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“The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs.”

September 14 to September 20 [Volume 35; Issue 3]

Despite a lack of funding, UCCS continues to grow Kristin Garst As professors start sharing offices and direct phones are replaced by phone trees, UCCS has continued to fund research, buildings and additional faculty members. The school’s current cuts stem from a diminishing school budget and the current state of the economy. Last spring, the faculty’s online newsletter, “Communiqué,” addressed explicit concerns with the budget. The newsletter discussed the resources, or lack thereof, available for university funding. More recently, Vice Chancellor for Administration and Finance, Brian Burnett, stated that there are “several complex issues under-

lying the budget, but one of them is that the state has cut funding for higher education.” On top of state budget cuts the school is also losing support of federal stimulus dollars. In order to extend funding, UCCS had no choice but to enforce budget cuts. These cuts were addressed by Shockley-Zalabak during Aug. 31’s budget forum.During the presentation, Shockley-Zalabak gave a rundown of the university’s budget and projected funding to regents and other partners. She also discussed the schools anticipated cuts by the state and how UCCS would handle the deficit. Shockley-Zalabak explained that while UCCS is trying to handle a smaller budget, staff positions will continue to

be filled. Academics take priority. This year’s new faculty includes instructors Holly Bradshaw, Norma Brown, John Covell, Penny Culbreath-Graft, Elizabeth Cutter, Eric Hanson, Sipai Klein, Olivia Lundberg, Christy Maslach, Joshua Ritter, Colleen Stiles, Eric Steen, Jane Rigler, Marlena Stanford and Thomas Wahl. These recent additions were hired on non-tenure tracks to save the school money. Hiring professors on tenure tracks costs more; therefore, UCCS cut costs with this placement decision. According to Burnet, professors already employed at UCCS have experienced salary freezes for the past two years.


Beware of the bears Catherine Jensen At 9 p.m. Friday, Sept. 9, a bear was sighted by the dumpsters at Crestone Apartments. Student Lauren Dorsey, a Crestone resident, was on her way to the library when, she said, other students approached and warned her that there was a bear. “It was 15 or 20 feet away from the dumpsters,” Dorsey recalls. “Students had gathered around the window and people were freaking out. I wasn’t too intimidated by it, though.” Public Safety Dispatch was notified of the bear’s presence around 6:40 p.m. said Chief of Police Jim Spice. “We had a visual on him the entire time. He was getting into the dumpsters by Crestone…taking a

bag of trash up the bluff, eating and then coming back to get more,” he chuckled. Though the Colorado Division of Wildlife was contacted, they were unable to send anyone, as all of their officers have been occupied with the fire in Boulder, according to Spice. Public Safety went door to door notifying students and later sent out an e-mail warning students to exercise caution when on campus after dark. “This is the time of year when bears are out searching for food. It is not uncommon for bears to be spotted in and around the Colorado Springs area on an almost daily basis. As a reminder, please safely dispose of food and do not leave trash outside overnight,” the email said. According to the Colorado Division of Wildlife section on “Living with Bears,” people should avoid feeding bears, make sure trash cans and dumpsters are closed tightly, turn off BBQ grills after use, and avoid leaving food out-

side or in your vehicle. “If a bear comes near your home,” the site said, “do your best to chase it away. Yell, blow a whistle, clap your hands and make other loud noises. But never approach or corner a bear.” Dorsey added that should something like this happen again, she would like to know sooner, “If anyone was going to hike up the bluffs there would have been a bear mauling,” she said. S

Photos courtesty of Isabelle Soifer

Inside this issue...

Artifacts from King Tut’s tomb grace the Denver Art Museum (page 8).

Photo by Chelsea Bartlett

The annual club fair experienced more traffic than ever, as more than 1,000 students perused the booths, seeking the club for them.

Finding work on campus Catherine Jensen As you settle into the groove of campus life, you may come to the startling realization that you need money to survive. Work study and non-work study are options available to students looking to become student employees at UCCS. SEAN’s Place, which can be found on the UCCS website, lists all job openings on and off campus, as well as numerous jobs in the community. This is the first place to go when looking for work on campus. On SEAN’s place, job seekers can fill out a profile telling employers about their experience, skills and whether they qualify for work study. Work study is a part-time employment program (12 to 20 hours per week) that is awarded to eligible students, based on the results of FASFA. There are two types of work study: need-based and non-need-based work study. Students are paid hourly depending on the type of work, and pay is directly deposited into a personal bank account every two weeks. The primary difference between work study and hourly pay is in work study the employer only pays a portion of the student employee’s hourly rate while the state or federal governmental funding pays

the remainder of the wage. UCCS currently has 1,209 student employees, according to Student Employment and AmeriCorps Manager, Shannon Cable. Of these, 539 students are work study employees and 670 students are hourly employees (nonwork study). Over the summer, 666 students had an active job on campus, she said. “Finding a job on campus is like winning the lottery, but once you secure a position here, it’s a great experience,” said University Center employee Matt Sidor, who has been a campus employee since 2009. “The university staff is supportive of my class schedule and studying needs, and I’ve made a lot of great friends through working with my peers.” On campus, wages vary depending on the type of job and the department in which the student is working. Wages range from $7.28 (minimum wage) to $18 per hour. The majority of on campus jobs and off campus work study jobs pay $1 to $2 better per hour than minimum wage, according to the student employment section of the UCCS website. Students may only have one work study job per semester. If a student leaves their job before the end of the semester, he or she may not have another work study job until the next semester.

Students may, however, be hired for hourly/non-work study jobs in addition to their work study job in a given semester. If you are reapplying for a previously held position or moving to a different department on campus, the ROAR office to the bookstore for example, all you need to do is fill out a Job Data Worksheet from your new employer with the Action/Reason being “Additional Job.” A new Job Data Worksheet must be completed every school year if you continue to work there. If information such as an address or name has changed, that information will need to be updated and you will need to complete a new direct deposit form. The priority deadline to be considered for Financial Aid, including work study, for the next school year is March 1st. You should complete a FAFSA annually; they are available online Jan. 1 of each year. The school code for UCCS is: 004509. W-2s can be accessed electronically on the My CU Portal for all University employees. The W-2 should be posted with your information by Feb. 1 of each year. Check for it on the CU Employee Portal. Students may also visit Student Employment located in the Financial Aid Office at Cragmor Hall 201 with questions. S

UCCS is expangind rapidly. Check out the repercussions on page 9.


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A stroll through the darkness

Editor-in-Chief Avalon Manly Late one night in the fall of 1949, a man walking down Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles was stopped by police for simply that – walking. Police accused him of behaving suspiciously, and questioned him and his companion as to what they were doing, why they were out, where they were going and whether or not anyone could substantiate their previous whereabouts. The man went home and began to write about his experience. He collected the incident in a story he called “The Pedestrian,” which later evolved into a short novel called “The Fireman,” which, in turn, blossomed into the slightly longer and significantly more famous novel, “Fahrenheit 451.” “In writing the short novel ‘Fahrenheit 451’ I thought I was describing a world that might evolve in four or five decades…This was not fiction,” commented Ray Bradbury, who celebrated his 90th birthday last month. And true to his vision, more than 60 years after its first publication, the material that makes “Fahrenheit 451” so enduring and potent has transformed into actuality here in our fair burg. Over the summer, I took a class that adjourned late on Wednesday nights. Once, in the sultry warmth of mid-July, I decided to walk back down to my car, parked frugally, if somewhat inconveniently, at the 4 Diamonds complex. I reached the stop sign at Stratton and paused. If I turned left, I was faced with the noisy, exhaustladen air of the sidewalk that goes down Austin Bluffs; to the right, the

completely unlit but more peaceful passageway through the Eagle Rock neighborhood. Being, at times, not a complete idiot, I opted for the lights and clearer route of Austin Bluffs. It turned out, though, that the decision was kind of a moot point, considering that most of the street lights on Austin Bluffs have been turned off, throwing the street into a darkness interrupted only occasionally by smallw pools of despondent amber lights and the blazing halogens of passing cars. See, as we are all aware by now, the denizens of our dear Colorado Springs are fairly short-sighted where the ramifications of voting down tax increases are concerned. “More than a third of the streetlights in Colorado Springs will go dark Monday,” wrote the Denver Post in January, just after the initiative to maintain streetlights and other city assets (like, say, cops, firemen and live grass) failed. “The police helicopters are for sale on the Internet.” The city is dumping firefighting jobs, a vice team, burglary investigators, beat cops – dozens of police and fire positions will go unfilled.” Well, the lights are off, and meandering down Austin Bluffs at night has suddenly transformed from a warm nocturnal stroll into a scene from a horror movie: the cracked pavement, the dark, deserted path, the encroaching walls of weeds. At any moment, I expected some machetewielding Jason to launch himself from the scrub and tackle me. But the fun didn’t stop there. Apparently, our city’s designers didn’t anticipate that people would actually walk anywhere, ever, because there are no sidewalks along Nevada. I ran like a frightened raccoon through the turn lanes, stumbling here and there as I frantically avoided the slues of onrushing vehicles. Now, once those of you who know me well are finished sniggering about the bags under my

eyes actually resulting from my being a large, disease-bearing rodentmammal, I want to point out how incredibly absurd it is for the sidewalks adjacent to a college campus to be dark and ill-maintained. It seems to me that on a campus where only 600 residents have cars, and in a country where obesity has become such a prominent problem, walking would be encouraged. But instead, students face a ridiculous choice: drive to someplace as near as University Village for food or clothes or just to get some air, or walk down neglected sidewalks and heavily trafficked roads, risking hidden ax-murderers and becoming a dent in someone’s needlessly gigantic gangsta grill. Darkened streets are a sign of a decaying city. Parks where playgrounds rust and fall to bits, where grass is brown and gone to see, where there are no trash cans - these, too, are signs of a city rotting from within. Widespread budget cuts to departments as integral to us as a society as police, fire and parks and recreation are signs of a place abandonded and forgotten. Here in Colorado Springs, though, they are the signs of an apathetic populace, a voter base too hardheaded to care about the ramifications of their tax-averse tendencies. We did this to our city -- you, and me, too. It’s high time we fixed it. As a population of nearly 9,000, we UCCS students have a surprising voice in the city. Collectively, we have the power to influence a change, at least in the area in which we exist each day. There is no good reason why the lights surrounding our campus have gone dark, and no good reason not to flood our paths with light again. Bradbury, if uncannily prophetic in “Fahrenheit 451,” needn’t dictate our entire future. Just because the human race is predictable doesn’t mean we have to walk in the dark. S

September 14 to September 20

the scribe The official student newspaper of the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs

Editor-in-Chief.............................Avalon Manly Managing Editor.............................Jessica Lynch Business Manager.....................Robert Rodriguez Advertising/Sales Manager..............Luis Hidalgo News Editor..............................Catherine Jensen Culture Editor..............................Brock Kilgore Athletics Editor...........................Matt Crandall Opinion/Scribble Editor...................Jasen Cooper Photograhy Editor......................Ariel Lattimore Copy Editor..................................Cherise Fantus Web Designer................................Dorian Rogers Layout Designers...............................J.D. Osorio .........................................................Shreya Raj ..................................................Kaneesa Felton Reporters.........................................Rob Versaw ......................................................Alex Cramer Photographers.........................Carrie Woodruff ................................................Chelsea Bartlett Junior Reporters..............................J.P. Niehaus ...................................................Greg Williams .................................................Elliot Reynolds .....................................................Ivory Walker ......................................................Amanda Putz .....................................................Kristin Garst Junior Photographer....................Michelle Wood Cartoonist.................................................Arno Distributor................................Donald Trujillo Advisor..........................................Laura Eurich The Scribe UC 106 (719) 255-3658 (719) 255-3469 (719) 255-3600

Information Letters to the Editor The Scribe strongly encourages letters to the editor. Letters intended for publication must not exceed 350 words, must be legible and include the writer’s name and contact information. Letters must be submitted to The Scribe via email at by 5:00 p.m. on Thursdays before publication. The Scribe reserves the right to reject letters to the editor that are libelous, obscene or anonymous and has the right to edit as necessary due to space limitations, spelling or other grammatical errors and AP style guidelines. Distribution Policy The following conducts are prohibited by The Scribe: Publication and news rack theft. A person commits the offense(s) of publication and/or news rack theft when he or she willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than one copy of any edition of a publication distributed on or off campus (a “publication” is any periodical that is distributed on a complimentary basis). Any person who commits these offences is responsible for compensating The Scribe for any reasonable costs incurred, including, where appropriate, the refunding of advertising fees. Archives Additional copies of the current publication volume are available in The Scribe’s office. The Scribe keeps issues from the past five volumes for internal use only. The Office of University Records will handle any request for additional issues from the past five years and before. Advertising If you, your club, organization or business wishes to advertise with The Scribe, please call (719) 255-3469 or email

student life

September 14 to September 20

If John Travolta were dead, he’d be rolling over in his grave.

all aboard



Bike Jam

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Six-year-old heartthrob Justin Bieber told OceanUp this week that he hopes to remake the 1978 movie, “Grease,” thereby destroying cinema forever. A film that showcased both John Travolta’s toned tush and vocal range could potentially be destroyed by the 4’11” Biebs. This would be Bieber’s first acting attempt, and would, undoubtedly, make a few “Grease” fans revolt in a bloody rage. Bieber fever, make it stop! Not only that, but Bieber has named Miley Cyrus as his leading lady. Cyrus would fill the role of Sandy, played by Olivia Newton John in the original version. “She can sing, dance and act,” said Bieber of Cyrus. Thank goodness she has that black leather jumpsuit on hand from her “Can’t Be Tamed” single release. In an attempt to further corrupt life as we know it, Bieber is also excited about a potential “Back to the Future”remake; I think Michael J. Fox just threw up in his mouth.

Can you purr? ‘Cause this squirrel can.

Ride your bike to campus tomorrow, Sept. 15, in support of sustainability at UCCS. Breakfast will be provided at 7:30 a.m. for riders; lunch at 11:30 a.m. There will also be a free bike trail tour at 10:30 a.m. for anyone who desires to participate. If you don’t own a bike but still wish to join in the fun, you can rent one from the Recreation Center’s S.O.L.E. Office through the BikeShare Program. Ride up to the El Pomar Plaza first thing to snag some food.

Last week, a cat in Lake County, Mississippi proved that adoption truly runs across animal lines. Emmy, a caring mother, welcomed a young baby squirrel to the family after the “gift from the sky” fell from a tree in the front yard. The young squirrel, dubbed Rocky, has truly adapted to life as a kitten and not only feeds from Emmy, but has learned to purr. According to the owner, Jim Watkins, “Oh, the squirrel, you can pick it up and pet it and it will start to purr just like a kitten does.” Rocky will lead the life of a squirrel outcast, doomed to life as a pet. Video of the purring phenomenon can be found at


of the



“Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.” - G.K. Chesterson

Fill out the sudoku puzzle below so that each row and column contain the numbers 1 through 9 with none repeated. Return it and the adjacent crossword to the Scribe office when finished; if you’re the first one done (and they’re done right), you’ll be enPuzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.93) tered into a drawing for two free tickets to the Haunted Mines.




2 7



A Pledge to Greek Week 1 2 3






7 8





10 11 12

3 13



7 7



2 1 2




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Generated by on Fri Sep 10 16:26:08 2010 GMT. Enjoy!

ACROSS 3 No Limbaugh in this week. 7 After Alpha and before Gamma. 8 Non-existent building you would rather live than the dry campus apartments. 9 Friends don't let friends drink until they die. 10 Your family at home has a real one of these. 11 Wearing these won't help you fly anything but a not-so-fly ego. 12 The Latin word for brother. 13 He was locked in a coffin when initiated into his Frat. He should have been wary of his father's Scarlet Letter.

DOWN 1 The Latin word for sister. 2 These people will see that you are reunited with your lost child...I mean pledge pin. 4 SHHH. This Society is a. 5 Expect to see members of this group shirtless at the next blackout night. 6 A must have for ladies, preferably if it's fake.

special report September 14 to September 20

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911 @ UCCS

What do you do?

A shooting occurred last week on the Colorado State University campus in Fort Collins. While no one was seriously injured and the victim was not a student of the school, such an event reminds us that emergencies can happen, even at a place the size of UCCS. There are a number of measures in place to secure UCCS students, staff and faculty in the event of an emergency, and, as Director of Emergency Management Steve Linhart expressed, “When things like this happen, it brings out the importance of being ready to respond; the time to plan for a disaster is not as a disaster is happening.” In the interest of keeping UCCS safe, here’s what you should know about emergency protocol on campus.

Emergency Notification System The best and quickest way for students, staff and faculty to become aware of a campus emergency is the Emergency Notification System (ENS) that operates out of Public Safety. If something were to happen on campus that required a responsive action from the student body at large, Linhart and his crew would send out the ENS in the form of a text message 160 characters or less – something like an emergency Tweet. It will contain a brief statement on what’s happening and how students should respond, be that to “shelter in place” (barricade classroom entrances and wait for more information) or to evacuate a building, zone or The UC has a p a n i c button installed as a safeg u a rd against a communication breakd o w n during an emergency on campus.

campus as a whole. Each person can attach up to two phone lines to the ENS, so that they and perhaps a parent can receive the emergency messages. The ENS is a free system in which students can enroll at The information required to enroll is confidential, and the texts will only be sent in the event of a legitimate emergency. Chief of Police Jim Spice mentioned that organizations have approached him with hopes of using the system to encourage students to attend sporting events or other campus gatherings, but Spice and Linhart have always refused. “We don’t want to water down the message,” Linhart explained. Unfortunately, only about 2,000 of UCCS’ 9,000 students are currently signed up for the Emergency Notification System. “We can’t afford loud speakers for every building,” Spice stated, explaining why the ENS is currently the best way to reach students in emergencies. If an ENS message is activated, a program in Public Safety will automatically convert the text to a voice recording, and an automated system will proceed to call each of about 150 phones across campus, located in classrooms and labs. This action supports the ENS, to protect students not enrolled in the text program. Radio Communication “Communication becomes most important [during an emergency,]” Linhart said, “and it also becomes the most difficult.” Certain members of staff and administration on campus are equipped with handheld radios as they go about their daily business, and these radios are part of the support designed for communication during emergencies.

Though the radios each have nine channels, channel one is a universal broadcast that immediately connects all the radios in range, so that everyone can talk to everyone else. The front desk in the University Center is also equipped with a panic button or sorts, to alert the radio network in the event of an emergency.

Emergency Operations Centers Three times per year, Linhart, Spice and a select team of emergency responders gather for a table-top scenario prepared by Linhart. They play through to the end, sending an ENS message to their closed group and acting out how they and campus as a whole would respond. Such discussions prepare UCCS for the worst, so that everyone on campus can be as safe as possible. Linhart and his team work from a pair of Emergency Operations Centers (EOC) on campus, the locations of which are undisclosed. If those locations are somehow compromised, however, the responders can operate from a mobile unit that stands ready with everything they might need. New Regulations The new Safety and Fire Security Act, also referred to as the Cleery Act, demands that universities publish a record of campus safety each semester. Released by Public Safety, the packet includes records of mandatory fire drills preformed periodically, police activity on campus and other pertinent information. This year’s publication will be released on Oct. 1. Childhood Training “Kindergarteners are the best trained in how to respond to emergencies,” Spice said, smiling. “They know how to get in line.” On a campus like UCCS, where buildings are spread out and nearly ev-

The emergency notification system message changes depending on the circumstances. This is an example of one that students might receive in the event of a real emergency.

eryone has access to a car, it’s impossible to account for everyone during an emergency. The best way to ensure everyone’s safety is to make sure they know how to behave in the event of an emergency. Colored fliers explaining emergency procedure are posted in every classroom and lab, and account for situations ranging from a nearby shooting to a tornado. While Linhart and Spice don’t expect any events required responses of these magnitudes to happen at UCCS, they know that it’s always better to be prepared than taken by surprise. “We grew up with this,” Spice said, referencing the recent shooting at CSU and the shootings that remain so vivid in Colorado’s history. “We’re reminded on a regular basis.” Campus is divided into a series of zones. In the event of an emergency that exists in only one or two zones, like a fire, those zones will evacuate into their neighboring segments; if a campus-wide evacuation were to occur, zones will empty into other buildings, like Colorado Springs Cristian School (CSCS) across Austin Bluffs Parkway, according to these divisions.

By Avalon Manly Photos by Ariel Lattimore


September 14 to September 20 CONT’D FROM PAGE 1

More of UCCS to love The university, though short on funds, has granted professors the ability to gain experience in the publishing field and has funded the research to do so. Professors who have recently published books include Heather Albenesi’s “Gender and Sexual Agency: How Young People Make Choices about Sex,” Elisa Auther’s “String, Felt, Thread: the Hierarchy of Art and Craft in American Art” and Raphael Sassower’s and Louis Cicotello’s co-authored, “War images: Fabricating Reality.” Each of these faculty members’ published work has gone toward furthering research in their academic areas of interest.

In addition to hiring new faculty and granting money to further academic research, UCCS has spent great time and money constructing the Gallogly Events Center and the recently completed Centennial Hall. The Gallogly Event Center was a $9 million project and opened its doors in January. The 27,000 square-foot building replaced the Lion’s Den to become the new home to both women’s and men’s basketball programs as well as the women’s volleyball team. This summer, the facility was also used for conferences and other community events. Its multipurpose aspect makes it a valuable asset to the

campus. Centennial Hall, a $17 million project, opened Aug. 19, after a year of renovations and a complete remodeling. The renovations included a complete overhaul of the auditorium, redecorating it from bright orange to maple and accenting it with comfortable black seats. The money for construction came from the state through Federal Mineral Lease Grant funds. Burnett finished by saying the school is “working very hard to provide the best quality service for students on campus” and this is evident through the school’s commitment to education and facility improvement. S

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Free on-campus HIV testing

J.P. Niehaus On Tuesday Sept. 14th, the UCCS Student Health Center will be offering free HIV testing between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. The testing is open to both students and faculty and will be conducted by the Southern Colorado Aids Project (SCAP), a federally funded organization that battles the disease through prevention, education and medical care. SCAP first visited UCCS at the 2005 Health Fair. After their first appearance, the SCAP moved from strictly disseminating information to actual testing. Stephanie Hanenberg, Director of the Student Health Center said that SCAP contacted them and asked to use their facilities and they were more than happy to comply. Hanenberg stressed the importance behind recognizing the disease early. “The earlier someone gets diagnosed with HIV, the sooner someone can get the medication they need. The earlier someone can get the medication they need, the better they can fight the disease

and keep it from progressing to AIDS,” she said. UCCS’s Gay-Straight Alliance, Spectrum, was also asked to assist SCAP this year. Members of Spectrum will be “helping people feel welcome,” explained Jarod Gray, President of Spectrum. This includes calming nerves and reassuring students that results and counseling are always confidential, Gray said. Gray also shared that “18 to 23 yearolds have higher growth rate of the disease than the rest of the population” and that “we need to remind people that it is important to look out for the disease.” He also explained that the Pride Center, an LGBT community center, does free testing every third Thursday of the month. Also, if a student is not comfortable with the free testing being offered, scheduled appointments with the Health Center can be arranged privately. Testing is available for all students. There is a great deal of knowledge and treatments for the disease today and many Americans live full and happy lives; the key, once again, is recognizing the disease in its earliest stages. S

The Heller Center slotted for renovation, reopening Amanda Putz The Heller Center for Arts and Humanities is in its final stages of renovation. Expected to be complete early Sept., the center’s grand opening will be on Sept. 20. Located on Eagle Rock Road, the center has been used as an art venue since the 1930s. The center is set for an open house Oct. 6. The Heller Center is being rebuilt in large part due to an unsafe interior. The finished building, while much safer, will still resemble the original center. The set changes are not expected to alter the cen-

ter’s 1930s aesthetics. The Hellers, a motivational couple from Colorado, originally built the house by hand. Larry was a sculptor, painter and constructor. His wife Dorothy, who often went by “Dot,” was an avid gardener, social worker for the city and a sports car racer. In 1999, Dot donated the property and house to the city of Colorado Springs in order to prevent the construction of a six lane highway. Four years later, it was dedicated to the Arts and Humanities Department in memory of her husband. The center is set to open in calculated phases. The first phase will introduce the

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finished building to the community. In the Hellers’ memory, the center will provide varying art classes, lectures, small retreats and a lounge that will exhibit both Larry Heller’s art as well as other community artists. UCCS’ Students for Environmental Awareness and Sustainability (SEAS), has devoted the recently planted campus garden to Dot. The group hopes this garden will promote healthier lifestyles and conscious living by UCCS students and the community alike. The Heller Center is the “hidden campus jewel,” said Carole J.Huber, SEAS faculty sponsor. Though the garden is relatively small now, SEAS

members anticipate a larger crop in the near future. Perrin Cunningham, Director of the Heller Center, said that despite construction, they have received “great support from the Eagle Rock Community.” They have also been fortunate enough to receive many generous donations, she explained. One of these donations came from Betty Taylor, a school teacher from Montana, in memory of her son, Paul Taylor, who was a lover of the arts and of nature. Many will be recognized for their involvement and contributions to the Heller Center. The project’s budget is set to hit almost $1 million. S Contributions from Catherine Jensen.

Anth. department relocated Elliot Reynolds The recently renovated Science building, renamed Centennial Hall is also the new home to the Anthropology Department. In 2007, the department moved from Dwire Hall to the Ulrich House. Built in the 70s, the Ulrich house was cramped and stuffy for both professors and students. Not only that, but the house was also difficult for students to find. All of these issues have since been resolved. Centennial Hall is the first building on campus to be specifically designed with the Anthropology Department in mind. Professor Tom Wynn explained that “There is almost no comparison between Centennial Hall and

Ulrich House. There is about four times as much space now, and the facility is even better than their former lodging in Dwire.” Not only does each faculty member have their own spacious office, but there are more classrooms and labs. The hallways are lined with labeled artifacts, and informative posters and books occupy the building’s interior. Not only that, but there are storage facilities for additional artifacts, including a climate controlled space for curation. Even during construction this summer, the labs were open for use. Student Adam Sigurdson, who used the facilities this summer for a class, stated that they are “pretty sweet. There is a lot more room now.” Students needing to work on school projects or homework are wel-

comed by labs that have all necessary equipment on hand. This was once an incredible inconvenience. In the past, anthropology professors hauled stuff all over campus to the various classrooms they taught in. Now, there are specific labs for the different divisions within the Anthropology Department, from cultural to prehistoric. Professor Kimbra Smith explained, “Not only is each lab suited for the different studies, but we are able to equip them. We were involved in the process of reconstruc-

tion, so they were built to our needs. It’s also nice just to be on campus.” The move to Centennial Hall not only benefits the Anthropology Department, but other departments using the space. For anthropology students, teaching will improve due to these recent upgrades and additions. S


SGA president speaks on mascots, parking and other plans Page 6

Avalon Manly Student Government Association (SGA) President Kristina Achey wants to use this semester to refocus the purpose of student government and build a cohesive campus community. “About a dozen [members of SGA] worked over the summer [to draft] new bylaws [and a new constitution],” she stated. With those projects out of the way, Achey and her Student Body Vice President Samantha Carty have room to work on other things, like the improved budget guidelines instated last week, and doing “bigger, better things for campus,” Achey said. One of Achey’s main agenda items has been to redirect the efforts and mission of the SGA Senate. The new budget guidelines stipulate that the House of Representatives is the only judicial branch to handle funds, which, Achey explained, will afford senators “the opportunity to focus on their representative colleges, not funding…it’s what their job is supposed to be anyway.” Achey anticipates that the senators will work this semester on service projects for their various colleges and schools, as well as deal more closely with administration, various university boards and student representatives. Senator Stephanie West, of Beth-El, has already begun working to improve her college. Beth-El was without its own coffee or food until recently, and students there were faced with either journeying back to central campus for sustenance, or going without. Thanks to West’s persistence, a fair trade, organic coffee cart called Aspretto is now stationed there, where nursing students can purchase food and caffeine without feeling pressed for time between classes.

SGA has also already purchased and installed a number of new emergency phone poles, located in parking lots across campus. They paid $11,000 to have them installed and to cover the first year of their upkeep. Achey spearheaded her vision of campus community with the SGA retreat last month, where members participated in team- and relationship-building exercises. “It’s about working as a group toward goals [and] feeding off each other’s ideas,” she explained. She plans to take the cohesiveness bred at that retreat and spread it into the student body as a whole, beginning with making SGA members more accessible to students. “I hope you’ve seen these gold T-shirts,” she said, laughing. “They’re bright.” The shirts are part of her plan to integrate SGA more closely into the student body. She encouraged SGA members to wear their shirts during the first few weeks of school so that new students

“…but Clyde is an actual mountain lion. He has real teeth.” could begin to recognize members of their governing body. Achey has also instated mandatory office hours for each SGA member, during which they may be approached by anyone who cares to speak with them. “If we’re in the office,” she explained, “we’re there on an outreach basis…There is never a time when anyone’s unwelcome. We’re there to talk to students.” Achey is pleased with the

Photo by Ariel Lattimore

Vice-President Sam Carty and President Kristina Achey pose in their bright gold SGA shirts. amount of interest in SGA this year. “We ran out of applications [at the Club Fair,]” she said. She hopes that interested students will be able to “fill all those seats this year,” and provide SGA with a complete staff for the first time in a long time. Achey then hopes to install at least one member of SGA on each campus committee, so that student government can be involved in nurturing campus community. Achey and Carty are currently working with Chancellor Pam Shockley-Zalabak to increase awareness and usage of the campus emergency text system. “[The Chancellor] can reach anyone in a classroom,” Achey explained, “but she’s concerned about how to reach people between classes [in the event of an emergency].” This semester, the student body is likely to be presented with a special election regard-

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ing the name of UCCS’ mascot. Currently, Boomer the mountain lion is the animal representation of school spirit; but with the opening of Clyde’s later this month and the actual mountain lion named Clyde that UCCS sponsors, Achey thinks a change is in order. “Boomer was a name chosen by the student body that the university supported,” she said, “but Clyde is an actual mountain lion. He has real teeth.” Achey believes the name change will provide more meaning to the mascot and connect it with more pride in students. She also hopes to spread awareness of UCCS’ effort to preserve endangered wildlife here in Colorado, present in the university’s support of the real Clyde. Achey plans to nurture campus community also by awarding a parking space to students nominated for outstanding campus

service. The parking space will migrate each time it is awarded to a location of the student’s choice, and remain there for use only by that student until the award is transferred. Students can nominate themselves or others for the award. Chief Jim Spice of public Safety and Susan Szpyrka, Associate Vice Chancellor for Administration of Finance, decided to donate the space and the HUB permit and maintenance required for the coming school year. In order to join with the university’s increasingly green policies, Achey has decided that SGA will go paperless. Agendas, minutes, referendums and other informative paperwork will be scanned and accessible on SGA’s website, which is currently under construction but is anticipated to be up and running by the end of this month. It will be updated weekly and any student can access the information therein. S

Alumnus leaves gift to English Dept. Catherine Jensen


September 14 to September 20

Patricia A. Gray, a UCCS alumnus, left to the English Department a substantial gift upon her recent death. Gray was 54 years old when she enrolled as a freshman at UCCS. After a 26-year career in the U.S. Air Force and graduating from UCCS with honors in 1986, Gray spent many years actively involved in many organizations including Retired Sergeants Major and Chiefs Association, the Disabled American Veterans and the Air Force Sergeants Association, before her death on July 27, 2009 at age 78. When she passed, she

left the University what associate English professor Rebecca Laroche called, “a deeply moving gift.” Gray directed that her estate, valued at $195,500, be left to the University of Colorado Foundation (UC Foundation) to benefit the UCCS English Department. Throughout the fall, the faculty will be discussing how the funds can and will be used, according to Laroche. Gray expressed her appreciation for the English faculty and the difference that her education from UCCS made in her life, according to Jaime Garcia, Development Director with the UC Foundation, who fundraises for programs at UCCS.

Garcia continued, “It’s wonderful to see philanthropy and it feels good to be on the giving end as well as on the receiving end.” Though this is not the first such gift received by UCCS, a majority of the endowments are for general, college or departmentspecific scholarships, according to Garcia. Some of the departments and colleges that have benefited from discretionary endowments include: Engineering, Beth El, Economics, Psychology, Theatreworks, Sociology and Biology. “This gift is different in that we have had very few alumni bequests,” said Garcia. “Ms. Gray has begun a legacy of alumni giving that will

benefit numerous students for years to come.” An endowment functions like a savings account: funds in an endowment are invested into the Long Term Investment Pool (LTIP), where they collect interest and grow. The English department is expected to receive roughly $6,000 per year from Gray’s endowment. Garcia added, “New alumni often either don’t feel any obligation to give back to their alma mater or they believe they are not in a financial position to make any gifts. But it’s good to establish a habit of philanthropy quickly, even in a small way. There are few experiences more soulfully delightful than altruism.” S

September 14 to September 20


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Healthy living for the independent student Ivory Walker As an adolescent, your mother told you when and what to eat. Your incredibly ripped, body building PE teacher (a dying breed) told you when and how to exercise. Now that you are essentially on your own, a freshman in college, who is going to monitor your dietary habits? With new and wearing schedules, late night ‘escapades,’ poor exercise habits and an overload of fast food meals, it’s no wonder many college freshman begin to notice a slight bulge over their pants. The Freshman 20 is not a myth, and for many, it’s a stark reality. To discourage this growing trend, students should snack healthy, avoid calorie dense foods, be aware of quantity and make time to exercise. According to Cherrie Walker, holistic nutritionist and personal trainer, “Eating well in college can be tricky. Choose foods that are as close to their natural product as possible. Instead of eating gummy fruit snacks, grab an apple or banana. Also, choose snacks like air popped popcorn.” Not only does air popped popcorn contain fewer calories than microwave popcorn, but it’s much safer for your health.

According to a report from the FDA, the chemical coating used in popcorn bags breaks down when heated into a substance called perfluorooctanoic (PFOA). PFOA has been identified as a “likely carcinogen.” Other snacks to keep in your dorm room include plain animal crackers, granola, protein bars and low or no salt nuts. Keep items such as low fat milk, hummus and pita chips, and string cheese in your fridge if you have one. When eating out, avoid creamy condiments like sour cream, ranch and creamy Italian dressings. Some of these dressings can add as many as 274 unneeded calories. In addition to refusing these highly caloric extras, try a salad with grilled chicken and light dressing instead of the traditional burger and fries when ordering out. Fresh options are available at almost every restaurant, so be mindful of your decisions. Another easy way to lower your calorie intake is to avoid soda. Adoabi Nweke, a CU Boulder graduate, said, “When I got fed up with my weight, I decided to stop drinking sodas. I lost 12 pounds within two weeks!” It is easy to keep eating when there is so much to choose from, especially at The Lodge. It’s important,

however, to learn to not only eat when you are hungry, but stop eating when you feel comfortably full. “It wasn’t that I ate unhealthy food…it was more because there was so much food to choose, and I couldn’t make up my mind, so I just got a little of everything which turned into eating a lot. But when I studied abroad I gained like 15 more pounds. Thank goodness I worked my butt off (literally and figuratively) last summer and lost like 25 pounds. So just be careful,” says Hollis Newton, UNC at Greensborough graduate. Luckily, UCCS has an abundance of activities, intramurals and recreational options for students. The Campus Recreation Center is a 54,000 square foot exercise haven. Group classes, including Vinyasa-Flow Yoga, Total Body Boot Camp, Pilates and Abs Blast are offered and the facilities are open every day of the week. Along with the Recreation Center’s amenities, walking and biking to and from class is an easy way for students to fit a little exercise into their day. Taking a stroll between classes can also be beneficial. As reported by DietNation, exercise can not only aid weight loss, but improve focus and concentration for those seemingly endless weekly lectures. S

Photos by Michelle Wood

Regular exercise and eating healthily are two keys to being well in college.

“The American” American’t Reminding us to save our money for rentals

Elliot Reynolds If you’re looking for a fast paced action movie, don’t see “The American.” Go see “Machete,” or put on a DVD of one of the “Bourne” flicks. While “The American” is terrifically slow, it really wasn’t all that terrible. I mean, it has George Clooney in it, right? The film starts with Clooney’s character, Jack, and a lady friend enjoying a morning walk along a an absolutely gorgeous frozen lake in Sweden. The serene landscape is disturbed by an ambush of assassins. Several gunshots later, Jack finds himself hurrying to Rome to meet his informant or boss or contact or whoever the guy is. The movie never really explains that. All we know is his name -- Pavel -- and that he tells Jack what to do. In the film, Jack is instructed to lay low in the Abruzzo region of the Italian country side. While the location and situation bore Jack, the scenery is breathtaking. This is one of the best aspects of the film as it was shot in the actual towns

of Rome, Castel Del Monte and Sulmona. A scenery rich with rolling hills and quaint medieval-turned-modern small Italian towns really held this film together. The rest of the movie is just okay. The thing about this movie, despite the trailers, is that it is really isn’t very actionpacked. In fact, I don’t even think it’s fair to call it an action film. Can someone say “amateur?” After the first ambush scene, things slow down considerably. And by “considerably,” I mean Jack spends most of his time walking around town, courting a local prostitute named Clara. Parts of the movie involve minor gun battles between Jack and assassins, and there’s even a mini car/scooter chase scene, but these are embarrassing attempts at fastpaced story telling. The overall plot is too simple to enliven the film: a professional hit man or assassin or whatever Jack is wants to get out of “the game” after he completes one last job. And like with Pavel, they never really explain Clooney’s character either. All we know is Jack wants to leave the business. But of course, the

goons that run the show are unwilling to let him go. A lot of things go unexplained in this movie, and I think that might be the only reason there is any suspense in the story. Honestly, most of the movie is spent looking dreamily at places your college budget won’t ever take you. Talk about depressing. The acting is well done, thank God, and the movie isn’t boring: just incredibly slow, kinda like watching your Grandma crotchet an afghan. Both will certainly be too tedious for most viewers.

Although I had some personal problems with the ending, I’ll let you be the ultimate judge. The film follows a standard plot line and utilizes typical story elements. There is nothing overly ingenious about the film, and like most movies, a long drawn-out sex scene ensues. So don’t take your parents…like I did. Sigh. Seriously, though, don’t see this in theatres: wait for your local Red Box. At least then, when you fall asleep halfway through the movie, you can rewind it -- if you even want to do that. S


Page 8

September 14 to September 20

Some serious peanut butter and jelly Brock Kilgore I have to admit that I have never been what you would call a “PB&J kind of a guy.” I have no objection to creamy-fruitygoodness, especially in a frugal form with a cool glass of strawberry milk; it’s just that growing up, my father always cooked fairly elaborate meals. Because I learned to do the same, it wasn‘t until I met a group of patchouli wearing students here at UCCS that I learned to appreciate the pleasures of the PBJ. James Killebrew and Chris McAdams have taken the peanut butter and jelly sandwich to a completely new level. At OPB&J, downtown on Bijou St. the menu is simple. For $5 choose from a variety of high quality breads, peanut butters and jellies. For only a dollar more additional toppings are available; you can use these to make one of their signature sandwiches or one of your own. Cold boxes of Horizon organic milk flavors complete the meal. McAdams explained

that they are not trying to outdo Colorado Spring’s sandwich shops, but want to provide a “healthy option” using a timeless favorite. They also want to promote a homegrown, local retail location where the public can purchase the same organic peanut butters, jellies and loaves of bread that they use in the restaurant. Healthy really is the mantra as everything is organic, local and fresh. Vegan and gluten-free options are also available. The New Mexico produced organic peanut butters include flavors such as hickory smoked, Thai ginger, spicy southwest, sweet molasses and vanilla cranberry. The organic jellies from Palisade Colorado include flavors like ginger pear, peach jalapeño, blueberry, strawberry rhubarb and your classic favorites. Made daily, the fresh “fruit smashes” are a delicious alternative to jelly. “Fruit smashes” are prepared using locally available fruit sweetened with dark blue agave nectar. Two of these are prepared daily in flavors like peach mango, triple

berry, granny smith apple with shaved cinnamon and mint peach. The bread really does hold it all together. Locally-baked Great Harvest bread selections include wheat berry, oat, honey wheat, thick cut sourdough and my favorite, apple pie bread. They have a variety of signature sandwiches including the Double Decker and The Bomb, which consists of Thai ginger peanut butter with ginger pear jelly and condiments. They were out of Thai ginger peanut butter the day that I went (which is actually a good sign that they are busy), so I opted for the Spicy Southwestern and it did not disappoint. The sandwich consisted of southwestern style peanut butter and peach jalapeño jelly on thick wheat berry bread with finely chopped peppers, crispy lettuce and sprouts. The bread was perfectly soft, the combination of peanut butter and jelly delightfully burned my tongue and the veggies gave the whole thing a firm, filling texture. I wished I had a bowl of chili to dip it in like I learned in the

The Denver Art Museum’s current exhibit on Ancient Egypt, therefore, is right up my alley, because it of-

Tut’s tomb itself, from its discovery by Howard Carter in 1922, when Carter was famously asked, “Can you see anything?” to which he replied, “Yes. Wonderful things.” Much of the statuary is of limestone and engraved with glyphs and cartouches (the oval markings that contain royal names), though the mediums displayed range from sandstone and granite to gold and precious stones. The art represented ranges from before Egypt was united from its Upper and Lower Kingdoms until after Tut’s death in 1323 B.C.E – which means that some of the 100-plus artifacts included in the exhibit are more than 4,500 years old. Each of the 11 galleries is arranged in such a way as to mimic Howard Carter’s originally foray into Tut’s tomb, from antechamber all the way through to the burial chamber. Tut died young, to what cause we don’t yet know, and his name was stricken from much of historical record due to the outly-

Photo by Carrie Woodruff

With options that range from ginger to peppers, this isn’t your mother’s PB&J. Midwest. We also tried a more traditional sandwich with hickory smoked peanut butter with both of the fruit smashes of the day on wheat. The sandwich was excellent, but it did not remind me of anything prepared at home. It was a nice treat that belongs in a restaurant. The location is sound,

Artifacts from Tut’s tomb visit Denver Museum Avalon Manly I spent the majority of my childhood, from the time I learned to read till I was about 13, convinced I would become an Egyptologist. Then, sometime late in middle school, I visited an exhibit that contained an actually, real-life (or death) mummy, and discovered my own deeplyset and uncompromising aversion to soft tissue remains. The crinkly aspect of what was once skin, the smell of embalming – I couldn’t (can’t) handle it.

fers a multitude of incredible pieces, none of which were ever living things. The exhibit is entitled, “Tutankhamun: The Golden King and the Great Pharaohs,” and debuted in North America in 2009. It will remain in Colorado until the beginning of January, when it will continue its tour across the continent. The exhibit is divided into two categories: artifacts from the reigns of pharaohs before Tut, and a collection of pieces from

ing religious beliefs of his father. In ancient Egypt, names were so important that if yours was never spoken again after death, your soul died, too. Tut, then, would have been doomed to obscurity, had it not been for Carter’s discovery. By the standards of his time, Tut is now one

of the most successful and powerful of ancient theocrats, because every child

the interior is inviting, clean and well-presented, the owners and staff are professional, friendly and experienced, and the food is fantastic. Yet the whole thing begs the question; why just peanut butter and jelly? The answer it seems is why the hell not. I’m quite sure that whoever started the first all noodles res-

taurant probably faced similar objections. These chains are everywhere now. Whether or not OPB&J will be opening in every new mega-plex is still unclear, but the reality remains that people like PB&J, and judging by the line out the door, they are also willing to pay $5 for a good one. S

in our world today knows at least his name, if nothing else. The Egyptian government is notoriously protective of its artifacts, so it’s remarkable that so many of the original 413 shabtis (miniature replicas of Tut, supposed to do his physical labor in the afterlife) and several canopic jars (ornamental containers of the mummy’s internal organs) are included in this exhibit. Tut’s stomach canopic jar is truly something to behold: a miniature of Tut’s sarcophagus, solid wrought gold, engraved with glyphs and the images of the goddess Nephys, and inlaid in minute rows with lapis lazuli and other precious stones. The average visit to the exhibit takes about

90 minutes. An audio tour (narrated, of course, by Harrison Ford) and a 3D movie experience are available for an additional fee; tickets are $30 and allow access to the rest of the museum, once you’re through at Tut. They are available online or in person, but have to be purchased for a specific entry time, so it’s advised to purchase them a few days in advance. S

September 14 to September 20


Page 9

Growth by Numbers

The science of parking UCCS parking is a common student frustration, and with increasing student enrollment figures, it’s not getting any easier. The problem with on-campus parking, however, is not the number of parking spots or the Hub permit waiting list, but the striking number of students who park illegally during the first few weeks of school. According to Chief of Police Jim Spice, 1,200 parking tickets have been given since the start of the semester. This number, he assured, is consistent with the past three years. “Parking will get a lot better in two weeks… there will be more open spaces,” he explained, as students who were previously parking illegally move to the Four Diamonds parking lots. Within the next few weeks, Spice says that all 368 students on the waiting list will receive their Hub permits. Parking Hubs have not been oversold, Spice explained, and the number of students on the waiting list is normal for UCCS. There are currently 600 parking permits in use on campus and as Spice commented, “Parking is never 100 percent full.” Parking Services is willing to both change and adapt to the needs of UCCS students. For instance, three or four years ago, level four in the parking garage was given to on-campus residents. The following year, however, the number of students needing Hub permits was too great and the level was re-assigned once more. Level four, he explained, grants two parking passes

per spot, which creates a more lucrative system for the parking program. Parking could, Spice ventured, take level five away from on-campus residents, but this is unlikely to happen, as parking feels that forcing all students into lot 9 would be unfair. When asked about future parking plans, Spice said there is “no budget or space to increase Hub spaces on campus.” At this point, Spice urges all students with Hub permits to arrive at school no later than 10 minutes before class to ensure a parking spot. When the parking garage hits capacity, lots 8 and 9 can also be utilized by permit holders. Both lot 8 (the parking lot adjacent to the Recreation Center) and Summit Village’s lot 9, are multi-purpose parking lots that are never completely full. For non-Hub students, 30 minutes should be adequate time, considering the shuttle system runs every 20 minutes. Additionally, Spice explained their benevolent parking procedures. “We really make no money,” Spice said. The money acquired through fees, tickets and permits does not go beyond the cost to maintain the parking and pay employees. From this predicted amount, the parking program gives an average of $15,000 dollars to UCCS student scholarships at the beginning of each year. “Parking is all about supply and demand,” Spice explained, and while the demand is great this first month, parking’s job has become even more pertinent. “We ticket because it would

be pure chaos and we wouldn’t meet our budget or be able to improve parking without it,” he further explained. In the future, Spice believes an additional shuttle will be needed. Four buses have already proved inadequate and many mornings there are students unable to fit on the bus at Four Diamonds, he said. When this occurs, Russ Wilcox drives the campus’s van to pick up students left at the bus stop. As much as students want to blame parking, “It really is an exact science,” and in time, the chaos will slow to a normal frenetic pace, explained Spice. S

Overcrowded housing

Growth is nothing new to UCCS; this year, however, student housing has struggled to provide for the entire freshman class. 2010 is the first year UCCS has been unable to accommodate all students on-campus and many students have found themselves on a waiting list. This poses a variety of problems, especially for students in foreign exchange programs. These

students have found it increasingly difficult to find on campus housing. While this is a concern, the Director of Residence Living, Ralph Giese, is “very excited about the renewal of interest of living on-campus.” With time, UCCS could transition away from its “commuter campus” reputation. This year, the wait list for both Summit Village and Alpine Village combined is over 40 people. Giese explained that some students are not receiving their requested on-campus housing because UCCS has a shared enrollment policy. This means that a student can apply to UCCS at any time during the year. He explained that housing priority is given on a first-come-firstserve basis, even if the decision comes down to giving the open housing slot to a Colorado Springs local over a foreign student. In short, a student from Colorado Springs who applies and gets accepted in March is a priority over a student, regardless of where her or she is from, who

applies and is accepted in August. Giese said, “How fair is it to bump the student accepted in March out of an on-campus housing slot?” By following the application timeline, Giese states, “Its equal playing ground for every student.” Due to this, certain students, particularly current foreign students, are struggling to find other living arrangements. Even though this poses a problem for several UCCS students, Giese pointed out that it isn’t such a bad thing. The fact that there is a waitlist means there is a new community of students growing within UCCS; it also shows a more active interest in student life and campus involvement. When asked about the current goals of residence life, Giese said, “We want to keep a growing interest in student life and keep building the on-campus community.” With the consistently growing freshman class, these goals are a likely reality in the near future.

Be sure to check out The Scribe next week to see how much UCCS has grown according to this year’s census.

Articles by Jessica Lynch and Kristin Garst

Photos by Ariel Lattimore and Chelsea Bartlett

culture Sony, “Guitar Hero” level up

September 14 to September 20

Page 10

Catherine Jensen On Sept. 9, “Happy 15th Birthday, PlayStation” occupied Facebook statuses and Tweets nationwide. That’s right: that day marked the anniversary of the introduction of PlayStation’s game console into North America. Sony announced that the platform has sold nearly 377 million consoles and around 2 billion software units since its inception in 1995. There is much more to this day than the creation of the console, said President of The

Game Developers Association on campus, Todd Dionson. In 15 years, the PlayStation brand has become one of the most recognized names in the world, said Dionson, who mentioned that since its inception we have seen the PlayStation, PlayStation 2, PlayStation 3 and PSP families. “In that time, we’ve seen some of the most important and best games in our time,” he expressed. “Final Fantasy VII was monumental, being the first game in the series developed outside of a Nintendo platform, and becoming one of the most beloved stories in gaming history. We’ve seen the creation of many strong names like

Metal Gear Solid, Ratchet and Clank, God of War, Sly Cooper, and Guitar Hero.” A console is referred to as a “generation,” according to Dionson, who said what this marks the seventh generation with the Wii, PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360. Different games mean different consoles and different objectives in mind, Dionson said. “Instead of improving computing power and graphics, Nintendo concentrated on motion gaming and introducing gaming to people who don’t traditionally play video games,” Dionson said. “Microsoft concentrated on making their 360 a heavily internet-based console, with an emphasis on online gaming. Sony made their PS3 to be the media-center of the living room with aspects like the Blu-Ray disc drive.” Sony has taken to releasing more motion gaming like the PlayStation Move controller a device resembling an aircraft

traffic controller with a glowing ball of light on the end and their new Kinect sensor, a Move minus the buttons. Some are concerned that Sony may be a Nintendo copy-cat. To this Dionson said, “That they take what Nintendo does and makes it their own, sure, I’ll agree. But is it a bad thing? When Nintendo introduced the SNES [Super Nintendo Entertainment System], Sony took the project the two were collaborating on and introduced the DiscBased PlayStation, giving developers more power and space to work with and giving gamers better graphics and sound. When Nintendo introduced the Analog stick, Sony put two analog sticks on their controller, giving gamers more precision in their controls.” Dionson adds that Nintendo introduced the Wii and innovative Wii Remote, giving gamers a new sense of immersion with motion controls. He is looking forward to the release of Sony’s Move

controller which, though inspired by the Wii Remote, will be different in the way it “gives even more precision to both the gamer and developer,” he said. “Where Nintendo, the company responsible for the Nintendo Entertainment System, the GameBoy family, the Super Nintendo, the Nintendo 64 and most recently, the Nintendo DS Family and the Wii, has always been the game industry’s pioneer and innovator, Sony has taken those standards and has raised the bar,” he added. For all its greatness, PlayStation is not without competition said Dionson. Rock Band 3 is about to come out. This time around, the developer of the series, Harmonix, is trying to bridge the gap between video games and real musical instruments. They are introducing a new “Pro Mode”, which will allow the player to play their favorite songs, playing real chord and more realistic drum patters. The new guitar/bass instrument is a real electric mini-guitar with 6

Theatre ’d Art has “A Devil Inside” Brock Kilgore Perhaps Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire has a foot fetish, or maybe pickled feet just make a really good prop. Regardless, feet, and what they can do - dead or alive - are the focus of this funny play. Theatre ’d Art is UCCS’ avantgarde theater company, and their production of the dark comedy “A Devil Inside” will play in University Hall’s Osborne Studio Theatre for the next two weekend nights. Theatre ’d Art, which specializes in “absurdist, surrealist and avant-garde theatre,” is now entering its fouth season. Co-founders Brian Mann and “A Devil Inside” director Jonathan Margheim have “the intent to provide Colorado Springs with bold and engaging productions you can’t see anywhere else.” “The Devil Inside” opens on the lead character Gene’s 21st birthday. Gene is a clueless youth whose mother has been waiting until this moment to reveal that Gene’s father was tragically murdered years before, his feet removed and dumped in a ditch. The story then swirls through the lives of Brad and Lily, who work and reside in an appliance repair shop; young Caitlin and Professor Carl Raymonds who engage in a deviant romance; and Mrs. Slater and Gene who have differences in what, or whom, he should pursue. The disturbed professor deludes that Brad, the simple repairman who

wants to write a children’s story about a wallpaper devil, is plotting to kill him, and launches a hilarious retaliation. Gene lusts after Caitlin, who lunges after the Professor while Lily ignores Brad, and draws feet. All the while everyone’s connection to Gene’s father’s murder looms in the background, and his severed feet keep turning up and seem to be everyone’s subconscious obsession. The ending is complexly bizarre with a dreamy flooding city, train wrecks and an untimely demise in a washing machine. Sound confusing? Well, it is; as any good mystery should be. Director Jonathan Margheim described the play on their website. “For me, the play is about people taking themselves too seriously. We often create stories for ourselves and sometimes these stories take over our whole lives.” Students should let this play take over their lives, at least for a little while, and the best part is that for students it is free. Anne Faye Hunter, as Caitlin, steals the show with her perfect impression of a starry-eyed girl. Along with the professional Mark Hennessy as the Professor, they create an air of both lunacy and loony-toons. The scenes where the professor writes in his journal under intense lights while we hear his crazy thoughts and Caitlin gleefully follows along are hilarious. Tammy

buttons across 17 “frets” and six real strings to strum at the bottom, making it a controller with 106 buttons in total. A new addition to the game, a keyboard along with vocal harmonies, will allow more song selections and room for more people to play. Dionson said he is looking forward to the game. “A lot of my ‘real musician’ friends oppose the idea,” smiled Dionson. “That it’s a stupid idea that they’re trying to be more realistic. But I disagree. Rock Band and Guitar Hero have always been floodgate games; making gamers who are interested in music pursue those interests. Being more realistic helps gamers learn how to play instruments in a fun and familiar environment.” S

Upcoming Productions A Devil Inside Sept. 10 - 26, 8 p.m. Friday - Sunday Osborne Studio Theatre in University Hall 3955 Regent Circle Free for UCCS student with ID, $5 for public bought by a student with ID and $10 to the public

Smith could be Mrs. Slater and Christian O’Shaughnessy puts on as good of a performance as he did in a similar character in “The Merry Wives of Windsor.” It is good that Michael Lee (Brad), “enjoys playing crazy people,” because he is good at it, and Kristina Magnuson rounds out the motley crew as the mysterious artist. I must have a dark sense of humor because I found both the actors and storyline consistently amusing. It felt something like a dinner-theater melodrama in an opium den; I kept waiting for a waitress to bring me either fried chicken or a really long pipe, or both.

Stop Kiss Jan. 6 - 15 By Diana Son Directed by Crystal Carter The story of two young lesbian lovers in New York City’s West Village who are attacked for their lifestyle. One of the ladies falls into a coma and the play explores the emotional and relational repercussions. Rope May 20 - June 5 By Patrick Hamilton Directed by Tammy Smith Based on the famous Leopold and Loeb London murder case and redone by Hitchcock in 1948, “Rope” is the story of two self-described intellectual superiors who plan and execute the murder of a younger classmate. They flirt with being discovered by inviting “friends” over to dine on the trunk containing the body.


September 14 to September 20

New Booster Club looks to boost scholarship programs Alex Cramer With the addition of the Gallogly Events Center, faculty and staff can once again become avid UCCS basketball fans. The new UCCS Faculty/Staff Basketball Booster Club strives to rekindle excitement and increase attendance by the UCCS administration. The increased seating in the new gym allows faculty to attend games without running the risk of taking a seat away from a student. Associate Vice Chancellor for Administration and Finance Susan Szpyrka has been one of the key people in getting this club started. “We’re really trying to get everyone to go together as a big group. It’ll be fun,” she said. Szpyrka first started going to home basketball games when

they were being played down the street at CSCS. She has since seen the Mountain Lions migrate from high school gymnasiums to the recently retired Den, and now enjoys the friendly confines the Event Center has to offer. “In the past when staff has gone to basketball games there’s been nowhere to sit; now that we have the Gallogly Center we can seat up to 1,250 people, which allows us to do things like this,” she explained. The biggest benefit to starting a booster club is the increased scholarship money, since 100 percent of member fees go straight to the basketball programs. While UCCS basketball teams are in the upper 50 percent in allocated scholarships every year, this might be the final piece to the puzzle for UCCS athletics. “Whether it’s professional or intercollegiate athletics, teams west of I-35 have to win in or-

der to get people to come to their games,” said UCCS Athletic Director Steve Kirkham. “Here at UCCS we look at basketball as our niche and I think the booster club will help generate enthusiasm around it.” With a new gym and committed coaches, the only thing that seems to be missing before UCCS can challenge the RMAC elite are the NCAA Division II 10 maximum scholarships. While the booster club may be aimed at faculty, anyone can join by logging onto Just remember that once you become a booster, you’re a booster for life and any recruiting or special privileges given to any athletes by a booster are against NCAA policy and could result in sanctions on the Mountain Lions. But if you’re not planning on a career involving athletes, the booster club is a great way to support your team. S

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Booster Club Benefits

• Cost—$10 per month or $120 annually

• Special seating behind UCCS bench •Opportunity to buy booster-only merchandise • Opportunity to sit courtside with coaching staff at select games • VIP reception at select home games • Knowing 100 percent of fees go directly to needed basketball scholarships

RMACpreseason rankings for fall athletics Matt Crandall Preseason rankings are determined by conference coaches based on a grading system of 1-13, with one being the best and 13 being the worst, which provide a point-sum score. In addition to the team rankings, individual athletes were

also nominated and voted upon for the Preseason AllRocky Mountain Athletic Conference Team. Senior Jaron Stewart was voted Preseason All-RMAC in men’s soccer by the coaches poll.

Women’s Soccer: 6th

Women’s Cross Country: 8th

Men’s Soccer: 5th

Men’s Cross Country: 8th

Women’s Volleyball: 5th

Tumbling with spirit: Cheer Squad tryouts Rob Versaw The UCCS cheer squad is currently holding tryouts for the fall semester. Tryouts are to be taken seriously, and as told by Coach Meredith Barrow, “Cheerleading tryouts evaluate the skill level of each individual athlete to determine who will be on the performance team. Since cheerleading is a club, everyone who tries out will be involved in the program in one capacity or another.” Many people fail to understand and appreciate the time

and effort put into cheerleading. For those who liken cheerleading to a recreational activity, Coach Barrow refuted. “Cheerleading is one of the most dangerous sports; by having tryouts and evaluating the individual we can work together to strengthen the skills and make sure that we are taking precautions. College cheerleading is extremely difficult and if the athlete hasn’t had prior experience it is important for them to build up their skills before putting them into a performance setting. When you are practicing stunts that are two people high it is invaluable that each indi-

vidual is confident and comfortable with their skills and strengths,” she emphasized.

“Cheerleading is one of the most dangerous sports…” The squad has high ambitions for the upcoming school year. “We are constantly trying to increase our skills by hav-

ing team tumbling classes once a week and regular practices twice a week. The athletes in the program are very dedicated to the team as well as being an advocate for school spirit and traditions,” explained Barrow. “I have been involved with the team the last three years and am incredibly proud of how far we have come and the potential for the program.” “The cheer team will be at various on-campus events this year and will be attending all sporting events to some capacity. They will go and support the soccer programs and volleyball team and for-

mally cheer at all men and women’s basketball games.” In addition to varsity sporting events, the cheer squad has plans to compete regionally. As Barrow elaborated, “We are going to be doing an exhibition at the Colorado Springs Metro League Competition in November and possibly performing at the State Competition in December. As the program continues to grow, we will start looking at national competitions to attend and summer camp. We also participate in special events for the campus when asked by different administrators.” S

sports September 14 to September 20

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Venus shows some skin Jessica Lynch In May, professional tennis player Venus Williams opted for a tight lace corset at the French Open. “Lace has never been done before in tennis, and I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time,” she said at a press conference. “The illusion of just having bare skin is definitely for me a lot more beautiful,” she added. Last week at the U.S. Open, Williams was lambasted once more for what most viewed as inappropriate attire. In a skimpy, pink slit garment with black spandex, Williams captivated photographers, fans and critics worldwide. “This outfit was supposed to be about New York. It’s like bursts of fireworks,” she explained. Oh, right, New York, where all the hookers live and work. That makes sense. While her recent attire is nothing compared to last May’s sexual revelation, her need to wear tight, ill-fitting dresses that ride up unchar-

acteristically often has raised more than a few eyebrows, including my own. Athletics has never been a “sleep your way to the top” profession; Venus Williams makes me think otherwise. Regardless of her tasteless clothing choices, Venus is still an incredible tennis player. And while I can look past her flesh-colored panty hose with relative ease, I doubt the guy pounding shots at the local sports bar stands much of a chance. Her talents, then, are overlooked and unappreciated by the perverted man sitting in row nine at the U.S Open, too. And it is that realization that troubles me. Venus is clearly a liberated individual, but her attire is detracting from her best assets. And no, I’m not referring to her butt, because I think that image already haunts a few too many dreams. Bottom line, though: instead of being recognized for her victories, her bareskinned image takes precedence. Instead of drawing media publicity for a stellar performance, recent articles

show the panty hosed rear end of a champion. And yet, Venus continues to dress promiscuously. By creating an illusion of bare skin, Venus is simultaneously losing credibility in the sports world. As a female athlete, I am neither repulsed nor impressed with Venus’s decisions. Instead, I find fault in society. When Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal changes his shirt between and after matches, the crowds cheer enthusiastically over his toned torso. His talent and professionalism isn’t compromised or heightened by the act. When Venus dresses scantily, the blogosphere latches to her throat like your neighbor’s pit bull. They rip and tear at her professionalism, they zoom in on her curves and they lose focus on her success. While this publicity is unwarranted, it is surely not a surprise to Venus. Whether this is a feminist statement or an endless wardrobe malfunction, only Venus knows. However, whichever the

UCCS off to a fast start Rob Versaw It was a bright fall Saturday morning in Monument Valley Park, perfect running conditions for the first cross country meet of the year. The UCCS runners took full advantage of the conditions, opening their season at the 3rd Annual Rust Buster Invitational. “We were really pleased with how we ran as a team,” explained sophomore Kassie Mazzocco. “The freshmen ran really well, it was a good day all around,” she continued. Although the team lost several of last year’s top runners, the UCCS team didn’t miss a beat. The spread between their first and seventh runner was a mere 34 seconds. “Pack time is key to success in cross country,” remarked Mazzocco. “I was really happy with how the girls competed as a team. Everyone worked hard and

stayed together.” Accrediting some of this success to the new assistant coach, Mazzocco explained, “No one can replace him [former coach Cory Kubatzky] but we have been really blessed with Coach Sarah [Segesdy], she is a volunteer coach and helps with mentality and with team building.” “Girls like to be nice to each other, but she doesn’t let us settle for mediocrity,” explained Mazzocco about Coach Segesdy’s influence. “She doesn’t let us just be average,” he said. The girls certainly were not average as they finished second, losing only to the Division 1 Air Force Academy. The men’s team also competed on Saturday. Donning new bright yellow uniforms, they too competed well for the first meet of the year. “I ran much better at the Rust Buster than last year,” said top runner Mike English. “It was a great first race.”

English and fellow sophomore Sam Feldotto started the race with last year’s all RMAC runner Carl Arnold from Metro State and Division III national champion contender Jackson Brainerd from Colorado College. English and Feldeotta held strong for the first half of the 6000m course, but were unable to stay with the two leaders the remainder of the race. “My arms cramped up at about the halfway point of the race. I’ll just need to work on my endurance a little, but I can’t complain, I never really felt bad for the entire race,” explained Feldotto. “It was a great way to start off the season, now we just need to build on what we did and keep working hard. I feel really confident about the team this year. We are way ahead of where we were last year.” The men’s and women’s cross country teams will be in action again on Oct. 2nd in Boulder, Colorado at the Rocky Mountain Shootout.

case might be, I think we could all agree that she should dispose of her nude-colored panty hose and invest in a longer pair of shorts. Hell, I’d even be willing to part with a pair of my old high school basketball shorts for the cause. I mean, what does her mom think? I know what my mom would do: she’d force me into some footsie PJs and then super glue the zipper, just in case. S

Sports ShortS Sept. 10 Mountain Lion Stadium McMurry 0, UCCS 10

Women’s Soccer (3-1, 0-0 RMAC)

Sept. 5 Marshall, MN UCCS 2, Southwest Minnesota State 0

Sept. 4 Marshall, MN UCCS 2, Northern State 1 (OT)

Men’s Soccer (1-2, 0-0 RMAC)

Sept. 10 Wichita Falls, TX UCCS 2, Northeastern Sate 3

Sept. 5 Portales. NM UCCS 1, Eastern New Mexico 2 (OT)

Women’s Volleyball (6-3, 0-0 RMAC)

Sept. 11 Sept. 11 Gallogly Event Center Gallogly Event Center Lees McRae 2, UCCS 3 Grand Canyon 0, UCCS 3 (25-21, 28-30, 23-25, 25-20, 15-8) (25-14, 25-23, 26-24) Sept. 10 Gallogly Event Center Fort Lewis 1, UCCS 3 (27-25, 22-25, 25-14, 25-22) S

Sept. 10 Gallogly Event Center Winona 1, UCCS 3 (26-24, 23-25, 25-18, 25-12)

opinion September 14 to September 20

Drunken driving – Are the consequences discriminatory?

Stephen Farrell Every year the state of Colorado holds its “100 days of Heat” campaign. The campaign begins on Memorial Day weekend and extends all the way through Labor Day weekend. For a Colorado motorist, this means that state and local enforcement officers are extra motivated to issue DUIs to those fitting the profile. The program is a state-wide effort to crack down on DUI offenses. Between 2004 and 2008, 40.1 percent of all DUIrelated crashes resulted in fatality or injury, ac-

Page 13

cording to the Colorado State Patrol (CSP). One DUI conviction, CSP explained, results in a minimum of $10,024. This amount is then used for state fines and alcohol and therapy courses for the convicted individual. A total of 819 DUI arrests occurred between Memorial Day and Labor Day weekend this year. The state’s total proceeds from this campaign? Well given the above numbers, it comes out to $8,209,656 from May 31 to Sept. 6.With this four month revenue increase, it’s no wonder fines are this high in the stratosphere of DUI convictions. Now, we all agree drinking and driving is dangerous and even lethal to other drivers and offenders need to be punished accordingly. However, are the penalties for DUI convictions too economically harsh on the average citizen? To answer this, it’s

important to look at other activities that can prove just as dangerous as driving while intoxicated. Many argue that falling asleep at the wheel can be equally detrimental. Many also believe texting and driving is equivalent to drunken driving. And yet, you never hear of people being slapped with a 10 grand conviction for falling asleep at the wheel or texting. Peter Kissinger, CEO of AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, said, “Drowsy driving… is one of the largest and less appreciated problems in traffic safety.” If this is true, then it seems to me that drowsy driving should be placed in the same realm as drunk driving, financially speaking at least. How can the state expect offenders to pay over 10 grand in fines when the average Colorado citizen’s salary for 2008 was $56,993, according, to the U.S. Census Bureau?

That’s nearly one-fifth of the average citizen’s salary for an offense that many perceive bears the same level of seriousness as being drowsy at the wheel or even text messaging. I think seemingly less serious offenses, like those mentioned above, should be scrutinized at the same level as drunken driving to ensure a level of fairness with given fines. If this does not happen, then drunken driving is nothing more than a crime placed at a higher level of seriousness based on societal discrimination, which in turn gives lawmakers a green light to ruthlessly fine offenders. I’m not saying that drunken driving warrants light fines and fees for offenders, but only that other equally dangerous motorist activities should be held to the same standard as drunken driving. After all, a dangerous driver is a dangerous driver any way you fine it. S

many levels, though I’ll ignore the hippy-hype around loving our children as individuals by ignoring their failures in school. Tying a teacher’s salary to the performance of students on the CSAP tests has resulted in skewed teaching; students spend a significant amount of their time in the classroom learning how to take and pass tests rather than how to actually think. After suffering through years of this kind of education, I can now pass most any multiple choice test thrown at me, regardless of its content. Somehow I don’t feel accomplished. The consequences of performing poorly on CSAPs are too harsh; according to the Colorado Code of Regulations 301-52, if a school’s student body consistently fails to meet expectations, it will be converted into a charter school. Such conversion changes the type of funding that the

school will receive, and subjects it to standards other than those enforced in regular public schools. Rather than focus on whether or not our students can speedread a paragraph and then regurgitate random facts found therein, we should be focusing on finding out if our students are even fit for the educational sector. Our society has become so focused on sending every student to college that we have lost sight of the fact that someone, at regular intervals, needs to collect my trash. European models on education, which rely on standardized tests to decide if students continue the education process, are more helpful to the students and the teachers. We should be focusing on weeding out the college-bound students from those destined for trade schools. Then, instead of holding teachers accountable for the poor performance of a student who’s too

distracted by their terrible living conditions to care about some test, we could maybe train teachers to look for signs of distress in their students. After all, there has to be a reason that the United States is ranked 18th in education, out of the 36 nations at which the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development looked. Eliminating the poorly designed CSAP tests will also avoid future occurrences of scandals like the one seen in the Cesar Chavez schools, where teachers were hinting students toward the correct test answers, or outright altering the tests to inflate student performance. Yes, we should hope that teachers would do the right thing when it comes to standardized testing, but when you align their incentives in such a way that their stupid kids determine their paycheck, you’re just asking for trouble. S

Zapping the CSAP, for good

Jasen Cooper According to an Aug. 30 article on KKTV. com, a candidate for Colorado governor is planning on getting rid of CSAP testing if he is elected. John Hickenlooper, who is hoping to be elected this November, has said that eliminating CSAPs will “save money and get quicker results that will help students.” The CSAP, or Colorado Student Assessment Program, tests are required by the federal No Child Left Behind Act, and funding for schools is directly linked to student performance. This has set up our local school systems for failure on

I’d rather you wear socks, thanks Jessica Lynch

As fixations usually do, mine started at an early age: and while I have attempted to save myself from the obsession on countless occasions, those efforts died ten years ago, along with my two pet rats, Salt and Pepper. I was a young, flat-chested girl dealing with the side effects of a nauseating fear of boys, a sudden concern with possible upper lip hair and a terrifying realization that I might have big toes that would never be accepted in society. Shortly after this discovery, my doctor told me I could re-shape my two toes with time, effort and patience; I think this knowledge changed my life forever. Intent on having beautiful feet, I dedicated myself to the art of toe stretching. I was a determined, if not irrational child, and my parents could often find me holding my two toes while sitting in bed or watching TV late at night. I was OCD when it came to my feet. A few months later, I saw remarkable results. I saw two feet no longer ashamed of sandals and two feet proud to be seen alone in public. I remember thinking, oh so foolishly, that my troubles would soon be over and before long I would be leading a semi-normal life. As a sophomore in high school, I realized that I had a detrimental and potentially lasting aversion to feet. And as it was, of course, too late to reverse the affects of my tedious toe shaping years, I was doomed. Because while I had grown to admire mine, my compassion and understanding of disfigured feet had disappeared into the abyss of troublesome toes. From this disappearance surfaced a repugnant fear of feet. This terror, which according to professionals in the mental health field is known as podiaphobia, not be confused with being classified a pedophile, terrorized my teenage years. Feet haunted me through my remaining high school days, and I closed my eyes and turned up my nose to those in Chaco’s, flipflops or sandals. I walked, inadvertently aware of the feet around me and I once begged my boyfriend to start wearing socks to school. His feet, I swear to God, looked like my hands. As you can imagine, after explaining the horrifying nightmares his long-toed feet had created, we knowingly and quickly parted ways. I’m sure he’s barefoot, painting a picture with his toes as we speak. Since then, I have seen a shift in my foot phobia. I have held hands with a few sandal fanatics, dated a couple free-spirited bare foot individuals and have personally contemplated sleeping without my socks on. While these efforts have moved me in the right direction, the startling fact remains, if you touch me with one toe or even think of playing footsie with me with your bare feet I will not only throw a cold glass of water in your face, but I’ll tell your best friends you still wet the bed. S

opinion September 14 to September 20

Page 14

Glenn Beck isn’t MLK (even if God told him so)

Catherine Jensen On the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream Speech” on Aug. 28, Glenn Beck led a “Restoring Honor” rally at the Lincoln Memorial. The rally, Beck told the crowd, had “nothing to do with politics,” but “everything to do with God.” “Something that is beyond man is happening,” he told a crowd he estimated was 500,000. News sources later reported it was 87,000. (At least Jesus knew how many loaves and fish he needed). “America today

begins to turn back to God.” Other speakers included St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa, first baseman Albert Pujols and former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. A competing rally organized by Reverend Al Sharpton at nearby Dunbar High School drew several thousand people. “They may have the mall,” Sharpton said, “but we have the message.” That Beck chose this important day dishonors the memory of King. His speech was filled, not with inspiring words, but hateful mistruths. Beck arguing that Obama hates white people and white culture stems from the fear that down the road the white majority will become the minority. There is an incredible difference between power majority and numerical majority. There may be fewer blond, blue-eyed Anglos running around but that

in no way means that the white crust of this country will in any way be experiencing racism or the years of systematic, institutional oppression experienced by people of color in this nation. Whites will never be refused access to a restaurant or hosed down in the street or um…sold like something less than people. White privilege will remain the power. Did we mention that Obama was raised by his white mother and that being a lousy politician has nothing to do with how many pigments your skin produces? Beck’s feelings on race are angry, hateful and racist. This is obvious when he speaks of migrant workers, those who are the backbone of this country and do the work we proud Americans can’t stoop to do. Oh, and those migrant workers, yeah, they’re Americans, too. MLK helped bring attention to how poorly blacks were being treated.

Comic by Arno

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Today, people of color are treated just as poorly, just in more covert ways. If we truly believe in honoring MLK’s vision we would do so by admiring the man and recognizing that we must continue to fight for the world he envisioned. If we look into the history of MLK’s life and beliefs we find the concept of a “Beloved Community,” a concept that can be traced back to a 19th century American religious philosopher Josiah Royce. While a doctoral

student at Boston University’s School of Theology in the 1950s, MLK studied Royce and was quick to adopt the Beloved Community, a term that as the Reverend Shirley Strong at The Chaplaincy Institute says means, “Inclusive, interrelated society based on love, justice, compassion, responsibility, shared power and a respect for all people, places, and things—a society that radically transforms individuals and restructures institutions.” Sometimes, religious

fundamentalists isolate and use God to justify hatred instead of using Him to demonstrate the compassion most people of faith were once taught to have for other people. Beck used the anniversary of MLK’s message of tolerance to push for a religious agenda. To paraphrase from Family Guy, the true compellation of wisdom is: “Yeah, it doesn’t matter where you’re from or what color you are, just as long as we are all the same religion!” S



“Still, if a statement cannot reasonably be interpreted to be one of express or implied fact, it cannot be libelous. This means that humor columns, spoofs, cartoons and satire are protected as long as readers understand that the material is not intended to be taken seriously.” -Student Press Law Center

Drunk students ignore fire alarm Greg Williams 100 students were arrested this weekend for excessive drinking and partying after ignoring a fire drill because they thought it was part of the party. According to the only sober eyewitness, the first time the alarm went off the drunk students “let out an enormous cheer, louder than the alarm.” The eyewitness claims that several compliments to the host followed, as the drunken students assumed the alarm was a party-

related klaxon. When they arrived to inspect the success of the fire drill, the fire department attempted to convince the partying students to leave, without success. “They thought it was a game,” Chief Bud Wisman said, “that the fire truck lights were dance lights, that we were some kind of joke. That’s when I called in the police.” When police arrived on the scene, the party was still going strong. They proceeded to arrest 100 students. After the arrests,

police discovered closets entirely filled with vodka; they took the vodka as physical evidence, though there is no indication it will be used in a court of law. They also confiscated some crushed ice and all the hosts’ coffee creamer, and proceeded to request to borrow a number of tumblers. Most of the students will be charged with riotous drinking, a misdemeanor with penalties ranging from scrubbing graffiti off liquor storefronts to being unpaid designated drivers on the weekends.

Rabid raven ravages rambunctious rhetors Jasen Cooper An overzealous English professor on campus is being charged with attempted homicide after bringing a rabid raven to a class presentation. Professor Fasthom was unavailable for comment, having been hospitalized after her encounter with the animal, but we have pieced together the events in question from several witness accounts. Rhetoric and Writing for Romantic Poets, a 300-level class offered by the English department, was to have a veryspe-

cial meeting on Friday, with students being promised a recital of a famous poem – with a twist. Students were unsure what to expect, but Twittered and Tweeted about it nonstop for the week leading up to the announced class. Fasthom, as it turns out, had forgotten her promise of a twist at the recitation, and at the very last minute panicked and acquired a

bird. Not just any bird would do, however, as she was planning on having her students experience Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven.” Mission in mind, this English instructor went to Craigslist. After sifting through several ads for parakeets and cockatiels,

Official documents state that the party hosts are being charged with “excessive partying and the inability to control inebriated guests,” a charge that can carry significant jail time. The party host, Dack Urie, sounded apologetic. “We were just having a good time. The pong was good, the vodka was better. When that klaxon – I mean alarm – went off, I just thought it was Martin. He does that sort of thing at parties. Everything was good, was fun until the cops busted us.” S

Fasthom finally found an ad placed by a man, wishing to remain anonymous, who allegedly “found” a raven while out hiking. When the English instructor inquired if the bird had any talents, he promptly replied that it had a broad knowledge of nineteenth-century poetry and would be a perfect fit for Fasthom’s class presentation. The instructor then allegedly spent several days trying to train the bird to recite “The Raven,” but, having made little progress, ended up scrapping that plan. She decided instead to read the poem to her class dramatically while the raven flew about the room, rapping on little cardboard chamber doors which she had strategically placed throughout the classroom. Several students were bit during the incident, while several others lost textbooks to the literal shit-storm that ensued. The raven, which tested positive for rabies after it was finally caught, was promptly put down. All students in the classroom, and any in neighboring classrooms who hoped to miss their next few class periods, were taken to the hospital to be treated for contact with the rabid animal. Fasthom had one semester left before she could petition for tenure, but it is rumored that, at this point, she doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell. VAPA has begun talks with the English department regarding a midseason trade of instructors. S


Ways to fail out during your first semester

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Flirting with your 55-year-old married professor who also happens to be gay. Surprise! Playing video games in your room: not only will you fail assignments, but the stale air will probably kill you. Starring: if you watch the hot bombshell in your class for more than 15 minutes, you’re fucked. Sleeping through your alarm. Where’s mom’s annoying yell when you need it? Stupid quesions: not only will your classmates hate you, but you’ll do every group project alone. Smacking your gum in class: when the girl next to you stabs witha pencil, be ready for an extended leave of absense. “Textization”: an overload that results in loss of thumbs, mind and homework capabilities. Being a Facebook whore: stalking takes both time and skill. Well, that’s what Rebecca, who’s friends with Peter, said on Sarah’s wall. Pimp Status: six boyfriends is a little time consuming, agreed?

Excessive “sick days”: I remember my first beer. -Jessica Lynch


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Sept. 14, 2010  

Volume 35; Issue 3

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