Man – The Marker of All Things & The Single Simple Squirt
Alan H. Grant 10/09 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We, as part of the animal kingdom, have this propensity to laying claim to someone or something external to ourselves. Whether it be to a mate or some inanimate object - Seems nigh impossible to deny that urge. To bear witness to this phenomenon, one has simply to view any of the frequent nature programs on TV. Invariably, we encounter lions, tigers, cheetahs behaving as instinctively born surveyors – Making and marking specific boundaries of their respective ranges – With a single, simple squirt. How elegant and direct – No mistaken purpose can be envisaged. About 100,000 years ago, we were almost-human creatures, probably parading around in the altogether, as our other-animal precursors. And who is to say that we didn’t, out of pure instinct, define our turf – With that same single squirt. If we accept this as a valid premise, then, ascending thru various civilizational changes - Adoption of clothing to protect us from environmental changes came to pass. This significant achievement (questionable) began to make it slightly less convenient to issue a single, simple squirt. True, any type of simple wraparound - Bedsheet, serape, toga,… was not too obstructive. But, it never ceases to fail, that technological improvements end up complicating human functionality. First came pants with a button-up fronts-piece, then zippers – And an occasional backsliding with Velcro. All of these improvements required the manipulation of two hands – in preparation of issuing a single-simple-squirt (A dangerous tradeoff – The loss of critical time).
Despite these advancements – Our functionality was relatively unencumbered. … Then evolved a concept of metes and bounds – substituting stones and other markers at desired locations. Aah, but where these totems were placed became subject to dispute. Had they been accurately placed? What had to eventuate, were written deeds – Necessitating surrogate ‘stoners’, and you guessed it – Lawyers. Someone had to attest to these claims – Or litigate against them. A new paradigm was thereby introduced. Two dramatic earthly targets became the obsession toward adventuresome treks to define the precise positions of North and South Poles - The locations of which, are still in dispute. Further the meandering of the North Pole all over the place – Resulted in error. Any attempt to ‘mark’ - Would be akin to injecting a simple squirt into the ocean (Locus- Unknownus). Be that it may, we then sought to establish a penultimate claim – Beyond our worldly experience – In 1969, we landed on the Moon. Remarkably, this happening was portrayed live on TV, to at least one third of our total population. Can one imagine a greater impact that would have taken place if the first astronaut, instead of gingerly climbing down that ladder - Had simply opened the hatch of the lunar lander - Unzipped his personal hatch (Which would have required some prior clever engineering) - Removed his weapon – Issued a single squirt and pronounced,… ”One small squirt for man - One giant squirt for mankind”. What an affirmation of what we are all about. Man, the marker of all things, had planted his liquid flag – Now, as the master of a universal urinal. Would this shocking ‘Flasher’tableau have evoked great social repulsion – A terribly uncouth affront? … Or,… might this overt declaration – Have been cheered on by the kindred masses? Despite all the admirable gravitydefying hi-tech hoopla – Came an awareness – Here was a simple rendition of what each and every one of us – Is capable of - A commonality. In unison, from all the males, arose a grand chorus redounding to the heavens,,, ‘He is me – And we is he’! (It sounded like the final crescendo of Handel’s Messiah). There is an odd reprise to all of this. For some bizarre reason, as time aged our hero. Instead of being content with the significant markers he had
3 squirted down upon, you would think that he were able to rest upon his laurels, and retire into a quiet squirt-no-more atmosphere. But, that was not to be. Some genetic hay-wiring had overtaken - And he was impelled to mark more and more with less time between squirts. He had become progressively a 5-hour man, a 4-hour man, a 3-hour man. (You get the point) … a near-constantly marking man. Did this retain useful purpose, or had it become a mindless inanity? Our story would be an incomplete odyssey – without discussing the symbolic marking of a mate – Involving a totally different single, simple squirt. In this instance, man is laying claim to personal immortality (Not land or bricks and mortar), but creating a new version of himself In every generation, he posts a marker to the future. The entire harmonic cycle iterates over and over again – All because of that simple, single squirt … Accompanied by,… ’Be it, aaah,.. such blessed relief - Or,.. I, the Impregnator – have (pardon the expression) laid claim’. And before departing from this profound discussion, it must be noted that a single, simple squirt, has other mundane (or not so mundane effects): … Putting out fires; Reinvigorating nitrogen to the soil to help new plant life to bloom; And,.. as a critics highest expression of disdain for some one else’s artistic creation (including what you are reading here) … In any case, by taking matters in hand, Homo Squirt-Producer has a marvelous versatile tool – Speaking thru the ages for each and every one of us. The grand question man must ask of himself,… how could all this have been a product of just chance? There must have been some guiding pre-presence that chose to mark Adam, our first man. The Golden Rule declares that ‘We must do unto others – As we would have them do unto us’ … . If that be an immutable verity,… then how do we suppose, our ‘Maker’ did unto us? Ponder all of the above – Each and every time, before you,… ..