Health
The Pace Chronicle
Page 11
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Sports
Sick Days CJ Dudek
Sports Editor CDudek@PaceChronicle.com
When two lunatics talk, the rest of the world begs them to shut their mouths. Yet instead of airing on the side of caution, the former teammate of “his airness” will head back to an isolated nation for some rest and relaxation. Former NBA All Star and current U.S. basketball ambassador to North Korea Dennis Rodman plans on vacationing in North Korea with Kim Joung Un, according to a report from usatoday. com; and the Pace Chronicle has obtained a rough draft of the vacation’s itinerary of Un and the worm. According to the rough draft of the vacation’s itinerary, the first day of Rodman and Un’s trip will be primarily spent on the Sŏnjuk Bridge in Kaesong for a day of tranquility and reflection. For Un, a possible reflection topic would be the recent United Nations Human Rights Control Council’s pending investigation on the 200 thousand residents living in political prison camps, according to the New York Times. Rodman is expected to reflect on his horrid feud with Randy Savage and his brief reign as a relevant MTV star in The Rodman World Tour. Un and Rodman’s second trip on the itinerary is to be at the Weonsan Diamond district. The itinerary reports that Rodman and Un will spend roughly four hours finding the appropriate endangered fish species and bite their
Photo from Usatoday.com Un and Rodman are vacationing together. heads off. Later in the day, the two men will make a trip to mount Guweolsan. It will be here where Rodman is expected to tell Un of his basketball playing days in the 90’s and spend the better part of three hours telling Charles Barkley fat jokes. The last event of the second day will be a meeting at their hotel between Un and Rodman’s
personal height counselor. It is said here that Un will drink plenty of milk and inject testosterone in order to grow; Un’s goal is to become five foot eight so he can ride the roller coaster at Splash Mountain. When day three rolls around, they will visit the shopping district of Luo in order to improve the wardrobe of Un. Rodman’s expected choices for Un’s ward-
robe are pink boas, purple spandex, and leopard shirts with matching fedoras. On the final day of the vacation, the itinerary states that Rodman and Un will order exclusive escorts back to their hotel and hire in nation actors to recreate the events of The Hangover II. Police interference is not to be expected, according to the rough draft of the itinerary.
Set of Curls
CJ Dudek
Sports Editor CDudek@PaceChronicle.com
Within the unrelenting winter weather blooms the flower of a new sports team at Pace. Starting next semester the Setters will have their very own mixed curling team. The team will feature eight full ride athletic scholarships to four lucky men and women in hopes of making Pace a national curling power. This being said, Pace would need to make certain changes in order to accommodate a curling rink in Goldstein Fitness Center. First off, the Setters would need to make proper renovations in order to place the ice rinks inside the gym without ruining the basketball court. The rink conversion process would be almost exclusively funded by Pace alumni with a deep dedication to ice chess. Even with a newfound dedication to curling, the Setters would need to further emphasize recruiting because not every collegiate curler becomes Glenn Howard. The Setters recruiting strategy would most likely be focused in Minnesota. Pace would almost exclusively scout in Minnesota because, in 2010, four out of the five members on the U.S. Olympic curling team were residents of
Photo from web.mit.edu Pace plans on a fall curling team. the land of ten thousand lakes. Perhaps the biggest problem the Setters could face would be finding a proper number of opponents to earn merit points against. The closest curling school to Pace is Misericorda University; which is the better part of a three hour
drive to Pennsylvania. Geographical difficulties would be amplified by the tournament Pace curling would have to partake in. Due to their location, the Setters would primarily compete in the Grand National curling tournament against national powSpecial Aprils Fool Edition
ers like Boston College, University of Pennsylvania, and Brown University. Despite these challenges, the Setters could see money flow into the school in addition to curling stones. With the creation of the curl-
The trip is expected to end in the pair’s hotel after Rodman’s newest autographed book release “The Vacation that Changed my Perspective on the World Forever: My Bestest Friend King Un.” Rodman and Un are both expected to be wearing dresses to promote the book and all of North Korea expects to save the date.
ing team, the Setters would be riding the newest wave of sports profits. According to ope.ed.gov/ athletics Villanova University was able to bring in 7,771,424 dollars in part because of their dominance at the roaring game. In addition to the exploding curling market, the Setters would be able to get a University discount at shop.stevescurling.com in order to better brush up on curling. Yet the discount of equipment would not be the only reason why Pace would look at the financial benefits of a mixed curling team. If the curling team started winning, the Setters could begin the sales of team jerseys; which would sell like hotcakes due to their affordability. According to shop.stevescurling.com, a pair of tournament curling pants goes for 65 dollars. The Setters first planned curling promotional event would involve fans curling themselves. Whichever fan did best would get a U.S.A. curling shirt, a 20-dollar value, for free. Even with the challenges of recruiting, making Goldstein rink-worthy, and buying everything from curling stones to proper shoes, the Setters figure to begin constructing a curling empire this fall.