ANTHONY WESTON
BY XZAVIER V SIMON; PHOTOS BY ANTHONY WESTON
Vulnerable. Honest. Chill.
I met Anthony Weston in 2016 when I worked for a organization called Wellness in Flint. If I remember correctly, he came to an event or I met him at a house party thrown by my co-worker at the time. What I do know is, we met through a mutual friend.
Anthony, at least around me, was quiet, a bit goofy, and unusual. He said he was straight, until National Coming Out Day in October of that year, when he revealed his bisexuality via a FaceBook post. Suddenly, the mysterious man wasn't so mysterious.
But, that didn't last long. As quick as the moment happened, was as fast as that door shut. The start of his YouTube channel and Instagram offered a bit of insight into his character, but there was still a wall up.
Who is Anthony Weston? Why did he start a YouTube channel of all things? The biggest question in spite of all this: why do I get the feeling that there's something deeper he all wants us to know?
I introduce you to Vol. 16's feature: Anthony Weston aka Mr. Westonizer.
It's been a long time! I think the last time we talked was in 2016. I remember the moment where you announced on National Coming Out Day, on FaceBook no less, that you were bisexual. I’ve kept up with you through Instagram. I've seen the videos, the mukbangs, the hilarious on camera failures. [laughs]
[laughs] Thanks for watching.
When I thought about the people who seemed like a good fit for season 02, I forgot about that. Then I was like, wait a second! From my viewpoint, ever since then, it's like the door was opened but it closed. Then I see these very vulnerable photos, or rather, very intimate photos, and I'm like...
[laughs] [You were probably thinking] I just love him as my son.
[laughs] The photos made me drawn to you. It reminded me of Mikoto from the very first volume. You have this flow of going back and forth between masculinity and femininity. It's a unique mix. Whoever is taking these photos is really capturing you.
That’s my best friend Caleb or it's myself
Shout out to Caleb cause he must know you really well.
The more professional ones are Andre’s It’s usually just my friends and me.
Your friends know who you are. It takes a good photographer to be able to capture someone's essence. I can feel that in these photos. So, thank you for agreeing to do this.
You’re welcome.
I am very...I'm extremely curious about you. [laughs]
[laughs]
It's very exciting because you are an anomaly, and I like anomalies. I'm curious and excited to know for myself. And I’m sure the hundreds of people who now got their eyes on this thing are too. [laughs] I say this as your hands are in your pockets!
I mean like, I’m just chillin’ right now Obviously there's some nervousness in the air, but we haven't seen each other in a while.
Indeed. I think you always been kind of chill though. [laughs]
I don’t think I was always chill. Like in high school, I feel like I was a lot louder As I got older I started chillin’ out [laughs]
[laughs] Why do you think that?
Probably weed [laughs] And just like, me not wanting to deal with bullshit. I don't like bullshit. Like the fake and flakiness.
One of the things about me is that I'm very good at picking up on people's vibes. I don't necessarily get any shakiness right now. It's very just smooth. [laughs]
Seriously it's not! Some people's energy just be everywhere. You feel like a water sign.
Oh no! [laughs]
What's your sign?
Imma Leo! [laughs]
And that's the gag! I've never seen a chill Leo, so it must be the weed. [laughs] Take that back, I do know one guy, but he also smokes.
I'm chill But I'm mostly goofy and loud around my friends though I guess in general, I'm just a chill person.
That's when we get to see the Leo. So, tell us a little about yourself. Who is Anthony Weston?
Anthony Weston is from Saginaw, Michigan I grew up there until the sixth grade Seventh through the rest of now, I moved to Flint. My parents are divorced.
Were you raised by your biological family?
Yes, but my father took me under his wing because I was abandoned by my biological dad He's my brother and sister's dad
Oh, I got you. I have three brothers and all of us have different fathers. It was like whoever dad was there was gonna take us all. [laughs] How was growing up? Were you a nerd? A picky eater?
Growing up I was kind of alone because of going through the whole divorce.
My brother and sister went with their dad and I stayed with my mom I was mostly by myself playing in trees and shit. [laughs] School was pretty, I don't know, normal I guess. Seventh through ninth grade I was bullied After that, I guess everybody saw me as a person who didn't bother anybody. I started knowing everybody, and chilled with everybody. After that school went easy
I got you. I swear you are not a Leo. Imma have to do a birth chart on you and find out what else is going on.
It's a Gemini in there. [laughs] Noooooo! [laughs] Lets about this hair of yours.
I learned that my hair is fucking nappy [laughs] Black hair is nappy It needs to be moisturized. It is like a pet. You have to literally take care of it or it's gonna fall out. It's really a journey every day you wake up Cause like once you get out of the shower, you're like, 'damn, that look good.' [laughs] But I mean, I love my hair.
Are you growing it out with the intention to get locs?
Do you know Colin Kaepernick and how big his hair is? Mines bounces but like, I want to have like the big bounce. Different styles and stuff.
That's why I be so jealous because I watch anime and stuff like that. If I had hair, I would totally do that stuff.
I watch anime too I'm like, I got Black hair I can do this. We can do so many styles with our hair.
Let's switch and go to that. What anime are you watching?
Do you mind if I open the Crunchy Roll app?
Are you a Crunchy Roll premium user? [laughs]
No, cause like alright, here's my thing with anime I love anime, but I have binges of it. I'll go on a binge and watch like a bunch of shows and afterwards I wanna take break. I've been watching: Dr Stone, My Hero Academia, Black Clover, Naruto, Sword Art Online. That's about it. One of my friends, he told me something about Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
God JoJo is hilarious. When did you get interested in anime?
Around high school My dad has always had a lot of anime in the house. I was never really into it until around when Toonami came and I watched it late night. I think one of my favorites was Lupin the Third and Case Closed was my shit.
I might have every episode of Case Closed downloaded on my computer. [laughs] Do you game?
I like fighting games. Any kind of fighting game you can get it!
I saw your recent IG story where your friend was beating yo ass in Soul Caliber. [laughs]
[laughs] We go at it in that game We’ve been playing Soul Caliber since I think 3 or 4. That’s our game.
I'm better at Street Fighter. Terrible at Tekken. I don't know how to do the inputs. [laughs]
Tomb Raider and Uncharted. I like adventure games Also like the Life Is Strange series. Oh my God, I love all those choice making games.
Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries, talk to me about the announcement that you were bisexual on Facebook on National Coming Out Day 2016. What inspired that?
Okay. Let me tell you the story!
Here’s the Leo!
I don't know what I was feeling that day. I didn't even know it was National Coming Out Day. I was at work in the back eating some Jimmy John's hard ass sandwiches [laughs] I was like, 'you know what I'm gonna come out.' I was like, 'what is somebody gonna do? Is somebody's gonna run up?'
[laughs]
I typed it out and I just looked at it for a second. My heart started beating really fast and I was literally like, what the fuck is going on I just posted it, put it in my pocket, and then my phone just started buzzing. I found out some of my cousins are bisexual and all this other stuff They're like, ‘oh my God, I'm so happy for you. I love you, oh my god.’ [laughs] So that was a good thing.
I'm chill. But I'm mostly goofy and loud around my friends though. I guess in general, I'm just a chill person.
I think for Anwar, Gio and I, it wasn't a big surprise. You were kinda hanging around a little bit so I never really thought about it. You made the announcement and got lots of love what's been your life since that moment? Like how have you embraced this journey or embraced this aspect of you?
Being myself a lot more. Before I could never really talk about guys in front of straight people. I felt they'd be like, ‘ooh, okay ’ Now I'm just like he is fine, or she is, or they are. Just like being myself a lot more I’m having fun and enjoying being bisexual.
It's like a sense of freedom?
Yeah and then also a lot of, I don't know, like a lot of people that are in the closet. They feel like they can come to me
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I watch anime too. I'm like, I got Black hair I can do this. We can do so many styles with our hair.
That's interesting. You get a lot of people who are still struggling come to ask you for advice and emotional support?
I guess to just talk about it Like, you know some things you can't talk about with one friend, that you can talk about with another one. It's not really, 'oh, I need to come out,’ you know. It's kind of just being comfortable I guess I'm very comfortable.
I mean it is cool when to have people who you can relate to on some level. It makes it so you can feel like how you feel. There is freedom to just be like, ‘damn he fine.’
Yeah
How do you feel when people come to you like this?
I'M HAVING FUN AND ENJOYING BEING BISEXUAL
Does this make you have a sense of empowerment and appreciation for yourself?
It's chill [laughs] Like, thank you for being able to trust me, but I mean, I'm not going to disrespect them by flapping off at the mouth or whatever One thing I know and that I've learned that just happened to me is: I have a best friend My best friend has a best friend That best friend has a best friend If I tell my best friend, and my best friend feels comfortable enough to tell his best friend and that best friend is going to tell their best friend and down the line You never know who knows anybody, so I just keep my damn mouth shut
Doing this magazine I knew the world was small. I mean it's not, but it is and people know people. For me it was like but y'all come from two different worlds. [laughs] It's interesting seeing the connections of who knows who and who's vibing in this new Flint. Things have changed since I’ve been gone. Sometimes in my mind I think, because we are part of the queer community, it prohibits us from making real long-lasting relationships with queer and friendships with non queer people. [laughs]
That must be the real tea then! [laughs] Just to see those kinds of bridges made makes me smile. So… we’re laughing, but have you been able to establish real, genuine, relationships?
Nope [laughs] [laughs]I have an idea, but why do
you think so?
I really don't know. I mean, I try to be genuine, upfront and communicate, but I don't know why people shut down or whatever when you're nice and open I'm like what I do? Just like in the issue with Jacboee, it's more a trend to be dating now I feel like people are, I guess, afraid of commitment or people that know what they want I don't know just with me I'm not speaking for everybody, but
[laughs] Just the people you’ve encountered?
[laughs] Yeah Maybe they're like not ready for all the whatever at this age
How old are you anyway?
I’m 27
You don’t look it.
I know that’s a good thing! [laughs]
Black really don’t crack. [laughs]
Drink water! And eat ya fruits and vegetables! [laughs]
[laughs] With that moment with Jacobee, it was talking about the paradox of queer relationships. We all want this beautiful, committed, monogamous relationship, but our actions don’t align with what we say. How you want this but do this? Do you think that’s what’s happening?
[laughs] Probably. Or, maybe the people that I go with...maybe they haven't seen a good relationship
Could be. How many of us have really seen a healthy relationship? I suppose we’d have to define what a healthy relationship is first though.
Maybe they’ve seen their mom or their cousin or somebody hoeing around while they're in a relationship, but they get back together at the end of the day I guess they feel like it's okay and they're kind of unlearning that
What has your experience has been dating men and women?
Usually, once things get serious, it's like naw
From you or from them?
I'm the type of person who either way I'm chill I'm like, 'what are we?' Then it's all rocky But we've been doing this, so what's the deal? Like how are we going to be loyal to each other? And then they're just like, ‘oh yeah, well, yeah’, and doesn’t call for a week Like okay what's going on fuck it It's a waste of time But it’s okay, I’m gone find somebody [laughs] They out there somewhere
[laughs]
Why are you laughing?
I'm laughing because of your personality. I ask people these questions and some people are super animated. Here you are the complete opposite side.
THE POINT?
WHAT'S THE POINT OF GETTING TO KNOW SOMEBODY ON A DEEPER LEVEL AND THEN WHEN THINGS START TO GET SERIOUS…
You appear super chill, but I know on the inside it’s like, ‘imma go and make these fucking YouTube videos then bitch!’ [laughs]
Honestly, that’s the point I’m at. It's like what's the point of wasting time. What's the point of like getting…you know what, never mind. But at the same time, what's the point of getting to know somebody on a deeper level and then when things start to get serious…
They just dip?
Yeah. Why not just be like, ‘hey, I want to keep it at this level.’ If it's getting to be a little bit too much just communicate that.
Do you feel that we put too much value in relationships? That maybe relationship isn’t the end all be all for us, and because we’ve been indoctrinated into seeing two people together that we believe that’s what we’re supposed to do?
For some of us, yes. For me, no. I have an aunt who’s single, and she good. [laughs]
[laughs] You've got the aunt who come over on Thanksgiving with the fur coat?!
Yeah. And like, honestly, if I don't find somebody, that's what I'm going to be like if I don't have kids. Smash every now and then. [laughs]
I did not expect to laugh this much. Okay, let's talk about your YouTube and Instagram story journey. What is the story behind this and what inspired you to do these videos?
What inspired me? Gio. He was always making update videos, and I was like, ooh cool. I was always watching him, and then I was like, I'm gonna make a YouTube video. Then I made one and I forget what it was. I think it was about like Debbie Stabenow. [laughs] It was something dumb.
Then after that I think I saw Grace Helbig and Jenna Marbles and the way that they were just on camera I was just like oh great. Like the whole I just woke up and turn the camera on thing. I was like, oh that's great, that's how I am. I related to that. I was like, I’ll just try some shit cause I've always liked video. I'm always recording shit. I got a lot of video ideas that are constantly scrolling through my head.
What have you learned about yourself through YouTube?
I'm very confident, but I don't have it all the way together. Like the confidence you see on screen...I'm not as confident on screen as I am offscreen.
I get it. In my mind you have your own stage persona. You become that person. Off stage it's another, but when the cameras are on, you on. I know there was a post or a video you made about wanting to be vulnerable on camera or wanting to be more authentic. You were taking an active stance on not appearing to be put together. If you were having a bad day you would vocalize it. Explain that. What made that transition?
From what to what?
From just doing videos and putting them out there to now being more present in them?
I guess I want people to see me. I want to put on the camera as much as possible without being too open. I guess if that means just getting on camera, like when I haven't showered in like a day or two, that’s just who I am.
Interesting. When you say you want people to see you, I felt the energy shift with that. It feels like that's something important to you. You want people to not only see this chillness that you bring but like see you: your mind, your heart kind of thing.
Because I know like...there's two sides to me.
This must be the Gemini part you mentioned earlier. [laughs]
Right now, I'm like...I'm starting to warm up to you. I want people to like see both sides. If a person came up to me on the street, I’d just be like, ‘oh, hey, what's up?’ But, I also want them to see my chill side too. I think that's kind of what I'm transitioning towards. Like in 2020 being like less like, ‘hey everybody this is Mr. Westonizer!’ to like ‘hey y’all whats up?’ [laughs] I'm trying to bring a good balance to show me fully.
Speaking on that vulnerability: what are the struggles with wanting to reveal aspects of yourself? You want to be vulnerable. You want people to see you. What would be taking it too far and what's not?
Dang I’ve been naked on YouTube channel. [laughs]
[laughs] You have!
I was in the tube. But I mean, it was turned away. I don't know. I really don't know. I guess like talking about like my sex life. Maybe like things that are way too deep.
You picked the wrong guy and the wrong time to not wanna talk about deep stuff. [laughs]
[laughs] Imma be open! I guess extreme sex talk. I don't know. I feel like I'd have to be like asked.
Yeah. Like as you're revealing yourself, I'm picking up more and more of your energy. That's why I'm like, okay, there is way more to you than this. I’ll pose this question: although this chill personality is a part of you, do you feel that maybe it is a front or a mask? Like a sort of wall to keep people at a distance.
No, I don't think that it is because I’m chill. [laughs] I'm an open book, you just have to ask the question. Like more harder questions.
So, what is it that you want people to know about you then? Oh...I felt that. That was a... what's the word I'm looking for? An opening. How do you want to be loved in general?
I like to be respected and treated. Treat me like you wanna be treated.
What does that mean? What does that look like? You want this guy or this girl to open doors for you? Respects your boundaries. You want to be able to fully be yourself?
It means I can be 100% comfortable around that person. If I have a booger, imma get it out. [laughs]
[laughs] I dig it.
It means knowing how to cheer me up and me knowing how to cheer them up. Just knowing little things about people. Very caring. Careful.
In that same regard, it feels like you want to love, and just haven't been able to love people in a way that you want. Does that make sense? It's like I get the feeling that you have a big heart…
Yes!
And you want to share that love with people, but you don't necessarily get the opportunities to do so.
Yeah.
Explain that. Like why you feel you don't get the opportunities to express what's in your heart?
I mean, I get to express what’s in my heart with my friends and everything. But, like I said, when it comes down to people I like, they're like 'ooooh.'
You feel like people fear this huge package of love that you have and want to share with them?
Yeah cause I mean I tend to run into like broken people. I guess once they see someone that's giving them so much love, they’re like, ‘they gone break my heart fuck this!’ [laughs] ‘I’m not falling for that again.’
[laughs] Cause yeah, I think especially with queer people, black queer people…
I like this! [laughs] Gimme more!
[laughs] Cause it's a lot of us who are broken. We don't take the time to heal, and we just bop from relationship to relationship. In these relationships, it almost seems like you are the giver and the other person is more of the taker and it's not a very reciprocal affair.
It is for a little bit. [laughs] And then I don't know what happens.
Because of these people who run in your life, do you feel like you are worthy of love and worthy of receiving love?
Hell yeah!
Okay because this is a lot of our stories or can be a lot of our stories, especially with validation and things of that nature. It's in my opinion that most of us get into relationships for self-validation or for receiving validation from the other person. What are your thoughts on that…in your experience?
I've been through that. I think I'm kind of like that sometimes. I do like validation sometimes, but at the same time I'm learning to validate myself.
How have you begun to validate yourself?
Look in the mirror and be like I’m a real ass nigga. [laughs]
Seriously, I do that like in the morning while I’m brushing my teeth. I like to put on music. I rap the lyrics to myself. It really does help me with my day to day. I’m taking this time to get there. I do feel like in relationships, I would say that I have that kind of issue: a little bit of validation. Are we alright? Am I doing everything right?
[laughs] Cause especially we don't really know how to talk to each other. We don't know or we haven't seen and been taught communication. How to have conversations or have disagreements and be okay with having disagreements. You know, well, we gotta agree on everything for their to be harmony. But, that creates problems because you're two different people. We're not always gonna see eye to eye. You come from one background and I come from another.
It’s good to sit down with people sometimes. Like what's on your mind.
And listen. It's okay to say I'll sit with that for a moment. In these relationships, we don't know how to say what you're doing makes me feel like this.
And, we wanna get defensive when people say stuff. It's like, I thought we was having a conversation. We don’t take that moment to really look at ourselves to say maybe I am doing that shit.
I look in the mirror a lot. Well, not just in the morning like you that nigga, but hmmm what am I doing?
Because essentially the people you meet are like a reflection of yourself.
Most definitely. So, it's like...do I do this to other people?
Like I call my friends sometimes and say am I crazy? [laughs] I'm like, alright, let me explain this to you and I need to know am I crazy?
Oh I felt something. [laughs]
Are you like a psychic or something?
I L O O K I N T H E M I R R O R A N D B E L I K E ' I ’ M A R E A L A S S N I G G A . ' [ L A U G H S ] I D O T H A T I N T H E M O R N I N G .
I'm realizing that's not okay.
I was a doormat for a while.
[laughs] That’s a conversation we’ll have off the record. But how important are the moments of just being able to get up and be real and raw on YouTube or Snapchat to you?
Very! Cause I feel like everybody on the internet is so clean and polished even though they get up at 3am. Like how you look that good at 3am? Or, you at the club every night. It's like it's important for me to just show it. Like get up and I don't know, just feel good doing it.
You feel by doing that, you inspire other people? Like your friends and people who follow you to do the same?
Yeah, I see it.
Do you people have people in your inbox, your DMs or calling like, thank you for posting this or sharing this?
Yes. I have message screenshots telling me they like the content or they are drinking water. But as far as my DMs popping, they are dry as fuck. [laughs] The Sahara Desert.
For the record y'all, he is single. Are you ready to mingle?
No.
He is not. He is not looking. Don't come for him right now. You will get turned down. [laughs]
Maybe in a couple months shoot your shot. [laughs]
Summer 2020?
Yeah [laughs]
You ever thought about doing vlogs so people can see you inyour natural habitat and state of being?
Yeah there's that. You can go on my YouTube Channel at Mr. Westonizer and look at my vlogs. You get a lot of that on my Instagram.
That's definitely true. I do see a lot of those moments. [laughs] [laughs] You see me and my bonnet.
What kind of things do you experience being Black and bisexual? Like what sort of experiences do you or have you had in that regard?
What is it like being Black and bisexual?
Yeah from your experience. Because I know some people have experienced racism.
I don't think I've ever experience racism. It was like one time, a long, long time ago. I never really experienced racism in the gay community. Me being Black and bisexual is just me being Black and bisexual.
It just is kinda thing?
I’ve grown from it. Because like I said, I’m happy being like bisexual and not holding myself back.
What part does race play in your life, if at all? I'm pretty sure you're proud of being Black. How does that manifest itself in your life? Are you out here marching and Black Power?
No, I'm not marching. I mean, I normally don't bother people and people don't bother me. I have a lot of white friends, you know, who kind of had like to learn.
How do you navigate that?
The first time I met one of my old friends, his brother was like, ‘hey, look, a Black kid.’ It's like, 'that's not okay. We're cool and everything but don’t say that.' [laughs]
So, for my last question: if you could give people advice and wisdom or some sort of encouragement, especially being Black and bisexual, what would it be? We don't think about the B in LGBTQ, right? Or hell, mostly any of the others.
If you're bisexual, just like stand strong and just know what you like. Know that you are what you are because people are going to come along. Even my friends will call me gay. I'll be around someone else and they're like, ‘oh, my friend said that you’re gay.’ I’m like, 'what you fine as hell!' [laughs] 'You don't even know.' So, it's like, stay strong.
I lied. I thought that was my last question. I don’t know what this is about, but I have to ask this question again. It keeps popping up for me. What is it that you want people to know about you? There's some door that popped up. There is something people don't know and I'm trying to maneuver through this Yu-Gi-Oh! Millennium Puzzle maze. [laughs]
I do wanna get more vulnerable. You just gotta dig to get it.
I guess today, what I want people to know is like, you are worth it. You are dope. Cool as hell. Don't let nobody tell you otherwise. I mean when people see you got that sauce [laughs] they try to knock you off it.
Yeah, we're getting closer to the jackpot door. To say something like that means that you had to have experiences with people telling you opposite.
Mmm-hmmm.
Okay! Yup! What have people said to you, that have impacted you or gave you a negative impression about yourself?
Well, I mean, like over years when I was younger it was like I was in the way Now it’s like my voice is too soft spoken Those are some of the things At the same time, I'm just a soft-spoken quiet person
Let me ask you like this: what sort of beliefs have people, whether verbally or non-verbally, through body language, or how people treated you, have you accepted? You've attained a negative sense of self somewhere.
What do you mean?
For example, people with large families. Maybe the middle child, because the youngest sibling was born, received less attention from the family. They internalized that as not being worthy of love. They start looking for love in other places. Does that make sense? When we get in relationships and when we start going through the rough moments in relationships,
cause you know it's that two week, ‘oh my God, we are in heaven,’ mode. But after that, personalities start coming up. Somebody is like, ‘oh, you're ugly’ or, ‘I don't like the way that you do this.’
And they’re not really trying to have communication about it, right. Just straight up trying to rip your ass a new one. When you feel like you love this person or you really like this person, their words carry weight. Because they carry weight, you start to believe it. That's what I mean. People have tried to get you to believe negative things about yourself What are those moments? You mentioned earlier, people try to get close to you or rather you try to get close and then they step back. That kind of hurts.
So how is that influenced me?
Yeah. How's that influenced and affected your idea of self-worth?
It's just made me know what I want Even more so after coming out of a relationship I know not to let people just like treat me any kind of way they want to You’re not gonna tell me one thing and do something the other way Before I’d be like, ‘oh it's alright’ because it’s just them Now I’m like no! I know not to let people walk over me
There it is! [laughs] I saw it.
You got it! It took a little while to get there [laughs]
[laughs] Yo because I was like I see it now. I saw the look in your eyes and we connected. We found it!
It even takes me a while to get there sometimes. But yeah, I guess a lot of people have like always tried to walk over me. Now, I'm realizing that's not okay. I was a doormat for a while.
Yeah. It was like I got to see, okay, there is some pain. There is struggle. There is a story. I mean you've got the story, but now there’s a story!
You gotta dig for it.
I would say it took a while because we needed to get comfortable. You needed time And I mean, in a real way, this is our first one-on-one Why would you trust me with information like that?
And I don’t feel like you're a bad person I don't get that vibe
Yeah but you had that wall up. [laughs] But, you warmed up and I appreciate it. Thank you.
I do wanna get more vulnerable You just gotta dig to get it
Well a good friend of mines tells me all the time how good I am at digging for shit. [laughs] Thank you for opening up, and for trusting me. I know it didn’t seem like we talked about your queerness, but I think this makes a far better conversation. Wouldn’t y’all agree?
WESTON
QUEER V O L . 1 6 | A P R I L 2 0 2 0 P U B L I S H E D I N F L I N T , M I C H I G A N
ANTHONY
THE MODERN
