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Issue 468 Jun 2013 . culture ainment . arts rt te en . ts en ev y.month free.ever i sense a orce in the f

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new • Red Rock’s line jump po • Site Tram on board kes a • World Bar ta short break booty haul • Another big on w be to

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It’s The Source and it’s a kerfuffle. Magazines, just like life, don’t always go to plan. Sometimes EDITOR: an eleventh hour wrench in the spokes changes Scott Kennedy: scott@thesourceonline.com everything. Sometimes you get left at the altar, sometimes you lose your way and sometimes a Advertising: Ingrid Thomas: 027 466 8980 place you love burns to the ground. Fear not - it’s Chris Stephenson: 027 332 1125 not the end of The World. Construction: Ever since The Source has been The Source Tim @ Fluid 03 442 6739 we’ve felt nothing but love from our friends at info@thesourceonline.com Kirsten Young: 021 341 249 The World Bar. With heavy hearts and damp eyes we stood on Shotover Street and watched SNail us: PO Box 689, Queenstown, NZ the funeral pyre of a lifetime of good memories FACEBOOK: (mostly) go up in smoke. the source mag queenstown Every good gardener knows that ashes are a great fertilizer. We’re sure the dearly departed will rise again - it’ll take more than a little bit of flames to stifle this Queenstown institution. Bumps in the road remind you to keep both hands on the wheel and your eyes on the prize - a good lesson to us all. Stuff is just stuff and the real value in a place are the memories it helped to create, the friendships it helped to forge and the culture it helped to spawn - it’s all about people. Everything else is just fridge magnets and snow globes. Embrace the kerfuffle, seek the random, ignore the fiasco and get busy livin’ or get busy dying. Life’s too short to live looking in the rear-view. Maybe the Mayans were right, The World did come to an end - doubt it though, the world outlived The Mayans and we’re sure The World will too. Source Out.

AS

ATLAS BEER CAFE STEAMER WHARF QUEENSTOWN

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the making On Friday 24th May The World Bar fell victim to a kitchen fire in a neighbouring business. The support shown by the Queenstown community has been enormous and it’s been heartening to witness such a strong display of unity from this unique little town. No point dwelling on the loss of an iconic social landmark. Much better to celebrate the 18 years which led up to this point. Here’s a few snaps which didn’t get toasted and a few more recent ones which we think capture the love. If you have any shots you’d like to add to the conversation, go to facebook.com/worldbarqtn


g of an icon


By Tom vincent

more bounce to the ounce

‘Bounce. Progress. Live.’ is the aim of the game when it comes to SITE Trampoline, Queenstown’s first offmountain training facility. SITE Trampoline, which opened its four impressive trampolines and foam pit to the public in October 2012, provides the equipment, guidance and professional coaching that allows winter and board sport enthusiasts to progress their freestyle skills year-round in a safe and inspiring environment. Sunny and Jens, the bros behind the training facility, have backgrounds in both snowboarding and wakeboarding so they knew first-hand what riders needed to help them improve their steeze. They’ve kitted out their specialist freestyle training centre with four giant trampolines so getting big air is no sweat. The biggest trampoline can be matched in size by only six others in the world, and is the only one of its kind open to members of the general public. Plenty of foam boards and skis can be strapped on to practice grabs, corks and flips without the need to take a chair lift after every time

you faceplant, while the wallmounted wakeboard rope helps users to learn how and where the rope should be held whilst pulling tricks out on the water. And if you want to throw some crazier moves without the pressure of trying to land them, launch yourself head first in to the foam pit - it’s undoubtedly the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. SITE’s hour-long after school sessions on Monday-Wednesday already have a local following of miniG’s whose moves could rival a Russian gymnast’s thanks to the two specialist kids’ coaches Joel Hilary and Kerina Page, both of whom have a background in teaching. I attended one of the 1.5 hour long freestyle sessions held on a Friday and throughout the week which are designed for people to progress at their own pace, but the boys are always about for a bit of guidance. Coaching sessions can be booked for those looking for one-on-one and group tuition. The guys welcome new ideas for events and with the whole place able to be booked out for groups of 10 at $20 a head there’s no doubt this place will be cranking throughout winter. 6


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do or diy

standard was drinkable). I knew my formula was working. The mash was already loaded into our 10L Alembics Copper Still when Eric tossed a handful of cinnamon sticks in, on a whim. At the time the move was the distilling equivalent of taking a bullet out of a gun, replacing it with a carrot and seeing “how it will shoot”. It shot pretty damn good. What we got was a 46% apple-cinnamon ‘shine fit for winter fishing and possum hunting. Accidental innovation is a beautiful thing. To hear more from Chris Barnhart check out: www.bearandshark.com

The Unexpected Things

The old saying goes “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” Screw that. If that were the case, awesomeness would never happen. Phil Knight invented Nike’s iconic waffle grip shoe by pouring rubber on a waffle iron, now no one can imagine doing anything wearing a flat rubber soled shoe. Penicillin was mould. Gin was medicine. We all know why ‘average’ happens - it takes so long to even be able to do something proficiently, it seems impossible to expand upon our own perception. Risk hops in the front seat with fear and together they creep in to pollute innovation. I’m as susceptible as anyone, our booze seemed perfect (my “perfection”

wtf?

drunken bum

A homeowner in southern Sweden got a shock when he found a drunken elk stuck in his neighbour’s apple tree. The animal was apparently on the hunt for fermenting apples when she lost her balance and became trapped. Per Johansson, from Saro near Gothenburg, found the elk making a roaring noise in the garden next door. He called the emergency services, who helped him free the boozed-up beast by sawing off branches. She spent the night recovering in the garden. The next day she took herself off into the woods with her hangover. It is not unusual to see elk drunk in Sweden during autumn when there are plenty of apples about. 8


7 Live muasic week s t h ig n food fantastic yday r e v offers e r u o happy h aily, 6-7pm d

e info? want all thbook.com/ ce Like us at fa

irishpub pogmahones

technofile AIRMOUSE Deanmark is developing theairmouse, a glove-like pointer. The idea is to prevent RSI by dissolving the standard mouse into a floating device worn on the user’s hand. It is battery powered and operates using a laser sensor. You simply hold your hand in the air making gestures similar to those used on a standard mouse. Because the device is directly in contact with the hand, it is said to be faster and more accurate. 9


By MATT BOOTH

Random Access Memory

It’s quarter to two in the morning, and there’s a good chance that I’ll get a phone call at 9am asking to go into work. I’ve been asked to write something random, but it’s just like being asked to not think about an African elephant, in drag, shoving a dildo down it’s trunk. See. Can’t be done. I usually do a great line in random. Give me a pint of cold piss and I can be erudite, witty and as arbitrary as Henry Blofeld on Nightnurse. Look at his interview with Peter Williams on Youtube. It’s linguistic porn! However, when asked to be random, well, you’ve more chance of getting a straight and honest answer out of any government department you care to mention (but why not look at - randomly - DOC). Sure, I can tell you a joke about the little old lady who was at the ATM: She looked a little confused, so I asked if she needed any help. She said she needed to check her balance. So I pushed her over. But is that really random? No. When I try to be random on purpose, it just doesn’t happen. Talent drains

from every pore, like money falls from a backpacker as they get metaphorically tipped upside down by the Holy Trinity of AJ (the father), Ferg (the son) and World Bar teapots (the holy spirits). But with that right amount of booze I can spout nonsense and drivel so eccentric and off-kilter even Mork would have to stand back and be impressed. I mean really, did you know that Herhellibebkernoffnenamgalsipsclar was really a word? Well it’s not, but Howard Widmore would be at pains to disagree. Imagine your common or garden teacher. Mismatched suit with leather elbow pads, a fondness for old-school discipline (he dished out more lines than Pablo Escobar). Let that word roll off your tongue. It’s a gooder. Now look at the periodic table. Mnemonic-a-gogo! Richard of York really did give battle in vain. Would have been so much easier if he’d have had a transgender elephant packing a dildo. Just sayin’.

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IS YOUR ADVERTISING WORKING HARD ENOUGH?

If you’re looking to promote your business or want to get the word out about your upcoming events or gigs then give me a call on 027 332 1125 or email chris.s@thesourceonline.com

Let’s have a chat over a coffee and nut out a plan. My shout.

11


,S IL V THE DE ATE ADVOC

I don’t pretend to be captain weird. I just do what I do. Johnny Depp

By ned Myopus

Our regular column dedicated to venting some spleen and getting it off your chest. If you’ve got something to say or you want to reply to this month’s column, drop us a line: info@thesourceonline.com

the wire

Failures, muck-ups, the fruit of drunken labour. That moment when everything goes quiet and you do it anyway. Why did I crack onto his girl? Why did I say that to the bouncer? Like a one winged pigeon, sometimes the odds of flight are bugger all. Why do we do it? Why do we rush headlong into the breach of stupidity and ask for sloppy seconds? We are pre-programmed to assume that everything is going to go to plan, when the reality is we are one “watch this guys!” from YouTube immortality - of the wrong kind. I can totally clear that. Definitely open the second bottle. She’ll never find out. He doesn’t suspect a thing. Screw it, I’m going to ask her. What’s the worst that could happen? Just when you think you’ve got the dance figured out, the fickle finger of fate, karma, or whatever ism gets your juice flowing, pistol whips you with his landing gear and puts you back into place. This ain’t no fairy tale, if it was I’d have stolen your girlfriend by now.

So what do we do? Run up the white flag and hide under mamma’s skirt? It’s an option, but so is sleeping all day and drinking the bong water. Screw that. Take the punches. Take the beastings and belittlements. Ask her to rumba and forget the consequences. Do what moves your nethers and reminds you we only get one lap at this race. Be bold, be brash, be kind. Throw your cape onto her puddle and the suitor will pay the tab. Buy the ticket, take the ride. Sitting on the sidelines is so last year. It only works in Disney films and pre-pubescent wet dreams. That deep seeded humiliation that never goes away. The notoriety that lasts a decade and earns you a nickname and maybe a scar. The rep that is always one step ahead of you and the snicker that’s one step behind. That’s the risk. That’s what happens when you fall off the tight-rope. But that’s the game. Cut down the net and strap on the stones. The big prize is failure’s neighbour - now buck up and ring the bell. 12


CONTRIBUTE

THE SOURCE IS HERE TO SHOWCASE THE WORK OF LOCAL ARTISTS, MUSICIANS, PHOTOGRAPHERS AND WRITERS. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD, PLEASE LET US KNOW BEFORE THE 7TH OF THE MONTH SO WE CAN PLAN YOUR CONTENT INTO OUR NEXT ISSUE. SORRY IF YOU’VE MISSED OUT IN THE PAST - KEEP SENDING IN YOUR GOODIES OR GIVING US YOUR IDEAS: SCOTT@THESOURCEONLINE.COM

CHEF’S

This Season our chefs have handcrafted a stunning 5 course menu showcasing our exceptional seasonal produce which you can enjoy at the special price of $65 per person. Or $50 for VIP Dining Card holders. Chef’s Daily Amuse Bouche Cauliflower presentation, shallot, raisin purée, parmesan, cos lettuce OR Canter Valley Quail, duck liver parfait, truffle brioche, quince ..... Southern Monkfish wrapped in potato, scampi, curry, coriander OR Terrine of Wild Rabbit, prune, leek, chocolate, gingerbread ..... Athol Valley rump of Lamb, sweetbread fritters, smoked potato, mushroom, lemon, parsley OR Fillets of Sole, clams, chilli, garlic, herbs ..... Chocolate Delice, hazelnut ice cream OR Poached Pears, cream cheese ice cream, honeycomb, meringue, anise syrup OR Chef’s Cheese selection

thumbs UP Snow on the tops The Queenstown Volunteer Fire crew This community The Moose, he’s still smiling

thumbs DOWN take National moves to protect to ht rig ur yo away your environment llshitters Braggards and bu

STEAMER WHARF . QUEENSTOWN For Reservations Phone 442 599 www.wai.net.nz

The Mayans

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I put my heart and soul into my work, and I have lost my mind in the process. Vincent van Gogh

PRE-WINTER COLLECTION


humour

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!’ So they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. He chains them together and says ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’ The next day the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on - very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’ The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you but I stepped on a duck.

NEXT MONTH: as you’ve probably gathered. the source runs with a theme each month. why? just because we can, and we think it’s best you know what’s coming up next so you can join in and have your say. we’re always keen to hear from artists, writers, photographers, DJs and general weirdos - especially if you’ve got something you want us to publish or EVEN IF you just want to have a rant...

next month’s issue is called

“WALLOP”

if you’d like to contribute email US: info@thesourceonline.com

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THE PLAYGROUND OVER THE HILL Deep in the heart of the Southern Alps the team at Cardrona Alpine Resort have been busy preparing to welcome skiers and snowboarders for a busy 2013 winter season. Cardona will undoubtedly be a hive of activity and excitement this season as athletes from all over the world prepare for the 2014 Sochi Olympics. It is not surprising that international athletes choose Cardona as their southern hemisphere training ground with three Terrain Parks, a Gravity Cross track and two Halfpipes on offer. However this mountain is not all about big stunts and 80 foot kickers – Cardrona Alpine Resort, or ‘Cardies’ as it is affectionately called by locals, is renowned for being a fun and family friendly ski resort with the most consistent snow conditions in the Southern Lakes region. Cardrona leads the way in New Zealand for child and family experiences with a knack of making

everyone feel like a rockstar on the snow. Its wide open slopes and abundance of intermediate terrain make this mountain fun and easy to ride. That said, advanced skiers and riders aren’t disappointed with the Arcadia and Tulip chutes for them to play in. Nestled high in the Crown Range, Cardrona is easily accessible from both Queenstown and Wanaka. The mountain’s high elevation and southerly aspect mean fantastic dry natural snow is plentiful, making Cardrona a reliable choice even in lighter snow years. Cardrona is an easy 60 minute drive (58km) from Queenstown, only 15 minutes further than to its smaller cousin. The route from Queenstown to Cardrona takes in NZ’s highest road through an area rich in gold mining history. With breathtaking views the journey itself should not be missed. For those staying in the picturesque lakeside town of Wanaka, Cardrona is even more accessible with a drive time of only 35 minutes. 16


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es,

EED. UARANT


RHYMIN’ By SIMON HERBERT

You’re A Modern-day Smoker

A Consumer Addict

Face it YOU are a consumer addict but it’s not all your fault you’re consuming They know how your brain works how your emotions govern your purchasing You saw it on a poster last week and without even consciously knowing That’s the moment you bought it now it’s just about collecting and paying Maybe there´s some internal struggle with your conscious mind but it is futile You will feel fulfilled and happy for a short time but just like a little reptile You’ll be craving consumer sunshine soon and again without even realising You´ll see another poster or a TV ad and the process starts repeating Face it YOU are a consumer addict you’re a little I WANT machine You’re not crazy enough to fill up your garage with shit you don’t even need But the science of selling is selling you emotions selling you promises and dreams

Your life’s now a procession of manufactured implanted wants to fulfil it would seem If you think I’m wrong give up consuming for a month I bet you don’t have the will Everything around you is specially designed to make that almost impossible Consuming is like smoking was 50 years ago cool and irresistible You’re a modern-day smoker but don’t worry it’s also currently socially acceptable Keep up with Alpharocket on facebook... facebook.com/ Alpharocket

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ANSWER : If you got “Always carry chains in winter” then congratulations, you are a winner! Your prize is getting to your destination safely. <RXFDQÀQGRXWPRUHDERXWZLQWHUGULYLQJDW ZZZTOGFJRYWQ]7KHUHDUHSOHQW\RIWLSVIRUVDIHUGULYLQJ and you can also check out the road reports for the district, posted daily by 7am.

the c-word

carry winter alwaysin&+$,16

Make a sentence out of these random words and get something good! Answer at the bottom of the page.

Puzzle time with The C Word


BELOW ZERO ICE BAR

ABOUT: Australasia’s largest ice bar designed by New Zealand’s original Ice Bar pioneer, Below Zero is right in the heart of town. Over 35 tonnes of crystal clear ice imported from North America has been professionally carved by two of the world’s top ice carvers to create a sculptured ice masterpiece; from the bar, the leaners, the bar stools, the chandelier, even the glasses are made of ice! Everything! Features include a full size ice gondola, photo booth and it’s the first Ice Bar in the world to include a real gas fire. SPECIALTIES: Vodka Cocktails and alcoholfree Mocktails. SOURCE SAYS: Experience the Antarctic elements in a friendly fun environment. Warm clothing is provided (coats, gloves etc). Opening Times: 12noon -late Food: Available but it’s all about the cocktails Bookings: Recommended Music: Yep. Outdoor area: No need

BELOW ZERO ICE BAR Searle Lane, Queenstown New Zealand P: 03 409 0040 info@belowzeroicebar.co.nz 20


The Bunker

ABOUT: One of Queenstown’s hard to find little gems, The Bunker is an intimate, rustic, fine dining and late night cocktail bar with a lounge-style outdoor deck. The focus is on great service in a unique rooftop location. An old locals’ favourite. SPECIALTIES: Cocktails, fine dining, DJs. SOURCE SAYS: This is the bar with the best two barstools in town. Get in early and stake your claim.

Opening Times: 5pm - 4am Food: Some of Queenstown’s finest Bookings: Recommended Music: DJs after dinner Outdoor area: Yes, with open fire

The Bunker Cow Lane, Queenstown New Zealand P: 64 (0) 3 441 8030 info@thebunker.co.nz 21


itlh a t k c o c n of the mo pornstar martini 45ML ZUMWOHL Natural Bar Spoon Vanilla Sugar 30ML Fresh Lime Juice 15ML Passionfruit Pulp

Shake and double strain into a chilled martini glass, add half a passionfruit as a garnish, add 5ML of Zumwohl Kirsch and set on fire (being careful not to set yourself on fire!) Then add a shot glass of bubbles on the side to extinguish the awesomeness!

Facebook is proof that the world is terminally bored.

Can,t believe you haven,t READ...

THE TASMANIAN BABES FIASCO

When JB and his flatmates took in the new guy they had their doubts. The Celine Dion albums, the fluffy stuffed animals and the floral pattern love seat should have set their threat detectors singing. Within days their house had become a swirling maelstrom of death metal junkies, drug war narcs, stolen goods, hired goons, Tasmanian babes, karate dykes, evil yuppies, dopey greens and the Sandmen of the Terror Data. Now they have a week to sober up, find $2000 and catch the runaway new guy before Pauline Hanson, the feds, cops, crims, their landlord and some very angry lesbians tear their house down and stomp them to jelly. 22


kaitime Braised Duck with Pinot Noir 1 duck; Salt; 1 bOtTlE Pinot Noir; 10 black peppercorns; 2 crushed garlic cloves; 1 bay leaf; 450g cherry tomatoes; 400g seedless grapes (no stems) 1. Preheat oven to 230째c. Rub duck inside and out with salt. Let stand at room temp for 30 minutes. 2. Put duck, breast side down, in large enameled cast-iron casserole. Pour wine over and add peppercorns, garlic, bay leaf. Cook uncovered for 20 minutes until it

starts to brown. Turn duck over, sprinkle with salt and add tomatoes and grapes. Cook uncovered for 20 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 150째c, cover and cook for 45 minutes longer. 3. Remove duck. Strain pan juices into saucepan; reserve tomatoes/ grapes, remove fat and boil until reduced to 1 cup. Return tomatoes/ grapes; season. 4. Cut duck in half and grill (skin up) until skin is crispy. Serve with pan sauce.

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arts

DANMALAS

bY kathy klein

the inexpressible, a gesture which points towards life’s abundance, an unspoken verse of Love. The danmalas remind us all to listen to the unheard voice of nature, creation, and the eternal mystery.”

Bursting with color and arranged into intricate patterns, these mandalas made of plants by Arizona artist Kathy Klein are a stunning example of nature art. Klein calls her work ‘danmalas’, which means ‘the giving of flower circles’ in Sanskrit. A devoted nature lover, Klein comes up with her designs while in a meditative state. Leaves, flower petals, grasses, cacti, pine cones and other natural objects come together into patterns that mimic those of traditional Buddhist and Hindu mandalas, concentric diagrams with spiritual and ritual significance. Mandalas are used to focus attention, establish a sacred space and aid meditation and trance. “Her inspiration is given from the golden sound residing within perfect silence. They are reflections of

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Up the Front Over the last two years, the Front Room has operated from its Memorial Street location as a community artspace and function venue (as well as meeting room for the crew at Fluid). This month the space takes the next step of its evolution and becomes the Front Room Gallery. The focus will continue to be on local artists, photographers and streetlevel art. Next time youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re passing call in for a look or join us on FB: /frontroomqueenstown

photography . fine art . prints . artifacts 10 Memorial Street Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm Phone 442 6739 25


s k c o r

N NSTOW QUEE

By Rosa Meekums

Where’s your will to be weird? Jim Morrison

what a mixed up world

bucket who wanted to be a fireman. My mum would make spaceships out of bedsheets and sofas, and we’d take off to distant planets exploring the universe. I guess it was natural progression for me to become a writer. I had to have an outlet for the monsters under the bed, the searches for buried treasure, and the witches, who I knew for certain, had taken over the bodies of my family. It was either become a writer or descend into madness. So, here we are. I’m so thankful I have my imagination. It is the most beautiful unrestrained form of chaos that we humans have at our disposal. As long as it’s used wisely, it harms no one and entertains so many. We can mix up the world as we know it with the sheer power of imagination. We invent fantasy worlds where adolescent wizards fight evil, where a leather-clad Keanu Reeves leaps over buildings (okay, not the best example), we can train dragons, dream up new languages and galaxies with talking aliens. Distortion and subversion of reality can be magical. Who needs real, anyway?

When I was a little girl I used to make stuff up. At the age of seven, I matter-of-factly declared in my school diary that our weekend family outing had been to the moon. Another time I detailed with accompanying illustration how Kylie Minogue had popped round to our house in Yorkshire, England, to serenade my mum with the Happy Birthday song. Then there was the time that my brother and I saw a man advancing on our school playground, hiding behind trees as he crept closer, undoubtedly with nefarious intentions. We called the police and he was arrested, gun in tow, right in front of us. We reminisced about this as adults one day only to be casually informed by our mum that we’d invented the whole thing. I didn’t believe her. I could still see it so clearly. I could vividly recall our plucky bravery. It was real! Mum’s disclosure made me angst: was I deranged? I decided that if I was I would blame my parents. They had infected me with their wild imaginations. My dad would dream up stories of a talking aristocratic

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wine time

It’s (RED) wine time June tells us it’s cold. It also tells us the snow should either be here or almost here. It also tells us it’s time to kick the Sauv and hit the red. What will you choose? Pinot Noir – Considering the harvest in Central Otago is all but finished and the 2011 vintages are looking stunning, get into the stores and get a local example to settle into the evening with. Shiraz – Go for an Aussie number. They know what they are doing with Sheeeee-raz. Merlot – personally I’d consider mixing this one with Cabernet Sauvignon and having a cheese or two as well. Cabernet Sauvignon – Strong, woody, dominant – anyone keen? Sangiovese – Forget it, it’s too hard to say. Zinfandel – Light and buoyant, fruity and fun. Open fire, someone you like, June and red wine. Get into it! (Not out of it).

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By ADAM SARACENO

the shuffle kerfuffle

I’ve got exactly four Ace of Base songs on my 80 GB iPod. The real meat of my music collection could be described as a Skynyrd steak with a Robert Goulet rub. But when Adam wants to get Swedish, Adam freaking gets Swedish. By the way, the “Robert Goulet Rub” is the name of my new sex move. I’m not going to give you full details but the end result is a friction hole in your polyester pants that was caused by a moustache. Anyway, like that dried out spliff that’s been sitting in a Ziplock bag in your underwear drawer, Ace of Base is meant to be enjoyed by yourself, in the privacy of your own home, on a very special night. But thanks to the doorknob humpers at Apple, every time I hit the shuffle button I will inevitably find myself blasting All That She Wants while I’m playing Hold ‘Em with the bros. And for the uninitiated, no track from The Sign is acceptable during bro time. Bro time requires a certain atmosphere and Euro-fem-synth-pop depletes the bro-zone layer. I’m not the only person who thinks iTunes shuffle sucks dong. My dad agrees with me. He even found some supporting evidence with a quick Webcrawler search in Netscape Navigator, typed primarily with his index fingers. Turns out that computers generate randomness the same way Night and Day generates fresh food – they know they can’t actually make it so they give you something that is indistinguishable to the inattentive eye. They use algorithms that create lists of random numbers from ever-changing variables like the current time or processor statistics. Maybe that’s good enough for encrypting your credit card data, but when it comes to making a bro-approved playlist, this doesn’t do shit. To get true randomness, computers need to receive random input from an outside device. For example – hook a computer up to a Geiger counter, which is measuring radioactive decay, which happens randomly. That reminds me of another one of my sex moves – the “Geiger Mounter” – which also involves receiving random input from an outside device. The moral of the story: authentic chaos is so complex that even fancy Apple computers can’t emulate it well enough to fool my dad and me. 29


GIGGUIDE fri 31 MAY

fri 7 JUNE

sat 1 JUNE

sat 8 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Plebs live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Mark & Stacey at 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! LONE STAR :: DJ from 10pm.

PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music at 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause at 10pm. pog Mahone’s :: Yard Men live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Rock Felony at 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! LONE STAR :: Live band upstairs from 10pm.

pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with the Quantum at 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! LONE STAR :: Live music upstairs at 10pm.

sun 2 JUNE

sun 9 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Jae Bedford live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico at 6pm. MONTY’S :: Winter Ale Launch Party! The Mutz Nutz live at 5pm.

pog Mahone’s :: Huw live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Jamie at 6pm. MONTY’S :: Midge McCleary live at 5pm.

mon 10 JUNE

mon 3 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Matt the busker live at 9pm.

pog Mahone’s :: Matt the busker live at 9pm.

tue 11 JUNE

tue 4 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, register at 8pm. Cash game.

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, register at 8pm. Cash game.

wed 12 JUNE

wed 5 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Calico live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Quiz night with Charlotte, 8pm.

pog Mahone’s :: Calico live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Quiz night with Charlotte, 8pm.

thu 13 JUNE

thu 6 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan & Jamie live at 9pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! MONTY’S :: Calico live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Country night - bar tab for best dressed.

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Country night - bar tab for best dressed.

30


fri 14 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico from 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! LONE STAR :: DJ from 10pm.

sat 15 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Rock Felony at 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! LONE STAR :: Live music upstairs from 10pm.

sun 16 JUNE pog Mahone’s :: Huw live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico at 6pm. MONTY’S :: Live music at 5pm.

mon 17 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Matt the busker live at 9pm.

tue 18 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, register at 8pm. Cash game.

wed 19 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Calico live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: The final Quiz night with Charlotte, 8pm.

thu 20 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Country night - bar tab for best dressed.

fri 21 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Hair of the Dog live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with The Mutz Nutz from 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! MONTY’S :: Jim Beam Party! Live music with the Hamiltones. LONE STAR :: DJ from 10pm.

sat 22 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dom & friends live at 9pm. Boat party! PIG & WHISTLE :: Rock Felony at 9.30pm. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! MONTY’S :: All Blacks Rugby. LONE STAR :: Live music upstairs from 10pm. CadilLac Club :: Winterfest at the Cadillac Club hosted by Dr Do Little from 10pm.

sun 23 JUNE pog Mahone’s :: Fiddle Me Happy live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Jamie 6pm. MONTY’S :: Live music with Calico at 5pm.

mon 24 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Matt the busker live at 9pm.

tue 25 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan Browne live at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, register at 8pm. Cash game.

wed 26 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Calico live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Jamie & Ben at 9.30pm. LONE STAR :: Ladies’ night. 31


GIGGUIDE

relax, y, repeat. thu 27 JUNE

sat 29 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Dan & Jamie live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Tai. BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from re 10pm, Come and check us he out! rn hemisp in southelive at 9pm. MONTY’S ::sCalico in park nsive terra te ex t os M wn LONE STAR :: Country night - bar tab for eensto e from Qu best dressed. or bus rid min drive

EASY 60

pog Mahone’s :: Plebs live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Rugby Party 6pm! BUNKER :: Local DJs, house music from 10pm, Come and check us out! MONTY’S :: Craft Beer Weekend! All Blacks Rugby. LONE STAR :: Live music upstairs from 10pm.

for you the snow we’ve got your level Whateverpog Mahone’s :: James & band live at

fri 28 JUNE

sun 30 JUNE

pog Mahone’s :: Graeme James live at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico 6pm. MONTY’S :: Craft Beer Weekend! Live music with Freefall at 9pm.

9pm. or to buy your lift passes, tion informa WHISTLE :: Karaoke at 9.30pm. .. For morePIG & d more. sons an rental, les stown, DJs, house music from BUNKER :: enLocal St, Q ue er a ov ak ot an 35 Sh 10pm, St, W nmoreCome and check us out! or 18 Du OMCraft Beer Weekend! NA .C:: MONTY’S ARDRO NTEED. WWW.C UARA GDJ LONENSTAR from 10pm. A. FUN :: CARDRO

WIN booty

THIS MONTH YOU CAN WIN: 2 cardrona day passes

tickets for nz mountain film fest

3 BELOW ZERO PASSES

Bottle of Zumwohl

Last month WE HAD Four WINNERS IN TOTAL: Gareth Kirkby, Louie Lanz, Sophie Newbegin and Gemma McGill. IF YOU’D LIKE some booty for you and your crew Email: WIN@THESOURCEONLINE.COM WITH YOUR NAME and NUMBER and YOU’RE IN THE DRAW. EASY PEASY. THIS MONTH IT COULD BE YOU SO GET YOUR ENTRIES IN...

JOIN IN ON FB for more chances to win: “source mag queenstown” 32


horrorscope Aries – Now’s the time to start thinking about bananas.

Libra – Time to use your stapler as a weapon.

Taurus – Today is your lucky day. You’re still breathing.

Scorpio – Just because they made it in your size doesn’t mean you should wear it!

Gemini – Seriously. Bitchy isn’t a good colour for you.

Sagittarius - It’s okay to laugh during sex - just don’t point.

Cancer – Try to do things in the proper order, i.e. introduce yourself before kissing.

Capricorn – What other people think of you is none of your business.

Leo – A lion doesn’t lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.

Aquarius – Of course you’re not perfect; there’s a crack in your ass!

Virgo – Wipe that smirk off your face. It’s not cute.

Pisces – Save the drama for your mama!

? who, what, where F

Lone Star PO Café Bella Cucina Pog Mahones Finz Pig & Whistle Wai The World Bar The Bunker Monty’s Atlas Skyline 13 Below Zero 14 Cadillac Club

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6 B

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13 4

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A B C D E F G H i

Police Post Office Medical Centre Bus Stop QT Gardens Memorial Centre Library Village Green Information

Is 24 hours in a day and 24 beers in a case a coincidence? I think not.

Here’s our take on your month ahead. If you’re looking for spiritual guidance this is not the place...


7 DAYS OF ONSCREEN

ADVENTURE The eleventh NZ Mountain Film Festival will host a wide range of speakers, workshops and events, as well as showcasing the film making and film editing competitions. The Festival has attracted big name professional American mountaineer Cory Richards to the shows in Wanaka and Queenstown in July. Richards made a name for himself when he climbed and filmed the first ever winter ascent of an 8000m mountain in Pakistan. The resulting film won the Grand Prize in Wanaka (2011), Banff (Canada) and several other film festivals around the world. Richards will speak in both towns and the festival is on in Wanaka July 5-9 and in Queenstown July 13-14th. Also speaking in Wanaka this year are Cas and Jonesy; two Aussie explorers who recently made history by completing the longest ever unsupported polar expedition. Kiwis Blair Smith and Dave Johns will speak on their epic ski adventure which started in Beijing and travelled West across China, central Asia and all the way to Europe and Ngai Tahu

kaumatua, Sir Tipene Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Regan will also present a talk on the Maori history associated with the South Island high country, focusing on the Central Otago lakes region. 40-50 of the film finalists will screen over the seven days, on topics from extreme adventures like base jumping, mountaineering, ski and snowboarding, mountain biking, to the more sublime environmental issues, travel and foreign cultures. The Wanaka Arts Society will host an exhibition on adventure art, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a community avalanche awareness lecture, two day Adventure Film School, live music, massive adventure Trade Show, and to cap that off the organisers hope to raise money for their chosen charities. www.mountainfilm.net.nz

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ROCKSTARS

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A quick shout out to Nooks and Scotty who have just taken the helm at Red Rock. A Queenstown institution, this bar has a long pedigree and has seen some huge nights over the years. Believe it or not it used to cover three floors and was one of the first clubs in town to play drum n bass. The plan is to get the basics right weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re told. Good food, smiley faces and a warm welcome. The boys take over from the start of June.


THANK YOU We’d like to thank you Queenstown for your love, support and offers of help: The local Fire Brigade, Johnny Barr’s, Quest, Habebes, Queenstown Gym, Altitude, Nooks and Scotty, Ron and Betty, Charlie Carter, Surreal, Tim and his crew at Fluid, Remarkable Audio, Chelsie, Nomads, Dave Boyd, Lakes Environmental, our amazing staff past and present, everyone offering to help our crew out with jobs, the thousands of well wishers, those of you who kept us warm in the street and of course anyone we’ve missed. To follow the story visit us at theworldbar.co.nz


Source 468 Kerfuffle