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The
Sammy
Tribune



 The
Sammy
Tribune
 


Issue
4,
3
August
2009


Greg
Weil
joins
 Matt
Halpin
tests
 ACC
Rio
Grande
 Austin
street
gang
 positive
for
steroids
 shows
their
spirit
 In
efforts
to
toughen
up
his
 image,
Greg
Weil
was
 successfully
initiated
as
a
 member
of
the
Austin
 branch
of
The
Crypts


Guest
Reporter
David
 Abrookin
investigates
 Halpin’s
steroid
use
during
 the
2003
MLB
season
 


The
proud
Bobcats
of
 Austin
Community
College
 share
with
the
Tribune
 their
mighty
fight
song


Recent
happenings
within
and
 around
the
Sammy
House
 Horvitz:
 Deciding
that
Law
wasn’t
where
his
 heart
truly
lied,
Eric
decided
to
follow
 Zen Buddhism Advice: By Nate Starr his
passion
of
Musical
Theatre
 instead.
 Kobren
and
Tinez:
 Lying
that
they
were
recruiting
 rushees,
Aaron
and
Sean
go
up
to
 Dallas
instead
to
audition
for
“The
 Amazing
Race”
on
August
1st.
 Israel:
 After
becoming
more
and
more
 disfranchised
with
his
Jewish
 heritage,
Josh
promptly
changes
his
 name
to
Josh
Palestine.


Living
with
the
daily
shenanigans
 of
J‐Rod
and
Cunningham
has
 definitely
taken
a
slice
out
of
my
 inner‐chakra.
Yet
I
always
find
the
 peace
and
serenity
that
the
 Gautama
Buddha
prescribes
while
 meditating
on
my
patio.
 
 If
you
are
having
such
issues
trying
 to
find
enlightenment,
I
suggest
 that
you
plant
a
miniature
Bonsai


tree
somewhere
within
your
 bedroom.
Also
try
turning
an
 empty
water
area,
such
as
a
 bathtub,
into
a
small
coy
pond,
 bringing
you
peace
and
serenity.

 
 The
days
are
now
gone
where
 Ryan
and
Jarrod
disrupted
my
 inner‐tranquility:
with
these
 simple
steps,
you’ll
surely
be
on
 your
way
to
Nirvana.



The
Sammy
Tribune
 


Issue
4,
3
August
2009


Making
it
rain
and
 icing
fools:
Greg
 Weil’s
new
life
as
 an
Austin
Crip
 By
Justin
Sedgwick


S e lu q e

A
typical
Greg
Weil
outfit
in
the
past
was
 vandalism
and
assault.
His
unique
 composed
of
a
UT
sorority
shirt,
Polo
 talent
in
stealing
SUV’s
and
 Ralph
Lauren
summertime
shorts
and
a
 Trucks
has
earned
him
the
gang
 shaggy
pair
of
Clarks
flip‐flops.
Now
he
is
 nickname
of
“Greg
4‐Weiler.”
 more
often
known
for
his
ratty
jeans,
 
 black
doo‐rag
and
9mm
berretta
that
 Some
members
of
Sammy
have
 hangs
from
his
backside.
A
powerful
 become
concerned
though
about
 physical
transformation
due
to
Greg’s
 Greg’s
new
devotion
to
the
gang
 recent
induction
to
the
Austin
branch
of
 instead
of
the
fraternity.
 the
notorious
LA
street
gang,
the
Crips.
 
 
 “He’s
never
here
anymore,
and
 “I
just
didn’t
want
my
resume
to
say
 when
he
is
all
he
talks
about
is
 things
just
about
Sammy
and
intramural
 the
gang.
His
date
to
our
last
 sports.
I
really
think
that
the
Crips
will
 Formal
wasn’t
an
AEPhi
like
usual
 help
add
to
the
community
service
and
 but
a
young
woman
named
 social
diversity
aspect
that
so
many
 Sharika
with
two
gold
plated
 employers
are
looking
for
these
days.”
 teeth.
I
was
also
concerned
when
 
 a
drive‐by
shooting
happened
at
 The
initiation
process
was
no
easy
task.
 our
last
foam
party.
He’s
really
 Greg
first
had
to
show
up
to
Austin’s
 changed,”
says
good
friend
Eddie
 seedy
Warehouse
district
with
his
jean
 Ackerman.
 pockets
inside
out,
the
Crip
sign
of
a
new
 
 pledging
member.

His
first
official
task
 With
his
teardrop
tattoo
and
 was
to
“ice”,
a
gang
term
for
murder
by
 multiple
stab
wounds,
it’s
clear
 firearm,
an
opposing
member
from
the
 that
Greg’s
life
is
heading
into
a
 Austin
Bloods.
Since
his
initiation,
Greg
 new
direction.
Respect
for
my
 has
been
seen
committing
multiple
acts
of
homie
4‐Weiler.
Crypts
FO
life.


2
 








ACC
Fight
Song
 While
we
all
have
memorized
the
words
to
 Texas
Fight,
few
may
know
that
ACC
has
it’s
 own
little
fight
song.
For
those
who
haven’t
 attended
or
have
taken
a
class
at
ACC
,
here
is
 the
mighty
chant
that
echoes
through
the
 halls
of
the
Rio
Grande
Campus
 
 We
are
the
Bobcats
of
Austin
Community
College
 Our
curriculum
brings
us
substandard
knowledge
 Bobcats
Bobcats
you
shall
never
fear
 We’ll
knock
Riverside
right
on
it’s
rear
 
 The
attacks
of
our
enemies
won’t
tear
us
apart
 ACC
is
truly
the
best
place
to
start
 Our
strength
and
unity
will
bring
us
far
 BOBCATS!
BOBCATS!
RAWR
RAWR
RAWR!



The
Sammy
Tribune


Issue
4,
3
August
2009


The
Day
the
Baseball
Died:
 Matt
Halpin’s
Rampant
Steroid
Use
 By
David
Abrookin
 
 Report:
Halpin,
Ortiz
tested
positive
 August
2,
2009
 Matthew
Halpin
and
David
Ortiz
were
among
those
 listed
as
having
tested
positive
for
performance‐ enhancing
substances
in
2003,
lawyers
with
 knowledge
of
the
results
told
The
Sammy
Tribune.
 Halpin,
currently
on
the
DL,
issued
a
statement.


“This
hurts,
this
really
hurts,”
Hurta
told
reporters.
“I
 don’t
know
what
to
think
about
this.
I
guess
you
just
 never
know
what
people
do
in
the
dark.
 “I
still
love
him
but
at
the
same
time
it’s
tough
to
hear
 that.
I
know
it’s
going
to
be
tough
on
him
and
tough
on
 his
family
once
this
gets
out.
It’s
the
Halpinator,
man,
 the
Big
Dog
of
Sammy
and
he
helped
set
up
two
Web
 Sites
with
those
guys,
with
the
clutch
coding.
And
now
 all
those
things
are
going
to
be
tainted.”


“I
was
informed
that
I
have
been
accused
of
taking
 performance‐enhancing
substances.
This
happened
 right
before
I
played
XBOX,
and
the
news
blindsided
 me.
I
want
to
talk
about
this
situation
and
I
will
as
soon
 Ortiz
left
only
this
quote
with
the
press:
 as
I
have
more
answers.”
 “Me
and
Halpin,
we’re
like
two
mountains.
We’re
going
 Larry
Harris,
who
has
worked
for
the
fraternity
for
over
 to
keep
doing
good
no
matter
what…Only
G‐d
is
going
to
 a
decade,
said
the
news
“blindsided
everybody,”
not
 be
able
to
move
those
two
mountains.”
 just
Halpin,
and
that
this
is
the
first
incident
of
 Major
League
Baseball
declined
to
comment
on
the
 substance
abuse
he
has
ever
dealt
with
firsthand.
 Tribune’s
report,
telling
The
Sammy
Tribune
it
didn’t
 Young
Democrats
supporter
Michael
Hurta,
a
longtime
 have
the
list
of
players
who
tested
positive
in
2003
and
 friend
of
Halpin’s,
said
he
was
shocked
by
the
report.
 that
they
had
“no
idea
who
the
fuck
Matthew
Halpin
is.”
 


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Tribune 4