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In the Joe Letter from the Editor 3. The 5k Foam Fest 4. Tapestry Singers Celebrate 25 Years! 5. Austin Film Festival - See it First! 6. Slacklining in Austin 7. Book Festival Keeps Texans Reading 8 & 9. Rockabilly What? 10. Meet Jewel 11. Gourd of the Rings - 1 Shake to Rule Them All 12. Confessions of a “Young” Guy 13. Prove It 14. Joe’s Mug Shots 15. Contest, Joke, Wordsearch Send us your comments, suggestions, etc. If you’d like to write for us, please email us your idea/query before you write the article. If you are interested in advertising with us, we’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have.|554-9905 THE REGULAR JOE 12407 N. Mopac Expy., Ste. 250-388, Austin, TX 78758

Welcome, September has been full of good happenings for our little paper. Our first count for our pick-up rate was astounding — almost 100 percent! We got amazing shots of some rockabilly fans outside the Continental Club thanks to Steve Wertheimer, the owner of the club (who parked his car out front); Henry and his beloved ‘57 chopped Apache, (which you’ll see in one of the shots in the feature article); and Lacey, Lindsey, Brett and Renee. Extra thanks goes to Murpho’s Rods and Customs for helping us find a truck at the last minute.

We also got to meet some new advertisers — Porkchop screen printers, Tapestry Singers and Kimball Baker Painting. If you need a one-of-a-kind t-shirt or a good fall concert or a room painted, give them a call and show them some Regular Joe support. As for our writers, they’ve pulled together another great issue. Inside you’ll hear from Cameron — a college student who goes slacklining whenever he can and lets us know how it’s done, and Lacey — a rockabilly fan to the extreme (in a good way), who lets us know exactly what rockabilly is and how Austinites celebrate it. You’ll also learn how to make a winning fall shake, read why the Tapestry Singers are so awesome, and figure out how to enjoy Austin’s two biggest October festivals — the Texas Book Festival and the Austin Film Festival. Probably my favorite story this month is the one about Jewel, a woman who is changing lives one at a time just by being her awesome self. More Facebook followers are finding us and helping us get our name out into Austin. People are sending us

lovely emails. We even got a mention on KGLO radio! So thank-you, every single one of you, who have helped us get this far. You’ve kept the Regular Joe regular. Cheers, Sally Hanan

to be in the roller derby. Boys weren’t supposed to say things like that! Derby was fading into obscurity by my teens. I wasn’t big on sports, but I missed the roller derby for some reason. I’d heard it was coming back, but had no idea it was as big as it is, or that it started here. Just one more reason to love Austin. We’ll definitely have to catch a game! —The Regular Miles

Am I a freak? I love all your ads! Houstory? Mediation service? These are new to me. (Have I been isolated in a 19th century cellar?) Stallion Funding’s ad lured me to its website. Jaw-dropping. Thanks for publicizing Austin’s scope in the feature stories - AND - in the advertisements. —Nan Masters

Owners of The Regular Joe, Austin, LLC Kit Christie & Sally Hanan Editor in Chief Sally Hanan Photography, Design & Layout Gerry Hanan & Zack Hanan Contributors Cindy Arundel Kit Christie Erin Young Cameron Felgate Stephanie De Luna Lacey McCool Sally Hanan Rebecca Frazier-Smith Jay Kerner

Joe’s Mailbox

I love how local the Regular Joe is. It really captures different parts of Austin you may not know about. I’ve lived here a long time, and it’s nice to hear about some of these places I haven’t been to in a while. —Frank Mendez, Editor of Rockabilly Deluxe Magazine I grew up watching women’s roller derby. I don’t think my parents really approved because women weren’t supposed to be rough and mean. The players didn’t dress like “proper women,” but I was too young to notice. My parents had no idea how to respond when I said I wanted to grow up

I really enjoyed learning about Austin’s roller derby. The article was great — G-rated, fun and friendly — as is your whole paper. I can tell your heart is in it. —John Fisher

This month’s cover shot was taken in front of the Continental Club on South Congress by Gerry Hanan of Hanan Exposures. 512-947-0296


The 5k Foam Fest By Cindy Arundel

Mud + foam + water + Austin = AWESOME! In the way most ideas are created, this one was born out of one thing leading to another. Three business partners from Utah, no less, were figuring out how to put some cycling events together when one of the partners came up with the idea of a foam fest after attending separate mud and foam fests. All 3 men put some money in the pot and the 5k Foam Fest (sans bicycles) began. For their first event, they wanted to pick a perfect location which they could muck up, and muck up they did, albeit in an unintentional way…. Ryan still laughs about that experience: “Five minutes before starting time we plugged the foam machine into the same power source as our inflatable, 20-foot-tall starting line and it tripped the circuit.” Nevertheless, the event was a success and the trio went on to put on 2 more events that year in Reno and Utah. This year they’ve added Austin to their settings. Why Austin? Each place’s backdrop has to have a natural beauty. As Ryan says, “No one wants to run in a big pasture,” so they sent someone to check out Reveille Peak Ranch by Buchanan Lake (out

on Ranch Road 690 near Inks Lake state park) and found it to be a perfect spot for their/your shenanigans on October 20th. This year’s events are getting better and better. There are more obstacles and inflatables than ever, like the Body Washer — a human carwash that is being built this month (September) exclusively for the event — and the Death Drop: a 40-foot drop of inflatable water slide. Also included are the Electric Crawl — a mud crawl that has a ceiling of (mildly) charged

The course


wires, Dirt Hill Climb, and Spider Forest — a treed area of mud and bungee cords. Not only can the adults have fun, there’s also a Rugrat modified course for 6-11 year olds, and foam machines and a bouncy castle for the younger ones. “The 5k Foam Fest makes exercising an absolute party for you and your friends.” In order to fully experience the crazy weird fun of being at a foam fest, you should dress up for the occasion. There is a prize for the best/most ridiculous costume(s). You can even enter as a team. Added to the costume is a bib, which you can pick up from the Running Store at Gateway on North 360, and some very old shoes you might never wear again. (Bare feet are definitely not recommended, or you may never crawl out of the mud…. Cleats are not allowed.) Despite being a for-profit venture, one of the hopes of 5k Foam Fest is to donate as much as possible from each event to its chosen charity, Shared Hope International, which works to rescue and restore women and children imprisoned in the sex trafficking and slavery industries through educa-

Death Drop

tion and public awareness. 5k Foam Fest also donates a percentage of profits to charities local to the events’ locations, based on how many participants and volunteers show up. To this day, the 3 partners still haven’t put on a cycling event … no doubt because mud and bubbles are much more fun.

Date: October 20th Time: 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. 12 p.m. races are already sold out, so it’s much safer to register online before coming. Get there at least one hour early. Location: 105 CR 114, Texas 78611 (Reveille Peak Ranch) Price: $50 or $55 on the day To get all the finer details about Foam Fest AND to register, visit 5kfoamfest. com/location-austin.php.



Tapestry Singers Celebrate 25 Years!

By Kit Christie Publisher & Tapestry Member

Take 80+ women of all ages, backgrounds and singing experience. Bring them together each week to weave harmonies of music and friendship into a unified whole. Do this for 25 years and what do you have? The Tapestry Singers, celebrating a milestone with their concert on November 3rd: “Taking Root: 25 Years of Tapestry Singers.” I’ve sung with the group since 2005 and am honored to tell you a little about it. Tapestry Singers (aka the Austin Women’s Chorus) was founded in 1987 by Ruth Huber to give women in the Austin area the opportunity to sing together, regardless of musical training. Ruth recalls the early days, which

throughout Texas and performed vocally with the Houston Masterworks Chorus and Conspirare Symphonic Chorus. Being artistic director, she says, has been a gift. “This group is inspiring. Women of all backgrounds and levels of musicianship come together on Monday nights to create something incredibly special. I feel so fortunate to work with this exciting part of the Austin arts community.” Together with talented principal accompanist, Andrea Snouffer, Jenn continues to lead the chorus to new levels of artistry each year. “Calling all shower singers!” the website invitation coaxed. That’s how my experience with Tapestry began. I Jenn Goodner & Andrea Snouffer love all types of music and sang with choirs as a kid, but life’s busyness got included founding mothers Nell in the way of my favorite pastime. Manycats and Viki Schmidt. “The carpet in Viki’s music room inspired the Moving to Austin, with its plethora name for the group.” Seeing the group of musical opportunity, I knew I begin to cohere, grow and begin doing wanted to revive that part of my life, concerts was especially satisfying. Ruth but wasn’t sure where to begin. I is touched by how the group has grown knew this — I didn’t want to audition. I’m fairly gutsy, but after 20 years, in size and musical scope, while still retaining some of its original members I was afraid that old adage “use it or and spirit. Today, she directs a chorus in San Jose, but still feels a connection to Tapestry. “I have the plaque they awarded me, inscribed with the words ‘And we are learning to carry out our visions.’” Those visions of Ruth, Nell and Viki were carried on through the years by directors Nicki Kiner, Anne Schelleng, Holly Dalrymple and now by current artistic director, Jenn Goodner. Serving on the choral music faculty at Westlake High School, Jenn has conducted choirs

Tapestry Singers, 2012

lose it” might have been seriously in play. Even without an audition, I still wanted to be challenged. And some fun ... yeah, that would be good. I answered the call and attended a rehearsal. Good heavens, it was exactly what I was looking for! My sister singers have had similar experiences. Tracy McCracken shared that “Tapestry has allowed me to get to know an amazingly diverse group of women — an opportunity I might not have had otherwise.” Current group president, Tracy Tanner, had sung in choirs since age two (her mother is a high school choral director), but when college and career took over, like me, she had little time for music. After much encouragement, she sought out a group to join. “I was a little afraid of getting back into a choir,” she admitted. What if I’m not good anymore? What if I feel out of place? It’s been so long! I visited a rehearsal and was overwhelmed in many ways. Wow! These women are good! But, also ... These women are

great people! I was invited in and welcomed — not a hint of judgment. I was hooked. I’ve never felt such a sense of joy and kinship among a group of adult women.” We sing all types of music in Tapestry, but our main focus is music by, for or about women, and supporting a just and peaceful world. Over the years, notable artists have graced our stages, including Sara Hickman, Terri Hendrix, Lloyd Maines, Malford Milligan, The Therapy Sisters and Mady Kaye. The upcoming concert will feature past favorites as well as new pieces, including works by Gwyneth Walker, Eric Whitacre and Sweet Honey in the Rock. My choral friends and I are excited to share our music, our history — our tapestry — with you. Come share a special night with us! For concert and ticket information or details on joining the group, visit

AFF - See it First!



By Erin Young

So, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re probably aware that Austin is home to SXSW, a music festival that attracts people from all over the world. But did you know we also harbor one of the biggest film festivals and conferences in the nation as well? Since 1993, the Austin Film Festival has been carving its way to the top as the best and first organization of its kind to focus on the screenwriters. For any aspiring writer, amateur or professional filmmaker, or just lover of all things cinematic, mark your calendars for October 18-25th. Being highly dedicated to the contribution that writers give to the creative process of film development, the Austin Film Festival provides the opportune chance for the amateur to meet and discuss creative possibilities with some of the best in the business. With a variety of panels, workshops and parties to attend, it provides a foundation for an aspiring artist to foster long-term career goals in the art of storytelling. Comprised of two basic parts, you can purchase a film pass or a badge with varying levels of exclusivity in order to attend the event. The film pass will grant you entry to over 180 films shown throughout the 8-day festival — from narrative, animation, documentaries and shorts to premiers, advanced screenings and independent films. In addition, you can participate in Q&A sessions with cast members and filmmakers after the showings. The opening night, centerpiece and closing premiers can also be viewed with this pass, as well as an extended night of entertainment at the 21 and up only Film Pass Party.

Script reading fun at AFF, 2011

The badge gives you access to the conference, which includes panels with first-class panelists, workshops and roundtable discussions. Here, an up-and-coming artist has the chance to immerse himself in the creative process of sharing ideas, strategies and industry secrets with established writers, renowned producers and filmmakers. The conference workshops focus on the core principles of screenwriting — dialogue, structure and character development — with a hands-on approach that energizes and educates the attendees. With 4 days of panels, and 8 days and nights of films and parties scattered in between, this event is not to be missed. It kicks off with the 10th Annual Film and Food party — a cel-

Johnny Depp Q&A session @ AFF, 2011

ebration of Austin’s diverse offerings in the arts and culinary splendors — at the legendary Driskill Hotel on October 17th, the night before the festival officially begins. All proceeds from this event will help fund the AFF’s Young Filmmaker’s Program. On the 20th, the last day of the conference, Eric Roth — famous for screenwriting bestselling films like “Forrest Gump,” “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” and “Munich” — will be receiving the 2012 Distinguished Screenwriter Award. And be sure to attend the Closing Night Premier Party on the 25th to end the week’s festivities with a bang. Michael Brandt and Derek Haas, the screenwriters of “Wanted” and “3:10 to Yuma,” say that the Austin Film Festival is “The no-bulls*it best screenwriting conference in the world.” The tone is set for the creative to express themselves, connect with professionals in the industry, and explore new ideas in an environment unrestricted by pretensions of a more Hollywoodesque scene. Built to entertain as well as educate, even the regular Austinite will not be disappointed in getting this first-hand glimpse at movies his friends will have to wait to see.



Slacklining in Austin By Cameron Felgate

What is slacklining? That’s what most people ask me when they find out that I slackline. It is kind of like tightrope walking but still very different. Unlike walking a tightrope, a slackline is a flat piece of dynamic rope that is one inch wide and not as rigidly taut as a tightrope. When you attempt to walk across it, the line doesn’t stay still; it shakes back and forth, and you have to constantly adjust your bodyweight to maintain balance on the line. While this may sound difficult, I find it very relaxing. It’s not like it’s something I saw on TV one day and just decided I was going to do. I actually got started thanks to some friends I went rock climbing with. We would climb all over Austin at climbing gyms, and even outdoors at the Barton Creek Greenbelt. One day my friend Charlie pulled out a very long piece of webbing (a flat piece of rope) and began tying it up between two trees and then tightened it. We all watched in anticipation as he stood up on it and attempted to walk across. Something about it really caught my interest and I had to try it. I remember the first time I ever tried standing on the slackline — my foot shook vigorously left and right and I fell off. At first I thought it was impossible, but I was hooked and wouldn’t stop until I could walk across. Eventually just walking across

wasn’t enough; I had to try something else, something different. We began setting longer and longer lines, which became increasingly more difficult. We got tired of setting them up in parks low to the ground, so we moved to doing it above the water. We even set up lines more than 30 feet up in the air. All of this may seem like a very drastic change of pace, but it wasn’t a transition we made overnight. It took months of practice just to be able to walk the lines above the water. And now that we have become more comfortable walking the lines, we have

Photo by Cameron Felgate

been trying tricks such as 180s and 360s on the line. You can set up a slackline just about anywhere with trees; such as a public park or even above water. There are tons of places all over Austin to set up a line, and you meet new people doing it. I’ve made some good friends through slacklining and it’s be-

come more than just a hobby for me. Slacklining is something anyone can learn and there are no physical or skill requirements to master. When I first started, I found tutorial videos on YouTube showing me what gear to buy and how to set up my lines, and then I purchased all of my gear at REI. You just need a couple of trees, soft grass, spare time and some determination to get yourself started. I still set up in the parks with my friends a couple of times a week with some music playing and a hammock or two. I even brought a slackline to Albania with me and had some fun showing the locals how to do it. It makes for a great hobby that not only introduces you to new people but also increases your reflexes and works out your core muscles, so come join us! There is a Facebook page called Keep Austin Slacklining that meets weekly (and a bunch of other times spontaneously). They are very welcoming to first timers as well as experienced people: http://www.facebook. com/pages/Keep-Austin-Slacklining/152496238129479.

Book Festival Keeps Texans Reading By Stephanie De Luna

On Oct. 27-28, the gorgeous grounds of the State Capitol will open up to literary lovers for the 2012 Texas Book Festival. Since TBF was established in 1995, the festival has celebrated authors and their contributions to the culture of literacy, ideas and imagination. This year’s festival is expected to draw in 40,000 attendees from all over the world. TBF is the brainchild of First Lady Laura Bush, a former librarian who earned her master’s in library science from the University of Texas in 1973. Bush, a famous advocate of literacy, jumpstarted the non-profit festival to bring books to life for children in lowincome schools, support Texas public libraries, and broaden the network of authors and readers through literary events year-round. TBF has awarded more than $2.5

million in grants to 616 Texas public libraries, allowing the institutions to update technology and expand book collections. The festival has also helped launch youth programs such as Reading Rockstars, where authors visit economically-disadvantaged schools in Austin and the Rio Grande Valley to present their work to students, and donate copies of their books to students and the school library. This year’s festival is eagerly waiting to kick off and will showcase 250 authors who will be present at book readings and presentations, signings and panel discussions. Bush announced the 2012 TBF author lineup in September, exciting readers and writers nationwide. Want to catch up on your reading before heading to the festival? A few notable authors from the lineup include:

Cheryl Strayed (Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail) Tony Danza (I’d Like to Apologize to Every Teacher I Ever Had: My Year as a Rookie Teacher at Northeast High) Robert Caro (The Passage of Power: The Years of Lyndon Johnson) Junot Díaz (This Is How You Lose Her) Jewel (That’s What I’d Do) Jeffrey Toobin (The Oath: The Obama White House and the Supreme Court) Zane (Z-Rated: Chocolate Flava 3, editor) Justin Cronin (The Twelve) David Maraniss (Barack Obama: The Story) Headlining authors also include Naomi Wolf, Chris Elliott, Stephen Tobolowsky, Bob Balaban, Attica Locke, Damien Echols, Marcia Clark and Mark Danielewski. News and political junkies can hear from Robert Draper, Kurt Eichenwald, Simon Sebag Montefiore, Rachel L. Swarns and David Westin. If you want to search for a particular author who will be at TBF, check out the full lineup online at There is a new feature this year for TBF attendees who have a must-see author or just want to avoid lines at the event — THE FAST PASS. For a $100 tax-deductible donation, visitors can become TBF members and reap the benefits of the pass, gaining access to certain sessions and signings. To view all TBF membership levels, visit



Photo by Pavel Losevsky

the festival website. TBF is a free event and open to the public (although if you would like to help support the festival, you can buy a bag, t-shirt, water bottle, etc. with the book festival’s logo on it at If you have children that may not want to sit through a panel discussion, have no worries! There will be 70 exhibitor booths and food vendors, as well as 30 themed tents including cooking, children’s entertainment and more. TBF will also feature 10 live music performances that will keep family and friends energized throughout the day. So gather up your readers, writers and festival fans and head out to one of the nation’s biggest literary events that is lucky to call Austin home. PARKING Free to the public on Saturday, October 27 and Sunday, October 28: Granger Parking Garage, 12th Street & Guadalupe (west of Capitol) Capitol Visitor Garage, 12th Street & Trinity State Lots 8 and 11, W. 15th Street & Colorado State Garage A, E. 14th Street & San Jacinto State Garage F, E. 13th Street & San Jacinto State Lot 15, 9th Street & Colorado




Rockabilly is the classics reborn and vamped up to explode in your face. If you’re not a history buff or someone who appreciates the “black and white cinema” lifestyle, ten bucks bets that you’d still have an attraction for the culture that is rockabilly. It’s more than just a few cute outfits adorned with polka dots; it’s what you wear, how you think, your ideals, your passion and something that no person looking from the outside in could ever understand until he’s completely immersed and identifies with a specific part of the culture.

short-sleeve, button-down shirts and the old style of glasses made famous by the great tattoo artist Sailor Jerry. Whether you’re looking to wear the authentic apparel or get the recreated styles, Austin has plenty of stores to fulfill your every need! The Austin Antique Mall [8822 McCann Drive] has more than the knick-knacks that the name suggests, such as rows and rows of independent vendors selling everything from clothing to décor to practical items straight out of history. With a wide range of pricing, anyone should be able to find something to fit within her budget. If you’re looking for something on the lower end of the price range, check out

It almost gives a feel of going back in time when you come across a rockabilly group. The clothes alone set one apart from any other trend. Key apparel includes high-waisted pencil skirts, button-up shorts, button-down shirts, high heels, slicked back hair … and who can let the flowing twirls of victory rolls go unnoticed? Iconic pinup models from the ‘40s and ‘50s set the pace for the rockabilly women of today, namely Betty Paige, Rita Hayworth, Mae West and many more, each with her own flair to give inspiration today. Men are much easier to shop for, with tailored pants, dickeys,

Cream Vintage on the drag [2532 Guadalupe St.]! For a moderate price range, I recommend several shops on South Congress, but my favorite would probably be New Bohemia [#1606] — it’s chock-full of eclectic items that are fun to check out! To get a real feel of the different styles, most people can find a rockabilly crowd at music shows throughout town. Most folks, when they think about rockabilly music, automatically envision The Continental Club on 1315 South Congress. There, you can see big acts like Junior Brown and the lovely Tanya Rae, plus many more. New venues have been popping up around Austin to meet


the growing need for rockabilly music here. Club 606 on 606 7th Street has been known to have a pinup contest with big band celebration, and The White Horse on 500 Comal Street has seen a growing attraction for hip cats and greasers. The easiest way to become immersed in this growing trend is to just step right into one of the shows and let loose! Cut a rug! No one is there to judge you and it’s a ton of fun! With the growing music scene, the visuals on the parking lot have also changed dramatically. Instead of displaying normal rides, the fronts of venues have been replaced with the classic cars people are showing up in. From Bel Airs to Cadillacs to old Fords to Studebaker trucks, these can all be seen flooding the city. Every April, Austin hosts the Lone Star Rod and Kustom Round Up, a classic car show that is world renowned for its popularity and ingenuity. Classic cars can be seen for what seems like miles in the Expo Center parking lot — so many cars that a whole weekend is dedicated to hosting the show! Rockabilly performers are scheduled for each day, and the entire inside area is packed with vendors from all over the world with rockabilly goodies galore. There’s even a booth where ladies can get their hair and makeup done in a pinup style for the day! Another Austin hot rod show is coming up next month which is also spectacular — the Hot Rod Revolution at Camp Mabry (see ad). With the vast popularity that the Lone Star Round Up has displayed, many car shops have emerged and have started conducting their own car shows throughout the year. Murpho’s is a classic car garage here in town, and it has recently teamed up with Crow Bar on 3116 South Congress to host a monthly car show. Mercury Charlie, another classic car garage, has had rumors flying around of an upcoming car show as well. Doc’s at 1123 SoCo has begun a bi-weekly bike show on Tuesdays 2 hours before Crow Bar’s show, so you can eat first, get a look at the 50+ bikes which show up, and then head on up to

THE REGULAR JOE Crow Bar. You can’t really beat checking out some beautiful rides with a $2 PBR or Lone Star in your hand! There’s an Austin-based maga-

NOVEMBER 3 - CAMP MABRY The Hot Rod Revolution is a traditional Henry C. and his ‘47 chopped Apache

zine that has just recently come out called Rockabilly Deluxe. It’s the perfect source to get all the tips and know-how on what rockabilly is, who rockabilly people are and the best way to be a part of the whole scene! Not to mention, there’s a monthly column filled with fascinating tidbits written by yours truly! There’s no doubt that the rockabilly scene is a growing and powerful force here in Austin. All in all, it’s time to step out, go check out a show, get a traditional tattoo, wear some pinup fashion, and meet a group of people that are filled with a passion unlike any other! Let’s rock it, baby!

Steve Wertheimer’s ‘41 Mercury

Places to go check out: Lone Star Rod and Kustom Round Up: Every April | Bird’s Barbershop: Free Shiner beer with every haircut Resurrection Tattoo on South Lamar Doc’s bi-weekly bike show on Tuesdays, 7-9PM, heading on after to Crow Bar’s car show, 9-10:30PM The Continental Club’s many shows

pre-48 Hot Rod show that pays homage to the roots of going fast. Join us at Camp Mabry to see some of the best hot rods in the country, vintage military inventory, and incredible live music from bands such as The Paladins! For more information, see:





Meet Jewel As told to the Regular Joe

Jewel Harris

My mom got divorced when I was young, so we spent most of my childhood living with my mom and grandparents. We were brought up by them to be strong willed, to face life head on, and to carry ourselves well — like my grandfather. He was an auxiliary policeman and he worked hard and had a lot of respect in the community. Mom worked a full-time job, and my siblings and I went to the segregated school in Lockhart until the end of 9th grade, when both sides of town went to an integrated high school. It wasn’t all that pleasant that first year. Things were very tense, but I studied hard and was very involved with my church and school groups. Despite the time a home economics teacher slapped me and I slapped her straight back, I wanted to lead by example and have my two sisters follow me with their education, so I went to Huston-Tillotson for two years but then quit to get married to a man in the military. We lived in Germany for a while, and I coached all the men’s extra-curricular sports teams for 3 years until we moved back to Texas. I went to ATU in Killeen, got my nursing degree, and moved into hospital nursing. I eventually became the director of nurses at LBJ. I’d gotten divorced and was happy, but my weight was really bothering me and I asked friends how they were staying so slim

… And that’s when life changed. They told me to take speed, and I liked the results; I wanted to do more. I took one thing or another over the next few years until it got so bad I had to give my four kids to my aunt (in Ohio). I couldn’t work; I married and divorced again; I lived with drug dealers; I married again only to be widowed when my drug-dealing husband died in Temple. (He was really very high and the police hobble-tied him and put him in the police car and he died of respiratory distress. There was no apology, and I never did anything about it because the drugs didn’t let me do anything.) I finally had a big reality check after I yet again became homeless some years later. I was in and out of jail for theft and I was still dealing and smoking crack. I woke up one day and I thought about how there had to be something better than the life I had. I was unhappy, hopeless, and I knew I was better than that. I just said a simple prayer, “God, help me,” and suddenly I didn’t want drugs anymore. There were no lights, no flashing stars, no celebrations; I just became clean and sober and I liked it. I’ve only slipped once since then, for 3 months, and I couldn’t take it; I liked being sober. Drugs are a sure and slow selfdestruction. I never liked doing them. I knew it was wrong. I like who I am now. Every day is a celebration for me, and now I have something to give back. The

next person is just as important to me as I am. Every day my phone rings with requests for help, and I try hard to help them all. I help them get into school, get back to school, find a job … I tell them the truth, especially the young ones. I tell them to not wait until they’re 50/60 to quit. I recently went to my old drug haunt, and I saw people who looked like they were dead. My heart went out to them. I saw one old friend; I saw her and I didn’t see her. She looked like she was 100 but she’s younger than I am. With the way the lifestyle is, you’ll drown in drugs if you don’t have someone to help. I know every service available that helps people live their daily lives — all the resources are even listed on my front door. I keep a supply of emergency food, snacks and clothes for anyone who calls. I love helping the local kids too — they’re my kids. My grown kids even get

jealous. I’m called Santa Momma because I collect toys so they can have something at Christmas. I have a great network. It’s what I like to do; I expect nothing in return. I like to see people make progress. If you want to do something, then your will be done. Get in my pathway and you’re on the way. I expect positive results. There is always a way. Keep on pressing on. It’s not always all good, no, some of it doesn’t turn out so well, but that’s no reason to give up. My spirit won’t let me. I’ll always keep trying. I’ve got many milestones to go. Sometimes I get tired, but not tired enough to quit. Thank God, he’s given me the strength and courage to do it. If you’d like to help Jewel keep a ready supply of emergency help and feed the kids, email us at the Joe:



Gourd of the Rings - 1 Shake to Rule Them All As you surely know by now, we at the Joe like to stay on top of current local events. Especially when they have to do with yummy food! So we were excited when the Alamo Drafthouse Theater announced its fall milkshake contest. All finalists were to receive $50 gift cards, and the grand prize winner would get his/her milkshake in the Alamo menus nationwide, plus a free pass to see as many movies as humanly possible in three months. The contest rules were pretty simple: the recipe could have no more than 5 ingredients, not including the softserve ice cream; the ingredients had to be things that already existed on the Alamo menu, or easily purchased in bulk; and the name of the creation was equally as important as the flavor profile. Submissions were accepted via the Alamo’s Facebook page. We’re told the judges spent hours and hours drinking shake after awesome shake, and in the end, they were evenly split over the winner and a sugar-high-induced brawl ensued, with Tim League and Addie Broyles turning over tables and breaking bottles. That part might be an exaggeration. We can’t be sure. What we do know is

that the submissions were downright awesome. The finalists included: “A Chocwork Orange,” “Waken Bacon,” and “Lemony Thickness: A Series of Fortunate Ingredients,” just to name a few. The grand prize went to “Concessions of a Dangerous Mind,” which we are dying to try when it hits the Alamo menus this fall! Now, because the Regular Joe is so well-connected (seriously, we’re everywhere, in everyone’s business; it’s spooky), we managed to get our hands on one of the submissions. Yes, we’re that cool. Presented below is the contest submission for “Gourd of the Rings: One Shake to Rule Them All” by Rebecca Frazier-Smith, which made it into the final 12. Enjoy! *** Sometime around August every year, my friends and family start bugging me about my pumpkin cheesecake. It’s not “almost time for school!” or “almost time for that first fall front to blow through!” To them (and me) it’s “almost pumpkin cheesecake time!” I admit it; it’s a pretty righteous da*n cheesecake. Well, friends, since you posted your contest I’ve had a veritable slew of texts and emails insisting

my pumpkin cheesecake would make a fab fall milkshake, and so today, even though I deny Facebook in all its forms, I am being forced at sporkpoint to enter my submission to you here on the evil FB.… (Ow! Cut it out, nerds; I’m typing! See me typing?) Obvy, the easiest way to accomplish this creation would be to throw a slice of pumpkin cheesecake into the blender with ice cream. Since that’s not an option, let’s try combining the ice cream with Monin’s pumpkin spice syrup. Now how to get that delightful cream cheese “bite” into the flavor

palette.... I struggled with that. No cheesecake-flavored syrup available, more’s the pity. However, I did some digging and realized you do have an actual cheesecake on your dessert menu ... Hah! Half a slice should do it; wouldn’t want to break the bank. Note that this will also introduce some lovely bits of graham cracker crust into the shake. Might oughta grab a spoon. That’s only three ingredients, so we have some wiggle room.... Depending on the flavors in the pumpkin spice syrup, you might consider a wee bit of powdered ginger (I use it in my pumpkin cheesecake recipe). Those Alamo locations with a full bar might even add a splash of bourbon. Regardless, I’d definitely garnish the whipped cream with a pretty little dash of cinnamon and nutmeg. By decision of the big nerd committee that’s holding titanium sporks to my throat, I’m calling this creation: “Gourd of the Rings: One Shake to Rule Them All.” (I’m told one can cover a multitude of sins by going tewtally balls-out.) (Much like the films.) (Ow!) Submitted for your autumn nomming pleasure, Rebecca P.S. Okay, this sounds awesome. I’m going home to make some right the heck now. Followed closely by a crowd of hungry nerds.



Confessions of a “Young” Guy By Jay Kerner Founder of The Regular Joe

In the beginning I was a Beatles guy. Just loved them. Still do. But when they broke up, it felt like somebody in the family died. I never really got over it. I drifted around without a musical affiliation for a while. It still hurt too much. I bought the occasional 45 or even an LP once in a while, but my heart wasn’t really in it. I was searching for an artist I could believe in. I was mining for a“heart of gold.” Then my cousin turned me on to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young’s “Déjà Vu” album. Blown away doesn’t do justice to what that record did to me. I played it ‘til the grooves came out the other side. I wasn’t a sophisticated enough listener to discern whether I was reacting to the C, the S, the N or the Y (it was the Y!), but I knew I was in the ballpark. Then, a year or so later, that same cousin had Neil Young’s “Harvest” album in tow. My musical Geiger counter pegged the needle. Neil had me from the harmonica intro on the first song, and I’ve been a “Young” guy ever since. Maybe it’s the voice. Work your way through the big list of adverbs applied to his singing over the decades, and you still can’t find exactly the right words to express it. But I’ll try. You know when the dentist has you all numbed up and starts to drill?

Art by Jay Lincoln/

He’s working through the decay and suddenly the end of the tool hits the nerve for the first time? It doesn’t hurt exactly. It’s more like the charge from a low voltage current. Not enough to shock you, but just enough to sort of lightly buzz you a little. It’s like that. As to his guitar playing, he has two distinct styles. I saw both firsthand with my initial live Neil performance. It was at Memorial Hall in Kansas City, KS, back in the early ‘80s. The house lights came up to reveal just a guitar and a stool in the middle of the stage. Mr. Young walked out to thunderous applause, sat down and played the title track to his “Comes a Time” album. It was so heart-wrenchingly beautiful it made me want to cry. He proceeded to work his way through all

the acoustic classics — “Old Man,” “The Needle and the Damage Done,” “After the Gold Rush” — and finally took a short but well-deserved intermission, leaving me and the rest of the audience marinating in puddles of our own goo. As we all caught our emotional breath, the stagehands were busy resetting for the second half of the show. This time we got electric Neil. Holy crap! He brandished his guitar like a supersonic weed-whacker, mowing us down with each sweep of his arms. He played weeping solos that made me feel like my heart was melting in my chest. One of the hallmarks of a Neil Young solo is the one note onslaught. Nobody else on the planet can do so much with a staccato burst of a single note. I left the arena drenched in sweat, yet filled with a strange energy. I made it home around 1a.m. and played bad guitar in the basement for another couple of hours. You see, I’m a Neil wannabe. I don’t play well, but I compensate with enthusiasm and attitude. I even tried the sideburn thing for a while, but couldn’t pull it off. I’ve seen Neil in person six times to date, and every show has been different. I’ve seen him with Crazy Horse. I’ve seen him as part of big festival shows with current stars that couldn’t carry his guitar strap. I saw a CSN&Y show where,

after the group numbers, each guy did a few of his solo hits. His “Hey Hey, My My (Into the Black)” was (by a large margin) the high point in a night filled with them. So now Neil is coming back to Austin for the ACL Festival, where our fledgling publication is grappling for a toehold. Could this be the magical intersection of time and space providing the opportunity for a moment of one-on-one face time with my musical hero? I know! I’ll lure him in with a few samples from my question list.: #1 We know about “Cinnamon Girl.” Did you ever consider any of the other Spice Girls? Was there any truth to the rumor about Paprika Girl? #2 We know you “shot your baby down by the river.” I bet a lot of our Lone Star readers would be interested in calibers etc., not to mention how you got away with it. (Lots of exes in Texas, as you may have heard.) #3 “There was a band playing in my [your] head, and I [you] felt like getting high.” Who was the band and what were they playing? I ask, because the music playing in my head is most often Neil Young’s, and he always makes me feel that way. See him while you can. Listen to him and be moved by the experience. Note to Mr. Young: If this blatant overture worked, holler back at I’ll come to you.

Prove It By Sally Hanan The Saintly Wife

I’d like to say I’m standing here playing with pens because it’s what I decided to do, but the truth is that I was cleaning and then saw the mail and then I needed a pen and then I saw the state of the pen drawer…. So here I stand at the kitchen island.



I take yet another pen, scratch a few circles and lines on the notepaper Angel Tree sent me, and then either put the pen in the reject or keeper pile. Surprisingly the flashy ones, the ones I want to keep, are the least successful at producing anything. I give every pen a chance to prove itself. I don’t give each one much time — either it works or it doesn’t — but the BIC pens are different. I have a soft spot for BICs: simple design, reliable and clean, they don’t mess up a page or give an inconsistent line. Until…. I pick up this red one. Apparently this pen wants more of an adventure. Together we cross highlighter canyons, blue bushes, black ravines, and visit all four borders of the notepad’s design. We even climb the Christmas tree.

I’m willing to give this pen time to prove itself. Why? Because I trust the quality of a BIC pen. Because I know its maker. And sure enough, I eventually see a solid streak of red ink flow from the pen’s tip … right where the purple marker paled into insignificance.

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Joe’s Mug Shots

Tell all your friends you saw them in the Joe!

Win a Gift Card!

Figure out the answers to all 15 questions and email them to us at We’ll draw 3 entries with all the correct answers to win a $20 gift card to Chedd’s, the maker of the most luscious grilled cheese sandwiches in Austin. 1. Which advertiser uses the lyrics of a popular song in her ad? 2. Which business is customer friendly and quality oriented? 3. Where will the 5k Foam Fest be held? 4. Which organization offers free job placement assistance? 5. What’s the year and model of the car that loves to play outside? 6. Who can pour you a beautiful concrete patio? 7. Where can you register for a free webinar? 8. Which business is offering microdermabrasion for only $42? 9. Which store will screen print a T-shirt for you with your own design on it? 10. Where can you eat the best grilled cheese sandwich in Austin? 11. Who offers you an 8 percent return on your investments? 12. Who will inspect your home’s foundation for free? 13. When are the Tapestry Singers “taking root?” 14. How can your dollars stay in Austin? 15. Where can you eat 2 burgers for the price of 1 on a Wednesday night?

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Jerry’s Marriage


Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking all the participants how long they were married for. When it was Jerry’s turn, Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years. “Wow,” the leader gushed “that’s amazing; perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody on how you’ve stayed married to the same woman for so long.” “Well,” Jerry said, after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips ... and best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” “Well that’s really beautiful, and a true inspiration for all of us,” the lady said. “Maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary,” she said with a smile. “Well,” Jerry said, “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”

Rockabilly Style

The Regular Joe Austin, October  
The Regular Joe Austin, October  

A newspaper from Austin, TX, that is filled with humorous, interesting and inspiring local news.