issue452 Feb 2012 . culture inment . arts ta r te en . ts even h ry.mont free.eve
Welcome to The Source - if you just want us for our body, it’s ok. It’s February, the month of Valentine’s Day, the reality check of a holiday season of sloth and gluttony gets cashed and it’s still nice enough to head to the lake and get your kit off. If you haven’t guessed already our theme for the February issue is - The Body. We’re looking at our bodies in all sorts of ways this month - we’ve got those flattering mirrors set up that make you look smoking in the change room and once you get home you look like a TeleTubby. We’ve got a killer interview with Tiki where he talks NWA covers, tats and lets us in on the scoop before his gig in QT. We profile The Nomad before his Wanaka gig and The Honey Badger gets us to EDITOR: strip off. Scott Kennedy: Ned investigates body piercings and the lengths email@example.com people will go to feel better than you’ve ever felt Advertising: before. We shine a light on some up and coming Ingrid Thomas: 027 466 8980 local filmmakers and of course we’ve got the gig Construction: guide and a heads up for what’s happening around Tim @ Fluid 03 442 6739 firstname.lastname@example.org town this month. Kirsten Young: 021 341 249 It’s another issue packed with good stuff, so strip mail us: off and snuggle up close. Take a closer look at our PO Box 689, Queenstown, NZ body - I think you’ll like what you see... Source out
Atlas, Steamer Wharf, Queenstown
The history of the middle finger
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree and the act of drawing the longbow was known as ‘plucking the yew’ (or ‘pluck yew’). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, “See, we can still pluck yew!” Since “pluck yew” is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative ‘F’ and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as ‘giving the bird’. (And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.)
TRIVIA DID YOU KNOW?
• 8% of people have an extra rib • All the blinking in one day equates to having your eyes closed for 30 minutes • Your brain uses between 20-25% of the oxygen you breathe • An average person will spend 25 years asleep • You take over 23,000 breaths daily • Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete • The hydrochloric acid found in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve a nail • You have fewer muscles than a caterpillar
This year, California-based Ekso Bionics will begin shipping their robotic exoskeleton that will enable paraplegics to do the unthinkable - walk. New York’s Mount Sinai Hospital and other rehabilitation clinics in the US and Europe are expected to purchase commercial models once performance and reliability trials are cleared. 4
EMAIL WIN@THESOURCEONLINE.COM WITH YOUR NAME AND NUMBER AND YOU’RE IN THE DRAW TO WIN SOME OF THIS LOT:
Wellington Ukulele orchestra cd NOMAD CD & 3 DOUBLE PASSES to Jstar & the nomad IN WANAKA 2 skyline BIKING DAY PASSES BOTTLE OF BROKEN SHED VODKA Follow us on twitter ANY FAT TYRE HELI MTB and grab sweet deals @MTBtweetseat TRIP OF YOUR CHOICE LAST MONTH WE HAD FOUR WINNERS WHO TOOK AWAY MORE FM SUMMER VINEYARD TOUR TICKETS, 2 DAY PASSES FOR SKYLINE MOUNTAIN BIKING, A BOTTLE OF BROKEN SHED VODKA AND 2 TICKETS TO THE DOOBIE BROTHERS. THIS MONTH IT COULD BE YOU...
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Here’s the twist on Ashtanga Yoga in Queenstown Ashtanga Yoga is a system of yoga transmitted to the modern world by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (1915-2009). This method of yoga involves synchronizing the breath with a progressive series of postures—a process producing internal heat and a purifying sweat that detoxifies muscles and organs. The result is improved circulation, a light and strong body and a calm mind.
over “perfection in the pose”. Both seasoned yoga practitioners and new students alike are encouraged to use the powerful breathing technique. Breath and use of internal muscle action are useful tools in opening the body and focusing the mind. With regular practice you should aim to forget how good or bad you were yesterday or whether you will achieve a new posture today. You begin to dwell in the moment and learn to be totally in the now.
At GO QUANTUM, the synchronized breath with movement is emphasized
Gabrielle is the founder of Go Quantum yoga studio - she believes that anyone, no matter how old or how stiff can benefit from the practice. Yoga is not about being able to touch your toes or looking perfect in a posture! It’s about achieving good health and a good state of mind.
Want to increase your strength and flexibility?
Try Ashtanga Yoga
Change your body
change your mind
Builds physical strength and flexibility, muscle tone and loss of excess weight
Class concession cards available
Special initial one to one introductory class by appointment
Check website for timetable & updates
All levels welcome
Go Quantum Yoga Studio, 70 Glenda Drive, 021 1618 525, www.goquantumashtanga.co.nz
Free wine tastings Sunrise Long hot summer nights Fishing
1. Muscle pull 2. Muscle spasm 3. Shoulder impingement 4. Lower back strain 5. Tennis elbow
thumbs DOWN Back to work ay The one that got aw ing ill dr a Deep se Shipwrecks yâ€™re not Tunnels where the wanted
6. Runnerâ€™s knee 7. Shin splint 8. Ankle sprain 9. Achilles tendonitis 10. Arch pain 7
By The Honey Badger
why so UGLY? Forget first impressions or a banging physique like Elle ‘The Body’ Macpherson - when you’re cut to the buff and it’s just hanging loose these bare mortal statures of ours become rapture of their own. Yes I’m talking pro-nudity - nudist camps, beaches and swimming pools that welcome naturism. Queenstown Bay on a hot summer’s day may just slide into this appreciation realm but the bare knuckles of freedom feelers started remarkably with the Germans in the early 20th century, however gained notoriety in the ‘swinging sixties’ when the Vietnamese and threat of a
cold war pushed human fear and loathing to taste freedom, or it’s wonderful illusion. And so it was - old, young and weathered stark raving naked people gathered to dance, love life and generally air some skin. Today we can look forward to solstice cyclists, World Naked Gardening Day and streakers, unless holidaying in nude capital The Caribbean or haphazardly stumbling across some glorious ‘look-out point’. How refreshing. Dear QLDC, please introduce a naturist gathering to next year’s Summerdaze programme perhaps to coincide with a full moon? Oh wait...
Go to www.spencertunick.com to see more of this wicked photography
s k c o r
N NSTOW QUEE
dy nne t Ke t o c S with
The Source Interview Source: We’ve seen a lot of you in Queenstown over the years, from back in the Salmonella Dub days to filming videos at Subculture to rocking the house with Shihad last winter – what keeps you coming back? Tiki: Ain’t no party like a Queenstown party! S: Musically you continue to mix things up, from live mixing DJ sets, to MCing, to acoustic shows – what can we expect at your Queenstown gig? T: Acoustic jams that will get the people singing and moving, that’s the plan. S: We hear you’ve got an acoustic album in the works – when can we expect that? T: I’m playing a few new ones for the More Fm Summer Vineyard Tour, road testing the new tracks. The plan is to release the full length album in October this year. S: Last year you released a dubstep album and now an acoustic record – lots of artists would be happy to stick in their pigeon hole, what keeps you exploring new musical ideas? T: I love experimenting with different sounds and musical styles so that’s why I’m always releasing such varied music. I love variation.
S: The theme of The Source this month is ‘The Body’ – as a guy with a healthy amount of ink, what do your tattoos say about you? T: My tattoos can say a lot of things about me, but mainly they represent individuality in a punk and rebel like way. I’ve been tattooed by over 35 tattooists from all over the world so it’s a story board that keeps unfolding. S: What tattoo means the most to you? T: I’m really proud of my Puhoro which is the Maori shorts. It was done in 2 days and is a mixture of the tattoo gun and the traditional tap tap tool called the Uhi. It was such a traumatic experience that I went into shock many times. I’ve never felt pain like that before. S: Can we expect any NWA covers at your Queenstown show? T: I don’t plan to play any as I’m doing an acoustic set but I do sometimes play it at my DJ shows along with heaps of other offensive, rebellious and controversial songs. But I have been thinking of doing a really nice acoustic version of “Fuck da Police” for my acoustic album - that could be fun... 10
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What are we doing to Maui’s prize haul?
the well that the Deepwater Horizon was drilling when it exploded and sank (releasing 650,000 tonnes of oil into the Gulf of Mexico) is due to start exploratory drilling off the Otago and Canterbury coastlines at the start of next summer. The extreme pursuit of the last drops of oil will also only make the climate crisis worse and risks making the Rena disaster (in which 350 tonnes of oil spilt) look like a walk in the park. We’ve got to take far better care of Aotearoa, both by acting locally and globally and by making sure that our business and political leaders do the same. Climate change, if unchecked, will affect us all in ways that you can be sure won’t be good. If you go to www.greenpeace.org/newzealand you’ll find a number of ways in which you can make a difference; by volunteering, by joining Greenpeace and by signing a petition that calls for a halt to new coal mining and to deep sea oil drilling in favour of a clean energy future. Jay Harkness Greenpeace New Zealand
According to Maori legend, Aotearoa was pulled from the sea by Maui, as a fish – an impressive trophy, to be sure. The theme for The Source this month is ‘the body’ …. if we were to use the story of Maui as an analogy for how this country has been treated during its history, then you would have to say that while there are large parts of the fish that have been well preserved and are being used well, there are larger parts that have been thoughtlessly destroyed, or are going to waste for short term gain. What’s more, there are no signs that things will improve without significant input from those with an eye on the bigger picture. The lower half of the South Island is a case in point. Much of the landscape is, and many of the region’s rivers are, blighted by an industrial dairying model that prioritises the production of low-value milk powder above everything else. The soon-to-be-sold state-owned company Solid Energy is planning to mine six billion tonnes of lignite out of Southland. If that coal is burnt, a quantity of carbon dioxide roughly the equivalent to two years’ worth of the United States’ total carbon dioxide emissions will be released– a huge contribution towards the nightmare scenario of runaway climate change. And Anadarko, a major shareholder in
The Nomad With the death of Revolver, if you’re keen to hear decent live music (cover bands not included) it appears that a driver’s licence is now required. Case in point on February 3rd, legendary DJ, producer, re-mixer and all round creative music maven The Nomad is playing in Wanaka for a one-off gig. for it. His style of tune is the sort of perfect summer soundtrack that lulls you into a laconic sun kissed slumber and then kicks it up a notch to get your feet moving. Jandals get kicked off and before you know it the sun is coming up and you’ve danced the night away. You can expect a tantalising mix of reggae, dubstep, drum & bass and electronica. Also on the bill is the ever eclectic and eternally awesome JSTAR forming a difecta of DJ supremacy. Get over there and get into it.
So why should you pack up the crew and head over the hill for a rock-and-roll-road-trip? Because this stuff is good - real good. Forget the steady stream of also-rans that sometimes overflow our eardrums on a stock standard Friday night in QT. This is pharmacy grade goodness that’s worth the trip over the zig-zags. Hot on the heels of his 6th album, The Nomad has made a snaky move to our neck of the woods. He’s holding forth in Wanaka these days and the whole region is the better
THE LAST BIG DAY January 2012 will go down in New Zealand history as the year we waved goodbye to one of our iconic music events. The demise of the Big Day Out in New Zealand is a huge loss for every music lover in Aotearoa but let’s not lose sight of what this Auckland landmark has achieved. Without the Big Day Out most kiwis would never have had a chance to see some of the world’s finest
performers; Iggy Pop, Fat Boy Slim, Primal Scream, The Prodigy, The White Stripes to name only a few. Take a bow you guys. You’ve lifted the bar for every kiwi who loves to rock out at the main stage. Let’s hope the hole left by the Big Day Out can be filled by some more homegrown events and it’s up to all of us to support them all. Remember, if you don’t use it, the chances are you’ll lose it. 12
By: Ned Myopus
Trading pain for pleasure
Body piercing has been around in some form or another for thousands of years. From African tribesman to your little sister getting Minnie Mouse studs for her fifth birthday. These days most piercings are purely for aesthetic reasons, but there are some that have ulterior motives.
she had her clitoris pierced. Getting her off was really easy that way. Having compatible sexual piercings was kind of like training wheels for oral. It’s been a long time and I’ve gotten much, much better at cuninglingus. I’m no longer a novice and I have a great time doing it. But I have to admit it takes me about 3 times as long to get a woman to cum without the tongue /clitoris piercing combo. Even with lots more experience.” Good to know. What about pain? It’s fair to say that stapling your naughty bits is going to sting a bit. On the pain scale, tongues aren’t ‘that’ bad apparently. Anything below the waist is like getting your junk caught in a car door. Unlike tattoos and brands - piercings can always be removed if you no longer want to clip your spare key to your undercarriage while you’re in the swimming pool. Verdict? Is the pleasure worth the pain? According to all the nameless sources I talked to - apparently so. The one advice they all had was to be careful your piercing doesn’t get caught in their piercing - and you thought it hurt putting it in...
Right - before we go any further this article is about to get very adult oriented. After you read this you may never look at a tongue piercing the same way ever again and the sheltered amongst you may be about to lose your innocence. You’ve been warned. Still here? Tongue piercings are great for two things - fucking up your teeth and oral sex. Female on male is pretty widely known to get the three thumbs up, as does male on female - but what about metal on metal? Speaking under promised anonymity a male friend of mine put it this way, “Shortly after getting my tongue pierced I got a girlfriend. She was my first that I was sexual with. I had no prior experience with cuninglingus. That didn’t matter - I was pierced and 14
got something you want us to publish or EVEN IF you just want to have a rant... . realised by now, the source runs with a theme each month. WELL we thought maybe you’d like next month’s issue is called ‘WAR” to know what’s coming up next so you can if you want to contribute email US: join in the fun we’re always keen to hear email@example.com from artists, writers, photographers, DJs and general weirdos - especially if you’ve
7 Hours of 7 Mile
Proving vastly popular in 2010 and 2011 this multi lap individual or team XC race with the pits on the lake front is always a great day. Bringing in locals and riders from all over the country the riding is impressive and the vibe is great! Guess what, killer music and BBQ provided by QMTBC as well (we’ll be even better at it by now!) www.queenstownmtb.co.nz
Queenstown Mountain Bike Club have announced a provisional date for this year’s 7 Mile get together: March 24th (to be confirmed) – 7 hour XC mountain bike race @ 7 Mile - date should be finalised soon! As soon as it is we’ll open entries, if you want to be first to know sign up to the mailing list on the website.
The most successful people are those who are good at plan B.
NEXT MONTH: as you’ve probably
parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.’ But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are interchangeable’ ............................................................. The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,“Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered until Mary stood up and said,“You shouldn’t be asking sixth graders a question like that! I am going to tell my parents, and they will tell the Principal, who will then fire you!” Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again,“Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,“Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?” Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.” Mrs.Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say : One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, VERY disappointed.”
Claude and Maude met at the singles club and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other’s company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they’d shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts... Claude was thinking: ‘If I’d known she was still a virgin, I’d have been gentler.’ Maude was thinking: ‘If I’d known he could still do it, I’d have taken my tights off ‘. ............................................................. Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’ The third surgeon says, ‘No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’ The fourth surgeon chimes in, ‘You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few 16
At aged 47 and a stunning 6ft or 183cm, Elle “The Body” Macpherson has to be the sexiest ever chick on the planet. Nicknamed “The Body” and perhaps best known for her record five cover appearances for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue beginning in the 1980s. (For you young fellas, if you haven’t seen these Sports Illustrated pictures I suggest you search Elle “The Body” images on Google.) Height: 6’ / 183cm Boobs: A perfect pair, 36C Waist: A sexy 25” or 62cm Hips: An inviting 35” or 89cm Legs: Long enough to get lost in. Dress size: (US) 6 or (NZ) 8 – and that was for you chicks… albeit you’re thinking “bitch” and are just jealous!
oh please... Okay, okay, even us girls have to agree that Elle Macpherson is HOT. Hotter than a lava spewing volcano. But seriously, how many of us actually look even remotely like her? Oh yes, we all aspire to look like her but the reality is, we don’t. And we never will. (Bitch). Neither do the majority of you boys have the looks of Gerard Butler. So how about we all give us mere mortals (male and female) a break and love ourselves the way we are: short, skinny, pear shaped, podgy, gangly, warts and all. Actually that makes us sound like a right bunch of mutants…
If you’ve got something to add, please drop us a line. Remember, next month’s issue is called’WAR’.
Here’s our take on your month ahead. If you’re looking for spiritual guidance this is not the place... Libra – If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Aries – When I want your opinion, I’ll remove the duct tape.
Scorpio – If you look like your passport photo, you definitely need the trip.
Taurus – Never eat prunes when you’re hungry. Gemini – It’s time you introduced yourselves.
Sagittarius - I’m not a doctor, but I’ll take a look anyway.
Cancer – You look great for your age - almost life like!
Capricorn – What you really need is minions.
Leo – You are faster than a speeding ticket.
Aquarius – If it isn’t broken, fix it until it is.
Virgo – On your mark, get set, go away!
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rhymin’ RETRIBUTION by Simon Herbert Where you gonna run run run now you’ve come full circle Where you gonna hide hide hide now they know your face I’m gonna rain down flaming tears on you in retribution I’m gonna bang bang bang my drum, I’m gonna get vocal I’m gonna flex my lungs, I’m gonna make some noise Gonna peel back your fancy fake skin, expose your rotten fabrication My strength grows from within Still an acorn now but Soon your gonna be disgraced I’ll be an oak on a hill in a meadow in the sunshine in June I’ve got 7 billion children gonna put you on the moon Where you gonna run Where you gonna hide I’m gonna strip you just for fun Charge a pound to tan your hide Where you gonna run Where you gonna hide I’m gonna burn you like my sun Take you on a one way ride
Don’t forget your Valentine!
WHEN DID THIS BECOME HOTTER...
Where you gonna run run run, loyalties so fickle Where you gonna hide hide hide, I know your hiding place I’m gonna rise up and smash the lies of your institutions Where you gonna run Where you gonna hide When everybody knows my name 22
If you haven’t seen these guys before, here’s your chance. The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra has become a bit of a kiwi icon and they’re back on the road this summer with their newest album, “I Love You…”, another collection of infectious, ukulele-infused hits. Featuring up to a dozen ukuleles and a double bass, the orchestra juxtaposes heavenly harmonies and stunning solos against hilariously budget special effects, madcap antics and questionable banter, delighting crowds of all ages. This tour sees the orchestra bring its charming swagger back to Otago and Southland, performing in venues that have never before hosted the band. “I’m excited about ukeing in the South Island again,” says orchestra member
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
and University of Otago alumnus Sam Auger, adding “We’ve never played Invercargill’s beautiful Civic Theatre or the excellent Queenstown Memorial Hall, and personally I’m really chuffed about playing a show at my namesake, Sammy’s in Dunedin!” Led by Age Pryor (of Fly My Pretties and The Woolshed Sessions) and starring other luminaries of the Kiwi music scene, the Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra formed six years ago at a tiny café in Wellington and has since become a cult favourite, causing a mad scramble for tickets wherever it goes. Don’t leave it to the last minute. Tickets are only $38 and you can get them through Ticketek. If you only see one show this month, make it this one. The Wellington International Ukulele Orchestra play Thursday 8 March, Queenstown Memorial Hall. Open to all ages.
atch The Wineram Experience W this Space By: Scott Kennedy There’s always something on the boil in Queenstown. New projects, fresh talent and plenty of goods on the horizon. We’re all about the future at The Source and shining a light on the next thing, Watch This Space is a new column dedicated to what’s next from the creative movers and shakers in QT. The Wineram Experience is a new film project created by QT locals James Holman and Colin West. Sailing into uncharted waters this ten part web TV series is all about the NZ wine industry and vino culture - with a twist. This isn’t some stuffy, snooty, holier than thou wine snobbery wank-fest. This is a show about under 30s and wine. Just because you were born in the 80s doesn’t mean that you don’t enjoy a drop of the good stuff.
Director James Holman cut his teeth on action sports filmmaking shooting snowboarding here in Queenstown and rocketing to international recognition with his documentary on skateboarding in Burma. His co-conspirator Colin West at the tender age of 24 is the sommelier at Gantly’s. These guys know their stuff and they know how to deliver it. The project is in its infancy and is about to start filming. What they need is a bit of support to get the rocket off the pad. They’ve got a kickstarter campaign going (http://www.kickstarter.com/ projects/2022830278/the-wineramexperience) - head over and have a look at the trailer and do your thing to support local folks up to cool stuff and flick ‘em a few bucks!
“Resistance is futile”SUNDAY STAR-TIMES
wine time You may have heard that wine can have “body”. Your wine-snob friend raving about the amount of “body” in the wine you just bought him at the pub. Well as it turns out, he is not a complete idiot... it’s true. In fact, it’s the way you describe the amount of flavour the wine has – the amount to which the wine ‘fills up’ your mouth with flavour and texture, concentration and weight. That’s right.... ”body”. Wines can be light, medium or full-bodied. Or anywhere in between. For example, a light-bodied wine would have less concentrated flavours than a full-bodied wine, where the flavours would be notably more concentrated. Lighter bodied wines would feel more like water in your
mouth and fuller bodied wines would have a texture closer to that of milk in terms of heaviness. That’s where the weight debate comes in. Texture is somewhat harder to clarify and requires the use of some imaginative adjectives by the taster. Generally it describes how the wine feels in your mouth – for example you might use words like smooth, rounded, silky, velvety, sharp, acidic and so forth. It refers to the total mouth-feel... as opposed to a particular flavour. So the next time you retort when your mate compliments you on the amount of ‘body’ the wine you just bought him has, maybe you should buy yourself one too.... wine “body” is best enjoyed when more people are involved to share it.
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
The Body of Wine
Chilled banana smoothie with chia Your body loves smoothies. And luckily smoothies are generally something we all are rather fond of. Try this recipe for a health kick in a glass: In a glass jug or a blender add high fibre rice milk, chia seeds, bananas, honey or maple syrup. Blend until well combined. Allow to rest for 5 minutes. Pour into 2 large glasses, add ice cubes and serve.
Atlas, Steamer Wha
03 442 9055 41 Ballarat St www.pigandwhistlepub.co.nz
A HOLE LOAD OF NONSENSE Plans are being considered to build a road tunnel from the start of the Routeburn Track (inside the National Park) to the Hollyford Valley in order to shorten journey times to Milford Sound. However far fetched this may seem it’s been sanctioned by DOC and will be considered by our local council for resource consent. This issue is set to spark a huge amount of resistance from many quarters as the consent process gets underway. Here at the Source we feel it’s our duty to make sure you have the facts. So here they are: • The tunnel will be 11.3km long. (By comparison, the Homer Tunnel is 1.2km and the passenger road tunnel at Manapouri is 2km.) It will be 9km longer than any road tunnel in NZ. • The tunnel entrance will be in a grassy area near the Routeburn shelter. A 150m road to the portal on the Glenorchy side will need to be constructed. • Fiordland and Mount Aspiring National Parks are in the Te Wahipounamu World Heritage Area. This World Heritage site is one of only 400 special natural and cultural sites recognised by UNESCO in the world. • 468m will be tunnelled from the Glenorchy side. This will be disposed of outside the Park but it is not clear from the plans as to where. • The tunnel spoil will contain leachate which is harmful to the environment. It will be placed on the Hollyford Airstrip. Protection to prevent flooding is designed for a one in 100 year flood event (of which we
seem to have had a few) so there is a very real possibility that leachate/ other contaminants will enter the Hollyford River. • The tunnel will be open 15 hours a day to buses only. (7am-10pm with buses able to be there waiting at 7am and leaving as late as 10pm in the summer). • Despite MDL stating that an intended outcome of their vision is a construction project which is “open and engaged with local communities”, they have made no contact with the community of Glenorchy to have a public information session since 2005. • The proposal says there will be up to 40 buses per day in peak season. MDL are not obliged to be limited to that number. • The tunnel will take traffic both ways, which means that buses will come up and back through Glenorchy. • For 40 buses to pass through the village twice a day (out and back) will mean one bus every 5 to 11 minutes depending on the season. Given sailing times, they may come in convoys and larger clusters as they do now on the Te Anau route. • There is no proposal to change roads which means the buses will go right by the school and campground. • There are no provisions in the current plans to address what would happen if MDL cannot complete the work once they have begun. Need more info? Go to www.glenorchycommunity.co.nz
The problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you’re finished.
the c word
Pop quiz… What would you rather be?
A) Strong, healthy and vibrant, or B) broken down, beset by problems and a bit of a basket case? No contest really. It’s got to be A. Who doesn’t want to be a prime specimen, if possible? Most of us are born with strong, healthy bodies and if we look after them properly, hopefully we’ll be rewarded with a long life and nothing more taxing on the health front than dandruff. The same applies to the bigger body known as ‘our community’. If being good to your own body pays off, then doing good things for the public body must pay dividends as well. If we all take pride in our town and district and get involved, it will remain a great place to live. If instead we go feral and walk around breaking street furniture and terrorising Grannies, it won’t be. So join a club, pick up litter on the streets when you see it or just generally find a way of being involved. You’ll give your own body a workout and do the community body a world of good. 29
GIGGUIDE tue 31 jan
PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Hair of the Dog from 8pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session DJs 6pm. LONE STAR :: Live DJ from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: The Federation, 9pm, R20. SUBCULTURE :: JStar (UK) with Dave Boogie (Dunedin) + local support. Reggea, dancehall, funk, D&B
WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs live from 10pm. Red rock :: Battle of the Bands, 8pm. The grand finale! LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, reg at 9pm.
wed 1 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly live at 8pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan Da Man from 6pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.
sun 5 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze, live music & DJs from 5pm, free BBQ at 6pm. Red rock :: Calico at 4pm, then DJ Pops. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Jamie from 5pm and Nick from 8pm. MONTY’S :: DJ Tim Sargeant at 6pm. skycity casino :: Brett Strachan, 9pm, R20.
THU 2 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm to late. Red rock :: Mexican Madness Night! pog Mahone’s :: Live music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Hair of the Dog from 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: Chas ‘n Dave at 9pm.
mon 6 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Live rock musiC: Mojo. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize. PIG & WHISTLE :: Come and celebrate Waitangi Day. No surcharge & live music with Nick from 4pm. MONTY’S :: Live music from 6pm. No surcharge.
fri 3 FEB
pog Mahone’s :: Live traditional music at 6pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music from 8.30pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house session. MONTY’S :: Live music with Nick 9pm. LONE STAR :: Live music with DJ Just Cause from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Harry and Saelyn, 9pm. R20. HQ WANAKA :: Nomad and JStar. 9-late. $10 on da door
tue 7 FEB
WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs, $1000 bar tab, check out Facebook for tonight’s password. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Kayne and Sam from 5pm. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, reg at 9pm.
wed 8 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly live. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm followed by Calico live at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Sam 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.
SAT 4 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Stubacca on the Mix! Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music with Charlie Gibson from 9.30pm. Red rock :: Local legend DJ Pops, Funk/ Dancehall/DnB from 8pm. 30
THU 9 FEB
mon 13 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Vineyard Tour afterparty feat. Sweet Mix Kids & guests. Free entry. 10pm. Red rock :: Mexican Madness Night! PIG & WHISTLE :: Kayne and Sam at 8.30pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: Vikarious at 9pm.
WORLD BAR :: Mojo rocking it from 10pm. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize.
tue 14 FEB WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs live from 10pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Valentine’s Day with Jamie and Ben to serenade you! LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, reg at 9pm.
fri 10 FEB WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm. pog Mahone’s :: Traditional music 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Amy Chase Band from 4pm & Deadlier Than The Male at 8pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Nick at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Live music with DJ Just Cause from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Hey You, 9pm. R20.
wed 15 FEB WORLD BAR :: Shay and Pearly live accoustic. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan Da Man from 6pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.
thu 16 FEB
sat 11 FEB
pog Mahone’s :: Charlie Gibson at 9.30pm. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Jamie at 8pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session DJs at 6pm. LONE STAR :: Live DJ from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Brett Strachan, 9pm. R20.
Red rock :: Mexican Madness Night! pog Mahone’s :: Music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Shay & Pearly from 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: Vikarious at 9pm.
fri 17 FEB WORLD BAR :: Live DJs every night. Check our facebook page for tonight’s password. pog Mahone’s :: Live tradional music 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Amy Chase Band from 4pm & Jamie at 8pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Live music with Nick from 9pm. LONE STAR :: Live music with DJ Just Cause from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Groova, 9pm. R20.
sun 12 FEB WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze, live music & DJs all arvo. Red rock :: DJ Pops & live bands from 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Amy Chase Band from 2pm. MONTY’S :: Vikarious at 6pm.
Call Reuben 021 955 260
Or call Tom 021 838 143
GIGGUIDE sat 18 FEB
thu 23 FEB
pog Mahone’s :: Live music with Charlie Gibson from 9pm to midnight. Red rock :: Live music with Sam, Jodie and Kayne from 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music at 9pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Sessions at 6pm. LONE STAR :: Live DJ from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Craig Allott, 9pm. R20.
WORLD BAR :: Awesome DJs every night. Red rock :: Mexican Madness Night! pog Mahone’s :: Music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Calico 8pm. BUNKER :: New local DJs. MONTY’S :: The Night Watchmen at 9pm.
fri 24 FEB
WORLD BAR :: 2 live DJs every night, check our facebook page for tonight’s password. pog Mahone’s :: Live traditional music from 9pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Deadlier Than The Male 8.30pm. BUNKER :: Tim Sargeant, sexy house sesh. MONTY’S :: Ham Solo at 9pm. LONE STAR :: Blues vs Crusaders 8.35pm. skycity casino :: Groova, 9pm. R20
sun 19 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze, live music & DJs all arvo in our outdoor garden. Red rock :: DJ Pops & live bands from 4pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Amy Chase Band from 2pm and Nick from 8pm. MONTY’S :: Rock Dog at 6pm.
sat 25 FEB
mon 20 FEB
tue 21 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Live DJs from 10pm to late. Red rock :: Live music from 7pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music with Charlie Gibson from 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with the Mutz Nutz from 8pm. BUNKER :: DJ J-San, House Retro fusion. MONTY’S :: Courtyard Session DJs at 6pm. LONE STAR :: Live DJ from 10.30pm. skycity casino :: Jason Schmidt, 9pm. R20.
wed 22 FEB
sun 26 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Mojo rocking it from 10pm. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize. WORLD BAR :: $1000 bar tab at 10pm. Check our facebook page for tonight’s password. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, reg at 9pm.
WORLD BAR :: Secret Sundaze, live music & DJs from 5pm. Free BBQ at 6pm. Red rock :: DJ Pops & live bands from 4pm. pog Mahone’s :: Live music. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan 6pm. MONTY’S :: Live music with Nick at 6pm. LONE STAR :: Johnny Cash’s Birthday.
WORLD BAR :: Shay and Pearly live at 8pm. pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm then live music from Calico at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Nick 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays. 32
mon 27 FEB
WORLD BAR :: Mojo rocking it from 10pm. Red rock :: Pub Poker 6.30pm, $100 cash prize.
tue 28 FEB
WORLD BAR :: 2 ninja DJs, $1000 bar tab at 10pm, check out Facebook for tonight’s password. LONE STAR :: Free poker with Cardsharks, reg at 9pm.
wed 29 FEB
pog Mahone’s :: Quiz from 7pm followed by Calico live at 9.30pm. PIG & WHISTLE :: Live music with Dan Da Man from 8pm. LONE STAR :: Lonely Lonestar Wednesdays.
got a gig? If you’ve got an event coming up and you’d like to get it into our gig guide, please drop us a line. Our listings f are only as good as the stuf you tell us about, so get in l touch with the crew and we’l get your gig on the radar. You know where to find us:
firstname.lastname@example.org This guide was correct at time of printing. We apologise for any late changes or omissions. Please check with venues if you are unsure. Have a great night and play nicely out there.
You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.
Our Barbies, Our Temples magazines that show close-up pictures of Jennifer Aniston’s thigh fat and clothing stores that don’t carry pants over size 10. Cleansing diets that promote subsiding on juice and stomach acid for 2 weeks definitely stir the pot. But don’t blow the whistle on our little sweetheart from Willows, Wisconsin, with shoes so tight you need a Leatherman to remove them. Better yet, blame parents who think they can substitute a heap of fashion dolls and pink plastic Corvettes for actual parenting. It’s easy to have a fucked up self-image if you grow up thinking that your folks would rather watch Fawlty Towers on a 15” TV than stare at your fat face. No wonder girls grow up impressing upon a synthetic perma-smiling power-chick with jean shorts that wouldn’t come off in a hurricane. Long story short, stop Barbie bashing. And start selling Barbies with sweatpants or Snuggies or something loose-fitting for a change.
I hate Barbie. She’s expensive and difficult to undress. That does not fit my definition of “plaything”. Oh yeah, and there’s that negative self-image thing. I get it – if she was a life-sized human she wouldn’t be able to balance on her feet, her torso would be too skinny to hold intestines, her breasts would be the size of basketballs and her neck would be too small to support her giant head. In fact, some “researchers” at the University of South Australia calculated that her body-mass index would be so low that she would be incapable of menstruation. Thank you, University of South Australia, for your contribution to academia. You’ve exposed the horrors of a skinny, giant-breasted freak-woman who never pooped or PMS’d. Oh, the humanity. If it weren’t so hard to take her ice-skating costume off, she’d be every man’s dream. Now looky here – I’m not saying that women should aspire to look like Barbie. And I’m certainly not interested in looking like that Ken douche. Those genderless pubic nubs freak the shit out of me. My point is that I have yet to hear a sound argument for the link between body dysmorphic disorder and playing with a weird plastic difficultto-undress doll. Those full-length pants are especially tedious. If you want, you can blame 34
Frozen margaritas Mega-jugs Happy Hour 4pm-5pm
Buy 2 Sol or any tequila based drink and get one free when you order any Mexican food
Come and try our new Mexican menu fresh quesadillas, nachos, burritos, chimichangas, dips
:: STILL HOME OF THE FAMOUS TEN DOLLAR BREAKFAST :: Local DJs through the week . live bands . garden bar . Corner of Camp Street + Man Street, Queenstown 35
Get 20g of tobacco and your coals. Ask at the bar for flavours available.