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war

issue453 Mar 2012

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this month... Welcome to The Source and welcome to March. How is it March already? It feels like the New Year’s hangover just slipped away yesterday. How time flies when you are having fun in the sun. Not everything in the world is fun and sun - this month we are looking at WAR. War - what’s it good for (absolutely nothin’, say it again...)? You know we aren’t going to keep it that simple though. This is The Source; nothing is black and white to us. This month we interview a real soldier about the reality of war, we look at how two Queenstowners are waging a war on fat and we find out where the old chestnut - make love, not war - came from. We take the time to talk about a few wars worth fighting - tunnels under The Routeburn, Monorails to Milford Sound. The battle is just about to start - are you going to fight or just sit back and watch big business take a big dump on paradise? We keep it local too with the war on wilding pines and of course the biggest little battle in town - Bar Wars. We’ve got the usual goodies too - QT Rocks looks at musical rivalry, there’s the gig guide and a new feature looking at some of the best trails to check out on foot or bike. The Source - waging war on boredom since 1999.

Atlas, Steamer Wharf, Queenstown

AINST BAT TLING AG

BAD

BE E R ! 3

EDITOR: Scott Kennedy: scott@thesourceonline.com Advertising: Ingrid Thomas: 027 466 8980 Construction: Tim @ Fluid 03 442 6739 info@thesourceonline.com Kirsten Young: 021 341 249 SNail us: PO Box 689, Queenstown, NZ FACEBOOK: the source mag queenstown


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TECHNOFILE

YOURBACKYARD

invented 1844

BIG WIN FOR EVENTS IN OUR DISTRICT

Syringe devices have been in use since the 9th century, when an Egyptian surgeon used a glass suction tube to remove cataracts from a patient. The first hypodermic syringes with needles fine enough to pierce skin did not appear until the 1840s. The Irish physician Francis Rynd used the first syringe to inject a sedative to treat neuralgia, revolutionising medicine with a single push of a plunger.

Shaping Our Future is a districtwide initiative aimed at getting Southern Lakes communities engaged and involved in decisionmaking for the district. The firt big run is now on the board with the forum recommending to Council that a dedicated events office be set up for the Southern Lakes. This is huge and we owe a huge thankyou to everyone who’s giving up their time to help future proof our district. You can join in: www.shapingourfuture.org.nz

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Peace is not the absence of war but the presence of justice - Harrison Ford

LAST MONTH WE HAD SEVEN WINNERS WHO TOOK AWAY WELLINGTON UKULELE ORCHESTRA TICKETS AND A CD, 3 DOUBLE PASSES TO THE NOMAD, 2 DAY PASSES FOR SKYLINE MOUNTAIN BIKING, A BOTTLE OF BROKEN SHED VODKA AND A FAT TYRE HELI MTB TRIP. THIS MONTH IT COULD BE YOU...


Make love, not war. The slogan entreating others to make the former first found its way into print in 1965 on badges distributed at the Solidarity Book Shop, Chicago and on a student’s handwritten t-shirt at an anti-‘Nam rally in Oregon, before appearing in The NY Times later that year. It is credited to the American cultural critic and folklorist, Legman, who explained the aggressive and sadistic elements of society as being a consequence of its suppression of sex. A friend remarked recently her housemate was happy to let his children watch films that had her cringing into the couch with their gory brutality, but fell over himself to frantically fast forward as soon as people: ‘started being nice to each other’. We live in a funny post-modern era, sexually, where perhaps some of the formerly most sexualized of activities have been neutered, or at least, de-sensualised. Pole dancing is now a fabulous way of exercising yourself into the perfect ‘bod’ and has finally allowed for the ‘mother-whore’ dichotomy to co-exist harmoniously (‘look what I can do… oh, but it’s purely to keep fit’)!

Just as Elvis and his pelvis were deemed shamefully provocative by the norms of his time, have we simply arrived at the next activity that will be dismissed as banally tame in years to come? What latest fad will our children be shocked by? Zumba orgy©? Aerobic sexercise? Whilst the Freudians in our midst believe everything we do is geared at the procurement of sex, it could appear we have undergone a seismic shift: we now emulate the procurement of sex to achieve those things we actually want. Similarly in language, there are now sanctions on saying what we mean as we fight the ongoing war on clichés, those terrorists of love that explode on attempts to be meaningful and sincere; maiming innocent civilians with disfiguring sneers. You may be in love with your yoga teacher, your bicycle, your pole or caramel squares; love in any shape is good and as long as we continue to spread it around to the sentient beings that pepper all these, then our peaceful bubble of Queenstown can continue to float its boat. Love (me). Your average Jo

make Love

not war 5


W atch this Space

on Fat

that’s just hit the market. It’s a clever idea that takes the standard idea of personal training and turns up the volume - literally. Instead of having a person there live telling you what to do - PT In Your Ear is a workout that you download and listen to on your iPod. All you do is what you’re told and you get a great 30 minute workout whenever you want. 30 minutes a day and you don’t have to look like an idiot on the Ab-Circle-Pro? Sign me up; snowboarding season will be here before we know it and I want to be ready! Check out http://www. ptinyourear.co.nz for more info and to download a training programme.

By: Scott Kennedy Just one more beer on the beach, what harm can it do? All of a sudden you go to slip into your boardies for a session of wakeboarding and somehow they’ve shrunk in the wash or something. That casual t-shirt you love like an old friend is now some sort of Jersey Shore touch-me-shirt. It’s time to get fit and lose that Christmas ponch. But, it’s so hard... and joining the gym costs way too much, let alone a personal trainer. Two Queenstown personal trainers, Sarah and Richie from Funktional Fitness couldn’t agree more - and they have just the solution. PT In Your Ear is a cool new product

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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other’s children - Jimmy Carter

The War


t

t

teapots

CON TRIB UTE

Last month travelling graphic artist Rakesh Makwana hit town and picked up his copy of the Source. Not wanting to miss out on a chance to share his work, he knocked up a couple of pieces and flicked them through to us. The front cover and the piece shown here are both his response to this month’s theme. Nice one Rakesh. You can see more of his work here: www. makgrafix.com. 7


Adam Saraceno

Religious fundamentalism, border disputes, oil, slavery, land grabs, resource scarcity and racism. All contributors to the world’s present and past states of war. And now we need to add climate change. Political and military figures around the world are becoming increasingly concerned about the possible impact of a warming planet on global security. In 2006, former World Bank economist Lord Nicholas Stern wrote the nowfamous ‘‘Stern Report’’ on the possible economic impact of climate change. In it he states that ‘‘an extended world war” is possible if we don’t fully deal with the effects of climate change. When Barack Obama collected his Nobel Peace Prize in 2009 he said that climate change “will fuel more conflict for decades”. So what is the link between climate change and war and what needs to be done? We know that a warming planet means changes in our weather - big changes: more severe weather events, more flooding, more droughts - and also sea level rise. These changes are already having serious impacts on global food production, access to arable land, water and energy and people’s livelihoods. This adds to the destabilising factors which have given rise to conflict in the past.

With all this and so much more at stake you would think that we would be doing all we can to reduce this risk. Yet after decades of international climate negotiations, commitments to the weak Kyoto Protocol and the implementation of the even weaker Emissions Trading Scheme, our government is hell-bent on fossil fuel extraction. All around our coastline foreign multinationals are exploring and drilling for oil. Around the country, primarily in Southland, Otago and the West Coast, coal extraction is set to quadruple over the coming decade if the plans of state-owned Solid Energy and other companies go ahead. Coal Action Network Aotearoa (CANA) is a group of climate justice campaigners committed to fighting the continuation of coal mining in Aotearoa New Zealand. We recognise coal as the primary threat to Earth’s climate system. We do this work in order to open up a space for a sustainable way of living and organising our societies so that future generations will have a thriving, peaceful and secure planet to sustain them. Join us at www.coalactionnetwork aotearoa.wordpress.com. Kristin Gillies Coal Action Network Aotearoa 8

Dream always of a peaceful, warless, disarmed world - Robert Muller

Coal, Climate Change & War


SOURCING TALENT

TUBE DRAWINGS

@ FRONT ROOM

O’CONNELLS SHOPPING CENTRE

BEACH ST

REES STREET

CAMP STREET

9

THE MALL COW LANE

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent - Isaac Asimov

“Tube drawings” is a series of forty-four A6 pencil studies by local artist and graphic designer Toby Eglesfield. The sketches capture passengers riding the London underground - selected from a larger set of more than a hundred drawings, they were made during the month of August in 2011. The subjects are generally unaware of their quick modelling sessions, preferring instead to gaze into a space just beyond their nose, engage with a book or phone, or doze off with their head lolling to the motion of the carriage. Displayed together, the drawings represent a compelling cross section of the people who ride the underground and the quirky, sometimes humorous atmosphere that comes to the fore upon reflection of the unique setting. Each drawing is marked with a record of where it was made and is referenced to a larger map accompanying them at the exhibition. TUBE DRAWINGS are on show at the Front Room Gallery in Memorial Street until mid March.


YOUR COUCH AND GO PLAY OUTSIDE TRACK REPORT BURN

Fernhill Loop, Queenstown

If you’re looking for a great fitness hike for the weekend or a wee mission with your bike, this is the one. It’s rough enough in parts, smooth when it needs to be and the views are well worth the slog. The best way to start is from town. Head up the Skyline road or the One Mile Creek track and make your way to the hub midway up the bike park. From there it’s really simple - folow the signs which point north and keep heading up, up, up. Once you get out of the trees you’re into tussock country and the views get better the further you go. Take the time to stop and have a bite to eat and keep your eye out for the goats which are the main residents up this way. Recent storms have brought down a few trees in the top part but even if you’re riding a bike, it’s only a couple of short sections which will slow you down. The descent is smooth and fun whichever way you go - you should try both and let us know which is better. Make sure you pay a visit to the One Mile Creek dam too, it’s an interesting little diversion. Whether you’re riding, walking or just panting, this track is a great way to get away from the crowds without having to drive out of town.

This month’s track report has been sponsored by Skyline. Thanks guys:

Skyline Queenstown Brecon St, Queenstown, NZ P: 64 3 441 0101 E: gondola@skyline.co.nz

FERNHILL LOOP

Getting there: Either walk up the Skyline access road or start on Wynyard Crescent in Fernhill. Time: 3-5hrs. Grade: steep but well trodden. Bikes: Yes (recommended but hold on tight). Dogs: Yes, on-leash.


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thumbs UP

source top ten:

20TH CENTURY WARS

North Island Autumn Real beer Fast internet Steamer Wharf

1. 1st World War, 1914-1918 2. Spanish Civil War, 1936-1939 3. 2nd World War, 1939-1945 4. Arab Israeli War, 1948-1949 5. Korean War, 1950-1953

thumbs DOWN hell Neighbours from who leave s er mp Freedom ca hes litter on our beac Shorter days mmer) Nuclear bombs (bu Monorails

6. Vietnam War, 1959-1975 7. Soviet Afghan War, 1979-89 8. Iran Iraq War, 1980-1988 9. Gulf War, 1990-1991 10. Former Yugoslavia, 1991-99 11


s k c o r

N NSTOW QUEE

Queenstown is no different, there are talented musicians all trying to get a bite out of the musical pie. What perhaps sets QT apart is that there isn’t any venom in the rivalries - though good natured competition is the essence of motivation, the environment here is pretty supportive. Two acts that have risen to the fore in recent months and are worth keeping an eye on are Katie Raven and Rules of Addiction. What singles out these acts is how different they are from each other. >>

y ned Ken t t o Sc with

The battle of the bands has been a part of music since music has been around. Whether you’re talking Blur and Oasis, The Beatles and The Stones or even the composer down the road from Mozart who may have had a few things to say about his chord changes.

and general weirdos - especially if you’ve got something you want us to publish or EVEN IF you just want to have a rant... as you’ve probably realised by now, the source runs with a theme each month. WELL we thought next month’s issue is called ‘COLOUR” maybe you’d like to know what’s coming up next so you can join in the fun we’re always keen to if you’d like to contribute email US: info@thesourceonline.com hear from artists, writers, photographers, DJs

NEXT MONTH:

03 442 9055 41 Ballarat St www.pigandwhistlepub.co.nz

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Rules of Addiction fuse rock, metal and punk into a jet engine of noise. It’s aggressive, energetic and in your face. This is music that is meant to be listened to loud - uncompromising, with the throttle pinned and the volume turned to eleven. The Young QT four-piece is off to a promising start with a four track EP in the can, a music vid making the rounds of the YouTubes and a nationwide tour about to kick off. Come feel the noise on March 16th when they rock The Dux De Lux in QT.

Katie Raven is the polar opposite of those guys. With a sultry voice that quickly draws comparison to the heady heights of Adele - this tried and true local is headed for great things. There’s a good chance you’ve heard her sing already - with a steady stint as a busker her atomic powered voice can be heard from the top of The Mall - when she’s singing on the beach. She also took out top honours at the Songstars competition last winter - fast tracking an already speeding rise to local fame. Katie Raven is also in the process of taking the next big step - temporarily relocating to Dunedin where she’s recording her first EP and has just signed her first record contract.

Forget the battle of the Queenstown bands - these guys are representing us in the big leagues. Go get ‘em guys - show the world what QT’s got. 13


humour was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best. George looked at this in shocked disbelief and finally said, “Yeah man, I can handle this.” The devil smiled and said “Okay Monica, you’re free to go.”

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him. “I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.” George thought that sounded pretty good so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in Hell. “No,” George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long.” The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. “No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented George. The devil opened a third door. Through it George saw Bill Clinton lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head and his legs restrained in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him

.......................................................................

Wtf?

Japanese scientist Mitsuyuki Ikeda developed a burger made from sewage to combat rising meat prices and environmental damage. He claims the new meat is healthier and less damaging to nature because it is all recycled material. The bacteria in the sewage is rendered harmless from heating and added chemicals. It consists of 63% protein, 25% carbohydrates, 3% lipids, 9% minerals and looks almost identical to red meat. Anyone? Just a nibble?

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Picking Your

By: Ned Myopus

Battles

In this issue of The Source, dedicated to war, it’s easy to think that war is a topic that doesn’t apply to us here in Queenstown. In many ways that’s true but that’s not necessarily a good thing. What? Peace is a bad thing? What the Hell is Ned thinking? Peace is a good thing but not at the expense of apathy. For too long I’ve watched this town, this region and in many cases this whole country sit on the sidelines and let things happen without so much as a peep. Ideas have become election issues and issues have become laws and before you know it the status quo has shifted and nobody said a damn thing. Take asset sales. Something like 75% of Kiwis are against state asset sales and yet John Key was re-elected in a landslide win with that being his main election policy. This isn’t how democracy is supposed to work - you don’t vote for a party because the leader has a nice haircut - you vote in a government because you agree with what they want to do. Take the proposed Routeburn Tunnel and the Milford Monorail. There have been public meetings in both Glenorchy and Te Anau and there’s been unanimous agreement that they don’t want these developments. Yet the ideas live on - it’s not on the news,

it’s not in the mainstream local papers and nobody, or at least not many, are even pissed off. What is up with that? Where are the protests? Where are the signs in shop fronts and angry letters to the editor? Hell, I’d even like to see somebody strongly FOR the idea. As a community somebody slipped us the date rape drug and while we apathetically just lie there and take it, big business and the government is having its way with us with a big fat grin on their face. Get off your ass, stand up and say something - anything. I don’t care if I agree with you, but for pity’s sake show some passion about something. If people in this country really did stand up, get on their chairs and yell at the top of their lungs that they are sick and tired of being a passenger then as a country we might just get the chance to drive again. 15


THE

REALITY OF WAR MK joined the British Army aged 17, and served for 14 years in the 2nd Royal Tank Regiment. Since leaving he has worked in South-East Asia as a trainer for a defence contractor. What was your perception of war when you joined up? The stuff of comic books. I had comics and every war movie you could imagine on Betamax and VHS. Someone joining now would experience something completely different. In 1994 there was just one Falkland’s veteran in my regiment. Nowadays, you see four 22 year olds, and one of them has already served two tours of Afghanistan. Everyone knows someone directly or indirectly who has been out there, but for me it was comic book stuff - the same for everyone else at my time. When did it become real? The first two weeks of Belfast. IRA gunmen were doing a tour targeting British forces and got a couple of kills. The weapon used made body armour irrelevant. It happened very close to where we were serving. Two weeks later we were attacked by an improvised rocket propelled grenade which hit

our truck and turned it on its side. No one was really injured but again you start to think “this is not make-up, this is not scripted”. March 2003 and Iraq, when did you know something was going to happen? The day the World Trade Centre got hit. Everybody realised it was a world changing event. Not long after that we were deployed to Afghanistan. Did it ever go through your mind “what the Hell are we doing here”, or did you concentrate more on the “now”? My office moved 3000 miles from where was home and that’s just the way it was. It’s a matter of emotional bandwidth available at the time. What do I have to deal with? Public opinion? No. But I do need to clean my weapon. Why am I here? I don’t care but need to make sure my tank engine has plenty of diesel in it. It’s all very here and now; mission focus. Everything else we’ll take care of in the bar when we get back. Is it fair to say that attitude makes for a better soldier? I think so.

16

Jaw jaw is better than war war - Winston Churchill

By: Matt Booth


Here’s some curiousness from the web. This page is brought to you by the good people at Fluid. Brand . Web . Strategy . Design . Marketing 17


Whatever your drink, wherever your preferred watering hole, Queenstown’s clearly got the art of serving (and drinking) alcohol down to a tee with more than 150 restaurants, bars and cafes gunning for your dollar within one square mile of each other. But blind to our drunken eyes and metaphorically-speaking it’s Afghanistan out there and we’re sinking bullets shaped liked beer glasses. Let me digress. Ruling over Queenstown’s fortress of bars are arch enemy warlords Al Vs Mike who sit high and mighty on their empire of chain bars and lure thirsty comrades in with dusty chalk boards on the streets offering cheap rations for happy hour and the promise of loose women. Each week the cold price war sinks lower and lower and the threat of cocktails being introduced into the conflict grows more intense - with tap beer and house wine remaining largely the weapons of choice on the battlefield. Latest reports from

local witnesses say that some bars now sell handles for as little as $2.50 while new ammo, such as summer ale and mulled wine is introduced through the seasons. But what really sorts the sergeants from the soldiers is the irresistible and mighty Manhandle. At $10 for a litre of thirst quenching beer this is a real force of value to be reckoned with. Nobody’s safe in Queenstown’s bar warfare land. When you think you are a fatal, a 2-4-1 promo flyer gets thrown your way and like a melancholic marine, off you stagger. Watch out for backpacking bar crawls that swoop in and ambush you. And let’s not forget about the rebel-without-a-cause underdog bar movements that hide down alleyways - where patrons fall prey to Jagerbombs and can be seen crawling the streets with twisted faces around sunrise. No wonder Tindell face-planted an imported blonde in Altitude. It truly is a minefield out there and everybody keeps ordering shots. 18

No, I know all the war rhetoric, but it’s all aimed at achieving peace - George W. Bush

By The Honey Badger


horrorscope

Here’s our take on your month ahead. If you’re looking for spiritual guidance this is not the place...

Aries – Maybe you should get out more.

Libra – You will never be able to live down to your reputation.

Taurus – You couldn’t hit a bull on the arse with a banjo.

Scorpio – Scraping the bottom of the barrel is always a sad affair.

Gemini – Clones are people two.

Sagittarius - You will run out of Cornflakes by Tuesday.

Cancer – I think your slinky may be kinked.

Capricorn – Be on the lookout for cheap thrills.

Leo – You are out of answers. Avoid questions.

Aquarius – Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Virgo – Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.

Pisces – A jellyfish is 95% water.

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Birgitte from Aggy’s Shack getting ready for a busy day. MoreFM’s Henry spotted waiting for a date on Valentine’s Day. Dominique from England jamming on his guitar. Newlyweds Mr and Mrs Jiang.

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queenstown’s best kept secret since 1997 . thebunker.co.nz cow lane . queenstown Ph: 03 4418030 Open 5pm - 4am

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discover the bunker, intimate rustic fine dining and late night cocktail bar with rooftop deck. available for private parties in the bar or boardroom. packages + discounts available for local groups

COCKTAIL OF THE MONTH AGENT ORANGE Sure to fix what ails you. 30ml Canadian whisky 30ml bourbon 30ml apple schnapps 30ml vodka 30ml light rum 30ml triple sec 15ml grenadine syrup 60ml orange juice Fill a hurricane glass with ice, add ingredients and shake. Garnish with cherry and orange. 21


rhymin’ THE DECORATORS

By Simon Herbert

(they make a cluster-bomb in a playground look like a box of fluffy ducks) You want a war I’ll give you a bloodbath I’ll send in my Crack Commandos A once a month outfit I call them The Decorators More crazy than an ear full of elbows More dangerous than an Alsatian with a bee sting on its bollocks They’re predictably unpredictable No rhyme no reason just death and destruction No pin no trigger just A chaotic random frenzy Utilising the world’s least reliable internal timing device You want a war I’ll give you a bloodbath Prepare for The Decorators’ arrival More blood than a halal butcher’s apron There’s no chance of your survival No direction no control just Mess and mental corruption No acid no amphetamines just a hormonal hurricane Raining indiscriminate terror so, finally here’s my advice You don’t want a war You don’t want a war This isn’t the oil you’re looking for You want to stay in your own country and develop new ways to live that don’t involve fucking others over Otherwise I’m going to send in... The Decorators 22


WINE time

MAN O’ WAR - Dreadnought Syrah Located at the Eastern End of Waiheke Island, Man O’ War Station is spread across 4500 acres of rugged coastal farmland. Strategically placed around this land is 150 acres of vines, in about 90 separate sites. The Dreadnought Syrah was named after the first in a line of 20th century battleships bestowed with the motto ‘Fear God and Dread Nought’ and embodying a supreme combination of speed and power. If you like your reds, you will love this - the 2009 vintage just won the best NZ Syrah in the International Wine Challenge – possibly the world’s largest wine contest. This is what the winos have to say about it: “Stylish, finely balanced and rewarding in its youth we see the 2009 Dreadnought developing gracefully in age as the fine boned structure becomes more apparent and great complexity ensues.” Woosh. You can get your hands on some – for about $45 – online at www.finewinedelivery.co.nz

kai time

In WW2 this dish was commended by the Ministry of Food to enable a nutritional diet despite shortages & rationing of many foods. In season veggies eg. swede, turnip, potato, cauliflower, broccoli, leek, onion, carrot, potatoes (for mashing); flour, butter & milk (for sauce); Strong grated cheddar cheese, herbs eg. sage or thyme (for sauce). Peel & dice potatoes (save peelings to bake with salt & herbs). Cook in salted water until soft. Mash with butter, a little milk & salt. Peel & dice veggies & boil until nearly cooked, drain & place in pie dish. Sauce – melt dtsp butter in pan,

mix in 2 dtsp flour, slowly add milk, keep stirring. Add salt, herbs & pepper, pour thick sauce over veggies. Put mashed potato in piping bag, pipe over top of veggies & sauce. Place grated cheese over top & bake at 220c for 30 minutes until potatoes have browned.

ATLAS TING FIGH 23

rf, Queenstown

Atlas, Steamer Wha

OUR FL AV

D! FO O

LESS

In war, truth is the first casualty - Aeschylus

Lord Woolton Pie


One certain effect of war is to diminish freedom of expression - Howard Zinn

the c word The War Against Wildings “I think that I will never see, a poem as lovely as a tree.” Poet Joyce Kilmer was right. Trees are indeed lovely things and there are some absolute beauties all around the district, both natives and introduced specimens brought to the area by homesick settlers. The introduced trees help to provide us with the magnificent colours we see every autumn but some of the exotic species have turned out to be rather less benign than colourful oaks and walnut trees. We’re talking here about wilding conifers – the Douglas fir, European larch and pine species that have discovered they like our growing conditions very much thank you and are slowly taking over our hillsides, roadsides and tussock lands. There’s a battle being fought against these invaders and it’s going to be extremely difficult and expensive to win. It may seem odd to talk in terms of war against trees when we’ve already noted their general loveliness. It’s like saying you’re on a mission to wipe out all the world’s fluffy kittens but in this case, it’s a very necessary battle. Wilding tree seeds establish themselves quickly, grow extremely fast and once dense forests of wildings form, all native trees and vegetation are choked out. If nothing is done, landscapes change quickly and dramatically and our native flora and fauna end up being the ones who suffer. So what’s being done? The Wakatipu Wilding Control Group is doing sterling work controlling the spread of these trees and can always use help in the form of volunteers or even donations. You can find out more about their work, read their newsletters and discover how you can lend a hand online at www.qldc.govt.nz. It’s going to be a long battle. It may not necessarily be one that we can ever win completely but we can give it a good try. After all, as Ronald Reagan once said “Trees, how many of ‘em do we need to look at?” We’re guessing he and Joyce Kilmer wouldn’t have got on.

24


The real and lasting victories are those of peace and not of war - Ralph Waldo Emerson

PADDY WHO? St Patrick’s Day is upon us and it’s time to dress up like a mad ginger thing and drink lots of Guinness. But before we do, we should take some time to remember why 17th March is such a big deal. So, Paddy was an Englishman. Born in Roman Britain and shipped off to Ireland as a slave. He then spent some time on the run from his boss and ended up a bishop. It seems he had a bit of a tough time being an Englishman in Ireland (probably kept telling crap Irish jokes and slagging off the food). But the most famous thing he did was banish all the snakes from Ireland and swept them into the sea. Pretty good going really considering all he had was a walking stick made of ash (which apparently then grew into a living tree). Oh and the other thing he did was use the three leaves of a shamrock to explain to his flock the meaning of the holy trinity (father, son and holy ghost). God knows what they thought he was on about... So there you go. Shamrocks, sticks, snakes and beer. What better reason do you need to get yourself down to Pog Mahone’s for some Paddy’s Day shenanigans? 25


GIGGUIDE wed 29 FEB

mon 5 MAR

pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm followed by Calico live at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan Da Man from 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.

WORLD BAR :: Live music with Mojo from 10.30pm. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30, $100 cash prize.

tue 6 MAR

WORLD BAR :: DJ Gee from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Kayne and Sam from 5pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, $100 prize.

THU 1 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm-4am. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Kayne + Sam - 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm.

wed 7 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly acoustic live 9.30pm to 11.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm followed by Calico live at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music w. Nick 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.

fri 2 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Check out the weekend password on Facebook. Huge DJs 9pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live trad music at 6pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music from Jamie and Ben, 8.30pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Live music with Nick 9pm. LONE STAR :: Live music with DJ Just Cause from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Harry and Saelyn, 9.30pm. R20.

THU 8 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live DJs 10pm to 4am. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Calico at 8.30pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm.

fri 9 MAR

SAT 3 MAR

WORLD BAR :: CDJ2000s spin with Stubacca from 9pm. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music with Charlie Gibson from 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Matt from 4pm and the Mutz Nutz from 8pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session DJs 6pm. LONE STAR :: Rock Night from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Neil Chilton 9.30pm, R20.

WORLD BAR :: Check out the weekend password on Facebook. Huge DJs from 9pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male at 8pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Ham Solo at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Live music with DJ Just Cause from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: LA Social Club, 9.30pm R20.

sun 4 MAR

WORLD BAR :: CDJ2000s spin with Stubacca from 9pm. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with the Mutz Nutz at 8pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session DJs 6pm.

sat 10 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Buy a beer BBQ from 6pm with live music. Red rock :: Calico at 4pm, then DJ Pops. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Robin Tripp from 2pm and Dan from 8pm. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 6pm. 26


LONE STAR :: Rock Night from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Craig Allot, 9.30pm. R20.

BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Live music with Nick from 9pm. LONE STAR :: Live music with DJ Just Cause from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Harry and Saelyn, 9.30pm. R20.

sun 11 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Buy a beer BBQ from 6pm with live music. Red rock :: DJ Pops & live bands 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan from 4pm. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 6pm.

sat 17 MAR

WORLD BAR :: CDJ2000s spin with Stubacca from 9pm. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Happy St Patrick’s Day! Live music from 2pm to late, let’s party! PIG & WHISTLE :: Paddy’s Day! Awesome live music all day. Come in for the craic! BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 3pm then Hair of the Dog at 9.30pm. LONE STAR :: Rock Night from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Free Fall, 9.30pm. R20.

mon 12 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live music with Mojo from 10.30pm. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize.

tue 13 MAR

WORLD BAR :: DJ Gee from 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, $100 prize.

wed 14 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly acoustic live 9.30pm to 11.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Nick from 6pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.

sun 18 MAR WORLD BAR :: Buy a beer BBQ from 6pm with live music. Red rock :: DJ Pops & live bands from 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Recovery day with music from Dan Da Man. MONTY’S :: Nick at 6pm.

thu 15 MAR

mon 19 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm to 4am. pog Mahone’s :: Music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Shay & Pearly from 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: Chas N Dave at 9pm.

WORLD BAR :: Live music with Mojo from 10.30pm. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize.

tue 20 MAR

fri 16 MAR

WORLD BAR :: DJ Gee from 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, $100 prize.

WORLD BAR :: Check out the weekend password on Facebook. Huge DJs from 9pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music at 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Get ready for Paddy’s Day with the Pig’s St Practice Day! Live music with Hair of the Dog. Call Reuben 021 955 260

wed 21 MAR WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly acoustic live 9.30pm to 11.30pm. 27

Or call Tom 021 838 143


GIGGUIDE pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Nick 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.

Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize.

tue 27 MAR

WORLD BAR :: DJ Gee from 9pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, $100 prize.

thu 22 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm to 4am. pog Mahone’s :: Music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music - Calico 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm.

wed 28 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly acoustic live 9.30pm to 11.30pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan Da Man from 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.

fri 23 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Check out the weekend password on Facebook. huge DJs from 9pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male 8.30pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Nick at 9pm. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause at 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Hey You, 9.30pm. R20

thu 29 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm to 4am. pog Mahone’s :: Music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music from 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: The Mutz Nutz at 9pm.

sat 24 MAR

fri 30 MAR

WORLD BAR :: CDJ2000s spin with Stubacca from 9pm. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music with Charlie Gibson from 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Matt from 4pm and the Mutz Nutz from 8.30pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session DJs at 6pm. LONE STAR :: Rock Night from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Lipstick, 9.30pm. R20.

WORLD BAR :: Check out the weekend password on Facebook. Huge DJs from 9pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Ghettoblaster from 8.30pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Ham Solo at 9pm. LONE STAR :: DJ Just Cause at 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Groova, 9.30pm. R20

sun 25 MAR

WORLD BAR :: CDJ2000s spin with Stubacca from 9pm. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music with Charlie Gibson from 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with the Hamiltones from 8.30pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session at 6pm. LONE STAR :: Rock Night from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Neil Chilton, 9.30pm. R20.

sat 31 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Buy a beer BBQ from 6pm with live music. Red rock :: DJ Pops & Ghettoblaster from 4pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan 6pm. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 6pm.

mon 26 MAR

WORLD BAR :: Live music with Mojo from 10.30pm. 28


? who, what, where

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Lone Star PO Café Bella Cucina Pog Mahones Finz Pig & Whistle Wai Red Rock Whisky Room Bath House The World Bar The Bunker 19 Monty’s 21 Atlas 23 Skycity Casino

F C

10

11

13 D

1

2

23

3

7 B

A

16 4

19

D 5 9 21 12

A B C D E F

Police Post Office Medical Centre Bus Stop QT Gardens Memorial Hall

E

LOYALTY CARD HOLDERS RECEIVE A FREE JUG OF WINE WITH EVERY TWO MAIN MEALS DINE IN ONLY. MAX I JUG PER TABLE. NOT VALID ON PUBLIC HOLIDAYS OR WITH ANY OTHER OFFER.

AFTERNOON DELIGHT COFFEE ‘N’ SLICE

FREE

JUG

OPEN 5 PM DAILY 6 BRECON ST. QTN FORALL BOOKINGS PHONE 4426762

ONLY $5

Ballarat Street, Queenstown

*Sign up at PO Café for your loyalty card - your passport to four great dining spots 29


Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous - George Bernard Shaw

Adam Saraceno

Dumbest. Wars. Ever.

In a World of conflicts brought on by a complex web of socioeconomic inequality and religious devotion, it’s worth acknowledging those disputes which arise from nothing but pure and simple idiocy. Thirty Years War (1618-1648) The answer to how a war could possibly last 30 years is simple – nobody knew what it was about or whom they were fighting. The most discernable conflict that historians can produce is that a crapload of Calvinists started partying it up in Bohemia, and the Catholics weren’t feeling it so they decided to oppress those sons-o-bitches. War broke out after some Catholic highrollers got tossed out a window into a pile of poop (the “Defenestration of Prague” is how the Catholics spun it) and the Benny Hill Show theme song started playing. War of the Golden Stool (1900) Like most wars in general, this one began with a stuffy white guy being an insensitive jerk to a bunch of brown guys. The Ashanti Empire had a supernice golden stool. A Brit named Sir Fredrick Hodgson got up in front of a giant crowd and demanded to sit his fat ass on it. What he didn’t take into account was that the stool sacredly

symbolised Ashanti power and ancestry. And since the Brits had a long history of dicking around in West Africa, the Ashanti people weren’t going to let this one slide.

30

War of Jenkin’s Ear (1739-1748) Presumably full of swagger and dressed to the nines, Spaniard Julio León Fandiño boarded a British vessel and cut off the ear of Captain Robert Jenkins. Jenkins went back to England and showed his shriveled severed ear to parliament, who promptly sent a “Do you like me?” note to the King of Spain. Spain told them to refer to the ear. War of 1812 (18… you know) The Americans hadn’t mushroom stamped the British in a good 20 years and were getting antsy. The Brits owned Canada, so the Americans staked out a claim next door so they could fight but avoid walking far (which most Americans have successfully avoided to this very day). Unfortunately Canada was full of Americans who also hated the Brits, so they sorta shat the bed with that one. The whole affair has become Canada’s most popular bedtime story.


Frozen margaritas Mega-jugs Happy Hour 4pm-5pm

Buy 2 Sol or any tequila based drink and get one free when you order any Mexican food

Come and try our new Mexican menu fresh quesadillas, nachos, burritos, chimichangas, dips

:: STILL HOME OF THE FAMOUS TEN DOLLAR BREAKFAST :: Local DJs through the week . live bands . garden bar . Corner of Camp Street + Man Street, Queenstown 31


Get 20g of tobacco and your coals. Ask at the bar for flavours available.


Source 453