YOUR VOICE. OUR VOICE. ONE VOICE. WEEK OF April 16, 2009 San Francisco EDITION VOL 1 No 11
Printed with Explicit permission From Each Content Provider
Lana Limon | tpburl.com/gwch40 San Francisco
music festivals: traveling to the beats on a budget
6. FESTIVAL IN YOUR TOWN? Offer to let people stay with you. They get a deal, you get a unique experience waking up to Heinz from Berlin on your couch, and when you head to Germany you will have a place to stay as well. Again: Google is your friend, and check out Couchsurfing.com as well. 7. FLYING TO A FESTIVAL? Book ahead, at least a month for domestic travel. Check sites like Kayak, Mobissimo or Sidestep to compare prices, and when you get ready to purchase your tickets, CLEAR THE COOKIES on your internet browser. If you don’t, travel websites will remember you have already been there and jack up the price of your ticket. Once you find the lowest price, then book directly with the airline’s website for the best protection in case some bullshit comes up. If you are checking luggage, read the airline’s baggage allowance- some domestic airlines are charging $15 per bag. You may be better off with another airline whose ticket price is $10 more.
By dancefever5000 | 4/7/09 | DANCEFEVER5000 tpburl.com/mnxb51 DEMF. Mutek. Coachella. Decibel. Earthdance. Esthetic Evolution. Prosperity. High Sierra. Photosynthesis. Joshua Tree. Shambhala. Operation Apex. Bobolink. Harmony. Sonic Bloom. Emerge-N-See. Hempfest. Burning Man! With so many bad-ass music festivals right outside your door, up and down the West Coast, across our beautiful country and around the globe, it is enough to put a music-loving freak in a deliciously lingering state of euphoria! Combining my love of travel and dancing makes me happier than a hippie in a hot tub: a rainbow of music varieties, friends from all over the world, lots of screaming and laughing and Tecate, campsites with shag carpet and clubs with lasers- I live for music and art festivals and want to go to every single one! But how do you get to all these festivals when money is tight? And when isn’t it? Most people are stretching their budgets and cutting back these days. Maybe you’re broke. Maybe you’re hella broke. Maybe you were laid off from your job writing for a website and decided the best course of action in this lame economy was to relocate across the country and try to make it as a freelance music writer. Either way, you still want to party your rocks off, right? Here are some tips to help you get to those music festivals, whether you want to go to a city party requiring flights and hotels or outdoor festies with tents and dogs. Or both. LIFE IS SHORT, people, and if we are lucky we will all be old and wrinkly before we know it. Don’t let the summer pass without getting down proper like you know you want to.
8. EAT CHEAP. When you travel it is easy to become tired or rushed and opt for a pricey meal or snack at an airport lounge or crappy restaurant close to the festival. Plan ahead. Bring granola bars if you get hungry and ornery like me, and know that there ain’t NO shame in PB&J- that’s one more show you get to hear! 9. DRINK CHEAP. AKA: PBR & Tecate. Or get your buzz on with your own bottle of vodka BEFORE you’re in the venue where drinks are eight bucks a pop. Sneak in a flask and order a lemonade- bartenders will often give free refills! 10. JUST DO IT. The awesome thing about money is that it’s printed on paper that comes out of machines mounted on walls and you trade this colored paper for life experiences! What a freaking deal! Your bills will be there next month. The supersweet festival of your dreams with you on the dance floor surrounded by your friends, face hurting from smiling so much, a growth-inducing experience that becomes part of you as a person? Not so much. Quit worrying and buy your damn tickets already.
“LIFE IS EITHER A DARING ADVENTURE OR NOTHING.” -Helen Keller 1. PLAN AHEAD. Buying presale tickets will save you cash at almost every festival, and if you are flying anywhere, purchasing domestic air tickets at least one month in advance is highly recommended. Planning on DEMF or another Memorial Weekend festival? Buy your air tickets and book your hotel room yesterday.
See you on the dance floor!
2. PICK AND CHOOSE. This part sucks. I want to go to every festival, every weekend, every year! But in order to get to the parties you really want to go to, you have to pass up some of the festivals you aren’t too keen on. Having trouble deciding? Do what I do, and go where the good music is. Compare the lineups, and see which artists are really gonna do it for you. Factor in distance, make a decision, and stick to it. 3. GO WITH FRIENDS. This part rocks! When you share expenses like hotel rooms, food and gas, it becomes cheaper for everybody. Pack your cars and hotel rooms full of friends and you will save money! Are you the only one of your tribe intent on getting to Shambhala but you live in San Diego? Hop online and meet new people who want to carpool and save money as much as you. They are out there. 4. STAY THE WHOLE TIME. It seems counter-intuitive, but since a big part of festie expenses is travel and pass-type tickets, the longer you can stay, the better value it will be. 5. DON’T BUY EXTRA SHIT. Yeah yeah, I know you want a cute new outfit for the dance floor or a swank-ass pimp tent that all your friends can hotbox, but you don’t NEED this stuff. What you already own will work, and no one is even gonna notice that new purple skirt when you are dripping sweat in the club. Ever returned from a campout with a cooler full of food you didn’t eat? Yeah. You have. Don’t buy shit you don’t need.
Advertise with the Printed Blog. Call 312-305-1000
Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.
in article on new climate change data, washington post takes a shot at its own columnist.
gay marriage legal in iowa By Monica Dimperio | 4/3/09 | The MidWasteland
By Ryan Powers | 4/7/09 | Think Progress tpburl.com/5bk3my In February, Washington Post columnist George Will wrote a column calling global warming a “hypothetical” calamity. Among the various uninformed claims he made in his column, Will argued that because global sea ice remained near its 1979 levels, that global warming was not occurring. Despite Will’s widely documented errors, Washington Post’s editorial page editor, Fred Hiatt, did not believe Will’s column merited any corrections. Today, however, in an article regarding new Arctic sea ice data released yesterday by NASA, Washington Post reporters Juliet Eilperin and Mary Beth Sheridan attempted to correct the record: The Arctic sea ice cover continues to shrink and become thinner, according to satellite measurements and other data released yesterday, providing further evidence that the region is warming more rapidly than scientists had expected. The new evidence — including satellite data showing that the average multiyear wintertime sea ice cover in the Arctic in 2005 and 2006 was nine feet thick, a significant decline from the 1980s — contradicts data cited in widely circulated reports by Washington Post columnist George F. Will that sea ice in the Arctic has not significantly declined since 1979.
See-ming Lee | tpburl.com/d9xj14
Today, the high courts of Iowa declared gay marriage legal. You heard right. I-O-W-A. Being a born and bred Midwesterner, I was shocked to hear that this law was passed within our conservative region. We are a long ways away from shedding our “traditional” viewpoints. Regardless, it is truly inspiring to witness the change that is taking place in our country. Little by little. Iowa joins Massachusetts and Connecticut as the only U.S. states to permit gay marriage. Submitted by Abbie (not verified) on Sat, 04/04/2009 - 12:24. I’m an Iowan, and I’m shocked that people are surprised by the court’s decision. We are far from a conservative place. Historically Iowa has lead the country in extending the rights and liberties of groups being discriminated against. Iowa was the first state to admit women to the bar and allow them to practice law. We are a nation of farmers, yet 26 years before the the Civil War the Iowa Supreme Court rejected slavery, 85 years before the Supreme Court of the U.S. Iowa desegregated schools and preceded the Supreme Court by 91 years in desegregating public accommodations. The decision in Varnum v. Brien was unanimous - a testament that there is no debate, rather a firm statement has been made which affirms Iowa’s position as a progressive protector of the individual rights and civil liberties of its citizens.
Will’s specious claims were specifically about “global sea ice,” not Arctic sea ice. Yet, the overarching point is still true: Will is woefully uninformed about the science of climate change. UPDATE: Yglesias asks why The Washington Post intends to “keep using their brand to enhance the credibility of Will’s misrepresentations? It’s unfathomable. Why would you expect anyone to pay money to read a newspaper that publishes willfully misleading information?” UPDATE: The Washington Post’s Capital Weather Gang Blog also takes on Will today. Surveying Will’s recent writing, Andrew Freedman concludes, “George Will’s recent columns demonstrate a very troubling pattern of misrepresentation of climate science.” PHOTOS
hate spam text messages? a senate bill could put a stop to them By Heather Wood | 4/3/09 | Gadgetell tpburl.com/2g45n0 Until now, the government has not intervened in order to prevent companies from sending spam text messages. However, several senators are attempting to pass a bill that would prohibit sending commercial text messages to cell phone numbers listed on the national Do Not Call registry. Those Viagra and extend your car warranty text messages could be a thing of the past. Although bills have been passed that prohibit spam email messages, text messages have not been addressed. The senators released a statement which details the reasoning behind the bill, which includes the effect on cell phone users’ monthly bill as well as the possibility of contracting viruses or malicious spyware. Consumers have also been the target of phishing attacks from spam text messages and have given out sensitive personal information. It is estimated that annually over one billion spam text messages are sent, according to data collected by Ferris Research. In order to benefit from the bill, add your cell phone number to the Do Not Call registry now. The process only takes a few minutes and can be done through the National Do Not Call website. PHOTOS
Maruan | tpburl.com/x76gzr Politics
xx rated Daniel Glazer | tpburl.com/jzn3q7
By Neal Boulton | 3/31/09 | Bastard Life tpburl.com/bw9dv8 Chromosomal differences. Ok, we’ll chalk this up to that post pregnant hormonal thing. But whether you have children or not, or like porn or not, Porn for New Moms is a hoot. The book is a collection of beautifully photographed scenes of men—engaging in acts of domestic kindness. Things like doing the dishes, instead of laying around drinking Bud and watching the game; vacuuming, instead of sitting with the guys at the local pub eating wings and telling fart jokes; and changing the baby’s diaper, instead of feigning sleep while you, the new mom, do this at 2 A.M. As for the money shots? They are white, and they do spill, but in Porn, they come from a baby bottle—and your man dutifully cleans everything up nice and tidy for you while you luxuriate in peace and calm.—M.T.
five blogs that should become books By Carolyn Stanley | 3/31/09 | Flavorwire tpburl.com/09jqwc You remember when the Bacon Explosion people landed that insane book deal earlier this month? And then a few weeks later, we found out that the people behind This Is Why You’re Fat had inked a deal, too. (Also: As we were writing this, we almost knocked over the review copy of Love, Mom — the new book from the Postcardsfromyourmomma.com gals.) This all got us thinking about our favorite blogs, and which ones we’d like to see make the leap into book form. You know, unlike something like Stuff White People Like. Our short list after the jump; please add to it in the comments. 1. Why the F*** Do You Have a Kid? 2. People Who Sit In The Disability Seats When I’m Standing On My Crutches 3. Songs about buildings and food 4. Advanced Style 5. J.Cruel
The Printed Blog
will the a.p. try to stop bloggers from using their content? By Justin Gardner | 4/6/09 | Donklephant tpburl.com/pjknf4 A while back, the A.P. targeted a site called the Drudge Retort for using excerpts of its stories on the site. This caused quite an uproar among bloggers because they felt that excerpting portions of a story’s copy was considered “fair use,” and I let my feelings be known as well. The A.P. subsequently backed off from any legal action and looked a bit silly in the process. Well, they’re back and now they have their sights set on bigger targets. From the NY Times: Taking aim at the way news is spread across the Internet, The Associated Press said on Monday that Web sites that used the work of news organizations must obtain permission and share revenue with them, and that it would take legal action against those that did not. A.P. executives said they were concerned about a variety of news forums around the Web, including major search engines like Google and Yahoo and aggregators like the Drudge Report that link to news articles, smaller sites that sometimes reproduce articles whole, and companies that sell packaged news feeds. They said they did not want to stop the appearance of articles around the Web, but to exercise some control over the practice and to profit from it.
Here’s part of the A.P.’s new policy… As part of the initiative, AP will develop a system to track content distributed online to determine if it is being legally used. AP President Tom Curley said the initiative would also include the development of new search pages that point users to the latest and most authoritative sources of breaking news. They’ve provided no details apart from that so the implications could be far reaching.
See, a lot of blogging I see these days starts off by reading a story from the mainstream media, excerpting a small portion of it and responding to it. That’s what we do here at Donklephant, with the exception of a few essays and video reports. But, by and large, the business of blogging is about quickly sharing information with our readers and providing commentary along with it. I try my best to only include the most salient points and I discourage reprinting full articles because that’s clearly not fair use, but it has happened from time to time here. So this site could be in the A.P.’s crosshairs at some point. But we won’t know until they reveal what they do or do not think is fair use. Now, if the A.P. really cracks down, what will most likely happen is bloggers will stop excerpting their stories and start excerpting somebody else’s. Or they’ll simply rewrite the content they found via an A.P. source. There will probably still be attribution of some sort, but the A.P. runs the risk of losing a lot of links back to its content and thus it could seriously fall in the search engine rankings since one of the ways Google determines authority is the amount of links a certain story gets. In any event, it’s a slippery slope for them, so I hope they find a common sense way to work with bloggers. Otherwise I guarantee they won’t like the results.
By Stephanie Helena Larkin | 3/8/09 | Wax in the City tpburl.com/vz6cmj The internet is taking over. We all know this. Bloggers especially. Social networking has become a successful supplement to job hunting, colleague gathering, opinion formation, and real-life human interaction. We saw it first with chat rooms and AIM. It then moved to sites solely devoted to networking--MySpace and Facebook being some of the first and most highly trafficked. And these still remain the most popular of the SN sites among North Americans. News is changing too. According to 2008 polls (see links below), nearly 70% of Americans believe traditional journalism is out of touch, over half of Americans are getting most of their news online, and over 60% believe the internet is now a more important source of information than television, radio, and newspapers. Newspapers are scrambling and attempting to revamp business strategies (see additional links), but will it help? We all know that news is a business and stations and outlets need advertising revenue to create their product. The economy is strugging, businesses are spending less on advertising, blah blah blah. But is that the only reason newspapers are struggling? Or is it also that traditional news outlets are losing touch? Television news stations and tabloid-like magazines strive to bring readers ridiculous “breaking news” headlines. These are lost on me. I am over the TV news stations and their repetition of the same five stories every morning. I mean really, am I supposed to care that Britney Spears hired K-Fed to babysit while she’s on tour, or that Michelle Obama bought a new dress? Although Michelle is rocking the classy first lady style...and with a lil Carrie Bradshaw influence (see photo below, borrowed from a fellow-femme’s blog). Fine, maybe sometimes I care. But this is not relevant breaking news. These outlets need to focus and realize that with only a few minutes to report, there are much more important things that need to be conveyed to the American people. But these are my issues with tabloids and television news...back to newspapers. Some say newspapers are struggling because they cannot provide the content that young readers want. I would agree to some extent, but also offer another explanation: newspapers are inherently unable to keep up with the content we desire. We want international and domestic news, entrepreneurial business insights, new technology commentary and reviews, celeb gossip, and oh so much more. With the internet, we can get it all, read it all, and know it all in under and hour or so. (This I have learned from my internet proficient boyfriend who manages to know everything about everything by spending a few hours on the computer.) In the end, all of that doesn’t fit in a newspaper. So far, these papers have perished: Rocky Mountain News, Baltimore Examiner, Kentucky Post, Cincinnati Post, King County Journal, Union City Register-Tribune, Capital Times, Halifax Daily News, Albuquerque Tribune, South Idaho Press, and San Juan Star. I am sure there are more to come. Can the newspaper industry recover? Will they develop some new strategies to compete with the booming internet? And will Headline News stop talking about a rescued cat for five minutes and one day speak about female gential mutilation abroad or what action is being taken to combat genocide? I have a feeling I’ll talk about this subject much more in the future, so to get the conversation going, are there any comments? Do you want the newspaper industry to crash and burn? Are we bloggers and independent online news outlets the future of news? What say you? PHOTOS
Olivia Locher | tpburl.com/z45crj Advertising
Chris Knight | tpburl.com/rf7532 Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.
The Joy of Woz By Guy Kawasaki | 4/7/09 | Open Forum by American Express tpburl.com/867fkj Our favorite engineer, Steve Wozniak, Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a is getting a lot of attention because of his window. ~ Woz dancing these days. Lest we forget, he is an engineering legend, and there is no better way to gain insights into his previous career than Gina Smith’s book, Woz: Computer Geek to Cult Icon: How I Invented the Personal Computer, Co-Founded Apple, and Had Fun Doing It (W. W. Norton, 2007). I liked the book so much that I gave her this blurb for it: Every engineer—and certainly every engineering student—should read this book. It is about the thrill of invention, the process of making the world a better place, and the purity of entrepreneurship. I, Woz is the personal computer generation’s version of The Soul of a New Machine. It is, in a nutshell, the engineer’s manifesto. I hope that the so-called “innovation experts” and MBAs choke when they read it.
The book is powerful because it isn’t the typical theoretical drivel written by an expert (that is, someone who can’t do but can write). Instead, the book takes you inside the mind of someone who was truly instrumental in one of the great revolutions of our time. After reading it, I was even more proud of having worked for Apple. For your enjoyment, here’s a list of the top ten things that I learned by reading I, Woz. 1. In the sixth grade Woz scammed gubernatorial candidate Richard Nixon with a certificate from the school’s ham radio club. The certificate was made with crayons just before the ceremony, and Woz was the only “member” of the club. 2. The Apple IPO made the most millionaires in one single day in history up to that point in time. 3. Woz and Jobs worked as Alice in Wonderland characters at a shopping mall in San Jose. [Steve Jobs doing this boggles my mind.] 4. Woz didn’t return to the University of Colorado after his first year because he ran up too much computer timesharing costs. 5. Woz tried to call the Pope by impersonating Dr. Henry Kissinger. He almost got through except that the Vatican called the real Dr. Kissinger to verify the call. 6. An armed robber stole a blue box from Woz and Jobs in Sunnyvale. 7. Allen Baum alleviated Woz’s concern about leaving Hewlett Packard to start Apple by telling him, “You can be an engineer and become a manager and get rich, or you can be an engineer and stay an engineer and get rich.” 8. Woz lost approximately $12 million in each of the two US Festivals that he put on. 9. Woz taught computer technology to elementary school students for ten years. 10. The book ends with Woz’s thoughts on being a great engineer: • Don’t waiver. • See things in gray-scale. • Work alone. • Trust your instincts.
top searches on twitter search By Heather Dougherty | 4/7/09 | Hitwise Intelligence tpburl.com/prmsgj What do people search for on Twitter? We collected search terms that took place within Twitter’s search engine to identify the topics that are being searched most often on Twitter for the week ending March 21, 2009. Searches for the vampire series ‘twilight’ were the most popular for the week overall fueled by the US release of the DVD, followed by ‘redco,’ and ‘parkersburg.’ The NCAA tournament was also getting underway and teams such as the Georgetown Hoyas and Maryland made appearances in the Top 25. Two news outlets, MSNBC and E! news were also included in the Top 25 search terms on search.twitter.com. Among the top 75 search terms on search.twitter.com, entertainment-related ones were among the most popular and represented 29% of the share of searches. Celebrity personalities were the biggest sub-category within Entertainment being searched, with Paris Hilton and Oprah Winfrey topping the list. Jeremy Davies ranked 3rd along with his character Daniel Faraday from ABC’s Lost at #4. John Mayer rounded out the top 5, not surprisingly the same week that his Twitter habits were implicated in the break-up with Jennifer Aniston. The most popular television shows being searched for the week on Twitter’s search were NBC’s The Biggest Loser, NBC’s Saturday Night Live, and The SciFi Network’s Battlestar Galactica (#BSG).
touch tablet: palm to beat apple to it? By JG Mason | 3/30/09 | Gadgetell tpburl.com/ smdwt1 Every time Apple has an event, rumors of a tablet netbook pop up. The idea of a larger iPhone with a bigger screen and connectivity has been drawing techies like moths to a flame, yet Apple stays on the sidelines. Now, an interesting discussion about Palm’s new WebOS on a netbook is laying out the case for the company to spin its wares to netbooks. I’ll take it one step further, it could make a touch-based netbook and beat Apple to the punch. At CES this year at the Pre introduction, Palm was careful about saying they expect the WebOS to migrate to other devices. Editor-in-chief of LAPTOP Mark Spoonauer wrote a post why a Palm-Dell marriage might make lots of sense. “This week the hot rumor is that a Dell-Palm marriage could be on the horizon, and I do think the idea has merit. Although the eagerly anticipated Pre device would certainly give street cred to any potential suitor, it’s the WebOS itself and its potential beyond smart phones that makes Palm an especially tempting target.”
Remember the joy of Woz when an “expert” tells you that you need to conduct market research, run your design past focus groups, and set up offshore development. His advice is applicable to any small business, and if you listen to him, you’ll be fine—if not dancing with joy.
Staff at The Printed Blog
Amanda Nyren / Assistant Editor/Music Editor
Since graduating from Northwestern in ‘08, Amanda has juggled roles at CenterstageChicago.com, Chicago Examiner and Time Out Chicago. In addition to local arts and entertainment (especially music), she’s interested in cloning herself, since trying to attend every great concert and event in our fair city has left her tired and cranky.
Spoonauer goes on to list five reason why WebOS would shake up the netbook world: most attractive Linux build, ever; touch friendly, integrated with the cloud, ARM processor friendly, and it supports Flash. Building on Spoonauer, I’d add that Palm has already done the leg-work in the netbook world with its attempt known as the Foleo. The company delved into pseudo-netbook territory before so building again would not only make sense, it might help a bunch of the bruised egos with the implosion of Foleo. Having a laptop form factor, the Foleo was nothing more than a Treo assistant that connected through the phone. I believe Palm is not just looking to pull even with anyone; clearly, it sees the value in creating a category. The touch-enabled Eee PC or HP laptops have left me wanting. Their OS touch controls are little more than sideshow effects. Not until an OS built touch-specific will touch make much sense on a netbook. Palm could pull this together and make a compelling offering, something its Pre has done as well. Can Palm build this fast enough?
Joshua Karp, Founder and Publisher Editorial Jeff Pelline, Managing Editor Koray Girton, Layout Editor Terry Mertens, Guest Editor Laurel Dailey, Photography Editor Emily Schleier, Blog Manager/Assistant Editor Michelle Doellman, Assistant Publisher Erin Holness, Assistant Editor Luke Trayser, Production Assistant Todd Alexander, Graphic Design Editor Amanda Nyren, Assistant Editor/Music Editor
Social Networks Jenn Beese, Social Network Manager Katie Huntley, Social Networking Intern Advertising & Public Relations Lauren Omura, Dir. of Advertiser Relations Katie Killary, Media Consultant
email@example.com www.theprintedblog.com blog.theprintedblog.com Facebook: tpburl.com/rq3bp1 MySpace: tpburl.com/dxm91h Twitter: tpburl.com/nxdkfv
The Printed Blog Inc. 216 South Jefferson, Suite 200 Chicago, Illinois 60661 (312) 924-1040
Website & Application Development Ion Olaru, Webmaster
Ian Porter | tpburl.com/dm0cj3
The Printed Blog
my biggest qualification for writing an advice column is the fact that someone gave me an advice column By The Bloggess | 3/30/09 | TheBloggess.com tpburl.com/08g7v1 Holy crap, y’all. I have my first real writing gig. Writing an advice column. That just happened. It’s for this company called PNN and I think it’s like CNN for chicks. I’m afraid to ask what the P stands for. All I know is that in spite of many, many emails letting them know what a horrible mistake they were making they were still all “Meh. What’s the worst you could do?” Me: Hey! I made a banner for the advice column: PNN: Wow. Let’s hold off on that one for a week or so. Me: I’m working on my first post. You’re probably going to get sued. PNN: We scoff at lawsuits. Me: I’d like to get paid in monkeys. PNN: We will give you several t-shirts with your face on them. Me: Can I have one with a big picture of me on it and it’ll just say ”Why yes, actually. I *am* wearing my own shirt.”? PNN: You are very weird. Surprisingly, we still want to work with you.
This is probably going to be a disaster awesome. Now someone please come over here and ask me for advice or else I will stab one of you in the ankle.
weiners By Black Hockey Jesus | 4/1/09 | The Wind In Your Vagina tpburl.com/x6ck2t My daughter is obssessed with weiners. That was not the easiest sentence to write. But we must stare headlong at the truth. It won’t be denied. My daughter is completely thrilled, overjoyed, and enamored by weiners. And you know what? It’s probably not a phase she’ll soon grow out of - it’ll get worse, I’m sure (but then she’ll get married and that seems to cure it). In the Greek restaurant she points at a statue and asks “Who’s that funny man, Daddy?” and I say “That’s no man. That’s Apollo, the God of Music and Poe-” “LOOK AT HIS WEINER, DADDY! HIS WEINER’S HANGING OUT! HEY LADY! COME AND SEE APOLLO’S CRAZY WEINER! PUT YOUR WEINER AWAY AT THE DINNER TABLE, APOLLO!” She stops for a moment here to dry laugh - her eyes are slammed closed, her jaw is locked, and her wide open elated mouth makes no sound. The waiter appears. She breathes and resumes. “I SAW GOD’S WEINER! HOW COME THERE’S WEINERS IN YOUR RESTAURANT? MY DADDY HAS A WEINER! BUT IT’S IN HIS PANTS! I CAN’T BELIEVE APOLLO’S CRAZY WEINER! HA HA HA AHHHH HA HA HA HA HA!” My wife shushes to no avail. I gaze at grape leaves. Wonder how I got here. And mutter “Check please.” I don’t want to be a stereotypical Dad who refuses to acknowledge that his daughter is a being with sexual facets. I don’t intend to lock her up and not let her date and point shotguns at her suitors. But in spite of what I want and what I don’t intend, I’ll admit that hearing my daughter scream with glee about weiners is vaguely menacing. It feels like a storm coming. It’s way off in the future. But it’s coming. I thought diapers and crying were hard. But now, appearing on the distant horizon and sure to complicate things beyond my wildest imaginings: weiners. PHOTOS
Dewey Tann | tpburl.com/mj3805
sils: gogirl By Vagina Drum | 4/5/09 | Vagina Drum tpburl.com/5924z0 I’ve peed on a lot of different things. The beach, the street, and right next to the “Welcome to Colorado” sign (which has unfortunately been documented in photos). In each case, I had to pull my pants as far forward as I could, hope that I wouldn’t wet myself, and deal with the inevitable disappointment upon realizing that I had…wet myself. Luckily, GoGirl recently sent me a sample of their product, which means that my pants are now free from the threat of being soaked with urine. I was impressed enough with the GoGirl packaging that I decided to take a few photos to share. I didn’t expect it to be so complete, but in the compact tube pictured above, there is the GoGirl itself, a piece of toilet paper (such a nice touch), and a plastic bag for disposal printed with instructions. There may be an assumption that the GoGirl is for hairy bull dykes who will stop at nothing to obtain a penis. Well, not really (although I’m sure that could be one of its uses). Instead, the GoGirl is useful for hiking, camping, traveling, or when you step into a public bathroom and realize that someone with the bladder control of an elderly German Shepherd has just preceded you. The GoGirl is made of medical grade silicon, which means it can be washed and re-used, and has a convenient splash guard that prevents spilling. When I used the GoGirl for the first time, I peed all over myself. This is more of a testament to my inability to read and follow directions than the product itself, but I do recommend a few test runs in the bathtub before taking it out in a place where you don’t have a fresh change of underwear. It worked perfectly for me the second time around, once I got the hang of how I needed to press the GoGirl up against my body. All it takes is a steady hand in order to keep the flat (larger) part up against your snatch, and the stream flows through the spout and onto as many surfaces as you care to mark. This summer, I’m taking a cross-country road trip, and I feel good knowing my GoGirl is coming along. I regret to tell you that I didn’t take any pictures of me actually using the GoGirl, but that is mostly because this isn’t Piss Drinkers Magazine. Advertising
Dewey Tann | tpburl.com/mj3805 Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.
ten plot suggestions for sex and the city 2
heath ledger to make a cameo appearance in next batman movie By SoSickWitItYo | 4/2/09 | Tha Good Live Reviews tpburl.com/4t8r1d Heath Ledger was truly an amazing actor, one who really took on some tough roles and faced a lot of speculation as to whether or not he was able to play certain parts in movies. There were many who, when finding out Heath Ledger would be the next Joker, said that he did not have what it takes to play the role, and that the movie would bomb because of him. Well, he proved them all wrong, with an Academy Award-winning performance that blew so many people away. Now, I have not heard this from a truly credible source, but from what I understand, the person who has made the past two Batman movies has made the technology to re-create a character without the character even being present. It is hard to explain in writing, but I am going to do my best. The character that we see on screen when acting can be manipulated and duplicated to do other things. The people that work this technology can get the character to move and act certain ways, just like the real actor can! On top of that, they can add voice sounds and track tapes to it, allowing for a character to be played by a computer, rather than a person! The talk (from what I have heard), is that Heath Ledger will be making a cameo appearance in the next Batman movie. This whole concept this is a bit over my head, but it definitely will be interesting to see what they do with the movie. If Heath is in it, and there is a computer playing it, I would be very impressed and awed that the creators of the movie were able to do that.
my diva anthology out now By Collin Kelley | 4/3/09 | Collin Kelley: Modern Confessional tpburl.com/tsf75j My Diva: 65 Gay Men On the Women Who Inspire Them (University of Wisconsin Press) is already racking up some good reviews. This is the anthology that includes my essay on the great French actress Jeanne Moreau. It’s out now and available at Amazon, B&N, and should be in many bookstores. Editor Michael Montlack is setting up a reading during the Saints & Sinners Literary Festival and we’re hoping to get him down to Atlanta as well. Kirkus Reviews Gay male writers-including Mark Doty, Wayne Koestenbaum, Cyrus Cassells and others-pay homage to their divas. In the introduction to this revealing study of secular devotion, fanatic fandom, heroine-worship-call it what you will-poet Montlack (English/Berkeley Coll.) says that within two weeks of announcing his idea, more than 40 contributors had signed on. The list is quite a cornucopia of female cultural icons, ranging from Sappho to Princess Leia. “[T]here seems still to be a particular type of fandom, or devotion, that only gay guys can deliver,” writes the author. “[W]e show up for the ladies like no one else and usually stick with them for life.” Such fervor and steadfast loyalty blaze through these diverse accounts, whether in depicting an icon, admitting what she means to the devotee or exploring the nature of devotion itself. Poignant and colorful description dominates: Queen Elizabeth I, “undeniably a nerd’s diva,” that “crusty, white-faced Gloriana”; Nina Simone, with her “velvety voice” so “slow, so full, so processional it could pull a ship of lonely sailors to shore”; Elizabeth Taylor in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, whose “disheveled hair falling onto her bloated face and into those famed eyes physically transformed her to a gorgon”; Julia Child, “crowned everlastingly in a brown helmet of bedroom hair.” Such splendid portraiture traces the outlines of the writer’s immediate, breathless relation to his diva, for whom she may have paved a route out of repression or a confining home life (Joan Sutherland, Auntie Mame), acted as a tangential, sympathetic witness to the author’s budding sexuality or take-no-prisoners attitude (Kate Bush, Sade, Bjork) or continues to serve asa catalyst for an evolving sense of self (Lucille Ball, Mahalia Jackson). A delightful essay collection. Publishers Weekly In very short, very tender essays, a variety of gay male writers, from poets to playwrights to a standup comic, pay homage to an even wider variety of women who have inspired them. Peter Dubé writes how the photography of Claude Cahun suggested “a delirious world of possibilities”; Jeff Oaks recalls a childhood of wearing wristbands fashioned from paper cups to emulate his “model of power,” Wonder Woman; Christopher Lee Nutter looks back on his closeted teenage years and how Sade taught him “that there was a world somewhere that suited them better than the world they’d been born into.” While a few essays are disappointingly shallow (“More than smart and fabulous, Parker Posey is fall-on-the-floor ridiculous”), such standout pieces as Mark Doty on Grace Paley are elegant and affectionate tributes to how these muses have been “fairy godmothers” and “older sisters,” as Montlack’s introduction explains, and illustrate how complex, sustaining and lifelong are the bonds between gay men and their divas.
By Caroline Stanley | 4/7/09 | Flavorwire tpburl.com/4knhm8 According to Vulture, Sex And The City 2 has a release date (May 28, 2010, if you must know) and as much as it pains us to admit this, we’re not excited. (If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you might remember that WE HATED IT.) But, in the spirit of second chances and because we’re still the proud owners of Seasons One, Two and Three on VHS and the following three on DVD, we’re not writing it off just yet. (Remember: Sometimes franchises get better.) After the jump, ten things we hope happen in the sequel; no surprise, they all involve Samantha, the only character who’s still single and presumably still having lots of sex in the city. (As Sarah Jessica has said she wants this one to be a romp, so we like to think that she’d agree. In fact, SJP, if you’re reading this, hire us as screenwriters. Jenny Bicks don’t know from funny.) 1. Samantha should seduce another doorman. To give this an “in this economy” twist, maybe it’s in lieu of a traditional holiday tip. (Before you write in and say that the first doorman was Charlotte’s and that Sam doesn’t have a doorman, think about it: Would she really be living in the Meatpacking District now? Even the trannies have relocated.) 2. Samantha should have pity ex-sex with The Turtle. Again, “in this economy” Wall Street guru Bernie Turtletaub has likely had a fall from grace. And maybe he’s done something to fix that bad breath problem by now. 3. Samantha should accidentally sleep with that same guy for a third time. 4. And then, because she feels guilty about it, she should sleep with the really old guy again. He’s probably an octogenarian by now, which would be a first for her. It’s always good to break new ground and we all know she enjoys sharing Viagra. 5. Sam runs into Sum, who inherited all of super rich Mr. Harvey’s money. Catfight! 6. Samantha dates Chivon again — mostly because we enjoy the way she looks in hoops. 7. Samantha meets someone who trumps funky spunk. Swears off oral sex until she runs into Mr. Pussy, who is still going at it. 8. Samantha admits that the whole fling with Maria was just a ploy to get free art. She sells it all at Christie’s and is rich enough to quit her job and open an amateur wrestling studio where Richard Wright, whose hotels have all gone bankrupt, is a towel boy. 9. Samantha cures cancer. 10. And because all good chick flicks end with a wedding, Sam Jones marries Sam Jones. Friar Fuck officiates. We always knew she’d end up with a younger guy and we always knew it would never be Smith. PHOTOS
Olivia Locher | tpburl.com/z45crj
Christine Sanderson Chicago artist Christine ‘Star’ Sanderson laces her work with untamed color and surrealism, juxtaposing fluid landscapes with figures that reflect issues in modern society. Using oil and spray paint, her raw innovative painting style has been greatly shaped by a degree in visual communications from the University of Kansas, her studies in art and design at Instituto Europeo di Design in Milan, and American artists Norman Rockwell and Frederic Edwin Church. In the past ten years Sanderson has shown in various galleries, lounges, contests and events throughout Chicago. Her latest series of vigorous and stimulating oil paintings labeled “Love, Life and Liberty” is a reflection of the freedoms that we enjoy as Americans. “I want to remind everyone that we are a country with many privileges and freedoms that we take for granted. Yes, we have problems, but in the past we have been innovators of moving forward from our biggest mistakes.” For Christine, “being a visual artist is an escape from reality, where I can create a new world or an abstract vision. The part I love the most is to be able to share my paintings with the viewer, who for a few seconds looks at my work and is immersed in what I created.”
The Printed Blog
why newspaper and music comparisons are no longer relevant
Florencia Belen | tpburl.com/h80tz7 Entertainment
fresh squeezed: the rumble strips By Jason | 4/7/09 | WHAT TO WEAR DURING AN ORANGE ALERT? tpburl.com/q4ps8x Childhood friends,The Rumble Strips, have a sound and style that is instantly familiar and enjoyable. Theirs is a clean and catchy pop sound, that has already found them on movie soundtracks and on stages around the world. The vocals of Charlie Waller are at the center of this sound and on their debut album Girls and Weather he sang his way into homes across the UK and around the world. Waller has a style and swagger that is unique and captivating, and fans have been awaiting his next move for the last two years. The new album ‘Welcome To The Walk Alone’ was produced by Mark Ronson, and is due to be released in the UK on June 8th 2009. However, they are giving the world a sneak peak now by giving away their vibrant new single “London” for free. Check it out!
By Mark Cuban | 4/7/09 | Blog Maverick tpburl.com/4z7vf6 Every argument has its “go to” comparison. Talk to anyone about what is going to happen with the future of TV, and inevitably there will be a reference to “look what happened to the newspapers” or “Look what happened to the music industry.” Can we just set aside those arguments for all things media going forward and say that such arugments are INCREDIBLY STUPID? Yes, they are INCREDIBLY STUPID. In a digital era, it makes absolutely no sense to compare industries that were trying to protect and serve products that were and are PHYSICALLY DISTRIBUTED and by far the biggest source of their revenues vs industries that distribute their products completely digitally or for whom physical products are in the minority. The music industry made the mistake of trying to destroy digital distribution in order to protect the physical distribution of CDs. Not only did they not have an answer to digitally distribute music in the Napster era, but they STILL DO NOT! Fortunately for them, they have finally recognized that for the most part the CD is dead, but where revenue is being generated by their music, they deserve their cut. Imagine if they had established a digital distribution portal for audio and video, ala Hulu, that could at least attempt to compete with iTunes and YouTube. They would be in far better shape. Instead they are reinventing their business model. The CD was doomed to die, no matter what happened. Trying to protect it was a mistake. The newspaper industry tried to protect the physical distribution of their papers. That was a mistake. Their problem was not only that they lost their ability to differentiate from content on the net, but they also lost their ability to differentiate their value to advertisers from the net. There is no inherent advantage to reading the news or advertisements via the paper vs the internet, it has become a personal or business preference. Unfortunately for the local newspaper industry, it doesn’t appear any of their publishers are creative enough to come up with options to attack digital. Comparing Cable, Telco and Satellite TV vs Online Video and referencing music or newspapers is a mistake. The internet, digital cable (which is becoming more ubiquitous, even to the point of Switched Digital), Telco video and of course satellite video are all already digitally distributed. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages. None will be the winner to the complete exclusion of another. They all will complement each other. The only real outstanding issue is with the big content producers. The question is what happens with DVD sales ? Is the decline in sales due to the economy, the impact of downloads, the impact of VOD from cable, telco and satellite and internet, or maybe even the impact of people choosing to pay $10 to go to the movies rather than paying $15 to $20 for a DVD ? I’m not sure that we know the answer yet. As you might guess, I have an opinion on this. I think people are choosing out of home entertainment. They are watching more TV and things on TV, and with limited disposable income, they are choosing inexpensive out of home entertainment. If it costs less than $10 per person and its outside the house, its probably a business that is doing well. From movies to restaurants. I think there is another issue as well. There is a critical business distinction between the digital distribution of movies via download vs the physical distribution of DVDs. When DVDs resellers and retailers buy quantities of the physical product, they take the responsibility of selling them. They write a check for the products they sell net of returns for the smaller movies, and with out returns for the biggest movies. That is real money in the bank within 90 days of shipment. On the digital download side, its purely consignment. No cash, no certainty until after the fact. Why do you think Netflix gets so much product once it hits their window and YouTube/ Google don’t? Because Netflix will offer minimum guarantees of revenue. YouTube/Google and other online sites pay purely on consignment. That is the key problem for movie and tv download sites. They have so little confidence in their ability to sell downloads for any given title, they are terrified of having to offer guarantees. The content companies are happy to offer any and all shows/movies/content that is not generating revenue in physical form to any and all download sites. But that is what separates them from the music industry. They have the ability to distribute through any and all types of distribution, as well as to offer downloads on their own. Its just a question of managing and optimizing the allocation of product to different distribution outlets rather than trying to completely shut down digital outlets ala the music industry. PHOTOS
one... two... By mookie | 3/30/09 | in ALL caps tpburl.com/cvh5r9 Are you ready to rock? If you haven’t played Guitar Hero World Tour yet, where exactly have you been? Guitar Hero World Tour transforms music gaming by expanding Guitar Hero’s signature guitar gameplay into a cooperative band experience that combines advanced wireless instruments with online and offline gameplay modes including online Band Career and 8-player “Battle of the Bands,” which allows two full bands to compete head-to-head online. The game features a slick redesigned guitar, an authentic electronic drum kit, and a microphone, as well as a Music Studio music creator that lets players compose, record, edit and share their own rock ‘n’ roll anthems. It’s great fun...and probably good for you too. I mean...you can get a sort of workout from the game....or at least an increased level of flexibility and hand-eye coordination. ...and if you are like me, this might be your first taste of what it’s like to participate in Karaoke in the privacy and safety of your own home! Sunday, my brother and his girlfriend Boopsy, and me and the Little One got down for a “gig” or two. Boopsy had a tough time on the drums, but The Little One jumped in to cover drums while Boopsy got sent to the front of the band to sing. TLO even got a 555 note streak during a song! We all stopped to congratulate her on that amazing skin session. [Note from TLO: you did?!] [Reply Note from Mookie: you might have been too busy basking in your own awesomeness to hear us?!] The fun and shenanigans began when my brother decided he wanted to give singing a go with the punk fueled anthem“ Prisoner of Society” by The Living End. Well, even on easy, the drums proved difficult for the seasoned drummer that TLO has become over the months. Even after three or four attempts at it. Mookie to the rescue. I rocked this song. It was damn fun! You really had to internalize the rhythm to hit the very fast notes on the snare and cymbals. 555 note streak my ass! LOL So...in honor of that fun time we share with you that song from that game. The Living End are from Melbourne, Australia. It’s off their self titled album released in 1995 and made it #23 on the American Billboard’s Modern Rock Tracks chart. My brother loved singing it, maybe you would too?
Rafael Bonilla | tpburl.com/jgq0sk Chirp Off
@theprintedblog asked: what is the first thing you would do if you owned the new two-person gm-segway vehicle? @thursdayschild @bradbretz
Well, if it’s anything like it sounds, the answer probably isn’t two chicks at the same time. I’d drive around town showing it off. Then after the stares, glares and laughter, park it and never ride it again. ;)
I would ride it off a skate ramp trying to jump over people.
Tag all the Chicago parking meters. One person drives while the other spray paint the displays black.
I would start a lazy man’s rickshaw business
First thing I’d have to do: pave my driveway.
i’d build an obstacle course and host races.
I’d find the tiniest parallel parking space just because.
I would pull up to night clubs in that two wheeler then find some ramps. Actually maybe get full coverage on it.
Views expressed in Content do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or the printed blog inc.
Things That Are Important In SF Part Deux By Ramona | 4/6/09 | Not so serious tpburl.com/ghvq5y I did this when I first moved here, and at the time I only had like 4 items, but they have all stood the test of time, which is another piece of evidence that SF and I are soulmates. They included Trader Joes, not blocking the sidewalk, indoor plants, the difference between San Francisco and California and not complimenting people on their insanely hip outfits. Here are 8 more things that are really important to people in San Francisco. 1. parks: People in san francisco love parks. This is because they love to be “active” and enjoy “nature.” Obviously, they don’t enjoy nature that much or they would be living on a ranch in Montana instead of a 7×7 peninsula made out of cement. This is another reason they enjoy parks: guilt. Upper middle class liberal guilt drives people to get outside as much as possible, because they think it makes them more virtuous, because they are “seizing the moment.” People in San Francisco love to seize the moment. The most important park to people in San Francisco is not Golden Gate, but Dolores. Golden Gate is for tourists and moms on the way to the Academy of Sciences. Dolores park is for hip young people looking to mingle with other hip young people. Dolores Park is also in the Mission, which is another thing that is important to people in San Francisco, because the Mission has diversity. People in San Francisco love to eat cheap and “authentic” Mexican food in the Mission almost as much as they love to talk about it. 2. wine bars: People in San Francisco love wine bars. Wine bars incorporate lots of things that are really important to people in San Francisco and it’s all in one easy location. These things include wine, large wine glasses, dark wood, olives, small plates, good-looking young people, and water in decanters. The only problem with wine bars is the incredibly extensive wine menu with many difficult-to-pronounce words on it. If there’s anything that people in San Francisco hate more than L.A., I guess it might be looking like an unsophisticated moron who doesn’t know how to say beaujolais. This causes people to have wine bar anxiety, which in turn causes some uncomfortable feelings, because they also know that they really love wine bars. This is called cognitive dissonance. This is also why pre-gaming in the park was invented, so that you can get sloshed before you even get to the wine bar and not even care when you start speaking Spanish. 3. hating on Marina people: People in San Francisco love to hate on people who live/hang-out in the Marina. Neighborhood differentiation is almost more important to people in San Francisco than it is to people in New York. The Marina is considered to be where people from continental California (i.e. L.A.) congregate, and if there’s anything people in San Francisco hate more than L.A., I would almost feel bad for that thing. People in San Francisco, especially people who live in the Mission or the Haight, love to talk shit about Marina people and can often be heard sitting in a park somewhere, drinking Red Stripe and saying things like this, “If only the people in the Marina would disappear, I think I would actually enjoy hanging out there.” Sometimes, when people from other neighborhoods decide to venture into the Marina to try out one of their trendy new restaurants, they have conversations like this, “Let’s go to dinner at SuchandSuch.” “Where’s that?” “In the Marina (this part is said in a whisper).” “Hah. I’ll be sure to wear my Juicy sweatsuit.” “Yeah, and I’ll be sure to wear my striped button-up and man Sevens when I pick you up in my BMW.” And then everyone laughs. People in San Francisco love to make clever jokes, and then laugh about them with friends. 4. fixed gear bicycles: People in San Francisco love fixed gear bicycles. In case you don’t live in San Francisco, a fixed gear bicycle or “fixie” seems to be best summed up as one in which there is typically only one gear ratio, no visible brakes, and pedals that spin whenever the bike is in motion making coasting impossible, and perfecting the art of the standing on your pedals at stoplights very important. People in San Francisco love doing stuff like standing nonchalantly on the pedals of their bikes while waiting at a stoplight downtown. They feel they look cool when they do this, and the truth is they kind of do. If you are walking within earshot near anyone who looks like they might be from San Francisco and you say the word “fixie” they will immediately turn around and want to either be your friend or strangle you, probably the latter because people from San Francisco already have friends. 5. dogs: People in San Francisco love dogs. Not just small dogs either, but dogs of all sizes and shapes. This is because people in San Francisco love diversity and originality. Some especially popular dogs in San Francisco are Bulldogs (both English and French), Great Danes (because it’s important to have a dog the size of a pony when you live in an apartment the size of my knuckle), pugs (which also happen to be the most popular dog in the U.S.), and Dachsunds, which are simply adorable. When people aren’t talking to each other about how much they want a dog, or how mean their landlord is to not let them have one, they are in a park obsessing over other people’s dogs. Dog adoration is a major way that people get dates in San Francisco. You like the look of someone’s dog, you like the look of the dog’s owner, the dog comes and sits by you, the owner follows it over and you say, “What a cute dog!” And all of a sudden you have a boyfriend and a pet. 6. coffee shops that sell beer: People in San Francisco love coffee shops that sell beer. This is partly because people in San Francisco love to drink. They love to consider themselves to be “European” instead of “American” and therefore feel the need to drink during the day as much as possible. People in San Francisco take day drinking to whole new levels, and they love to do this in parks (see #1). So you say, why not just go to a bar, San Franciscans? The reason is this: for every 10 San Franciscans who love day drinking there are 10 more who are “not drinking this week” or working a 12-step program or pregnant. If you are meeting up with one of these temporary teetotalers for a beverage you can’t just go to a bar, because that might interfere with their goals, program, or pregnancy so you go to a coffee shop that sells beer and bam one person starts to get hopped up on caffeine while the other is mellowing out on a Blue Moon, and soon the neurons in you and your friend’s brains are firing at totally different speeds, and everyone is happy. 7. knowing the owner: People in San Francisco love to go places where they know the owner. They also look for places in conversations where they can say things like, “Oh yeah, I know the owner.” When they go to places where they know the owner they feel very superior to everyone who they feel probably does not know the owner, and therefore is not as cool as they are. They like to greet the owner with a kiss on both cheeks to demonstrate how European they are and also the fact that they know the owner well enough to kiss him/her on the face, although in San Francisco you don’t have to know people very well to be allowed and even encouraged to kiss them on both cheeks, but if you go to the wrong side first you might end up having an open mouth moment, which can be embarrassing, and people in San Francisco hate to be embarassed. When people get to know the owner of a restaurant/wine bar/tattoo parlor they like to go there as much as possible so that they can become “regulars.” They also like for at least part of their bill to be comped by the owner. If the owner neglects to comp at least part of the bill the people feel sad, rejected, and insecure and since these are the most hated feelings in the minds of San Franciscans they may stop frequenting this establishment, and they might even take down their 4-star Yelp! review about it. 8. tattoos: If there is anything that people in San Francisco love more than tattoos that thing is probably a wine bar. A lot of people in wine bars have tattoos. People in San Francisco are really good at incorporating lots of things that they like into one really awesome thing like a wine bar next to a park filled with good-looking young people with tattoos who hate the Marina.
Steven Karl Metzer | tpburl.com/hzv480
SAN FRANCISCO Nick’s Crispy Tacos Categories: Mexican Location: 1500 Broadway, San Francisco, CA 94109 tpburl.com/ptc74j Janney B. says, “A man sat across from me on the morning train and ran his hand through his hair 137 times in a row. I didn't start counting until after awhile, so the correct number is actually much higher. I looked around for a hidden camera, but couldn't spot one. And then noticed something: He was only massaging his head when the train was underground between stops. His rubbing was a coping mechanism for being scared to death of dying underground. Isn't that hilarious?! *pause* I think we can all stand to learn from this morning's scalp molestor. So, the next time I go to Nick's Crispy Tacos and I'm tempted to order two tacos, even though one is big enough to fill me up, I'm gonna rub my head. Really good and really hard and over and over again. As the line weaves through the nightclub next door, all the way up to the front of the cash register, I'm gonna be rubbing until they either, A) call the police with a 5150, or B) refuse to let me order my tacos Nick's way. Not that there's anything wrong with paying $.95 cents for a flour tortilla and huge dollop of guac to be added to your crispy taco. But my waistline doesn't need it. At all. When we order food, I think we all can learn a thing or two from guys who touch themselves on the Muni train.”
See all San Francisco reviews at www.yelp.com/sf
SAN FRANCISCO EVENTS APR
Ub40 Marin Center Showcase Theater/San Rafael tpburl.com/sjmn5q
Morrissey, The Courteeners Paramount Theatre tpburl.com/52rp9v
Giants vs. Diamondbacks AT&T Park tpburl.com/m14wh8
Earth Day Extravaganza Richmond District Neighborhood Center tpburl.com/jbz249
17 18 18 18
Bloc Party Fox Theatre - Oakland tpburl.com/rwy3zm
Britney Spears Oracle Arena tpburl.com/59knh8
Spinal Tap Paramount Theatre tpburl.com/80hg4k
There’s No Place Like Home Westin Saint Francis Hotel tpburl.com/vqzcyg
20 22 22 24
See what is happening in San Francisco at eventful.com/SanFrancisco
The Printed Blog