issue440 Feb2011 y.month
E V O L
February is the month of Valentines, hook ups, break
through the airwaves that it makes you want to up-chuck a box of candy. You go around talking up the joys of being single all the while looking for your next future ex. Fear not loyal Source readers whichever way you swing we’ve got you covered. We’ve got music lyrics that’ll make you doubt that poetry still exists, tips on perfecting that online dating profile and if you’ve found Mr or Ms Right (now) we’ll tell you where to lay back and think of Queenstown. Beyond the love we’ve got other stuff in this issue that you’ll, um, love. The gig guide is full of goodness, the C-word reminds us to love Queenstown and the good folks at Greenpeace remind us to love the whole damn world too. Summer + Queenstown + all you good peeps, you gotta love that!
ups, roses and candy. It’s about quiet achievers, love song clichés, expectations, disappointments and broken hearts. That’s why this issue of The Source is dedicated to love. Love lost, love found, love kept and the love of lust. If you’re all loved up February is an awesome month - frilly underwear, at least one night out to a restaurant you can’t afford and the chance to drop a week’s wages on a bunch of flowers that won’t last ‘til the 20th. You get the chance to tell your sweetie they rock your world and they had you at hello and shit like that. For those playing singles, February sucks. It’s filled with sappy couples looking longingly into each other’s eyes and enough romantic pop-culture floating
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• It is a matter of record that Canadian porcupines kiss one another on the lips. • Cleopatra used to dab perfume between her toes before meeting Mark Anthony. • Experts insist that the average person falls in love 7 times before marriage. • 9,000 couples each year take out marriage licences then fail to use them. • 10,000 marriages a year are directly linked to romances which begin on coffee breaks. • The longest kiss listed in the Guinness Book of Records lasted an incredible 417 hours. • The price of a new bride in Jamestown, USA when the English first settled was 120 pounds (or 54kg) of tobacco. • Men who kiss their wives in the morning live 5 years longer than those who don’t. • People are more likely to tilt their heads to the right when kissing.
Technology has played a huge role in romance. The telephone enabled dates to be arranged without face-to-face contact and the car extended the range of dating and backseat sexual exploration. In the mid 20th century, the advent of birth control as well as safer procedures for abortion changed the equation considerably and there was less pressure to marry as a means for satisfying sexual urges. It was possible for people to live together without marrying and without having to deal with children. Modern technology is making couples less romantic than ever, according to a new study. Today dates all over the world are arranged by text messaging. The average woman hasn’t received a romantic love note for 9 years and one in 20 people will say ‘I love you’ for the first time by text while almost as many rely on a phone call or email.
Love and other stuff
Technology and romance
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Love - and unbridled lust - has been getting songwriters hot under the collar since the first musical instrument was invented. But even the best have off days. And down the years, relationships have inspired some of the worst as well as the best tunes ever penned. Here, The Source compiles a Top 10 of toe-curling lyrics you certainly don’t want to be listening to come Valentine’s Day...
5. ‘‘I ain’t never seen an ass like that. The way you move it, you make my pee-pee go doing-doing-doing.’’ A definite low point for the gifted Eminem on his ultra-sexist track Ass Like That. 6. ‘‘Got to write a classic, got to write it in an attic. Baby, I’m an addict now, an addict for your love.’’ Adrian Gurvitz did write a classic - a classically awful lyric for his 1982 global hit Classic. I still find this physically painful to listen to. 7. “I always thought a fish could not be caught who wouldn’t bite. But you’ve got some bait a waitin’ and I think I might like having a little afternoon delight.” The Starland Vocal Band were lucky to get away with this thinly-disguised and truly nauseating piece of lyrical porn on their 1976 nod to daytime nookie Afternoon Delight. 8. “I would do anything for love...but I won’t do that.” Just what is it that Meat Loaf won’t do on his 1993 evergreen I Would Do Anything For Love? The mind boggles. It still does. 9. ‘‘I love you like a fat kid loves cake.’’ Sensitive rapper 50 Cent keeps it real on 21 Questions. 10. ‘‘Email my heart and say our love will never die and that I know you’re out there and I know that you still care.’’ Britney Spears actually released a song called Email My Heart. With words like that to sing, it’s no wonder she mimes at her concerts.
1. ‘‘Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains.’’ Eh? What on earth was South American superstar Shakira on when she purred this truly ghastly line on her 2001 worldwide smash Whenever, Wherever. 2. ‘‘Oh babe, I wanna put my log in your fireplace.’’ Smooth-talking Gene Simmons had the brass neck to warble this on Kiss’s heartfelt ballad Burn Bitch Burn. Subtle. And clever with it too, eh? 3. “Someone left the cake out in the rain, I don’t think that I can take it, ’cause it took so long to bake it, and I’ll never have that recipe again. Oh no!’’ Oh no indeed. Just one of the many unfathomable lines on the classic-but-bonkers Richard Harris/Donna Summer hit MacArthur Park. 4. ‘‘I am the flower you are the seed, we walked in the garden, we planted a tree.’’ All-girl rock band Heart overdose on bad metaphors for their hugely popular but unintentionally hysterical power ballad All I Wanna Do Is Make Love to You. 5
the year, that’s really not that important at all. Traditionally the Valentine’s card was meant to be anonymous, a card you would send to someone you secretly fancied, the whole concept had an air of mystique about it. Nowadays you are forced to shower treats and meals on your loved one and make them feel special. Being the most unromantic person in the world I find the whole concept of Valentines Day pretty repulsive. It’s really just a vehicle to make money and play on people’s insecurities and loneliness. Queenstown’s restaurants will undoubtably be packed on the day itself as couples celebrate their relationships, and gaze into each other’s eyes pretending life is so great while the cash registers keep a chinging...
Ahhhh love is in the air.... yuk! Valentines Day is nearly as bad as the commercialism of Christmas. A card manufacturer’s dream, the amount of money that people are blackmailed into spending on presents and cards around the world must be phenomenal. It’s truly amazing to see how some people are completely brainwashed into buying utter crap just to make their partners feel better about themselves. Sadly the male half of the population will have to provide gifts and meals to their other halves or else be confined to the couch for days with no chance of a bunk up for ages. It really makes me laugh when I see my mates worrying so much about one day of
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A romantic relationship makes you happier. The stronger the commitment, the greater the happiness!
a word with dugi
A place for everyone to let off steam and tell us what you really think. Drop us a line and get it off your chest. Prizes for the best letters of course
Some flatmates are like parking wardens. They prance around in the daylight with normal folk like they’re just ‘doing their jobs’ - when ultimately they are simply waiting for you to leave so they can bend you over and take you for all you’re worth. They even take photos! New Year and Christmas are peak times for thieving scumbags up and down this fair land of ours - certainly not a great time to be an insurance company. Be warned though - if your flatmate (or anyone associated with them) steals from you, your insurance company will swiftly give you the middle finger. Lock your doors. P.S. Merry Christmas. No really - I mean it, mine was excellent. Christopher Rae
sou sa rce
Since when has it been ok to swear like a sailor? It seems like we’re becoming more and more relaxed when it comes to dropping F and C bombs. I’ve developed a mouth like a sewer and frankly, I blame you lot. If profanity actually started properly offending people again, we’d cut it out. We ‘the people’ have been given too much rope by you - ‘the people’. We now live in a world in which a movie (Kick-Ass) can portray an 11 year old superheroine who drops killer lines such as: “Okay you c*nts, Let’s see what you can do now” - and we love it. ($100 million dollars of love) I think I’ll just stop using sanitary words altogether.Then you’ll be sorry. CJ Busby
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One Closing Time to Rule Them All?
Turn ‘em out in the streets before they get the chance to get liquored up. The truth is that 2am, 3am or 4am blanket closing hours won’t solve this problem; they’ll in fact make it worse. What causes trouble is friction between the pissed. When there’s a big queue for a taxi or a line down the road at the Night ‘n’ Day, that’s when trouble starts. By staggering the closures of bars, or better yet, letting punters trickle out of their own accord, you’ll reduce the risk of trouble. Remember the responsibility for drunk people in town already falls to the bars - it’s illegal to serve someone who is drunk. Blanket closing times won’t necessarily solve the problem - a better approach is surely a more responsible approach to promotion, service and hosting. As a community we have to take responsibility and remember that our party town rep keeps many of us gainfully employed, but a town rife with violence, vandalism and trouble will hurt everyone in the end.
The issue of 24hour licenses for bars and nightclubs has been around Queenstown for years. Should we be allowed to rage ‘til sunrise or should ‘The Man’ tell us that we should wrap it up by 2am? First and foremost let’s establish this undisputed fact - we have a binge drinking problem in this country and Queenstown isn’t immune from it. Every Friday, Saturday (and Sunday through Thursday) a good portion of the visitors to town and locals alike hit the town. In a town not known for moderation, why should it start at the bar? In an attempt to quell violence, public drunkenness, Shotover Street pissing and Earnslaw Park puking, the push is on for a blanket closing time. ‘Cut the kids off’ the cops and the council says. 7
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It’s all on. For those that don’t already know, Skyline has opened for gondola accessed biking on Bob’s Peak. Thanks to Skyline, QLDC, The MTB Club and all those tireless volunteers who’ve made it possible. Bingo. Photo: Justin Leov whippin’ it.
By: Ned Myopus
The (Sexual) Adventure Capital of the World
February is the month of love, or at the very least lust. With Valentine’s Day smack in the middle of the month and this year being the best summer on record for weather awesomeness, the mind drifts to the joys of al-fresco fornication. The cool night-time air, the thrill of almost getting caught and the rush of doing the deed in the great outdoors is an intoxicating cocktail. Whether the urge to get it on comes deep into a Debajo night or you’re looking to add some sugar to your bedtime tea the time is now to take it outside. The Source presents - the ultimate Queenstown outdoor sexy-time tick list. The Rose Garden in the Queenstown Gardens - Red roses, Valentine’s Day, the feel of fresh cut grass on naked bodies and the ‘privacy’ of a quiet park after the sun has dipped below the peaks. This location gets high praise for romanticism and proximity to QT nightlife. As a wise man once said, “Every rose has its thorn” so with that in mind beware of a surprise prick in the ass - always a buzz kill when you’re not expecting it. The Basket of Dreams, Queenstown Hill - With the best view in town this location has stacks going for it. The pseudoalter of the basket will add a whole new dimension to that Pagan fantasy game you’ve had brewing at home. The virtually guaranteed privacy means that you can cuddle it out and watch the sunrise with your main squeeze.
The Gondola - Drifting above Queenstown with expansive views all around, it’s like the mile high club with windows. If you’re looking for foreplay, romance and postcoital cuddle - this is not the venue for you. With just under seven minutes from station to station it’s strictly business time. The well prepared couple can get the job done - just ignore the people going up the other side as you, umm, go down. I’m on a boat! - With a multitude of lakebound waterbeds around, taking advantage of the motion of the ocean is a QT must do. There are boats available to suit every style and sense of seafaring adventure. The classic is the good old TSS Coleslaw where you can play ‘King of the World!” on the bow. Those not willing to trespass and spend a naked-night-in-jail can opt for the swim platform near the beach.
We hope these tips give you a few ideas and add a bit of spice to your February. Remember keep it consensual, keep it safe, keep it fun and if you get caught, don’t blame us! 9
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Ben: It sure was. We only came up with the idea about two months before it happened so we were kind of making a lot of it up as we went along. For a start, we’ve learned a lot about the consent processes necessary to put something like this together. The Source: This year’s event is happening six weeks earlier than last time. Was that a deliberate move? Ben: We decided it would be better to hold it in February when hopefully the weather is a bit more settled and there’s also a bit more daylight. The Source: About 110 fans turned up for the inaugural festival – are even more expected this time? Ben: Most of the people who came last year have already registered for tickets and are coming again, so that’s always a good sign. If we got an audience of 180 that would
Queenstown rockers The Lynch Mob are gearing up for the Southern Hemisphere’s highest gig for the second year running. The five-strong band made the record books last March when they performed Pink Floyd’s landmark album The Dark Side of the Moon exactly a mile above sea level at Cecil Peak, to fans choppered from Jack’s Point. The event – dubbed Over The Top Rock – made the national TV news and attracted punters from across New Zealand and overseas. On Friday, February 18, the group will do it all again – this time blasting out a selection of Pink Floyd’s greatest hits. Here, Russell Blackstock talks to guitarist Ben Lynch about the ambitious mountain-top show... The Source: Was staging last year’s gig a big learning process for The Lynch Mob? 12
The Source: Any other significant changes been made? Ben: We’ll be having a barbecue dinner at Cecil Peak instead of a brunch before flying out like we did previously. It means people will get more time at the site, which is a pretty spectacular setting. This time we should be able to stay out there until about nine o’clock before flying back. The Source: Is Over The Top Rock here to stay? Ben: It’s definitely something we want to continue with on an annual basis. The crew and some of the band intend to camp at the site the night before the gig and have bit of a test run for having fans stay overnight next year. If the camping experiment goes well, then it’ll give us a few more options to make the experience all that more memorable for people in the future. The idea is that the more we do this, the bigger and better it’ll get.
be the absolute maximum but a crowd of around 150 would be cool. The Source: You’ll be playing a wider range of Pink Floyd songs? Ben: Yeah. It won’t be just stuff from The Dark Side of the Moon. There is plenty of other classic Pink Floyd material to choose from and we’ll maybe do some acoustic stuff as well. After dinner we might even break out a few Jimi Hendrix numbers. The Source: You must be pleased your event has captured the imagination of people from all over the country? Ben: Only about a dozen Queenstown locals turned up last time but we were stoked when quite a few folk travelled from the North Island and there was even a few there from overseas. I know we have a big contingent coming down from Auckland again, so we are obviously doing something right. 13
Photos Miles Holden
Over The Top Rock
we can’t believe you haven’t seen... Set against Paris’s oldest bridge, the Pont Neuf, while it was closed for repairs, this film is a love story between two young vagrants: Alex, a would be circus performer addicted to alcohol and sedatives and Michele, a painter driven to a life on the streets because of a failed relationship and an affliction which is slowly turning her blind. The film portrays the harsh existence of the homeless as Alex, Michele and Hans, an older vagrant, survive on the streets with their wits. As they both slowly get their lives back together, Michele becomes increasingly dependent on Alex as her vision deteriorates further. Fearing that Michele will leave him if she receives a new medical treatment Alex attempts to keep Michele practically a prisoner. The streets, skies and waterways of Paris are used as a backdrop to the story in a series of stunning visuals which dominate the film. 14
A man’s beard grows fastest when he anticipates sex.
Les amants du Pont-Neuf (1991)
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gig guide Feb11 mon 31 jan
Rattlesnake :: DJ Justin. Cranking those tunes from 10pm, HipHop/DnB. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson, 9pm. RED ROCK :: Rock Night. DUX DE LUX :: A.N.D., rockin’ from 5pm. winnies :: Supastar DJs from 10pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. PIG & WHISTLE :: Mojo from 9.30pm. MONTY’S :: Inside Out at 8.30pm.
Ministry :: EPL replays, free pool. winnies :: Export Gold pool comp. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies.
tue 1 FEB
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Shay & Pearly from 9pm. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday bikini comp & drinks specials. winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink. SUBCULTURE :: Artculture, local art exhibition & spoken word poetry, 6-10pm.
sat 5 FEB
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals & DJ Hand Solo from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: The Blackspots, 8.30pm. SUBCULTURE :: Official Shotover Sunshine Festival After Party w/ UK DnB don DJ A-Sides + guests. $5 early bird door sales. Rattlesnake :: Empty Bottles, 10pm. pog Mahone’s :: LIVE at 8.45am, 6 Nations Rugby, England v Wales. Live music at 9pm. DUX DE LUX :: Live music, 9pm. winnies :: DJ & Jager from 10pm. Buffalo Club :: DJs from 10pm. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. PIG & WHISTLE :: Karaoke 10pm-late. MONTY’S :: Free Funk Foundation @ 6pm.
wed 2 FEB
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. SUBCULTURE :: Dread Bass Wednesday & Pongmaster. Ping Pong Comp, ($5 for comp entry) & Blackjack. W/ DJ Downtown Brown & guests. Free entry. WORLD BAR :: The Cartel live at 10.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm, followed by live music with Calico. Rattlesnake :: Card Sharks Poker, @7. PIG & WHISTLE :: Shay & Pearly, 8.30pm. MONTY’S :: Sam at 7.30pm.
thu 3 FEB
sun 6 FEB
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night. SUBCULTURE :: K-Lab & Analog MC (Blackplanet), DnB & Crackhouse w/ Micah (Wgtn) + D-Jade. Free entry. pog Mahone’s :: The Mutz Nutz, 9pm. Red rock :: Neighbourhood Dub Shop. winnies :: GCs live at 10pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp & sexy bar dancers. PIG & WHISTLE :: Mojo from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 awesome DJs tonight. MONTY’S :: Night Watchmen, 8.30pm.
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays, free BBQ at 3pm. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze Day Club, live DJs bringing the summer tunes. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, live music from 4pm. DUX DE LUX :: Dani mixing some old school reggae, 4-7pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session w. Kris Eddy. MONTY’S :: Kayne at 3pm & The Night Watchmen at 7pm.
mon 7 FEB
fri 4 FEB
Ministry :: EPL replays on demand, free pool all day. winnies :: Superbowl XLV live & loud! BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies. PIG & WHISTLE :: Open mic hosted by Ben from 8.30pm.
Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. SUBCULTURE :: DJ Woosh (Dun). Full spectrum DnB w/ support from Ballzy, Stevie Dub + guests. Free b4 12, $5 after. 19
gig guide Feb11 tue 8 FEB
pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9pm. RED ROCK :: Rock Night. DUX DE LUX :: Shelly Hirini, 9pm. winnies :: Supastar DJs from 10pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male from 9.30pm. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 8.30pm.
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Shay & Pearly, 9pm. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tues bikini comp. winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink.
wed 9 FEB
sat 12 FEB
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. SUBCULTURE :: Dread Bass Wednesday & Pongmaster. Ping Pong Comp, ($5 for comp entry) & Blackjack. W/ DJ Downtown Brown & Guests. Free entry. WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly’s acoustic talent knows no limits from 8.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm followed by live music from Calico. Rattlesnake :: Card Sharks Poker, 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesday, get yourself a free t-shirt. MONTY’S :: Nick at 7.30pm.
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals & DJ Hand Solo from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: The Blackspots, 8.30pm. SUBCULTURE :: ToMyBeat presents Big Bud (UK-DnB) w/ support from MC Emma Hand & DJs Dan Move & Julio. Presales only, $10 from Quest & Subculture. Rattlesnake :: Empty Bottles, 10pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. DUX DE LUX :: Pass The Sauce, 7-10pm. winnies :: DJ & Jager dropping it at 10pm. Buffalo Club :: Valentine’s Traffic Light party! BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. PIG & WHISTLE :: Karaoke from 10pm. MONTY’S :: Free Funk Foundation 6pm.
thu 10 FEB
Ministry :: Quiz night 7pm followed by open mic straight after. SUBCULTURE :: The Substation. DnB w/ D-Jade, Tri-zone Crew + guests. Free. pog Mahone’s :: Dan Da Man at 9pm. RED ROCK :: Neighbourhood Dub Shop. winnies :: GCs live at 10pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp & sexy bar dancers all night. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico. WORLD BAR :: 2 awesome DJs tonight. DUX DE LUX :: Noel Coutts, 5-8pm. MONTY’S :: Night Watchmen, 8.30pm.
sun 13 FEB
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays, free BBQ from 3pm. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze Day Club, live DJs bringing the summer tunes. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, Calico from 4pm. DUX DE LUX :: Empty Bottles, 4-7pm. DJ Ben Jamin 7pm-late. BUNKER :: Sunday Session w/ Kris Eddy. PIG & WHISTLE :: The Mutz Nutz, 5pm. MONTY’S :: Kayne at 3pm & The Night Watchmen at 7pm.
fri 11 FEB
Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. SUBCULTURE :: Hiphop/Dubstep/DnB/ Glitch, a local DJ mashup hosted by DJ Preferinse + Tri-zone Crew. Free b4 12, $5 after. Rattlesnake :: DJ Justin. Cranking those tunes from 10pm, HipHop/DnB.
mon 14 FEB
Ministry :: EPL replays, free pool. winnies :: Valentine’s Day party. Collect kisses & win big!
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pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson, 9pm. DUX DE LUX :: Crown Julz & 24 Carats from 9pm. winnies :: Supastar DJs from 10pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. PIG & WHISTLE :: Mojo from 9.30pm. Rattlesnake :: DJ Justin. Cranking those tunes from 10pm, HipHop/DnB. MONTY’S :: Slemo at 8.30pm. Red rock :: Rock Night.
tue 15 FEB
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Shay & Pearly at 9pm. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday bikini comp & drinks specials. winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink.
sat 19 FEB
wed 16 FEB
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals & DJ Hand Solo from 9pm. SUBCULTURE :: Subsonic. Dubstep & DnB w/ D-Jade + Guests. Free b4 12, $5 after. WORLD BAR :: The Blackspots, 8.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. DUX DE LUX :: Live music, 9pm. winnies :: Jungle Party, let’s do the wild thing! Bring out the animal in you! Buffalo Club :: Full Moon Beach Party. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. PIG & WHISTLE :: Karaoke from 10pm. Rattlesnake :: Empty Bottles, 10pm. MONTY’S :: Free Funk Foundation, 6pm.
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. SUBCULTURE :: Dread Bass Wednesday & Pongmaster. Ping Pong Comp, ($5 for comp entry) & Blackjack. w/ DJ Turbohag & Guests. Free entry. WORLD BAR :: The Cartel from 10.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz at 7pm followed by live music from Calico. Rattlesnake :: Card Sharks Poker, 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesdays, get yourself a free t-shirt. MONTY’S :: Sam at 7.30pm.
thu 17 FEB
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night. SUBCULTURE :: The Substation. DnB w/ D-Jade, Tri-zone Crew + guests. Free. pog Mahone’s :: The Mutz Nutz, 9pm. RED ROCK :: Neighbourhood Dub Shop. DUX DE LUX :: A.N.D., the boys we love to listen to, 5-7pm. winnies :: GCs live at 10pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp & sexy bar dancers all night. PIG & WHISTLE :: Mojo from 9.30pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 awesome DJs tonight. MONTY’S :: Inside Out at 8.30pm.
sun 20 FEB
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays, free BBQ from 3pm. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30. WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze Day Club, live DJs bringing the summer tunes. RED ROCK :: Sunday Sesh-On, live music from 4pm. DUX DE LUX :: Panda, 4-7pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session w/ Kris Eddy. MONTY’S :: Slemo at 3pm & The Mutz Nutz at 7pm.
mon 21 FEB
Ministry :: EPL replays, free pool. winnies :: Pool comp. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies. PIG & WHISTLE :: Open mic hosted by Ben from 8.30pm.
fri 18 FEB
Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. SUBCULTURE :: Sunshine Sound System w/ DJs Downtown Brown & Turbohag. Funk/Soul/Hiphop/Junglism. Free b4 12, $5 after. 21
gig guide Feb11 tue 22 FEB
Rattlesnake :: DJ Justin. Cranking those tunes from 10pm, HipHop/DnB. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9pm. winnies :: Supastar DJs from 10pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male from 9.30pm. MONTY’S :: Inside Out at 8.30pm. Red rock :: Rock Night.
Ministry :: NPPL Poker at 6.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Shay & Pearly 9pm. Buffalo Club :: Topless Tuesday bikini comp & drinks specials. winnies :: Tattoo Tuesday! Prizes for the best real ink.
wed 23 FEB
sat 26 FEB
Ministry :: Man Handle Club Night. WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly’s acoustic talent knows no limits from 8.30pm. SUBCULTURE :: Dread Bass Wednesday & Pongmaster. Ping Pong Comp, ($5 for comp entry) & Blackjack. w/ DJ Turbohag & guests. Free entry. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm followed by music with Calico. Rattlesnake :: Card Sharks Poker 7pm. Buffalo Club :: Ginger Wednesday, get yourself a free t-shirt MONTY’S :: Nick at 7.30pm.
Ministry :: Saucy Saturday drink deals & DJ Hand Solo from 9pm. WORLD BAR :: The Blackspots, 8.30pm. SUBCULTURE :: DJ to be confirmed! Rattlesnake :: Empty Bottles, 10pm, free. pog Mahone’s :: Live music at 9pm. DUX DE LUX :: Live music, 9pm. winnies :: DJ & Jager dropping it at 10pm. BUNKER :: DJ Dick Ingal mixin’ it up. PIG & WHISTLE :: Karaoke from 10pm. MONTY’S :: Free Funk Foundation 6pm.
thu 24 FEB
sun 27 FEB
Ministry :: Quiz at 7pm followed by open mic night. SUBCULTURE :: The Substation. DnB w/ D-Jade, Tri-zone Crew + guests. Free. pog Mahone’s :: Dan Da Man live at 9pm. RED ROCK :: Neighbourhood Dub Shop. winnies :: GCs live at 10pm. Buffalo Club :: Buff Ugly, wet T comp & sexy bar dancers all night. PIG & WHISTLE :: Club day. Live music with Calico from 9.30pm. WORLD BAR :: 2 awesome DJs every night. DUX DE LUX :: Noel Coutts, 5-8pm. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 8.30pm.
Ministry :: Snake Bite Sundays, free BBQ from 3pm. Cardsharks Poker, 7.30pm. WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze Day Club, live DJs bringing the summer tunes. DUX DE LUX :: Sleemo, 4-7pm. BUNKER :: Sunday Session with Kris Eddy. PIG & WHISTLE :: The Mutz Nutz at 5pm. MONTY’S :: Kayne at 3pm & The Night Watchmen at 7pm.
mon 28 FEB
Ministry :: EPL replays, free pool all day. winnies :: Pool comp. BUNKER :: Classic Midnight Movies. PIG & WHISTLE :: Open mic hosted by Ben from 8.30pm.
fri 25 FEB
Ministry :: DJs Al & Olly from 9pm. SUBCULTURE :: Nightshade live NZ tour feat. MC Beau, Sarah Callander & Dell McLeod w/ support from DJ Woosh & Espionage. $5 early bird door sales. 22
what’s where? who? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
C 6 12
7 15 1 16
21 5 D
10 17 2 20
Rattlesnake Subculture PO Café Bella Cucina Pog Mahones Ministry Fat Badgers Yoga Studios Pig & Whistle Nomads Brazz Red Rock Whisky Room Bath House The World Bar
Queenstown’s original English Pub mosphere • Friendly pub at tional tap beers • 14 NZ and interna value eat • great food - gr ck oor creekside de td ou y nn su , ge hu • sic mu e liv r la gu • re
Ballarat St, Queenstown, Ph: 442 9055
the more the merrier 23
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 A B C D E
Buffalo Club Winnies The Bunker TYC Dux de Lux Yakitori Daruma Monty’s Police Post Office Medical Centre Bus Stop QT Gardens
MOIST AROUND THE GUSSET AND COLDER THAN A WELL DIGGER’S ARSE
Another Big Day Out and another roaring success despite the damp. It’s fast becoming a NZ institution and rightly so.
GRACE JONES AND MANY MORE JOIN THE LINE-UP FOR THE INAUGURAL GRASSROOTS FESTIVAL, EASTER 2011
Stand out show: LCD Soundsystem BDO Legend: Iggy & The Stooges Highlight: The weather. You gotta do the wet ones to enjoy the warm ones. Lowlights: The food. If sausage on a stick is our national dish we really are screwed.
that joining the already incredible line-up are the phenomenal Grace Jones (USA), Tony Joe White (USA), Imogen Heap (UK), Lulo Reinhardt (GER), Felice Brothers (USA), Eugene Hideaway Bridges (USA), Flip Grater (NZ), Hammond Gamble (NZ), Shona Laing (NZ), Doug Jerebine & Billy T.K. SR (NZ), Heart Attack Alley (NZ), Julia Deans (NZ), Darcy Perry (NZ), Caitlin Smith (NZ), Riverhead Slide (NZ), The Warratahs (NZ), The Bads (NZ) and The Thomas Oliver Band (NZ). Artists announced earlier include the fabulous BB King (USA), Elvis Costello & The Imposters (USA), Ben Harper and Relentless7 (USA), Rodrigo Y Gabriela (Mexico), Eric Bibb (USA), Paul Ubana Jones (NZ), Ruthie Foster (USA), Cairo Knife Fight (NZ), Ticket (NZ), Don McGlashan (NZ) and Sola Rosa (NZ).
In a summer that has seen more international and local talent perform for New Zealand than ever before, the inaugural GrassRoots Festival closes our Summer 2011 with a must see 2 day line up on Saturday 23rd & Sunday 24th April at the stunning Puhinui Reserve, Auckland. This two-day festival will bring together some of the world’s most renowned artists as well as a raft of local acts across a multitude of genres whilst still having its core ethos firmly grounded in blues and roots based music. Thirty artists on two stages over the two days will launch GrassRoots – The New Zealand Blues and Roots All Music Festival 2011. Chugg Entertainment are thrilled to announce 24
Feminist women are more likely than other females to be in a romantic relationship
brought to you by:
Matty (the mad hatter) and Emma at the Buff
Chastity and Stef compare cheeks
Jager at Tardis - canâ€™t beat it
Almost too tame for the lads
Jen, Wenna and Amelia proving that blondes most definitely have more fun. Most of the time. Usually.
Was it Shakespeare or Elizabeth Barrett Browning who once said “Love is just a word till someone comes along and gives it meaning”? Neither actually. In fact, we’re pretty sure that sappy quote was the work of the Hallmark Card Corporation but it does raise an interesting point. If it’s people who give love its meaning, then it stands to reason that there must be as many types of love as there are people. We’ve done our research and it seems to us that romance and sex get far more than their fair share of airtime so to redress the balance, The C Word is giving romantic love the flick, offering physical love the cold shoulder and taking a look at another type of love that doesn’t get half the attention it should. We’re talking here about love for our community. Oh don’t make that face! We’re serious! Don’t you love living here? Of course you do. And if you love something, don’t you want to show your affection in some way? We’re all part of the community and so we’re all equally responsible for helping to make it and keep it a great place to live. Now of course there are many ways of doing this but we’re quite fond of small, random acts of consideration for our fellow man. Things like
remembering to take a plastic bag with you when you take the dog for a walk. Why not take two and fill the second one with litter that you see along the way? Talking of litter, we know that copy of the newspaper that’s been blowing around the street for the last couple of days isn’t yours but why not pick it up and put it in your recycling bin. Make sure you take a few seconds afterwards to polish your halo! Parking so you’re not taking up two spaces, not playing your stereo too loudly, not starting your lawnmower at 7am and returning your shopping trolley to the trolley bay are all winners on the thoughtfulness front. You can also do your bit by letting the council know if anything’s amiss. Tell us about that leak when you see it. The same goes for things like abandoned vehicles, overhanging branches and hazardous potholes. Give us a call on 03 441 0499 or register a request for service on the QLDC website: www.qldc.govt.nz. So let’s get out there and take a couple of minutes each week to show the love for our community, then shout it out loud “I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!!” Nice work - now come here, give us a hug then let’s join hands and sing Kumbaya...
Couples’ personalities converge over time to make partners more and more similar.
the ‘C’ word
A Queenstown favourite, Montyâ€™s is the spot for a beer in the sun, a hearty meal or some late night live entertainment. We offer the full range of Monteithâ€™s award winning premium tap beers which are matched with mouthwatering meals; burgers, salads and seafood through to venison and lamb.
12 Church St
Queenstown Ph: 441 1081
ALL BEER IS GOOD. SOME BEER IS BETTER 27
Hereâ€™s some curiousness from the web. This page is brought to you by the good people at Fluid. Brand . Web . Strategy . Design . Marketing 28
Our regular look at us the world around folk at thanks to the good
LIFE’S A beach Love the beach? So do we. Who wouldn’t? The clean water, the kai moana, white sand and chances are, even if you live in Queenstown, you’ve visited the coast in the last month. New Zealand’s beaches play a big part in the lives of those that live here, and are a big part of why people visit this country. So is it worth risking our coastlines just to postpone the inevitable (and extremely beneficial) shift away from fossil fuels to clean, climate-friendly energy technologies? As we’ve mentioned here before, Energy and Resources Minister Gerry Brownlee is bending over backwards to try and have new frontiers in fossil fuel extraction opened up in and around New Zealand, including off some of our most beautiful, but also most inhospitable, pieces of coast. The rights sell-off includes chunks of seabed around the Catlins, the Marlborough Sounds, and the West Coast of the far north of the North Island. Imagine the beaches in those areas covered in crude. As the BP / Deepwater Horizon disaster showed us, it’s not a far-fetched prospect. Deep sea drilling is prone to spills, and if there’s a problem, it’s damn hard to sort it out (divers can generally only go down 200
metres - the water in one of the zones that has already been sold off goes as far as 3000 metres!). The futile attempt to clean up BP’s spill took 6000 ships. New Zealand wouldn’t have a hope of mustering that many. At any rate, it’s a myth that a spill can be cleaned up. For instance, oil can still be found under the sand in Prince William Sound, Alaska, that’s left over from the Exxon Valdez disaster of 1989 – more than twenty years ago. But it’s not just the New Zealand way of life that is at risk. Burning fossil fuels is rapidly bringing forward the point at which a state of runaway climate change becomes a reality. Pretending that day is too far away to worry about, or that finding a solution to climate change is someone else’s responsibility, is not an option for anyone, anywhere. So, if you’ve been loving the beach this summer, you owe it to yourself, and the planet, to go to www.greenpeace. org.nz/oil and sign our petition asking the Government not to go after new oil but instead give NZ’s Cleantech industry the support it needs to compete in the rapidly developing clean global economy. Carmen Gravatt, Greenpeace NZ
The Origins of Kissing
The most logical theory of the evolution of the kiss is that it naturally developed from the maternal kiss off the mother to the child. Ernest Crawley, 20th Century historian has traced the origins of the ‘kiss between lovers’ and noted that it was well established in Greece, Assyria and India but no evidence of the Ancient Egyptians going in for the pash has ever been found. 19th Century anthropologist Casare Lombroso supports this theory but also notes that Japanese people didn’t kiss each other passionately until the 20th century, neither did the Africans but we all know that the Greeks and Romans were all up in each other’s faces. And they were really on to something. From humble beginnings, the kiss is now well and truly part of our lives. The first kiss, the better kiss, the true love kiss the ‘I was really drunk last night kiss’. Scientists have tried to take some of the magic out of kissing, telling us that it’s all about endorphins and other brain chemicals, but the true romantics know that a kiss isn’t only a kiss. So Happy Valentine’s Day Queenstown! Collect your kisses at our Valentine’s Day Party at Winnies! [Erin]
Will love songs put sharks in the mood?
Zorro, a six-year-old zebra shark, had worn out his former tank mates at Sea Life Belgium. Hoping he would find new love, he was shipped to the Sea Life London Aquarium. The curator at the aquarium hoped he would hook up with a single shark called Mazawabee, but so far their relationship has been strictly platonic. To reignite Zorro’s mojo, marine experts are trying to seduce the sharks with seductive music, such as Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On. “Zorro has something of a reputation as a “ladies’ shark” and as Mazawabee has been ‘single’ for a number of years now, we really thought they would get together very quickly,” says the curator. “But it’s been months since their first introduction and although there are certainly signs that Zorro has been making advances, we would really have expected some serious mating by now.” “Research suggests that fish can not only hear music but can appreciate different tunes and melodies so we have decided to see if some good old fashioned love songs will get them in the mood!” 30
cocktail of the month PINK BELLINI
Ingredients: 20ml Peach Puree 10ml Campari 10ml Lillet Blanc 7ml Vanilla Syrup Champagne
Method: Add first four ingredients to a boston glass and shake vigorously with ice. Fine strain into a champagne flue and top with up with champagne. Swirl with a swizzle stick so the liquid is evenly mixed through and garnish with a marachino cherry. For the complete experience, grab some one tight and kiss them as they will undoubtedly fall in love with the taste of your mouth!!
Here’s our take on your month ahead. If you’re looking for spiritual guidance this is the place... Libra – Love will no longer be just another four-letter-word.
Aries – Someone loves you. Taurus – Taureans tend to make good megalomaniacs.
Scorpio – Scorpios do not enjoy fart jokes.
Gemini – You can do no wrong.
Sagittarius - You are a bit weird this month but in a good way...
Cancer – Ironically you are one of the signs that is least likely to contract VD.
Capricorn – Sid may be a lucky name for you. Or Brian. Aquarius – Abraham Lincoln was an Aquariun, nuff said.
Leo – The Lion - strong, powerful, masterly... Hah! Pussy cat.
Pisces – Your ideal job would be a Herpetologist (studier of frogs NOT herpes, tutt).
Virgo – Be careful what you wish for.
queenstown’s favourite bar and restaurant tucked away at the bottom of cow lane Ph: 03 4418030 Open 5pm - 4am
“Notoriously hard to find, it’s definitely worth the hunt if you enjoy top cocktails and fine dining in an intimate lounge environment with roaring fires and leather sofas.” QANTAS in flight magazine 18
how to fall in love
TOP LOVE LETTER ACRONYMS SWALK: Sealed with a loving kiss NORWICH: Knickers off ready when I come home BURMA: Be undressed ready my angel MALAYA: My ardent lips await your arrival ITALY: I’ll truly always love you
1. Find a complete stranger. 2. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour. 3. Then stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for 4 minutes. York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love. He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.
A guy met this girl in a bar and asks ‘May I buy you a drink?’ ‘Okay. But it won’t do you any good.’ A little later, he asks, ‘May I buy you another drink?’ ‘Okay. But it won’t do you any good.’ He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, ‘Okay. But it won’t do you any good.’ They get to his apartment and he says, ‘You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife.’ She says, ‘Oh, that’s different. Send her in.’ .....................................................................................
David had a very pretty girlfriend named Lorraine who he liked a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started. Her name was Clearly and she was absolutely gorgeous! He instantly fancied her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. As he was a loyal man he couldn’t get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He tried several times to tell her but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. One day as they were out walking, Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and drowned. David stopped for a moment, lamenting Lorraine’s sudden loss. After he had wiped the tears from his eyes he ran off smiling and singing, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone...”
Dear Abby :
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his. I suspected that my husband had been fooling around and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again. I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober. My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause. ..................................................................................... EYE CONTACT: A method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest. 34
er rhymin’ fo yo supp STAY SWITCHED ON The TV says buy this, buy that Whilst you’re busy watching Coro Omni Another freezing Granny’s dying lonely in her flat The Magazine says eat this, eat that And as you microwave a cardboard pizza A starving, fly covered baby’s laying, dying on her back
The billboard says wear this, wear that Renew your monthly membership to the Nike institution Whilst a homeless teenager turns to drugs and prostitution The T-shirt says drink this drink that So we spend $3 a bottle on something flowing freely from our tap And no matter what, always demand large From a bucket of popcorn that could feed a small family To a car that won’t fit in your garage
Don’t go for a walk Don’t go for a run Get fit watching an exercise dvd Eating a low fat bun Don’t go out at all Don’t talk to anyone Make friends online Then text them all Don’t turn over Don’t turn off Don’t miss out Stay switched on
It’s Time To Expose Your Digitalia With Adam Saraceno
of flesh that could be interpreted as sexy. Think of it from an onlooker’s perspective: “Is that a face cheek or an ass cheek? I don’t know but I want more!” Personal Statement: When ladies troll search results pages full of douchebags, you want their mouth to water when they read your blurb. Hence, use food terminology. You’re a “creamy Italian,” you’ve got “huge mussels” and you want a “succulent rump steak.” Be sure to note that you don’t mind artificial sweeteners. Age: Younger gals dig older fellas and vice versa. If your age is two digits, just switch ‘em around – as a 92-year-old you’ll be reeling in 29-year-olds like nobody’s business. If it’s 3 digits, you’re my hero. Interests: This is a tricky one. You want girls to think you fancy the same things as them, but you also want them to know you’re a man’s man. Try something like “Shopping… for grenade launchers” or “Having tea with friends… on a volcano.” Looking For: Never say what you’re actually looking for. This is especially true in your case since the girl on the cover of this month’s PC Gamer magazine is computer-rendered. Body Type: Regardless of how unfortunate your situation is, just reassure the girls that all the imperfections are obscured by hair. The rest is up to chance, as well as Internet censorship laws.
You’re single and desperate. The ladies don’t dig the Zelda tattoo like you thought they would. Your electrobluegrass fusion record didn’t sell. Karaoke is not an aphrodisiac. All these things that you thought would make you a babe magnet have failed miserably. V-day is right around the corner and your life is V-less. Thank God (Al Gore in this case) for Internet dating sites, where you can conveniently romance potential partners between World of Warcraft games. The allure of these services is that your profile does the talking, not you. And since your tactful speaking skills lie somewhere on the spectrum between Paul Henry and a fish, you better take this advice on how to make an e-dating profile that racks up chicas like Shane Jones, the Labour MP, racks up pay-per-view tabs. User Name: It’s a simple equation combine your hometown rugby mascot with a random machismo noun and the number of deep fried lasagnes you ate at Night ‘n’ Day last month. ie: HurricaineBroseph41. Profile Pic: The rule of thumb is crop out everything but an ambiguous patch 37
NEW FOR 2011... WINNER TAKES ALL BOOTY COMP LAST MONTH’S WINNER WAS ROB MCLEAN FROM
COLLIERS. WELL DONE FELLA. IT’S ALL ABOUT WINNING THE LOT. ALL OUR INSIDERS AND FACEBOOK FRIENDS GO IN THE DRAW. WE PULL YOUR NAME OUT OF THE HAT ON THE 15TH OF THE MONTH. WINNER TAKES ALL. SIMPLE.
TWO FREE DAY PASSES FOR MOUNTAIN BIKING AT SKYLINE CREDENCE CLEARWATER PACKAGE:
CCR & DR HOOK
TWO TICKETS TO THE EVENT . Return coach transfers for 2 from Queenstown. Private Meet and greet with Creedence Clearwater Revisited and Dr Hook. Sumptuous Hamper for 2 designed by Executive Chef Mark Sage including a bottle of award winning wine . plus Special concert souvenir BOTTLE OF wine.
If you need a Card and we’weekly Source fix, ju ll send you ou st sign up fo r an Insider week raight to yourr newsletter and li great deals- st in bo x. You’ll also stings ever y when you flas get heaps of h it at e staf watering ho f of ur fa les. It’s theth vour e way forwaryo d my friendits. in
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Queenstownâ€™s Oldest,Tastiest and Finest Bar
The Red Rock
$10 All Day Brekkie Sunny Garden + Mega Jugs Pool Table + Big Sky TV Corner of Camp Street + Man Street E S AT ON E IV TI BL PR NC ILA FUAVA
The Whisky Room
TR O Y PE O N UR A N LL EW D A M Y EN U
$10 Cocktail Nights Intimate Upstairs Lounge Bar above Red Rock - Full Bar Available
The Bath House
Great food, wine + tap beer Breathtaking Views Absolute Lakefront Beside Queenstown Gardens, Qtn Bay
Why be good when you can be bad? 39
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