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NOR CAL’S COMEDIC ON GOINGS AND SUCH...

THE SET LIST

FEB 15th - MAR 15th 2009 ISSUE # 2

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ISSUE #2

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

WHO WE BE EDITOR IN CHIEF/ART DIRECTOR PUBLISHER JOHN ROSS johnross@thesetlistonline.com CO-CREATOR/EDITORIAL HEAD RAY MOLINA CONTRIBUTORS JEREMY DUNCAN, BRYAN YANG, KIETH LOWELL JENSEN, JESSE JONES, RAY MOLINA, ADRIAN PALENCHAR AND CHEESE SPECIAL THANKS THE CREST THEATER, SACRAMENTO ALL SKETCH, DOUG BENSON, PAULA PONDSTONE, ISACC LAMB, JACK @ COMEDY CENTRAL, JESS @ OMNIPOP, RYAN @ ASPECIALTHING, SACRAMENTO ALL SKETCH AND LAUGHS UNLIMITED.

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FEBRUARY 15TH - MARCH 15TH

THE SET LIST

4. Dear 2nd Greatest Comedian 5. Pithed Off - Sho’ Nuff, I popped it 6. Doug Benson Interview 8. The Onceover 9. Retro Reviews 10. Sacramento All Sketch Program 12. Internet Dating for Dumb Asses 14. Nor Cal Comedy Calendar 16. Paula Poundstone / Isaac Lamb 17. Horoscopes 18. The New Funnies 19. The Origin of Stand Up Comedy


Introducing the intro Hello again! Where has the time gone? It seems like it was only last month that we put out our first issue. A lot has changed in the past 45 days..let me tell you! First off, thanks a bunch for the support we’ve gotten from the community. Second off, this publication will be coming out on the 15th of every month. “Why the 15th John?” Well, I’ll tell ya why. Ya see, the 15th is a special time of the month. It’s a date that I hold dear. A date that signifies odd numbers and it’s also a number that’s divisible by 3 and 5. Are we clear? Good. Look you shouldn’t be questioning me so much. You should however, check out the Doug Benson, Paula Poundstone and Isaac Lamb interviews to your right...my left. Oh yeah! The Sacramento All Sketch Program is present also! A truly sincere thanks to you, John Ross

Dear, 2nd Greatest Comedian ...on planet earth

I’m a single mother with one beautiful little girl, I also have a very rare condition called Münchhausen by proxy, sure that sounds good on paper, but the problem is, I’m quadriplegic. Which means I’m stuck to a chair 24 hours a day. I can’t even hug my own children let alone try to slowly poison them. My condition may not be the most popular or well liked disease out there, but I thank god everyday for giving me it, since there are so many worse diseases I could have. Like alcoholism or homosexuality. And like those, I was born with this, it’s in my genes. I was born clumsy and one day when I was pregnant I fell down the stairs, half accident but half intention as it was the first symptom of my Münchhausen by proxy. The fall left me unable to move 97 percent of my body. But I do appreciate what god gave me and I consider myself blessed, and although I can barely stand life as is, I couldn’t imagine how hard it must be, being an alcoholic fag. Unlike me, they wont even get to go to heaven. Doesn’t seem fair but Münchhausen by proxy is not in the bible and as long as I don’t kill someone I’m kosher, not to mix religions. My daughter, god bless her little heart, she tries to help. She’ll complain of stomach aches and will spike her own hot chocolate with Windex, of course she doesn’t know that I saw her fill the Windex bottle with blue Gatorade. What I fear most is that she’ll never know what it’s like to be genuinely mistreated. Sometimes I get so depressed about how little I can do, I try to express it on my face in hopes that my little girl will see it, so that my negative facial expressions will have a detrimental affect on her emotional growth and will subconsciously hinder her self esteem. But alas, I’m grasping at straws since 90% of my facial muscles are paralyzed, making it nearly impossible to deliver a concerned look with a hint of indifference because of how self absorbed I am. I just want to be able to hide how much I don’t care, is that to much to ask? I just want to be able to get attention because of the harm I inflict on another. Sometimes I think about how it would be so much easier if my condition was merely “Münchhausen,” then being paraplegic would be enough to garner the attention I desperately desire but it’s not, I have “Münchhausen by proxy” which means I have to hurt someone else to get my attention, and as it stands, all I can do right now is think about hurting my little girl, please help, I almost to the point in which the idea of hurting my little girl isn’t even appealing anymore. Am I a lost cause, or is there anything that can be done??? Sincerely, Accidentally fit mother Dear Accidentally fit mother, My heart goes out to you, I know how hard it is to want to be all that you can be especially when you have a child you want to set an example for. And as it is important for you to show them that any obstacle can be overcome, it is also necessary to remember that you are only human, be it, a horrible ,vile human, still... just a human. From what I can gather, you are clearly able to type and I would suggest possibly sending your daughter hate filled emails using a pseudonym or also try having her hug you. I once read a book called “Monkey Shines” and there was this quadriplegic guy who had his caregiver monkey hug him in order to bite it’s neck and ferociously thrash him about, it worked in the movie, I mean book, and I think it can work for you. And don’t worry, I’m sure your daughter is well aware of how much you don’t care, and can probably sense your ill intentions, kids are more perceptive than adults give them credit for. Sincerely, 2nd Greatest Comedian on the Planet

Page 4 - The Set List - “It’d be pretty cool if you lived with a monster. You’d never get hickups.” - Mitch Hedburg


PITHED OFF

“SHO’ NUFF, I POPPED IT”

by Cheese

Before I realized I was wasting my life, I worked in a furniture department juggling sofas, dressers, rugs and ennui. Surviving the first 6 months without getting fired cemented me as a regular. Regulars were a rarity and, throughout my tenure as second-shift inertia engineer, the ‘new guy’ moniker came to be inhabited by no less than a dozen people and that meant I associated with a great number of immensely memorable characters before immediately forgetting them the moment they were fired. One particular new-hire, however, stands above the nebulous cloud of nobodies who occupied the title either before or after. His name, which I have changed to protect his dignity, was not Sven. Sven was a brilliant beacon of crystalline absurdity in a company that took itself so seriously that it just had to eventually fire him. The verbal briefing was innocuous enough. My supervisor asked if I had met the new new guy. Upon my negatory report, I was served a steaming plate of “psssshhh… DUDE.” This particular new guy was apparently a sight to behold and I was equipped with many descriptions and analogies in preparation for our introduction. Confident in maintaining my composure in the face of the now mythic Sven, I walked into the customer-owned-goods area to continue wrapping the dining room tables I would later be asked to fit into a Tonka™ truck. I pushed open the double doors and beheld what had to be Sven. It became necessary then to tap every reserve of willpower at my disposal to keep the resultant mirth-influx from catapulting me backwards through the door and down the escalator. “Sweet Christ on a cracker,” I thought, “that man is a caricature of himself.” Sven was shorter even than I. He was a black man with skin on the lighter side of that spectrum, wearing a collared Macy’s shirt and gigantic coke-bottle glasses that seemed to be made entirely out of jokes. He had a proportionally small head and a rotund, block-shaped body that made his head appear all the slighter behind his giant glasses. If Steve Urkle had impregnated a tortoise, like he did in that one flipbook I made, then Sven would have been the 9-months-later milestone. This man embodied awkwardness of biblical proportions. I would posit that, when god told Abraham at the altar, not to sacrifice his son and that the almighty was actually just dicking with him, the awkwardness felt ever thereafter between father and son would have only minimally registered in comparison to the awkwardness of cartoon turtle who stood before me at that moment. The bespectacled spectacle spoke unto me: “Hey dare, Pimpin’!” Not “pimp.” Rather “pimping.” I w! as a verb. So it began. Sven was from Oklahoma and had seen tornadoes rip holes in space-time. He would suddenly burst into song and clap his hands on the freight elevator. He was so used to being a laughing stock that nothing fazed him, even though my supervisors would brutalize his self esteem hourly. It did not help matters that he wasn’t all that good at his job and was too busy singing and reading about the Hulk and Iron Man to

notice. He was constantly broke and had an expensive marijuana habit. He complained of his weight and destitution then ate nothing but six-dollar burgers from the Carls Jr. next door. It was during a short discussion of the validity of metaphysics that he, quite seriously, cited television illusionist David Blaine as an example of something science could not explain. He would often partake in his own degradation, telling of his embarrassments and failures as if he thought this would improve his standing. One such story could be charitably described as a romantic misadventure and less charitably described as a sadness volcano. It had been a while, you see. Apparently, a very long while indeed because Sven, by his own account, had purchased a blow-up sex doll with intent to utilize it. Already, the tale was a rollercoaster reaching its apex. With his plastic companion seductively inflated and alluringly motionless, it was, I would suppose, time to decide on a position. Should the vaguely female flotation device be on the top or the bottom? The 200-plus pound man chose poorly and gave my essay its title. That cinched it. Sven was too good to last. He was a rare, living curio that waddled into people’s lives like a leprechaun to brighten them for a moment, only to leave as quickly as he arrived with his distinctive laugh: “Buh-HEEOOOO!” One day, I arrived for my shift to a couple boxes of leftover pizza. “Nah, you cun go ahead an’ have some I brought dat in this morning.” said Sven in what I’m guessing is an authentic Oklahoma accent. As I greedily destroyed greasy triangles of happiness, Sven sat looking sadly at a piece of paper that turned out to be a letter from Macy’s thanking him for his services. That day, Sven had gone out of his way, without a car, to bring pizza in for everyone and was later rewarded with his final paycheck and a perfunctory letter congratulating him on being fired. The pizza still tasted like pizza, so the smell of regret did not deter me from my meal of tragedy. How could a man with glasses that thick not see this coming? Though I, like everyone, complained about Sven, from his incessant singing to his utterly-cessant working, I admit I suddenly missed him the following day. Surely, he would be replaced by some unremarkable ensign with no tornado stories or accent. His role given to some grey everyman who would rob me of comedy by daring to cultivate some measure of dignity and, really, how could I be expected to work with that? How depressing it was that I should then return to witnessing well-adjusted human beings wearing eyeglasses that do not get Cinemax. With Sven gone, I had no gold standard against which to measure my own ridiculousness. In his leaving, he made it clear to all: Sven was glorious.

Page 5 - The Set List - “I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.” - Rodney Dangerfield


Doug

Benson

BEST WEED EVER

by John Ross

In

what seems to be most people’s opinion, pot is generally portrayed as a drug that slows things down. It takes you to a place of ease, a place where a slight interest in movies and video games are transformed from mildly interesting entertainment options, into daily Dorito fueled routines. A place where things like jobs, brain cells and responsibilities just seem to fall to the wayside. Page 6 - The Set List - “If emotional scars were visible, porn woud be disgusting.” - Doug Benson

For a lot of our THC filled friends, that assessment couldn’t be further from a lie. But in the case of our latest cover boy Doug Benson, weed hasn’t slowed him a bit. In fact, his “interest” in cannabis has proved to be quite the business opportunity. (No, he’s not a drug dealer.)


Alongside being voted High Times’ “Stoner of the Year,” in 2006, Benson also created and produced a documentary called, “Super High Me,” which one the award for best documentary at the Stoney Awards in 2008. Benson is also the co-creator of The Marijuana-Logues and appears regularly on VH1’s Best Week Ever, all while staying atop the stand up comedy circuit. He also had a Comedy Central Special come out last month and released his “Professional Humoredian” CD in 2007. His work ethic seems more like that of a methhead then a pothead to us here at TSL, so here’s our attempt to straighten things out. BTW, yes, you read it correctly. Benson’s film “Super High Me” won the award for best documentary at a festival called, “The Stoneys.” With a film called “Super High Me,” you might think that it would have been a sure-shot, but interestingly enough, it wasn’t. “There were some serious documentaries it was up against, so they definitely had to make a decision if they wanted to go with a comedic one,” said Benson. “But in terms of getting the pro pot message out to the people, a lot of folks had seen Super High Me, so I guess it was hard for them to ignore it.” “It was good to win ‘Thee’ award,” Benson jokes. “Thee” only award I’d want to win.” The Academy can F-off,” he laughingly continued.

wouldn’t be some serious consequences.”“Even that much coffee, or even in Spurlock’s movie with the fast food, it’s just clear that there so many other things out there that are so much worse than pot.” “I say half-seriously, that the only side affects to smoking pot constantly for 30-days, are weight gain and fun having.” Although the agenda of the mainstream media may not see pot the same as Benson sees it, Benson tends to try and stay away from portraying himself as some Marijuana martyr. “I’m not super political about it; I think it should be legalized.” “I have my medical marijuana license, so theoretically I do smoke legally,” Benson explains. “The movie is more about, the general acceptance of the notion that people can smoke pot and live normally.” “I wouldn’t say that it makes me super productive, because I do sit around a lot and watch movies and play video games.” “But things are going pretty well, and I smoke pot fairly consistently.” “Really the bottom line is, that it’s just a funny movie.” All weed aside; Benson’s comedy routine is inspired from a lot of character-based acts from the past, while holding true to a somewhat amplified version of himself. “One famous comedian goes around telling new comics to ‘just be yourself,’ but I think that advise is kind of misguided,” said Benson. “I don’t really have a specific comedy philosophy, except to just create a version of you, that you invented.” “There’s been plenty of successful comics that play a part,” he adds.

“Look at Don Rickles for instance, he doesn’t go around insulting people all the time, he’s a really nice guy.” “A lot of people think I’m the same off the stage as I am on, but that’s just because either I really am high, or I wrote the material while I was high,” Benson half-jokes. “I The film is based on a single joke by Ben- guess I lucked out, that I get to perform as who son, which entertained the notion of spoofing I am.” Morgan Spurlock’s 30-day McDonalds binge documentary, Super Size Me. Just as Spurlock dedicated his cause to fast food, Benson went on a “30-day off pot, 30 day on pot” experiment, to see what the affects would be on his body and mind.

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“I’ve had some people suggest that I try smoking crack for a month or doing meth or something, but to that I say, ummm...‘I’m good.’” “Even, with alcohol that would be tough. I’m a vodka man, and I know that even after a day or two day of that, I’d be a mess,” added Benson. “The irony of my career is, that comedy clubs really push alcohol.” “Being that I’m a ‘Stoner’ comic, I have had to throw people out of the show for being too drunk,” continued Benson. “I’ve never had to throw anyone out Find out more about Doug at www.myspace.com/ for being too stoned.” “That’s the amazing thing about pot. I don’t think there’s any drug out there, that if you took it constantly for 30 days, that there

doug_benson. Benson will also be appearing at The Punch Line in San Francisco on 4-20-2009.

Page 7 - The Set List - “I was on the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself, “I’m getting too old for this shit.” - Doug Benson

Call John Ross

916.760.8055 johnross@thesetlistonline.com

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THE ONCE-OVER

reviews. previews and reprereviews.

We’ve never been so right.

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PAUL F. TOMPKINS IMPERSONAL ASPECIALTHING RECORDS

With an absurdly uppity tone and act outs that he knowingly over-extends, Tomkins is truly one of the greats of today. “Impersonal,” recorded in 2007 at the UCB Theater, is a compilation of material that Tompkins produced within his first few years of performing in LA. He admits in the liner notes of the album that the content is mostly his older material and the he’s, “...happy to have this leg of my creative journey documented in this way.” “Impersonal,” manages to segue between 16-tracks without ever seeming scattered at all. The album opens with Tompkins taking a cheap/hilarious shot at a striding Goth girl, later followed by his encounter with a store called “Elegant Balloons.” The last quarter of the album finds Tompkins hating Jazz, suggesting that merely corn may have ailed the Irish during the potato famine and the funniest 4-5 minutes you’ll ever hear on the subject of peanut brittle. Alongside this record, you can Youtube Tomkins and find a ton more of really great comedy. He can also be seen on VH1’s Best week Ever with Paul F. Tomkins. - John Ross

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BORN STANDING UP STEVE MARTIN

Steve Martin can write rather poetically as evidenced in his plays, novels and most of all in his brilliant short story collections; Cruel Shoes and Pure Drivel. With Born Standing Up, Martin chooses a more journalistic tone as he explores the drive, inspirations and experiences that led him into and back out of stand

up comedy. Martin was stand up comedy’s first true super star, selling out arenas and becoming a household name without a sitcom or film propping him up. On his path to superstardom he wrote for The Smothers Brothers’ controversial weekly show and for the less controversial Sonny and Cher show; he hocked magic tricks at Knott’s Berry Farm; he struggled with being a repeat guest on the Tonight Show and still having to wonder how he’d pay his bills: “The first time you do the show, nothing. The second time you do the show, nothing. The sixth time you do the show someone might come up to you and say “Hi, I think we met at Harry’s Christmas party.” The tenth time you do the show you could conceivably be remembered as being seen somewhere on television. The twelfth time you do the show, you might hear, “Oh, I know you. You’re that guy.” Without wallowing in it, Martin does touch on the personal experiences that shaped his comedy; his difficult relationship with his father, his problems with anxiety and the loneliness of life on the road. All in all it makes for a compelling read and a fascinating look at the methods and mind of one of this ages best and most influential comics. It’s also fun for us would-be comedy superstars to read about one our heroes doing his time in the trenches. - Keith Lowell Jensen

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IMPORTANT THINGS WITH DEMITRI MARTIN COMEDY CENTRAL

Demetri Martin, best known for his “win, lose, or draw,” alternative comedy stylings, had a new show premiere on February 11th, on Comedy Central called, “Important Things with Demetri Martin.” “Important Things,” is the second series pick-up under Comedy Central’s first-look agreement with Jon Stewart’s Busboy Productions. Stewart and Martin both

Page 8- The Set List - “I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’” Demitri Martin

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share the Executive Producer title. At first glance, the sketch-based show came off to me like Sesame Street for adults. A running theme dominates the show, while Martin combines stand up, animation and studio bits to emphasize the theme. Unlike the aforementioned children’s show, “Important Things,” uses a “subject” rather than particular numbers or letters to obsess over. The first episode deals with, “Timing,” while the ladder focuses on, “Power.” Martin wades through the ambiguous themes with child-like cleverness, switching formats just often enough to avoid redundancy.

The stand up portions are the bright spots, while the sketch performances are hit and miss. With that being said, when the sketch does hit...it’s really good! (see the acting reel of the “Timing” episode). Most of the other content seems a bit inane. (see the Spoken Word sequence.) All in all, the show is decent. On a scale of “one to Chappelle Show,” I’d give it a “SNL circa 2006.” - John Ross


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RETRO REVIEWS By Keith Lowell Jensen

Bengt Washburn Hell Bengt

Earthquake in a Coffee Shop

Bengt, with a silent g. Washburn’s voice wavers about, so that you might worry your CD player is on its way out. No, the batteries are not dying; the man just really has to work to keep his composure as he tells the stories of growing up Mormon in small town Utah. National Geographic as porn, the year’s supply of food in the basement and the lingering fear that the one time you cut loose and have a few beers before making out with a cute girl would be occasion that Jesus finally chooses to return. “Jesus! Oh… welcome back. How long have you been standing there?” The whole album is a fantastic evening of coffee shop stand up, as it pulls you through the jokes while getting you deeper into the mind behind them and the life that inspired them. The hilarity really hits the fan when Washburn relates his misadventures as a Mormon Missionary. “That’s when I found out I was growing up in a weird religion. I didn’t know. I thought the Catholics were weird. Turns out, No, Mathematically, not the case. I found out we were weird. I found that out because only weirdos would let us in!” He does a great impression of the nice “normal” people who hid behind furniture in an attempt NOT to let him in, and then of course there is the woman who answers the door naked, trying to prove that she’s still got it. “Wow. Big challenge, you just turned on two 19 year old male virgins. WOAH! That is the high bar of hottiness. Ma’am we have not been this horny since we rode our bicycles up your bumpy driveway. You are hotter than a pothole. Very hot!” If there were justice in the comedy world, the name Bengt Washburn would be a household name. His is one of the finest comedy CDs of the past decade. The good news is, rumors are circulating that he has another one on the way. - Keith Lowell jensen

This month we look at a record by Woody Allen and one by the great Groucho Marx, a man who Woody Allen worshiped openly and unashamedly. For a hilarious example of the younger comedian’s fanaticism for the elder, see the Groucho musical number in Allen’s 1996 film Everyone Says I Love You.

Woody Allen Standup Comic Woody Allen

An Evening With Groucho Marx Groucho Marx

Woody Allen first became famous as a stand up comic. Yes, he really performed and scored as a stand up comic before ever playing one in a movie. In fact, after What’s Up Tiger Lilly and What’s New Pussycat failed to deliver as brilliantly as his stage act had, it was questionable whether he’d be able to transition into the film maker and star he longed to be. Then came Take The Money and Run and soon enough stand up

Many attempts have been made to capture the Marx Brothers on vinyl, from recordings of their old radios shows to clips from their movies hastily organized by arbitrary themes. But this is the one Marx Brothers album that every comedy fan should own. Groucho, the most outspoken of the brothers, tells their story to an adoring audience at Carnegie Hall. He is not a young man here, evidenced by Dick Cavett’s introduction informing the audience that they must refrain from taking flash photos which might make Groucho dizzy. Cavett relates how he asked his hero how one might warn the audience of this without causing alarm? “Tell them I’ll drop dead if they do.” After a touching intro from his protege, Groucho takes the stage. Following a bow for his departed brothers Chico and Harpo, he makes it clear that he has not softened with age by smashing a violin in honor of an old friend who’d beaten him to the Carnegie Hall Stage. “I’ve had quite enough of Jack Benny. And so has the violin.” And from there he is off and running. Vicious sarcasm and sweet sincerity combine in that rare Groucho Marx way, as he gives us the stories of a large, poor Jewish family going into Vaudeville when they’d succeeded at failing everywhere else. For four sides we visit with this amazing man telling his amazing story. With his brothers and on his own, Groucho scored big on the Vaudeville Stage, in movies, on radio and on television. And here he sums up the epic tale and gives a fitting, “Hello, I Must Be Going,” adding to his ouvre, a record this sits as the jewel of many a collection.

comedy was left behind as Allen became America’s most iconic filmmaker. It was stand up comedy’s loss as he was a true master. Prior to taking the mic in his own shaking hands Allen honed his skills as a joke writer but he kept the best for himself. This was a no-brainer as who else could’ve told them? He has an ant for a pet, he fights with his appliances only to find himself roughed up by anti-Semitic elevator and of course he has neurotic conversations with analysts and Rabbis. Bob Hope would not be reading lines like these off a teleprompter. Allen is deservedly admired for his one-liners; “I cheated on my metaphysics test. I peaked into the soul of the boy next to me.” But even early on he has an amazing penchant for story telling. This skill is perhaps best illustrated on The Moose which takes the audience from an unlikely hunting trip to a live moose at a New York costume party with surprise ending that is worth going out and finding the CD reissue to hear. Woody Allen Stand Up Comic was released in 1978 and features material from the three albums Woody Allen released between 1964 and 1968. The record sleeve includes quotes from the nation’s most respected papers describing in no uncertain terms what an unattractive man Allen was. My favorite, “A flat-headed, redheaded lemur with closely bitten fingernails,” Time Magazine.

By Bengt Washburn Page 9 - The Set List - “Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.” - Groucho Marx


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2009 PROGRAM / SCHEDULE The 24th Street Theater @ Sierra 2 2791 24th St. Sacramento, CA 95818 SPONSORS


The 24th Street Theater 2791 24th St. 95818

THURSDAY, FEB 26th

DR. DOCTOR - SACRAMENTO, CA

A brand new project from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Comedy’s Sid Garcia-Heberger and Ben Miller who present a series of vignettes exploring the role of therapy and therapists in modern life.

8pm

THE ROYAL NAVY - SACRAMENTO, CA

Three of the funniest folks from The Sacramento Comedy Spot, a space known for turning out very funny folks, come together to present sketch comedy that moves at a breakneck speed and arrives back where it began via a surprising and hilarious course.

FRIDAY, FEB 27TH

THE CHRIS AND PAUL SHOW - ASTORIA, NY

7:30pm

A stylized modern-day vaudeville act, the pair, touted as unconventional and startling in their originality, won their way into All Sketch by taking “Best Sketch” at Chicago’s Snub Fest.

THE KEITH AND KATE SHOW - AUBURN, CA

9:30pm

With a strong penchant for storytelling this twosome move rapidly through a wide range of skits featuring song, dance, drama and semaphore, all tied together by the back story of two ambitious young performers who are the toast of Branston, Missouri.

SHOSHINZ - TOKYO, JAPAN Yanomi and Kuronatsu have starred since 2005 visited Canada , Egypt, Russia , Iran , and all over Asia with their brilliant physical theater, dance, absurd music and song. They now tour the US for the first time with their “We Love You Too” Tour.

OUI BE NEGROES - SAN FRANCISCO, CA Celebrating 15 years of Sketch and Improv comedy performances, booked on the main stage at The Chicago Improv Festival and kind enough to make Sacramento All Sketch part of their Black History Month 2009 tour.

SATURDAY, FEB 28TH

AARDVARK FANSY - PARTS UNKNOWN

7:30pm

Contacted to secure a booking, AF asked if we could get one of the other troupes to write and perform their material for them. We assured them that this was not possible and they agreed to come do it themselves. This is sure to be an interesting performance.

THINGS WE MADE - SAN FRANCISCO, CA

9:30pm

A salad of wit, characters, videos, illustrations, movement and music. This diverse brilliance seems to whet every surface of the palate, and this stimulates an ever-growing hunger to see what Things We Made will do next.

THE CODY RIVERS SHOW - BELLINGHAM, WA Combining physical theater, dance, music and an amazing knack for blending the conceptual with the silly in a way that will make professors and hyper active five year olds laugh until their sides ache The Cody Rivers Show redefine what sketch comedy can be and elevate it to new heights.

TEN WEST - LOS ANGELES, CA A unique theatrical style of comedy inspired by clowning, vaudeville, and Commedia dell’Arte. The pair have received standing ovations and critical acclaim around the nation and Canada. Ten West is two-man comedy at its most inventive.

MIDNIGHT - CABARET SKETCH JAM AT THE COMEDY SPOT @ 1617 BROADWAY, SACRAMENTO


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INTERNET DATING FOR

S E S S A DUMB A

s defined by Wikepedia: “Dating is any social activity undertaken by two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word, “Dating” refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity, such as entertainment or a meal.” In theory, dating sounds pretty simple, right? Let’s dissect this 3-step equation as it involves me, a 30 year old “more to love” male, whose naked body resembles a peeled pear dropped on the floor of a barber shop: First, you need two people for a date. Ok, counting myself, I’m halfway there. Not a bad start. Second, they have to be interested in having sex with me or worse yet marriage. Thirdly, we have to have some social activity in common, perhaps entertainment or a meal. With that being said, does anyone know any chicks that like to eat hot pockets and watch porn? I remember growing up in the 80’s and watching the hit TV show Cheers. At the age of eight years old, I’d imagine I was Sam, (Ted Dansons pre-balding character) dating a new broad every episode, coming back to the bar and brag to the drunkards about the hot blond he bagged last night and the racy brunette lined up for tomorrow. Little did I know that 20 plus years later, I wouldn’t be near Sam’s character, but rather closer to Norm and Cliff’s socially inept, illegitimate love child.

with Jeramyn Dunca

Nonetheless, I’ve since seen the light and been blessed to be alive in the year 2009, where there’s an endless supply of Internet dating sites featuring a plethora of ladies of all ages, shape, color, height and daddy issues to fall victim to, in my hunt for “Mrs. Right,” or better yet “Mrs. Right Now.” In 2002, Wired magazine published, “Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love without looking for it online will be silly.” “Serendipity is the hallmark of inefficient markets, and the marketplace of love, like it or not, is becoming more efficient.” So, that means no more late nights at loud clubs, awkwardly approaching woman, buying them $12 Cosmos, just to get shot down by the ole’ line, “Ewww get your nasty old hairy low hanging balls away from me before I stab them with my toothpick umbrella!” Now, we live in a simpler time where you can just log on to one of the 1,000 Internet dating sites, upload a blurry yet flattering head shot, ad an inch to your height, type some lies about yourself and go hunting. If you’ve failed with Match, eHarmony, Plenty Of Fish and even the graphic yet extremely entertaining Craigslist Personals.....or if you don’t know were to start your pilgrimage for “the One”, here are some sites I’ve stumbled on, on the web. Compare and contrast to your liking.

• Daily Diapers vs. Love Bitten - Ideal for people who have fetishes for blood sucking and bottle sucking alike. It’s never too late to come out of the coffin, or play pen for that matter.

• No Longer Lonely vs. Date A Golfer - No Longer Lonely is a site where singles with a mental illness can mingle. Date A Golfer a site were golf lovers connect. Either site assists you in finding a partner that can help you with your handi-cap.

• Cougar Dating vs. Nudist Friends - One site is great if your an older woman and want to find a younger guy. The other site is a great site if you’re an older guy and a perv.

• Pierced Passions vs. Christian Singles - Both sites are are filled with holey people looking for love. I can see the t-shirts now “Body Piercing Saved My ‘Love’ Life.”

Page 12 - The Set List - “Every time you eat a steak, a hippy’s hacky-sack goes in the gutter.” - Patton Oswalt


WORLD MASTER FINANCIAL • 18 Wheel Singles vs. Women Behind Bars - Both sites are ideal for couples who spend a lot of time away from home or who are looking for long distance relationships.

INCOME TAX SERVICE NESTOR O. CASTILLO MBA

• Ashley Madison vs. Hot Saint - Ashley Madison is a site for married people looking to cheat on their spouse. Hot Saint, on the other hand, is a site is where Mormons can find their mate. Both combined probably have as many sexually frustrated people as Fling.com.

SPECIALIZING IN:

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• VD Date vs. Deaf Singles Connection - The first site is an easy way to tell your match you have an STD, while the second site poses the question, “How do you tell your match you have an STD?”

• Date My Pet vs. Beast Dating - Date My Pet you can find singles who have love for their pets, not to be confused with Beast Dating which is a place for singles who make love to their pets. Tomato...Toe-matoe.

Page 13 - The Set List - “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” - Jerry Seinfeld


NOR CAL COMEDY

THE SET LIST

SPONSORED BY SACSTANDUP.COM AND SFSTANDUP.COM

2.15

sunday

2.20

friday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

LAUGHS UNLIMITED PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT

Arnez J, 8:30 & 10:30

SF Comedy Showcase, 8

Anti-Cooperation League, 9

Anjelah Johnson

J.B. Smoove with Carla Clayy and Ali Wong, 8

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

PEPPERBELLYS

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

TOMMY T’S Bay Area Black Comedy Competition 7 & 9:30

ROOSTER T’S

Scantily Clad Showcase, 9

Bruce Fine, 8

Tony Roberts, 7:30 & 9:30

Bobby Lee, 7

Ted Alexandro, 9

COBBS

Rex Navarrete, 8 & 10

2.16

Greg Behrendt, 8 & 10:15

THE RAVINE

2.21

Open mic, 8:30 / SIGN UP @ 8

Sean Kent, 8 & 10:30

tuesday

PUNCHLINE SAN FRANCISCO Comedy Allstars, 8

PEPPERBELLY’S

Comedy Showcase, 8

2.18

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

J.B. Smoove with Carla Clayy and Ali Wong, 8

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE SFCC - Grad Show, 8

TOMMY T’S ROOSTER T’S

New Talent Comedy Competition, 8

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Edwin San Juan’s SlantED Comedy Presented by Alex Retodo, 8

2.19

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

thursday

Sean Kent, 8

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO Arnez J, 8:30

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

J.B. Smoove with Carla Clayy and Ali Wong, 8

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE Three Dollar Thursdays, 8

TOMMY T’S Tony Roberts, 7:30

ROOSTER T’S

Ted Alexandro, 8

SAN JOSE IMPROV Rex Navarrete, 8

COBBS

saturday

Greg Behrendt, 8

thursday

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

TOMMY T’S

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Sacramento All Sketch - Dr Doctor & Royal Navy, 8

J.B. Smoove with Carla Clayy and Ali Wong, 8

Chris Karney, 8

Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition, 7

Joe Klocek with Sal Calanni, 8

COBBS

2.22

sunday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

2.27

friday

24th STREET THEATER

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO SF Comedy Showcase, 8

TOMMY T’S Tony Roberts, 7

ROOSTER T’S Ted Alexandro, 8

SAN JOSE IMPROV

2.23

THE RAVINE

3.2

monday

THE RAVINE Open mic, 8:30 / SIGN UP @ 8

TOMMY T’S Open mic, 8

The Onion Comedy Series with Ali Wong, 8

PEPPERBELLYS

Comedy Showcase, 8

tuesday

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Anti-Cooperation League, 9

PEPPERBELLY’S

Bret Butler 8 & 10

Tommy T’s

Scantily Clad Showcase, 9

monday

Chad Daniels, 8

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

Greg Behrendt, 7

ROOSTER T’S

Dave Attel, 8:30 & 10:30

Jim Jeffries with Becky Donohue and Kirk Pappas, 8 & 10

COBBS

Jay lamont, 7

3.3

Chris Karney, 8 & 10:30

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Rex Navarrete, 7

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO Joe Klocek with Sal Calanni, 8:30pm PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

Arnez J, 8:30

Chris Karney, 8

7:30 and Keith and Kate Show / Oui be Negros, 9:30

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

Mike Epps, 7

Sacramento All Sketch - The Chris & Paul Show / Shoshinz,

Sean Kent, 8

sunday

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Maz Jobrani, 8

Greg Behrendt, 8 & 10:15

3.1

TOMMY T’S

SAN JOSE IMPROV Melinda Hill, 8 COBBS

Rex Navarrete, 7 & 9

Maz Jobrani, 8 & 10:15

Bret Butler, 8

Three Dollar Thursdays! 8

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition, 7

PEPPERBELLYS

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

Ted Alexandro, 8 & 10:30

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

SF Comedy Showcase, 8

Jim Jeffries with Becky Donohue and Kirk Pappas, 8

ROOSTER T’S

Jim Jeffries with Becky Donohue and Kirk Pappas, 8 & 10

24th STREET THEATER

Scramble, 10

PEPPERBELLYS

SAN JOSE IMPROV Mike Epps , 7 & 9 COBBS

Greg Behrendt, 8 & 10:15

New Improv Show featuring KCRA’s Edie Lambert

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

COBBS

2.26

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT Bret Butler 7&9:30

Butch Escobar’s Unfiltered Underground, 8

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT

Tony Roberts, 7:30

wednesday

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Tony Roberts, 11

wednesday

New Talent Comedy Competition, 8

Arnez J, 8:30 & 10:30

2.17

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

ROOSTER T’S

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

Open mic, 8

2.25

Dave Attel, 8:30 & 10:30

New Talent Comedy Competition, 8

Hump Day Show, 8

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

TOMMY T’S

Chris Karney, 8 & 10:30

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

COBBS

monday

ROOSTER T’S

Comedy Showcase, 8

Jim Jeffries with Becky Donohue and Kirk Pappas, 8

Charlie Murphy, 7

Show, 7:30 and Things We Made & Ten West, 9:30

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

SAN JOSE IMPROV

saturday

PEPPERBELLY’S

Arnez J, 8:30 & 10:30

ROOSTER T’S

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Sacramento All Sketch - Aardvard Fancy & The Cody Rivers

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

TOMMY T’S

2.28

24th STREET THEATER

Callbox Comedy Show, 8

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

Johnny Sanchez w/ Rob DaRocha and Tapan Trivedi, 8:30

tuesday

PUNCHLINE SAN FRANCISCO

Sean Kent, 8 & 10:30

Mike Marino, 8

2.24

SAN JOSE IMPROV Mike Epps , 8 & 10 COBBS

Maz Jobrani, 8 & 10:15

Open mic, 8:30 / SIGN UP @ 8

TOMMY T’S Open mic, 8

Page 14 - The Set List - “I’ve never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralysed with hope. - Maria Bamford

Comedy Showcase, 8

ROOSTER T’S

Rooster’s New Talent Comedy Competition


FEBMAR? CALENDAR 3.4

wednesday

Java Lounge

The Set List Presents...”Comedians who hate to network and couldn’t schmooze to save thier life,” w/ Ray Molina, Jesse Fernandez, Patrick Bulger, Brendan Lynch and more... 8pm

PEPPERBELLY’S SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE Hump Day Show, 8

TOMMY T’S

thursday

ROOSTER T’S

TOMMY T’S

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition 2009

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE Three Dollar Thursdays, 8

3.13

SAN JOSE IMPROV Jacob Sirof Presents “Undone - The Sweater Show” 8

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

sunday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

friday

Lisa landry, 8 & 10:30

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

Maz Jobrani - Brown and Friendly, 8:30 & 10:30

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT Anti-Cooperation League, 9

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO Dana Gould with Jason Wheeler and Mike Capozzola, 8 & 10:30

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

Dat Phan with Kevin Camia and Chazz Hawkins, 8 & 10

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT Anti-Cooperation League, 9

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Greg Proops with Shazia Mirza and Nato Green, 8 & 10

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE Scantily Clad Showcase, 9

ROOSTER T’S

TOMMY T’S

Jimmy Pardo, 9

LaVell Crawford, 7

SAN JOSE IMPROV Gabriel Iglesias, 8 & 10

3.14

Gabriel Iglesias, 5 & 7:30

Don McMillan, 7:15

3.8

SAN JOSE IMPROV

ROOSTER T’S

3.6

Cowboy Bill Martin , 8 & 10:30

Don McMillan, 8

LaVell Crawford 7:30

friday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

ROOSTER T’S

TOMMY T’S

Jimmy Pardo, 7

Eric Schwartz, 8

SF Comedy Showcase, 8:00pm

Comedy Allstars with W. Kamau Bell, 8

Three Dollar Thursdays, 8

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

ROOSTER T’S

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

Greg Proops with Shazia Mirza and Nato Green, 8:00pm

Kevin Avery with Robert Mac and Hasan Minhaj, 8:30

Maz Jobrani - Brown and Friendly, 8

LaVell Crawford 7:30 & 9:30

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Anti-Cooperation League, 9

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

TOMMY T’S

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Dat Phan with Kevin Camia and Chazz Hawkins, 8

Sean Kent, 8

Lisa landry, 8

Scantily Clad Showcase, 9

SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT

Gabriel Iglesias, 7 & 9

Comedy Chaos, 8

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

SAN JOSE IMPROV

SAN JOSE IMPROV

thursday

Maz Jobrani - Brown and Friendly, 8 & 10:30

Don McMillan, 8 & 10

New Talent Comedy Competition, 8

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

ROOSTER T’S

ROOSTER T’S

3.12

Cowboy Bill Martin, 8

Lisa landry, 8 & 10:30

LaVell Crawford 7:30 & 9:30

Comedy Showcase, 8

saturday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

Dana Gould with Jason Wheeler and Mike Capozzola, 8 & 10:30

Open Mic, 8

3.5

3.7

3.9

saturday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

monday

THE RAVINE

Cowboy Bill Martin , 8 & 10:30

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

Dat Phan with Kevin Camia and Chazz Hawkins, 8 & 10

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Open mic, 8:30 / SIGN UP @ 8

Greg Proops with Shazia Mirza and Nato Green, 8 & 10

TOMMY T’S

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

Open mic, 8

3.10

Battle of the Bay Comedy Competition 2009

tuesday

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO Just For Laughs Montreal Comedy Festival Auditions, 8

Tommy T’s

Jimmy Pardo, 7:15 & 10

SAN JOSE IMPROV Gabriel Iglesias, 7 & 9

3.15

Comedy Showcase, 8

3.11

ROOSTER T’S

sunday

LAUGHS UNLIMITED

wednesday

Cowboy Bill Martin , 8

PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO

Don McMillan, 8

PEPPERBELLY’S

Dat Phan with Kevin Camia and Chazz Hawkins, 8:30

Gabriel Iglesias, 8 & 10

SF COMEDY COLLEGE CLUB HOUSE

Stand-Up for Dan Crawford

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Open Mic, 8

PUNCH LINE SAN FRANCISCO

Hump Day Show, 8

ROOSTER T’S

TOMMY T’S Comedy Showcase, 8

ROOSTER T’S

Jimmy Pardo, 7:15

SAN JOSE IMPROV Gabriel Iglesias, 5 & 7:30

New Talent Comedy Competition, 8

SAN JOSE IMPROV

Big Al’s Big Ass Comedy Show, 8

Page 15 - The Set List - “Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.” - Johnny Carson

L I S T I N G S LAUGHS UNLIMITED 1207 Front St. Old Sacramento, CA 916-446-8128 www.laughsulimited.com PUNCH LINE SACRAMENTO 2100 Arden Way Sacramento, CA 916-925-8500 SACRAMENTO COMEDY SPOT 1716 Broadway Sacramento, CA 916-402-4757 www.saccomedyspot.com PEPPER BELLY’S 849 Texas Street Fairfield, CA 94533 (707) 422-SHOW www.pepperbellys.com COBBS COMEDY CLUB 915 Columbus Ave San Francisco, CA 94133 (415) 928-4320 www.cobbscomedyclub.com PUNCH LINE SF 444 Battery Street San Francisco, CA 94111 (415) 397-7573 TOMMY T’s 5104 Hopyard Road Pleasanton, CA 94588 (925) 227-1800 www.tommyts.com ROOSTER T. FEATHERS 157 W. El Camino Real Sunnyvale, CA 94087 (408) 736-0921 www. roostertfeathers.com SAN JOSE IMPROV 62 South Second Street San Jose, CA 95150 (408) 280-7475 www.improv.com


On goings and such.... Paula Poundstone caught famous in eighties when

the demand for comics was so high it was a challenge not to get on HBO. She managed to stand out with a smart, quirky style and a quick wit that let her hit on the week or even the day’s news. No surprise that she can now be heard every weekend on National Public Radio’s weekly news quiz show Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me. We had a chance to talk with Paula from her home in Southern California where she lives with her three children and twelve cats. Asked why she is just now getting around to releasing her first CD, titled “I Heart Jokes,” Poundstone blames laziness and that she finds her own voice nauseating. She also speaks of the strangeness, for a stand up comedian, of sending your material out there to an audience that you have no contact with. “It’s weird. The live audience was responsive but when you make a CD its still feels like you’re doing it blind.” It seems as if the comic is making up for lost time as she has also just put out her first book “There’s Nothing In This Book That I Meant To Say.” Mary Tyler Moore paid her the huge honor of writing the introduction. Poundstone has saved the answering machine message from Moore. “On my message machine it’s my daughter Ally saying we’re not home. It’s, I don’t know, probably ten years old by now, but there’s Mary Tyler Moore and she says. “Ally, tell your mother that I read her book and it is wonderful.” With the accolades she has received it had to be asked, is it true that Paula Poundstone, dropped out of high school. “I’m kind of borderline high school drop out. In my senior year, though technically I didn’t have credits to be a senior, I just stopped attending. I still went to the building because I loved it. Even last year when they tore it down one of

the teachers sent me a brick. I got sent to this school for kids that they didn’t know what to do with, the fucked up kids. I fit in there very well. We did go to school so in fact I made the credits. Years later when I had cause to look at the transcripts, I saw I had a grade in gardening. I was confused and then I recalled one day they sent us outside and made us weed. I got a B in gardening; I remembered I went in for water once.” “Its controversial whether I’m a drop out. I didn’t have the spine to drop out. I sort of oozed out. My transcript would indicate that I was a HS graduate; Lets just say it was slightly padded… with things like gardening.” The high school drop out, or “ooze out” is now authoring books to help kids get through their math classes. That’s right, when you’re done listening to her CD and reading her book you can pick up Paula Poundstone’s math books and have a good time teaching your kids their numbers. Being an intellectual, political, female will earn one as many detractors as fans. Poundstone made Comedy Central’s list of 100 greatest Comedians but also reached the top ten on Maxim Magazine’s Worst of All Time. Asked which was the greater honor she confesses she hadn’t heard that she’d made the Maxim list. “Of course it’s very nice to be on both, it’s tough to tell. I think if I should someday be mentioned in Highlights Magazine or Ranger Rick, that’d be me ascended to the greatest height of my job.” - Keith Lowell jensen Paula can be heard every weekend on NPR’s “Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me.

DEFENDING THE CAVEMAN

Sure, we can all sit and ponder the differences between ladies and gentleman; but why do that when performance art will do it for us. Rob Becker’s history making one man show, “Defending the Caveman,” opened at the Helen Hayes Theater on Broadway March 26, 1995, and earned a place in the theatrical record books after its 399th performance on July 17, 1996, when it surpassed Lily Tomlin’s “Search For Intelligent Life in The Universe” and Jackie Mason’s “The World According To Me.” At that point, “Defending The Caveman” became the longestrunning solo play in Broadway history. With it coming to The Crest this month, (February 27th & 28th) Defending the Caveman hopes to enlighten us all, in pre-layman terms, about why we are who we are. Taking the reigns of Becker’s creation will be actor Isaac Lamb. Lamb has been performing “Defending” since 2005 and describes the show’s format as a blend of stand up, theater and at times, unintentional counseling. “I remember after one of the shows a couple came up to me and told me they were going to stop going to marriage counseling,” said Lamb. “I was like, ‘Whoa, whoa, whoa.’” Although the title implies the defensive stance of male behavior, Lamb insists that it’s not all one-sided. “Really the show is meant to be a laymen’s version of evolutional

behaviors.” “For instance, on average, men speak like 2,000 words a day whereas women speak 7,000 words a day,” he adds. “Men would go hunt, ‘I’m going to kill that.”“Women would go gather, ‘Do you think these berries are safe?...Have you heard anything about these berries?...ect...”“The show isn’t saying either of those behaviors are wrong...they just are.” “ From the very first reading of the script, Lamb’s connection with the material grew into a great passion to perform it. “I saw a lot of my parents and my married friends in the script.” “The show has gained quite a ‘word of mouth’ cult following,” he added. “It touches a nerve with who ever sees it.” - John Ross

Defending the Caveman is playing The Crest Theater on February 27th & 28th. Both show will begin at 8:00 pm. Tickets are now available at the box office.

Page 16 - The Set List - “I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It’s about Russia.- Woody Allen


Horoscopes

with Flora Heppest x Aquarius - 1/20 - 2/18 You have 24hrs to live, make it count, I suggest updating your Myspace page and other meaningful activities. By the way, PETA hates pit bulls and wants them dead. Look it up, I know you may not have one, but since you’re dying, I thought you’d want to know a thing or two about a thing or two.

j Pisces 2/19 - 3/20 Some of you were born around this month, big deal, what? Do you want some prize or something, oh wait, did you have something to do with it? I didn’t think so. Sit your ass down! Don’t make me break these heels all up in that ass. Do you really think just because you were born this month, something great is going to happen to you? You can’t be serious.

n Leo 7/23 - 8/22 When you left school, you thought you had it all figured out didn’t you. You never planned on being addicted to drugs. You never planned on selling your body or trading sexual favors for a whiff of cheap glue. Maybe you’re finally ready to put some time aside to work on your poor ability to plan. Next time, plan for the worst and either you’ll be wrong and pleasantly surprised, or if it turns out exactly as you planned it, then you can consider it a success because you were goal oriented. Clean up your act Leo, I D.A.R.E you to stay on drugs, a little reverse psychology might help. Also, while I’m at it, I double D.A.R.E. you to mail some to me, and if you’re still doing sexual favors, make sure you put a return address.

b Virgo 8/23 - 9/22 You know that strange bump you’ve been feeling? Well guess who has a tumor.

v Aries 3/21 - 4/19 You’re nearly as bad as Pisces, so quit your grinning. The only redeeming quality that you have is that you know you’re an arrogant prick, wait, that’s not redeeming that makes you worse. You like to champion your shortcomings, but to anyone that knows better, all you’re doing is highlighting your insecurities. I bet you didn’t think anyone could tell right? Well, it’s as clear as day and you know what else is clear? The fact that your friends don’t even like you. I bet you think that your personality is “fabulous” and that you’re a “straight shooter” and that everyone appreciates your “brutal honesty” but they don’t, the only reason they hang out with you is because you made them feel like shit for so long, they don’t think anyone else will like them. They think that being your friend was such a bad idea, that perhaps they are a horrible judge of character and for once, they happen to be absolutely right!

d Taurus 4/20 - 5/20 I see fortune and fame in your future, it must be someone you know, god knows it’s not you. If you happen to know anyone who has a chance at stardom, stay out of their way, because they are going to find success and soon, and if you ever want to be able to use their fame for your own selfish desires, I suggest you stand clear because you are nothing but a black cloud of negativity and anti-success that rains mustard staining drops of disappointment.

p Gemini 5/21 - 6/21 Hey David, just give up already, it doesn’t get any better than this. But you already knew that didn’t you. Remember that heart to heart we had in which I said “Just stay positive and positive things will come your way.” I was so full of smack that night I probably funded Al Qaeda for another 10 years. Of course you couldn’t tell, how could you? It’s hard to see track marks in a urethra.

t Cancer - 6/22 - 7/22 Are you STILL here?

l Libra 9/23 - 10/22 So you like underground indie music, exactly who is that? Anyone who can whistle? You just like being exclusive, a separatist, and you’ll do anything to feel special. It’s sad how much you need that, you stink of labored desperation. By the way, fashion is a weak artistic medium and says nothing about you other than you’re malleable (Unless of course you made it yourself, which you didn’t). And another thing, your “turn back the clock” music is hardly taking any creative initiative. I mean, how groundbreaking is it to look back at a generation or an era and adopt all the mainstream ideas; then pass them off as affectations to your favorite fringe culture? Oh I see! The originators take all the risk and you take credit for being an “innovator.”

f Scorpio 10/23 - 11/21 You just hold on a minute Scorpio, I’m not done with Libra yet. Libra, you’re an empty casing of regurgitated life and someone very special to you is going to have a horrible accident involving reality, but you’ll probably call it a “homage.” What’s that you say: “Reorganizing what’s ‘retro’ or ‘vintage’ or ‘classic’ are merely principle’s of cultural creation,” sure kid, and you’re also not a “poser” you just “reinvent” yourself because you’re “eclectic” and “quirky” like that. I’ll will say this: Donny Darko sucked, and yes I “got” it. Also, Grey Gardens is a boring riches to rags story for elitists, and I don’t have sympathy for someone who “came from something.” And Stop saying “organic” in lieu of “natural.” And go write “A dummies guide to Intellectualism,” because you know you could. Alright Scorpio...uh...keep your chin up.

h Sagittarius 11/22 - 12/21 If you were any smarter Sagittarius, you’d be dumb. The bad news is, this life is short and you’re not going to live forever, but the good news is, YOU are not going to live forever.

r Capricorn 12/22 - 1/19 You’re going to marry well, your spouse will be the perfect mate you had always dreamed of meeting, they will consider you their best friend, you will live in a beautiful house, and have beautiful children who will all find success and at no cost. But their kids...are screwed. Life will be a living hell to them and they will always blame their grandparents for sucking all the good luck out of their lineage, Their hatred will grow so strong they all will change their name; and burn all evidence of your existence until nothing is left. Your legacy in this world will be reduced to nothing more than an unmarked grave; unless of course you consider the droppings of a sick under nourished dog a headstone.

Page 17 - The Set List - “When you look like I do, it’s hard to get a table for one at Chuck-E-Cheese. - Zach Galifianakis


THE NEW FUNNIES BADLY DRAWN ROBOTS by Cheese

POQUITO BURRITO by John Ross

Josh and Nadie Forever by A Simple Mind

Page 18 - The Set List - “I come from a very big family, nine parents.” - Jim Gaffigan

emphasis on new...and funnies


The origin of a Stand-up Comedian

HAPPY VALLEY by Jesse Jones

...and why someone decides to throw their life away on becoming a stand-up comedian. By A.R.M

GETTING OLD FAST

by Ray Molina

Scene Police by John Ross

” ”

When it comes to performance comedy, most would rather test their wits in an improv-comedy troupe before attempting stand up comedy. At least in a group, when the crowd is unmoved, you get to point a finger and share the blame. It has been said that people fear public speaking more than they fear death, and stand up is arguably the most difficult kind of public speech given. There is no other type of public speaking that absolutely requires the listener to have an emotional outburst, let alone, one after another. I can’t say what makes anyone else a comedian, from what I’ve seen, there’s too many types. Why is an artist an artist? That’s easy, to create and express. A better question would be to ask someone why they prefer Joe Strummer over Johan Sebastian Bach. Some comedians are lively and animated and distract you from the fact that they aren’t saying anything funny and some guys yell loudly and bully you into laughing. Some people just talk about dichotomy’s so a crappy joke is easier to remember. Or when things go bad, pit one side of room against the other, make them think that the side that isn’t laughing the hardest, isn’t smart enough to get your jokes. Then motion your hand over your head and make that wind sound. I have no idea why these guys would want me to put them on my apocalyptic hit list, and other guys wouldn’t. My point being, I have no idea what makes one person do it over another, but here’s why I did it... I was a fat kid, not morbid, and on a good day I was merely chubby. Although, I would rather have been “morbid” instead of “chubby,” at least with morbid there was an element of danger. I was depressed, lonely, and deeply insecure. I worried often, about fat kid things. One worry was, that if I lost weight, I’d never know if a girl liked me for me. I’d never know if a girl liked me for the “right reasons,” which I wanted to believe was my “incredible personality.” Was I so naturally attractive that girls would just go into some kind of a frenzy had I only dropped 50lbs? Of course not, but one of the luxuries of being fat is that you tend to care about what’s inside, because you pretty much give up on the outside. I was afraid the opposite sex would be blinded by my perfect aesthetic physique. It wasn’t at all that I didn’t have any idea how to talk to people, let alone girls. It wasn’t at all that I had become critical of everything, hated my life, and despised humanity. Nope, couldn’t have been that at all. I mean how in the world could long hideous hair, all black clothing and combat boots, put the

Page 19 - The Set List - “Man, I’m so bad at sports, they used to pick me after the white kids.” - Chris Rock

ladies off? For the life of me I couldn’t understand how eating 6 hamburgers in the bathroom at lunchtime, so I wouldn’t look uncool eating alone, wouldn’t pigeonhole me as the worlds greatest ladies man I knew I was. Maybe things have changed, but in my day, girls weren’t lucky enough to realize how attractive it was to see me WALK the track everyday in P.E.. I would cry “Their loss!” into my pillow every night as I imagined them laughing “My gain!” into theirs. And though I wanted them to know my “insides,” secretly, I was selling myself out. It was obvious in the pictures I drew at night in my bedroom of the girls I liked in bikini’s. They were always standing next to me with my long flowing mane of hair, my full set of anatomically incorrect cartoon abs under a circulation constricting t-shirt WITH pants on, because I was even insecure in graphite. I swam with all my clothes on for years, god forbid people see the chubby boy breast that my overly hunched shoulders were hiding. As if no one noticed me trying to hide my insecurity by blanketing it with shame. I hated my life, I was unpopular, uncool, and unattractive. I really had nothing going for me except an my ability to make people laugh. Even if no one likes you, if you say something funny enough, they can’t help but laugh. I looked for humor in everything and everywhere. I watched every stand-up performance I could find, TV, video store, records. I nearly gave up my quest to be funny when I realized that I would never be a black, Canadian, Jewish, midget, who did improv at Oxford. By the way, the order of those four was alphabetical, I am in no way saying that being black is more important than being a little person, I think we all know the answer to that. But I kept looking for funny, everywhere and all the time. Do that long enough, you end up finding it. Misery made me value it, loneliness gave me time to embrace it and blah blah blah made me blah blah blah, you get the point. To me, finding a reason to laugh was my savior, my escape, because at the time, I wasn’t even cool enough to have friends who did drugs. Your value of humor really depends on what it has done for you. Comedy helped me smile, so I owe it. I never wanted to be a stand up comedian, but I happen to know how. If you try stand-up and get laughs, it confirms what you thought. But if it’s quiet and you die, well, imagine being rejected by every girl you ever asked out and every job you ever applied to all at once. Still, the one good thing about dying is that with the right set up, even death can be a great punchline.


The Set List #2  

Doug Benson talks to us about weed and movies.

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