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Vol.14 #2 THE

RIDER’S MAG

Apr. ‘12

The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider

Joke Page

FREE

Kitchener HarleyDavidson Mens Night

W.O.M.E.X. Kitchener

What’s Shakin

We Support the Troops Feature Bike

It’s Friday the 13th Again!!! The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG

Page 2


WELCOME TO

THE

RIDER’S MAG

www.hipscycle.ca

900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario

519-756-6218 Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm

Welcome to The Rider's Mag. The weather has been fantastic and so have the shows. The attendance has been very good in all the locations this year. The shows are winding down and that means getting ready for outdoor events. Check out the listings and find out where you will be this summer. Enjoy the weather and when you patronize our advertisers tell them you seen it here.

TABLEOFCONTENTS Fighting for your Rights (Scarry Larry updates your rights) On the Road (The publisher grinds his axe) Cruising with Critter (Critter writes the Kitchener Expo) What’s Shakin (Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Joke Page (Time to Bust a Gut) Civilianized Forty-Five (Our feature bike of the month) Bikers Church (Pastor Dave and motorcycles) Hips Open House (Good food again at the annual event) Kitchener Harley-Davidson Mens Night (Kaz visits Kitchener Harley on Mens Night) Big Al’s Motorcycle Swap Meet (The big event in Dundas) World of Motorcycles Expo Kitchener (Kaz’s take on the Kitchener Show) R.C.R. 50th Anniversary Ride (Kaz takes a ride with the Royal City Riders) Clares Open House (Rose covers the Spring Open House) Alvinston Swap Meet (Tim takes a trip out to Alvinston) B.R.O. Fallen Riders Event (The Fallen Riders are remembered) Danni’s Times (A Ladies Perspective)

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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Fighting For Your Rights With Scary Larry issues in Ontario. The full day was capped with a banquet, included in the reasonable registration fee, which was delicious and provided a relaxing atmosphere for the delegates to unwind. Following dessert and the consuming of a few libations, delegates kicked back and enjoyed the outlandish biker comedy routine of Mike McGregor. Sunday found me and the Bootiful Babs attending a service conducted by Pastor David Neals, whose reminiscences of his calling and the biker that put him on that road proved emotional for me. The main subject of the sermon compared bikers to the machines that we ride. It was very entertaining, enlightening and comfortable. If you have never attended a ‘Bikers Church',’ then it’s long overdue! The rest of the morning was relegated to attending the OCC General Meeting and my Treasurer’s duties. The conference was a huge success on every measurable level. The OCC organized an event that was unprecedented in Ontario and Canada. It was both a financial and idealistic success without compare. The attending delegates, some who came from Sudbury, Windsor, Chatham and other distant in Ontario, were very impressed and grateful for the A CADILLAC points accurate information presented to them. In my last article, I HARLEY ? made the bold statement that the OCC is the “ONLY ORGANIZATION ACTIVELY WORKING TO PROTECT THE RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS OF ONTARIO BIKERS” – now a fact that you can take to the MF bank and its damn straight with a bullet! Not a member of the OCC? Visit www.occ4u.org and join us in making a difference for the bikers in Ontario & I’ll catch ya later when yer hair is straighter - or at next year’s conference.

WOW – What a rush! Following months of planning the big IT, (a mission representing one giant step for the OCC) went off without a snag. The dates, March 9-11 2012, were a perfect choice to host a gathering that delivered three days of fellowship and information. What did you miss? Why only the weekend that the Ontario Confederation of Clubs held it’s first ever OCC Conference, which attracted 90 delegates. Members in attendance consisted of representatives from 23 Ontario motorcycle clubs and various independent members. Why the hullabaloo, you ask? The event, the first of its kind in Canada, was organized to distribute information regarding the issues that are threatening to rock the foundations of our lifestyle. Delegates gathered on Friday for an evening of snacks and socializing in the hospitality suite. The main event unfolded on Saturday with two seminars in the morning. Seminar “A” delved into Insurance and Personnel Injury issues, which was conducted and sponsored by David Smye of Mackesy, Smye LLP. Seminar “B” was a two-part seminar concerning Criminal Law and Pardons & Wavers. The seminar was sponsored and conducted by Lenny Hochberg (Independent OCC member) of Hochberg Trial Lawyers and Andrew Tanenbaum of Pardons Canada. The afternoon sessions consisted of Seminar “C” - OCC Current Issues & You, which was a joint effort by Sue Whelan (Independent OCC member) & Bob Purcell (Independent OCC member and head of the OCC Political Action Committee). Sue Whelan, also a paralegal, spoke about her challenge to overturn the current Ontario handlebar law which was accompanied by a visual presentation. The second half of the allotted time slot dealt with the ongoing efforts by our PAC to convince our provincial government to allow single-rider access to Ontario’s High-Occupancy Vehicle highway lanes. The dialogue was also accompanied by a visual presentation of the facts surrounding this contentious issue. Seminar “D” was conducted by Larry Pooler (past Chairman of the OCC) whose subject matter probed possible methods of fundraising – vital strategies necessary to mounting and maintaining a successful campaign regarding biker rights

WHY TAKE YOUR LAST RIDE IN WHEN YOU CAN GO ON A

Scary Larry OCC Treasurer

FOREVER FREE MOTORCYCLE HEARSE SERVICES Web : www.foreverfree.biz E-mail foreverfree@live.ca Phone / Fax 519 915 6424

THE RIDER’S MAG

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(519) 445-2275

Hwy.#54 Caledonia

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On the Road

They say time flies when you're having fun, I think it's also true that time flies when you're so busy that you don't have time to consider whether or not you are having any fun just moving through the overwhelming list of chores, events and doctors appointments. We usually like to pull at least one sometimes two escapes down south in the first 6 months of the year, but with the addition of yet another indoor show and the rescheduling of another, 3 Friday the 13ths along with other significant events such as the super bowl, family birthdays, Easter amongst others I came to the realization early on that by the time we scheduled in a few weekends for feature shoots west, east, and local that we did not have adequate time for an escape until the summer time and of course by then it was events, events, events.

It is a truly tiring pace this year and although we didn’t stay long in Dover for the first Friday the 13th in January due to other obligations and bad weather we have yet another coming this month. I would like to extend thanks to our main men's t-shirt sponsor Dave Smye, of MacKesy Smye, their board of directors and his assistant Clayton for stepping up and being the major sponsor. I would further like to thank Dennis from Highway 22 Action Trailer Sales for again stepping up and being the minor sponsor on the ladies “I bared my boobs” shirts. Unfortunately we were unable to bring another sponsor to the table to take up the other half of either the men's or ladies shirts in these challenging economic times but you never know what the summer will bring. Having said that we got a pic in by email from another impatient reader who didn;t happen to run into us in dover but wanted a titty picture in the mag, we always try to get all the tits in that we have and since this was sent in we always try to make space, maybe we will have more next month? We shall see. We did have some positive discussions with prospective sponsors and expect to have sponsors in place in time for the July event so we can produce both men's and ladies shirts to give away at the next Friday the 13th this year. So ladies we do have an assortment of left over shirts from events over the recent past in various styles and sizes if you are so inclined as to flash us your tits we will be happy to give you what we have available.

bikes in that neighborhood especially vintage bikes and ladies bikes. We also are trying to work out a plan to visit areas east of Toronto sometime in early May, it would have been our preference to t h i s o n weekdays but some bikes are not available on weekdays and traffic sucks out that way to so we may shoot for a late Friday through Sunday m o r n i n g schedule but do not want to conflict with mother's day so not definite dates have been set up for this trip yet.

"The colour suits you just fine, but I think we can find you another style.........like a sweat shirt perhaps.”

We are also on the verge of bike night season again with some bike nights starting this year as early as April but then with the weather being as awesome as it has been and the hope that it will stay this way for the month of April then things are looking good for an extended riding season this year or maybe even a non-stop season for those of you who never stopped riding. The early starters this year are China King Restaurant in Brantford and Foolerys Bar & Grill in Windsor.

We have a planned trip through the southwest area which includes London, Windsor and everything in between and we still need a few more

Speaking of starting early there are a host of Harley-Davidson Demo Rides a t Clare's Harley-Davidson of Niagara, Rocky’s Harley-Davidson, London, and Kitchener Harley-Davidson in Kitchener, let's get out there and take advantage of the awesome weather and don't forget there's the National Motorcycle Show March 31- April 1 and the all new Hamilton Biker Church Swap Meet and Motorcycle Information 3rd weekend of April followed by B.R.O. Niagara Cover the Kids CLEARANCE SALE! SAVE 20-50% OFF STOREWIDE ride, National Female ride day from Clare's of Niagara and the H.O.G. Niagara Poker run making a stop at the Fort Erie Motorcycle Swap Motorcycle Jackets, Pants, Gloves, Helmets, Rain Suits meet.

LEATHER KING THE ONE STOP BIKER SHOP

JOE ROCKET, SPEED & STRENGTH

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HARLEY-DAVIDSON BOOTS, BOULET BOOTS Patches, Stickers, Biker Pins, Rings & Jewellery Large Selection of T-Shirts & Hoodies and much more Visit us Online www.leatherking.ca 2822 HOWARD AVE. WINDSOR, ON 1-800-310-1389

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Crazy hectic start to the year since I am being pinned down to staying home until about June I hope to get some heavy mileage on that old road glide and get out to a few events I will see you out there on the road.


Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Hey it’s been a Hell of a winter! In fact you would hardly have known it was winter at all except for a few brief moments. I, for one am not disappointed. Now I’m looking forward to full on spring, then right on into summer and a new riding season with hopefully a better leg to stand on. In fact two legs, as I have finally gotten in and gotten my gimpy old left knee operated on. While I qualified for a replacement knee, with riding season right around the corner and a really busy schedule already a reality, I opted for the clean out and lube job. As I write this on my laptop, pain free because of the flow of Tylenol 3’s that the Doctor was kind enough to prescribe, from the comfort of my recliner with Godzilla waiting on me and trying to make me comfortable and Captain and Morgan, the wonder dogs curled up beside me offering moral support

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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the weather is warming up incredibly outside while my beloved Petoonia is getting her final bits of Winter maintenance done to her and hopefully all will come together as planned and I will be up and about once again. As many of you probably already know thI didn’t make it to the just past Friday 13 in Port Dover as I just had too much other stuff going on and boss man JR said he could handle it solo. It is with great regret that I relate the passing of Scott-t Campbell of the Renegades MC and I joined with his Club Brothers, friends, family and other clubs from all over the Country at a celebration of life at the Legion in Oshawa. From what I hear there will be an internment (Last Ride) held for th him on March 24 in Whitby, It was indeed a celebration that was in keeping with the type of man that Scott-t was.It was a ball filled with humour laughs and spirit reminiscent of how Scott-t was in life.He was a Hell of a man and much loved and respected and will be sorely missed.I truly loved the man who always made me feel welcome whenever our paths would cross. Ride on my friend! G.B.N.F. I was unable to attend the recent OCC convention that was held in Oshawa as my presence was needed at the Kitchener World of Motorcycles Show. From all reports I have heard it was a Hell of an event and proof positive that the OCC is on the right track and well on the way to being a true force in the motorcycling community and much needed, representative of not just Motorcycle Clubs but motorcyclists in general in this Province and this CONTINUED ON PAGE 10


World of Motorcycles Expo Kitchener 2012 by Critter Country where our rights and freedoms are being eroded at an alarming rate. I am really sorry to have missed it. This is going to prove to be a busy and eventful month for me what with almost back to back Motorcycle shows, Swap meets, events, parties with another Port Dover event interspersed with deadlines and duties along with my day job and recovering from knee surgery it could well prove to be an adventure. Why just have a life, when you can have an adventure? The Kitchener World of Motorcycles 2012 I made my way west to the wilds of Kitchener on a beautiful Saturday morning and followed JR’s directions to Bingman’s for what was to be a great show and Swap meet and a fantastic weekend. With the rebuild of our beloved Sr. well under way and looking good but still yet to be completed, making him a no show for this event, JR and JB had

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showed up and set up on Friday and it was my part to arrive as part of the early crew for the run of the event. Kaz, our Kitchener area representative, showed up and we were a team until after our intrepid bosses showed up for the afternoon shift. It was a great venue, with a real nice relaxed feel, and flavour to it that seems to be typical of the type of show that Dino and company produce. Kaz and I toured the place with Kaz the local boy giving me an over-view as we worked our way CONTINUED ON PAGE 16


WHAT’S SHAKIN WEEKLY EVENTS

Over 100

EVERY MONDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and pound and pint night (905)6793778 EVERY TUESDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has Karaoke (905)679-3778

!Financing Avaliable !Family Owned & Operated !Since 1958

Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Jazz Band from 1-5pm (905)5478989

Wheatley, 519-825-4222

EVERY WEDNESDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989

Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO beginning April 14th

Frankie's Bar & Grill in Mount Hope is has ALL DAY breakfast and mixed pool league for more info please call (905)679-3778 Foolerys in Windsor has bike night beginning April 25th EVERY THURSDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has their ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778

MAR 31st-APR 1st 31st Annual National Motorcycle and Tattoo Show at the Better Living Centre Exhibition Place Toronto Saturday 10am-9pm Sunday 10am-5pm for more info please call (705)778-2275 continued on page 14

China King in Brantford has bike night beginning April 5th EVERY FRIDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 EVERY SATURDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and Karaoke (905)679-3778 Biker TV is on at 11am on CTV TWO Trucker Television is on at 11:30am on CTV TWO beginning April 14th EVERY SUNDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Free Pool and cheap drinks (905)547-8989

MONTHLY EVENTS MAR 29th Rocky's Harley Davidson in London is having a Garage party for Women 6:30pm-9:30pm rsvp to www.garageparty.ca

ACROSSTHE ROADS Come Check Out Our AC R T

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(905)547-8989 1123 MAIN ST. E. Hamilton, Ontario THE RIDER’S MAG

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JOKE PAGE BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

e ere wHer eads WE SELL SEEDS

MEET

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

We Sell Smoking Accessories & Vaporizers We buy and sell used L.P. Records 162 Ottawa Street North, Hamilton, ON

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www.whereheadsmeet.ca (visit us on facebook)

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!' SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. Hope you found this informative. 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

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JOKE PAGE

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-

Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, who knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had consumed all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there CONTINUED ON PAGE 22

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Jack was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily. “What’s up Jack?” asked the bartender…It’s not like you to be so down in the dumps.” “It’s my four year old son…” the man replied. “Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically. “ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant.” “Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the bartender ! “It’s not,” said Jack. "The little prick stuck pins through all my condoms!!!!”

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4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. 5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. 6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? 7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. 8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? 9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. 10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car. 11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.. 12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM . It could be a right number. 13. Think about this ... No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning. 14. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it. 15. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket. 16. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!) 17. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead. Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?' The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second man.* * 'Hmmm..let me see 'A blink ! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened... A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.' 'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yup,TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.' Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said. Turning to Louie, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question. Old Louie replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.' 'WHAT!?' asked Jennifer, stunned by the response... 'Oh sure', said Louie. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good,and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.' Louie is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

679-3778

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WHAT’S SHAKIN APR 5th Kitchener Harley Davidson in London is having Boot camp for New Riders 6:30pm-9pm its everything you need to know China King Restaurant at 1320 Colborne St. East in Brantford is starting their Thursday Night Bike Nights for more info please call (519)752-6389

APR 21st Hamilton Biker's Church Swap Meet and Information Day 2799 Barton Street East (between Lake Ave and greys Rd.) 10am-3pm admission $5 all proceeds Send a Kid to Camp fund for more info please call Pastor Ken (905)547-8580 Riders Ride fundraiser for MS Vein Surgery at the Rankin Community Centre Hwy 41 Pembroke 9am-9pm show and shine swap meet food and much more contact ridersride@hotmail.ca

APR 13th It's Friday the 13th

APR 25th Foolery's Sports Bar and Grill at 2300 Huron Church Road in Windsor is starting their Bike Night tonight at 5:30pm for more info please call (519)966-7888 APR 27th Clare's Harley Davidson at 590 York Rd. N.O.T.L. is having test Our Metal Demo and BBQ 10am-3pm for more info please call (905)6844647 CONTINUED ON PAGE 18 APR 28th Welland County Motorcycle Club is having their Annual Poki-Barbi-Dan

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BOOTH INFO

PARK AND SELL YOUR MOTORCYCLE INDOORS

Call Moe (905) 651-5233

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World of Motorcycles Expo Kitchener 2012 by Critter through. The place was clean and well maintained, with ample parking and though the show was split and spread through several rooms I never felt that one part was detached or removed from the rest. There were a goodly number of vendors there, many of whom, are also our advertisers so we strolled through visiting along the way. The Swap Meet quotient was a large part of the draw and there were many smiles on many faces of attendees as they left having found the part that

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they needed at an agreeable price. Another nice aspect of this show was the excellent food that was available at more than reasonable prices. The bars as well didn’t give you the sense that you were being gouged and you could carry your drinks with you anywhere within the confines of the building. Our booth was set up just down the aisle from Kitchener HarleyDavidson who seem to have a knack for hiring some of the nicest looking girls in the Province who can’t help but get the attention of an old fart like myself and I was determined to get a nice group shot of them. It was not to be an easy task as apart from their obvious good looks they appear to be one (Along with a large number of male employees who were equally capable but didn’t quite grab my attention near as CON’T ON PG 20


WHAT’S SHAKIN Rockys Harley Davidson at 900 Wilton Grove Rd. in London is having their Demo Day for more info please call (519)438-1450 APR 29th Kitchener Harley Davidson at 2255 Kingsway Dr. in Kitchener is having their Demo Day for more info please call (519)893-0493 MAY 4th International Female Ride Day Ladies Ride leaves Clare's Harley Davidson at 590 York Rd. N.O.T.L. at 6:15pm for more info please call (905)684-4647 MAY 5th B.R.O. Niagara Cover The Kids Run registration at Lakeside Park in Port Dalhousie 10am-noon ride leaves at 1pm SHARP entry fee of grocery card or cash donation BBQ and live band to follow at 330 Young Rd. Welland for more info please call (905)401-1220 (905)714-9808 MAY 6th Fort Erie Swap Meet 10am-4pm at the West End Arena Ridge Rd. Fort Erie Ont. for more info please call (905)651-5233 Niagara HOG Annual Spring Poker Run registration at Clare's Harley Davidson at 590 York Rd. N.O.T.L. 9:30am-noon dinner after the run at Simo's Eatery 8675 Montrose Rd. Niagara Falls for more info please call (905)374-4544 MAY 20th Kawartha Bikers Church is holding their 2nd annual Bike Blessing, Come be part of the largest Bike Blessing in Ontario for more info call (705) 875-5412 MAY 25th-27th 3rd Annual Treating Yourself Expo at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre North Building Hall A Friday 10am-8pm Sat.10am-8pm Sun.10am6pm for more info please visit www.treatingyourselfexpo.com MAY 27th Critter Country Show and Shine in support of Alzheimer Society 400 Market Innisfil, Ont. 10am-5pm (905)251-2359

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SERVICE TO ALL MAKES AND MODELS

Home Of The 79.95 While You Wait Oil Changes Still The Lowest Labour Rate In The City th 7 Proceeds to benefit Sick Kids Foundation

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Vintage Motorcycle Specialists including European Models


World of Motorcycles Expo Kitchener 2012 by Critter much as the girls.) of the hardest working and dedicated crews I’ve seen. I certainly didn’t want to interfere with them as they served the many customers that crammed their booth throughout the show. I visited with Trish from Brass Pole for a while and she was having a good show with lots of sales as it appeared were the rest of the vendors. The vendors are an important part of any such show as they attract the people as much as other aspects and one thing I’ve observed from going to many of these things, if the vendors are happy it was a good event. I noticed many smiling vendors in my travels. A good first day at the show behind us, JR, JB and myself went for a nice

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dinner before retiring to our rooms at a local Hotel. Sunday mornings at these shows I like to get in early so a to get some uncluttered shots of bikes, displays and the like while talking to people involved to get a true sense of how the show was going and to check for things that I myself might be looking for. It gives me a chance to check out some of the wares of many of our advertisers and introduce myself to potential customers. The outstanding looking Boot Hill Hearse was on display and garnered a whole lot of well-deserved attention. It is a sight to behold! I got the chance to check out the trailers at Action trailers and checked out veteran groups, the tribute wall to those troops killed in action, airbrush artists and large selection of other interesting goods and services along with a huge variety of bikes that ranged from mild to wild customs, stock, new, vintage, rare and extremely rare and everything in between.


World of Motorcycles Expo Kitchener 2012 by Critter There were plenty of riding schools represented as well as insurance companies and other motorcycle related services and products. I got back to the booth to discover that one of our other contributing writers Magnificent Manon had arrived and was in for the day, so we had a pretty damn good crew out on this beautiful day and rumours that Manon’s husband Gerry was riding in turned out to be factual as well, although we all suspect that he took the long way there so as to enjoy the really spectacular weather. The weather was absolutely fantastic and I knew that we would be seeing a good number of bikes out. I was right! By noon the front parking lot was crammed with all kinds of motorcycles. In fact the front parking lot was fast becoming the hub of activity. So much in

fact that Tina from Purple Slice, being the astute business Woman that she is decided it would be the perfect time and place to demonstrate her fantastic cleaning products and Canadian Riders being the opportunistic and savvy people that we are will never turn down an opportunity to have their bike cleaned by an

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attractive young lady for free. She was busy! Even our man Kaz had taken advantage of the great weather and ridden in. The organizers had once again brought in riding instructor extraordinaire J.P McArdle of Professional Motorcycle Training to put on more incredible riding demonstrations and really put that Harley through its paces, outside this time throughout the day and it

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was even better that the show he put on when I saw him perform at the London show. The day flew by and it was soon time for the awards, so I wandered in to the main beer garden/food court to grab a quick beer and one of those terrific roast beef on a bun before the ceremonies began. JR, JB and the rest had been long gone by the time I finished loading up the “Black Bitch” said my goodbyes and headed for home. I had a great time and look forward to next year. CONTINUED ON PAGE 28

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JOKE PAGE A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared". The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: Where the hell are you? Husband: Darling you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the Diamond Necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be yours one day. Wife, with a smile blushing: Yes, I remember that my Love. Husband: Well, I'm in the Pub next to that shop. After Daylight Saving Time ended I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!" “Turtle”

stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.

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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with hi clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!" Another runner moved along side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home! Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Nope........just when it's raining." “Turtle”

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She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, the removal firm came and collected her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of prawns, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of


JOKE PAGE money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his solicitor delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the removal company pack everything to take to their new home........ And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!! Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence:- No Christmas- No television-No nude women- No football -No pork chops- No hot dogs- No burgers- No beer- No bacon- Rags for clothes- Towels for hats- Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower- More than one wife More than one mother in law- You can't shave- Your wife can't shave You don't use toilet paper- You can't wash off the smell of donkey- You cook over burning camel shit- Your wife is picked by someone else for you- and your wife smells worse than your donkey Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better?"Well no shit, Sherlock! ... It's not like it could get much worse. “Turtle” A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!' His wife responds, 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you too!' “Turtle”

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Please Call Denise @ (905) 866-4272 SIMPLE TRUTH 2 When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats". But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job". Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated” No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down. 'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. 'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said, 'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.' CONTINUED ON PAGE 40

SIMPLE TRUTH 1 Partners help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

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Civilianized Forty-Five

This month's feature guy is Dave and I first saw this beautiful civilianized 45 WLA at an Eagles Nest Street Party that was held at Sams Montrose Hotel. Dave was riding this beauty that day a few years back and because there seems to be a continual shortage of what we term vintage bikes (bikes that predate the generator shovel) when I see a nice one around I usually strike up a conversation with the owner with the intent of getting them to submit a picture and request to the mag to feature their vintage bike.

hauling another around with them although they could be used for that function as well as hauling other items around as these military bikes were the domain of the dispatch riders. A member of my father's family was a dispatch rider who is long ago deceased but we are blessed to still have Harry Watts around, a dispatch rider, living hero and author of a book on his experiences riding in Europe. Harry shows up regularly at bike shows here in Ontario and sells autographed copies of his book.

He told me the story of acquiring the bike that day saying he was in Europe attending an automotive trade show and he had asked one of his associates from Germany if there were any motorcycles around and he was told that there was a museum that was selling a couple of military vintage Harley-Davidsons as they were moving on to another exhibit. (this I had heard before as well as we have featured a bike that was sold out of a museum in Ottawa and have another from a more local museum to shoot yet)

This bike was civilianized and depending on the story this bike was ordered for a military officer before the war, although I tend to be more of the belief that this bike w a s scooped out o f a shipment of bikes sent over during the war in Europe and civilianized right out of the box as it was being

In addition to this bike there was also a olive drab military unit with a sidecar, as most riders know sidecars were more often than not used for stability as opposed to

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Civilianized Forty-Five everything up and make sure that anything that needed replacing was replaced and the bike to be in good working order so it could be ridden daily if he wanted to. Going so far as to even keeping the original 6 volt ignition system on the bike with all the original points and condenser, even the tires look like original bias ply tires all very authentic. He says they are in process of completing the second bike with the sidecar which as previously stated was a olive drab military unit with sidecar but Dave says he has ambitions to do it over in pearl green just to make it look outstanding. Dave says he’s been around bikes for a long time beginning his riding back in the early 80’s he rode on a regular basis until a cousin was killed by a drunk driver in the early 90’s saying that his family exerted some pressure to give up riding as a result of the death of his cousin and he says that he did for a few years but could not stay assembled. Dave claimed to have some paperwork detailing the lineage of the bike but didn't have it with him at the time of the shoot. This shoot actually came about as a result of bumping into him again earlier this year at the International Motorcycle Supershow in January. He had a few bikes on display for his company and he also had his personal Fat Boy custom in the show in another location. Our booth was close to his company display and he asked if he could move the fatboy from the back corner where show management had placed it up next to our booth. It drew quite a bit of attention and it turned out I knew the painter from many years ago. I said to Dave, you know I bet if you would have brought that you could get it into this show, we could do the shoot right here in hall 5 as there is sufficient light to do the shoot and there was an attractive looking gal who was willing to model on the bike so we were all set all Dave had to do was get the bike inside the building. I don't think that show management would have objected but Dave's trailer got boxed in and he couldn't get the bike out of the trailer so that kinda put an end to that idea but since the weather was so nice in January and has been fabulous all winter (winter what winter right?) he agreed to bring the bike over to the house and to our good fortune and all of you readers M.J. who you see modeling with the bike was able to come over that same day and grace the bike. She was the same gal that Dave had lined up to model with the bike at the show. Dave says when he acquired the two bikes they were shipped by truck from the museum in Germany to Amsterdam where they were containerized and shipped to Montreal and then on to Toronto by rail. He says when the two arrived he wanted to get to work on the civilianized model right away saying keeping it original and getting it cleaned up was a priority so he took it over to someone who had some experience with these old motorcycles and had them tear it down and clean

away. Dave is actually trained as a chef and spent a number of years in Europe cooking in 5 star establishments and also teaching saying he had a motorcycle and rode from job to job covering Europe from Sweden to the Adriatic sea and all through France and Belgium, this guy sure got around. As for local riding he has ridden in Florida, Texas, and also South Dakota primarily trailering one of his many bikes and riding once he got there although he says that he has done a few rides in north America but has trouble with reliability of some of his friends rides. He says that he plans to take some time off this year and ride his daily rider, a Honda rune out west with an ambition to go east as well but saying his first priority is west. I had a chance to hunt down Dave just before this mag went to press looking for the spec sheets for this bike and he said that there had been some major changes in his life since we did the pictures a few months back but that he might be interested in selling this bike now. He had mentioned selling his customized Fat Boy but at the time had

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Biker Church with Pastor Dave Neals

Civilianized Forty-Five Owner: Dave D. City: Oakville, ON General Year & Make: 1942 Model: WLA Assembly by: H-D Value: Unknown Time: Ongoing Engine Year: 1942 Model: Flathead Builder: H-D Rebuilder: Owner Displacement: 45 C.I. Lower end: H-D Pistons: H-D Rods: H-D Flywheels: H-D Balancing: H-D Cylinders: H-D Cases: H-D Heads: H-D Valves: H-D Cam: H-D Lifters: H-D Ignition: Points/Condenser Coils/Wires: H-D Carb: H-D Air Cleaner: H-D Pipes: H-D Transmission Year: 1942 Type: 4 Speed Shifting: Hand Clutch: H-D Gears: H-D Primary Drive: H-D Painting Colour: Burgandy/Cream

Type: WLA Rake: H-D Stretch: None Swing Arm: None Accessories Handlebars: H-D Risers: H-D Ignition Switch: H-D Controls: H-D Seat: H-D Tailight: H-D Oil Tank: H-D Gas Tank: H-D Front Pegs: H-D Boards Foot Controls: Clutch/Brake Electrics: 6 Volt Grips: H-D Mirror: H-D Headlight: H-D Speedometer: H-D Primary Cover: H-D Front End Type: Springer Year: 1942 Builder: H-D Extension: None Wheels Front Size: 16” Type: Laced Tire: Dunlop Brake: H-D Drum Fender: H-D Rear Size: 16” Type: Laced Tire: Dunlop Brakes: H-D Drum Fender: H-D

Frame Builder: H-D

Model: M.J.

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I received emails last month asking me a very simple question: Question: "Is there life after death?" I have done some reading on it and the only way I can answer that question is to use the Life Manual as a Reference Answer: The existence of life after death is a universal question. Job speaks for all of us by stating, “Man born of woman is of few days and full of trouble. He springs up like a flower and withers away; like a fleeting shadow, he does not endure....If a man dies, will he live again?” (Job 14:1-2, 14). Like Job, all of us have been challenged by this question. Exactly what happens to us after we die? Do we simply cease to exist? Is life a revolving door of departing and returning to earth in order to eventually achieve personal greatness? Does everyone go to the same place, or do we go to different places? Is there really a heaven and hell? The Life Manual the Bible tells us that there is not only life after death, but eternal life so glorious that “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9). Jesus Christ, God in the flesh, came to the earth to give us this gift of eternal life. “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). Jesus took on the punishment that all of us deserve and sacrificed His life to pay the penalty for our sin. Three days later, He proved Himself victorious over death by rising from the grave. He remained on the earth for forty days and was witnessed by thousands before ascending to heaven. Romans 4:25 says, “He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.”The resurrection of the Christ is a well-documented event. The apostle Paul challenged people to question eyewitnesses for its validity, and no one was able to contest its truth. The resurrection is the cornerstone of the Christian faith. Because Christ was raised from the dead, we can have faith that we, too, will be resurrected. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the ultimate proof of life after death. Christ was only the first of a great harvest of those who will be raised to life again. Physical death came through one man, Adam, to whom we are all related. But all who have been adopted into God's family through faith in Jesus Christ will be given new life (1 Corinthians 15:20-22). Just as God raised up Jesus' body, so will our bodies be resurrected upon Jesus' return (1 Corinthians 6:14). Although we will all be eventually resurrected, not everyone will go to heaven. A choice must be made by each person in this life, and this choice will determine one’s eternal destination. The Bible says that it is appointed for us to die only once, and after that will come judgment (Hebrews 9:27). Those who have been made righteous by faith in Christ will go into eternal life in heaven, but those who reject Christ as Savior will be sent to eternal punishment in hell (Matthew 25:46). Hell, like heaven, is not simply a state of existence, but a literal place. It is a place where the unrighteous will experience never-ending, eternal wrath from God. Hell is described as a bottomless pit (Luke 8:31; Revelation 9:1) and a lake of fire, burning with sulfur, where the inhabitants will be tormented day and night forever and ever (Revelation 20:10). In hell, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, indicating intense grief and anger (Matthew 13:42).God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but desires them to turn from their wicked ways so that they can live (Ezekiel 33:11). But He will not force us into submission; if we choose to reject Him, He accepts our decision to live eternally apart from Him. Life on earth is a test, a preparation for what is to come. For believers, life after death is eternal life in heaven with God. For unbelievers, life after death is eternity in the lake of fire. How can we receive eternal life after death and avoid an eternity in the lake of fire? There is only one way—through faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die...” (John 11:25-26). The free gift of eternal life is available to all. “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him” (John 3:36). We will not be given the opportunity to accept God’s gift of salvation after death. Our eternal destination is determined in our earthly lifetimes by our reception or rejection of Jesus Christ. “I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation” (2 Corinthians 6:2). If we trust the death of Jesus Christ as the full payment for our sin against God, we are guaranteed not only a meaningful life on earth, but also eternal life after death, in the glorious presence of Christ. Pastor Dave daveneals@bikerschurch.com


Hip’s Cycle Open House I think I have covered almost every Hip’s Cycle Open house in January since they started advertising in the mag back in the early days. There was one year I know we stayed home due to a humongous snow storm but other than that I've made as many as I can remember. Over the years I have forgotten a lot of things but this year was a completely new one for me. I had downloaded the memory card from the camera onto the hard drive of my computer using the card reader slot, it's not new I have been doing it for years now but this time for some inexplicable reason I did not return the card to the camera but left it in the computer. When I arrived at hips and went to take my first picture early on I realized when the camera’s display said “no memory” or “insert memory card” or some such thing that I was in trouble.

photos out of archive due to my faux pas with my camera but he pointed out that the front of the shop had been renovated since last year and it was the case, the back shop always looks busy because there are bikes on all the hoists and others lining the outside of the work area that are either next on the list or waiting for parts to come in, so it's always a busy looking place but the front shop definitely has a new look to it. If you’ve never been to Hips stop on in and check it out, quality service is the rule around there and they offer full service mechanical from front to back on your ride. If you're from the Brantford area we can assume you know all about the shop and the family, or you have been in a coma for the past decade or so. Stop by at next year's open house in January if you don't get a chance to stop by before that.

I popped open the side cover of the camera where the 12gb memory card lives and saw the empty slot and like a thunderclap I realized that the card was sitting in the computer in my office. Unlike some of the old silver digital cameras this cannon digital slr has no internal memory whatsoever so it will not function without the card and there was no way I was buying another memory card. I continued on with my annual visit meeting many of the usual people who I expect to see each year at this event, I timed my arrival better knowing that an early arrival means waiting around for the real food to show up. The first course includes donuts and coffee from the local Tim's, which is followed up but a spread that does Mrs. Hip proud every year including wrap sandwiches, sliced kielbasa, and cubed cheese in various flavors, veggies and dip and a whole bunch of other stuff. The crowning jewel at least for me is the chilli, woo hoo my favorite by far. Of course there's also Swedish meatballs, yes they are good judging by the number of people eating them and coming back for seconds but just too sweet for my taste as I lean towards the spicy chilli and bring my own hot sauce and spoon.

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I was really discombobulated this year cause not only did I forget to put the memory card back in the camera before heading out, I also forgot to bring my hot sauce (and anyone who’s around my kitchen knows I have a selection of 4 or 5 different types with cases of franks original in stock at all times) but the food was awesome as usual and my compliments to Mrs. Hip and her executive assistant Bear and anybody else who helps out. Hips is a family run shop with 3 generations of licensed mechanics wrenching on motorcycles now and although they are always busy with bikes in storage that also have a long list of upgrades to be done over the course of the winter there is always room for more bikes and more jobs with the amount of talent that works at the shop these days. I had suggested to Jim that I could pull some

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World of Motorcycles Expo Kitchener 2012 by Critter

298 Colborne St.

They have a good formul a for a good event t h a t seems t o revolv

e around the premise that you provide good value and good entertainment at a good venue. It seems to be working. Results are as follows: VINTAGE:1. #115 Rob Davidson 1979 CBX 1100 2. #107 Rod Wilson 1956 BMW R50 3. #157 Gary Vanatter 1983 400 Honda Matic VINTAGE AMERICAN 1. #146 Andy Adamkiewicz 1947 H.D. W.L. 2. #145 Andy Adamkiewicz 1948 H.D. Panhead 3. #166 Louis Bari 1901 Thomas VINTAGE BRITISH 1. #151 Roger Huth 1950 Vincent Comet 2. #110 Peter Brubaker 1948 Royal Enfield 3. #144 Gary Mintz 1961 BSA Gold Star COMPETITION 1. #120 Rob Brown Top Fuel Bike 2. #122 Joe McLeod Top Fuel Bike 3. #138 Drew Morrissey 2007 R6 TRIUMPH 1. #147

Brian Miller 1968 Bonneville 2. #111 Wayne Spears 1954 T110 Tiger 3. #141 Mark Carnero 1973 750 Tiger SHOVEL HEAD 1. #106 Ron Hanna 1974 FLH 2. #103 John Leek 1975 FLH STREET AMERICAN 1. #113 Denise Loro 2006 XL Sportster 2. #126 Greg Bourcier 2007 Victory Jackpot 3. #101 Brian Forget 2004 Sportster STREET ASIAN 1. #135 Jim Rodgers 1997 V-Max 2. #117 Ryan Wilson 2007 VTX 1300R 3. #159 Amanda Lynn Mayhew-Hare 2006 Ninja TOURING AMERICAN 1. #105 Dale Anthill 2009 Road Glide 2. #121 Norm Davey 1997 Custom Ultra 3. #128 John Damman 1985 H.D. FLHTC TOURING ASIAN 1. #129 Dale Horner 2006 Suzuki Boulevard 2. #132 Black Widow Airbrushing 2002 V-Star 3. #130 Brad Sharolow 2005 1100 Honda CUSTOM BAGGER 1. #139 Rob Durisin 2009 Road Glide 2. #138 Rob Durisin 2009 Street Glide 3. #102 Gordon Jack Road Glide CUSTOM 1. #173 "Jake" Jakester Monoshock Buell 2. #127 Wayne Burgess Shovel Chopper 3. #125 Andy Cox 1968 Bonneville Bobber RADICAL 1. #172 Joe Ertel Daytech Pan Street 2. #100 Rick Bigg 2006 Custom Chopper 3. #114 Jim Farrough 2006 Custom MOLSON PEOPLES´

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Men’s Night at Kitchener Harley By Al Kasza It happens every year at this time. Great deals, sales and of course Christmas. Yes I said it Christmas !! Not Festive season, Holiday season or any other season. Christmas ! When I was growing up, we had Christmas presents not holiday presents. Whether you believe or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s a time for family and friends to get together and enjoy our down time. It’s a time for bike shows, flea markets and swap meets. Kicking the reason and season off right as always was Kitchener Harley with their Women’s night & Men’s nights that just happen to fall at the beginning of it all. This year I was lucky to have the night off, so I packed up my camera and credit card and toured down to check things out. Right out of the gate I saw that things were going strong, when I had to park the cage 2 blocks away. Where the hell are they putting everyone, I thought. It was evident that this was a happening event by the sounds of 1 Bald Tire kicking the tunes out in what can only be described as, “A real garage party. “ Being a no tax night is another reason to come down and take in this event. Hog Tails provided a great feed of wings, pulled pork, taters and beans and the K W Optimists were serving up the accompanying refreshments. All the staff was kept busy helping you pick out the right gift or parts to meet your needs. With the support of friends and volunteers, they set up a table for free gift wrapping. All the

proceeds from tonight’s event went to the support of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation of Canada. Even Dino made the trip down from Rocky’s in London to spend some money here and take in the lovely ladies wrapping up the gifts. Judging by the constant flow of people, the empty spots on the walls and Pepe’ pulling out what is left of his hair, I’d say they were having a good time and so looking forward to the leftovers and refreshments when they finished work. Great deals on parts & accessories, good food, tunes, beer and a packed store. Sure sounds like a success to me. As with most of these events, even my credit card took a hit again. I followed Dino’s lead and even had the girls wrap up my present to me. I look forward to seeing everyone at all these events and checking out the latest goodies from Harley. Just need to bump my credit card limit a bit to cover the Christmas gifts. Enjoy the season and all the shows and events coming up in 2012. Please remember “Don’t Drink and Drive, Live to Ride “

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Big Al’s Motorcycle Swap Meet Senior was over to the annual Big Al’s Swap meet in Dundas well before th me, he was stationed at the door handing out the March 13 Anniversary Mag which was hot off the press this week. In the past when I have showed up early generally there is a line up to get in the door that usually makes it out to the main drag. So there are advantages to arriving an hour or so after the door opens, the big line up is gone but the mob scene inside the armoury is still in place.

the place was still packed to the rafters with people looking to purchase parts for their rides, it has after all been a stellar winter this year for riding and I am sure there's a few snowmobilers who might disagree but I think most of us could hack this sort of winter every year. I will just have to make sure I find somewhere else for my snowblower than behind my bikes as that makes it hard to get at the bikes to go for a ride on one of these amazingly mild days that we have been having this winter.

I had stopped at Tim's on the way to grab a breakfast sandwich and a coffee for the drive and lucked out finding a spot to park right outside the building, it was the first time in years that I didn't have to circle several time before finding an available space. This however had no reflection on the turnout it was just plain lucky. I was later warned by Jed from Kitchener that my parking was unsavory and I would probably have a ticket when I went out. Well that explained the convenient spot and no cops seeking to fill their quotas found my truck that day.

As I browsed my way through the event stopping to shoot the shit with the various vendor advertisers in the event I first ran into Ken MacDonald, he runs his own swap meet out in Alvinston and his event was coming up the following weekend so he was after another bundle of mags for the event just in case our Tim from Windsor didn't make it out for either health or weather reasons. Speaking of Tim his health is improving and we expect him to be out riding a lot this year.

I checked in with Senior when I arrived, the guys had set him up with an awesome spot beside the door for him to hand out the mags and they were goin quick as they were hot off the press. Fab and Brian had the gate collecting the small cost to enter the event. A quick look inside told me that

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It was great to run into old friend Sis from the P.D.R. I don't get to see him as much as I used to since Critter took over delivering to his shop out east of Toronto. I do run into him at various events and we may just run into him again this spring as it turns out that he has taken a part time job and his boss’ bike is on the list and of course he wrenched on the bike so I'm

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sure he’ll put his 2 cents worth in. Tony and Ursula from C.J.’s in Bolton had the whole side of the building as usual and the crowd was still thick enough that I'm not even sure if they saw me or even knew I was there as I headed along that outer wall I snapped a couple of pics and continued on my way as I had been in the building for over an hour and still hadn't made it all the way around the place, yes that means I talk a lot, some say too much.

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I was a little surprised to find Moe from the Fort Erie Swap Meet flogging wheels, let me re-phrase that Moe flogging wheels was no surprise. Moe has been swapping for years, and he is notorious for always having lots of shiny stuff, aluminum wheels and chrome pipes stick out in my mind, what was actually surprising was the lack of that big ass banner that you expect to see associated with the Fort Erie Swap Meet. Of course I had to ask the question, once Moe finished closing his latest deal to sell some rims, no banner eh? What happened no crash today? Well didn't Crash come wandering over shooting down my theory on the missing banner but Moe had another explanation, frankly I don't remember what it

905-735-7216 www.triplekupholstery.com was but it had something to do with Velcro and ease of installation, oh well the Fort Erie swap meet is always the first Sunday in May, check the ad in this issue of the mag. I caught a glimpse of Seniors Hat, he was off his stool and heading towards the kitchen to grab one of them famous Dundas tube steaks. I had grabbed my big cup of Tim's when I ran out to the truck to grab a bundle of mags for Ken Mcdonald and of course Sr. wanted to know where it came from and how come he didn't get one. Standing nearby was Kaz our contributing writer from Kitchener with some friends. Seeing how slow Senior was moving he offered to cover off some of his deliveries in Kitchener so as we were heading out of the building as the buyers had shopped the place out and were heading out we also hooked up outside to give him some bundles of mags to cut down on his running around the following day up in Kitchener, real teamwork, thanks Kaz. As for the annual event in Dundas, I usually judge the success of these types of events by the crowds on hand and also by the mood of the vendors and frankly I didn't see or hear of anyone who was unhappy with the results at this event, but then that's par for the course around this event, always a good turnout always happy vendors, see you next year.

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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World of Motorcycles Expo at Bingeman’s by Kaz Ever wonder how the weather person can screw up so often and still have their job. We’ll I have often wondered why myself thinking it would be great to have their job. But for a change they hit it right, on this unbelievable March 10th weekend. After making it early to the set up Friday, I had a chance to wander around and check out the vendors before the official opening Saturday morning. The usual vendors had their displays set up early and were making finishing adjustments to ensure maximum exposure to the crowds. This show has grown steadily since coming into Kitchener. This year they added a swap meet area that had a couple of the regulars bring in a great selection of new and used parts. Great opportunity to pick up those missing parts for your bike or that added little luxury item you’ve been thinking about.. There were deals on just a b o u t everything to do with our hobby. You could buy a bike at the show and just select your accessories and clothes from any of the vendors.

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Everything for leathers, trailers from Action Trailers, insurance, cleaning products and of course a great selection new and used bikes to choose from. With the price of gas continuing to climb, the bike market is sure to be hot again this year. Of course there were lots of pretty ladies selling everything from tickets to Tshirts and the latest fashion accessories and riding gear. Several riding groups and


World of Motorcycles Expo at Bingeman’s by Kaz Of course the show wouldn’t be complete without a great selection of custom and vintage bikes. Local builders and custom builders like Ryan from RnR Cycle had a great selection of bikes on hand for people to admire and dream for. I enjoyed spending the weekend with Critter, Manon and Alex & Janie, and wishing Sr. could have made the trip. I’m sure he’ll return to his favorite spot in Port Dover next month. It was a rough one for me last year, but I’m back on the road again this year and will be out there covering as many events that I can. For all those that had their bikes still in pieces, waiting for parts, in storage and not ready, Maybe next year. In the meantime enjoy the shows and welcome to the early riding season. Knee’s in the breeze KAZ

"Wow I've been hunting them for years! Now they're hunting me!” organizations had booths promoting their events for this season. Sunday brought in the early riders with the temps being in the mid teen’s by noon. Rider demonstrations began around 10:00 in the front parking lot. They were demonstrating the skills of training and safety and gave everyone great tips on how to handle your ride, with and without a passenger. Also in the front parking lot we found Tina, from Purple Slice, who was demonstrating her cleaning product lines on some of the bikes.

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th

Royal City Riders 50 Anniversary Run Al Kasza With the explosion of people taking to the streets on two wheels, we have all noticed the hundreds of new clubs, names, embroidered crests and claims to being a motorcycle riding club. This new trend seems to show no signs of ending anytime soon. They all have the same themes, promote group functions, motorcycle safety, public awareness and strength in numbers. With the addition of an extended family that you can count on when you need them. Over the past 10 years, I have been attending 100’s of events supporting charities and families with special needs. I have seen these people open their hearts and wallets, and spend untold hours helping other people. Last year I was fortunate enough to meet Gary Whynot of the Royal City Riders and Angel Mitchell-Brading from the GRIP girls participating at a very popular run. Since then I have attended numerous functions promoted by them and supported by several other groups. These groups of riders join forces, pooling their resources and talents, to help make thother peoples dreams a reality. So when they invited me to attend the 50 Anniversary run of the Royal City Riders on June 25,2011, I couldn’t decline. Starting from their home base in Guelph, Ontario we joined up with them at the Tim Horton’s at Victoria Road and Woodlawn on chilly cloudy morning. With the GRIP girls and their friends performing the administration duties, we were quickly processed and given our run maps. As usual I drew a stinking 3 for my first card. I don’t know why I even bother cutting the cards. Our first stop on the run was the Busholme Inn in Erin. It was here that I noticed several other club patches in attendance. I had the pleasure of meeting The Iron Riders, a group based out of Hamilton, last year on Tristan’s Run, so it came as no surprise to me, that they had a very strong presence here. After drawing another garbage card we toured the back roads threw Wellington County ending up at Change of Pace in Morriston. Drawing another card for my increasing hand of crap, we headed north to the Maryhill and the Commercial Tavern. Looking like I might have a good chance at the worst hand we indulged in a couple of beverages. Realizing that our final destination at Smokies on Hwy 24 was very close, I broke away and headed off to find some refreshments for our evening of games and entertainment. We arrived at Smokies to the scent of beef and pork slow cooking on the

BBQ. After drawing my final 9 of clubs to conclude my hand of total crap, it was time to take in the games. With 3 tables of door prizes everyone was sure to go home with something. Being more a club run, than a charity event, everyone was having too much fun to actually give a shit who won what, so don’t be looking for your name in print on the winners list here, because there isn’t one. When the bottle rocket baseball started it was time to head home for the hot tub and brews. The Royal City Riders want to thank everyone that helped make this event a success as well as all the sponsors that donated door prizes. Congratulations Pat, Gary and all the RCR members and of course Angel and all the GRIP girls for another well planned run and fun filled event. I enjoy every event that you guys are involved in and can’t wait to see what mayhem you will come up with next. Until till then keep your knees in the breeze. KAZ

"OK it took two hours and fifteen minutes from the time he told her it was time to leave until he actually got her out the door. Steve you won that part of the pool. Now how long will it take for him to get her on the bike and put her helmet on without her making a break for it and coming back in?”

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Clare’s Spring Open House, March10, 2012 by Rosaire Well some of us rode to Clare’s Open House….not to say it was a warm day but it was sunny and that must have been the wild card because Clare’s was a very, very busy place. Lisa was at the original store so Royale was the Wal-Mart greeter for the day. The customers were 6 or 8 deep at all the cashiers and the parts counter was like a line up going south at the airport. I got there just before 9:00 to put the Friday the 13th Quilt up. Bruce and Ron were already holding court at the Niagara H.O.G corner. Bruce said people were waiting before the doors opened at 8:00…don’t people know it’s Saturday and you’re suppose to sleep in?? I wandered around and talked to Bernie (LCMC), Robin, Steph and to other staff members. They all said it was chaos. I checked out what people were buying….lots of jackets and clothes were being picked up…not to mention tons of parts to put on just before riding season. Randy was busy talking to people and to a few possible new bike clients. The local clubs were well represented with Gail and Vern from Erie Shores B.R.O. inviting people to their annual runs. Lou, Chris, Donna, Duffy and Fester from Brothers Keeper were passing out information. FYI…Brothers Keeper will not have the Burn Run in June. Niagara College had a spot promoting their Motorcycle Training Programs….one instructor used an interesting cliché….You can give the right of way but you can’t take it….even if you are right. Mark and Albert of The Fabulous Fenwick Lions Club were having a great day selling tickets on the Biketoberfest 10th anniversary Screaming Eagle. Everybody agrees it is a beautiful ride. Ticket sales are going very well and they might be sold out before Biketoberfest so if you want a chance on this great bike, get your

tickets early. I did!!! Niagara HOG members were coming, going and shopping. The Friday the 13th quilt was hanging from a beam in the front window and a lot of people were impressed at the size and the number of t-shirts making up the quilt. There is a Riders Mag tshirt on it to set it off. I met two new local business people. Annie was interviewing Randy for ikfadtv.com and bulletnewsniagara.ca. She is a news and entertainment reporter for these two media outlets…check them out. I also met Sandra from Oskur Photography. Sandra was handing out ballots to win one of her coffee table books…..a book of motorcycle photography, of course. John and Donna came in later in the afternoon. They said it was busy at the original store and wanted to see how things were going. John was in good spirits seeing all the people checking out the sales. He said that 25% of all bike sales are to female riders. I think Bob Dylan said it, ‘The times, they are a changing.” From my perspective, it was a great day for everyone. See you on the road and go well.

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Alvinston Motorcycle Swap-Meet by Tim This year’s trek to Alvinston for the annual Motorcycle Swap-Meet was basically smooth sailing and only met minor snow flurries in the Chatham area. A far cry from last year’s journey that had the eastbound lanes of the 401 closed due to a series of vehicle accidents caused by a typical Canadian snow storm. It was a spirited attempt but I never did make it to the Alvinston Swap-Meet last year. Pulling into the Alvinston Community Centre I was pleasantly surprised at the number of cars in the parking lot. The occasion was well attended by patrons and all vendor spaces were booked well in advance of the event. The Alvinston Community Centre is a workable venue for an event like this. It’s a cinch to locate if you’re an out-of-towner and offered is an abundance of free parking and the small-town atmosphere is always welcoming. Also, the ACC offers those huge and plump real beef hotdogs and there wasn’t a chance I was going to pass up on such a nutritional brunch. They’re fantastic! The annual Alvinston Motorcycle Swap-Meet is a venture put forth by Ken and Kathey MacDonald who are long-standing representatives of Sarnia-Lambton Bikers Rights Organization. Although not considered a club function, members were on hand to assist in the needs to compose success. As in years past, they did a great job and Ken and Kathey where grateful for their support. It really

does require a lot of work to make sure everything runs smoothly. Aside from the selection of motorcycle parts and accessories up for grabs from various individuals there were other vendor’s in attendance as well that were quite worth of checking out. My quest involved searching for a new 41/2 inch aluminum headlight but being a relatively new item my chances were slim to none of finding one. This is one part I will have to order new! Tracey was offering a rather cool service in custom embroidery and sewing and the Sarnia-Lambton BRO has been using her services for years. Any logo or image can be permanently affixed to any material including your fine leather wears and the pricing for her services are more than reasonable. Tracey was also available to sew on your new crest or badges or repairs to your leathers. Also, information and pledge sheets were available for the Sarnia area’s 9th annual R.O.C.K. Ride that is in full support of our youth who are suffering from Cancer. This is a truly valor cause because as the slogan goes “Cuz kid’s shouldn’t need Chemo”. Hat’s off to organizers on this one! E a c h y e a r, t h e Sarnia-Lambton BRO hold a raffle on

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Alvinston Motorcycle Swap-Meet by Tim a rather cool looking concrete spread eagle stationed on a Harley-Davidson Bar and Shield and it was complete with a stand to hold it in a somewhat upright position. It was labeled as an outdoor lawn ornament but is wicked enough to be shown indoors too. It was a really cool visual but my luck at winning anything hasn’t been the best of late but I did have to support the cause and purchased some tickets.Actually I bought a whole book of tickets! Nowhere will you find a better deal on new quality Dunlop tires! Don Stefanic from SOS Lube and Tires was offering tires at what has to be cost price and certainly won’t be repeated anytime soon. Also this is the perfect time to stock up on Amsoil synthetic oil as Don is a provincial Direct Jobber for this liquid gold product.

No sooner did I walk in the door after returning from Alvinston when the phone rang! The familiar voice on the other end was that of Ken and at first I thought I forgot my camera or lost my wallet or something. Those concerns were quickly erased when Ken told me I was the chosen on the draw for the concrete eagle. Being a step ahead of me Ken then mentioned that I would not have to return to Alvinston to pick up my winnings. Iggy from Power Cycle in Windsor volunteered to load it in his truck and bring it back to town for me to pick up at his shop. With Power Cycle located in my neighborhood less than a mile away things couldn’t have worked out any better. Thanks Iggy and Joyce! I now face a minor dilemma…will it be displayed inside or out! InAlvinston Tim

Again I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome of this event. With the recent cancellation of the London and Chatham swap-meets I came to the conclusion that they are a valued and needed outings.

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Fallen Riders Memorial Ride 2011 By Ken MacDonald May 28 2011 was the date for this year’s Bikers Rights Organization of Ontario Fallen Riders Memorial Ride, I have attended this ride every year since it began in 2002. This year as I rode down to the event at Queens Park in downtown Toronto I was thinking of the past years of going to this event. Reminded of the many bikers who have passed doing what they enjoyed whose names now appear on the memorial wall. My mind wondered to the many people who have met me along the way on this ride and wondering where they were this year. Have they now forgotten about their friends, do they not want to share the stories with others of their memories of their fallen friends. Have those people given up riding. Or just lost interest, believing it is someone else’s job to lobby the government and bring media attention to this problem. For me I have added to many names to the memorial over the years and this year was no exception. Earlier in the year I had emailed Brian (Gazoo) Burnett @ GrouchyKlingon@aol.com and asked him to add a couple more names. For me Brian Eves and Dave Waddell would hold a special place in my memory. Brian I had known since we were kids, he was on his way home from work at a body shop with his dad, a few mile ride from there to home. An avid dirt bike rider as well as on the street but a deer ran out in front of him and the rest is a sad story. His dad had other commitments this year on this date but just bringing him a picture of the memorial that Gazoo takes care of all year long for this day would be enough. Dave Waddell from Sarnia represents the very spirit of why this ride exists in the first place. Dave was riding his bike when a truck coming from one of those questionable smoke shops on the local Indian Reserve comes through the intersection and tee bones Dave and his passenger. Dave never stood a chance, his passenger will be forever changed from her injuries. A simple charge of “Failure to Yield” is laid. Couple points and approximately $125 fine is laid. The offender pleads not guilty and in

February 2011 the crown drops the charges and the offender walks totally free. Sure seems strange how we write tickets in this province at a biker roadblock for nothing amounting to hundreds of dollars but something like this accident nets nothing way too many times. If you have a couple too many beers your license can be suspended, vehicle impounded and insurance rates increase in an instant. If you run over a motorcycle, get a small charge as I earlier referred to you can drive away from the scene and carry on your day if your vehicle isn’t damaged enough to prevent you from leaving and your conscience allows. Something needs to change. We as bikers need to care and make that change happen. This event is only a small part of that. It is the public relations part of the lobby. The part where we convince the media in our local area to tell the story as to why we travel down to Toronto to remember our fellow fallen riders. The rest of the year we lobby our politicians at home for change. The suggestions on how to rewrite the law have already been submitted. We have to convince the politicians to put it on the floor. Keep in mind that also isn’t the real solution, somebody is already dead or injured at that point. Education of the non-motorcycling public that we exist and preventing the accident in the first place is the ultimate goal. Raising money for charity is one thing but maybe it is high time we raise money for ourselves and getting some permanent bill boards up promoting motorcycle awareness along our highways. Ontario is way behind other provinces and US states on this. So this year I left Woodstock truck stop alone, seemed everyone had other commitments and interests this year, so off to pick up my buddy Smiley in KW. He was going to meet me at my usual Oakville stop on the way into this ride but I got a bit of a mood on with the apathy around this event from my end and decided if it was just going to be him and I no use going to Oakville. So out of KW we went and as luck would have it Toronto traffic would be a hold up on the Gradiner Expressway. So instead of arriving early for the 1pm event I

"Call the Cops? Are you kidding? I'm not telling anyone about this!”

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Fallen Riders Memorial Ride 2011 By Ken MacDonald pulled in around 1:20pm was coming around the outside of the group to take some pictures just as Gazoo was basically closing the speeches. He spotted me and gave me the mike to tell my two above stories on Brian and Dave along with others I know on the wall. Rev. Dave Neals once again had spoken at the event and given another moving sermon. For all you not so church going types don’t let the word sermon scare you, once you meet Dave let alone hear him speak at an event you will realize he is not some television preacher. He tells it like it is and makes you reflect on your own situation through his sermon. What you do with that knowledge is your business I figure. Brian “Gazoo” Burnett once again was master of ceremonies, he puts countless hours into this ride attending all the bike shows and talking it up but let’s face it this ride is almost like trying to promote a funeral. The ride goes to Queens Park Toronto which for most of us involves an area none of us want to ride a motorcycle in. 400 series highways, the QEW expressway, combining with Toronto City traffic is not our favorite ride no doubt. Let’s face it this is the place we have to be seen if we want the government to recognize our plight for change. Brian is another statistic that we all dread to be. A few years ago he was hit coincidentally on the way home from a funeral of a brother Ken Taylor. He fought first to recover from

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1,Hamilton Road,London, Ont. N6B-1M9 his injuries to be able to even ride again while fighting the insurance company for compensation for his bike and loss of income. No doubt this cause is near and dear to his heart. It was nice to see a few new faces in the crowd again this year, apparently my article last year caused a few Niagara members to actually ride their bikes out of town. If you want to help out promoting this event or have names you want submitted to the memorial plaque contact Brian (Gazoo) Burnett @ GrouchyKlingon@aol.com , contact BRO Ontario through their website www.bro.on.ca or stop in and talk to them at their booth at the bike shows. Next year’s event is once again scheduled for the last Saturday of May which is May 26 2012.

"I'm worried about her man. Not too long ago she would have taken that chair and beaten him with it.”

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JOKE PAGE You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house -mowing the lawn, putting up a new fence, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot, sweaty, and covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on: Shorts with a hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home-improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the

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married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with. In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is pretty. In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dog shit in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, "I Got Worms." In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you aren't sure. In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather. In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Home Depot. Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door. In your 90's & beyond: What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden? Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this? Did I send it? Did you? Who farted? “Turtle” Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. "Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Peg, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he CONTINUED ON PAGE 42


JOKE PAGE MOVED TO NEW LOCATION! 11 Wiggins Road, Caledon, ON P: (905) 846-1071 www.reinharttrailers.com moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Peg, what's for dinner?"

Two Blondes With Hammers... Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ' Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!' Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' You might have to think twice about this one. A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger. A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a

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'For Pete sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, it’s CHICKEN!' “Turtle” A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!

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P.O. Box 80034 Appleby Station Burlington, Ont. L7L 6B1 Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: theridersmag@gmail.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers : Pastor Dave Neals, Tim Armstrong, Rick Davis, Ken MacDonald, Al Kasza, Danni, Rosaire Tisdale, Scarry Larry. Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”


JOKE PAGE repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.' Ablonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied......'Two popsicles & some coffee.' A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically... 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

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Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad. "Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," he replied gruffly. "Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands. "Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninetyeight years & not have an enemy in the world?" The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all them motherfuckers." “Turtle” A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?" She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?" He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye. Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?" The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye. Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?" He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying. She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?" Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn,

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville , WA . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an CONTINUED ON PAGE 46

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THE RIDER’S MAG

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DANNI’S TIMES Well, have you been out? Cabin fever has crawled into a lot of us.. And with these temperatures rising, it’s time...to escape.. Out into the air..outside...It felt so good, that first ride...Looking at the picture...March 11th and we were all able to ride all day..and you could have even got away without the chaps..Riding up Durham Road #30, the bikes were everywhere..Just for an opening, we cruised into Port Perry to the local hang out ..everyone knows this one...The Tim’s.. and there had to have been at least a 100 motorcycles..not even counting the ones that only dropped in and left shortly..Our season is going to be great...Last season, I rode until November..and with now being on the road so early..it gives us , let’s say, 9 months...yes, I will take it...Thank you..Thank you.. You’ve GotAFriend by James Taylor

Perfect Pigs MC...I had the opportunity to introduce, my brother , Daryl who is a Veteran and to have dinner with him. Jim and Jen got to sit with him and to hear what Daryl has to say.. They saw what food means..We all made sure he had food to bring back to his friends....needs we all take for granted....Time is important... And nothing, whoa nothing is going right Close your eyes and think of me

I must mention seeing, Lisa from Durham Divas, a real dedicated rider out on the really first day of warm riding..Pete and Lisa also there.. Perfect Pigs.. Also Jim and Jen.....It was a real celebration..Cabin Fever is officially over...It was Official on the 11th of March. When your down and troubled. And you need a helping hand.

Lou Devino and all his stellar members of his club..have got a message out there with their ride here in Ontario...Respect has been put into place for the sacrifices our Canadian Forces have made to be a part of the notorious war in Afghanistan.. Our Canadian Hero’s have laid their lives down to stand up with the world to keep all our countries safe from war.... Canada is a friend to all nations and our Canadian Military is well respected throughout the world..Their ride has no cost, all that is asked is you show up to show support on June 2nd...money is a great need though, and if you are able to give a donation to the Ride..It is much appreciated... You’ve got a friend.. Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend..

I have had a chance to get to Montreal to at the end of February on the glorious 401 , met snow...Along the highway saw cars in the ditch and at times..only one lane..which never slowed the traffic down.. Amazing isn’t it, heaps of snow surrounding us and the glimpse of motorcycles makes us forget the white stuff outside.... and had the chance of some great company..Jen and Jim came along to savor the Quebec hospitality..Our member, Darlene was our guide. We were also really lucky to have the company of Lou Devino and Hoover , also their lovely wives, from the

Wounded Warriors Fund.ca This organization is there to help our wounded to come back home and need a little..mobility challenges, Padre’s Contingency Fund- a benevolent Fund for first-line staff and families of the wounded with a variety of acceptable expenses that occur in the Military Hospital in Germany..Individual support.. An unexpected flight or musical instrument for a Veteran..where a small donation can go a long way..especially in the life of a Veteran..Operational Stress Injury Awareness..majority of the wounds are not visible..Post Traumatic Stress

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DANNI’S TIMES Disorder ..very common among our solders..a hurt that is not seen..an injury at times not identified until years down the road.. And you know where ever I am I’ll come running... They are to be honored, these distinguished motorcycle riders.. Lou saw a need , identified it , and his phenomenal team help pull it together . Their hard work brings the motorcycle community together to be a part of the message..What a message.!!!..The thousands of motorcycle riders who proudly ride in honor of the thousands of men and women who proudly donned Canadian Forces Uniforms and went to war ...Hero’s... that what they are called... Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call While working on this ride..it enabled people to hear deficits that were going on from the military personnel...Veterans came back and were not able to reconnect to Society’s rules..The soldiers became lost..at times with help from substances...returning back to the norm was not easy..They fell through the cracks...In war they encountered learning curves trying to develop techniques to contain violence and restore functioning civil societies and suddenly they had no job...they had no identity..Our Canadian Soldiers went to Bosnia in the role of Peacekeepers..That war was from April 1992 to December 1995... Remember our Military was there on a Peacekeeping Mission...In 1995, 55 peacekeepers were taken as hostages to use as a human shield against NATO bombing in the War’s closing stage ..The photo of Captain Patrick Rechner chained to a lightning rod brought home..that this was no ordinary Peacekeeping Mission... Keep your head together and call my name out loud And soon I will be knocking upon your door

Government..more help is needed..Veterans Affairs need more resources, not cut backs..Mr. Harper, this is on your shoulders..now..listen to what the message is...The motorcyclists are telling you... People can be so cold They’ll hurt you and desert you Lord, I’ll be there, yes I will You’ve got a friend I have had the opportunity to sit with some new riders and field some of their questions on what riding is all about to them..Their inquiry into,” why motorcyclists do so much charity work?”, was one question..I thought for a moment and started on the story of the Highway of Hero’s Ride...How it started and the reasons why..all similar to the story above..and the response was, They cannot wait to be experienced enough to be a part of this ride...One of the young Ladies was telling us about every time a soldier lost his life and his body was escorted to Toronto, her grandfather would go out to the bridge over the 401..She said it bothered him for days and she would get a call from her Grandmother asking her to drop by and spend some time with him..He would tell her stories of the war times..and now she had a story to tell him about what the Motorcyclists were doing for these soldiers, and all the soldiers who went to war..She looked at me, and said, “ Danni, I now have a story and to think my motorcycle will give me more stories to talk to my grandfather.” The essence of a motorcycle..The ability to live your story and to help others at times..The opportunity to meet some wonderful individuals..like Lou Devino, Hoover, and The Perfect Pigs MC Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend.. Safe Riding DANNI

In Montreal alone , there are 19 Veterans living on the streets..dealing with the streets, Why on the streets? They were trained to survive in war..Their survival is a war to them..Now Nova Scotia is identifying they have soldiers on the street...Lou has found out in Alberta, there is , believed to be 4 living on the streets out there.. There are many on the streets, it will be hard to find the numbers....I have asked my brother, Daryl, “Why on the streets?”. “The streets are at war in our society.” He tells me, “they need open space to live..not a room”.. Further to the conversation, he mentions the motorcycles, “When you ride, do you not feel the open space, the wind, the sun on your body.? In our combat training, we did not have walls..we were trained to be comfortable outdoors”..What he saw and experienced..”you need to decide if you want to be a part of the human race”..When the soldiers returned from Peacekeeping Missions not all got the retraining that was needed to be structured back into society..That mistake is not today..All Military Personnel have the 3 months before they return to home to face the daily challenges.. Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend... In respect to The Veterans Affairs, Quebec, they have been there trying to help my family with my brother..I asked for help, and I have been receiving it. for Daryl..Many problems are not being solved but help is there...trying to find the solutions..Daryl has a voice to help him, many do not..and if there is no communication..help is not seen.. You just call out my name...and you know wherever I am.. I want to also say, Thanks to Lou Devino, for all his endless hours he has put into this Ride..He is an amazing person..His voice is for all The Military Personnel.. .His team, Perfect Pigs MC is the voice rallying all the motorcyclists to ride on June 2, 2012... Gentlemen, you are my Hero’s. This is the time for all Motorcyclists to take the time..to ride and show our

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about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a fucking wall." During my physical yesterday, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:"Well, yesterday morning, I waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake." Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be some outdoors man!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a shitty golfer."

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angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care they turned me down." A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after

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289-808-9190 “Turtle” An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...' “Turtle” A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man wearing a turban, who was eating fresh shrimp. Every time he ate one, he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it. Eventually, she had enough, and pulled the Emergency Cord. The Muslim looked at her and said, "You'll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch." She laughed and said, "When I cry out rape and they smell your fingers, you'll get 10 years, you towel headed Camel-fucker." “Turtle”


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