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[Issue 61.6] 49 Things You’ve Wanted to Know About My Week. 1) Monday I awoke sick and very cold. I’m pretty sure it’s because I left the window open and I got a total of five hours of sleep during the weekend. 2) Monday morning I decided that going to basketball class at 9 a.m. was unnecessary. 3) Monday morning I also decided that going to my philosophy class at 11 a.m. was unnecessary. 4-10) Monday was more of a joke than a day. I played golf during the afternoon, slept in the office, watched Monday Night Football while I took a nap, and passed out after downing a bottle of Nyquil like it was the water from the fountain of youth. 11) Tuesday morning I woke up in a much better mood. 12) I went to the office to get a lot of stuff done, instead opting to play Tony Hawk. 13) I landed a trick worth nearly four million points. This would be amazing if another staffer hadn’t already topped the twenty million point mark days before. 14) Tuesday nights are always spent at Iguana Kelley’s playing shuffle board. Unfortunately, some guys were on our table, playing a fucking drinking game, not shuffle board. 15) This made me really mad. I wasn’t sure if it was the beer or the fact that I finally feel like I am a local at a bar, but I wanted my table, and I wanted these guys off. 16) I got way loud about it. These guys were much larger fellows than I, and after I yelled, “You guys gonna get off the table, or what!?” I immediately regretted saying it. 17) Things got a little out of hand. 18) After cooling off for a few minutes outside, I returned with a much calmer demeanor. I offered an olive branch to the fellows in the form of a handshake and an apology. 19) JJ Fiddler and I taught these gentlemen the brilliant game of shuffle, and then went on to destroy them and take the rights to the table. 20) Jose and Cesar were actually pretty rad guys. 21) Wednesday I woke up and decided that going to basketball class at 9 a.m. was unneccesary. 22) Philosophy class was very interesting and I was glad I went. 23) I was stroking golf balls for about thirty minutes, this made my day. 24) I was super stoked about watching the Angels play the Red Sox, that is, until I realized the FUCK-

ING ANGELS WERE A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM! I don’t think I’ve seen a more dominant performance by a pitcher in the playoffs; Beckett is a mad man. 25) I scarfed down a BBQ burger and some nachos to drown my sorrows. This worked. 26) I spent the rest of the night watching Top Chef and South Park with my lady friend. 27) Thursday morning was spent in the dirty waters of Newport Beach. Nothing is better than starting the day off on a board. 28) Thursday is tie-day. 29) All of the men in the office looked damn fine, and thusly we decided to eat at the Chart Room. 30) LUNCH WAS AMAZING! Thanks, F. King! 31) Bug the movie was really really really boring, and I don’t care what anyone says. 32) Erin Hickey turned 13 this week and we celebrated with friends, drinks, and laughs. 33) ZumMallen also turned 13 this week, and I celebrated his b-day by almost burning his house down. 34) I drink wine. Lots of wine. 35) Friday morning was windy, really windy, and I was nervous about sailing a sabot. I know, wimpy right? 36) I finally felt like I was sailing. We almost capsized numerous times, and I felt the cold water against my salty beard. Sailing is amazing. 37) After about ten hours in the office I felt sick again. I hate being sick, and I don’t know if it’s because of my poor health, or the fact that this job is killing me slowly. 38-45) It’s definitely this job, because smoking and drinking is probably the best thing you can do when you are constantly sick. 46) My lady friend cooked me breakfast on Saturday morning before I head into the office. Mmmmmmmmmmm cheesy eggs. 47-49) Dig proved useful for the first time ever; EVER! If it were not for their two-page “49er” lists, I wouldn’t have had the inspiration to waste this valuable space.


–Ryan Kobane


Dino of the Week

Our Cover in the Making

Photographs By Ryan Kobane

Ryan Kobane Editor-in-Chief Erin Hickey Managing Editor Michael Pallotta Matt Dupree Associate Editors Ryan Kobane Business Manager

Vincent Girimonte News Director Kathy Miranda Opinion Editor Ryan ZumMallen Sports Editor Victor Camba Comics Editor Katie Reinman Creative Arts Editor Michaël Veremans Random Reviews Editor Earl Grey Grunion Editor Philip Vargas Literature Editor & PR Michael Pallotta Entertainment Editor Sean Boulger Music Editor & PR Ryan Kobane Photography Director Philip Vargas Illustration Editor Erin Hickey Michael Pallotta Alan Passman Copy Editors Vincent Girimonte Advertising Representative Steven Carey Graphic Design Chris Barrett Internet Caregiver

Philip Vargas On-Campus Distribution Vincent Girimonte Off-Campus Distribution Chris Barrett, Andrew Wilson, Darren Davis, Jesse Blake, Christine Hodinh, Derek Crossley, Drew Evans, Christopher Troutman, Jason Oppliger, Cynthia Romanowski, James Kislingbury, Tessah Schoenrock, Rachel Rufrano, Dylan Little, Guido D’Onofrio, Paul Hovland, Sergio Ascencio, Christina Duenas, Kayla Crow, Robert Masucci, Ashley Marie Weis, Katrina Sawhney, Kathleen Rodil.


Disclaimer and Publication Information

The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, the ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters will be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but they must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words.

“Oh yeah, I could for sure take a cover-worthy, interesting shot of a wine bottle pouring into a glass guys.” I mean, I had seen a bunch of photos of wine in all of my magazines and on the internet; how hard could it be? I shit you not, if you don’t have a studio and everything that comes with said studio, DON’T TRY TO TAKE STUDIO SHOTS. Thankfully I had two staffers, Beef and Vince, who were more than willing to put in some hard work to get a great shot. Some weird shit was going on in the office, not to mention the problems we had with our light table and flash. The combination produced more than one shot that looked very ghostly and completely over exposed. After some Photoshop assistance, and some creativity by guru Steven, I think we got a winner.


ISO 100

Shutter Speed: 1/80

Apeture: f/4.0

Questions? Comments? 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 256A Long Beach, CA 90815 Phone 562.985.4867 Fax 562.985.5684 E-mail Web


Canon Rebel XTI w/ Canon 18-55mm & Canon 430ex Flash RAW File

The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.


Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

8 October 2007


Radiohead Saves Us From Consumerism By Guido D’Onofrio ASI Media Advisor


rt is not a commodity; it is not a luxury. Art is essential to human dignity and culture, to the spread of ideas. It uplifts people, provides them with a vision of the future, and inspires societal change. Radiohead has officially thrown the music industry into its death knells by forgoing a traditional promotional campaign for its upcoming album, and letting people name their price for In Rainbows, available for download at on October 10th. Industry insiders interviewed in Time’s October 1st article, “Radiohead Says: Pay What You Want,” explain: “Radiohead is the best band in the world; if you can pay whatever you want for music by the best band in the world, why would you pay $13 dollars or $.99 cents for music by somebody less talented? Once you open that door and start giving music away legally, I’m not sure there’s any going back.” What Radiohead is doing is exciting and revolutionary. For centuries we have accepted as masterpieces, art commissioned by European nobles, art bought and paid for by society’s elite—art, propaganda, advertisements produced for profit with the express intent of extolling to the masses the virtues of a number of anti-democratic institutions and ideologies: aristocracy, monarchy, chauvin-

ism, fascism, communism, capitalism. With In Rainbows, Radiohead frees itself from subjugation by today’s elite, the corporate elite, “The Industry.” You, not society’s elite, are entrusted with determining the value of

Illustration By Andrew Wilson

Radiohead’s art, and nothing stands in the way of you receiving their message. And what’s that message? With the unconventional release of In Rainbows, Radiohead is saying an emphatic fuck you to the profit motive, advertisers, shareholders, and greedy corporate executives—a fuck you to the very core of this wasteful, suicidal, dehumanizing capitalist system propped up by ignorance and fear.

Let us contemplate what ramifications this message of people over profits has for society: What happens when people look beyond profits, beyond self-interest? What happens when they start providing services and contributing ideas simply to advance the human race? What happens when the people really seize control of art, ideas, and the future? The possibilities are astonishing, endless. The music industry executives are right. Radiohead has doomed the music industry’s corporate model. But I don’t think things will stop with music. The movement to re-humanize and de-commodify society did not start with Radiohead, nor will it end with them. It is gaining momentum. The electronic era and the internet have brought on a sizeable increase in the number of avenues for dispersal of truly free, radical (independent) information and there’s an enormous public demand for it. With In Rainbows, Radiohead has ushered in the era of truly free (legal) music. When the art that inspires us becomes truly free, radical and democratic, what’s next to follow in society? You may say I’m reading too much into this. “You may say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.” – John Lennon Questions? Comments? Questions can be directed to: info@ Or comment online at

The Decline of Human Decency By Erin Hickey Managing Editor Everyone is aware of (and has complained about) the rapid increase in new communication technologies over the past couple of decades: cell phones, Instant Messaging, text messaging, Facebook, the list goes on. Yes, the degradation of human interaction has been a common gripe as of late, but what strikes me more is the lack of kindness with which our sparse interactions are conducted. Several months ago, I was riding the metro from Long Beach to Los Angeles when a homeless man—though I hesitate to call him a man, because he couldn’t have been much older than twenty—boarded the train. He made his way to the back, where he sat, minding his own business, until a pair of boisterous twenty-somethings (I’ll call them “Assholes” for brevity’s sake) began heckling him. He put his head down, trying to ignore them, but they only grew louder, telling him he smelled and calling him, and this is a direct quote, “a filthy white-honkypiece-of-trash-cracker” (an insult, which aside from being painfully redundant, made them sound more like racist assholes than the highly superior job-holders they obviously thought they were). As I turned to shoot them a look of disgust, I noticed the young homeless man’s

8 October 2007

eyes, which were averted and welling up with tears. I also noticed my fellow passengers, all of whom were carrying on with their conversations, pretending not to notice The Assholes’ complete lack of regard for humanity, despite having to raise their voices to be heard over them. After several minutes of heckling, The Assholes began to shove the homeless man, who was now hurrying to escape the train. He exited the train at my stop, dashing up the stairs and out of sight. I spent the rest of the night feeling slightly sick to my stomach and thoroughly disgusted with mankind. I realize that this is an extreme example, but it is an incident that has stayed with me for quite some time. The memory of it still brings back the same feelings of repulsion and hatred for The Assholes, and I quite truthfully had to fight back tears while transcribing it. The knowledge that people can be so cruel shocks me, and the fact that it took such an extreme incident for me to gain that knowledge appalls me. Dramatic as it sounds, I feel as if I have lost my innocence. All of the small gestures and slights that I had never perceived as unkind now seem downright nasty and I have begun to look at people in an entirely new light. Essentially, I was reminded of what I have always known: that every single human being, regardless of their race, background,

weight, social circumstances, or even their personality is deserving of respect and kindness. I realize that it is not always possible to exercise this degree of humanity—some people just rub you the wrong way—but it is possible to be aware of the fact that everyone deserves it. As horrifying as my subway experience was, seeing someone else’s blatant display of cruelty caused me to reexamine my own interactions with others. By examining my actions and recognizing the impact they have on other people’s lives, I can attempt to correct them, and by acknowledging the fact that sometimes meanness is an uncontrollable impulse, I can accept the fact that it will never be completely eradicated. So aside from containing several words beginning with vowels, that last sentence didn’t really seem to accomplish much in the way of a solution. But the degradation of human kindness is a problem without a solution. It isn’t as simple as calling someone in lieu of posting a Myspace bulletin or meeting for coffee rather than sending a text. Being aware of your interactions is a step in the right direction, but as long The Assholes are out there—the ones who will torment a person for being poor—it’s looking pretty hopeless. Questions? Comments? Erin Hickey can be reached at: erin@ Or comment online at

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

Slapstick By Derek Crossley Union Staffer Here I am again, late as usual; trying to come up with something to hopefully make people think about more than shopping, school spirit, and alcohol. But to be honest, I have nothing to say. I have this privilege, and yes I consider it a privilege, to share my viewpoint with an audience, regardless of size, and I feel like I have nothing to give. But because I love the attention I’m going to go on anyway and hopefully get it to my (I hear beautiful but have not been able to confirm) editor and grace your Monday morning with my psychosis. And here I am stumbling onto one of my favorite topics: Crazy. We are all crazy. The fact that we continue to live through this futile, but enjoyable, endeavor we call life in itself is proof that we deserve to be fit with the latest, designer straightjacket. But I seem to be drawn to the really really wacko ones. I know this girl that hasn’t eaten, hmm, well, a week ago it was forty-six days so it has to be over fifty now, so let’s say she hasn’t eaten in fifty days or so. That is impressive. That is nuts. She has consumed less than two-hundred and fifty calories in liquid each day. I was suitably impressed. And of course I voiced my concerns but I also had to respect her for it. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She is making a choice to hurt herself. She has always had “body issues” but realizes that and is usually mature about it. But she wanted to test herself again. She wanted a challenge. And who am I to say anything other than, “Good job.” My other friend hasn’t had sex in two-and-a-half years. That may not sound too crazy to some of you, but that’s ridiculous. And worse than that she is almost too-good-looking and I pity any boy that gets caught in her web. Maybe it’s just me but willfully not getting laid for any serious period of time is a sure warning sign of mental illness. And then there’s me: Brutally honest, outgoing, social-phobic, egomaniac, self-loather. Let’s just say I have a hard time making it through the small parts of day to day life, and I’m pretty high functioning compared to a lot of people I know or have run across. The world is a pretty crazy place. People kill themselves over the silliest, melodramatic, things while people with actual problems can endure anything. But that’s why life is so amusing. I can turn on the news and laugh for hours. A presidential debate is better than stand up to me, because there are so many lunatics with so much power. They control our lives and it’s a laughriot. Of course I know I should be offended; of course I should be fighting back. I should try to change something, but I’ve already passed through the point in my life when I have ideals, so I can’t help but slap my thigh. And at least I’m not hungry. Fifty days, can you believe it? Questions? Comments? Questions can be directed to: derek@ Or comment online at




How to Properly Drink a Hefeweizen By Vincent Girimonte

By Darren Davis

Gravity Defying Keg Standee

Jack’s Brews’d Ego

The fact that Darren looks like a man capable of ordering a wheat, unfiltered beer on a guy’s night out is essentially what this argument is all about. You know the type: scruffy yet carefully manicured beard, navy blue sweater purchased from a thrift shop, nose ring and droopy eyes seemingly tired from long nights serving coffee to people of similar ilk. With that in mind, is it really a surprise that such a thing would enjoy a beer with a slice of lemon? Hardly. I cannot trust a person who treats a beer like a cup of tea. Hefeweizen is the piano key tie of beer: it’s okay for that very specific occasion that merits a hint of homosexuality and wackiness. After that, expect to be ridiculed for indulging in something most consider to be a bit too camp for its own good. There’s a world of beautiful, filtered beers for us to consume; drinking any sort of hefeweizen just seems like a futile stab at refinement. Moreover, any beer that accompanies your eggs benedict and fruit cup should be reevaluated and replaced with a mimosa. My high school years were devoted to winning the heart of the classiest and most beautiful girl in my class—in other words, a chick I had no business pursuing. It was only after I left that I learned of her perpetual whoredom, and more importantly, the vast ocean of women on the outside, each more intelligent and gorgeous than the one I had apparently wasted the better part of four years trying to swoon. This is hefeweizen to the beer drinker: that one chick deemed attractive within her close circle of friends, but much less desirable given the greater context of our planet and its variety. I don’t really have any qualms with the idea of wheat beer, or even wheat beer itself. It doesn’t taste that bad, but that’s more a product of hefeweizen tasting more like a juice box than an actual beer. The underlying taste is that of a melon; like kissing your sister, it just doesn’t feel right. We don’t need a commercial declaring “man law” to tell us fruit in beer is always, always wrong. To each his own, I suppose. And if drinking hefeweizen saves Darren a long and awkward talk with Ma and Pa regarding a new young boy, well, I guess it serves some purpose outside battering French fries.

I am just going to call Vince out right off the bat. My dear Girimonte is twenty years old. He has never ordered a beer at a bar in America. He practically begs me to buy him a 30pack of Bud Light every time he and his roommates want to have one of their weekly circle jerks. At the gluttonous feast that is borderline-alcoholism, he sits at the rickety kids table. Where does he get off thinking he can, for a single moment, claim knowledge of the quality of a beer? Shame on you, Vince. While hefeweizen is by no means my favorite brew, I do, from time to time, like my beer like I like my memories of a night drinking: cloudy. hef is a beer you enjoy in relative moderation. It is not a beer you fill a keg with and pour haphazardly into plastic red cups. You do not beer bong it while your friends, fresh from the campus tanning salon, shout “chug!” and simultaneously map a route to the nearest venereal disease. The flavors resonating from wheat beer are complex, and therefore Vince finds them intimidating. You order a hef when you want something to nurse, or when enjoying a good meal. An unfiltered brew does wonders with a fine steak, just as a tall can of Natural Ice completes the accoutrement of a night spent masturbating in front of the Library computers to pictures of Liza Minnelli (in her Cabaret days, to be fair). You do not order a hef when you are looking to sing karaoke. You do not play King’s Cup with a hef. All the shit you would normally associate with the company Vince keeps are void of hef. It is just too much of a beer for my scampering, adolescent friend. Now, let’s talk about the fruit. Not my blonde, dapper opponent, but the lemon (or orange) normally served with unfiltered beer. Vince would have you believe a hef is served with fruit to make it sweeter, to turn it into a Framboise or any other beer your girlfriend orders at a bar to impress your friends. That’s simply not true. The citrus acts as a contrast to a hef ’s bitter undertones. It’s like eating something sweet and then following it with something salty. It takes a complex palate to fully appreciate the polarized flavors. So slow it down a bit, and I’ll buy the next round.

Who Reigned Supreme? Last week’s winner on “Burnt Orange vs. Undercooked White”: Darren Davis, Parking Space Bandit

Don’t Be A Snob: Cheap Alcohol is Alcohol Too By Tessah Schoenrock Contributor O’ the Week As a poor, underage collegiate whippersnapper (did I mention poor?), I have often found myself clutching a wad of crumpled dollar bills, knocking pathetically on my twenty one year-old neighbor’s door begging him to buy me alcohol on Friday nights. Don’t laugh—you know you do it too. It’s equally embarrassing to mumble, “whatever I can get for eight bucks...” when whoever is doing your dirty work asks what you want. Invariably, your dignity gets knocked down a peg or two when your adult friend scoffs at you as he or she adds your bottle of Livingston wine to their snooty selection of imported drafts.

Well, dammit, I’m sick and tired of pretending to be ashamed that I drink 99-cent tall cans and 29-cent bottles of Thunderbird voluntarily. In fact, I think anyone who is going to pay eight bucks for a six pack of Stella Artois just because it’s trendy is seriously, unforgivably mental. I can buy three forties of Mickey’s for the same price! Do you realize how drunk I can get off that? That’s one hundred and twenty ounces of malt liquor! If you can buy enough alcohol to nearly kill a person for eight dollars, why would you ever waste your cash on a label? I know some people who refuse to pay more than five dollars for a shirt, but when the weekend rolls around they’ll hand over a twenty for a single bottle of wine. It makes no sense! It’s always a good idea to bring a little contribution to the party, but

I’m sure your host would be far more appreciative if you showed up with a case of Charles Shaw instead of a fancy bottle of wine you bought for the same price. Alcohol snobbery is snobbery of the worst sort. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that when you’re at the party, clutching your Red Stripe miserably and glaring at me with my giant thirty box of Natural Ice, you’re jealous more than anything else. The defiant “yes-of-course-I’m-having-funyou-ninny” stink-eye and the haughty way you ash your Parliament Light doesn’t fool me: You might have the trendiest label at the rage, but everyone is going to be so hammered off the cheap stuff that they won’t even be able to notice, so you might as well just bite the bullet, face the hangover, and save ten bucks.

A Little Less Red and Blue for a Little More Compromise Do you want to be part of this over-zealous group or its fanatical counterpart? Which side do you want to play on?

By Katrina Sawhney Contributor Most articles I’ve read about politics are just rehashed unoriginal ideas, same as the guy before and the next guy. Sometimes they’re the same ideas but in a different order and that’s supposed to make you a brilliant political mind. Well, I don’t care to tell you about my views on Iraq. I want to talk about politics. Not political positions, candidates or major issues, just politics. We spend our years in the sandbox learning to see other’s points of views as different but not wrong. We experiment with the flavors of glue and ask our friends about the finer points of eating sand. We learn about each other and try and find common ground, perhaps even a compromise. One day you and said sandbox pal maybe even whip up some “Elmer’s Crunchy Smoothies” and find some combination that satisfies and intrigues you both. My point is that we spend time embracing one another and our opposing views believing that diversity truly adds to the world. And then we grow up. Bringing me to this place in my life where I am asked to register to vote. Choose a side.


handle on economics, but the extreme Democrats can border on Communists, which sounds nice and all but only works in small groups. Maybe I’ll be a Republican. Illustration By Erin Hickey Wait, no, Republicans can border on being religious zealots…” And here you are at square one. What the hell!? I just got done with the last set of brain washes where I was supposed to respect everyone’s opinion and see the logic in opposing schools of thought. Now that’s over, choose a wing. It’s like fucking KFC but without the mashed potatoes. I don’t know about you but it seems a little too Red vs. Blue for my book (No, that’s not a Halo reference). I just wonder how much we could get done if we were actually serving the majority of Americans who are not particularly passionate one way or another. Why not cater to the non-extremists? We exist! Why fight the other side and blame them for the lack of progress, when the blaming and fighting itself is so time consuming and counter-productive? The political system could use a logic lesson, I’ve decided. I don’t want to play these childish games Another half-assed attempt at democracy...Get it? of one party pitted against another—at least not So you say to yourself: “Well the Democrats have some nice until we bring back the sandbox mentality with a little less ideas about equality, and the Republicans seem to have a glue and a little more compromise.

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

8 October 2007


Riposa Speaks, Defends Tough Decision By Vincent Girimonte


NEWS You Don’t Know

But Should By Chris Barrett Science Guy

Squatting: Totally Feng Shui

News Director

erry Riposa, Dean of the College of Liberal Arts, made his CLA had been willing to pay off the debt in the past, so why decision to discontinue paying the annual debt amassed the sudden snub? by the Daily 49er last month, shortly thereafter dismissing His alleged conversations with Dr. Babcock dispute this powJournalism Department chair Dr. William Babcock, and has since er trip reasoning, however—conversations that he says served as maintained a relative silence on the ensuing controversy. It’s not dif- warnings alluding to the eventual denial of funding in September. ficult to see why, either. Riposa has been the target of numerous as“I had had this conversation [regarding the future of the 49er] saults, both published and rumored, with many of the mudslingers with the department chair off and on for two years,” said Riposa. being employees of his department and/or staffers for the 49er us- “Last spring, I told him in no uncertain terms, in a polite way, I ing the “Our View” like a didn’t feel as though that it was appropriate for the College of Libbullhorn. Then again, eral Arts to solely pick up the cost overruns when the paper had pushing a publication to been moved out into university space; there was a contradiction the edge of a cliff doesn’t to me.” As there was to Bradley Zint, editor-in-chief of the Daily lend itself to making 49er, causing him to remove the “independent” stamp sitting atop friends. his newspaper at the beginning of this past semester. Following Riposa’s He added that he is in no way “predisposed” as to how the feasibilunpopular announceity study will materialize. “We have not ment, a feasibility study hired anyone. The only thing was proposed in hopes that I’ve done is that of discovering the posI’ve suggested that a sibilities outside of the feasibility study is 49er’s current method of appropriate when printing. Riposa claims we are looking at this is by no means a different options or statement of his preferalternatives.” ence to end the paper as The alternatives many is, but simply an option expect to be proposed ineach department utilizes volve some form of integrated when numbers return in media, whether it is a comthe red. pletely online publication “One of the alternaor a twice-a-week print tives that has drawn a edition in tandem with a lot of heat was taking the subscription Internet ser49er and converting it to vice. When asked if the a completely electronic 49er was sustainable in newsletter,” said Riposa from its current print-only his office early last week, a Che state, Riposa was iffy on Guevara poster ominously loomthe matter at best. ing over an office of cluttered “It depends,” he said. books and papers. “I never said “It’s sustainable if the that this was an option we were paper draws support from looking for or we wanted.” across the university.” At this Riposa, who has been servpoint, that remains a major hying as Dean for nearly seventeen pothetical. months, was accused of makWait, how much? ing a slapdash decision in The original tally concerndeclining to compensate the ing the 49er’s debt was marked Illustration By Victor Camba debts of the 49er, one critic callbetween $20,000 and $30,000 per ing it a “totalitarian” move. The removal of Dr. Babcock from his year, as noted in an article published on the Daily 49er’s website, position as department chair only added fuel to this fire. circa September 17th, 2007. This, according to Riposa, was a sub“I think that some of the editorials went too far,” he said. The stantial underestimation. fact that his tenure as Dean has been fairly short-lived was played “The fact is that we have been supporting the 49er every year at an elevated frequency, especially by those loyal to Babcock. Ri- in cost overruns and particularly in the past four years, it has run posa understands their gripe, but would like to assure his detrac- anywhere from $35,000 to $54,000.” tors that he was completely unbiased in his maneuvering. “I think Riposa did not see the progression he had been hoping to ignite the criticism was that I was arbitrarily going to impose some kind with his talks to Babcock, forcing him to make a decision for his of radical change on their news medium, and that I hadn’t looked college. “I can’t, in good conscience, spend money that I think can into it, and that I was uninformed. This is just not true.” be better used somewhere else.” The Daily 49er’s money issues have inevitably led them back to the students, and eventually back to President F. King Alexander. I can’t, in good conscience, The proposal floating about is a four-dollar student fee, very similar to the failed referendum voted down in the spring of 2006. Alspend money that I think can be exander remains adamant against the fee increase as an executive better used somewhere else. order, saying the vote was effectively a contract with the students to not increase their fees. Riposa agrees, but also believes the 49er is perfectly within their rights to campaign once again, this time with -Gerry Riposa more conviction. He does, however, warn against the precedent a Dean of the College of Liberal Arts defeat would establish. “They also have to understand that if the students vote again, But perhaps those in opposition were right in disapproving: the College of Liberal Arts had been footing the bill for several a second time, then that’s probably going to be a definitive no on years following the paper’s transition into independence. Re- the fees.” Questions? Comments? gardless of the weight of their argument, many in the JournalQuestions can be directed to: vince@ Or comment online at ism Department feel as though his decisions were brash. The

Michael Townsend, the leader of a group of eight artists living in Providence, Rhode Island, has recently been arrested for trespassing in Providence Place Mall. Townsend, who constructed an apartment above a storage space in the mall, had lived there on and off for four years. Townsend, a selfproclaimed “professional public artist”, said that the apartment was part of a larger project called Malllife which documented every detail of the mall and its role in commerce and the surrounding community since the start of the mall’s construction in 1997. Townsend was initially to be tried for breaking and entering, but after it was demonstrated that the doors to the storage area through which he entered were often left unlocked and ajar, the sentence was reduced to the non-criminal conviction of trespassing. After being sentenced to six months’ probation and fines, Townsend admitted that his only regret was that he would be unable to complete the project, but the work he has completed has not been confiscated and much of the project’s video footage is available online.

Non-Radiohead News Jammie Thomas, a single mother from Minnesota, decided last week to be the first of over 26,000 people sued by the RIAA to not settle her case. The RIAA sued her for sharing 24 songs online, seeking $220,000. Thomas, who incurred over $60,000 in legal fees by refusing to settle, claims she never downloaded or uploaded any music and says she refuses to be bullied. Her steadfastness was not rewarded on Thursday when she was found guilty, costing her nearly $12,000 per song and finally setting a precedent in such file-sharing cases. This has led to outrage among many who claim that recording labels are just being greedy. Not so much for assuming each song was downloaded over 9,000 times, but for pretending pieces such as Godsmack’s “Spiral” and Destiny Child’s “Bills, Bills, Bills” have $9000 in value to take away.

Iran’s PR director Still in Coma This week, Iran’s president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad warned, “Do not make another fake lie out of our nuclear dossier, such as the Holocaust,” and suggested that Israel’s Jewish population be relocated to Canada or Alaska. This comes after his declaration last week that the US Army is a terrorist organization and there are no homosexuals in Iran. Though it is not certain when he’ll cease making such comments, the US Army predicts it’ll be pretty soon.

Mon. 8th Tues. 9th Wed. 10th Thur. 11th Fri. 12th Your Weekend Hi 81° Lo 57° Hi 78° Lo 56° Hi 76° Lo 58° Hi 76° Lo 59° Hi 75° Lo 59° Sunny Same Shit Different Day Again?! Oh wait... 8 October 2007

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

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Quote O’ The Week

“Jim... F***ing... Harbaugh.”

My buddy Adam, who studies at Stanford University, about his school’s victory. In case you live under a rock, Stanford and Coach Harbaugh beat USC this weekend.

49ers Rely On Identical Defenders Twin freshmen defenders bring World Cup experience to 49er defense. By Sergio Ascensio


Staff Writer

his year’s women soccer squad features many fresh faces. Two of them sport identical faces with identical smiles. Get used to them. Freshman twins Grace and Caroline Shevlin are two of seven prized recruits for the Long Beach State soccer team. The freshman class has proved to be an intricate part of the squad’s success so far, and will be for years to come. “I think these freshmen are another piece of the puzzle,” said head coach Mauricio Ingrassia. “Our goal is to become the next West coast powerhouse.” It is clear that the twins will play a big role in propelling the Long Beach State program to the next level. Ingrassia admits he has had the twins on his recruiting radar for a long time. He first met them coaching from the opposing end since the twins were “10-11 years-old.” The Shevlin twins celebrated their 18th birthday three weeks ago. But their game is mature beyond their years.

Less than a year ago, Caroline and Grace were donning Peruvian National Soccer team jerseys. They were invited back for qualifying matches after an impressive performance in the South American Women’s Under-20 Soccer Tournament in Chile. Being twins does not make it any easier to make the squad. Both had to prove themselves by marking Marta—arguably the most dynamic soccer player in the world. The Brazilian star, fresh in all soccer fans’ minds after schooling the U.S. team in the semifinals of the Women’s World Cup last month, had a tough time getting by the Shevlin line. It was one of the best team efforts shown by a Peruvian squad. The twins are eligible to play for Peru because of their mother Graziella’s Peruvian citizenship. “I know everyone in the family is very proud,” said Graziella. “Not everyone gets an experience like that. And when they go out and play, everybody [family in Peru] in the house watches. We are very proud of that.” Back in Long Beach, Grace had started all 12 games this season before injuring her ankle in the 49ers’ conference opener at Pacific. Caroline has started eight games. Even their personalities are very similar. The Shevlin twins both seem to have a trigger-happy laugh, plus an ease and sincerity that meshes well with the rest of the

fun-loving 49ers squad. Daughters of chemists, it only makes sense that the twins follow their parents’ career line. Actually, the twins are still undecided about their majors, but are almost positive it won’t be chemistry. Grace admitted she thought about kinesiology, but changed her mind after learning it required extensive chemistry classes. There is no team chemistry lacking on the Long Beach squad, according to assistant coach Wendi Whitman, who said the twins only add to the team’s family atmosphere. “Everyone is really helpful,” Caroline said. “This is like a new family. All the upperclassmen support the freshmen that came in. They knew it was difficult for us so they help us out a lot.” Then there is the support that they share with each other. There was never a point when they thought of going to separate universities. How could they? There hasn’t been a day where they haven’t seen each other. “Yea, that’s kind of weird,” Caroline said with a subtle hint of shamefulness. Good luck trying to tell them apart, unless you catch them in their soccer gear. Here are some helpful hints: Caroline wears number 21 and Grace is number 13. However, if you randomly run into them in the LBC, “She has bigger cheeks—I guess,” said Caroline of her sister.

The left and right sides of the defense: Grace + Caroline.

“And she has freckles on her nose,” Grace responded. Coach Ingrassia knows them by numbers, hair and their favored leg. Caroline will usually wear a regular ponytail or bun, while Grace wears the ponytail braided. So what do they do? Switch hair-dos and shorts. “They have fun with us,” Coach admitted. “Me in particular.” Maybe that’s why their mother avoided dressing them exactly alike. Now they both wear the same uni and colors on the regular—Black and Gold. “We want to grow as a team,” Grace said when asked about her goals (no pun intended) on the soccer field. “We want to show who Long Beach State is.”

Daily Specials

Happy Hour! Monday-Friday 3pm-7pm

Monday: $2.00 fish tacos, $2.00 Bratwurst, $9.95 Chicken & Rib Dinner Tuesday: $5.95 Half Chicken with 2 Sides Wednesday: $7.95 Meatloaf with Vegetables & Potatoes Thursday: $10.95 BBQ Rib Dinner with Baked Beans & Cole Slaw Thursday and Fridays are College Nights!

JOIN US FOR NFL and NCAA Football ACTION! Bloody Marys & Irish Coffee

140 Main Street • Seal Beach • (562) 430-0631 BREAKFAST LUNCH DINNER 6

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

8 October 2007

What’s Worth a Watch on Free TV? Where we let you know what to watch and what not to watch


Chuck has received a lot of criticism for being similar to another new show, Reaper. I haven’t seen Reaper but I have seen Chuck and I can honestly tell you that he’s the hottest computer geek I have ever laid my eyes on and if that’s not enough of a reason to watch it, then I don’t know what is. Okay, it’s entertaining too. Chuck Bartowski is a normal guy working with the Nerd Herd at his local “Buy Lots.” One night he receives an email from his old college buddy, and when he opens it he manages to download all of the government’s secrets—into his head. And wham—overnight he becomes a government operative. Sure, it’s a tiny bit far-fetched, but it’s entertaining, dramatic and funny. -By Ashley Marie Weis

Mondays: 8pm NBC

Cavemen Tuesdays: 8pm ABC

Really, I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t quite understand how I tuned into a show about cavemen that was inspired by a short-lived series of Geico Auto Insurance commercials. Possibly the first high-concept television show based on what could maybe be referred to as a high-concept ad campaign, Cavemen is pretty much what one might expect it to be—a half-hour long Geico commercial. The sardonic Nick Kroll is probably the only thing that makes this show tolerable; his dry wit and sarcastic cracks barely function as the glue that holds this tepid show together. This show would work a lot better if it were funny, and weren’t about cavemen.

-By Sean Boulger

Wednesdays: 10pm NBC


Wednesdays: 9pm The CW

Gossip Girl I have found out what’s wrong with the world: Gossip Girl. As far as the proverbial pool of life goes, this show is shallow; it looks more like a proverbial puddle. The plot is soap-opera style and at some point everyone will have slept with each other. With luck, the show will be cancelled before the world is cruelly subjected to incest-sex of Jenny and Dan. But while everyone is still doing each other’s boyfriends, the simulated sex is the high point. The girls are hot and stylish and the guys, probably gay, are so very attractive. Before you have to change your pants, consider this: the twenty something actors portraying these rich socialites, are supposed to be, at the oldest, high school juniors. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of true stories of rich socialites a la Paris and Lindsay and not really interested in fictional ones. If your IQ is similar to my chihuahua’s, who runs full force into mirrors, then I would like to revoke what I have said thus far and say instead: “Boy have I got show for you!” -By Katrina Sawhney

What do you get when you have a cop that has been falsely imprisoned and tries to start a new life in the precinct? A copycat cop drama. Detective Charlie Crews has been locked up for twelve years and tries to start anew (with fifty million dollars compensation). That seems to be the only difference from every other cop drama out there. While trying to solve other crimes, he tries to solve the crime that put him away. While this show does not stray away from the predictable storylines and sexual tension between employees of other cop shows, there is a possibility that that it will be around for a while. Overall, the show is good, but not great. It’s a new series, so obviously there’s a chance that it will improve as the show progresses. -By Kathleen Rodil

Everyone has been anticipating this year’s brand new television series Pushing Daisies. But is it really that good? Hell yes! With a truly unique premise and intelligent dialogue, Pushing Daisies competes with every favorite this season. Ned, a pie baker, can bring the dead back to life with one touch. With two catches: they can only be alive for a minute or someone within the area will die and if he touches them again, they are dead for good. With his business partner, he goes out and solves murders by bringing them back to life and asking them who killed them. Ned finds out that his childhood sweetheart has died. He brings her back to life only to keep her that way. Daisies with its quirky characters and great storylines, proves to be this years new TV obsession.

-By Kathleen Rodil

Pushing Daisies

Wednesdays: 8pm ABC

Desperate Sundays: 9pm 30 Rock ABC Thursdays: 8:30pm NBC Housewives The season premiere featured “SeinfeldThe drama has begun—at least on Wisteria Lane. Susan is pregnant, Lynette revealed that she has cancer and Edie didn’t really die— which means Carlos is never going to be able to take off with Gabrielle. This really doesn’t begin to explain the plot and this show just came back on. It’s exhausting, and it appears to get cheesier and cheesier with each season. But millions of people all over the country, myself included, are hooked. That many people can’t be wrong. Plus it’s nice to know that even wealthy, middle-aged housewives are just as crazy as the rest of us. -By Ashley Marie Weis

8 October 2007

Vision” which included hits like M.I.L.F. Island and Are You Stronger Than a Dog? as well as Seinfeld shamelessly plugging his own movie (plugging is an understatement). And in typical 30 Rock style it was all worked into the plot. Liz Lemon and Jack are back, and word on the street is that this season will feature fewer guest stars than the last. I’m not worried though. Seriously, if you haven’t seen this show yet you need to. They make fun of NBC like Family Guy does with FOX. You can’t top that. -By Ashley Marie Weis

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper


Wine was first made 8,000 years ago in Mesopotamia. That's before biblical times! There are over 10,000 varieties of wine grapes worldwide. Egg whites are commonly used to remove suspended particles from wine. Take that vegans.

The term “honeymoon” comes from the Babylonian tradition of a newly-wed groom getting all the honey wine he could drink for four weeks at the bride’s father’s expense. Of the twenty types of oak trees used in barrels that age wine all must be grown for over 100 years before they may be used, and even then only 5% is usable for aging high-quality wine.

BEYOND BUD & TWO-BUCK CHUCK: A salute to the sophisticated side of college drinking. The Science of Wine Traditionally, wine is made from fermented grape juice because its sugars, acids, and enzymes are naturally balanced for fermentation. Wine may also be made from other fruits such as apples and berries, in which case it is referred to as fruit wine or country wine. Fermentation is carried out by yeast added to the grape juice, which converts the fruit sugars into alcohol. Different categories of wine result from the choice of grapes. Varietals such as Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Merlot are made entirely from one variety each of the European grape species Vitis vinifera. Blended wines are made from a blend of grape varieties. Hybrids are made from the genetic crossing of two grape species, one of them usually being Vitis vinifera, but often kosher wine is made entirely from North American grape species such as Concord grapes. Within these categories, red wine results with grape skins left in the juice during fermentation, and white wine results without. A vintage wine is made from grapes grown in the year it is dated. The differences in specific wines of the same type are determined mostly by the soil chemistry, climate, elevation, slope, and topography of the land on which the grapes were grown. These, along with the yeast, finishing process, and aging process, comprise the terroir of the wine, which provides it’s final flavor.

California Wine Country at a glance


When it comes to American wines, Napa Valley usually tops the list of almost all wine conneisure. Being America's premier wine producing region as well as being recognized as one of the major wine regions of the world, it isn't surprising that nearly five million tourists visit the region every year. Robert Mondavi Winery, Silver Oak Cellars, Opus One, The Hess Collection, Beringer Vineyards, and Diamond Creek Vineyards; the list of big name vineyards goes on for days. Napa is acually separated into fourteen different subappellations, or American Viticultural Areas, making it easy to see why each area can produce such distinct characteristics in there wines. The Cabernets, and Chardonnays produced in Napa are consistently among the worlds greats, and are usually among the most expensive, as well. But even after all the tourists, money, and travel time, Napa is a wine lovers Shangrila. Napa is a must visit destination for anyone intent on expanding their knowledge of grapes, or really just wants to have one hell of a weekend. The Sonoma County is another rich wine region with nearly two hundred and sixty vineyards very near Napa, offering some of the best Chardonnays, Pinot Noir and sparkling wine that California has to offer. A vastly diverse range of topography, including numerous small valleys with distinct microclimates, the Russian River and the Pacific Ocean all characterize the region. A moderate climate with a cooling maritime influence, Sonoma, Mendocino, Monterey, and Santa Cabernet Sauvignon: Pinot Noir: Many refer to Cabernet Sauvignon as the king of Pinot Noir is a finicky grape. It only grows in the Barara Counties all embody ideal and diverse grapegrowing weather.

The Quintessential Quartet

red grapes. Perhaps that title is due to its ability to grow worldwide in a number of climates, or to the fact that it produces wine with such character yet such diversity. Either way, this grape is responsible for some of the greatest wines in the world. Some typical Cabernet Sauvignon descriptors are cassis, cedar and currant.

right climate, with the right soils and care. It is also essential in Champagne, where it is one of the three main grapes of creating Champagne and sparkling wines. Pinot Noir from France gives flavors and aromas of red fruit, summer pudding and baking spices. Pinot Noir from Oregon and California typically exude stronger fruit intensity, some wine able to reach a high Chardonnay: Like Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay can grow level of complexity, structure and age. just about anywhere. It adapts well to different Syrah/Siraz: soils and different climates. Popular Chardonnay Syrah and Shiraz - same grape, different name. sites include California (just about everywhere), It's a popular and adept variety, growing in mulOregon, Washington, other US states, Australia, tiple regions and creating many different styles South Africa, South America and New Zealand. of wine. Syrah has made a big splash in AusCooler climates like New Zealand and Chablis tralia, Washington state, Southern and Central lead to crisp, acid-prone wines, while warmer cli- California. Typical aromas and flavors include mates like Southern California and Australia fos- pepper, blackberry, leather or smoke, fruit flater riper grapes that create heavier wine leaning vors, and some being even jammy. towards tropical fruit flavors.

The commom misconception is that Sonoma and Napa counties are the only worthy wine producing regions of the left coast. But all one has to do is travel down PCH for a few hours and endulge in Southern California's rich wine culture. Starting all the way south in San Diego, numerous wineries are less than an hour's jaunt from Downtown. If you find yourself in the mood for a rustic mountain town, then look no further than Julian. Six wineries are within walking distance from each other, almost all of them offering up daily tastings and fine dining. But where Southern California is really making its mark is in the city of Temecula. Temecula Wine Country includes over twenty wineries, many of them being award winning wineries such as Falkner Winery, Callaway Coasstal Winery, and Wilson Creek, just to name a few. But not only does Temecula shine when it comes to qulity of their grapes, but Temecula is still virtually unspoiled, boasting some of California's most beautiful scenery. Set amongst rolling hills, vineyards as far as the eye can see, and Mount Palomar off in the distance, Temecula creates the perfect surroundings to enhance a day of sipping and sunbathing. While in Temecula do not miss an opportunity to eat at any one of the on-site resturants, and if you can manage to step away from the wine for just a few hours, Temecula offers some of California's most pristine and challanging golf courses.

Grilled Chicken Pasta w/ sundried tomatos

Marinated Steak and fresh Vegetable Kabobs

Sesame Seared Tuna w/ wasabi dipping sauce




2 boneless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch cubes. 1 onion, chopped. 2 garlic cloves, minced. 1 teaspoon fennel seeds or more. 1 carrot, peeled, cut into matchstick-size pieces. 1/2 cup chicken broth or white wine. 1/4 cup finely chopped sun-dried tomatoes. 6 ounces linguine, freshly cooked. 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. Spray large skillet with cooking oil spray. Add chicken and saute over mediumhigh heat. Add onion, garlic, carrot, and fennel seeds. Saute until onion is tender, adding chicken broth as needed to keep vegetables from sticking to pan. Stir in sun-dried tomatoes and rest of broth. Continue cooking until carrot is crisp and tender (about 5 minutes). Mix together pasta, chicken mixture, and Parmesan cheese




A delicious everyday wine. It's soft tannins, and ripe fruit flavors give most Dolcetto wines the ability to match very well with many different foods, especially chicken. Also Inexpensive.

1/2 cup butter. 1/4 cup lemon juice. 3 tbsp. chopped fresh chives. 1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce. 1 tsp. prepared mustard. 1/2 tsp. salt. Dash pepper. 1 yellow and green pepper. 12 mushrooms. 12 cherry tomatoes. 6 sm. onions. 2 lb. steak cut into 1" cubes. Combine first 7 ingredients in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil; reduce heat and simmer 5 min. Set aside 1/2 cup sauce. Use remaining sauce for basting. Cut green peppers into small squares. Place each vegetable on a separate skewer. Place beef cubes on three skewers. Cook only beef and onion kabobs over high heat for first 10 min, basting with sauce and turning often. Add green peppers kabob to grill, brush with sauce, cook all 10 min. Add mushrooms and tomato kabobs, brush with sauce and cook all 5 min.

Cabernet Sauvignon:

California Cabs are often some of the most sought after wines in the world. A Cab will hold up to the strong flavors of the beef while complimenting the flavors of the veggies very well.

1/4 cup soy sauce. 1 tablespoon mirin (Japanese sweet wine). 1 tablespoon honey. 2 tablespoons sesame oil. 1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar. 4 (6 ounce) tuna steaks 1/2 cup sesame seeds wasabi paste, 1 tablespoon olive oil. In a small bowl, stir together the soy sauce, mirin, honey and sesame oil. Divide into two equal parts. Stir the rice vinegar into one part and set aside as a dipping sauce.Spread the sesame seeds out on a plate. Coat the tuna steaks with the remaining soy sauce mixture, then press into the sesame seeds to coat. Heat olive oil in a cast iron skillet over high heat until very hot. Place steaks in the pan, and sear for about 30 seconds on each side. Serve with the dipping sauce and wasabi paste.

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper


Tuna is delicate when cooked correctly, thus the delicate nature of a Chardonnay won't overpower the flavor of the tuna, while cutting the wasabi dipping sauce's intense kick.

8 October 2007

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. In Germany, so in Old England, when customers got unruly, you can buy the bartender would yell at them to mind their beer popsicles. own pints and quarts and settle down. It’s where In Fairbanks, we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s.” Alaska, it is Drinking a bottle of beer a day helps to reduce illegal to give the chance of kidney stones by 40%. beer to a moose.

The average American annually consumes 47.3 gallons of soda, 26.5 gallons of coffee, and 23.1 gallons of beer.

The oldest document known to man is an ancient clay tablet depicting the preparation There are more breweries in the of beer for sacrificial US than any other country in purposes, inscribed in Babylon in 6000 BC. the world.

The Science of Beer


Beer is/was the first mash-up, as that is the base of any bomb brew. There are four major parts to getting beer from the plants to your party. The process of mashing makes the mash, a mixture of water and starch, convert that starch into fermentable sugar. After it is brought to a delectable temp and left to stand for a while, key enzymes break down into long dextrins. These are a group of lowmolecular-weight carbohydrates produced by the hydrolysis of starch that is present in the mash into glucose and etc. Sparging extracts wort, the product of the mash, which is then diluted with water. Rinsing wort from the grain in the mash allows more to gather. The leftovers are usually discarded but not always. Although, weaker wort means weaker beer... and who wants that? During boiling, the water that was added evaporates, leaving only the sugar. Hops are added to extract wort’s bitter flavor/aroma. Fermentation absconds with the yeast and changes the sugars from the wort into alcohol and carbon dioxide (a.k.a. carbonation) which can also be added later artificially. And after all of that loving craftsmanship, the beer is ready to be bottled, shipped, and enjoyed by you!

California Breweries at a glance


For those thirsty wayward souls bound for Northern California, there are a couple of breweries you should stop at to quench your thirst with some tasty brews fresh from the source. As you begin your trek up north, you should swing by San Leandro to visit the boys over at Drake’s Brewing Company where they’ll brew you up a bottle of their award-winning Drake’s IPA. Enjoy the hoppy goodness as this golden India Pale Ale leaves its mark on your sophisticated palate. Venture a little farther north and you’ll find San Francisco’s Anchor Brewing Company hard at work on their next tasty concoction. The drink of choice here is their Anchor Steam, a deep amber brew with a rich, satisfying flavor that is the end result of decades of hard work and American innovation. Pop into E.J. Phair Brewing Co.’s Alehouse in Concord for a tall glass of their year-round Marzen, a German-style amber lager brewed with eight different malts and virtually no bitterness whatsoever. Healdsburg’s Bear Republic Brewing Company’s Brewpub and Restaurant offers a wide selection of ales and lager, with their signature Red Rocket Ale standing ahead of the pack with its unique blend of grains and malts, which result in a flavor not meant for the faint of heart. Finally, what trip up north would be complete without a visit to the Sierra Nevada Brewing Co. in Chico? With a cornucopia of brews awaiting any beer snob, Sierra Nevada’s most popular beer, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, leads the way with its fragrant bouquet and spicy flavor that aims to satisfy.

So-Cal Southern California is home to a plethora of fine microbreweries hard at work crafting liquid joy for millions. Luckily for us, we have two such breweries right in our very own backyard. Belmont Brewing Company, located in Belmont Shore, offers both an amazing selection of beers and the perfect beachside environment to enjoy them in. Enjoy your tasty beverage there or take it to go in one of their 64ounce schooners. Another nearby brew house is Rock Bottom, on Pine and Broadway, perfectly located for a fine night on the town no matter what the occasion. With their six signature beers brewed on-site it’s hard to come away without a shit-faced grin smeared across your face. Torrance’s Angel City Brewing Company offers a wide variety of brews for every kind of beer snob within the Los Angeles area. The lager to look out for from this brewery is their Angel City Dunkel, a rich dark lager, reminiscent of a porter or stout, that goes down smooth. Finally, the promised land for any beer lover is the Stone Brewing Company located in Escondido. With their World Bistro and Gardens there is no better place on earth to enjoy a fantastic meal perfectly prepared and tuned to accompany one of their many stellar beers. The vast selection of their beer menu alone is enough to make any drinker get down on their knees and worship the gods of Stone Brew.

India Pale Ale:


Traditional porters and dark ales, commonly drunken in England, were notorious for their short shelf life on long, hot ocean voyages, often being spoiled by bacteria. In response to this, colonizing agents developed the India Pale Ale, the beef jerky of beer, for the long voyage and for the fellows exploiting India by upping the alcohol content and hops (which kill bacteria). Nowadays, IPAs are more common in America where brewers have perfected the art started long ago. Sierra Nevada and Stone breweries produce great examples of a fine IPA.

Stouts represent the heavyweight of the beer world, the thickest and darkest brew, reminiscent of the grog of our fore-fathers. It was developed in England but made famous by Guinness in Ireland, the largest stout producer in the world. Although always intense in flavors (thanks in part to the roasted malt and barley) and unique in style, stouts can range in alcohol content from 4-12%. The Stone brewery Imperial Russian Stout is at the forefront of the modern day stout market, but no matter what stout you try, make sure you get a proper pour to unlock the complex flavors.

Dark Ale:

Barley Wine:

Black beer, amber ale, brown ale, and so on. Most every beer that doesn’t fall into another category here is a type of ale. They are brewed using barley malt and topfermenting yeast, but the magic is in the care and ingredients that the brew master uses. Most ales world-wide escape easy classification, they are extremely common in every beer-producing country, and the variety itself is astounding. To this day, new ales are developed by innovative breweries, such as the unparalleled Corsendonck abbey ale from Belgium and the various seasonal beers on rotation in most fine beverage stores.

Clear, amber, and pretty much devoid of carbonation, a barley wine is technically an ale because it is brewed with barley rather than fruit. Besides that, though, barley wine belongs to a world of its own. The deep, hoppy flavors tend to be just bold enough to cover up the strong taste of alcohol (8-12%), starting fruity and ending on a bitter note. Also like wine, barley wine like Rogue’s Old Crustacean is often aged for years before its market release to hone the distinct flavor and temper the alcohol, creating an easily accessible taste for the connoisseur and casual drinker alike.



Developed before time immemorial in Plzen, present day Czech Republic, the various names are well known, lager, bock, pilsner, light beer, and so on. It’s beer at its base—barley, hops, yeast, and water. It’s that Milwaukee’s Best you drank last week and that Stella Artois later tonight. Lager, although not the original beer of the Bible, has become the archetype for beer in the world. Every country looking to produce a light, drinkable beer inevitably creates a lager, usually around 5% alcohol. Trying a local lager is the first step in learning the culture.

The name says it all: Hefe, or hops and Weizen or wheat (yeast is a given). This is a unique beer, brewed by substituting the grains, barley out, wheat in. The resulting brew is often served unfiltered, a dense yellowish color, often sour and always served cold in a glass. It is also known as witbier (like Belgian style, Blue Moon) or white beer. It is most common in Germany where it is seldom served with the usual lemon. In Germany it can also be found in Kristall (filtered) and Dunkel (dark) varieties such as those from the Paulaner brewery. Hefeweizens are summery and go well with light food and hot days.



The number one beer in the world, Westvleteren 12, comes from a brewery in the northwest corner of Belgium. This brewery is one of only six Trappist breweries, all in Belgium, owned and operated by the monks of the Trappist order. Each one brews about three beers: a light beer (not American light, just not heavy beer), a dubbel, and a tripel. The alcohol content ranges as much as the complex flavors present in this expertly crafted beers. The blood of Belgium, Trappists have spent centuries coaxing an entire nation to social alcoholism with their ambrosia.

This type of beer is completely atypical in that it is the only beer brewed with spontaneous fermentation in the civilized world. The enzymes in the air and the wild yeast (as well as tainted barrels) will cause the beer to ferment in a manner that leaves it bitter and without hops—this is called gueuze. When fruit is added during the fermentation process it becomes a lambic. The most popular is kriek, or cherry (try Lindemans Kriek) and has a fruity but not overwhelming taste, although many fruits from peach to banana have been used.

Single-Serving Coffee Liqueur Tiramisu

Tinfoil Baked Rosemary Salmon

Caramelized Onion and Pepper Chicken




1 package lady fingers; 1/2 Cup strong coffee/espresso; 2 oz coffee liqueur; 2 Cup mascarpone cheese; 1/2 Cup powdered sugar; 1/4 Cup cocoa powder; 1/4 tsp cinnamon Paint the ladyfingers with coffee combined with the coffee liqueur using a pastry brush. Line 4 martini glasses with a single layer of ladyfingers, letting the cakes overlap a bit at the stem. Press the cakes down a bit to fit the lines of the glass. Beat cheese and sugar together 2 or 3 minutes. Spoon sweetened mascarpone into glasses. Top glasses off with a cap of the ladyfingers. Use any remaining mascarpone to dot the ladyfinger tops and sprinkle each glass with cocoa powder combined with a touch of cinnamon.

8 October 2007

4 salmon fillets 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1/2 tablespoon dried rosemary 1/4 tablespoon fresh ground pepper Imperial Stout:

No single beer screams dessert like a stout does. On its own it would be filling enough to serve as the end of a meal, but match it with anything chocolate or coffee and you'll be in heaven.

Mix the olive oil, lemon juice, and rosemary. Place each fillet on a square of tin foil, smothering them in the mixture—the more the better. Spoon fresh ground pepper on top and fold the foil over, creating a pocket for each fillet. Throw the foil pockets on a cookie sheet and bake at 350° for 5-10 minutes depending on the thickness of the fillets. Serve on a bed of basmani rice with a small salad dressed in a light balsamic dressing.

Dry Porter:

Salmon's a bit heavier than most fish, so you'll need a beer that's a bit heavier than a hef or a pilsner. But not too heavy! A dry porter will give you the perfect balance for the perfect meal.

6 Tbsp balsamic vinegar; 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves; 3 tsp olive oil; 2 large onions, halved and thinly sliced; 1 Cup canned chicken broth; 1 Tbsp refined all-purpose flour; 1 carrot and 1 red bell pepper, both cut into thin strips Pour vinegar over chicken breasts, turning to coat well. In a large skillet over medium heat, warm 2 teaspoons of the oil. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally until onions begin to brown. In a skillet, warm the remaining oil over medium-high heat. Drain the chicken and add to the pan, cooking about 5 minutes per side. While chicken cooks, add broth to onions, and cook until most of the liquid has evaporated. Stir in the flour, carrot, bell pepper, remaining 3 tablespoons vinegar, and cook until the pepper and onions are tender and caramelized (about 10 minutes).

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper


Anything goes pretty well with chicken, but a light pilsner goes better than just "pretty well." If it's a pilsner night, stick to white meat. Drumsticks call for an amber ale.


Elvis is Titanic

(Not That You Asked): Random, Exploits, and Obsessions

by Ian Klaus

By Steve Almond

Knopf 256 Pages $24.00

Random House 304 Pages $21.95

Reviewed by Christina Duenas

Reviewed by Philip Vargas


s you open the book you may not know what to expect after you find several letters to Oprah Winfrey staring you in the face, but don’t worry, it’s all good. If you’ve gotten three sentences into the book you’ll find delicious satirical writing awaiting your enjoyment. Not that you asked, but Steven Almond has done it again as he brings us a new series of essays that explore all of the things that have impacted his life: as a boy, an author, and as a father. Steven Almond is a writer that many may never have heard of but need to read. (Not that You Asked) is the latest addition in a literary career that has spawned such works as The Evil B.B. Chow, Which Brings Me to You, and the New York Times bestseller Candyfreak. Almond has a way with words that immediately snags your attention and doesn’t let go until the final word has been devoured. The title describes what the bulk of the work consists of, an interesting collection of random rants and embarrassing moments ripped from the author’s past. Every word splattered on the page, believe it or not, is completely true, with the exception of a few names changed in the process to protect the loved ones in Almond’s past. There’s a little something for everyone no matter what your tastes might be. For the Literature elitists, there is a segment dedicated to Almond’s obsession with one of the greatest literary geniuses of our time, Kurt Vonnegut. If sports are your forte, then you’ll be able to relate to the author’s role as the Red Sox Anti-Christ and his

fanatic following of the all-American game. Even if words really aren’t your thing, Almond talks about something that everyone can get into…sex. His most embarrassing sexual experiences, ranging from prepubescent masturbation to his first pair of fake tits, are retold to an unsuspecting world that vicariously relives their own sexual misadventures through Almond’s tales. At times Almond’s rants do seem to run on for a little bit longer than they should, but just as you begin to lose interest, he pulls you back in. The best part about the format of the book is that you can literally pick up from anywhere and never lose a beat because there really is neither a beginning nor an end. Overall, (Not that You Asked) is a book that you should pick up if you find yourself in need of something to lighten up any dull day.

This book is not about Elvis, nor is it about the Titanic. It is the true story of a man, Ian Klaus, who decided to teach at Salahaddin University, located in Arbil, Iraqi Kurdistan. He taught a class filled with Sunni Muslims, who spoke Kurdish and knew little-to-no Arabic, American history and English. Klaus tells the reader what he taught his class about American history while he informs the reader of the social, economic and political history of the region he worked in. He also explains what significant events took place during his time teaching and how they affected the students and the rest of the population. Klaus goes into great detail about what he taught and how his students were receptive to it. He describes his attempts to teach his students America’s foreign policy decisions, the impact of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Christianity, and freedom. He also mentions his teachings about Hemingway, the Americanization of the world, and social barriers. The reader gains an incredible insight as to what Iraqi students knew at that particular time, what they wanted to know and what they were taught. Klaus also takes the time to describe the differences in each student with regards to what they asked and believed in. Every student had the willingness to know and comprehend the

ideas and concepts of the Western world. They wanted to understand the actions of America in the past, present, and how they would affect the future. Klaus explained how his views and perspectives of the world differed from his students and why and how they were different. He proceeds to describe the differences in choices, opportunities, language, income, and religion that affected those differentiating viewpoints. Klaus also writes about the generalization of people and how it has affected society and why it should be stopped. This was really a great read that delved into a situation that does not get spoken about very often: how people from other countries, especially students, perceive America, Americans and what America represents. This a good book for any Political Science student interested in the representation of American History in other countries and anyone else who actually has the time to read.

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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

8 October 2007

Photos by Drew Ressler

Final Fantasy

The Troubadour West Hollywood


Doors at 8pm Sunday, October 28th

Owen Pallett is the genius responsible for the string arrangements on both of the Arcade Fire albums as well as the new Beirut record (which has been getting more than its fair share of exposure in this publication). Pallett’s unique live show involves just him, his violin, and a whole lot of really cool on-stage looping and editing techniques. Your mind will explode.

Nocturnal Nirvana


Tegan and Sara

Orpheum Theatre Los Angeles


Doors at 7pm Monday, October 29th

The Quin sisters are still basking in the soft, pop-ish light of their sophomore album The Con. They now seem poised to bring their Grey’s Anatomy-friendly songstressing to us just in time for Halloween. Here’s a costume tip for the show: Throw a couple jars’ worth of pomade in your hair and slick it straight downward to quickly and easily turn your Tegan costume into a Sara costume.


Henry Fonda Music Box Hollywood


Doors at 8pm Tuesday, October20th

Don’t know where to get your drugged-up techno-funk fix? At a Battles show, where top-notch simultaneous-keyboard/guitar-playing is demonstrated by Tyondai Braxton and Ian Williams as the human drum machine, John Stanier pounds away. While the tweaked vocal loops spin the room, the infectious rhythm and innovative sounds will imprint themselves on your subconscious.

The Polyphonic Spree

Henry Fonda Music Box Hollywood


Doors at 8pm Friday, November 2nd

To be honest, if you’re in anything less than an extremely cheerful mood then I would advise against going to this concert. You just might punch the person standing next to you square in the face and we can’t be responsible for public fisticuffs. If you are in a good mood, however, please go and enjoy seeing seventy performers on the stage at once.


Review by Kayla Crow and Robert Masucci

rom the second I exited the 101, I was immersed in an ocean of trance music, bright neon colors, fantastical characters of all sorts and—perhaps best of all—an overwhelming air of good tidings. Many would assume that I had just gotten one hell of a contact high from the hash-cloud hovering over the 13th Annual Nocturnal Wonderland Festival on the night of Saturday September 29th but my windows were actually up, and I knew that the sudden euphoria I was experiencing was indeed very real. The pounding bass from the turntables of Paul Van Dyk, the Chemical Brothers, Benny Benassi, Christopher Lawrence and over 100 other DJs rattled the city blocks surrounding the intersection of 8th and Figueroa in Downtown LA. Not to mention the eardrums of over 20,000 beautiful people. Simply rolling into the parking structure offered a testament to the magnitude and utter brilliance of Nocturnal Wonderland. From atop the structure, I scoped out the moving mass of colorful people down below among the various tents, stages and booths sprinkled here and there with hundreds of glowing lights. Walking down to the ground floor, I encountered a number of characters from various Dr. Seuss books, the Village People and keeping in tandem with the event’s Alice in Wonderland theme. I don’t think there was a single alarmed car in that structure that remained silent the entire nine hours of the event. After waiting in line and being molested by security guards at the gate, the high-rise buildings piercing the night sky above witnessed my awe as I entered. The vivid colors from the neon lights and lasers painted psychedelic designs on the easel of huge tents scattered around the four main stages. The carnival rides illuminating the night reminded me of the church festival back home. Vendors were busy selling clothes, glow products, music, and the all-important water bottles and Red Bulls. My initial reaction, “Wow,” was spoken out loud. The relentless techno music coming from all directions had all but drowned it out. Everywhere surrounding me was the Southern California rave community, the people dancing and grooving who live for nights like Nocturnal Wonderland. The ravers, the gangstas, the kandy kids, rollers, the half-naked people, the transvestites, the promoters, and of course, the DJs who are the reason why nights like these exist. DJs like Paul Van Dyk. The Grammy-nominated Van Dyk headlined the event as part of a promotional world tour for his latest album In Between, released in August. All in attendance practically dropped what they were doing to see Van Dyk’s set of trance and progressive house. The four years I’ve been listening to his albums did no justice to the way he moved us that night. It was no wonder why all of his tours sell out, why he has headlined so many major music festivals, and why he has been named “World’s No. 1 DJ” by DJ Magazine. Even more uplifting and energizing than the music and the dancing that night was the overall vibe of unity, love for all and carefree feelings. Hippie as it sounds, I could walk up to any stranger and give them a free hug or light show with my glowsticks. They wouldn’t have

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

been weirded out by it. No one had a bad attitude or was unfriendly. Best of all, I felt like I could truly be myself at Nocturnal Wonderland and not have to worry about looking stupid or having something to prove to others. Being a two-left-footed, pale and skinny white dude; I am understandably “dancing-challenged” and admittedly a little self-conscious in some nightclubs. At Nocturnal Wonderland though, I could flow with the music and express my own individuality. That, the sharing of positive vibes between thousands of individuals, is what made Nocturnal Wonderland so fulfilling. Furthermore, Nocturnal Wonderland was not as shady as mainstream news media in recent years has made out similar events to be. As this was my first experience at a rave, I was slightly cautious after hearing about what give raves such a bad reputation. There were no kids inhaling Vicks through gas masks, no getting jabbed by sharps in the crowd, no gang shootings or police raids. Of course, I’d be lying if I said that no one was rolling (using ecstacy), but I’d also be lying if I said that detracted from the experience. I was able to stay sober the whole night (I had to—how the hell else would I remember enough to write this article?) and still enjoy myself. Illicit activities are the choice of the participant and should not put the event to blame. I left sometime in the middle of the night. Flying down an empty freeway at night with the windows down and the techno up is something that I’ve always loved, that’s given me a sense of freedom. As I left Nocturnal Wonderland, the time was teasing me and reminding me of the electric escape I had left behind. It will continue to do so every time from now on. That is, until next year. You want more music? Then get your sweet ass over to the online music section, and enjoy yourself at our expense!

8 OCTOBER 2007

The Boss, The Rogue & The Bedroom Stars

Bruce Springsteen


Magic Capitol

In Our Bedroom After the War Arts & Crafts


Bruce Springsteen is a man I have come to love and The vast ocean of sound at the beginning of track one on In admire throughout my college years. I love his lyrics, the Our Bedroom After the War had me worried. It was expansive, it was otherworldly, and it was everything I didn’t need from a Stars sound of his music, what he represents, and how he repalbum. Then, like magic, a sagely voiceover (eerily reminiscent of resents himself. His music has the ability to change lives Stars’ last album’s overture) soared above the noise to announce and continue to be relevant through changing times. some seriously Stars-ian Pop Destruction. I breathed a sigh of reNot many musicians can accomplish that. lief as my ears warmed to the glow of Stars’ old sonic playbook, Springsteen’s new CD Magic comes after The Seeger now with just a little bit of genuine glee to balance their usual Sessions, Devils and Dust, and The Rising (his post-9/11 sombreity. The nitpicking side of me was happy to hear that Evan anthem of hope). The whole album has a sound that Cranston’s elegantly understated bass-playing was as present as resembles The Rising, but its tone is much less seriever, and the sappy side of me was equally dizzied by the harrowous. “Radio Nowhere,” the first single off of Magic, is ingly emotional ballads and melancholy love treatises. So if you’re a good/catchy song. “You’ll Be Comin’ Down” is also like me, and find yourself enjoyably ashamed byRecords your own emogreat, and is one of the songs that reminded me of The Polyvinyl tions then you should have a fantastic time listening to this album. Rising. Standout tracks include “I’ll Work for Your The overall aesthetic is upbeat without being rushed and takes Love,” “Last to Die,” and “Livin’ in the Future” (which extra care when leaping into and out of soft sing-along moments. resembles the sound of the songs on The River). Two My personal recommendations for losing one’s shit to lyrics are of the songs are too slow for my taste and two others I “Personal,” “Barricade,” and “In Our Bedroom After the War.” really didn’t care for. “Personal” tells a tale of 21st century courtship through posted Loving the music of Springsteen’s yesteryears, I expersonal ads and exchanged emails then segues into a rejection pect nothing but the best musically and lyrically from so shitty it may question your faith in mankind. “Barricade” is the Bruce. The fact I hold him in such high regard makes story of a man who falls in love with a woman with a compulsion my expectations that much higher. A fan wants to see for rebellion (or is it soccer?) and the unbearable strain it puts on their favorite musicians or bands progress and venture their romance. How can you not fall for the line (sung so sweetly into new territories without forgetting the music they by Torquil Campbell), “Oh, how could anyone not love the terpreviously created. Bruce manages to stay true to his rible things you do? Oh how could anyone not want to try and sound, but only gives the listener a few songs to be imhelp you?” The title track is no less beautiful; although it finds pressed with. its themes split between an actual war and a warlike failing relaMagic is simply a compilation of good songs. I liked tionship. The idea being that even if these conflicts end poorly, at it, but I didn’t love it. For someone who is unfamiliar least they’ve ended. Of course, it has the best line of the album: with Bruce, Magic should not be the first introduction “Wake up, say good morning to that sleepy person lying next to to his music. A Boss fan should get this CD to hear what he has to offer this time around, but Beach should also realize Long Union Wklyit 8 If there’s no one there, then there’s no one there, but at least the war is over.” won’t be a monumental addition to their collection.

-By Matt Dupree

-By Christina Duenas

Rogue Wave Asleep at Heaven’s Gate Brushfire


The other day, I was joking around with a friend about what genre Coldplay falls into, and whether or not “white noise” is an actual genre. I can now put that argument to rest because Rogue Wave’s new album Asleep at Heaven’s Gate makes it very clear that white noise is not only a genre, but an entire musical movement. The album’s cover best approximates what is inside it: you have no idea what your senses are taking in, and what you can understand is blurry, ugly and dark. In short, it’s art house bullshit. The worst sin this album commits is being boring. It isn’t soothing, exciting, or profound. It’s just seventy minutes of some indie punk moaning into a mic. Not having intense musical skill or a normal singing voice is fine if your lyrics are clever and layered enough to garner a second listen though. Of course, upon listening to the album for a third time, I wasn’t entirely sure that they were speaking English. Briefly, I felt bad. Maybe they’re like Ladytron or something where half the album is in Bulgarian. Nope, they’re from America; they just chose not to speak anything resembling a language—for an entire album. Enunciate, motherfucker! I know you have it in you! The only line I can hear with any certainty is “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” Great, an entire album and all I can hear is a Star Wars reference. This isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Not by a long shot. The best thing I can say about this album is that it reminds me of a lot of other, better songs. That doesn’t mean it’s good, mind you, but if you need to listen to a boring version of The Shins or whatever, then this album is for you. For the most part, Asleep at Heaven’s Gate is formless, meaningless pap.

-By James Kislingbury

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8 OCTOBER 2007

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper


Los Angeles Gets Its Swerve On


he Swerve Festival brought an eclectic mix of film, art and music to the Barnsdall Art Park in Hollywood, September 28-30 for three days of free (or at least relatively cheap) thrills, all while raising environmental awareness. “One of the trademarks of West Coast creative culture is the cross pollination of creative disciplines—art, music and film are interrelated and overlapping,” said Festival Director, Jonathan Wells,

“this is the first festival to celebrate that.” Created by Fuel TV, the film portion of the festival kicked off with the US premiere of the feature film Surfwise. Overall the film segment of the festival included five feature films, 20 diverse shorts (more than half of which were international) and 20 music videos. However, the majority of the action at the Swerve Festival could be found on the main lawn. The most popular attraction

was a free T-shirt silkscreen station. People could get up to three designs by artists featured at Swerve and have them placed however they wanted on the navy T-shirts provided. The line was 40people long most of the time I was there. On the other hand, there was one booth so desolate I could have swore I saw a tumbleweed roll by. In an effort to encourage people to go green a group called Global Inheritance had stationary bikes hooked up to generators to charge electronic devices. For some reason breaking a sweat in the Hollywood sun for a cell phone charge wasn’t as desirable as a free T-shirt. The biggest exhibition of art at the festival was a collection of recycling bins which was appropriate for the environmental push. Another collective area of art was found near the main stage. Ten 15-foot pin-wheels with 6foot wheel spans stood facing away from the stage toward the surprisingly pleasant view of the Hollywood hills. With the light breeze Saturday afternoon the windmills would start and stop so you could catch glimpses of the artists’ mixed-media creations between spins, most of them were bold and bright. The music at Swerve ranged from Indie rock bands like Snowden to the hybrid Brazilian hip-hop/electonica group Bonde

Do Role. A total of 14 bands played, all for free except for the final show. Swerve closed the award show with the Brooklynbased trio We Are Scientists, who are described in the program as “a three-tusked mastodon. A triple Mohawk.” Enough said. This was the inaugural year of the Swerve Festival but the PR guy seemed weary of the phrase “first annual.” As far as reaction, the reviews are mixed. “It feels very corporate,” said Colin, a festival-goer. When I asked for his last name he told me to spell his name “coL” and gave me his Myspace (as if this was a totally normal way to answer). He explained that it didn’t feel organic but rather that the creators were trying to make you experience everything a certain way, and that’s not what art is about. It was easy to see that Swerve had to be a very expensive endeavor for the sponsors. Like “coL” said, it may have been a little too corporate for the likes of the young, artistic, indie, Los Angeles crowd. But I have to give Fuel credit, underwhelming patrons who aren’t even paying is no small task. Then again, after every interview I did ask each person if they felt like they “got their money’s worth” and they all said yes. For film clips, additional photos and information go to

Creative Arts

By Cynthia Romanowski

The Union Weekly Is asking you to


Send in any doodles you’ve drawn in class and we’ll them for the world to see! Send all Drawings Long Beach Union Octprint 8 to by October 25th. Art Work By Jesse Spears, Photograph By Cynthia Romanowski

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Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper


[Random Reviews] On Lovefest in Frisco

Want to review something random and see that review laid out as strata? Submit your writing to the Jewish world bank control room in the center of the earth or

By Katie Reinman Friday night I found myself in a car, making an eight hour drive from Long Beach to San Francisco. A couple of friends and I were on our way to Lovefest, which included a street parade, floats blasting loud music and, of course, a dance party afterwards. The entire event took place at the Civic Center, right on the steps of city hall. People of all ages came to the event, and most were in costume. It was almost as if there was a contest to see who could come up with the most outrageous, boisterous, outfit, or who could wear the least. People were not shy when it came to exposing themselves on the streets of San Francisco—I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many nude older men.

Each float in the parade was themed, such as the pink fuzzy float, or the “Love Bus”, and all were equipped with their own DJs and sound systems. Most of the people there came for the music and the party. You could walk from float to float, and each had its own crowded dance floor. The entire square was packed with people and the grass was completely occupied as well. One of the locals commented on how it was one of the biggest public events she has seen in the city. This was probably due to the fact that the entire thing was free. Overall, Lovefest was, well to say the least, an experience I will not be forgetting.

On the USU Comment Board By Anonymous Is it just me or is the USU comment board the funniest fucking thing since the internet? If you are not familiar with the “Waahh!!! Board” as I will coin it, it is located on the second floor of the Student Union near the entrance closest to the escalator. The Comment Board takes comments from you, the associated students, and replies to them in a professional manner. Why is this hilarious? Because people complain about the most ridiculous friggin’ things possible. “There’s too much sex and violence

on TV” complains one student… I mean seriously. Why would you make this complaint to the USU? What the hell are they gonna do about it? Not to mention the fact that I would argue that there is not ENOUGH sex and violence on TV. If you do not read the comment board, you should. If you are one of the people who writes in comments for the comment board, I cast a LOL in your general direction. If you feel like a laugh, or just want to be assured that you are smarter then some of your peers, The USU comment Board is for you.

On Karaoke Audiences By Dylan Little I’m not one to toot my own horn. I don’t have delusions of being an opera singer. But still, when I karaoke, I put my soul into it. I’m not one of those kids who meekly eke out some Boyz II Men song and giggle at themselves all the way through. I sing to be heard. Unfortunately, no one seems to be listening. I mean, what the fuck? Are you too busy doing your nails or ordering drinks to give me a little eye contact? It’s not that hard, just look up and look at least a little amused. No standing ovation required, no panties need to be thrown on stage, just show some interest. Of course, it would be one thing if the crowd was just indifferent

the whole night, but no, the very next guy gets up there and does some shitty Puddle of Mudd song to cheers the whole way though. Yes, Puddle of fucking Mudd. How the audience could be feeling THAT and not, say, the White Stripes or Bowie, I don’t understand. I think it’s safe to say that THEY have a problem, not me. Trust me, I’d love to gi ve the audience the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I just blew their collective minds with my excellent song selection. Maybe the mic cable came loose. Maybe they all had laryngitis. But deep down inside, I know the answer is that they are just uncultured swine who can’t muster any enthusiasm for someone baring their soul to them. And that’s sad.

On Booze, Bud, and Books By Michaël Veremans How many times have you stumbled home after a hazy night of drinking and smoking only to find that that reading assignment for tomorrow’s class didn’t take care of itself in your absence? Pretty much every night, I know, but it’s not your fault! Books have been known for years to be very lazy things, often sitting about in the thousands, loitering in places such as libraries and IKEA living room setups. They tend to be written by dead people and have a particular knack for reminding you that you can’t focus your eyes after a few glasses of beer, wine, and whiskey. They can also cloud


a student’s mind, which was just seconds ago expounding on the merits of joints versus pipes (joints vaporize as well as burn marijuana). On the bright side, consuming a book while under the balancing-act influence of alcohol and THC will leave the sleepy reader with excitement anew the next day when they re-read what they thought they had gotten down-pat between bong hits. Although life is short and books are long, I think I’ll keep trying, although if reading gets in the way of getting krunk, Dostoevsky might have to get cut from the team.

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper

8 October 2007

Koo-Koo & Luke By Jesse Blake

Ask Father Holey

[Comics] Sad Truth Comic By One Too Many last week’s crossword & sudoku

Crossword puzzles provided by Used with permission.

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Girly-Girl By Christropher Troutman

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Drunken Penguin Presents... By James Kislingbury

Do you like Comics? Send them to editor Victor Camba: Or drop them off at the Union office Student Union Office 256a

8 October 2007

Long Beach Union Weekly • The Students’ Newspaper




Local Man Refuses to Buy Reading Glasses

Across the Universe Director to Ruin Journey Songs Next

See Stop Believin’ page 3


Zac Efron Named NAMBLA Boy of the Year

That Dude Gay: Rolling Stone cover used as currency in most American prisons.

Off-season Ballet Training Painfully Obvious



See See“Dis Fall Into is a Pretty a BookBaby!” page 2page 13

This Civil War Reenactment Seems Pretty Inaccurate to Me By Alex Archebald GRUNION KNOW-IT-ALL

While I wasn’t actually alive during the United States Civil War, the reenactment currently unfolding in front of me just seems wrought with historical inaccuracies. Now, I’m not one to complain, but I can tell you that General Lee never owned a walkietalkie like the one I just saw him use, that’s because walkie-talkies hadn’t been invented yet. I’m just saying. And also, Abraham Lincoln was not present at any of the battles where General Lee was also there, that’s pretty well documented. I mean, it’s not like they were friends. Someone could have at least flipped through a history book while preparing for this event, if that’s what you want to call it. More like charade if you ask me. Oh, and the real Abraham Lincoln could grow his own beard and wouldn’t have been taking photographs with tourists, partly because the cameras they have are so advanced that Lincoln would have, in all probability, tried them for treason and then shot and jailed them, or some combination of both. Wait, wait, and wait. Is that Gatorade? Are

they drinking fucking Glacier Freeze Gatorade? Honestly, this is just plain obscene. A reenactment is not a picnic, it’s not badminton and watermelon, this is real life! Or, at least a reenactment of real life. A lot of people died, man, a lot of peopl. Show some respect, you know? That’s all I’m saying. And really, this reminds me a lot of the Renaissance Fair, where one of the jousters was wearing a knee brace. It just really shows a lack of commitment. Just plain laziness, I mean. I’m just saying. And even though the Springfield muskets being used by both the Confederate and Union forces appear, at least from this distance, to be of the correct barrel caliber gauging and also butt length, then they have to go and screw it all up by using aluminum ramrods. Aluminum? Really? Why don’t they just bring an F/A-18E/F Super Hornet, fighter jet onto the battlefield? Actually though, that would be pretty cool. I saw one you know, last year, at the Burbank air show. The pilot let me sit in the cockpit and everything, and I have like 12 hours logged towards my pilot’s license

Area Woman Misses Stalker, Revokes Restraining Order By Earl Grey GRUNION BLOOGWHALE

Dangerous Pliesons: Fans get a good look at Boston’s distended pink sox.

Boxcar Children Upgrade to Subway

Mass Transit Mystery: Floppy hats also useful for impromptu panhandling sessions.

Garden Grove, CA- This past weekend, college student Jessica Workman removed the long-standing restraining order she had placed on former janitor Glen Perk, the man she claims stalked her for two years, stating that a recent breakup has caused her to miss the attention the 56 year-old Redlands native had shown her. “I don’t feel pretty anymore,” said Workman, who did look like she had put on a few pounds since her sociology professor, Brian Lundergan, ended their 2-month-long relationship to spend more time with his wife and kids. “Even though Glen used to do some Perk (Above): Having a rough couple of years. creepy stuff, like spy on me in the campus bathrooms and masturbate on my front lawn, he really knew how to make a girl feel wanted. It will be nice having him break into my house and steal my used tampons again.” But Jessica would soon be disappointed. Perk, who was jailed in 2005 for trespassing and indecent exposure, said he had long since moved on from Workman, and had taken up stalking freshman Natalie Mottola instead. “Jessica who?” Perk said late Saturday night via a pay-phone outside of the Mottola house. “The blondie with the rack? Yeah that’s ancient history. Sorry to disappoint, baby, but I’ve got younger fish to sniff.” This did not bode well with Jessica, who, upon hearing the news of Perk’s indifference to what she called “a sincere gesture,” began sobbing uncontrollably and ate an entire quart of Häagen-Dazs ice cream. “This is fucking ridiculous,” she said in between sobs and giant mouthfuls of mint chocolate chip. “My stalker doesn’t even want to fuck me anymore? What does a girl have to do? What do I need to do to get a man to look at me again. Blowjobs!? No strings attached! Just tell me I’m beautiful, newspaper man.” In the interest of full reporting, Workman then began touching this journalist in ways deemed too “freaky-deaky” for explicit explanation by the editorial staff. Let’s just say there were no regrets. Sometimes an opportunity falls straight into his lap. And as Perk so creepily stated, “You’ve got to get while the getting is good.”

so I was able to talk with him about the plane. Yeah, I think he was pretty impressed with my aero knowledge. I have some pictures at home that my mom took of me in the cockpit. They didn’t have a helmet to wear, but I have one at home too, so I know how to wear it, I wear mine all the time, it’s pretty cool. Actually, thinking about it, that air show was way better than this Civil War reenactment. I wonder when the next air show around here is. Hopefully soon. I could totally bring my pilot’s helmet from home and get a picture in that Super Hornet. Man, that would be totally sweet.

A Moment with Pete Carroll By Pete Carroll GRUNION CAUCASIAN

A big ol’ sun was shining down on me a few days ago when I was trying to parallel park my Corvette in front of the ol’ Golden Spoon, forcing me to return to the fundamentals I hold in my heart like a running back holds the ball running through the line. You must read the situation. Right hand behind the passenger seat, twist your head, scan the rear, and BAM, hit the steering wheel with a stiffarm and guide the vehicle into the empty space. Woo eee life can be broken down in fundamentals, and I’m telling you straight right now, life is better lived with fundamentals and the occasional line of cocaine off your running back’s cock. Some might call me a pure fundamentalist of non-religious specifications, you know, because I hate all religion except Hedonism and football. Woo ee baby, let’s fuck. When I entered the ol’ Spoon, I ordered my usual: extra large cake-batter with sprinkles and Heath bar to keep me in peak form. The little girl asked me if I wanted anything else, catching me flat-footed, the receiver breaking wide right towards the pylon. I stumbled, “No,” and hustled on over to the register. You gotta keep that guard up, no matter where you might be. After the Spoon, I headed over to my girlfriend’s to get my weekly perm and sperm. Oh she’s just a delicious woman, and she was really anxious to see me, let me tell you. Jamal was already there when I arrived, loosening up her goalposts for the old poodle. We ran right through the defense, tacitly driving through her holes until… Touchdown, Poodle! Fundamentals, baby.

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A Solute to Sophisticated Drinking