daughter later tries to explain as she rewards me with my hug and kiss as promised. “I love you, but let’s not make a big deal about it in public, okay?” Realization suddenly dawns on me as my old memories resurface: It’s not always socially acceptable to be smothered by kisses and hugs as a growing teen. As long as it’s still okay in private, I can deal with it! In the meantime, I can lavish all
the affection on my little ones who welcome every chance they get to cuddle and snuggle with Mommy. Children have a say in when they want to be touched, and I completely respect that. As every age has its stage, this rings true here as well. Newborns should be held and given human skin-to-skin contact as often as possible. When things get overwhelming and I need help after welcoming a new baby, I will try to have others help out with the household needs rather than have them take the baby for a couple of hours. I want to spend as much time as I can with my new little darling. I want to sit and hold my baby a lot and will get a baby carrier for busier times. There is no spoiling an infant with too much time or touch. Toddlers and bigger kids enjoy a lot of bonding time and also want their own space, coming back often for some mommy-and-me time before running off to play again. The older set will place some more boundaries and limitations in this area, and I value their need for breathing room and alone time. Bachurim and married sons may even flinch at Mommy’s displays of affection. However, it is never time for me to say, “All right, she’s past the age of being kissed. He doesn’t want me to hug him anymore, ever. He’s too mature for that.” There are always moments when it is welcome; everyone wants to feel cherished and loved. So if they are few and far in between, it makes me treasure the close moments even more. I never push my affections on a child. Sometimes a child is in a
I never push my affections on a child. Sometimes a child is in a funk and wants to be left alone to think or brood, regardless of age. funk and wants to be left alone to think or brood, regardless of age. Everyone needs time and space to figure out their feelings, wants and needs, and everyone processes them at a different speed. Forcing kids to talk or get close backfires. I just want to make sure my children know I am available for them when they are ready. I love them from near and afar, I can offer to kiss boo-boos goodbye or just sit quietly and listen to a long rant of a day gone south. I can massage a shoulder or give a fist bump; it doesn’t always have to be bigger than that. I see a slap “high-five” goes a long way sometimes. Whether they see me or hear me or miss me when I’m not beside them, I want my children to know I always love them and that they have their own special place in my heart. Facilitated by Tzurti Stern Perl Abramovitz is an international speaker and sought-after counselor. She has been teaching her unique parenting method to thousands of parents in the United States and abroad for over a decade.
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November 15, 2017 / THE MONSEY VIEW / 125 www.themonseyview.com / 845.600.8484
Published on Nov 14, 2017