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The Roosevelt News Volume 85 Issue 7 • June 2009 • 1410 Northeast 66th Street, Seattle, Washington, 98115


Remember When...


Senior Destinations


College Athletes

10The ‘09 Valedictorian

The Roosevelt News Senior Staff Predator in Chief

Peter Jong

Crapics Editor

Jim McGowan


Senior Issue



Senior Issue...

Peter’s Minion

Jamie Anderson

Software Consultant

Erik Kariya

His Indianship

Nikil Rao

The Oxford Comma

Taylor Cross-Whiter

Senior Destinations

Staff Reporters

Elliott Amkraut Henry Berry Randall Keating Chris Nguyen Stephen Perkins Alice Roth Karla Ruff Andrew Sahl Jack Thompson

Page 6


Arianna Chiechi Tiffany Ip Will Nachtrieb Maddie Tull Artist

Xiaoran Yuan Contributing Artist

Sullivan Brown Cover

Jim McGowan Adviser

Christina Roux Special Thanks To

Allie Seroussi

The Roosevelt News aims to represent the diverse student population at Roosevelt. We strive to provide accurate, fair and unbiased news in order to increase reader awareness of issues apparent to the immediate and global community. We are a student-run publication serving students, staff, parents and alumni and are an open forum for opinions of all those we serve. Signed opinion pieces represent the views of the writers and not necessarily those of the Editorial Board. The Roosevelt News accepts signed letters to the editor. Please submit them to Room 235 or Ms. Roux’s mailbox or by email to The Roosevelt News reserves the right to reject any advertisement deemed unacceptable for publication. The Roosevelt News does not run illegal, hateful, or inappropriate advertisements. If you are interested in placing an ad, call (206) 252-4880.

Look How They’ve Changed

Guns in School a “Must-Have”

- Page 5

- Page 9


Now Photo by P. Jong Photo By W. Nachtrieb



Senior Issue

The Roosevelt News

Your Future Spouse

The College Gender Gap Colleges with majority men:

Claremont McKenna College – 54% men California Institute of Technology – 59% men Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute - 72% men Colleges with majority women:

Peter Jong Predator in Chief


ollege is usually looked upon as a chance for an education and career, but it serves another very important purpose that is often overlooked: finding your future spouse. Very few relationships in high school end up being serious or result in marriage, but in college it is a totally different story. When you meet a potential mate in college, you have a much higher chance of tying the knot. Because you are in the same college, you already share important similarities with them, such as academic goals, intelligence, motivation, and tastes in weather and environment. As college students, you are also more mature and independent and can thus spend time getting to know each other socially while you pursue a degree together. Because you’re at the same college, you’ll live close to each other, and upon graduation, you’ll be able to settle down in the same place, or move on to grad school together. Those people

University of Washington – 54% women Whitman College – 57% women Occidental College – 57% women Western Washington University – 58% women New York University – 60% women Seattle University - 63% women University of Portland – 63% women University of San Francisco - 66% women Loyola University Chicago - 67% women Sarah Lawrence College - 78% women Data courtesy of

that say “love can wait” will end up becoming the unfortunate fish trapped alone in a tide pool as the tide permanently recedes. Those people will become desperate singles on eHarmony, browsing profiles of potential mates that live hundreds of miles away. Some men may even resort to mailorder brides from foreign lands. Grad school is much too late to find a future spouse. By then, you’ll be fishing for dolphins in the Dead Sea; all your love interests will be taken or only be interested in their education. Us guys usually have the advantage in college, as women make up over 56% of college students. When I did my college research at the beginning of senior year, I immediately eliminated choices such as Cal Tech and Rochester Institute of Technology, as they had many more male students than female ones. Other colleges, such as Lewis & Clark College, had as little as a 39% makeup of men, a factor that made these colleges very tempting. Keep your eyes peeled. And if you see a girl that bears any resemblance to Reese Witherspoon (including the ability to simultaneously be sexy, funny, and smart), introduce her to me!


decided to try eHarmony to see if I could get paired up with the love of my life. I ran into my first roadblock immediately when I didn’t meet the age requirement of 18. I simply used my friend’s birthday instead, and it let me proceed with no problems. Setting up the account took much longer than I expected. I was filling out questions about myself for nearly an hour. It was difficult ranking myself on sexiness, and I lied about my height, saying that I was six foot two, my height on stilts. Some of the questions were also very personal, and I was even asked if I had a strong desire for sexual activity. Not knowing what to say, I left it blank, but couldn’t stop thinking about it. I honestly hope I never have to answer a question like that ever again. After I finally finished the questionnaire and set up my account, I was told I needed to pay $60 for one month of activation of my account. I could also pay $20 a month for a year’s worth of activation. I chose the secret


The $60 activation fee would probably be enough to get a cheap hooker.

third option: not paying. That very same night, despite my account not being active, I received six emails from eHarmony matching me up with potential mates. The first lady I was introduced to lived in Santa Cruz, California, nearly a thousand miles away. I had specifically asked for singles within a 60 mile radius, but I guess that was ignored. I still get emails from eHarmony, and recently got one asking “If I was a skeptic,” because I had not responded to any of the women I was paired up with. The consensus? eHarmony is just not worth it, and finding a spouse with it is most likely much less effective than simply asking out random people in college. The $60 activation fee would also probably be enough to get a cheap hooker.

Graphics Courtesy of

Below: The questions asked on the eHarmony survey were very personal, and many were difficult to answer.

Illustration by P. Jong



The Roosevelt News


Senior Issue

A Future Pilot’s Roosevelt Legacy

History of Aviation Club, First Edition, 2009

love for all things aviation, was aweinspiring. All Thompson needed to do now was wait for school to start and to find a faculty contact.

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S. B



Aviation Club brings kids from all grades and backgrounds to one room to discuss one thing, their undying passion for all things aviation.

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orn from blood, sweat and tears, Aviation Club has come to be known as one of Roosevelt’s greatest and most prolific clubs. Meeting every other Tuesday (with a hiatus in there for baseball season) Aviation Club brings kids from all grades and backgrounds to one room to discuss one thing, their undying passion for all things aviation. Aviation Club is the brain child of Roosevelt student and aviation wiz-kid, Jack Thompson. “I first thought of it during the summer before senior year. My dream finally became a reality this year,” said



takeoff. Meeting every other Tuesday in Room 105A most of the time, it has been a smooth flight. From a trip to the Museum of Flight to uhh, OK well that’s all we’ve done, Aviation Club is here to stay and represent the aviation community at Roosevelt. Pilots from the Roosevelt community have even approached us hoping to speak to the club. All we can do from this point is hope that we might have inspired fellow Roosevelt students to consider a career in aviation... or at least not hate riding in an airplane so much. Oh and to pwn n00bs in all things that have to do with airplanes. Jack Thompson out. Illu

Staff Reporter

On the first day of school, Jack mentioned to his counselor, Mr. Heffernan, that he would need to find a teacher to be his club staff contact. Mr. Heffernan (if you don’t already know from your Aviation Club attendance) is a general aviation and charter pilot who was once one West Coast route cancelation away from becoming an airline pilot. The one problem, however, was the lack of a suitable classroom. Room 105A only goes so far in addressing the needs of Aviation Club’s exponentially increasing attendance. Aviation Club often takes to the halls in search of a room and every so often finds itself playing the flight simulators in Mr. Ruff’s room (yeah you heard me right, flight simulators). With Mr. Heffernan on board, and at least a captain and first-officer in place with Thompson and Fitzmaurice, Aviation Club was cleared for

Jack Thompson

Thompson while talking about when he first came up with the idea. Thompson soon realized that another Roosevelt student also volunteered at the Museum of Flight. Thompson had never crossed paths with sophomore Jackson Fitzmaurice. But at the annual back to school party, they met and hit it off. Jackson said, “I knew we were going to get along but I never knew it could lead to something as awesome as Aviation Club.” The partnership would lead to one of the coolest clubs known to mankind. With school nearing, Thompson told his idea to his newfound partner in good deeds of kindness. Jackson thought the idea of creating a forum where students of all ages could discuss their

I Just Don’t Know What To Do With My Life In fact, I have always been envious of him because, even if he couldn’t fly, he could become an aeronautical engineer or, at worse, a flight attendant, after he pulls his best Little Miss Sunshine panic attack. To summarize, the man knows what he’s going to be doing in ten years and,

Nikil Rao


here’s been one question that I have despised all my life and it’s not ‘What ethnicity are you?’ (Indian). At the beginning of every year since first grade, when teachers conduct those busy work assignments, because they really want to get to know you, the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” always pops up and stares me down like a lion stalking its prey. I always left it blank or put those generic answers that would make all of my relatives in India proud: doctor, politician, lawyer; anything to ensure that ten years down the road I don’t get called a Image by P. Jong


Well, I love sports but barring a twelve inch growth spurt and/or cutting my 40 yard sprint time by over a second, there’s no way I’m going to the NBA or NFL.

almost 18 years into my life, I still have no idea. Adults always tell me to use my hobbies to find my job. Well, I love sports but barring a 12 inch growth spurt and/or cutting my 40 yard sprint time by over a second, there’s no way I’m going to the NBA or NFL, though I think as player-coach of the recreational powerhouse Magnuson Warriors, we could be added as an expansion team to the NBA. My fear of needles pretty much ensures that I will not be slugging it in the MLB. I love music, but those who have seen my performances on Rock Band can testify that I am the extremely poor man’s version of Michael McDonald. I always thought that I

The Real Sports Editor

disgrace or disappointment to my family’s name. Unlike my esteemed colleague Jack Thompson, I have not been drawing airplanes since the age of four (by the way, Jack’s preschool yearbook drawing of an airplane flying over him is beautiful).

would have some epiphany, that the powers that be would guide me down this glowing path that leads to a career because, as Chris Rock says, people who like their work have careers, people who hate what they do have jobs. But I’m graduating now and the light has still not appeared on my radar. Eventually I hope that in the next eight years the beam of light shines down on me and I can find something that I would love to do for the next 30 years of my life. If nothing happens, I have a backup plan though: find me a sugar mama and be a stay-at-home dad grooming his children to become sports prodigies and living out all his dreams vicariously.


Senior Issue


The Roosevelt News

Remember Those Good Ol’ Times? Andrew Sahl

tasted kind of like plastic, and even though the pizza truck was sketchy, the cardboard pizza slices were a terrific lunchtime treat.

Staff Reporter s the class of 2009 finally graduA ates from high school and embarks into the real world, we can only look

4. Tom Wheeler

Everyone can remember this spirited ASB President with his beaming orange beard. It inspired all freshmen boys to one day grow that amazing beard.

back on the old days when we first set foot as freshmen in high school. This senior class shares something very special, since it is the last class to experience anything besides the new Roosevelt building. The old Lincoln High School building housed us when we entered as freshmen in 2005, and we take this time to reflect on a few of the wonderful experiences at Lincoln and a couple since then.

3. School Sanctioned T.P. Job

All the seniors can remember when ’06 decided to ask permission before they toilet papered the front yard of the Lincoln building. “I remember pulling up in my school bus on a Monday morning and it seemed like it just had snowed. I have never seen so much toilet paper in one place,” said senior Robbie Lacalli. Even though I will admit ’06 did a pretty good job, who asks permission to T.P. a school?!?

10. Blue Scholars at the Moving Up Assembly

9. Wood/Metal Shop at Lincoln

During the transition back to the new Roosevelt building, a few classes had to be canceled due to insufficient space. Wood and metal shop were extremely popular at Lincoln, as Elliot Reid attests: “Those were the good old days.”

8. “Jek” throws trash can

One of the funniest moments of freshman year was when infamous student, “Jek” thought it would be fine to throw a trash can three stories down

2. The 2005 Homecoming Dance

The front steps of Lincoln were the first high school experience for most seniors. to Lincoln’s quad. Unfortunately, after this incident, we didn’t get to see much of Jek at Roosevelt anymore.

7. Brian Espiritu and Tim Tan’s Morning Announcements

These two ‘07 announcement pioneers made the morning bulletin the highlight of my day. The current announcers, seniors Dan Tonkovich and Sullivan Brown, aspire to be like the famous Tan and Espiritu but haven’t eclipsed their success because Dan and Sullivan haven’t been kicked off the intercom yet.

6. Judson and Chris Holland’s

Math Classes Had Crazy Heating and Cooling Problems

I never figured out why the freshman math classes were in a secluded area in the small hallway by the library. It seemed as if the custodians didn’t know these rooms even existed because they were either bone-chillingly cold or sweltering.

5. Cheap Eats at Lincoln: Rokin’ Wok & Pizza Guy

This tiny Asian restaurant and pizza supplier gave Roosevelt students the cheap lunch that everyone could afford. The $2.00 chow mein was amazing but

The ’09 class can remember the good old days of Roosevelt with Mr. Chin as principal, Rose, the security guard, intimidating everyone, and the crazy dances. The Homecoming Dance our freshman year was a wake up call to high school life. Extreme dancing would result in “time-outs” down in the locker room. Students would boast about how many time-outs they could get.

Photo courtesy of A. Seroussi

Before the Blue Scholars became famous and started premiering music videos on MTV, they performed at Roosevelt High School for only $300. The concert almost got canceled by the old RHS security guard, Rose, when some ’06 students began crowd surfing. Luckily the hip-hop duo performed the entire show and the experience was a great moment in Roosevelt history.

1. When Newspaper beat Yearbook in ‘08-‘09 bowling competition

It all came down to Yearbook’s Kelsey Paul, who could win the match by hitting the one remaining pin. However, we knew that was never going to happen so Newspaper enjoyed our victory as Paul’s ball hit the gutter.

Metamorphosis - Look How They’ve Changed Macky Loveland

Kaitlin Monnahan

Sullivan Brown

Photos by W. Nachtrieb, Old photos courtesy of Rowland Studios

Lauren LesnickHarding



The Roosevelt News


Arizona State University Ford Covey Elinor Dirette Jenna Friedli Daniel T. Gray Christina Walters

Northern Arizona University Hanna Rodd

CALIFORNIA (29) California Polytechnic State University - San Luis Obispo Elliot Goldman Tiffany Oh Bobby Walker Paul Woolworth Chapman University Rissa Andersen Loyola Marymount University Elizabeth Snyder Occidental College Etri Ajbour Mandi Bossard Elizabeth Caldart Stephen Perkins Abbey Roth Pomona College Rachel Bollens Rianna Hidalgo Hayley Winninghoff San Diego State University Laura Bardewyck Phil Estocapio Santa Clara University Tia Peschon Scripps College Julia Ogburn University of California - Berkeley Peter Jong University of Redlands Anna Davidson Jim Hiner Hannah Hoffmeyer Jack Laurence Dan Tonkovich

Senior Issue

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA (1) Howard University Dana Atkins

IDAHO (1) University of Idaho Kelsey Paul

University of Evansville Lily Cohen

University of Maryland Erik Kariya



Boston Conservatory Anna Czosnyka

University of Nevada - Las Vegas Sam Castillo

Brandeis University Rena Singer



Emerson College Brent Ballard New England Conservatory Gus Carns Northeastern University Kim Narby

MICHIGAN (3) Calvin College Elizabeth Vincent University of Michigan Laura Goben Dan Remme




he plans of 284 seniors were recorded for the upcoming year on a voluntary basis. Washington, at 163 students, is by far the most represented state. The University of Washington is the most popular university, with 71 students, about a quarter of those who responded, from the class of 2009 attending. A total of 26 states (including DC) are represented by the class of 2009.

Esteban Chavez-Martin Tyler Hanson Macky Loveland Hannah Phalen Ryan Shepherd

University of Southern California Sullivan Brown

Yale University Nicky Davis


Purdue University Dan Roberts



Staff Reporters


University of San Francisco Olivia Cunningham Erica Davenport Kevin Simpson-Verger

University of Denver Nick Harper

Karla Ruff and Maddie Tull

Loyola University Chicago Cleo Faraone

Augsburg College Jessee Johnston

Colorado State University Jasmine Simpson

Senior Destin


University of San Diego Madeline Grose



University of Mississippi Heidi Hack

Chart by J. A

Rutgers University Danica Bito

NEW YORK (3) Cornell University Caryn Berley New York University Alice Roth Manhattan School of Music Michael Davis

NORTH CAROLINA (2) Davidson College Joe Andrews Duke University Xiaoran Yuan

OHIO (1) Oberlin College Nick Gillingham


Washington University in St. Louis Jessica Hing

University of Oklahoma Ethan Kahn Courtney Nevin



Carroll College Maddie Tull

Concordia University Grace Cappleman

Montana State University Taylor Sears

Lewis and Clark College Bryce Woodcock

University of Montana Jacob Brown Jake Carey

Linfield College Meg Burgess-Hull

Oregon State University Rebecca Janssen Angela Yragui Reed College Taylor Cross-Whiter Southwestern Oregon Community College Nick Foster University of Oregon Randi Huard Amanda Morris Avery Pratt University of Portland Aaron Ferris Mark Sugiyama Western Culinary Institute Martha Downey Western Oregon University Vanessa Doherty

Willamette Univer Leif Hansen


Haverford College Jixi Teng

Lincoln University Shira Miller

RHODE ISLAND Brown University Matt Nichols



Senior Issue


Will Nachtrieb Rudolph Rahfeldt Gonzaga University Olivia Hull Kaitlin Monnahan Lake Washington Technical College Aaron Hulburt

U of Washington - 25.2% Washington, Not UW - 32.6% Oregon - 5.35% California - 10.3% Traveling/Working - 3.2% East Coast - 5.35% South - 1.4% Midwest - 6% Other States - 10.6%


Below: The altitude of the top six states are proportional to the number of students attending college there. Each dot represents the location of a college/ university.

North Seattle Community College Ellena Bowen Will Gannon Ben Gose Eve Guth Gus Hohlbein Andy Kim Clare Maye Jordan Moniz Max Mudarri Dallas Pinkham Steven Pritchett Madison Reid Sam Rhodes Katie Thompson Nikos Tsafos Pacific Lutheran University Maryse LaRussa Seattle Central Community College Danny Andrews Alex Antilla Asia Casebolt Malini Dawda Francesca Galeotti Alexandra Grennan Adebayo Olympio

Seattle Pacific University Kelsey Altus Kayla Luu Allison Redfield Shermika Smith

Image by P. Jong and J. McGowan


A (2)



D (1)

University of North Texas Lizzy Presland

WASHINGTON (163) Bellevue College Paul Chang Chance Nygren Matt Rehder Central Washington University Grace Bergman Max Simon Jack Thompson Cornish College of the Arts Emma Staake Eastern Washington University AJ Baxter Evergreen State College Abdi Abdi Lilli Cantwell Martin Lindberg

Seattle University Jamie Anderson Michael Eisen Frannie Hemmelgarn Jim McGowan Karla Ruff Yevgeniya Ryakhovskaya Shoreline Community College Kaylin Bounkeua Mark Boyd Kris Ekenes Missy Espinoza Jonnelle Hendrix Tracie Ramirez Christa Sear South Seattle Community College Lisa Nguyen University of Puget Sound Andy Galbraith Anna Hawley University of Washington Kristi Armstrong Michael Blodgett Haley Brunner Nuzulita Budhiari Katie Bulloch Xin De Cai Xin Ling Cai Andrew Campbell

Jeff Chaney Dillon Chatriand Adrian Chu Maddy Culp Michael Desmond Jan Edrozo Paul Ellenbogen David Fantham Marianne Fisher Owen Fisher Carlos Gaytan Colin Gipner Tyler Gipner Lauren J. Glass Grace Hartinger Megan Hillmann Steven Hsieh Julian Jones Jazmine Kim Oleg Kritsky David Kwan Robbie Lacalli Peter Lansdaal William Lee Sanghe Lee Lauren Lesnick-Harding Michael Macauley Craig Macomber David Madsen William Mapp Isaiah Mathieu Nick Millman Michael Mullen Ranell Nakayama Chris Nguyen Luke Nguyen Michael Okinaka Joben Pedersen Nikil Rao Andrew Sahl Charles Shipley Hampton Terry Allison Tesch Lilly Tang Derrick Tran Nancy Truong Christina Tull Steven U Marie Umetsu Maarten van Brederode Louis Voorhees River Voorhees Cocoa Wang Elaena Williams-Pagaran Karen Wong Derek Yamamoto Kyle Yamamoto Jianqi Yang University of Washington -Bothell Ryan Heller Phillip Olson Jennifer To John Yuzvyak


The Roosevelt News Western Washington University Jamal Abuelkhair Nicole Agne Karis Anderson Sam Anderson Nadine Bennett Henry Berry Leo Cohen Alison Crabb Alex Enger Jessica Flynn Nicole Kaul Mason McGerry Sarah Lorse Danica Paddock Eileen Pollet Elliot Reid Brenna Wyatt Whitman College Alexis Guy Josephine Hoyne Genevieve Jones Sage Stutsman

International (6) University of British Columbia - Canada Will Nettke Dalhousie University - Canada Becca Andersen McGill University - Canada Andrew Morrill Quest University - Canada Daniel Dorres Chelsea Spring Solexico Institute - Mexico Alyson Eckmann

Military (3) Marine Corps. Nathan Hsiao Matt Wilson United States Coast Guard Tascha Mack

Work, Traveling (9) Elliott Amkraut Arianna Chiechi Isabelle Feraudo Zane Giust Devin Hollingsworth Matt Jewett Laureline Monfort-Schaffer Justine Tiller Ranju Uenzo

Undecided (10) Washington State University Sierra Albrizio Victoria Baldwin Clinton Bradford Bo Daviis Nicole Greenwood Chelsea Griffin Tyler Hudacek Randall Keating Mark Kelly Evan Leonard William Sutherland Emi Wingard-Phillips

Jake Devenney Eden Garcia Artemisa Garnica Monica Olivas Evan Savisky Peter Straughan Maggie Vandermar-Poor Kevin Veith Tali Zabari Lucas Zapico Special thanks to senior Allison Redfield in obtaining the data



The Roosevelt News


Senior Issue

A Whole New Ball Game For Them play a sport in college. Playing a sport in college is a culmination of hours of

hard work. For each hour of glory out on the athletic fields, these athletes have put in twice as many hours of work behind the scenes. Congratulations to all the Roughriders going on to play. sports in college.

Dan Tonkovich

Grace Cappleman

Stephen Perkins

KingCo 2008 & 2009; three year varsity starter; captain 2009; WAC 101 Scholar Athlete

School: University of Redlands Sport: Soccer Athletic Achievements: First Team All-

Leo Cohen

School: Western Washington University Sport: Soccer Athletic Achievements: Crossfire Re-

gional Champions; eighth at Club Nationals; Crossfire team captain 2007 & 2008; First Team All-KingCo 2008; RHS team captain 2009

Frannie Hemmelgarn

School: Concordia University Sport: Basketball Athletic Achievements: Four year var-

School: Occidental College Sport: Tennis Athletic Achievements: 2008 KingCo 4A

sity letterman; team captain 2008-2009; KingCo Honorable Mention 2008-2009

Champion; qualified for 2009 4A State Tournament (May 29/30); number one on varsity since sophomore year

Meg Burgess-Hull

Maddy Culp

Rachel Bollens

Club captain; qualified for and swam at State 2007 & 2008; four year varsity letterman; has been swimming since age 3

will attend U.S. National Team Selection Summer Camp 2009; placed sixth at Nationals spring 2008; third year rowing on varsity

KingCo 2007; Second Team All-KingCo 2008; 101 Scholar Athlete; 2008 co-captain

School: Linfield College Sport: Swimming Athletic Achievements: Wedgwood Swim

School: University of Washington Sport: Crew Athletic Achievements: Top UW recruit;

School: Seattle University Sport: Basketball Athletic Achievements: Full ride to

Seattle University; First Team All-KingCo 2008 and 2009; Most Inspirational 2008 & 2009; captain 2008 & 2009

School: Pomona College Sport: Volleyball Athletic Achievements: First Team All-

Photos Courtesy of the Athletes

ach year a handful of Roosevelt student athletes are both skilled and dedicated E enough to take their game to the collegiate level. The eight Roosevelt athletes featured below are just some of the seniors at Roosevelt who have decided to


he highly contested “Sportswriters Predictament: Battle for the Nonexistent Trophy and Accompanying Ephemeral Paper Crown” was waged all year between the writers and editors of (by far) the best section of The Roosevelt News. Though all the mainstay competitors were occasionally outscored by their guests, and Elliott Amkraut dropped out of the competition entirely after two miser-

able months, the Predictament retained all its prestige and majesty (if only through the ingeniousness of the title pun - due shouts to Jamie Anderson) throughout. The April edition of the Prediction Tournament saw staff veterans Nikil “Chairman” Rao and Stevie “Franchise” Perkins in a tight race for first, legions ahead of a three-way tie for third between Sports Editorship thief Erik Kariya, to-

1. NIKIL RAO - 132 pts 2. STEPHEN PERKINS - 125 pts 3. ERIK KARIYA - 114 pts


ken sophomore/editor-to-be Thuc Nhi Nguyen, and Eric “Elvis” Pang. Jack Thompson was all smiles in last. The final month of competition was dominated by the Chairman, who was at, or near, the top of all four games predicted. Perkins had a respectable month, but second place was his to lose. Kariya barely pulled ahead of Pang and Thompson to claim third place, and with it John Carlos’ spot on the final podi-

um. Nguyen fell apart down the stretch, showing that she is entirely comprised of fail. This could lead some to doubt the future repute of the sports section, but it should be known that Thuc Nhi is the only person on sports who actually does work. When collectivism’s dust cleared, all parties involved were left singing “Song Cycle of the Red Guards” to honor the reigning champion of arbitrary sports prediction.

4. ERIC PANG - 113 pts 5. JACK THOMPSON - 112 pts 6. THUC NHI NGUYEN - 111 pts

Photo by M. Tull

The Final Predictament - Wrap-up


Senior Issue


The Roosevelt News

Guns in Schools: “A No-Brainer”

Henry Berry NRA Representative


or most people, the issue of guns in schools is a no-brainer. Coincidentally, I am one of those people. I sincerely believe that guns in schools should not only be permitted, but mandatory. Yes, you heard me, it is my belief that each and every student should be required to carry a concealed weapon. Now, you may be thinking ridiculous thoughts such as, “But Henry?!!!! If every kid has a gun the risk of a school shooting will surely increase!” WRONG! Mandatory gun ownership amongst students will not only help to

reduce gun crime, but it will also sufficiently reduce all other types of violent crime. Think about it. Is a school bully likely to pick on their innocent peers if said peers are packin’ Glocks? Hell no! What would happen if some attentioncraving maniacs attempted to shoot up the school? I’ll answer that one for you too, they’d get smoked by the other 28 kids in the room! It is common knowledge that gun regulation only hurts innocent, upstanding citizens. Any person who wishes to use a gun for malicious purposes obtains their firearm illegally anyway. While gun laws are ineffective in preventing criminals from acquiring weapons for murder, they also prevent average citizens from arming themselves for the purpose of self-defense. Gun regulation causes the deaths of innocent people. To think otherwise is completely illogical. In all fairness, I will acknowledge that such broad access to weapons could potentially cause problems. It is possible that a minor altercation could easily escalate into a Westernstyle draw. However, by reverting back to Hammurabi’s Code of an eye for an eye, such cases could certainly be deterred.

Photo by M. Tull

Mandatory gun possession solves world’s problems

Point: when both parties have guns, neither will shoot. Counterpoint: above. Many will claim I am insane. But consider this – we’ve spent so much time focusing on gun crime that we have forgotten a gun’s ability to deter crime. No one has ever tried my ap-

proach, SO HOW CAN WE KNOW IT WON’T WORK?! That’s what I thought, n00bz.

The Fabulous Experiences of an European Elitist Taylor Cross-Whiter The Oxford Comma


s the only European/ British editor on staff, convincing my fellow editors that I wasn’t a walking cliché proved to be a difficult task. So for the record (because I still think many of them believe these rumors are true): I know not to drive on the left-hand side of the road, I am not a red-crazed socialist (and neither is Obama), and I do actually believe that putting a “u” into every single word is slightly pointless and a waste of however much time it takes you to write out a “u.” While the Europhobic jokes were an expected and often funny part of moving to Seattle, I have to say I was immensely disappointed by one aspect of Roosevelt: the fact that real high school in America doesn’t seem to be anything like the

T.V./movie depictions we are accustomed to seeing in Europe. See, in Europe everything we associate with the American high school experience comes from movies like Bring It On and Mean Girls. So you can imagine my intense disappointment when I found out that cheerleaders don’t actually ritually humiliate the weak and defenseless, everybody looks their age and not 25 like most movie stars, and students do study,

unlike in the movies where very little time is actually spent inside the classroom. It took me quite a long time to convince my friends back in Europe of these things. Once I had, however, they were incredibly disappointed to learn something we should have realized when we were 11: movies lie. In fact they lie all

Illustration by P. Jong

the time. Realizing that high school wasn’t going to be like in the movies was just one of the many lessons I had to learn. I also had to quickly grasp that, you do not mess with the students and the parking lot policy, you do not make fun of Green and Gold Day, and getting straight As really isn’t worth it, no matter what your high achieving European private school might have told you (actually that last one might not have sunk in yet). Roosevelt has taught me many other important life lessons, namely that green and gold do actually look quite good together and that sleep deprivation is something you can learn to live with. But perhaps the most important piece of advice I’ve learned at Roosevelt is: at the end of the day, it is only high school. It’s survivable and lots of people manage to escape and move to greener (and gold-er) pastures. Also, it really is al-a-min-e-um, not aluhm-e-num.

The British Way Weird Spellings UK spelling: Programme American: Program UK spelling: Cosy American: Cozy UK spelling: Mum American: Mom UK spelling: Centre American: Center UK spelling: Colour American: Color

Did you know… European and American paper is different sizes In Europe soccer really is worshipped as a sport People in Europe actually use the metric system Most Europeans don’t drive on the left



The Roosevelt News


Senior Issue

Meet Allison Tesch,Valedictorian

Multifaceted “fast learner” keeps balance, sanity Erik Kariya

Software Consultant


chool is stressful. It’s probably by design, to punish every academically-oriented kid for the egregious mistake he or she apparently made by getting out of bed at 6:00 AM on any given morning. We’ve all freaked out, bugged out, failed tests, skipped tests, retroactively failed tests that we skipped, et cetera – everyone stresses out for different reasons, but everyone stresses out. Allison Tesch seems to have missed the memo. The high school hallmark Sunday-nighttear-out-your-hair sessions are as alien to our multitalented valedictorian as, well, getting a B. Understandably, Tesch cites this, not raw academic laurel or athletic achievement, as her greatest source of pride from her four years at Roosevelt: “I take pride in the fact that I never got too stressed about school,” she says. “It’s never worth it to be miserable over school.” The last month has been a whirlwind of events for the humble mathlete: after being named school valedictorian on April 29th, Tesch qualified for the KingCo prelims in the 200 meter dash the next day, waxed the AP Calculus BC exam the next Wednesday, and helped the Roosevelt 4x100 relay team post a KingCo-qualifying time that Thursday. In the KingCo preliminaries, Tesch actually set a personal record in the 200, running a 27.12 to qualify for the finals. The 4x100 team of Taylor Swanson, Chloe Stiggelbout, Ava Keating, and Tesch finished sixth in the final, capping one of the more impressive three-week spans in recent Roosevelt memory. But even through all due congratulation, Tesch keeps an even keel. “It’s nice of people to think of me, but attention isn’t really my thing,” she says. “It’s actually a little bit scary.” Can’t say Tesch’s fear isn’t justified: according to head counselor Wendy Krakauer, who heads the eight-member valedictorian selection com-

mittee, “The valedictorian is recognized as the top academic representative of Roosevelt.” He or she traditionally makes a two-minute-or-so valedictory speech at graduation under the (albeit lukewarm) scrutiny of the graduating class. When asked if there was anything else she would like included in this article, Tesch didn’t bring up any additional accolades she could have mentioned; rather, she asked that her thanks to the selection committee, teachers, friends and family, as well as her congratulations to the salutatorians, including runners-up Matt Nichols and Josephine Hoyne, be fully expressed. She realizes the honor of her distinction, and is “endlessly appreciative” of those from whom it was delegated. But she does have some reservations. “I haven’t started the speech yet,” she said on April 30th, “Kind of worried about that.” From about New Year’s Day, the graduating classes of most high schools have a pretty good guess of who will be wishing them farewell come graduation night. Not so at Roosevelt: according to Mrs. Krakauer, the selection committee took “longer than usual” to come to unanimity in deciding the winner of the hotly contested title. The results startled Tesch, to say the least. “Yes! I was very surprised! Very pleasantly surprised,” she says. “I definitely wasn’t expecting it to be me.” To even be considered for the valedictorian pool, a candidate must not only have a perfect 4.0 grade-point average, but must also have taken the most difficult courses available to them. This makes AP Calculus BC, revered by many as the most difficult course offered at Roosevelt, a high risk with a high reward – earning an A reflects intense effort and ability; that being said, it is really freaking hard (for the average mortal) to get an A. Of course, for Tesch, BC Calc is mathematically equivalent to a sandbox or jungle gym. “That test kicked my butt,” said fellow BC scholar Jesse Teng, “I don’t know how



Photo by P. Jong

It’s never worth it to be miserable over school.

Allison Tesch proves, once and for all, that it’s okay to use Wikipedia for research. Allison does it.” “She’s really smart,” says classmate, teammate, and friend Grace Hartinger. “She strikes me as being surprisingly humble, considering she’s really good at everything.” That said, Tesch is living proof that no member of ‘09 is safe from senioritis. “Yeah, I definitely feel it,” she says, “but senioritis applies to everyone. You’ve just got to push through it. Actually, just keep showing up.” That being said, her immaculate GPA is not in jeopardy. “My grades are doing pretty well; I’ll probably be able to hold on to the 4.0 through this semester,” she says. Undoubtedly, Allison Tesch

will be doing a lot more than just showing up next year at the University of Washington’s Honors Program. She plans to put in the work necessary to discover the field of her life’s work. “I’m hoping to figure it out,” she says, “I could see myself going in any number of directions.” She plans to fill her course load with a smorgasbord of different subject areas, hoping to find the right one. Unfortunately for the UW athletic department, the ‘field’ of study Tesch settles on in Montlake will not be ‘trackand-.’ “I’ll run, but not competitively,” she says. “Absolutely not.” In traditional, stereotypical thought, the traditional, ste-

reotypical valedictorian only takes his or her head out of a book to find another one. If the valedictorian is also the fastest female in the school, it goes without saying that she is not a traditional, stereotypical valedictorian. “I was able to find balance in high school,” says Tesch. “I wasn’t so focused on one subject that I couldn’t take the classes I wanted to take. Plus, I found time for my other interests, like track and art.” “With her work ethic and her desire to learn new things and ask great questions, I have no doubt she can achieve in any field she wants,” says Ian Malcolm, Tesch’s government teacher. “I wish her the best.”

Salutatorians: The other four-year 4.0s

Haley Brunner Nicky Davis David Fantham Andy Galbraith Colin Gipner Tyler Gipner Alexis Guy

Grace Hartinger Jessica Hing Josephine Hoyne** Robbie Lacalli Isaiah Mathieu Andrew Morrill Matt Nichols*

Quyen Tran Hayley Winninghoff Derek Yamamoto Xiaoran Yuan *First valedictory alternate **Second alternate

Senior Wills



Senior Issue The Roosevelt News

Chris Nguyen

Staff Reporter

“To Angie Anderson and Carolyn Clausen, dominate in physics and take your vitamins.” -Jasmine Simpson

“Matt Gross, I’m leaving behind my good taste in music so you stop listening to stupid ‘Souljaboytellem’.”

-Andrew Sahl


y dear Mr. Otten, I leave to you my quirkiness and awkwardness. You are better-looking than I. So perhaps these skillz will help you get the fly honeyz, for I was unsuccessful.”

-Sullivan S. Brown

“Mini-Me, aka Dave Hughes, continue not doing homework at home, procrastinating, and not studying for tests. Attaboy, keep it up.”

-David Fantham

“I, Avery Robertson Pratt, hereby pass on my prestigious role as orchestra teacher’s pet to Annika Kounts.”

-Avery Pratt

“I, Cocoa Wang, upon my departure would like to pass on my communist ideals to Yosuke, along with possession of Avery’s soul. Use it well.”

-Cocoa Wang

“Mark Van Winkle, don’t work too hard, senior year should be easy.”

-Jeff Chaney

“To Nick Drummond, I leave my position on the soccer field, but more importantly, I leave you the ability to pull off having thick eyebrows and to look great while doing it, because we all know thickness of eyebrows directly corresponds to physical strength, and specifically jumping ability. Stay Sexy.”

-Dan Tonkovich

“Maggie, my dearest, I leave to you the pole vault team. You must make it grow and flourish into something beautiful. I also give to you the poles, especially the essex 127.9 pole. Cherish them with your heart. And lastly I give to you my school record. Break it… With love and sauciness.”

-Karis Anderson

“You have been my apprentice and now you may arise to become the next Star Warrior, Jamel Minnix.”

-Etri Ajbour

“I leave my chi, my vibe, my soul, to my main man Sean Christofferson.”

-Ethan Kahn

“I, Jixi Teng, the first esquire do hereby bequeath my role as Jixi Teng, also known as “Jesse Teng,” also known as “Tankman,” also known as “Jix,” to Benjamin S. Notkin the first esquire in the year of our lord 2009 in the 29th day of the month of April.”

-Jixi Teng

n o

i at

By X. an


“Dear Mr. O’Connor (Ryan O’ Connor), I’m passing to you my responsible, hard-working self. I hope you have a more productive senior year than I did. After this summer, the prestige of the LBC Lifeguard Stud Award will be handed down to you. I have confidence you will make me proud.”

tr us

-Tiffany Oh

-Stephen Perkins

-Ian Lambert


“I, Tiffany Oh, of weak senses and sortof-healthy body, leave Leta Emter with four years of orchestra, including a first place trophy from Gresham and my invisible mute, which I no longer need. I also bestow to Leta long naps on the journey to Roosevelt from the great NW of Seattle, aka Ballard, on the inconsistent 48 route. To Melie Rose, I bequeath my ahsum spelling skills (I’m actually amazing at spelling) and the rest of my leftover intelligence. Melie also receives my non-existent breakdancing skills.”

“Corey Dansereau, work hard next year. Senior year isn’t as easy as people think.”

“Don’t smoke, don’t drink, swim fast, think like a fish, Ivan Ivashchenko.”

-David Madsen



Senior Issue


The Roosevelt News

Senior Staffers Reflect with Haikus Peter B. Jong

Jim Mcgowan

I have big chompers You may have also noticed I have a big drill

Seeing-eye pony I can hear and smell you but cannot see you, neigh

Secret Crush: Caryn Berley

Secret Crush: Erica Davenport

Jamie Anderson

It is advisor Google has proven this fact Use Oxford Commas Secret Crush: Andrew Morrill’s Beard

Nikil Rao

Erik kariya

Taylor C. W.

Erik stole my job I’m the real Sports Editor Gotta steal his girl

Stole the job Stole the girl Whoops

On the Portland train I’ll miss the Seattle rain Lots and lots of love

Secret Crush: Jessica Hing

(Extremely) Secret Crush: Jessica Hing

Secret Crush: Ivan Ivanshchenko

Elie Amkraut

Randall Keating

Chris Nguyen

I was ignorant But now I know my best friend is Ms. Tashibu

Last minute haiku I can’t think of anything Well tha t was easy

Hippie mobile VW, vertically weird I need some more space

Secret Crush: Olivia Obeso

Secret Crush: Allison Redfield

Secret Crush: Cocoa Wang

Stephen Perkins

Alice roth

Karla Ruff

Stephen Perkins boi The Franchise, rock solid abs I am the greatest

Agonizing years Patronizing phony cliques I’m Holden Caulfield

No more school supplies Feel the sunshine in the air You’re soaking in it

Secret Crush: Your Buddy

Secret Crush: Maarten Van Brederode

Secret Crush: Ryan Pritchett

Andrew Sahl

Jack Thompson

Arianna Chiechi

Love sack lunch from home Never gets old apple juice box I’m 18 years old

The fourth time’s the charm I was rejected from newspaper three times. Planes

Angling the crack up Constellation in my cup Parabola schlupp

Secret Crush: Olivia Hull

Secret Crush: Kaitlin Monnahan

Secret Crush: Sam Castillo

Tiffany Ip

Will Nachtrieb

Maddie Tull

Sticky on my face Tantalize my taste buds, please Yum cotton candy

Once I had glasses And the sweetest baby face Now I am a man

Purple is the bomb Throw a Frisbee with your mom Photos on my palm

Secret Crush: Stephen Perkins

Secret Crush: the rest of Andrew Morrill

Secret Crush: Jeff Chaney

Roosevelt High School

Secret Crush: Chris Nguyen

1410 NE 66th Street

Brush strokes on canvas Bold oil paints puzzle the eye My name signed: Xiaoran

Photos by A. Chiechi, M. Tull

Seattle, Washington 98115

Xiaoran Yuan

Senior Issue 2009  

Senior Issue 2009

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