AN INVITATION TO READ & REFLECT
Dedication coming soon
ain falls onto the ground and I lay in discomfort, sick from something. My mind isnâ€™t clear and no sun in my soul today. The clouds hang over my mind not knowing what or where to go. I sit back listening to the rain falling outside my window. No one to call. No one is calling; I am better off that way. Sometimes it is okay to be left alone. Peace around me is wondering what the week has ahead. Life is a big test and studing is what we need to do. Watch from example as many people do. Others lose control and they never forget who is doing it. Life is content. I need more than what I want.
BETTER WITHOUT YOU
nsure of where to go in life; what is important to me and not to you? Walking alone with no one next to me is fine but most days it would be nice to look over and see you there. I saw you one day. I was confused as to why you showed up without notice. Honestly, I was emabarrassed, uncomfortable to say the least. Why did you stop in? I am unsure of the past, conviced of the future. Memories are good but mostly bad. You annoyed me and I know I annoyed you too. You hid behind yourself afraid. I donâ€™t know why. At this point I donâ€™t care, I use to until hell broke loose. What am I to think now? People talk. Should I be sad or ticked because you walked away without a reason once again? I am left to wonder like I am in a game played by me against all of you. Rules are set by you and you break them. I try to follow yet I am left standing alone. I am not a loser and yet not a winner. What games is it that you played? What was the point of your game play? Explain yourself to me for once. I want to know. Why were you to enter my life? I was finding good but not including you. You should have never stopped. Once again I am a joke, a joke you tell well. Someone told you to play a joke otherwise why not just walk away and never to look back? Why did you do it? What did you gain?
Con’t • BETTER WITHOUT YOU I lost my focus for a day; thank God it wasn’t as long as before. I collected the pieces from before, glued held up just like the last time. You lost me a long time ago. Your words and actions lost me in translation. Where was your heart, lost like your mind? Life is better. You sucked the life out of me once. You can’t do it again. People said you were strange; you sort of were. You enjoyed too much about you and never gave back unless it was about you. I am fine where I am and I don’t need you. You stay where you are. Sucking life out of everyone who will let you. You had a moment of my time; my hand felt your spirit as you walked away. Reality hit. It felt good. Life is better for me when you are not in it. Life goes on. Other things are on my mind. You have a space in my heart and no place else. My mind is focused and not on you. I don’t need you and I can live without you. I am still confused and I will never know why; I will always assume the worst from that day. I have more to do than sit around thinking of you. Nothing is more important, especially you. I know I can sleep knowing I am over you and walking away is the best thing I knew I could do. Life is full of ups and downs. I know I can carry on without you.
ndependence, I learned from my grandpa. “Reputation can’t be bought but can be lost” as he would say. “You don’t need wants but need to live. A roof over head and clothes to wear, food to eat and a car to drive, a job that pays is more than most have.” I am pretty damn lucky as my grandfather watches over me. He provides me with his whispers, his voice is clear. I hear: “Do you want or do you really need?” I walk away a little more ahead. I realized my needs are more than what I want. Times ahead will provide me with my wants. Being independent and working hard as I focus on getting my life right. Wants will be a way to celebrate when my needs are taken care of. You are your own person and you owe yourself more than what you want your needs are. As my grand father would say, “It is more for you to have then to regret a want you no longer need. Walk in your life with what you need and your needs should be right. Your wants will someday come but till then enjoy what you have. As needs come and go and wants never stop.” Relate without a doubt, seeking is hard when finding what you need is something you don’t want. You are stronger, bigger than you know. You walk along a line all by yourself. You stay steady till a breeze causes you to step off. You work hard for everything you have. Yet you get little credit for what you do have. Someone is trying to blind side you causing you to lose what you worked hard to do.
ou haven’t been hugged for years. Years have gone by and no one seems to care. You stress on your own and no one comforts your aching heart. You put up a front; shows are what you do best. Pretend to others until you see your face; mirrors don’t lie as you stare into your eyes. You see your spirit glaring back to you. You know you have a sweet kind spirit as the child within hugging herself. You wipe the tears away telling your inner child you are ok. The sadness you see, the scared look in the eyes you know so well. Going back into time seems like the right thing to do. You wonder why this inner child has reappeared now. You wonder what it is, the comfort you don’t get. Not from others but yourself. Why punish yourself by treating yourself as if you don’t care? Take a leap with your inner child. Hug yourself as you need at that moment. Give to yourself the love, care and sympathy and understanding you deserve. Love you as there is nothing wrong with whom you have become. People come and go; stay true to who you are. No matter who hurts you and why. Seek and find your happiness. Nothing will stop you if you give yourself the hugs and love you inner child deserves. Walk beside him, talk with her, and take the time to get to know yourself. Do you know who you really are? Take a look in the mirror and study the spirit in your eyes. Look deep into your soul. Seek out the inner child in you. MIRROR REFLECTIONS
MAN IN THE MOON
itting and gazing into the moon. The glow shining below as it is capturing the emotion of the night. The wind is brisk as the sound of crickets set the mood. The moving water in front, can you imagine the peace? The wind is soft like skin of oneâ€™s face. Just like sudden breathless. Moment stared into the water. Daydreaming about the fantasy movie as scripted in my mind. The music plays softly in the image my mind has. I am my own star lead, the director of my own movie. Capturing people I choose to cast. Casting someone who sits next to me, facless horse-man. The comfort I feel sitting arm to arm. With my eyes closed from real to fantasy. I can control my dreams. Lose control of my reality. I turn my head facing the faceless man. He lays his arm around my shoulders as he pulls me closer to him. My head lies on his shoulder as I inhale the scent of him; I am paralyzed. He is soundless. No needs for words. The moon reflects from the water, the crisp air gives coolness to skin. I allow someone else to take control. His hand takes my hand; he has soft skin, gentle touch he holds with no force. Leaves and branches sway with the wind. The sound of the water relaxes the heart; the mind has no stress. I find someone else that cares; taking control, taking care of me. I can just sit and daydream as this faceless man comforts. As I sit my eyes flutter open, the moon light blinds me. I turn where the man once sat. No more comfort.
Conâ€™t â€˘ MAN IN THE MOON My heart yearns for this faceless man who took my hand and put me into my own dream? I stare to the moon trying to remember. Gave myself permission, freed myself. The man gave me a chance to feel who I wanted to be. Only in my dreams, only in the movie I direct. He made his exit; left me sitting once again, alone. Feeling so close and feeling alive. Waiting right here with him. Forever I am alone. All I wanted is to have him hold me close. Almost believeing this was not pretend. So far we are so close. How can I face a day alone? How could I lose you now? We are so close reaching the happy ending. Believing this was not pretned, but I am dreaming. So close, and yet still so far and the scent of him will be all I know. I sit for what seemed like enternity unsure of what the next step I should make. My thoughts race back to the moment when I felt so close; my stomach aches. I was so close and he was here. My eyes opened and he was gone. How to face the day I was to lose you? We once were so close, we could have had a happy ending. So close and yet still so far.
ou sit alone day after day. Moon is full; no one to share. Stars twinkle above, somewhere you see it too. My heart searches and I am having a hard time finding when no one is found. I wonder when. Why not now? I sit alone, I think I once knew. Warning signs shined; I wanted to be blind while everyone said things I didn’t want to know. Why couldn’t you be real? You’re the deal that I could have won. Years have past you drifted in and out. In my mind it felt so real. Like a connection so deep I could not understand. Yet to this day we prayed; yet it wasn’t enough. I tried a different life so I stepped back into mine. We are too much alike; needing the same needs. We are desperate for someone, someone different than us. You have desires I can’t understand. People our age, you don’t know how to react too. You rather mentor people less than half your age leaving your time too limited. I cared too much. You cared just not enough. Life is too important to sit and do nothing. Why sit and play when you can gain so much more when you can open your heart? Why can’t you let go of what is holding you down? I think of you often wondering what I did wrong and where it could have been different. I am scared to start fresh not knowing what to give. It is not easy to open up to be who I am. I struggle to be emotional; crying is not something I do. Your strength you have to be alone and to be on your own; something I can’t do. Words where exchanged. Feelings where hurt because we wanted the same in different ways.
CONFUSED WITH YOU
he waves across the lake. Moving rapidly, wind is blowing, ducks are flowing against the waves as our lives did. Our paths crossed not on purpose we were meant to meet, but why? Why are we to know each other? What was the reason? Why where you and I meant to go through the trials, adversity life brings us? What was my purpose to know you? “Are you a blessing?” I ask myself. “What was it I must learn from you?” “Was I a blessing to you?” “What was it that you where to learn from me?” I ask. It was in black and white, seeking, wanting someone to know, to spend time with. You came along with someone saying to me “go for it.” Seeing you last night, it has been some time. Chatting with you nothing seemed to change. Confused at my thoughts, not sure what to do. I didn’t plan for this; I am left with no control. You surprised me asking me to meet. Focusing on the road ahead as I am unsure what to do now, what step to take; small or big? Life is so complicated when you have no control. When you expect it, it is taken away. Not sure where or what do when everyone is telling me what to do. There are no fans for you, no one cares; they don’t like you. The pain you caused in their eyes are unforgiveable. It is easy to know who your friends are when they stand up and protect. They see you make more then one mistake they stop you twice in a row.