Only the Bold, the Best and the Brightest read The Paper

First, I discovered America. Then, I discovered The Paper!

Ever since I can remember I’ve had the burning desire to discover new places, new adventures. Because of this, I set out to discover a new country . . . and I was successful. I even ventured inland a great many miles where I discovered a place I called Minnesota. “This,” I thought, “would be a great place for Scandinavians.” So I headed back to Norway to recruit settlers. While I was gone, some clown named Columbus claimed he discovered America. Life ain’t fair. Except life also give us The Paper. I read it whenever and wherever I go exploring and only buy from those who advertise in The Paper. It’s a Viking thing.

Your friend, Eric the Red