m doing that. I’m like, “Fuck it, I’m just going to book all these bands, who cares what their age is.” And then I tell the bartenders at the last minute, “Oh yeah, by the way…” DN: “…they’re all 18.” CL: “…they’re 10.” UW: “…they are literally babies playing in a band.” CL: But their parents are going to drink, does that count? People should be more open minded, that’s all. UW: Why can’t they just sell soda for like, three bucks or some shit? DN: Yeah, that’s another thing. Why don’t bars have an all ages night? Like, just don’t sell beer tonight. SF: Ehhhh… CL: They’d lose so much money. [There have been] plenty of bar shows where I know that they didn’t make shit off of booze. I’ve been to bar shows where it’s like this guy’s got a tall can and this guy has a whiskey soda. CL: Those bars are hurting though. DN: If you are already not making shit, you might as well start opening your mind to different things. Why not do a soda night? DN: We have huge public schools here, and like most schools, public and private, you see huge involvement with music. You don’t need them to draw 1,000 people, but if they can bring out 15-20 friends and there are four bands, you have a huge show. It won’t always happen, but it can happen. Fifteen, 20 people or even 50 people. CL: There is not a lot of stuff to do. Do I go to the movies tonight or do I go to the show? DN: The show is way cheaper, and you will probably have way more fun. Check out the entire interview in audio format on the website!


04 OCTOBER 2010






hile the economy is still in the toilet, the Long Beach local music scene is booming. Out from the grave of The Hickey Underworld is an influx of bands with a basic DIY ethic whose sentiment has quickly begun to spread. Although it would be impossible to mention them all, we’ve provided you with a collection of musicians and artists who have been playing most recently and locally. Check out the feature (pg. 8-9) to hear from some of the guys who are leading the parade, but if you want to know exactly what you can hear from the local scene, look no further and look no farther.



If you have been to any local show in the last few years, you know these guys need no introduction. Compiled of some of Long Beach’s best musicians, B&B have been winning fans over night after night. They’ve gone on a bunch of tours, have a ton of side projects, and generally invest in the LB scene, which is pretty fucking cool. You know what else is really cool? Grabbing a couple cheap domestic beers, hanging out with friends and singing along with Brown and Blue’s catchy showstoppers. Here’s to Second Chances has been out for a while now for free download and every track on that record is ear-candy. Get the album, learn the songs, go to a show, and make some friends. I promise it will be worth it.

Technically from Downey, this two-piece jam band is signed to Long Beach label Mountain Man Records and plays regularly in the bar scene. Littlest Viking are as cerebral as they are astounding. The music has as much in common with jazz as it does with post-rock. The lyricless songs open up the audience to fully appreciate the complicated drumming and master-shredder guitars. 2009’s Labor and Lust is essential music for chilling, studying or rocking. It’s that multi-faceted.


JOYCE MANOR This pop-punk group has evolved a lot in the last few years, and in that time they’ve garnered quite a bit of notoriety outside of the Long Beach arena. The perfect word to describe Joyce Manor is “fun.” There’s an ease to the way they conjoin angst and joy into every song. And, if you’d allow me to invent a word, they have a certain sing-along-ability that escapes other bands that may not feel as comfortable embracing their pop sensibilities the way Joyce can. They’re album Constant Headache is available for free on their MySpace and you can see them in LA October 8th to get in on the party.

This band is a powerful duo, most notably described as sounding like Neil Young, if he played Black Sabbath songs. Luis Gutierrez kills on the drums and frontman Bill Cutts slings his guitar around like a rifle, and what you expect from this combination is a raucous cacophony of sound, but what you end up with is a dark, avant-garde approach to punk and folk. Cutts’ singing invariably gets comparisons to baritone voices like Nick Cave and Calvin Johnson, whereas Gutierrez gets comparisons more along the lines of Animal. You can look forward to seeing some of Cutts’ side projects, one of which is more in the vein of Django Reinhardt or Hot Tuna. Never assume you know what kind of show you’re in for with these guys.


Local legend and resident tornado Luis Gutierrez splits his time between his hometown of Long Beach, and UCSC where he plays in a slew of other bands. He is the drummer for LB’s own Palms, but his solo project, Luis Gutee, could be the most interesting band of them all. Pure drum-porn from this insanely talented evil genius. His new release Phat Chants shows that the sky is the limit for Luis. If you like Hella, or anyother Zack Hill related project, you are going to be right at home in Luis Gutee’s blend of textured noise and funked out drumming. Don’t take my word for it—Luis has been featured in Drum Magazine.


4 OCTOBER 2010

MUSIC TINY LUNGS This shout-a-long punk band has just come back from a long tour with Mountain Man Records star Jason Clackley, and now that they’re back they are not relenting. The band features Danny Nogueiras of Brown and Blue on Drums. That alone should spark interest in this project, but Tiny Lungs are much more than a Brown and Blue side project. Fronted by hero Just Conway and featuring Mountain Man Records’ Mike Smith, Tiny Lungs take folk-punk to its logical extremes. The sharp smart punk hooks show talent, but the gang vocals from Conway make it urgent. Tiny Lungs have two self-titled EP’s out on Mountain Man Records.

CHARLES MANSION These four dudes from around Orange County are represented by local promoter DJ Old Boy and thus have quickly established themselves in Long Beach—and for good reason. Their stripped down “roots” rock really fits into this city’s folk-punk sensibilities. Whether they are playing fast and loud, like The Stooges would have wanted it, or doing a dressed up semi-acoustic AM Gold style set, these boys always put on can’t-miss shows. Think of Charles Mansion as somewhere between a sock-hop and a mosh pit.

DASH JACKET This two-piece of Cal State Long Beach students has leveled up to a three-piece, now including a bass player in the form of Moon Pearl’s Paul McEldowney. The original two members, Matt Towles and Thom Lucero, remain and have been making stripped down grunge-rock for years now. Drawing equally from X and other ‘80s punk bands as they do from Seattle’s godfathers Mudhoney and Nirvana, Dash Jacket makes tuneful, raucous music. Their latest release Romance, out now on Life’s Blood Records, shows a new ear for melody and pacing for the band. To wit, there are just as many mellow songs as there are propulsive hook-filled skate video ready anthems.

WILD PACK OF CANARIES Now here’s a show you must make no excuses for missing. Frontman Rudy De Anda is like a modern-day David Byrne, but, you know, if he were Mexican. And that background creates an incredibly distinctive sound that conjures up such a wide range of references, it would be impossible to note them all here. As of late, the group has been performing more acoustic shows, wherein they’re known as Mild Pack of Canaries. Their cover of Leonard Cohen’s “True Love Leaves No Traces” packs a whollop and there’s no arguing that the group will provide an audience with something unique at every show.

FOREST OF TONGUE This local duo is somewhat experimental, somewhat chillwave, somewhat Beach House, and somewhat Animal Collective—whatever that means. The high-reverb and echoing guitars dunk you into a dream-like trance and the songs themselves are much less about the story arch, the climax, and the resolve. It’s focused much more on the journey and the joyful sounds music is capable of producing. Marijuana is highly recommended, but not entirely necessary—as long as you’re willing to sit back and enjoy the ride.

BORIS SMILE If you haven’t heard of Wesley Chung’s ever-changing indie-pop orchestra by now, then you’re missing out on more than you know. He’s collaborated with more musicians without ever jumping ship, and why would he? With such a talented slew of musicians, including Avi Zahner of Avi Buffalo, it’s no wonder the group keeps growing and changing. The sound is airy and undeniably jolly; uplifting, with Christian undertones in the vein of Sufjan Stevens and Brit-pop. You can listen to his latest EP Rockets, but if that’s a little too abstract for you (and it is abstract), then you won’t have to wait very long for their upcoming album or to search through their already-impressive discography.


4 OCTOBER 2010


I’M NOT A GIRL I’m a cgi vampire that got no dick MARCO BELTRAN



f I know people, everyone was expecting Let Me In to be 40 minutes of an old man having really hardcore sex with a 12 year-old vampire girl. Lots of blood and biting. Maybe even a quick shot of full penetration? I know how much you guys like watching little kids in adult situations. Unfortunately, it’s not that. I’m sorry. I’m sure you can get a refund if you bought your tickets in advance or you can watch Case 39, where there are little kids having sex with demons, or so I heard from a very reliable source, and Renee Zellweger, but that’s not good enough. Instead, you get 115 minutes of romance, CGI, and vampire folklore. Just so you know, I’m going to spoil the shit out of this movie. Other than the obvious changes; changing the name from Let the Right One In to the more forceful, and shorter, Let Me In, there are many small changes throughout the course of the film that fix some of the

smaller issues that the first one had, but it doesn’t add anything original other than adding a lot of CGI. It would be a really cool movie if it didn’t steal whole scenes from the original Swedish film, Let the Right One In. Mostly it’s an Americanization of the original interpretation of the book, full of all your favorite 80s songs, like David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance”. . . and David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” and all the Ronald Reagan you can handle. I really didn’t know how much Reagan I could handle until I saw this movie. Very little. The style, the sets, the mannerisms are exactly the same. The one of the few supporting characters that changed completely from the original was the bully kid, Kenny. He was an asshole. The type of kid that would make you wipe your own blood from his shoes. Dylan Minnette’s performance as Kenny actually out-shadowed everyone in the movie. It was forceful, as opposed to his Let the Right One In counterpart that was

really passive aggressive for a bully. The music from the beginning of the movie didn’t match the action in the scene, but the second half did pick up and became a very entertaining suspense film, which is a little weird since the first half has a lot of pedophilic scenes. The score is great, but it’s lost in the 80s songs. It’s like someone just said, “fuck it, no one will notice how we fucked up on the soundtrack.” Something you should expect from the director of Cloverfield is crazy camera angles and weird lenses. That’s all I can say that could be considered as a directorial contribution since the movie is just a jumbled version of the original. Lots of blurry shit and odd angles. In some scenes it works, but once you start to notice, it takes you out of the film. I felt like a cheater watching this having seen the original because it became really obvious early on that this movie was

intended for people that had not seen the original. Abby is a boy. I don’t know if you got that. When she says, “I’m not a girl,” she doesn’t mean she’s a vampire. She’s a girl now because she got no dick. I think that’s what happens when you lose your dick. You turn into a girl. There’s a great scene in the original where you see the spot where Eli’s, the vampire girls name in Let the Right One In, penis used to be. It’s really quick. You have to rewind it a few times to see that there are stitches/scars from where her dick once was. They re-use that scene in Let Me In, but it comes off more as if Owen, the weird looking little boy from the trailers, is shocked to see Abby naked. My suggestions when watching this Let Me In: turn up the AC, take your pants off, wait until it comes out on DVD, start watching half way through and/or watch both films. I know this is the entertainment page, but read the book or write me a fucking review.

Grotesque in japan

A good movie to watch on a date or with your mom Steve Bessette UNION STAFFER

This movie is messed up. Big time. Flat out. This Japanese horror flick is one of the most disgusting, gruesome things I’ve ever seen and I know there’s much worse out there. It’s straight up, from beginning to end, with only rare glimpses of bland peace, grody torture. The good thing is, there’s no dumb build up. Within the first minute, a young couple who decides it’s okay to walk through a dark tunnel, are getting clubbed over their innocent little heads with a mallet. I’m going to go ahead and ruin this shit fest of bloody guts and phallic fixation by saying, the villain who captures them is a crazy sadist doctor who takes strangers, messes them up for sexual satisfaction, and UNION WEEKLY

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then heals their wounds in his hospital. He never breaks a sweat or let’s a smile crawl over his chiseled face, he’s just a twisted terror from Beelzebub’s fiery anus. Grotesque is roughly an hour or so of hardcore, queasy ruckus that has no effective arc towards a climactic act of disgust or even a good story, but it did build to the point where I kept hearing myself say, “Really? This is happening? Holy crap.” Also the overwhelming amount of various bodily fluids, including stomach acid and lady semen, is ridiculous. In terms of filmmaking, it’s average. The cinematography is typical horror crap, consisting of 24 like sepias, handheld camera work, and every other shot is an

extreme close-up. The script is pretty flat and not too unbearably cheesy over all. Most of the movie is devoid of a lot of dialogue (though when it appears it’s pretty random and terrible), there’s just a lot of bloody dismemberment and overuse of smelling salts. This isn’t Charlie Kaufman’s take on Saw, so you can’t expect much, anyway. There’s supposed to be an emotional connection with the guy and girl who are captured, but you can’t feel it. It doesn’t matter that there’s a small, budding romance between them, we don’t care about their relationship. It just sucks to see them forced to watch the other get beat off and then wear each others’ fingertips as a necklace after the doctor uses a chainsaw for the cutting.

You really do see almost everything, too. I’m not going to give away anymore of the heinous pleasures of this medical associate, because that’s the only reason you should watch it. Guys, watch it with your douchebag buddies. Don’t watch it with your girlfriend, she’ll probably break it with you if you force this on her instead of letting her watch Dear John. If you think you can sit through this without budging, have a look. If you’re really fucked up in the head and get a hard-on from watching gory, torturous kind of shit, go jump in a hole and die you sick, worthless duck. The world is better without you, just like the world would be better without the torture porn genre.


zine scene

the significance of tangible art in a Digital World



ulture tastes best when dished out in spoonfuls at a time. At least that’s what television and Twitter have taught me. Ideas are safest kept bitesized; communication must be injected with trans fats before it’s consumable, and information need not provide sustenance. Media theorist Neil Postman described the digital world best as being “without much coherence or sense; a world that does not ask us, indeed does not permit us to do anything; a world that is like the child’s game of peek-a—” Shit, 140 characters already?! Sorry, Neil. You should really shorten your opinions next time. Well, I dunno ‘bout you, but I like my culture to be fuckin’ organic and tasty, not some mound of processed cinnamon sugar that I’m supposed to swallow in one bite without choking. So before I venture off into the realm of old-lady rambling, I’d

like to introduce you to the ZINE (pronounced like magaZINE). The zine became popularized in the ‘90s as a small, circulating, do-it-yourself print publication expressing the writing, artwork and music of punk and indie subcultures. But with the rise of internet blogs in the past decade, the print zine as a form of communication has steadily lost its appeal. I mean, why hold something in your hands when you could just stare off into a screen that blows you sweet radiation kisses? I first got my ass kicked by zines when I was eight years old. I would watch and admire my older sister faxing back and forth hand-scrawled poems, drawings, rants and collages made from fashion magazines. She was corresponding with the co-creator of her short-lived feministthemed zine, “Pretty Doesn’t Count” back in 1995. In all her teenage angst, she and

everything she did was the epitome of awesome to me. When the zine was finished, what my sister held in her hands was a physical testament to her hard work that conveyed both her inner struggles as a female and her labor as a creator. Throughout all the years, I’ve never forgotten about the art of the zine and the memories of my sister sprawled across our carpet with scissors and glue in hand. A decade and a half later, I’ve started running my own zine called ¡Vaya!, which celebrates the power and creativity of those within my community. I work with the print medium instead of typing up a blog because I refuse to compromise substance for efficiency. The zine is a time capsule of creativity that we can firmly grasp within our hands, trace our fingers across, and bring our nose to smell. When we take the moment to read, admire or listen to a

piece of art, it’s like we’re holding a conversation with its author that transcends spatial boundaries. When our response is not just a click away, the piece of art has time to settle and survive within our minds. The beauty of creating a zine lies within the expression of oneself through the process and not the product. The fault I see with communication methods like television, the internet and popular large-scale magazines is that they serve culture like it’s fast food. Those vehicles are not the directors of what culture is or should be. Zines provide the voiceless with the opportunities to have their voices heard and works seen. Zines are a call to action to wake up from our passivity. Zines are a chance to touch, learn and breathe art. You have two options: a spoonful of cinnamon, or a fuckin’ tasty-ass piece of creativity.

vaya con ¡vaya!

A PUBLICATION WITH SOUL folashade alford

jackie rosas



The power of the digital age is in full force and has a tight grip on most of our lives. And rarely now do we find something real, something personal that represents a labor of love from real people. Luckily, there is a student on campus who creates ¡Vaya!, a homemade magazine containing contributions from local photographers, writers, poets, and musicians. And most importantly, each and every issue of the magazine is totally made out of recycled material, like old cereal boxes and recycled paper which is then bound together with craft thread. Within the eco-friendly pages of each issue, readers can find short stories, poems, interviews and pictures from local artists that contribute to the overall theme of the specific issue. And since the zine is privately made by its creative team, ¡Vaya! contributors are able to produce and express themselves freely without any pres-

sure from advertisers or any competition from mainstream magazines. With that kind creative freedom, one might believe that the features would include random rants about insignificant things, but in reality, each and every page is filled with interesting stories, intelligent poems and beautiful pictures. The artists who contribute to the magazine are not only able to express themselves openly, but they also contribute to the overall mission of the magazine, which is to encourage activity in life. ¡Vaya! encourages its readers to get out there and experience life and art instead of spending so much time in front of the computer screen. Life is for living, and perhaps if you give it a try you can experience life the way the artists and creators of ¡Vaya! do. For more information about ¡Vaya!, visit, or email

Now that you’ve gotten a taste of the fabulousness that is ¡Vaya!, you may be asking yourself, “Can I be involved?” You sho’ can! The zine is always looking for contributors for the next issue. To all you artists and writers out there, submit your pieces! Tell your friends, even if they don’t come to CSULB, that this zine is open to all talent. It’s a great way to get your work out there and get noticed. If you feel like you’re not one of the artistic population, you can still help. Mae Ramirez handcrafts these zines out of postconsumer waste. We all live off of cereal at least once a month, so send your empty boxes her way! You’ll be contributing to the production of some fan-fucking-tastic art. Donate your scrap paper too! How about the rest of you people who want to get your hands on these handcrafted treasures? There’s going to be an event this Saturday, October 9th. Issue #3 will be released for a small donation. Look for some other eco-

friendly, handmade items as well. If you’ve got a hot date that night and decide not to stop by, you can contact ¡Vaya! to arrange some other means of getting your copy. These babies are only available in print, which is appropriate, because that’s the only way you can truly appreciate the energy and love that goes into creating ¡Vaya!. I take the name of the zine as a literal philosophy that says, “GO!” So GO out there, submit your pieces, send your recyclables, and COME to this event. The best thing you can do is support our local artists and get cultured!

Need your zine fix? Attend this event!

Artcade & the Noun A Music and Art Attack

Saturday, October 9th, 8pm-2am at the DisArmory 7831 Arroyo Dr. Montebello, CA 91770 UNION WEEKLY

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ideo games are becoming a major part of our culture. If not by the sheer amount of money spent on the industry, then by the amount of time spent by users playing them. However, there is a side to gaming which most people know nothing about: the competitive side. The idea that people play video games competitively probably sounds strange, but it’s true nonetheless. They exist for every major game out there with multiple world wide organization: ESWC, WCG, MLG, IEM, ESL to name a few. They hold local tournaments for the selected games, where the winners pick up a few thousand dollars and free travel and board to the finals somewhere in the world. I’ve been fortunate enough in my life to attend a number of these events, and even MC an event at Comic Con this past summer. No matter where I go though, I always seem to find a negative

stigma associated with competitive games in our culture and to this day I keep on questioning it. I understand where the stigma is coming from. I don’t need to rant on about the mindless negative smack talk or felatio offers one can experience in any online game. Then there is the strange bizarre stories that often seem to pop up about World of Warcraft players. However, to judge an entire community of players based upon such a small group is just wrong. Most game communities out there are highly supportive and highly intelligent. This past weekend, the World Cyber Games World Finals were at the LA Convention Center, hosting over 500 players from 70 nations. This is quite typical for any of these events with a total prize pot of around $200,000. After spending four days down there hanging out with people from all around the world, I am very proud of



Ah, I’m back to the main food group of the college diet - pizza. Or is that Cup Of Noodles? Or what’s worse is eating dry ramen. I was told in my elementary days that you can get worms from eating that. I’m sure your lunch looks great now as you’re reading this, doesn’t it? Every time you see a noodle now it will look slimy and writhe. ANYWAYS, back to the pizza… The pizza scene in America is dominated by the heavyweights, whether it be Domino’s, Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, Valentino’s, or what-the-fuck-ever. It takes a lot of digging to find a quick pizza spot here in America that doesn’t taste like dull cardboard. I’ll ashamedly admit that as an American I have a weakness for Chicagostyle—deep dish, gratuitous portions, and a thick crust that’s more than enough for your mouth to handle in just a solitary bite (that’s what she said). The Firepit seeks to brave a new trail. Finding the balance between traditional Italian style pizza and the toppings overload all of us Americans secretly crave. I don’t know what the owner did for her recipe to get such a tantalizing thin crust though. It’s never soggy and what I look forward to the most out of the pizza. The first bite from the end of the cheese to the beginning of the crust is ever so UNION WEEKLY

4 OCTOBER 2010

crispy and fresh. Then there comes the slightest tang of sourdough while crumbs form into sand dunes on the sides of your mouth. The appetizers at the Fire Pit are a mix between classic diner food and a side of hummus at the bottom of the list that doesn’t seem to fit in. But Italian is part of the Mediterranean culture, so who cares? I’m sure it’s great anyways. The garlic bread is buttery goodness with a hint of garlic: A slice of heaven that could not have possibly been microwaved. All of the specialty pizzas definitely don’t skimp out on the toppings. Firepit’s Supreme comes stacked with a whole Italian deli case of juicy slices of pepperoni and other assorted salumi, topped with tons more cheese and a generous helping of veggies. The Fire Pit on Warner and PCH is located next to HSS, The Secret Spot (which is also highly recommended, even for meateaters), and behind the gas station, which has been open for a little less than a month. A quaint little place with a very basic style that lets the food do the talking. While I was there, I enjoyed the view of PCH and mocked the trailer trash women of Divorce Court on the TV. If you are looking for a change of pace from the usual pizza shop, or just in the area give it a try. Beachfront pizza, does life get any better? I thought not.

the company I keep. People can connect over a game because it is cross-cultural and is often a great way of making friends. Despite the fact that everyone comes from a different country and culture, everyone takes part in the fun dance competitions or impromptu shenanigans that always pop up. Players want to win, and at the end of the day they want to go hit up the town and have fun like everyone else. They are not losers or anti-social by any means. I will arguably say that gamers, at least the people who are actually good at the game, are some of the best quality people you can meet. The thing I find most interesting about these events though is how people from across the globe play the same games, but they do not come close to playing it the same way. Just like in a sport, different teams have different play styles and some work better than others. The adaptation

and communication one team has to go through in a match can be ridiculous. Two teams will never play exactly alike. It used to be playing baseball that got my heart racing and pulse beating, but now its the strategic plays one can create given five players and a level to use. I’ll be the first one to admit, I never tell anyone about the video game leagues I play in; especially women. I even feel embarrassed about it sometimes. But after events like this, I always question that feeling. Great people, great parties, and every once in a while, the two magic words everyone loves: open bar. I know it might seem absurd, but these tournaments have been growing over the last few years, and video games are going to keep growing as a part of our national culture. Let’s not be so quick to shun those who are good at them, and enjoy excelling at what they chose to undertake.








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4 OCTOBER 2010


Volume 67 Issue 6

Monday, October 4th, 2010



mouths are filled too. Then I send everybody on their way back home with mustard all up inside their bodies for the ultimate shame. That’s what I do. This is Grunion RAW, bitch. Only Raw Dawgs may read this page and by reading this page you are currently partying with me. Yes, perhaps you will leave a fun party of mine with a body filled almost entirely with mustard, with mustard pumping through your veins like blood, but no one can accuse me of fucking around. I don’t do it. I’m Teejay Dinkle and I party and now that you’re at my party you must go through hell. The hell is entitled Grunion RAW now time to enter hell bitch ha ha Satan time. Death. [Editor’s Note: Teejay Dinkle forcefed me five hits of acid and tied me up in the Grunion basement’s basement. I went through a literal hell for hours as I attempted to come down off of my acid high. Teejay yelled for four straight hours as he created this page in front of my eyes. I hired him because he seemed like a cool party dude but I should have known that he would get out of hand when he pulled a gun on me after I bought him his first beer. Teejay started a nonstop party spiral. Please accept my sincerest apologies for this page. Teejay is currently being treated for alcohol and heroin addiction. Peace be with you, goodbye.]

New Site Taking The Web by Storm: This semester, is adding a new feature: The site allows you to view all of the raging, veiny, disgusting hard-ons of academia and rate them from your very own home. The exploding popularity of the site has caused thousands of professors to become more concerned with the approval ratings of their boners over their teaching habits. There are numerous awards available for contestants, including the Boner Olympics, Celebrity Boner Look-Alike, and a coveted spot in the Balls of Fame. Unfortunately, is currently mourning the loss of their creator, Harry Wang, who committed suicide last month after seeing too many beautiful boners and losing his ability to apprectiate erections from such massive amounts of bonerexposure. page B0


Scientists Discover Breakthrough Nu-Metal Technique

I'm Going to Fill Your Pussy With Mustard You’re really pathetic. Seriously, get your disgusting hands off of my page and go touch your gross dick. Your bullshit ass has been around here for long enough, thinking you know best. You think you know funny? You don’t know shit. You wouldn’t know shit if it was coming out of your ass and into your pants. “Oh please entertain me, Teejay,” you say with corn stuck to your teeth and candy corn flying out of your mouth. Well fuck you. It’s my page and this is my party and everyone is tired of your unthinkable face. I’m taking over. I know I’m this party guy that’s supposed to be all fun, but I’m fed up with you pathetic pieces of dog shit picking up this thing and scrounging for jokes to make you forget about how pathetic your life is. Yeah, I know I’m drunk, but this is a party why would you have a party and not want people drunk at it? I’m the party guy! That’s what I do. No you should lie down. I’m not finished. I’m in charge now. My first decree as captain of this word ship is everyone will get nude. You will all lie down and one by one I will fill your butts and pussies with mustard. Every party attendee flips over, then their


This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Email any questions, concerns, raw dawgs to, then go to hell.

After years of testing, experimentation, and filling test tubes with piss, scientists have discovered a breakthrough medical technique. “We’re really excited about this new development,” said local scientist Teejay Dinkle. “We feel this may change the world as we know it. This will fill a void in science that has been present since the dawn of time,” said Dinkle as he sipped out of a test tube. We were able to calm Dinkle down from his excited frenzy long enough to explain what the breakthrough truly was. He explained to us that the scientists were able to recreate the famous Disturbed “ooh-wa-ah-ah-ah” noise when brushing their teeth through special brushing and mouth movements. “That noise has baffled us in the scientific community for years,” said Dinkle. “We’ve finally cracked it, and we couldn’t be more proud.” Popular ‘90s band Disturbed was famous for the primal sounds and huge guitar licks. They caught the attention of the scientific community with their hit “Down With The Sickness”

Local scientists practice their “ooh-wa-ah-ah-ah” technique in a sterile lab environment constructed to look exactly like a disgusting bathroom inhabited by slobs.

that utilized guttural noises that were previously thought to be impossible to recreate. When questioned for more information about the technique, Dr. Dinkle refused to give away any information. “The technique is a secret, we can never reveal how to make the Disturbed noise. It’s for the good of mankind,” said Dinkle. After an intense discussion, Dinkle agreed to reveal the secret of the noise after we beat him in a wrestling match and we gave him all the pills in our

medicine cabinets. It seemed like an okay idea because he’s a doctor and all. He took all the pills at once and started to explain: “I’m gay,” he said. Dinkle refused to explain any further. He crossed his arms and frowned his face. Dinkle seemed like a cool party dude at first but after he took the pills he couldn’t be controlled. It was as if the “sickness” that hard rockers Disturbed described was in him all along. May God help us all. Go with God. Goodnight forever.


Rat Tails: RAW as Hell Yeah, I listen to grunge, I get wasted at Dodger games, I’m a fan of early 20’s Anakin Skywalker, I’m a member of the Kru Kutz Klan, who gives a flying fuck? I’m raw as hell. My rat-tail is my best bud. I comb it like a thousand brushes a day. Jealous? Don’t call it a ponytail, either. Fucker! Just remember: people with rattails get their feelings hurt too. page R4T

Get Off of My Page Bitch Frog!!!

page BF


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