opinion
march 1, 2013
the roosevelt news
9
Head banging with Brahms
In a modern world of phony one-hit wonders, classical music lives on
Zoe Ness
Staff Reporter
M
osh pits, head banging, wild fans belting out the chorus, raucous socialization…Vivaldi? Oh yes, oh yes indeed. Elvis Presley may have been the king of rock n’ roll, but classical music invented the rock star. Going back to Bach--back before iTunes and GarageBand, before CD burners, before mix tapes, before vinyl--marked the real Golden Age of music. Nowadays, classical music is now considered wrapped in a package of stuffy and snooty elitism. As we all know, the mere word “opera” brings images of old bejeweled millionaires spending endless hours in suffocating clothes at the theater. Kids would rather munch on rusty nails than spend a night at the symphony, and ain’t it a damn shame. When I listen to classical music, I feel like I am listening in on a conversation between Earth and Heaven. Artists now write for exes and tractors and hair. Artists then wrote for angels, and had wild concerts, too. The stiff-collared, formal affairs of today are a far cry from operas of the 1700’s, 1800’s and even early 1900’s. People went to each show five or six times, and would join in the chorus just the way we do today at rock concerts. They were social events, not black tie events, and the audience’s contribution to the overall atmosphere was considered an integral part of this musical culture. Nowadays, nobody seems to understand how incredible this music is. Just considering that what was written over three hundred years ago remains relevant in movies and on
the radio should be enough to amaze. Not to mention the fact that these composers wrote out all those notes by hand, using quill and ink. They didn’t have computers to create and play their music for them. Rather, there were brilliant sight-readers who could learn a piece of dizzyingly difficult music within hours, along with amazingly improvising on the spot. These music men had enough mathematical genius to rival Einstein and enough passion to put Michelangelo to shame. When someone listens to the radio and hums along to the chorus, they don’t think about the thousands of sound waves that are vibrating through their speakers at exactly the right frequency to make that harmony. They don’t think about the fact that there is a logarithm which can describe the exact difference in frequency between the notes to the ten-thousandth place, and which mathematically proves that the interval is consonant or dissonant. This marriage of left and right brain--of creativity and practicality--was a beautiful necessity for classical music and its creators. This use could be the greatest contrast between the music of then and now. This music has shaped human society, and will continue to be persevered throughout the ages long after we’ve forgotten about uncreative One Direction or Katy Perry. These musical masters deserve it; the first kings of rock will forever be unbeaten.
Songs to Make You a Classical Fanatic The Four Seasons - Vivaldi Ride of the Valkyries - Wagner Peer Gynt Suites - Grieg William Tell Overture - Rossini The Girl with the Flaxen Hair Debussy Carnival of the Animals - Camille Saint-Saens Peter and the Wolf - Prokofiev Academic Festival Overture - Brahms Piano Concerto No. 17 (Allegro) - Mozart Idylle - Chabrier Arabesque No. 1 - Debussy
Mightier than the Magna Carta: guy code Dustin McPhillips
Staff Illustrator
O
ver the course of history, the greatest of men have painstakingly constructed a sacred constitution outlining what exactly defines a man. Mystical in its wisdom and powerful in its prose, this document has been devotedly followed for centuries. In order to consider one’s self a true man, it is imperative that this tradition be followed. Here is the scripture in its original state: Thou shalt not discuss the Guy Code in front of womenfolk
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Thou shalt not stare another man in the eyes whilst eating a banana
Thou shalt not dance with another man unless doing the Dougie
Thou shalt never scuff another man’s shoes
Thou shalt poop at least once a day, preferably at 1:54 pm Thou shalt never use a urinal adjacent to another man
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When sharing a bed with another man, thou must be separated at all times, preferably by sleeping bags While in locker rooms, eyes must remain above nipple level Thou shalt never cause petty drama similar to that of our women
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Thou shalt always solve problems with violence
Thou shalt only play with dogs, because as we all know, dog is man’s best friend.
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Thou shall not compliment another man’s mother on her looks Thou shalt never have more than two pierc ings
Thou shalt never hold in one’s farts unless in the presence of a fine female