Njitvector.com The Vector: NJIT’s Student Newspaper @TheNJITVector
Vol. XCVI | Issue 9 Week of April 2, 2019
Allegiance to Russia?
Investigations reveal that Student Senate President Bedient might have colluded with Russia to get into office. By Daniil Ivanov | Senior Staff Writer New evidence has arisen that Student Senate President, Jeremy Bedient, has been influenced by, and has possibly colluded with, agents of the Russian government. A picture dated Oct. 4, 2018—two weeks after Bedient's Sept. 19 inauguration—shows Bedient celebrating with an obvious Russian in Hoboken shortly after becoming President. The image, released last week by sophomore biomedical engineering major Kayla Mitchell, depicts Bedient smoking cigars with and embracing a Russian agent dressed in all black with an AK-47 rifle pendant on his neck. NJIT intelligence only knows of this Russian agent by his codename, Fancy Bear. The image has since been taken down
by Mitchell. When asked to comment on this image, Bedient did not shed light on the situation; he called The Scalar “fake news” and rushed off to a meeting. His office was contacted for an official statement, to which no response was given. Vice President of Administration, Beshoy Shokralla, was more helpful. Shokralla stated “I always knew something was off. Things became suspicious when I found a shirtless Putin calendar on his desk… Shirtless! On a series of horses.” Further research has uncovered that in a student spotlight piece in The Vector—a small local publication—Bedient was quoted saying, “I think everyone can definitely be expecting to see big changes in the
"...IT’S ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE OF INTEGRITY AND TRANSPARENCY IN THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS..." - Vice President Shokralla
Billions of People Could Cease to Exist
way that we do things whether it be related to clubs, finance, [or] the things we’re doing out on campus.” This statement was issued after his rise to presidency, though some have interpreted it as a prescient warning of a revolution under the Bedient administration. To some, Bedient's affiliation does not come as news. Last year, The Scalar published an article titled “Comrades of Honors 4th Floor Unite Against Freeloaders” which highlighted the existing (and thriving under new leadership) commune on the fourth floor of the Albert Dorman Honors College dormitory. Bedient was reportedly a member of said commune and, per the article, “[Bedient’s] Taxi Service, the only car of this small commune, offers transport in a beige 2004 Nissan Sentra.” A check with NJIT’s parking services confirmed that President Bedient is indeed the owner of said car. Bedient’s See Page 3...
s World News
By Isaac Scafe | Senior Staff Writer The planet is overheating, temperatures are reaching all-time highs, and natural weather phenomena are occurring more frequently. This is, in large part, due to the increased greenhouse gases in the atmosphere. Greenhouse gases, such as carbon dioxide, trap sunlight when released in the atmosphere and increase heat levels around the world. Scientists have attempted to mitigate the issue while searching for alternatives to fossil fuel, but these efforts have not achieved much. No renewable source has been deemed fit to replace fossil fuels, and current methods of atmospheric CO2 removal are inefficient and time-consuming. Climate change is occurring, food and water insecurity is on the rise, and the earth is quickly approaching a point of no return. Scientists have resorted to one last effort. To save the Earth, scientists suggested the use of a substance that could eliminate half of the world’s residents. Coined the ‘Toxin for Halving Arbitrarily and Neutrally all Occupants from Space’ or T.H.A.N.O.S., the toxin has been deemed “the next Black Plague”—a reference to the medieval pandemic that resulted in millions of deaths in Eurasia. This time, however, the deaths will be on a global scale. The method of distribution is simple: solutions of T.H.A.N.O.S. are stored in containers, attached to satellites, and
then launched into the atmosphere. When the satellite reaches its peak altitude, the toxin is released from its containers, and disperses over the entire planet. The process of releasing T.H.A.N.O.S. lasts for a week, so that particles of the solution may infect every human on the planet. After seven days, the toxin begins to degrade the molecules in an infected host’s body until nothing is left but dust. T.H.A.N.O.S. will only affect 50% of the world’s population, but there is no way of knowing who will be affected by it. While not yet complete, T.H.A.N.O.S. is entering its final stages of testing and should be completed within the next five years. Scientists across the globe agree that only the death of half the world’s population can ease the planet’s temperature rise. They have determined that the earth is being overpopulated, and quickly becoming unsuitable to human life. While the population is increasing less drastically than in years prior, the world is still home to about 7.7 billion people. The United Nations projects that by 2050, earth’s population could reach about 10 billion people—almost double what it was in 1990. With more people living on the Earth, more carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases will be released into the air, trapping even more heat. While
one or two-child per family policies have been used before, very few remain implemented today. T.H.A.N.O.S. seems to be the only way to control the world’s population. Though a cruel solution to Earth’s global warming issue, T.H.A.N.O.S. may be the only way to save humanity from itself. World leaders are scheduled to meet on April 26 to decide whether the development of T.H.A.N.O.S. should continue. Seemingly straight out of a fictional supervillain’s playbook, the possibility of 3.9 billion people expiring increases each moment. If T.H.A.N.O.S. is one day released onto the world, we must remember that the hardest choices require the strongest wills.
THE VECTOR As the official student newspaper of the New Jersey Institute of Technology, our mission is to infom and entertain our readers, cultivate awareness of issues concerning the NJIT community, and provide a forum for purposeful, constructive discussion among its members. Deadlines for Articles or Letters to the Editor are due on Thursdays prior to publication at 10 P.M. Submissions should not exceed 750 words. For more information on submissions, e-mail: managing-editor@njitvector. com. Advertisement Reservations are due two weeks prior to publication and should be sent to: ADVISORS email@example.com Operational Advisor Kristie Damell Faculty Advisor Miriam Ascarelli EXECUTIVE BOARD firstname.lastname@example.org Editor-in-Chief Cassidy Lavine email@example.com Executive Editor firstname.lastname@example.org Managing Editor Carmel Rafalowsky email@example.com Business Manager Daniel Cruz firstname.lastname@example.org Web and Multimedia Editor Victoria Nguyen email@example.com Photography Editor Spencer Asral firstname.lastname@example.org SENIOR STAFF Copy Editors Colin Bayne Adrian Wong Siri Uppuluri Marzia Rahman Daniil Ivanov
Monday, April 2nd
Tuesday, April 3rd
Wednesday, April 4th
2:00 -2:00pm 6:00-9:00am 2:00 - 5:00am NJIT Cone Boom Boxing Free Taco with Joel Bloom
Statue Clock Tower Bell with Delivery 8:19-11:59pm Reveal Water Park @ Tiernan @GDS @ Under NJIT
@ Front Entrance of
Thursday, April 5th Friday, April 6th Saturday,April6th 2:30-4:00pm 12:30-4:00pm 10:00am-2:00pm
Launching of SAC Ziplining
Subaru Drag Racing
@ Makerspace 6:30-8:00pm
Bhadbhabie Rap Battles Professors
@ WEC to Library
Lessons with Mina @NJIT Parking Deck
Business Assistant Paras Sakharkar
@Top of the Parking Deck
Bonfire @ CC 4th Floor @ the PUB s
Senior Staff Owen Busler Beshoy Shokralla Nicole Cheney Isaac Scafe Jonpierre Grajales Shanee Halevi Yasmine Ibrahim Daniil Ivanov Prem Naik Siri Uppuluri Adrian Wong Colin Bayne Katherine Ji Sreya Sanyal Rick-kendy Noziere Sreya Das Parth Agrawal
3/22/19 5:22AM Student reported an attempted break-in in Laurel Hall. The individual attempting to break in was another student who "just really needed to pee." 11:10PM Student reported a sculpture appeared on the Honors Green. The sculpture, a concrete toilet bowl, appeared out of thin air, according to video surveillance.
STAFF Sreya Das Parth Agrawal Aaron Kellett James Nanchanatt Jagathi Kalluru Joseph Mauro Anuj Patel Sandra Raju
3/25/19 2:37PM Non-affiliate was arrested for public urination.
Contributing Writers Zackary Kellett John Hawks Rahul Kapoor Divjyot Singh
NJIT Vector Summary 3/29/2019
Memory of Dr. Herman A. Estrin and Roger Hernande z
Upcoming Events for this Week
Senate Hosts Flying
Layout Assistant Shehab Ibrahim Katherine Ji Sandra Raju Birju Dhaduk
Week of April 2, 2019
For 3/22/19 through 3/28/19
Times Shown are Times Reported
9:55 PM Student by Student Mall sat on a wall. Student had a great fall.
3/26/19 2:57PM An Essex County College student fainted on the NJIT campus. NJIT EMS arrived and managed to revive him. The student was disoriented and claimed to have wandered for 40 days and 40 nights in search of a restroom. 11:21PM A Rutgers-Newark student reported that students from NJIT's Honors College created intricate designs on the green in urine in front of the Rutgers dorms.
Week of April 2, 2019
Bedient Contiued from front...
roommate, sophomore information technology major Spencer Asral, has come out claiming that President Bedient has a variety of formal neckwear from Moscow, further cementing the claims of Bedient's Russian ties. The question now is what NJIT should do about our President’s connection to the Russians. The current People’s Republic of the Fourth Floor residing in the Albert Dorman Honors Hall released a statement supporting President Be-
dient’s Russian alliance. “It is about time, and we fully support, that the President and campus end the ostracizing of Russia from the collegiate sphere of influence,” the statement reads, “as the Russian people have much to offer to the campus and community. We have Senate-supported clubs for Indians, Egyptians, Poles, and many other groups while failing to recognize the achievements of Russia and the former Soviet Union.” “These are a people who brought
humanity to space, promoted literacy and education, and brought the world to a new level of technological development—all accomplishments that should be appreciated at a technological institute. We offer our fullest support to Comrade Bedient.” Others on campus expressed concern over foreign interests in NJIT politics. Shokralla stated that, “it is a major concern of mine that our President could be under Russian control. This isn’t about Russia or Russians, it’s about the principle of
integrity and transparency in the democratic process and the higher standard that the office of the President is held to. This is a matter that Senate will undoubtedly put to an investigation.” The news of a Russian allegiance and a formal investigation on the horizon could impede a possible reelection campaign for Bedient, making the current political landscape of NJIT interesting at the very least.
s Dawson Leaves Booker:
"Tinkers" with Idea to Run for Office By Luis Andrade | Staff Writer In a quaint, dimly lit coffee shop, surrounded by screenwriters and disheveled soccer moms, and sitting at a wooden table sipping her caramel macchiato is Rosario Dawson, recent beau of Senator Cory Booker. The relationship between Booker and Dawson was hinted at during an interview with the Breakfast Club in February and verified by TMZ in March. If elected, Booker would become the third president to enter office as a bachelor, joining the ranks of James Buchanan and Grover Cleveland. The questions surrounding
Booker’s personal life have often been a topic of discourse amongst rivals throughout his political trajectory. Unfortunately, the high-profile relationship was short lived. According to Dawson, the split was the result of numerous factors that included Booker’s famous vegan lifestyle, his obsession with Beanie Babies, “man-dals” (man sandals), and a red telephone in his living room labeled “Publicity Emergencies”. Dawson detailed numerous occasions where the phone would ring, and Booker would run of his house wearing Birkenstocks and
tube socks while carrying a shovel. Dawson said that she applauds and understands Booker’s dedication to the American people and wouldn’t want to get in the way of his commitments. She also said that while she is “heartbroken”, she continues to “have great admiration” for him. Inspired by Booker’s bid, Dawson states that she has “tinkered with the idea of running for president for a while”, but didn’t consider it feasible until the midterm elections, when women and minority candidates shifted the balance of power in The House of Represen-
s Breaking: Musk Makes Moves for MLK Boulevard "Fate Loves Irony" Musk's Tweets Reveral Plans
tatives. Dawson has a record of being consistently active with countless charities, foundations and social projects throughout the country, and feels that her work could “promote the real change this country needs.” Dawson joins Booker in an already crowded Democratic Party nomination ticket for 2020. She has stated that she will be running on a number of platforms including livable wage policies, environmental protection policies, and bringing back Wendy’s spicy chicken nuggets.
Dawson confided that if granted the nomination, she would consider asking Booker to be her Vice President, saying “he’s one of the most hardworking people in government.” She later said, “if he says no, then I’ll probably ask Chrissy Teigan or John Stamos.” When asked how she envisions her life would be as commander in chief, Dawson said, “As POTUS, my first commitment would be to the American people. Hopefully I would be able to continue my philanthropic endeavors, but I guarantee the [white] house will smell like Fabuloso and Adobo.”
By Siri Uppuluri | Senior Staff Writer & Copy Editor A quick glance through NJIT’s strategic planning goals for the next decade show that the institution is determined to expand and innovate, both in academic and research pursuits and physical size of the campus. In reference to the latter, the university has initiated efforts to redevelop and renovate the properties on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard (MLK Blvd). However, the redevelopment program was halted at the beginning of the month, as access to crucial developing permits for the remainder of the MLK Blvd properties have been challenged in the state auction. Until last week, the identity of the mystery bidder challenging NJIT remained unknown, but the man himself has confirmed his identity as co-founder and CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, Elon Musk. In a press conference assembled inside the garage of his Los Angeles home, Musk, seated inside his red Model 3 Tesla, made another major announcement with the unveiling of SpaceX’s ThreeStop Transatlantic Hyperloop. The proposed Hyperloop will make
stops in Montpelier, Vermont; Newark, New Jersey; and Annapolis, Maryland. Audible gasps could be heard from the garage after the announcement, as until now Musk’s Hyperloop plans revolved around creating a route between San Francisco and Los Angeles. When asked, Musk said he “saw the potential to enter a new market on the East Coast.” In addition, The Scalar received reports that the Intra-California Hyperloop is facing unforeseen issues. The magnetic accelerators required to propel the Hyperloop pods are facing interference from the magnetic radiation given off by the high concentration of Health Crystals sold by Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle brand, in Los Angeles. Still, Musk’s interest in the East Coast, and within Newark specifically, are extremely perplexing. It was reported that multiple cable news networks initiated sub-sub-committees to follow and report new developments, and applications for Newark broadcast correspondents are now open. Requirements for potential applicants include any tangential relation to the City of Newark—for example,
passing through Newark Penn Station on NJ Transit counts. Contrary to mainstream news media, those who directly follow the CEO on Twitter fully expected this announcement. In fact, a simple glance at Musk’s Twitter feed provides ample evidence to indicate his interest in the MLK Blvd. properties. On Feb. 25, 2019, Musk tweeted, “Fate *loves* irony. Frankly, too much.” In this instance, it is evident that Musk is unironically referring to his beloved project that has not yet come to fruition, the Hyperloop. As such, Twitter pundits were easily able to decipher that the billionaire would be providing updates on the Hyperloop, though many expected an announcement regarding the functionality of the Intra-California route. However, further investigation of Musk’s Twitter posts provides irrefutable evidence for his selection of Newark as a docking station for the Hyperloop. On March 6, Musk tweeted, “Yeah, I lift a little…” accompanied by four photos of actor and former pro-wrestler Dwayne Johnson with Musk’s face photoshopped onto Johnson’s body.
At first glance, this appears to be another tric tweet from CEO; however, ally contains a
eccenthe meme-loving the tweet actuhidden message.
Johnson is also known by his ring name, The Rock. The Rock is also a shorthand form of The Rock Bar & Grill, a restaurant in The Prudential Center, located in Newark. Therefore, the signs are undeniable that Musk was building up to this recent announcement. At present, the remaining development permits for MLK Blvd. are locked up in the bidding war be-
tween N J I T and Musk. Outbidding NJIT and acquiring MLK Blvd. does not guarantee that Musk will go through with SpaceX’s plans for a docking station in Newark. Musk made it explicitly apparent that the selection of Newark as one of the three stops in the Transatlantic Hyperloop is wholly contingent on legalization of recreational marijuana in New Jersey. “Legalization of cannabis is key,” Musk said to reporters in the conference. Maryland faces a similar ultimatum, as Annapolis is the current favorite for the third stop of the route, while Vermont has already legalized recreational marijuana. At the time of writing, Trenton lawmakers are in the process of approving a bill legalizing recreational marijuana in the Garden State. It is now known that the bill will have implications beyond cannabis use, potentially impacting the fate of transportation in the state as a whole.
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Hot Sauce Victims Sue the SAC By Sandra Raju | Senior Staff Writer & Birju Dhaduk | Contributing Writer
On March 12, 2019, many NJIT students took on the Student Activities Council’s Hot Sauce Challenge. The event featured Hellfire’s Carolina Reaper Pepper Hot Sauce, made from the Carolina Reaper pepper—the hottest pepper in the world. The Carolina Reaper averages about 1.58 million Scoville heat units, with recorded measurements reaching up to 2.2 million SHU . Before taking on the painful challenge, students had to sign a waiver, drafted by the SAC, making the council immune to all legal responsibility regarding the event…or so they thought. A group of students found a loophole in the waiver and are now suing the council to cover their tuition, housing, and meal plans, which amounts to roughly $120 million. Although the SAC stated that they, “do not hold le-
gal responsibility over the pain that would be endured by the student’s physical body,” they accidentally limited their immunity to this specification. On March 13, the day after the regretful Hot Sauce Challenge, many classrooms and lecture halls were found empty. Around 75% of the student body were marked absent, and many professors put in requests to forcefully withdraw students from their classes. Although the students were seriously ill, the lack of documentation regarding their plight has caused many instructors to act upon their attendance policies. Students claim that damage has been done to their academic and professional careers as a result of the hot sauce challenge. The physical pain that students endured was so great that they were left immobile, and thus could not walk to class. Symptoms included waves of pain in the upper abdomen, occasional hyperventilation, and excessive or unpredictable sweating. The worst symptom reported was an intense burning sensation
during attempts to use the restroom. As one student put it, “not even TUMS could save us from what was to come.” In fact, the leading Google search query on NJIT servers was “Can I overdose on TUMS?”, the answer being that though death by TUMS overdose is extremely rare, downing an entire bottle would be ill-advised. One student claimed to have missed five classes the following day, while another student missed two exams. Many others are submitting their claims of suffering due to SAC’s Hot Sauce Challenge. Sagar Solanki, president of SAC, has declined to comment on the potential lawsuit. It is rumored that the organization will not give into the students’ pursuits.
In fact, the SAC does not seem worried about the current situation and has much support from other school organizations. It seems that the council is ready for whatever charges the students plan to bring them up on. An anonymous tip was sent to us in response to the students filing for the lawsuit: “If they couldn’t take the heat, they shouldn’t have gotten lost in the sauce.”
Photos By Regee Lozada | The Vector
Laurel Hall Renamed By Victoria Nguyen | Web and Multimedia Editor
On Mar. 22, 2019, NJIT changed Laurel Hall’s name to Yanny Hall, much to the appreciation of students who want to meme-ify the campus. Back in May 2018, the United States experienced a divide that tore apart the nation as the people fought over whether an automated voice in an audio clip was pronouncing the word “Yanny” or “Laurel”. Major news outlets such as The New York Times published articles that offered users the opportunity to hear both terms spoken. The Wall Street Journal even reached out to a credible scientist to explain the dissonance in discussion, and possible reasons for the different pronunciations. Laurel Hall, a decrepit building filled with cracks in the walls, suspicious stains on the
carpets, and the occasional outbreak of mold, was touted as one of the best student dormitories on NJIT’s campus. However, this building and its homely features are surely underappreciated by the rest of students who reside elsewhere—because except for those who actually live in this dormitory, no one can actually pronounce the name of the building. “Apparently there’s like, this dorm, that is, like, called Laurel,” second-year engineering science major Rebecca Black stated. “But for some reason, a lot of kids that I talk to, like, live in this place,
called, Yanny. And when I ask them to point out to where this Yanny is, they point towards Laurel!” Black was not the only student who seeme utterly confused (and slightly amused) by this mishap. Mouna Moussa, of NJIT Residence Life, was heard dissing a “Yanny Hall” as being uglier and older than her beloved Honors Hall. University President Joel Bloom made flattering remarks about a “Yanny Hall” in his 2045 Vision plan for the
YA N N Y H A L L
school. When asked to speak of Laurel Hall, a select group of students and administrators alike were observed to talk only about a certain Yanny Hall instead. As a result of this tongue-tied miscommunication, Dean of Students and Campus Life Marybeth Boger was the first to advocate to change the name of Laurel Hall to “Yanny Hall”; since 1. only those living in the building seem to be able to pronounce the name properly; and 2. the name “Yanny” stuck and gave NJIT the chance to be a national meme After a heated Reddit debate
between President Bloom and passionate students, and even a successful Change.org petition that garnered 90,000 signatures (school population is approximately at 12,000), the change was officialized. “Bruh...bruh….hol’ up,” third-year women’s studies major Theodore Bundy waved his hands aside when the news broke. “I’m all for it. We are part of some great historical event here! This is equally as moving as the women’s suffrage of the 1900s.” Here at NJIT, there is far more unity than fragmentation with the official change of Laurel Hall’s name to Yanny Hall. Students are linking arms, standing straight and tall, preparing themselves (and for the campus) to make it onto a segment of Good Morning America. Or a credible Instagram meme page, at the very least.
Features A day in the life Photos by Katherine Ji
NJIT Student Hardworking students enjoying a nutritious breakfast at Gourmet Dining Services. Pictured: Rahi Shah and Leanne Burgos
Week of April 2, 2019
Giving Martians the Classroom
By Akin Aguda | Occasional Contributor
As a student attending classes with Martians, it bothers me that due to social constrictions, Martians cannot sit on the floor or stand freely as dictated by their natural tendency. It is a rare thing to find people standing in class anymore since the long time cultural disallowance of such practices. This was brought about due to numerous complaints that people or Martians standing during class sessions contribute to a devolving
A young lad enjoying the newly constructed soccer field. Pictured: March Roth
NJIT Elevators: Breeding Grounds for Love at first sight. Pictured: Sandra Raju & Birju Dhaduk
Student begin an exciting dissection in Mammalian Physiology class. Pictured: Disha Panchal, Sanda Raju, Jivin Barve, Daniil Ivanov, Joshua Greendyk
Student settling down for some Netflix and chill after a long day of hard work. Pictured: Jeff Chen
"young martians should not be asked to do teenage and young adult 'things' that are against their nautral tendencies" learning experience due to their obstruction of the views of other students. For this, Martians and human students alike are being required to sit down on chairs, behind tables, to listen to human beings talk. This is not fair anymore. Since their assimilation into human society in 2012, young Martians have been required by law to attend school with teenagers and young adults and do teenage and young adult “things” which are normally against their nature. For example, there are people who eat excessive amounts of food and thereafter, head to the gym to burn off whatever they just ate, or even more frequently than that, young-human-beings engage frequently in casual
reproductive activities with no intention of making new souls. This is unlike Martian nature or culture and requiring them to do this is in contempt of the Free Actions Policy of the United States. After serious debate, the U.S and intergalactic relations committee, last year, 2017, agreed that young Martians should not be asked to do teenage and young adult “things” that are against their natural tendencies. It is along this line of reasoning that the argument for learner-Martian classroom rights are frequently presented. The case usually is argued that, “if it is sensible that young Martians should not be required to do young-human things, then it should in turn be sensible that learner-Martians in general, should not be required to do student-human things.”. With that being said, it is only fair that Martians attending human college classes be allowed to stand in the back of the class--as opposed to standing in front or mid area--or sit on the
"This is a free nation and a progressively free planet" class floor as these options often are more comfortable and convenient than chairs to learner-Martians. This is a free nation and a progressively free planet. We should therefore, learn to be more receptive to the preferences of others, regardless of scientific class or inter-cultural party.
Incel Club Approved by Student Senate
By Timothy Noskayet | Staff Writer
In an emergency session held over spring break, NJIT’s student senate voted to approve the Society of Involuntary Celibates, more commonly known as the ‘Incel Club’. The approval comes in response to what was described as “overwhelming demand” for such an organization on campus. The club’s founding members describe themselves as “nice guys” who have had a rough time in their recent dating efforts and are using the club as a way to comfort each other in their struggles and learn methods to improve their situations. While many of these young men— though the club is technically open to all, they’ve yet to recruit a female member—have been involved with incel culture for some time via online communities, the formation of the club marks the first opportunity for self-described incels to meet in person. Some members were even surprised to learn that they had known each other’s online personas for years.
“When I first met Dave, I thought he sounded a lot like this guy I met on [the subreddit] ‘TheRedPill’ a while back,” said Brian Johnson, a sophomore computer engineering major and president of the new club, when speaking of a fellow member. “Turns out, it was him all along!” Despite just being recognized by Senate, the Incel Club has already become one of the largest organizations on campus, with over 300 active members at time of printing. Their success is attributed to the distribution of surveys and promotional materials on various NJIT and incel-related forums on 4Chan and Discord. With such a large membership, the club plans to have a number of campus-wide events, including speed dating, an annual Singles Awareness Day rally, and weekly readings of Neil Strauss’ “The Game”. I had the chance to speak with student senate’s Club Manager, Mina Morcos, after the meeting. “Things went a little
off the rails when one of their members started talking about ‘Stacies’ and ‘Chads’, but they were able to turn it around in the end.” Morcos also attributes the club’s approval to senate’s requirements for new clubs. “They only need ten people, a constitution, and to not do what another club is doing already. I think it’s safe to say that this club is the first of its kind here.” Multiple senators said that they felt obligated to approve the club after it cleared this admittedly low bar. As one senator, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “I just felt bad for them.” Immediately after saying this, she was approached by three club members who tried to use pickup tactics on her. The Incel Club’s first event will be a screening of the movie “Fight Club” (time and location to be determined). The event is open to all, though it is requested that attendees “bring females.”
Completing the FAFSA
Letting your money make money for you by putting it in an endowment and letting interest take its course
The Food Trucks and "Platters"
Surviving solely on coffee and protein bars
Circle K and Knit-N-Crochet Club Ragers
Purchasing condoms/getting anyone pregnant/getting a vasectomy
Attending NJIT for the low, low price of ~$8,000/semester
Going to the hospital when in need of emergency medical attention
Letting yourself bleed out on the green because it'll look really cool, be memorable, and you can say "it didn't even hurt" when asked about it afterwards
Primitive banging together of sticks, Mongolian throat singing, & Yodeling
People who drink 'alkaline' water because they think it will alkalize their secretions and make them healthier
Just mainlining bleach
Arm and Hammer 2-1 power packs
Tearing down the berlin wall
The Communist plot to pollute our precious bodily fluids
Hiding in a bunker while bombing Putin
Riding an atomic bomb like a cowboy to Putin’s house
The NJIT Lower Green
President JB (Jeremy Bedient)
President JB (Joel Bloom)
s Left, Right & Middle This week's LRM is a stream of consciousness exercise to demonstrate, for those of you who are curious (probably all of the adults out there), what could possibly be going through students' minds at a given moment in time. By Daniel Cruz |Common Eccentric
By Akinlolu Aguda | Occasional Contributor
By Carmel Rafalowsky | Person, Sometimes
umb, dong, bond, and song. I lost my thong on a tightrope in Albuquerque, New Mexico, it's a new city out there. The Libertarians and Socialists actually get along over there, even with an overwhelming shame, walking in spaces of silent aggression. A truth impossible to hear from mute mouths and furious auras. Nothing matters but everything does. I ate a salmon straight from the salmon river and it tasted delicious. He told me to swim downstream to find a life raft. I flew off that life into the stars looking at a globe and inside it is everything that can be seen but not heard. I have to go now, I know what to listen for, and I can't wait till I'm 65, that's when I get the Senior Discount at Disney Land. I'm excited to be old though, life is so much cheaper then. A room turns to a roommate turns to a living space turns to a hospital bed and then I finally get to garden in my own pile of dirt 72 inches deep in my raised bed, the cucumbers are gonna taste great. The fear is gone and the medication prescribed, 2 doses of red pill and a port sized shot of Jameson. Justice can't be served and indecision is a tasty fruit. I really like Disney Land, wait no... World! That's the one with Epcot in it. Intolerable wishes and nature's trees, they obscure. Quitting under inevitable tensions. Is this Destiny or a Natural One? Change my mind you trolls.
mm, thoughts, thoughts. What are you thinking? What would you think of if you had something to think about? Imagine that tomorrow is the concert of the orchestra you’ve spent the last year waiting for: The Construction Orchestra. So banana, eggs, toothpaste, in that order. And then concrete, cranes, trailers, in no particular order. I would be thinking of the sounds of construction of the coming day. The music. Amusing as much as it will become bothersome. The harmony of steel, wood, stone, and water; banging, sawing, grinding, evaporating. Imagine being there live, the steel dust, wood dust, stone dust—water dust—the aroma of moving earth and and and you know what’s funny? The fact that there is no real answer to such question besides the follow up question, “what?” But we know that is not true. Do you know what’s funny? Yes, I know many things that are funny but what you’re thinking of is probably not one of them. Anyways, did you know that the weather is only actually good when it is a snow day? Think about it, when it is not a snow day, what can you say about the weather? “Lovely day today, isn’t it?” “Yeah, I guess.” On the eve of the construction concert that we had all been waiting for, the eve of breakfast, the eve of a snow day, the eve of, well, you know, the cancelled concert. When it’s all done. We still might never know who can use the makerspace.
ive more minutes. I just want five more minutes of sleep and then I can get up. But five minutes means nothing in the scheme of things, and then it’s 10:30, and then it’s noon, and then it’s 8pm and you’re grabbing drinks with the guy who’s not particularly interesting or attractive just because hey, we all need a little attention here and there, right? But where do we draw the line? Where does the night end? When do we roll over into the next day, and recognize it as a day, and not a pattern for the rest of our lives? I don’t want to end up with a Joe, do you? I don’t want to end up in the snow, do you? I don’t want to look in the mirror at 50 and not recognize myself, not remember my choices; it only takes a minute to forget why you wanted what you did in the first place. Assignments and studying and work and bus schedules and edits and quizzes and studying and meetings and memorization and life and life and life and life. This isn’t life. This isn’t a life. Life is in between the work. Life is moments. Life is laughing with a friend at the pub, watching the stars twinkle in the cold, drafty night, booking spontaneous tickets to Prague, sailing, sunning, scuba diving, opening your eyes with your head under the red sea and keeping them open despite the salty sting because damn, that’s what coral looks like. I want to read the great works. I want to watch all the classics. I want to talk until 4am and wake up and try again. I want to know when it all begins again. When did it begin at all. The caged bird sings, but we may never know for whom.
Week of April 2, 2019
Anti-Vaxxers Were Right
YOU CAN'T HAVE AUTISM
By Yaya Perrywinkle| Senior Staff Writer In the era of fake news and misinformation, we at The Scalar feel it is our duty to provide readers with honest and wholesome journalism. As such, it pains us to retract a story printed earlier this month regarding vaccinations. It turns out anti-vaxxers were somewhat right. The Center for Radical Activists Zealously Yattering, also known as CRAZY, released details of a study conducted last month in Finland under intense pressure from the anti-vaxxing community. The study attempted to counter the results of a previous 10-year research project conducted by Danish scientists that concluded there was no correlation between the measles-mumps-rubella (MMR) vaccine and autism. The Finnish scientists conducted their studies over a 3-week period with two test groups. The purpose of the
study was to support a direct link between vaccinations and developmental disorders. The control group consisted of ten boys who were administered a placebo. The test group consisted of ten Hornoilainen chickens from different ethnic backgrounds who were given the active MMR vaccine. The results of the experiment were submitted for peer review and have astonished many in the medical and livestock community. According to the New York Times, lead researcher, Dr. Brandenburg Dupek, said: “since the administration of the vaccination, our test patients have demonstrated conduct not seen prior to inoculation, such as scattered social behaviors overshadowed by brief episodes of cognitive dissonance.” The report also notes
healthy eating habits, jockeying and brooding. Dupek notes that while the test patient’s behaviors are within the normal range, they “are still unable to communicate”. This evidence, among other studies, supports a correlation between vaccinations and developmental disorders. Dupek also mentioned that in their mission to challenge the Danish study, his team accidentally discovered a staggering rise in cases of autistic chickens throughout the world. The discovery of poultry mental disorders has enraged many animal rights organizations such as People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and The Livestock Conservancy, who have called for an independent study into avian autism. PETA issued a statement last week condemning Chipotle, Popeyes and Kentucky
IF YOU DIE FROM POLIO Fried Chicken for their treatment of chickens with developmental disabilities and called for a nationwide boycott of the restaurants. The Center for Radical Activists Zealously Yattering later issued a statement praising the work of the Finnish team and condemning parents who vaccinate their children without their consent. In the statement, the organization claimed that “vac-
cinations create a lasting psychological belief that injecting is beneficial” and declared vaccinations “as the only true gateway drug”. “The reason many can’t accept the link between inoculations and developmental disorders,” CRAZY concluded, “is because the government laces vaccines with unknown elements as a way to prevent the comprehension of truth.”
s "Dr. Bloom, I don't feel so good..." On March 31, the NJIT Bell Tower’s deconstruction commenced, as ordered by President Joel Bloom. The project, estimated to cost $69,420, is quite the controversial move by NJIT. The student body is split on whether the project this is a good decision for campus, with detractors claiming that the tower is a piece of history and that its destruction will release the bad luck within it. Proponents of the destruction suggest that destroying it will lift the clocktower curse from the college. When asked for his thoughts on the move, Bloom said, “It’s a shame to see it go…I have many fond memories from [the tower]. It was always my favorite residence, and I loved crawling up into the cozy cubby hole, looking at the campus from the comfort of the bell tower. It really is a shame to see it go.” “It was just time to let it go,” Bloom said, when pressed on the rationale for the demolition. “It was really hurting our graduation rates. For the good of the campus, the clocktower had to be dismantled.” Although the tower may not look
Clocktower Dismantled By March Roth | Staff Writer as if it is being deconstructed, that is due to the method in which it is being done. According to Andrew P. Christ, notorious publisher of the construction bulletin, “Starting on Sunday, March 31, 2019 through February 30, 2033, demolition will take place outside of the Campus Center, Central King Building, and Fenster Hall, as we begin the deconstruction of the Bell Tower. Note that due to the atom-by-atom deconstruction, as to contain bad juju within the materials, students are advised to remain a safe distance as to not be caught in a potential accidental atom split. Partial walkway closure around the tower will occur and pedestrians should use caution when in this area.” Although only the first few atoms have been removed from the tower, the effects of the demolition are already taking place. Mama Mojo, Head Seer of the NJIT campus, expects “graduation rates to skyrocket twofold, and for the NJIT green to be finished in the near future, by like... Fall 2020 or something, I don’t know. I never did have twen-
ty-twenty vision.” Salvage from the dismantled clocktower will be reused for the WEC 2.0, another project to be completed by summer 2047. Surely the demolition is a big step for the campus. Although the deconstruction does bring sadness to all of us here at The Scalar, we see that it is a necessary action for the good of NJIT. We hope that, in due course, our hearts will move on from the reminiscing of the clocktower. In the meantime, however, the campus will look up to the tower with bittersweet smiles to a friend whose absence will be disheartening.
Week of April 2, 2019
Wake up sheeple: a bevy of evidence has been presented to confirm our pre-convinced notions on the president.
Trump Exposed as Lizard-Person By Mark Pothen | Staff Writer
Whether it be colluding with Russia or taking candy from children, we already knew that Donald Trump was a deeply immoral and possibly evil man, but it has now been confirmed that he is part of the extraterrestrial cabal of lizard people controlling each of the intricate parts of our government. 1. Reptilian eyes can be seen if you look closely enough (some say it’s possible to spot them only while shapeshifting) 2. Scales or hints of green may be seen during transformation into a humanoid state 3. Hologram flickers 4. Your Intuition After diving consulting videos from You-
Tuber Shane Dawson on Trump's reptilian mannerisms, there is no doubt that the claims are true. One such example was during a press conference on Aug. 11, 2015, when Trump’s holographic liquid crystal image projector (how the lizard people appear human) slipped out of human character and showed his abnormal tongue movements and a light field distortion. After taking a negative filter, a reptilian facial structure with the occasional shimmering near the mask can be found. The idea that conservatives would vote for this reptile gives credibility to the idea that all conservatives are lizard people who must be exposed at all costs. We must stop the cabal of reptilian overlords from controlling our government and way of life. To sign my petition titled “Eradicate the Conservative Lizard People”, go to patreon.com/StoptheLizards. Be well, my kindred spirits, and continue fighting the good fight against the tyrannical fascist lizard people.
NJIT Adopts Intramural PoleDancing Starting Fall Semester
By Katherine Ji & By Akin Aguda
PISCES In the near future, Artificial Intelligence will take over. Everyone will lose their jobs except you. Be careful, You don’t want to be the only one working.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Laugh. Try it.
Go to the mountain and shout to the sea. CoAD farmers are as cool as the.
SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO This week, you will start dating a vegan. Never fear, there are certainly advantages. You now have a free lawnmower!
Find story at njitvicky.com PHOTO by Katherine Ji
‘Tis the season for change and risks are here for the taking. If you are waiting to hear the whistle--lol. Keep waiting.
Are you playing music in the hallway? Turn it up. Forget that everyone else has something better to do. This world is yours.
This week you may find yourself running around desperately, for seemingly no reason. Watch out for that large metal doorwhoops, too late.
The first to climb the NJIT Clocktower wins the prize. Shake out your hair, take our your hoops, and let’s get going.
Curry and thyme and onions and rice, cook in corn oil and bury in sprouts. The orange apples will come to you, eat them up and pee the juice.
Compost your food. This is the wise thing to do and you know it. If the sun was grey and the sky was blue, your life might be good.
Tuesday is your lucky day! Look forward to stepping into a pile of dog excrement and slipping across the sidewalk. Let the feces become one with you.
Join the newspaper club this week and your life might just be better. All the tea comes to you, all the coffee is being brewed. If you want to grow this week, join this club and be revered.
Interested in being a part of our favorite organization?
We're always looking to adopt new members into the family! Let's make a difference together!
Even if you don't see a position below that you'd like to pursue, feel free to just stop by our office.
Don't have any experience and want to try something new? Don't worry! We'll train you! (*Choo Choo*) writers (opinion, entertainment, sports, news, your own column!) social media assistants business assistants Come to our meetings layout assistants web assistants Fridays at 11:30 am. photographers CC 466 photography editors copy editors
Apology | By Plato | Translated by Benjamin Jowett | Socrates' Defense How you have felt, O men of Athens, at hearing the speeches of my accusers, I cannot tell; but I know that their persuasive words almost made me forget who I was - such was the effect of them; and yet they have hardly spoken a word of truth. But many as their falsehoods were, there was one of them which quite amazed me; - I mean when they told you to be upon your guard, and not to let yourselves be deceived by the force of my eloquence. They ought to have been ashamed of saying this, because they were sure to be detected as soon as I opened my lips and displayed my deficiency; they certainly did appear to be most shameless in saying this, unless by the force of eloquence they mean the force of truth; for then I do indeed admit that I am eloquent. But in how different a way from theirs! Well, as I was saying, they have hardly uttered a word, or not more than a word, of truth; but you shall hear from me the whole truth: not, however, delivered after their manner, in a set oration duly ornamented with words and phrases. No indeed! but I shall use the words and arguments which occur to me at the moment; for I am certain that this is right, and that at my time of life I ought not to be appearing before you, O men of Athens, in the character of a juvenile orator - let no one expect this of me. And I must beg of you to grant me one favor, which is this - If you hear me using the same words in my defence which I have been in the habit of using, and which most of you may have heard in the agora, and at the tables of the money-changers, or anywhere else, I would ask you not to be surprised at this, and not to interrupt me. For I am more than seventy years of age, and this is the first time that I have ever appeared in a court of law, and I am quite a stranger to the ways of the place; and therefore I would have you regard me as if I were really a stranger, whom you would excuse if he spoke in his native tongue, and after the fashion of his country; - that I think is not an unfair request. Never mind the manner, which may or may not be good; but think only of the justice of my cause, and give heed to that: let the judge decide justly and the speaker speak truly. And first, I have to reply to the older charges and to my first accusers, and then I will go to the later ones. For I have had many accusers, who accused me of old, and their false charges have continued during many years; and I am more afraid of them than of Anytus and his associates, who are dangerous, too, in their own way. But far more dangerous are these, who began when you were children, and took possession of your minds with their falsehoods, telling of one Socrates, a wise man, who speculated about the heaven above, and searched into the earth beneath, and made the worse appear the better cause. These are the accusers whom I dread; for they are the circulators of this rumor, and their hearers are too apt to fancy that speculators of this sort do not believe in the gods. And they are many, and their charges against me are of ancient date, and they made them in days when you were impressible - in childhood, or perhaps in youth - and the cause when heard went by default, for there was none to answer. And, hardest of all, their names I do not know and cannot tell; unless in the chance of a comic poet. But the main body of these slanderers who from envy and malice have wrought upon you - and there are some of them who are convinced themselves, and impart their convictions to others all these, I say, are most difficult to deal with; for I cannot have them up here, and examine them, and therefore I must simply fight with shadows in my own defence, and examine when there is no one who answers. I will ask you then to assume with me, as I was saying, that my opponents are of two kinds - one recent, the other ancient; and I hope that you will see the propriety of my answering the latter first, for these accusations you heard long before the others, and much oftener. Well, then, I will make my defence, and I will endeavor in the short time which is allowed to do away with this evil opinion of me which you have held for such a long time; and I hope I may succeed, if this be well for you and me, and that my words may find favor with you. But I know that to accomplish this is not easy - I quite see the nature of the task. Let the event be as God wills: in obedience to the law I make my defence. I will begin at the beginning, and ask what the accusation is which has given rise to this slander of me, and which has encouraged Meletus to proceed against me. What do the slanderers say? They shall be my prosecutors, and I will sum up their words in an affidavit. "Socrates is an evil-doer, and a curious person, who searches into things under the earth and in heaven, and he makes the worse appear the better cause; and he teaches the aforesaid doctrines to others." That is the nature of the accusation, and that is what you have seen yourselves in the comedy of Aristophanes; who has introduced a man whom he calls Socrates, going about and saying that he can walk in the air, and talking a deal of nonsense concerning matters of which I do not pretend to know either much or little - not that I mean to say anything disparaging of anyone who is a student of natural philosophy. I should be very sorry if Meletus could lay that to my charge. But the simple truth is, O Athenians, that I have nothing to do with these studies. Very many of those here present are witnesses to the truth of this, and to them I appeal. Speak then, you who have heard me, and tell your neighbors whether any of you have ever known me hold forth in few words or in many upon matters of this sort. ... You hear their answer. And from what they say of this you will be able to judge of the truth of the rest. As little foundation is there for the report that I am a teacher, and take money; that is no more true than the other. Although, if a man is able to teach, I honor him for being paid. There is Gorgias of Leontium, and Prodicus of Ceos, and Hippias of Elis, who go the round of the cities, and are able to persuade the young men to leave their own citizens, by whom they might be taught for nothing, and come to them, whom they not only pay, but are thankful if they may be allowed to pay them. There is actually a Parian philosopher residing in Athens, of whom I have heard; and I came to hear of him in this way: - I met a man who has spent a world of money on the Sophists, Callias the son of Hipponicus, and knowing that he had sons, I asked him: "Callias," I said, "if your two sons were foals or calves, there would be no difficulty in finding someone to put over them; we should hire a trainer of horses or a farmer probably who would improve and perfect them in their own proper virtue and excellence; but as they are human beings, whom are you thinking of placing over them? Is there anyone who understands human and political virtue? You must have thought about this as you have sons; is there anyone?" "There is," he said. "Who is he?" said I, "and of what country? and what does he charge?" "Evenus the Parian," he replied; "he is the man, and his charge is five minae." Happy is Evenus, I said to myself, if he really has this wisdom, and teaches at such a modest charge. Had I the same, I should have been very proud and conceited; but the truth is that I have no knowledge of the kind. I dare say, Athenians, that someone among you will reply, "Why is this, Socrates, and what is the origin of these accusations of you: for there must have been something strange which you have been doing? All this great fame and talk about you would never have arisen if you had been like other men: tell us, then, why this is, as we should be sorry to judge hastily of you." Now I regard this as a fair challenge, and I will endeavor to explain to you the origin of this name of "wise," and of this evil fame. Please to attend then. And although some of you may think I am joking, I declare that I will tell you the entire truth. Men of Athens, this reputation of mine has come of a certain sort of wisdom which I possess. If you ask me what kind of wisdom, I reply, such wisdom as is attainable by man, for to that extent I am inclined to believe that I am wise; whereas the persons of whom I was speaking have a superhuman wisdom, which I may fail to describe, because I have it not myself; and he who says that I have, speaks falsely, and is taking away my character. And here, O men of Athens, I must beg you not to interrupt me, even if I seem to say something extravagant. For the word which I will speak is not mine. I will refer you to a witness who is worthy of credit, and will tell you about my wisdom - whether I have any, and of what sort - and that witness shall be the god of Delphi. You must have known Chaerephon; he was early a friend of mine, and also a friend of yours, for he shared in the exile of the people, and returned with you. Well, Chaerephon, as you know, was very impetuous in all his doings, and he went to Delphi and boldly asked the oracle to tell him whether - as I was saying, I must beg you not to interrupt - he asked the oracle to tell him whether there was anyone wiser than I was, and the Pythian prophetess answered that there was no man wiser. Chaerephon is dead himself, but his brother, who is in court, will confirm the truth of this story. Why do I mention this? Because I am going to explain to you why I have such an evil name. When I heard the answer, I said to myself, What can the god mean? and what is the interpretation of this riddle? for I know that I have no wisdom, small or great. What can he mean when he says that I am the wisest of men? And yet he is a god and cannot lie; that would be against his nature. After a long consideration, I at last thought of a method of trying the question. I reflected that if I could only find a man wiser than myself, then I might go to the god with a refutation in my hand. I should say to him, "Here is a man who is wiser than I am; but you said that I was the wisest." Accordingly I went to one who had the reputation of wisdom, and observed to him - his name I need not mention; he was a politician whom I selected for examination - and the result was as follows: When I began to talk with him, I could not help thinking that he was not really wise, although he was thought wise by many, and wiser still by himself; and I went and tried to explain to him that he thought himself wise, but was not really wise; and the consequence was that he hated me, and his enmity was shared by several who were present and heard me. So I left him, saying to myself, as I went away: Well, although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is - for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows. I neither know nor think that I know. In this latter particular, then, I seem to have slightly the advantage of him. Then I went to another, who had still higher philosophical pretensions, and my conclusion was exactly the same. I made another enemy of him, and of many others besides him. After this I went to one man after another, being not unconscious of the enmity which I provoked, and I lamented and feared this: but necessity was laid upon me - the word of God, I thought, ought to be considered first. And I said to myself, Go I must to all who appear to know, and find out the meaning of the oracle. And I swear to you, Athenians, by the dog I swear! - for I must tell you the truth - the result of my mission was just this: I found that the men most in repute were all but the most foolish; and that some inferior men were really wiser and better. I will tell you the tale of my wanderings and of the "Herculean" labors, as I may call them, which I endured only to find at last the oracle irrefutable. When I left the politicians, I went to the poets; tragic, dithyrambic, and all sorts. And there,
I said to myself, you will be detected; now you will find out that you are more ignorant than they are. Accordingly, I took them some of the most elaborate passages in their own writings, and asked what was the meaning of them - thinking that they would teach me something. Will you believe me? I am almost ashamed to speak of this, but still I must say that there is hardly a person present who would not have talked better about their poetry than they did themselves. That showed me in an instant that not by wisdom do poets write poetry, but by a sort of genius and inspiration; they are like diviners or soothsayers who also say many fine things, but do not understand the meaning of them. And the poets appeared to me to be much in the same case; and I further observed that upon the strength of their poetry they believed themselves to be the wisest of men in other things in which they were not wise. So I departed, conceiving myself to be superior to them for the same reason that I was superior to the politicians. At last I went to the artisans, for I was conscious that I knew nothing at all, as I may say, and I was sure that they knew many fine things; and in this I was not mistaken, for they did know many things of which I was ignorant, and in this they certainly were wiser than I was. But I observed that even the good artisans fell into the same error as the poets; because they were good workmen they thought that they also knew all sorts of high matters, and this defect in them overshadowed their wisdom therefore I asked myself on behalf of the oracle, whether I would like to be as I was, neither having their knowledge nor their ignorance, or like them in both; and I made answer to myself and the oracle that I was better off as I was. This investigation has led to my having many enemies of the worst and most dangerous kind, and has given occasion also to many calumnies, and I am called wise, for my hearers always imagine that I myself possess the wisdom which I find wanting in others: but the truth is, O men of Athens, that God only is wise; and in this oracle he means to say that the wisdom of men is little or nothing; he is not speaking of Socrates, he is only using my name as an illustration, as if he said, He, O men, is the wisest, who, like Socrates, knows that his wisdom is in truth worth nothing. And so I go my way, obedient to the god, and make inquisition into the wisdom of anyone, whether citizen or stranger, who appears to be wise; and if he is not wise, then in vindication of the oracle I show him that he is not wise; and this occupation quite absorbs me, and I have no time to give either to any public matter of interest or to any concern of my own, but I am in utter poverty by reason of my devotion to the god. There is another thing: - young men of the richer classes, who have not much to do, come about me of their own accord; they like to hear the pretenders examined, and they often imitate me, and examine others themselves; there are plenty of persons, as they soon enough discover, who think that they know something, but really know little or nothing: and then those who are examined by them instead of being angry with themselves are angry with me: This confounded Socrates, they say; this villainous misleader of youth! - and then if somebody asks them, Why, what evil does he practise or teach? they do not know, and cannot tell; but in order that they may not appear to be at a loss, they repeat the ready-made charges which are used against all philosophers about teaching things up in the clouds and under the earth, and having no gods, and making the worse appear the better cause; for they do not like to confess that their pretence of knowledge has been detected - which is the truth: and as they are numerous and ambitious and energetic, and are all in battle array and have persuasive tongues, they have filled your ears with their loud and inveterate calumnies. And this is the reason why my three accusers, Meletus and Anytus and Lycon, have set upon me; Meletus, who has a quarrel with me on behalf of the poets; Anytus, on behalf of the craftsmen; Lycon, on behalf of the rhetoricians: and as I said at the beginning, I cannot expect to get rid of this mass of calumny all in a moment. And this, O men of Athens, is the truth and the whole truth; I have concealed nothing, I have dissembled nothing. And yet I know that this plainness of speech makes them hate me, and what is their hatred but a proof that I am speaking the truth? this is the occasion and reason of their slander of me, as you will find out either in this or in any future inquiry. I have said enough in my defence against the first class of my accusers; I turn to the second class, who are headed by Meletus, that good and patriotic man, as he calls himself. And now I will try to defend myself against them: these new accusers must also have their affidavit read. What do they say? Something of this sort: - That Socrates is a doer of evil, and corrupter of the youth, and he does not believe in the gods of the state, and has other new divinities of his own. That is the sort of charge; and now let us examine the particular counts. He says that I am a doer of evil, who corrupt the youth; but I say, O men of Athens, that Meletus is a doer of evil, and the evil is that he makes a joke of a serious matter, and is too ready at bringing other men to trial from a pretended zeal and interest about matters in which he really never had the smallest interest. And the truth of this I will endeavor to prove. Come hither, Meletus, and let me ask a question of you. You think a great deal about the improvement of youth? Yes, I do. Tell the judges, then, who is their improver; for you must know, as you have taken the pains to discover their corrupter, and are citing and accusing me before them. Speak, then, and tell the judges who their improver is. Observe, Meletus, that you are silent, and have nothing to say. But is not this rather disgraceful, and a very considerable proof of what I was saying, that you have no interest in the matter? Speak up, friend, and tell us who their improver is. The laws. But that, my good sir, is not my meaning. I want to know who the person is, who, in the first place, knows the laws. The judges, Socrates, who are present in court. What do you mean to say, Meletus, that they are able to instruct and improve youth? Certainly they are. What, all of them, or some only and not others? All of them. By the goddess Here, that is good news! There are plenty of improvers, then. And what do you say of the audience, - do they improve them? Yes, they do. And the senators? Yes, the senators improve them. But perhaps the members of the citizen assembly corrupt them? - or do they too improve them? They improve them. Then every Athenian improves and elevates them; all with the exception of myself; and I alone am their corrupter? Is that what you affirm? That is what I stoutly affirm. I am very unfortunate if that is true. But suppose I ask you a question: Would you say that this also holds true in the case of horses? Does one man do them harm and all the world good? Is not the exact opposite of this true? One man is able to do them good, or at least not many; - the trainer of horses, that is to say, does them good, and others who have to do with them rather injure them? Is not that true, Meletus, of horses, or any other animals? Yes, certainly. Whether you and Anytus say yes or no, that is no matter. Happy indeed would be the condition of youth if they had one corrupter only, and all the rest of the world were their improvers. And you, Meletus, have sufficiently shown that you never had a thought about the young: your carelessness is seen in your not caring about matters spoken of in this very indictment. And now, Meletus, I must ask you another question: Which is better, to live among bad citizens, or among good ones? Answer, friend, I say; for that is a question which may be easily answered. Do not the good do their neighbors good, and the bad do them evil? Certainly. And is there anyone who would rather be injured than benefited by those who live with him? Answer, my good friend; the law requires you to answer - does anyone like to be injured? Certainly not. And when you accuse me of corrupting and deteriorating the youth, do you allege that I corrupt them intentionally or unintentionally? Intentionally, I say. But you have just admitted that the good do their neighbors good, and the evil do them evil. Now is that a truth which your superior wisdom has recognized thus early in life, and am I, at my age, in such darkness and ignorance as not to know that if a man with whom I have to live is corrupted by me, I am very likely to be harmed by him, and yet I corrupt him, and intentionally, too; - that is what you are saying, and of that you will never persuade me or any other human being. But either I do not corrupt them, or I corrupt them unintentionally, so that on either view of the case you lie. If my offence is unintentional, the law has no cognizance of unintentional offences: you ought to have taken me privately, and warned and admonished me; for if I had been better advised, I should have left off doing what I only did unintentionally - no doubt I should; whereas you hated to converse with me or teach me, but you indicted me in this court, which is a place not of instruction, but of punishment. I have shown, Athenians, as I was saying, that Meletus has no care at all, great or small, about the matter. But still I should like to know, Meletus, in what I am affirmed to corrupt the young. I suppose you mean, as I infer from your indictment, that I teach them not to acknowledge the gods which the state acknowledges, but some other new divinities or spiritual agencies in their stead. These are the lessons which corrupt the youth, as you say. Yes, that I say emphatically. Then, by the gods, Meletus, of whom we are speaking, tell me and the court, in somewhat plainer terms, what you mean! for I do not as yet understand whether you affirm that I teach others to acknowledge some gods, and therefore do believe in gods and am not an entire atheist - this you do not lay to my charge; but only that they are not the same gods which the city recognizes the charge is that they are different gods. Or, do you mean to say that I am an atheist simply, and a teacher of atheism? I mean the latter - that you are a complete atheist. That is an extraordinary statement, Meletus. Why do you say that? Do you mean that I do not believe in the godhead of the sun or moon, which is the common creed of all men? I assure you, judges, that he does not believe in them; for he says that the sun is stone, and the moon earth. Friend Meletus, you think that you are accusing Anaxagoras; and you have but a bad opinion of the judges, if you fancy them ignorant to such a degree as not to know that those doctrines are found in the books of Anaxagoras the Clazomenian, who is full of them. And these are the doctrines which the youth are said to
learn of Socrates, when there are not unfrequently exhibitions of them at the theatre (price of admission one drachma at the most); and they might cheaply purchase them, and laugh at Socrates if he pretends to father such eccentricities. And so, Meletus, you really think that I do not believe in any god? I swear by Zeus that you believe absolutely in none at all. You are a liar, Meletus, not believed even by yourself. For I cannot help thinking, O men of Athens, that Meletus is reckless and impudent, and that he has written this indictment in a spirit of mere wantonness and youthful bravado. Has he not compounded a riddle, thinking to try me? He said to himself: - I shall see whether this wise Socrates will discover my ingenious contradiction, or whether I shall be able to deceive him and the rest of them. For he certainly does appear to me to contradict himself in the indictment as much as if he said that Socrates is guilty of not believing in the gods, and yet of believing in them but this surely is a piece of fun. I should like you, O men of Athens, to join me in examining what I conceive to be his inconsistency; and do you, Meletus, answer. And I must remind you that you are not to interrupt me if I speak in my accustomed manner. Did ever man, Meletus, believe in the existence of human things, and not of human beings? ... I wish, men of Athens, that he would answer, and not be always trying to get up an interruption. Did ever any man believe in horsemanship, and not in horses? or in flute-playing, and not in flute-players? No, my friend; I will answer to you and to the court, as you refuse to answer for yourself. There is no man who ever did. But now please to answer the next question: Can a man believe in spiritual and divine agencies, and not in spirits or demigods? He cannot. I am glad that I have extracted that answer, by the assistance of the court; nevertheless you swear in the indictment that I teach and believe in divine or spiritual agencies (new or old, no matter for that); at any rate, I believe in spiritual agencies, as you say and swear in the affidavit; but if I believe in divine beings, I must believe in spirits or demigods; - is not that true? Yes, that is true, for I may assume that your silence gives assent to that. Now what are spirits or demigods? are they not either gods or the sons of gods? Is that true? Yes, that is true. But this is just the ingenious riddle of which I was speaking: the demigods or spirits are gods, and you say first that I don't believe in gods, and then again that I do believe in gods; that is, if I believe in demigods. For if the demigods are the illegitimate sons of gods, whether by the Nymphs or by any other mothers, as is thought, that, as all men will allow, necessarily implies the existence of their parents. You might as well affirm the existence of mules, and deny that of horses and asses. Such nonsense, Meletus, could only have been intended by you as a trial of me. You have put this into the indictment because you had nothing real of which to accuse me. But no one who has a particle of understanding will ever be convinced by you that the same man can believe in divine and superhuman things, and yet not believe that there are gods and demigods and heroes. I have said enough in answer to the charge of Meletus: any elaborate defence is unnecessary; but as I was saying before, I certainly have many enemies, and this is what will be my destruction if I am destroyed; of that I am certain; - not Meletus, nor yet Anytus, but the envy and detraction of the world, which has been the death of many good men, and will probably be the death of many more; there is no danger of my being the last of them. Someone will say: And are you not ashamed, Socrates, of a course of life which is likely to bring you to an untimely end? To him I may fairly answer: There you are mistaken: a man who is good for anything ought not to calculate the chance of living or dying; he ought only to consider whether in doing anything he is doing right or wrong - acting the part of a good man or of a bad. Whereas, according to your view, the heroes who fell at Troy were not good for much, and the son of Thetis above all, who altogether despised danger in comparison with disgrace; and when his goddess mother said to him, in his eagerness to slay Hector, that if he avenged his companion Patroclus, and slew Hector, he would die himself - "Fate," as she said, "waits upon you next after Hector"; he, hearing this, utterly despised danger and death, and instead of fearing them, feared rather to live in dishonor, and not to avenge his friend. "Let me die next," he replies, "and be avenged of my enemy, rather than abide here by the beaked ships, a scorn and a burden of the earth." Had Achilles any thought of death and danger? For wherever a man's place is, whether the place which he has chosen or that in which he has been placed by a commander, there he ought to remain in the hour of danger; he should not think of death or of anything, but of disgrace. And this, O men of Athens, is a true saying. Strange, indeed, would be my conduct, O men of Athens, if I who, when I was ordered by the generals whom you chose to command me at Potidaea and Amphipolis and Delium, remained where they placed me, like any other man, facing death; if, I say, now, when, as I conceive and imagine, God orders me to fulfil the philosopher's mission of searching into myself and other men, I were to desert my post through fear of death, or any other fear; that would indeed be strange, and I might justly be arraigned in court for denying the existence of the gods, if I disobeyed the oracle because I was afraid of death: then I should be fancying that I was wise when I was not wise. For this fear of death is indeed the pretence of wisdom, and not real wisdom, being the appearance of knowing the unknown; since no one knows whether death, which they in their fear apprehend to be the greatest evil, may not be the greatest good. Is there not here conceit of knowledge, which is a disgraceful sort of ignorance? And this is the point in which, as I think, I am superior to men in general, and in which I might perhaps fancy myself wiser than other men, - that whereas I know but little of the world below, I do not suppose that I know: but I do know that injustice and disobedience to a better, whether God or man, is evil and dishonorable, and I will never fear or avoid a possible good rather than a certain evil. And therefore if you let me go now, and reject the counsels of Anytus, who said that if I were not put to death I ought not to have been prosecuted, and that if I escape now, your sons will all be utterly ruined by listening to my words - if you say to me, Socrates, this time we will not mind Anytus, and will let you off, but upon one condition, that are to inquire and speculate in this way any more, and that if you are caught doing this again you shall die; - if this was the condition on which you let me go, I should reply: Men of Athens, I honor and love you; but I shall obey God rather than you, and while I have life and strength I shall never cease from the practice and teaching of philosophy, exhorting anyone whom I meet after my manner, and convincing him, saying: O my friend, why do you who are a citizen of the great and mighty and wise city of Athens, care so much about laying up the greatest amount of money and honor and reputation, and so little about wisdom and truth and the greatest improvement of the soul, which you never regard or heed at all? Are you not ashamed of this? And if the person with whom I am arguing says: Yes, but I do care; I do not depart or let him go at once; I interrogate and examine and cross-examine him, and if I think that he has no virtue, but only says that he has, I reproach him with undervaluing the greater, and overvaluing the less. And this I should say to everyone whom I meet, young and old, citizen and alien, but especially to the citizens, inasmuch as they are my brethren. For this is the command of God, as I would have you know; and I believe that to this day no greater good has ever happened in the state than my service to the God. For I do nothing but go about persuading you all, old and young alike, not to take thought for your persons and your properties, but first and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul. I tell you that virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue come money and every other good of man, public as well as private. This is my teaching, and if this is the doctrine which corrupts the youth, my influence is ruinous indeed. But if anyone says that this is not my teaching, he is speaking an untruth. Wherefore, O men of Athens, I say to you, do as Anytus bids or not as Anytus bids, and either acquit me or not; but whatever you do, know that I shall never alter my ways, not even if I have to die many times. Men of Athens, do not interrupt, but hear me; there was an agreement between us that you should hear me out. And I think that what I am going to say will do you good: for I have something more to say, at which you may be inclined to cry out; but I beg that you will not do this. I would have you know that, if you kill such a one as I am, you will injure yourselves more than you will injure me. Meletus and Anytus will not injure me: they cannot; for it is not in the nature of things that a bad man should injure a better than himself. I do not deny that he may, perhaps, kill him, or drive him into exile, or deprive him of civil rights; and he may imagine, and others may imagine, that he is doing him a great injury: but in that I do not agree with him; for the evil of doing as Anytus is doing - of unjustly taking away another man's life - is greater far. And now, Athenians, I am not going to argue for my own sake, as you may think, but for yours, that you may not sin against the God, or lightly reject his boon by condemning me. For if you kill me you will not easily find another like me, who, if I may use such a ludicrous figure of speech, am a sort of gadfly, given to the state by the God; and the state is like a great and noble steed who is tardy in his motions owing to his very size, and requires to be stirred into life. I am that gadfly which God has given the state and all day long and in all places am always fastening upon you, arousing and persuading and reproaching you. And as you will not easily find another like me, I would advise you to spare me. I dare say that you may feel irritated at being suddenly awakened when you are caught napping; and you may think that if you were to strike me dead, as Anytus advises, which you easily might, then you would sleep on for the remainder of your lives, unless God in his care of you gives you another gadfly. And that I am given to you by God is proved by this: - that if I had been like other men, I should not have neglected all my own concerns, or patiently seen the neglect of them during all these years, and have been doing yours, coming to you individually, like a father or elder brother, exhorting you to regard virtue; this I say, would not be like human nature. And had I gained anything, or if my exhortations had been paid, there would have been some sense in that: but now, as you will perceive, not even the impudence of my accusers dares to say that I have ever exacted or sought pay of anyone; they have no witness of that. And I have a witness of the truth of what I say; my poverty is a sufficient witness. Someone may wonder why I go about in private, giving advice and busying myself with the concerns of others, but do not venture to come forward in public and advise the state. I will tell you the reason of this. You have often heard me speak of an oracle or sign which comes to me, and is the divinity which Meletus ridicules in the indictment. This sign I have had ever since I was a child. The sign is a voice which comes to me and
always forbids me to do something which I am going to do, but never commands me to do anything, and this is what stands in the way of my being a politician. And rightly, as I think. For I am certain, O men of Athens, that if I had engaged in politics, I should have perished long ago and done no good either to you or to myself. And don't be offended at my telling you the truth: for the truth is that no man who goes to war with you or any other multitude, honestly struggling against the commission of unrighteousness and wrong in the state, will save his life; he who will really fight for the right, if he would live even for a little while, must have a private station and not a public one. I can give you as proofs of this, not words only, but deeds, which you value more than words. Let me tell you a passage of my own life, which will prove to you that I should never have yielded to injustice from any fear of death, and that if I had not yielded I should have died at once. I will tell you a story tasteless, perhaps, and commonplace, but nevertheless true. The only office of state which I ever held, O men of Athens, was that of senator; the tribe Antiochis, which is my tribe, had the presidency at the trial of the generals who had not taken up the bodies of the slain after the battle of Arginusae; and you proposed to try them all together, which was illegal, as you all thought afterwards; but at the time I was the only one of the Prytanes who was opposed to the illegality, and I gave my vote against you; and when the orators threatened to impeach and arrest me, and have me taken away, and you called and shouted, I made up my mind that I would run the risk, having law and justice with me, rather than take part in your injustice because I feared imprisonment and death. This happened in the days of the democracy. But when the oligarchy of the Thirty was in power, they sent for me and four others into the rotunda, and bade us bring Leon the Salaminian from Salamis, as they wanted to execute him. This was a specimen of the sort of commands which they were always giving with the view of implicating as many as possible in their crimes; and then I showed, not in words only, but in deed, that, if I may be allowed to use such an expression, I cared not a straw for death, and that my only fear was the fear of doing an unrighteous or unholy thing. For the strong arm of that oppressive power did not frighten me into doing wrong; and when we came out of the rotunda the other four went to Salamis and fetched Leon, but I went quietly home. For which I might have lost my life, had not the power of the Thirty shortly afterwards come to an end. And to this many will witness. Now do you really imagine that I could have survived all these years, if I had led a public life, supposing that like a good man I had always supported the right and had made justice, as I ought, the first thing? No, indeed, men of Athens, neither I nor any other. But I have been always the same in all my actions, public as well as private, and never have I yielded any base compliance to those who are slanderously termed my disciples or to any other. For the truth is that I have no regular disciples: but if anyone likes to come and hear me while I am pursuing my mission, whether he be young or old, he may freely come. Nor do I converse with those who pay only, and not with those who do not pay; but anyone, whether he be rich or poor, may ask and answer me and listen to my words; and whether he turns out to be a bad man or a good one, that cannot be justly laid to my charge, as I never taught him anything. And if anyone says that he has ever learned or heard anything from me in private which all the world has not heard, I should like you to know that he is speaking an untruth. But I shall be asked, Why do people delight in continually conversing with you? I have told you already, Athenians, the whole truth about this: they like to hear the cross-examination of the pretenders to wisdom; there is amusement in this. And this is a duty which the God has imposed upon me, as I am assured by oracles, visions, and in every sort of way in which the will of divine power was ever signified to anyone. This is true, O Athenians; or, if not true, would be soon refuted. For if I am really corrupting the youth, and have corrupted some of them already, those of them who have grown up and have become sensible that I gave them bad advice in the days of their youth should come forward as accusers and take their revenge; and if they do not like to come themselves, some of their relatives, fathers, brothers, or other kinsmen, should say what evil their families suffered at my hands. Now is their time. Many of them I see in the court. There is Crito, who is of the same age and of the same deme with myself; and there is Critobulus his son, whom I also see. Then again there is Lysanias of Sphettus, who is the father of Aeschines - he is present; and also there is Antiphon of Cephisus, who is the father of Epignes; and there are the brothers of several who have associated with me. There is Nicostratus the son of Theosdotides, and the brother of Theodotus (now Theodotus himself is dead, and therefore he, at any rate, will not seek to stop him); and there is Paralus the son of Demodocus, who had a brother Theages; and Adeimantus the son of Ariston, whose brother Plato is present; and Aeantodorus, who is the brother of Apollodorus, whom I also see. I might mention a great many others, any of whom Meletus should have produced as witnesses in the course of his speech; and let him still produce them, if he has forgotten - I will make way for him. And let him say, if he has any testimony of the sort which he can produce. Nay, Athenians, the very opposite is the truth. For all these are ready to witness on behalf of the corrupter, of the destroyer of their kindred, as Meletus and Anytus call me; not the corrupted youth only - there might have been a motive for that - but their uncorrupted elder relatives. Why should they too support me with their testimony? Why, indeed, except for the sake of truth and justice, and because they know that I am speaking the truth, and that Meletus is lying. Well, Athenians, this and the like of this is nearly all the defence which I have to offer. Yet a word more. Perhaps there may be someone who is offended at me, when he calls to mind how he himself, on a similar or even a less serious occasion, had recourse to prayers and supplications with many tears, and how he produced his children in court, which was a moving spectacle, together with a posse of his relations and friends; whereas I, who am probably in danger of my life, will do none of these things. Perhaps this may come into his mind, and he may be set against me, and vote in anger because he is displeased at this. Now if there be such a person among you, which I am far from affirming, I may fairly reply to him: My friend, I am a man, and like other men, a creature of flesh and blood, and not of wood or stone, as Homer says; and I have a family, yes, and sons. O Athenians, three in number, one of whom is growing up, and the two others are still young; and yet I will not bring any of them hither in order to petition you for an acquittal. And why not? Not from any self-will or disregard of you. Whether I am or am not afraid of death is another question, of which I will not now speak. But my reason simply is that I feel such conduct to be discreditable to myself, and you, and the whole state. One who has reached my years, and who has a name for wisdom, whether deserved or not, ought not to debase himself. At any rate, the world has decided that Socrates is in some way superior to other men. And if those among you who are said to be superior in wisdom and courage, and any other virtue, demean themselves in this way, how shameful is their conduct! I have seen men of reputation, when they have been condemned, behaving in the strangest manner: they seemed to fancy that they were going to suffer something dreadful if they died, and that they could be immortal if you only allowed them to live; and I think that they were a dishonor to the state, and that any stranger coming in would say of them that the most eminent men of Athens, to whom the Athenians themselves give honor and command, are no better than women. And I say that these things ought not to be done by those of us who are of reputation; and if they are done, you ought not to permit them; you ought rather to show that you are more inclined to condemn, not the man who is quiet, but the man who gets up a doleful scene, and makes the city ridiculous. But, setting aside the question of dishonor, there seems to be something wrong in petitioning a judge, and thus procuring an acquittal instead of informing and convincing him. For his duty is, not to make a present of justice, but to give judgment; and he has sworn that he will judge according to the laws, and not according to his own good pleasure; and neither he nor we should get into the habit of perjuring ourselves - there can be no piety in that. Do not then require me to do what I consider dishonorable and impious and wrong, especially now, when I am being tried for impiety on the indictment of Meletus. For if, O men of Athens, by force of persuasion and entreaty, I could overpower your oaths, then I should be teaching you to believe that there are no gods, and convict myself, in my own defence, of not believing in them. But that is not the case; for I do believe that there are gods, and in a far higher sense than that in which any of my accusers believe in them. And to you and to God I commit my cause, to be determined by you as is best for you and me. The jury finds Socrates guilty. Socrates' Proposal for his Sentence There are many reasons why I am not grieved, O men of Athens, at the vote of condemnation. I expected it, and am only surprised that the votes are so nearly equal; for I had thought that the majority against me would have been far larger; but now, had thirty votes gone over to the other side, I should have been acquitted. And I may say that I have escaped Meletus. And I may say more; for without the assistance of Anytus and Lycon, he would not have had a fifth part of the votes, as the law requires, in which case he would have incurred a fine of a thousand drachmae, as is evident. And so he proposes death as the penalty. And what shall I propose on my part, O men of Athens? Clearly that which is my due. And what is that which I ought to pay or to receive? What shall be done to the man who has never had the wit to be idle during his whole life; but has been careless of what the many care about - wealth, and family interests, and military offices, and speaking in the assembly, and magistracies, and plots, and parties. Reflecting that I was really too honest a man to follow in this way and live, I did not go where I could do no good to you or to myself; but where I could do the greatest good privately to everyone of you, thither I went, and sought to persuade every man among you that he must look to himself, and seek virtue and wisdom before he looks to his private interests, and look to the state before he looks to the interests of the state; and that this should be the order which he observes in all his actions. What shall be done to such a one? Doubtless some good thing, O men of Athens, if he has his reward; and the good should be of a kind suitable to him. What would be a reward suitable to a poor man who is your benefactor, who desires leisure that he may instruct you? There can be no more fitting reward than maintenance in the Prytaneum, O men of Athens, a reward which he deserves far more than the citizen who has won the prize at Olympia in the horse or chariot race, whether the chariots were drawn by two horses or by many. For I am in want, and he has enough;
and he only gives you the appearance of happiness, and I give you the reality. And if I am to estimate the penalty justly, I say that maintenance in the Prytaneum is the just return. Perhaps you may think that I am braving you in saying this, as in what I said before about the tears and prayers. But that is not the case. I speak rather because I am convinced that I never intentionally wronged anyone, although I cannot convince you of that - for we have had a short conversation only; but if there were a law at Athens, such as there is in other cities, that a capital cause should not be decided in one day, then I believe that I should have convinced you; but now the time is too short. I cannot in a moment refute great slanders; and, as I am convinced that I never wronged another, I will assuredly not wrong myself. I will not say of myself that I deserve any evil, or propose any penalty. Why should I? Because I am afraid of the penalty of death which Meletus proposes? When I do not know whether death is a good or an evil, why should I propose a penalty which would certainly be an evil? Shall I say imprisonment? And why should I live in prison, and be the slave of the magistrates of the year - of the Eleven? Or shall the penalty be a fine, and imprisonment until the fine is paid? There is the same objection. I should have to lie in prison, for money I have none, and I cannot pay. And if I say exile (and this may possibly be the penalty which you will affix), I must indeed be blinded by the love of life if I were to consider that when you, who are my own citizens, cannot endure my discourses and words, and have found them so grievous and odious that you would fain have done with them, others are likely to endure me. No, indeed, men of Athens, that is not very likely. And what a life should I lead, at my age, wandering from city to city, living in ever-changing exile, and always being driven out! For I am quite sure that into whatever place I go, as here so also there, the young men will come to me; and if I drive them away, their elders will drive me out at their desire: and if I let them come, their fathers and friends will drive me out for their sakes. Someone will say: Yes, Socrates, but cannot you hold your tongue, and then you may go into a foreign city, and no one will interfere with you? Now I have great difficulty in making you understand my answer to this. For if I tell you that this would be a disobedience to a divine command, and therefore that I cannot hold my tongue, you will not believe that I am serious; and if I say again that the greatest good of man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life which is unexamined is not worth living - that you are still less likely to believe. And yet what I say is true, although a thing of which it is hard for me to persuade you. Moreover, I am not accustomed to think that I deserve any punishment. Had I money I might have proposed to give you what I had, and have been none the worse. But you see that I have none, and can only ask you to proportion the fine to my means. However, I think that I could afford a minae, and therefore I propose that penalty; Plato, Crito, Critobulus, and Apollodorus, my friends here, bid me say thirty minae, and they will be the sureties. Well then, say thirty minae, let that be the penalty; for that they will be ample security to you. The jury condemns Socrates to death. Socrates' Comments on his Sentence Not much time will be gained, O Athenians, in return for the evil name which you will get from the detractors of the city, who will say that you killed Socrates, a wise man; for they will call me wise even although I am not wise when they want to reproach you. If you had waited a little while, your desire would have been fulfilled in the course of nature. For I am far advanced in years, as you may perceive, and not far from death. I am speaking now only to those of you who have condemned me to death. And I have another thing to say to them: You think that I was convicted through deficiency of words - I mean, that if I had thought fit to leave nothing undone, nothing unsaid, I might have gained an acquittal. Not so; the deficiency which led to my conviction was not of words - certainly not. But I had not the boldness or impudence or inclination to address you as you would have liked me to address you, weeping and wailing and lamenting, and saying and doing many things which you have been accustomed to hear from others, and which, as I say, are unworthy of me. But I thought that I ought not to do anything common or mean in the hour of danger: nor do I now repent of the manner of my defence, and I would rather die having spoken after my manner, than speak in your manner and live. For neither in war nor yet at law ought any man to use every way of escaping death. For often in battle there is no doubt that if a man will throw away his arms, and fall on his knees before his pursuers, he may escape death; and in other dangers there are other ways of escaping death, if a man is willing to say and do anything. The difficulty, my friends, is not in avoiding death, but in avoiding unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death. I am old and move slowly, and the slower runner has overtaken me, and my accusers are keen and quick, and the faster runner, who is unrighteousness, has overtaken them. And now I depart hence condemned by you to suffer the penalty of death, and they, too, go their ways condemned by the truth to suffer the penalty of villainy and wrong; and I must abide by my award m m w A w O m w m m w m w m w w A w m m mm m m m w w M w B
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