Vol.14 #1 THE
Mar. MAG ‘12
The Magazine for the Narley Harley Rider
FREE World of Motorcycles Expo, London World of Motorcycles Expo, Hamilton
We Support the Troops Joke Page What’s Shakin Feature Bike
13th Anniversary Issue The rider’s guide to the Southern Ontario area www.theridersmag.com THE RIDER’S MAG
900 Colborne St. East Brantford, Ontario
519-756-6218 Store Hours Mon-Fri 10am - 6pm Sat. 9am - 1pm
Welcome to the Rider's Mag. The shows are doing great with the help from all of you supporting them. We have a few more to go and we look forward to seeing you at them. Our winter so far has really been good, cold sometimes but not a whole lot of snow, a nice change. Before too long the sun will be shining longer and warmer, until then support our supporters and let them know you seen it in the Rider's Mag.
TABLEOFCONTENTS How Does this Happen
WE DO IT ALL!
M.O.T. INSPECTION STATION
(Critter spouts off about the law) On the Road (The publisher grinds his axe) Red Devils MC Poker Run
PARTS AVAILABLE FROM ALL SUPPLIERS
(A ride through Niagara with the Devils) World of Motorcycles Expo Hamilton
(A first visit to the careport center) Joke Page
ALL LICENSED MECHANICS
(Time to Bust a Gut) What’s Shakin
(Your Guide to up and Coming Events) Cruising with Critter
(Critter covers the London Show) Brotherly Shovelhead
(Our feature bike of the month) Blackhawks MC Show & Shine
(Jon hangs out at Frankies in Mt Hope) H.O.G. Dice Run
(Rose rides with H.O.G. to Fenwick) Clares Open House
(Rose covers the Annual Open House) Fighting for your Rights
(Scarry Larry speaks out about your rights) Thanks for the Mammeries
(the breasts of Volume 13) Danni’s Times
(A Ladies Perspective) Bikers Church (Pastor Dave and motorcycles)
THE RIDER’S MAG
How does this happen??????????? by Rick How the Hell does this happen? How can this be called a justice system? How can anyone in charge say with a straight face that justice and the laws are being applied equally and without bias or prejudice with the kind of decisions that are being handed down by some judges in this Province? How can a young black male pose for a picture holding a loaded, illegal, unregistered handgun and was subsequently caught red handed with it when the police battered in his door, not have to serve what was supposed to be a mandatory three year sentence for that offense? The judge took into account that he had no previous criminal record, was a father, had a job and a supportive family. Well whoop dee do! If that young man was a biker would that have mattered? I know of lots of bikers who fit that same description and aside from the fact that they weren’t black who have served time for things that were far less serious in nature than what this young man got a pass on. What of the gentleman who was recently deported to Scotland because he was once a member of the Hells Angels. He had no criminal record! He had ties to the community! He was a respected businessman and martial arts trainer and he had a supportive family here who were also dependant on him. How is this fair and equal treatment under the law? There are many other instances where things that are being done to bikers, if done to any other member of any race colour or creed would be considered racist, prejudiced and unlawful! If the police were to go to the employer of a black man or a Muslim or any other race, religion or relationship and insist on them being fired based solely that criteria, all hell would break loose and there would be rioting in the streets! But that is what they do to many bikers on a regular basis. Particularly if they are a member of a club! Bikers are maligned and misrepresented regularly by Police and the media without fear of reprisal or repercussions due partly to the fact that they have been getting away with it for so long. Bikers are an important part of their lives and without bikers many would have to find another way to earn a living.
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"I don't beleive it! I have no criminal record! Not so much as a parking ticket and I get three years for loud pipes because I went to a club party. This other guy ahead of me in court gets caught with a loaded unregistered handgun gun and he gets a suspended sentence!”
The biker squad might have to do real police work rather than hand around outside the gates of clubhouses or parties harassing all who dare go there with unwarranted charges and taking endless pictures of members and associates of who they already have countless pictures of. What would be considered to be security or protection of property to someone else when a biker is involved it is fortification. At budget time headlines announcing police warnings of the fabled “Immanent Biker Wars” appear in newspapers accompanied by tales of violence that occurred years previous in other Provinces and other parts of the World. It is the game that is played over and over and the outcome is always the same. The Bikers are vilified and the cops are the heroes. That is their story and they are sticking to it. In the real World people know that things are not always what they are purported to be. Those who are supposed to be good aren’t always good and those who are portrayed and reputed to be bad aren’t always bad! Sometimes if you look behind the curtains and read between the lines you find the real truth. What did Oz really give the Tin Man, The Scarecrow or the Lion? Sometimes it is all just smoke and mirrors! Make some noise!
N 5th Line
Grand River 2158 Chiefswood Road
Ohsweken Town Center
On the Road
I was hopeful that we were gonna come up with enough advertising to support a larger book to clear out the backlog of event and charitable reports on the books. It is somewhat disappointing to see that the economy continues to stumble along into the 5th year since the big financial crash of 2008. I don’t want to beat a dead horse but the business model of the mag is that advertising revenue pays for the printing and distribution of the mag. After 14 years it has become evident that no one is ever going to get wealthy doing this (unless you're one of them other publications the pretends to be national or from that province where everything is taxpayer subsidised) but it does pay its own bills.
So we have been dragging our asses along the bottom for the past 5 years expecting that at some point the economy is gonna pick up a bit but when you consider the nimrod that was re-elected into office maybe there's no hope at all? After all in his world all the taxpayers money should go to teachers, they need more money, more healthcare, and more pension, it is an incestuous relationship. But that's not what I started out to write about, it's the economy stupid! We are getting close to making an announcement on the future of the mag and we expect it to be an ongoing force in harleydom and motorcycling in Ontario for years to come but we again have to call on our readers, who continue to profess their love for the mag and having explained above how the business model works, to have you tell our advertisers that you saw their ads in the mag, that you are patronizing them because of their adverts, or better still telling non advertisers that you only support those who support your mag. Like I said future management will never get rich but they will do it because
they love doing it and I will walk away from an enormous amount of money owing to myself in order to see the mag continue and have a chance to carry on the legacy and perhaps insanity that has become the riders mag over the past 13 volumes. Having said that it is again our anniversary, who knew back in 1998 and 1999 while we were planning the mag and doing research as to exactly how to do the things we take for granted for all these years now our expectation was not to be around after this many years. We must be doing something right when you consider the number of failures that have occurred over that time and the existence of only publications that are heavily subsidized by the taxpayers and generally speaking nobody really cares about because they are too bland and politically correct for anyone to find interesting but neutral enough to attract corporate ad dollars to fulfill those contractual obligations to their respective dealerships. We have tried to do a good job and have taken the various complaints to heart and made efforts over the years to improve the product, there have been occasions where singular complaints have been ignored but honestly if everyone is telling us they love something and one single voice tells us they hate it then my educated guess is that one individual has an agenda or an axe to grind. I usually tell those types, don’t like it? Start your own mag! Just to scratch a few events off of my backlog list as we were unable to get any of our contributors to attend some of the advertised events last fall. This happens from time to time as we rely on a group of 6 or 7 volunteer contributing writers to cover events and they do have families and lives and sometimes just are not available to cover some assignments that we request them to appear for. A few of those events with our apologies in advance are the Kitchener Harley-Davidson customer appreciation day Sept 17, B.R.O. Niagara Scavenger hunt also on Sept 17, Across the Roads Fall Poker Run Sept 24, Welland County Motorcycle Club Awards Banquet and Blue Balls Run Nov 13 & 15, Rocky’s Harley-Davidson Ladies Night Nov 17, Clare's HarleyDavidson of Port Dover midnight madness sale Nov 19, Kitchener HarleyDavidson Ladies Night Nov 30, and finally Rocky’s Harley-Davidson Men's night Dec 1. We are still looking for some feature bikes to shoot on both our southwestern Ontario feature shoot trip the last weekend of April and a planned eastern Ontario swing which we hope to do in early May although no dates are planned at this point for those trips. I know a few of you have responded to the call and I have not yet replied, have no fear I hope to get caught up in early March but we are looking for ladies and there have been a few who have expressed an interest you know who you are just give us a call and we can work out some dates and times. So we need vintage bikes and ladies for our two feature shoot swings so step up and get your names on our list.
THE BROTHERS OF THE BLADE, MC WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS OUR APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED US AND OUR WORK SUPPORTING W.I.S.H. AND THE DEVELOPMENTALLY HANDICAPPED. “YOUR EFFORTS ARE APPRECIATED”
THE RIDER’S MAG
One a final note before I wind this 13th anniversary rant up, we have made it half way through the newly expanded indoor show schedule so far this year and march is gonna be challenging with three shows in 4 weekends and that wrap up the big shows for another year. So come on out and see us at the World of Motorcycles Expo in Kitchener March 10-11, the Spring Show March 17-18 (formerly in mid April), and the National Motorcycle and Tattoo show March 31-April 1. We then have Easter and a Friday the 13th the second of the year of 3. I hope to announce next month that we will be doing the shirt thing in Dover but cannot until I confirm all of our sponsors are on board. Look for that announcement amongst others in next month's mag. Until then see you out there on the road.
Red Devils MC Poker Run The Red Devils MC put together a well organized smooth parade style ride, youâ€™d think these guys have been doing it forever, well maybe not forever but they have been around for more than 60 years. Parade style rides can definitely be impressive, I have been on a few that number in the 100â€™s of bikes and they are impressive to onlookers, and for the rider if it is a relatively short ride it's great to participate in but if it's a long haul with a number of stops it can be a huge pain in the ass. The Devils figured out a few years ago that groups of 50 or so with the appropriate road captains and requisite blockers close behind can make riding a distance seem like a short ride as you virtually never stop anywhere, the road captain directs the blockers to the corners as the pack rides through and if it's done right your feet never actually touch the asphalt as at most you slow down through intersections and turns. Of course this is only possible in an outside the city environment as well so the majority of the Red Devils runs in recent years have focused on rides through the Peninsula on the lake Erie side where they have a large number of members who are well versed with the country roads, all of this combines to make this ride one of the truly great parade style rides. This year's event rolled out of the Clubhouse in 3 separate groups of 50 bikes each, when I arrived the first group had already headed out on the route, the second was just preparing to leave and I was grouped into the third load. And it wasn't because I was late either, I have been on time or early more than ever in the last year, it must be old age catching up with me or something. Our third group headed out on a smooth ride out of the city heading south for our first stop mid peninsula at a bar in Smithville with a rather large parking lot, here I got the sense of the full ride as the first group had not yet left for the next stop so as we all filed in for cards, drinks or whatever the first group headed out on their way, followed by the second group which included our long time supporter of the mag Dave Smye on his newest ride, a silver street glide. It was great to see Dave out on a ride, and yes we will get around to updating the art in his outside back cover that has been on the planning board for a few years now. The next stop was on the shores of Lake Erie in Dunnville where we had the usually expected visit of the local constabulatory mooching around looking for Lord knows what other than taking down a bunch of license plate numbers that have already been taken down a thousand times before. I guess they think they are earning their pay, of course from our perspective they are just wasting tax payer dough. Another card, a cold drink and before I knew it we were on our way. Group one had actually left the location before we even arrived and group two left while we were getting cards and beverages, so we piled out of the old hotel and to our respective bikes for the ride to the next stop which was Suck Bang Blow a sometimes advertiser supporter of the mag. I know we are all suffering through these tough
times and appreciate whatever support we can garner even if it's only a few half pages a year. I had the chance to get a few picks of the entire gaggle of bikes in the parking lot at S.B.B. and that was all as the first group was quickly on its way to the last stop of the ride. It was a nice sunny day and when you could catch the sun without the breeze it was pretty decent but if definitely wasn't the warmest day in mid September but most of us dressed accordingly. As the last of our group got their cards and I curiously watched a few eating which completely baffled me knowing that our next and last stop was the Galley in Hamilton another sometime advertiser who in years gone by ran ads for a bike night on their humongous deck on the Southside of the building has the best damn roast beef in Hamilton and that was on the menu for this evening. Well it wasn't my job to worry about some boneheads who ordered food on the ride knowing what was in store I had been salivating in anticipation for the last few stops and knowing that proprietor Doug had laid on a supply of my favourite Corona (I like to think in my honour) I had a lot to look forward to even if the line-up to get to the lunch counter was long. The gals in the kitchen know me well as I have been having lunch at the galley every issue of every magazine for the past nearly 14 years. They also know I sang the praises of the dinner arrangements last year after the Red Devils tried this out for the first time finding it to be a huge success immensely popular not to mention delicious. With all due respect to the guys who have flipped burgers at the house for all the previous years, the girls in the kitchen at the galley hit you with a full meal with meat, potatoes, veggies and a roll on the side, not to mention them nice looking servers bopping around bringing refills of our favourite drinks.
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eater like me. I sat down with fellow rider and long time friend Nelly and told him I didn't think I could possibly make it through all that food, but to no one's surprise except my own, I looked down and the plate was empty, wow!
Just as I was ordering up another beer, the winners were about to be announced so I let out a yell to wait till I got my hands on my camera and rolled myself out of my seat and over to the stage where the winners were being announced and awarded their trophies, the citizen winner was Steve M with a straight and the Member winner was Sterling with 4 sixes, wow some good pickin if I do say so myself.
(905)547-8989 1123 MAIN ST. E. Hamilton, Ontario So once I got my card I joined the line-up for food, having the opportunity to shoot the shit with those around us and the girls in the kitchen as I approached. I pointed out that none of the cheapskates ahead of me were giving them any tips so I said I'd try to start a trend and leave a $5 tip. The resulting pile of food heaped on my plate looked daunting even to a big
As you can tell this is another of my favourites, and whenever I am in town I try to take in this ride. I only assign it to someone else when I cannot do it myself and in those cases I am usually out of town or even out of the country. This one goes around mid September every year and if you like a well organized ride with great food at the finale, check this one out.
YEAH I’M TO FUCKIN LAZY TO PICK UP THE RIDERS MAG MAIL ME A YEARS WORTH FOR THE COST OF POSTAGE CANADA: $27.00 CDN, U.S.A.: $30.OO U.S.D. INTERNATIONAL: $60.00 CDN
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P.O. BOX 80034 APPLEBY STATION, BURLINGTON, ONT L7L 6B1 THE RIDER’S MAG
World of Motorcycles Expo, Hamilton 2012 I first learned that there was a Hamilton bike show in the works back in October of last year or so, in conversation with World of Motorcycles Expo Boss Dino who had taken over full control of the shows last year. It was exciting to think that a regional show was finally coming to my hometown, it had been talked about for years and of course I speculated as to where they could hold such an event. What I didn't know was that they had converted the old cameco building at Aberdeen and Longwood into the Careport center. I used to pass by the plant back then it was cameco or g.e. or maybe both, I did know some guys who worked there. I figured that Hamilton would be a great spot for an event and Dino and Derek from Expo Inc. were optimistic about the possibilities and the response for the show and location. Because I had not enlisted anyone to help in the booth at the show and it was set to open early on Friday I elected to set up on Thursday afternoon when I had finished my deliveries as I wasn't planning to attend the show until after dinner on Friday. I rolled in after dinner with my kids in tow to experience their first bike show, working with dad and handing out some mags and just learning a little. I was quite surprised that the parking lot was quite full and there was a good crowd inside the building. When we made it to our booth I was further surprised to find that many of the mags that I had laid out on the table the night before were gone, always a good sign of a successful show. I went in search of Dino whom I had seen wandering in the building earlier as I had some other business to discuss with him, he said by way of explanation that he was disappointed that many of those
THE RIDERâ€™S MAG
who committed to setting up displays at the show were no shows. They were after all locals from Hamilton and Niagara area who likely stood to gain quite a bit from a successful show in Hamilton, he said that he should have taken deposits on the space as without skin in the game they backed out without consequences. The show went on until 10 pm on Friday night but the crowd was definitely thinning after the 9pm hour and the girls were starting to get restless and giving in to their impulses to buy things so I got them some fudge and we hit the road for home calling it a night. On Saturday the parking lot was as full as it could be, the building had a large area of the lot cordoned off with construction fence as they were doing some sort of work on the other end of the building and a lot of materials and trailers were in the yard, they may even have been finishing off the conversion of the building from a industrial plant to a exhibition hall I am not sure. I do know I had to drive around a bit before I found parking close to the doors and when senior showed later he parked along ways away which was not good for a guy who had trouble walking. We had to haul more mags into the show on Saturday as the mags went quickly on Friday and when we arrived on Saturday what remained from the initial load was pretty much history, fortunately I had loaded up with more mags to have sufficient on hand which we easily moved in with a dolly. Again the crowed was impressive for a first ever show in Hamilton and I can say that it was not surprising to see many of the same faces that I would expect to see at other events in the area had turned up to check out the new event and also to show their CONTINUED ON PAGE 12
World of Motorcycles Expo, Hamilton 2012 support to the event organizers and the vendors. Although there were those who elected to ditch the show and their commitment to come and display their bikes or merchandise there were quite a few there who are regular advertisers in the mag including, Clare’s Harley-Davidson of Niagara, MacKesy Smye Lawyers, Boot Hill Hearse, Forever Free Motorcycle Hearse, Highway 22 Action Trailer Sales, Stoney Creek Choppers, Talisman Motorcycle Luggage, Purple Slice, and the Fabulous Fenwick Lions. Dave Smye of MacKesy Smye was on hand on Friday night for the show and both John and Randy Clare were on hand in the Clare’s booth. I know not all the vendors were happy with the results of the show but there are some that I have encountered over the years who very seldom seem to be happy but there were also those who were content and I know that we have always judged the success of an event by the number of mags that we move over the course of the show and I know we moved 50% more than we expected but the book having come out that Thursday certainly helped with that cause. There was a live auction at the show as well, in the past these have gone live and on line at the same time and I heard the auctioneer from my booth and headed over there to check it out and get a few pics there was about a half a dozen bikes up for sale amongst some other stuff. One interesting thing that went on all weekend long right next to our booth was the expert rider retired police trainer. He rode his modified roadking (with H faring) in very tight circles at very slow speeds. It was very impressive and he did this exercise
THE RIDER’S MAG
about every couple of hours and I know he is teaching through a variety of venues, the Harley dealers are offering this training as well as some colleges. All in all I found it to be a well attended show for a first attempt and both Dino and Derek were adamant that they were happy with the results from this first effort and they will be back with the show next year and despite the blizzard conditions on Sunday afternoon the show was well attended and Hamilton came out and showed its support, let's hope that the vendors and show bike guys show theirs next year. This year's winners were: COMPETITION CLASS:3. Sonny Park´s 2009 Suzuki, 2. Andrew Morrisey´s 2007 Yamaha, 1. Joe Carriere´s 1979 Yamaha Cafe Racer, ASIAN STREET; 3. Sonya McTavish, 2008 Suzuki, 2. Michale Guilbault, 1981 Viraco, 1. Mary Hebert, 2008 Honda Shadow, AMERICAN TOURING; 3. Kevin Ellix, 1998 Harley, 2. Grant Dollines, 2004 Harley, 1. Ray Roy, 2008 Harley Ultra Glide, VINTAGE; 3. Louis Bari, 1901 Thomas, 2. Louis Bari, 1912 Flying Merkel, 1. Russ Thachuh 1954 Harley Panhead, ASIAN CUSTOM; 2. Paul Wooley, 2009 Suzuki, 1. John Cosentini, 2005 Yamaha Indian Larry Tribute, CUSTOM BAGGER; 2. Gordon Jack, 2007 Road Glide, 1. Philip Simeonidis, 2006 Street Glide, Super Charged, CUSTOM; 3. Roger Rossatto, 1977 Pro Street Sportster, 2. Gary Beisel, 1971 Norton Chopper, 1. Wayne Burfes, 2006 Shovel Chopper, RADICAL; 3. Roger Rossatto, 2004 Custom, 2. Stoney Creek Choppers, 2004 Yamaha Custom, 1. Stoney Creek Choppers, Reaper, MOLSON PEOPLES´ CHOICE; Philip Simeonidis
JOKE PAGE Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If Wile E. Coy ote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Why, Why, Why
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
And my FAVORITE.........
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental CONâ€™T ON PG 16
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
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WHAT’S SHAKIN “WORLD OF MOTORCYCLES EXPO SPECIAL”
Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Jazz Band from 1-5pm (905)547-8989 EVERY WEDNESDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989 Frankie's Bar & Grill in Mount Hope is has ALL DAY breakfast and mixed pool league for more info please call (905)679-3778
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EVERY THURSDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has their ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 EVERY FRIDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)679-3778 EVERY SATURDAY Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has cheap drinks (905)547-8989
Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and Karaoke (905)679-3778
EVERY MONDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast and pound and pint night (905)679-3778 EVERY TUESDAY Frankie's in Mount Hope has Karaoke (905)679-3778
EVERY SUNDAY Frankie's Bar and Grill in Mount Hope has ALL DAY breakfast (905)6793778 Across The Roads at 1123 Main St. E. in Hamilton has Free Pool and cheap drinks (905)547-8989 MONTHLY EVENTS FEB 26th Big Al's Annual Swap Meet at the Dundas Community Center 10 Market St. South Dundas 10am-3pm for more info please call(905)746-7077
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MAR 4th Avinston Motorcycle Swap Meet 10am-3pm at the Alvinston Community Centre Complex at the junction of Nauvoo Rd (Hwy #79) at Morrell St. for more info please call (519)845-0239 MAR 10th Clare's Harley Davidson 590 York Rd Niagara on the Lake and Clare's Hwy #20 in Fenwick is having their Spring Open House great deals coffee and donuts door prizes and much more for more info please call (905)684-4647 MAR 10th-11th World of Motorcycle Expo at Bingemans in Kitchener
WHATâ€™S SHAKIN admission is $15 for more info please call (519)319-5339 MAR 15th Rocky's Harley Davidson in London is having Boot camp for New Riders 6:30pm-9pm its everything you need to know MAR 17th-18th International Spring Motorcycle Supershow International Centre Toronto Sat 10am-9pm Sun 10am-5pm MAR 21st Clare's Harley Davidson 590 York Rd Niagara on the Lake is having a Garage party for Women 6:30pm-8:30pm rsvp to www.garageparty.ca
APR 28th Welland County Motorcycle Club is having their Annual Poki-Barbi-Dan MAY 6th Fort Erie Swap meet for more info please call (905)651-5233 Sam's Montrose at 8675 Montrose Rd. Niagara falls is having Niagara HOG Poker Run for more info please call (905)374-4544 MAY 20th Kawartha Bikers Church is holding their 2nd annual Bike Blessing, Come be part of the
MAR 22nd Kitchener Harley Davidson is having a Garage party for Women 6:30pm-9:30pm rsvp to www.garageparty.ca MAR 29th Rocky's Harley Davidson in London is having a Garage party for Women 6:30pm9:30pm rsvp to www.garageparty.ca MAR 31st-APR 1st 31st Annual National Motorcycle and Tattoo Show at the Better Living Centre Exhibition Place Toronto Saturday 10am-9pm Sunday 10am-5pm for more info please call (705)778-2275 APR 5th Kitchener Harley Davidson in London is having Boot camp for New Riders 6:30pm9pm its everything you need to know APR 13th It's Friday the 13th APR 21st Hamilton Biker's Church Swap Meet and Information Day 2799 Barton Street East (between Lake Ave and greys Rd.) 10am3pm admission $5 all proceeds Send a Kid to Camp fund for more info please call pastor Ken (905)547-8580 Riders Ride fundraiser for MS Vein Surgery at the Rankin Community Centre Hwy 41 Pembroke 9am-9pm show and shine swap meet food and much more contact firstname.lastname@example.org
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illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. SMART ARSE ANSWERS 6th Place It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. 'What are my choices?' the man asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. 5th Place A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket - not your stub.' 4th Place A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and CONTINUED ON PAGE 27
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but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.' 3rd Place The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said. The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. 2nd Place A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab And said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?' The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!' SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand’
Phone: (905) 631-5890 Toll Free 1-877-631-5890 Fax: (905) 333-0213 Email: email@example.com Website: www.theridersmag.com Webmaster: Cyberbiker Publisher: Alex J.R. MacRae Editor in Chief : J.B. Ballantine X-Computer Geek : Robert Edgington Eastern Ontario/Western Quebec Rep: Beau Rooney 613-295-4444 G.T.A. North Rep: Rick Davis 905-853-1163 Southwestern Ontario: Tim Armstrong 519-252-9631 For Advertising Information or Rate Card Please Contact The Publisher, Editor or Sales Reps Contributing Writers : Pastor Dave Neals, Rick Davis, Jonathon Musson, Danni, Scarry Larry, Rosaire Tisdale. Contributing Cartoonist: Critter Contributing Babysitters: Grandma Vickie, Grandma MacRae, Grandma Ballantine, Glady Printed By : Canweb Printing Inc. Grimsby, Ontario Printed in Canada The contents of this magazine are copyrighted and remain the property of “The Rider’s Mag”
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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) Wow! What a winter! Very little snow and I couldn’t be happier! I’ve never been a fan of winter or winter sports of any kind and in my World the best place for ice is in a glass of rum. Now with deadline looming (OK past looming!) and not a single thing written, cartoon drawn or picture downloaded from my camera, my two dogs (Captain and Morgan) and I along with a beverage or two made from a namesake of my dogs are holed up in my studio with the blinds closed tight so we don’t see the crap that’s happening outside and while trying to field the constant nagging e mails from boss man JR. wondering when he’s going to receive my monthly offerings and trying to knock off something that I hope might be interesting to our readers while trying to keep myself busy and out of trouble for the weekend. Hey, I can live with it! It has been a great winter thus far and I ‘m cooped up in here anyways as JR has my place bugged with GPS shit or other tracking devices and knows if I go out and the nagging just intensifies along the threats of severe bodily harm should I fail to deliver! I have been out and about in Critter Country and getting to as many places as I can. I was invited to The PDR clubhouse and joined with numerous clubs, friends and family to help celebrate L Ron and Heather’s combined 50th birthday party recently. I was happy to get a chance to mingle and meet with friends that I don’t get to see that often, like long time Red Devil, Felix, and catch up on what is happening in their World. I have had to miss a few things lately like The Brothers of The Blade Throttle Itch party and St. Valentine’s day parties as scheduling conflicts do happen. There are going to be even more conflicts as there are so many shows all crammed into the next couple of months and I’m going to be busy, real busy. My trike project is still on the go but is still in the planning stage and the search continues for parts and other stuff.
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Just to be clear, while many of the planning sessions revolve around social activities that may or may not involve beer, (And some of you out there might have picked up on the fact that I do tend to exaggerate on occasion!) when we get down and dirty and the wrenches and power tools and weapons of mass destruction come into play we take it seriously and booze isn’t a part of the process, but can be a reward for a day’s work completed. I have discontinued my Thursday Riders Nights at Big Daddy’s in Newmarket until the riding season resumes in the Spring. The London Motorcycle Show This show has been a favourite of mine since Larry Pooler used to run it way back before the heat from law enforcement and local politics put an end to it. But it has been reborn under the new management (Rocky’s HarleyDavidson and many sponsors) and is alive and vibrant and deserving of its place in the World of Motorcycle events. Our Riders Mag crew has been plagued with health issues of late and I was asked to help out at this show and I jumped at the chance to come. Our beloved Senior is ailing but according to JR the technology exists and he is being rebuilt and will soon emerge as the new and improved model with bionic parts that will make Lee Majors green with envy and the ladies either running for cover or crowding closer and I won’t be able to keep up with him unless I get the much needed repairs to my knee. He will be Super Senior! Tim is also having problems that while they can be fixed it wouldn’t be happening in time for this show so the bosses were forced to bring the second string into the game and by default, I ended up coming to London on the Friday morning with the Black Bitch loaded with some of The Demon CONTINUED ON PAGE 22
This month's feature guy is Bernie, his brother Jim had stepped up with his Panhead when we put the call out for some vintage bikes and we had shot another pan that morning and Bernie rode in and was also nice enough to bring along his daughters to model on the two bikes. It worked out quite nicely as older brother Jim was an integral part of Bernie's taking up riding. Jim brother had bikes, not only did he have bikes but he often bought bikes and fixed them up and sold them afterwards, he did a lot of rdriding and had been through a number of women finally settling in on the 3 try. Bernie on the other hand got married had kids and lived a happy life together with his family. Bernie had picked himself up a 700cc metric bike, he was telling me that they were popular back in the mid 80â€™s when there were some laws discouraging larger displacement engines. I recall these times as there was also a surcharge on large displacement car engines as well and pricing for plates was
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based on the displacement of the engine under the hood. He wasnâ€™t to specific on exactly when he got his 699cc motorcycle but he did say it was a 1985 model and he was riding that bike back in about 2005 when brother Jim stopped by riding his latest acquisition a 1970 nose cone
Brotherly Shovelhead looked all over for a sharp looking windshield but found that the one that he has on the bike was the only model available that was a straight bolt on to the bike and didn’t require any modification at all, others required significant mods. Over time Bernie wanted to get the engine up to specs and obtained a set of cylinder heads and a set of brand new .060 over pistons and rings. The barrels had already been bored oversize so when they pulled the top end off the engine leaving the connecting rods in place removing the pistons at the wrist pins then replacing the pistons and rings. Bernie says they had a time finding a ring compressor that came apart so they could slide the barrels over the rings and remove the compressor. With that completed and the tins painted by a friend of Jims from Ohio Bernie says the his bike was just where he wanted it to be and was ready to take some rides. He says he was so proud of his bike that he took some pics of it to work to show to some of his pals and a guy from the other side of the shop came over and asked to see the pics, saying hey that's my old bike. He shovel. The bike needed some work for sure and they say it was running like a brick shithouse when Jim came by with it and Bernie says that his wife told him he should buy that bike from his brother as she knew he had always wanted a Harley. So Bernie gave Jim a call and said he wanted to buy the bike and Jim agreed to sell him the bike and also to help him out with rebuilding to make it more reliable and ride able. Some of the problems were glaring such as the carb and intake manifold being mismatched allowing a lot of air to get in below the carb and causing fuel mixture problems, not to mention significant electrical problems. Well the boys got right to work on fixing some of the obvious stuff that first year getting a proper card from the local shop that specializes in older Harley parts and also picking up a complete wiring harness for the bike at the same location. Bernie says that once the wiring harness was installed and the carb as well that the bike “ran way better” than it had before saying it was really difficult to kick it over but now it started real well. This began a collaboration between the brothers who started buying bikes together and fixing them up and selling them. Bernie says that a lot of the upgrades on his bike such as cutch cover and derby cover were off project bikes that he and Jim had bought over the past few years that he thought were sharp looking pieces that would look good on his ride. He picked up an original windshield for the bike as well saying that he had
had given that bike to his brother as an investment in a company they were forming and the brother had sold it to a dealer who in turn sold it to Bernie's brother Jim. His wife doesn't like to ride to much but Jim and his wife do a lot of riding and invited Bernie along on a ride to the Carolinas to a big biker bash that they go too often. Bernie says it was the best ride he ever had and after the event they headed over to Jims time share in Tennessee for a week catching a cold and rainy day in the 40’s to ride over. Once they thawed out Jim says he got a call from a buddy in Fort Wayne IN who invited them up for steaks and cold beer. Bernie says it was the longest ride he ever took in one day saying they only stopped for gas but it took 9 hours to ride the 500 miles from Gatlinburg to Fort Wayne. Bernie says he’s pretty proud of this bike and other than having it repainted does not have any plans to ever sell this bike as he has promised it to his daughter when he dies so he says he will keep riding it and enjoying, while rebuilding bikes on the side with his brother Jim SPECS ON PAGE 26
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Alzheimer T shirts that were left over from my Show and Shines. I had set up the booth (Or cluttered it up again according to JR.) as best I could until the bosses arrived in the afternoon and we completed the task together before taking off for lunch, getting settled into our rooms and engaging in some chatter before returning for the opening of the show at 5:00 PM. The evening was slow, attendance wise, as the weather had taken a turn for the worse and would definitely be a factor but this is a much loved, and anticipated event that motorcycle enthusiasts from the area will go through
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Hell and high water, shit, snow mud or crud, to attend, if not tonight, tomorrow, or Sunday but there was no doubt in my mind that they would come. This show has a comfortable feel to it, that isn’t entirely related to the fact that you can walk around with your choice of beverage from the bars but has always had a much more relaxed, comfortable, friendly, familiar, easy going vibe to it than I’ve gotten from other shows and it remained from start to finish. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is that sets it apart but it is distinct and discernible right through to the awards ceremonies but it is real. The organizers seem intent on providing more than just a display of fine looking motorcycles, custom, stock, vintage and everything in between including some really rare motorcycles and scooters but put an emphasis on entertainment. CON’T ON PAGE 30
Blackhawks MC Show & Shine The Black Hawks show and shine is the last published bike riding event of the year, happening this year on a cold, bleak, dreary, wet, and otherwise miserable Sunday October 9th. When beautiful gorgeous sunny warm magnificent days this summer weren’t so well attended this year, it’s no surprise that this event wasn’t a huge success; however, just like all previous years, the work involved to make it a success, and the volume of kindly donated new biker gear has increased each year. Always at Frankie's bar and grill in Mount Hope, there were enough door prizes for 50 people to walk away with something – stuff as varied as Harley baseball caps, to Leather chaps, a large socket set, to a historic motorcycle wall curio. How much you say? $10 for the coloured stick it notes to judge the bikes on, and get your chance at a door prize, $10 got you an arms length of tickets for the 50/50. Food’s always good at Frankie's, drinks are cold (or hot) and being just above Hamilton, it’s pretty much equidistant from Toronto as it is from Niagara Falls – easy to get to, and only about an hour’s ride. Probably, like me, you had your fall jobs all listed out in front of you, and the thought of braving the misty kind of rain that was falling wasn’t much fun - it’s understandable (even I decided to take the van). I may not have been in the peak of health. Out in the parking lot, 15 bikes were parked. Last year, there had to be close on 80. The year before, probably about the same, but there’s been several cold, wet October weekends that the show and shine has had a greater turn out than this. Did they make up for it in warmth, good times, good food, and fast friendship? SURE. Being so few bikers there that day, it was absolutely guaranteed that anyone who bought the ticket would walk away with a door prize, absolutely certain that anyone who entered a bike would win a prize (some were more certain than others, like the best paint – one bike entered, best antique – one bike, big twin – one entry). Have you ever washed, lathered, and sudsed up your bike, dried and polished it to gleaming magnificence, driven slowly, avoided the bugs and dust, lightly touched your bike up at the show grounds, smiled and proudly pointed to your bike in the line up, and got absolutely nothing for the effort but sun burn? Have you grumbled, and bitched about that afterwards. This was the show to have won at. They were all wet, all a bit muddy, and they all won! It’s not just bikers who go around admiring the bikes, Frankie's is just down the road from Hamilton airport – lots of people stop in here, and even though it was cold, and damp, plenty of people were there that day.
Sponsors for this event were of course Frankie’s bar, S.B.B., Hank Dekoning’s butchers, Clare’s HD out on the far side of St. Catharines, Classic Leather, Brass Pole Accessories, Poole’s Cycle, and several of the Black Hawks membership. Offshore Stock: Bob. Offshore Cruiser: Nobody. Offshore Sport: Nobody.
Harley ! BSA ! Norton ! Triumph
12 Carrying Place Road, Trenton, Ont. K8V 3E7
(613) 392-8433 www.makeitroar.com Offshore Custom 1st: Bruce, 2nd: Zoog, 3rd: Tric. Antique with a 1985 Suzuki: Andy, Sportster 1st: Rob, 2nd: Adam, 3rd: Bill. V-Twin Domestic Custom 1st: Albert, 2nd: Dan, 3rd: Mike…oh dear, seems we did have a single person who didn’t go away with a mug – Greg. Sorry Greg. V-Twin Domestic Sport 1st: Doc. Big Twin Stock 1st: Jim, 2nd: Reb, 3rd: Ted. Best Paint: the gorgeous Michelle best looking girl in the place, and the bike’s pretty awesome with a silvery grey snakeskin paint job.
Teddy Bear was one of the tabulators of show results, sitting on the registration table with Terry, who was hobbling about with a cane (reasonably so, since she was t-boned on her bike in June by some guy who didn’t see her). Bob was present of course - I see him all over the place, he rides a red drifter (that Indian lookalike). Also around were Albert, Marty, and Reb, as well as about 25 others – chances of winning a door prize? Unparalleled – I won one of the fold up beer cooler chairs. If you’re passing by Hamilton airport, stop in at Frankie's just up the road in Mount Hope, and maybe you’re looking for a nice group of bikers to join.
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Niagara HOG Dice Run to Biketoberfest by Rose T. After two small turnouts for Niagara HOG’s May and August Poker Runs because of rainy, cool weather, we finally got a great day for a ride around the Niagara Peninsula. Over 150 riders met at the Boathouse in Chippawa to register for the Dice Run to Biketoberfest. For people who have never done a dice run, it’s simple. You register for $5.00 and roll the bones for the best total score of 5 dice. Some people came in around 10:30 to have breakfast and to roll their first 3 dice with Rick I. At high noon, Carmen led the pack out of Chippawa to B.R.O. field on Young St. out in the countryside. Thanks to our brothers, entertainment, food and
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drinks were available for the group. Riders rolled their last two dice to get their total score. From B.R.O., the group rode out around Welland to Fenwick. Thanks to Bruce B. of Niagara HOG and the Lions for the preferred parking behind the stage in the area of the Show and Shine. I’m sure someone will write an article about Biketoberfest. It was a perfect day and the attendance was over the top this year making it difficult to ride through the crowd to the parking area. Bruce assured us that the Lions’ Club is looking at changes for next year to make it easier for traffic flow in and out. The winners of the Dice Run were Al Riley with the lowest score of 5 and the big winner of a beautiful HD wall clock from Clare’s was Darlene Terryberry with the high score of 27. Congratulations to the winners and a big thanks to B.R.O. and everyone who joined us for the run. Hope to see a large number of riders on the first Sunday in May for our Spring Poker Run. Go well.
Clare’s Christmas Open House by Rosaire On Saturday December 3, Clare’s Harley Davidson of Niagara hosted their annual Open House and it was a busy place. Santa made a cameo appearance to see all the good boys and girls buying Christmas gifts, like H. D. ornaments, for each other and enjoying the festive atmosphere. The maintenance shop was open for a walk-about. Brother’s Keeper had a display inviting riders to their first annual Burn Run on June 9th. The Fabulous Fenwick Lion’s Club had tickets on sale for their annual bike draw. This year, being their 10th anniversary, they have a beautiful Screaming Eagle that will be raffled off at Biketoberfest, and I have already bought the winning ticket. Niagara HOG was in their usual corner and had plenty of finger food available. They were
We accept paper or plastic SUPPORT SHIRTS $30 EACH ___ TEE
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selling tickets on a H.D. t-shirt quilt that was raffled of the next week-end at their annual Christmas dinner/dance. The proceeds from their annual fund raiser goes to Camp Huronda, a juvenile diabetes camp for young people to help learn how to deal with their diabetes. A $5000 donation was made to the Canadian Diabetes Society, Camp Huronda, that afternoon. With three Friday the Thirteens in 2012, Niagara HOG will be making one more and probably their last t-shirt quilt. Many thanks to Clare’s of Port Dover, the Port Dover Legion, the Norfolk, Angelo’s, the Surf Shop, Rider’s Mag and On the Fringe for donating Friday the 13th t-shirts that will be made into a one-of-akind quilt. John and Randy Clare were pleased to see the number of people coming and going and wished everyone a Merry Christmas and Healthy Harley New Year.
Support Shirts LONG SLEEVE ___ $35 S___ M___ L ___ XL ___
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Cheque, Money order ___ CROP TOP SPAGHETTI T-Shirt w/capor Credit Card accepted sleeves ___ LADIES SUPPORT STRAP ___
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Fighting for your Rights with Scary Larry
Brotherly Shovelhead Owner: Bernie R. City: Essex, ON General Year & Make: 1970 Model: FLH Electra Glide Assembly by: H-D Value: Unknown Time: 6 years Engine Year: 1970 Model: Shovelhead Builder: H-D Rebuilder: Owner Displacement: 74 C.I. Lower end: H-D Pistons: H-D .060 over Rods: H-D Flywheels: H-D Balancing: H-D Cylinders: H-D bored .060 over Cases: H-D Heads: H-D Valves: H-D Cam: H-D Lifters: H-D Ignition: Electronic Coils/Wires: H-D Carb: Bendix Air Cleaner: H-D Pipes: Two into one
Stretch: None Swing Arm: H-D Rear Suspension: H-D Accessories Handlebars: H-D Risers: H-D Ignition Switch: H-D Controls: H-D Seat: Mustang two up SignalsL: H-D Faring: Beaded Windshield Tailight: H-D Oil Tank: H-D Gas Tank: H-D Front Pegs: H-D Boards Foot Controls: Forward Electrics: Aftermarket Wiring Harness Grips: H-D Mirrors: H-D Headlight: H-D Sealed Beam Speedometer: H-D Primary Cover: Chrome Front End Type: FL Year: 1970 Builder: H-D Extension: None
Transmission Year: 1970 Type: 4 Speed Shifting: foot Clutch: H-D Gears: H-D Primary Drive: H-D
Wheels Front Size: 16” Type: Laced Tire: Dunlop Brake: H-D Drum Fender: H-D
Painting Colour: Black
Rear Size: 16” Type: Laced Tire: Dunlop Brakes: H-D Drum Fender: H-D
Frame Builder: H-D Type: FLH Rake: H-D
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The following statement may prove to be controversial but nevertheless, IMHO it is reality! THE ONTARIO CONFEDERATION of CLUBS IS THE ONLY ORGANIZATION ACTIVELY WORKING TO PROTECT THE RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS OF ONTARIO BIKERS!! Oh sure, there are other organizations out there that profess they represent Ontario motorcyclists (catchy word, EH?) but when it pertains to patch holders, they fall far short of that lofty ambition. I respect their right to exist, but what I do not respect is their complacency! An affliction not affecting the OCC or any of their members Ollie, you can bet your beanie on it!! Once again, the OCC is poised to venture into virgin territory by hosting a conference to inform, update and provide solutions to its membership regarding the harassing tactics being foisted upon our right to roll our wheels ‘unimpeded’ in the Province of Ontario. The event promises to be the first of its kind in Ontario and is certainly destined to become an annual event. Although the conference is exclusive to the membership of the OCC, updates and snippets will surely appear as content in future articles - either here or as part of Critter’s commentaries. These events, like the OCC Unity Ride and the OCC Conference, are advancements in our ongoing commitment to rail against the forces determined to suppress bikers’ rights in Ontario and our resolve to provide a conduit for information vital to YOUR lifestyle. Speaking of enlightenment – It’s the 4th anniversary of the OCC- HOV campaign launch!! Since February 2008, the OCC has been actively pursuing the Ontario Government to allow single-rider access to HOV lanes on Ontario’s 400-series highways. Recently BRO Ontario’s Gazoo sent me an article, written by Stu Seaton and published in the December 2011 issue of Motorcycle Mojo magazine, wherein Mr. Seaton echoed and illuminated the very reasons for our stand on this issue. Freakin’ A, Stu! It appears that our campaign is gaining momentum – perhaps the current Minister of Transport in Ontario (who has been very vocal concerning recent preventable fatal accidents, including the worst traffic accident in Ontario’s history) will reconsider past MTO flawed decisions and reach the obvious conclusion - allow single rider access to the HOV lanes and possibly prevent additional highway fatalities. Mr. Minister – it’s a no-brainer when you consider that a disproportionate amount motorcycle accidents end with the death of a biker! Agree with our stand? Sign our petition at http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/occ/ or visit the OCC booth at the National Motorcycle Show.
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Show & Shine, Swap Meet Bar, Food, Prizes, 50-50 Draw $12 Advance, $15 at the door Rankin Community Centre Hwy 41, Pembroke Ontario firstname.lastname@example.org
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has Been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words That were used to put the curse
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289-808-9190 on you.' The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records. A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll Take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
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Thanks for the Mammeries the breasts of Volume 13
World of Motorcycles Expo, London 2012 There was a great display of Norton’s, and some fine looking Triumphs and just about everything in the realm of Classic motorcycles. This show attracts a huge array of vendors offering everything from clothing, to leather goods to equipment and services. Many of our advertisers, like Tim and Tina from Triple K Upholstery, Nash from Leather King, Tina from Purple Slice and Action Trailers were set up and doing a great business throughout the run of the show. I wandered around and spotted George Winney from Forever Free Motorcycle Hearse with a fantastic display with his sidecar hearse and had to stop to talk. Just down the way and not to be outdone Boot Hill Hearse had their truly unique Trike with a trailer Hearse set up on display. They had a tattoo section, which seemed to be doing steady business throughout the show applying some pretty spectacular ink. Right across from our booth was a cordoned off section that had a large number of pylons set up that proved to be both entertaining and informative and attracted much attention through the course of the show. There a gentleman by the name of J.P. McArdle put his Harley through this course along with auditory, every hour and displayed unwavering riding skill and confidence that had the
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audience just shaking their heads and they showed their approval with a well-deserved round of applause after each and every fascinating demonstration. I had to find out what this was all about and went over to talk to Mr. McArdle who, it turns out was the head motorcycle instructor with the OPP until his retirement and then went on to work for Deely’s Harley-Davidson before going out on his own with his company, Professional Motorcycle Training out of St. Thomas. It had been a long day and we were there until closing at 10:00 Friday night and when our crew finally made our way out of the building we were hungry and tired and made our way to a restaurant for sustenance (Yes they served 50.) then back to the hotel where we held a meeting into the wee hours until the effects of several stiff shots of rye forced an adjournment and I made my way up the stairs to my room. I awoke the next morning to the realization that I did not properly establish my 7:00 AM wakeup call with the automated service (The effects of the rye I would presume.) arising at 8:00 AM instead and was forced to revise my well planned schedule that was to include a relaxed breakfast into a quick shower, shave, get dressed and head to the show grabbing a coffee and an egg McMuffin at McDonald’s on the way and still arriving later than I wanted to. I held down the fort alone until
World of Motorcycles Expo, London 2012 the afternoon crew arrived. The weather had turned from bad to worse and was definitely having an impact on attendance which for the best part of the morning was sparse but the snow stopped and the crowds swelled and things began to take shape. I wandered around with my trusty Nikon and tried to capture the flavour of the event while stopping to visit with friends, acquaintances and advertisers
night and continued still with no sign of relief. “This ought to make for an interesting drive home.” I thought to myself as I pulled into the parking lot at the rear of the building and positioned myself for an easy pack up and departure at shows end. Again the adverse weather conditions were impacting on attendance and it was slow for much of the morning. But as had happened the previous day, the snow stopped and the sun came out and so did the people. I wandered through getting shots of all the bikes, stopping along the way to talk to this one and that, one grabbing a beer and another of the amazing
along the way. This was swap meet time and there was a huge assortment of new and used parts available and an equally huge number of people anxious to scoop up the parts they needed at bargain prices. I strolled into the arena area where they were giving riding instruction to kids on a variety of dirt bikes on a great looking dirt track. Like I said the organizers go out of their way to provide more than just a show. It is an interactive 430 Snyders Road East event. Baden, ON N3A 2V7 The bike auction is always entertaining and a much Tel: (519) 634-9138 Ext 2 anticipated part of the show. Fax: (519) 634-9208 I made my way to the food court where I had to Is Proud to Introduce have one of their fantastic pulled pork sandwiches loaded up with those amazing fried onions and The 2012 Iron Horse Line of Motorcycle Trailers other garnishes that they definitely don’t skimp on. This brings me to another point that is seemingly The Widebody unique to this show. Sales and Rentals The price for food and beverages is reasonable if not downright good value! of The Widebody You don’t feel like you’ve been gouged and the meals are really enjoyable. The day flew by and soon it was time to leave. The snow had returned with a vengeance and the wind had picked up as we made our way out and back to the hotel. JR and JB treated me to an amazing dinner at the Keg and we again engaged in much chatter mostly about the Mag and its and our directions. I retired to my room much earlier than the previous night and this time did a proper job of setting my wakeup call. Sunday I woke with no issues, showered, cleaned up, packed up, loaded up and after a great breakfast headed for the show through the snow that had been falling relentlessly throughout the
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Cruising with Critter (Rants, Raves, Reviews, Reflections and Revelations of the Ribald and Rotund, but Recently Reduced, Rejuvenated, Renovated, Revamped, Roving Reporter) pulled pork sandwich before making my way back to the booth. The afternoon crew arrived and we devised our plans for the rest of the day which had JR and JB heading home early and me remaining behind to cover the awards portion of the show. As I said earlier in the article there is a really EMAIL FOR A FREE QUOTE relaxed laid-back atmosphere here and email@example.com the awards are done Scarborough ON with humour and style. or John 1-800-305-1797 They had two beautiful ladies from www.connerycustompaint.com young Action trailers serving as trophy girls and they did a fantastic job and really dressed up the shots of the winners. That done and the Black Bitch loaded I headed home well satisfied by what had been, a fun time and a great weekend. See you all in Kitchener. Molson People’s Choice, Rick Bigg’s 2006 Custom Chopper; Radical Custom, Rick Bigg 2006 Custom Chopper, Dave MacDonald Custom Chopper, Bill Miller Custom Chopper; Custom, Wayne Burgess 2006 Harley Chopper, Gary Geisel 1971 Norton Chopper, Steve Rowe 1992 FXR; Shovelhead, Frank Slater 1976 Harley Super Glide, Ken Isaac 1969 Harley Davidson, Kyle Green 2011 Custom Bobber; Street American, Bob Hetherington 2007 Harley Road King, Brian Forget 2004 Harley Sportster, Bill Nicholsen 1997 Harley Sportster; Vintage Pre-1965; Jeff Fligg 1949 BSA Star Twin, Ross Thompson 1959 BSA Clubman, 3. Geoff Doherty 1957 Royal E Vintage Post-1965; Kevin “R” 1967 Honda CB 450, Chris Ryan 1983 Honda CB 1100 F, Kevin “R” 1967 Honda CB-77, Vintage Post-1965 American; PD Restoration 1978 Harley, PD Restoration 1973 Harley Service Car, Vintage American; Louis Bari 1901 ER Thomas, Louis Bari 1912 Harley Davidson, Charlie & Don Alen 1949 Indian, Scooter; Simon Blastock 1966 Vesta Super, Bill Coulson 1952 Allstate Scooter, Shawn Watson 1979 Vespa P200E, Custom Bagger; Gordon Jack 2007 Harley Road Glid, Dave Rusch 2003 FLHT Custom, Touring American; Wayne Steeves, 2000 Harley Davidson Ultra Classic, Deb Hetherington 2010 Harley Street Glide, Ken Weeks 2002 Harley Road King, Custom American; Brad Poyser 2009 Harley Softail, Eli Morcos 2006 Harley Custom Fat Boy, Kirk Taylor 2003 Harley Custom Fat Boy, Touring Asian; Stephen Brighton 1997 Honda Goldwing, Les Pierce 1982 Honda Goldwing, Leo Roose 1989 Honda Goldwing, Custom Asian; Paul Woolley 2009 Suzuki, Scott Young 1979 CBX, Mark Ackert 2001 Suzuki GSXR, Street Asian; Trevor Fisher 2005 Yamaha V-Max, Blaine Young 2004 Honda VTX-1800, Ron Scheiding 2004 Honda Rune, Street Euro; John Stracuzza 2005 BMW K1200-LT, David Gooch 2002 Ducati ST2, Chris Purcell 2003 Ducati Monster, Triumph; PD Restoration 1966 Triumph, PD Restoration 1971 Triumph, Eamonn Cullen 1970 Triumph, Norton; Ross Thompson 1960 Norton 99 Deluxe, Geoff Doherty 1967 Norton 750 Atlas, Jack Harley 1969 Norton 750, Special Interest; Bruce Greeniaus 1947 Pixie, Mason Brittan 1950 CCM W 50 cc, Ben Coulson 1969 Rokon Trailbreaker, Competition; Bob McDonald 2010 Suzuki Dragbike, Chris Washburn 2006 Yamaha R6, Competition Dirt; Terry Wolf 1973 Penton 125, Bill Coulson 1967 Suzuki Bearcat, Chris Washburn 2006 Honda
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CRF 250 X Bruce “Mover” Cotey”, AOA 1%er- Forever Chapter While news of Movers death did not come as a surprise, as he had been ill for some time and we all knew that death was imminent, it was still a shock and a source of sadness. He was a solid member and wellliked and respected. He will be missed. And while I didn't receive a formal notification from the club about arrangements or what was being done until my brother, CB called me the morning of the funeral, I dropped what I was doing, cancelled plans and hooked up with him J-nut and friend Karen and we rode down together to the Funeral home on Weston Rd., in Toronto where the club was gathered for the memorial service and to escort their Brother on his last ride here on Earth to the crematorium and to induct him into the Outlaws, Forever Chapter and they did it in style. Just after we arrived Hank Brouwer pulled up out front and parked his amazing looking Boot Hill Hearse at the curb to await his passenger. This is such a classy looking rig that even the “Biker Squad” guys yelled their approval from their position across the road and the hearse became the subject of their photographic efforts, at least for a while. I wandered over and talked to Hank and his lovely wife for a while as I had not seen them since my show and shine at the 400 Market at the end ofAugust. They were as impressed with the Club and the respect that they showed and the way that they were treated, as the Club was with them and their amazing vehicle. For those who aren't familiar with this rig check out the ad in The Riders Mag or their website at www.boothillhearse.com . It is beyond classy! I wandered around, talking to guys I hadn't seen for some time and the subject always came back to that hearse and what an amazing send off this would be. It was said that if “Mover could sit up one more time and say one more thing, it would be something like; “I get to ride in that?????? Let's get going!” After what was an emotional and respectful service, it was now time for those who were “Mover's” family to take their brother on that last ride on this cold Autumn day through the streets of Toronto with a pack of bikes that would do him proud and set him on the road to eternity to ride with those already there and await the next inductee to the Forever Chapter. Then we rode back to the Toronto Clubhouse where we were treated to some fantastic food and there is always a 50 to be found here. I hung for a bit, wet my whistle, sated my appetite flapped my gums, took some pictures and then made for home. Ride on “Mover” Feb. 2, 1946 – Oct.17, 2011! L&R!
JOKE PAGE had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's Advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
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Patches, Stickers, Biker Pins, Rings & Jewellery Attendance call on the first day back at school in Brampton, Ontario ... Large Selection of T-Shirts & Hoodies and much more The teacher began calling out the names of the Visit us Online www.leatherking.ca pupils: 2822 HOWARD AVE. WINDSOR, ON 1-800-310-1389 "Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?" "Here." I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my "Achmed El Kabul?" $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my "Here." pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 "Fatima Al Chadoury? " "Here." "Abdul Alu Ohlmi? " "Here." "Mohammed Ibn Achrha?" "Here." "Mi Cha El Mey Er" Silence in the classroom. "Mi Cha El Mey Er" Including 6 Iron Heads, Evo Motors Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She repeated, Frames, Rolling Chassis "Is there any child Billet Aluminum Parts and much more here called Mi Cha El Mey Er ?" A boy arose and pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her said, discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she "Sorry teacher. I hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried... Why do I tell you this? Because of the think that's me. evolution in teaching math since the 1960s: 1. Teaching Math In 1960s (when I was in school) It's pronounc A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ? ed CONTINUED ON PAGE 37 Michael Meyer." The New, New Math
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DANNI’S TIMES The activities of winter are as busy as our riding season. You plan not to sit around and those plans are keeping me busy. Between Music and Roller Derby some of us ladies are really rocking...these weekends... What a wonderful world by Louis Armstrong. Our first excellent Concert of 2012 was the Atlantis Reunion. It was one of the most phenomenal concerts I have attended in a long time...It was a history lesson , I was not aware of its importance here in Toronto, do know now, and the music itself was so vibrating..Your body just moved all night..R & B went into your soul.. I now know why it was called Soul music....This Concert was a total success....In 1967 Atlantis was formed..over 300 Entertainers have played in this band ..Humber College has one of the greatest Jazz programs.. They would send their gifted students to Atlantis to play with the best...An entertainer who played with Atlantis was considered the best..in the music industry.. And it was not easy to get into the band..even if they were from Humber..they still had to audition.... I see trees of green, red roses too I see them bloom for me and you Some of the entertainers from this event ride along with us in our riding season..They do say, “ You never know who you are talking to.” Motorcycles held an important role in the music industry here back in the days...In Yorkville, I have been told...The regulars that kept Yorkville alive were the Bikers..they poured the money in..kept places open...It is believed people went to Yorkville because of two important factors...The fabulous entertainers..and the lifestyle of the Biker Culture at that time...The two were a culture trend...Yorkville was the breeding ground for some of Canada’s most noted musical talent... And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.. In 1969, Edjo, President of the Vagabonds MC...led 80 strong members riding - escorting John Lennon and Yoko Ono in the Eaton Limo (Timothy Eaton Limo)- to Varsity Stadium for the famous 1969- Live Peace in Toronto.....I have done research and cannot find pictures of this..If anyone knows of anyone with at least one..would you contact me here at the
Mag....This should be out there.. The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night I will start with just two of the entertainers, they are seen at the Smoke Out and many Charity events throughout this city... Stan Mazda is the voice that captures the Smoke Out ..he leads you to the Games..he calls you to dinner.. He lets the lucky biker know who won the 50/50 .then he stands and sings to you like no other.. His voice makes you dance..and all the time he stands on stage belting out the tunes, his softail sits there in front waiting for the rider to finish to continue the ride home...Motorcycles just extend our lives, takes us in so many different paths..... Stan played with the Atlantis Group 5. Played throughout Toronto in the 70"s and eighties....you do catch him supporting so many Bike nights and events throughout the season... His voice was the MC and he sang with all the guests here tonight... Donnie Meeker the legendary vocalist from the Soul and Jazz band, Sweet Blindness- Blues Lemmings. Sweet Blindness was known as the Statlers before- in the 70's the band’s self titled debut album appeared in 1976 and was followed by Energize a year later.... Donnie’s resume charts a musical history of playing with so many of our great Canadian talent.. Member of The Perfect Pigs who organizes the Heroes Highway Ride here in Ontario....At times you can catch Donnie Meeker and Stan Mazda on stage together..this is musical glory...They do this a couple of times a year ....They double up and deliver music to move your soul...this eliminates those winter blues.... I see skies of blue and clouds of white... Now just imagine a complete stage full of just rocking’ music... As the evening started.. It was phenomenal who came through the door, names were just mentioned..This was a Reunion and as the audience went through the door.. Stories were told of what connection a lot had with the entertainment ahead.. Recording Studios were there..Music Journalists were sent from Magazines to cover the event...Managers were there...They were all here to capture the music that was about to be revisited..It has been some time since an event as this was held and promoted....They didn’t mind
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DANNI’S TIMES standing.. Just wanted to be a part of this great event..... I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do... George Oliver who is well known..lead vocalist for Mandala- opened for Rolling Stones, has worked alongside Whitney Houston, Etta James.... The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky.. Steve Ambrose who was with the famous Lincolns and is known for putting soul music back on the map here in Yorkville and literally paved the way for the legendary Club Blue Note to reopen.. Whitey Glan who plays the drums, toured with Alice Cooper, David Clayton Thomas, Steffenwolf, Bette Midler and David Wilcox Sonny Milne who echoes Canadian Rock & Roll worked with Robbie Lane and The Disciples, Ronnie Hawkins, Sweet Blindness, David Wilcox Virgil Scott who has entertained an audience here in Canada and the USA with the Virgil Scott Motown Review and is the authorized Musical Spokesperson for Child Find Ontario- an honor he takes seriously, hosting benefit concerts throughout the province year round... Cathy Young is a Canadian Juno Award recipient and nominee .Yorkville legend and Canadian music icon..... They are really saying, I love you... Stan jumped in here, and sang the song, What a wonderful world by Louis Armstrong to his wife, Betty..Everyone knows Betty as she has been a member of the Central Ontario Chrome Divas for many years....What a kool couple.... I see friends shaking hands.... Virgil Scott ended the evening by having Stan Mazda’s grandchildren up on stage dancing and telling all of us who came.. Concerts like this are so important because you pass on the gift of music...just keep passing it on... The audience represented a group of many generations all here sharing the love of this great R & B sound.... The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky Are also on the faces of people going by... The entertainment moves into The Roller Derby Game at the Bunker.. New
venue this season..More room for the crowd of over a 1,000 persons this evening....This was a great exciting game. It was the first team bout of 2012..I want to thank all the Bikers from The International Motorcycle Supershow who showed up helping to make it a sold out crowd..It was so nice to see you all.. It really made the girls feel good..leave it to the bikers to follow through on what they say.... Yes, I think to myself..What a wonderful world..!!... I got to hear the Cowgirl Choir and if you have a chance to hear this Toronto group.. Take the time.. They entertained all of us... The two teams Chicks and Gores are known for their jammers and extremely powerful blockers provided the scene of an epic bout which was anticipated and left the crowd sitting on the edge of their seats throughout the game.....and ended the game at a score of Chicks- 137 Gores- 124 Thanks to all who showed up.... I see friends shaking hands.... Did you see Levon Helm won a Grammy..this year.. 3rd consecutive Grammy Award in the past 4 years... Ramble at The Ryman......This man never stops... Special Thanks to Spring Reilly , who is a recognized Photographer around motorcycles volunteered with us on these two events..Her pictures have won her recognition...pictures capture memories...Spring, you are amazing......... Special Thanks to all who volunteered at the Reunion... Kevin, Richard, Jim Shannon, Jen Shannon, Carol , Rhona, Spring...Sonny, Laryssa, Brigette, Diesel, Pablo We had an awesome time...... Again Special Thanks to all who volunteered at The Roller Derby Game...Jim, Shawnee, Jen. April....Spring Riding time is not far .... DANNI
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Why Is Life So Hard? Just the other day I was asked why did my wife get CANCER? Why are there earthquakes that destroy entire cities? Why do people have to work so hard just to have enough money to barely feed their families? Subconsciously, we probably ask ourselves questions like these quite often. But consciously we rarely do. We're so busy living our lives we rarely stop and wonder WHY But then something happens to wake us up. Our parents get divorced. The girl down the street gets abducted. A relative gets cancer. That wakes us up for awhile. But then we can often sink back into the denial. That is, until another tragedy hits, another incongruence. Then we're likely to think, Something isn't right here. Something is really, really wrong. This isn't how life's supposed to be! So, WHY do bad things happen? WHY isn't this world a better place? There is an answer to the WHY question, found in the Life’s Manual. But it's not an answer that most people like to hear: the world is the way it is because it's the world that we, in a sense, have asked for. Sound strange? What or who could make this world different than the way it is? What or who could guarantee that life is pain-free, for everyone, all the time? Would you agree with me “God could”. God could accomplish that. But he doesn't. At least not right now. And we're angry with him as a result. We say, "God can't be all-powerful and all-loving. If he were, this world wouldn't be the way it is!" We say this hoping that God will then change his position on the matter. Our hope is that putting a guilt trip on him will make him change the way he's doing things. He doesn't seem to budge. WHY doesn't he? God doesn't budge -- he doesn't change things right now -- because he's giving us what we asked for: a world where we get to treat him as though he is absent and unnecessary. Remember the story of Adam and Eve? They ate the "forbidden fruit." That fruit was the idea that they could ignore what God said or gave them, and strike out on life apart from God. For Adam and Eve sort of hoped that they could become like God, without God. They consumed the notion that there was something more valuable in existence than God himself, something more valuable than having a personal relationship with God. And this world system -- with all of its faults -- came as a result of the choice they made. Their story is the story of all of us, isn't it? Who hasn't said -- if not audibly at least in their hearts -- God, I think I can do this without you. I'll just go this one alone. But thanks for the offer. We've all tried to make life work without God. Why do we do that? Probably
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because we've all bought the notion that there's something more valuable, more important, than God. For different people it's different things, but the mindset is the same: God isn't what's most important in life. In fact, I'd just as soon do it without him altogether. What is God's response to that? He allows it. Many people experience the painful results of others' or their own choices that run contrary to God's ways...murder, sexual abuse, greed, lying/fraud, slander, adultery, kidnapping, etc. All of these can be explained by people who have refused to give God access and influence over their lives. They are going about their lives as they see fit, and they and others suffer. But what about when life is unfair? What about those horrible circumstances that hit us in life, caused by someone other than ourselves? When we are feeling victimized, it's useful to realize that God himself endured horrendous treatment from others. God more than understands what you are going through. There is nothing in life that could be more painful than what Jesus endured on our behalf, when he was deserted by his friends, ridiculed by those who would not believe in him, beaten and tortured before his crucifixion, then nailed to a cross, in shameful public display, dying of slow suffocation. He created us, yet allowed humanity the freedom to do this, to fulfill Scripture and to set us free from our sin. This was no surprise to Jesus. He was aware of what was coming, foreknowing all the details, all the pain, all the humiliation. "And as Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside, and on the way he said to them, 'Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of man will be delivered to the chief priests and scribes, and they will condemn him to death, and deliver him to the Gentiles to be mocked and scourged and crucified, and he will be raised on the third day." Imagine knowing something that awful was going to happen to you. The night that Jesus knew they would arrest him, he went to pray, but took some friends with him. "And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, 'My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here and watch [keep awake] with me.And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, 'My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will but as thou wills."5 Though Jesus confided in his three friends, they didn't understand the depth of his torment, and when Jesus returned from prayer he found them asleep. Jesus understands what it's like going through pain and extreme sadness alone. There is no question that there is pain and intense suffering in this world. Some of it is explained by selfish, hateful actions on the part of others. Some of it defies an explanation in this life. But God offers us himself. God gives us the knowledge that he has endured also, and is aware of our pain and needs.. The one who has always existed. The one who created a universe on the backstroke. Yet even in his power, he's also the one who knows us intimately, even the smallest, insignificant details. And if we will trust him with our lives, relying on him, though we encounter difficulties, he will hold us securely. Jesus said, "These things I have spoken to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."9 He went through our ultimate threat -- death -- and overcame it. He can take us through the difficult circumstances of this life, and then bring us into eternal life, if we will trust him. We can either go through this life with God or without him. P a s t o r D a v e firstname.lastname@example.org
JOKE PAGE 2. Teaching Math In 1970s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? 3. Teaching Math In 1980s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit ? Yes or No
jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to ost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out
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4. Teaching Math In 1990s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Biker, Formal and 5. Teaching Math In 2000s Non Formal Weddings A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the Childrens Dedications preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of & Baptisms $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class Funerals and Committal Services participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong Contact Rev. David Neals answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok). email@example.com 6. Teaching Math In 2010 Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho? ANSWER: His profit was $375,000 because his logging business is just a front for his pot farm. WHY TAKE YOUR LAST RIDE IN A CADILLAC While creating wives, God promised men that good and WHEN YOU CAN GO ON A HARLEY ? obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then, He made the earth round...
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DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!' SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing
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JOKE PAGE the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
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completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
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STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into Phone: 519-846-0040 Fax: 519-846-0145
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email@example.com / www.authenticltd.com HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you
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