Page 1

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 1

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 2


VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

Follow us on the web at www.issuu.com/theplant

CONTACT: theplantpaper@gmail.com

the plant Dawson College 3040 Sherbrooke Street West Westmount, QC, H3Z 1A4 Tel: (514) 931-8731 ext:1115 theplantpaper@gmail.com Copyright 2012

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Casandra De Masi Managing Editor Nathalie Laflamme News Editor Stefanie Broos International News Editor & CUP Liaison Maricar-Kristine Montes Arts & Culture Editor Ema Kibirkstis Features Editor Zac Starke Voices Editor Oliver Nacey Sports Editor Samantha Mileto Graphics Editor Kate Ogorova Comics Editor Kate Ogorova Head Copy Editor Erica Guth Web Editor Adriana Toro Super Happy Crazy Fun Page Stephanie Ullman Photo Editor Ema Kibirkstis

Public Relations Casandra De Masi Nathalie Laflamme Business Manager Karl Ussakowski Tech Support Julian Wolfe, Oliver Nacey Copy Editors Krystina Scenna, Andrea Roulet,Sarine Moumdjian

Staff Writers Krystina Scenna, Andrea Roulet, Maika Duperval, Karina Licursi, Laura Marchand, Rachel Pochat Selby, MarieJoelle Cromp, Chirstoper Martin, Gabrielle Colacci, Sarah Papadopoli, Shauna Zilversmit, Natalie Solomon, Elyssa

Letter from the Editor EASTER! For some, it is a time for family and religious observation. For others, it is an excuse for chocolate hoarding and binge eating at family dinners. Some people do not care at all, and take it as time off school and that’s where it stops. I cannot help but feel like holidays like Easter were a lot more enjoyable when we were kids. I remember getting all dressed up in a cute spring dress, going to a morning mass, and then spending the day with family all ending with an Easter egg hunt after a mysterious visit from an alleged over-sized bunny. Looking at it now, everyone in my family is so much older than me, so there is no one to plan Easter egg hunts for, not that much time for huge family dinners but rather smaller ones, and looking back, the thought of a strange, mutated bunny bringing children chocolate eggs,

even though they don’t lay eggs, is rather concerning to say the least. This is why I feel it is so important to keep up the spirits on holidays, despite the fact that we are growing up. I have a special chest in my room where I keep all my props for all holidays, including Canada day! It has come to the point where people who know me just expect

Editor of the Week

Stock, Daniel Sailofsky, Sarine Moumdjian, Alexandra Herrington, Alicia Walcott- Vancol, Daniel Etcovitch, Alexandra Eschweiler, Julian Wolfe, Robin Della Corte, Sara BaronGoodman, Karl Ussakowski , Barbara Madimenos,Camila Martinez-Lisle,

Contributors Devon Walcott, David Symon

me to do something spe- some time with your famcial on holidays, so no ily, no matter what you one questions me dress- believe in. And hang in ing as a Leprechaun for there, only a few more St.Patrick’s and no one weeks left! will wonder why I have Casandra De Masi bunny ears and a cotton Editor-in-Chief tail at work for Easter. casandrademasi@gmail.com You can laugh if you song of the week : The like; at least I am putting a smile on your face Walk- Mayer Hawthorne Feat. Rizzle Kicks somehow! Enjoy the tiny break Dawsonites! Try to spend

Name: Steph Ullman Section: Suoer Happy Crazy Fun How funny are Cass’ new glasses? On a scale from 1 to ROFLCOPTER, they’re YOLOOOOOO. Why do you twirl your hair? FUCK YOU I CAN’T STOP I WAS HOPING NOBODY NOTICED. Editor you are most likely to punch in the face by the end of the term? Probably myself. I just have this feeling . How sexy is Ema? I won’t be a pawn in your selfpromotional propaganda exploits. Do you enjoy the taste of chlorophyl? YUMMEHHHH ME GUSTA. Do you celebrate Easter? French ginger.

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 3

3 VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

EDITOR: Stefanie Broos CONTACT: stefanie_broos@hotmail.com

Tuition protests march on CAMILA MARTINEZLISLE SENIOR WRITER With additional reporting by


Students against the tuition hike imposed by the Jean Charest government took to the streets again on March 30, this time choosing an unusual neighborhood, Westmount. At around 2 p.m., approximately 300 students gathered at Cabot Square, on the corner of Atwater and St-Catherine Street. Sporting signs that read, “Education is a privilege, not a right.” With red square on their coats, they where ready to protest in one of the richest parts of the city. “This has come to our doorstep. Even though Dawson has voted ‘no’ to go on strike, there are other ways [to protest],” Nicholas Di Penna, a first semester psychology student and member of Dawson Persists, said. “We need to just show up, and be a part of it.” At 2:20 pm, the crowd started walking down Atwater, taking over all of the four lanes. The SPVM and Westmount police followed the group closely as they were marching in a private neighborhood, which has their own private security. The crowd however, remained peaceful.

“It was really important that Dawson participate in such a protest considering it took place in our area,” Chris Dahdah, a fourth semester Cin/Vid/Com student, said. “Dawson should be the face of the student movement in Westmount. “ The next destination was Premier Jean Charest’s House. On Victoria Street, the SPVM had already circled Charest’s home. Arriving at around 3:00 p.m., the students created a giant sit-in in front of his house. “Peaceful sit-ins are always good exposure, and ending in front of Charest's house may not have been the most effective strategy, but it was purely symbolic,” Dahdah said. An hour later, a young man from CEGEP Vieux-Montreal read a letter directed to the Primier himself about their cause, pleading the policeman to let him put it in his mailbox. Something the SPVM refused with the disapproval of the crowd. At around 4:30 p.m., the students slowly left the scene, but it wasn’t the only action organized for the weekend. On Sunday, two creative protest were organized. The Tour de L’Ile en Rouge prompted protesters to take out their bike and dress in red for a ride around the city. Starting at Parc Lafontaine and finishing at McGill. “It was a great new way of protesting and more effective than people walking, because it took more room on the streets,”


Water re-fill stations have been a higher demand at Dawson College and are helping us trying to save the planet. Students have been complaining that there are not enough water re-fill stations throughout Dawson. “We recently purchased the four additional refill stations for a total of seven,” Cindy Dale Elliott, Project Manager at Sustainable Dawson said. “During the next 6 - 8 months, consumption will be monitored to ascertain the feasibility of purchasing other stations.” The water re-fill stations are also preferred by several students. “I prefer the water refill stations over the water fountains because they are cooler and tastier,” Laurence Charland-Arcand a 2nd semester Literature student said. “Using the DSU water bottles are better than buying water at the cafeteria because it is too expensive to buy the water bottles,” Charland-Arcand said. “The DSU re-fill bottles also hold more water than actual water bottles,” Lisa Bartczak a 4th semester Literature student said. “Water re-fill stations are good, but there are enough water fountains to compensate,” Bartczak said. Though the water re-fill stations contain water that is cleaner and more pure than

the water fountains, some argue that it does not matter what water you use. “We have the best water system in North America if not the world,” Lenny Leprince, the Director of External Affairs said. Leprince has made it clear that the hot water option in the water re-fill stations is very useful. According to a document that went out to the Dawson Community, "Another concern is the private use of kettles in many offices. They are not efficient and can cause energy load issues.” The Green Peace at Dawson College is heavily involved in getting the extra water re-fills stations that were recently purchased. “We want to stop sales of water bottles. They are very expensive at Dawson,” Claire Lecker, the press Secretary of Green Peace said. According to the document sent to Dawson community, “oil-based disposable plastic is a major cause of pollution, both in its production and as long-lasting solid waste.” Aside from the expenses spent on water bottles and the disposal of them destroying our planet, the increase in water consumption is better for our health. “We are already receiving positive feedback from students and staff that are filling up their free DSU refillable water bottle rather than buying a drink with very high sugar content.” According to the document sent to Dawson community.

Photo Credit: Karina Licursi

Students in Westmount Square gather after protesting in front of Premier Charest’s home.

Farah Noun, a Dawson Persists representative, said about the Tour de l’Ile en Rouge. The same day, the student movement against the tuition fee hike took a comedic turn as organizers marched for the Mouvement des étudiants Super-Riches du

Quebec in an attempt to mock the one percent in Westmount. “I'm sure it was effective because it was so outrageous that it made people look twice,” added Noun about the march for the hike. Protesters sported green squares and

dressed in suits. Holding a banner that read “Poor = Pay,” leaving many people laughing. Many more protests are organized for the up-coming week. If you are interested, be sure to check out Dawson Persists Facebook Page for more information.


“I shot her in the stomach… I went to her and she said to me ‘please Jimmy, no more.’ I kissed her on the forehead, I said ‘no, just one more’ and then BOOM,” ex-convict James Holt said as he retold his life story to Darcy O’Connor’s Feature Writing class on March 28. As a class assignment, O’Connor’s students needed to write a major profile on a criminal. After O’Connor published his non-fiction book titled Montreal’s Irish Mafia: The True Story Of The Infamous West End Gang, Holt contacted him. “I got an email from Holt saying he enjoyed the book and that he knew several people in it,” O’Connor said. “He told me he goes around several schools in Ottawa giving motivational talks. My course was perfect for that. So he took a bus from Ot-

tawa to talk with us.” Twelve years after a 34-year sentence, Holt has turned his life around and now occasionally does motivational talks at schools about the possibility of change. He began his story from when he was a young boy up until the present day as a 67year-old man living in Ottawa with his Shihtzu. He led a life of crime and violence, which started in his teenage years. He earned 34 years in prison for attempted murder, however, nowadays he says he is a changed man. “I changed my life completely,” Holt said, “I met up with my family, I traveled a lot and went to talk at schools. I don’t hang out with the guys anymore.” The full class of students listened attentively as Holt recounted in vivid imagery and description his tales of crime and life in prison. They all wrote on paper or typed on computers, taking notes to complete the assignment. “I’m really overwhelmed,” Gabriel Par-

O’Connor’s book cover

the plant NYC RIGHT NOW the plant Shopping? no.

Broadway? no. Cana street? no.

adis-Knee, a fourth semester Arts and Culture student, said. “It’s really crazy and interesting how someone can turn their whole life around after going through so much.” According to second semester CIN/VID/COM student Mwanzi Johns, he definitely leaves someone with a lot to think about. “He had a lot to say,” Johns said. Holt stressed on the fact that everyone can change if they want to. He was told his whole life that there was no hope for him but now he proudly states, “I’ve made it.” With concern to Holt’s newly reformed life, he enjoys lifting weights and taking strolls on the beach. “I don’t smoke, drink or do drugs because they’re garbage,” Holt said. “The best drug I have is being free and enjoying life.” His goal is now to improve his life and the lives of others. “It took me 55 years to grow up, but now I’m living a beautiful life,” Holt said. “The biggest prison I got out of was in here,” he said as he pointed to his chest.

source: hour.ca

the plant Model UN? YES YES YESthe plant

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 4

Eyes on the DSU


VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5. 2012



“The DSU will host a Locks of Love event at Dawson College in collaboration with the Canadian Cancer Society,” Mira Katz, Deputy Chairperson, said.


The Dawson Student Union (DSU) moved through a packed agenda at their executive meeting last Friday, discussing the #notourbudget campaign, setting out guidelines for use of their office space, setting a date for a Locks of Love event, considering attending a demonstration against the tuition hikes in Sherbrooke on April 4, and other topics. After observing the formalities of adopting the chairs and the agenda, the meeting moved to discuss the #notourbudget campaign. This advocacy and activism campaign aims to make the public aware of the problems with the federal government’s recently released budget plan. “Many groups are not included,” Lenny Leprince, Director of External Affairs of the DSU, said. Some youth programs are severely cut and there “is no relief for student debt which is already at $15 billion,” Mathieu Murphy Perron, Executive Director of the DSU, said. Endorsing the #notourbudget campaign would involve helping some passionate students film a video targeted at creating awareness about flaws in the federal budget. As well, an official DSU endorsement of the campaign would bring legitimacy to any support they lend. After some discussion, the DSU decided

unanimously to endorse the campaign and help in any way that they can. Next came a discussion about the purpose of the DSU office, situated next to the escalator on the second floor. In the past week the DSU office has “been burdened with students not doing union business,” Leprince said. The members of the executive clarified that the office was strictly for union work and should not be used as a club space. The influx of people hanging out in there “limits the work we can do,” Ben Audet, Director of Clubs and Services, said. The executive ended the discussion by committing to eliminate the problem and reserve the office space for union related work. The DSU is also planning to host a notable event later this month, on April 23rd. “The DSU will host a Locks of Love event at Dawson College in collaboration with the Canadian Cancer Society,” Mira Katz, Deputy Chairperson, said. The Locks of Love event allows people to cut their hair and donate it to children who have lost their hair due to medical treatment. This year, both Mathieu Murphy Perron and Mia Pearson, Director of Mobilization and Communication, will be cutting their hair in support of the event.

Later in the meeting, the DSU executive considered the possibility of sending a Dawson delegation to the April 4 Tuition Fee Demonstration in Sherbrooke. The DSU has already “been in contact with the executive director at Collège Ahuntsic saying that we want to send at least 10 people,” Leprince said. Leprince stated that this protest is expected to draw a significant crowd so a Dawson presence is important. After some discussion about method of transportation, the executive decided that Dawson would send a group of interested students to the protest, whether by van or by bus. Following the major motions, the DSU moved into individual executive reports, allowing each member to discuss their actions over the past month. While the beginning of the month was largely focused on strike considerations, such as the failed Special General Assembly and the referendum, each executive had other activities to share. “I’ve been helping out the Dawson Persists group,” Leprince said, referring to the group of Dawson students working to stay committed to combatting tuition fees. Pearson plans on working to write response letters to articles in the Montreal

Gazette and other newspapers that put the strikers in a bad light. Léo Fugazza, Director of Internal Affairs of the DSU, brought multiple considerations to the table. He informed the executive that the “new water dispensers give out about 250 L per day,” marking a success for the ecologically driven project, Fugazza stated. As well, Fugazza had been attempting to spread the red square message at the New Democratic Party (NDP) convention during their leadership vote. “Niki Ashton, [Peggy] Nash, [Nathan] Cullen, and [Brian] Topp all wore [the red squares] while giving a speech or a video interview,” Fugazza said, referring to multiple candidates in the NDP leadership race. The only candidate who refused a red square was Thomas Mulcair, the eventual winner. Recapping a month full of protests and demonstrations, the DSU moved on several motions to enhance student activism and student life. Having moved through a packed meeting and dealing with many issues, the DSU executive closed the meeting, with every motion proposed having passed.

Profiling the profilers

EDITOR: Stefanie Broos CONTACT: stefanie_broos@hotmail.com


“There have been times where CSIS would ask for information (spying) in exchange for refugee status”, Fred Jones, professor of economics at Dawson, said.

A small crowd of 40 gathered outside of Montreal’s CSIS headquarters last Wednesday, as protesters from the People’s Commission Network called on members to “Profile the Profilers”, and put the same pressure on the agency that the organization claims they have been putting on immigrants. The group assembled at 8:00 a.m., and by 8:30 a.m., moved to the doors of the building housing Canada’s spies. As they stood, two members held a banner, with “CSIS, we’re watching you” written across. One woman who was leading the group was wearing a life-sized papiermaché security camera, chanting slogans through a megaphone. The group was protesting CSIS’s use of security certificates, a mechanism by which the Canadian government can detain any non-citizen in Canada for up to 120 days. The government says that these certificates can only be issued to someone who is suspected of having ties to organized crime or terrorism. Many human rights groups are against the security certificates because they claim the government uses them unjustly. “There have been times where CSIS would ask for information (spying) in exchange for refugee status,” Fred Jones, professor of economics at Dawson, said. “We’re a community network, and since about 2005, we’ve been active in the area of racial profiling and political repression and we’ve been trying to combat these things,” Mary Foster, a spokesperson for The People’s Commission Network, said. “What we’re calling all of that together is the “National Security Agenda” and we’re really concerned about how the state

is extending its powers through the discretion of ‘National Security’ and ‘Terrorism threat’.” The police were present, but kept a distance from the small crowd. Security guards remained at the doors as anyone coming in or out of the building were targeted by the group to ask personal questions, such as religion. The group said that the ‘Profile the Profilers’ idea was to remain at the door, and anyone working for CSIS coming to or from the building would have their privacy suspended. Security certificates are virtually unknown by Dawson Students. Some students, however, are aware of CSIS’s practices. Some, with the Canadian Access to Information Act, have requested their file, which contains information the CSIS has on them. It is said that CSIS keeps information on certain people, such as Student Union members, or anyone who has traveled to Pakistan more than once in five years. Many students know nothing about CSIS, saying they’ve never heard of them before. Some are vaguely aware of CSIS practices, saying that they are not in a position to pass judgement on CSIS. “Not a lot of Canadians know about [CSIS]. It’s kept secret, from the media, anyway,” Alec Schwinghamer, a forth semester social science student, said. “I’m not going to be ignorant and say it shouldn’t [exist], because I don’t know enough about the pros and cons.”

Outside the CSIS headquarters

Photo Credit:Devon Walcott

Is he a spy or a protester... know one will ever know Photo Credit:montreal.mediacoop.ca

the plant welcome your new news editor, stePH ulll the plant sorry broos the plant i hope this doesnt tarnish our friendship the plant

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 5

Ecowareness Battle begins STAFF WRITER

Photo Credit:Rachel Pochat Selby


Yup, that’s gonna be me this summer

Winners at the finish line

On June 9 and 10, the globally recognized “Spartan Race” will be coming to Mont-Tremblant, where participating athletes will physically and mentally compete in the world’s leading obstacle competition. The 12 kilometer race described as “Hell on Earth”, tests competitors as they confront obstacles consisting of water, fire, mud, barbed-wire and mental obstacles that promise to be equally as difficult. “This event requires you to be beyond physically strong but also mentally and I just don't think I would be able to come close to finishing the race,” Brandon Rivas, a fourth semester North South student, said. Competitors have a choice between three entry levels that determine the height of difficulty: The Spartan Sprint, Super Spartan, The Spartan Beast and The Death Race. All racers who participate and finish will receive finishing medals, beer (for those of age), a Spartan T-Shirt and what organizers describe as “stories, stories and more stories.” Still, the Spartan Race does not appeal to all young athletes. “Personally, I wouldn’t see myself participating in this event because I haven’t considered myself an athlete for a long time,” Sara Pierre, a Dawson Blues cheerleader said. “It seems like this competition is more geared toward those who are striving to overcome

Photo Credit:groupon.com

Photo Credit:photogallery.thestar.com

extreme physical hardships while I’m more interested in performance.” The obstacle race also offers team racing from groups of four to 30 members. Racers that wish to register as a team will receive rebates from their registration fee which can range anywhere between $60 and $80 a person. “I would want to participate by myself because it would be a test [to see if] I can overcome obstacles,” Nivetha Neminathan, a second semester Child Studies student, said. “People think of dirt and mud and say no but it’s something to actually try because once your adrenaline kicks in, none of those things matter anymore.” While the race guarantees to challenge all those who participate, the Spartan Race organizers promise all participants that they will finish the race with “bragging rights” as well as access to the live music provided at all the scheduled events. Those who wish to race can register online where they will also find guided maps to the race’s location. Registration ends once the race reaches maximum occupancy or at 12:00 a.m., three days before the scheduled event which is June 6 for all Quebec participants.

the plant it was a unanimous vote the plant in favour of me taking your place as news ed the plant big changes happening round hurr the plant


EDITOR: Stefanie Broosi CONTACT: stefanie_broos@hotmail.com

Stephanie Jensen-Cormier and Paul Omonge


VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

Last Thursday, guest speakers Stephanie Jensen-Cormier and Paul Omonge came to Dawson College to inform students about climate change, and the consequences that it can cause. The two speakers are in the Sauvé Scholars program of the Jeanne Sauvé foundation. This program brings together people from all over the world to spend nine months in Montreal, and work on individual projects that have significant importance to them as well as develop leadership skills that will enable them to make a difference in the world. Omonge, from Nakuru, Kenya, is the Director of Lake Victoria Sunset Birders (LVSB) an organization that he started in high school. It aims at getting young people informed and involved in local environmental issues and conservation. Back by popular demand since his speech during this year’s Dawson Social Science week in Feb. 2012, Omonge spoke about his experiences with the causes and effects of environmental change in Kenya. He explained how people are coping and what they are doing to prevent the destruction of the environment as well as issues such as road building for sightseeing, new agricultural techniques that use air planes to spread chemicals, and deforestation. “A weed from Mexico evaded lakes so instead of just killing the weed women would collect it, dry it, and weave it into baskets and benches,” Omonge said. This is one of the many ways people dealt with environmental change. He also gave an example of how people in Kenya are coping with the change in their environment and lifestyle. “After fishing was banned for six months on Lake Victoria because too many [fish] were being hunted, [citizens] built fish farms.” An encounter with Wangari Maathai, the first African woman environmentalist to win the Nobel Peace Prize, was also a focal point in the discussion. Omonge and Maathai had gone to a forest that was supposed to be cut down and they protested together. However the protest was not peaceful. The police “used drubber bullets and tear gas,” Omonge said. Himself

and other young people ran from the riot and Maathai called him a coward for it. This made him realize how hard one needs to work to conserve the environment. Next up was Stephanie Jensen-Cormier, a Canadian who lived most of her life in China. She studied at the University of Victoria in British Columbia and obtained a Bachelor’s in Asian studies with a focus on China and Environmental studies. Her presentation was concentrated on highlighting key differences between China and Canada in terms of their government’s environmental concerns. “Leaders in Canada have degrees in law and economics and Chinese leaders have degrees in science and engineering,” Jensen-Cormier said. Jensen-Cormier explained that “if Alberta and Saskatchewan separated from Canada and became their own country, they would be the world’s biggest polluter per capita and that right now, the province is responsible for 40 per cent of Canada’s emissions.” She believes that the fact that China is one of the largest energy consumers and Canada is one of the largest energy producers is a reason for an increase in collaboration between the countries. She spoke of how Canada has vague long term plans and no short term plans and China has short, medium and long term plans to reduce global emissions. One of the plans is investing in renewable energy. “In Canada, the greenest budget was in 2005 and was of five billion dollars whereas China’s budget keeps growing. Between 2011 and 2020, 770 billion dollars will be invested,”Jensen-Cormier said. The presentations concluded with a question and answer period. One student asked what could be done to influence the government in being more concerned and investing more to fight climate change. Omonge responded by stating that “young people have to be informed of the issue at hand and shown skills to become leaders and make a difference.” “His presentation was so interesting because he spoke of things that you would need to live in Kenya to know about,” Kayla Miguez, a fourth semester student in Environmental Science at Dawson, said.




GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 6

6 VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

EDITOR: Maricar Kristine Montes CONTACT:maricarkmontes@gmail.com

Technology affects sleep: expert VICTORIA ALARCON ExCALIBUR

TORONTO (CUP) — It’s 2 a.m. and Sarah Alyana is receiving her fourth text of the night as she quietly moves to grab her phone. It’s getting later into the night, but just as quickly as she’s ready to go to bed, another text appears and sleep becomes the last thing in her mind. “It’s very addictive,” said Alyana, a second-year student at York University. Her eyes dart downward as she glances quickly at her computer. “I don’t get much sleep because I’m always on my laptop most of the night, and otherwise I’m texting people at night.” Alyana is not the only one who can’t let go of her very binding addiction to the computer. The majority of Canadians use technology right before sneaking into bed. “We see this on a daily basis here in our sleep clinic, that many Canadians are not getting an adequate amount of nightly sleep,” said Robert Cohen, a Calgarybased sleep expert specializing in insomnia and sleep disorders. “They carry a sleep debt, and of the many factors responsible for that debt, one is certainly the prevalence of technology use before bed.” A recent survey published by the National Sleep Foundation found that 95 per cent of Americans are using some form of technology within the hour before they go to bed. Of the 293 Americans surveyed between ages 19 and 29, 67 per cent of the group used their cell phones then, while 60

percent turned to their computer or laptop in the night. An Excalibur survey of 100 students found York is not so different. At 77 per cent, a majority of students depend solely on technology to get them rested before bed — it’s become routine. Fifty-three per cent of students are either using their laptop or computer every night, and 31 per cent are using it almost every night. In addition, a growing number of students are using their cellphone every night in the hour before sleeping, often sending, reading or receiving messages or talking on the phone. Technology can be addictive, but what about it has us so sleep deprived? According to Cohen, it’s the stimulation that comes from being on the computer or cellphone every night. “The hyper arousal from the technology gets us wound up so that we are unable to fall asleep,” he explained. “One of the things that was written in the survey is active versus passive technology. If someone is listening to music, listening to the radio or watching television, that’s got be a little less disruptive to sleep compared to something active like gaming, texting or working on the computer. In terms of the stimulation and the hyperarousal in people, people just get worked up. It’s like if somebody participated in a vigorous exercise an hour before bed, they get hyper-stimulated and it’s very hard to fall asleep.” But the stimulation that comes from playing games on an Xbox or a Wii is not solely to blame. The light emitted from different screens also suppresses our desire to sleep.

Charles Czeisler, director of the division of sleep medicine at Harvard University’s medical school, said in a press release that artificial light exposure “suppresses release of the sleep-promoting hormone melatonin, enhances alertness and shifts circadian rhythms to a later hour making it more difficult to fall asleep.” Cohen agrees. “Though we don’t have strong scientific evidence, there is good rationale that, depending on the type of technology, the light emitted from technology can suppress the hormone melatonin, which one needs to fall asleep.” In the Excalibur survey, 29 per cent of students had several sleeping problems, from having difficulty falling asleep to waking up during the night. And though most students have these sleep problems only a few nights, students are not getting a good night’s rest because they’re not prioritizing sleep. “Specifically, university students do need at least eight to nine hours of sleep, and there is clear scientific evidence in the laboratory in research on the effects of chronic partial sleep restriction that it decreases mood, performance and health. People who don’t get enough sleep gain weight since it affects their metabolic systems,” said Cohen. According to researchers, sleep makes for the difference between waking up a drained, irritated student to a focused and patient one. Cohen notes university students who want not only to have high marks, but also good relationships should strive to have a good amount of sleep. “One of the ways to improve someone’s sleep is to limit the use of caffeine, alcohol

[and] nicotine in the evening hours and have a good wind-down routine prior to bed, preferably without technology. Certainly don’t have technology in the bedroom and have it on through the night,” said Cohen.

It’s also important that students have as much of a consistent sleep schedule throughout the entire week by having a regular bedtime and a regular wake time, recommended Cohen.

source: textsfromlastnight.com

sleep is for the weak


EDMONTON (CUP) — People who ride the bus think they’re so important. They listen to music at levels more appropriate for space shuttle launches, they talk at comparable decibels and they act like they own the place. Someone has to take them down a peg. That’s why, the second after I graduate, I’m applying to be a bus driver. I want to make a difference in my community. I may not be as nice, cheerful and helpful as the bus drivers that you’re accustomed to, but my buses will run quickly and efficiently. Since I’m the pilot of this loser cruiser, it is literally my way or the highway. Don’t like my laws? Walk, or wait

my bus, my world

20 minutes for the next bus. My first rule is that I don’t stop. That doesn’t mean I won’t pick you up or drop you off, but in order to run at maximum efficiency, I’ll have to make rolling stops.

source: mtvnimages.com

Sorry, grandma: you’re going to have to push that walker a little faster if you want to get on this bus. This also means you’ll have to jump when you want to get off. Make sure to tuck and roll; I wouldn’t

want my passengers to get hurt. My second law — no talking. No talking to me, no talking to your friends, no talking on your cell phone. No talking, period. People talk too much these days. The last thing I need to hear at 8 a.m. while I’m hungover and trying to steer the bus are the shrill voices of people yakking about pointless bullshit. I need to concentrate on the road. I’m the only one who can talk, and only so I can yell at other vehicles or passengers on my bus. The third rule is the most important: there’s no music allowed on my bus. It’s not that I hate all music. I just hate your music. And my tastes are better than yours. In the wider system, every time you get on a bus you hear someone’s crappy music blasting out of their headphones. The volume is dangerous for those people’s ears and it makes the trip unpleasant

for the other passengers. To make the ride more enjoyable, I’ll have my tunes playing out of the speakers on the bus. That way my passengers can be exposed to some good music for once. I hope my arts degree will make me qualified enough to meet the meticulous standards for bus drivers. Not just anyone can do it, you know. I know my rules may seem severe, but I promise they’re fair. People need limits, and after a couple trips with me, you’ll wonder how you ever got along without them. You’ll probably want to shake my hand and thank me for making the bus a better place. But remember, there’s no talking allowed. Don’t make me kick you off the bus.

the plant “ill lift you up,the the plant ill never you the knowplant i’ll take youtext to another world” ooooooooooooooooh, please doooooo.the plant plantstop, the plant textthe textplant text text. text text text. text text text text. the plant

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 7

7 EDITOR: Maricar Kristine Montesi CONTACT: maricarkmontes@gmail.com

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

Still in Syria

Homophobic Homocide

source: cbc.ca

hide unborn yo kids


The United Nation’s peace plan has been accepted and is currently being implemented, the military is still present in Syria’s major cities as the year-long revolution comes to an end. "We have no illusions over the possibility of the mission's success because Bashar Assad and the Syrian regime have no credibility to engage in a political process," said Mr Ghalioun. "It will soon become obvious the regime won't even implement the first clause of the agreement,” he added according to BBC. The first example of Bashar Assad not abiding by the peace plan is the fact that he kept his troops in the residential areas of Syria to maintain peace and security.

Foreign ministers, such as Hilary Clinton, insisted that President Assad adopt the peace plan that was created by Kofi Annan, envoy to the UN’s Arab League. "We need a united opposition, which has been difficult to achieve," said Clinton according to CNN. Clinton is working with the Group of Friends of the Syrian people, which consists of 60 different nations to end the violence is Syria. The revolution began a year ago after a protest was held in Damascus and several graffiti artists were detained after they had made an attempt to revolt against President Bashar al-Assad. Syrians started revolting and as a result and Bashar Assad responded by using the Military to scare people reported BBC. "Every day that goes by, innocents are murdered," said Clinton according to CNN. An estimated 40 people were killed

by Syria’s military on Saturday. “The battle to topple the state is over,” Syrian Foreign Ministry spokesman Jihad al-Makdissi told Syria TV. “Our goal now is to ensure stability and create a perspective for reform and development in Syria while preventing others from sabotaging the path of reform,” he added The National Post reported. The end of violence is being promoted by the plan urging the Syrian government to pull back its troops and to stop harming the people. However, people are skeptical on whether or not President Bashar al-Assad’s acceptance of the six point peace plan was simply to buy time reported BBC. The UN estimates that a minimum of 9,000 people have been murdered by the Syrian military during this year long revolt.


A woman from California is filing a federal lawsuit against McDonald’s, claiming that the fast-food restaurant is responsible for forcing her into prostitution at the Las Vegas Chicken Ranch brothel twenty years ago. Shelley Lynn claims that her ex-husband Keith Handley and his McDonald franchise forced to her work as a prostitute to compensate for the restaurants low wages. She is suing the franchise for having no protection for female workers from predatory bosses, according to NY Daily News. Lynn began working for a McDonald’s, owned by Keith Handley, in Arroyo Grande, California in 1982. Lynn was hired by Handley who she later married

in 1988. Handley terminated her position behind the counter to, “make her more vulnerable to his demands,” reported NY Daily News. When Handley terminated Lynn’s employment, he bought her a house in Las Vegas and told her she would have to work in one of the legal brothels to pay for it. She got a job at Las Vegas Chicken Ranch where she became a “top-booker” sleeping with up to 12 men in the same night, according to NY Daily News. Lynn claims McDonalds’ minimum wage pay, anti-union tactics and poor employee health care plans with no benefits permitted Handley to take advantage of her vulnerable position, and unjustly force her into working in a legal brothel near Las Vegas, according to Huffington Post. McDonalds employees, according to

Huffington Post, do get paid a lower minimum wage than other fast food franchises such as Taco Bell, Wendy’s and Burger King seen in the career and workplace review website Glass Door. Lynn argues that her ex-husband should have never been given permission to run a franchise claiming, “[McDonalds] failed to conduct a due diligence into the moral character of Handley when it sold franchises to him,” reported by NY News Daily. Lynn also claimed, “Handley engaged in pimping operations out of the McDonald’s franchises he owned,” reported Huffington Post. Lynn is filing a lawsuit against Handley, his company Ivernia and McDonalds USA for compensation in lost wages, a number of damages, negligent retention and supervision of franchises according to Huffington Post.

source: http://media.treehugger.com/

Rest in peace


Twenty-four-year-old Chilean man, Daniel Zamudio, was attacked in Santiago Park by a group of Neo- Nazis for his sexual orientation earlier this month and died from the severe injuries on March 28. Zamudio was found with a slashed ear, an injured leg, cigarette burns and a Nazi emblem engraved in his skin, Santiago Times reported. After the attack, Zamudio was induced into a coma for three weeks, but did not survive, Huffington Post reported. According to CNN, suspects Raul Alfonso Lopez, Alejandro Axel Angulo Tapia, Patricio Ahumada Garay and Fabian Mora Mora, were jailed for the attempted murder of Zamudio, a few of whom already hold criminal records for assaults on other homosexuals. Shortly after Zamudio’s death, the charges were changed to intended murder, assuring a life jail sentence if condemned, Prosecutor Ernesto Vazquez told Santiago Times.

Vazquez announced that the attack was evidently driven by homophobia, Santiago Times reported. Ronaldo Jimenez, leader of Chile’s Gay Liberation and Integration Movement announced that he believes the four suspects should be sentenced with torture as a result of their actions, CNN reported. According to Santiago Times, Chilean President Sebastian Pinera announced that he will no longer bear any sort of discrimination towards Chilean residents with regards to their culture, economic status and sexual orientation. Pinera declared that the Chilean Congress will be passing an anti- discrimination law as rapidly as possible, Huffington Post reported. According to the Santiago Times, the young man’s death will not be left without punishment, Pinera said. After approximately 300 people gathered and lit candles around the hospital last Tuesday evening in memory of Zamudio, his family thanked their son’s classmates, his friends and the public for their endless amounts of support, CNN reported.


the plant dear the thetext plant thetext plant four plant nippledtext boy text who text lovestext. to be nekkid, thinktext. you the should cometext overtext infection the plant the plant plant the1D plant textI text text. yep

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 8

8 EDITOR:Stephanie Ullman CONTACT: steph.ullman@gmail.com

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

90’s item of the week


111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 two pages THREE issues in a row

the plant

the plant food supply is running low the plant did you hear i’m the new news editor btw? yep for real the plant the plant text text text text. the plant text text text text. the plant text text text text. the plant

need.... water....

sorry stef [not sorry]

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 9

If you put LAMEBOOK a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

the plant it’s high noon the plant the thetext plant the text. plantthesomeone mustplant make atext head scarf of my i talking theshirt plant theamplant plant give this bitch a hug text textout text. textwhat text the text.fuck textabout text text


GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 10

10 EDITOR: Zac Starke CONTACT: zacstarke@live.ca

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012


shopping craze in every Hugo Boss, La Perla… affordable and they have They all settled on 14th so many options! A lot block you walk.” St., even the deceased like any other diner, but “The City That Never In Bégin’s book, there’s Alexander McQueen,” the food was just so good. Sleeps”, “the Big Apple”, a whole chapter on shop- Bégin wrote. “The cre- They have a lot of op“the Capital of the tions for vegans, and ping in SoHo. “Fashion ations are amazing.” World”: you do know gluten free too!” victims, shopaholics fond what I’m talking about? of good deals, [this is the A little tip if you are However, if you’re New York City, the Emmore Macy’s than SoHo: about to start a strenuous place],” Bégin wrote. pire City, is visited by Bégin suggests in her day, head toward 205 millions of people each Another good place to book to go to the Visitors East Houston St. (corner year. Known for its many go is at 27th and Sixth Center, show your ID to of Ludlow St.): Katz’s attractions, tourists like St.: Buffalo Exchange. prove that you don’t live Deli is waiting for you. to be amazed by the Em“If you really want to in the US and you get 10 Remember Meg Ryan’s pire State Building, the find some steals [head per cent discount in the orgasm simulation in Statue of Liberty, Grand When Harry Met Sally? over there],” said Amy huge store. Central Station, Central That’s where it was Nicole, a student, blogPark, and Times Square. filmed. “Pastramis can ger and part-time model Eating Now, I’m speaking to be a breakfast too, who also works at a PR you, Dawsonites who are firm in New York. Eating in New York right?” Verances asked. planning on visiting the “There are a lot of really City can be really expen- “They got good breakfabulous city during the good small places on the sive if you don’t know fast selections, even enfour-day break that is grilled, and For people who don’t Lower East Side,” Brid- the city and walk into trees, ahead of us, or simply want to spend a fortune get Badore, a third year restaurants on Times traditional ones. Maybe I are intending to go there shopping, SoHo’s the college student who stud- Square. Your wallet will just eat a lot, but I'm sure at some point: do you you'll start your morning place to be. “[It] stand ies at the School of Vi- cry murder. want to shop, but not in for 'South of Houston', sual Arts, added. “Just Let’s get you ready for rise and shine with a stores we already have [and] as many say it is walk around 12th St., the day ahead without good-old-bite of a pashere in Montreal? Do the best shopping neigh- around First and Second hurting your bank ac- trami sandwich and New you want to avoid Hard borhood in Manhattan,” Ave. and you'll run into count too much with a York egg cream beverRock Coffee and Starages.” Bégin also recomgood breakfast. JB Norman Verances, a tons of them!” bucks? Do you want your this place. “When I lived on the mends photographer who lived wallet to say “thank eight months in the city, If you want to give your Upper East Side last “[You’ll] eat the best-pasyou”? Do you want to said. “If you love shop- wallet a break and do a year, my favourite place trami- sandwich-in-the live these days like a real ping and you have con- little window shopping, for breakfast was Peter's world,” Bégin wrote. New Yorker? If you do, fessions just like a walk between Ninth Ave. Gourmet Diner (beread on to learn how to shopaholic, then go to and Washington St. tween 83rd St. and 84th do it with style. 14th St.. St. on First Ave.),” SoHo, where you'll meet along Three people living or the world’s unending “Matthew Williamson, Badore said. “It's pretty the plant “I don’t wanna talk to anybody, was I not clear?Nobody. I don’t care if Justin Bieber calls and wants me to negotiate the rights to his virginity, I don’t wanna talk to him. NOBODY.” - Ari Gold the plant STAFF WRITER

who have been living in New York City have kindly accepted to help me help you in your journey. Plus, Esther Bégin, independent journalist and collaborator of La Presse who lived in New York City for two years, released a new book last week on the best addresses in the Big Apple entitled “Carnet d’une flâneuse à New York”. How lucky are you? It’s in French, but, if you’re a true Montrealer, you can handle it! If not, I’ve got it covered for you. Shopping

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 11


For people who want to visit museums, there is one word you must keep in mind: MoMA. All three New Yorkers recommended the Museum of Modern Art (11 West 53rd St.), and none other. “I know that's a place where everyone goes, but really, I can't get enough of it,” Badore said. “There's

Parks If you’ve been to Central Park already, New Yorkers propose that you visit others. The most interesting itinerary must be the one Verances proposed with the Brooklyn Bridge Park. “[This] is one that's really amazing,” Verances said. “Just [walk] back and forth [across the] Brooklyn Bridge down to [the park] to see the spectacular view of Manhattan by the water.” Another park to visit is Washington Square Park situated in Greenwich Village. “There's just

something about it that feels so lively and there's always something interesting happening,” Nicole said. “It's really beautiful there too.” If you are willing to go to Brooklyn, you can visit the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens situated just beside the Brooklyn Museum. “The Brooklyn Botanical Gardens are an amazing place to visit,” Badore said. Apparently, you have to visit it during spring. The trees begin to bud and the colors are just breathtaking.

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

-the plant


something about standing in front of a painting like Starry Night and just taking it in. Oh my goodness, it’s amazing.” Verances added that you should go there to “get educated while being amused!” Nicole agreed with the two others. “MoMA is the best in my opinion,” she said. “The whole museum takes hours to see because there is so much beautiful art everywhere. I could spend a whole day there seriously.” Let’s put the MoMA aside and think about the history of New York City. Bégin’s suggestion: Museum of the City of New York. “To celebrate the history of our Big Apple!” she wrote. “It’s creation, architecture, first inhabitants…”

Last minute tip “If you're visiting the city, don't stress out!” Badore said. “Anything that you do will be super fun! Just let the energy of the city completely overwhelm you and soak in every minute of it.” Visiting New York City is quite a challenge, but you can do it. If you do get lost, Bégin assures you that New Yorkers are open to help you to find your way in the big city. “Just walking around, getting lost without a map is an experience of a lifetime you'll ever have in New York City,” Verances said. So put your best shoes on and get your camera ready, it's going to be legendary!

Michael Bluth to Gob: “I really think the reason you and I always fight is that, since we were little, Dad's always played us off each other.” Gob to Michael: “Dad always said that was your fault.”

the plant

EDITOR: Zac STarke CONTACT:zacstarke@live.ca

If you need to relax a little bit from all the walking, there’s a little tea room on the Upper East Side called Alice’s Tea Cup (156 East 64th St.). “They have the best pumpkin scone I have ever had!” Nicole said. According to Bégin, the tea room is decorated with butterfly “on the walls, on the stairs’ banisters, and even on the teapot covers.” As for lunch and dinner, these can be even more expensive, but you can manage by eating at the right places. Bégin’s list of “must-eat” restaurant and the food writer Ricardo in his magazine’s special on New York City (volume eight, number five) recommend the

Halal Guys on 53rd St., corner of Sixth Ave. “The Halal Cart had the honor to receive the Vendy Award, [an award given] every year to the best street food vendors,” Bégin wrote. In New York City, you can also have Italy on your plate. Eataly’s the place, and it’s “the coolest experience you can have for lunch,” Nicole said. “It is every type of Italian food you could ever imagine. There is also a restaurant on the roof that not too many people know about that has a great view.” Bégin also described Eataly in her book by writing that when you enter the restaurant, “counters of coffee and gelato are spread out before [you].” Nicole also suggests Buddakan, a Japanese restaurant situated on Ninth Ave. between 16th St. and 15th St. Although it is pricey, “the dumplings are to die for!” Nicole added.


Another issue has to be fixed for people who can’t function without caffeine: the best coffee in New York City is apparently served at Think Coffee. “Greenwich Village, located at 248 Mercer St. between Third St. and Fourth St,” Verances said. “I assure you that you'll get a good vibe once you go to Think Coffee. It's like coffee breathes knowledge. Why go here? As well as grabbing the great coffee with a good amount of wisdom, it's ecofriendly too! Go Green!” Need more? Nicole’s way to convince you is with the straightness of her answer, “Think Coffee definitely.”

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 12

12 VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

EDITOR: Ema Kibirkstis CONTACT: ekib@live.ca


Winter has come and gone here in Montreal, letting spring jump ahead sooner than we thought. This season, in spite of the mild winter we had, the spring and summer trends have done an entire 360 turn, in terms of colours and cuts. This has resulted in a few fashion catastrophes, since many are now scrambling to gather lighter pieces of clothing due to the sudden warmer weather Montreal has been experiencing over the past week. So, here are a few pointers for when you go shopping, so you can closet in only the most stylistic trends this season!

stained easily- if you don’t have at least one white shirt, not t-shirt, but a shirt, then you are missing out on one of this year’s biggest staple. This white shirt can vary from lacy, structured and fitted, or a butterfly-like cut. Just make sure you have at least one. Flowy-like shirts, draping your figure with its excess amount of fabric are still considered trendy. Be careful when buying the right size, for people tend to either go too short, or too long. Belt the top and see if it falls right under your hips, beginning of your thighs, and it’s considered perfect; anything longer or shorter isn’t as flattering. In addition, for the much hotter days, these sorts of shirts have been cropped and gone sleeveless, but kept their conservative look. As for tops, graphic tees will always be in, especially those with the shocking colours and patterns, made for the younger crowd.

Colour Palettes and Patterns We all know that every ten years or so a trend will be revisited, but lately, we’ve been hitting it off all retro. Best model for stylistic inspiration for this trend is the popular show Mad Men. The main colour combinations are pastel colours, such as baby pink, faded yellow, cantaloupe, mint green and sky blue. However, the winter colours haven’t completely been dismissed, for shocks of indigo, velvet red, forest green and tangerine orange can be found amongst the patterned pieces of clothing. Flowers, as usual, are very present, especially exotic flowers when it comes to the shocking colours. However, the pastel shades are engaged with daintier flora, such as doily-like cherry blossoms, tree branches with sprouting buds, and butterflies. This also ties in with the continuing Asian-style from the fall/winter collection. In addition, leopard is still conquering as the main animal print, as it usually does, and aquatic-like patterns, such as coral reefs mystify as a new pattern.

Pants/skirts/shorts I’ve got two words for you: coloured denim. When it comes to pants this season, you should not be afraid to wear anything from shocking blue to lemon chiffon jeans, capris pants, skinnies, or even leggings. Shorts are also revolutionizing themselves from casual to dressy, replacing pant suits for more formal occasions. The length of the shorts don’t matter so much this season, so don’t scramble for short shorts, simply purchase a pair that will flatter your body type. Same thing goes for skirts. Don’t go too short, but don’t go too long either, the skirt shouldn’t make you look like a troll or like a hooker. Pleats are a fun and easy trend to wear this season, but knowing how not everyone likes pleats, opt for that sweet 20’s retro look that is standardized this season. However, the styles for this article of clothing vary. There is something to be wary of though; the midriff baring. This style does not compliment everyone, but if one feels like they want to show their tummy off, go for it.

shirts/toPs White shirts. I don’t care if you think white is too conservative, or crisp, or you have a deadly fear of wearing something that can be

dresses Due to the Asian-invasion, kimono-like dresses are very popular, going hand-in hand with last year’s maxi dresses. However, our

Mad Men obsession is still big in this category, so make sure to snag a sassy dress. Furthermore, there are several cuts of dresses that are being experimented with this season, such as drop waist, for the more jazzylike girl, two-pieces dresses, for the midriff baring look, asymmetrical hems that resemble Latin dancing queens, and peplum cuts, giving one a very prominent hourglass shape. Choose wisely. aCCessories It’s a never ending list in this category, again, depending on what sort of style you are wearing that day. However, there are some guidelines that one can follow and then make their own personal decisions to create their own style. Those big heavy purses that ladies carry resembling suitcases are off the charts- literally. They are not considered very attractive, unless one actually needs to carry a life’s worth of supplies on their back and risk back problems. Hand-held satchels, cross over evening purses such as Chanel-like little carry-ons, or hand-held Lux purses are what one should look for. Pastels, of course due to the warmer weather are the main colour attractions, such as ecru, cream and soft pink, blue and yellow. Yet the darker colours from winter are still poignant, such as the camel and colour clash pairing of ecru and black, green, blue, orange and beige, or even summer filled patterns shocking to the eye such as tangerines and butterflies on a monochromatic base coloured background. Jewellery has now been given the ‘OK’ to look as bulky and loud as ever. Snag a few bangles, thick chained bracelets, sleek pendants or bulb rings. As for shoes? All I can say is Mary Jane. Buy a pair of wedged, heeled, or flat Mary Janes and that will suffice. Don’t be afraid of the colour clashing that many of the heels this season have been given, your feet are suppose to stand out and have fun in the sun with the rest of you!

Photo Credit: bbcgoodfood.com


INGREDIENTS 1 can chickpeas (19 oz), rinsed 1 small onion ¼ cup egg whites, or 1 egg 2 tbsp whole wheat flour 1 tbsp dried oregano 1 tbsp garlic powder ¼ tsp salt ¼ cup red pepper, finely diced (optional) Photo Credit: activevegetarian.com

DIRECTIONS In a food processor, add all ingredients together and mix until well blended. Pulse a few times, stopping in between to scrape down the sides, until it is ready. It will be VERY moist. Depending on how big you want the patties, use a measuring cup to scoop up the amount you desire and add them one by one on a very well greased baking sheet.

Press down with the back of a spoon to flatten them slightly. You do NOT want them completely flat, or they will burn. Set to broil and watch carefully as they brown. This process should take a maximum of 10 minutes. Flip, if needed.

NOTE Super easy, and super quick to make. Don’t be afraid that the batter will be super moist, it will dry up in the oven. However, one must watch them carefully so they do not burn. And I stress the fact that the baking sheet is well greased, or the patties will get stuck on the pan. I guarantee it.

the the plant the plant theplant plant FOR LENT I GAVE UP BEING SOBERthe plant EASTER AND SMOKED WE BREAK ALLtext THE text. RULES plant the plant the text MEANS text textCHOCOLATE text. the plant text textMEAT text text. text text

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 13

Nerd g asm album review

La Marquise Tandem Records MJ CROMP STAFF WRITER


tograph session to follow. Of course, this is not meant to discourage new cosplayers from getting their feet wet. There are easily hundreds of cosplayers at most medium- to large-sized conventions, including Montreal’s anime convention Otakuthon, taking place Aug 3-5 at the Palais du Congres, or the Monday September 14-16 at the Palais du Congres as well. For the less sewing-inclined, multiple online stores offer premade costumes, or you can commission a unique costume from a seasoned cosplayer for a fee.

VOL. 39 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 10, 2011

On March 20, The Lost Fingers’ Christian Roberge, Byron Mikaloff and Alex Morrissette released their fourth gypsy jazz album La Marquise, and again, they successfully did covers of different francophone songs from here and elsewhere. The Lost Fingers has this particularity of doing exclusive covers of well-known songs, in French as well as in English. They dig up songs that can be re-appreciated by a public who never heard them before. La

Do you remember playing dress-up? Those amazing times when you could put on a dress, a cape or a cardboard suit of armor and forget yourself for a while? You could be anyone you wanted. So, why can’t you still? That’s the basic idea around “cosplay”. It’s part fashion, part dress-up fun. The very name, “cosplay”, is the mix of the words “costume” and “play”. It is known to be an intense (and often competitive) hobby over who has the best, most accurate and most complex costume. A nonstop Halloween, all year round. Well, it’s not all fun and games. These “cosplayers” (people who build costumes, investing sometimes hundreds or thousands of dollars into their supplies) build intricate recreations for the purpose of showing them off. This happens online, through sites such as Cosplay.com, or at anime, gaming, comic or sci-fi convemtions. The “cons” usually have Masquerade competitions, where costumed actors and actresses can perform skits onstage for the audience, or simply model their craftsmanship. Sometimes, winning these competitions entails a cash prize. That does not involve the ‘prestige’. Some cosplayers are well-known throughout the circles, and it is not uncommon for fans to post about meeting one of their idols in real life and snapping a picture. Some even become “Guest of Honors” and hold talks based on their costuming experience, usually to a packed room of enthusiasts. It isn’t uncommon for an au-


The Lost Fingers

Marquise consists of 13 covers of songs such as “Alors on danse” by Stromae, “1990” by Jean Leloup and “Joe le taxi” by Vanessa Paradis. Mikaloff ’s guitar, Morrissette’s double bass and Roberge’s guitar and voice make their covers unique and sometimes, their versions are better than the original songs. The way they jazz up the songs change the way you will listen to the songs. For example, in “1990”, as there’s no beat and the dance style of the song has been removed, you can concentrate more on the song’s lyrics and their meaning. It’s quite interesting. The “Alors on danse” cover was very well done. First, Roberge’s voice catches the essence of the song: misery and stress. Second, you might expect less on them, but they will surprise you on how they brilliantly recreated this electro/pop song with their guitars. Overall, it’s good, but somehow, their last three albums were much better and the songs were more popular than the one in this fourth album, which might have a great impact on your liking of La Marquise. If you are interested, all their albums are available on iTunes. Tip: buy them all, even La Marquise. Although it’s not that great, it’s worth spending eight bucks on.


Photo Credit: bradabraham.com


the plant That thetext plant the text plant was a joke... I tried being coolest person ever text I just stop. the plant the plant the giving plantuptext plant thecanplant text text text. textthe text text. the textbut text.


This month fellow Dawsonites will be treated to a play filled with infatuation, satire and antics in the play Hay Fever, directed by Winston Sutton, as the Dawson Professional Theatre Program’s last major production of the season. “I admire [Noel Coward] greatly because his work is uplifting, entertaining and extremely challenging to direct,” director Winston Sutton said, who himself has a career spanning over 30 years. English maestro Noel Coward (18991973) wrote the farcical comedy in 1924. He began performing onstage at only 11, and was known for his flamboyance. Coward was also a songwriter and wrote over 50 plays, his career spanning six decades. “It's very much my type of play; a bunch of snobby, dramatic, over-the-top Brits trying to be normal. From every character to every situation, it's absolutely hilarious,” said Adam Capriolo, who is playing Simon, the son of stage actress Judith Bliss. Hay Fever takes place in the roaring twenties at the Bliss family residence. The mother is a retired actress, the father an author, and their two children are equally eccentric. It’s family dysfunction at its best. “Judith lives her life as if she was permanently on stage, and I think that resonates a lot in Simon,” Capriolo added. “He's basically the 1920s version of modern-day Hollywood celebrity's child.”

Throughout the evening each family member invites a different guest to the house, where they play games and share various flirtatious liaisons with their visitors. “It’s the kind of play that when you first read it, you have to read it again to grasp what just happened. The best part of it is the language,” said James Soares-Correia, who will be playing Richard Greatham, the diplomatist. “[Richard] always knows the right thing to say, but he finds himself just as dumbfounded as everyone else at the Bliss's house,” he continued. Noel Coward received a Tony Award in 1969 for lifetime achievement and was knighted by the queen. He once commented on his play by saying, “To begin with, it has no plot at all and remarkably little action. Its general effectiveness therefore depends upon expert technique from each and every member of the cast.” Currently the Dawson Professional Theatre Program is getting the costumes and set together, gearing up for the graduating class’ final production. “The students have been doing extremely well so far and have already exceeded my expectations,” Sutton commented. “The whole year has been kind of like a sunny day coming to an end, you know that the sun is setting soon, but the best part is watching the sun set,” Soares-Correia said. Be sure to catch Hay Fever this month from April 16 to the 28.

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 14


VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012



Walking into the room is like entering a dragon’s lair. The hair on the back of your neck will stand up. Noticeable even before the ten steel plates aligned on the floor is an offbeat hissing sound. Move towards the center of the room and become aware of a force field of heat. The line of ten steel plates are heated. Precisely dripping from a stainless steel sprinkler system, a drop of water hits the center of a each plate at varying intervals. The instant evaporation causes the offbeat hiss. Beautiful patterns of pink, yellow, copper and brown, caused by rust and erosion are visible surrounding the spot where the countless drops have hit the heated steel. The contraption occupies the center of the room and once it is understood it reacts with the viewer like a peaceful fountain. Suddenly the innocence of this minimalist sculpture is shattered. Reading the descriptive text of Teresa Margolle’s “Planche” sculpture is disturbing. The water dripping from the sprinkler is not just water. An important percentage of it is actually sulphuric acid from a Mexican morgue. That very solution was used to rinse the bodies of children, women and men who were executed in a gruesome mass murder. Suddenly aware that the air in the room is filled with evaporated murder victims, the installation loses its peaceful charm. Teresa Margolles created this installation with what in mind? The answer is not easy to determine upon observation. While the piece has violent undertones,

Photo Credit: http://www.dhc-art.org

the overall effect remains quite beautiful. The dripping solution has burnt awesome galactical patterns into the steel plates. Visually, the piece is ridiculously good-looking. Also, after reflecting on the ethical impact of using acid that has run down the broken bodies of murder victims, the viewer cannot help but shrug with indifference. We ride metro cars that have killed hundreds of suicide victimes. We

walk where others have fallen without any concern. Water we buy in bottles is the same stuff that has been on the earth forever. The fact is, death is a part of life. Margolle’s piece implies a metaphor for the circle of life. Water falls, creates something beautiful by chance, then is evaporated to where it restarts its cycle. Impermanence, legacy, regeneration; these are words to be associated with the

piece. Perhaps due to its unimposing occupation of the center of the room, the moving installation loses its shock quickly. The emotion remains, but the show goes on, allowing visitors to make what they want of it. Until May 17 @ DHC, 451 Rue Saint Jean Montreal.

SUNSHINE ARTSY STUFF OF MY LIFE Art is cooooll supersuper cooool

Photo Credit: Ghada Amer




On March 20, 2012 thousands of Montréalers gathered at the Bell Centre to observe a magical, action-packed Cirque du Soleil tribute to the one and only King of Pop, Michael Jackson. After having witnessed the fast paced segments like “Dancing Machine” where the Cirque Du Soleil performers were transformed into grooving machinery mimicking a locomotive and its many functions, and “Thriller” which seemed like the video all over again, but with an acrobatic twist, Michael Jackson is still very much alive in every possible form. Michael’s most famous trademarks such as the white studded glove and his black dancing shoes made a powerful presence onstage and came to life as they were gigantic enough to fit a couple of talented dancers. These ‘pieces’ of Michael awed the crowd and prompted them to get up on their feet and start dancing. There was an equal amount of uplifting performances revolving around Michael’s accomplishments as there were somber ones portraying the many trials and tribulations he experienced throughout the course of his life. The “My Childhood” segment comprised of solely Michael’s embracing voice accompanied by a series of visuals representing the song in the background. The

‘performance’ was so real that one would have thought Michael was singing the song backstage. It was really something! The “Human Nature” performance was really quite divine. The room went dark as aerialists were slowly suspended in the air with each of their body suits lighting up in multi-colored flashing lights. Arms and legs gracefully moved to and fro to fit the song’s sensual, soothing rhythm. The performers gave an extraordinary performance making sure that the spectators got to see both a carefully chosen montage of Michael’s video clips and images as well as an out of this world circus performance. At one point in the show, a professional pole dancer gave a sizzling hot performance to Michael Jackson’s “Dangerous” that made the crowd go loopy. The pole dancer impressed the audience with her acrobatic moves. There were several male dancers in shiny suits dancing and pointing up at the pole dancer every time the word ‘dangerous’ was sung out. For people wanted to experience both a compilation of some of Michael Jackson’s most famous choreographies and a good Cirque du Soleil show, the Michael Jackson’s Cirque Du Soleil Show IMMORTAL World Tour is just the show for you.


The Montreal Museum of Contemporary Art, located next to Place Des Arts, is currently exhibiting the work of three solo artists: Ghada Amer, Valerie Blass, and Wangechi Mutu. Wangechi Mutu’s work is composed mostly of strange body mutilations, where she combines images from fashion magazines to create a new person, mostly female. While I understand that the main theme of this type of art is to represent race, consumerism, and gender, I don’t see anything in her art that a five year-old could not do better. Some other type of art she had exhibited was a dozen of wine bottles with plates put underneath, as the wine dripped on them slowly, and tall chairs made with a bunch of garbage bag, and polysynthetic hair. While I was staring at these bizarre objects, my mind could not seem to process what Mutu was possibly trying to represent. It seemed to me that she made them because she really had no other idea what to do. The next artist, Valerie Blass, a Montrealer, was a sculptor, who uses many different types of sculptural techniques.

Honestly, her work scared me half to death. She basically makes sculptures out of housewares, like light bulbs or wigs, and just some really random objects that you could probably find at Dollarama. Two of the pieces that really caught my attention were a little sculpture with his middle finger raised, and one with no head. Frankly, I have never seen an artist who uses humor in her art, but everything in her exhibition was downright absurd. The last artist, the most decent out of the three, was Ghada Amer, an Egyptian artist. Her specialty consisted mostly of embroidery: a needle and a thread. Her work was stunning. It mostly dealt with sexuality, feminism, such as the oppression of women, and love/erotism. From afar, her work looked like a bunch of colored thread, thrown in on a canvas, but when looked closely, you can see female bodies sewn in the background, which was actually fascinating. On one of her most interesting pieces was Revolution 2.0. It was hard to believe that someone could make that with a single needle. It was a piece with different colors spread out, originating from one point. These types of art were different than the ones I have known. Personally, I do not see anything captivating about them, with the exception of Amer’s work. You be the judge of that: catch the exhibition, running until April 22.

the plant I’m actually not thatthe the text plant the confident. I pretend to plant be to cover up the fact that I cry to mytext dogtext every night plant text the plant theplant plantPOTATOES ARE GOD the plant text text. the text text text text. text text.

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 15

15 VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5. 2012

EDITOR: Oliver Nacey CONTACT: olivernacey@gmail.com


It’s Easter weekend soon and despite the excitement students have over an extra two days of break, this time of the year doesn’t seem to alleviate any stress for anyone. You would think that I would be referring to Easter time as a cute, fun-filled holiday with chocolate bunnies, pastel coloured eggs and blooming flowers, but no, it is not a happy time of the year. I am not breaking out the bottle of sparkling wine and strawberry halves. Actually, I am pill popping that large bottle of Advil for breakfast, lunch and supper, because Easter time means family time, which means MAJOR HEADACHES. Even though I am Greek Orthodox, and I celebrate Easter the week after the majority of you, I am dreading it just as much. Greek Easters are not your typical Easter holidays with the sweet old grandmother who bakes an apple pie for desert, the family going to church subsequently walking home with daffodils in hand, grinning from cheek to cheek and only to re-

sume to a cute Easter egg hunt followed by a humble home cooked meal. Oh God, no, Greek Easter is when one has to make sure that they are properly rested, drugged with either extra-strength Tylenol or Advil, carrying some sort of mp3 player with zen music in their back pocket, and mentally prepared for the day to come. You see, the day goes like this: wake up and begin cooking. If you’re hosting, pray that it’s a sunny day, because you have to roast that life size lamb on a spit for lunch. If it’s raining, get your umbrellas gathered, because that animal is going out in the backyard rain or shine! Once the food is prepared, giving you only five minutes to get ready yourself, the doorbell will start ringing. In come the grandparents, along with the aunt, uncles, cousins... and the rest of the world. Kisskiss, hug-hug, and okay, now is a good time to turn on that zen music, because dear old Yiayia (grandma in Greek) will begin her nagging, “The potatoes are over cooked,” or “You’re not dressed nicely enough,” “Did you go to church? You better have gone to church,” and you’ll reply, “No Yiayia, I didn’t go

to church this morning. I was too busy helping preparing the food,” and she’ll then scowl at you and give you the evil eye the rest of the day. Even from across the table when the family settles down to eat, her glares will be roasting your piece of lamb on your plate, (that she forced you to take by the way, even though you hate lamb.) In the midst of all of this, your younger cousins will be running around the house like mice at your feet, giggling, screaming or some may even be having tantrums, sounding out your cue to pop another few pills for the sake of your sanity. Your aunts will be swarming the kitchen like mother hens, fighting over who’s going to do what when serving desert and cleaning up the lunch table, along with gossiping about the cousin up in Greece who had an affair with some sort of ‘xeno’ (non Greek.) Your uncles will either be drinking or debating over something in regards to the Greek community, politics, or the economy, only to be repeating themselves over and over again because they are so stubborn they refuse to listen to each other. By the time all of this chaos dies down and you’ve replayed all of your songs on


That’s right guys, Arenanet’s Guild Wars 2 is coming up, and if all of those other Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPGs) don’t step it up, they’re going to be blown right out of the water. In Guild Wars 2, a player can choose to be any of the five races. There’s the classic human, the shape-changing norn, the feline charr, the intellectual asura and plantlike sylvari. All of these races are working together and your choice affects your story and other aspects of the game, however, every race can be one of the eight professions; warrior, thief, elementalist, guardian, necromancer, ranger, engineer and mesmer. Guild Wars 2 might have some awesome races and professions, but any MMORPG can have those. What really sets this game apart is its combat system, and some of its

Pumped for this.

overall changes to the way these types of games work. The holy trinity is the system that most games use in order to have a productive combat system. In this system, there’s a tank that can sustain taking damage and grab the attention of enemies, there’s a healer and there is a damage dealer. Guild Wars 2 is breaking the classic combat system by removing the holy trinity, and instead, making each class have a balance of all three with a ten-skill slot skill bar. In World of Warcraft, there’s an almost unlimited amount of skill bars. However, in Guild Wars 2, the player is limited to bringing 10 skills into combat. The first five skills are chosen by the combination of your weapons in both hands (such as shield and mace), so that all weapon combinations come with an interesting and pertinent combination of skills. In order to remove the holy trinity, the next five skills are divided into one healing skill, one elite skill (you can have only one of these on your skill bar at once and they are usually more powerful than most skills), and then three skills of your choice from the skills

photo credit: guildwars2.com


you’ve acquired while playing. Besides the combat, there are two reasons why Guild Wars 2 is different, and superior to other games. Firstly, there is no leveling curve! That means that leveling is evenly distributed, and that it takes the same amount of time to level from levels 10-11 as 78-79 (you can go up to level 80 in this game). The removal of the leveling curve cures the game of the need to just stand there and kill millions of creatures in order to level, and you’ll never feel like you leveled too fast or too slow again! Secondly, the game has dynamic events. These events are similar to Warhammer’s public quests, where players could all join in on one quest that popped up in a certain area, except that these quests actually affect the world permanently. Therefore, if you fail to defend a city from a centaur attack, the city will actually be destroyed until you do several quests to help rebuilt it and fend of more attacks. Arenanet has done a lot of things to fix common MMORPG problems such as the unbalanced result in professions that results from the holy trinity, and they have also made excellent additions such as dynamic events. However, the game is so much more than this, the graphics and art of both the landscape and players is incredible. You can be rewarded for finding hidden treasures and areas, and there’s an amazing server vs. server PVP (Player versus player) that fixes World of Warcrafts unbalanced war between the horde and alliance races that resulted from players picking their favorite races all of the time. As of April 10, players can preorder the normal game and the collector’s edition. I encourage you to check out the Arenanet website for Guild Wars 2 because it will most certainly be the most well received game of 2012.

photo credit: justfoodnow.com

I had to have someone explain this to me.

your mp3 at least three times and have taken a day’s worth of medication, the family finally decides to go home. You’re ready to drop at the end of the day, still having the cleaning up to do, yet you real-

ize that as crazy as family get-togethers are, it wouldn’t be the holidays without them, only making it that much more... um, let’s just say memorable. Have a Happy Easter!

Musings McDonalds Items Big Mac Chicken Nuggets Bacon & Egg McMuffin McDeath

Motherfuckers Oedipus Jules Winnfield Finch Pornstars

McCancer Your Dad McChicken


Value Fountains of Wayne McBitchtits Salard

Zeus Rednecks

Nuclear Apple Pie Morgan Freeman McFlurry

Morgan Freeman

Water Morgan Freeman

the plant so the microwave in the office the plant is the Iran of microwavesthe plant except i cant run it the plant


GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 16

Comrades Skanks



Dear Skanks, Browsing through a sex shop recently I was struck by the quantity of butt plugs, and a salesman even pointed my attention to what looked like same traffic pylons, telling me that they, too, were butt plugs. Apparently, they're especially favoured by men. My question is, how safe are these things? -Curious photo credit: dzkcra.bay.livefilestore.com

Dear Committee for Peoples Celebrating the Easter,

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

It is few days away and Christians all over world get ready to do the churchgoing and look for eggs of chocolate. I do not know what kind of sick Chernobyl freak accident bunny you have running through your streets but in good old Soviet Russia, egg no come out of rabbit anus. This is why we have the chicken. There is also the fact that you make children chase and eat these anus eggs after the roger rabbit of Easter has mischievously hid them all over city. Sneaky, sneaky. I believe you have forgotten that Easter is religious celebration and not bitching at cousin you do not find very great while eating chocolate like you have never seen this before. In Soviet Union we celebrate the holy day most differently. We take part in national passing time: the hunting of the rabbit. This is most televised event after real life hunger games (this is where we make Lithuanians fight each other in order to find best basketball player) and the Kazakhstani running of the Jew.

EDITOR: Oliver Nacey CONTACT: olivernacey@gmail.com


Why is Justin Bieber creepily telling what he would do if he were my boy friend? Why is Justin Bieber using the word “swaggy” in his song? What does all of this even mean? These are the questions that keep me up late at night... Yes, ladies and gentlemen, amidst the recent boy band fever Biebest Christ has risen with a new, more “mature ” song with his track “Boyfriend.” The tune, written and produced by Bieber and a team of rocket scientists like Mike Posner, is soaring to the top of the charts everywhere. It’s that song that is always on the radio, pretty much repeated every hour. It’s that song that is really bad, but for some reason everyone cannot stop raving about it. It’s basically another Bieber disaster. I thought it would be interesting to dissect this single, seeing as it is breaking records, selling over 400 000 digital copies after its first week and breaking the record for best sales week for a single to date in 2012 . The lyrics are my main issue with the song. Bieber is obviously trying to shake off the little boy virgin persona. He is trying to come off as a sexy, mature and de-

Our rabbit hunt consist of dressing up political prisoners as bunny and setting them free in Siberia. We then unleash Jehovah witnesses to try to find and convert them. Most interesting to watch but for some reason prisoners always come back with bloody bibles and we never find missionaries. I believe it would be wise that you therefore adopt our ways since we, communists, now rule you. Look I make deal, you watch the rabbit hunt and we do not take political prisoners from Dawson...ok, ok we will only take the bake sale people. Deal? That is what I thought! Now leave school as fast as you can and go get the shitfaced as any good Irish Catholic would do at this time of year. For my part I will go buy biggest bowl of the Kentucky fried chicken and will head to local gentlemen’s club where I will spend next four to five days in sin with most premium strippers. Yours sovietly, Commissar Anton Plakov

sirable male. Unfortunately he has about as much sex appeal as a baby polar bear. Scratch that, polar bears have more swag than Bieber, surfing on ice in the Arctic and stuff. Now, I am not saying this transition from teen heartbreaker to all grown up and serious r &b artist is impossible... it is just really, really difficult to pull off. Justin Timberlake, who should really get back to the studio and stop playing high school drama class in Hollywood, is a prime example of that. He transitioned from a noodle haired boy band puppet to an actual respected musician in the pop and r&b world. Bieber is obviously looking to this particular transition for guidance, and failing. With lyrics like, “Baby, take a chance or you’ll never ever know/ I got money in my hands that I’d really like to blow/ Swag, swag, swag on you/ Chillin' by the fire while we eatin’ fondue," who is really going to take you seriously? How is this considered mature? Many critics are raving that Bieber is now a well rounded artist. No. He simply slowed down his beats and made them less poppy. The lyrics still reflect a young boy

Dear Curious, This is a very good question, butt plugs, when used in properly are quite safe for both men and women. Although more men favour the butt plug for male on male encounters the butt plug can be equally as pleasurable for women, if not more. Before you start with your butt plug, there are a few safety measures you need to practice in order to have a healthy, fun relationship with your new toy! First thing you need to know is that keeping your butt plug clean will keep you healthy. Bacteria that is in your anus can cause infections in your other holes. To prevent this use a condom over your butt plug every time and when you’re lubing it up wear gloves. This will keep that bacteria where it’s supposed to be and let you go onto other things right away when you’re done with your butt

plug. Lube, lube and more lube. Lube is your best friend when it comes to inserting anything up there. Because your anus doesn’t lubricate itself you want to lube up your plug liberally. This will prevent ripping and tearing inside the anus and will let the butt plug slid in easier. This will make everything more pleasurable for you in the moment and in future endeavors. When you first buy your toy most sexperts recommend experimenting with it alone. This will help you get comfortable with your new friend and when you introduce it to your partner you can guide them and tell them how to please you with it. The best way to have fun and enjoy your butt plug is to be comfortable with it. The more at ease you are with it the easier it will be to find out how you like to be pleased. One golden rule that I cannot stress enough is never share your toys! Never ever ever. Although you might be clean you can never be too safe. Sharing toys can often lead to unwanted infections and cause complications that you really don’t want. So once you stick it in you, it’s yours forever. All in all butt plugs are a great accessory to your sex life when used properly. Like any other sex toy you purchase Be safe and enjoy!

Love and Lube, The Skank

who has no idea what he is doing. The chorus consists of lines like “If I was your boyfriend, never let you go” and Bieber repeats “never let you go” about a million times during the song. Oh lovely, shall we swoon over the prospect of a male dominated relationship? He then proceeds to “rap,” or what I refer to as recite, lines about Buzz Lightyear and my personal favorite “I am ‘ma a make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow .Burr” HE SAYS BURR. Burr? Burr! Burr. Polar bears swag points keep rising. Now don’t get me wrong, I did not expect some type of lyrical masterpiece. I’ve been writing this column for almost a year and a half and the two people reading it know very well that I dislike the Biebes and don’t think very highly of him as an artist. What angers me the most really is the praise he is receiving for his maturity and so called “transformation.” There is no transformation here, just a really good production and promotion team, as well as an already loyal following of Beliebers who will do anything the golden boy says and eat up anything he manufactures.

Mature is Ed Sheeran, for example, whose lyrics have soul and purpose. He is only two or three years older than Bieber, but his grasp on the importance of every word in a song is stunning. Yet Bieber is being featured on the radio and exposed to the world as some sort of sensation. I know it may just not be my style of music, but I know Bieber fans who actually agree with me on this one for once! I have no doubt that this single will continue to leap its way up all the music charts (which don’t mean much to me these days) and spread like a nasty wild fire. I haven’t heard any of the other new Bieber tracks, which are receiving a lot of hype, especially due to the collaborations on his new album. I am not really sure how long Bieber will last. His voice is not what he used to be thanks to puberty, and unless he actually does mature and produce decent pop music, he risks the possibility of slowly fading into obscurity as a new fresh, young face emerges. Then the cameras would no longer be on him and he could eat all the chocolate fondue he wants. Swaggy.

thethe plant plant theplant plant plant Omg j’aime chanter bon lalalalalalalalallalalala plant thethe plant the plant text texttropp text text. textc’est texttropppp text text. text text text text. thethe

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 17

Man of the Week

out?” “Don’t stress, man,” said Jesus. “We’re not here to come to blows, we just heard about you chilling here all alone, so we figured we would keep you company, you know what I’m saying?” “I don’t want your company, this is my turf, you hear that shit?” Within four seconds, Oswald had Jesus on the ground in a headlock gasping for air with his farm animal followers watching in terror. “WHAT THE HELL, MAN?” screamed Jesus. “THIS IS NOT COOL, WE COME IN PEACE.” Oswald wasn’t going to hear it. After living his entire life the way he pleased, he was definitely not about to let some stranger in a sheet and Birkenstocks coexist with him. “I…work…alone,” said the bunny, delivering a fatal twist to Jesus’ neck and killing him instantly. Each and every animal bolted towards the direction from which they came, fearing the idea of meeting a similar fate. For a couple of days, Oswald’s world reverted to the blissful, solitary, serene place that he had always known and loved –

until Sunday. It was a dark and stormy night, so the bunny was sleeping under a maple tree for shelter. One hundred yards away, the earth began to shift, and a decomposed hand poked out from six feet under. Zombie resurrection Jesus, who was now soaked in rainwater, crept up behind sleeping Oswald and smashed his head in with the shovel he had acquired in the afterlife. For no apparent reason, right before committing the act, Jesus yelled “EASTER!!!” And then there was silence. Nowadays, Oswald is remembered as a martyr, a symbol of self-empowerment and the poster child for standing up for what is rightfully yours. The holiday that we call Easter is a celebration of the bunny’s life, and he is therefore the holiday’s official mascot. Each year, Oswald’s ghost comes back to thank each family for remembering him by giving them chocolate in egg form, because that was the only thing that was available at the depanneur one year, and he was in a rush, and it kind of just caught on. The end.

the the plant plant ApRiL fIfTh ToMoRrOw MaNyy plant theplant plantTiMe theplant plantSotext the the plant text text text text.the text FlIeS text sO textfAsT text.the textMeMoRiEs text text.****


VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 21, 2012

group of unfamiliar beings spearheaded by one prominent leader that seemed to be running on just two legs – what kind of sorcery was this? The man spearheading the rampage was wearing what looked like a white bed sheet wrapped around his torso like a toga, accumulating grass stains as he ground the robe into the earth with his wooden sandals. His brown hair blew majestically in the wind, held down by a crown of thorns. Retellings of this historical event identify the toga-toting figure as a man named Jesus. Behind him raged forth a diverse group of farm animals that served as his army. Oswald watched the stampede charge towards him in absolute terror, cringing as the mass of animals and Jesus screeched to a halt just a few feet away from where he was standing. Anger instantly overcame the bunny, who was terribly upset that there was now other life on earth that happened to simultaneously be trespassing on his territory. “What the fuck is going on here?” asked Oswald, going nose-to-nose with Jesus. “Do you want to fucking fight this shit

and in the front of the classroom while you’re watching a movie, showing off their PDA and making you feel lonelier than ever, than I don’t know what to tell you because I have my own anger issues to deal with. However, a friend of mine once told me, good things come to those who wait. It’s nothing you want to hear, I know because I hate hearing it but, I’ve been told it works. Confidence does play a huge role in staying in the friend zone. I mean it’s great to be the handsome guy who just wants his “friend zoning girl that’s a friend” to be happy and don’t want to push her too far, but have some confidence in yourself, not too much that you’re a jackass, but enough to let her know that you will ALWAYS be there for her…or until the relationship fails. Your call. I mean, from personal experience and being alone with my thoughts way too damn much, I’ve noticed that patience, initiative, and confidence is the key to being in a happy relationship and hopefully getting out of the friend zone. And if you can’t get out of the friend zone or you are too shy to take initiative and then move on to someone who cares or as I seem to be saying, grow a pair. You can’t hurry love, so don’t try. Being in the friend zone is MUCH better than just sitting in a corner and waiting for something to happen with a complete stranger, and even more painful. Trust me.

EDITOR: Oliver Nacey CONTACT: olivernacey@gmail.com

In the beginning, there was a bunny. Just one solitary bunny, residing in a land that is now geographically known as the suburbs of Oklahoma. His name was Oswald, but nobody knew that because as far as he was concerned, there was no other life on earth other than him. He liked his situation, being alone and all. He lived off a modest herbivore diet of green grass, fertile soil, and daisies, allowing for him to have a speedy metabolism and washboard abdominals. Resources were abundant, and Oswald was in shape, so he was happy. One Friday afternoon, while the happy bunny was sitting amongst the breezy tall grasses simply enjoying the feeling of the wind in his fur, he heard a low rumble. At first he thought it was his stomach, given that there was no other intelligent life on the planet that he knew of, but the sound was so much more than that. Perspiring under the noontime sun, Oswald turned his gaze towards the lush horizon in an attempt to pinpoint the source of the rumbling. A dark mass materialized at what seemed like the end of the earth, a huge

The friend zone isn't always the best place to be with a person. But take it from me, it’s better I be in the friend zone than just be complete strangers…which is not even a friend zone. Being in the friend zone at least gives you a certain type of significance in that person’s life. You're not just the girl/guy who lingers on past them while you wait for THEM to notice YOU. The best part of being in the friend zone is that you're AT LEAST talking to the person and maybe...just maybe things will start to look up and who knows, you might get out of the friend zone and into an actual relationship. But a friend once told me that before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself and I know you don't want to hear this clichéd crap but, you must be patient. I mean, sure, you can go ahead and take initiative and ask a person out and have the affectionate company and experience. If you're lonely, do not be some stubborn brat who only needs company and will hump anything that'll walk and give you the time of day...like, dafuq do you think you are? Barney Stinson? I mean yes, it gets fucking annoying that you are either too shy to put yourself out there or someone is too blind to see what is in front of them but you’re just going to end up hurting yourself. And as for those couples who just stand in the middle of the escalators, hallways


Name: Hadi Mourad Program/Semester: Marketing/Business Management, 2nd Semester Age: 19 Hair: Black Eyes: Brown Mood: Neutral Interested In: Beautiful people Why do you deserve to be Man of the Week? All the odds are in my favour Shampoo you use? Herbal Essences What do you want to be when you’re older? Adriana Limas husband Planet you’d be and why? Sun, because I can burn everyone from a distance (i know it’s a star but whatever) Who would you sleep with? Adriana Lima If you had to pick Another name for yourself ? Adonis Pokemon you’d be? Squirtle Inspiring Words: What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Worst Class? Accounting Jersey Shore character you are like? Vinny/Ronnie Who do you hate? Mac Miller Hunger Games? It’s a great movie Favorite song at the moment? Every teardrop is a waterfall- Coldplay One food for the rest of your life? Watermelon Opinion on life? You control your destiny Favorite Youtube star? Jenna Marbles High or Drunk? Drunk What do you think of The Plant? I think it’s a really cool school newspaper


The Friend Zone

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 18

18 EDITOR: Samantha Mileto CONTACT: sam.mileto_11@hotmail.com

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012


The Dawson Blues Women’s Hockey team sailed to a 6-1 victory last Sunday against the Lionel-Groulx Nordiques, who failed to impress on all accounts despite their home ice advantage. The Blues dominated right from the getgo, out-skating and out-shooting the Nordiques throughout the first period. Blues’ defensive line was spectacular, never letting the puck slip much past the center line before sending it straight back towards

the Nordiques’ net. Their hard efforts were rewarded when Dawson’s Gabrielle Davidson gave her team the 1-0 lead within the first three minutes. The rest of the first period was marked by Dawson exhibiting their consistent and powerful skating and skillful handling. Two more goals were scored, at 4:01 and 2:22 by Karel Laplante and Tracy Ann Lavigne, respectively, and the Blues were up 30 after 20 minutes. “We moved the puck really, really well, skated well [in the first period], [we] put pressure [on the other team]. It’s probably the best we’ve played so far this season,” head coach Scott Lambton said.

Though the Lady Blues continued playing at a relatively strong level, the second period lacked the intensity of the first. Regardless, the Nordiques seemed unable to pierce through the Blues’ defense, particularily defenseman Cassandra Poudrier. Serving hard wrist shot after hard wrist shot, Poudrier finally managed to slip the puck past the Nordiques goaltender at 7:27, giving Dawson a 4-0 lead. At 5:56 during the second period, the game saw its first penalty given to Dawson forward Jennifer Pouliot. Lionel-Groulx players stepped up their game after gaining during their 5-4 man advantage but all of their numerous shots on net were shut

Crazy sport of the week

Are you ready to LARP?


As children, we often bore cardboard cut-out armor on our shins and raised our foam noodle-swords up high in combat. In the end, we would almost certainly fall back to lie in the grass, exhausted by the effort that jousting demanded. If you are looking for a workout, then maybe it’s time to go back to our roots. Live Action Role Playing, often abbreviated as “LARP-ing”, is a combat arena scenario using foam weapons and optional weapons. While no one can pin-point the exact origin of LARP, societies have been dressing up for entertainment and historical re-enactments for as long as anyone can remember. LARP began gaining popularity as a “geek pastime” in the 1970s and 1980s, during the rise of roleplaying games such

photo source: http://webpages.scu.edu/

as Dungeons & Dragons. However, no one can refute the results that LARP has on the human body. Generally, the weapons – made with plastic pipes, duct tape, foam and plastic, to name a few materials – have a significant weight to them, especially if your weapon of choice happens to be a warhammer or a heavy-headed spear. You may be carrying a 10-pound foam great sword in one hand, and a moderately heavy shield for security. Or, if melee is more your game, perhaps you will dualwield blades. Either way, you will be swinging around a good 20 pounds of weight, attacking with all your might, while dodging and staying light on your feet. Needless to say, one can get tired. Of course, that is assuming that one is playing in an arena-style, Championship match. There are many kinds of LARP, including those in the open wilderness, where you chase down opponents and try

to avoid being caught – all while carrying your weapons with you on your back. One of the benefits of LARPing is that is it fairly easy to get into the game. One trip to Home Depot for foam, piping for an inner “shell” and duck tape will do the trick, and there are countless online tutorials detailing the best way to build your weapon. By building it yourself, not only are you aware of the way it handles, but you can also make it as heavy or as light as you would like to start. However, if you are interested in joining the game, be aware that there are rules to follow. If you get hit in the leg, you must act as though that leg is not there, and the same goes with the arm. If your limbs are hit, then you must assume them unusable and incapacitated in battle. In addition, a shot to the chest or stomach is an instant kill. Generally, between the legs and above the shoulders are off-limits, due to the amount of momentum just a heavy swing can carry. If your concern is finding people to play with, then put those worries to rest. Every Sunday during the summer, during the Tamtams on Mount-Royal, there is a weekly gathering of LARP warriors ready to do battle. Some people there tend to be rather intense. It isn’t uncommon to see them charging at each other (in full costume, or maybe even shirtless), full-speed, yelling battle cries. Or, if you prefer a slightly calmer atmosphere, feel free to participate in Dawson’s Sci-Fi Club’s Medieval Day, taking place April 27 in the green space surrounding Dawson, and you can sign up for the tournament at the event, where the certified weaponry will be provided. Even if fighting might not be your sport, speculators are encouraged to watch a bit of childhood come to life.

down by Dawson goalie Jade Routhier. “It was hard trying to keep playing at our level and not sink down and play at theirs,” Davidson said. The third period began with a fire and intensity similar to the first period. With the Blues shooting twice within the first 13 seconds, the Nordiques were scrambling to keep up. Less than a minute later, at 19:06, play was stopped after Routhier took a puck to the face. The Lionel-Groulx players got a much needed minute to catch their breath after the exhausting first minute of play while Melanie Fournier, Dawson’s other goalie, replaced the injured Routhier.


Halfway through the last period at 9:58, Lionel-Groulx’s captain Julie Levesque broke Dawson’s shutout bid as she cut the Blues lead to 4-1. Still, it was too little too late for the Nordiques as the last five minutes of the third saw two final goals by the Blues: another by Poudrier at 3:48 and the last goal of the game scored by Alexandria D’Onofrio with only 1:33 left. “We started off really strong in the first period, we were playing our game. When we came back, it took us a bit longer to get back to where we were and the same thing for the third period,” Poudrier said.

Like a boss

Photo source: smosh.com

Beware of the cats...

Photo source: smosh.com

the plant Lmfaoo at larping the plant totally creepy the plant :( :( the plant

GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 19

Eyeing Sochi Brace yourselves


Photo credit: Gaaya Muthiah

Poudrier in action


photo credit: hockeyworldblog.com

goalie in Henrik Lundqvist. The Rangers must be wary of a potential first round matchup with the streaking Buffalo Sabres (currently two points out of a playoff spot) though, as Ryan Miller has been stellar as of late and the Sabres have compiled a record of 10-4-2 in their last 16 games. Over in the West, the big matchup of the first round also looks to be a clash between the fourth and fifth place division rivals. Central division foes Detroit and Nashville should provide a hell of a first round series, with Red Wings’ offensive stars Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen set to go against Nashville’s stellar defense led by Shea Weber, Ryan Suter and All-World goalie Pekka Rinne. Expect top seeds Vancouver and St Louis to cruise through the first round, as both teams have played great hockey all season long. The Pacific division (and thus the third seed in the conference) is still up for grabs, with Los Angeles, Phoenix, San Jose and Dallas all vying for the top spot. One of these teams will finish out of the playoffs entirely, and the two other non-division winners will have to play Vancouver and St. Louis in the first round, not a fate to be desired. The prize for winning the division is home ice advantage and a likely date with the Chicago Blackhawks, so it seems as if the Pacific teams are really stuck picking between a rock and a hard place. This is to be expected though. They don’t call it playoff hockey for nothing; every series is hard fought, every shift is a battle, and nothing comes easy. After all, by mid-April, there are no cupcakes like the Habs or Leafs left.

Remember him Habs fans?

the plantf 6 weeks left of school. the plant and I’m out of here the plant FOREVER! :) the plant

photo credit: officepools.com


Cassandra Poudrier, a defensemen and assistant captain of the Dawson Blues’ Women's hockey team, is an individual with drive, aspirations, and dedication. Pourdrier started playing hockey at the age of five when she joined the Lynx de L’Annonication in Rivière-Rouge. She was drawn to the sport because her dad was a hockey player. However, her mother wasn’t too keen on the idea and only gave in after making her try every other sport, from ballet to swimming. “My mom was scared to let me play hockey because I was a girl,” Poudrier said. “She was afraid of what people might say.” She didn’t always play on the girl’s teams either. In fact from Mag to Bantom BB, Poudrier was playing on the boy’s teams. It was at the age of 16 that Poudrier made the switch to girls hockey. She played two years on the girls AA Midget team before she became a Dawson Blue. However, playing for her local or school teams aren’t the only teams she played on. When Poudrier was 12-years-old, she was selected to play on the Quebec team where she went to the Canada Games and Nationals. From that point on, she has continued to climb the latter of success in hockey and joined the team Canada U-18 team in 2008. Thanks to her success in hockey and being part of Team Canada, Poudrier has been able to travel all over the world. As of September 2010, she has been invited to the Senior Canadian Women’s hockey team camps and has been joining them on tournaments. This last year alone she has been to Sweden with them for the Four

Nations Cup. Then with Team Canada’s Under-22 team, she went to Slovakia and Germany for the MECO Cup. “It’s always been a dream for me to play for Team Canada,” Poudrier said. “It’s like two different lives, I get to travel and play hockey, so I couldn’t ask for more.” Poudrier, who is a fourth semester Pure & Applied student, has to work extra hard to keep up with all her school work. With all the traveling and training she has, she’s constantly having to catch up on her school work to make sure she doesn’t fall too far behind. Balancing school and training has not been easy for her over the past year, but with her drive for success she manages to find a way to pull through. “This last year was really hard for me because I haven’t stopped [playing hockey] since May 2011,” Poudrier said. “I was always in a camp or away on a tournament, so when I came back I had to catch up on all my school work.” Poudrier is on the right path in achieving her biggest dream, to one day represent Canada in the Winter Olympics. When she watched the Salt Lake City Olympic women’s hockey final, Canada vs. the United States, she knew that she wanted to be there one day. In 2010, when when went with the U-18 Canada team to the World Champions and beat the United States in the finals, she felt like she understood what it means to play in the Olympics better. That feeling is what pushes her to achieve her dream of making it to the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. In the mean time, Poudrier, who received many athletic and academic scholarship offers to both the United States and Canadian schools, has chosen to attend Cornell University in Ithaca, New York.

As the old joke goes, how do you know when spring (and the playoffs) has come? When the Leafs are out. Sadly, our Habs will be joining the perennial loser Leafs on the golf course this year, with nothing to show for this season other than a few memorable hat tricks (Eller’s four goal game, Max Pacioretty’s first, and Erik Cole’s quickest Habs hatty in history). Not to worry though, Montrealers. The NHL playoffs are right around the corner and there is still some great hockey left to be played, albeit not by our boys in bleublanc-rouge. This year’s quest for Lord Stanley’s mug promises to be a good one, with a few interesting storylines already forming. First off, in the east, can anything top a Pittsburgh-Philly first round series? With only three games remaining (as of Tuesday), it looks like the NHL will be getting their dream matchup, with the Battle of Pennsylvania pitting Crosby, Malkin and Co. against Claude Giroux, Scott Hartnell and the big bad Flyers. This looks to be the obvious marquee matchup in the East’s first round, but also don’t look past the sneaky Senators, who are slated (as of April 3) to play the defending Stanley Cup champion Bruins. Although Boston leads the season series 4-1 (the teams play again Thursday night), Bruins’ goalie Tim Thomas had a really bad March (.884 save pct) and Ottawa, led by high scoring D-man Erik Karlsson (77 points as of April 3) may have the firepower to upset Boston in the first round. In the end, I predict either the Penguins or New York Rangers to represent the Eastern Conference. New York cannot be overlooked heading into the postseason, as they have the East’s best record and best

VOL. 40 ISSUE 21 - Thursday, April 5, 2012

What to expect during the battle of Pennsylvania



GOODMASTER:The Master 12-04-04 10:19 PM Page 20

Profile for Web Editor

The Plant Volume 40 Issue 21  

Snatching Up Yo Eggs since 1969...Bro

The Plant Volume 40 Issue 21  

Snatching Up Yo Eggs since 1969...Bro

Profile for theplant