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The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:57 PM Page 1

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VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

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the plant Dawson College 3040 Sherbrooke Street West Westmount, QC, H3Z 1A4 Tel: (514) 931-8731 ext:1115 Copyright 2012

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Oliver Naceyi Managing Editor Zac Starke News Editor Devon Walcott International News Editor & CUP Liaison Sarine Moumdjian Arts & Culture Editor Alexandra Herrington Features Editor Vacant Voices Editor Vacant Sports Editor Daniel Sailofsky Graphics Editor Kate Ograva Comics Editor Kate Ograva Head Copy Editor Alexandra Herrington Web Editor Adriana Toro Super Happy Crazy Fun Page Vacant Photo Editor Gaia

Public Relations Vacant Business Manager Vacant Distribution Tech Support Vacant Copy Editors Sarah Lake, Paul Ballerini, Bahaa Musa

Staff Writers Justin Giglio, Bahaa Musa, Sam Nazer, Monika Cefis, Jacob Cohen, Chris Dahdah, Paul Ballerini, Sarah Lake, Alexandra Mantzioros, Maria Flores, Ariella Klein, Maya Bobrove, Anne Nice, Lisa White, Lea NeumarkGaudet, Jean Philippe Praite and Karl Usakowski

Contributors David Symonf

Letter from the Editor So what if our skulls weren’t vaguely spherical, but pyramids or dodecahedral? Or that poptarts grew on trees? These are things that plague me daily. Hi, I’m Oliver the new Editor-In-Chief of The Plant. That probably doesn’t mean much to you nor does it mean anything to me, but hey, I’m here now and I’m basically in charge of the world. If you don’t know what The Plant is I really hope you’re new around here. Basically, we’re the school newspaper. So what did you do this summer? I got hit by a mail truck. I say hit, but I really mean grazed or brushed. I wish it was more exciting, that I’d nearly died, but I didn’t. I’m actually quite boring except for the fact that I come from New Zealand, some people find that interesting, I have an email account, know how to brush my teeth and once I even took my bike on the metro. So, now you know me and my extraordinary talents. Interestingly, with my New

Zealandliness, I can’t vote. Being unable to vote makes following the whole election process a little difficult. One can’t help feeling somewhat detached. That’s not to say I’m unconcerned with the future of the province, I really am, but I keep getting asked who I voted for and subsequently have no answer. As for the outcome, I’m not ready to give up all hope and move to Ontario, but I can’t help but be somewhat concerned with the rift that ap-

pears to be forming between the English and Frenchspeaking populations. Only time will tell what will happen with a PQ minority, whether it will be good or bad, but the vicious nature with which Anglophones are attacking the results can only be seen as premature. A PQ minority is not the end all or be all for Quebec. In less serious news, the NFL season has started and I can’t put into words how much it... All that is covered in

Around the Leagues by the Sports Editor Dan Sailofsky on page 11. So I also went to the Born Ruffians concert organised by the DSU and was devastated by the complete lack of people in attendance to see such a great band perform. For more on that story see page 8. Bye, Oliver p.s. p.s. stands for post script.

Editor of the week News Editor: Devon Walcott How do you pronounce your name? The white way. How long will the fish survive? Not long enough, i’m going to cry :( Rack, Rack City Bitch? NO. Shut up. No. On a scale of one to ten, how hawt are Pauline Marois’ pant suits? Every girl should have one. Favorite Disney movie song? Under the sea. Who’s my all-time favorite editor? Ally <3 <3 <3 10/10 I would bang 8==================D How big is your slit? NO FUCKING COMMENT. So, it’s really that big, huh? Yes.

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3 VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

EDITOR: Devon Walcott CONTACT:

PQ wins minority government Violence erupts at PQ victory party, leaving one dead and one in critical condition CHRIS DAHDAH Staff Writer

The PQ led the Liberal Party of  Québec with only an extra .73 percent of  votes resulting in a PQ minority government with 54 seats. The PLQ is now the official opposition with 50 seats, Francois Legault’s Coalition Avenir Québec came in third with 19 seats, and Québec Solidaire won two seats bringing Françoise David to join her colleague and cospokesperson of  the party Amir Khadir in the National Assembly. PQ leader Pauline Marois is the first woman to become Premier in Québec history, and her victory was saluted by the leaders of  all parties. According to Radio-Canada, voter

turnout was around 74.61 percent, a substantial increase from the previous provincial elections with only 57.43 percent in 2008. Part of  Marois’s mandate is to abolish the  82  percent  university  tuition  fee  increase, repeal law 12 (previously named bill 78), and reinforce the French-language protection law, bill 101, and extend it to the CÉGEP level. This may be hard for her party to achieve, however, with a minority  government. Opposition to the Parti Québecois’s success came no later than Marois’s victory speech a few minutes before midnight at Metropolis where a man raided the venue around midnight and opened fire on the crowd. Two stage technicians were hit, one of  them killed and the

Pauline Marois, Jean Charest, Fransçois Legault, Amir Khadir

other gravely injured. Primary suspect Richard Henry Bain, age 61, was armed with an AK-47 automatic rifle and a handgun. He also started a fire backstage and was apprehended by the Montreal police shortly after. He was heard yelling “the English are waking up, the English are waking up!” in French, as he was being taken into custody.   Bain’s assault was an abrupt interruption of  the PQ militants’ assembly where Marois was giving her victory speech. She was  quickly  escorted  backstage  by  her bodyguards but came back to continue her speech  only  a  few  minutes  later. What drives students to vote? The electoral campaign announced in August was launched as a means to solve

the crisis of  the 2012 Québec student strike. Although a specific breakdown of the voter turnout hasn’t yet been released by the Directeur général des élections du Québec (DGEQ), turnout for the 18-24 age group was expected to increase by many. “I think most students are pissed off and feel disassociated from politics” says second-semester student in Child Studies, Anthony Chattha. He says he has voted CAQ , partly because he wants to see the debate on sovereignty eliminated from the political scene. On the other side of the political spectrum, Geoffrey Graham, independent student, voted for Québec Solidaire. “I love all their policies and their platform. I recognize that many of them would be difficult to attain, but

when you strive to attain something, you have to have big ideas and take small steps.” Not all electors, however, chose to vote for the party that they feel best represents them. Julie Jenneau-Rollin, fifth semester Commerce student, says she voted for the CAQ as well, but only in the hopes of  preventing the victory of the Liberal candidate in her riding. Despite a probable higher turnout of student voters in this election, some still chose to abstain. Nicholas Di Penna, second-semester student in Continuing Education,  argues  that  not  all  do  so  out  of apathy. Di Penna chose to spoil his ballot. “I have no trust in our current [electoral] system,”  he  says,  “it  is  archaic  and  destructive.”

Source: Photo Credits clockwise: Jaques Nadeau/Le Devoir, Ryan Remiorz/The Canadian Press, Uncredited/The Canadian Press, Jacques Boissinot/The Canadian Press


Photo Credit: Jonathon Rivait/National Post

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The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 4


Dawson Debate


Representitives make their case on education and sovereignty


VOL 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

Benoit Guerin, candidate of Option Nationale explains that "In my Quebec, everybody is welcome, whatever the language they speak at home.”

Candidates of  the six major provincial parties took part in an election debate at Dawson, held by the DSU (Dawson Student Union), on August 29 in which campaigning party members spoke about key issues, such as education and bill 101. Green Party representative, Lisa Cahn was only able to join in the third segment of  the debate, due to a miscommunication with the the DSU. Jacques Chagnon,  PLQ (Parti Leberal Quebec) deputy, was replaced by Dave McMahon of  the Bourget riding due to a law that prevents the President of  the National Assembly to  campaign.  About 60 people attented the debate, and as many followed the event online through, a live video streaming website. The questions have been previously  chosen by the DSU, and audience had the chance to ask questions directly to the candidates themselves at the end. Education was the main topic of  discussion. Parti Quebecois candidate, Marc-André Bahl, promised that PQ (Parti Quebecois) would abolish law 78 and Charest’s planned tuition hike; the PLQ's reprensative, Dave McMahon, argues that the rise of  tuition fees is a "responsible decision, the system needs a raise." Option Nationale, the Green Party and Quebec Solidaire are all in

favour of  free education from kindergarden to university. If  the Parti Quebecois is elected, they will expand bill 101 to CEGEP, which will prevent francophones and allophones to attend English . "In the Quebec that I see in the  future, I see more and more francophones, and having the CEGEP in french will make  more and more francophones. Everybody can learn whatever language they want, but  public system education should be in the language of  the nation" argues MarcAndré Bahl from the PQ (Parti Quebecois). Mélissa Desjardins, candidate of Quebec Solidaire and former Dawson student believes that "everybody should have the choice to go in a school in English if  they want to improve. Thanks to Dawson, I was able to improve it." Everybody in their academic career will have French language courses and will learn about French cul8.4ture, so expanding bill 101 to CEGEP is, according to Desjardins, "pas une nécéssité". She also quoted René Lévesque who said "Whoever wants to be a Quebecer is one". [What does this mean exactly?]   Desjardins explains that Quebec's independence has nothing to do with your

language. She also added that "everybody here is a Quebecer, they are studying in English as well. Bill 101 in CEGEP and university level as nothing to do with that."  According to PLQ [representitive McMahon], the PQ has no data to support their claims on language. "I haven't seen a francophone coming into an English CEGEP saying And I am now an anglophone", said McMahon supported by loud applause from the audience.   Whether a party is accused of  not being sovereignist enough, lying about it, being too  vague or too sovereignist, the subject is still a big part of  political debates. Benoit Guerin, candidate of  Option Nationale explains that "In my Quebec, everybody is welcome, whatever the language they speak at home."  CAQ (Coalition Avenir Quebec), a party that has switched officially from sovereignty to federalism wants to tackle coruption, school dropout rates, work on the economy and put Montreal back on the map. Johnny Kairouz, CAQ candidate for Westmount responded that "you don't need independence to fight coruption." Guerin from ON (Option Nationale), reminded Kairouz that Francois Legault wanted to work on those problems with Quebec sovereignty a few

months ago, but according to Kairouz, there is now "more pressing issue to deal with".  About LGBT rights: Every party agreed to support the fight for LGBT rights. QS (Quebec Solidaire) wants increase sexual education, at least until CEGEP, while McMahon reminded the audience that his party created the program to fight homophobia, which Guerin hopes that twenty years from now will be part of  the past. They also all agreed on the Indian act, calling it "one of  the most xenophobic laws in Canada", said Guerin.  Michael Forion, a third semester student in General Sciences thinks that "it's astonishing that some of  the candidates admitted to agreeing with other party's policies, when if  a voter said the same they would be called delusional for thinking their choice on Election Day is some sort of  utopian construct. The thing is: candidates are voters too." He also added that Audrey Deveault, the moderator of the debate, did a fantastic job. Julie Jenneau-Rollin, a 5th semester student in Commerce, appreciated that the Liberal candidate  stayed at the end to answer to individual questions as well as to see all the parties represented.

May flood wreaks havocin damages Torrential rains responsible for over three million dollars


EDITOR: Devon Walcott CONTACT:

Staff Writer

“It was Niagara falls right here!” exclaimed Gavin Sealy, Night Supervisor at the Physical Education, Athletics and Recreation Center.

On May 29, as a result of  the torrential downpour, water spilled into Dawson College causing a significant amount of damage in its wake.  Plant and Facilities has been working all summer to insure that the College would be ready for this semester.  “It was Niagara falls right here!” exclaimed Gavin Sealy, Night Supervisor at the Physical Education, Athletics and Recreation Center.  He continued, “The water was actually coming out of  the toilets!” Indeed, 40 to 80mm of  rain overwhelmed the city’s sewers systems and the municipal infrastructure could simply not contain the amount of  water resulting from this natural disaster. Around the city, the brute force of  the water even blasted off  manhole covers.  The flood surprised hundreds of  firstyear Dawson students in the gymnasium during their language placement tests. Sealy recalls one of  them asking with a worried tone, “Does this happen all the time?”  The Westmount fire department was called in to help staff  and faculty conduct the evacuation. As students exited the College, the water continued to force its way in primarily through the De Maisonneuve entrance and the bent-in emergency exit in the H wing. The water damage reached right down to the -2H level. The H wing and PARC complex were severely hit, but there was significant the water damage done to the E wing on the second floor as well as atrium and lower atrium.

Elizabeth McDonough, Plant and Facilities Director, said the cost of  the damage amounted to around 3 million dollars, a sum that the College insurance will be covering. McDonough is particularly grateful to the management team composed of  Wai Bong Shum, Jorge Sanchez, Daniel Deschènes, Vincent Mansueto and Fanny Fung. She said they worked especially hard this summer in order to insure that the areas affected would be safe and ready on time for the Fall semester.  The Director General’s board approved the clean-up plan devised by McDonough and her team, and decontamination was the first phase of  this said plan. It required a certain amount of  demolition, the results of  which are still apparent in some areas were the reconstruction has not yet taken place.  A specialized company, BioVac System, was contracted to conduct tests to insure that the reconstruction would be done on safe, mold-free, surfaces. The reconstruction phase would not start until acceptable results were received; this took a certain amount of  time explained McDonough. The results of  these tests finally were deemed satisfactory by the Health Department of  Montreal and the rebuilding began around mid-summer. The gym has finally been reopened yesterday at noon. While priority zones such as lockers, classrooms and other student areas are now mostly taken care of, work remains to be done in faculty and staff quarters. 

photo credit:

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The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 5


Clearing the Air However, money may not be the college’s only concern.


There have been recent speculations stating that the massive flood that hit Dawson has created a mold issue that affected the college’s air quality, putting everyone in the college at risk.

The flood that occurred on May 29 caused severe water damage to numerous locations in the college, including the gymnasiums and many different offices. The necessary renovations cost Dawson an estimated amount of  over $3 million.

McCready worked with Dawson’s Plants and Facilities and contacted Public Health after the flood. Specialists who visited Dawson to evaluate the state of  the college were satisfied with the procedures the college took and the work that was done.  When assessing the health of  a building, it is necessary to collect data regarding air quality and levels of  humidity. However, this information alone is not enough to ensure that Dawson College is safe for employees and students.  “Objective data we can measure,” Mc-

The nurse plans to send out a letter to those who spend extended amounts of time in the college so she can evaluate their health. If  a case is brought to her attention, McCready can assess the situation and call Public Health for their advice on the matter. There is still a need to be cautious even though McCready says, “right now, there is no indication that we have a mold problem.” She explains, “even if  you do it all the right way, there is never a zero per

cent chance after a flood this big.” McCready adds that “early intervention is important” to protect health, prevent the spread of  mold, and to save the college money. 

The college is “probably safer Currently, some areas of  the school are still suffering. Geoff  Graham, Director of now than beCommunications and Mobilization at the Dawson Student Union, said, “the DSU fore the flood,” office was heavily affected. They had to open all the walls, air everything out, and Geneviève Mccheck for fungus.” The DSU office is still Cready, Dawunusable and the whole team has temporarily had to move their location. son’s Health The gym has taken longer to fix because Education Dawson wanted to rid the area of  any exNurse said. cess humidity before laying new floors.

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Though the flood certainly took its toll on Dawson, we may actually be better off now than we were before. Because no one usually checks for these types of  dangers, the college is “probably safer now than before the flood,”  Geneviève McCready, Dawson’s Health Education Nurse said.

When a flood of  such force strikes a building, there is always a risk of  mold developing. Dawson took a quick initiative and opened the walls to ensure that no issues would develop. 

Cready said. There is, however, “subjective data that is just as valuable to make a correct portrait of  the health of  the building.” McCready must keep an eye out for any employees suffering from mold related symptoms. She ensures students that they have nothing to worry about because while they move around throughout the day, employees are sitting in the same stagnant office air for 40 hours a week. 


Mold caused by flood responsible for compromised air quality

PARC is hoping for the gym to reopen by Aug. 22, but workers took the time they needed. These precautions will ensure that there be no mold in the future, keeping Dawson a safe environment.

photo credit: Ariella Klein

Students line up to change courses in hopes of a better schedule ANNE NICE STAFF WRITER

chanical Engi-neering student said.  “The system is also not always helpful” Matsoulevitch said that he checked daily to see if  Spanish was available online. It wasn’t until his friend informed him on the last day that he got in line to switch his course. “If  there could be notifications that would be great.” Matsoulevitch said. Even  though  the  online  option  to change courses is more convenient, some students  find  themselves  either  uninformed  or  it  doesn’t  always  offer  them what is available. In which case they must, inconveniently, wait in line to change their course(s). Giulia Tiranani a third semester Pure and Applied Sciences student wanted to take an intensive but it wasn’t available

online.  “[It was] Something about the intensive, it didn't show up as available so I had to visit the gym coordinator.” Tiranani explained.  Many students are found waiting in line after  line  just  to  understand  what  they need to do to get what they want. In which case course changes can become more difficult than necessary.  Changing courses for Dawson students isn’t always easy and convenient, in which case students can find themselves jumping through hoops to get a good schedule with courses they’ll enjoy. Students are still able to drop their courses until September 19.


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Changing courses is a big commotion at Dawson College during the first week of the semester. There are two ways in which a student can change their courses. There’s an online link called “Course Schedule Modification” found on MyDawson [Omnivox]. Online, a student can pick from a new set of  schedules availa-ble with open classes so that the student can change their course sec-tion/teacher, for numerous courses.  The second option for the students’ is to fill out a form found at the information center, on the second floor, and wait in line

at Oliver’s. 2C.17 Unfortunately the second option is very inconvenient and also the only way a student can ensure they are getting what they want. The  main  reason  students  want  to change one or many course(s) is be-cause they aren’t happy with their original choice and  this  gives  them  a  second  chance  to change their schedule around; however it also charges them an extra $20 fee in the process.  “I changed Film Styles for Spanish because Film Styles is not my type of  thing and  it  was  the  only  one  that  fit  in  my schedule before because with my program it’s always hard to get a class that fits.” Anthony Matsoulevitch, a fifth semester Me-

“[It was] Something about the intensive, it didn't show up as available so I had to visit the gym coordinator.” Tiranani explained.

EDITOR: Devon Walcott

Course Changes

The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 6

6 VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

EDITOR: Sarine Moumdjian CONTACT:

Good vibrations ELLEN CROSBY THE XAVERIAN WEEKLY ANTIGONISH, N.S. (CUP) — The insulting but hilarious story of  the invention of  the vibrator seems to be popping up everywhere. Let’s face it; if  anything warrants a retelling and celebration  of   its  invention,  it’s  the vibrator. Rachel  P.  Maines’  1999 novel The Technology of  Orgasming  discusses  the  invention  of   the  vibrator.  In Victorian  England,  women who  complained  of headaches,  stomach  aches, being tired or any other symptom  that  could  not  be  explained by an existing disease were diagnosed with hysteria. Hysteria literally means disease  of   the  womb. Doctors  believed  that women with emotional excesses  had  disturbed uteruses. This  illegitimate  disease  was said to be affecting about half  of  the female pop-

ulation. Luckily, men were able to solve the problem. Doctors found that performing “pelvic massages”  on  women  until  they  reached  orgasm seemed to help. No kidding. Before the vibrator was invented, and as early as the beginning  of   the  16th century,  married women  who  suffered from  hysteria  were urged  to  have  sex with their husbands. Single  women, who could not relieve their hysteria via sex, were encouraged  to  take “vigorous” horseback rides. Maines’  novel was a source of  inspiration  for  the  play In  the  Next  Room  (or The  Vibrator Play)  by Sarah  Ruhl, and  the  upc o m i n g movie starring Hugh Dancy and Maggie Gyllenhaal, Hysteria. Ruhl’s In the Next Room (or The Vibrator

Play) was nominated for three Tony Awards in 2010,  including  best  play.  It  centers  on  two women who are unhappy with their monotonous sex  lives,  which  have  always  been  focused  on their husbands’ pleasure. They are both excited to try out the new invention of  the vibrator, and to experience their first orgasms. The final curtain closes on one of  the actresses having  sex  with  her  husband,  but  not  in  the usual  missionary  position.  The  couple  has discovered  girl-on-top  sex,  and  the  play ends with Catherine having her first satisfying  sexual  experience  with  her  husband. The film Hysteria has not come out yet, but the trailer looks very promising. It focuses heavily on the doctors who invented the vibrator and why. Actor  Hugh  Dancy  plays  the young doctor, Mortimer Granville. He takes his career very seriously and insists that the invention, at first called the feather duster, has nothing to do with pleasure. Granville’s  objective  is  to help hysterical women become sane again. Little does he know, his method of  curing their hysteria is through satisfying them sexually. The reason for creating the vibrator was originally to cure an invented disease. However, the fact that hysteria has since been dismissed as a

disease does not mean that the vibrator cannot be  used  for  medicinal  purposes.  In  fact,  the amount of  medical research coming out about the health benefits of  experiencing orgasm is increasing each year. Some of  the latest research shows that having frequent orgasms can curb  your  appetite,  get  rid  of headaches  and  cramps,  lower your cholesterol, decrease your risk of  heart disease and stroke, protect  you  against  cancer  and boost your immune system. Of   course,  there  are  other  benefits that  come  from  using  your  mechanical friend that are harder to measure, such as enhancing your mood and lifestyle, recharging your romantic relationships, and making you feel more comfortable with and about your body. Granville may have had a misogynistic and unfounded reason for inventing the vibrator, but we now know that it actually does have some legitimate health benefits.

Hitting Rock Bottom KACPER NIBURSKI THE SILHOUETTE HAMILTON (CUP) — I should preface by saying that this isn’t a cry for help. Nor is it an otherwise lackluster student’s lament. Instead it is a realization that the summer sun is fleeting, and

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in its wake is a perpetual cycle of  work, school, work, school, work and school some more. Maybe I’m just tired of  it. Maybe I’m sick of the monotony. Or maybe I’m just both sick and tired of  the lie of  academia that as students, we are not supposed to struggle or complain. We are supposed to sit in the large classes, recognized only by our number, and enjoy the luxury of  a university education that is reserved for a select few.

source:  Javier Caicedo/The Silhouette

We are told marks are only important as we choose to make them; the same could be said of social experiences. All of  the opportunities, all of  the activities and all of  the groups — they are but a small portion of  the privilege that is a “student’s life.” And yet, I cannot help but feel something is very wrong in this current climate of  academic culture. Despite the apparent pleasures, there is an underbelly that is rarely discussed. Behind the picture-perfect,  poster-child  students  and  the stratospherically high GPA’s is an environment that  stigmatizes  the  smallest  imperfection. Schadenfreude  has  replaced  empathy.  Hypercompetitiveness  pits  student  against  student. Weaknesses are exploited, successes are lauded above all else, and the failures of  others are a source of  celebration. Don’t get me wrong. A new age of  natural selection  in  academia  is  all  fine  and  dandy,  but where does it leave the students who are trampled by competition? Where do those with arguably unstable personalities find themselves? Alone.  Forlorn.  And  waltzing  around  with ideas reserved for the end of  times. Or, at least I was. To some, there is a thing called ancient history — events that happened so long ago they are worth being forgot. But sometimes, it’s hard to forget.  Some  memories  are  triggered  by  the slightest  provocation,  hidden  by  thousands  of daily jokes and smiles. Even  though  my  eyes  were  closed,  I  recall everything from that night just like it was my first kiss. The way the water from the showerhead masked my cries. The amount of  time I could hold  my  breath.  The  lingering  whispers  of

doubt. The cold metal against my skin. To this day, I remember when I told my parents about the first time I planned to take my own life. With a pained look on his face, my father wearily sighed. To no avail, I tried to get the attention of  my mother, who simply gazed off into the distance. Although I couldn’t read her lips, it seemed she was mouthing, “My son, my son.” At the same time she was shaking her head, stuck in an infinite loop between now and forever. I helplessly stared at them — my parents, my caregivers — while my father waffled about to find the right words. He stuttered once. Twice. Despite having lived in my house for years, it felt foreign. As I sat there with hands that grappled against the air that seemed to be suffocating me, it felt as though my house was not my home. Was it my fault? Was I just incorrigibly inept? I wasn’t sure, and at the time, I took that as a confirmation that I was. The grades. The disappointment. All of  it was my undoing, a testament of  my limitations. Others could balance school and athletics. Some even worked. And here I was struggling with just academics. In my head, I was less than pathetic. I remember my mother’s botched attempt at reassurance, the feeling of  overarching meaningless, and the days I never wished to face, days I couldn’t believe had happened. But above all else, I remember the stern voice of  my father, who spent five minutes in a quiet search of  wisdom. “I promise,” he whispered, “it gets better. It always does.” After it all, I like to pretend that I am stronger. I could even say that I am wiser too. But I’m not. For a while, I let my depression get the better of me, and I became a victim of  my own suffering.

Yet in due course, I realized that my father was right. Even though the following days were filled with uneasy footsteps that echoed a song of  regret,  I  remember  that  it  —  the  pain,  the heartache, the unquestionable distress — eventually stopped. When it did, I experienced the spicy taste of peppers, my first true love, a passion for writing, the beauty of  a Polish cathedral, the soothing call of  an Imam in Turkey, the confusion of  an abstract painting, the exhilaration of  cliff  diving, the salty kiss of  an ocean, the unbridled carnal urgency of  sex, and a whole blur of  other memories that bring both joy and happiness to me now.  In  short,  I  experienced  life  like  I  never thought I would again. I tell this story not in search of  therapy. I’ve dealt with my own demons already. Instead, I write  with  the  hopes  that  I  can  inspire  you  – whoever you are and wherever you live – to believe that you are not alone. Now I certainly do not think I can ever truly understand what you’re going through, and I will not presume to make a blanket statement about what is best for you. I will not tell you that the sun will rise tomorrow. Nor will I tell you that it will set today. In the end, I will not pretend to know you. But  while  it  is  perhaps  foolish  to  hope  that these words will reach anyone, and it is probably even more so to assume that they could help in any way, I want you to know that no matter what has happened and no matter how you feel, you are fantastic. You are unique. And I love everything about you.

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The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 7

7 VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

EDITOR: Sarine Moumdjian CONTACT:

Miners charged with Pop that pussy murder MJ CROMP SENIOR WRITER On  August  17,  Adezhda  Tolokonnikova, Maria Alekhina, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, three Russian punk members of  the band Pussy Riot were sentenced to two years, after an improvised  performance  in  a  Russian  Orthodox cathedral.  According to the Guardian, "Pussy Riot has been found guilty of  hooliganism, motivated by religious hatred in a Moscow court after their performance in February.” They performed one of  their songs, "Virgin Mary, Put Putin Away," in reference to the Russian  politician  Vladimir  Puntin,  the  leader  of Russia since May. The band is against his re-election to the head of  Russia, because of  his cor-

ruptive politic regime, reported the Guardian.  Last  Thursday,  an  elderly  woman  and  her daughter  were  found  in  Russia  beneath  a scrawled message demanding freedom for the members, reported the Vancouver Sun. Their blood was used to write "Free Pussy Riot". The supporters  of   the  Pussy  Riot  were  the  one blamed.  Many artists, "from Sting to Madonna, [have] called for their freedom," according to the Huffington Post. "But the support received by Pussy Riot is sadly an aberration. As a rule, European and US artists have been strangely silent when it comes to recognising the plights suffered by their fellow  musicians  and  performers  around  the world, where freedom of  expression receives little protection."  According to Serj Tankian, frontman of  System of  a Down, "artists should boycott performing in countries that do not allow free expression of  their opinions.”

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photo credit: theguardian

MARIA FLORES STAFF WRITER During a violent protest on Aug. 16, 270 South African Miners were charged with the murder of  their 34 colleagues after police officials opened fire towards thousands of  the miners at Lonmin’s Marikana mine. According  to  Al Jazeera,  on  Aug.  10,  3,000 strikers,  represented  by  the  Association  of Mineworkers and Construction Union (AMCU) were involved in an illegal strike demanding a pay  raise  at  Lonmin’s  Marikana  mine,  the world’s third largest platinum producer in South Africa.   The strike became more serious when police officials  began  shooting,  as  self-defense,  after being  threatened  by  a  large  group  of   miners armed  with  machetes,  reported  Al Jazeera. Thirty-four of  the miners were killed and another 78 wounded. 

“Those who were arrested are charged with the  murder  of   those  who  died,  because  they knew very well when they are armed that a fatality can happen,” Spokesman for the National Prosecuting Authority (NPA) Frank Lesenyego told  The Daily Maverick.  “If   people  confront members  of   the  police  who  are  armed,  they must also understand that there will be fatalities.” Julius Malema, the former African National Congress Youth League leader told The Guardian, “The police who killed those people are not in custody…the  whole  world  saw  the  police  kill those people.” More than 150 of  the miners in jail have filed complaints towards police officials that they have been beaten in their cells, reported The Guardian. South African lawyer Jay Suru told BBC that the  common  purpose  doctrine  they  are  being charged under was used by the former white minority regime activists fighting for racial equality in South Africa during the late 1980’s. “This is a very outdated and infamous doc-

trine,” Suru told BBC. “It was discredited during the time of  apartheid.” Constitutional Lawyer, Pierre de Vos also told BBC that he believes the decision is a flagrant abuse of  the criminal justice system. “Final charges will only be made once all investigations have been completed,” Nomgcobo Jiba, the acting National Director of  Prosecutions told reporters of  The New York Times at a conference held Sunday, “The murder charges against the 270 suspects will be formally withdrawn provisionally in court.” Charges  against  the  police  have  not  been ruled out according to The New Yorker. “The actions of  the police will be sorted out, we’re not ignoring that,” a provincial prosecutor from the region where the strike held place told reporters. Until further notice, “the miners, protesters, and all the accused persons are to be released,” Jiba announced during her conference, reported BBC.

MJ CROMP SENIOR WRITER On August 23, the largest toilet manufacturer in the world, TOTO, exposed their newest ecofriendly invention: the Toilet Bike Neo, a motorcycle which has a toilet as... a seat.  According to the National Post, TOTO made this  motorcycle  as  a  way  to  “raise  awareness about bathroom emissions and water savings.” Contrary to what people may think, the engine does not use excrements as fuel. The company explained to Metro UK that their invention “runs  [on]  biogas  fuel  (fertilised,  purified  and compressed  livestock  waste  and  household wastewater)  provided  by  Shika-oi  Town  in Hokkaido and Kobe city.” The toilet seat doesn’t have an extra function than just being a place for the rider’s behind. Ac-

cording to Metro UK the Toilet Bike Neo “has been created for promoting TOTO's environmental efforts.” Aside  from  its  funny  looking  design  and  its ecological features, the National Post reported that “this toilet on wheels talks to the rider, keeping him up to date on the latest stock prices or weather reports.” At this time, this green machine is just a prototype, reported It seems as though the company wants to bring it into production.”  Opposite to what has said about TOTO’s future projects, the National Post claimed that it “is meant to stay one-of-a-kind”. The company will only use this just as a “promotional tool.” Hopefully, with time, we might see them on our roads.  So, who’s down for a poop-tastic ride?

So...what’s up Syria? LISA WHITE STAFF WRITER Multiple aerial attacks were made in Syrian cities by the government in the last two weeks of August,  killing  dozens,  while  injuring  many more, as the regime develops a new home-made bomb that could wipe out entire areas. Two cities near the Turkish border were attacked in the final weeks of  August. According to The Globe and Mail, a government aircraft shot at a city block, killing 40 people and injuring over 100 in Azaz.  A  second  attack  took  place  a  week  later  in Aleppo,  where  government  helicopters  threw deadly homemade explosives in areas around the city, reported The Daily Telegraph. "I was lucky I was standing behind a corner

but I was still knocked off  my feet,” Mohammed Ibrahim, a fighter recovering from an explosion, told The Daily Telegraph. “When I came round my ears were bleeding.” The Daily Telegraph reported, the homemade bombs exploded in at least two areas of  Aleppo. The first bomb landed in a park where civilians had gathered to avoid the attacks, the second was near Aleppo's ancient citadel (an ancient castle), The ‘barrel bombs’ have emerged as an improvised weapon with the aim of  causing maximum death and destruction. The battle in Aleppo has been going on for weeks, but the rebels have been able to hold the area. The regime has been using tanks and aircrafts as the primary method of  attack, reported The Associated Press. Government aircrafts also attacked the nearby city of  Azaz, with wild gunfire hitting everyone stuck in its path. “Including many women and

children,” said Karam to the Globe and Mail. The Globe and Mail also reported that Human Rights Watch, an independent human rights organization, was present in Azaz after the attack. “This  horrific  attack  killed  and  wounded scores of  civilians,” Anna Neistat, the group’s acting emergencies director told The Globe and Mail. The street in Azaz that was attacked was located in between two Free Syrian Army camps, reported The Globe and Mail. “HRW said two opposition Free Syrian Army facilities in the vicinity  might  have  been  targets  of   the  Syrian aircraft,” said Karam.  The battle between the rebels and the government has no sign of  stopping. Hundreds of people have fled the city, but the rebels continue to try to hold ground in the suburban areas, according to The New York Times. are u kitten me

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The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 8

8 EDITOR: Alexandra Herrington CONTACT:

VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

Motherf***, I missed it SAM NAZER STAFF WRITER Disappointing is the best word to describe the closing event of  the Fall 2012 Orientation Week organized by the Dawson Student Union. The free, all-ages concert, held last Friday night at La Tulipe failed to generate much buzz and the twostorey venue was left overwhelmingly empty, with most of  the small audience consisting solely of DSU members. The audience rarely remained silent  and  showed  little  respect  for  the  artists playing on stage. Yet, regardless of  the empty

concert venue and the utter lack of  concert etiquette from the crowd, each act still managed to deliver impassioned performances. Luke Lalonde, vocalist and guitarist of  the headlining  band  Born  Ruffians  addressed  the turnout,  or  lack  thereof,  saying,  “We’ve  done enough of  these college shows to know how it’s organized. Most people just don’t go to them.” The entire show resembled a pub with high quality bands playing in the background. Some of  the audience were sitting on the floor and one woman was belly dancing at the stage front. The entire attitude of  the crowd was disrespectful towards the bands. For example, despite the quality of  their music, opening acts Matt Stern and

Lakes of  Canada could hardly be heard over the loud chatter of  the crowd. Once Born Ruffians, the indie-folk band from Midland  Ontario,  took  the  stage  around  9:00 p.m., the crowd finally began to come together. The stage front was slightly more occupied and the audience seemed less apathetic; more people joined the crowd at the stage front and the entire audience seemed fairly attentive.  When  the  band  played  their  critically  acclaimed single “I Need a Life”  there was a momentary  flare  of   enthusiasm  amongst  the audience. The song’s herky-jerk rhythm made it difficult for anyone in the crowd to remain still. The headlining band, signed by British music

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ciao for now, Mirror

label Warp Records in 2006, consists of  guitarist and singer Luke Lalonde, bassist Mitch Derosier and drummer Steven Hamelin. The band recently recruited Andy Lloyd on guitar and keyboard to accompany the band in live performances.  Born  Ruffians  have  released  three  albums since  2006.  Their  self-titled  debut  album  was met with mostly positive reviews and was considered a “firm handshake from Born Ruffians” by Pitchfork.  Since then, they have released two more albums titled Red, Yellow and Blue and, Say it. Their fourth album, set to be released in the following year, features the song “65000”, one of the songs they played Friday night. “65000” contained elements of  both their older, more energetic songs and their new and slower vibe of  their last album Say It. The song enjoyed a peculiar


change in the tempo at the chorus and included vocals that resembled the band’s earlier works. The new album’s title has not been decided upon yet.  “You might consider it [the album] the next step in the band’s evolution,” said Lalonde, “but it  might  be  more  like  an  extreme  step.  We’re working with a new producer, so it’s a pretty dramatic shift in the production.” Lalonde stated that the new album will consist of  more isolated sounds rather than a live band vibe. Lalonde stated the Simpsons as his favourite cartoon and flight as his superpower of  choice. Born Ruffians will be returning to play in the POP Montreal festival at the Parc de la PetiteItalie on Sep. 20. Check out more of  their music and show dates on

Dawsonista 3. Have fun! Play it up with bright colours,

PAUL BALLERINI STAFF WRITER June 23, 2012 saw the bitter end of one of the greatest cultural papers Montreal has ever seen. With no warning to either editors or writers,  the Montreal Mirror  halted  printing  after  27  long  years. Sun Media decided to cease production of The Mirror by  surprise the day after the last issue was published. They explained, “The growing popularity of digital  media  and  communications  has  irremediably changed the context in which free cultural weeklies op-

erate, bringing about economic challenges which have unfortunately  compromised  The Mirror’s viability.” According to Malcolm Fraser, the newspaper’s film editor, “that is a lame excuse. Publications that are thriving or even just surviving, both in print and online, are due to the vision of people or companies who know and care about what they’re doing. And our former corporate  overlords  are  not  that.” The Mirror was first published in 1985 inspired by The Village Voice, a cultural newspaper from New York City. In 1997, it was bought out by media giant Quebecor. 70 000 copies were printed on a weekly basis and distributed free of cost  in  metros  and  stands  all  across  the  city. Rick Trembles, the creator of Motion Picture

Purgatory, a comic-strips, column and film-review, is one of  the now-unemployed writers. Trembles’ work  has  been  described  by  famous  underground  comic  writer  Robert  Crumb  as  “even more  twisted  and  weird  than  me.” Trembles said the day of  the closing, “The Montreal Mirror just went kaput today with zero warning to its contributors. I found out about it through Facebook. […] Knowing full well how fickle  the  weeklies  biz  is,  every  week  I  would mark a reminder down in my agenda to go pick up a print copy to see how my strip turned out, but I would always follow it with a question mark because I was never sure if  It’d see print or not.”    Hours after the news broke that the paper would be discontinued, a petition circulated. It was met with overwhelming popularity for the first few days but ultimately lost it’s appeal and failed to achieve it’s purpose. But, not all hope is lost. Less than a month after the last issue was published, ex-editors and old employees began  a  spin-off     website  called Though not exactly the same as the newspaper, it does include some of  most popular features from The Mirror such as The Rant Line.  All of  the contributing writers and moderators are working on a purely volunteer basis and are hoping to get funding sometime in the near future. Rumours are circulating between staff  and fans  that  publication  of   a  new  paper  may  be available to the public in the next month.


graphics, and standout accessories. Mix prints


(florals and stripes can look very striking) and stick patches and buttons on a denim jacket. Be

Who doesn’t love the ease of  summertime

bold with your jewelry choices: big and bright

style? Think sarongs on the beach, light

statement necklaces can dress up an outfit, and

dresses, shorts, and sandals. It can be difficult

chokers can add an edgy touch.

to hang on to the easygoing spirit of  summer once school begins, but here are some tips: 1. Don’t overdress at the beginning of  the semester. Take inspiration from this week’s Dawsonista, first semester Environmental Science student Agnessa Karapetian.Use accessories like a light scarf  and a pair of  oxfords or saddle shoes to liven up and add a sophisticated touch to a simple summer dress.  2. Cover up (a bit). First of  all, let me just say that there is a time and a place for short-shorts and crop tops. That time is summer and that place is almost exclusively the beach or a music festival, where it can feel too hot to handle clothing. If  I can see your butt, you’re doing it wrong. Let’s keep it PG-13 for school, shall we?  Pair revealing pieces like crop tops and bustier tops with high-waisted pants, and wear a tank

sadface :(


top under that completely sheer lace shirt.

thetext plant thetext plant theplant planttextSiriusly. thetext. plant Potter jokes lame. the plant the plant the the plant textHarry text text. text are textsotext. text text

Agnessa Karapetian source: Maya Bobrove

The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 9




source: Sarah Lake


tive/rock cover band called Milky and the Rockets. Toner met Webb at last summer’s Jazz festival, where they were both playing at the same event. From then on, Toner joined them to create Atacama. Atacama released their five-track EP in June, which was produced by Montrealer Glen Robinson.  Keeping in line with their old-style influences, they recorded it using almost exclusively analog equipment. “We also recorded it live all together in one

big room, instead of  in separate tracks, which is how it’s usually done these days,” said Webb.   As for the sound of  the album, “We’ve tried to  make  it  a  bit  more  spacious,  and  a  bit  less about rock” said Toner.  The  members  agreed  that  there  is  no  real uniting mood or theme to the album.  “You  can  listen  to  it  alone  and  find  some depth to it, or you can blast it at a party,” said. Toner. “I’m no poet”, he said about the lyrics.     The songs we have I wrote when I was 16.” Atacama have played several shows in the past


Hello Dawson! As you probably know, being a full-time student can leave you with less cash flow than you’re probably used to. Yes, we’re all broke, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a delicious meal without having to empty out our chequing account. This is Cheap Eats, and we’re looking at Café Bano, 6929 Sherbrooke Street West. Café Bano opened its doors in 2006. The owner, Paris, is a kind, soft-spoken woman who makes everything on the menu from scratch. “Her name is Paris, like the city in France” her son told me eagerly as he took my order. He acts as the main clerk and deals with all the customers while Paris prepares the food in the kitchen Everything is homemade, which makes for a small menu. “Every day takes about 10 hours of  preparation just to have enough home made

this is a restaurant.


phere and complements the spiciness of  the food perfectly. Bano’s offers a new special every single day. They don’t follow a weekly calendar to determine the daily special, they just make whatever they feel like making and it's always something worth trying.  The atmosphere is extremely cozy. Beautiful rugs hang from the walls and act as seat cushions for all the booths. A reason why the atmosphere works is because of  how friendly the staff  is. They are very welcoming and the service is very quick. It’s the kind of  coziness you’d expect from a family-run restaurant. A tea and a chicken schnitzel costs less than $8 and will leave you very satisfied. It’s a great place to fill your stomach without having empty your wallet. Café Bano is open every day, except Sunday, from 11:00 A.M to 6:00 P.M. 



DEVON (news), Notorious B.I.G.-Gimme the loot. Because...Reminds me of  a time when rappers actually had talent and rhyming mattered. SARINE (International News), Matt CorbyBrother. Because Oliver is a hipster and he broadens my musical tastes.  ALLY (the hipster section), The Hood Internet- Fuck with mo’ money. Because it’s a song hipsters AND thuggers can love together, as one. And because it deserves to be on the list, ass hat.  DAN THE MAN (Sports), Muse-Survival. Because... If  you caught the Olympic fever this summer, then you know what I'm talking about. If  not, well, you suck. OLIVER (chef  d’equipe), Of  Monsters and Men, Mountain Sounds.  Because he said so.  ZAC (production manager). Coolie- Gangster’s paradise. Cause it’s my ringtone bitches/I AM a gangster’s paradise.  DAHLIA (Plant Royalty)- Hank Green, Angler Fish Song. Because the angler fish has a reason to be happy. It doesn’t know what else to be.  GABE (first mate)- The Devil makes ThreeOld Number Seven. Because nothing is better than folk punk when you’re dealing with a hangover.

the the plant the plant plant Beyonce’s asstext. is sothe amazing. Erhmagerd. Mesmerizing. the plant plant text plantthe text text textplant text text text. the plant text text text text. the

EDITOR: Alexandra Herrington CONTACT:


food to last us the 8 hours we’re open. The schnitzel sells out every single day.” Fortunately though, everything on it tastes great. Café Bano is famous for their chicken schnitzel sandwich, which they prepare fresh every day. It’s spicy, messy and filling; perfect comfort food. “We bake our chicken. Other places, they fry it. Not us. If  it’s not baked, it’s not real schnitzel.”  If  chicken’s not for you, they have amazing vegetarian dishes like a spinach patty dish and eggplant with tomato sauce.  Their deserts are what really make this place something special. Paris makes all of  the deserts including delicious chocolate balls and an exotic saffron ice cream topped with pistachios and complemented by two huge waffle sticks.  Their most popular desert is the cheesecake. “We don't make the cheesecake during the summer, but when we do make it, it’s the first thing to sell out everyday.” If  you’re a tea drinker, you’ll find that Bano’s homemade tea fits perfectly with the atmos-

few months, a mix of  opening and headlining.  They practice weekly and are currently working on new material and trying to increase their following. Their EP is available for free download at

VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

Atacama is a Dawson-based up-and-coming blues rock band that recently released their first EP. On the band’s Facebook page, they describe their genre as geographical rock.  “One of  my passions is geography,” said Joe Toner, singer and bassist. “Almost all my songs had names of  places somewhere in the lyrics, subconsciously. When I realized it, the term geographical rock was born.”  Toner named Atacama after a Chilean desert, which is the driest desert in the world. “I thought it was a cool word, we might as well make it into a band,” he said.  “But we always have to spell it out to people,” added Graham Webb, lead guitar Their sound is influenced by Delta blues, classic rock and a bit of  soul.  They  started  out  by  doing  covers  of   Black Keys songs, a band with a similar mix of  influences, but Toner made sure to calrify the differences.  “They tend to recycle old stuff  a lot, we try to create  a  modern  take  on  it  instead,”  he  said. “There’s definitely a tropical trend in our songs. I grew up in large part in Cuba, so that’s an important influence for me,” he added. Toner is a first year General Social Sciences student at Dawson. The other members, Graham Webb, Kevin White, drummer; and Ryan Young, backup guitarist, met in high school.  The  three  originally  formed  an  alterna-

The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 10

10 VOL. 41 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, February 6, 2012


An open letter to Mme Marois MJ KROMP STAFF WRITER

Dear Mrs Marois, Here  is  an  editorial  you  won’t  completely understand, taking in consideration your lack of  skills in English. Mrs Marois, you have lost my vote (and obviously your mind) ever since you said you wanted to apply the Bill 101 to its fullest extension, therefore  preventing  Francophone  students from studying in English institutions.  This decision is harmful to both Anglophone and Francophone parties. As you may already know, mastering the English language is a huge asset and it offers a wide variety of  career and travel opportunities.  Unfortunately, even with the actual English as a second language program, Francophone students are not currently skilled enough to be comfortable in English and, therefore, lose the potential of  becoming citizens of  the world. Many Francophone will suffer from this decision. Not  to  mention  that  in  the  business world, many executives speak exclusively in English. If  a Francophone didn’t take any intensive English classes, it is unlikely they will get high ranking positions.  Is that your goal, or just another way to preserve your precious language? I think I

know the answer. I know it’s hard to accept the fact that the French language isn’t as dominant as before  in  Montreal  and  the  rest  of   the Quebec province, but there must be other ways to preserve it. To  continue,  you  intend  to  close  all bridging  schools  (private  institutions  to which students, Francophone in this situation, can go before transferring to English public schools).  You are eliminating the possibility for Francophone to go to English school. The population  of   Francophone  students  in English schools will be extinct. Continuons  ce  texte  d’opinion  en français, étant donné votre médiocrité en anglais. Maintenant madame Marois, votre but est-il de faire pleurer les étudiants anglophones?  Votre projet de faire passer le même examen de français pour tous les élèves des cégeps anglophones, qu’il soit en Français de base ou en Français 103 est absolument et totalement inconcevable. Comment  voulez-vous  qu’un  élève ayant comme langue seconde le français soit capable de réussir le même examen qu’un élève cent pour cent francophone? Leur cote R diminuera considérablement, et ils ne pourront pas entrer dans le programme de leur choix à l’Université. De plus, obtenir un emploi sera beau-

COMRADES Dear  Committee  For  the  Quebec Citizens Who Just Elect new Crooks to Power,  I hope summer has been most full of the follies which include most copious amounts  of   drinking,  dancing  the mamba, and having the hook ups for most orgasmic sexual activities. For my part, I spend summer in Odessa with most  beautiful  woman  I  ever  buy  at local market. We move in and she cook. Great Success!   So  you  have  elected  Fascist  leader Pauline Marois who will now proceed to  biggest  ethnic  cleansing  North America  has  viewed  since  Cowboys shoot Indians. Congratulations but no alarm dear beloved ethnic proletarian population,  you  will  not  be  harmed. She only have four more seats than official opposition. Four seats, Bliat! To stir the shit, I have moved in my own luxurious chair in National Assembly in order to give Soviet Russia’s input on your dealings. But do not worry about separation. If  come to that, Communist and internationalist forces shall “install” themselves in your Belle Province and uphold  the  peace  (while  never  giving you back parliamentary power).  If  you are worry about dictatorship my  Dawsonites,  no  worries  because your DSU executive was elected with less than 5% of  student vote so therefore you are most accustomed to this system. Question now all peoples ask is

“where the fuck do we go from heres?” Let me tell you what you must do, wait till  the  Marois  takes  down  your  most gorgeously oppressive law of  the 78 and then wait for her to most gloriously fuck up. Once this is accomplished by her persons, break shit in streets, exile this little blond bitch and claim a proper Soviet Government.  I  also  wish  to  address  new  school year, for those who are new to this gulag of  a school let me introduce myself. I am People’s Political Commissar Anton Stanislovich Plakov. I am the political attaché  from  Soviet  Union  to  this school ordered to pass most inspiring recommendations to students in order to improve your communist selfs.  Recommendations from my person to yours is please skip all classes that are taught by teacher who force you to call him  or  her  Doctor.  Unless  they  are medical doctors tell them to stuck this title up assholes of  theirs. If  class start at 8 AM then you are ordered to show up at 8:15 of  the AM. Lastly, the stoning of  hipsters or students of  most liberating arts shall not be frowned upon by Soviet Russia.  So there is my say for week of  this one. If  you wish to ask me stupid North American Questions please write to me at  Yours Sovietly,  Commissar Anton Plakov

Something nobody deserves

photo credit:

coup  plus  facile  pour  les  francophones, maintenant  que  tous  les  anglophones seront condamnés à réchauffer les bancs d'école éternellement pour cause de cours de français échoué, pas vrai?  J’exagère un peu ici, évidemment, mais on ne sait jamais… Ce sont des choses qui me trottent dans la tête.

De  plus,  d’après Radio-Canada, vous allez fermer de plus en  plus  d’écoles  anglophones  pour  favoriser la langue française.  Beaucoup de cours de rattrapage à faire, non?  Pas  sûre  que  ce  soit  la  meilleure manière de gérer la situation actuelle du français au Québec…

En  conclusion,  chère  chef   du  Parti Québécois, votre projet de loi est « trèsbeaucoup-pas-mal  »  improbable.  Vous nuisez aux francophones ainsi qu’aux anglophones. Vous faites une grave erreur. Bravo. *Clap. Clap. Clap.* In my opinion, if  you get elected, you won’t last long. 


with Dahlia Belinsky

Things to spend your extra 1778$ on instead of tuitions fees K’KAINE Rent Dicks Cakes School books University  outside Quebec

More cake


French lessons



2$ Chow Mein

Toilet Seats


Diablo II Macbook Pro

Morgan  Freeman

plant the plant plant the the plant me do this boo, youtext. whore suck text at dis the the plant the plant thethe plant plant text ema text made text text. text text text texti text text.

The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 11

11 VOL. 40 ISSUE 1 - Thursday, September 6, 2012

EDITOR:Daniel Sailofski CONTACT:

AAA Hockey Around the leagues  JACOB COHEN CONTRIBUTOR

Men’s After years of  exhibition games and far off   trips  out  of   province,  the  Dawson Blues AAA men’s hockey team is proud to begin  its  first  season  in  the  RSEQ`s (Réseau du sport étudiant du Québec) first division.  The  Blues  men`s  squad  was  added  to the RSEQ this summer, and will be playing against eight other college programs across Québec.  After  a  challenging  season  where  the Blues traveled as far as Ottawa and Lake Placid to find competition last year, this year’s team is looking forward to playing against their fellow CEGEP students.  Tim  Shaw,  the  only  returning  goalie from  last  season,  is  optimistic  about  the

Blues’ chances. “We’re definitely excited to be  in  the  league,”  Shaw  said.  “I  think we’re going to be a contender, even in our first year.”  Thus far, Shaw’s optimism seems well warranted, as Dawson finished their preseason undefeated, beating Lionel Groulx, St. Laurent and Andre Laurendeau. They also outscored their opponents 20-12 in the process.  While the Blues have proved that they have no problems lighting the lamp in the preseason, Dawson still has yet to prove itself on the big stage, and will look to start the regular season off  strong in just a few weeks.   The  Blues  open  the  2012-2013  campaign on the road against Alma on Sept. 22 at Mario Tremblay Center, while their first home game takes place a week later on Saturday, Sept. 29 against Thetford.  All home games will be played at Lower Canada College (LCC) Arena, on Royal between Monkland and Notre Dame de Grace.  Full  schedule  is  available  on  the Dawson website.

Can Eli and the Giants repeat?


Photo Credit: Gaaya Muthiah

Don’t mess with this year’s Blues

Women’s After coming oh-so close to gold last season en route to a bronze medal victory, the Women’s  AAA  Dawson  Blues  hockey team is eager to start the 2012-2013 campaign.  The Blues will be aiming for just a bit more  this  season  after  last  year’s  heartbreaking 1-0 playoff  loss to Limoilou relegated  them  to  the  bronze  medal  game, where they beat Édouard Montpetit 7-5.  Since  joining  the  RSEQ  (Réseau  du sport étudiant du Québec) in 1999, Dawson’s AAA women’s team has always been one  of   the  league’s  stalwarts,  and  this year’s squad hopes to be no different.  The Blues finished second in last year’s regular season, and look to keep that momentum rolling into the 2012-13 season. Come playoff  time, Dawson will hope to build  on  last  year’s  success,  where  one more win would have propelled them into the gold medal game.   Getting  back  to  the  Promised  Land won’t be easy though, as head coach Scott

Lambton has some big holes to fill, especially  on  the  blue  line.  Top  defenseman Cassandra  Poudrier  –  who  was  named rookie of  the year in her first year and was a first team all-star in both of  her seasons at Dawson – finished her Blues career last April. Lambton will rely on his returning core of  defensemen to step up and fill the hole left by Poudrier.  Three-time Canadian Olympic medalist Kim St-Pierre also returns as the Blues’ goalie  coach  this  season,  which  should help Dawson keep a few more pucks out of  its own net.  The Blues open their season this Sunday against  defending  champions  Limoilou, ready to show the champs that their title is far from safe.  Dawson first plays host Sept. 22, against Lionel Groulx at the Gadbois Arena.  Home games are all played at the Gadbois Arena, which is accessible via the 36 or 37 bus lines. The season runs until late February,  with  most  games  played  on weekends. Full schedule available on the

With summer coming to a close, student protests beginning anew, and our beloved premier Jean Charest losing power to Parti Xenophobois (*Québécois, silly autocorrect)  leader  Pauline  Marois,  we  seem  to have  forgotten  about  September’s  most important issue: The NFL starts this week!  As of  this writing, the defending champion New York Giants (and your sports editor’s favourite team) are preparing to open the 2012 NFL season against America’s Team, the Dallas Cowboys, and I couldn’t be more excited.  Side note: You’d think a franchise with a moniker  like  “America’s  Team”  would have  won  more  than  one  playoff   game since Y2K, but let’s move on.  (For  more  Cowboys  related  mockery, please see the very bottom of  the page) Ok, enough laughing. The NFL season is officially underway, with the rest of  the league  beginning  play  this  Sunday.  The horrible sports lull between the end of  the

Photo Credit:

NHL  and  NBA  playoffs  and  before  the NFL season is finally over.  Yes,  I  know  the  Olympics  were  great, and no one loves cheering for Canada in Obscure  Sports  That  No  One  Cares About Except For Two Weeks Every Four Years more than I do, but come on, it’s football season! I know more about the Giants third string running back than I do about  Canada’s  silver  medal  winning women’s rowing team. With  football,  not  only  do  we  get  to watch the games, but bet on them, analyze them, read about them, and watch highlights again and again.  We get to yell at the refs, the announcers, our TVs, and at that guy who walks in front of  the screen on third and five when your  team  is  down  21-17  in  the  fourth quarter. We get to let out all of  our anger pent up during the week, and it’s considered socially acceptable (in most cases).  In all seriousness though, football offers us an escape. We fall in love with our team again, with Sundays spent with friends and food, and with our heroes, old and new.  We forget about the commercials after every possession change, the frustration of

each close loss, and the hundreds (or thousands)  of   dollars  wasted  betting  on  this great game.  When  September  rolls  around  and everyone’s  0-0,  hope  springs  eternal. Maybe  this  is  the  year  everything  will come together, we tell ourselves. And really, why can’t it?  Football  isn’t  basketball,  where  we  already  know  what  the  Finals  is  going  to look like (Heat vs. Thunder/Lakers, anyone?). The Giants didn’t make the playoffs in 2010, and were within one miniscule play of  not making the playoffs again in ’11, but a few things fell into place, and by February they were lifting the Lombardi trophy for the second time in five years.  “Any given Sunday” is the NFL’s motto, and at the beginning of  the season, that motto  really  transforms  into  “any  given season”. Everyone’s got a chance in September  (except  you,  Browns  fans),  and that’s what draws us back to the game.  So kick back, crack open a cold one, forget  about  the  issues  of   the  world,  and watch some football this weekend.  Besides, Charest is gone, Marois is here and everything should be alright, no?

Dawson college or RSEQ website. Stiff armin’ defenders and holdin’ out contracts

the plant Why couldn’t Tony Romo the plant propose to his girlfriend? the plant Because he didn’t have a ring. GO GIANTS the plant

Photo Credit:

The No Touchie Master.e$S:The Master 12-09-05 11:59 PM Page 12

The Plant Issue 1 Vol. 41  

Poutine no matter what since 1969

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