events . entertainment . arts . culture
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Saturday 26th April DJ TURBOHAG from 10pm Prizes for best dressed Drink specials
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thismonth... Faking It… It’s April, it’s The Source and we’re Faking It. Last month we were Making It, so it only seems fair that we flip the coin and take a look. What’s the last thing that you faked? Did you put on a posh accent to impress Mr or Ms Right-Now? The Queen delves deeply into just that and you might not like the sound of what he has to say. What about orgasms? Are you faking those? According to research we found most of you guys are - perhaps some winter homework is in order. What about faking it on stage? We look at one local band that definitely isn’t and in Queenstown Rocks we shine a light at another that’s leading the charge. Source Labs checks into who’s faking breakfast and we lift the lid on a bar that’s definitely keeping it real. Get into it, we’ve got the gigs you need to know about and plenty of other good bits. All of it as real as a heart attack - no fakes or April fools included. Source Out.
EDITOR: Scott Kennedy: 021 681 959 firstname.lastname@example.org MARKETING: Sophie Kennedy: 021 339 173 email@example.com Construction: firstname.lastname@example.org 027 239 0342 email@example.com 021 341 249 SNail us: PO Box 689, Queenstown, NZ FACEBOOK.com/SourceNZ
ATLAS BEER CAFE STEAMER WHARF QUEENSTOWN
THE QUEEN’ By THE QUEEN
In many countries, accents are an indicator of class and social standing, education and ethnic background. In NZ for example, Queenstowners know anyone who rolls their ‘R’s’ is from Invercargill and must therefore be avoided like the plague. In Australia (or ‘Straya’) however, there is little variance in dialect making it extremely difficult to tell whom you should and shouldn’t be friends with because even the rich people sound poor and EVERYONE sounds horrendous. Strayans talk like they really don’t want to be talking in the first place and are trying to get it all over with in the quickest and easiest way possible. They keep their mouths closed, their vowels long, slur their words into one incomprehensible sentence and abbreviate just about everything. God knows why you’d want to but if you fancied playing convict, Sheila, crocodile chaser or something then follow these
simple steps and you’ll soon be causing all manner of aural hell on the rest of the world’s dialectually-superior population. Vowels are all elongated and the only part of the word which is stressed. Words are nasally and sound like they’re being chewed along with a kangaroo burger and washed down with a VB. For example, ‘A’ sounds like the ‘ie’ in ‘die’ or the ‘igh’ in ‘might’ (‘G’day mate’ becomes ‘G’die might’). Note: everyone is called ‘mate’ regardless of their gender, how well you know them or how much you like them. 4
’S ENGLISH The ends of words have no emphasis and are cut off as if you’ve forgotten what you’re saying before you’ve finished saying it, except if it finishes with a vowel (they’re the only letters worth speaking, remember). Sentences are slurred as if you’ve had too much goon and don’t forget to add a rising intonation at the end of each slurring statement as if you’ve asked a question, adding to the impression that you don’t know anything about anything.
Abbreviate everything, and add ‘o’ or ‘ie’ to the end. ‘Barbeque’ becomes ‘barbie’, ‘afternoon’ becomes ‘arvo’, ‘position’ becomes ‘possie’. Names are destroyed by abbreviating and adding ‘azza’ or ‘o’: Sharon, Caroline and Barry become Shazza, Cazza and Bazza. Jonathan and Thomas become Jonno and Tommo. Tommo becomes delirious and cuts his ears off because he can’t take any more butchery of the English language. By The Queen (Tommo).
Down at the Waterfront,
14 Rees Street, Queenstown . 03 442 5382
c live musiood f t a e gr ce & a chanilly B n i to w Connolly.. tickets.
come and say hi: pogmahonesirishpub
did you know? Six facts about faking orgasms 1. According to recent research the group of people who fake it the most are… divorced men. 2. 80% of women fake it at least half the time. 3. 25% of women fake it 90% of the time. 4. Women in long term committed relationships are more likely to fake orgasms - it’s an evolutionary adaptation encouraging their partners to stick around. 5. In a survey of 366 women between the ages of 18 to 32 who openly admitted to faking orgasms, when asked why they did it - simply put - some people just fake it ‘til they make it. 6. This same study found that a majority of women go quiet when receiving pleasure during foreplay or oral sex – so keep your ears open for the sounds of silence. 7
do or diy
A group of flamingos is called a “flamboyance.”
By BEAR & SHARK
DRINKING GUNPOWDER what a genteel glass the barman presented. Smokey, dry and spicy. “Who makes it?” I asked. “No one knows.” He answered. The next time I met the rum, it was in a parlour, lowbrow, raw and sitting in a lonely shot glass. I threw it back with the confidence of a gunsmith in a knife fight. I got punched straight in the face. “It’s like chewing a firecracker!” someone yelled. “Made with real gunpowder.” Said the brown paper. Gunpowder Rum is available only upon request from the Back Bar at The Find.
My hair was parted uncomfortably to the side in order to properly match the rest of my straightlaced ensemble. I was wearing my Sunday best, as was the dame beside me. Like any good girl, she looked out of my league - and probably was. The two of us were ponied up to a bar, located a solid day’s walk outside of our income bracket. It smelled like godlessly expensive perfume, finely stained oak and self-importance. We didn’t really stick out but were far from fitting in. A subtle hint would have been our general lack of gold. But that didn’t matter, after all, this is Queenstown and we ‘knew somebody’. Not that anyone asked. Or cared. The person we knew was the barkeep. A man from working class beginnings, that used the booze game to get out of the minors and into the majors. He used to grab bottles by the fist and sling the syrup into highball glasses. Now, he serves water, with one arm politely behind his back, as if to apologise for your hydration. For the first time, amongst the singing laughter of the wealthy, I tried Gunpowder Rum. Adorned with all the majesty of a Naval man on leave, the bottle had a homemade label made of tape and brown paper. I was surprised by
You can keep track of Chris and his exploits at: bearandshark.com 8
SHOP 1, 45 CAMP STREET | QUEENSTOWN | OTQT@CLEAR.NET.NZ 9
ROLLING WITH T MAN By TONY MOORE
FAKING IT AS A BIKING MECCA “Oh yeah, but Queenstown is just faking it as the next Whistler. They think they’re able to rival Whistler and they’re dreaming, mate. They can fake it all they want, they are not ever going to be as cool as Whistler, mate…” I’ve heard this sort of shit muttered and shouted a few times lately. Well, I find it a relief to find we are never going to be as cool as Whistler. Here I was thinking we had a bike culture that was going to become the next Queenstown not the next Whistler, I thought we were going to do it our own way and be original. Talk of Queenstown being the next Whistler certainly doesn’t seem to be coming from the locals, more likely from those ‘locals’ who spout verbal diarrhoea like “I did Queenstown for 3 months, mate. Lived there, did all the bars, rode everything, mate. I’ve done it, I know what I’m talking about, the place is sick, it’s going to be the next Whistler”. The same ‘locals’ rode only the bike parks, slept in most mornings due to hangovers, moaned how expensive the place was ($500-$700 a week on piss can be expensive, I guess) and
basically missed the whole bigger picture about what many of the people living here get. I’ve been here 18 years and I still haven’t “done Queenstown, mate”. Faking it as the next Whistler?!? Wake up! Don’t get me wrong, I have huge respect for Whistler - it’s the stuff of legends. But I think we can stand on our own feet and do it our own way. Let’s be inspired by Whistler but let’s become the next Queenstown, with our own flavour, our own culture. Let’s continue to be inclusive, not exclusive. Let’s have a point of difference and continue to expand our broad appeal that currently has most bike fans covered - from cruising along the lake edge with a picnic lunch, through to plummeting off the side of a mountain - and everything in between. Queenstown has a local feel and a unique appeal that Whistler could never hope to be as ‘cool’ as. Just as we are unlikely to ever be as ‘cool’ as Whistler… If you’d like to join, the Bike Club would love to hear from you: www.queenstownmtb.co.nz 10
THE CONCESSION PASS
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GONDOLA ACCESS TO QUEENSTOWN BIKE PARK
TIME FOR CHANGE The era of choice is coming to an end. Deal with it. we are entering a time of change. what we do with that knowledge will determine our future. it’s too late to expect ‘them’ to fix it. that chance passed us by probably some time in the MID-fifties. Recent reports published by the UN and NASA point to a grim future for all of us (yep, YOU and YOUR KIDS) at the hands of climate change, biodiverisity loss and an overcrowded planet. 2014 is election year in New Zealand and we are once again offered a choice. Take a look at the options and you’ll see how devoid of vision this country has become. Only the Greens seem prepared to stake their future on reality but even they’re unprepared for the huge challenges ahead. New Zealand stands at a crossroads. Another choice. We can face up to the reality of change and have a serious conversation about our future OR we can put it off for someone else to deal with in another decade or two.
By which time we’ll be wondering why there’s no food on the shelves let alone fifty choices of toothbrush. In a time of change it’s not always easy to know which choices to make but one thing is certain, if you keep doing the same shit, you end up in the same shit. Each and every one of us needs to start taking responsibility for our collective future. It’s no longer enough to say “but what can I do?”. It’s time for action. It’s time to live up to your potential. It’s time to embrace a different future to the one where things get ugly and people start getting pushed around. This is New Zealand. We practically own the idea of what a sustainable existence is supposed to be about. The Land of Milk and Honey. Well the milk is turning sour in our rivers and the varroa mite is moving in on the nectar. So wake up New Zealand, it’s time to choose and the time is now...
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WTF? the biggest hoax of all time… A 1938 radio play version of HG Wells’ War of the Worlds caused mass hysteria and panic among its listeners. It was presented in the form of a special news bulletin and interrupted a weather report, leading many to believe that the story’s description of a Martian invasion of Earth was actually happening. It is estimated that some six million people heard the broadcast and police stations were overrun with distress calls. In one small town in Washington, the broadcast coincided with a freak citywide power failure, leading many of the town’s residents to arm themselves with guns and flee into the mountains. When Pearl Harbour was attacked three years later, many people initially thought the news reports to be yet another radio prank like the War of the Worlds hoax. 13
A group of porcupines is called a “prickle.”
audience. Good on him though! He loves this performance stuff and can read an audience like the back of his hand. Sure they seem conservative during the dinnertime acoustic set but once the band gets going they’re easily riled up, dancing away until the late hour of...10pm? Enough ridicule of the corporate crowds Woods and his band LA Social play to. They love Woods and Woods loves them. So we know faking enthusiasm isn’t an issue but what about musical prowess? Lindsay Woods’ fave party trick is the epitome of faking it till you make it. During local gigs he asks party-goers to shout out favourite songs then endeavours to play them. No matter how weird or tricky the song, Woods will fumble through some chord progressions to produce the chosen tune. Correct chords? Who cares! You’ve gotta admire the balls it takes to smash out a random song, especially one he’s only heard once or twice. The ultimate performance fake is the lip sync. Woods swears neither he, nor his merry band have ever committed this musical crime. The worst they’ve done is had two performers sing 80% of the sound to plump up the feeble voice of the third sick band member. Props to you LA Social and Lindsay Woods for keeping it real. You know their vitality, spirit and stamina when performing is legit as s**t.
DOES LA SOCIAL CLUB’S LINDSAY WOODS FAKE IT? Screaming crowds, bright lights and strutting his stuff really gets local band LA Social’s Lindsey Woods going. But has this performance junkie’s electrifying energy ever been fake? Apparently the drug-like intensity of an amped-up audience is the elixir of life, yielding “miraculous healing”. His words. So no. This show pony has never felt drained and droopy in the spotlight. However! He has had to climb furniture and dance with old ladies to get things going. Recently, LA Social played to over 100 conservative, middle-aged, midwestern Americans, told to ‘have them partying’ by the early-bird hour of 7:30pm. When Queenstown locals are just contemplating a preparty meal, Woods was jumping, hollering, dancing and strutting on stage to enthuse his mellow 14
outthere Beer. Everyone likes beer.
This is beer drinkers’ country. The lads behind the taps know their way around and there’s enough variety that if your preferred beer is like a gentle peck on the cheek or a smack in the gob with a four-by-two, they’ve got you sorted. Food too - they’re rocking the pubgrub and speaking of rock - they’ve got live music on seven nights a week. Chalk a point for them on that front - no other place in town can run that up the flagpole. Respect. You know where they are, go see them again, get tucked into a badly sandwich and tell ‘em The Source sent you - no fakers allowed.
Well most people like beer. Except for my mum. Never mind. There are more than a few pubs in this fair town of ours that are faking their way along - parading themselves as the real deal when in fact they are nothing more than tourists. Pub on Wharf ain’t one of them. Stocked to the max with Mac’s and enough subtle swagger to keep a serial swiller locked into this place like it’s their local. Brass taps and oak, keeping the shine on the bar with the sleeves of your coat. Yeah it’s that kinda place.
A cat’s nose imprint is unique like a human fingerprint.
HUMOUR Three guys go to a ski lodge and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!” .................................................... One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”
I was in a cafe yesterday when I suddenly realised I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
.................................................... How do you get your girlfriend to scream while you are having an orgasm? Call her and tell her where you are. ” ....................................................
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Can’t believe you haven’t SEEN..
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN (2002) Catch Me If You Can is based on the life story of Frank Abagnale, who before his 19th birthday, successfully performed cons worth millions of dollars. He posed as a Pan American World Airways pilot, a Georgia doctor and a Louisiana parish prosecutor. The FBI spent years chasing him around the country trying catch him at his primary crime of cheque fraud which he used to fund his decandent, fun loving lifestyle. Well worth a watch if you haven’t seen it yet... 17
Sauvignon Blanc 40 years young
Did you know the NZ wine industry is essentially 40 years old this month?! Well, at least it’s 40 years since we commercially started making Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc, which arguably put NZ wines on the global stage. It was Matua Wines that made that first bottle in 1974, the vines had been in the ground since 1969. Seems it takes 5 years for the vines to produce any grapes that are worthy of making wine. How do I know this? Because the Matua fellas have been larging it up in Queenstown this month, celebrating their birthday with gusto. Good on them, I say. To order this very Kiwiana wine, you need to get it right – say ‘Sew-veen-yon Blonk’. (Why there is a ‘g’ in there, I don’t know.) If that’s all a bit much, you can just call it ‘Sav’ and pretty well most people will know what you are after. You can expect very crisp, tart flavours from the product you receive: aromas of freshly cut
grass and lemons or limes. The flavour profile is often similar: stonefruit and lots of fresh citrus. It’s a wine you either love or you don’t but most seem to think it’s alright. It’s pretty lip-puckering, particularly that first sip but a real gem on a hot day. You will find it is normally not too expensive in the off-licence. You can get a pretty decent example of NZ ‘Savvy’ for $10-$15 in the supermarket. But make sure you look at the label as our ‘Sav’ is not flash given some age. It’s common knowledge that wine improves with age but not Sav, so don’t be fooled. If the year (also called vintage) listed on the label is anything earlier than last year, then I’d say give it a miss. Those in the know have a saying: “Sauvignon Blanc should be picked, pressed and pissed before Christmas” - you have been advised! We are currently on 2013 vintage, with the 2014 examples coming out about September this year. Keep an eye out! 18
Best lunch deals in town Casual relaxed and vibrant atmosphere Eat and drink where the locals go! firstname.lastname@example.org â€˘ Ph: 03 409 2342 61 Beach St â€˘ www.flamebargrill.co.nz 19
ABOUT: Eichardt’s Bar is a Queenstown icon and locals’ favourite since 1867. It has a genuine atmosphere, history and ambience unlike anywhere else in the world. Recently listed as one of the top ten bars in the world with a view – drop by for tapas, wine or a cocktail and find out why. SPECIALTIES: Award winning wine list, superb tapas menu, fantastic service and a funky relaxed vibe. SOURCE SAYS: This is the place to be for early evening drinks – enjoy some tapas dishes with a local boutique wine from their award winning cellar list. Opening Times: 7.30am - late Food: Breakfast, lunch and tapas Music: Quiet and intimate Outdoor area: Yes
EICHARDT’S BAR Marine Parade, Queenstown, New Zealand P: 64 (0) 3 441 0450 email@example.com 20
ABOUT: One of Queenstown’s hard to find little gems, The Bunker is an intimate, rustic, fine dining and late night cocktail bar with a lounge-style outdoor deck. The focus is on great service in a unique rooftop location. An old locals’ favourite. SPECIALTIES: Cocktails, fine dining, DJs. SOURCE SAYS: This is the bar with the best two barstools in town. Get in early and stake your claim.
Opening Times: 5pm - 4am Food: Some of Queenstown’s finest Bookings: Recommended Music: DJs after dinner Outdoor area: Yes, with open fire
The Bunker Cow Lane, Queenstown New Zealand P: 64 (0) 3 441 8030 firstname.lastname@example.org 21
THE ART OF THE SELFIE
THE SELFIE IS NOTHING NEW. NEOLOTHIC ARTISTS DAUBED IMAGES OF THEMSELVES ON CAVE WALLS AND MICHELANGELO KNOCKED OUT A PRETTY IMPRESSIVE SKETCH LONG BEFORE ROBERT CORNELIUS SNAPPED THE FIRST PHOTOGRAPHIC VERSION IN 1839. This month the Front Room Gallery is running a show called Face Space, celebrating the selfie and raising funds for a good cause at the same time. Throughout the month of April you are invited to come along to the Gallery and draw a self-portrait, snap an iPad selfie or just stick you pasport photo on the wall. The aim is 1000 images by May. The deal is we’ll stick up your pic if you give us a dollar for the Wakatipu Youth Trust.
Robert Cornelius snapped the first selfie back in 1839. Come along and add your mug to our wall and help us raise $1,000 for the Wakatipu Youth Trust All you need to do is drop in to the Gallery between 9 and 5, Monday to Friday and we’ll give you a sketch book and mirror or a camera, the rest is up to you. The Arrowtown Preschool crew have already got the ball rolling...
10 Memorial Street, Queenstown. 03 442 6739
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HOWLING WITH THE BEERWOLF By THE WOLF
fake craft beers
Cows produce more milk when listening to soothing music.
So when is a craft beer not a craft beer or the bigger question... when is a craft brewery not a craft brewery?
public beers that lacked anything in the way of character or flavour but, had they not been doing this, then there wouldn’t be the demand for the current crop of excellent craft breweries. It is a conundrum few have a I’m in the small companies definitive answer for. I prefer to aspire and big companies acquire approach from a different angle. camp. So, are Emerson’s and What is a good beer and what is Founders still craft breweries a bad beer. For me the answer is despite now being owned by a simple one... beer you like is a multinational brewers in Japan? good beer. Sure there are beers Is the passion still there? Are made by brewing giants around the beers different now? They the globe that have little to offer may not be faking it with their in the flavour stakes when it new craft adornments but Crafty comes to the beers that they Beggars and Black Dog are produce but these, what I prefer as genuine craft as a hooker’s to call lawn mowing beers, have orgasm. a place. Perfect for slaking a Independent Liquor (Boundary thirst and little else. Road) on the other hand seems The most annoying factor that to want to compete on a more currently besieges the local craft level playing field. Several of beer market is when the big two, the Boundary Road stable are Lion and DB produce beers under more than palatable as was the guise that they in fact come their Resident range brewed by from a small bespoke brewery, American brewer Brian “Spike” Crafty Beggars and Black Dog for Buckowski. They at least aspired example. The only reason I can to making good beer with a see for doing this is that they lack decent flavour profile. No, it’s the inventiveness that smaller certainly not in the 8 Wired brewers have despite their huge Hopwired or Epic Zombie class marketing departments and but good none the less. million dollar budgets. For years There are those who seek to now they have been feeding the 24
control the craft label but it’s a fruitless action. Size has little bearing on whether you make good beer or not but passion does. What we need to do is experiment with all beers then the only person faking it will be you when you have your Steinie and say ahhh... that’s a lovely flavourful beer, as you pay the bloke who has just mowed your lawns. Ian Marriot is our Beer Editor and one of our original Source writers. He now runs a wicked little craft beer bar in Warkworth called Tahi. If you’re up north, call in and say hi.
Steamer Wharf Queenstown ph 03-442 5969 25
QUEENSTOWN ROCKS By SCOTT KENNEDY
fake plastic trees Why is this close to genius? Because it’s honest. There’s no valve between feeling the music flowing through and what we see as an audience everything is right there on display. Too many times bands hide behind a pretension of what they think is cool or the right thing to do and they build a wall that separates them from the audience. Faking it till you make it is one thing but casting yourself in plastic is another. We could all take a long hard look in the mirror and swipe a page from ‘Future Islands’. Even if you don’t sing a note or strum a chord living a life that raw, that emotionally vulnerable may open you up to the odd sideways glance. Some people may never totally ‘get’ you - but that’s a risk we should all run. youtu.be/1Ee4bfu_t3c
Recently I spotted a clip on YouTube of a band called ‘Future Islands’ playing their song ‘Seasons: Waiting for you’ on the David Letterman show. Somebody pointed me towards it saying it was something that I had to drop whatever I was doing to watch. Every now and again you see something that kinda rekindles your faith in what art, music and pop culture could be. This performance is one of the best things I’ve ever seen. The band, in all their post-new-wave synth glory are catchy enough but the star of the show is their charismatic lead singer Samuel T Herring. His vocals start from an intimate whisper and elevate to a soulful croon. By the second verse he’s beating his own chest hard enough it’s making it into the mix. All the while his voice dips into a low end that finds a primal place usually frequented by the likes of Slayer. That’s right Sinatra to Slayer in one verse. Herring’s dancing is nearly as primal - caught between the uninhabited pinwheels of a Pentecostal church and the drunken box step of your uncle Larry at your cousin’s wedding just before the taxi gets called. It’s unhinged and awkward and kinda uncool - but there is no denying he’s fully committed. 26
RHYMIN’ By SIMON HERBERT
We used to be lovers every look would bring joy No misunderstandings no fights on the landing Just us against them I wonder what happened did time take its toll From love at first sight to not holding at night And a dread of the morn’
The good times no longer out number the bad Now they´re just rolling us into a hole We can’t escape from Like an addict still craving that very first fix I’m helplessly hoping and praying for love Which no longer exists I think back and remember the power that flowed Between you and me and I cant help but feel Lost and empty
Just one kiss from you, would reopen the door Just one kiss, pick my heart up off the floor Just one kiss, I’d feel discarded no more Indifference bloomed slowly but grew right through spring Once strong bright and fragrant now wilting unstable No hope from within
Keep up with Alpharocket: facebook.com/Alpharocket
IS YOUR ADVERTISING WORKING HARD ENOUGH?
If you’re looking to promote your business or want to get the word out about your upcoming events or gigs then give Scott a call on 021 681 959 or email email@example.com
Let’s have a chat over a coffee and nut out a plan. Our shout. 27
Every month: Sourcing the goodies online
events . entertainment . arts . culture
“Elegance is the only beauty that never fades” Audrey Hepburn
Jewellery ain’t just for the ladies! If you’re looking for some cool fellas’ stuff online, then look no further than Etsy for Men. Featuring unique handmade pieces in everything from copper and steel to leather and titanium, prices range from $14 to $400. If you’re not a jewellery man then there’s plenty of other awesome stuff for the blokes: custom t-shirts, wallets, bags, satchels, mobile accessories, eyewear, hats and watches. With hundreds of products to choose from you’re bound to find something you love - we sure did!
NEXTMONTH: As you’ve probably gathered, The Source runs with a theme each month. Why? Just because we can. We’d also like you to know what’s coming up next month so you can join in and have your say. We’re keen to hear from artists, writers, photographers, DJs and opinionated freaks - especially if you’ve got something you want us to publish or you’ve got something you need to get off your chest... Next month’s issue flies under the banner of:
“SPACE” If you’d like to contribute email us: www.thesourceonline.com
Skybar and the Easter Bunny present
Friday 18th April
Limited number of $15 early bird tickets available from Skybar and dash tickets
26 Camp Street, Queenstown www.skybar.co.nz
Undercover reviews from the infamous Source Secret Shopping Crew
“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit...” Thoreau
THEQUESTFORTHEBEST: bigbrekky The maple syrup may even been real. Plus, haters of rocket leaves will be converted by this tasty number. Your day can’t go wrong with this good a start. Brazz’s Big Breakfast. This establishment isn’t open until 9am so this is a no no if you have an actual life. Proportionally, it’s a little skewed, that leviathan of a hash brown is scaring the living daylights out of the baby rashers of bacon and the $3.50 extra doesn’t buy you a lot of sausage. That said, this is decent kai for your bucks; someone in that kitchen has a remarkable way with eggs. If you’re with your mother Vudu. If you’re on holiday BRAZZ. If you’re looking for good value and a feed in the sun – RED ROCK. If you like your mornings chilled and delicious – THE BOAT SHED.
Your mum insists that it’s the most important meal and health experts say breaking the fast should be the biggest feed of your day. So this month The Source is gonna guide you through a few places you can breakfast like a King. Vudu on Beach Street. We’re not sure what we ordered, it looks quite different from what we were expecting. And is that teaspoon made of SILVER? The herbs are obviously from some nature-loving hippie’s garden and there’s so much colour and artistry going on, this is evidently a classy breakfast your mum would approve of. Red Rock. It’s sometime around lunchtime. You drank quite a bit of tequila last night, you’re broke, your stomach is screaming for bacon and you need looking after - NOW. A Red Rock big breakfast might not be able to repair the brain cells but it will put your body back on the rails without breaking the bank. It’s the classic Kiwi cook-up with all the trimmings and the there’s an awesome beer garden out back where you can kick back and start your day your way. The Boat Shed. If you find yourself halfway to Frankton, or happen to have a bike, this is a quiet little stopoff with damn good views. The French toast is made with ciabatta, the bacon is crisped to perfection and there is nothing dodgy about these avocados. 30
how to FAKE RISOtto
Want to impress your mates? Here’s an oven-baked risotto that’s dead easy but will make everyone think you’re a MasterChef NZ competitor! 1 cup Arborio Rice (you can use white rice but it just takes longer to cook) 2.5 cups chicken stock 60g butter - use some to grease dish 1 tbsp olive oil 350g pumpkin diced into 1cm cubes 1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese salt and pepper chopped parsley Put the first five ingredients into a oven dish, cover and bake at 190oC until most moisture is absorbed (about 30 minutes). Stir through the cheese, salt and pepper. Serve and get ready to bask in the glory... Josh, Simon and Ray, be proud.
Here’s our take on your month ahead. If you’re for spiritual guidance is not place... Libra – Yourthis mom was right,the nobody likes a Aries – You might want to getlooking a second opinion about that rash.
Taurus – If you can remember all the people you’ve made out with, you should just give up now and stop trying.
Scorpio – Remember it isn’t all about you. If it was, your friends would have deserted you long ago.
Gemini – The difference between astronomy and astrology is five bucks from the fake place you ordered your degree from online. Cancer – There’s nothing wrong with owning more than one cat, unless you’ve ever said to someone, ‘there’s nothing wrong with me owning more than one cat.’. Leo – Public speaking is easy - just visualise the crowd naked… and masturbating.
Sagittarius – Venus is setting within the orbit of Saturn, meaning the Sun is shining directly from Uranus. Capricorn – Jeez, this is hard - you really need a herd of cows to produce this much bullshit. Aquarius – There’s nothing wrong with being a vegetarian - as long as you don’t mind that we all think you are stupid. Pisces – This is your month to take things to the next level! Become the best you you can be! But if you piss on the carpet again this relationship is over.
Virgo – Get off the couch - do something with your life! While you’re up can you wash the dishes?
WIN booty THIS MONTH YOU CAN WIN: One pizza every week from farelli’s tratoria
4 x $50 Lone star vouchers
Last month we had HEAPS OF lucky winners oN FACEBOOK! IF YOU’D LIKE some booty for you and your crew like us on facebook for a chance to win: facebook.com/sourcenz we have weekly comps for our followers. EASY PEASY. THIS MONTH IT COULD BE YOU, SO GET IN THERE.
JOIN IN ON FB for more chances to win: facebook.com/sourcenz 32
qT bIKE FESTIVAL
Back once again, it’s The Queenstown Bike Festival - always a highlight for local riders and those who wished they were locals. Everything from mellow-as laps around the basin to hard out DH badassary and everything in between. Most of the events are still taking entrants so unplug from the Sega and get out there. If radness isn’t your thing be sure to check out the Slopestyle at the least - it’s the best spectator sport going and you’ll brown your trousers just seeing what these guys can do. Get amongst it April 12 - 20 - queenstownbikefestival.com
Autumn - winter is almost here Queenstown Bike Festival - get into it! Craft spirits - the craft beer of 2014
thumbs DOWN is Autumn - summer almost gone erties - up Gross rental proprds your game landlo the bushes Sidewalk spew are right there… 33
words that used to be fake, but are now in the dictionary: 1 - srsly 2 - FOMO 3 - badassery 4 - food baby 5 - buzzworthy 6 - selfie 7 - twerk 8 - jorts 9 - fauxhawk 10 - doubledenim
? who, what, where F
D 5 4 8
*Map not to scale
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
Lone Star Bella Cucina Pog Mahones Finz Public The Find The Bunker Atlas Skyline Eichardt’s Outside Sports Sky Bar Pub on Wharf Powder Room The Front Room 16 Flame 17 Vortex
A Police B Post Office C QT Medical Centre D Bus Stop E QT Gardens F Memorial Centre G Library H Village Green i Information
This month’s map page is brought to you by Queenstown’s latest indoor attraction:
it’s reality but not as we know it...
interactive maze and now Vortex and their 12D motion cinema chuck in Mr Whippy’s ice cream parlour and the noodle bar down the road and you’ve got a pretty entertaining afternoon in town without even jumping off anything. If you haven’t been in yet, grab a crew and go and have a look - it’s white knuckle fun at its best.
If you’ve never heard of 12D Cinema or you’ve always been too scared to go on the rollercoaster, Queenstown’s latest indoor attraction, Vortex, is the perfect place to get your thrills without any fear of spills. Lower Shotover Street is starting to resemble a theme park these days. With a haunted house, an
GIGGUIDE mon 31 MAR
sun 6 APR
PUB ON WHARF :: Ham Solo Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Indie Night with Holmesy 9pm THE FIND :: Mojo Live Rock 9pm
LONE STAR :: Come say hi to Pistol POG MAHONE’S :: Live Like Lions 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Needy Pin Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Superstar Sundays 9pm THE FIND :: Calico Live 9pm
tue 1 APR
LONE STAR :: Card Sharks Cash Poker 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Calico Live 9pm SKYBAR :: DJ Request Line 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Ribera 9pm
mon 7 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Pistol Knights Duo Live 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Tai Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Indie Night with Holmesy THE FIND :: Mojo Live Rock 9pm
Wed 2 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Kayne Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Scottish 9pm
tue 8 APR
LONE STAR :: Card Sharks Cash Poker 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Uncle K Live 9pm SKYBAR :: DJ Request Line 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Ribera 9pm
thu 3 APR
LONE STAR :: Ladies’ Bike Night 8pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Jo Bridden Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Alias 9pm
Wed 9 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Kayne Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Scottish 9pm
fri 4 APR
LONE STAR :: Live Super Rugby POG MAHONE’S :: Hair of the Dog Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ Four:Twenty 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Max Rop Live 9pm SKYBAR :: DJ M4nual 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Stubacca 9pm
thu 10 APR
LONE STAR :: Ladies’ Bike Night 8pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Calico Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Alias 9pm
sat 5 APR
LONE STAR :: DJ Julio from 10pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Pistol Knights Live 9.30pm THE FIND :: DJ Stubacca 9pm
fri 11 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Radio Freefall Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ Four:Twenty 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Calico Band Live 9.30pm SKYBAR :: DJ M4nual 9pm THE FIND :: The Wall Tour ft. Yahtzel (Aus)
sat 12 APR
fri 18 APR
LONE STAR :: Live Super Rugby, No Holiday Surcharge POWDER ROOM :: DJ Four:Twenty SKYBAR :: State of Mind $15 THE FIND :: DJ Stubacca 9pm
LONE STAR :: DJ Julio from 10pm POG MAHONE’S :: Plebs Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: The Mutz Nutz Live 9.30pm THE FIND :: QTN Bike Fest 16inch World Champs 6pm
sat 19 APR
LONE STAR :: DJ Julio 10pm POG MAHONE’S :: Mutz Nuts Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Pistol Knights Live 9.30pm THE FIND :: DJ Stubacca 9pm
sun 13 APR
POWDER ROOM :: Safari Sunday with 40 onsies to party in PUB ON WHARF :: Those Guys Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Superstar Sundays 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Doolittle 9pm
sun 20 APR
mon 14 APR
LONE STAR :: No Holiday Surcharge SKYBAR :: Superstar Sundays 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Doolittle 9pm
PUB ON WHARF :: Ham Solo Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Indie Night with Holmesy THE FIND :: ‘Wont Back Down’ Bike Movie Premiere 8pm
mon 21 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Pistol Knights Duo 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Tai Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Indie Night with Holmesy THE FIND :: Mojo Live Rock 9pm
tue 15 APR
LONE STAR :: QTN Bike Fest Dirtmasters Downhill 2pm PUB ON WHARF :: Calico Live 9pm SKYBAR :: DJ Request Line 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Ribera 9pm
tue 22 APR
LONE STAR :: Card Sharks Cash Poker 9pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne Live 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Uncle K Live 9pm SKYBAR :: DJ Request Line 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Ribera 9pm
Wed 16 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Kayne Live 9pm THE FIND :: ‘Through The Lens’ Bike Film 7.30pm $15
Wed 23 APR
thu 17 APR
LONE STAR :: Legendary Quiz Night Returns POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Kayne Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Scottish 9pm
LONE STAR :: Ladies’ Bike Night 8pm POG MAHONE’S :: Pol & Dom Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Phil & Tilly Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Alias 9pm 37
GIGGUIDE thu 24 APR
tue 29 APR
POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Calico Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Alias 9pm
LONE STAR :: Card Sharks Cash Poker 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Phil & Tilly Live 9pm SKYBAR :: DJ Request Line 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Ribera 9pm
fri 25 APR : ANZAC DAY
Wed 30 Apr
LONE STAR :: No Holiday Surcharge POG MAHONE’S :: Charlie Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ Four:Twenty 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: Calico Band Live 9.30pm SKYBAR :: DJ M4nual 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Stubacca 9pm
LONE STAR :: Quiz Night - Heaps of Prizes PUB ON WHARF :: Kayne Live 9pm THE FIND :: DJ Krafty Kuts and DJ Feet 9pm
sat 26 APR
ON THE HORIZON
LONE STAR :: Hippy Party with Prizes for Best Dressed POG MAHONE’S :: Maximum Ropatz Live 9pm POWDER ROOM :: DJ A Kid Called Kayne 9pm PUB ON WHARF :: The Mutz Nutz Live 9.30pm THE FIND :: DJ Stubacca 9pm
IF YOU KNOW OF A WICKED EVENT COMING UP PLEASE LET US KNOW: INFO@THESOURCEONLINE.COM QUEENSTOWN QUEENSTOWN BIKE FEST:: 12-20 APR TOUR DE WAKATIPU:: 19 APR ARROWTOWN AUTUMN FESTIVAL:: 25 Apr - 04 May QUEENSTOWN BLUES AND ROOTS FESTIVAL:: 26 APR WANAKA WARBIRDS OVER WANAKA:: 18-21 APR TE ANAU TE ANAU TARTAN FESTIVAL:: 19-20 APR
sun 27 APR
POWDER ROOM :: Safari Sunday with 40 onsies to party in PUB ON WHARF :: Those Guys Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Superstar Sundays 9pm THE FIND :: Markets 10am - 2pm, DJ Doolittle 9pm
mon 28 APR
PUB ON WHARF :: Ham Solo Live 9pm SKYBAR :: Indie Night with Holmesy THE FIND :: Mojo Live Rock 9pm
LIVESCENE our free listing for artists of all persuaSions where we celebrate the player rather than the venue. send us your gigs people and we’ll publish them...
firstname.lastname@example.org FREEFALL band: Zephyr: Tue 1 Apr, Mon 7 Apr, Tue 15 Apr, Tue 29 April, 10pm. Pig & Whistle: Sat 19 Apr, 9pm. Ballarat Trading Co: Thu 24 Apr, 9pm. Pog Mahone’s: Thu 17 Apr, 9pm. HIDDEN INTENT: Vinyl Underground: Wed 16 Apr MOJO: The Find: Every Monday, 10pm.
freefall duo: Ballarat Trading Co: Fri 4 Apr, 9pm. Monty’s: Sun 13 Apr, Sun 27 Apr, 8pm. SHAY + PEARLY: Red Rock: Wednesdays, 8.30pm. THE HAMILTONES: Ballarat Trading: Sat 5 Apr, Thu 10 Apr. RULES OF ADDICTION: Vinyl Underground: Wed 16 Apr.
Hey You. We’re only as good as what you tell us. If you’ve got an event, a gig, an idea or something to moan about, you need to let us know... email@example.com
Published on Mar 24, 2014
Queenstown's longest serving events and entertainment guide is here for April and this month it's all about Faking It. Get out there, grab a...